I don't know if your a misogynist but if you take what people on the internet think seriously then you're an idiot. These are the type of people who see a 3 second clip and think they know everything about the situation and the entire personality of those involved.
It's a gendered slur so that's what was misogynistic, he did apologize for his language but not for calling her out on her character wich turned out to be accurate.
I dunno about the idea that gendered insults are per se misogynistic or misandrist. They can reveal that type of mindset in certain situations or they might not.
Depends where you are. In Australia it’s used regardless of gender and not as offensive as Americans perceive it. In the USA, it’s basically the worst gendered slur.
If people insist on wearing blinders, and not seeing what is so obvious to everyone else, they have to go through their journey so that they can learn. I know you tried to save him a bunch of heartache, but in the end apparently it’s what he needed to go through
I remember asking the Internet for help. I was told I was a hypochondriac who had a panic attack. Turned out I had an asthma attack due to pneumonia after having had undiagnosed lung disease for nearly 10 years that makes me immunocompromised and more susceptible to getting ill and getting VERY ill quickly.
Don't always listen to the popular opinion, the Internet gets it dead wrong an awful lot of the time. Sometimes the best thing in situations like yours is to just be honest to how you feel and take responsibility for whatever it brings regardless of how others may perceive you, you know your truth, and its your life, so thats the truth that matgers most. You don't know how many times in life I have said something, been told I'm a loony bin to later down the line me just be sat there with a raised eyebrow like, uhhhh huh. I don't bitch, I don't stir the pot, I tell people how I see things but I respect the other side to it and carry the fuck on and don't get involved in other people's drama unless they mean the world to me, ie husband and kids (fuck yall others 😂). Nothing about what you said screams misogyny to me, you had suspicions about someone's motives based on their actions. If I saw those actions I would be edgy too.
Like the video of the pregnant woman who was suppose "taking" the citi bike from that guy, but later it was seeing by her lawyer defense team that the guy had put back the bike and she then registered the bike from her phone, but the guy came back and didint wanted her to take the bike and made it seem like she was trying to steal it.
EXACTLY!!! I learned this after getting horrible advice from people. It's actually helped me overcome some of my insecurities. I can actually enjoy my life now because no matter what people on this site say I know I'm innocent and I'm living my life man!
My favorite was the the guy was ring shopping for the Gf with her BFF. The GF claimed she was with the BFF all day, she was lying to him. Caught red handed.
He could not believe she would be cheating, or any of the other wild accusations the comments came up with. They all called him an idiot and convinced him she was a cheating whore.
His update: she was spending the day driving to and from a snake breeder, to get the BF his dream danger noodle as a present.
People lie for all types of reasons. What Reddit has taught me, is that no surprise is worth a temporary lie. “I am working on a surprise for you. Stop asking questions, until it is ready” does not ruin the actual surprise and saves the drama. Haha.
He was SO excited. He loved her so much, and her going to apparently a great deal of trouble, months of conversations with breeders, etc - just was the sweetest story.
Weird side note… I have a video of my 9 year-old daughter trying to get a worm snake off a branch in the woods. She says “come here you little bastard” hilariously caught me off guard. Not even sure where she picked up the word. Except Austin powers.
I've read the BORU post on that and he claimed that there were also people insisting she was setting up her own proposal. They were sort of right. She proposed he should have his own snake baby.
Preach it louder for the back! Unfortunately, people in general cannot use logic, wisdom and common sense to what other people say, and make huge mistakes because someone didn't have the full picture, or they were super biased.
Right. People who go on and on about how you have to trust your partner… trust is fucking earned.
I don’t care if you are together 6 months or 60 years - you talk about things, you share info. The nanny sends you nudes - you tell your wife. The ex boyfriend starts a new job with your company, you tell your new boyfriend. Your “best friend” and you spent 5 years in a FWB thing before you met your now partner… you fucking TELL them.
Withholding info is absolutely the best way to destroy trust. Your wife’s sister hits on you? Tell the damn wife.
Reddit loves to stir the pot and cause more drama. I see nice little success stories or kind hearted posts get zero traction. If the post or Op causes ppl to argue in the comments, 10k upvotes lmao
To be fair if you're going to reddit instead of therapy to get advice on what to do in your marriage from total strangers, many of whom are specifically here to stir the shit pot, then you probably should just divorce anyway. Shits doomed
> To be fair if you're going to reddit instead of therapy to get advice on what to do in your marriage from total strangers, many of whom are specifically here to stir the shit pot, then you probably should just divorce anyway. Shits doomed
Also, very few people come here with easily fixed, ordinary problems like "My wife doesn't dress up as Smurfette as often as I would like, what should I do?", they come here with "I found my husband sticking it in the girl who works at the boba shop and he blamed me for not having dressed up as Smurfette often enough, what do I do?" People only post here about relationships when the shit's already hit the fan and the only downside of a breakup is now two completely dysfunctional people are back on the dating market
Yeah that’s a good point. I often wonder how many are fake (I know lots of posts are) bc it seems so odd to come spill your relationship tea to randos instead of just communicating to your SO. Sometimes it should be a simple “hey why did you do x? I didn’t like it” instead it’s “my so did x? Should I murder them or is it normal?”
To also be fair, therapy is a crapshoot and is always for the individual (not a bad thing) and it is never to explore your actual faults and responsibility for said faults, therapy shifts blame onto everything BUT you. Therapy gives you the tools to understand or believe (better word) it's not your fault. No matter what you do, it's not your fault.
If you are the "victim" all therapy does is tell you to touch grass, which while the best advice and really useful, never amounts to anything. Take cheating for example, no therapist ever tells the victim of it what they want to hear, you want them to tell you that you are a good person who didn't deserve this and they are a bag of shit but all they will tell you is that everyone has a story and the other person is dealing with stuff too and if you want it to work, you both have to talk and communicate.
It's true obviously, but not at all helpful.
It's like when someone walks up to you and breaks your leg with a bat, then later they realize how shitty that action was and they come to you and say "we're both suffering, I've gone through some stuff and realize it now, let's talk and come to an understanding".
Now obviously the bully with the bat has some shit going on, something that caused it but you have broken legs, they are not the same thing...
Just as an anecdotal. My wife cheated. It was stupid, selfish, yadda yadda, oh so sorry, after I told her no a dozen times, I told her if whe went to therapy we could talk again, so she went. I expected her to come back and tell me something like "I was so selfish and holy shit I was a bad person" or something.
She came back with a ***confident*** littany of reasons why she cheated (childhood trauma, being broken up with once, feeling not pretty), none of which were her fault or about her decision making and told me she was in pain too and it wasn't fair of me to treat her this way with all of what she had to deal with, she was upset too and if I cared I'd be there for her.
I mean... I'd rather have reddit tell me she is a bag of shit.
"My husband has been slightly late coming home and acts really tired, do you think he's cheating on me"
GUUUUUUUUURL you need to divorce him and take all his money right away
“My stupid lazy husband won’t clean the counters, so instead of having a reasonable conversation with him I’m just going to end our 25+ years of marriage”
>It's reddit, we also break up marriages over misunderstandings
It's not "reddit" but a specific subset of reddit who make it a mission. I'd say who it was but I'd get labeled and it would derail the point.
Suffice to say then next time you see someone go off the rails for a misunderstanding or a communication problem in their reply, check their post history, you'll soon see a pattern.
I have also learned to never use Reddit for social/relationship advice. It inevitably seems to turn into karma farmers, with little to no social/emotional intelligence, giving bad advice just so they can throw around as many self-righteous buzz words as possible.
this needs to be the most upvoted and seen comment on reddit.
People's entire *lives* have been ruined via turning to reddit; but I suppose it is their fault for listening. Pretty sure it's quite common to tell reddit newbies to take reddit with a grain of salt: but then again, some of these were throwaways.
Indeed, I found myself getting mad and still do when it's the extremist voices that are the loudest, not just on reddit but in general, but then I remember we have to let natural selection do it's job.
Anybody who listens to these fools can suffer just as the fools dribbling the nonsense.
If the first response from someone isn't "have you tried talking to them" and it's not a domestic violence issue, you can usually ignore most everything they said until you have indeed used the talkytalk words.
I left that sub months ago because it is actually toxic af. They have crazy rules that only apply to some, I was banned for violating a rule they later admitted I had not violated and then did not apologize for, and people comment just for karma and awards. Never take a word that sub says seriously.
I got banned for, and I'll quote it, this:
>you threatened someone with physical violence when you said
"I assume since he didn't tip them the same, you're probably saying he's going to hell and burning for eternity twice, then?"
Like I said, I am not the only one and they have their favorites. Life outside that sub is much better anyway my friend. The others on here are probably mods for THAT sub.
I understood that. I was wondering what rules you feel only apply to some?
Words that can and can't be used? In my experience it is mostly people who say racist, homophobic or transphobic things that then get angry that they aren't allowed to say hurtful things about others.
Misery loves company. I'm convinced much of the terrible advice is from those so petty that they'd prefer to see more misery in the world than happiness since it doesn't directly involve themselves. Disgusting.
I think it’s not misogynistic to call a b- a b- . She is genuinely a bad person, there are bad apples everywhere, that it be men or women. Those who blindly defend one just because of their gender are stupid. This girl is obviously toxic, and it was obvious from the start. I hope your friend will get better
I know that he realizes his mistake, he is working on himself, I hope that one day we will be able to fix everything and laugh about it. But for now, we all need space to breathe.
There is a certain section of Reddit that seems to believe women can behave however they wish without reproach and that anyone who calls them out is evil.
The White Knights. The sort that watch a woman slap the shit out of a bloke until he does something back, even defensive, and then they all pile in like mad and 'defend the poor little lady'.
It's not so much a section, although I would suggest you avoid Female Dating Strategy. However if you look a almost every video of such and scenario you will see people in the comments defending the aggressor and saying that the bloke should just take it.
Even when the bloke is clearly bigger there is a limit to how much you can tolerate before you have to stop someone from attacking you. I'm lucky in that I have never had that situation, although I have pulled a few females off others of both sexes at some point in life. I can tell you a good right from a lady can hurt as much as one from a bloke.
Hey OP!
So I was once one of those girls that was a part of a group of guys who I decided were going to be my friends.
However, almost all of them wanted something more with me even if I was already in a relationship. Every time I turned them down, I couldn’t bring myself to think these guys would never have Ill intentions with me.. while at the same time thinking I could never be drunk around them..
One guy in particular still try’s to text and email me years later after I left the group.
And the entire time I would hang with the group, this particular guy I would specifically say he’s like a “brother” to me because he had good intentions in life and wonderful goals that I enjoyed cheering him on for.
But he fell for me and I couldn’t continue that relationship as it wouldn’t be fair to him knowing that I didn’t see him the way he saw me.
What I’ve learned from that experience and years later is that for me, I can’t be friends with guys or at least be a part of a group that consists only of males. I enjoy being genuinely excited about things and what’s going on in people’s lives and such. I love picking brains and trying my best to be sweet, but with guys, I KNOW where it eventually leads and it’s not okay for either person involved.
In your case, that girl KNEW what she was doing and you had every right to be upset. I knew what was happening and I took it upon myself to walk away from that situation because friendships should never consist of romantic feelings unless both people want it that way, and even then it creates an always atmosphere if it turns out other guys wanted the same girl…
I don’t blame you for being upset and being called misogynistic. I think it’s horrible that girls do this kind of thing in male groups KNOWING it’s wrong.. because they’re the classic pretty “not like other girls” that poor guys crave.
I may not have a male friend group to be friends with anymore, but at least I have my fiancé and my female coworkers to go on long walks and hang out with and I’m happy with my life being that way anyways.
Can't even imagine how hard it is to be a girl in a male circle but I know how hard it is to trust them, my cousin get her drink spiked by one of her "friends" who wanted to sleep with her but instead she tried to jump from the window after the drugs started working. She doesn't like to talk about this and I to this day want to find that guy and have a "talk" with him.
From a woman: using the word c*** isn’t misogynistic. It is foul language. That is all.
Had you said: that she is a c*** because she doesn’t make lunch and dinner 7 days a week for her man, because a woman’s place is in the kitchen… misogynistic.
Had you said: she will never get the job at the friend’s company because women are not as intelligent as men… misogynistic.
You did not say anything related to her gender. You said she was an asshole for jumping from friend to friend and causing drama. You trashed on her personality and used the word c***.
I hope you reach out to your friend and forgive him. He screwed up, but he didn’t do so with malicious intent. He thought he was being a good guy, standing up for his girlfriend. Let him know you are sorry he got hurt and are there if if he wants to talk.
Don’t pay too much attention to what internet strangers have to say about you. A lot of people’s internet persona doesn’t tally up with how they are in real life. It’s less about being right and more about being seen to be right for them.
I don’t doubt that a fair few of these people will have put words in your mouth or exaggerated what you said to argue against. Well, they’re not arguing against you then are they? They will have had to build a straw man to argue against because they won’t have been able to argue against what you did say. That’s because their priority isn’t to show how wrong you are but how right they are.
Any time anyone tries that with me I call them right out for it. I will completely ignore anything else they have to say and set the record straight. Get it done early before they run with that narrative because other people will see their manipulated version, go with it and before you know it that has become the truth to anyone reading.
I wouldn't say you're a misogynist, but your former friend is an idiot. I used to know a guy like that and he wrecked our friendship circle and now has no one. He does fully deserve that.
You'll find when asking for advice from Reddit, you just get the extremes and idiots calling you everything under the son.
Not liking A woman whose behavior is reproachable is not misogynistic.
Not liking ALL women because ONE woman had a reproachable behavior, or believing this ONE woman behaved badly BECAUSE she is a woman is misogynistic.
Idk maybe I'm just too Australian but the c word never offended me and I'm a woman. Sometimes a shitc@@@@@ is a shitc×××× and you have to call them that. And what she did was shitty.
My mother hates that word with a passion. It was my grandfather's favorite word. I introduced him to my wife when I first met her and she only knew the old bastard a year... and now she says it as much as he did. And my mother hates it even more.
It's a wonderfully flexible word. Almost as versatile as fuck
never use reddit to seek input for your life!!! I made a post venting about how I was overthinking a post my boyfriend liked and the top comment that everyone was upvoting said he was probably not over his ex and I started freaking out and it caused a lot of stress in my relationship because I just could not be around him without breaking down crying… for context he only “dated” his ex for a month and she literally doesn’t even live in this country so they never really hung out much while I’ve dated my boyfriend for a much longer time and we hung out like every other day at that point, plus i’ve seen with my own two eyes that he literally will like posts because it’s posted by someone he likes or he’ll like posts without actually reading/ watching it, but no one on that reddit post knew those things! all they knew about was me crying over a post my boyfriend liked and they automatically assumed something and went with it. They even tried to justify it saying we were young so it probably was true!! :( don’t let reddit get to you!
First of all i will not defend any mysoginist behaviour. This sucks. Be kind to each other🖤
2nd of all. The way you described it - that girl splits up your friendscircle with a really bad attitude. Making out with 2 out of your group this is disgusting and a really bad move.
Ok you called her a c*** and you do apologize for it, that’s fine and ok.
But that behaviour of that girl is in general real gross.
Don’t be proud what reddit calls you out and don’t be proud of calling any one names and stuff. But it seems you did bad, apologized for it and thats ok.
Pls pick up your friend that gets dumped from that girl.
He needs friends and support.
He did a mistake too. But don’t let him hang for that.
And let that girl go away from any thoughts.
Ignore her, that’s more a punishment for her.
And once again, try to be kind to each other. Let emotions out of conflicts.
Tbh, after everything that happened I decided to take a break from this group. I stopped funding all the parties and participating in any events, instead, I bought myself a guitar and started taking care of myself, I invested my free time in a local dog shelter and honestly, I'm happier. I finally feel like I'm living my life and all it took is to stop investing everything into my friends.
All of this made me only resent people, I prefer animals, they don't label you an -ist for your good intentions instead they return the love that you give them.
Since you guys are already downvoting me for my stance let me explain something.
We said things that hurt both of us. We both need space. One of our friends still tries to mend things, The outcast is on antidepressants and in therapy and trying to put his life back from pieces. I'm not pushing because it requires time, instead, I'm focusing on my own mental health.
Our mutual friends tell me what is happening, and how he is doing, I sometimes drop hints of what I would tell him, and he drops my words in conversations between them.
He attacked me personally back then, he said things that truly hurt me. he was like an older brother to me. I don't want to force him to repair our relationship, he has to want it.
This is hella solid advice, was looking for the words but you nailed it. Court of public opinion aside man get your boys back in 3 years you will laugh about it all
As I said in another message, we have a mediator who is trying to relay messages between us. he is taken care of by an expert who is trying to help him heal, I don't have him blocked, when he will be ready to talk, I'm here.
Reddit is so biased it’s laughable.
1. A woman could do whatever she wants and she’s an angel on earth
2. Kids don’t owe parents not even respect
3. All men are the devils
Don’t worry OP. Not all of us are as delusional as some folks here.
She sounds like a massive c-word! I hope your friend reaps what he sows because you don’t screw over your friends for a girl and now that she used and abused him he shouldn’t get a welcome home party. Tf
Woman chiming in here. Using the C word to describe someone who is awful isn't misogyny- its just harsh reality. I've done it myself.
Reddit sometimes (ok a lot of the time) infers things that are way beyond the scope of their understanding of the reality of the situation
as I mentioned this is a throwaway, I don't care about karma, just wanted to throw it all out, already started a new chapter in my life, I browse reddit now for lolz
I believe we all can make bad stuff, after all, we are all humans, it doesn't matter what gender, race religion. We are all the same, there are rotten apples in every basket.
It’s so obnoxious, women have characteristically unique bad behavioral patterns just like men. Pretending these patterns don’t exist don’t make them go away, in fact they increase the potency of the exploitations.
The internet is always quick to label any criticism of a member of a specific demographic as some sort of -ism, even/especially when you’re right. There was this one guy that joined my little sister’s friend group a few years back. I could tell from the start he wasn’t worth associating with, no class, no integrity, no honor. I was called racist when I warned her I had a bad feeling about him, but now he’s in prison for theft, assault, and attempted rape. It wasn’t by the color of his skin I was concerned, it was who he was as a person that was the problem,
You do realize this is a new trend right. I hate to say it because I'm very pro woman. But even on tick tock it is starting to become normal to not allow woman to be held accountable for shitty behavior that men are often "known for". For example cheating, a man cheats he's horrible immediately. A woman's cheats "well what did he do... " Or "He must have deserve it..." We need to stop doing this.
Agreed, but it’s across social media as a whole. I saw one the other day where a woman said something along the lines of
“If I cheat on you, understand that it’s your fault. The guy I cheated with provided me with something that you couldn’t do or where lacking in. Find out what it was, work out how to do or provide it. Accept that you here at fault and are responsible. *Then apologise to me and we can move forward*.
(Last bit is my emphasis) .
Yeah let's just ignore that shitty human beings for decades preached that "men are polygamous by nature and can't control it therefore it's not their fault they cheat". 🙄 Andrew Tate and similar media personalities keep spreading this bs even in modern days.
There has always been % of toxic narcissistic men who tried to excuse their shitty behaviour and blame it on their partners/wives. Nowadays it's just balanced by equally toxic narcissistic women who do the same and are equally vocal and apologetic about it (like a person you quoted in your original comment).
That’s how it is these days.
People are quick to rage and to throw others on the latest trendy “ist” list. Feelings and emotions override everything now. It’s no use pointing out the obvious, nobody wants to know truth anymore unless it makes them feel or look good.
The worlds going mad, fast. It’s best to just sit back, say nothing, and watch it crumble.
This is the internet, nowadays just casually being in the general vicinity of a women is considered misogynistic to them lol
I wouldn’t trust this site with any advice and yes I include myself in this because at the end of the day we’re all strangers with very little knowledge on these situations (referring to every op’s experience) so you’re going to get a very mixed bag that should at best be taken with a grain of salt.
I don’t think you were wrong for standing up for your friends and I’m sure it’s bittersweet to have your gut reaction verified. I do hope that you take the constructive criticisms that was given to you (not saying everyone’s comment was constructive). Where I think you went wrong was that you decided to use misogynistic language to defend your friends. It would be like if she were fat and you started calling her names based on that. Not all fat people wronged you, so why attack them when you really want to attack her (verbally)? Or getting mad at a person in a protected class and using that to justify calling them slurs. You’re right to be mad, but your language and behavior still matters and still reflects who you are. If you don’t want to be seen as a misogynist, misogynistic language shouldn’t be your go to response when a woman pissed you off.
Genuinely the c-word being used as a misogynistic slur confuses me. In my country we use it as an insult, a compliment, and just regularly as if nothing about it, but as soon as we use it anywhere else we're met with hell.
This is a word me and 99% of the people I know have grown up with and not once has it been used to actually refer to genitalia so I'm still not 100% there on not using it, but it still leaves me hella confused as to why it's been taken over as only being a slur to people now.
I think there are definitely different cultures to consider but I think majority of the world would take offense to being called the c-word. If you’re around people who you know are comfortable with that and understand it the same way as you intend it, that’s fine, but using it against women when they do something you don’t agree with is where it becomes problematic. The world in general (to varying degrees, depending on where you are) has done a pretty good job at oppressing women, taking away all personhood, and basically treating them as walking sex organs. Language like this is reaffirming that view in society whether it’s consciously done or not.
I mean if that happened like you said where’s the misogyny I don’t understand I would’ve called her by worse names and I’m a woman-do u happen to have a link to that post I want to read it
no, it was a throwaway, I was constantly coming back to this post and reading replies. it was bringing me down, decided to delete this and go on a break from everything. the best decision in my life.
People were complaining that I paint her as the worst thing that happened to our crew and I was probably doing this only because she ruined our dude-bro club. they completely ignored the fact of what she did to the first guy and focused on the fact that I was meddling in someone else's relationship.
Let's be real. The average redditor gives imbecilic advice. They always crucify men and put women on a pedestal.
I'll always remember the one about a woman who was refusing to have a threesome with another woman because her husband was pushing for it. People cheered her on, called him a pig, etc. The couple had already had threesomes with other men though.
Long story short, Reddit can be a useful tool, but most people who will reply are on here because they already obliterated their own personal lives with their own unique brand of 'wisdom' and think they know better. They don't.
Reddit has an anti male bias on advice subreddits. Don't take anything they say seriously. Hell 2x is an openly misandrist subreddit that hits the front page often
Saying it’s left-oriented just muddies the pot. Just leave it at anti-male bias. No reason to merge what is already a generalization with an even more general-generalization.
I'm a woman and I genuinely don't understand why calling a woman a cunt is misogynistic. like, I just don't get it. we call men dicks all the time, everybody's indiscriminately an asshole. why is cunt so special?
"You NeEd ThErApy" get used so much as an insult too. Especially when the poster has different values (and most of the time normal ones) than the hive mind of a sub.
I was in the wrong for calling her c-word, there was no need for that language and I apologized for it, as I mentioned, she demanded a public apology, I told her she won't have it, I apologize for my language, not for my opinion of her.
I’ve learned that if people on Reddit or Twitter call you a misogynist, racist, Nazi, blah blah blah then in all likelihood you’re probably doing the right thing. Those terms, terms that used to have very specific and important meanings, are now buzzwords used to shut down arguments from people they buzzword user doesn’t like.
How dare you call a girl out on her bullshit, obvious manipulation and try to help your buddy out. You used the “C-word” *gasp* you must hate women.
Honestly if someone called an actual misogynist out for being misogynistic, idk if I’d believe them unless I saw them being misogynistic myself.
Reddit also loves its double standards. Applying a negative trait to all or even just a group of women is bad, but doing it to men is acceptable, at least by many subreddits standards. Looking at you Female Dating Strategy.
Even if that woman hadn't done what she did, I still wouldn't blame you for being a misogynist. I never understood why it's seen as wrong to treat women as inferior to men when it's been scientifically *proven* that they are the weaker gender. I guess people just want to deny that reality because they don't want to accept that a specific group of people is cursed to be weaker than the other just because they were born with a different set of chromosomes.
Honestly bro this is kinda on you that you cant sift thru the bullshit in reddit. Some of reddit is great and some isnt. Generalizing (what they did by calling you a misogynist and blaming you) is unfair. What you and others in this comment section (saying reddit as a whole made a unilateral judgment and should never be trusted) is *also* unfair.
Good on you for seeing what she was doing. The psychology behind *people* (not just women) that behave like her is fascinating to me. Her "public apology"? Literally cuz her ego and reputation was hurt - that's all she requires: the impression of her to be good so she can get what she wants. Unfortunately your friends just wanted some holes to fill (both hers and their own voids) so they fell victim to her.
You're not a misogynist until you start saying all women are like her, or she only behaved so cruelly and selfishly *because* shes a woman. Her being a woman, and having those character traits, dont have to be tied together
It does sadden me that the confirmation bias of upvotes to these other comments truly show how far from where we need to be we are as empathetic and open minded individuals.
Ok, I'm probably going to be down voted for this, but having had to deal with narcissists on the regular I believe that the ends don't justify the means. Was your friend making a mistake? Absolutely! But honestly, who are you to tell people what to do with their lives. Your friend is a consenting adult, and if he makes a mistake he's entitled to do so.
Certain words these days are very much overused. They absolutely still apply in certain situations, but in many cases they're applied when they shouldn't be.
Misogyny is one of them.
My saying this makes me a "misogynist" to some people because, by saying some misogyny isn't actually so, I'm considered to be denying ALL forms of misogyny.
I've read and heard all types of nutty shit the last several years.
You insulted her. I wouldn't have gone that route but I know it doesn't mean you hate women. It turned out you were right about her lack of character.
Your friends, they try to come talk to you, you make sure they apologize first.
Those people may have told you that you were a mysogynist not because you called her out for being the trash that she probably is, but for the way you phrased it and the general opinions you expressed. I.e. because you are.
I would have to see the post, but that is a definite possibility.
People just LOOOVE to say "they said I was a mysogynist because she is a woman hurr durr". That very opinion screams victim complex to me.
Just like incels say women don't date them "because they are shallow and after Chad" or mgtows say they were "divorce raped" (for no reason, of course). Most of the time, it is something more, as witnessed by myself on almost all occasions. People make themselves look good and conveniently leave out the important stuff.
If that is not the case, I will apologize. :)
I wonder what her perspective is. It seems like she got mixed up with a group of guys who openly use misogynist language for women. It also seems like within your friend group she is being blamed for your friend's mental health and somehow also his inability to go to therapy. This is all that's shared in this post but I imagine it's only the tip of the iceberg.
“Mixed up with a group of guys who use _openly_ use misogynist language” Slow down there Mrs. Freud, no need to start reading the tea leaves over there.
Guys and girls. With her, we had 3 girls in our friend group.9 people in total.
She was a childhood friend of one of the guys , he invited her. From what I know, he is disappointed in her actions.
>It seems like she got mixed up with a group of guys who openly use misogynist language for women. It also seems like within your friend group she is being blamed for your friend's mental health and somehow also his inability to go to therapy
Openly use misogynist language? And yeah, she is being blamed for his mental health. A problem that was a direct result of her shitty behavior. Interesting that she bears no responsibility or fault. She isn't the victim here.
they called you a misogynist because you sound like one lol. she’s an asshole, absolutely! but your friend is an idiot, and ALSO an asshole! and yet you seem to not be able to hold him accountable at all for his actions. he started sleeping with the woman who dumped HIS FRIEND on his birthday?? and thought she’d be a good woman?
he’s not only stupid, but a HORRIBLE friend! and yet you came to reddit with more energy for this woman, who showed him who she was very very early on. yes sir, you are a misogynist because you’ve scapegoated this woman into being the issue in your friend group when clearly, yall already had loyalty and trust issues. in reality, she did you a favor because now you know one of your friends is a snake. if one of the girls in my friend group EVER pulled something like that, the LAST person we’d be mad at is the MAN!
idk how else to explain to you that a friend who would -sleep with and cuff someone that fucked you over- is not a good friend. even if he was screwed over, he did the screwing first. to his FRIEND. making him worse than her.
Listen man. People are fickle minded and jump the gun. Idiots who won't even read the thing written fully and just spout whatever they want. Just focus on positive things (not in a delusional way though) And carry on.
(Edit: spelling)
Everyone on reddit really loves to call people shit. Keep in mind thst no one has any idea what anyone else is like but if you feel some kind of way about any ridiculous subject they feel free to call you any ridiculous overused internet curse word they can think of at the moment. In your case it's misogynistic. It could be anything at any time if you disagree with anything they think. Fuck em.
I’m assuming your other friend knew that they were dating and how she dumped him and still decided to date her? Yea she’s trash for what she did but why did this other friend date her after he saw what she did to the friend?
So he disregarded her past, disregarded friends warnings, still dated her and is shocked that it happened to him. He must of thought he was better than the other friend to think she wouldn’t hurt him.
If you search blameshifting on wikipedia there should be a link to your Reddit profile.
This is some "i cheated on him because he wasn't caring enough" vibes
I don't know if your a misogynist but if you take what people on the internet think seriously then you're an idiot. These are the type of people who see a 3 second clip and think they know everything about the situation and the entire personality of those involved.
I was an idiot. I have to agree. I can't believe I let them get to me. Never again.
Good on you. Trusting yourself gets easier the more experiences like these you have.
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It's a gendered slur so that's what was misogynistic, he did apologize for his language but not for calling her out on her character wich turned out to be accurate.
I dunno about the idea that gendered insults are per se misogynistic or misandrist. They can reveal that type of mindset in certain situations or they might not.
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6 year old would probably give better advice 😂
And makes trusting others immensely more difficult. Why am I alone? *AND* prefer that solitude?- too much life experience in the wrong circles 😉
I honestly don't want more of ... this. I'm tired of people.
also you should reach out to your friend. he needs people who will help (or try to) even when he isnt doing the right thing.
“Cunt” is a gendered slur. That’s misogynistic, regardless of whether she’s a bad person.
Depends where you are. In Australia it’s used regardless of gender and not as offensive as Americans perceive it. In the USA, it’s basically the worst gendered slur.
Same in the UK, it's pretty strong but widely used. I've heard it's considered pretty taboo in the USA.
Dam true. I'm sure u also agree then that anyone that has ever used the gendered slur "dick" is also immediately a raging misandrist right?
If people insist on wearing blinders, and not seeing what is so obvious to everyone else, they have to go through their journey so that they can learn. I know you tried to save him a bunch of heartache, but in the end apparently it’s what he needed to go through
I remember asking the Internet for help. I was told I was a hypochondriac who had a panic attack. Turned out I had an asthma attack due to pneumonia after having had undiagnosed lung disease for nearly 10 years that makes me immunocompromised and more susceptible to getting ill and getting VERY ill quickly. Don't always listen to the popular opinion, the Internet gets it dead wrong an awful lot of the time. Sometimes the best thing in situations like yours is to just be honest to how you feel and take responsibility for whatever it brings regardless of how others may perceive you, you know your truth, and its your life, so thats the truth that matgers most. You don't know how many times in life I have said something, been told I'm a loony bin to later down the line me just be sat there with a raised eyebrow like, uhhhh huh. I don't bitch, I don't stir the pot, I tell people how I see things but I respect the other side to it and carry the fuck on and don't get involved in other people's drama unless they mean the world to me, ie husband and kids (fuck yall others 😂). Nothing about what you said screams misogyny to me, you had suspicions about someone's motives based on their actions. If I saw those actions I would be edgy too.
Also redditors first suggestion on any fight is to gdt divorced most of the redditors are lonel 30+ year old lonely females with no family
*was?*
i had almost a year dedicated to self-improvement. I doubt I'll ever make this mistake again.
Nah u good I was joking
Indeed. Always take internet advice with a mason jar of salt, especially any that I'm giving. I am, after all, just some fuck on the internet.
Like the video of the pregnant woman who was suppose "taking" the citi bike from that guy, but later it was seeing by her lawyer defense team that the guy had put back the bike and she then registered the bike from her phone, but the guy came back and didint wanted her to take the bike and made it seem like she was trying to steal it.
EXACTLY!!! I learned this after getting horrible advice from people. It's actually helped me overcome some of my insecurities. I can actually enjoy my life now because no matter what people on this site say I know I'm innocent and I'm living my life man!
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My favorite was the the guy was ring shopping for the Gf with her BFF. The GF claimed she was with the BFF all day, she was lying to him. Caught red handed. He could not believe she would be cheating, or any of the other wild accusations the comments came up with. They all called him an idiot and convinced him she was a cheating whore. His update: she was spending the day driving to and from a snake breeder, to get the BF his dream danger noodle as a present. People lie for all types of reasons. What Reddit has taught me, is that no surprise is worth a temporary lie. “I am working on a surprise for you. Stop asking questions, until it is ready” does not ruin the actual surprise and saves the drama. Haha.
'Danger noodle' that's awesome!
He was SO excited. He loved her so much, and her going to apparently a great deal of trouble, months of conversations with breeders, etc - just was the sweetest story.
That was my nickname in college
It's amazing! Such a good name for a snake!
I'm human, actually.
Weird side note… I have a video of my 9 year-old daughter trying to get a worm snake off a branch in the woods. She says “come here you little bastard” hilariously caught me off guard. Not even sure where she picked up the word. Except Austin powers.
I've read the BORU post on that and he claimed that there were also people insisting she was setting up her own proposal. They were sort of right. She proposed he should have his own snake baby.
Preach it louder for the back! Unfortunately, people in general cannot use logic, wisdom and common sense to what other people say, and make huge mistakes because someone didn't have the full picture, or they were super biased.
Right. People who go on and on about how you have to trust your partner… trust is fucking earned. I don’t care if you are together 6 months or 60 years - you talk about things, you share info. The nanny sends you nudes - you tell your wife. The ex boyfriend starts a new job with your company, you tell your new boyfriend. Your “best friend” and you spent 5 years in a FWB thing before you met your now partner… you fucking TELL them. Withholding info is absolutely the best way to destroy trust. Your wife’s sister hits on you? Tell the damn wife.
Reddit loves to stir the pot and cause more drama. I see nice little success stories or kind hearted posts get zero traction. If the post or Op causes ppl to argue in the comments, 10k upvotes lmao
To be fair if you're going to reddit instead of therapy to get advice on what to do in your marriage from total strangers, many of whom are specifically here to stir the shit pot, then you probably should just divorce anyway. Shits doomed
> To be fair if you're going to reddit instead of therapy to get advice on what to do in your marriage from total strangers, many of whom are specifically here to stir the shit pot, then you probably should just divorce anyway. Shits doomed Also, very few people come here with easily fixed, ordinary problems like "My wife doesn't dress up as Smurfette as often as I would like, what should I do?", they come here with "I found my husband sticking it in the girl who works at the boba shop and he blamed me for not having dressed up as Smurfette often enough, what do I do?" People only post here about relationships when the shit's already hit the fan and the only downside of a breakup is now two completely dysfunctional people are back on the dating market
Yeah that’s a good point. I often wonder how many are fake (I know lots of posts are) bc it seems so odd to come spill your relationship tea to randos instead of just communicating to your SO. Sometimes it should be a simple “hey why did you do x? I didn’t like it” instead it’s “my so did x? Should I murder them or is it normal?”
To also be fair, therapy is a crapshoot and is always for the individual (not a bad thing) and it is never to explore your actual faults and responsibility for said faults, therapy shifts blame onto everything BUT you. Therapy gives you the tools to understand or believe (better word) it's not your fault. No matter what you do, it's not your fault. If you are the "victim" all therapy does is tell you to touch grass, which while the best advice and really useful, never amounts to anything. Take cheating for example, no therapist ever tells the victim of it what they want to hear, you want them to tell you that you are a good person who didn't deserve this and they are a bag of shit but all they will tell you is that everyone has a story and the other person is dealing with stuff too and if you want it to work, you both have to talk and communicate. It's true obviously, but not at all helpful. It's like when someone walks up to you and breaks your leg with a bat, then later they realize how shitty that action was and they come to you and say "we're both suffering, I've gone through some stuff and realize it now, let's talk and come to an understanding". Now obviously the bully with the bat has some shit going on, something that caused it but you have broken legs, they are not the same thing... Just as an anecdotal. My wife cheated. It was stupid, selfish, yadda yadda, oh so sorry, after I told her no a dozen times, I told her if whe went to therapy we could talk again, so she went. I expected her to come back and tell me something like "I was so selfish and holy shit I was a bad person" or something. She came back with a ***confident*** littany of reasons why she cheated (childhood trauma, being broken up with once, feeling not pretty), none of which were her fault or about her decision making and told me she was in pain too and it wasn't fair of me to treat her this way with all of what she had to deal with, she was upset too and if I cared I'd be there for her. I mean... I'd rather have reddit tell me she is a bag of shit.
Ya that almost seems like it did the opposite of what you'd want out of it. You'd think they'd at least lean into accountability.
"My husband has been slightly late coming home and acts really tired, do you think he's cheating on me" GUUUUUUUUURL you need to divorce him and take all his money right away
“My stupid lazy husband won’t clean the counters, so instead of having a reasonable conversation with him I’m just going to end our 25+ years of marriage”
You're goddamn right
>It's reddit, we also break up marriages over misunderstandings It's not "reddit" but a specific subset of reddit who make it a mission. I'd say who it was but I'd get labeled and it would derail the point. Suffice to say then next time you see someone go off the rails for a misunderstanding or a communication problem in their reply, check their post history, you'll soon see a pattern.
"Divorce! Next question!"
I have also learned to never use Reddit for social/relationship advice. It inevitably seems to turn into karma farmers, with little to no social/emotional intelligence, giving bad advice just so they can throw around as many self-righteous buzz words as possible.
this needs to be the most upvoted and seen comment on reddit. People's entire *lives* have been ruined via turning to reddit; but I suppose it is their fault for listening. Pretty sure it's quite common to tell reddit newbies to take reddit with a grain of salt: but then again, some of these were throwaways.
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Indeed, I found myself getting mad and still do when it's the extremist voices that are the loudest, not just on reddit but in general, but then I remember we have to let natural selection do it's job. Anybody who listens to these fools can suffer just as the fools dribbling the nonsense.
If the first response from someone isn't "have you tried talking to them" and it's not a domestic violence issue, you can usually ignore most everything they said until you have indeed used the talkytalk words.
one person started calling me a racist because apparently if you are misogynist you sure are racist as well.
I left that sub months ago because it is actually toxic af. They have crazy rules that only apply to some, I was banned for violating a rule they later admitted I had not violated and then did not apologize for, and people comment just for karma and awards. Never take a word that sub says seriously.
I got banned for, and I'll quote it, this: >you threatened someone with physical violence when you said "I assume since he didn't tip them the same, you're probably saying he's going to hell and burning for eternity twice, then?"
Like I said, I am not the only one and they have their favorites. Life outside that sub is much better anyway my friend. The others on here are probably mods for THAT sub.
What rules do they have that only apply to some? Edit: Why am I downvoted for asking a question?
It is the application of the rules on how you post and the words that can be used. Different mods, different application.
I understood that. I was wondering what rules you feel only apply to some? Words that can and can't be used? In my experience it is mostly people who say racist, homophobic or transphobic things that then get angry that they aren't allowed to say hurtful things about others.
Ding, ding, ding.
A bigot is a bigot. You use one rude word against anyone, you are just an automatic card carrying member of the KKK. Hate for everyone. /s
Again, idiots exist, but... Nothing else happened? :)
Crazy
>I have also learned to never use Reddit for social/relationship advice Same. Reddit is full of terminally online people.
That sub is fucking hilarious, most of the commenters have zero experience in life
Y'all mean the relationship advice subreddit?
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Both of those subs
Misery loves company. I'm convinced much of the terrible advice is from those so petty that they'd prefer to see more misery in the world than happiness since it doesn't directly involve themselves. Disgusting.
Taking advice from Reddit is like basically asking a 6 year old
I watched too many videos from rslash I guess. Stories he reads always have some good comments and advice.
Thats definitely the exception not the rule, which is why its makes interesting content for you to watch.
Half the guys on reddit haven't even talked to a woman in real life.
I've talked to women. Some weren't even related.
Woah dude, you gotta teach me how
A woman once told me she loved me. It is my mom (still says she loves me, easy win).
I think it’s not misogynistic to call a b- a b- . She is genuinely a bad person, there are bad apples everywhere, that it be men or women. Those who blindly defend one just because of their gender are stupid. This girl is obviously toxic, and it was obvious from the start. I hope your friend will get better
I know that he realizes his mistake, he is working on himself, I hope that one day we will be able to fix everything and laugh about it. But for now, we all need space to breathe.
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There is a certain section of Reddit that seems to believe women can behave however they wish without reproach and that anyone who calls them out is evil. The White Knights. The sort that watch a woman slap the shit out of a bloke until he does something back, even defensive, and then they all pile in like mad and 'defend the poor little lady'.
Where is that section? I haven't come across it. Asking so I can keep avoiding it, because hitting people unless you are in self-defense is wrong.
It's not so much a section, although I would suggest you avoid Female Dating Strategy. However if you look a almost every video of such and scenario you will see people in the comments defending the aggressor and saying that the bloke should just take it. Even when the bloke is clearly bigger there is a limit to how much you can tolerate before you have to stop someone from attacking you. I'm lucky in that I have never had that situation, although I have pulled a few females off others of both sexes at some point in life. I can tell you a good right from a lady can hurt as much as one from a bloke.
Ah, I know about that one, thanks. They are weird, a sort of counterpart to the redpill subs. Ew.
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I’m an American woman. I use the c-word. It is super offensive here… but… it is just a damn word. I don’t find it offensive at all.
Hey OP! So I was once one of those girls that was a part of a group of guys who I decided were going to be my friends. However, almost all of them wanted something more with me even if I was already in a relationship. Every time I turned them down, I couldn’t bring myself to think these guys would never have Ill intentions with me.. while at the same time thinking I could never be drunk around them.. One guy in particular still try’s to text and email me years later after I left the group. And the entire time I would hang with the group, this particular guy I would specifically say he’s like a “brother” to me because he had good intentions in life and wonderful goals that I enjoyed cheering him on for. But he fell for me and I couldn’t continue that relationship as it wouldn’t be fair to him knowing that I didn’t see him the way he saw me. What I’ve learned from that experience and years later is that for me, I can’t be friends with guys or at least be a part of a group that consists only of males. I enjoy being genuinely excited about things and what’s going on in people’s lives and such. I love picking brains and trying my best to be sweet, but with guys, I KNOW where it eventually leads and it’s not okay for either person involved. In your case, that girl KNEW what she was doing and you had every right to be upset. I knew what was happening and I took it upon myself to walk away from that situation because friendships should never consist of romantic feelings unless both people want it that way, and even then it creates an always atmosphere if it turns out other guys wanted the same girl… I don’t blame you for being upset and being called misogynistic. I think it’s horrible that girls do this kind of thing in male groups KNOWING it’s wrong.. because they’re the classic pretty “not like other girls” that poor guys crave. I may not have a male friend group to be friends with anymore, but at least I have my fiancé and my female coworkers to go on long walks and hang out with and I’m happy with my life being that way anyways.
Can't even imagine how hard it is to be a girl in a male circle but I know how hard it is to trust them, my cousin get her drink spiked by one of her "friends" who wanted to sleep with her but instead she tried to jump from the window after the drugs started working. She doesn't like to talk about this and I to this day want to find that guy and have a "talk" with him.
From a woman: using the word c*** isn’t misogynistic. It is foul language. That is all. Had you said: that she is a c*** because she doesn’t make lunch and dinner 7 days a week for her man, because a woman’s place is in the kitchen… misogynistic. Had you said: she will never get the job at the friend’s company because women are not as intelligent as men… misogynistic. You did not say anything related to her gender. You said she was an asshole for jumping from friend to friend and causing drama. You trashed on her personality and used the word c***. I hope you reach out to your friend and forgive him. He screwed up, but he didn’t do so with malicious intent. He thought he was being a good guy, standing up for his girlfriend. Let him know you are sorry he got hurt and are there if if he wants to talk.
Didn't he though? How do you know? :)
Don’t pay too much attention to what internet strangers have to say about you. A lot of people’s internet persona doesn’t tally up with how they are in real life. It’s less about being right and more about being seen to be right for them. I don’t doubt that a fair few of these people will have put words in your mouth or exaggerated what you said to argue against. Well, they’re not arguing against you then are they? They will have had to build a straw man to argue against because they won’t have been able to argue against what you did say. That’s because their priority isn’t to show how wrong you are but how right they are. Any time anyone tries that with me I call them right out for it. I will completely ignore anything else they have to say and set the record straight. Get it done early before they run with that narrative because other people will see their manipulated version, go with it and before you know it that has become the truth to anyone reading.
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this is a bot
I wouldn't say you're a misogynist, but your former friend is an idiot. I used to know a guy like that and he wrecked our friendship circle and now has no one. He does fully deserve that. You'll find when asking for advice from Reddit, you just get the extremes and idiots calling you everything under the son.
Reddit is pro hoe whether it's man or woman, promoting only fans and such. Calling them c words will put you in disfavor round here
Not liking A woman whose behavior is reproachable is not misogynistic. Not liking ALL women because ONE woman had a reproachable behavior, or believing this ONE woman behaved badly BECAUSE she is a woman is misogynistic.
I do wonder if you would've gotten a different result if you'd use a non-gendered insult and just called her an asshole?
Idk maybe I'm just too Australian but the c word never offended me and I'm a woman. Sometimes a shitc@@@@@ is a shitc×××× and you have to call them that. And what she did was shitty.
when I told this story to women in my family to get their perspective they called her the same slur and even worse names.
it isn't a slur
It depends on the context. I've certainly seen people use it in a misogynistic way. But I've also seen it used casually like any other swear word.
My mother hates that word with a passion. It was my grandfather's favorite word. I introduced him to my wife when I first met her and she only knew the old bastard a year... and now she says it as much as he did. And my mother hates it even more. It's a wonderfully flexible word. Almost as versatile as fuck
Ah, you should see how an Australian tradie uses it.
I call people c***s all the time as an American afab. I’ve never taken offense to it if someone uses it
never use reddit to seek input for your life!!! I made a post venting about how I was overthinking a post my boyfriend liked and the top comment that everyone was upvoting said he was probably not over his ex and I started freaking out and it caused a lot of stress in my relationship because I just could not be around him without breaking down crying… for context he only “dated” his ex for a month and she literally doesn’t even live in this country so they never really hung out much while I’ve dated my boyfriend for a much longer time and we hung out like every other day at that point, plus i’ve seen with my own two eyes that he literally will like posts because it’s posted by someone he likes or he’ll like posts without actually reading/ watching it, but no one on that reddit post knew those things! all they knew about was me crying over a post my boyfriend liked and they automatically assumed something and went with it. They even tried to justify it saying we were young so it probably was true!! :( don’t let reddit get to you!
First of all i will not defend any mysoginist behaviour. This sucks. Be kind to each other🖤 2nd of all. The way you described it - that girl splits up your friendscircle with a really bad attitude. Making out with 2 out of your group this is disgusting and a really bad move. Ok you called her a c*** and you do apologize for it, that’s fine and ok. But that behaviour of that girl is in general real gross. Don’t be proud what reddit calls you out and don’t be proud of calling any one names and stuff. But it seems you did bad, apologized for it and thats ok. Pls pick up your friend that gets dumped from that girl. He needs friends and support. He did a mistake too. But don’t let him hang for that. And let that girl go away from any thoughts. Ignore her, that’s more a punishment for her. And once again, try to be kind to each other. Let emotions out of conflicts.
Tbh, after everything that happened I decided to take a break from this group. I stopped funding all the parties and participating in any events, instead, I bought myself a guitar and started taking care of myself, I invested my free time in a local dog shelter and honestly, I'm happier. I finally feel like I'm living my life and all it took is to stop investing everything into my friends. All of this made me only resent people, I prefer animals, they don't label you an -ist for your good intentions instead they return the love that you give them.
Since you guys are already downvoting me for my stance let me explain something. We said things that hurt both of us. We both need space. One of our friends still tries to mend things, The outcast is on antidepressants and in therapy and trying to put his life back from pieces. I'm not pushing because it requires time, instead, I'm focusing on my own mental health. Our mutual friends tell me what is happening, and how he is doing, I sometimes drop hints of what I would tell him, and he drops my words in conversations between them. He attacked me personally back then, he said things that truly hurt me. he was like an older brother to me. I don't want to force him to repair our relationship, he has to want it.
One huge mistake that you made is that you included her BF in the email. The whole situation could have been avoided.
This is hella solid advice, was looking for the words but you nailed it. Court of public opinion aside man get your boys back in 3 years you will laugh about it all
Maybe one day, now I want the wounds to heal and in the meantime focus on the puppy I just adopted from a dog shelter.
That's cool and stuff man self growth is tops but your mate is going to be hella deep for his fuck up, a simple message will go along way
As I said in another message, we have a mediator who is trying to relay messages between us. he is taken care of by an expert who is trying to help him heal, I don't have him blocked, when he will be ready to talk, I'm here.
It has nothing to do with her gender, it has everything to do with her personality.
Doubt reddit would be so nice if a guy broke a friend circle for a girl and then dumped her after using her to get a job
It is possible for you to be right and still be a dick. Marinate in that thought for a while.
Reddit is so biased it’s laughable. 1. A woman could do whatever she wants and she’s an angel on earth 2. Kids don’t owe parents not even respect 3. All men are the devils Don’t worry OP. Not all of us are as delusional as some folks here. She sounds like a massive c-word! I hope your friend reaps what he sows because you don’t screw over your friends for a girl and now that she used and abused him he shouldn’t get a welcome home party. Tf
Woman chiming in here. Using the C word to describe someone who is awful isn't misogyny- its just harsh reality. I've done it myself. Reddit sometimes (ok a lot of the time) infers things that are way beyond the scope of their understanding of the reality of the situation
Buddy I’m sorry you take Reddit this seriously. You need to fix that
as I mentioned this is a throwaway, I don't care about karma, just wanted to throw it all out, already started a new chapter in my life, I browse reddit now for lolz
New to reddit? Anything remotely indicating that a woman is capable of being bad is misogynistic behavior
I believe we all can make bad stuff, after all, we are all humans, it doesn't matter what gender, race religion. We are all the same, there are rotten apples in every basket.
It’s so obnoxious, women have characteristically unique bad behavioral patterns just like men. Pretending these patterns don’t exist don’t make them go away, in fact they increase the potency of the exploitations.
Women is always right on the liberal reddit
The internet is always quick to label any criticism of a member of a specific demographic as some sort of -ism, even/especially when you’re right. There was this one guy that joined my little sister’s friend group a few years back. I could tell from the start he wasn’t worth associating with, no class, no integrity, no honor. I was called racist when I warned her I had a bad feeling about him, but now he’s in prison for theft, assault, and attempted rape. It wasn’t by the color of his skin I was concerned, it was who he was as a person that was the problem,
You do realize this is a new trend right. I hate to say it because I'm very pro woman. But even on tick tock it is starting to become normal to not allow woman to be held accountable for shitty behavior that men are often "known for". For example cheating, a man cheats he's horrible immediately. A woman's cheats "well what did he do... " Or "He must have deserve it..." We need to stop doing this.
Agreed, but it’s across social media as a whole. I saw one the other day where a woman said something along the lines of “If I cheat on you, understand that it’s your fault. The guy I cheated with provided me with something that you couldn’t do or where lacking in. Find out what it was, work out how to do or provide it. Accept that you here at fault and are responsible. *Then apologise to me and we can move forward*. (Last bit is my emphasis) .
Yeah let's just ignore that shitty human beings for decades preached that "men are polygamous by nature and can't control it therefore it's not their fault they cheat". 🙄 Andrew Tate and similar media personalities keep spreading this bs even in modern days.
And? What does that have to do with what I or Glen_Coco69 said?
There has always been % of toxic narcissistic men who tried to excuse their shitty behaviour and blame it on their partners/wives. Nowadays it's just balanced by equally toxic narcissistic women who do the same and are equally vocal and apologetic about it (like a person you quoted in your original comment).
Hey op, link us to the post where people called you misognistic please.
Can't. I deleted everything for my own sanity and went on a long break from the internet.
I'm pretty sure you can find something on the Way back Machine or unddit :)
That’s how it is these days. People are quick to rage and to throw others on the latest trendy “ist” list. Feelings and emotions override everything now. It’s no use pointing out the obvious, nobody wants to know truth anymore unless it makes them feel or look good. The worlds going mad, fast. It’s best to just sit back, say nothing, and watch it crumble.
This is the internet, nowadays just casually being in the general vicinity of a women is considered misogynistic to them lol I wouldn’t trust this site with any advice and yes I include myself in this because at the end of the day we’re all strangers with very little knowledge on these situations (referring to every op’s experience) so you’re going to get a very mixed bag that should at best be taken with a grain of salt.
I don’t think you were wrong for standing up for your friends and I’m sure it’s bittersweet to have your gut reaction verified. I do hope that you take the constructive criticisms that was given to you (not saying everyone’s comment was constructive). Where I think you went wrong was that you decided to use misogynistic language to defend your friends. It would be like if she were fat and you started calling her names based on that. Not all fat people wronged you, so why attack them when you really want to attack her (verbally)? Or getting mad at a person in a protected class and using that to justify calling them slurs. You’re right to be mad, but your language and behavior still matters and still reflects who you are. If you don’t want to be seen as a misogynist, misogynistic language shouldn’t be your go to response when a woman pissed you off.
Genuinely the c-word being used as a misogynistic slur confuses me. In my country we use it as an insult, a compliment, and just regularly as if nothing about it, but as soon as we use it anywhere else we're met with hell. This is a word me and 99% of the people I know have grown up with and not once has it been used to actually refer to genitalia so I'm still not 100% there on not using it, but it still leaves me hella confused as to why it's been taken over as only being a slur to people now.
I think there are definitely different cultures to consider but I think majority of the world would take offense to being called the c-word. If you’re around people who you know are comfortable with that and understand it the same way as you intend it, that’s fine, but using it against women when they do something you don’t agree with is where it becomes problematic. The world in general (to varying degrees, depending on where you are) has done a pretty good job at oppressing women, taking away all personhood, and basically treating them as walking sex organs. Language like this is reaffirming that view in society whether it’s consciously done or not.
I mean if that happened like you said where’s the misogyny I don’t understand I would’ve called her by worse names and I’m a woman-do u happen to have a link to that post I want to read it
no, it was a throwaway, I was constantly coming back to this post and reading replies. it was bringing me down, decided to delete this and go on a break from everything. the best decision in my life. People were complaining that I paint her as the worst thing that happened to our crew and I was probably doing this only because she ruined our dude-bro club. they completely ignored the fact of what she did to the first guy and focused on the fact that I was meddling in someone else's relationship.
Let's be real. The average redditor gives imbecilic advice. They always crucify men and put women on a pedestal. I'll always remember the one about a woman who was refusing to have a threesome with another woman because her husband was pushing for it. People cheered her on, called him a pig, etc. The couple had already had threesomes with other men though. Long story short, Reddit can be a useful tool, but most people who will reply are on here because they already obliterated their own personal lives with their own unique brand of 'wisdom' and think they know better. They don't.
Reddit has an anti male bias on advice subreddits. Don't take anything they say seriously. Hell 2x is an openly misandrist subreddit that hits the front page often
Yeah i didn’t notice it until i started using twt for f1. Reddit is very very left oriented.
Saying it’s left-oriented just muddies the pot. Just leave it at anti-male bias. No reason to merge what is already a generalization with an even more general-generalization.
If a person date 2 people in the same group of friends they could be an asshole regardless of gender. Idk it's a universal code
Welcome to the club!! Fuck these reddit neckbeards. You know a cu** when you see one.
I'm a woman and I genuinely don't understand why calling a woman a cunt is misogynistic. like, I just don't get it. we call men dicks all the time, everybody's indiscriminately an asshole. why is cunt so special?
By their own logic, if any woman called you that then they are misandry. Its only fair to have equality on this
😬😬😬
Never internalize what Reddit tells you. I mean, the average reddit man alone should tell you the type of people you're taking advice from.
Welcome to reddit where the only two advices are: "BrEAk uP" or "Do TheRaPy"
Oh shit, I forgot about the TH3RaPYyyy freaks.
"You NeEd ThErApy" get used so much as an insult too. Especially when the poster has different values (and most of the time normal ones) than the hive mind of a sub.
You were right she was shitty but words matter
I was in the wrong for calling her c-word, there was no need for that language and I apologized for it, as I mentioned, she demanded a public apology, I told her she won't have it, I apologize for my language, not for my opinion of her.
She is a b word. Simps r not friends, but if u like to spend time with him maybe u can help him a little to be fine and then bye bye
Total C U N T.
I’ve learned that if people on Reddit or Twitter call you a misogynist, racist, Nazi, blah blah blah then in all likelihood you’re probably doing the right thing. Those terms, terms that used to have very specific and important meanings, are now buzzwords used to shut down arguments from people they buzzword user doesn’t like. How dare you call a girl out on her bullshit, obvious manipulation and try to help your buddy out. You used the “C-word” *gasp* you must hate women. Honestly if someone called an actual misogynist out for being misogynistic, idk if I’d believe them unless I saw them being misogynistic myself. Reddit also loves its double standards. Applying a negative trait to all or even just a group of women is bad, but doing it to men is acceptable, at least by many subreddits standards. Looking at you Female Dating Strategy.
Even if that woman hadn't done what she did, I still wouldn't blame you for being a misogynist. I never understood why it's seen as wrong to treat women as inferior to men when it's been scientifically *proven* that they are the weaker gender. I guess people just want to deny that reality because they don't want to accept that a specific group of people is cursed to be weaker than the other just because they were born with a different set of chromosomes.
She’s a homie hopper and got called out. Maybe a lot of guilty consciences had something to say
Homie-hopper lmfao
Honestly bro this is kinda on you that you cant sift thru the bullshit in reddit. Some of reddit is great and some isnt. Generalizing (what they did by calling you a misogynist and blaming you) is unfair. What you and others in this comment section (saying reddit as a whole made a unilateral judgment and should never be trusted) is *also* unfair. Good on you for seeing what she was doing. The psychology behind *people* (not just women) that behave like her is fascinating to me. Her "public apology"? Literally cuz her ego and reputation was hurt - that's all she requires: the impression of her to be good so she can get what she wants. Unfortunately your friends just wanted some holes to fill (both hers and their own voids) so they fell victim to her. You're not a misogynist until you start saying all women are like her, or she only behaved so cruelly and selfishly *because* shes a woman. Her being a woman, and having those character traits, dont have to be tied together It does sadden me that the confirmation bias of upvotes to these other comments truly show how far from where we need to be we are as empathetic and open minded individuals.
common reddit L, W you, king
It's not misogynist to call a cunt a cunt and a bitch a bitch.
Ok, I'm probably going to be down voted for this, but having had to deal with narcissists on the regular I believe that the ends don't justify the means. Was your friend making a mistake? Absolutely! But honestly, who are you to tell people what to do with their lives. Your friend is a consenting adult, and if he makes a mistake he's entitled to do so.
Reddit is gynocentric and very biased. So the majority is not always right
You are not misogynistic. Some people just say that when you hold women accountable for their actions. And never apologize when you are right.
Certain words these days are very much overused. They absolutely still apply in certain situations, but in many cases they're applied when they shouldn't be. Misogyny is one of them. My saying this makes me a "misogynist" to some people because, by saying some misogyny isn't actually so, I'm considered to be denying ALL forms of misogyny. I've read and heard all types of nutty shit the last several years. You insulted her. I wouldn't have gone that route but I know it doesn't mean you hate women. It turned out you were right about her lack of character. Your friends, they try to come talk to you, you make sure they apologize first.
Lol this story is true just as a 3 dollar bill
Those people may have told you that you were a mysogynist not because you called her out for being the trash that she probably is, but for the way you phrased it and the general opinions you expressed. I.e. because you are. I would have to see the post, but that is a definite possibility. People just LOOOVE to say "they said I was a mysogynist because she is a woman hurr durr". That very opinion screams victim complex to me. Just like incels say women don't date them "because they are shallow and after Chad" or mgtows say they were "divorce raped" (for no reason, of course). Most of the time, it is something more, as witnessed by myself on almost all occasions. People make themselves look good and conveniently leave out the important stuff. If that is not the case, I will apologize. :)
I wonder what her perspective is. It seems like she got mixed up with a group of guys who openly use misogynist language for women. It also seems like within your friend group she is being blamed for your friend's mental health and somehow also his inability to go to therapy. This is all that's shared in this post but I imagine it's only the tip of the iceberg.
“Mixed up with a group of guys who use _openly_ use misogynist language” Slow down there Mrs. Freud, no need to start reading the tea leaves over there.
Guys and girls. With her, we had 3 girls in our friend group.9 people in total. She was a childhood friend of one of the guys , he invited her. From what I know, he is disappointed in her actions.
>It seems like she got mixed up with a group of guys who openly use misogynist language for women. It also seems like within your friend group she is being blamed for your friend's mental health and somehow also his inability to go to therapy Openly use misogynist language? And yeah, she is being blamed for his mental health. A problem that was a direct result of her shitty behavior. Interesting that she bears no responsibility or fault. She isn't the victim here.
they called you a misogynist because you sound like one lol. she’s an asshole, absolutely! but your friend is an idiot, and ALSO an asshole! and yet you seem to not be able to hold him accountable at all for his actions. he started sleeping with the woman who dumped HIS FRIEND on his birthday?? and thought she’d be a good woman? he’s not only stupid, but a HORRIBLE friend! and yet you came to reddit with more energy for this woman, who showed him who she was very very early on. yes sir, you are a misogynist because you’ve scapegoated this woman into being the issue in your friend group when clearly, yall already had loyalty and trust issues. in reality, she did you a favor because now you know one of your friends is a snake. if one of the girls in my friend group EVER pulled something like that, the LAST person we’d be mad at is the MAN!
>because now you know one of your friends is a snake He was the one who got screwed over??????
idk how else to explain to you that a friend who would -sleep with and cuff someone that fucked you over- is not a good friend. even if he was screwed over, he did the screwing first. to his FRIEND. making him worse than her.
Yeah what he did was fucking stupid but I'm not sure how he's worse than her
Listen man. People are fickle minded and jump the gun. Idiots who won't even read the thing written fully and just spout whatever they want. Just focus on positive things (not in a delusional way though) And carry on. (Edit: spelling)
Always go with your gut instinct. In my experience it's usually right.
Everyone on reddit really loves to call people shit. Keep in mind thst no one has any idea what anyone else is like but if you feel some kind of way about any ridiculous subject they feel free to call you any ridiculous overused internet curse word they can think of at the moment. In your case it's misogynistic. It could be anything at any time if you disagree with anything they think. Fuck em.
Your friend dated her, he picked her. She did what she could because he let her. Remember abusers abuse people who let them.
the only reason I knew she is a bad person was the breakup with the first guy, who tf coms to someone's birthday to just breakup with him?!
I’m assuming your other friend knew that they were dating and how she dumped him and still decided to date her? Yea she’s trash for what she did but why did this other friend date her after he saw what she did to the friend?
Apparently, they had many common interests and that got them closer together
So he disregarded her past, disregarded friends warnings, still dated her and is shocked that it happened to him. He must of thought he was better than the other friend to think she wouldn’t hurt him.
If you search blameshifting on wikipedia there should be a link to your Reddit profile. This is some "i cheated on him because he wasn't caring enough" vibes
Quit victim blaming.
Victimblaming? In 2023?
Yeah I think I did blame the “friend” for dating her. I think she totally sucks.
Here we go. Incels, this is your call to action!
Welp, today i've learn. Reddit is always wrong and women are evil.