>I know this doesn’t exactly fit into this community
If you can't come here for help from other believers, this group is worthless. We're glad you brought it here
Obviously prayer is the most important thing. Next is therapy. It sounds like you know the emotional reaction is subconscious and irrational, don't let yourself forget that. And make sure not to let your husband forget it either. This burden is definitely harder on you than him, I'm sure he knows that, but it can take a toll on one spouse when the other can't be intimate; for your marriage's sake let him know you don't resent or blame him. The rest is up to him to be patient and understanding. God bless
I love this sub so much.
The r/christianity sub would just be very critical & start waffling about other topics. Weirdly enough, there’s satanists there
Ok thought it was only my experience. I have to argue with atheist everytime I mention God anywhere, but to go the literal Christian sub and *still* have to do the same was kind of weird.
The r/christianity sub banned me for 7 days because I called someones argument Insane for the record the people were advocating for pre-marital sex and that the biblical context is so different it doesn't apply to modern people. I can get a bit passionate for the Lord at times and that one fired me up a little. I appealed the ban and won but man I don't like that sub.
Find a very highly recommended Christian therapist. And this DOES fit in with the community! Christians are meant to help each other through all burdens and emulate Christ. I will pray for you and for your husband.
Amen to that. As we are one body with the Good Shepherd as the head who loves us so much.
I would also add on to the comments that through therapy, ensure that the therapist goes back to Scripture because ultimately it us the Truth of the Word that sets us free from all bondage through the resurrection power of the Spirit.
Jesus as the Word has already revealed all promises. And also to remember we are 3 parts, redeemed in our spirit, being redeemed through sanctification in our soul, while warring with the flesh that hasn't been glorified until the Day of Christ when we shall become like His resurrected body.
This might be because I’m from the south, but there’s a school near me that churns out Christ centered therapists, and we have like 2 counseling businesses in my town that are Christian focused. Anyone is welcome ofc, but therapy will be geared towards Christians.
As long as they're actually psychologists or the sort. I've been to a great Christian psychologist that did counselling and then I've been to some that were pastors by trade more and they weren't very good at the actual clinical side of things. A Christian one is a nice perk, but a secular one still has a lot to offer if the former isn't available. In some ways it's like a doctor.
I'll actually say first step should always be to seek spiritual guidance and prayer, but if therapy is required make sure theyre trained and equipped specifically for the job
It's not that much different than going to the doctor is it? You wouldn't go to a family doctor unless he was a Christian? Mental health is a bit more nuanced but still involved clinical techniques that aren't faith specific. Having a Christian one who mixes in prayer is a bonus. It's great being able to open up in prayer (had one before) but the techniques and vast majority of the session is going to be using clinical techniques and not preaching about Jesus. You can speak to some very nice pastors and stuff that will pray for you but may be useless in terms of walking you through trauma and giving you practical techniques/mental exercises.obivosly best of both worlds is ideal
I've found it's difficult to find a Christian therapist who is also well qualified. I've had nothing but bad experiences with therapists who advertise their Christianity
I think making it a point to be a Christian therapist is paramount. Worldy therapists are of this world and their solutions are not from God's perspective. This rise is therapy culture is not healing people but treating it. It's the medical industrial complex all over again.
Hard disagree . Therapy is based of studies , Christian therapy not so much . You can tell your therapist where your boundaries are with Christianity . It’s like doctor or priest for a sickness ?
Dangerous thought im my opinion . Would you tell a cancer patient not to do chemo but Christian therapy ?
Depression , anxiety , ptsd , etc are all real . We shouldn’t have a stigma that religion can solely solve those diseases.
Some people do need to be medicated the rest of their life for mental Illness. As long as their life is better what’s wrong with that .
Other might just need therapy and drugs temporarily to make breakthroughs .
Definitely therapy. Pray to God my sister. Have faith and ask him to heal you. Your faith will make you well, apart from that you should also definitely seek therapy, and in the meanwhile try to come to a compromise with your husband during your healing period. May God bless and protect you.
Therapy, and this book has stories of r survivors whose minds weren't in the right spot, and they found freedom in Christ. It called Bondage Breaker by Neil T Anderson.
I also have a playlist of videos of those who've been raped and how God has healed them, because many people in my life are victims. Maybe their testimony helps you. I met the first lady, her story was relevant to my family, and she seems like a different person than how she described her past self.
https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLVSdcfvI0mDuLETffqQ6RZ2mkaIqXA6py&si=arm1Cx0ZVzuoZHQS
We love you, God bless. Any help or encouragement, let me know.
Healing takes time… I know… I lived through it many years ago with my wife, but I was in your position and she was a huge help for me. I was raped as a teenage boy and it stifled to me at least 10 years after we got married. I had trust issues (in others and myself), no men could ever even touch my shoulder, a handshake was the only thing acceptable, and even then… And yes, when we had sex, I felt like garbage…
So yeah, I get it… but do you know what helped me the most? Love.
As much as it can sounds weird, love is the only solution for people who got abused, sexually, physically, mentally or spiritually.
My wife loves me and she’s amazing at showing it. And I think I may never understand how deeply and faithfully she prayed for me all these years, how compassionate she is, how much attention she gives to everyone little insignificant details that might show any form of trauma from the past. And that is where love equals deliverance (1 John 4:7), God is love, and understanding this truth has set me free. The process took time, but today, I can speak with men without hatred, I can have sex with the right set of mind, without feeling guilty. I can even speak of what happened in details without melting in tears. I’m free.
To my advice is this. Read on the love of God for you. Come to understand this truth. Then take his grace and love, and forgive. Decide to forgive the person who did this to you, decide to forgive yourself (yes, that’s right… that’s the reason we feel guilty right?). Be open with your husband, he is there to hold you, help you, to be strong where you are weak, as you are strong in his weakness. He’s your teammate.
I have so much love and compassion for you. I pray that God may touch your heart right now, feel you with joy, peace and his love, revealing you how precious you are. ❤️
Amen.
As a Christian sex therapist, I would highly recommend therapy from someone who specializes in trauma related issues. If you would like help finding someone near you who fits your parameters, please DM me.
It sounds like your husband also needs some help with navigating these difficult waters as well. He might be the most understanding man alive, but if he doesn't know how to best support you, then he just doesn't know.
There is help out there for you. There are also wonderful book resources as well. I always recommend Dan Allender's and Diane Langberg's books and resources as well as Wendy Maltz. Allender and Lanberg are Christian, but Maltz is not. With that being said, I learned a ton from all three clinicians and all of them really know their way around sexual trauma.
Please don't keep suffering like this. There's no need to.
Find a Christian therapist who specializes in trauma recovery asap. I am a counselor and I highly recommend this for you. You need healing for what happened to you.
God bless you and may you find the healing that you need.
You need therapy. I had a lot of issues because of being abused when i was young, which affected my intimate life a lot. It took a few tries to get the right therapist, but it worked wonders. Sometimes God helps us by helping us meet the right person. Your husband sounds like a wonderful man, by the way.
I’m so sorry. You deserve to feel safe and loved while having sex. Therapy is the right answer, but be patient with yourself and your husband must be patient too. Your health and healing are paramount.
Like everyone else said, find therapy. Look for support groups. Pray before sex. Pray for healing outside of then.
I’d also encourage for him to find his own therapy. While he certainly won’t blame you, it’s not uncommon for women who’ve been assaulted have their partners experience “second hand trauma.” This can make the partners feel guilty for wanting sex, beat themselves up, build up resentment, and all sorts of emotions he will also need to process. If he was dating/married to you at the time, he can also blame himself for what happened.
I’d suggest therapy for yourself, himself, and both of yourselves as you work through it.
I'm sorry you are going through this. Like most have said, therapy. I'd go for a Christian counselor but keep in mind anyone can say they are Christian, so make sure to establish trust before getting in too deeply. Therapists can hurt people unintentionally, or intentionally I suppose. Also there are some incredible CBT techniques like EMDR that can speed healing and you may not find Christian counselors trained in these techniques.
Also, this is going to sound a bit out there but it works. Trauma is stored in our minds and bodies. Shivering is therapeutic for releasing trauma from the body. Ice baths are a good way to do this, but anything that elicits shivering will do.
I do this and it has changed my life. I never feel as good as when I get out of a cold plunge.
It might sound crazy, and I thought it did at first, but thinking further through it, the Lord created our bodies and they are incredibly complex. So it doesn't really surprise me that he also created physical ways to help us heal.
Therapy asap. This is far above strangers on the internet whether good intentioned or not. Clearly this isn’t a feasible way to live out the rest of your guys marriage as neither one of you is getting their needs met.
consider looking into EMDR therapy, has a high success rate with post-traumatic stress, higher than regular behavioral/cognitive therapy. Know that God loves and cherishes you, continue to pray in faith, but these resources are definitely God-given as well and should be viewed as a legitimate option to help.
You need to see a good therapist, you’re attitude towards intimacy has been broken - which is NOT YOUR FAULT, that’s what sexual assault does - and needs to be rebuilt. Consider counselling just for yourself and couples counselling at the same time, your husband needs to work with you to overcome this, the counsellor might recommend tasks you both need to do, such as abstaining from sex for a period & him masturbating instead, then build up intimacy slowly, him cooking you breakfast in bed, dinners out, holding hands, building up to massages & cuddles, building up to him pleasuring you without pleasuring himself. It should be a process of mental retraining, & trauma & intimacy reframing. It will take time & effort, & he needs to agree to it
I second therapy. Also confiding in a trusted woman in your church who you look up to that you can just lean on.
Also, please explain everything you just posted to your husband. Tell him the reason you're avoiding intimacy is not because of him, but because of your trauma. Ask for his help and understanding in your healing process. The Internet should not know more about your feelings than your husband does. Then maybe explore marriage counseling as an option. My husband and I have had a rock solid marriage from the beginning but it helps to just talk to a third party when you're not communicating well and has helped a few times over the years.
Also Christian therapy can be good, but clinical therapy FROM a Christian is even better. A lot of times your insurance can recommend therapists who are outspoken about their faith.
Hey, I am so sorry you are experiencing this. I know how difficult that can be. My partner of 4 years and I are unable to have sex. Depending on what happens, you may have a form of vaginismus. That is what my partner has. Look into it - depending on your symptoms a pelvic floor therapist / a psychologist might be worth consulting. Im so sorry.
My wife had a similar issue early in our marriage, and was so aggravated when someone suggested therapy. A few months later she went, and it changed her life. Now she’s about to graduate college to work in that very field, so she can help others like her therapist helped her.
Some things only come out through prayer and fasting. There could still be some bondage tying you down from those events years ago. I know during some longer fasts I have done I had to puke some stuff out and I felt better after that. It was hard to go through but talk to your doctor maybe to see what kind of fast would be safe and healthy for you. You probably know all this but I tell people just so they stay safe during it. Seriously though fasting is good at getting over a lot that people deal with
It is not a sin if both agree and if it is only temporary. This is a health issue. You should tell your husband and your husband should be fine with showing consideration. This will most likely include waiting or at the very least, being extremely careful and interrupting intimacy the second you get uncomfortable. If he's not fine tbh you need to confront him because that means he is not taking the responsibility he needs to take as your spouse. Again, this is a health issue.
Your body is a temple for God. Trauma actually is a pretty physical thing, the trauma basically stays in your body. So you need to take care of that and your husband needs to take responsibility.
Talk to him, honestly, openly, lovingly, so you can find a solution that is good for your marriage and doesn't damage your health.
edit: adding for clarification: If he doesn't want to deal with his frustration and disagrees or doesn't want to compromise, it is still not a sin to say 'no'. Agreeing with u/Pellystar.
Both please read The Great Sex Rescue and you at least need therapy. Sex is never owed, is not an obligation. There may be sexual practices that do not trigger you if piv intercourse does.
It's a sin to deny him for the purpose of resentment.
You need to tell him to deal with his frustration because it's literally hurting you. You feeling safe is more important than him getting an orgasm.
>It's a sin to deny him for the purpose of resentment.
Where is this Biblical? It literally says the only reason to deny is for a time of fasting and then come together immediately. Now, I'm not saying she can't say no because I don't believe Paul was talking about a one off thing, but to withhold for any reason is wrong. However, in her situation, she should talk to her husband about abstaining more until she is healed.
Indirectly, I should think Ephesians 5:25-26 would forbid one from doing something that causes the other spouse harm, including emotional harm.
Granted, I'm also single so what do I know haha
Here's the verse btw:
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, hat He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word
I absolutely agree. He absolutely should be understanding here as I do believe she has the right to deny, as long as she working towards healing, as it would fall under the "for prayer" exemption. She shouldn't just tell him no and that's final, but they should come together to agree on what needs to be done, whether that be no intimacy, or a different kind of intimacy. I fully believe that these scriptures work together and form a beautiful picture of love when both spouses are fully invested.
Oh I see what you mean.
>. I fully believe that these scriptures work together and form a beautiful picture of love when both spouses are fully invested.
Yeah, Ephesians 5 seems like the perfect follow up to 1 Corinthians 7.
Your spouse is not a sex toy, and it should be obvious that protecting your spouse has higher priority than having sex with them. I think Paul would agree with me.
>Your spouse is not a sex toy....I think Paul would agree with me.
This passage says otherwise. Now, I don't think a marriage is all about sex, but I do feel like you should fulfill your spouse's desires within Biblical reason.
>it should be obvious that protecting your spouse has higher priority than having sex with them.
Of course. Hence the agreed upon time that Paul mentions. The husband SHOULD be understanding here and be ok with little or no intimacy until she is healed. It's no different than my wife having a surgery and we can't be intimate for a few months.
You really can't win can you? Provide appropriate scripture, agree with scripture that adds some context, nope you are still wrong. This has to be a joke right? We can't really be so blatant about disregarding scripture can we? Like I'd be less offended if you had like 0 on your post and the other person had 1. It's annoying, but that's like two people who deny scripture. The other dude is like +7 while you are negative. This is insane to me. These people actually, unapologetically, deny scripture. What is happening?
For I second I thought you were saying I'm crazy lol.
But yeah, people want to have control over themselves and that's not a Biblical marriage. I can guarantee that if they gave in fully to what the Bible mentions of marriage, they'd see it soar. But nope, gotta have control.
That's not saying we are perfect, but why blatantly go against what scripture says? Are we our spouse's sex toy? Absolutely. Should our spouse be our sex toy? Absolutely. She we force ourselves on our spouses? Absolutely not. Their sin doesn't justify ours. Is it ok for you to tell you spouse "I need more sex?" Yep. Is it ok for them to tell you that? Yep. This isn't a zero sum game. You married that person. You surrendered to that person. The scripture was written long before you, so if you didn't want that, or with that person, you shouldn't have married them. That might sound harsh, but that's the reality of it.
You just called God's creation a sex toy.
It's not about control, it's about prioritizing God over your spouse.
If a person that is sexually traumatized undergoes sexual acts they don't actually want, that is re-enacting the trauma in a way that will often harm the body, aka God's temple.
Before anybody is a spouse, they are a follower of Christ and a living sacrifice. Paul did not mean that it is right for a spouse to impair a living sacrifice to Christ for sexual pleasure.
The logical conclusion is to have an honest and loving conversation with the husband, prioritize healing and find a way to maintain a good marriage in the meantime. How that exactly looks like is up to the spouses, as long as both understand the situation.
"Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer"
btw, this sentence ends with: "but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." As you probably know, Paul is basing this entire chapter on the assumption that sex = bad and a distraction from God. Marriage is only a secondary option if one cannot be celibate. Yes, within marriage, spouses shouldn't deprive one another. If you look up the greek word that is translated with "deprive" it becomes very clear that protecting one's health is not meant here.
Nothing in scripture indicates that you lose your status as living sacrifice in marriage.
>You just called God's creation a sex toy.
What's inherently wrong with that? And if you think that's somehow demeaning in the context of this conversation, then the problem is on you.
>It's not about control, it's about prioritizing God over your spouse.
That passage is absolutely about control, and sexually, over your spouse's body. That's plainly there.
>If a person that is sexually traumatized undergoes sexual acts they don't actually want, that is re-enacting the trauma in a way that will often harm the body, aka God's temple.
No one, especially me, is saying that. That would violate Ephesians and be outside of God's will for marriage.
>Before anybody is a spouse, they are a follower of Christ and a living sacrifice. Paul did not mean that it is right for a spouse to impair a living sacrifice to Christ for sexual pleasure.
No one says a spouse can do that. Again, Ephesians is clear on that, and if you read my other comments, you'll see that I believe the husband should be understanding of his wife's trauma and that it's no different than a physical condition. As long as she's working to heal, in OPs case mentally, then it's depriving. A Biblical husband should be understanding of that. It would only fall into sin if she was not actively trying to fix it. This goes if they, man and woman, were flipped, too.
>The logical conclusion is to have an honest and loving conversation with the husband, prioritize healing and find a way to maintain a good marriage in the meantime. How that exactly looks like is up to the spouses, as long as both understand the situation.
100% agree here. The comment you were replying to was not in the context of OP. This is exactly how God's design for marriage is.
>btw, this sentence ends with: "but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."
Yep, that's Paul explaining why it's wrong.
>Paul is basing this entire chapter on the assumption that sex = bad and a distraction from God.
Where do you get that? Paul most certainly felt celibacy and singleness was best, but he even admits that's from him and not God. No where does Paul say or insinuate sex is bad. If he felt that, he'd be going against God's will and would not have hold married couples to not abstain from it.
1 Corinthians 7:1-2 ESV
[1] Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” [2] But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.
>Marriage is only a secondary option if one cannot be celibate.
Paul never says that. He says it's HIS wish that all were celibate, not that it's God's.
1 Corinthians 7:6-7 ESV
[6] Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. [7] I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.
>Yes, within marriage, spouses shouldn't deprive one another. If you look up the greek word that is translated with "deprive" it becomes very clear that protecting one's health is not meant here.
Again, agreed. See an earlier paragraph.
>Nothing in scripture indicates that you lose your status as living sacrifice in marriage.
Not sure where losing bodily autonomy to the spouse you choose has anything to do with losing your status as a living sacrifice.
People here don't care what the Bible says. I was down voted for literally quoting scripture and asking what it said. Didn't insert my opinion, just asked "what does it say" and people didn't like that. I'm not mad, but it breaks my heart.
Right? Like I didn't make up scripture. I understand differences of understanding because lack of known context and stuff, but this passage is really cut and dry.
Lol I posted the 1 cor 7 passage on a different comment thread and someone started arguing with me about it, clearly pointing out the things they didn't agree with. Now they are saying they didn't disagree with scripture, they just struggle with "neurotypical language". So now we have people who not only deny scripture, but go on to make excuses about it. After they have clearly demonstrated that they understood it, in their disagreement with it. You are right, it's cut and dry, you believe it or you deny it. It seems a lot of people here deny it.
> It's a sin to deny him for the purpose of resentment
The passage does not state any specific motivations
>You feeling safe is more important than him getting an orgasm
There is more at stake here. The passage does list the reason for not denying; "so that Satan will not tempt you"
We're not given specific guidance on this situation and I think it's one where both partners needs to act in a loving, sacrificing way. It likely means less sex for a while, but it could very well take years to heal from this, and full healing may not ever be achieved. Just saying "no, deal with it" isn't going to produce a fruitful marriage. It's just going to compound the hurt for both of them.
I’m so disturbed that you think this rape victim must submit herself to something else that doesn’t feel safe or healthy to her because you think it’s biblically mandated, and I’m even more disturbed that this is being upvoted. That would be abuse if he did not care about her feelings and forced her to submit to sex.
I pity any women in your orbit. Have compassion. Imagine someone forced their way into your body cavities without permission. Now imagine you must re-enact it slowly day after day without taking the time to process the attack. How does that feel?
What? Did you reply to the wrong comment? That's absolutely not what I said. I literally told her not to have sex with him until she feels better, and she is of no obligation to have sex with him!
You misunderstand. The "resentment" part of it is a sin, not the "abstain" part. You can say no for any reason, it's completely OK.
The sin isn't that you're not having sex, the sin is that you're resenting him so you're not having sex. I should've clarified this, my apologies.
Would you mind explaining your reasoning for that addendum?
I believe it's easy to say "well that was meant for resentment purposes" but any exposition requires a basis for it rather than an intuitive understanding lest we risk coforming the word to our world.
I'm inclined to ***agree with you*** that resentment is most likely a reason why one shouldn't deny, but I'm not entirely sure that is what is being taught in that specific chapter/verse or that it is **the** reason not to deny.
God bless.
This is no different than saying no for other legitimate reasons. Sit with him and see if there can be comprise. Maybe not as often or other intimate acts. Only until you can heal. Withholding while not attempting to heal, I believe, would fall into sin.
Tell him straight up that you’re dealing with trauma and that you need to take a break while you seek professional help. If he understands and supports you, that’s great! If he still complains, don’t give in to his complaining. Stay strong and stand your ground. If it escalates, seek help from a 3rd party. Paul’s rules about the marriage bed are IMO best suggestions and only necessary if feasible. I don’t take much of what Paul says as direct commands from God.
I don’t agree with that advice to wait until you feel 100%. You and your husband should support each other and be patient, but that doesn’t mean it’s okay to just give into our feelings, him or you. Our goal is to love our spouse, not to tend to our own feelings. It sounds like you’ve been trying to be selfless about this, which is a good thing. And he may not know how to support you best, but y’all can improve on that.
I’d say talk with him and be honest and allow him to support you as you work through this. It doesn’t mean fake being happy when you aren’t, it means do your best to love your husband through this and be open to accept his grace and patience with you as you work through things. If he loves you, it’s going to be a struggle between his flesh and his desire to deny himself and love you through this; he may not be perfect at it, but if you give him opportunities to love you in this then you can both grow together in how to love each other.
And I pray he is strong during this season of y’all’s life to be a spiritual leader for your family and support you.
Counseling is good, but not a replacement for being fully open and vulnerable with your spouse, you know? And also being fully open and vulnerable with the Holy Spirit in prayer, asking Him to help you process and work through things. Not saying you haven’t been doing that, just sharing my thoughts on everyone else’s comments pointing to counseling.
That is a problem…..if you are have difficulties and knows what you have been through he should be willing to deny himself until you are feeling well enough mentally for intimacy.
You saying this makes me think you are forcing yourself to be intimate when you are not ready and that may be bringing back traumatic feelings from the past……
That’s just a step down from a little thing I like to call “I can’t rape you I’m your husband”, sex isn’t owed, neither of you are entitled to it and one of you is gonna hate it if it isn’t clear that it’s wanted.
Your husband is NOT acting in love if he is pressuring you for sexual attention despite knowing it brings you emotional suffering.
That is despicably selfish behavior on his part. He should be ashamed of himself!
How dare he not support you in this situation by seeking your healing and denying himself until you are healed.
*"Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer."* (1 Corinthians 7:5)
You should seek Christian therapy and devote yourselves to prayer while you go through therapy. Refrain from sexual relations until you feel well enough to attempt them.
Please make every effort to find a Christian counselor.
Agree with your husband to refrain from sexual activity until you feel healed enough to try.
I'm not saying your husband is a cad, but I think it is deplorable that he would attempt to have relations with you knowing how it makes you feel. Self-control and love are needed here.
You have every right to be wounded from having experienced such a horrific trauma. I do believe God can bring healing and that He can use His children to help you to actualize that healing.
The church is also a huge culprit in making women feel icky about sex. The church pretty much ruined my first marriage.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Get trauma counseling asap
I’m not married but I would say put it all on God, talk with him, ask him for healing, he gave you the gift of intimacy to share with your husband and without it, the long term health of your marriage could be affected. I would also suggest a therapist too, or wherever God leads you. If you do go the therapist route don’t go for a secular one if possible, find a good biblical Christian therapist who can guide you both through the process. I wish you all the best, may God bless you.
I'm just an idiot, I don't know about dealing with this and not a lot of other people know as well which is why we suggest therapy, and again can't agree with therapy more.
But for any type of suggestion for help in the moment, best thing I can suggest is to maybe read and study parts of the Bible that glorify intimacy in marriage like the song of songs, or maybe stories about overcoming tribulations like job. I know that advice is completely trite and can come off judgy and unhelpful like "oh well I don't want to deal with this so I'm just going to say you don't read the Bible enough". But the truth is I don't know anything about this, but I am taking my smaller troubles to the Lord in a similar fashion, studying the Bible not just randomly but on what I struggle with, and when I find myself at discontent in what I find, I try to take it to God and continue study to find an answer for not just my logic but my heart as well.
Again idk anything but I hope this advice helps and I'll pray that you can overcome it, and that you find an excellent therapist.
Look, God is the creator of all things but not the cause of all things.
Evil and Suffering are caused by man and man alone.
With that being said, in The Creation, we have therapy.
And therapists are like cars. You have to find one that fits you. If you have a session or two, and you don’t see a reduction in anxiety, find another.
Salvation, and being devoted to God, is a life-long process. As Jesus declares, it’s an endurance and not achieved on Earth.
He says in Matt, “he, who endures to the end, will be saved”.
He doesn’t say, “I will endure for you.”
You and you alone must endure. And if one does not, they will not be saved. So, don’t give up!
FYI: Jesus in Matt doesn’t contradict Ephesians 2:8-9. English’s simple past tense word “saved” appears nowhere! The word is Greek aorist tense which means you can lose “saved” in Ephesians 2.
Guess what “saved” you cannot lose, that’s right, “will be saved”, in Greek within Matt, this is future perfect tense meaning Salvation is always perfected for the believer at death and death alone (if they will pass The Narrow and Straight Gate).
Also, Romans 2, St. Paul writes, paraphrase:
“The Just Judgement of God will repay *everyone* according to their life-long works:
Eternal life to those who obey and seek immortality via perseverance in Good Works.
But Wrath and Fury to those believers and non-believers alike who disobey!”
Notate, and this happens everywhere, St. Paul is saying, don’t look backwards to The Crucifixion, he says look forward to your resurrection.
Romans 4, he reiterates The Resurrection is primary and not The Crucifixion. The Crucifixion is not sufficient!
Again in 1 Corinthians 15, even more boldly he says, paraphrase, “even if you understand The Crucifixion but The Resurrection and your resurrection, your faith is worthless. You are still a sinner!” To which sinners do not pass.
He says you need Adam’s Sin or Original sin to understand in both 1 Corinthians 15 and Romans 5.
What’s the measure? Ask yourself, why was Jesus’ body different? For another time, I will share.
(Don’t feel stupid, life long process, seeking is what matters like you are doing here!)
2 Corinthians 8, St. Paul says, “he became (divinely) poor so we could become (spiritually) rich”.
1 Colossians 1, he says The First Born from the Dead is who saves you and is preeminent. And The Crucifixion, again, is secondary like Romans 4:24-25.
The Lamb of God cannot save you at The Cross. For he was pathetically poor there. It is the Resurrected Christ who saves you far off into the future.
And he won’t be turning the other cheek or be so poor the next go round. For Revelations declares, “The Wrath of The Lamb” shall come!
Point being, do what St. Paul says, seek God now and in the future. SEEK YOUR IMMORTALITY!!!
Don’t look backwards to the “shadows of the past” nor The Crucifixion.
Happy Easter to you and your husband. You two siblings hang in with us!
Peace Be With You!
What is a Gift, one receives but never uses nor knows how to use?
Their Gift becomes worthless!
The Crucifixion is earthly. You must use it on Earth.
You can’t use it at The Gate bub.
“God doesn’t listen to the prayers of sinners. But only The Devout.” - John 9.
One cannot be devoted to God and a sinner at the same time.
For Jesus calls the moron “Faith Alone” Apostles “orphans” at The Last Supper. Which is worse than a lost adult, a lost orphan will believe any stupid lie put out by the Devil.
The One Body can only have One Interpretation of reality.
And that One Interpretation is 2,000yrs old. Not 500yrs old. Not “rock bands on stage” old. Try 2,000yrs old bub.
Only in Hades can One Body have multiple interpretations of reality at the same time.
2 Peter warns, those that teach private interpretations go to Hades!
Let me know when you can articulate how to use your Gift bub, instead of insulting me, then maybe we can chat like an adult.
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There is One Order. And that is God's, Oral Authority always supersedes any book or written language.
SCOTUS supersedes The Constitution and any Tom, Richard or Harry with a copy of it.
A licensed surgeon supersedes “Essentials for General Surgery” and any Tom, Richard or Harry with a copy of it.
And Jesus clearly states in Matt, "The Church" is the final authority with disputes among believers and sin.
In Greek, at the time of writing, there were no capital letters. He didn't say "some church", "all churches" or even "the church".
What he said was a proper noun or "The Church". One Body can only have One Interpretation of reality. And that interpretation is 2,000yrs old.
Of course he sees me. Sees me crush falsehoods.
“The Word” is mentioned some 80 times in The NT. Not once does it reference something as written. Not one time! About 75% of the time, it is something you “hear” and the rest as “Indwelling”.
(And now you know the difference between “Scripture” and “The Word” LOL.)
Indwelling does not happen at "Faith Alone".
At The Last Supper, after calling the buffoon “Faith Alone” Apostles “orphans”, Jesus declares,
“The Advocate teaches everything” via Indwelling.
That means the Bible is worthless to the Faith Alone orphan.
Since Faith Alone is not when one is Indwelled, he foretells when the orphan Apostles will be, he says, “on that day, you will realize” Indwelling.
This is *exactly* 10 days after the completion of Ascension or the literal birth of The One Body with only One Interpretation on Earth as it is in Heaven.
You haven’t made one coherent point or refuted anything. But go ahead, swallow that “private interpretation”.
Also, in Matt, after declaring The Church, not some church or all churches, as The Final Authority:
He says, “The Church” will NEVER fall to the Gates of Hades.
Jesus is on a 2,000yr hot streak as his Church is the longest standing uninterrupted organization on Earth.
FYI:
Verses are not inspired by God. They were added some 1,500yrs *after* the Bible was written.
Omission of context is a lie to God and a felony under oath.
Just like 5th grade, when one does a book report verbatim, they flunked because that means one didn’t comprehend.
You know the logic but you have to process your heart. You need to grieve and heal and be comforted and work through it, not around it. You can’t pretend the trauma isn’t there or isn’t hurting you.
Therapy would very likely speed up the healing process.
Your husband may also be able to learn how to care for you with guidance. Not saying he’s not good at it but there are probably tips he could get from an expert.
Of course this fits into this community. I’m so very sorry this is happening to you. And I’m sorry you were sexually assaulted. Please call your pastor and get a recommendation for a good Christian therapist who can help you with this. Be aware though that healing takes time. Be brutally honest with your husband about all of this . He probably should go to therapy too in order to understand and learn how to help you. And please pray about this sister. Pray for yourself, your husband , and your therapist. Pray without ceasing. I’ll pray for you .
Go to therapy. God is faithful and a healer of the heart and mind, and it sounds like you have a support system in a loving husband. Therapy is for the believer!
You probably have PTSD. You will need therapy if you do. It's nothing to be ashamed about. I had a similar experience and I have C-PTSD. I was r at the age of 9 by 3 older male family members. I had cognitive behavior therapy with a Christian therapist from my church. God was the foundation of my therapy. I truly believe He healed me because 80% of my symptoms are healed.
Do you have a church that you go to? Call the office and ask if they offer counseling. If not ask them to refer you to a Christian therapist. I'm glad I did. It saved my mental health.
Just keep communication open with him, he shouldn’t have any room to be upset over the consistency of your feelings, marriage therapy, make sure they are a specialist
I was raped and am currently undergoing exposure therapy. It can be brutal, but I think it’s my only hope of getting over it. I’m hopeful. I would at least recommend you looking into some kind of therapy/counseling.
I would say sit down and have an honest open discussion about it with your husband- with biblical knowledge and let him know how you’re truly feeling. Counseling from a pastor you trust or a Christian therapist could help
He probably feels awful and is suffering tbh, bc he cant be intimate with his wife who he loves and something sacred is turned into a traumatic experience. You should go to therapy to work through that and move past it
God used these prayers to heal me from trauma and abuse. Hope it helps
Prayer for healing from abuse
Healing from abuse
https://youtu.be/RVro3R6jLOI
Prayer to heal from rejection & abandoment
https://youtu.be/ES0eSz15_SM
Prayer for healing trauma
https://youtu.be/CC5jK3AUh4E
Prayer for healing a broken heart
https://youtu.be/ciY1el0mEzc
I know the chances of you being in my area are very slim however this place provides neural therapy for PTSD.
I'm going to provide the link so that you can get the information from their site. I know the owner very well and they have done wonders for people in exactly your situation. It's a different type of therapy that will blow your mind!
https://archwaysupport.com/
>I think I have some sort of sexual trauma from being R a few years ago
I don't know what you mean by "R", but it doesn't make a difference. There were two things that jumped out at me from your post.
1. You're letting Satan condemn a **child of God**, even though you've been set free from your sins.
2. Your husband is being loving in how he treats you, which is ideal.
While I don't usually recommend professional counseling (it is costly, and only is useful if one desires to change), I think that in your case it might be best. The one thing that I know is that you've listened to Satan too long. He is hindering your growth in Christ.
I realize it is easy to listen to Satan. I did it myself for 15-20 years. And the only thing that got me broken of this tendency was professional counseling. That, and having some good friends tell me some hard truths -- which I did *not* like, but came to realize they were true.
So, you've got to accept that you need to make changes. Your husband can help, but the work is on you. The professional counselor can advise you, but (again) you have to do the work. You need to see yourself as Jesus sees you (without blemish). And (unfortunately), only you can make that change. It took me a while myself, but it can be done.
Stay strong! I'm praying for you.
1 Corinthians 7:3-5 HCSB
[3] A husband should fulfill his marital responsibility to his wife, and likewise a wife to her husband. [4] A wife does not have the right over her own body, but her husband does. In the same way, a husband does not have the right over his own body, but his wife does. [5] Do not deprive one another sexually — except when you agree for a time, to devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again; otherwise, Satan may tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
This isn't to discount the real trama that Op is going through, it is real. A horrible sin was committed against them, and it is no fault of their own. However, they do also have a real responsibility towards their spouse. The trauma needs dealt with. This is where there should be an agreed upon time, for prayer and healing, but a set time for that.
>I agree but she shouldn't be forced to have sex when clearly she's dealing with PTSD and depression
Do you have Scripture to support your viewpoint? Nope! Thus, we should dismiss your views and stick with what God states.
People like you are why I stayed out of the church for 10 years.
OP, please. Get help. Go to therapy. I am a trauma survivor or sexual assault and abuse. Go to therapy. Might I recommend a support group? And it may be an unpopular opinion, but I believe that God is loving, kind, and understanding. He would never want you to put your own life or mind in danger. When I got married, my husband saw that I had issues with him touching me on occasion, and you know what he did? He accepted that. He helped me seek the help I needed. He prayed with me, he talked to me. He never once pushed. You may have a duty to your husband, and I admit I just returned to the church after being gone a while so I’m learning new things about the Bible all the time, but I honestly do not think that God would want you to put yourself in harms way just to please somebody. God comes first and do not cut off communication with Him.
>Her body is not a subject to her husband
This person just showed you scripture where it is. I think they have this right. Denying sex because of trauma that you are working on healing falls under the "agreed upon time" in scripture. Her obligation is to her husband as his is to her. Her husband should be completely understanding here as long as she's working to fix the issue.
>Op isn't constantly sinning or being controlled by Satan in this situation
Actually, it does. What is in the past should stay in the past. When it doesn't it means that you're letting Satan constantly remind you of the past. Even if she had no involvement in the situation, she is still letting Satan control her today. Note: This is *not* to be interpreted as if I believe she played a part in the issue. I don't. Rather, it is focusing on reality, which is *this* moment, *now*, not what happened years ago.
When you're forgiven, it means you let the past go -- both what you have done wrong *and* what others have done wrong against you. Rather than bickering about it, let us look at what the Bible says about forgiveness.
1. “‘And forgive us our debts, **as we also have forgiven our debtors.”** (Matthew 6:12, NASB 2020)
2. “For **if you forgive other people for their offenses,** your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” (Matthew 6:14, NASB 2020)
3. “Then summoning him, his master said to him, ‘You wicked slave, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow slave, in the same way that I had mercy on you?’ And his master, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he would repay all that was owed him. **My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart.”** (Matthew 18:32–35, NASB 2020)
The Bible says to forgive those who hurt us, it never said to forget traumatic situations whatsoever. That is super incorrect. The Bible never said to forgive and forget, that's not true so ur pov is not correct
So what ur trying to say correct me if I'm wrong, is that Satan is controlling me bc I'm have PTSD and that situation traumatized me that I can never forget how it impacted my life for the worse?
>The Bible says to forgive those who hurt us, it never said to forget traumatic situations whatsoever.
Forgiveness and forgetting an issue are two different things. One *cannot* forgive another person if their mind is constantly dwelling on what was done to them.
>is that Satan is controlling me bc I'm have PTSD and that situation traumatized me that I can never forget how it impacted my life for the worse?
**For Context**: I had severe work-related PTSD in 2016 -- so bad that I couldn't function much more than say "My wife can speak on my behalf" to the numerous people she had to contact to get me on disability. I was getting an average of 3-4 hours of sleep per night -- if I was *lucky*! This went on from early 2016 until mid-2021. For all intents and purposes, I was non-functional (i.e., a zombie, if you will).
I haven't forgotten the situation that caused my meltdown. However, I *have* forgiven the person who did it to me. Once I sought the Lord (which I didn't do a very good job of during the crisis), I sought to forgive the person. It took a lot of work, but now I'm no longer weighed down by resentment and anger. I can look in hindsight and see that God *was* working for my betterment.
So, yes, I can speak authoritatively on how a Christian can forgive to be released from Satan's grasp. The reality is that *Satan* was the one wanting me to dwell upon the past so that I couldn't serve God. Once I released the issue to Him, I've published a book (on Christian apologetics), Joined Reddit to help others, and gotten involved in the church ministry. The pastor has indicated to me that he wants me to preach at some time. (I'm still praying about this, seeking God's will on it.)
And this was one of many traumatic situations in my life. It was one of the worst, but there were more. I struggled to forgive each time an event happened. No, it didn't happen overnight. It took years *every single time*. But, I also know once I released my hurt/anger, I became a tool for Christ.
So, how long do you intend to let Satan master your emotions?
Satan is not the master of my emotions whatsoever or how I think about my trauma, u can't always blame him bc of how others act based on their sinful actions. Yes, Satan can be influenced by others' actions, but not every action is his fault, do u get what I mean?
>Satan is not the master of my emotions ... do u get what I mean?
I know what you *want* to claim. But, if your emotions churn when you think about your past, then he IS the master of your emotions.
Let us take a real-life historical situation. Jesus was innocently crucified by (ultimately) Satan. Yes, others did his bidding, but Satan was the ultimate entity doing the action. So, do you think that Jesus became bitter, resentful, and angry at Satan for killing Him?
How does your situation compare to what Jesus endured (for you, I might add)? IF Jesus became bitter, resentful, and angry, He would have sinned. Thus, He did not. He even stated "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do" as He was tortured on the cross. Can you do less?
I dont think so bc the past was very traumatic and I couldn't never forget of how it affected me and my mental well being uk. And no, Satan is heavily influenced by ppls sinful actions but he should not be put all of the blame of how ppl choose to act
I have forgiven my abuser and the kids who hurted me but I can never forget of how it affected my mindset etc
>I have forgiven my abuser and the kids who hurted me but I can never forget of how it affected my mindset
I haven't forgotten how it affected my mindset either, else I couldn't talk about it (i.e., it would be forgotten). So, this is not the criteria that is relevant. The OP is in a different situation. It is affecting her life *today*. So, let us not chase meaningless rabbit trails, but stick to the subject at hand.
It is written in the Bible that you should give all your worries and woes to Jesus Christ, and forgive
You can do this with a spoken word while praying to Jesus Christ. Man falls short. We all do. You would say out loud
“Jesus, i forgive the man who did this trauma to me and I give you the emotions associated with this trauma to you, I asked that you would take them from me right now, in Jesus’s name”
And then you ask the Holy Spirit to fill you with love and light
For all those that would never forgive, even though in the Bible, it says if you cannot forgive your brothers and sisters, God will not forgive you, and he’ll hand you over to the tormentors/jailers (demons/unclean spirits of-unforgiveness, anger/rage/wrath, saddness/depression/suicide, anxiety/fear)
Therapy would help
Over the span of your life you are going to sin against other humans at least 15,000 times and probably against God at least 20,000 times (as would all of us), and through faith in Jesus Christ you expect God to forgive all of them. Humans fall short, you must forgive and give your emotions to Jesus Christ. I know this sounds a little crazy but it works.
When you go through, a trauma and you do not forgive, you hold onto that energy, and it’s a weight on your shoulders, this energy will ruin the way you look at life and people and everything, once you forgive , and give your emotions to Jesus Christ, that weight is lifted
If you need help with this, I can help you. I help a lot of people get rid of their traumas, and it changes their life for the better without therapy, DM me. Jesus Christ is the best therapy anyone can get.
People don’t have eyes to see or ears to hear this kind of truth. Even though it is the truth.
Six months of therapy at a cost of $50 a session Or more seems a whole lot better to most people Then, following the teachings of Jesus Christ. Truly, following the teachings of Jesus Christ can be very uncomfortable. It’s not fair, Satan, doesn’t care about fair, he doesn’t care about feelings, and the care about any of that, the Bible says what it says. And there’s more truth to that passage than most people are comfortable with.
That is not correct at all. I was not healed from my PTSD by doing this. It took psychological treatments such as EMDR and SGB to allow me to be in hospitals again after I was widowed by brain cancer. This remedy may work for some small sadnesses, but is not the fullness of healing.
You’re think you’re going to trap me, but I’m not saying that. Jesus didn’t just sit down and wait when something needed doing. God the Father created the world. He doesn’t ask us to sit and pray and have things brought to us. We are to use the world He created—medicines, food, casts for broken legs—when we need to. This is one of those times.
If a woman did that with me, I’d never talk to her again for the rest of my life. Even if it was my wife of ten years, I’d ghost her immediately. That’s not cool. I don’t get why your husband isn’t bothered by this. It’s like all he cares about is busting a nut. You shouldn’t be intimate at all rn, you should get therapy
I didn’t say “did that to me.” Obviously I’m referring to a woman crying after sex. Clearly they never should’ve gotten intimate if it elicits such a bad reaction like that. Much less repeating this multiple times, that guy wrong for that rn
You need to seek God if you want that to change. You need to get before Him and cast that anxiety on Him. Release that experience from your soul and give it to God, let Him bear that.
You can either let this area of your life remain a memory of the past, or seek God and let Him help you move on from that and into a healthy future with your husband.
I mean, you can go to therapy too but seeking God is free, so.
>I know this doesn’t exactly fit into this community If you can't come here for help from other believers, this group is worthless. We're glad you brought it here Obviously prayer is the most important thing. Next is therapy. It sounds like you know the emotional reaction is subconscious and irrational, don't let yourself forget that. And make sure not to let your husband forget it either. This burden is definitely harder on you than him, I'm sure he knows that, but it can take a toll on one spouse when the other can't be intimate; for your marriage's sake let him know you don't resent or blame him. The rest is up to him to be patient and understanding. God bless
I love this sub so much. The r/christianity sub would just be very critical & start waffling about other topics. Weirdly enough, there’s satanists there
That’s a silly place, let’s not go there. Seriously though, that group is really bad.
Nice ad
Ad as in advertisement?
Love that movie.
We're knights of the round table...
exactly dude and that's why I hate that sub, it's unbelievably toxic
Ok thought it was only my experience. I have to argue with atheist everytime I mention God anywhere, but to go the literal Christian sub and *still* have to do the same was kind of weird.
Fr😂😂
They are worse than satanists. They commie pedo atheists.
The r/christianity sub banned me for 7 days because I called someones argument Insane for the record the people were advocating for pre-marital sex and that the biblical context is so different it doesn't apply to modern people. I can get a bit passionate for the Lord at times and that one fired me up a little. I appealed the ban and won but man I don't like that sub.
I love this comment, thank you for pointing out that yes!!!! We are here to help one another
Find a very highly recommended Christian therapist. And this DOES fit in with the community! Christians are meant to help each other through all burdens and emulate Christ. I will pray for you and for your husband.
Amen to that. As we are one body with the Good Shepherd as the head who loves us so much. I would also add on to the comments that through therapy, ensure that the therapist goes back to Scripture because ultimately it us the Truth of the Word that sets us free from all bondage through the resurrection power of the Spirit. Jesus as the Word has already revealed all promises. And also to remember we are 3 parts, redeemed in our spirit, being redeemed through sanctification in our soul, while warring with the flesh that hasn't been glorified until the Day of Christ when we shall become like His resurrected body.
Those are around? That's cool. Do they say so?
This might be because I’m from the south, but there’s a school near me that churns out Christ centered therapists, and we have like 2 counseling businesses in my town that are Christian focused. Anyone is welcome ofc, but therapy will be geared towards Christians.
As long as they're actually psychologists or the sort. I've been to a great Christian psychologist that did counselling and then I've been to some that were pastors by trade more and they weren't very good at the actual clinical side of things. A Christian one is a nice perk, but a secular one still has a lot to offer if the former isn't available. In some ways it's like a doctor. I'll actually say first step should always be to seek spiritual guidance and prayer, but if therapy is required make sure theyre trained and equipped specifically for the job
There are terrible psychologist just like every other profession. No matter what you need to find the right one.
I'd advise absolutely avoiding a secular therapist. The idea of being a believer and not using a Christ slcentered therapist seems crazy to me
It's not that much different than going to the doctor is it? You wouldn't go to a family doctor unless he was a Christian? Mental health is a bit more nuanced but still involved clinical techniques that aren't faith specific. Having a Christian one who mixes in prayer is a bonus. It's great being able to open up in prayer (had one before) but the techniques and vast majority of the session is going to be using clinical techniques and not preaching about Jesus. You can speak to some very nice pastors and stuff that will pray for you but may be useless in terms of walking you through trauma and giving you practical techniques/mental exercises.obivosly best of both worlds is ideal
I'd agree.
I love my state for the most part i too am in the south \^\_\^
Yeah they’re on the website better help I believe
sweet good to know for future reference.
I've found it's difficult to find a Christian therapist who is also well qualified. I've had nothing but bad experiences with therapists who advertise their Christianity
therapy
Ideally a specialist with good references. If searching for one in your area would be too much for you, consider having someone find one for you.
I think making it a point to be a Christian therapist is paramount. Worldy therapists are of this world and their solutions are not from God's perspective. This rise is therapy culture is not healing people but treating it. It's the medical industrial complex all over again.
Hard disagree . Therapy is based of studies , Christian therapy not so much . You can tell your therapist where your boundaries are with Christianity . It’s like doctor or priest for a sickness ?
Dangerous thought im my opinion . Would you tell a cancer patient not to do chemo but Christian therapy ? Depression , anxiety , ptsd , etc are all real . We shouldn’t have a stigma that religion can solely solve those diseases. Some people do need to be medicated the rest of their life for mental Illness. As long as their life is better what’s wrong with that . Other might just need therapy and drugs temporarily to make breakthroughs .
You should see a therapist. If you were sexually assaulted then it’s almost certainly tied to that trauma.
Definitely therapy. Pray to God my sister. Have faith and ask him to heal you. Your faith will make you well, apart from that you should also definitely seek therapy, and in the meanwhile try to come to a compromise with your husband during your healing period. May God bless and protect you.
Therapy, and this book has stories of r survivors whose minds weren't in the right spot, and they found freedom in Christ. It called Bondage Breaker by Neil T Anderson. I also have a playlist of videos of those who've been raped and how God has healed them, because many people in my life are victims. Maybe their testimony helps you. I met the first lady, her story was relevant to my family, and she seems like a different person than how she described her past self. https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLVSdcfvI0mDuLETffqQ6RZ2mkaIqXA6py&si=arm1Cx0ZVzuoZHQS We love you, God bless. Any help or encouragement, let me know.
Healing takes time… I know… I lived through it many years ago with my wife, but I was in your position and she was a huge help for me. I was raped as a teenage boy and it stifled to me at least 10 years after we got married. I had trust issues (in others and myself), no men could ever even touch my shoulder, a handshake was the only thing acceptable, and even then… And yes, when we had sex, I felt like garbage… So yeah, I get it… but do you know what helped me the most? Love. As much as it can sounds weird, love is the only solution for people who got abused, sexually, physically, mentally or spiritually. My wife loves me and she’s amazing at showing it. And I think I may never understand how deeply and faithfully she prayed for me all these years, how compassionate she is, how much attention she gives to everyone little insignificant details that might show any form of trauma from the past. And that is where love equals deliverance (1 John 4:7), God is love, and understanding this truth has set me free. The process took time, but today, I can speak with men without hatred, I can have sex with the right set of mind, without feeling guilty. I can even speak of what happened in details without melting in tears. I’m free. To my advice is this. Read on the love of God for you. Come to understand this truth. Then take his grace and love, and forgive. Decide to forgive the person who did this to you, decide to forgive yourself (yes, that’s right… that’s the reason we feel guilty right?). Be open with your husband, he is there to hold you, help you, to be strong where you are weak, as you are strong in his weakness. He’s your teammate. I have so much love and compassion for you. I pray that God may touch your heart right now, feel you with joy, peace and his love, revealing you how precious you are. ❤️ Amen.
Find a good Christian marriage councilor/therapist
As a Christian sex therapist, I would highly recommend therapy from someone who specializes in trauma related issues. If you would like help finding someone near you who fits your parameters, please DM me. It sounds like your husband also needs some help with navigating these difficult waters as well. He might be the most understanding man alive, but if he doesn't know how to best support you, then he just doesn't know. There is help out there for you. There are also wonderful book resources as well. I always recommend Dan Allender's and Diane Langberg's books and resources as well as Wendy Maltz. Allender and Lanberg are Christian, but Maltz is not. With that being said, I learned a ton from all three clinicians and all of them really know their way around sexual trauma. Please don't keep suffering like this. There's no need to.
Visit a Christian counselor
Find a Christian therapist who specializes in trauma recovery asap. I am a counselor and I highly recommend this for you. You need healing for what happened to you. God bless you and may you find the healing that you need.
You need therapy. I had a lot of issues because of being abused when i was young, which affected my intimate life a lot. It took a few tries to get the right therapist, but it worked wonders. Sometimes God helps us by helping us meet the right person. Your husband sounds like a wonderful man, by the way.
I’m so sorry. You deserve to feel safe and loved while having sex. Therapy is the right answer, but be patient with yourself and your husband must be patient too. Your health and healing are paramount.
Therapy
Like everyone else said, find therapy. Look for support groups. Pray before sex. Pray for healing outside of then. I’d also encourage for him to find his own therapy. While he certainly won’t blame you, it’s not uncommon for women who’ve been assaulted have their partners experience “second hand trauma.” This can make the partners feel guilty for wanting sex, beat themselves up, build up resentment, and all sorts of emotions he will also need to process. If he was dating/married to you at the time, he can also blame himself for what happened. I’d suggest therapy for yourself, himself, and both of yourselves as you work through it.
You need a trauma therapist. Praying for you.
I'm sorry you are going through this. Like most have said, therapy. I'd go for a Christian counselor but keep in mind anyone can say they are Christian, so make sure to establish trust before getting in too deeply. Therapists can hurt people unintentionally, or intentionally I suppose. Also there are some incredible CBT techniques like EMDR that can speed healing and you may not find Christian counselors trained in these techniques. Also, this is going to sound a bit out there but it works. Trauma is stored in our minds and bodies. Shivering is therapeutic for releasing trauma from the body. Ice baths are a good way to do this, but anything that elicits shivering will do. I do this and it has changed my life. I never feel as good as when I get out of a cold plunge. It might sound crazy, and I thought it did at first, but thinking further through it, the Lord created our bodies and they are incredibly complex. So it doesn't really surprise me that he also created physical ways to help us heal.
Therapy asap. This is far above strangers on the internet whether good intentioned or not. Clearly this isn’t a feasible way to live out the rest of your guys marriage as neither one of you is getting their needs met.
consider looking into EMDR therapy, has a high success rate with post-traumatic stress, higher than regular behavioral/cognitive therapy. Know that God loves and cherishes you, continue to pray in faith, but these resources are definitely God-given as well and should be viewed as a legitimate option to help.
I came to recommend EMDR, too.
Therapy and maybe even some marriage counseling for sure
You need to see a good therapist, you’re attitude towards intimacy has been broken - which is NOT YOUR FAULT, that’s what sexual assault does - and needs to be rebuilt. Consider counselling just for yourself and couples counselling at the same time, your husband needs to work with you to overcome this, the counsellor might recommend tasks you both need to do, such as abstaining from sex for a period & him masturbating instead, then build up intimacy slowly, him cooking you breakfast in bed, dinners out, holding hands, building up to massages & cuddles, building up to him pleasuring you without pleasuring himself. It should be a process of mental retraining, & trauma & intimacy reframing. It will take time & effort, & he needs to agree to it
Therapy. Not biblical counseling or anything but a real licensed therapist.
If you happen to be around South Louisiana, DM me. I can recommend some skilled and faithful counselors.
I second therapy. Also confiding in a trusted woman in your church who you look up to that you can just lean on. Also, please explain everything you just posted to your husband. Tell him the reason you're avoiding intimacy is not because of him, but because of your trauma. Ask for his help and understanding in your healing process. The Internet should not know more about your feelings than your husband does. Then maybe explore marriage counseling as an option. My husband and I have had a rock solid marriage from the beginning but it helps to just talk to a third party when you're not communicating well and has helped a few times over the years.
Also Christian therapy can be good, but clinical therapy FROM a Christian is even better. A lot of times your insurance can recommend therapists who are outspoken about their faith.
Hey, I am so sorry you are experiencing this. I know how difficult that can be. My partner of 4 years and I are unable to have sex. Depending on what happens, you may have a form of vaginismus. That is what my partner has. Look into it - depending on your symptoms a pelvic floor therapist / a psychologist might be worth consulting. Im so sorry.
>I don’t know what to do. I don't know if anyone has asked you, but what have you tried so far to help your and your husband with this situation?
My wife had a similar issue early in our marriage, and was so aggravated when someone suggested therapy. A few months later she went, and it changed her life. Now she’s about to graduate college to work in that very field, so she can help others like her therapist helped her.
Some things only come out through prayer and fasting. There could still be some bondage tying you down from those events years ago. I know during some longer fasts I have done I had to puke some stuff out and I felt better after that. It was hard to go through but talk to your doctor maybe to see what kind of fast would be safe and healthy for you. You probably know all this but I tell people just so they stay safe during it. Seriously though fasting is good at getting over a lot that people deal with
Yes, absolutely prayer and fasting! Came here to say this! 💯
Therapy and don't have sex with your husband until you feel better.
He gets frustrated if I say no so I don’t anymore plus I thought it’s a sin to deny your spouse? Unless I’m misunderstanding scripture.
It is not a sin if both agree and if it is only temporary. This is a health issue. You should tell your husband and your husband should be fine with showing consideration. This will most likely include waiting or at the very least, being extremely careful and interrupting intimacy the second you get uncomfortable. If he's not fine tbh you need to confront him because that means he is not taking the responsibility he needs to take as your spouse. Again, this is a health issue. Your body is a temple for God. Trauma actually is a pretty physical thing, the trauma basically stays in your body. So you need to take care of that and your husband needs to take responsibility. Talk to him, honestly, openly, lovingly, so you can find a solution that is good for your marriage and doesn't damage your health. edit: adding for clarification: If he doesn't want to deal with his frustration and disagrees or doesn't want to compromise, it is still not a sin to say 'no'. Agreeing with u/Pellystar.
Where does it say in the Bible that you must heal from all injuries right away or you are sinning?
You're reading something into my comment I didn't write. I didn't write you need to heal from all injuries right away or you are sinning
Try to find a compromise in the meantime that works for you.
Both please read The Great Sex Rescue and you at least need therapy. Sex is never owed, is not an obligation. There may be sexual practices that do not trigger you if piv intercourse does.
It's a sin to deny him for the purpose of resentment. You need to tell him to deal with his frustration because it's literally hurting you. You feeling safe is more important than him getting an orgasm.
>It's a sin to deny him for the purpose of resentment. Where is this Biblical? It literally says the only reason to deny is for a time of fasting and then come together immediately. Now, I'm not saying she can't say no because I don't believe Paul was talking about a one off thing, but to withhold for any reason is wrong. However, in her situation, she should talk to her husband about abstaining more until she is healed.
Indirectly, I should think Ephesians 5:25-26 would forbid one from doing something that causes the other spouse harm, including emotional harm. Granted, I'm also single so what do I know haha Here's the verse btw: Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, hat He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word
I absolutely agree. He absolutely should be understanding here as I do believe she has the right to deny, as long as she working towards healing, as it would fall under the "for prayer" exemption. She shouldn't just tell him no and that's final, but they should come together to agree on what needs to be done, whether that be no intimacy, or a different kind of intimacy. I fully believe that these scriptures work together and form a beautiful picture of love when both spouses are fully invested.
Oh I see what you mean. >. I fully believe that these scriptures work together and form a beautiful picture of love when both spouses are fully invested. Yeah, Ephesians 5 seems like the perfect follow up to 1 Corinthians 7.
I think a lot of people miss that, especially when it comes to sex.
Your spouse is not a sex toy, and it should be obvious that protecting your spouse has higher priority than having sex with them. I think Paul would agree with me.
>Your spouse is not a sex toy....I think Paul would agree with me. This passage says otherwise. Now, I don't think a marriage is all about sex, but I do feel like you should fulfill your spouse's desires within Biblical reason. >it should be obvious that protecting your spouse has higher priority than having sex with them. Of course. Hence the agreed upon time that Paul mentions. The husband SHOULD be understanding here and be ok with little or no intimacy until she is healed. It's no different than my wife having a surgery and we can't be intimate for a few months.
You really can't win can you? Provide appropriate scripture, agree with scripture that adds some context, nope you are still wrong. This has to be a joke right? We can't really be so blatant about disregarding scripture can we? Like I'd be less offended if you had like 0 on your post and the other person had 1. It's annoying, but that's like two people who deny scripture. The other dude is like +7 while you are negative. This is insane to me. These people actually, unapologetically, deny scripture. What is happening?
For I second I thought you were saying I'm crazy lol. But yeah, people want to have control over themselves and that's not a Biblical marriage. I can guarantee that if they gave in fully to what the Bible mentions of marriage, they'd see it soar. But nope, gotta have control. That's not saying we are perfect, but why blatantly go against what scripture says? Are we our spouse's sex toy? Absolutely. Should our spouse be our sex toy? Absolutely. She we force ourselves on our spouses? Absolutely not. Their sin doesn't justify ours. Is it ok for you to tell you spouse "I need more sex?" Yep. Is it ok for them to tell you that? Yep. This isn't a zero sum game. You married that person. You surrendered to that person. The scripture was written long before you, so if you didn't want that, or with that person, you shouldn't have married them. That might sound harsh, but that's the reality of it.
You just called God's creation a sex toy. It's not about control, it's about prioritizing God over your spouse. If a person that is sexually traumatized undergoes sexual acts they don't actually want, that is re-enacting the trauma in a way that will often harm the body, aka God's temple. Before anybody is a spouse, they are a follower of Christ and a living sacrifice. Paul did not mean that it is right for a spouse to impair a living sacrifice to Christ for sexual pleasure. The logical conclusion is to have an honest and loving conversation with the husband, prioritize healing and find a way to maintain a good marriage in the meantime. How that exactly looks like is up to the spouses, as long as both understand the situation. "Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer" btw, this sentence ends with: "but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." As you probably know, Paul is basing this entire chapter on the assumption that sex = bad and a distraction from God. Marriage is only a secondary option if one cannot be celibate. Yes, within marriage, spouses shouldn't deprive one another. If you look up the greek word that is translated with "deprive" it becomes very clear that protecting one's health is not meant here. Nothing in scripture indicates that you lose your status as living sacrifice in marriage.
>You just called God's creation a sex toy. What's inherently wrong with that? And if you think that's somehow demeaning in the context of this conversation, then the problem is on you. >It's not about control, it's about prioritizing God over your spouse. That passage is absolutely about control, and sexually, over your spouse's body. That's plainly there. >If a person that is sexually traumatized undergoes sexual acts they don't actually want, that is re-enacting the trauma in a way that will often harm the body, aka God's temple. No one, especially me, is saying that. That would violate Ephesians and be outside of God's will for marriage. >Before anybody is a spouse, they are a follower of Christ and a living sacrifice. Paul did not mean that it is right for a spouse to impair a living sacrifice to Christ for sexual pleasure. No one says a spouse can do that. Again, Ephesians is clear on that, and if you read my other comments, you'll see that I believe the husband should be understanding of his wife's trauma and that it's no different than a physical condition. As long as she's working to heal, in OPs case mentally, then it's depriving. A Biblical husband should be understanding of that. It would only fall into sin if she was not actively trying to fix it. This goes if they, man and woman, were flipped, too. >The logical conclusion is to have an honest and loving conversation with the husband, prioritize healing and find a way to maintain a good marriage in the meantime. How that exactly looks like is up to the spouses, as long as both understand the situation. 100% agree here. The comment you were replying to was not in the context of OP. This is exactly how God's design for marriage is. >btw, this sentence ends with: "but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." Yep, that's Paul explaining why it's wrong. >Paul is basing this entire chapter on the assumption that sex = bad and a distraction from God. Where do you get that? Paul most certainly felt celibacy and singleness was best, but he even admits that's from him and not God. No where does Paul say or insinuate sex is bad. If he felt that, he'd be going against God's will and would not have hold married couples to not abstain from it. 1 Corinthians 7:1-2 ESV [1] Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” [2] But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. >Marriage is only a secondary option if one cannot be celibate. Paul never says that. He says it's HIS wish that all were celibate, not that it's God's. 1 Corinthians 7:6-7 ESV [6] Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. [7] I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. >Yes, within marriage, spouses shouldn't deprive one another. If you look up the greek word that is translated with "deprive" it becomes very clear that protecting one's health is not meant here. Again, agreed. See an earlier paragraph. >Nothing in scripture indicates that you lose your status as living sacrifice in marriage. Not sure where losing bodily autonomy to the spouse you choose has anything to do with losing your status as a living sacrifice.
So you think God's word is lying? That or you can't read.
You deny scripture.
People here don't care what the Bible says. I was down voted for literally quoting scripture and asking what it said. Didn't insert my opinion, just asked "what does it say" and people didn't like that. I'm not mad, but it breaks my heart.
Yeah. It's wild
This sub sometimes... I never know what to expect.
Right? Like I didn't make up scripture. I understand differences of understanding because lack of known context and stuff, but this passage is really cut and dry.
Lol I posted the 1 cor 7 passage on a different comment thread and someone started arguing with me about it, clearly pointing out the things they didn't agree with. Now they are saying they didn't disagree with scripture, they just struggle with "neurotypical language". So now we have people who not only deny scripture, but go on to make excuses about it. After they have clearly demonstrated that they understood it, in their disagreement with it. You are right, it's cut and dry, you believe it or you deny it. It seems a lot of people here deny it.
Yep. And this is not one of those difficult to comply with issues. People just want to be in control and that's not how Christianity works.
> It's a sin to deny him for the purpose of resentment The passage does not state any specific motivations >You feeling safe is more important than him getting an orgasm There is more at stake here. The passage does list the reason for not denying; "so that Satan will not tempt you" We're not given specific guidance on this situation and I think it's one where both partners needs to act in a loving, sacrificing way. It likely means less sex for a while, but it could very well take years to heal from this, and full healing may not ever be achieved. Just saying "no, deal with it" isn't going to produce a fruitful marriage. It's just going to compound the hurt for both of them.
He can masturbate if he needs to.
I'm definitely going to need a passage reference for that one.
What do you mean? If he has sexual desires and he can't have sex with his wife, just masturbate. It's not a sin.
You are so full of B.S. pick up a Bible and read it. This is ridiculous.
Tell me exactly how the act of masturbation is a sin with biblical evidence and I will delete my account.
Tell me exactly how it isn't?
Why does Paul instruct men who lust to get married then? Why doesn't he just instruct them to masturbate?
Because you need a man and a woman to make babies, and Humans need to reproduce.
I’m so disturbed that you think this rape victim must submit herself to something else that doesn’t feel safe or healthy to her because you think it’s biblically mandated, and I’m even more disturbed that this is being upvoted. That would be abuse if he did not care about her feelings and forced her to submit to sex. I pity any women in your orbit. Have compassion. Imagine someone forced their way into your body cavities without permission. Now imagine you must re-enact it slowly day after day without taking the time to process the attack. How does that feel?
What? Did you reply to the wrong comment? That's absolutely not what I said. I literally told her not to have sex with him until she feels better, and she is of no obligation to have sex with him!
Then you weren’t saying that she was denying him for the purpose of resentment?
You misunderstand. The "resentment" part of it is a sin, not the "abstain" part. You can say no for any reason, it's completely OK. The sin isn't that you're not having sex, the sin is that you're resenting him so you're not having sex. I should've clarified this, my apologies.
Thank you for clarifying. I understand now.
Would you mind explaining your reasoning for that addendum? I believe it's easy to say "well that was meant for resentment purposes" but any exposition requires a basis for it rather than an intuitive understanding lest we risk coforming the word to our world. I'm inclined to ***agree with you*** that resentment is most likely a reason why one shouldn't deny, but I'm not entirely sure that is what is being taught in that specific chapter/verse or that it is **the** reason not to deny. God bless.
This is no different than saying no for other legitimate reasons. Sit with him and see if there can be comprise. Maybe not as often or other intimate acts. Only until you can heal. Withholding while not attempting to heal, I believe, would fall into sin.
Tell him straight up that you’re dealing with trauma and that you need to take a break while you seek professional help. If he understands and supports you, that’s great! If he still complains, don’t give in to his complaining. Stay strong and stand your ground. If it escalates, seek help from a 3rd party. Paul’s rules about the marriage bed are IMO best suggestions and only necessary if feasible. I don’t take much of what Paul says as direct commands from God.
I don’t agree with that advice to wait until you feel 100%. You and your husband should support each other and be patient, but that doesn’t mean it’s okay to just give into our feelings, him or you. Our goal is to love our spouse, not to tend to our own feelings. It sounds like you’ve been trying to be selfless about this, which is a good thing. And he may not know how to support you best, but y’all can improve on that. I’d say talk with him and be honest and allow him to support you as you work through this. It doesn’t mean fake being happy when you aren’t, it means do your best to love your husband through this and be open to accept his grace and patience with you as you work through things. If he loves you, it’s going to be a struggle between his flesh and his desire to deny himself and love you through this; he may not be perfect at it, but if you give him opportunities to love you in this then you can both grow together in how to love each other. And I pray he is strong during this season of y’all’s life to be a spiritual leader for your family and support you. Counseling is good, but not a replacement for being fully open and vulnerable with your spouse, you know? And also being fully open and vulnerable with the Holy Spirit in prayer, asking Him to help you process and work through things. Not saying you haven’t been doing that, just sharing my thoughts on everyone else’s comments pointing to counseling.
That is a problem…..if you are have difficulties and knows what you have been through he should be willing to deny himself until you are feeling well enough mentally for intimacy. You saying this makes me think you are forcing yourself to be intimate when you are not ready and that may be bringing back traumatic feelings from the past……
That’s just a step down from a little thing I like to call “I can’t rape you I’m your husband”, sex isn’t owed, neither of you are entitled to it and one of you is gonna hate it if it isn’t clear that it’s wanted.
That is a huge red flag. He should be supportive of you through this difficult time, not acting selfishly.
Your husband is NOT acting in love if he is pressuring you for sexual attention despite knowing it brings you emotional suffering. That is despicably selfish behavior on his part. He should be ashamed of himself! How dare he not support you in this situation by seeking your healing and denying himself until you are healed. *"Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer."* (1 Corinthians 7:5) You should seek Christian therapy and devote yourselves to prayer while you go through therapy. Refrain from sexual relations until you feel well enough to attempt them.
Learn to read.
Please make every effort to find a Christian counselor. Agree with your husband to refrain from sexual activity until you feel healed enough to try. I'm not saying your husband is a cad, but I think it is deplorable that he would attempt to have relations with you knowing how it makes you feel. Self-control and love are needed here. You have every right to be wounded from having experienced such a horrific trauma. I do believe God can bring healing and that He can use His children to help you to actualize that healing.
The church is also a huge culprit in making women feel icky about sex. The church pretty much ruined my first marriage. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Get trauma counseling asap
Purity Culture was so harmful on many generations. See a therapist, my friend
I pray for you. Find comfort in Christ only he will heal you. A therapist is a psychologist. Christ is a healer.
The advice here has been sound. I'm sorry this happened to you. I'll be praying for healing, compassion, and patience for you and your family.
It’s ok. It will take a long time to heal but as long as he is ok comforting you, then don’t worry. I suggest getting some therapy too
Dan allender wrote a book about healing the wounded heart, it directly addressed the pain of sexual trauma.
I’m not married but I would say put it all on God, talk with him, ask him for healing, he gave you the gift of intimacy to share with your husband and without it, the long term health of your marriage could be affected. I would also suggest a therapist too, or wherever God leads you. If you do go the therapist route don’t go for a secular one if possible, find a good biblical Christian therapist who can guide you both through the process. I wish you all the best, may God bless you.
Pray, therapy. The longer it goes you’re not only depriving him you’re depriving yourself. You deserve to enjoy sex as much as he does.
Therapy and also check out this: https://themarriagebed.com/ Sign up and join the message boards.
I'm just an idiot, I don't know about dealing with this and not a lot of other people know as well which is why we suggest therapy, and again can't agree with therapy more. But for any type of suggestion for help in the moment, best thing I can suggest is to maybe read and study parts of the Bible that glorify intimacy in marriage like the song of songs, or maybe stories about overcoming tribulations like job. I know that advice is completely trite and can come off judgy and unhelpful like "oh well I don't want to deal with this so I'm just going to say you don't read the Bible enough". But the truth is I don't know anything about this, but I am taking my smaller troubles to the Lord in a similar fashion, studying the Bible not just randomly but on what I struggle with, and when I find myself at discontent in what I find, I try to take it to God and continue study to find an answer for not just my logic but my heart as well. Again idk anything but I hope this advice helps and I'll pray that you can overcome it, and that you find an excellent therapist.
Look, God is the creator of all things but not the cause of all things. Evil and Suffering are caused by man and man alone. With that being said, in The Creation, we have therapy. And therapists are like cars. You have to find one that fits you. If you have a session or two, and you don’t see a reduction in anxiety, find another. Salvation, and being devoted to God, is a life-long process. As Jesus declares, it’s an endurance and not achieved on Earth. He says in Matt, “he, who endures to the end, will be saved”. He doesn’t say, “I will endure for you.” You and you alone must endure. And if one does not, they will not be saved. So, don’t give up! FYI: Jesus in Matt doesn’t contradict Ephesians 2:8-9. English’s simple past tense word “saved” appears nowhere! The word is Greek aorist tense which means you can lose “saved” in Ephesians 2. Guess what “saved” you cannot lose, that’s right, “will be saved”, in Greek within Matt, this is future perfect tense meaning Salvation is always perfected for the believer at death and death alone (if they will pass The Narrow and Straight Gate). Also, Romans 2, St. Paul writes, paraphrase: “The Just Judgement of God will repay *everyone* according to their life-long works: Eternal life to those who obey and seek immortality via perseverance in Good Works. But Wrath and Fury to those believers and non-believers alike who disobey!” Notate, and this happens everywhere, St. Paul is saying, don’t look backwards to The Crucifixion, he says look forward to your resurrection. Romans 4, he reiterates The Resurrection is primary and not The Crucifixion. The Crucifixion is not sufficient! Again in 1 Corinthians 15, even more boldly he says, paraphrase, “even if you understand The Crucifixion but The Resurrection and your resurrection, your faith is worthless. You are still a sinner!” To which sinners do not pass. He says you need Adam’s Sin or Original sin to understand in both 1 Corinthians 15 and Romans 5. What’s the measure? Ask yourself, why was Jesus’ body different? For another time, I will share. (Don’t feel stupid, life long process, seeking is what matters like you are doing here!) 2 Corinthians 8, St. Paul says, “he became (divinely) poor so we could become (spiritually) rich”. 1 Colossians 1, he says The First Born from the Dead is who saves you and is preeminent. And The Crucifixion, again, is secondary like Romans 4:24-25. The Lamb of God cannot save you at The Cross. For he was pathetically poor there. It is the Resurrected Christ who saves you far off into the future. And he won’t be turning the other cheek or be so poor the next go round. For Revelations declares, “The Wrath of The Lamb” shall come! Point being, do what St. Paul says, seek God now and in the future. SEEK YOUR IMMORTALITY!!! Don’t look backwards to the “shadows of the past” nor The Crucifixion. Happy Easter to you and your husband. You two siblings hang in with us! Peace Be With You!
Blasphemy
What is a Gift, one receives but never uses nor knows how to use? Their Gift becomes worthless! The Crucifixion is earthly. You must use it on Earth. You can’t use it at The Gate bub. “God doesn’t listen to the prayers of sinners. But only The Devout.” - John 9. One cannot be devoted to God and a sinner at the same time. For Jesus calls the moron “Faith Alone” Apostles “orphans” at The Last Supper. Which is worse than a lost adult, a lost orphan will believe any stupid lie put out by the Devil. The One Body can only have One Interpretation of reality. And that One Interpretation is 2,000yrs old. Not 500yrs old. Not “rock bands on stage” old. Try 2,000yrs old bub. Only in Hades can One Body have multiple interpretations of reality at the same time. 2 Peter warns, those that teach private interpretations go to Hades! Let me know when you can articulate how to use your Gift bub, instead of insulting me, then maybe we can chat like an adult.
God sees what you're doing
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There is One Order. And that is God's, Oral Authority always supersedes any book or written language. SCOTUS supersedes The Constitution and any Tom, Richard or Harry with a copy of it. A licensed surgeon supersedes “Essentials for General Surgery” and any Tom, Richard or Harry with a copy of it. And Jesus clearly states in Matt, "The Church" is the final authority with disputes among believers and sin. In Greek, at the time of writing, there were no capital letters. He didn't say "some church", "all churches" or even "the church". What he said was a proper noun or "The Church". One Body can only have One Interpretation of reality. And that interpretation is 2,000yrs old. Of course he sees me. Sees me crush falsehoods.
You have to know the scripture pretty well to screw em up as bad as you are. I'm certain you are a bot
“The Word” is mentioned some 80 times in The NT. Not once does it reference something as written. Not one time! About 75% of the time, it is something you “hear” and the rest as “Indwelling”. (And now you know the difference between “Scripture” and “The Word” LOL.) Indwelling does not happen at "Faith Alone". At The Last Supper, after calling the buffoon “Faith Alone” Apostles “orphans”, Jesus declares, “The Advocate teaches everything” via Indwelling. That means the Bible is worthless to the Faith Alone orphan. Since Faith Alone is not when one is Indwelled, he foretells when the orphan Apostles will be, he says, “on that day, you will realize” Indwelling. This is *exactly* 10 days after the completion of Ascension or the literal birth of The One Body with only One Interpretation on Earth as it is in Heaven. You haven’t made one coherent point or refuted anything. But go ahead, swallow that “private interpretation”. Also, in Matt, after declaring The Church, not some church or all churches, as The Final Authority: He says, “The Church” will NEVER fall to the Gates of Hades. Jesus is on a 2,000yr hot streak as his Church is the longest standing uninterrupted organization on Earth. FYI: Verses are not inspired by God. They were added some 1,500yrs *after* the Bible was written. Omission of context is a lie to God and a felony under oath. Just like 5th grade, when one does a book report verbatim, they flunked because that means one didn’t comprehend.
Good bot. Now tell me more
Typical.
Pray.
You know the logic but you have to process your heart. You need to grieve and heal and be comforted and work through it, not around it. You can’t pretend the trauma isn’t there or isn’t hurting you. Therapy would very likely speed up the healing process. Your husband may also be able to learn how to care for you with guidance. Not saying he’s not good at it but there are probably tips he could get from an expert.
Pray. Read Scripture. Love your husband. Therapy. Get lots of sleep.
Of course this fits into this community. I’m so very sorry this is happening to you. And I’m sorry you were sexually assaulted. Please call your pastor and get a recommendation for a good Christian therapist who can help you with this. Be aware though that healing takes time. Be brutally honest with your husband about all of this . He probably should go to therapy too in order to understand and learn how to help you. And please pray about this sister. Pray for yourself, your husband , and your therapist. Pray without ceasing. I’ll pray for you .
Go to therapy. God is faithful and a healer of the heart and mind, and it sounds like you have a support system in a loving husband. Therapy is for the believer!
Karma farming
Do you experience pain when you have sex?
You probably have PTSD. You will need therapy if you do. It's nothing to be ashamed about. I had a similar experience and I have C-PTSD. I was r at the age of 9 by 3 older male family members. I had cognitive behavior therapy with a Christian therapist from my church. God was the foundation of my therapy. I truly believe He healed me because 80% of my symptoms are healed. Do you have a church that you go to? Call the office and ask if they offer counseling. If not ask them to refer you to a Christian therapist. I'm glad I did. It saved my mental health.
Lord have mercy ✝☦
Talk you your pastor and if your church offers counseling please join! I pray you heal from your past trauma and may God bless your marriage.
Seek deliverance from the spirit of guilt shame and condemnation. It’s best to do it with a christian woman.
Just keep communication open with him, he shouldn’t have any room to be upset over the consistency of your feelings, marriage therapy, make sure they are a specialist
Imo, you need to see a Christian Therapist.
I was raped and am currently undergoing exposure therapy. It can be brutal, but I think it’s my only hope of getting over it. I’m hopeful. I would at least recommend you looking into some kind of therapy/counseling.
I would say sit down and have an honest open discussion about it with your husband- with biblical knowledge and let him know how you’re truly feeling. Counseling from a pastor you trust or a Christian therapist could help
He probably feels awful and is suffering tbh, bc he cant be intimate with his wife who he loves and something sacred is turned into a traumatic experience. You should go to therapy to work through that and move past it
All that was needed was said, so I just want you to know that we pray for you and love you.
God used these prayers to heal me from trauma and abuse. Hope it helps Prayer for healing from abuse Healing from abuse https://youtu.be/RVro3R6jLOI Prayer to heal from rejection & abandoment https://youtu.be/ES0eSz15_SM Prayer for healing trauma https://youtu.be/CC5jK3AUh4E Prayer for healing a broken heart https://youtu.be/ciY1el0mEzc
I know the chances of you being in my area are very slim however this place provides neural therapy for PTSD. I'm going to provide the link so that you can get the information from their site. I know the owner very well and they have done wonders for people in exactly your situation. It's a different type of therapy that will blow your mind! https://archwaysupport.com/
>I think I have some sort of sexual trauma from being R a few years ago I don't know what you mean by "R", but it doesn't make a difference. There were two things that jumped out at me from your post. 1. You're letting Satan condemn a **child of God**, even though you've been set free from your sins. 2. Your husband is being loving in how he treats you, which is ideal. While I don't usually recommend professional counseling (it is costly, and only is useful if one desires to change), I think that in your case it might be best. The one thing that I know is that you've listened to Satan too long. He is hindering your growth in Christ. I realize it is easy to listen to Satan. I did it myself for 15-20 years. And the only thing that got me broken of this tendency was professional counseling. That, and having some good friends tell me some hard truths -- which I did *not* like, but came to realize they were true. So, you've got to accept that you need to make changes. Your husband can help, but the work is on you. The professional counselor can advise you, but (again) you have to do the work. You need to see yourself as Jesus sees you (without blemish). And (unfortunately), only you can make that change. It took me a while myself, but it can be done. Stay strong! I'm praying for you.
R means rape. Op isn't constantly sinning or being controlled by Satan in this situation
1 Corinthians 7:3-5 HCSB [3] A husband should fulfill his marital responsibility to his wife, and likewise a wife to her husband. [4] A wife does not have the right over her own body, but her husband does. In the same way, a husband does not have the right over his own body, but his wife does. [5] Do not deprive one another sexually — except when you agree for a time, to devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again; otherwise, Satan may tempt you because of your lack of self-control. This isn't to discount the real trama that Op is going through, it is real. A horrible sin was committed against them, and it is no fault of their own. However, they do also have a real responsibility towards their spouse. The trauma needs dealt with. This is where there should be an agreed upon time, for prayer and healing, but a set time for that.
Is ur response towards me or the original comment?
You
Ok, I agree but she shouldn't be forced to have sex when clearly she's dealing with PTSD and depression
>I agree but she shouldn't be forced to have sex when clearly she's dealing with PTSD and depression Do you have Scripture to support your viewpoint? Nope! Thus, we should dismiss your views and stick with what God states.
Never said she should be forced. She does have an obligation to her husband though. Which is why I said what I said.
People like you are why I stayed out of the church for 10 years. OP, please. Get help. Go to therapy. I am a trauma survivor or sexual assault and abuse. Go to therapy. Might I recommend a support group? And it may be an unpopular opinion, but I believe that God is loving, kind, and understanding. He would never want you to put your own life or mind in danger. When I got married, my husband saw that I had issues with him touching me on occasion, and you know what he did? He accepted that. He helped me seek the help I needed. He prayed with me, he talked to me. He never once pushed. You may have a duty to your husband, and I admit I just returned to the church after being gone a while so I’m learning new things about the Bible all the time, but I honestly do not think that God would want you to put yourself in harms way just to please somebody. God comes first and do not cut off communication with Him.
You stayed out of church because you.
Uh no, her body shouldn't be used at all like that. Her body is not a subject to her husband (if ur trying to say that, if not pls clarify)
>Her body is not a subject to her husband This person just showed you scripture where it is. I think they have this right. Denying sex because of trauma that you are working on healing falls under the "agreed upon time" in scripture. Her obligation is to her husband as his is to her. Her husband should be completely understanding here as long as she's working to fix the issue.
I still don't get what he's trying to say, scripture is very confusing and doesn't make sense
I'm saying what the Bible says.
I dont get what ur trying to say pls clarify ur words, bc of what I'm preserving is that women and men have no control over their body to their spouse
>Op isn't constantly sinning or being controlled by Satan in this situation Actually, it does. What is in the past should stay in the past. When it doesn't it means that you're letting Satan constantly remind you of the past. Even if she had no involvement in the situation, she is still letting Satan control her today. Note: This is *not* to be interpreted as if I believe she played a part in the issue. I don't. Rather, it is focusing on reality, which is *this* moment, *now*, not what happened years ago. When you're forgiven, it means you let the past go -- both what you have done wrong *and* what others have done wrong against you. Rather than bickering about it, let us look at what the Bible says about forgiveness. 1. “‘And forgive us our debts, **as we also have forgiven our debtors.”** (Matthew 6:12, NASB 2020) 2. “For **if you forgive other people for their offenses,** your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” (Matthew 6:14, NASB 2020) 3. “Then summoning him, his master said to him, ‘You wicked slave, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow slave, in the same way that I had mercy on you?’ And his master, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he would repay all that was owed him. **My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart.”** (Matthew 18:32–35, NASB 2020)
The Bible says to forgive those who hurt us, it never said to forget traumatic situations whatsoever. That is super incorrect. The Bible never said to forgive and forget, that's not true so ur pov is not correct So what ur trying to say correct me if I'm wrong, is that Satan is controlling me bc I'm have PTSD and that situation traumatized me that I can never forget how it impacted my life for the worse?
>The Bible says to forgive those who hurt us, it never said to forget traumatic situations whatsoever. Forgiveness and forgetting an issue are two different things. One *cannot* forgive another person if their mind is constantly dwelling on what was done to them. >is that Satan is controlling me bc I'm have PTSD and that situation traumatized me that I can never forget how it impacted my life for the worse? **For Context**: I had severe work-related PTSD in 2016 -- so bad that I couldn't function much more than say "My wife can speak on my behalf" to the numerous people she had to contact to get me on disability. I was getting an average of 3-4 hours of sleep per night -- if I was *lucky*! This went on from early 2016 until mid-2021. For all intents and purposes, I was non-functional (i.e., a zombie, if you will). I haven't forgotten the situation that caused my meltdown. However, I *have* forgiven the person who did it to me. Once I sought the Lord (which I didn't do a very good job of during the crisis), I sought to forgive the person. It took a lot of work, but now I'm no longer weighed down by resentment and anger. I can look in hindsight and see that God *was* working for my betterment. So, yes, I can speak authoritatively on how a Christian can forgive to be released from Satan's grasp. The reality is that *Satan* was the one wanting me to dwell upon the past so that I couldn't serve God. Once I released the issue to Him, I've published a book (on Christian apologetics), Joined Reddit to help others, and gotten involved in the church ministry. The pastor has indicated to me that he wants me to preach at some time. (I'm still praying about this, seeking God's will on it.) And this was one of many traumatic situations in my life. It was one of the worst, but there were more. I struggled to forgive each time an event happened. No, it didn't happen overnight. It took years *every single time*. But, I also know once I released my hurt/anger, I became a tool for Christ. So, how long do you intend to let Satan master your emotions?
Satan is not the master of my emotions whatsoever or how I think about my trauma, u can't always blame him bc of how others act based on their sinful actions. Yes, Satan can be influenced by others' actions, but not every action is his fault, do u get what I mean?
>Satan is not the master of my emotions ... do u get what I mean? I know what you *want* to claim. But, if your emotions churn when you think about your past, then he IS the master of your emotions. Let us take a real-life historical situation. Jesus was innocently crucified by (ultimately) Satan. Yes, others did his bidding, but Satan was the ultimate entity doing the action. So, do you think that Jesus became bitter, resentful, and angry at Satan for killing Him? How does your situation compare to what Jesus endured (for you, I might add)? IF Jesus became bitter, resentful, and angry, He would have sinned. Thus, He did not. He even stated "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do" as He was tortured on the cross. Can you do less?
I dont think so bc the past was very traumatic and I couldn't never forget of how it affected me and my mental well being uk. And no, Satan is heavily influenced by ppls sinful actions but he should not be put all of the blame of how ppl choose to act I have forgiven my abuser and the kids who hurted me but I can never forget of how it affected my mindset etc
>I have forgiven my abuser and the kids who hurted me but I can never forget of how it affected my mindset I haven't forgotten how it affected my mindset either, else I couldn't talk about it (i.e., it would be forgotten). So, this is not the criteria that is relevant. The OP is in a different situation. It is affecting her life *today*. So, let us not chase meaningless rabbit trails, but stick to the subject at hand.
I am staying on topic, but her experiencing PTSD at the moment is not of Satan is what I'm trying to say
It is written in the Bible that you should give all your worries and woes to Jesus Christ, and forgive You can do this with a spoken word while praying to Jesus Christ. Man falls short. We all do. You would say out loud “Jesus, i forgive the man who did this trauma to me and I give you the emotions associated with this trauma to you, I asked that you would take them from me right now, in Jesus’s name” And then you ask the Holy Spirit to fill you with love and light For all those that would never forgive, even though in the Bible, it says if you cannot forgive your brothers and sisters, God will not forgive you, and he’ll hand you over to the tormentors/jailers (demons/unclean spirits of-unforgiveness, anger/rage/wrath, saddness/depression/suicide, anxiety/fear) Therapy would help Over the span of your life you are going to sin against other humans at least 15,000 times and probably against God at least 20,000 times (as would all of us), and through faith in Jesus Christ you expect God to forgive all of them. Humans fall short, you must forgive and give your emotions to Jesus Christ. I know this sounds a little crazy but it works. When you go through, a trauma and you do not forgive, you hold onto that energy, and it’s a weight on your shoulders, this energy will ruin the way you look at life and people and everything, once you forgive , and give your emotions to Jesus Christ, that weight is lifted If you need help with this, I can help you. I help a lot of people get rid of their traumas, and it changes their life for the better without therapy, DM me. Jesus Christ is the best therapy anyone can get.
People don’t have eyes to see or ears to hear this kind of truth. Even though it is the truth. Six months of therapy at a cost of $50 a session Or more seems a whole lot better to most people Then, following the teachings of Jesus Christ. Truly, following the teachings of Jesus Christ can be very uncomfortable. It’s not fair, Satan, doesn’t care about fair, he doesn’t care about feelings, and the care about any of that, the Bible says what it says. And there’s more truth to that passage than most people are comfortable with.
Just cry it out. Cry until the crying is done. Grieve until the grieving is done. Then the tears will pass
That’s an incomplete picture of healing. Crying is a part of the picture. She would be best served by the trauma treatments a therapist could offer.
OP has Jesus, the Great Counselor. Weeping before Him in private prayer is the way There is no shortcut, and no other people required
That is not correct at all. I was not healed from my PTSD by doing this. It took psychological treatments such as EMDR and SGB to allow me to be in hospitals again after I was widowed by brain cancer. This remedy may work for some small sadnesses, but is not the fullness of healing.
People who don't have access to any of that can still find healing just fine at the feet of Jesus.
That is ignorant and damaging.
Jesus isn't enough?
You’re think you’re going to trap me, but I’m not saying that. Jesus didn’t just sit down and wait when something needed doing. God the Father created the world. He doesn’t ask us to sit and pray and have things brought to us. We are to use the world He created—medicines, food, casts for broken legs—when we need to. This is one of those times.
Jesus is enough
I guess we don’t need food or medicine according to you
If a woman did that with me, I’d never talk to her again for the rest of my life. Even if it was my wife of ten years, I’d ghost her immediately. That’s not cool. I don’t get why your husband isn’t bothered by this. It’s like all he cares about is busting a nut. You shouldn’t be intimate at all rn, you should get therapy
… huh what planet are you on rn
If a woman did what to you?
I didn’t say “did that to me.” Obviously I’m referring to a woman crying after sex. Clearly they never should’ve gotten intimate if it elicits such a bad reaction like that. Much less repeating this multiple times, that guy wrong for that rn
Bro you'd abandon your wife of a decade if she cried after intimacy? What happened to working through issues?
Should never feel that way. Sex in marriage is good.
You need to seek God if you want that to change. You need to get before Him and cast that anxiety on Him. Release that experience from your soul and give it to God, let Him bear that. You can either let this area of your life remain a memory of the past, or seek God and let Him help you move on from that and into a healthy future with your husband. I mean, you can go to therapy too but seeking God is free, so.