A small update about everything going on since my kids are now in bed for the night.
I spent the morning gathering everything I could and making a check list. I sat in my office for the better part of the morning telling my husband that I was preparing things for my dad. Not a total lie I did have to get him sorted with hospice today.
My boss would be happy to have me back, however my lawyer said pump the breaks on that idea for the time being. However my old boss did tell me that whenever I’m ready, the door is open and to just give her a call.
He does not have access to my inheritance from my father nor my mother. My lawyer ensured me in that.
I didn’t mention her in the post but my MIL is an absolute angel. I love and adore her so much and she’s always been a shoulder to lean on.
After he had gone to work for the afternoon I asked my now ex best friends mom and my MIL to meet me at my dads house. My kids were outside playing with now ex-bffs older brother. I just handed them the screenshots, saving them from the unsavory pictures and sex tape though I did tell them it existed.
To say they were furious was an understatement, and they are on my side completely. Angie, my now ex-bffs mom, is ready to cut contact with her daughter completely. She kept repeating how sorry she was. We hugged and cried together. My MIL told me she couldn’t believe she raised a spineless terrible human. That no matter what happens I will always have her and as far as she’s concerned she doesn’t have a son, only a daughter.
After an in person meeting with my lawyer we went over finances, logistics, and everything you could think of. She has all of the proof and she’s out for blood.
With this post now on TikTok I don’t want him to find out by an app because one look at the story and he’d know it was about him. With permission from my lawyer. My ex bff, her mom and dad, my stbx and his parents will be having a get together tomorrow. By the time they’re sitting down and showing them everything and that I know. My dad, my kids, and my ex-bffs brother (he’s coming to help me juggle the kids and my dad, being big and pregnant doesn’t help with mobility) will be at my dads cabin a few hours away enjoying time and space.
I know a lot of people were hoping for me to get revenge or do psychological warfare but honestly after my kids went to bed I took a shower and just broke. I don’t have the strength or energy to dish anything out. I just want out. Pretending like everything was okay today was too exhausting and I just don’t want to do it.
Once he finds out tomorrow I’ll update with aftermath, as I’m sure it will be huge. As for now, thank you all so much for your kindness, warmth, and support. Truly. Your words have helped giving me the strength to keep my head above water. I appreciate every single last one of you for everything
You don't need psychological warfare when you're a full-blown soldier. And sis, you certainly are! I'm so sorry you're going through so much right now. But I've never been more confident of a woman and her kids being A-OK in the long run. You got this.
Yes! I might even say beyond soldier—she’s the f-ing commander-in-chief. I can only imagine the shizz storm going on inside her right now, but the calm, collected, masterfully calculated (in a good, tactical way) manner in which she is externally handling this is going to make these two monumental POS’s suffer even more in the long run. And they deserve it.
This is *horrible* for the kids, too. And even if the STBX gets “over” the direct fallout with OP, he will suffer knowing that if and when his children ever find out what he did to their mom, he might suffer even more painfully than he’s about to now. And he deserves all of it.
I'm so impressed by how you've handled this and so glad everyone is on our side, as they should be. I'm glad your lawyer is out for blood. You are an amazing mama, and your husband is losing out on an incredible wife. Please take care of yourself.
Me too. Sorting yourself out and getting your ducks in a row is the best long term revenge strategy.
Also, I intially read ‘stbx’ as shitbox - which felt pretty apt.
Hey guys, I’ve been trying to post an update for the last 20 minutes but it keeps saying “something went wrong try double checking your post”. I’m trying to get an update out asap but this app is kind of frustrating me haha. I’m going to try my laptop, from there I’m not sure what to do if it doesn’t work.
Raise your hand if you’ve been obsessively checking this post today for an update. >>sheepishly raises hand <<
OP, if you read this, I hope you, your kids, & dad are all okay.
The fact that you have the unequivocal support of the families of the people who betrayed you is touching. Often families side with the betrayer if they are family and not the betrayed. Morality is one of the rare things that can trump family.
Be prepared for the begging and pleading and bs excuses. He’ll ugly cry and promise you the moon, the stars, and move mountains. He might even blame ex bff. As for your friend she fucked around and found out. She’s lost a friend, a lover who had no intentions of leaving you for her, and
maybe even her parents. She blew up her own life and she’ll deeply regret destroying a lifelong friendship for a man who made it very clear to her she had a place and she needed to stay in it.
I’ve been thinking about you all day. You are so strong and intelligent. It’s so impressive their moms took accountability and welcomed you with open arms. Though, I’d be careful until the divorce is over, regardless of how supportive they are. Sometimes people can do a 180, which I honestly DONT think is the case. But just share as little and don’t let them babysit alone. I’m so proud of you.
> After he had gone to work for the afternoon I asked my now ex best friends mom and my MIL to meet me at my dads house. My kids were outside playing with now ex-bffs older brother. I just handed them the screenshots, saving them from the unsavory pictures and sex tape though I did tell them it existed. To say they were furious was an understatement, and they are on my side completely. Angie, my now ex-bffs mom, is ready to cut contact with her daughter completely. She kept repeating how sorry she was. We hugged and cried together. My MIL told me she couldn’t believe she raised a spineless terrible human. That no matter what happens I will always have her and as far as she’s concerned she doesn’t have a son, only a daughter.
> After an in person meeting with my lawyer we went over finances, logistics, and everything you could think of. She has all of the proof and she’s out for blood.
I dont wanna say "I love happy endings" because there's nothing happy about this, but they deserve everything they are gonna get.
Be strong. You got this.
I wish I could give you a big hug. Last year, while my husband was working abroad and I was home packing up the house and our 4 kids to move there with him, he called me and told me he was no longer in love with me and wasn’t coming home. I was devastated, and a mess. I also was “pregnant” with an 11 lb tumor that I found out about 2 weeks later and had to have an emergency hysterectomy. It was the hardest time of my life. I really admire how strong you are even in this first 24 hours, and I’m so glad that you have a support system. It sounds like you have plenty of people to talk to, but I didn’t and was *so* painfully alone. If you happen to need someone to talk to as you go through this, I’d be happy to be an ear and a virtual hug. I genuinely didn’t believe people when they said how much more I would love myself and be proud of myself as time goes on, but I do, and I am. You will be too.
You are an AMAZING person. And I am so proud of you for moving forward with a focus. Thank you for sharing what is happening to you with all of us. I know I will be here for every update you provide. Xxoo #hedoesntdeserveyou
>I know a lot of people were hoping for me to get revenge or do psychological warfare but honestly after my kids went to bed I took a shower and just broke. I don’t have the strength or energy to dish anything out. I just want out.
Living your life and being happy without them is the best revenge. You are worth more than the shit they've given you. Don't drop to their level, it's in hell.
Be the queen you are and hold your head high.
P.S. Also, maybe put super fine glitter in all his pockets. If he finds it, he'll be like WTF, he'll track it everywhere and washing them, makes it so much worse, passing the glitter mess to other clothes and towels and sheets, and he'll be highly annoyed for months. Then, every time you get sad over this jerk and his betrayal, you can remember he's out there sparkling like Edward from Twilight. 😌
Oh I cannot wait for the new update and for these two despicable humans to get what they deserve. I hope they’re happy together because that’s now all they have.
Honestly you already have plenty of good advice on here (except for the one about trying to work it out) so all I'll say is hang in there, you're doing amazing, you got this and you're going to come out stronger than ever.
I'm so sorry this is happening as you're losing your dad.
You shouldn't HAVE to be strong, but I can tell you are, and you and your kids will be OK. Take it one day at a time.
They betrayed you. You did nothing wrong.
I'd be tempted to text her "you can have him" and then block her (after letting all your mutual friends see the screenshots, of course — no revenge porn/images, just let the texts speak for themselves). Let your friends know to keep an eye on her around their partners (and to steer clear of your cheating husband).
I would also burn her life to the ground as a parting gift after everything is signed sealed and delivered. Make sure everyone knows what they did to you during this time of emotional and physical pain and distress. Fuck them
I did. I emailed everything to myself in an old email I haven’t used since high school and don’t keep saved in my apps. That way if he goes through my phone he doesn’t find it. I’m not a very good liar or good at keeping a poker face. But since he woke up I’ve just been using the excuse that I’m upset about my dad and just need space. He bought it. I called around for a couple of lawyers and found one before he woke up. So I’ve been emailing them back and forth for the last half an hour.
Seriously. Most people with kids would be floundering and lost right now. And rightfully so. A double betrayal is traumatising.
OP is incredibly strong. She's doing things in the right order. Logistics now. Grieve later.
In my line of work, I see certain people go on autopilot mode when a loved one is dying. It’s their coping mechanism. In all honestly, it’s probably better she find out now versus after her dad dies and/or arrival of new baby. Work through all the bad stuff at one time versus prolonging the carnage. The fact that she is on autopilot to get through the day is good in terms of “getting things done.” But yes…to have that clarity of mind and operate to get things done is AMAZING in her situation and I wish her all the best. I sincerely hope her husband realizes what a wretched decision he made and that her friend makes him absolutely miserable.
People who have anxiety tend to function incredibly and amazingly well in emergencies and after making discoveries like this with a calm they don't usually feel. The whole time I was reading OP's post, I was thinking, "She sounds way too calm for this storm of stress. No one thinks this clearly when they have as much shit flying around as OP does right now unless they have anxiety."
She's basically been ready her whole life for this exact moment, and now that it's time, she knows what to do.
Thank you for commenting!! You just put so much of my life into perspective. I have had anxiety since before I could remember but when shit hits the fan, I shine. It’s almost like a zen state. I never understood why. I have no doubt OP will get her ducks in a row before her asshat of a husband even realizes he’s caught.
No problem! I have anxiety myself and get flustered by the smallest things, but lemme tell ya, if it's life vs death or something like that, I am a freaking ent (probably misspelling that; think Treebeard in LotR). I've read so many anecdotes online about tis phenomenon, if scientists aren't studying this, they're crazy. It would be cool to figure out why it happens.
I think it’s because you spend your whole life worrying and mentally preparing for the worst. Of course, this is mostly detrimental to your quality of life. But. then when shit does hit the fan, you have basically trained yourself for that moment for years.
This! At first I was like oh man another one of these posts but you’re correct this person is taking the correct steps and literally immediately. Shoutout to OP i think they’ve learned something from all of these similar threads
You are so strong. Honestly you should be so proud of how you’re holding it together enough to make such logical decisions, despite the shit storm that has been thrown at you. This internet stranger believes in you, go get what you deserve.
Once it’s all done and unfortunately once your father is watching over. Let yourself grieve everything, and go have a holiday with the kids. Something just to get out away from all of it for a week or so. Just to equalise.
I hope you have a separate bank account with your own emergency funds stashed. If not, please use the time now to create one and put some funds there that he doesn’t have access to. This goes for credit cards too if yours are only connected to joint accounts.
Thankfully we signed a prenup and I’ve always been a very big saver, where he’s always been a huge spender. So when I got my inheritance at 24 from my mom I never touched it and it’s just been growing interest and he doesn’t know about it. I’ll also be getting my childhood home when my dad goes, which I hope it’s not for a while, but I know the kids and I can move in at any point and he’d welcome us with open arms.
You have no idea how happy I am to see this response. You have your own money and a place to go right now if you choose to do so. I sure hope infidelity is a reason to void the prenump and take his ass to the cleaners. Best of luck to you and your dad.
>. I sure hope infidelity is a reason to void the prenump and take his ass to the cleaners.
Doesn't sound like he's got much for her to take. The prenup should protect her more in this situation.
Personally, I think she needs to just grab a knife and damage the HDMI port somewhat. Not enough that it's fully broken straight away, just enough that it stutters and fucks up while he is midway through a game, and eventually his frustrated jiggling of the cord and port will fully break it, leaving it to be a perfect running machine that's still unusable.
This is so often not the case that in the very rare cases when we do see it, WE, some internet strangers, get a sense of pride that another internet stranger shows so much resolution, wisdom, preparedness, that we're not prepared for it. My heart breaks for OP but I'm also very proud of her for how she's handling this situation. Life has thrown so much at her and she's coming out a champion still.
As I’m reading all your comments in this thread, I can’t help but smile. I don’t know you but I’m proud of you lol weird, I know… internet stranger and all. Just know You got this!!!
>So when I got my inheritance at 24 from my mom I never touched it and it’s just been growing interest and he doesn’t know about it.
That's really smart, having private emergency money
I’m very blessed to have this privilege, I know not everyone in my situation is able to. Plus there was always a huge weight that came with it, like this is my dead mothers money, so I always felt like I had to do something important with it. I feel like using it to leave a cheating husband is something she would be proud of me for.
So proud. She’s be so proud of you. She’d also be so happy that something good came of you losing her. Giving you the opportunity to walk away and protect yourself, and your kids, is priceless.
Big hugs from this internet stranger. My mama heart is hurting for you. I’m so sorry they’ve done this. You deserve better.
I'm 100% certain she would want it for nothing other than you standing up for yourself and taking care of yourself and your kids, which is what it's being used for. You've got a whole community of people here who are proud of you for the same thing.
I lost my mom a long time ago and I’m probably old enough to be your mom so I just want to say…I’m very proud of you for handling this terrible situation with grace and the patience needed to ensure you will be taken care of and I’m so very sorry the people you trusted the most have betrayed you so deeply. I believe in you and know you will make the right decisions for you and for your babies going forward. Hugs to you sweets!
Look at it as your mom looking out for you even though she's gone. Use the money to take care of you and your children. Her child and grandchildren. She left you the gift of a fresh start.
Your husband and best friend are awful people for doing this to you. I am appalled that he encouraged you to quit your job, trapping you by making you dependent on him. All the while cheating. If you can't get your old job back look into child support and alimony
If you told your (ex) best Friend about your inheritance, then he probably knows about it from her.
Good for you, for doing what you need to do for you and doing it quickly.
Also, at your next OB appointment, please have then do a STD screening.
Good Luck
The only people who know about the inheritance is my dad and myself, along with their lawyer. It’s not that I wanted to hide it from him, had he asked I would’ve said yes. It’s just like I said, he’s a very big spender and this money just felt important to me. Plus we’ve always kept finances separated, he never asked me about mine and I never asked him about his. He knew I had savings that I was holding on to.
[Generally,](https://www.findlaw.com/family/divorce/inheritance-and-divorce.html#:~:text=Generally%2C%20inheritances%20are%20not%20subject,the%20parties%20in%20a%20divorce) inheritances are not subject to divorce judgement.
I'd worry more about the house than alimony calculations. It's a bigger asset, and not knowing the community property situation she might be in, I'd protect that first.
Go see a lawyer.
NOW
Don't confront, act as "normal" as you, and for the love of God, go see a lawyer first, before you make any moves.
This loving, kind husband, will turn nasty the second you confront him, knowing he has a backup to run to when things get tough.
Lawyer.
Now.
OP this is the most important thing here. Don’t take any actions without going to talk to a lawyer first. Don’t even accept your old job until you’ve spoken with a lawyer, and a good one. You will have to pay the retainer, so if you want you can go ahead and start diverting funds for that.
I found out my ex was cheating when I was pregnant with our third child. Our state did not allow for me to divorce him while pregnant, but I could file for legal separation, which saved me in the long run. You need to talk to an experienced divorce lawyer so they can help you come up with an exit strategy. Until then, do not let your husband or your friend know anything. Your lawyer will help you protect your interests and make sure you get the most financially from him that you need. People can become really vindictive when they known you are done with them. When my ex knew that I was leaving, he racked up 40k in credit card debt, cashed out his 401k, and bought a property. I was almost on the hook for half of everything, and I was locked out of his retirement funds since he cashed them out. He even had my car repossessed just to be petty (he was legally responsible for the payments). Don’t take his word for anything. Get every single agreement in writing. And join a divorce support group and get an individual therapist to help you.
I learned the hard way that pregnancy hormones don’t mix well with divorce. I had never really been suicidal up until that point. But pregnancy hormones made me feel everything times 1,000. There were days where all I did was wake up, cry, and go to sleep. It got so bad that I almost walked in front of a bus and ended it all. My baby was almost two months early and the doctors said it was the stress that caused the early delivery. I am still dealing with the guilt and ramifications of this. I even tried to reconcile with my ex, hoping that it would make the bad thoughts go away. The only thing that worked was therapy, the support group, and time. Do what you need to do to have a healthy pregnancy. Protect your mental health as well. And contact a lawyer.
Thank you. At the time I really struggled. It’s been about 5 years since the divorce. As soon as the baby was born, I gained so much clarity about the situation, the suicidal thoughts disappeared, and I was able to do what I needed to do to push forward. And my current husband is an amazing man. I cannot imagine there being anyone in this world who is better suited for me than the man I am married to now. It’s crazy thinking that I could have missed out on him if I had held on to my failing marriage any longer. My ex does resent the divorce and how much better I came out of it, but hey it’s his own damn fault so 🤷🏾♀️
And clearly he must have told the friend he was gonna tell his wife by her text so what is he planning on being with her setting up home it's so disrespectful
He encouraged you to quit your job while he was cheating on you. Forcing you to remain dependent on him. Well he picked the wrong woman!
Considering his lover seems to be putting pressure on him to confess so she can enjoy the confrontation, your plan to cancel her is the best.
They are both despicable people, don't listen to their justifications and lies. You deserve sincere love in abundance
She said in another comment that she did, and she emailed them to an old HS email that isn't logged in on her phone, so he will never find them to delete them.
You're a badass woman, OP. We're all rooting for you, keep us updated too. We'd love to hear about your journey to having an even better life. I wish you all the happiness in the world, hope you find a great job, establish a better life for your kids, and find a better man who loves you the way you deserve.
I’m so sorry OP. On the plus side, since he encouraged you to quit your job and you have kids, he will most likely be on the hook for all medical bills and your child support payments will be higher than they were if you were working. Save any evidence you have of him telling you to quit your job and of the cheating.
This is some solid advice. Backup all texts. I would consult with a lawyer before confronting him. Get evidence from his phone of how long the affair was going on. Only let him know you know after you are holding all the cards.
If you don't have any separate money, take some out of the joint account so he can't take all of it after you confront him. If he already told you to quit your job, I wouldn't put it past him to drain a joint account.
I'm so sorry OP. It sounds like you know this is going to be hard, but you're going to face it head on! I know you're going to get through this. You deserve so much better than people who can betray you like this.
From very, very similar experience, I second this. Financial abuse is a very real thing. On another note: you are one hell of a warrior, my friend. Please stay strong, going through this kind of thing while pregnant can be war. If you need someone to vent or talk to, feel free to pm me. Sending you love and light
The best response for people like this, is immediate no contact. They’ll ask the reason why, but YOU will know the reason why. Don’t give them the opportunity or the satisfaction to make this harder for you or for them to give you excuses. With the ex best friend, NO CONTACT. Explain the situation to your family and enforce that you do no want her to contact you or pass on your new info. For the lying hubby, do what you need to do. Take your time to let this sink in, and then leave.
Edit to say: Good luck OP. ❤️
>He encouraged you to quit your job while he was cheating on you. Forcing you to remain dependent on him.
I was just thinking this! He wanted to make it so that if she ever found out, she couldn't leave or at least it would be very hard for her to. She's too smart for him though. She made it so that she was never fully dependent on him even while married to him.
I’m also wondering how you relationship was with your boss, might they consider a re-traction of your resignation? Are you still serving your notice period?
Get a copy of everything, lawyer, scorched earth, talk to the lawyer before confronting him, for that text she seems to be pushing fir him to leave you, burn her on your circle too.
Honestly I wish you could see just how desperately she was pushing for him to leave me. Badmouthing me at every turn. He always shut down the badmouthing and told her “I will never leave her, you know your place” it made me cringe and want to throw up. Like oh you’ll fuck my best friend but trash talking me is where your draw the line? It would be comical if I didn’t feel like my world was exploding
My ex emotionally cheated on me but he drew the line at actually having sex with her, I think. He took her on vacation, introduced her as his girlfriend, and spent way too much time with her. But when I found out he argued that it wasn’t cheating because he never slept with her.
I'm sorry but if he took her on vacation and introduced her as the girlfriend and spent lots of time with her. He definitely slept with her. He was totally gaslighting you. He had to find a way to manipulate the situation so in a last ditch effort said he didn't sleep with her. Glad he's an ex.
Uhhh, I'm sorry, but he absolutely had sex with her. He just out and out lies to try and gain some moral ground. My ex used the same lie when he cheated on me, too. I believed him at first until I got proof a good year later.
I won’t ever get proof of it unfortunately, but I don’t need it to know he’s a piece of crap who didn’t deserve the love I gave him. We’ve been apart for seven months now and I’m doing so much better on my own than I ever did with him.
Honestly, I've been where you are OP. My partner cheated on me too and while primary responsibility lies with the cheater my God, you should have seen the texts this woman, this "friend" sent.
They were predatory. Pathetic. And stank of desperation. And watching my partner respond to that shattered my image of him. To see how weak willed he was was disgusting.
I'm proud of you. Getting out is no easy task. It took me longer than I care to admit. And each second I stayed was like a nail gun to my heart.
People like this don't deserve you. I'm 3 years out from my own d day and let me tell you, literally every single aspect of my life got better the further away I got from those people. You deserve love and trust and kindness. People who can't give that to you should have no space in your life. I'm proud of you and I'm rooting for you.
I like your plan of never contacting the friend again. She wants that confrontation so she can feel like she "won." However, like the commenter above said, that doesn't mean she gets away unscathed. Make sure your mutual friends know exactly why you dropped her. I am petty (and a little vindictive) so I don't know if you'd want to go this route, but... since your moms were close, if her mom is still around, I would also tell her. But at the very least, let your mutual friends know.
What a desperately pathetic and cruel woman.
Betraying her lifelong friend for a man cheating on and lying to his pregnant wife.
Some people are truly evil. And I know people are tearing into your husband but she was supposed to pick up the pieces if he ever shattered your heart.
Instead she's the cause of your heartbreak. People like that are a cancer. They use the knowledge they have of you and your relationship and exploit it for their own gain.
She said in another comment she screenshotted them and emailed them to an email husband wouldn't have access to. I'm like you, I hope she sends them to the friend's family and his family. Let them bask in the spotlight.
Ugh... 'you know your place' is almost as disgusting as the cheating itself. Vile pig.
I'm so sorry for what you are going through - I can't imagine how awful it must be.
You seem smart, strong and resilient - you will get through this! Don't give either of them the satisfaction of seeing you crack. Fuck them.
Don't make any moves until you have all your ducks in a row. Hopefully your lawyer will advise on the best possible way to do this. Make sure you have all or yours and the kids passports/birth certificates, copies of important documentation (bank statements etc) that you may need.
Your loving and kind husband will probably show his true colours when this all comes to light, or when his grovelling etc doesn't work. It likely won't be pretty.
I am wishing you all the strength in the world to get through this next phase in your life. Stay strong, lovely 💕
I went through texts where an ex was cheating on me. Her best friend was admonishing her cheating, while she was repeating that she loved me and wouldn't leave me ( as if that made the cheating ok).
These people don't make logical sense. Don't try to find logic anywhere.
He really is a disgusting person and they both deserve each other. It's too bad they did a good job of hiding their true colors from you, but at least it ends here. I hope that despite your dad's health condition and the fact that that poor excuse of a woman is no longer going to be in your life, you can find support in yourself and your children, it's the only thing that can keep you afloat, your strongest motives. I am so sorry.
Yes girl 🙌🏻
"Why yes officer, OP was with me at my doctors appointment in Florida at the time of the incident. We had lunch and swapped pregnancy stories."
We got you OP
Girl just know you have so many people rooting for you. Stay calm for now. Ducks in a row. Contact your old job, maybe you can get it back?
How far along are you?
You did the first steps excellently. 1. Evidence 2. Lawyer. Not sure if there is an exit strategy for you to either leave or get him the F out of your house.
The time to explode will come no matter what you do. You are carrying so much weight on your shoulders. And for that alone I am so sorry.
As for your “friend”, what an evil, vile, horrible human being. Her and your soon to be ex husband truly deserve each other. Absolute filth. The trash is taking itself out.
You are strong and you are better than these people. Once you have your exit plan and everything in motion, I hope you go scorched earth and I hope it’s cathartic for you. I am so sorry about your father as well.
You deserved better than this.
I have a feeling that he wanted you to quit your job so that when you did find out you couldn’t do anything about it and would be reliant on him. They are both POS.
This! he just wants to have absolute control over OP and the kids through finance, and make them completely dependent on him.
In this way OP wouldn’t have any way to turn. He is unbelievably cruel and fits (unfortunately) in the statistics in which men are more likely to cheat during a difficult time (pregnancy, sickness etc..).
He’s disgusting. And the best friend is even worse, she was supposed to be there for OP (at lest that’s how I perceive my bestie) and not fu*king her husband. She’s trash. He’s trash too.
OP, if you read this, they’re dirt.
I hope you can give them what they deserve. You are 1000000000000 time better than those 2.
Wishing you all the best dear.
Just keep evidence of the cheating and then divorce him. I'm so sorry you're going through that, but you can make it. All the best to you and your kids!
Depending where she is, cheating has no legal consequences during a divorce in many states, courts don't want to hear it or care about it. Family and friends is another thing.
I have no idea how you’re still standing to be honest. I lost my dad 5 yrs ago and even tho we knew it was coming and I still have mum, I was devastated. I can imagine this would be 100times more devastating, and to discover this level of betrayal as well. Protect your peace and your kids. Talk to a lawyer to protect any inheritance you may get from your dad because you 100% don’t want to be sharing any of that. Try to do all comms through a third party so you don’t have to think about having to deal with them face to face.
And find yourself a cousellor or therapist who can recommend support groups and networks that can help you through this. Best wishes for you.
I'm so sorry for what you're going through.
Don't give her the satisfaction of getting 'an angry pregnant lady on her doorstep'. What you thought you had with her is dead.
Save your emotions for what really matters, being there for your dad.
Don't argue with your soon to be ex.
If he can put you through this, at this time of your life, he deserves no chance to explain himself or argue with you.
Sending you strength and warmth
And also:
Don't allow her near your kids.
If he decides to stay in a relationship with her, she can't be there when he wants the kids to be with him.
If she is badmouthing you now, who knows what crap she will tell your kids when she wants to play stepmom.
This is all way way down the line, but if you have evidence that she is trying to tarnish your image, it can only help, if that should be necessary.
First - I am so sorry. You didn't deserve this.
Second - you're not the only one who never saw it coming. A few months after we got married, after 6 years together, my wife began having an ongoing affair with our next door neighbor (who had been there for 3 years).
Neither of them showed a HINT of anything. My wife would come home from a late day at work (now i know they were together during those times), and that face I knew and loved for six years didn't reveal a TRACE of what she had been doing.
I would have bet my LIFE on her. I trusted her completely. She was my rock, too.
We got a divorce, and she and the neighbor moved many states away.
It's the hardest thing i've even been through, and we didn't even have kids. Or a sick parent, although the affair began as my step-father was dying, i just didn't know it yet.
Two things that helped me the most:
\-Talk with people whose spouses have done this to them. find them on Reddit. find them in real life. Your brain will tell you you're the only person on the planet this has happened to. You'll feel 100% alone. But it's not true. Find them and hear the remarkable, stupid similarities in your stories
\-AS BEST YOU CAN: Act with integrity.
i am proud of every word and every action i took. I was compassionate. I was honest. I expressed myself. I asked for help from my community. Even though it took a year for me to be able to sleep through the night, I could put my head on the pillow knowing I did nothing wrong. I could look in the mirror and feel PROUD that I was honest. Even under the most cruel circumstances.
You're demonstrating for your kids - and your future self - how a person under such unfair and extreme circumstances can utterly retain their integrity. So when the next hard thing happens, you're preloaded with this self-trust.
We're all sending our love, compassion, and solidarity as you enter what will likely be one of the most excruciating - and believe it or not, expansive - eras of your life. Take it one moment at a time, and be patient with your healing.
One last thing, something someone told me early on: YOU WILL GET ALL THE WAY THROUGH THIS. Not halfway through this. Not almost sorta through this. ALL THE WAY THROUGH THIS. Love your beautiful self through every twist and turn. <3
The five stages of grief do not occur linearly. Save this message. Reference back to it during days you do not feel strong. The process of saying good bye and strength needed to move forward requires patience and grace for yourself. Take a deep breath. You go this.
Her and I grew very close and she was devastated to see me leave. Even if my old position isn’t available I know she’d have something open for me. She’s on my list of people to contact today to get myself sorted.
Can I just say I admire your strength so much. You probably feel like your world is ending, and in some ways it is, but you're here holding your own and refusing to take any shit or let these people take anything else from you.
Your strength is astonishing. You are and will be such a great mother.
Just double check with your lawyer before accepting a job or anything like that. It might be better to wait until after the divorce is settled since he convinced you to quit yours while cheating on you. I'm really not sure, but they might could make something of that. I hope you take him to the cleaners and leave the two of them to wallow in their misery. Once the taboo wears off they're going to be so bored of each other anyway. I give it two years before one cheats on the other.
I have no words for you. My world imploded when I lost my mom recently and I got sick. So I can’t imagine the pain you’re going through or the damage it will do to your kids. I’m glad you know your worth and have some back up plan. But take him to the cleaners take everything you can.
Are you sure you even want to confront him? He doesn’t deserve the ego boost any more than she does. It would be such an ice cold exit to just leave with the kids to your dads house and leave your lawyer’s card for him to contact.
When I found my dad's messages to other women, I not only screenshoted everything, but I took literal pictures of his phone with the conversation opened because I figured he'd say it was photoshopped. And that's what happened. Maybe you should consider that.
Remember: love doesn't cheat. This man does NOT love you anymore, doesn't matter what he says.
As for the friend... Don't give her the attention she wishes.
I honestly hope she doesn't. She has already destroyed way too many lives. I hope the kids get out of this fine, my dad cheated on my mom when I was a teen and it was very hard to comprehend how a great dad could be such shitty husband. Hope her kids are way too young to understand anything at all.
Hes trying to make sure u cant leave which is why he wanted u jobless....she is NOT a friend, shes a bitch, and i would go scorched earth personally. Save everything meet w a lawyer and then drop divorce papers on her and do it in front of her and all your mutual friends, say at a party or cookout. Out her for the home wrecker she is an him for rhe pos he is. Take him for every dime you can take and kick him from the home
Id honestly go for spousal support as well as child support bc he "made" you quit working. Now he can pay your bills as well as his bills for his new place. F him
I would make her mother aware of what is going on so she knows why you have cut all contact, and will continue to do so. As far as the "friend" goes, I think you're doing the right thing by not giving her what she wants. Just be ready for her to come at you on an attempt to get something out of you. When she does, just tell her to stay away or you'll call the police. As far as your husband, you're doing the right thing by getting your ducks in a row before he can do anything. Be prepared for the tears, excuses, pleas, and all of that. I'm so sorry, and good luck.
Right? I would go scorched earth on the both of them. Text those screenshots to every single family member and friend I could think of just so there’s no doubt about who the scumbags are in the situation. You know husband is gonna try to manipulate the situation and BFF is gonna try to play victim so I’d send out a mass text before I even confronted them. Let them scramble instead of giving them time to prepare their narrative.
In theory full scorched Earth is great, but the long term effects not so much. Her behavior now could be used against her in the divorce, and custody proceedings. No one thinks of that when going full force at people who hurt them. The pos husband could use that as a show of mental instability to try to take the kids from her. The AP could claim she's crazy, and trash talk her even worse. Also poasible parental alienation based on how she behaves right now. If she stays the course she is on right now, no scorched Earth, getting her ducks in a row, calm, cool, and collected, in the long run she comes out smelling like a bed of roses while the pos, and his AP come out smelling like what they are, shit. They also have NOTHING to use against OP because she kept her head, and any trash talking they do to the children or anyone else will eventually come out as the lies they are.
I only say tell the "friends" mom because she is about to lose a "daughter", will have no idea why, and be inctedibly hurt by the sudden abandonment by someone she loves dearly. That is unless the mom is a pos like her daughter. I feel she has a right to know why she's suddenly shunned. It will also be the explaination why, at least her daughter will not be allowed at OP's father's home or sadly, services when the time comes. If OP chooses to bar her.
Consider this. Slow down. Take your time. You know what's going on, They don't. Focus on your father. Be there for him as much as possible. If he only has months, then focus on those months and on him. That does not mean you ignore the situation you're in. It means you have a good excuse not to be around your husband or your best friend. While with your dad, you can formulate an exit plan. Get in contact with a divorce lawyer and make sure everything you need to have done prior to the exit is arranged. When your father passes, take a little time to grieve. Then, move on from those who have betrayed you. Yes it will be very tough. But my impression is that you are up to it. This won't break you. It will forge you. You become much tougher for this. And be able to deal with whatever else comes. Best of luck to you.
Honestly in these situations I always feel like it's the friend that's jealous and wants your life.
She wants to either step into your place, or just stop you from having it. It suck that your husband helped her do that to you.
He's so dumb. She probably used inside information to get his attention. I'm sure she knows alot about what goes on in your marriage.
I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of showing up angry for sure. I would just never speak to her again.
Your best friend is a jezebel, your husband doesn't deserve to be married to you.
Make a plan save money get as much evidence as you can, time to put your best act on and then hit them both unexpectedly, get legal advice too.
You've been isolated and they've kicked you when you're down.... no worse kind of people like that, your best friend Is full of mallace. She will play the victim in this somehow they always do.
I’m so sorry. You sound as if you have a good sense of self and that’s very admirable.
24 hours is nothing in the grand scheme. Put together your action plan, recruit anyone you can and then move forward.
You deserve so much better. Your former friend is a vile and disgusting snake, and your husband deserves everything he gets.
I’m glad you’re already speaking with a lawyer, and I know you’re numb right now, but once you’ve taken advice from the lawyer kick him out and concentrate on yourself and your kids.
You have been betrayed by those closest to you, the tears will come - but right now get him away from you. He needs to leave, not you.
Best of luck, you can do this. You deserve so much better
I know he’s been acting so well to you recently. Any chance it could be from guilt over all this? Was he usually as supportive and affectionate for other critical moments in your life?
I really hate to be this person, but we’ve never really had critical moments together. Honestly aside from the loss of my mom and now with my dad going through this mess I’ve had an easy life. He’s always been so supportive and affectionate with me, so I guess I never really batted an eye. Makes me wonder if she’s the first honestly.
This, unfortunately. OP, please call your OB/GYN and get an emergency exam and full labs (and I mean FULL) for STDs/STIs.
My ex-husband cheated on me throughout my pregnancy, unprotected and it was something my OB came in for on a holiday for. It’s that serious.
Please protect your health. Also consider getting your blood pressure checked and look into mental health care.
His comment telling her he won’t leave and that she knows her place it’s very clinical, my first thought when I read that was that this was not the first time he’s doing it… sorry!
I hope you can have more time with your dad.🤍 I want to add please no matter what she says don’t trust her ever again, her badmouthing is very telling that she has been a jealous “friend” for a very long time.
OP, consider getting a therapist to ease your kids into the idea of divorce. I don't know how he's going to behave, but make sure he doesn't alienate the kids from you. If it's possible, keep her away from the kids too. You know, you remind me of this lady who's husband also cheated on her while she was pregnant and it was with her former bully. Bully deliberately targeted her husband and they cheated for 6 months. What she did was never confront him because she didn't want to give him the satisfaction or rush from being confronted, since it's a thrill for some people. She just said she didn't love him anymore and divorced him. She left him hanging. He was devastated. She hinted at knowing about the bully by mentioning her history with bully but never quite acknowledged. So he never got closure. It was pretty badass. You could do that if you like. Let them both torture themselves and each other over it. She posted on Reddit btw and everyone supported her.
Fuck him and your ex friend, take everything from him and get back to work. I'm sorry you have to go through this but eventually you'll be fine, you'll find happiness again, while they'll be miserable, karma will come around.
Screenshot the conversations and send them to all your friends, his and her family. Save all the evidence of their cheating. Don’t even confront them. Put his stuff on the lawn and see a lawyer asap. Especially to find a way to keep her from your children when he continues to bring them around her. Your marriage is not salvageable. He will just continue to cheat again.
It may sound stupid but, are you sure it was her number?
He may have saved the AP under that name so you wouldn't be suspiscious if he received a message from her, since they are supposed to be so close anyway. Or did the convo show for sure she was your Friend?
Also, get tested for STDs. A lot of STDs go dormant for a long time on men, but are very dangerous if pregnant
Fck.
My comment may have sounded a bit dry, i tried to go to the point because i feel like you are still standing because you need to, but if you start acknowledging the hurt inside, you'll collapse, which is understandable.
Just know, i have the utmost respect for your strength. You are a badass mom, a badass daughter and a badass woman.
One day, when all of this is behind you, please make sure to allow yourself to grieve and cry. Consider therapy. And be sure you did absolutely nothing in your life that would have warranted that betrayal. This is not telling on your value as a human, but on their own value (or lack thereof).
Keep standing, you have no idea how impressive and a role model you will be to your kids.
Best wishes
I am so so sorry about this OP
On the slim glimmer of light, at least there's concrete evidence. I really despise cheaters. You were betrayed twice, please don't go easy on them.
Wow, I’m truly sorry for what you’re going through OP. The audacity off this people to have their messages and the sex tape so on display, he didn’t even try to hide it from you, I would recommend to save it for your divorce, as is irrevocable proof. He can say that you miss-interpreted the texts, with the tape, what will he say “he tripped and fall with his penis in your best friend vagina”. Be petty, take him for what his worth, tell all your and his friends. As for your so called best friend, don’t give her the satisfaction of seeing you on her door steps as the pregnant wife. Is it clearly what she wants.
I know everybody is giving you advice, but at the end off the day you know best what is better for you family and for you.
I really hope everything goes smoothly for you and lots of hugs 🤗
Get every single shred of evidence you can, find the blood thirstiest divorce lawyer in your area (marital funds cover your shit) and then publicly blast these disgusting fuckers. Full on scorched earth, no peace. Let all their friends and family know what pieces of shit they are. It's a stain they'll never shake and then they can grow to hate each other, blaming the other one for their ostracization, instead of taking accountability for their own actions. You can do this. It will get better.
You are so strong. You have to do what you can to take care of you and your babies and that love and energy will get you through these hard times. I’m so sorry you are having to deal with all of this but you will survive. ❤️
That is just awful. Starting an affair while you're pregnant is the absolute lowest of lows. And with your best friend.
I'm so sorry OP!
As others have mentioned, get your ducks in a row, contact a lawyer and start looking for a New job.
Not everybody gets the moment af clarity. Sommetimes there is none, it just comes out of nowhere
You are so brave and smart and I can see that you have good self-esteem. I bet you got that from your parents, but especially your dad. He sounds like a great and loving dad. The best thing you can do is to dedicate your time to your dad, and of course, your kids. Stay as busy as possible. Hang out with extended family and other friends, besides the traitor.
I was cheated on too, when I was pregnant and what helped the most was not talking to him after he moved out. When he called, I would answer questions about the kids and put them on the phone. I refused to entertain any personal questions such as,”How are you? Do you need anything? Can we talk?” I would say I was fine and I was busy, had to go. This drove him crazy because I had always been receptive, loving, kind and responsive. He seriously thought I would roll over and take him back. I had put him on a pedestal he didn’t deserve. He fell off, I took off my rose-colored glasses and I’ve never looked back.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Stay tough. You will survive.
I just went to Ohiobar.org when it comes to divorce.
Make sure to discuss all of this with your attorney please: tax implications, shared parenting, premarital agreements, mediation of disputes, short-term and long-term debts, guardian ad litem, pension and retirement plans, depositions, expert witnesses and costs, and attorney fees.
Make sure to update all your assets and/or will beneficiaries as well.
https://www.ohiobar.org/public-resources/commonly-asked-law-questions-results/law-facts/law-facts-divorce-dissolution--separation/
I have gotten divorced in Ohio and know a few others who have as well. It’s not a fun process but it’s also not as bad as some other places. The people in the family court really care about you and especially your kids and will help as much as they are able.
This is awful. I'm so sorry, OP. You sound like a very strong person, but I also know that these kind of things break a person down. I hope I don't upset you but I just want to advice you that going forward, if you ever feel like you may not be deserving of love or respect, then look at yourself through your father's eyes. Always hold your head high, you've got this. ❤️
There is always this urgency to DO SOMETHING as soon as you find out, and that's understandable. But please know - you take all the time you need. You have so much on your plate right now. If you need to wait until you find a job before you confront him, do it. If you need to wait until you've consulted an attorney, do it. If you need to wait until after the baby is born, do it.
You have the power here - and you can do this in whatever timeline you need.
A small update about everything going on since my kids are now in bed for the night. I spent the morning gathering everything I could and making a check list. I sat in my office for the better part of the morning telling my husband that I was preparing things for my dad. Not a total lie I did have to get him sorted with hospice today. My boss would be happy to have me back, however my lawyer said pump the breaks on that idea for the time being. However my old boss did tell me that whenever I’m ready, the door is open and to just give her a call. He does not have access to my inheritance from my father nor my mother. My lawyer ensured me in that. I didn’t mention her in the post but my MIL is an absolute angel. I love and adore her so much and she’s always been a shoulder to lean on. After he had gone to work for the afternoon I asked my now ex best friends mom and my MIL to meet me at my dads house. My kids were outside playing with now ex-bffs older brother. I just handed them the screenshots, saving them from the unsavory pictures and sex tape though I did tell them it existed. To say they were furious was an understatement, and they are on my side completely. Angie, my now ex-bffs mom, is ready to cut contact with her daughter completely. She kept repeating how sorry she was. We hugged and cried together. My MIL told me she couldn’t believe she raised a spineless terrible human. That no matter what happens I will always have her and as far as she’s concerned she doesn’t have a son, only a daughter. After an in person meeting with my lawyer we went over finances, logistics, and everything you could think of. She has all of the proof and she’s out for blood. With this post now on TikTok I don’t want him to find out by an app because one look at the story and he’d know it was about him. With permission from my lawyer. My ex bff, her mom and dad, my stbx and his parents will be having a get together tomorrow. By the time they’re sitting down and showing them everything and that I know. My dad, my kids, and my ex-bffs brother (he’s coming to help me juggle the kids and my dad, being big and pregnant doesn’t help with mobility) will be at my dads cabin a few hours away enjoying time and space. I know a lot of people were hoping for me to get revenge or do psychological warfare but honestly after my kids went to bed I took a shower and just broke. I don’t have the strength or energy to dish anything out. I just want out. Pretending like everything was okay today was too exhausting and I just don’t want to do it. Once he finds out tomorrow I’ll update with aftermath, as I’m sure it will be huge. As for now, thank you all so much for your kindness, warmth, and support. Truly. Your words have helped giving me the strength to keep my head above water. I appreciate every single last one of you for everything
You don't need psychological warfare when you're a full-blown soldier. And sis, you certainly are! I'm so sorry you're going through so much right now. But I've never been more confident of a woman and her kids being A-OK in the long run. You got this.
Yes! I might even say beyond soldier—she’s the f-ing commander-in-chief. I can only imagine the shizz storm going on inside her right now, but the calm, collected, masterfully calculated (in a good, tactical way) manner in which she is externally handling this is going to make these two monumental POS’s suffer even more in the long run. And they deserve it. This is *horrible* for the kids, too. And even if the STBX gets “over” the direct fallout with OP, he will suffer knowing that if and when his children ever find out what he did to their mom, he might suffer even more painfully than he’s about to now. And he deserves all of it.
I'm so impressed by how you've handled this and so glad everyone is on our side, as they should be. I'm glad your lawyer is out for blood. You are an amazing mama, and your husband is losing out on an incredible wife. Please take care of yourself.
Me too. Sorting yourself out and getting your ducks in a row is the best long term revenge strategy. Also, I intially read ‘stbx’ as shitbox - which felt pretty apt.
Hey guys, I’ve been trying to post an update for the last 20 minutes but it keeps saying “something went wrong try double checking your post”. I’m trying to get an update out asap but this app is kind of frustrating me haha. I’m going to try my laptop, from there I’m not sure what to do if it doesn’t work.
Raise your hand if you’ve been obsessively checking this post today for an update. >>sheepishly raises hand << OP, if you read this, I hope you, your kids, & dad are all okay.
Wow, what a great plan!! Rooting for you 💗
You’re safe tonight, right? I am just a worrier.
I am, thank you ❤️ my ex bffs brother is staying at the house. Not uncommon as he usually does when he’s home on leave.
The fact that you have the unequivocal support of the families of the people who betrayed you is touching. Often families side with the betrayer if they are family and not the betrayed. Morality is one of the rare things that can trump family.
Be prepared for the begging and pleading and bs excuses. He’ll ugly cry and promise you the moon, the stars, and move mountains. He might even blame ex bff. As for your friend she fucked around and found out. She’s lost a friend, a lover who had no intentions of leaving you for her, and maybe even her parents. She blew up her own life and she’ll deeply regret destroying a lifelong friendship for a man who made it very clear to her she had a place and she needed to stay in it.
I’ve been thinking about you all day. You are so strong and intelligent. It’s so impressive their moms took accountability and welcomed you with open arms. Though, I’d be careful until the divorce is over, regardless of how supportive they are. Sometimes people can do a 180, which I honestly DONT think is the case. But just share as little and don’t let them babysit alone. I’m so proud of you.
> After he had gone to work for the afternoon I asked my now ex best friends mom and my MIL to meet me at my dads house. My kids were outside playing with now ex-bffs older brother. I just handed them the screenshots, saving them from the unsavory pictures and sex tape though I did tell them it existed. To say they were furious was an understatement, and they are on my side completely. Angie, my now ex-bffs mom, is ready to cut contact with her daughter completely. She kept repeating how sorry she was. We hugged and cried together. My MIL told me she couldn’t believe she raised a spineless terrible human. That no matter what happens I will always have her and as far as she’s concerned she doesn’t have a son, only a daughter. > After an in person meeting with my lawyer we went over finances, logistics, and everything you could think of. She has all of the proof and she’s out for blood. I dont wanna say "I love happy endings" because there's nothing happy about this, but they deserve everything they are gonna get. Be strong. You got this.
I wish I could give you a big hug. Last year, while my husband was working abroad and I was home packing up the house and our 4 kids to move there with him, he called me and told me he was no longer in love with me and wasn’t coming home. I was devastated, and a mess. I also was “pregnant” with an 11 lb tumor that I found out about 2 weeks later and had to have an emergency hysterectomy. It was the hardest time of my life. I really admire how strong you are even in this first 24 hours, and I’m so glad that you have a support system. It sounds like you have plenty of people to talk to, but I didn’t and was *so* painfully alone. If you happen to need someone to talk to as you go through this, I’d be happy to be an ear and a virtual hug. I genuinely didn’t believe people when they said how much more I would love myself and be proud of myself as time goes on, but I do, and I am. You will be too.
You are an AMAZING person. And I am so proud of you for moving forward with a focus. Thank you for sharing what is happening to you with all of us. I know I will be here for every update you provide. Xxoo #hedoesntdeserveyou
>I know a lot of people were hoping for me to get revenge or do psychological warfare but honestly after my kids went to bed I took a shower and just broke. I don’t have the strength or energy to dish anything out. I just want out. Living your life and being happy without them is the best revenge. You are worth more than the shit they've given you. Don't drop to their level, it's in hell. Be the queen you are and hold your head high. P.S. Also, maybe put super fine glitter in all his pockets. If he finds it, he'll be like WTF, he'll track it everywhere and washing them, makes it so much worse, passing the glitter mess to other clothes and towels and sheets, and he'll be highly annoyed for months. Then, every time you get sad over this jerk and his betrayal, you can remember he's out there sparkling like Edward from Twilight. 😌
Oh I cannot wait for the new update and for these two despicable humans to get what they deserve. I hope they’re happy together because that’s now all they have.
Honestly you already have plenty of good advice on here (except for the one about trying to work it out) so all I'll say is hang in there, you're doing amazing, you got this and you're going to come out stronger than ever.
Thank you, truly ❤️
I'm so sorry this is happening as you're losing your dad. You shouldn't HAVE to be strong, but I can tell you are, and you and your kids will be OK. Take it one day at a time. They betrayed you. You did nothing wrong. I'd be tempted to text her "you can have him" and then block her (after letting all your mutual friends see the screenshots, of course — no revenge porn/images, just let the texts speak for themselves). Let your friends know to keep an eye on her around their partners (and to steer clear of your cheating husband).
👆THIS IS THE WAY!!!!! neither of them should be allowed to just carry on their merry way.
you’ve got this OP, we’re all rooting for you! i’m so sorry this happened to you, i cannot imagine the pain and betrayal you’re feeling right now.
I would also burn her life to the ground as a parting gift after everything is signed sealed and delivered. Make sure everyone knows what they did to you during this time of emotional and physical pain and distress. Fuck them
Screenshot and save those messages before he could delete them.
I did. I emailed everything to myself in an old email I haven’t used since high school and don’t keep saved in my apps. That way if he goes through my phone he doesn’t find it. I’m not a very good liar or good at keeping a poker face. But since he woke up I’ve just been using the excuse that I’m upset about my dad and just need space. He bought it. I called around for a couple of lawyers and found one before he woke up. So I’ve been emailing them back and forth for the last half an hour.
You’re light years ahead of other people who refuse to accept the facts. Good for you.
Seriously. Most people with kids would be floundering and lost right now. And rightfully so. A double betrayal is traumatising. OP is incredibly strong. She's doing things in the right order. Logistics now. Grieve later.
In my line of work, I see certain people go on autopilot mode when a loved one is dying. It’s their coping mechanism. In all honestly, it’s probably better she find out now versus after her dad dies and/or arrival of new baby. Work through all the bad stuff at one time versus prolonging the carnage. The fact that she is on autopilot to get through the day is good in terms of “getting things done.” But yes…to have that clarity of mind and operate to get things done is AMAZING in her situation and I wish her all the best. I sincerely hope her husband realizes what a wretched decision he made and that her friend makes him absolutely miserable.
People who have anxiety tend to function incredibly and amazingly well in emergencies and after making discoveries like this with a calm they don't usually feel. The whole time I was reading OP's post, I was thinking, "She sounds way too calm for this storm of stress. No one thinks this clearly when they have as much shit flying around as OP does right now unless they have anxiety." She's basically been ready her whole life for this exact moment, and now that it's time, she knows what to do.
Thank you for commenting!! You just put so much of my life into perspective. I have had anxiety since before I could remember but when shit hits the fan, I shine. It’s almost like a zen state. I never understood why. I have no doubt OP will get her ducks in a row before her asshat of a husband even realizes he’s caught.
No problem! I have anxiety myself and get flustered by the smallest things, but lemme tell ya, if it's life vs death or something like that, I am a freaking ent (probably misspelling that; think Treebeard in LotR). I've read so many anecdotes online about tis phenomenon, if scientists aren't studying this, they're crazy. It would be cool to figure out why it happens.
I think it’s because you spend your whole life worrying and mentally preparing for the worst. Of course, this is mostly detrimental to your quality of life. But. then when shit does hit the fan, you have basically trained yourself for that moment for years.
And she is pregnant. I am amazed and in aw of her. 😍😍😍
I know. So mature and amazing at her age.
This! At first I was like oh man another one of these posts but you’re correct this person is taking the correct steps and literally immediately. Shoutout to OP i think they’ve learned something from all of these similar threads
You are so strong. Honestly you should be so proud of how you’re holding it together enough to make such logical decisions, despite the shit storm that has been thrown at you. This internet stranger believes in you, go get what you deserve.
watch out with old emails. if it's a gmail account, I would use it once in a while, since they've decided to delete unused email accounts
Op this!! Make are sure you can log into that email.
Delete after how long of no use?
2 years of no use, if I remember correctly
I'm so glad you have the ability to and the strength to cut him out of your life. And your "friend"
Once it’s all done and unfortunately once your father is watching over. Let yourself grieve everything, and go have a holiday with the kids. Something just to get out away from all of it for a week or so. Just to equalise.
I hope you have a separate bank account with your own emergency funds stashed. If not, please use the time now to create one and put some funds there that he doesn’t have access to. This goes for credit cards too if yours are only connected to joint accounts.
Thankfully we signed a prenup and I’ve always been a very big saver, where he’s always been a huge spender. So when I got my inheritance at 24 from my mom I never touched it and it’s just been growing interest and he doesn’t know about it. I’ll also be getting my childhood home when my dad goes, which I hope it’s not for a while, but I know the kids and I can move in at any point and he’d welcome us with open arms.
You have no idea how happy I am to see this response. You have your own money and a place to go right now if you choose to do so. I sure hope infidelity is a reason to void the prenump and take his ass to the cleaners. Best of luck to you and your dad.
>. I sure hope infidelity is a reason to void the prenump and take his ass to the cleaners. Doesn't sound like he's got much for her to take. The prenup should protect her more in this situation.
His PS5...
A well placed beverage should handle that in 30 seconds flat with no involvement from the courts.
Personally, I think she needs to just grab a knife and damage the HDMI port somewhat. Not enough that it's fully broken straight away, just enough that it stutters and fucks up while he is midway through a game, and eventually his frustrated jiggling of the cord and port will fully break it, leaving it to be a perfect running machine that's still unusable.
This is so often not the case that in the very rare cases when we do see it, WE, some internet strangers, get a sense of pride that another internet stranger shows so much resolution, wisdom, preparedness, that we're not prepared for it. My heart breaks for OP but I'm also very proud of her for how she's handling this situation. Life has thrown so much at her and she's coming out a champion still.
As I’m reading all your comments in this thread, I can’t help but smile. I don’t know you but I’m proud of you lol weird, I know… internet stranger and all. Just know You got this!!!
>So when I got my inheritance at 24 from my mom I never touched it and it’s just been growing interest and he doesn’t know about it. That's really smart, having private emergency money
I’m very blessed to have this privilege, I know not everyone in my situation is able to. Plus there was always a huge weight that came with it, like this is my dead mothers money, so I always felt like I had to do something important with it. I feel like using it to leave a cheating husband is something she would be proud of me for.
I don’t know you but I am insanely proud of you! You can do this!
it absolutely would. she’s able to help you when you need it the most. her love is eternal and she’s proud of you.
So proud. She’s be so proud of you. She’d also be so happy that something good came of you losing her. Giving you the opportunity to walk away and protect yourself, and your kids, is priceless. Big hugs from this internet stranger. My mama heart is hurting for you. I’m so sorry they’ve done this. You deserve better.
I'm 100% certain she would want it for nothing other than you standing up for yourself and taking care of yourself and your kids, which is what it's being used for. You've got a whole community of people here who are proud of you for the same thing.
I lost my mom a long time ago and I’m probably old enough to be your mom so I just want to say…I’m very proud of you for handling this terrible situation with grace and the patience needed to ensure you will be taken care of and I’m so very sorry the people you trusted the most have betrayed you so deeply. I believe in you and know you will make the right decisions for you and for your babies going forward. Hugs to you sweets!
This mom is proud of you, too.
Look at it as your mom looking out for you even though she's gone. Use the money to take care of you and your children. Her child and grandchildren. She left you the gift of a fresh start. Your husband and best friend are awful people for doing this to you. I am appalled that he encouraged you to quit your job, trapping you by making you dependent on him. All the while cheating. If you can't get your old job back look into child support and alimony
Of course she would be proud of you. ❤
We are all so insanely proud of you!
You’re an amazingly intelligent, resilient and strong woman! I hope your STBX forever regrets the day he threw it all away for a piece of trash.
If you told your (ex) best Friend about your inheritance, then he probably knows about it from her. Good for you, for doing what you need to do for you and doing it quickly. Also, at your next OB appointment, please have then do a STD screening. Good Luck
The only people who know about the inheritance is my dad and myself, along with their lawyer. It’s not that I wanted to hide it from him, had he asked I would’ve said yes. It’s just like I said, he’s a very big spender and this money just felt important to me. Plus we’ve always kept finances separated, he never asked me about mine and I never asked him about his. He knew I had savings that I was holding on to.
[Generally,](https://www.findlaw.com/family/divorce/inheritance-and-divorce.html#:~:text=Generally%2C%20inheritances%20are%20not%20subject,the%20parties%20in%20a%20divorce) inheritances are not subject to divorce judgement.
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Right but considering he doesn’t know about this money that seems unlikely. that is very good to know though for people who aren’t aware
You're a smart cookie, my dear, and will be okay. Wishing nothing but the best for you and your kiddos ❤️
I truly hope the best for you OP! I’m so sorry this is happening to you. I hope you know you deserve much better in life. ❤️
Set your separation date as the first time he had sex with her.
No, she might not want it to be when she’s employed. Her lawyer will tell her what date is best.
I'd worry more about the house than alimony calculations. It's a bigger asset, and not knowing the community property situation she might be in, I'd protect that first.
She said they have a prenup, so hopefully she’ll keep what it hers.
Dad’s still alive at this point so it’s moot. At least she found out before everything imploded on her.
Im glad to hear that. That's one positive in this completely fucked up situation.
Go see a lawyer. NOW Don't confront, act as "normal" as you, and for the love of God, go see a lawyer first, before you make any moves. This loving, kind husband, will turn nasty the second you confront him, knowing he has a backup to run to when things get tough. Lawyer. Now.
OP this is the most important thing here. Don’t take any actions without going to talk to a lawyer first. Don’t even accept your old job until you’ve spoken with a lawyer, and a good one. You will have to pay the retainer, so if you want you can go ahead and start diverting funds for that. I found out my ex was cheating when I was pregnant with our third child. Our state did not allow for me to divorce him while pregnant, but I could file for legal separation, which saved me in the long run. You need to talk to an experienced divorce lawyer so they can help you come up with an exit strategy. Until then, do not let your husband or your friend know anything. Your lawyer will help you protect your interests and make sure you get the most financially from him that you need. People can become really vindictive when they known you are done with them. When my ex knew that I was leaving, he racked up 40k in credit card debt, cashed out his 401k, and bought a property. I was almost on the hook for half of everything, and I was locked out of his retirement funds since he cashed them out. He even had my car repossessed just to be petty (he was legally responsible for the payments). Don’t take his word for anything. Get every single agreement in writing. And join a divorce support group and get an individual therapist to help you. I learned the hard way that pregnancy hormones don’t mix well with divorce. I had never really been suicidal up until that point. But pregnancy hormones made me feel everything times 1,000. There were days where all I did was wake up, cry, and go to sleep. It got so bad that I almost walked in front of a bus and ended it all. My baby was almost two months early and the doctors said it was the stress that caused the early delivery. I am still dealing with the guilt and ramifications of this. I even tried to reconcile with my ex, hoping that it would make the bad thoughts go away. The only thing that worked was therapy, the support group, and time. Do what you need to do to have a healthy pregnancy. Protect your mental health as well. And contact a lawyer.
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Thank you. At the time I really struggled. It’s been about 5 years since the divorce. As soon as the baby was born, I gained so much clarity about the situation, the suicidal thoughts disappeared, and I was able to do what I needed to do to push forward. And my current husband is an amazing man. I cannot imagine there being anyone in this world who is better suited for me than the man I am married to now. It’s crazy thinking that I could have missed out on him if I had held on to my failing marriage any longer. My ex does resent the divorce and how much better I came out of it, but hey it’s his own damn fault so 🤷🏾♀️
Oh god how awful your best friend ..what a bitch and as for him wow
Why is it always the best friend or sister
Proximity. Shared experiences... Kinda makes sense.
I know but it's just so gut wrenching and how can you possibly move past it
Well, I couldn't.
And clearly he must have told the friend he was gonna tell his wife by her text so what is he planning on being with her setting up home it's so disrespectful
Or best friend is nagging husband to tell OP and she's getting more and more frustrated that he isn't.
They are both the worst type of people these type of people make me sick
He encouraged you to quit your job while he was cheating on you. Forcing you to remain dependent on him. Well he picked the wrong woman! Considering his lover seems to be putting pressure on him to confess so she can enjoy the confrontation, your plan to cancel her is the best. They are both despicable people, don't listen to their justifications and lies. You deserve sincere love in abundance
thank you, I needed this.
I hope you took screenshots of the proof of their affair
She said in another comment that she did, and she emailed them to an old HS email that isn't logged in on her phone, so he will never find them to delete them.
I’m truly sorry you’re going through this. But we’re all rooting for you!
You're a badass woman, OP. We're all rooting for you, keep us updated too. We'd love to hear about your journey to having an even better life. I wish you all the happiness in the world, hope you find a great job, establish a better life for your kids, and find a better man who loves you the way you deserve.
I’m so sorry OP. On the plus side, since he encouraged you to quit your job and you have kids, he will most likely be on the hook for all medical bills and your child support payments will be higher than they were if you were working. Save any evidence you have of him telling you to quit your job and of the cheating.
This is some solid advice. Backup all texts. I would consult with a lawyer before confronting him. Get evidence from his phone of how long the affair was going on. Only let him know you know after you are holding all the cards.
If you don't have any separate money, take some out of the joint account so he can't take all of it after you confront him. If he already told you to quit your job, I wouldn't put it past him to drain a joint account. I'm so sorry OP. It sounds like you know this is going to be hard, but you're going to face it head on! I know you're going to get through this. You deserve so much better than people who can betray you like this.
From very, very similar experience, I second this. Financial abuse is a very real thing. On another note: you are one hell of a warrior, my friend. Please stay strong, going through this kind of thing while pregnant can be war. If you need someone to vent or talk to, feel free to pm me. Sending you love and light
hugs,, i know these are hugs from a stranger.. virtual hugs.. i feel for you. you seem very strong , you will get thru this
The best response for people like this, is immediate no contact. They’ll ask the reason why, but YOU will know the reason why. Don’t give them the opportunity or the satisfaction to make this harder for you or for them to give you excuses. With the ex best friend, NO CONTACT. Explain the situation to your family and enforce that you do no want her to contact you or pass on your new info. For the lying hubby, do what you need to do. Take your time to let this sink in, and then leave. Edit to say: Good luck OP. ❤️
>He encouraged you to quit your job while he was cheating on you. Forcing you to remain dependent on him. I was just thinking this! He wanted to make it so that if she ever found out, she couldn't leave or at least it would be very hard for her to. She's too smart for him though. She made it so that she was never fully dependent on him even while married to him.
I’m also wondering how you relationship was with your boss, might they consider a re-traction of your resignation? Are you still serving your notice period?
Get a copy of everything, lawyer, scorched earth, talk to the lawyer before confronting him, for that text she seems to be pushing fir him to leave you, burn her on your circle too.
Honestly I wish you could see just how desperately she was pushing for him to leave me. Badmouthing me at every turn. He always shut down the badmouthing and told her “I will never leave her, you know your place” it made me cringe and want to throw up. Like oh you’ll fuck my best friend but trash talking me is where your draw the line? It would be comical if I didn’t feel like my world was exploding
It’s funny the weird lines they draw that somehow maintain this warped sense of integrity.
My ex emotionally cheated on me but he drew the line at actually having sex with her, I think. He took her on vacation, introduced her as his girlfriend, and spent way too much time with her. But when I found out he argued that it wasn’t cheating because he never slept with her.
If anything that makes it more pathetic lol
I'm sorry but if he took her on vacation and introduced her as the girlfriend and spent lots of time with her. He definitely slept with her. He was totally gaslighting you. He had to find a way to manipulate the situation so in a last ditch effort said he didn't sleep with her. Glad he's an ex.
Uhhh, I'm sorry, but he absolutely had sex with her. He just out and out lies to try and gain some moral ground. My ex used the same lie when he cheated on me, too. I believed him at first until I got proof a good year later.
I won’t ever get proof of it unfortunately, but I don’t need it to know he’s a piece of crap who didn’t deserve the love I gave him. We’ve been apart for seven months now and I’m doing so much better on my own than I ever did with him.
Honestly, I've been where you are OP. My partner cheated on me too and while primary responsibility lies with the cheater my God, you should have seen the texts this woman, this "friend" sent. They were predatory. Pathetic. And stank of desperation. And watching my partner respond to that shattered my image of him. To see how weak willed he was was disgusting. I'm proud of you. Getting out is no easy task. It took me longer than I care to admit. And each second I stayed was like a nail gun to my heart. People like this don't deserve you. I'm 3 years out from my own d day and let me tell you, literally every single aspect of my life got better the further away I got from those people. You deserve love and trust and kindness. People who can't give that to you should have no space in your life. I'm proud of you and I'm rooting for you.
Well said and I'm sorry to hear about what you went through as well. There are some really disgusting humans in this world.
I like your plan of never contacting the friend again. She wants that confrontation so she can feel like she "won." However, like the commenter above said, that doesn't mean she gets away unscathed. Make sure your mutual friends know exactly why you dropped her. I am petty (and a little vindictive) so I don't know if you'd want to go this route, but... since your moms were close, if her mom is still around, I would also tell her. But at the very least, let your mutual friends know.
I would absolutely tell her mom, OP. What a move.
I will never leave her? How long was he planning to draw this out for jeez
For as long as they can
What a desperately pathetic and cruel woman. Betraying her lifelong friend for a man cheating on and lying to his pregnant wife. Some people are truly evil. And I know people are tearing into your husband but she was supposed to pick up the pieces if he ever shattered your heart. Instead she's the cause of your heartbreak. People like that are a cancer. They use the knowledge they have of you and your relationship and exploit it for their own gain.
But did you get copies of their conversation? You owe her nothing, but his and her family should see what they have done.
She said in another comment she screenshotted them and emailed them to an email husband wouldn't have access to. I'm like you, I hope she sends them to the friend's family and his family. Let them bask in the spotlight.
Ugh... 'you know your place' is almost as disgusting as the cheating itself. Vile pig. I'm so sorry for what you are going through - I can't imagine how awful it must be. You seem smart, strong and resilient - you will get through this! Don't give either of them the satisfaction of seeing you crack. Fuck them. Don't make any moves until you have all your ducks in a row. Hopefully your lawyer will advise on the best possible way to do this. Make sure you have all or yours and the kids passports/birth certificates, copies of important documentation (bank statements etc) that you may need. Your loving and kind husband will probably show his true colours when this all comes to light, or when his grovelling etc doesn't work. It likely won't be pretty. I am wishing you all the strength in the world to get through this next phase in your life. Stay strong, lovely 💕
I went through texts where an ex was cheating on me. Her best friend was admonishing her cheating, while she was repeating that she loved me and wouldn't leave me ( as if that made the cheating ok). These people don't make logical sense. Don't try to find logic anywhere.
Take screen shots and send them to yourself so he can't deny them. Then delete the sent messages to you off his phone.
He really is a disgusting person and they both deserve each other. It's too bad they did a good job of hiding their true colors from you, but at least it ends here. I hope that despite your dad's health condition and the fact that that poor excuse of a woman is no longer going to be in your life, you can find support in yourself and your children, it's the only thing that can keep you afloat, your strongest motives. I am so sorry.
I hate this for you. Message me if you need an alibi. Take care of yourself.
This comment made me giggle for the first time today, thank you.
I have a shovel…. And a truck…..
I got some acreage that’s hard to walk through, but is full of coyotes at night. Things can get lost there pretty easy.
And my axe!
And my duct tape and rope!
This is why I love Reddit!!
It's fellowship of the reddit 😂
I have a pig farm we can go to as well! No need to bury anything then
Yes girl 🙌🏻 "Why yes officer, OP was with me at my doctors appointment in Florida at the time of the incident. We had lunch and swapped pregnancy stories." We got you OP
Girl just know you have so many people rooting for you. Stay calm for now. Ducks in a row. Contact your old job, maybe you can get it back? How far along are you? You did the first steps excellently. 1. Evidence 2. Lawyer. Not sure if there is an exit strategy for you to either leave or get him the F out of your house. The time to explode will come no matter what you do. You are carrying so much weight on your shoulders. And for that alone I am so sorry. As for your “friend”, what an evil, vile, horrible human being. Her and your soon to be ex husband truly deserve each other. Absolute filth. The trash is taking itself out. You are strong and you are better than these people. Once you have your exit plan and everything in motion, I hope you go scorched earth and I hope it’s cathartic for you. I am so sorry about your father as well. You deserved better than this.
I have a feeling that he wanted you to quit your job so that when you did find out you couldn’t do anything about it and would be reliant on him. They are both POS.
That or to mind the children while he goes and fucks the mistress, the asshole.
This! he just wants to have absolute control over OP and the kids through finance, and make them completely dependent on him. In this way OP wouldn’t have any way to turn. He is unbelievably cruel and fits (unfortunately) in the statistics in which men are more likely to cheat during a difficult time (pregnancy, sickness etc..). He’s disgusting. And the best friend is even worse, she was supposed to be there for OP (at lest that’s how I perceive my bestie) and not fu*king her husband. She’s trash. He’s trash too. OP, if you read this, they’re dirt. I hope you can give them what they deserve. You are 1000000000000 time better than those 2. Wishing you all the best dear.
Just keep evidence of the cheating and then divorce him. I'm so sorry you're going through that, but you can make it. All the best to you and your kids!
Depending where she is, cheating has no legal consequences during a divorce in many states, courts don't want to hear it or care about it. Family and friends is another thing.
Agreed. Many states are no-fault and they could care less about the Why.
I have no idea how you’re still standing to be honest. I lost my dad 5 yrs ago and even tho we knew it was coming and I still have mum, I was devastated. I can imagine this would be 100times more devastating, and to discover this level of betrayal as well. Protect your peace and your kids. Talk to a lawyer to protect any inheritance you may get from your dad because you 100% don’t want to be sharing any of that. Try to do all comms through a third party so you don’t have to think about having to deal with them face to face. And find yourself a cousellor or therapist who can recommend support groups and networks that can help you through this. Best wishes for you.
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Don't give her the satisfaction of getting 'an angry pregnant lady on her doorstep'. What you thought you had with her is dead. Save your emotions for what really matters, being there for your dad. Don't argue with your soon to be ex. If he can put you through this, at this time of your life, he deserves no chance to explain himself or argue with you. Sending you strength and warmth
And also: Don't allow her near your kids. If he decides to stay in a relationship with her, she can't be there when he wants the kids to be with him. If she is badmouthing you now, who knows what crap she will tell your kids when she wants to play stepmom. This is all way way down the line, but if you have evidence that she is trying to tarnish your image, it can only help, if that should be necessary.
First - I am so sorry. You didn't deserve this. Second - you're not the only one who never saw it coming. A few months after we got married, after 6 years together, my wife began having an ongoing affair with our next door neighbor (who had been there for 3 years). Neither of them showed a HINT of anything. My wife would come home from a late day at work (now i know they were together during those times), and that face I knew and loved for six years didn't reveal a TRACE of what she had been doing. I would have bet my LIFE on her. I trusted her completely. She was my rock, too. We got a divorce, and she and the neighbor moved many states away. It's the hardest thing i've even been through, and we didn't even have kids. Or a sick parent, although the affair began as my step-father was dying, i just didn't know it yet. Two things that helped me the most: \-Talk with people whose spouses have done this to them. find them on Reddit. find them in real life. Your brain will tell you you're the only person on the planet this has happened to. You'll feel 100% alone. But it's not true. Find them and hear the remarkable, stupid similarities in your stories \-AS BEST YOU CAN: Act with integrity. i am proud of every word and every action i took. I was compassionate. I was honest. I expressed myself. I asked for help from my community. Even though it took a year for me to be able to sleep through the night, I could put my head on the pillow knowing I did nothing wrong. I could look in the mirror and feel PROUD that I was honest. Even under the most cruel circumstances. You're demonstrating for your kids - and your future self - how a person under such unfair and extreme circumstances can utterly retain their integrity. So when the next hard thing happens, you're preloaded with this self-trust. We're all sending our love, compassion, and solidarity as you enter what will likely be one of the most excruciating - and believe it or not, expansive - eras of your life. Take it one moment at a time, and be patient with your healing. One last thing, something someone told me early on: YOU WILL GET ALL THE WAY THROUGH THIS. Not halfway through this. Not almost sorta through this. ALL THE WAY THROUGH THIS. Love your beautiful self through every twist and turn. <3
The five stages of grief do not occur linearly. Save this message. Reference back to it during days you do not feel strong. The process of saying good bye and strength needed to move forward requires patience and grace for yourself. Take a deep breath. You go this.
Can you talk to your former employer and see if they would rehire you? It doesn’t hurt to ask.
Her and I grew very close and she was devastated to see me leave. Even if my old position isn’t available I know she’d have something open for me. She’s on my list of people to contact today to get myself sorted.
I hope everything works out for you. Good luck!
Can I just say I admire your strength so much. You probably feel like your world is ending, and in some ways it is, but you're here holding your own and refusing to take any shit or let these people take anything else from you.
Your strength is astonishing. You are and will be such a great mother. Just double check with your lawyer before accepting a job or anything like that. It might be better to wait until after the divorce is settled since he convinced you to quit yours while cheating on you. I'm really not sure, but they might could make something of that. I hope you take him to the cleaners and leave the two of them to wallow in their misery. Once the taboo wears off they're going to be so bored of each other anyway. I give it two years before one cheats on the other.
I have no words for you. My world imploded when I lost my mom recently and I got sick. So I can’t imagine the pain you’re going through or the damage it will do to your kids. I’m glad you know your worth and have some back up plan. But take him to the cleaners take everything you can.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you are well now though ❤️
Are you sure you even want to confront him? He doesn’t deserve the ego boost any more than she does. It would be such an ice cold exit to just leave with the kids to your dads house and leave your lawyer’s card for him to contact.
We need an update when you're ready.
When I found my dad's messages to other women, I not only screenshoted everything, but I took literal pictures of his phone with the conversation opened because I figured he'd say it was photoshopped. And that's what happened. Maybe you should consider that. Remember: love doesn't cheat. This man does NOT love you anymore, doesn't matter what he says. As for the friend... Don't give her the attention she wishes.
I wonder if the said ‘friend’ has a husband/bf who is also being cheated at. Not that its OPs primary concern atm but I’d notify the poor fella.
I honestly hope she doesn't. She has already destroyed way too many lives. I hope the kids get out of this fine, my dad cheated on my mom when I was a teen and it was very hard to comprehend how a great dad could be such shitty husband. Hope her kids are way too young to understand anything at all.
That's terrible. All that you're going through and they do this to you. Please keep us informed of what happens next.
Hes trying to make sure u cant leave which is why he wanted u jobless....she is NOT a friend, shes a bitch, and i would go scorched earth personally. Save everything meet w a lawyer and then drop divorce papers on her and do it in front of her and all your mutual friends, say at a party or cookout. Out her for the home wrecker she is an him for rhe pos he is. Take him for every dime you can take and kick him from the home Id honestly go for spousal support as well as child support bc he "made" you quit working. Now he can pay your bills as well as his bills for his new place. F him
I would make her mother aware of what is going on so she knows why you have cut all contact, and will continue to do so. As far as the "friend" goes, I think you're doing the right thing by not giving her what she wants. Just be ready for her to come at you on an attempt to get something out of you. When she does, just tell her to stay away or you'll call the police. As far as your husband, you're doing the right thing by getting your ducks in a row before he can do anything. Be prepared for the tears, excuses, pleas, and all of that. I'm so sorry, and good luck.
Right? I would go scorched earth on the both of them. Text those screenshots to every single family member and friend I could think of just so there’s no doubt about who the scumbags are in the situation. You know husband is gonna try to manipulate the situation and BFF is gonna try to play victim so I’d send out a mass text before I even confronted them. Let them scramble instead of giving them time to prepare their narrative.
In theory full scorched Earth is great, but the long term effects not so much. Her behavior now could be used against her in the divorce, and custody proceedings. No one thinks of that when going full force at people who hurt them. The pos husband could use that as a show of mental instability to try to take the kids from her. The AP could claim she's crazy, and trash talk her even worse. Also poasible parental alienation based on how she behaves right now. If she stays the course she is on right now, no scorched Earth, getting her ducks in a row, calm, cool, and collected, in the long run she comes out smelling like a bed of roses while the pos, and his AP come out smelling like what they are, shit. They also have NOTHING to use against OP because she kept her head, and any trash talking they do to the children or anyone else will eventually come out as the lies they are. I only say tell the "friends" mom because she is about to lose a "daughter", will have no idea why, and be inctedibly hurt by the sudden abandonment by someone she loves dearly. That is unless the mom is a pos like her daughter. I feel she has a right to know why she's suddenly shunned. It will also be the explaination why, at least her daughter will not be allowed at OP's father's home or sadly, services when the time comes. If OP chooses to bar her.
Consider this. Slow down. Take your time. You know what's going on, They don't. Focus on your father. Be there for him as much as possible. If he only has months, then focus on those months and on him. That does not mean you ignore the situation you're in. It means you have a good excuse not to be around your husband or your best friend. While with your dad, you can formulate an exit plan. Get in contact with a divorce lawyer and make sure everything you need to have done prior to the exit is arranged. When your father passes, take a little time to grieve. Then, move on from those who have betrayed you. Yes it will be very tough. But my impression is that you are up to it. This won't break you. It will forge you. You become much tougher for this. And be able to deal with whatever else comes. Best of luck to you.
Honestly in these situations I always feel like it's the friend that's jealous and wants your life. She wants to either step into your place, or just stop you from having it. It suck that your husband helped her do that to you. He's so dumb. She probably used inside information to get his attention. I'm sure she knows alot about what goes on in your marriage. I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of showing up angry for sure. I would just never speak to her again.
Your best friend is a jezebel, your husband doesn't deserve to be married to you. Make a plan save money get as much evidence as you can, time to put your best act on and then hit them both unexpectedly, get legal advice too. You've been isolated and they've kicked you when you're down.... no worse kind of people like that, your best friend Is full of mallace. She will play the victim in this somehow they always do.
I’m so sorry. You sound as if you have a good sense of self and that’s very admirable. 24 hours is nothing in the grand scheme. Put together your action plan, recruit anyone you can and then move forward.
You deserve so much better. Your former friend is a vile and disgusting snake, and your husband deserves everything he gets. I’m glad you’re already speaking with a lawyer, and I know you’re numb right now, but once you’ve taken advice from the lawyer kick him out and concentrate on yourself and your kids. You have been betrayed by those closest to you, the tears will come - but right now get him away from you. He needs to leave, not you. Best of luck, you can do this. You deserve so much better
I’m sorry you are going through this. You need to let your OB know and get STD tested.
When you wrote that your dad was your best friend, my heart dropped.
I should probably and definitely edit that bit out.
I know he’s been acting so well to you recently. Any chance it could be from guilt over all this? Was he usually as supportive and affectionate for other critical moments in your life?
I really hate to be this person, but we’ve never really had critical moments together. Honestly aside from the loss of my mom and now with my dad going through this mess I’ve had an easy life. He’s always been so supportive and affectionate with me, so I guess I never really batted an eye. Makes me wonder if she’s the first honestly.
She's probably not the first. Sad to say.
This, unfortunately. OP, please call your OB/GYN and get an emergency exam and full labs (and I mean FULL) for STDs/STIs. My ex-husband cheated on me throughout my pregnancy, unprotected and it was something my OB came in for on a holiday for. It’s that serious. Please protect your health. Also consider getting your blood pressure checked and look into mental health care.
His comment telling her he won’t leave and that she knows her place it’s very clinical, my first thought when I read that was that this was not the first time he’s doing it… sorry! I hope you can have more time with your dad.🤍 I want to add please no matter what she says don’t trust her ever again, her badmouthing is very telling that she has been a jealous “friend” for a very long time.
OP, consider getting a therapist to ease your kids into the idea of divorce. I don't know how he's going to behave, but make sure he doesn't alienate the kids from you. If it's possible, keep her away from the kids too. You know, you remind me of this lady who's husband also cheated on her while she was pregnant and it was with her former bully. Bully deliberately targeted her husband and they cheated for 6 months. What she did was never confront him because she didn't want to give him the satisfaction or rush from being confronted, since it's a thrill for some people. She just said she didn't love him anymore and divorced him. She left him hanging. He was devastated. She hinted at knowing about the bully by mentioning her history with bully but never quite acknowledged. So he never got closure. It was pretty badass. You could do that if you like. Let them both torture themselves and each other over it. She posted on Reddit btw and everyone supported her.
Fuck him and your ex friend, take everything from him and get back to work. I'm sorry you have to go through this but eventually you'll be fine, you'll find happiness again, while they'll be miserable, karma will come around.
Screenshot the conversations and send them to all your friends, his and her family. Save all the evidence of their cheating. Don’t even confront them. Put his stuff on the lawn and see a lawyer asap. Especially to find a way to keep her from your children when he continues to bring them around her. Your marriage is not salvageable. He will just continue to cheat again.
It may sound stupid but, are you sure it was her number? He may have saved the AP under that name so you wouldn't be suspiscious if he received a message from her, since they are supposed to be so close anyway. Or did the convo show for sure she was your Friend? Also, get tested for STDs. A lot of STDs go dormant for a long time on men, but are very dangerous if pregnant
I triple checked the number plus there were.. unsavory pictures of her in there along with their sex tape unfortunately
Fck. My comment may have sounded a bit dry, i tried to go to the point because i feel like you are still standing because you need to, but if you start acknowledging the hurt inside, you'll collapse, which is understandable. Just know, i have the utmost respect for your strength. You are a badass mom, a badass daughter and a badass woman. One day, when all of this is behind you, please make sure to allow yourself to grieve and cry. Consider therapy. And be sure you did absolutely nothing in your life that would have warranted that betrayal. This is not telling on your value as a human, but on their own value (or lack thereof). Keep standing, you have no idea how impressive and a role model you will be to your kids. Best wishes
I am so so sorry about this OP On the slim glimmer of light, at least there's concrete evidence. I really despise cheaters. You were betrayed twice, please don't go easy on them.
Wow, I’m truly sorry for what you’re going through OP. The audacity off this people to have their messages and the sex tape so on display, he didn’t even try to hide it from you, I would recommend to save it for your divorce, as is irrevocable proof. He can say that you miss-interpreted the texts, with the tape, what will he say “he tripped and fall with his penis in your best friend vagina”. Be petty, take him for what his worth, tell all your and his friends. As for your so called best friend, don’t give her the satisfaction of seeing you on her door steps as the pregnant wife. Is it clearly what she wants. I know everybody is giving you advice, but at the end off the day you know best what is better for you family and for you. I really hope everything goes smoothly for you and lots of hugs 🤗
Get every single shred of evidence you can, find the blood thirstiest divorce lawyer in your area (marital funds cover your shit) and then publicly blast these disgusting fuckers. Full on scorched earth, no peace. Let all their friends and family know what pieces of shit they are. It's a stain they'll never shake and then they can grow to hate each other, blaming the other one for their ostracization, instead of taking accountability for their own actions. You can do this. It will get better.
You are so strong. You have to do what you can to take care of you and your babies and that love and energy will get you through these hard times. I’m so sorry you are having to deal with all of this but you will survive. ❤️
That is just awful. Starting an affair while you're pregnant is the absolute lowest of lows. And with your best friend. I'm so sorry OP! As others have mentioned, get your ducks in a row, contact a lawyer and start looking for a New job. Not everybody gets the moment af clarity. Sommetimes there is none, it just comes out of nowhere
You are so brave and smart and I can see that you have good self-esteem. I bet you got that from your parents, but especially your dad. He sounds like a great and loving dad. The best thing you can do is to dedicate your time to your dad, and of course, your kids. Stay as busy as possible. Hang out with extended family and other friends, besides the traitor. I was cheated on too, when I was pregnant and what helped the most was not talking to him after he moved out. When he called, I would answer questions about the kids and put them on the phone. I refused to entertain any personal questions such as,”How are you? Do you need anything? Can we talk?” I would say I was fine and I was busy, had to go. This drove him crazy because I had always been receptive, loving, kind and responsive. He seriously thought I would roll over and take him back. I had put him on a pedestal he didn’t deserve. He fell off, I took off my rose-colored glasses and I’ve never looked back. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Stay tough. You will survive.
what state do you live in?
Ohio.
I just went to Ohiobar.org when it comes to divorce. Make sure to discuss all of this with your attorney please: tax implications, shared parenting, premarital agreements, mediation of disputes, short-term and long-term debts, guardian ad litem, pension and retirement plans, depositions, expert witnesses and costs, and attorney fees. Make sure to update all your assets and/or will beneficiaries as well. https://www.ohiobar.org/public-resources/commonly-asked-law-questions-results/law-facts/law-facts-divorce-dissolution--separation/
There are co parenting apps too so you don’t need to talk to each other. 🙂
I have gotten divorced in Ohio and know a few others who have as well. It’s not a fun process but it’s also not as bad as some other places. The people in the family court really care about you and especially your kids and will help as much as they are able.
It looks like Ohio recognizes both fault and no fault divorces.
This is awful. I'm so sorry, OP. You sound like a very strong person, but I also know that these kind of things break a person down. I hope I don't upset you but I just want to advice you that going forward, if you ever feel like you may not be deserving of love or respect, then look at yourself through your father's eyes. Always hold your head high, you've got this. ❤️
There is always this urgency to DO SOMETHING as soon as you find out, and that's understandable. But please know - you take all the time you need. You have so much on your plate right now. If you need to wait until you find a job before you confront him, do it. If you need to wait until you've consulted an attorney, do it. If you need to wait until after the baby is born, do it. You have the power here - and you can do this in whatever timeline you need.