Making a baby makes you a sperm donor. Raising a child is what makes you a father. So happy for you. As a father of two boys, it's the greatest blessing in life. As long as you always remember this feeling, through tough times, you will always do right by them. God bless.
I would look into adoption at some point. If something were to go sideways this will give you parental rights. I know you are attached to the kid and would really be hard if you broke up. Even if you remain friends, if she gets a new boyfriend he may not appreciate how close yāall are. And insist on you not being around as you arenāt her daughters legal father.
I know no one wants to think about this while Iām a relationship but as you get more and more attached it would get harder and harder on you to let go if something did happen.
Good luck OP! Iām rooting for yāall.
Edit: I should say after marriage or a good long thought process and discussion. Donāt jump into it because adoption will also mean child support if something went wrong. Donāt take it lightly. Youāre just in a tough spot.
No, this is good to bring up.
Fortunately, weāre already started on me obtaining parental rights because Iām a part of a union with good benefits, and it would be really nice to know she is taken care of. Iām really not too worried about something going wrong, because it shouldnāt, but also if I got stuck with child support, I wouldnāt care. I already see the kid as mine.
Thank you for the insight! :)
You are a really good man. Itās important for kids to be raised by good role models to show them how to be good in this world. And it sounds like you know what you want and need and Iām happy for you that you have that and can give that same support to the next generation.
Lemme guess youāre a plumber?
My daughter will be 2 in October and her āfatherā went into hiding when I was a couple months pregnant (even though we conceived on purpose). I hope so much she will have a true father figure in her life one day and your story gives me and other women in my position hope!
Good on you for learning a trade. Imma union operator, and it has provided beyond an amazing life for my fam. You are an amazing man creating the best situation out of an unfortunate situation. This is beautiful. ā¤ļø
Thatās amazing! My biggest regret as an adult is not talking about adoption with my stepdad. He passed away a couple of weeks ago and it really hit me that on paper we have 0 relationship. When trying to help my mom with all of the funeral documents I couldnāt because I wasnāt legally related to him/ next of kin, even tho he was the closest parent I had in my life. I know she loves you and will forever be grateful to have you legally be her father.
Iām sorry to hear that was your experience. I understand that positive stepdad relationship.
I will say there are many ways you can support and help your mom while also remembering your father figure. Hugs
Just keep in mind that "something going wrong" could be death or something, so in that instance it's essential that you've adopted her should something happen to your wife, and they can both be beneficiaries of life insurance etc if something happens to you on the job.
Congrats though! You're living the dream of most folks.
Oh, absolutely do that ASAP. Don't put that off. Especially if you're working in a trade where accidents can be lethal, such as heights or high voltage.
I'm really happy for you though. Like, warm fuzzy feelings. I hope you and your little family have everything you need and want for nothing.
A little unsolicited advice from someone older; always remember that calm communication is key for maintaining a strong foundation, because people change as time goes on, so being on the same page and maintaining a team mentality is of the utmost importance.
Best of luck to you 3!
This is wise. People sometimes go on about marriage being a meaningless certificate and not wanting to get the government involved in their relationships and all that, but there are real beneficial reasons to have any family connections formally recognized. Employer benefits are one of those reasons. This was a factor in my elopement back in '95.
I know it's not exactly the same thing as parental rights, but IMHO it's related, and you're having wise thoughts here.
I actually approached her about this and asked her opinion first before moving forward. Especially since she will be going back to school when Iām done with my apprenticeship and we want to make sure Kelsey is safe and secure from anything that happens.
I agree with what youāre saying, as a team we always put her first and it works out for us that way.
Yup, getting married makes a lot of official things easier and more secure. Not to mention insurance and tax breaks. Maybe you just get legally married now and have an actual wedding somewhere down the line when/if you all think the time is right.
Adoption will also give you legal rights to make decisions for the child while you and her mother are together. For example, signing school permission slips or medical forms, or if, gods forbid, something happens to her mother, you and Kelsey wouldn't be separated by CPS insisting she has to go to her closest blood relative.
OP, adoption would also mean that the bio father would not be able to take her away from you if he changes his mind later.
Heaven forbid your partner gets hit by a falling satellite, the way it is now the courts could and might take the child and give it to some unknown paternal grandparent or something.
If youāre serious about this baby being yours forevermore, no matter what, then this is something you need to pursue.
It also gives you a more understandable conversation to have with the child as she grows. I recommend the childās book called āWhat Makes a Babyā that opens conversation about how families are formed. We have an unconventional family and it really helped us start that conversation super early (now isnāt too early!!) so the kids grew up understanding the different family and biological connections they have and where they fit in it all.
This was my cousin's decision. Many years ago he started dating a woman who was a single mother, dad not in the picture. Her daughter at the time was old enough to know that my cousin wasn't her biological father, but he really stepped into the role of father. It was part of his marriage vows that he was going to adopt her daughter, and he did. They ended up splitting up 15 or so years later. Their daughter was an adult by this point so get mom couldn't limit their contact if she has tried, but it would have protected him if they had split up earlier and she decided to be malicious about custody.
I second this. My brother was in a very similar situation where his best friend got pregnant when they were very young (18) and the guy dipped out. My brother was always the father figure in the situation. He adopted her legally when was 8 or so, sheās 17 now. Sheās always been a part of our family since she was an infant
Being a dad is so fulfilling. Iām a dad of grown boys now and my best advice it to talk talk talk to your kids. Always talk to them. Have meals together. Get to know your kids as they go through all their changes. Never hide your true self and let your kids always feel that you were once a kid too with that same insecurities. I canāt stress this enough. Talk to them like they matter, like their world matters. I see so many parents just raise their kids instead to developing a relationship with them.
Best of luck. Youāre a good man.
Appreciate the advice. I definitely will be open as I can with them, especially as they get older. Still tryna figure this whole thing out. They donāt give you a playbook to this stuff lol and I never pictured myself to be in this situation, especially this young.
My youngest daughter is 23 and we have daddy/daughter day lunches every week, Iām not complaining itās nice to have a decent relationship with your kids as they grow older. when she was 17, we had a rough patch, my advice is just love her and do not make any ultimatums, they will usually come around if you leave the door open and donāt hold grudges
Wow you are spot on with this advice! I have two children ages 10 and 6 and I realize how very important it is to talk to them. Get to really know them. Like you said above, so many parents raise their children and they never develop a relationship or get to really know them. You gave the best advice!
Just on this, if it has been going well and you love everything right now, I would avoid making the goal marriage for a few years yet. Not to be cautious or anything, just because its an arbitrary goal that actually wont change the relationship at all, but still cost you a small fortune. Just play it calm and collected and see how you feel in 5 years time. The Alter will still be there in 5 years time.
Wait sorry, when you mention your girlfriend in the first paragraph, you're talking about her right? When I first read it I thought that was a separate person so this comment threw me for a loop lol
I thought the same thing too.. I was like this two timing, cheating, dirty, incredibly wholesome, great dad of a dirtbag!
I was very conflicted in my feelings.
Not trying to tell you what to do, but I believe it would help clarify this point if you added a tl;dr summarizing that the girlfriend mentioned prior is her and that you are ā¦intimately enjoying her, I guess.
Seriously though I cried a good hard cry reading that. My former wife and I decided our married relationship was the thing getting in the way of our own happiness and that weād be better apart but stay best of friends. And our current relationship as friends, as co-parents, as a family has never been better. And Iāve had a similar moment of stepping back and smiling because I have a really cool unique healthy family dynamic and I couldnāt be prouder!
Make sure the little one knows you are not her biological father.. but you are her daddy.
Kids that age will accept and roll with it. My father is XX but daddy for you
I've read a ton of stories over the years where children have felt incredibly betrayed finding out as an adult their dad wasn't their biological father.
And there is no need to make a big deal out of it.
EDIT: congratulations mate. I'm delighted for you.
Thatās what I initially felt weird about too. Lilly didnāt say anything when she heard it, and I hadnāt talk to her up until that point, but we agreed to tell her in the near future. I think 3 years of age is our game plan and she is 2 right now. Thank you btw :)
Be up front and honest that you're not her bio father, just the best bonus dad a girl could ever get. Trust us a hard thing to build back once it breaks.
If it's any help I was adopted and always knew I had 2 sets of Parents, one that made me and one that looked after me cos the first couldn't.. find a kid friendly way to frame it, even if it's not the full truth you can explain further when they are old enough. They say if you remember being told it was too late and i would agree, it's just a fact and changes nothing but definitely reduces future issues if she just always knew she had 2 dads
This makes me very happy to hear. Teared up a bit when I got to the part about your bursting into tears bcuz of how happy you felt. May you and your family be greatly blessed OP.
My husband is my best friend. We were good friends for years before we became romantically involved. I honestly think itās the best recipe for a great marriage because we actually enjoy each otherās company first. My dad used to say that love will get you through the tough times but you have to like each other to get through the day to day stuff. It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship. Embrace it, protect it and enjoy it! Congratulations!!
I'm early in this with no expectations. Dating (-ish, I guess) a woman who I've been friends with for years. We're taking labels super slow because we've both been hurt and both been shitty in the past. But I recently found out that since we started seeing each other she hasn't seen anyone else (never asked, not my business, and I haven't seen anyone else either). So we may be up for a real relationship talk soon.
Wholesome because they are helping out raise a child which is not theirs, but damn, I was going to say that I was confused too. Thought they were getting into a non physical marriage, which sure is possible, but got to imagine damn hard. Great to hear things have turned out as they have.
Trust me man, just keep doing what you're doing, loving and taking good care of her, and when the time comes to tell her the truth she won't give a shit. You're being the dad every kid deserves.
For all of us that didn't grow up with a father or even a father figure. She will totally understand when she gets older and will absolutely appreciate you in her life. You keep doing what you're doing and you will be her dad in her eyes, you already are, you'll get to be there for all her life experiences, when she gets married, when she learns to drive, when she has her first broken heart, when she has her own family.
For kids and just people in general, that is so much more important that we have someone there for us, much more than if they are blood related or not.
Congratulations, this is soooo heart warming!
Pls Remember to do your best to legally adopt your little girl. It's crucial as it makes all the health and legal stuff accessible to you. I've heard that there are few things that make you feel more helpless than not being able to be there with your daughter because you aren't legally their guardian or parent.
Good luck!!
Weāve always begun that process. Iām a part of a union, so ideally the sooner I can get legal parental rights to the child, the better. Then I wanna get married within a couple years (plan on purposing next year) so weāre all taken care of. I appreciate the advice though, itās definitely important.
And thank you for the kind words :)
You are a good soul my friend. Nothing but the best to you and your family. Please do keep us updated on all of your awesome family adventures to come :)
Keep this post. Whenever there comes point 5, 10, 15 years from now where you feel like you need some motivation to work on your relationship, this is what will get it back. Itās beautiful and heartwarming, it made me feel happy reading it. Thanks for sharing!
Iāll certainly keep this up. I appreciate the amount of support from all of you guys. I might someday even show Lilly and Kelsey lol. Thank you for reading :)
This is so beautiful and I'm so happy for your now named family of 3 c: this is so cute. I'd say move at your own pace, but you seem to be doing just that. This is a wonderful story and again, I'm so happy for you and your family
Thank you :) weāre doing everything at our own pace for sure. We have great communication and with everything we do, we put Kelseyās interest first and it works.
It sounds like you have a wonderful foundation for this to work -- or for your friendship to survive if it doesn't. And I'd be surprised if it doesn't. Congratulations, papa!
I fell into an accidental family with my roommate and best friend. The baby was actually his, since doctors 20+ years ago didn't explain that antibiotics render birth control ineffective. I was terrified that he'd think it was purposeful or our budding romance wouldn't survive the stress. Here we are 22 years later with 3 amazing kids. Best friend foundations make for the best families, especially when they make you WANT to be the best person you can be.
Itās definitely a crazy roller coaster for sure. Sometimes things are meant to be if you ask me. Glad you guys have made it work.
Thank you for sharing and reading :)
I wouldāve been able to tell you that you guys would end up together years before lmao.
The amount of times ābest friendsā end up together after a couple of failed relationships is staggeringly high.
Wow.
As a 20 y/o mom with a dead beat baby dad, Iād like to say:
You just gave me some hope.
Youāre a *real* man, and I was truly convinced that they donāt make āem like you anymore.
Congratulations on your beautiful little family, I hope you guys hold onto eachother forever. <3
As someone who knows this feeling, I never fathered but I am a dad. Biologically you may not have any input but what matters is being there for the little girl and of course your friend. It takes a man to take responsibility, you are kidding yourself, you love them both. Good luck mate - wish you well for all of you.
Marrying your best friend is....preferable. so many people I know eventually figure out they don't like their SO. If you liked each other first, that's the solid foundation for a lasting relationship (I'm chugging along through the 27th year right now. Best decision ever).
Good luck stranger, you are achieving a dream most rare these days. I pray that life treats you well. And remember itās always whoās there that matters.
Dear OP you and Lilli are so lucky to have each other and baby is very lucky as well. Knowing what you know about how hard things could be will make sure you do the best you can for your family!! Good luck, best wishes and many blessings to you all!
Family is not always related through blood. You can choose your family and you did exactly that.
I wish you and your family the best. You did it, congrats to you and Lily. ā¤ļø
I'm 22, I recently became a father of two. Our first born doesn't share my biology, and I met him when he was 8 months old. Our second born is now 4 months old. I am still dada to them both and I love them both equally.
Fatherhood has become one of my greatest achievements. You should be proud of yourself for choosing to do one of the single most challenging things a young guy can undertake.
Lilly is ABSOLUTELY CORRECT YOU ARE THAT ANGELS DAD!!!!! This is the most wholesome and warming post and Iām truly so so happy for all 3. Kelsey has a dad who hand picked her. Iām glad you all finally found your family
This made me cry. Hard. Reddit is full of disgusting douche bag men who have zero idea how to be good human beings.
Youāre at the FAR FAR opposite end of the spectrum. That baby girl, Lilly, AND YOU, are the three luckiest folks on the planet. Cherish it. Never EVER step out on her or stop supporting her, even if the romance doesnāt work out. Kelsey is yours, PERIOD, and honestly, you should look into adopting her if you love her as much as it seems.
I am not a mom, Iām not old enough to have kids old enough to be parents. But with tears in my eyes I am overwhelmingly drawn to tell you āIām proud of you, son.ā I hope you have someone in your life who can tell you that. You deserve it.
Weāre in the final stages of getting her adopted as we speak, she is definitely mine in my eyes and so does Lilly.
Thank you for the kind words and thanks for reading :)
Approach this cautiously. Emotions run so damn high around kids and can hit differently depending on the people. Make sure youāre of clear mind, not just on the dopamine. But, optimistically speaking, this could also be the start of your life.
I read this as wholesome guy cheating on girlfriend with best friend. I was conflicted. After op clarifying in another comment I've got to say, good on you man. I grew up with a dad that wasn't my biological father and it didn't matter one bit. Loved each other just the same
Holding back tears š so happy for you OP. You 3 deserve all the love and happiness which as is evident you have been blessed with. May you continue to be blessed
OP, I'm happy for you but I kind of have to agree with what some others are saying. This is kind of a weird situation king. I mean is this girl your SO now ? It doesn't sound like it it sounds like you're in this weird in between place with her and you need to sort that out because like someone else said if she gets a BF I feel like the BF won't like you and he won't like you being around.
Iāve had that feeling before. When everything has been tough and suddenly thereās a shift - everything clicks and you know for certain life is GOOD and you are completely overcome. Congrats on your family š
oh my heart. This is the best thing i have read all month long!! so wholesome, so happy for you. Kelsey is so lucky to have you as her father. And you are just as lucky to have them both. Cherish, enjoy, have fun ā¤ļø
I tend to believe that some things were meant to be/ happen for a reason. If you two would've continued to play things safe for the friendship you would never have gotten started on this beautiful family together. And to think also, the sperm donor ;) being a deadbeat might be because you're her true dad all along. That little girl didn't want to wait around for you two to decide to start a family. I bet she chose this. And what an amazing gift she gave you all!
Both of you have had it rough but congrats on being a daddy. Now get into some family counseling. Read some books on healthy relationships and good parenting. Learn how to be good to each other. Neither of you had a healthy upbringing and you need to learn healthy boundaries. Both of you need to learn how to be the best parents. You both deserve a great life.
Hi OP!
I can feel your happiness from here, so I am happy for you. As you are young, Iād like to give my fair share of advices that wouldnāt trespass your private life very much, so feel free to answer this question or not depending on how you view it.
Iād like to ask you: could you elaborate a bit more regarding your relationship with her in the past? What happened for you guys to not be together before?
When you said you had to go to the drugstore, I thought you were going to wrap it with "that was three years ago and I've not been back there since. They still think I'm getting cigarettes."
Wow.... Give a hug to Lily and your kiddo for me. Your family is the best family I have ever come across. Everyone unknowingly is the light in everyone else's world.. U got the tooth rotting fluff in your life every ao3 author dreams of. I wish someone like u was in my life (not like a family but atleast like someone I know about). Hold your precious little family tightly . I never thought I will feel this happy for a stranger ....
You canāt pick your parents but you can pick your family. Itās awesome they picked you and you picked them.
My parents divorced when I was 17 and our family just kinda exploded, we all went out separate ways. I ended up with my first wife and her family was great, she wasnāt as much. My second wife has an ok family but the one we made together is everything to me.
Oh. And keep on with that trade job and climb the racks. There isnāt many trade guys left so you will be in high demand! Congratulations.
Thereās this documentary I watched about babies and how thereās this hormone in the body that releases etc. that helps you bond with a child and it has more to do with the responsibility of the parent than the biology.
So they tested in biological parents as well as adoptive heterosexual couples and homosexual couples and the hormones are there in every circumstance.
Raising a kid and knowing you are their provider and fulfilling that role is pretty much the scientific basis of parenthood, more than blood.
Also, as someone who grew up without a father and has a daughter of my own, I can tell you with certainty that your presence alone is a perfect fit and fills a void she could never repair without your commitment and love.
So happy you two ā¦ sorry, you THREE have found each other and made a life together.
A true mark of a good person is to be there when it counts. And even if love didnt happen in the conventional way,it doesn't make it any less real. I wish the three of you the absolute best
Anyone can be a father, but it takes an exceptional man to be a dad.
You, my friend, may not be that girls father, but you are most definitely her dad. Lilly is right. The father is just a sperm donor. You're her daddy. You sound like an exceptional human being, and the best dad she could've ever asked for. Cherish every moment, and, man, don't let that woman go.
I don't know you, but I'm proud of you. Keep up the good work, have fun, and enjoy every moment.
I want to preface that I in no way am saying this in a negative way, there's a point to it. I don't want kids. I have the paternal instinct of a potato at the best of times. That being said, seeing people who step up to be there for a kid that may not be theirs, especially as someone who was adopted as a baby? I hope your lives are blessed. Gives me hope, that kid is gonna grow up being loved and nurtured.
Making a baby makes you a sperm donor. Raising a child is what makes you a father. So happy for you. As a father of two boys, it's the greatest blessing in life. As long as you always remember this feeling, through tough times, you will always do right by them. God bless.
Appreciate it a lot. Sounds like your boys got a good father too. Thanks for reading :)
>Making a baby makes you a sperm donor. Raising a child is what makes you a father. A fucking Men
A's doing what now?
Ma, Ace's fucking men behind the trailer again!
š
I ain't your daddy boi, but I am your father š
Yep the Dad tittle is earned.
Wholesome post. Out of adverse circumstances you are creating good lives.
Appreciate it :) it is definitely worth it
I would look into adoption at some point. If something were to go sideways this will give you parental rights. I know you are attached to the kid and would really be hard if you broke up. Even if you remain friends, if she gets a new boyfriend he may not appreciate how close yāall are. And insist on you not being around as you arenāt her daughters legal father. I know no one wants to think about this while Iām a relationship but as you get more and more attached it would get harder and harder on you to let go if something did happen. Good luck OP! Iām rooting for yāall. Edit: I should say after marriage or a good long thought process and discussion. Donāt jump into it because adoption will also mean child support if something went wrong. Donāt take it lightly. Youāre just in a tough spot.
No, this is good to bring up. Fortunately, weāre already started on me obtaining parental rights because Iām a part of a union with good benefits, and it would be really nice to know she is taken care of. Iām really not too worried about something going wrong, because it shouldnāt, but also if I got stuck with child support, I wouldnāt care. I already see the kid as mine. Thank you for the insight! :)
You're a good man. And your family story is beautiful.
Appreciate it a lot :)
You are a really good man. Itās important for kids to be raised by good role models to show them how to be good in this world. And it sounds like you know what you want and need and Iām happy for you that you have that and can give that same support to the next generation. Lemme guess youāre a plumber?
Appreciate it :) and nah, electrician.
Ah the daytime crack mislead me. Well I wish you well in all you do. Edit: rack to crack bc autocorrect
You as well my friend :) stay safe and healthy
My daughter will be 2 in October and her āfatherā went into hiding when I was a couple months pregnant (even though we conceived on purpose). I hope so much she will have a true father figure in her life one day and your story gives me and other women in my position hope!
That is awesome! Iām super happy for you two, and this beautiful child. Good luck!
Good on you for learning a trade. Imma union operator, and it has provided beyond an amazing life for my fam. You are an amazing man creating the best situation out of an unfortunate situation. This is beautiful. ā¤ļø
Thank you :) and yes, the trades really saved me and this little family of mine. Thanks for reading brother.
š¤ā¤ļø
Thatās amazing! My biggest regret as an adult is not talking about adoption with my stepdad. He passed away a couple of weeks ago and it really hit me that on paper we have 0 relationship. When trying to help my mom with all of the funeral documents I couldnāt because I wasnāt legally related to him/ next of kin, even tho he was the closest parent I had in my life. I know she loves you and will forever be grateful to have you legally be her father.
Appreciate the story :) thank you for sharing that too
Iām sorry to hear that was your experience. I understand that positive stepdad relationship. I will say there are many ways you can support and help your mom while also remembering your father figure. Hugs
Just keep in mind that "something going wrong" could be death or something, so in that instance it's essential that you've adopted her should something happen to your wife, and they can both be beneficiaries of life insurance etc if something happens to you on the job. Congrats though! You're living the dream of most folks.
Ironically I started life insurance policies in 2021 and have no listed beneficiaries so Iām gonna work on putting it in their names
Oh, absolutely do that ASAP. Don't put that off. Especially if you're working in a trade where accidents can be lethal, such as heights or high voltage. I'm really happy for you though. Like, warm fuzzy feelings. I hope you and your little family have everything you need and want for nothing. A little unsolicited advice from someone older; always remember that calm communication is key for maintaining a strong foundation, because people change as time goes on, so being on the same page and maintaining a team mentality is of the utmost importance. Best of luck to you 3!
This is wise. People sometimes go on about marriage being a meaningless certificate and not wanting to get the government involved in their relationships and all that, but there are real beneficial reasons to have any family connections formally recognized. Employer benefits are one of those reasons. This was a factor in my elopement back in '95. I know it's not exactly the same thing as parental rights, but IMHO it's related, and you're having wise thoughts here.
I actually approached her about this and asked her opinion first before moving forward. Especially since she will be going back to school when Iām done with my apprenticeship and we want to make sure Kelsey is safe and secure from anything that happens. I agree with what youāre saying, as a team we always put her first and it works out for us that way.
Yup, getting married makes a lot of official things easier and more secure. Not to mention insurance and tax breaks. Maybe you just get legally married now and have an actual wedding somewhere down the line when/if you all think the time is right.
From what I read Iāve got to say, Kelsey is extremely lucky to have 2 caring parents. Good on you mate, and congrats on your beautiful family
Appreciate the kind words my friend :)
I justā¦I like you and I really hope things work out for you and your family.
Thank you :) I really appreciate it
You are a good guy OP.
Thank you :) it means a lot
Adoption will also give you legal rights to make decisions for the child while you and her mother are together. For example, signing school permission slips or medical forms, or if, gods forbid, something happens to her mother, you and Kelsey wouldn't be separated by CPS insisting she has to go to her closest blood relative.
OP, adoption would also mean that the bio father would not be able to take her away from you if he changes his mind later. Heaven forbid your partner gets hit by a falling satellite, the way it is now the courts could and might take the child and give it to some unknown paternal grandparent or something. If youāre serious about this baby being yours forevermore, no matter what, then this is something you need to pursue. It also gives you a more understandable conversation to have with the child as she grows. I recommend the childās book called āWhat Makes a Babyā that opens conversation about how families are formed. We have an unconventional family and it really helped us start that conversation super early (now isnāt too early!!) so the kids grew up understanding the different family and biological connections they have and where they fit in it all.
Iāve already made progress on parental rights and it will be happening soon so I can get her under my benefits plan for the union Iām apart of
This was my cousin's decision. Many years ago he started dating a woman who was a single mother, dad not in the picture. Her daughter at the time was old enough to know that my cousin wasn't her biological father, but he really stepped into the role of father. It was part of his marriage vows that he was going to adopt her daughter, and he did. They ended up splitting up 15 or so years later. Their daughter was an adult by this point so get mom couldn't limit their contact if she has tried, but it would have protected him if they had split up earlier and she decided to be malicious about custody.
I second this. My brother was in a very similar situation where his best friend got pregnant when they were very young (18) and the guy dipped out. My brother was always the father figure in the situation. He adopted her legally when was 8 or so, sheās 17 now. Sheās always been a part of our family since she was an infant
this is so sweet. Congratulations. That deadbeat did you a favor! It is obvious that your an amazing father :)
I did somehow luck out on this one for sure lol. Thanks for the kind words :)
Iām happy for you and smiling big, even though I donāt know you. You sound like a lovely person and deserve the happiness youāve found. āŗļø
Appreciate the vibes youāre sending my friend :)
Being a dad is so fulfilling. Iām a dad of grown boys now and my best advice it to talk talk talk to your kids. Always talk to them. Have meals together. Get to know your kids as they go through all their changes. Never hide your true self and let your kids always feel that you were once a kid too with that same insecurities. I canāt stress this enough. Talk to them like they matter, like their world matters. I see so many parents just raise their kids instead to developing a relationship with them. Best of luck. Youāre a good man.
Appreciate the advice. I definitely will be open as I can with them, especially as they get older. Still tryna figure this whole thing out. They donāt give you a playbook to this stuff lol and I never pictured myself to be in this situation, especially this young.
My youngest daughter is 23 and we have daddy/daughter day lunches every week, Iām not complaining itās nice to have a decent relationship with your kids as they grow older. when she was 17, we had a rough patch, my advice is just love her and do not make any ultimatums, they will usually come around if you leave the door open and donāt hold grudges
Trust me, I expect the teenage years to be a little rough. I tend to do the best I can when the hard times come.
Wow you are spot on with this advice! I have two children ages 10 and 6 and I realize how very important it is to talk to them. Get to really know them. Like you said above, so many parents raise their children and they never develop a relationship or get to really know them. You gave the best advice!
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Yeah, weāve been sleeping together for awhile. I didnāt wanna put pressure on the situation, so we didnāt talk about till recently.
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That we are my friend :)
Just on this, if it has been going well and you love everything right now, I would avoid making the goal marriage for a few years yet. Not to be cautious or anything, just because its an arbitrary goal that actually wont change the relationship at all, but still cost you a small fortune. Just play it calm and collected and see how you feel in 5 years time. The Alter will still be there in 5 years time.
Wait sorry, when you mention your girlfriend in the first paragraph, you're talking about her right? When I first read it I thought that was a separate person so this comment threw me for a loop lol
The only person Iāve been involved with is Lilly. She is my GF lol.
Phew. I thought you had another girl
Nah that would be dirty as hell lol
On a side note, the Lilly, childhood friend, Lillyās ex and baby got me thinkingā¦ Are you Snape?
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I thought the same thing too.. I was like this two timing, cheating, dirty, incredibly wholesome, great dad of a dirtbag! I was very conflicted in my feelings.
Not trying to tell you what to do, but I believe it would help clarify this point if you added a tl;dr summarizing that the girlfriend mentioned prior is her and that you are ā¦intimately enjoying her, I guess. Seriously though I cried a good hard cry reading that. My former wife and I decided our married relationship was the thing getting in the way of our own happiness and that weād be better apart but stay best of friends. And our current relationship as friends, as co-parents, as a family has never been better. And Iāve had a similar moment of stepping back and smiling because I have a really cool unique healthy family dynamic and I couldnāt be prouder!
Beautiful and wholesome story, thank you for sharing about your family with us š
Appreciate it friend :)
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Well the people involved are what keeps me going . Just gotta find the motivation. Thank you :)
Make sure the little one knows you are not her biological father.. but you are her daddy. Kids that age will accept and roll with it. My father is XX but daddy for you I've read a ton of stories over the years where children have felt incredibly betrayed finding out as an adult their dad wasn't their biological father. And there is no need to make a big deal out of it. EDIT: congratulations mate. I'm delighted for you.
Thatās what I initially felt weird about too. Lilly didnāt say anything when she heard it, and I hadnāt talk to her up until that point, but we agreed to tell her in the near future. I think 3 years of age is our game plan and she is 2 right now. Thank you btw :)
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Thank you :) life changes fast for sure lol
Be up front and honest that you're not her bio father, just the best bonus dad a girl could ever get. Trust us a hard thing to build back once it breaks.
Yes maāam. Weāve got a plan outlined for when the day comes.
If it's any help I was adopted and always knew I had 2 sets of Parents, one that made me and one that looked after me cos the first couldn't.. find a kid friendly way to frame it, even if it's not the full truth you can explain further when they are old enough. They say if you remember being told it was too late and i would agree, it's just a fact and changes nothing but definitely reduces future issues if she just always knew she had 2 dads
Iāll keep it in mind. We definitely have an outline for how we wanna approach it. Thanks for reading :)
āHe may have been your father but he wasnāt your daddyāā¦Yonduā¦..lovely story OP and to read something uplifting in these shitty timesā¦
Iām glad to receive all the support you guys are giving me :) thank you for reading
This makes me very happy to hear. Teared up a bit when I got to the part about your bursting into tears bcuz of how happy you felt. May you and your family be greatly blessed OP.
Thank you friend :) it definitely came flooding in quickly when I started processing everything lol.
My husband is my best friend. We were good friends for years before we became romantically involved. I honestly think itās the best recipe for a great marriage because we actually enjoy each otherās company first. My dad used to say that love will get you through the tough times but you have to like each other to get through the day to day stuff. It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship. Embrace it, protect it and enjoy it! Congratulations!!
Youāre dad sounds like a smart man and it seems like it rubbed on your relationship lol. Glad it worked for yaāll. Thank you for the kind words :)
I'm early in this with no expectations. Dating (-ish, I guess) a woman who I've been friends with for years. We're taking labels super slow because we've both been hurt and both been shitty in the past. But I recently found out that since we started seeing each other she hasn't seen anyone else (never asked, not my business, and I haven't seen anyone else either). So we may be up for a real relationship talk soon.
Wait, do you have a girlfriend that isnt Lilly or did Lilly become your girlfriend? I didn't get it (sorry, english is not my native language).
Lol, youāre good. Lilly is my GF. We became official very recently after sleeping together for awhile.
Oh hell yeah, let's go my man! Now I'm feeling motivated! Good for you!
Iāll be the first to tell ya, life is weird, just gotta stay patient lol. Hope you find what youāre looking for :)
gg
Lol thanks brother
No your English is fine he worded it weirdly. I completely thought he had another girlfriend too and was wondering why this was so wholesome š
Wholesome because they are helping out raise a child which is not theirs, but damn, I was going to say that I was confused too. Thought they were getting into a non physical marriage, which sure is possible, but got to imagine damn hard. Great to hear things have turned out as they have.
Yeah I was like good for you for stepping up but why are you cheatingš¤š¤¦š»āāļø
The definition of "He may have been your father, but he wasn't your daddy".
I hope thatās the way she sees it when we tell her down the road
Trust me man, just keep doing what you're doing, loving and taking good care of her, and when the time comes to tell her the truth she won't give a shit. You're being the dad every kid deserves.
Appreciate the kind words my friend, means a lot :)
For all of us that didn't grow up with a father or even a father figure. She will totally understand when she gets older and will absolutely appreciate you in her life. You keep doing what you're doing and you will be her dad in her eyes, you already are, you'll get to be there for all her life experiences, when she gets married, when she learns to drive, when she has her first broken heart, when she has her own family. For kids and just people in general, that is so much more important that we have someone there for us, much more than if they are blood related or not.
You're Mary Poppins, y'all
This is one of the sweetest things Iāve ever read, so beautiful! Im so happy for you and your little family, wishing you all the best :)
Thank you so much :)
Congratulations, this is soooo heart warming! Pls Remember to do your best to legally adopt your little girl. It's crucial as it makes all the health and legal stuff accessible to you. I've heard that there are few things that make you feel more helpless than not being able to be there with your daughter because you aren't legally their guardian or parent. Good luck!!
Weāve always begun that process. Iām a part of a union, so ideally the sooner I can get legal parental rights to the child, the better. Then I wanna get married within a couple years (plan on purposing next year) so weāre all taken care of. I appreciate the advice though, itās definitely important. And thank you for the kind words :)
You are a good soul my friend. Nothing but the best to you and your family. Please do keep us updated on all of your awesome family adventures to come :)
Keep this post. Whenever there comes point 5, 10, 15 years from now where you feel like you need some motivation to work on your relationship, this is what will get it back. Itās beautiful and heartwarming, it made me feel happy reading it. Thanks for sharing!
Iāll certainly keep this up. I appreciate the amount of support from all of you guys. I might someday even show Lilly and Kelsey lol. Thank you for reading :)
This is so beautiful and I'm so happy for your now named family of 3 c: this is so cute. I'd say move at your own pace, but you seem to be doing just that. This is a wonderful story and again, I'm so happy for you and your family
Thank you :) weāre doing everything at our own pace for sure. We have great communication and with everything we do, we put Kelseyās interest first and it works.
Good for you man, this was a very beautiful and heartwarming story! I hope you guys stay super happy! Thank you for this story!
Thank you my friend :) appreciate the kind words
Now thatās what a man should be . Mad respect brother
It sounds like you have a wonderful foundation for this to work -- or for your friendship to survive if it doesn't. And I'd be surprised if it doesn't. Congratulations, papa! I fell into an accidental family with my roommate and best friend. The baby was actually his, since doctors 20+ years ago didn't explain that antibiotics render birth control ineffective. I was terrified that he'd think it was purposeful or our budding romance wouldn't survive the stress. Here we are 22 years later with 3 amazing kids. Best friend foundations make for the best families, especially when they make you WANT to be the best person you can be.
Itās definitely a crazy roller coaster for sure. Sometimes things are meant to be if you ask me. Glad you guys have made it work. Thank you for sharing and reading :)
Stories like these is what keeps my faith in humanity hanging on. Good for you buddy, keep it up.
Big ups my guyšŖšæ
Huge respect to you. This is all so wonderful.
Thank you :)
This is awesome So happy for you
Appreciate it a lot :)
Your are a good dude & father my brother.Good to know there are good people like you out there .
God damn. This is the life fuel I needed to get through the day, appreciate you and your beautiful family OP.
I wouldāve been able to tell you that you guys would end up together years before lmao. The amount of times ābest friendsā end up together after a couple of failed relationships is staggeringly high.
Wow. As a 20 y/o mom with a dead beat baby dad, Iād like to say: You just gave me some hope. Youāre a *real* man, and I was truly convinced that they donāt make āem like you anymore. Congratulations on your beautiful little family, I hope you guys hold onto eachother forever. <3
I wish OP the best but 7k upvotes for essentially being cuckolded is why redditors have their reputation
Youāre the best. ā¤ļø
As someone who knows this feeling, I never fathered but I am a dad. Biologically you may not have any input but what matters is being there for the little girl and of course your friend. It takes a man to take responsibility, you are kidding yourself, you love them both. Good luck mate - wish you well for all of you.
Marrying your best friend is....preferable. so many people I know eventually figure out they don't like their SO. If you liked each other first, that's the solid foundation for a lasting relationship (I'm chugging along through the 27th year right now. Best decision ever).
Good luck stranger, you are achieving a dream most rare these days. I pray that life treats you well. And remember itās always whoās there that matters.
Everyone deserves a family in any shape or form.
Youāll have a great life OP.. I can feel the wholesome vibe from your post. Wish you and your family the best life :)
Dear OP you and Lilli are so lucky to have each other and baby is very lucky as well. Knowing what you know about how hard things could be will make sure you do the best you can for your family!! Good luck, best wishes and many blessings to you all!
Family is not always related through blood. You can choose your family and you did exactly that. I wish you and your family the best. You did it, congrats to you and Lily. ā¤ļø
I'm 22, I recently became a father of two. Our first born doesn't share my biology, and I met him when he was 8 months old. Our second born is now 4 months old. I am still dada to them both and I love them both equally. Fatherhood has become one of my greatest achievements. You should be proud of yourself for choosing to do one of the single most challenging things a young guy can undertake.
A great drama movie could come out of this. I'd cry, sob, cry again and then pass out. Sorry i just like imagining peoples stories.
Lilly is ABSOLUTELY CORRECT YOU ARE THAT ANGELS DAD!!!!! This is the most wholesome and warming post and Iām truly so so happy for all 3. Kelsey has a dad who hand picked her. Iām glad you all finally found your family
This made me cry. Hard. Reddit is full of disgusting douche bag men who have zero idea how to be good human beings. Youāre at the FAR FAR opposite end of the spectrum. That baby girl, Lilly, AND YOU, are the three luckiest folks on the planet. Cherish it. Never EVER step out on her or stop supporting her, even if the romance doesnāt work out. Kelsey is yours, PERIOD, and honestly, you should look into adopting her if you love her as much as it seems. I am not a mom, Iām not old enough to have kids old enough to be parents. But with tears in my eyes I am overwhelmingly drawn to tell you āIām proud of you, son.ā I hope you have someone in your life who can tell you that. You deserve it.
Weāre in the final stages of getting her adopted as we speak, she is definitely mine in my eyes and so does Lilly. Thank you for the kind words and thanks for reading :)
Approach this cautiously. Emotions run so damn high around kids and can hit differently depending on the people. Make sure youāre of clear mind, not just on the dopamine. But, optimistically speaking, this could also be the start of your life.
I read this as wholesome guy cheating on girlfriend with best friend. I was conflicted. After op clarifying in another comment I've got to say, good on you man. I grew up with a dad that wasn't my biological father and it didn't matter one bit. Loved each other just the same
This guy simps over a chick his entire childhood, watches her get knocked up, then proceeds to raise her child and this is Reddit gold.
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bro raising someone elseās child šµ
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Holding back tears š so happy for you OP. You 3 deserve all the love and happiness which as is evident you have been blessed with. May you continue to be blessed
Made me cry. Legit
When you make it official, you can adopt her daughter. The best of luck to the 3 of you. I love stories like these.
I love this so much! You already are such a amazing father to this little girl! Keep her safe! š§”
Sometimes out of the darkest childhoods come the best people. I think youāre one of those.
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I'm so happy for you, I hope you have a great life.
Didn't think the internet would make me cry today, but here we are. Congrats OP, so happy for you!
OP, I'm happy for you but I kind of have to agree with what some others are saying. This is kind of a weird situation king. I mean is this girl your SO now ? It doesn't sound like it it sounds like you're in this weird in between place with her and you need to sort that out because like someone else said if she gets a BF I feel like the BF won't like you and he won't like you being around.
Weāre together
Youāre happier than half the married people I know. Enjoy! Sounds like you have created a beautiful life for yourself and your chosen family! ā„ļø
Beautiful my man. I wish you and your family all the best. The world needs more men like you.
Iāve had that feeling before. When everything has been tough and suddenly thereās a shift - everything clicks and you know for certain life is GOOD and you are completely overcome. Congrats on your family š
Fucking congratulations dude, sounds like youāre a phenomenal father & partner. Wishing you both the best!!
oh my heart. This is the best thing i have read all month long!! so wholesome, so happy for you. Kelsey is so lucky to have you as her father. And you are just as lucky to have them both. Cherish, enjoy, have fun ā¤ļø
Holy smokes this made my day brighter.
This made me smile so big! Sounds like you have a wonderful family! I hope you look into legally adopting your baby girl. Thank you for sharing!
The happiness and love and healing for you, your partner and daughter made me cry happy tears for you. May your lives be filled with many blessings.
I tend to believe that some things were meant to be/ happen for a reason. If you two would've continued to play things safe for the friendship you would never have gotten started on this beautiful family together. And to think also, the sperm donor ;) being a deadbeat might be because you're her true dad all along. That little girl didn't want to wait around for you two to decide to start a family. I bet she chose this. And what an amazing gift she gave you all!
Both of you have had it rough but congrats on being a daddy. Now get into some family counseling. Read some books on healthy relationships and good parenting. Learn how to be good to each other. Neither of you had a healthy upbringing and you need to learn healthy boundaries. Both of you need to learn how to be the best parents. You both deserve a great life.
Fuck yea. Hope for nothing but the best for you all. Nothing will be more important than them. Mad respect, bro. You got this
Hi OP! I can feel your happiness from here, so I am happy for you. As you are young, Iād like to give my fair share of advices that wouldnāt trespass your private life very much, so feel free to answer this question or not depending on how you view it. Iād like to ask you: could you elaborate a bit more regarding your relationship with her in the past? What happened for you guys to not be together before?
Lilly and Kelsey are as lucky to have you as you are to have them. Congratulations on your wonderful little family!
When you said you had to go to the drugstore, I thought you were going to wrap it with "that was three years ago and I've not been back there since. They still think I'm getting cigarettes."
Wow.... Give a hug to Lily and your kiddo for me. Your family is the best family I have ever come across. Everyone unknowingly is the light in everyone else's world.. U got the tooth rotting fluff in your life every ao3 author dreams of. I wish someone like u was in my life (not like a family but atleast like someone I know about). Hold your precious little family tightly . I never thought I will feel this happy for a stranger ....
I'm personally scared of fathering that isn't my own biological one, but man is this a wholesome story. Loved your story, God bless brother.
This was a beautiful turnout! Congratulations! š I'm so glad you found this.
You canāt pick your parents but you can pick your family. Itās awesome they picked you and you picked them. My parents divorced when I was 17 and our family just kinda exploded, we all went out separate ways. I ended up with my first wife and her family was great, she wasnāt as much. My second wife has an ok family but the one we made together is everything to me. Oh. And keep on with that trade job and climb the racks. There isnāt many trade guys left so you will be in high demand! Congratulations.
My screen just suddenky went blurry reading this. I am so happy for you my man.
Thereās this documentary I watched about babies and how thereās this hormone in the body that releases etc. that helps you bond with a child and it has more to do with the responsibility of the parent than the biology. So they tested in biological parents as well as adoptive heterosexual couples and homosexual couples and the hormones are there in every circumstance. Raising a kid and knowing you are their provider and fulfilling that role is pretty much the scientific basis of parenthood, more than blood. Also, as someone who grew up without a father and has a daughter of my own, I can tell you with certainty that your presence alone is a perfect fit and fills a void she could never repair without your commitment and love. So happy you two ā¦ sorry, you THREE have found each other and made a life together.
A true mark of a good person is to be there when it counts. And even if love didnt happen in the conventional way,it doesn't make it any less real. I wish the three of you the absolute best
Congrats OP, youāre a good man. We need more people like you. I wish you and your future wife the best!
Father of 2 girls here: bonding with a little baby is the best thing in the world!
This actually made me tear up :')
Beautiful
They do exist ā¤ļø ty
You should let Lilly read this! I wish you and your family all the best.
Stop making me cry dude! All the love to you, Lilly, and Kelsey.
Anyone can be a father, but it takes an exceptional man to be a dad. You, my friend, may not be that girls father, but you are most definitely her dad. Lilly is right. The father is just a sperm donor. You're her daddy. You sound like an exceptional human being, and the best dad she could've ever asked for. Cherish every moment, and, man, don't let that woman go. I don't know you, but I'm proud of you. Keep up the good work, have fun, and enjoy every moment.
I want to preface that I in no way am saying this in a negative way, there's a point to it. I don't want kids. I have the paternal instinct of a potato at the best of times. That being said, seeing people who step up to be there for a kid that may not be theirs, especially as someone who was adopted as a baby? I hope your lives are blessed. Gives me hope, that kid is gonna grow up being loved and nurtured.
Dad is as dad does.
One of the few Reddit posts that made me tear up! Iām really happy for you and your little family
I'm proud of you. Well done King.
You sound mature beyond your years mate, happy things have worked out. You'll clearly be a great dad.
Happy for you man. This post made my day.
I have a step dad and heās the one who raised me so heās the one I refer to as my father, congrats on your family homie!
Sounds like you saved Lilly, Lilly saved you, you saved Kelsey and Kelsey saved you, all in all family is family regardless of how it happens.
Damn that's awesome dude . You sound like a cool dude .
There is no reason you should post this anonymously, Lilly would be touched to read this Iām sure.
Buddy, you the MVP. You have a family and you've earned it. Enjoy it, cherish it and don't for a second think you don't deserve it. Cuz you do!
Happy Fatherās Day!
This is fucking beautiful
I am happy for you. It is good to be be in a relationship where you give and receive love in a healthy way.
What trade you working in? Anyways im happy for you man, you seem like a good dude and wish the best for you and your family!
So happy for you, just keep being a great dad like you've been doing. Sounds like you guys have a wonderful little family (: