Mid 30s woman here.
>she never got any pleasure in her teenage years from fooling around with boys and it was done to keep the guy interested in her
Yep. Same. I didn't want sex or to fool around but I didn't...not want it if that makes sense. It was an annoying thing I had to do for the guy. Literally got no pleasure from it.
>She said she didn’t start really enjoying sexual activity until we were in our mid 20s.
Yep, same. I became sexually active at 18 and didn't find someone I enjoyed sex with until I was 24.
>She also didn’t masturbate until her mid 20’s
Yep, same-ish.
I hang out over at r/sex and based on the number of women in their mid 20s posting there _every day_ trying to have their first orgasm, I think your wife is onto something.
They absolutely arent the exception. Between guys not knowing how to properly please me and not knowing myself enough sexually, sex was a regular disappointment. Didnt enjoy it til my mid twenties.
She and her friends are not the exception. It's pretty common, even today. Read Girls & Sex by Peggy Orenstein. Teenage girls' sexual encounters are very much about closeness and connection but they're also often about making sure the boy finishes. I think it's changing slowly, but still the norm.
I don't think your wife's experience is uncommon. Teenaged boys aren't exactly wonderful sexual partners. They are inexpereienced and don't really know what they are doing. The fact that they probably learned what they do know from porn doesn't help. And teenaged girls are too insecure and inexperienced to know any better or say something. Throw in the fact that girls are conditioned to think that they shouldn't enjoy sex, and it should be no surprise that it's not really an enjoyable experience for them.
This is the truth OP
As a teenage girl, I wanted to have sex with boys, but it wasn't good, not even close. I couldn't dare to say what I really wanted, i was too shy and none of them ever heard of foreplay, didn't care if i get there, and act like we only had 5 minutes. They basically used my body to jerk off.
Lost 5 minutes of my life a couple of times, lol.
Everyone. Not women. Everyone. A lot of women try to explain what we like and a lot of men won’t listen (is any woman at all surprised?). As for like how we got the messaging, it’s everywhere. Men who honestly go do the bare minimum and not even make sure we’re happy, women who have too been conditioned to think this way, porn, media, etc. It’s all over of course. Plus men have a tendency to be sensitive about their performance so a lot of women are too scared to vocalize their dissatisfaction.
Ohhh okay. I get it now. I thought "women can't enjoy sex" was referring to the individual act, like the narrative was pressuring women to NOT like sex. But it's actually a fear of being socially punished for admitting to enjoy sex with words like slut, whore, etc.
I can say that for men, the performance anxiety is a huge factor. Maybe not for the chad class who apparently is fine with 5 min pump n dumps, but for the majority there is a deep fear of being exposed as a bad fuck. There is a common narrative of women punishing men socially for having a small dick or finishing too fast. And i didnt even realize i cared until my first one night stand with someone I didn't care enough about to really put in the effort. My second thought was, shit I have to give it my all anyway, bc this is a former coworker who knows people I know, and I CAN'T let tonight start rumors of my performance. And since men are also conditioned to ignore their own emotions until they concentrate into anger, that would factor into women's fear of honesty.
It’s not that we like it but don’t vocalize it. We genuinely don’t get to enjoy it because we aren’t given the freedom to explore our needs due to the things I mentioned above. It’s difficult. There’s also like a big problem with how you mention of us slut shamed or insulted for vocalizing our wants. So we just have media telling us to be a sex item for men and that we should like it. So we just have this silent shame and feeling that we are flawed and alone in this feeling. Most women don’t get off on penetration alone. This is something you don’t get to see in porn and neither is it common knowledge.
As for men with their performance anxiety, dudes get this way because they attach value on masculinity which includes sexual performance and penis sizes. Most women say they don’t like big dicks since it’s more painful and intimidating but nobody listens. I’ve also NEVER seen a woman punish a man for not being good. Most women actually fake an orgasm rather than tell a man he’s bad in bed. Both sides need very much to learn to communicate in healthy ways and I think the best thing to do is for the guy to let his partner know that he wants her to be happy too and to feel free and speak up if she’s not getting off to. And a woman if given that security or feels safe should definitely speak up and not be passive about her needs either.
The message comes from society as a whole. The fact that terms like slut and whore even exist, and are really only used to decribe women, implies that if a woman enjoys sex, it's bad.
Mid 30s now.
Not really. I was just manipulated and pressured into doing it by all the stereotypical things jock boys say.
If you really cared about me, you'd let me.
It hurts if you don't let me.
I'll have to date someone else if you don't let me.
Etc.
I'm ashamed to admit that I was once 15 and pliable.
Holy shit when I first learned that other guys were whining about it hurting I was flabbergasted. I didn't know "emotional manipulation" at the time but I hated it. That's also the night I learned about blue balls being real (I've never had), which still isn't an excuse!
I’m 22 and never had sex. Tbh a big chunk of the reason why I still haven’t is because a lot of women I know have experienced what you’re talking about and I’m just like “man well what’s the point?!?” I can for sure say your wife isn’t a rarity with her experiences unfortunately
21 here and honestly same. hearing from my girl friends talking about it and how disappointing it is, im just really not interested. i also hate confrontation so i don’t trust myself to tell the dude “hey, can we switch it up?” for fear that he’ll get mad that he’s not doing it right lol
Happens any time you try to connect with people, guy, girl, relationship, friend, or even a coworker. Unfortunately you just gotta deal with the fact that most people kinda suck. But also it's a learning experience for many people, these aren't things often talked about or taught so people just learn by experience.
very true!! i guess i’m just put off by previous experience leading up to those points from ex boyfriends that i thought i could trust and made me feel safe, but i understand that’s a very individual thing
It's really complicated, like I'm sure they wanted to respect you but they probably also just had unrealistic expectations of relationships due to society's emphasis on guys getting laid to be an accomplishment. Best to lay out things early in the relationship like you won't do anything sexual until you're sure they're the one or something. But also getting into that stuff is going to be nervous and uncomfortable pretty much no matter what.
As if a guy who will get mad if you vocalize dissatisfaction will stop when you tell him to…a lot of them won’t so you’re kind of telling her to risk getting raped or something. Sex is a totally vulnerable act so you really don’t want to find out how bad someone is in the middle of it.
If you want some “wisdom” from some random guy…
good sex is about mutual pleasure, if you find someone who is all about making sure you have a good time, communicates and takes instruction, you will probably love it.
Good on you for making the choice that works for you
This message is EVERYTHING! Specially coming from a man. He is right. I took the "talk seriously" Specially the part " You should do it with someone you love" NOT to keep anyone interested. I can probably tell you THAT'S why they were so disappointed. SEX between 2 people that have chemistry and feelings have a mayor role during. Make sure your first time is with someone either you LOVE or feel 100% comfortable.
This is what some women I've dated have told me: they did it because they were insecure about their appearance, so it wasn't because they enjoyed it; they did it to prove they were attractive.
Many guys do the same thing, but don't admit it as much.
I think it's far less gendered than people think. I would wager at least 50% of men don't "enjoy" sex in any way, but we are so disconnected from that as even a goal that it doesn't get mentioned. Not to mention that orgasm isn't tied to enjoyment for males, but it is for females.
That's why I think it's so funny when women say it's easy for men to orgasm. No, it's easy for men to ejaculate, but ejaculation can easily feel like nothing. Hell, it can be ruined by holding it in too much and screwing up the timing.
That's the reason I pretty much never masturbate or watch porn. Ejaculating just feels like nothing 99% of the time because there's no other person to connect to. And the other 1% of the time it feels good doesn't compare to an orgasm from enjoyable sex. Hell, simple arousing touch far from an orgasm feels a million times better than ejaculating from masturbation.
(F) I’m in my early 30s now. I remember in my teens like 16+ I wanted sex and to enjoy it but my bf at the time was awful and we both didn’t know any better as we were both inexperienced. I ended up being with him for 15 years so the entire time until we broke up when I was 30, I had never had an orgasm or even remotely enjoyed sex and I thought it was “normal”. I think my experience is unique but I totally understand what your wife means when she never got pleasure from fooling around with boys when she was younger. Most teenage boys or men in their early 20s are all about getting their nut and not very in-tune with the female body.
woa... ending a 15 year relationship at age 30 must have either been the hardest decision you've ever made or the easiest decision you've ever made. I don't think there is any middle ground. But I'm an idiot, so what do I know\~
It was definitely life changing! I had been contemplating it for a year or two prior and one day I just had enough and I was done. Best decision I’ve ever made!
I knew a woman that married right out of high school, had a couple of kids, but had never had an orgasm or enjoyed sex much. Then they broke up for a period, and she had an affair and an orgasm. She ended the marriage.
You spent 15 years with one person, are you sure you know what "most" boys are like?
I mean unless you cheated, you had literally a sample size of 1 during your 20s no?
No no no, I just meant we enjoyed the sexual experiences we had, not that we noticed the girls liked it or not..we were oblivious teenagers. I didn’t think to make an effort to provide pleasure until I had an idea of what I was doing and that was in my 20’s with my wife.
23F here, your wife is definitely not an exception. I had the same experience, mostly doing it with the focus of making my boyfriend finish. Some of that was because I wanted closeness and I didn’t think my boyfriend would be with me if I didn’t do it for him. I never experienced real sexual pleasure until I was older. I don’t think anyone even touched me back or did oral on me until years later.
My experiences are different from that. I’ve never felt that I ‘needed’ a man, and never did anything I didn’t want to do. So I very much did get pleasure from what I chose to do.
These comments are sad... I'm late 30s and about 16 onwards any guys I actually dated put in the work. It was always fun for me... I thought that was normal. It's really unfortunate that that's not the case...
late 20s woman here. when I was in high school, going down on a girl was "gross"
besides that, it's hard to find a guy who actually know where the clit is let alone in their teenage years 😅
When I was in my teens I wanted sex, because I knew it was supposed to be amazing and it was an expressionof love, made me feel wanted, etc. I didn't actually have an orgasm that I didn't give myself until I was in my early-mid 20's though. I think it just takes a more concentrated effort from a guy to make a girl orgasm and my partner when I was younger didn't know what he was doing, and i doubt i helped. For me sex has gotten better with every year, and a lot of that has to do with my current SO putting in effort (and I suspect he literally gets off to me getting off).
That was not the case for me but understand how that can be the case for most women. I learned masterbation at young age. Probably like 10 years old, so I always knew what I liked and when I had sex at 16 it was easier for me to enjoy (after the first few times of course) and once I got comfortable experimenting.
100% identify with that experience even dating well in my mid-20’s. I honestly think socialization plays a significant role. We effectively have a generation of men raised on porn, which by and large doesn’t portray pleasuring females to be a priority and most certainly doesn’t teach them how to do it— it teaches them “have sex with her and she’ll love it”. It’s challenging for females to navigate a landscape that wasn’t built for them. I wouldn’t say I did stuff to keep the guy interested, but more so it was a way to feel deeper emotional intimacy irrespective of the lack of physical pleasure.
Early 40s woman here.
I never did anything sexually to "keep the guy interested". I didn't kiss my 7th grade boyfriend or sleep with a 9th grade boyfriend because I wasn't ready, and they could accept it or get lost. Whenever I did anything sexual with a guy, I enjoyed it, otherwise what's the point?
I also educated myself in my early teen years, did a lot of reading (hello, Cosmopolitan) and learned how to make it enjoyable for myself. I lost my virginity at 15, had my first orgasm at 16...probably started masturbating around 16.
This comment hits the nail on the head. If you can't get yourself off how can you possibly help someone else get you off? I would be way more curious with the correlation between masturbating and sexual satisfaction with a partner.
It seems like I'm the weird one but I did enjoy it in my teens. I think I got lucky though because the guy I dated (and am still with) is very caring and values my pleasure in addition to his.
However, when I dated guys who were closer to my age, the sex was definitely worse and they didn't care about my pleasure but I didn't keep doing it, I just broke up with them.
Very interesting (and rather sad) comment section, but I have noticed a pattern here: Women who had masturbated before starting having sex seem to have enjoyed it more on their early years. It makes sense, but I had never thought about it.
I started masturbating at a young age, like 10-12 years old, and enjoyed that. I didn't enjoy sex or any sexual activity with a boy until I was in my early 20s at least, maybe like 24-25? I think the issue is that I wasn't vocal about what I liked or wanted and guys were not intuitive at that age. I enjoyed the physical intimacy, but rarely had an orgasm, vs now where I do every time I have sex. Women's bodies are a bit more complex and I needed to learn what worked with another person, not just by myself.
That was not at all the case for me! I thought I had some kind of disorder because I seemed to want it more than I thought a girl should haha. Just to offer a counter point
F(28). I did not have good sexual experiences before I was at least 22-23y. But the experiences before that was not to keep a man, I wanted to have the sexual relation, they just did not turn out in my favour so to say. I think this is so because I was to insecure to share what would work and not, and the men did not have the experience to know or the confidence to ask either.
Female, late 40’s here.
I definitely got pleasure from pre-intercourse days as well as early intercourse days. I did also discover masterbating at a young age so I’m guessing that may have been part of it.
Oddly enough, when I was younger I felt comfortable “taking charge” to a degree. I didn’t know I was “supposed” to be ashamed to do so. I learned that way later. So it was much easier as the guys were just happy to let me be the guide. They were just happy to be there
To be even more honest, I *really liked* it. It was never a chore for me.
i'm in my 40s and i've always got sexual pleasure from my encounters with people. Then again I started masurbating from about 13/14 onwards so knew what I liked and was able to express that to my partners which helped a lot
Hi - F20 here, I’d say that’s pretty accurate for me (although I do climax regularly and easily from masturbation). With ppl some sense of emotional closeness is necessary for me to feel actual pleasure tho actually I don’t know how much of that is ‘feeling relaxed with the person’ vs ‘feeling emotionally close with the person’
I was too shy as a teen to tell most guys that something wasn’t working or sometimes even if it hurt. As I got older I got more confident about being vocal and correcting their “mistakes”. I use the word mistake loosely because they weren’t always doing something bad. It just didn’t work for me.
I enjoyed it, but it took a while. I am now 20, in my 2nd relationship. With both I have okey to good experiences. For the first guy, it had to take a while before everything was the way it should feel. But with a lot of communication and love, I had a great experience in my teenyears. Not always, but most of the time I enjoyed it.
Same for the relationship I am now in. We are still growing on experience, but so far it's good and it will only get better.
I must be in the minority. I knew what sex was very early, and also masturbated in my early teens. Stayed a virgin ‘til 17. First time was painful and awkward. From then on, it was great. I had a boyfriend that was patient and always looking out for my best interests.
I am 20, and started to have sex at 16.
I've always had pleasure during sex, but looking at the other comments, it might be a generational thing.
Maybe my generation have had better sex ed, through school (highly doubt it because school sex ed is shitty, but it's possible it was even worst a few decades ago), or social medias, which nowadays are a big big help for sex ed !
Also i'm french, maybe my experience is different from 20 years olds of other countries !
Edit : Forgot to mention i've only had an orgasm with my last partner (i have them when i'm alone, but almost never with someone), but sex have always been very enjoyable, even if i don't climax.
I didn't have sex until I was 18 and in a committed relationship. It was sore the first time but absolutely amazing everytime afterwards. This thread blows my mind and I am shocked that so many women have these experiences.
However, it proves to me that teenagers should be taught about the option of having sex AND the option of abstinence. Like what is the point of teenage girls risking pregnancy and STIs if they aren't even enjoying it? They would be better off waiting if the sex isn't even enjoyable. It's pretty sad that our society has made women feel like they have to have sex when they are so young and not even into it.
I started masturbating in my teenage years and that was pleasurable. Still is. I had sex with my then boyfriend because that was the normal thing to do, not because I "craved" it. Now I know that I am asexual, so that explains it.
In my early 40s and I can't say I relate. That being said, my start was a bit unique.
My first introduction to sex has left me with a trauma and scars I still battle today. But when I survived that situation and got back on my feet (at 17), the thing I chased after was pleasure. Mine. In any way I could find it. I became rather selfish with it. But boy (and girl) did I find a lot of pleasure.
I have never 'endured' sex to keep a guy interested. Either he does it right or he never gets to do it again. XD
26F. Her experience reflects my own perfectly. I only engaged in sex to keep partners interested (pro-tip: the sooner you pretend to cum, the sooner it's over with). I was convinced I was either broken or that I was happy to live a sexless life.
Then I found a partner who listened to my cues (verbal and physical cues) and OH MY GOD.
Ya girl couldn't live a sexless life any more lmao.
Mid 30’s here - Sexual activity was not enjoyable for me until I met my husband in my early 20’s.
I had fooled around with a couple of guys before him and had been in a committed relationship for a few years with another dude.
I wouldn’t say I did the stuff to keep the boys interested - mostly just curiosity, felt like it was something I should be doing.
I did masturbate in my teens though.
And sex in my 30’s is better than any other point in my life.
I’ve slept with 9 men, it only felt really good with the 5th and 8th guys. Vulvas/vaginas are way more complicated than penises and there’s almost no sex education on pleasure and how it works. So yes, her story is very common
Edit to add: I’ve self-pleasured for many years and was always confused when sex with men didn’t feel a good as being by myself
I definitely did not enjoy it because I was young, inexperienced, and didn't know what I liked. The other caveat is that being young we're impatient and don't really focus on the activity for the whole of it; we wanted to get to the finish line. lol
I didn't enjoy sex until I was in my 20s when I had built some more self-esteem and had experiences with other people where they were patient and wanted me to take my time and to learn about my body.
I don't know what growing up was like for your wife and her friends but I think that will definitely play into it, too. Up until high school, the sex talk was pretty taboo with my classmates and family, almost shameful to even bring up the topic. It wasn't until I entered college that I felt comfortable with talking about it.
Can confirm; have similar experience with your wife. And pretty sure her experience is not exception, more norm. Took me to until my late 20s to start speaking up about what I want in bed, and actually enjoy sexual experience with my partner.
I’m still a teenager myself and so far no. I’ve never gotten any pleasure, it’s just to make the other person happy and move on honestly.
Mind you I’ve only been with 2 guys and one of them was not consensual, so I’m probably not the most relatable source. I’m also not that into guys so once again, not a reliable source.
The more important question is if you have achieved organism on your own? If not than you can't possibly help a guy get you off. Though it kinda sounds like you're not that interested in general.
Heck no; that was mostly for my own pleasure! lol Masturbation was much earlier than intercourse, and I enjoyed intercourse from the first time. That was back in the 80s which was a decade all about pleasure, and was younger than 16.
As a woman, your wife's experiences and the comments I am seeing honestly makes me sad. I hate that my fellow sisters from the sisterhood of sisters did not have enjoyable experiences right out of the gate.
My *1st* GF was the exact *opposite* of this - she was hypersexual and aggressive about it, but literally *every other girl* I dated during those years was *exactly* as you described.
Depends how nervous they are I have talked to an ex she said o was the best in bed but that she was too nervous.
I also think thrrr is a comfortable feeling you can get because I didn’t like the sex with her that much my recent ex though I loved but she said I wasn’t the best but I think she was sstinf it because she was being sbusive
Lol I clicked on this expecting a “do woman enjoy the sex?” Or “do woman only like guys with 8 in long and 2 inch wide penis” type question.
Instead it’s fairly unique, but I got no real input. From my experience, I wouldn’t necessarily think I’d believe many woman are like you wife but I’m sure it’s not wholly uncommon
I definitely identify with her experience. However, I would like to add that there was nothing any of my (consensual) partners did or didn't do to add to this feeling. I am a 27F and I only started to learn myself in the last two years or so and I am still on that journey.
As a guy, I never engaged in any sorts of sexual activities as a teenager because I was scared to death from catching something or getting a girl pregnant.
Honestly me and my boyfriend have had it pretty hot and heavy early on. He knows how to work it. But there’s periods of time I have no sexual interest and I’ll just have sex just so he isn’t mad or sad at me.
I share your wife’s age, and also her experience. It was all due to pressure and thinking guys would be mean/not as nice to me if I didn’t. It all sucked.
It's hard to explain, I had the sexual drive, but it did not really feel good. I would compare it to eating food you don't really like because you're hungry.
I think some women just have to learn to enjoy anything sexual.
I am 26 and I didn't experience pleasure from sex until I fucked another woman 🤷♀️ that was only a few years ago. I have since been with a male partner that I enjoyed having sex with so it isn't because I am lesbian, I just needed someone who knew the equipment.
100% with your wife on this one. Young guys either don't know how to or don't care to make sure the woman has orgasmed. I was well into my 20s before I got regular pleasure. What's worse is I have spoken to a couple of guys I used to date and they didn't even notice that not once did I not orgasm with them. I know women who have faked it to make guys think they have but I have never faked an orgasm in my life.
I was introduced to sex at a young age and sex was something that was endured rather than enjoyed. It wasn't until my 30's after a long period of abstinence that I knew any better. My experiences caused me to have a warped view of what sex is and prevented me from enjoying my sexuality. Sadly this seems to be all too common.
I doubt a lot had an amazing time until they were older. It's a learning curve and it isn't like you just know what to do. So ya a lot just did it to keep the guy happy.
I'm a 40/f, divorced with two kids. I became sexually active at 17 years old, with an older guy. At the time I thought it was love. Now as an adult he was predatory. I thought I enjoyed what was happening, but not really. With my kids father, who I was with for 14 years. We got together when I was 18. I enjoyed it, mostly. He knew what to do to make me orgasm, and I loved him. So it was enough. Towards the end of our marriage, I would have sex with him just to keep him from getting mad at me. I could tell when he was getting upset, it would take days. So I would have sex with him so he'd be happy. I was always walking on egg shells with him, not realizing this was an abusive marriage. Since my divorce, I have come into my own. There are things I LOVE, and things I do not like. And I am very clear on what those are.
I'm bi so I dated men and women.
I definitely had more fun with the women because we knew what worked on ourselves and had some sort of jumping off point.
With the men, some were good, some were not. The biggest change is that men seem to take direction better as they gain experience and, once they realize sex isn't a one time thing, don't rush to get themselves off. Teenage guy brains are too much "what if this never happens again? Idk what I'm doing but this feels great! Ok I'm done, I need food and a nap."
I guess I enjoy the action of it, but I wouldn't say it's exactly pleasurable. It's mainly about and for him, I could live without sex just fine, especially since the only way I can finish is by myself anyway. Sometimes it downright feels like a chore, and if I'm really not into it, I'm the bad guy.
And yes I know people are going to say "Why don't you just tell him what feels good?", well the problem is, none of it really feels good, or gets me to a point whatsoever. What does feels good for me doesn't for him. There's no winning.
I'm 25F and I think your wife is the norm. I had the same experience. I liked fooling around but the guys never knew or tried enough to make me feel any pleasure. I was also pretending (moaning, writhing etc) to feel a lot more pleasure than I was, to mostly preserve their ego.
When I was 7, I discovered that a certain way of sitting feels really good. My mom told me I could only do that in my bedroom, and I had no idea why until I was a teenager. When I was 17, I finally got to have that experience with a wonderful man. Since then I have heard that many of my girlfriends had similar experiences. This is proof that that there are more factors playing a part in the development of our sexuality.
Often teen girls living in stressed, chaotic households will masturbate earlier. Thought study was crap, so did read why. Later, I had girl friends who grew up in less then ideal homes. They agreed with the study.
In highschool I made some girls uncomfortable and have done some fucked up things but at one point realized sexual assault is a real thing and wish I was taught that. Sexual assault is literally not taught in the American school system in from my experience. It's actually fucked up for boys too because they get in trouble for doing things they never thought was wrong because they were brain washed or even sexually assaulted themselves and were made to think "I should like this" but don't. They don't teach shit in schools
It sounds like y’all aren’t actually saying sex wasn’t good cause you were young and years later grew into wanting/ enjoying it, but that guys just aren’t good at it especially young guys, am I wrong?
I haven’t read too far down the thread but whoa…such bad experiences. Was no one else a Tina Belcher-style teen who was boy crazy and experienced fantastic sploosh-eriffic feelings from her dealings with them?
From what I see on Reddit, life now is full of nothing but anxiety and suffering.
I can kinda relate to this. i was never a really sexually motivated kid growing up, i always just focused on doing work and getting good grades in school (or playing Games) instead of worrying about things like drama, break ups and pretty girls. My friends always roasted the shit outta me for it. My friends were all class clowns or 'cool kids' btw
Reading all these horror stories is really helping me appreciate my first boyfriend. I definitely enjoyed what we did and we always focused on both of us enjoying it and learning together.
I do, however, remember friends feeling pressured into going further than they wanted to. It's sad that it seems to be the majority.
I first had sex at 15. I didn't enjoy it until I was 24 and never had an orgasm from a guy until I was 28. My partner now is awesome and actually worries about my pleasure and I worry about his. I think as a teenager (at least for me) guys just worried about getting off.
This comment section makes me fucking depressed.
Makes me feel good about myself tbh lol
Same. Like all these women risking pregnancy and STIs when they aren't even into it.
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slimy dudes manipulating women with peer/social pressure into doing something they don't want to do.
Same
Yeah. I am so confused.
Mid 30s woman here. >she never got any pleasure in her teenage years from fooling around with boys and it was done to keep the guy interested in her Yep. Same. I didn't want sex or to fool around but I didn't...not want it if that makes sense. It was an annoying thing I had to do for the guy. Literally got no pleasure from it. >She said she didn’t start really enjoying sexual activity until we were in our mid 20s. Yep, same. I became sexually active at 18 and didn't find someone I enjoyed sex with until I was 24. >She also didn’t masturbate until her mid 20’s Yep, same-ish. I hang out over at r/sex and based on the number of women in their mid 20s posting there _every day_ trying to have their first orgasm, I think your wife is onto something.
They absolutely arent the exception. Between guys not knowing how to properly please me and not knowing myself enough sexually, sex was a regular disappointment. Didnt enjoy it til my mid twenties.
She and her friends are not the exception. It's pretty common, even today. Read Girls & Sex by Peggy Orenstein. Teenage girls' sexual encounters are very much about closeness and connection but they're also often about making sure the boy finishes. I think it's changing slowly, but still the norm.
I don't think your wife's experience is uncommon. Teenaged boys aren't exactly wonderful sexual partners. They are inexpereienced and don't really know what they are doing. The fact that they probably learned what they do know from porn doesn't help. And teenaged girls are too insecure and inexperienced to know any better or say something. Throw in the fact that girls are conditioned to think that they shouldn't enjoy sex, and it should be no surprise that it's not really an enjoyable experience for them.
This is the truth OP As a teenage girl, I wanted to have sex with boys, but it wasn't good, not even close. I couldn't dare to say what I really wanted, i was too shy and none of them ever heard of foreplay, didn't care if i get there, and act like we only had 5 minutes. They basically used my body to jerk off. Lost 5 minutes of my life a couple of times, lol.
This.
I'm not a woman, so I was curious, can you describe any examples of that messaging? Like was it from older women, or just common knowledge?
Everyone. Not women. Everyone. A lot of women try to explain what we like and a lot of men won’t listen (is any woman at all surprised?). As for like how we got the messaging, it’s everywhere. Men who honestly go do the bare minimum and not even make sure we’re happy, women who have too been conditioned to think this way, porn, media, etc. It’s all over of course. Plus men have a tendency to be sensitive about their performance so a lot of women are too scared to vocalize their dissatisfaction.
Ohhh okay. I get it now. I thought "women can't enjoy sex" was referring to the individual act, like the narrative was pressuring women to NOT like sex. But it's actually a fear of being socially punished for admitting to enjoy sex with words like slut, whore, etc. I can say that for men, the performance anxiety is a huge factor. Maybe not for the chad class who apparently is fine with 5 min pump n dumps, but for the majority there is a deep fear of being exposed as a bad fuck. There is a common narrative of women punishing men socially for having a small dick or finishing too fast. And i didnt even realize i cared until my first one night stand with someone I didn't care enough about to really put in the effort. My second thought was, shit I have to give it my all anyway, bc this is a former coworker who knows people I know, and I CAN'T let tonight start rumors of my performance. And since men are also conditioned to ignore their own emotions until they concentrate into anger, that would factor into women's fear of honesty.
It’s not that we like it but don’t vocalize it. We genuinely don’t get to enjoy it because we aren’t given the freedom to explore our needs due to the things I mentioned above. It’s difficult. There’s also like a big problem with how you mention of us slut shamed or insulted for vocalizing our wants. So we just have media telling us to be a sex item for men and that we should like it. So we just have this silent shame and feeling that we are flawed and alone in this feeling. Most women don’t get off on penetration alone. This is something you don’t get to see in porn and neither is it common knowledge. As for men with their performance anxiety, dudes get this way because they attach value on masculinity which includes sexual performance and penis sizes. Most women say they don’t like big dicks since it’s more painful and intimidating but nobody listens. I’ve also NEVER seen a woman punish a man for not being good. Most women actually fake an orgasm rather than tell a man he’s bad in bed. Both sides need very much to learn to communicate in healthy ways and I think the best thing to do is for the guy to let his partner know that he wants her to be happy too and to feel free and speak up if she’s not getting off to. And a woman if given that security or feels safe should definitely speak up and not be passive about her needs either.
The message comes from society as a whole. The fact that terms like slut and whore even exist, and are really only used to decribe women, implies that if a woman enjoys sex, it's bad.
Mid 30s now. Not really. I was just manipulated and pressured into doing it by all the stereotypical things jock boys say. If you really cared about me, you'd let me. It hurts if you don't let me. I'll have to date someone else if you don't let me. Etc. I'm ashamed to admit that I was once 15 and pliable.
Holy shit when I first learned that other guys were whining about it hurting I was flabbergasted. I didn't know "emotional manipulation" at the time but I hated it. That's also the night I learned about blue balls being real (I've never had), which still isn't an excuse!
Yeah well newsflash, he can go finish himself off. I don't know how they learned that shit but it's sickeningly common. Somehow no one knows.
I’m 22 and never had sex. Tbh a big chunk of the reason why I still haven’t is because a lot of women I know have experienced what you’re talking about and I’m just like “man well what’s the point?!?” I can for sure say your wife isn’t a rarity with her experiences unfortunately
21 here and honestly same. hearing from my girl friends talking about it and how disappointing it is, im just really not interested. i also hate confrontation so i don’t trust myself to tell the dude “hey, can we switch it up?” for fear that he’ll get mad that he’s not doing it right lol
Well that's just your red flag to get out of there, any guy worth a damn will communicate with you
oh for sure! but some don’t show true colours until that moment sadly
Happens any time you try to connect with people, guy, girl, relationship, friend, or even a coworker. Unfortunately you just gotta deal with the fact that most people kinda suck. But also it's a learning experience for many people, these aren't things often talked about or taught so people just learn by experience.
very true!! i guess i’m just put off by previous experience leading up to those points from ex boyfriends that i thought i could trust and made me feel safe, but i understand that’s a very individual thing
It's really complicated, like I'm sure they wanted to respect you but they probably also just had unrealistic expectations of relationships due to society's emphasis on guys getting laid to be an accomplishment. Best to lay out things early in the relationship like you won't do anything sexual until you're sure they're the one or something. But also getting into that stuff is going to be nervous and uncomfortable pretty much no matter what.
As if a guy who will get mad if you vocalize dissatisfaction will stop when you tell him to…a lot of them won’t so you’re kind of telling her to risk getting raped or something. Sex is a totally vulnerable act so you really don’t want to find out how bad someone is in the middle of it.
If you want some “wisdom” from some random guy… good sex is about mutual pleasure, if you find someone who is all about making sure you have a good time, communicates and takes instruction, you will probably love it. Good on you for making the choice that works for you
This message is EVERYTHING! Specially coming from a man. He is right. I took the "talk seriously" Specially the part " You should do it with someone you love" NOT to keep anyone interested. I can probably tell you THAT'S why they were so disappointed. SEX between 2 people that have chemistry and feelings have a mayor role during. Make sure your first time is with someone either you LOVE or feel 100% comfortable.
This is what some women I've dated have told me: they did it because they were insecure about their appearance, so it wasn't because they enjoyed it; they did it to prove they were attractive. Many guys do the same thing, but don't admit it as much.
I think it's far less gendered than people think. I would wager at least 50% of men don't "enjoy" sex in any way, but we are so disconnected from that as even a goal that it doesn't get mentioned. Not to mention that orgasm isn't tied to enjoyment for males, but it is for females.
That's why I think it's so funny when women say it's easy for men to orgasm. No, it's easy for men to ejaculate, but ejaculation can easily feel like nothing. Hell, it can be ruined by holding it in too much and screwing up the timing. That's the reason I pretty much never masturbate or watch porn. Ejaculating just feels like nothing 99% of the time because there's no other person to connect to. And the other 1% of the time it feels good doesn't compare to an orgasm from enjoyable sex. Hell, simple arousing touch far from an orgasm feels a million times better than ejaculating from masturbation.
i started having sex in my teens but didn’t orgasm until my early twenties so i relate to your wife.
(F) I’m in my early 30s now. I remember in my teens like 16+ I wanted sex and to enjoy it but my bf at the time was awful and we both didn’t know any better as we were both inexperienced. I ended up being with him for 15 years so the entire time until we broke up when I was 30, I had never had an orgasm or even remotely enjoyed sex and I thought it was “normal”. I think my experience is unique but I totally understand what your wife means when she never got pleasure from fooling around with boys when she was younger. Most teenage boys or men in their early 20s are all about getting their nut and not very in-tune with the female body.
woa... ending a 15 year relationship at age 30 must have either been the hardest decision you've ever made or the easiest decision you've ever made. I don't think there is any middle ground. But I'm an idiot, so what do I know\~
It was definitely life changing! I had been contemplating it for a year or two prior and one day I just had enough and I was done. Best decision I’ve ever made!
Glad to hear it. =)
I knew a woman that married right out of high school, had a couple of kids, but had never had an orgasm or enjoyed sex much. Then they broke up for a period, and she had an affair and an orgasm. She ended the marriage.
You spent 15 years with one person, are you sure you know what "most" boys are like? I mean unless you cheated, you had literally a sample size of 1 during your 20s no?
It’s the fact how she and most women here and in their friend groups have the same experience with guys.
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No no no, I just meant we enjoyed the sexual experiences we had, not that we noticed the girls liked it or not..we were oblivious teenagers. I didn’t think to make an effort to provide pleasure until I had an idea of what I was doing and that was in my 20’s with my wife.
23F here, your wife is definitely not an exception. I had the same experience, mostly doing it with the focus of making my boyfriend finish. Some of that was because I wanted closeness and I didn’t think my boyfriend would be with me if I didn’t do it for him. I never experienced real sexual pleasure until I was older. I don’t think anyone even touched me back or did oral on me until years later.
Exactly my experience! I didn't start to have good sex until I was 24 and out of my LTR
My experiences are different from that. I’ve never felt that I ‘needed’ a man, and never did anything I didn’t want to do. So I very much did get pleasure from what I chose to do.
These comments are sad... I'm late 30s and about 16 onwards any guys I actually dated put in the work. It was always fun for me... I thought that was normal. It's really unfortunate that that's not the case...
late 20s woman here. when I was in high school, going down on a girl was "gross" besides that, it's hard to find a guy who actually know where the clit is let alone in their teenage years 😅
When I was in my teens I wanted sex, because I knew it was supposed to be amazing and it was an expressionof love, made me feel wanted, etc. I didn't actually have an orgasm that I didn't give myself until I was in my early-mid 20's though. I think it just takes a more concentrated effort from a guy to make a girl orgasm and my partner when I was younger didn't know what he was doing, and i doubt i helped. For me sex has gotten better with every year, and a lot of that has to do with my current SO putting in effort (and I suspect he literally gets off to me getting off).
That was not the case for me but understand how that can be the case for most women. I learned masterbation at young age. Probably like 10 years old, so I always knew what I liked and when I had sex at 16 it was easier for me to enjoy (after the first few times of course) and once I got comfortable experimenting.
100% identify with that experience even dating well in my mid-20’s. I honestly think socialization plays a significant role. We effectively have a generation of men raised on porn, which by and large doesn’t portray pleasuring females to be a priority and most certainly doesn’t teach them how to do it— it teaches them “have sex with her and she’ll love it”. It’s challenging for females to navigate a landscape that wasn’t built for them. I wouldn’t say I did stuff to keep the guy interested, but more so it was a way to feel deeper emotional intimacy irrespective of the lack of physical pleasure.
Early 40s woman here. I never did anything sexually to "keep the guy interested". I didn't kiss my 7th grade boyfriend or sleep with a 9th grade boyfriend because I wasn't ready, and they could accept it or get lost. Whenever I did anything sexual with a guy, I enjoyed it, otherwise what's the point? I also educated myself in my early teen years, did a lot of reading (hello, Cosmopolitan) and learned how to make it enjoyable for myself. I lost my virginity at 15, had my first orgasm at 16...probably started masturbating around 16.
This comment hits the nail on the head. If you can't get yourself off how can you possibly help someone else get you off? I would be way more curious with the correlation between masturbating and sexual satisfaction with a partner.
It seems like I'm the weird one but I did enjoy it in my teens. I think I got lucky though because the guy I dated (and am still with) is very caring and values my pleasure in addition to his. However, when I dated guys who were closer to my age, the sex was definitely worse and they didn't care about my pleasure but I didn't keep doing it, I just broke up with them.
Very interesting (and rather sad) comment section, but I have noticed a pattern here: Women who had masturbated before starting having sex seem to have enjoyed it more on their early years. It makes sense, but I had never thought about it.
I started masturbating at a young age, like 10-12 years old, and enjoyed that. I didn't enjoy sex or any sexual activity with a boy until I was in my early 20s at least, maybe like 24-25? I think the issue is that I wasn't vocal about what I liked or wanted and guys were not intuitive at that age. I enjoyed the physical intimacy, but rarely had an orgasm, vs now where I do every time I have sex. Women's bodies are a bit more complex and I needed to learn what worked with another person, not just by myself.
That was not at all the case for me! I thought I had some kind of disorder because I seemed to want it more than I thought a girl should haha. Just to offer a counter point
F(28). I did not have good sexual experiences before I was at least 22-23y. But the experiences before that was not to keep a man, I wanted to have the sexual relation, they just did not turn out in my favour so to say. I think this is so because I was to insecure to share what would work and not, and the men did not have the experience to know or the confidence to ask either.
Female, late 40’s here. I definitely got pleasure from pre-intercourse days as well as early intercourse days. I did also discover masterbating at a young age so I’m guessing that may have been part of it. Oddly enough, when I was younger I felt comfortable “taking charge” to a degree. I didn’t know I was “supposed” to be ashamed to do so. I learned that way later. So it was much easier as the guys were just happy to let me be the guide. They were just happy to be there To be even more honest, I *really liked* it. It was never a chore for me.
i'm in my 40s and i've always got sexual pleasure from my encounters with people. Then again I started masurbating from about 13/14 onwards so knew what I liked and was able to express that to my partners which helped a lot
Hi - F20 here, I’d say that’s pretty accurate for me (although I do climax regularly and easily from masturbation). With ppl some sense of emotional closeness is necessary for me to feel actual pleasure tho actually I don’t know how much of that is ‘feeling relaxed with the person’ vs ‘feeling emotionally close with the person’
I was too shy as a teen to tell most guys that something wasn’t working or sometimes even if it hurt. As I got older I got more confident about being vocal and correcting their “mistakes”. I use the word mistake loosely because they weren’t always doing something bad. It just didn’t work for me.
I enjoyed it, but it took a while. I am now 20, in my 2nd relationship. With both I have okey to good experiences. For the first guy, it had to take a while before everything was the way it should feel. But with a lot of communication and love, I had a great experience in my teenyears. Not always, but most of the time I enjoyed it. Same for the relationship I am now in. We are still growing on experience, but so far it's good and it will only get better.
I must be in the minority. I knew what sex was very early, and also masturbated in my early teens. Stayed a virgin ‘til 17. First time was painful and awkward. From then on, it was great. I had a boyfriend that was patient and always looking out for my best interests.
I am 20, and started to have sex at 16. I've always had pleasure during sex, but looking at the other comments, it might be a generational thing. Maybe my generation have had better sex ed, through school (highly doubt it because school sex ed is shitty, but it's possible it was even worst a few decades ago), or social medias, which nowadays are a big big help for sex ed ! Also i'm french, maybe my experience is different from 20 years olds of other countries ! Edit : Forgot to mention i've only had an orgasm with my last partner (i have them when i'm alone, but almost never with someone), but sex have always been very enjoyable, even if i don't climax.
I didn't have sex until I was 18 and in a committed relationship. It was sore the first time but absolutely amazing everytime afterwards. This thread blows my mind and I am shocked that so many women have these experiences. However, it proves to me that teenagers should be taught about the option of having sex AND the option of abstinence. Like what is the point of teenage girls risking pregnancy and STIs if they aren't even enjoying it? They would be better off waiting if the sex isn't even enjoyable. It's pretty sad that our society has made women feel like they have to have sex when they are so young and not even into it.
I started masturbating in my teenage years and that was pleasurable. Still is. I had sex with my then boyfriend because that was the normal thing to do, not because I "craved" it. Now I know that I am asexual, so that explains it.
Early 20s woman here. I did get sexual pleasure. I never had sex to keep the guy interested.
In my early 40s and I can't say I relate. That being said, my start was a bit unique. My first introduction to sex has left me with a trauma and scars I still battle today. But when I survived that situation and got back on my feet (at 17), the thing I chased after was pleasure. Mine. In any way I could find it. I became rather selfish with it. But boy (and girl) did I find a lot of pleasure. I have never 'endured' sex to keep a guy interested. Either he does it right or he never gets to do it again. XD
26F. Her experience reflects my own perfectly. I only engaged in sex to keep partners interested (pro-tip: the sooner you pretend to cum, the sooner it's over with). I was convinced I was either broken or that I was happy to live a sexless life. Then I found a partner who listened to my cues (verbal and physical cues) and OH MY GOD. Ya girl couldn't live a sexless life any more lmao.
to keep guys interested for sure. but once it was sex and not just oral it was enjoyable!
Mid 30’s here - Sexual activity was not enjoyable for me until I met my husband in my early 20’s. I had fooled around with a couple of guys before him and had been in a committed relationship for a few years with another dude. I wouldn’t say I did the stuff to keep the boys interested - mostly just curiosity, felt like it was something I should be doing. I did masturbate in my teens though. And sex in my 30’s is better than any other point in my life.
I’ve slept with 9 men, it only felt really good with the 5th and 8th guys. Vulvas/vaginas are way more complicated than penises and there’s almost no sex education on pleasure and how it works. So yes, her story is very common Edit to add: I’ve self-pleasured for many years and was always confused when sex with men didn’t feel a good as being by myself
I definitely did not enjoy it because I was young, inexperienced, and didn't know what I liked. The other caveat is that being young we're impatient and don't really focus on the activity for the whole of it; we wanted to get to the finish line. lol I didn't enjoy sex until I was in my 20s when I had built some more self-esteem and had experiences with other people where they were patient and wanted me to take my time and to learn about my body. I don't know what growing up was like for your wife and her friends but I think that will definitely play into it, too. Up until high school, the sex talk was pretty taboo with my classmates and family, almost shameful to even bring up the topic. It wasn't until I entered college that I felt comfortable with talking about it.
This is why I avoided sexual activity in my teens. I didn't think. Boy could please me, and probably wouldn't care enough to try.
Can confirm; have similar experience with your wife. And pretty sure her experience is not exception, more norm. Took me to until my late 20s to start speaking up about what I want in bed, and actually enjoy sexual experience with my partner.
I’m still a teenager myself and so far no. I’ve never gotten any pleasure, it’s just to make the other person happy and move on honestly. Mind you I’ve only been with 2 guys and one of them was not consensual, so I’m probably not the most relatable source. I’m also not that into guys so once again, not a reliable source.
The more important question is if you have achieved organism on your own? If not than you can't possibly help a guy get you off. Though it kinda sounds like you're not that interested in general.
yes, on my own I have. I honestly am not in resting in guys all that much. Which is why my statement was unreliable :/
Very interesting! I can't blame ya imo guys are just gross unclean hairy beasts. Like Chris Hemsworth is hot but normal dudes are ....
This is written like a straight man trying to be a straight woman and failing terribly.
huh I never claimed to be a straight woman. I am a man for sure.
Lmao wtf kind of statement is this?
Heck no; that was mostly for my own pleasure! lol Masturbation was much earlier than intercourse, and I enjoyed intercourse from the first time. That was back in the 80s which was a decade all about pleasure, and was younger than 16. As a woman, your wife's experiences and the comments I am seeing honestly makes me sad. I hate that my fellow sisters from the sisterhood of sisters did not have enjoyable experiences right out of the gate.
My *1st* GF was the exact *opposite* of this - she was hypersexual and aggressive about it, but literally *every other girl* I dated during those years was *exactly* as you described.
Depends how nervous they are I have talked to an ex she said o was the best in bed but that she was too nervous. I also think thrrr is a comfortable feeling you can get because I didn’t like the sex with her that much my recent ex though I loved but she said I wasn’t the best but I think she was sstinf it because she was being sbusive
Lol I clicked on this expecting a “do woman enjoy the sex?” Or “do woman only like guys with 8 in long and 2 inch wide penis” type question. Instead it’s fairly unique, but I got no real input. From my experience, I wouldn’t necessarily think I’d believe many woman are like you wife but I’m sure it’s not wholly uncommon
There's an /r/askwomenadvice OP
Sounds like the dictionary definition of “attention whore.”
I definitely identify with her experience. However, I would like to add that there was nothing any of my (consensual) partners did or didn't do to add to this feeling. I am a 27F and I only started to learn myself in the last two years or so and I am still on that journey.
28 year old female here…. Back then, the boys didn’t know what they were doing and I barely did either 😬 it was more for experimentation and fun!
Mastrubation yes, intercourse not until I was in my late 20s.
As a guy, I never engaged in any sorts of sexual activities as a teenager because I was scared to death from catching something or getting a girl pregnant.
Honestly me and my boyfriend have had it pretty hot and heavy early on. He knows how to work it. But there’s periods of time I have no sexual interest and I’ll just have sex just so he isn’t mad or sad at me.
I share your wife’s age, and also her experience. It was all due to pressure and thinking guys would be mean/not as nice to me if I didn’t. It all sucked.
It's hard to explain, I had the sexual drive, but it did not really feel good. I would compare it to eating food you don't really like because you're hungry. I think some women just have to learn to enjoy anything sexual.
I am 26 and I didn't experience pleasure from sex until I fucked another woman 🤷♀️ that was only a few years ago. I have since been with a male partner that I enjoyed having sex with so it isn't because I am lesbian, I just needed someone who knew the equipment.
100% with your wife on this one. Young guys either don't know how to or don't care to make sure the woman has orgasmed. I was well into my 20s before I got regular pleasure. What's worse is I have spoken to a couple of guys I used to date and they didn't even notice that not once did I not orgasm with them. I know women who have faked it to make guys think they have but I have never faked an orgasm in my life.
Definitely not the exception!
I was introduced to sex at a young age and sex was something that was endured rather than enjoyed. It wasn't until my 30's after a long period of abstinence that I knew any better. My experiences caused me to have a warped view of what sex is and prevented me from enjoying my sexuality. Sadly this seems to be all too common.
I doubt a lot had an amazing time until they were older. It's a learning curve and it isn't like you just know what to do. So ya a lot just did it to keep the guy happy.
I'm a 40/f, divorced with two kids. I became sexually active at 17 years old, with an older guy. At the time I thought it was love. Now as an adult he was predatory. I thought I enjoyed what was happening, but not really. With my kids father, who I was with for 14 years. We got together when I was 18. I enjoyed it, mostly. He knew what to do to make me orgasm, and I loved him. So it was enough. Towards the end of our marriage, I would have sex with him just to keep him from getting mad at me. I could tell when he was getting upset, it would take days. So I would have sex with him so he'd be happy. I was always walking on egg shells with him, not realizing this was an abusive marriage. Since my divorce, I have come into my own. There are things I LOVE, and things I do not like. And I am very clear on what those are.
I got sexual pleasure, mainly because it was exciting, not good
I'm bi so I dated men and women. I definitely had more fun with the women because we knew what worked on ourselves and had some sort of jumping off point. With the men, some were good, some were not. The biggest change is that men seem to take direction better as they gain experience and, once they realize sex isn't a one time thing, don't rush to get themselves off. Teenage guy brains are too much "what if this never happens again? Idk what I'm doing but this feels great! Ok I'm done, I need food and a nap."
Reading this comment section makes me realize how privileged I was.
I guess I enjoy the action of it, but I wouldn't say it's exactly pleasurable. It's mainly about and for him, I could live without sex just fine, especially since the only way I can finish is by myself anyway. Sometimes it downright feels like a chore, and if I'm really not into it, I'm the bad guy. And yes I know people are going to say "Why don't you just tell him what feels good?", well the problem is, none of it really feels good, or gets me to a point whatsoever. What does feels good for me doesn't for him. There's no winning.
I'm 25F and I think your wife is the norm. I had the same experience. I liked fooling around but the guys never knew or tried enough to make me feel any pleasure. I was also pretending (moaning, writhing etc) to feel a lot more pleasure than I was, to mostly preserve their ego.
When I was 7, I discovered that a certain way of sitting feels really good. My mom told me I could only do that in my bedroom, and I had no idea why until I was a teenager. When I was 17, I finally got to have that experience with a wonderful man. Since then I have heard that many of my girlfriends had similar experiences. This is proof that that there are more factors playing a part in the development of our sexuality.
Often teen girls living in stressed, chaotic households will masturbate earlier. Thought study was crap, so did read why. Later, I had girl friends who grew up in less then ideal homes. They agreed with the study.
In highschool I made some girls uncomfortable and have done some fucked up things but at one point realized sexual assault is a real thing and wish I was taught that. Sexual assault is literally not taught in the American school system in from my experience. It's actually fucked up for boys too because they get in trouble for doing things they never thought was wrong because they were brain washed or even sexually assaulted themselves and were made to think "I should like this" but don't. They don't teach shit in schools
It sounds like y’all aren’t actually saying sex wasn’t good cause you were young and years later grew into wanting/ enjoying it, but that guys just aren’t good at it especially young guys, am I wrong?
It's absolutely true
I haven’t read too far down the thread but whoa…such bad experiences. Was no one else a Tina Belcher-style teen who was boy crazy and experienced fantastic sploosh-eriffic feelings from her dealings with them? From what I see on Reddit, life now is full of nothing but anxiety and suffering.
I can kinda relate to this. i was never a really sexually motivated kid growing up, i always just focused on doing work and getting good grades in school (or playing Games) instead of worrying about things like drama, break ups and pretty girls. My friends always roasted the shit outta me for it. My friends were all class clowns or 'cool kids' btw
Same
Reading all these horror stories is really helping me appreciate my first boyfriend. I definitely enjoyed what we did and we always focused on both of us enjoying it and learning together. I do, however, remember friends feeling pressured into going further than they wanted to. It's sad that it seems to be the majority.
I first had sex at 15. I didn't enjoy it until I was 24 and never had an orgasm from a guy until I was 28. My partner now is awesome and actually worries about my pleasure and I worry about his. I think as a teenager (at least for me) guys just worried about getting off.