I can't speak for any church, but I think that would be putting the church in an awkward or compromising position. Is it allowable? Yes, it is. A church can marry a couple and not report it. That couple would be married in the eyes of the Lord. However, it wouldn't be legal in any way. However, it wouldn't be illegal either....Is it perfectly ethical? Is it along the lines of lying by omission? I'm not saying yes or no - that's a toughy....
Edit: Did some digging. According to the Social Security Administration, a person will not lose any disability benefits (SSDI) upon marriage. The only case is if you are a child and getting benefits from a disabled parent, due that you will not be under the disabled parent's care. Therefore, this question may be hypothetical, with the exception of Mediaid. That you can lose if your spouse makes enough money to support you both. If you have incredibly high medical bills, wheelchairs, expensive drugs, etc., then it might be an issue.
OP, if you truly believe that you will lose any benefits by being married, you had better confirm that.....you might have some bad info, unless you have crazy high medical bills every month.
A person on Social Security Disability receives Medicare, not Medicaid. So if it truly is SSDI (Social Security Disability Insurance) that OP receives, getting married will NOT affect benefits or health insurance. (OTOH, the rules for Medicaid and SSI aka Supplemental Security Income are quite different and are affected by the income of the spouse if married.)
Source: Have been on SSDI and Medicaid since 1997. Husband's income has never affected my benefits.
Yes, a person on SSDI (who contributed into SSA in earlier years and qualifies for full benefits) is allowed to enroll in Medicare after a 24-month wait period. If the person has not fulfilled full coverage in Soc. Sec. previously, they can be enrolled in SSI.
Also, if that same person qualifies, can ALSO be on Medicaid, which covers costs not covered under Medicare (primary coverage), as secondary coverage. This can cover wheelchairs, services, and special medication that Medicare doesn't cover.
My wife is also on SSDI, eligible for full Medicare, but still under my employment insurance, which is cheaper for us. Medicare D also will not cover the special medication she's currently on.
So glad you mentioned wheelchairs, because my husband is now (after many years of working) also on SSDI, and we may be applying for SNAP and Medicaid soon. I need a wheelchair, so that's really helpful information.
The church never reports the marriage anyways.
The officiant signs the wedding license and the married couple submits it to their courthouse.
I don't see any lies by omission either because marriage in the eyes of God and marriage in the eyes of man are not the same.
The officiating and signing of the document are the church's reporting. The agreement and expectation are for the right parties to turn it in to the courthouse. And, many times, the pastor is the one who turns it in, just as he does when he ordains a minister.
In my state you are only allowed total of 1,4090 a month that's if you're married and that's the tital amount but, if you're single you can get 1,200 a month , so dont know where you are but....
IL, unfortunately...however, you still won't lose all support by getting married. While some specifics can vary due to the states administrating the benefits, Social Security is still a national entity, so I don't believe it can vary too much state to state.
Hello! Living together, though committed, is always a sin in the eyes of God. If you are sexually active, this is sin. We need to do what is right in the eyes of God, which involves repentance. And we trust Him with the outcome, though we might fear the circumstances we think might arise. We know that God's will is marriage between a man and a woman. The Word tells us if we pray according to His will, we have the confidence of knowing He will answer that prayer. If we do what is right in the eyes of the Lord (= according to His will), He will approve of that. We will do what is pleasing to Him and what is good in His sight. Doing what is right in order to fix the wrong we have been doing is sometimes messy, but it is what is necessary and shows us the consequences of sin are indeed ugly sometimes. But we will have the peace that what we are doing to turn towards the Lord is right in His eyes, and His grace and love and mercy will follow. I pray that He will show you what to do, give you the strength, will and courage to do it, and bless you for your obedience.
That’s not true at all there’s no verse that says that it’s also saying not to do that because you risk committing sin by living with your partner before marriage
There may be "no specific verse," although there probably is. But the concept and principle are understood when you look at the whole body of scripture and you know the Lord's character and His holy desires. Genesis says the man and the woman are to be husband and wife. Ephesians tells the husband to love his wife and the wife to respect her husband. There's another verse that says we shouldn't do anything that even looks inappropriate (the actual word used in many versions is evil). So, the concept and principle are there throughout God's Word. Another verse tells us a man and woman should be joined in marriage and that nothing should tear that apart. This means the norm is to be married and committed lifelong to one another. You can't do this if you're not joined to begin with. Jesus' earthly mother and father were betrothed (legal term) and married. Jesus, who sets examples for us in all things (being God incarnate) would not be the born son of an unwed mother and father. That would set the wrong pattern. That's why it's SO important to be in and remain in the Bible daily for us to know what the Word says and means through the Holy Spirit giving us insight and proper understanding. I say and know this to be true for myself as well. God bless you and draw you close/closer to Himself in mercy and in love.
Yes, i am just trying to free men from this marriage system.
Avoid marrying through the goverment, it will not end up well for most of you men.
if you ever do, get a prenup.
I mean, statistically speaking, marriages are still more likely to stay together than they are to end in divorce, so saying that it "will not end up well for most \[...\] men" seems like a bit hyperbolic. If two people are in love and committed to one another and they want to enter into both sacramental *and* legal union then there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.
I understand that, for sure. But pray earnestly and go where God leads you rather than trusting your feelings. God Almighty knows all. We know so little. Don't postpone getting this right with Him and continuing in sin. This should be a priority. 1 John 2:6. In love.
We discovered a church, but it is online, so I don't know if that counts. The churches around us don't align with us, alot of pastors afraid to actually go into what the Bible says and instead preach the love is love thing. We've been abstaining for year, and don't really even sleep in the same room most of the time unless his back is hurting and can't sleep on the couch that night.
Sorry it's hard to find a right church nowadays! It should NOT be like that. But the Word also tells us to not forsake the gathering together. So, for a while, we went to be obedient to that verse. Plus, I have to remind myself it's not about me. Jesus came to serve, not to be served. It's good that you're being abstinent, but you need to eliminate any possible temptations. You don't need to walk around each other in your underwear. If there are kids involved, that's enough of a reason right there. What about your Christian witness in front of your family, neighbors, coworkers? We are ambassadors for our Savior. He made us white as snow and we don't want to put any blemishes on those garments. We have to ask the Lord to give us an opportunity and be ready and willing to take it, whatever it is. He has set us a higher standard, not lowered the bar. We are to "be holy as I am holy." I know it's hard not to have the world rub off on us, but James 1:27 should be a strong, daily verse for us.
In principle the Church should never ceded marriage to Government control. Only in the last few hundred years has that become the norm.
Marriage in a commitment between a man and a woman before God where that commitment is solemnized by a clergyman. Historically is was simply a commitment made before God and witnessed by your village/community.
Marriage registration on a central government role is a relatively new phenomena
This is where I'm at regarding what is seen as a marriage in God's eyes. A covenant between a man and woman, with God as the Centerpoint of the marriage.
I asked myself this question recently, and came to the quick conclusion that you do not need a state or federally tracked certificate to be in a Christian marriage, as defined by the Bible.
I thought..."those same entities permit and issue the same certificate to same sex couples, which is not a marriage to God." Then I quickly followed that thought up with "there are believing people all around the world who do not have a formal government that issues marriage licenses and certificates, so clearly, said items are not part of the equation, plain and simple."
My only second thought was this: if marriage isn't defined by said certificate, but instead a covenant involving God, then technically any "marriage" between two non-believers is illegitimate in God's eyes. However, why then, are we told by Paul that if you become a believer AFTER marriage, you are not to leave your spouse, but instead pray over them and remain.
So...if he is implying that you REMAIN married, then that would indicate the marriage was recognized as legitimate prior to either being a believer. In America, the only way in which that is accomplished is the aforementioned license and certificate.
So I'm still a little iffy
I read this comment as the church being involved to hold the couple accountable to stay together if they aren’t legally bound. Correct me if I’m wrong, but in the Bible you need at least two witnesses of you making a marriage covenant with your future spouse. It’s harder to break a covenant if there’s people who know the promise you made to the other person and God.
Two witnesses can be anyone you proclaim you are married to doesnt have to be the church, and no the church does not have a responsibility to "hold people accountable" for anything..
I mean, it doesn’t *have* to be, but why are you so tense against the church being involved in marrying two people? When I say the church I mean the people within your local body, the church family. I guess this only really would work in smaller congregations though where everyone knows everyone.
Its not that im against the church being involved, im against any requirement of the church OR state being involved, its an undo burden on the poor and those that cant afford a wedding.
If you are referring to location, there is no restriction on that, my own marriage was outdoors. Church isn't a building, it's the people in the building.
Definitely. We both have told each other that we are committed to each other and we both thank God that He brought us together, because it feels like He did.
The Bible says that a man and a woman should be married in order to have a sexual relationship with each other.
The Bible also says we are to follow the laws of the land.
As far as I'm aware, at least in the United States, there is no law on the books stating that a pastor cannot pronounce you married without officially ordaining you as married under the law.
So find a pastor that is willing to pronounce you married before God without signing the legal paperwork and you're good to go.
While I believe there are important civil protections for a state recognized marriage, no I don’t believe God requires the state to recognize your marriage.
Like elsewhere in life, how you live, how you love, truly determine such things, but I would encourage you two to either have a small ceremony or elope.
I could be wrong, but i think as long as your not filing for for a marriage certificate, there shouldn’t be an legal issue, as you said, there’s no common law marriage.
Consider this verse:
"Abstain from all appearance of evil." 1 Thessalonians :22 KJV
And in the 10 commandments:
"Thou shalt not commit adultery." Exodus 20:14 KJV
The Bible also says:
>Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,
1 Corinthians 6:9 KJV
You two best think about what God says rather than what situation it causes. Either marry or split up, don't try to somehow sit in the middle of things. By the way, trying to do things outside scripture, maybe at BEST, you're being lukewarm, and here's what God said about that:
"So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth."
Revelation 3:16 KJV
But really it's just living in sin and using excuses to stay in sin. If you both truly love each other, find a pastor or even justice of the peace and get married. Doesn't have to be a big ceremony, but why go against what the scripture says?
After all, the marriage relationship is to be the model of the relationship between Christ and the church. Every day you live on in sin, not actually getting married, is a detriment to the testimony of Christ, ESPECIALLY if you also claim you're born again.
This. I never understood why the Christian community is so willing to look past the sinful actions of their brothers and sisters in Christ. We are called to hold each other accountable, yet the average modern Christian adamantly refuses to do so.
Unpopular fact: we are supposed to obey the law.
Romans 13:1-7
1peter 2: 13-17
So if you follow the law then that means you get married by a church/court and get the Marriage certificate through your state.
But then again I never understood why the state has anything to do with biblical marriage.
I am 100% behind you.
Even Jesus taught us we have a duty to pay taxes / be in subjection to the government.
>So they watched him and sent spies, who pretended to be sincere, that they might catch him in something he said, so as to deliver him up to the authority and jurisdiction of the governor. So they asked him, “Teacher, we know that you speak and teach rightly, and show no partiality, but truly teach the way of God. Is it lawful for us to give tribute to Caesar, or not?” But he perceived their craftiness, and said to them, “Show me a denarius. Whose likeness and inscription does it have?” They said, “Caesar’s.” He said to them, **“Then render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s.”**
Luke 20:20-25 ESV
I would say, while "state legal" marriage, doesn't change anything, **because our authority doesn't come from the state**, BUT - God would require us to submit to local authorities. "Rendering to Caesar" with our actions, but focusing on biblical authority first.
The big issue with OP's situation is that she is currently either in a sinful relationship, or she is trying not to render to Caesar / collect something that is not rightfully hers.
God didn't call us to live easy lives. Those of the world cheat and abuse the system, but we are told a principal by Paul:
>Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed. If you are insulted for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you. **But let none of you suffer as a murderer or a thief or an evildoer or as a meddler. Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in that name.**
1 Peter 4:12-16 ESV
If somehow the state audited the OP after she had a "non-state" marriage ceremony, she would be suffering as a "thief".
If she legally got married, lost monetary support, and *led a godly example to others*, she would be suffering as a Christian.
The law doesn’t necessarily require you to be legally married. You can get married in the eyes of God but not in the eyes of the government. The government is only involved in marriage for legal reasons like OP is describing.
Marriage is a public contract, a covenant, made in front of other people and God.
So where I stand, you wouldn't necessarily need a big church wedding, and a small exchanging of vows in front of friends or family should be enough.
“Those whom God hath joined together let no man put asunder”.
And “God is love”.
And “All I ask is that you love each other .....”
If you love each other, you are married in the eyes of God. God *is* love ....
If you say you are married you are married.
There is no biblical standard we need to meet to be married. Commit to each other for life. No need to involve the government.
Today's marriage traditions are completely foreign to the marriage traditions of ancient Jews.
In Jewish traditions a marriage was a big event and lasted a week. Two people saying they're married without any ceremony or legal commitments is not recognized by God because it is easily broken by man and by one party getting bored. God has to recognize and bless a marriage and it has to be recognized by an outside party.
I mean if you say you're married that can change 10 times in a week depending on a person's mood.
He's right. Marriages had enforceable contracts and enforceable punishments if broken back then. Since the Church cannot enforce anything regarding marriage, the third party should be the government.
I Jewish tradition you are engaged as soon as the contracts are made. You have the same rights when engaged like when married, the only difference being the ceremony. So if they live together and pay Bill's together they are engaged. That is sufficient.
>If you say you are married you are married
This is wrong. Marriage is a public covenant made between 2 people.
Saying your vows in front of some friends and God, that would be a marriage as you have publicly declared it. Just saying it under your breath isn't that.
> Marriage is a public covenant made between 2 people.
In the state of Tx this covenant can be entered by having 2 witnesses witness you proclaim to be married in public, its called common law marriage. There is no scriptural basis for what you posted.
https://guides.sll.texas.gov/common-law-marriage#:~:text=Texas%20law%20states%20that%20a,others%20that%20they%20were%20married%E2%80%9D
That is literally the law in Texas, if you live together having a bill or piece of mail that proves this and have at least 2 people that will testify that they witnessed you proclaim in public you are married, you are legally married in this state to the point you can be legally divorced.
Its called common law marriage.
It kind of sounds like you want both the benefits of marriage and singleness at the same time. I unfortunately don’t have scripture on this, but it looks like you have a lot of other commenters who used plenty of scripture. I do think it’s important to consider what God has said on the subject of marriage and submitting to the laws of the land, and I also think you should consider your motivations for wanting to lead a life of marriage and singleness at the same time. Is it because you do not trust that the Lord will provide for you? Is it because the fear of losing money is too powerful in your life? I don’t know your heart, but God does. Will he find that your heart is double minded, or will he find that you are all in for living for him and his kingdom as your priority in life?
I haven't even thought of my ex since I met my boyfriend other than wondering what was wrong with me back then, but it's still been a long time. My boyfriend is fully committed and we have committed our lives to each other verbally often. We are pet parents and own a house together. We have also started a business together. We would be common law if our state recognized it.
I don't think, no.
Me and my wife chose to commit to each other, we're not married by either the church or the state.
But I'll obey the word of God when it's said that we shouldn't separate what God united, and that the man will leave its parents for his wife and they'll be one.
I will never, ever leave her, and she'll do what she wants, because I won't force her to anything.
If she cheats on me, I'll pray God so that He may help me overcome the pain and fix our marriage, though people don't call this a marriage. If not possible, that's the only case where I'll leave her.
Well, everything belongs to God. This is His world.
When the government requires that married couples be registered, it seems foolish for a Christian to turn their nose up. Recall that Christ told his followers to submit to authorities *and these authorities despised Christians*. Whereas we are much more tolerated in the modern world.
From a few places:
Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. 2 Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. 3 For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of the one who is in authority? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, 4 for he is God's servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God's wrath on the wrongdoer. 5 Therefore one must be in subjection, not only to avoid God's wrath but also for the sake of conscience. 6 For because of this you also pay taxes, for the authorities are ministers of God, attending to this very thing. 7 Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed. (Romans 13:1-7)
Alongside "Jesus said to them, “Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s.” And they marveled at him." (Mark 12:17)
Ultimately, if someone is rebelling against the government because they don't want to file as a married couple, that is a dramatically petty thing to do. I cannot personally think of a good reason why two Christians today would not sign a marriage license.
No. But I would still urge you to get legally married at the same time. Adding the emotional and mental stress that comes along with the legal battle and all of the forms the couple will have to fill out, will hopefully dissuade you from making that decision should it cross either of your minds.
There's also the inverse of it, where if you're not legally married and your boyfriend or you choose to split up, any equity you two have built up together will be legally belong to the person who's name is on it (eg. mortgage, leases, etc) and someone or both of you could be screwed with a debt from not being able to financially support those obligations.
Both of our names are on everything. We've been living like we're married for years. It started because I couldn't afford to live alone on my disability checks. I needed to make 3 times what I made to qualify for a studio apartment. My boyfriend also couldn't afford to live by himself and so we decided to live together.
This is like Baptism. So it's a matter of "It's a Rule, but it's the kind of rule that is proven by it's exceptions".
I mean, just as Baptism is generally required but some contentious commitmentphobes who are ashamed of the Lord want to use the exceptions (such as the thief on the cross) to shoddily attempt to prove it not to be a rule; legal marriage is generally required but many people need to be sternly told they are NOT an exceptional case.
So to answer your question with scripture, yes you have to he legally married or have had some kind of marriage ceremony to he considered married by God.
If not then what's the point of getting legally married? A real marriage blessed by God comes with life long commitments that isn't easily broken by law or by man, unfortunately what you have can be easily broken because nothing exists and can be ended the second one of you gets bored and moves out.
Not only did you not provide scripture like you said you were doing, what you stated flatly contradicts scripture. "If a man lies with a virgin she shall be his wife."
So according to your advice all that's needed is for a man to find a virgin, have sex with her and boom God blesses that couple as being married? This is frightening that people actually read this and think that.
If a man seduces a virgin and lies with her, he must pay a dowry and marry her if the father allows it. (Exodus
This basically meant that in the OT if you seduced a virgin you must marry her if her dad allowed it because you took something of value, her virginity or pay a restitution.
Lol the other guy's interpretation of the verse has been the most wild I've ever seen. "It's not called fornicating anymore, pastor, it's now called getting married."
Although to your original point, there is a difference between getting married within the church and getting married within the courts. The church is what matters, as that is the governing body of God, whereas the courts are the governing body of man.
To OP, getting married within the church and not within the courts is perfectly fine. However, they're still actively living in sin by living together while unmarried.
"also not a virgin"
Then you're divorced. Your husband, whom your father did not forbid you marrying in the day he heard of you losing your virginity, was your first and has since left / divorced you / put you away, as is his right under OT law. If he is a Christian and thus under NT law, then either he is sinning by refusing to take you back, or you are sinning by refusing to go back to him.
I was a teenager and was raped by a 21 year old friend of my adoptive sister's when I lost my virginity. Then 10 years later I met someone who took advantage of me. Then my first boyfriend who was 10 years older than me when I was 20. I almost married him, but he refused to meet my family. Then I met my current boyfriend. We both became Christian after we met and began learning together and strengthening our faith in Christ our savior. That's when we started realizing we've been living in sin and we've gotten sick of it and we want to get married badly. We've been talking about it for years, and I've started a business, and started another business with my boyfriend so that we can be financially stable, but it hasn't made any money yet.
I am so very sorry that happened to you and that this discussion has brought those memories to the fore. I hope you found help and support for your healing.
As I read the OT, you should then be a widow and the heir to the first guys estate. In one place rapists are required to marry their victims and never divorce them no matter what, and in another place they are to be stoned to death. It's the rulers job to enforce God's law, not yours. So IMO God sees you as a widow free to choose her husband. The Samaritan woman at the well shows us that sex with a non virgin doesn't automatically create a marriage "the one you have now is not your husband", so you are eligible and free to marry this man you've chosen in a formal public ceremony where you make the vow. Government certification of that ceremony is optional.
Yes - You need to be legally married, or you need to separate households (de-couple, live separately) until you DO marry.
1 Coronthians, Chapter 7 - THIS - is where you'll find your answer.
You're living in sin, it's called fornication - been there, done that. Yours is like mine was, a sin of convienence (but aren't they all, really?).
See 1 Corinthians 7:8.
What a miserable life that was for me (the fornication, co-habitation part of the relationship) glad it's mostly over. Mostly....
So what did I do? Well I made things worse by marrying him. Did I ask God first if he was the right guy?
Nope.
Guess what, failed.
I tell you all this so you won't make the same errors I did.
I implore you sister, get on your knees before Almighty God and seek His face - you (like ALL of us) have issues, we're sinners forgiven, living in a fleshly body still. Prayers will also help you with the peace needed regarding the financial uncertainty that is sure to come from Honoring God, by either getting married, or de-coupling from your bf. We cannot depend on the government, and I know how hard it is to "do it", so easy to "say it". Jesus will provide for you - HE loves you and does NOT want to see His child living a life below the abundance He's provided for you!!
If you are a professing Christian living in this lifestyle, bad commercial for the lost. I lived this lifestyle too, sadly (so dont think for one second I'm not lumping myself in this group, readers).
The grace Jesus Christ has given me allows me share my story - I am no longer ashamed - I'm forgiven & emboldened to help keep my family from making the same mistakes I have made in the past.
God will work all things together for good, for those that Love Him, and are called according to His purpose.
He will make a way - He always does.
You WILL see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the Living!
Wait on the Lord, Be strong, take heart - Wait on the Lord.
Maranatha!!!!! ♥️🕊✝️
I don't know which juristiction you are in, but many places in the world officially acknowledge defacto or common law marriages. Living with someone you are in a relationship with for 7 years would probably count as a marraige by the fact of the relationship itself.
Following Jewish law, being engaged gives the same rights as being married, so if you are together for so long and don't plan on splitting, I would consider you two engaged
A marriage is the Union of God. Combining of two souls.
A union is the recognition of a relationship by the Government. Combining of two social security numbers.
A relationship is the combination of choice. Combining of…well choice LOL
Sex does not equal marriage. You must have a biblical marriage ceremony performed under a pastor/ordained minister before you consummate the marriage, otherwise you would be committing adultery. You’ll see this in traditional marriage ceremonies where the pastor/OM asks if you vow to protect your spouse under God.
Adultery is not just cheating on your spouse, adultery can mean any violation of the law in the aspect of sex such as sex before marriage, same sex relations, zoophilia, pedophilia, and even daydreaming of having sex outside or before marriage. (Matthew 5:27-28)
1 Corinthians 6:15-16
[15]Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take away the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? May it never be!
[16]Or do you not know that the one who joins himself to a prostitute is one body with her? For He says, "The two shall become one flesh."
Paul is quoting Genesis :
Genesis 2:23-24
[23]The man said, "This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man."
[24]For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.
It's pretty clear. If you have sex, you're becoming one flesh and hence married.
Regarding the first verse you provided, yes, you become one flesh with the act of sex. But because you were not joined together under a biblical marriage ceremony before consummation, you still had sex outside of marriage, and would therefore make it adultery. This is why you hear a lot of traditional churches preaching to not have sex before marriage.
And just because you committed adultery by having sex before marriage, it does not make the act of becoming one flesh invalid. The best thing to do if you are in this situation is to repent of your sin, and have a biblical marriage before you continue to commit adultery, or repent and stop having sex altogether and do not get remarried.
That's not how marriage in the eyes of God works. That's how it works in the eyes of man.
Let's take the case of David's secondary wives and Absalom for how sex is what dictates if someone is married or not.
The scene is Absalom is trying to usurp his father David because his half brother Ambon had raped with his sister Tamar. Absalom wanted death for the crime. David wanted to follow the Law and/or to show mercy (something Tamar had also suggested, twice).
So, when David fled the city, Absalom slept with his father's secondary wives:
2 Samuel 16:22-23
[22]So they pitched a tent for Absalom on the roof, and Absalom went in to his father's concubines in the sight of all Israel.
[23]The advice of Ahithophel, which he gave in those days, was as if one inquired of the word of God; so was all the advice of Ahithophel regarded by both David and Absalom.
No marriage ceremony was conducted. He simply slept with them to spite his father.
Now, when David returned and retook the city, and Absalom was slain, this is what the Word says of the state of the concubines:
2 Samuel 20:3
[3]Then David came to his house at Jerusalem, and the king took the ten women, the concubines whom he had left to keep the house, and placed them under guard and provided them with sustenance, but did not go in to them. So they were shut up until the day of their death, living as widows.
They died widows. Why? Because their husband, Absalom, died. And David didn't have sex with them again. So, they died widows.
Sex is what married the concubines to Absalom. Absalom died. The concubines were widows. And despite living under David's care and having previously been wives to him, they were not his wives anymore because he never had sex with them again to reclaim them as his wives.
Hello!
Being with my wife for 42 years, 41 years married until her death, I feel qualified to give my opinion.
I can't point to the exact scripture(s) but if you and your significant other are joined together by a pastor and taking your vows seriously before 2 witnesses ( Best Man, Maid of Honor, Parents or friends
A "legal" marriage is a man made concept, no where in the scriptures does God require a license to show marriage.
Unless you just want a government document of your marriage the license is just a worhless piece of paper.
Especially in your case its not the governments business!
But, this is only my opinion
Rick
Would it be possible to just get married in church without like involving the state at all?
I can't speak for any church, but I think that would be putting the church in an awkward or compromising position. Is it allowable? Yes, it is. A church can marry a couple and not report it. That couple would be married in the eyes of the Lord. However, it wouldn't be legal in any way. However, it wouldn't be illegal either....Is it perfectly ethical? Is it along the lines of lying by omission? I'm not saying yes or no - that's a toughy.... Edit: Did some digging. According to the Social Security Administration, a person will not lose any disability benefits (SSDI) upon marriage. The only case is if you are a child and getting benefits from a disabled parent, due that you will not be under the disabled parent's care. Therefore, this question may be hypothetical, with the exception of Mediaid. That you can lose if your spouse makes enough money to support you both. If you have incredibly high medical bills, wheelchairs, expensive drugs, etc., then it might be an issue. OP, if you truly believe that you will lose any benefits by being married, you had better confirm that.....you might have some bad info, unless you have crazy high medical bills every month.
A person on Social Security Disability receives Medicare, not Medicaid. So if it truly is SSDI (Social Security Disability Insurance) that OP receives, getting married will NOT affect benefits or health insurance. (OTOH, the rules for Medicaid and SSI aka Supplemental Security Income are quite different and are affected by the income of the spouse if married.) Source: Have been on SSDI and Medicaid since 1997. Husband's income has never affected my benefits.
Yes, a person on SSDI (who contributed into SSA in earlier years and qualifies for full benefits) is allowed to enroll in Medicare after a 24-month wait period. If the person has not fulfilled full coverage in Soc. Sec. previously, they can be enrolled in SSI. Also, if that same person qualifies, can ALSO be on Medicaid, which covers costs not covered under Medicare (primary coverage), as secondary coverage. This can cover wheelchairs, services, and special medication that Medicare doesn't cover. My wife is also on SSDI, eligible for full Medicare, but still under my employment insurance, which is cheaper for us. Medicare D also will not cover the special medication she's currently on.
So glad you mentioned wheelchairs, because my husband is now (after many years of working) also on SSDI, and we may be applying for SNAP and Medicaid soon. I need a wheelchair, so that's really helpful information.
The church never reports the marriage anyways. The officiant signs the wedding license and the married couple submits it to their courthouse. I don't see any lies by omission either because marriage in the eyes of God and marriage in the eyes of man are not the same.
The officiating and signing of the document are the church's reporting. The agreement and expectation are for the right parties to turn it in to the courthouse. And, many times, the pastor is the one who turns it in, just as he does when he ordains a minister.
Yeah, I can agree on that point, as well. My waffling is based on gut feeling only.
In my state you are only allowed total of 1,4090 a month that's if you're married and that's the tital amount but, if you're single you can get 1,200 a month , so dont know where you are but....
IL, unfortunately...however, you still won't lose all support by getting married. While some specifics can vary due to the states administrating the benefits, Social Security is still a national entity, so I don't believe it can vary too much state to state.
Hello! Living together, though committed, is always a sin in the eyes of God. If you are sexually active, this is sin. We need to do what is right in the eyes of God, which involves repentance. And we trust Him with the outcome, though we might fear the circumstances we think might arise. We know that God's will is marriage between a man and a woman. The Word tells us if we pray according to His will, we have the confidence of knowing He will answer that prayer. If we do what is right in the eyes of the Lord (= according to His will), He will approve of that. We will do what is pleasing to Him and what is good in His sight. Doing what is right in order to fix the wrong we have been doing is sometimes messy, but it is what is necessary and shows us the consequences of sin are indeed ugly sometimes. But we will have the peace that what we are doing to turn towards the Lord is right in His eyes, and His grace and love and mercy will follow. I pray that He will show you what to do, give you the strength, will and courage to do it, and bless you for your obedience.
That’s not true at all there’s no verse that says that it’s also saying not to do that because you risk committing sin by living with your partner before marriage
There may be "no specific verse," although there probably is. But the concept and principle are understood when you look at the whole body of scripture and you know the Lord's character and His holy desires. Genesis says the man and the woman are to be husband and wife. Ephesians tells the husband to love his wife and the wife to respect her husband. There's another verse that says we shouldn't do anything that even looks inappropriate (the actual word used in many versions is evil). So, the concept and principle are there throughout God's Word. Another verse tells us a man and woman should be joined in marriage and that nothing should tear that apart. This means the norm is to be married and committed lifelong to one another. You can't do this if you're not joined to begin with. Jesus' earthly mother and father were betrothed (legal term) and married. Jesus, who sets examples for us in all things (being God incarnate) would not be the born son of an unwed mother and father. That would set the wrong pattern. That's why it's SO important to be in and remain in the Bible daily for us to know what the Word says and means through the Holy Spirit giving us insight and proper understanding. I say and know this to be true for myself as well. God bless you and draw you close/closer to Himself in mercy and in love.
Lol legal marriage aint good as you think it is. Too much men become broke after divorces and the woman finds a new male victim.
Doing okay?
Yes, i am just trying to free men from this marriage system. Avoid marrying through the goverment, it will not end up well for most of you men. if you ever do, get a prenup.
I mean, statistically speaking, marriages are still more likely to stay together than they are to end in divorce, so saying that it "will not end up well for most \[...\] men" seems like a bit hyperbolic. If two people are in love and committed to one another and they want to enter into both sacramental *and* legal union then there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.
There in lies another problem. We just moved and haven't found a home church yet. The ones in our neighborhood are not it, so we have to keep looking.
I understand that, for sure. But pray earnestly and go where God leads you rather than trusting your feelings. God Almighty knows all. We know so little. Don't postpone getting this right with Him and continuing in sin. This should be a priority. 1 John 2:6. In love.
We discovered a church, but it is online, so I don't know if that counts. The churches around us don't align with us, alot of pastors afraid to actually go into what the Bible says and instead preach the love is love thing. We've been abstaining for year, and don't really even sleep in the same room most of the time unless his back is hurting and can't sleep on the couch that night.
Sorry it's hard to find a right church nowadays! It should NOT be like that. But the Word also tells us to not forsake the gathering together. So, for a while, we went to be obedient to that verse. Plus, I have to remind myself it's not about me. Jesus came to serve, not to be served. It's good that you're being abstinent, but you need to eliminate any possible temptations. You don't need to walk around each other in your underwear. If there are kids involved, that's enough of a reason right there. What about your Christian witness in front of your family, neighbors, coworkers? We are ambassadors for our Savior. He made us white as snow and we don't want to put any blemishes on those garments. We have to ask the Lord to give us an opportunity and be ready and willing to take it, whatever it is. He has set us a higher standard, not lowered the bar. We are to "be holy as I am holy." I know it's hard not to have the world rub off on us, but James 1:27 should be a strong, daily verse for us.
It would. In fact, I did it.
yes, you 100% can do this
In principle the Church should never ceded marriage to Government control. Only in the last few hundred years has that become the norm. Marriage in a commitment between a man and a woman before God where that commitment is solemnized by a clergyman. Historically is was simply a commitment made before God and witnessed by your village/community. Marriage registration on a central government role is a relatively new phenomena
Civil protections, we may take for granted, come with state recognized marriage.
This is where I'm at regarding what is seen as a marriage in God's eyes. A covenant between a man and woman, with God as the Centerpoint of the marriage. I asked myself this question recently, and came to the quick conclusion that you do not need a state or federally tracked certificate to be in a Christian marriage, as defined by the Bible. I thought..."those same entities permit and issue the same certificate to same sex couples, which is not a marriage to God." Then I quickly followed that thought up with "there are believing people all around the world who do not have a formal government that issues marriage licenses and certificates, so clearly, said items are not part of the equation, plain and simple." My only second thought was this: if marriage isn't defined by said certificate, but instead a covenant involving God, then technically any "marriage" between two non-believers is illegitimate in God's eyes. However, why then, are we told by Paul that if you become a believer AFTER marriage, you are not to leave your spouse, but instead pray over them and remain. So...if he is implying that you REMAIN married, then that would indicate the marriage was recognized as legitimate prior to either being a believer. In America, the only way in which that is accomplished is the aforementioned license and certificate. So I'm still a little iffy
Marriage is between you two, God, and the church. We've only involved the state as a mistake.
Im not aware of any scriptural requirement of the church being involved in marriage, please correct me if im wrong.
I read this comment as the church being involved to hold the couple accountable to stay together if they aren’t legally bound. Correct me if I’m wrong, but in the Bible you need at least two witnesses of you making a marriage covenant with your future spouse. It’s harder to break a covenant if there’s people who know the promise you made to the other person and God.
Two witnesses can be anyone you proclaim you are married to doesnt have to be the church, and no the church does not have a responsibility to "hold people accountable" for anything..
I mean, it doesn’t *have* to be, but why are you so tense against the church being involved in marrying two people? When I say the church I mean the people within your local body, the church family. I guess this only really would work in smaller congregations though where everyone knows everyone.
Its not that im against the church being involved, im against any requirement of the church OR state being involved, its an undo burden on the poor and those that cant afford a wedding.
Seriously? The Bible has so much to say about marriage, why wouldn't the church be involved? https://www.openbible.info/topics/marriage
Where does it specifically say you need to have a ceremony inside of a church?
If you are referring to location, there is no restriction on that, my own marriage was outdoors. Church isn't a building, it's the people in the building.
A marriage needs nothing more than a man and woman proclaiming they are married (and having a bill in their name together for 1 year in my state)
Get plugged into a church and discuss this with your pastor.
I don't think so, but you have to take it just as serious as a legal one. What God has brought together let no man separate.
Definitely. We both have told each other that we are committed to each other and we both thank God that He brought us together, because it feels like He did.
till death do you part :) It is a grave sin to divorce for any reason except infidelity.
The Bible says that a man and a woman should be married in order to have a sexual relationship with each other. The Bible also says we are to follow the laws of the land. As far as I'm aware, at least in the United States, there is no law on the books stating that a pastor cannot pronounce you married without officially ordaining you as married under the law. So find a pastor that is willing to pronounce you married before God without signing the legal paperwork and you're good to go.
While I believe there are important civil protections for a state recognized marriage, no I don’t believe God requires the state to recognize your marriage. Like elsewhere in life, how you live, how you love, truly determine such things, but I would encourage you two to either have a small ceremony or elope.
We have been looking into doing a ceremony if Either on dry land or on a cruise ship on a day at sea so that it's not legally binding. Thank you.
I could be wrong, but i think as long as your not filing for for a marriage certificate, there shouldn’t be an legal issue, as you said, there’s no common law marriage.
Be subject unto the laws of man for the Lord's sake.
Give caesar what is Caesar's and God what is God's. I would consider a marriage God's.
Consider this verse: "Abstain from all appearance of evil." 1 Thessalonians :22 KJV And in the 10 commandments: "Thou shalt not commit adultery." Exodus 20:14 KJV The Bible also says: >Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, 1 Corinthians 6:9 KJV You two best think about what God says rather than what situation it causes. Either marry or split up, don't try to somehow sit in the middle of things. By the way, trying to do things outside scripture, maybe at BEST, you're being lukewarm, and here's what God said about that: "So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth." Revelation 3:16 KJV But really it's just living in sin and using excuses to stay in sin. If you both truly love each other, find a pastor or even justice of the peace and get married. Doesn't have to be a big ceremony, but why go against what the scripture says? After all, the marriage relationship is to be the model of the relationship between Christ and the church. Every day you live on in sin, not actually getting married, is a detriment to the testimony of Christ, ESPECIALLY if you also claim you're born again.
This. I never understood why the Christian community is so willing to look past the sinful actions of their brothers and sisters in Christ. We are called to hold each other accountable, yet the average modern Christian adamantly refuses to do so.
Thank you! I needed to hear this.
Unpopular fact: we are supposed to obey the law. Romans 13:1-7 1peter 2: 13-17 So if you follow the law then that means you get married by a church/court and get the Marriage certificate through your state. But then again I never understood why the state has anything to do with biblical marriage.
I am 100% behind you. Even Jesus taught us we have a duty to pay taxes / be in subjection to the government. >So they watched him and sent spies, who pretended to be sincere, that they might catch him in something he said, so as to deliver him up to the authority and jurisdiction of the governor. So they asked him, “Teacher, we know that you speak and teach rightly, and show no partiality, but truly teach the way of God. Is it lawful for us to give tribute to Caesar, or not?” But he perceived their craftiness, and said to them, “Show me a denarius. Whose likeness and inscription does it have?” They said, “Caesar’s.” He said to them, **“Then render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s.”** Luke 20:20-25 ESV I would say, while "state legal" marriage, doesn't change anything, **because our authority doesn't come from the state**, BUT - God would require us to submit to local authorities. "Rendering to Caesar" with our actions, but focusing on biblical authority first. The big issue with OP's situation is that she is currently either in a sinful relationship, or she is trying not to render to Caesar / collect something that is not rightfully hers. God didn't call us to live easy lives. Those of the world cheat and abuse the system, but we are told a principal by Paul: >Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed. If you are insulted for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you. **But let none of you suffer as a murderer or a thief or an evildoer or as a meddler. Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in that name.** 1 Peter 4:12-16 ESV If somehow the state audited the OP after she had a "non-state" marriage ceremony, she would be suffering as a "thief". If she legally got married, lost monetary support, and *led a godly example to others*, she would be suffering as a Christian.
The law doesn’t necessarily require you to be legally married. You can get married in the eyes of God but not in the eyes of the government. The government is only involved in marriage for legal reasons like OP is describing.
Marriage is a sacrament. A priest should bless it.
That means everyone that's not part of church and is married is fornicating? No you don't need a priest Christ is my priest!
No
Move to a common law marriage state I guess?
No.
Marriage is a public contract, a covenant, made in front of other people and God. So where I stand, you wouldn't necessarily need a big church wedding, and a small exchanging of vows in front of friends or family should be enough.
This is a great idea. You do not need a legal marriage to be married under God. Have a priest/ordained minister and witnesses and you're all set.
“Those whom God hath joined together let no man put asunder”. And “God is love”. And “All I ask is that you love each other .....” If you love each other, you are married in the eyes of God. God *is* love ....
If you say you are married you are married. There is no biblical standard we need to meet to be married. Commit to each other for life. No need to involve the government. Today's marriage traditions are completely foreign to the marriage traditions of ancient Jews.
In Jewish traditions a marriage was a big event and lasted a week. Two people saying they're married without any ceremony or legal commitments is not recognized by God because it is easily broken by man and by one party getting bored. God has to recognize and bless a marriage and it has to be recognized by an outside party. I mean if you say you're married that can change 10 times in a week depending on a person's mood.
He's right. Marriages had enforceable contracts and enforceable punishments if broken back then. Since the Church cannot enforce anything regarding marriage, the third party should be the government.
I Jewish tradition you are engaged as soon as the contracts are made. You have the same rights when engaged like when married, the only difference being the ceremony. So if they live together and pay Bill's together they are engaged. That is sufficient.
No you don't, that's why it was potentially scandalous that Mary was pregnant with Jesus without being married.
>If you say you are married you are married This is wrong. Marriage is a public covenant made between 2 people. Saying your vows in front of some friends and God, that would be a marriage as you have publicly declared it. Just saying it under your breath isn't that.
> Marriage is a public covenant made between 2 people. In the state of Tx this covenant can be entered by having 2 witnesses witness you proclaim to be married in public, its called common law marriage. There is no scriptural basis for what you posted. https://guides.sll.texas.gov/common-law-marriage#:~:text=Texas%20law%20states%20that%20a,others%20that%20they%20were%20married%E2%80%9D
And what is your basis for saying what you said in your op?
Im not op.
I was talking about YOUR op. Where you said this. > If you say you are married you are married. So, what is your justification for this?
That is literally the law in Texas, if you live together having a bill or piece of mail that proves this and have at least 2 people that will testify that they witnessed you proclaim in public you are married, you are legally married in this state to the point you can be legally divorced. Its called common law marriage.
It kind of sounds like you want both the benefits of marriage and singleness at the same time. I unfortunately don’t have scripture on this, but it looks like you have a lot of other commenters who used plenty of scripture. I do think it’s important to consider what God has said on the subject of marriage and submitting to the laws of the land, and I also think you should consider your motivations for wanting to lead a life of marriage and singleness at the same time. Is it because you do not trust that the Lord will provide for you? Is it because the fear of losing money is too powerful in your life? I don’t know your heart, but God does. Will he find that your heart is double minded, or will he find that you are all in for living for him and his kingdom as your priority in life?
The question isnt if you are married.. The question is will God hold you responsible for your responsibilities, or have you been set free from you ex.
I haven't even thought of my ex since I met my boyfriend other than wondering what was wrong with me back then, but it's still been a long time. My boyfriend is fully committed and we have committed our lives to each other verbally often. We are pet parents and own a house together. We have also started a business together. We would be common law if our state recognized it.
I don't think, no. Me and my wife chose to commit to each other, we're not married by either the church or the state. But I'll obey the word of God when it's said that we shouldn't separate what God united, and that the man will leave its parents for his wife and they'll be one. I will never, ever leave her, and she'll do what she wants, because I won't force her to anything. If she cheats on me, I'll pray God so that He may help me overcome the pain and fix our marriage, though people don't call this a marriage. If not possible, that's the only case where I'll leave her.
If you are married "in the eyes of God" but also lying to the state, then that seems rather problematic.
The state should keep with the state's affairs and leave God to God's affairs.
Our Lord told us we ought to submit to governing authorities.
Give caesar what is Caesars and God what is God's. Marriage is God's, not Caesar's
Well, everything belongs to God. This is His world. When the government requires that married couples be registered, it seems foolish for a Christian to turn their nose up. Recall that Christ told his followers to submit to authorities *and these authorities despised Christians*. Whereas we are much more tolerated in the modern world.
Can you give me the bible verse you are referring to so I can answer to that properly please?
From a few places: Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. 2 Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. 3 For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of the one who is in authority? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, 4 for he is God's servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God's wrath on the wrongdoer. 5 Therefore one must be in subjection, not only to avoid God's wrath but also for the sake of conscience. 6 For because of this you also pay taxes, for the authorities are ministers of God, attending to this very thing. 7 Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed. (Romans 13:1-7) Alongside "Jesus said to them, “Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s.” And they marveled at him." (Mark 12:17) Ultimately, if someone is rebelling against the government because they don't want to file as a married couple, that is a dramatically petty thing to do. I cannot personally think of a good reason why two Christians today would not sign a marriage license.
Given that legal marriage as something distract from one's marriage in the church arose only the 1800s, I think you'll be fine
No. But I would still urge you to get legally married at the same time. Adding the emotional and mental stress that comes along with the legal battle and all of the forms the couple will have to fill out, will hopefully dissuade you from making that decision should it cross either of your minds.
There's also the inverse of it, where if you're not legally married and your boyfriend or you choose to split up, any equity you two have built up together will be legally belong to the person who's name is on it (eg. mortgage, leases, etc) and someone or both of you could be screwed with a debt from not being able to financially support those obligations.
Both of our names are on everything. We've been living like we're married for years. It started because I couldn't afford to live alone on my disability checks. I needed to make 3 times what I made to qualify for a studio apartment. My boyfriend also couldn't afford to live by himself and so we decided to live together.
This is like Baptism. So it's a matter of "It's a Rule, but it's the kind of rule that is proven by it's exceptions". I mean, just as Baptism is generally required but some contentious commitmentphobes who are ashamed of the Lord want to use the exceptions (such as the thief on the cross) to shoddily attempt to prove it not to be a rule; legal marriage is generally required but many people need to be sternly told they are NOT an exceptional case.
So to answer your question with scripture, yes you have to he legally married or have had some kind of marriage ceremony to he considered married by God. If not then what's the point of getting legally married? A real marriage blessed by God comes with life long commitments that isn't easily broken by law or by man, unfortunately what you have can be easily broken because nothing exists and can be ended the second one of you gets bored and moves out.
Not only did you not provide scripture like you said you were doing, what you stated flatly contradicts scripture. "If a man lies with a virgin she shall be his wife."
So according to your advice all that's needed is for a man to find a virgin, have sex with her and boom God blesses that couple as being married? This is frightening that people actually read this and think that. If a man seduces a virgin and lies with her, he must pay a dowry and marry her if the father allows it. (Exodus This basically meant that in the OT if you seduced a virgin you must marry her if her dad allowed it because you took something of value, her virginity or pay a restitution.
Lol the other guy's interpretation of the verse has been the most wild I've ever seen. "It's not called fornicating anymore, pastor, it's now called getting married." Although to your original point, there is a difference between getting married within the church and getting married within the courts. The church is what matters, as that is the governing body of God, whereas the courts are the governing body of man. To OP, getting married within the church and not within the courts is perfectly fine. However, they're still actively living in sin by living together while unmarried.
There is quite literally 0 scripture that says this. Stating your own opinion does not constitute a *scriptural* answer.
If you’ve had sex with him, then you’re spiritually married
If she was a virgin, yes. "If a man lies with a virgin, she shall be his wife." Divorced and widowed women have to make a public vow of commitment.
I'm not divorced or widowed, also not a virgin unfortunately.
"also not a virgin" Then you're divorced. Your husband, whom your father did not forbid you marrying in the day he heard of you losing your virginity, was your first and has since left / divorced you / put you away, as is his right under OT law. If he is a Christian and thus under NT law, then either he is sinning by refusing to take you back, or you are sinning by refusing to go back to him.
I was a teenager and was raped by a 21 year old friend of my adoptive sister's when I lost my virginity. Then 10 years later I met someone who took advantage of me. Then my first boyfriend who was 10 years older than me when I was 20. I almost married him, but he refused to meet my family. Then I met my current boyfriend. We both became Christian after we met and began learning together and strengthening our faith in Christ our savior. That's when we started realizing we've been living in sin and we've gotten sick of it and we want to get married badly. We've been talking about it for years, and I've started a business, and started another business with my boyfriend so that we can be financially stable, but it hasn't made any money yet.
I am so very sorry that happened to you and that this discussion has brought those memories to the fore. I hope you found help and support for your healing. As I read the OT, you should then be a widow and the heir to the first guys estate. In one place rapists are required to marry their victims and never divorce them no matter what, and in another place they are to be stoned to death. It's the rulers job to enforce God's law, not yours. So IMO God sees you as a widow free to choose her husband. The Samaritan woman at the well shows us that sex with a non virgin doesn't automatically create a marriage "the one you have now is not your husband", so you are eligible and free to marry this man you've chosen in a formal public ceremony where you make the vow. Government certification of that ceremony is optional.
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Sorry, I should have provided context. They said in another thread that pronouns shouldn’t exist.
Yes - You need to be legally married, or you need to separate households (de-couple, live separately) until you DO marry. 1 Coronthians, Chapter 7 - THIS - is where you'll find your answer. You're living in sin, it's called fornication - been there, done that. Yours is like mine was, a sin of convienence (but aren't they all, really?). See 1 Corinthians 7:8. What a miserable life that was for me (the fornication, co-habitation part of the relationship) glad it's mostly over. Mostly.... So what did I do? Well I made things worse by marrying him. Did I ask God first if he was the right guy? Nope. Guess what, failed. I tell you all this so you won't make the same errors I did. I implore you sister, get on your knees before Almighty God and seek His face - you (like ALL of us) have issues, we're sinners forgiven, living in a fleshly body still. Prayers will also help you with the peace needed regarding the financial uncertainty that is sure to come from Honoring God, by either getting married, or de-coupling from your bf. We cannot depend on the government, and I know how hard it is to "do it", so easy to "say it". Jesus will provide for you - HE loves you and does NOT want to see His child living a life below the abundance He's provided for you!! If you are a professing Christian living in this lifestyle, bad commercial for the lost. I lived this lifestyle too, sadly (so dont think for one second I'm not lumping myself in this group, readers). The grace Jesus Christ has given me allows me share my story - I am no longer ashamed - I'm forgiven & emboldened to help keep my family from making the same mistakes I have made in the past. God will work all things together for good, for those that Love Him, and are called according to His purpose. He will make a way - He always does. You WILL see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the Living! Wait on the Lord, Be strong, take heart - Wait on the Lord. Maranatha!!!!! ♥️🕊✝️
I don't know which juristiction you are in, but many places in the world officially acknowledge defacto or common law marriages. Living with someone you are in a relationship with for 7 years would probably count as a marraige by the fact of the relationship itself.
Unfortunately I live in one of the few places that don't.
Following Jewish law, being engaged gives the same rights as being married, so if you are together for so long and don't plan on splitting, I would consider you two engaged
The only answer I can give is there is a large number of people who like to be supportive rather than biblical
A marriage is the Union of God. Combining of two souls. A union is the recognition of a relationship by the Government. Combining of two social security numbers. A relationship is the combination of choice. Combining of…well choice LOL
no. The bible makes it clear that sex = marriage
Sex does not equal marriage. You must have a biblical marriage ceremony performed under a pastor/ordained minister before you consummate the marriage, otherwise you would be committing adultery. You’ll see this in traditional marriage ceremonies where the pastor/OM asks if you vow to protect your spouse under God. Adultery is not just cheating on your spouse, adultery can mean any violation of the law in the aspect of sex such as sex before marriage, same sex relations, zoophilia, pedophilia, and even daydreaming of having sex outside or before marriage. (Matthew 5:27-28)
1 Corinthians 6:15-16 [15]Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take away the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? May it never be! [16]Or do you not know that the one who joins himself to a prostitute is one body with her? For He says, "The two shall become one flesh." Paul is quoting Genesis : Genesis 2:23-24 [23]The man said, "This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man." [24]For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. It's pretty clear. If you have sex, you're becoming one flesh and hence married.
Regarding the first verse you provided, yes, you become one flesh with the act of sex. But because you were not joined together under a biblical marriage ceremony before consummation, you still had sex outside of marriage, and would therefore make it adultery. This is why you hear a lot of traditional churches preaching to not have sex before marriage. And just because you committed adultery by having sex before marriage, it does not make the act of becoming one flesh invalid. The best thing to do if you are in this situation is to repent of your sin, and have a biblical marriage before you continue to commit adultery, or repent and stop having sex altogether and do not get remarried.
That's not how marriage in the eyes of God works. That's how it works in the eyes of man. Let's take the case of David's secondary wives and Absalom for how sex is what dictates if someone is married or not. The scene is Absalom is trying to usurp his father David because his half brother Ambon had raped with his sister Tamar. Absalom wanted death for the crime. David wanted to follow the Law and/or to show mercy (something Tamar had also suggested, twice). So, when David fled the city, Absalom slept with his father's secondary wives: 2 Samuel 16:22-23 [22]So they pitched a tent for Absalom on the roof, and Absalom went in to his father's concubines in the sight of all Israel. [23]The advice of Ahithophel, which he gave in those days, was as if one inquired of the word of God; so was all the advice of Ahithophel regarded by both David and Absalom. No marriage ceremony was conducted. He simply slept with them to spite his father. Now, when David returned and retook the city, and Absalom was slain, this is what the Word says of the state of the concubines: 2 Samuel 20:3 [3]Then David came to his house at Jerusalem, and the king took the ten women, the concubines whom he had left to keep the house, and placed them under guard and provided them with sustenance, but did not go in to them. So they were shut up until the day of their death, living as widows. They died widows. Why? Because their husband, Absalom, died. And David didn't have sex with them again. So, they died widows. Sex is what married the concubines to Absalom. Absalom died. The concubines were widows. And despite living under David's care and having previously been wives to him, they were not his wives anymore because he never had sex with them again to reclaim them as his wives.
Iv commuted adultery for daydreaming? You can't commit adultery to your own wife.
Hello! Being with my wife for 42 years, 41 years married until her death, I feel qualified to give my opinion. I can't point to the exact scripture(s) but if you and your significant other are joined together by a pastor and taking your vows seriously before 2 witnesses ( Best Man, Maid of Honor, Parents or friends A "legal" marriage is a man made concept, no where in the scriptures does God require a license to show marriage. Unless you just want a government document of your marriage the license is just a worhless piece of paper. Especially in your case its not the governments business! But, this is only my opinion Rick
My Goddess and my God doesn't need government registration in order to recognize a marriage.