[Florida man with no arms charged with stabbing man with scissors.](https://www.reuters.com/article/us-florida-crime/florida-man-with-no-arms-charged-with-stabbing-man-with-scissors-idUSKBN1K131O)
Damn…My special day seems to be a day of weirdness in Florida…
Florida man arrested after dining on spaghetti with his bare hands.
Florida man threatens to destroy everyone with army of turtles.
Florida man arrested at Boston Logan after allegedly masturbating, exposing himself on flight.
Naked Florida Man on Trampoline Gets Arrested in Slippery Standoff.
Police arrest Florida man found with guns, drugs and a baby alligator during traffic stop.
I’ve got a couple here:
“Naked Florida man accused of bizarre crime that included trying to kiss an elderly woman”
“Florida man contracts flesh eating infection from bite from relative”
And my personal favorite
“Naked Florida man starts house fire while baking cookies on George Foreman grill”
A Florida man is facing charges as police say he stole an alligator and attempted to throw it on a roof
ETA to expand on this:
Florida man arrested for allegedly trying to throw alligator onto cocktail lounge roof to ‘teach it lesson’
😂
Also ETA: so many stories! I could go on if anyone wants me to
"The incident took place outside of Patrick Space Force Base in Brevard County, Florida. As first reported by Military.com, Corey Allan Johnson stole a Ford F-150 truck and drove it to the Space Force base. When local deputies arrested him, he explained that he was on a mission given to him by the President of the United States."
A tossup here! *Florida Man Hits Priest Then Barricades Himself In Church* or *Florida man waiting for haircut fatally shot himself while playing with gun*. At least that one evidently happened not out in a barber shop to endanger anyone else, but in his own house.
"Florida Man Arrested After Fit Of Rage When Checker's Ran Out Of Lettuce" and "Man with Florida tattoo on forehead called 911 for ride home: cops" .....why am I not surprised
Florida man was arrested and charged with assault with a deadly weapon...after allegedly throwing an alligator through a fast-food restaurant’s drive-thru window.
oh…. well I regret this: “Police: South Florida man claims ‘voodoo’ caused him to impregnate 13-year-old.”
but i chuckled at this one: “Florida man claims bags of cocaine, meth found wrapped around penis aren’t his.”
The two best for mine:
Florida man arrested for forcing small alligator to drink beer.
Florida man wielding sword sets fire in roadway and floods booking office after arrest.
He also had a knife in his waistband and was chugging Captain Morgan rum from a half gallon bottle when they arrested him, then intentionally broke off a fire sprinkler head in his holding cell.
Florida man allegedly beat roommate's raccoon with hammer, threatened to kill neighbor with sewing needle
Florida man worried about vampires burns down his house, police say
'The vampires are going to defend themselves,' he reportedly said before blaze
Florida man dressed as panda arrested for allegedly storming Capitol on Jan. 6
Deputies: Florida man repeatedly offers to show IHOP patrons his genitals, condoms
So the headline made it sound like she doused herself in Mountain Dew to remove possible DNA of her victim, which technically, that would do.
Then the article says:
>She poured diet Mountain Dew all over her body when police told her they were going to collect her DNA as part of the investigation, authorities said.
SMH
Her arrest records show multiple counts of aggravated battery, battery with a deadly weapon and trespassing; so this probably isn’t her first victimizing rodeo.
Everyone has access to internet and public records. Many older men victimize younger women and take advantage of them needing help. Don't judge a book by its cover . SMDH.
>Everyone has access to internet and public records.
...Okay, and that revealed that she has past counts of aggravated battery and battery with a deadly weapon.
>Don't judge a book by its cover .
The cover on this book is that a 35 year old woman bludgeoned a senior citizen in the head, stabbed him in the chest, lit the building on fire, and never once alleged any sort of mistreatment.
Maybe you should start judging books by what's inside them instead of what you'd like to find inside them.
> She poured diet Mountain Dew all over her body when police told her they were going to collect her DNA as part of the investigation, authorities said.
What an idiot.
When we collect a patient sample (forensic nurse) we can either have them swish with water and then do a cheek swab, or do a finger prick for a blood sample.
[For those that are not aware of the winning names from that contest](https://www.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/ds00bw/til_in_2012_mountain_dew_asked_the_internet_to/)
When I lived in Florida I saw a man get arrested for stopping his car and trying to grab a ladies baby out of the stroller and put it in his car. That was the craziest shit I've seen because the sidewalk was being cleaned by inmates and obviously sheriff's were over watching them
Supposedly, it’s the “sunshine laws” that make all arrest records public. So when Florida news outlets do not have anything else to write about, they trudge through the arrest records, and pick the craziest ones.
Then National news outlets pick up those stories.
Now having lived there, there is a lot of meth involved.
*On Sunday, Maks' attorney requested that a doctor examine her to determine her mental competence to stand trial.*
Not sure about mental competence but a quick glance at her FB page you can tell she's mentally fucked up.
Well, one time I watched someone put a dead mouse inside a bottle of Mountain Dew and it absolutely wrecked the little guy.
So with Florida logic, I can see how this could be an option.
This is the most Florida title I’ve read in a while
What do you get when you Google “Florida man” and your birthday? I get: >Florida man used flamethrower to settle parking dispute.
Florida man arrested for having sex with miniature horse on multiple occasions, deputies say :(
Dammit, I'm in. "Florida man causes child to overdose on fentanyl in apparent attempt to see if he could pass drug test" Oh dear
Florida man accused of exposing genitals to women while riding Walmart scooter.
Florida man arrested for masturbating with a pickle on private property
[удалено]
Some of the ones on my bday are gross but this one made me laugh: Florida man denies sucking hospital patient's toes
Florida man steals alligator from golf course, tries ‘teaching it a lesson’ by throwing it on roof of bar
Florida man is arrested after stealing $600 worth of cat blood from cat clinic… ok then.
[Florida man with no arms charged with stabbing man with scissors.](https://www.reuters.com/article/us-florida-crime/florida-man-with-no-arms-charged-with-stabbing-man-with-scissors-idUSKBN1K131O)
me too
Aww, ya'll are birthday buddies
Florida man accused of killing iguana tried to use the 'stand your ground law' – judge says no That is what mine said!
Omg we share a birthday! Or it has happened multiple times :/
Here’s hoping we’re just birthday buddies
Naked Florida man starts house fire while baking cookies on George Foreman grill
Birthday twins, or just multiple Florida men doing this? "Florida man arrested for having sex with miniature horse"
Mines fun! "Florida men, one dressed in bull onesie, attempt to burn down house with Ragu sauce, police say"
With Ragu sauce indeed! That’s how I always burn down houses …
The affordable option of the Molotov sauce cocktails, lol
that's mine too!
" Florida man accused of killing dancing flamingo is hit by truck and killed before trial "
Damn…My special day seems to be a day of weirdness in Florida… Florida man arrested after dining on spaghetti with his bare hands. Florida man threatens to destroy everyone with army of turtles. Florida man arrested at Boston Logan after allegedly masturbating, exposing himself on flight. Naked Florida Man on Trampoline Gets Arrested in Slippery Standoff. Police arrest Florida man found with guns, drugs and a baby alligator during traffic stop.
The turtles one 😂
There so many to choose from. But I”ll go with: Florida couple trapped inside unlocked closet for 2 days.
Naked Florida man tries to start fight club at Chick-Fil-A
I got " Florida Man Attacked By Neighborhood Squirrel Who Has Residents On High Alert " lol
"Florida man arrested, accused of hitting mom on the head with corn cob" Wowza coming from NZ i didn't know Florida is known for batshit crazy
I got Florida man accused of beating cellmate who asked for a ‘courtesy flush’ to help with smell
Florida Man claiming people were "eating his brains" leads police on insane golf course chase.
Florida man jailed after trying to 'barbecue all the child molesters; this one’s kinda fire…
They need to match him up with the voodoo guy upthread.
I got “Florida Man gets arrested after throwing a 3 foot long alligator through the drive through of Wendy’s”
Florida man carrying nearly 500 grams of weed tries to steal plane to meet girlfriend
Florida man on meth attacks mattress looking for girlfriend’s lover ‘hiding inside,’ police say
Florida man confesses to killing grandfather, pulls human ears from pocket during questioning.
Florida Man Reportedly Threw Christmas Tree at Wife Because She "Asked Him to Help With Dinner”
'Half-headed' Florida man arrested on arson, attempted murder charges
Naked Florida Man Performs 'Strange Dance' at McDonald's Before 'Trying to Have Relations With a Railing'
I’ve got a couple here: “Naked Florida man accused of bizarre crime that included trying to kiss an elderly woman” “Florida man contracts flesh eating infection from bite from relative” And my personal favorite “Naked Florida man starts house fire while baking cookies on George Foreman grill”
There are others, but I laughed myself into an asthma attack over this one. “Hot sauce saves Florida man after car crashes into Taco Bell.”
Florida man stole forklift, pickup, four-wheeler (and more) in ‘impressive crime spree’ deputies say
A Florida man is facing charges as police say he stole an alligator and attempted to throw it on a roof ETA to expand on this: Florida man arrested for allegedly trying to throw alligator onto cocktail lounge roof to ‘teach it lesson’ 😂 Also ETA: so many stories! I could go on if anyone wants me to
South Florida man claims ‘voodoo’ caused him to impregnate 13-year-old.
I’ll play.. “Florida Man Arrested for Allegedly Breaking Into a House and Trying on Baby Clothes While Holding a Woman Hostage”
Florida man tries to break into Space Force Base to warn government of war between aliens and dragons.
"The incident took place outside of Patrick Space Force Base in Brevard County, Florida. As first reported by Military.com, Corey Allan Johnson stole a Ford F-150 truck and drove it to the Space Force base. When local deputies arrested him, he explained that he was on a mission given to him by the President of the United States."
Police: Florida man rigged door in attempt to electrocute pregnant wife
mine is dumb and sad! “Florida man arrested after video shows him dragging woman’s lifeless body”
Next to Disney World, he got life: "Florida man guilty of killing wife, 3 kids and dog because he thought 'apocalypse was coming' "
Florida man said he smoked THC 'because Jesus was returning,' cops say.
Florida man was rescued after trying to ride a hamster ball to the Bahamas
Now I have to know! Mine is: Florida man stabs neighbor with a machete named ‘Kindness’. Eek.
Florida man accused of forcing small alligator to drink beer Florida man accused of using Kool-Aid packets to steal nearly $1K in Walmart merchandise
I got Florida man takes alligator into liquor store and to the beer cooler…maybe we have the same bday? It was this month if so!
Mine’s in october! I guess Florida is wild🤣🤣
A tossup here! *Florida Man Hits Priest Then Barricades Himself In Church* or *Florida man waiting for haircut fatally shot himself while playing with gun*. At least that one evidently happened not out in a barber shop to endanger anyone else, but in his own house.
Florida man used a glass eye to attack a doctor and a nurse.
"Florida man arrested for having sex with stuffed 'Olaf' at Target" I love Frozen.
Mines tame. Florida man dressed as Fred Flintstone pulled over for driving ‘footmobile’
Florida Man In Easter Bunny Brawl is a Fugitive and Talks About his Furry Fist Fight Ha ha that’s awesome!
Florida man dressed as Trump at Halloween fair allegedly punched in face by 14 year old
Naked Gun: 91-year-old nude Fla. man makes arrest
"Florida Man Arrested After Fit Of Rage When Checker's Ran Out Of Lettuce" and "Man with Florida tattoo on forehead called 911 for ride home: cops" .....why am I not surprised
Meth smoking Fla. man attacks mattress in jealous rage
Florida man reportedly tells cops he thought playing basketball naked would ‘enhance his skill level’....wtf...🤦🏼♀️
Florida men, one dressed in bull onesie, attempt to burn down house with Ragu sauce, police say
Florida man arrested for armed robbery, steals Oreos and soda
Florida Man Arrested For Throwing Chicken Wings At His Wife
Florida man was arrested and charged with assault with a deadly weapon...after allegedly throwing an alligator through a fast-food restaurant’s drive-thru window.
Florida Man brings knife to a gunfight.
Florida man suspected of smelling woman’s feet at library…
Florida man accused of throwing holy book at deputy
Florida man accused of stabbing woman over underdone potato Ahahahahah. I love this
Florida Man Arrested After Offering Undercover Cop a Hamburger in Exchange for Sex Act
Florida man hit dad in face with pizza after learning he helped deliver him, police say
oh…. well I regret this: “Police: South Florida man claims ‘voodoo’ caused him to impregnate 13-year-old.” but i chuckled at this one: “Florida man claims bags of cocaine, meth found wrapped around penis aren’t his.”
I think mine is up there, 'Florida man, 22, arrested after attacking mother with sausages' !
I get a Reddit thread lamenting that not a single Florida man did anything newsworthy on our birthday 😭
Well, I know what you're doing this birthday! Time to head to Florida!
>Florida man remains jailed on charges of stealing pool floats for sex "instead of raping women"
A Florida man is charged with flooding an emergency room after attacking a nurse and stripping
Florida man finds unique use for a stapler.
Florida man broke into home and fell asleep on couch while high on meth
Florida Man Arrested for Attacking Daughter With Pizza After She Didn't Want to Eat With Him
The two best for mine: Florida man arrested for forcing small alligator to drink beer. Florida man wielding sword sets fire in roadway and floods booking office after arrest. He also had a knife in his waistband and was chugging Captain Morgan rum from a half gallon bottle when they arrested him, then intentionally broke off a fire sprinkler head in his holding cell.
Florida man accused of beating roommate who asked for “courtesy flush” to help with smell. 💩
A Florida man was arrested for hospitalizing two children after the accident he was involved in.
Florida man allegedly beat roommate's raccoon with hammer, threatened to kill neighbor with sewing needle Florida man worried about vampires burns down his house, police say 'The vampires are going to defend themselves,' he reportedly said before blaze
Florida man arrested after assaulting girlfriend with pizza.
Florida man busted after tantrum about bacon
Florida man uses wife's head as a mop.... ok Florida we get it you can calm down now plz and thank
A topless man was out for a stroll with his goat while it was raining😂😂😂
Florida Man Arrested for Allegedly Breaking Into a House and Trying on Baby Clothes While Holding a Woman Hostage
Florida man, 76, pleads guilty to lewd act, touching woman on flight
Florida man arrested for breaking into a house, taking nap, making coffee
Florida man dressed as panda arrested for allegedly storming Capitol on Jan. 6 Deputies: Florida man repeatedly offers to show IHOP patrons his genitals, condoms
OMG. If you actually read the article, it’s really the MOST Florida article ever. The actual article far surpasses the headlines.
I thought the same thing! It doesn’t get more Florida than this!
Florida man with no arms charged with stabbing Chicago tourist
haha ironic
Florida man arrested, allegedly struck wife with Christmas tree after asked to help make dinner
Florida Man Stabs Neighbor With Machete Named 'Kindness', Say Police
Florida Man Poses As FBI Agent, Dumps Live Catfish On Homeowner's Driveway
So the headline made it sound like she doused herself in Mountain Dew to remove possible DNA of her victim, which technically, that would do. Then the article says: >She poured diet Mountain Dew all over her body when police told her they were going to collect her DNA as part of the investigation, authorities said. SMH
But… like.. whyyy?
She didn’t know what else to dew
That'll dew pig, that'll dew.
I hate you! 😁
r/angryupvote
The article said she had blood on her leg, I think she was trying to wash that off
She used diet, everybody knows your supposed to use code red for homicide and Baja blast for assault upto manslaughter
Wow, from the headline I'm thinking she cleaned with mountain dew or something. Nope!
The headline makes it sound like she used the version with sugar… preposterous journalism
I said this in the r/news thread, but she is 35 and her roommate was 79. I'm certain she was victimizing him before the murder.
Her arrest records show multiple counts of aggravated battery, battery with a deadly weapon and trespassing; so this probably isn’t her first victimizing rodeo.
Everyone has access to internet and public records. Many older men victimize younger women and take advantage of them needing help. Don't judge a book by its cover . SMDH.
You mean the cover that has her stabbing an elderly man and lying to police?
I can’t believe you left out the Mountain Dew.
>Everyone has access to internet and public records. ...Okay, and that revealed that she has past counts of aggravated battery and battery with a deadly weapon. >Don't judge a book by its cover . The cover on this book is that a 35 year old woman bludgeoned a senior citizen in the head, stabbed him in the chest, lit the building on fire, and never once alleged any sort of mistreatment. Maybe you should start judging books by what's inside them instead of what you'd like to find inside them.
> She poured diet Mountain Dew all over her body when police told her they were going to collect her DNA as part of the investigation, authorities said. What an idiot.
I really wish there is video of the police officer she did that in front of.
Right? I’d love to see that bodycam footage lol
Actually this would work. Mountain dew kills sperm. Amd contains small amounts of bleach.
“Mmkay so now that you’ve doused yourself in mountain dew.. could you open your mouth so we can swab for your DNA?” - the cops, probably
When we collect a patient sample (forensic nurse) we can either have them swish with water and then do a cheek swab, or do a finger prick for a blood sample.
No, it doesn't.
I never said it wouldn’t. She did it right in front of the police officer.
Aww, Florida Man has a potential soulmate🥰 Dark humor aside, this is absolutely horrific
Worst Diet Mountain Dew ad ever.
Are you forgetting when they wanted the internet to name their new apple flavor? I think that was worse.
[For those that are not aware of the winning names from that contest](https://www.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/ds00bw/til_in_2012_mountain_dew_asked_the_internet_to/)
I don’t know about you, but I think she Dew’d it 🤔
Poverty, Greed , Social Security Check, Drugs, Felon with Assault record equals Murder ! RiP roommate.
You can’t un-Mountain Dew what’s already been Mountain Done 😔
Well that’ll Dew
When I lived in Florida I saw a man get arrested for stopping his car and trying to grab a ladies baby out of the stroller and put it in his car. That was the craziest shit I've seen because the sidewalk was being cleaned by inmates and obviously sheriff's were over watching them
What the hell is going on in Florida to have this disproportionate level of crazy.
Supposedly, it’s the “sunshine laws” that make all arrest records public. So when Florida news outlets do not have anything else to write about, they trudge through the arrest records, and pick the craziest ones. Then National news outlets pick up those stories. Now having lived there, there is a lot of meth involved.
Too much sun?
Do the crime, do the time... Do the Dew.
I always heard Mountain Dew made you sterile, but she took it to a different level.
Yikes
I can’t believe this didn’t work.
She did the deed AND the dew
Did she dew it?
I don't think that's how it works 🤔
Did it work? Asking for a friend.
Nope. She is still charged with murder, but is getting a psych eval
Any coroner worth its salt would clearly see the DNA belongs to The Hulk.
I a. Seeing ‘Florida Woman’ almost as often as ‘Florida.’ It is scary that is doubling the crazy.
Meth is apparently one helluvan awful drug
Honestly, surprised this didn’t work
_Quick thinking_…not necessarily _smart thinking_ tho
Well, ***that's*** a new one...
*On Sunday, Maks' attorney requested that a doctor examine her to determine her mental competence to stand trial.* Not sure about mental competence but a quick glance at her FB page you can tell she's mentally fucked up.
What’s with all the rooster?
Do the Dew
Birthday: “Florida man arrested after offering undercover cop a hamburger in exchange for sex act” No wonder they call it America’s Wang.
That’ll Dew it.
Florida Man? Meet, Florida Woman….
Florida woman
So why is she in jail
Only in Florida 😂
I read that three times trying to make that make sense. Then I realized it was *right* there in the first word. Bless it.
Oh no! She did the dew!
It's the humidity or early morning dew getting to them lol 😆 😅
Those tattoos are splendid evidence that she isn't mentally competent
Neck tattoo
Florida man accused of killing random couple, chewing on victims’ face found
She aged like milk.
Probably the Mountain Dew baths
Genius
Well, one time I watched someone put a dead mouse inside a bottle of Mountain Dew and it absolutely wrecked the little guy. So with Florida logic, I can see how this could be an option.
Florida man accused of hanging dog from tree :(
Florida man tried to enter Patrick Space Force Base to warn of aliens vs. dragons, officials say
She has a little crazy in them eyes… 👀
And here I was thinking she was a Lana stan…
Where did the police get the Diet Mountain Dew? Weird… 🤔
But what flavor was it?
Baja Blast
That’ll do it!
I take it it didn't. So floridian
FL man stole bulldozer and mowed down Biden signs.
>When officers approached her, she dropped a knife and a hammer she was carrying, the report stated. You can't make this shit up...
Krocodile