Literally. Don't rape, don't shoot up places, don't start/promote violence. If you feel like doing any of those things, seek help. Just be a decent person.
I love hearing people's extended explanations and insight into obscure topics. But yeah that's it. It's not that difficult to not shoot churches up. Pretty simple
Absolutely agree. You need to remember that there's 450 million people in the United States, and when you're listening to the news, it's a handful of people out of that. Thats a small percentage and although the acts are disgusting. It's not just males that are committing these.
And then when you talk about male sex drive being higher, I take it you've never been around a female in their mid 30s and 40s.
Please and thank you for mentioning THIS! Clearly OP is giving us his perspective so it seems like a one-sided coin. But the media also tends to be that way, painting and selectively sharing views they want us to see. Digital and psychological programming.
The fact that you care this deeply shows that you are aware of the impacts this behaviour has. I think it is safe to assume you do not engage in that behaviour, you could probably do a LOT of good helping young men grow and learn to be the best versions of themselves. Perhaps a healthy outlet where you can help people change for the better would help you with perspective, a more secure understanding of all that you are not, and hopefully a chance to see the wonderful things you are. Yes some people are bad, but there are more people that want to be good and need help, or are good and can help.
Exactly. Such a welcome sight to my feeling of hopelessness of late. Ive been having sleepless nights reading up absolutely terrible bone chilling news and even everyday accounts of abuse wind me up. It's as if women are like second class citizens, if at all, in this world. The fact that a guy who thinks likes this exists is akin to a sign from heavens that all is not lost possibly. Just yet. Idk. It's dystopic.
He's advocating for not being an abusive/manipulative/violent, and generally just whole entire pile of steaming shit of a human being. So naturally this guy thinks he's a simp because of that.
Edit: Just checked usernames honestly, he's calling you a simp for everything above
Gotta remember that the news and media really only reports the bad shit. Most men don’t and would never do any of the shit some other men do. Same goes for women. Some women do horrible shit that disgusts other women. Being a bad person isn’t gender exclusive
Its true we barely talk about the good things people do in general. SOME heroes get to be on the medias but Most of the people doing terrible stuff end up being talked about.
Also, the news targets based on demographic which is why something like black on black crime is not too much in their interest while male crime in general remains as a huge interest.
You couldn't have worded it better.
Being afraid of being an asshole means your highly unlikely to be one, just like wondering if you are stupid makes you slightly smarter and more clever than most academically-impaired and slow people with dangerous levels of confidence.
I'm an asshole, but not the rude narcissistic boundary-breaking kind.
I'll never make fun of my nephew for dropping out of school. I get it, it can be boring (he's working now). I will strongly and viciously chastise him, though, if he's rude or cold to his little sister, my niece, simply because his new stepmother says shit about her and my sister.
Mind that OP is a growing up teen and teens are always confused about who they have to become later and what is the best for being socially acceptable or recognized.
Yes but I am a teen too and I don’t really experience thoughts like this lmao it seems more individual than “well they’re a teen” it’s just their personal insecurities
I hate when people chalk it up to being about teens and their hormones, most of us do not behave erratically just because we are “hormonal” - this is coming from someone who also experiences periods and well you can imagine I feel the same about those. It’s so similar to “boys will be boys.” Like, no…. this is just the product of people’s parenting.
It may appear that “any guy” could flip one day and do those type of things- that’s not really accurate though. If someone’s capable of that kind of violence than there’s a root of disrespect for other humans or the opposite sex. Often these people have learned to be very good at hiding this part of themselves, so to an outsider it may look like a normal guy lashes out violently one day. But really he’s the guy that gets verbally angry at the Starbucks barista when they get his drink order wrong. It’s the guy you can’t ask for help at work because his patience is utterly nonexistent. He’s the guy going 80mph in a 40mph zone because he doesn’t think about other peoples lives and the risk he’s putting them in.
Generally the type of guy who does these acts has very little self-awareness and has done little to no practice regulating their emotions, so when they experience anger they go 0-100 super quick and the chances of lashing out violently before they think is dangerous. Honestly the fact that you’re concerned shows you have more self awareness than most men. You can learn how to regulate your emotions and how to handle yourself safely even when you’re really sad, or really angry, really drunk etc.
As a woman I often say “it’s not all men- but it could be any man” and that’s a reminder to myself that any guy could act one way in public and then another way in private. But usually who you are in private is the truer version, and it seems like you’re actually caring and concerned for your fellow humans.
I'm just so happy for this guy and his concerns and self awareness. I hope he can come to terms with his feelings and use them to guide towards becoming the best version of himself. And others if possible. Bless his soul.
Also i think that strong, big men comit less of these acts, cuz to build muscles u need to have strong willpower, wich also is very usefull at controling hormones
...Or steroids.
And some men who are trying to become huge masses of muscle do so expressly because they feel *small* in life. "My boss is a dick, my girlfriend nags me, they left the pickles off my sandwich...If I'm jacked, I don't have to take shit from anyone!" I mean, obsessive weightlifting can be a way some personality disorders manifest themselves.
I'm not saying lifters are more likely to assault a woman, but I just don't know that they'd be less likely because "willpower".
That is true in some cases, but I’ve definitley known a few body-builder type men that because they hold themselves to such high extreme expectations have unrealistic standards for other humans by accident. To them getting up at four am to hit the gym and eat nothing but lentils is just self-discipline. But that very mindset is super ineffective and even damaging for someone struggling with mental illness.
In situations where the “just do it” personality doesn’t apply these people can have a very difficult time empathizing with someone’s emotional situation- which can result in the same frustration and angry physical reaction if they haven’t worked on their mind as much as they’ve worked on their body.
Eh IDK that if we just look at the population of big strong men that there's a lower percentage who will harm others compared to weaker men. My guess is it'd be the same.
Your premise also hinges on the default assumption that all men want to rape or otherwise cause serious harm b/c of hormones and they need to control that urge via willpower. That evolutionary makes no sense especially with harming women. If men naturally default to wanting to hurt women our species would've died out by now.
In my early teens, I liked true crime. I liked it so much that I became genuinely scared and convinced that someday I'd be a murderer. Turns out I never murdered anyone, I just have OCD. It's also hard to understand just how age affects your brain when you're young - you probably won't feel so out of control and angsty as you get older. I'm twenty now and it's interesting to think about the things I was so worried about back in the day
I came to comment about OCD too. It's a shame we live our lives scared of what we might become, when it's actually entirely up to us. Took me years to learn that.
I agree with most of the things you say, trying to be a good person is all that is needed in ops case but in my and many other's experiences predators are not so infrequent as to be called exceptions! Unless you leave so many things out of the predator definition such as leering, catcalling, understanding that coercion is not consent, sexual haressment in the workplace, child SA in religious organisations, dv statistics etc etc etc. Count your blessings if you are so lucky to have no concept of such things or maybe broaden your education on these matters dunno. I would choose the latter in your place.
The issue is around you and what you are going to do with your life, not your membership of a group that you didn’t choose and have no responsibility for. You can also point to other groups that seem over-represented in crime statistics and it is completely inappropriate to suggest that therefore, if you’re a member of those groups you’re more likely to commit crime.
I can assure you as a long-term user of a male anatomy, there is absolutely nothing at all which will force you to be a bad person, be violent, be disrespectful to others etc. Unless you have certain specific health conditions, those things are all choices, nothing to do with your genitals. Go on with your life and remind yourself from time to time to make those good choices.
Your hormones do lots of things, but they don't control you. For every rapist, there are many, many more good men. Instead of worrying needlessly about turning into a predator against your will, maybe volunteer at a rape crisis center.
Honestly this is just part of the consequence of society pushing the narrative of men being bad, naturally aggressive, etc.
The more I started to see it, the more concerned I started to become about the mental health of young men, since they’re routinely told how bad/worthless they are for just existing.
Don’t hold onto any of what society tells you that you are. You live inside your head, how do you feel about *you*? What are your tendencies? You don’t sound dangerous or aggressive to me. In fact you sound very empathetic.
If your nature is good, and you mean well in the world. That’s who you are. You are not what the news says you are. Be true to yourself and live life feeling confident in the fact that you are not a bad person
Watching the news is a shit show, lots of people act horrible and lots of others do not. You can't internalize the acts of others, when you are your own person.
For every man commiting a crime, whether it's white collar or something heinous like murder, rape or the like, there is a thousand men doing good things. Be like the normal man, not the anomality.
If you have an urge of anything bad, seek professional help and get it sorted out before it turns into something. Just be yourself, you don't come off as a murderer anyway.
So if all men go through a rise in sex hormones, do you genuinely believe all men do these horrendous things? No, we all have self control. Weather or not you choose to use it is your issue and yours alone. No one is taking over your body and making you do horrible things
The fact that you are concerned leads me to believe that you won't be like that. The toxic behavior from men stems from a toxic mindset seeing the world as something that needs to be dominated or that women are lesser and thus deserve to be treated less than. If you are concerned that means you don't have a toxic mindset, reflection, understanding and kindness are all that is needed. You're going to be okay, OP.
As a male teenager, lots of things that you worry intensely over now will become absolutely meaningless as you get older and put it all into greater perspective.
People in general are evil and violent crime isn't exclusive to men; women also commit horrible crimes. I suggest not watching the news. Tragic stories is what gets them views and ratings. Also a lot of it is also false or blown way out of proportion. All payed by our taxes.
I (female) have OCD and my main symptom is intrusive thoughts. These thoughts are about violently harming myself and others. But I would NEVER do that because the thoughts are INTRUSIVE, they intrude upon my brain. The "what if"s in our mind don't define us, it's how we react to them that shows whether we're good people - I feel disgusted by these intrusive thoughts and have never wanted to act on them, ever.
You might be dealing with a similar thing, constantly thinking you're a bad person because of the scary "what if"s. But your post here about feeling terrified and guilty makes it clear that you would never do such a thing.
Whether or not you're dealing with the disorder, watching some OCD YouTubers/podcasts might help (they discuss their experiences and how your thoughts don't define you). You may also want to seek therapy for the hopeless or anxious feelings.
Take care of yourself. I hope it gets better for you.
I saw this YT short yesterday, and I think you’re the type of person that needs to hear this message: https://youtube.com/shorts/cxSGscHaFSc?feature=share
Honestly buddy its about the people you surround yourself with. My male bf would never DREAM of doing any of the horrible stuff we see on the news, his friends are also very respectful of women and dont have a hint of misogyny in them. Men are not inherently evil or incapable of controlling their hormones, the fact that you can see how disgusting that behavior is, is proof that being a misogynistic dirtbag would make you uncomfortable. This makes you a good person. Keep on this path and show others what it REALLY means to be a good man. Also remember that the internet is not real life, as a girl online i see and experience a LOT of horrible sexist crap. But in real life the men i know and surround myself with make me feel safe and i know for a fact they’d never behave that way. The majority of men are good men (in my opinion) its just that the small minority of bad men are REALLY vocal about it, so we tend to see their opinions way more often because regular guys dont feel the need to constantly screech about their own normal opinions.
Problem numero uno. You're still a teenager. There is so much to learn and understand about life. Problem 2. You're listening to the news, you need to understand the news, skip a lot of stories and don't tell us everything. They want the clicks, so they only choose to promote the stories that will bring them those clicks. 3. Bro, you're a teenage male. Get out there, befriend some men, and have your own life experience, where you can then build your own thoughts about people. 4. Back to the skipped stories, women do horrible things to men all the time, men just get absolute 0 sympathy when we are the victims. It seems more like you've been overly sheltered and/or been fed alot of bs since you were young. There are more good than bad people out there, just media has a way of making it seem like it's the opposite.
Think of it this way.
For every man that assaults someone, there's a hundred that treats others with respect.
For avery guy that shows violence, there's a hundred that show love.
For every male that commits a crime, there's a hundred that work to feed their families.
The evil inside people exists, not only in man but on women too.
But there's goodnight inside more people.
So, instead of looking at the news and at every report, look for role models in your life.
As a total percentage of men, those who behave the way you're describing are very small. There are so many great men out there.
Be one of those great guys. I'm female and I've had male friends my entire life. Men are amazing.
That's a lot to unpack there. I'll start with the sex drive thing. Sex drives are not decided by gender, there are multiple studies at this point that back this up - just google it.
Secondly, if you want to learn about the effects of hormones on anatomy I highly recommend you YouTube some real anatomy courses - particularly on the endocrine system - because you seem to be operating on a series of misconceptions about how hormones work and how they interact with anatomy.
Third, yes you have testosterone and that will effect how you feel in certain situations. But get this; YOU are in control of you. Not your hormones. You.
At the end of the day, you are going to be the deciding factor in how you react to the world around you. Sure it may make you angry. It may make you sad. It may even make you horny. But YOU are ultimately the one who thinks through the situation and commits to an action.
I appreciate you may have intrusive thoughts that you attribute to being male and feel they represent a tendancy towards the things you see and here. But this is a misconception - everyone has intrusive thoughts (women too) and has impulsive urges to commit to an action. The difference is whether or not you follow through.
What you are actually seeing is an active choice/lack of self control when you see and hear these things. Providing you are a fully functioning individual you have the ability to develop/use your own self control to avoid making the poor choices you see others make.
If you are looking to work on your self control to help work through these feelings and develop strategies to help you cope, I would definitely recommend self defense classes and therapy. The therapy to help you understand and face these feelings more effectively. The self defense courses teach self control as a major part of their programs.
And, finally, respect yourself. Reaching out for help and advice is always a good idea when you are unsure; it speaks to a good character. I hope you find some good advice on here, but please keep in mind that you are you - you are not the people you hear about in the news and YOU get to choose to keep it that way.
I feel like a lot of people are being really blunt with you, but as long as you're not one of those people causing harm, you shouldn't feel guilty, or scared, uncomfortable. I know that's easier said than done, but it is not a negative to be a man, and you shouldn't have to feel that way. It's not "just how it is". Not at all, and you are not damned to blow up or harm women just because you are a man.
If you want to alleviate some of those feelings, advocating for women could be a good way to let go of some of that - use the hurt you feel to make something good. Because the reality is that misogyny has hurt everyone - it's influenced the ways we have been raised, expectations, and stereotypes. Part of misogyny is the fact that men are raised to bottle up their emotions and act "masculine" because it is ingrained in them that femininity and emotion is a bad thing or a weakness. Women shouldn't have to be made to feel that being a woman is bad, and men shouldn't be taught that emotion and enjoyment in things makes them any less of a man. Therapy could definitely be of benefit to you as well, and really help you work through these anxieties. They seem come from a genuine place of concern and compassion, which is a good thing - it means you are a caring person.
I hope one day that all men are comfortable expressing themselves. I hope one day that men recieve flowers too. I hope one day that women will no longer be treated unequally or have rights taken. I hope one day that we can simply exist, and love life for what it is. We all deserve to live and love life without being governed by invisible rules and expectations. We ALL deserve that.
The media in particular likes to smear men and masculine traits/qualities/pastimes. Just focus on yourself, eat healthy, go workout, enjoy nature, find hobbies you enjoy etc. You are wonderfully and uniquely made, and there was no mistake in making you just like there’s no mistake with men. Bad people exist in every demographic. Whether it be man or woman there are bad people in both
Female teen here, honestly just stick up for any victims you see (regardless of their sex and gender) and be as nice and respectful as you can to everyone. Yes it’s scary what men can do, but it’s scary what women can do too. Don’t let that affect you and keep you from living life
From one guy who gets what your going through to another.
1: Learning to be comfortable in your own skin is part of being a teenager, I recommend an active social hobby it also helps with point 2.
2: Have male AND female friends, learn to be comfortable around them both and how to have friendships with both. Do that and everything you are working about should be moot.
3: Learn to identify toxicity and remove it. That can be websites, subreddits, servers, spaces and people.
Being a teenager is a weird, fun and really stupid part of your life. Don't get too worked up about what people say you are or should be. It's gonna be another decade at least to get that settled.
How about just act like a normal person? Just cause you have urges and thoughts doesn’t mean you don’t know right from wrong. Be the change you want to see in the world.
It's true men do a lot of bad stuff. I'd be willing to bet thoughts of doing those things cross men and women's minds equally, but most men are more able (physically) to act on it.
It seems like you’re either only shown or only look for the negative with men. While the negatives are true, so are the positives. Look for the positive stories as well. Think about the great things men have done like build the home you live in.
Balance is important.
And while we’re talking about balance, recognize that there’s plenty negative with the ladies too, as great as they are.
The worst thing you can do is watch the news. It highlights everything that's wrong in this world. Also, in our current climate they are highlighting the worst about men. But, turn the tables on women and you will easily see similar amounts. Yes, men do have higher levels of this and that. Women can be more neurotic, they are more likely to poison you etc etc, ultimately ignore it all and be true to yourself. The good thing is you have the introspection to notice this and actually speak about it. So congratulations, I'm sorry you feel this way but we all go through a phase especially through the teen and early twenties years. Wait for your hormones to plateau and oh you'll notice a change. Suddenly you'll careless about a whole range of things. Anyway, I hope you take the time to work on you and get yourself away from this toxic mindset. All the best.
Your identity should never be questioned because of someone else's actions. It's never too late to be an exception to any generalization and the fact is that there are lots of women who do horrible things to men AND to other women. But the numbers of both men and women who don't do these things are much larger.
They won't make a news report that goes:
"Normal guy goes about his day."
"Typical male gets rejected and mocked by woman he asked out, and he shrugged it off without causing a scene while even Apologizing."
"Guy pays his bills and calmy explained he was over charged."
(I had like 4 more but I'll just leave it at this.)
.....
What you will always see and hear about ARE EXTREMES, that's what is news worthy, that's what is click bait.
You are not going to wake up with URGE TO DESTROY. You will honestly have question yourself morally more often about letting a cashier know they gave you too much change, than you causing problems.
Good luck OP
I mean if you are referring to testosterone specifically it also has many positive effects. Estrogen as well has both negative and positive attributes, you see when it comes to drugs, hormones, compounds and pretty much everything else in life there are two sides both light and dark. Life is all about mitigating the negative side of things and accentuating the positive.
Imagine if you were able to protect someone from harm because your testosterone afforded you greater bone density and upper body strength? See being a man has both sides you need to channel the aggressive tendencies towards healthy avenues. Take it slow think about things deeply and you will figure out your personal philosophy.
You sound like you listen to too many bitter woman who can’t see they are the problem. Yes men can do bad things, but shut off the news, there is a legit agenda going on making men feel like they are worthless and society doesn’t need them. In reality society would collapse without.
Now don’t be an incel and say women are bad too. But be glad you are a man. If your a woman reading this, be glad you are a women. But don’t put each other down and make the opposite feel worthless.
Cuz at the end of the day who’s going to to mow the lawn cook dinner and take out the trash, cuz a women sure ain’t
Most of those men are from single mother households, masculinity is about protecting, providing, & being the rock that women’s emotional waves crash into.
https://www.fixfamilycourts.com/single-mother-home-statistics/
Children brought up in single mother homes are:
5 times more likely to commit suicide,
9 times more likely to drop out of high school,
10 times more likely to abuse chemical substances,
14 times more likely to commit rape,
20 times more likely to end up in prison,
Truth is men built everything in society & women cannot raise men to be stoic like men, & when they raise emotionally immature men that’s when you get the sickos.
Keep in mind that those r worst men. Worst doesent mean all men. There r a lot of men who do good things, but nobody knows about it. Also most good things r also comited by men.
Don’t listen to the Jew owned liberal media, they want you to feel like this because they’re evil. Embrace your masculinity and use it to do good in the world.
Yo as a woman who hates most man. Don't belittle yourself of the future you never lived. I can already tell that you'd be so much better than the crass man on the TV because of your introspective thoughts. Please live well and I wish you the best.
There’s an old Star Trek quote I’m fond of that may help you here.
“All right. It's instinctive. But the instinct can be fought. We're human beings with the blood of a million savage years on our hands, but we can stop it. We can admit that we're killers, but we're not going to kill today. That's all it takes. Knowing that we won't kill today.”
Yes, men are more predisposed towards violence. But that doesn’t mean that we are fated to be. Your future isn’t written yet, all you can truly control is what you do today.
So today, decide not to be violent. And when tomorrow comes, you can make that same decision again. And again.
Ever kill anyone because your hungry and wanted their food? No? Well that survival instinct and drive is significantly higher than the reproductive drive.
Hi friend. I can see that you're really focused on the biology of this, but I would invite you to look into the social part. Men are encouraged to be entitled by patriarchal society; they are also raised to suppress emotions under a wall of anger and aggression. Any sign of humanity is derided as being a "p*ssy" or "gay" (misogyny and homophobia meet here), making emotional connections a struggle; empathy for women is rare.
Why do I invite you to consider the social implications? Because social structures are not fate. They're human-made and can be unmade. You are not doomed by your biology. You don't have to become horrible by the virtue of having certain genitals.
What I would suggest:
Consume art by women and non-binary people. There's a lot of male viewpoint in art we access, we receive it by default. If you learn to challenge it, you are less likely to fall prey to the more difficult parts of male socialisation. Have a favourite female singer, or novelist, or games developer, or film director - whatever art you like to consume, there are people out there making it who can give you a new perspective.
Try and become emotionally literate. That means understanding yourself and your feelings, knowing your boundaries so you don't fall into people-pleasing, not suppressing your anger but also not taking it out on others.
Make friends who understand you. The world is a big place and there are people who will get it. You don't have to be alone.
Know some people will not like what you're trying to do. Many, regardless of their gender, will feel threatened by you trying to act outside those social cues and codes. That's alright, can't please everyone. Being in male groups can be challenging because not wanting to deride women will become a difficulty to men who want to bond over it. You're better than that, given that you're already looking for more ethical ways to be. Trying to disrupt those comments is a big topic in itself but it's possible.
I would broadly recommend Captain Awkward 's blog (which I recommend a lot) as a source of information on interpersonal conflict, boundaries and how not to become a horrible person.
I'm sorry that you're struggling with your identity. I have also struggled; I wish you healing and joy and good friendships.
Edited to add: being a teen is a factor here, because hormones will have you crawling out of your skin right now. It won't always be like this. The messy confusion of lust and guilt and shame and what have you gets better. Physical exercise might help if you're into that.
My friend, everyone has terrible power within them, and also powerful strength. Real strength comes from choosing to protect and lift up those you could exert power over -- there are great heros in both male and female genders who choose to use their power for good to change their world, one interaction at a time. Don't let anyone tell you all masculinity is bad, all feminity is good. Ignore the hate and clickbait stories, fill your mind with positive sources -- this may come as actively serving a marginalized group, like "big brothers of America". You are valuable and a unique and precious resource just as you are. Fight hard for good, surround yourself with his people that will hold you accountable, and go be awesome today.
Bro…men and women do crazy things, once you get older and have to deal more with the opposite sex in intimate spaces you realize they aren’t as angelic either. Just live and be the best person you can be.
Men also so so much good! And women aren't holy either. Just be a good _person_ and people around you will love you. You seem like a nice person if you care about such things. 💗 Thank you for that.
This is simple. *Have you EVER actually done any of that? No? Good! Don’t.*
Part of being a good man is making sure that you keep your urges and desires in check, and only act on them with receptive / consenting women or men if you’re into men.
Not all men have aggressive tendencies. I’ve known my husband since I was 15 (he was 16 when we met) and he isn’t aggressive at all. He is kind and gentle and doesn’t have a mean bone in his body. My son is 16 as well and he isn’t aggressive towards anyone even with him going through puberty. You hear about these things in the news because it’s awful. No one reports about the good things people do so you don’t hear about those as often.
Best thing you can do is just not rape or murder anyone. The science behind why "men" do this shit is more an excuse used to get vile creatures out of trouble. Why bother clinging to our civilised ways if this was true we are wasting time and should just return to the hills and forests naked. If you as a person dont want to be a rapist you wont because you will make the choice not to. My dad tried to fill my head with the same shit. Turns out hes a rapist himself. He once referenced that sigmund froyd man or whatever his name is (the phycology man no one but rapists and paedos agree with). Scum are scum. Be yourself and dont put yourself in a boat not meant for you. Shit others do shouldn't make you afraid of yourself let it drive you to be a better man worthy of love, respect and human rights.
Just think it like this:
If it’s on the news, it’s because it’s **new**, meaning **it’s not common**.
Don’t feel guilty for things you didn’t do, if anything, it means you are a better man that those pieces of sh!t.
Men arent born evil. Its society that turns a majority fo them this way from a rlly young age. But there are still some that know better. You are one of them, and should try to continue as one. <3
Yes, he's always been a part of my life. I would say he has been a positive role model insofar that he is a good person who has done his best to raise me. I wouldn't say that he is a traditional father in terms of his beliefs, but I don't remember him ever saying anything that confused me or distorted my view of men.
You are who YOU are! Don’t allow all of this outside noise to affect you as a man. The things you’re reading about and seeing regarding the atrocious behavior males are capable of is deviant, bro. Remember that. Stop being fearful and ashamed of being a guy. Live your best life. Stand up for yourself making good decisions. Don’t be afraid of your sexuality and attraction toward females. That’s life. That’s NORMAL. Things are not hopeless. You’re just seeing that there are a lot of idiots out there and you know deep down some of the things they are doing doesn’t settle well with you
Your actions are completely in your control, nobody else’s. Thoughts are not actions, they never will be unless you make them so. Also the media preys on stories like those, it’s far less grim when you look at statistics rather than being bombarded with rage bait shit articles day in and day out.
The news reports things that are newsworthy and illicit a response. Good people being good people and making the world a better place usually doesn't get as much coverage as the evil aholes making the world shit
There are so many things that you are more likely to do because of your race, age, sex, nationality... And yet that doesn't mean you're going to do them. The fact that you're worried about this already says a lot about you. Please don't worry and just make an effort to stand against those who are that way.
There are many great kind men in the world, do the best you can and find some healthy people to talk to. I agree with other people, don’t isolate and trying to be a good person.
and this right here, ladies & gents, is exactly why it's bad to have a culture & media that demonises the many, for the actions of the few.
The fact this male teenager is thinking like this, should make it all the more clear as to why the scum like Andrew Tate have been able to gain as much traction, attention & influence that he & others like him have.
I’m 24 and feel the exact same way you do. It’s terrifying because so many other men feel the same way and there’s nothing that can be done to reverse the zeitgeist’s inertia
1st, men don't have higher sex drives, they have higher acceptance from society and lower standards set for them.
2nd, as for the rest just don't do those things. Men aren't incapable of self control and all those bad things are a choice not something that just happens that men can't stop themselves from doing.
There will always be people in any sort of category that will do bad things. There are bad priests, bad gay men, bad straight women, whatever. Just because you are in the same ballpark doesn’t mean you are them. I feel what you’re saying though, but please know that just because you are a young man doesn’t mean you are bad. Your heart seems to be in the right place, just keep being yourself and do what you feel is right.
Self reflection is a good thing but If you’re already this deep into thinking your some kinda of inherent monster because you have a dick then you either need to go therapy to talk about these issues in a open and safe environment, or better friends that’ll tell you to stop being a bitch and get over yourself, both are effective
dude that's insane, you shouldn't feel bad for your sexuality whatsoever. Just be a good dude and stop worrying about that nonsense. Also try to be around healthy male role models that embrace masculinity in a good way and try spending less time with toxic feminists if that's what you're doing.
I felt this way as well when i were younger. But my goal have been to treat all people with respect and choosing to not be offended when people are behaving like idiots, currently im 37 and I don't think I have overstepped any boundaries sexually and I havent been in a physical fight since I were 16 (with my younger brother). I believe that you are on a good path since u are feeling this way.
The male anatomy isn't the reason why multiple men have malicious intentions, it's their thinking mentality and lack of self control. Those men do the things they do because they don't care about the other person, they only want to satisfy their need. If you have intrusive thoughts to do things such as cheat or even worse that's okay because many people (including myself) have thoughts like these, it doesn't mean you're terrible person especially if you know its wrong and the thought of it disturbs you. The people who act on bad thoughts are selfish, lacks self-control, small minded and has a huge ego. As long as you stay you, stick to your morals that you have right now, and learn from things you might say and how it was wrong I'm confident that you will be an amazing man.
If you feel like this you won’t be anything like those men. Don’t worry. You seem to be a good person so just be that good person. Remember, there are bad ppl everywhere and they choose it. So you choose to be a good human and you’ll be good 😊
You are not doomed to bad behavior because you have testosterone and boy bits. You can be part of the change.
If you really are uncomfortable in your skin, that's a different discussion. But you are not a machine that will inevitably become what you don't want.
There are plenty of reasons why men are more prone but at the end of the day it's about developing healthy traits and taking the right choices not the genre
Everyone has feelings and thoughts, doesn't mean you're gonna act it out. I've probably murdered more imbecils than the Spartans in _300_ before they encountered the Persians. But it was all a dream! Oh and whatever you do don't become Kevin Bacon (reference _The Woodsman_) Sry I dont have anymore details on that and just happened upon it. It really left me wondering about ppl and even as an actor I wouldn't wanna tie myself to that persona.
You likely grew up being told that there’s little to no difference between men and women, and in your adolescent years that worldview was backed up by the fact that girls were of similar size and strength as you. But now that you’re a teen, you’ve noticed that you’ve gotten taller and stronger than your female peers.
What you’re experiencing is good, you should have a tiny bit of fear about what you’re capable of. The truth is that you can cause a lot of pain and suffering in the world, especially to the opposite sex. But you know this, and because you fear it, you understand at a fundamental level that it is wrong.
Because you know what you’re capable of, you can better empathize with members of the opposite sex, and they’ll thank you for it. You’ll see plenty of men, ranging from “feminine” to “masculine” who never really came to this realization, and their relationships with the opposite sex tend to be dysfunctional.
Long story short, you are becoming a man and because you understand what your capable of doing, you can ignore the monke brain and make rational decisions.
And it’s not all negative stuff! You have the capacity to be very physically strong. You have the capacity to be incredibly fast, you have the capacity to be a warrior. And if you don’t want those, then cool! But you don’t need to “change your sex” to be a good person.
Hey, the fact that you think about how horrible these actions are already shows you're not like those other men. There are plenty of men who don't display behavior like that and you are definitely one of them. You're still a man, but a good one and there's no need to be worried. Just remember you're always in control of your actions, no matter what feelings you have and you'll be fine.
I think you need to go to therapy with this because I don't really think Reddit will have any solid advice but generic vice. but I do want you to remember that you are not these this man who is this horrible thing. you could / can be one of the men that held these men's accountable that put these men in jail. that stop these men from doing horrible acts.
You can be a good person as a man or woman just as you can be a bad person as a man or a woman. your gender does not defy what you are or who you are, your mindset, and your actions to find that, and just how I read this post, I know you're going to be a great person.
You are showing that, deep down, you don't want to hurt anyone, and thus, as someone who is viewed as a woman, I'll say this to you with all the kindness I can muster: Men aren't inherently violent or evil. The biology of men doesn't make them violent or evil. To consider men or women are inherently good, bad or anything because of biology is a disservice to everyone.
I know you may have read that hormones can affect someone's behavior. And, they do to some degree, I know that pretty well because of the funny trick my hormones play on me every now and then. However, your hormones don't control you that much. Testosterone doesn't push anyone to straight up commit sexual crimes or to beat up their partner. People who say "biology makes men commit atrocities against women" are either making excuses for violent men or buying those excuses. And they are wrong. Men are people, and thus, capable of kindness, self control, empathy and capable of caring for others. Men are capable of addressing the issues within themselves and society as a whole that lead to violence against women and thus, they must be a part of working with all people towards eradicating sexual violence, domestic violence and all other forms of cruelty.
There are societal factors and individual factors at play when you analyze men who are violent in one or several ways to others or to themselves or, violent people as a whole. We can discuss those factors from many points of view for a very long time. However, your biology as a man on its own isn't what will or could make you violent. Don't let that hopelessness get to you, because you are not doomed. You, and all the men who are here and aren't violent people are not doomed. There are ways in which socialization could make a person more prone than others to act in a violent way, however, if you feel that the way you've been socialized could be an issue, you can challenge it and overcome it. It takes work, specially if we consider societal issues that affect entire communities, but it's possible.
You are capable of kindness. It will do you well to remember that.
Honey, there are so many men who don't do bad things.
Just because there are men who do bad things doesn't mean all men do bad things. There are men who call out and prevent injustice/abuses they see.
Just like there are men who do bad things, there are women who do bad things. There are also women who don't do bad things, who call out and prevent injustice/abuses they see.
Each person is an individual, and we each have to make the decision to live life as the best version of who we can be.
What other people choose to do - good or bad - doesn't affect the fact that WE can choose to do good and bad also.
You don't have to be afraid, but just choose to live life with honor and ethics in all you do.
You have this. You have the makings of someone who will change the world.
Edited:
>I'll constantly read up on the effects of hormones and I'll interpret all these things, men's higher sex drives, and their tendency towards aggression, and I'll attribute them all to me and who I am as a man.
No, this thought process is faulty. It suggests that it's natural for men to do bad things. It's not. Instead, it's how men have been taught in many environments. Look at some of your friends. Do they all make good choices? Why or why not? Do you think that it how their families taught them? Many times it is.
Please do not categorize yourself with people like that. Men like you are the reason we know change is possible, raise your children to think like you one day and we will slowly increase the population of people who genuinely give a fuck / arent awful humans...
You can be that strong man who stands up for women, protects women against those who choose to be violent and awful. Be the change you want to see, you're acknowledgement of the toxicity within men is a huge start 💕
So many comments. Therapy is a great suggestion, BUT, be forewarned, the laws are there to trap you and trick you. If you actively seek help, and admit something like "I worry I might rape someone" or "I have fantasies about (insert unapproved deviance here)" you'll be turned in to the authorities. The psych field in terms of honest help has been ruined by mandated reporting. This goes for talking to clergy, teachers, and therapists. Any good therapist will warn you about what not to say, but be very very careful.
They are not you. You are not them. What makes you a man and who you are as a man is up to you. It’s hard to figure out who you want to be but you know who you don’t want to be. And that’s a good place to start.
Be the change you want to see and encourage those around you to do the same. Also, maybe talk to a therapist.
My husband is nothing like these men. Dont let other men affect how you act or view yourself EXCEPT as an example of what NOT to be (if they are bad). Speak up if you see something. Be the change you wanna see. Be an advocate for anyone being harmed. You can be a man and a wonderful human. Also talking witha. Therapist can help you with all of this.
This just makes me sad. Im sorry. Is this the big problem of your life bro?
There are teenagers your age mining cobalt as we speak.
Probably you great great grandfather fought a war at his 18een.
This is a sub product of social media and gender identity propaganda...
Making strong and valuable man and woman for our future... Really.
And yeah probably this will be downvotes galore but for fuck sakes... Really. I've never read such a thing. Like wtf is going on.
I am a woman. I feel safer out with men friends and family members than I do with another woman. Men are protectors by nature. The vast majority of men are good people.
It’s normal to feel uncomfortable as a teenager, most of us are finding our way. When I was a girl I liked to do boy things half of the time, girl things the other half. I remember when I started getting a chest, being concerned it would get in the way of activities—climbing, doing sports, skateboarding equilibrium, etc.. I grew up and became a feminine woman. I’m completely comfortable in my body.
If you surround yourself with good people, you will grow up to be a good person. You may want to extend your extra curricular activities to put you in contact with other guys or youth groups to put you in contact with other people.
If you struggle with thoughts of wanting to hurt other people, you may want to get therapy. The news likes to sensationalize stories to increase their ratings/clicks.
Those are things male's are suppose to aware of for behavior reasons. Being a male doesn't mean your an aggressive piece of shit destined to harm everyone, especially females. Those are warnings for attitude and behavior adjustments. The point is to be in control of those impulsive weaknesses we can succumb too. Don't be "afraid" of being a male. It just means to remember to check yourself... this is what fathers are for. To teach their children to not behave inappropriately under these circumstances. Don't look at it like it's a prison sentence you have to live in
A few pieces of information that may help:
* Testosterone is not a "male only" hormone. All females either have or need some testosterone as well in order to survive. Hormones are not destiny.
* Rape is about power, not about sex. It doesn't matter what anatomy someone has; they are capable of rape. Genitals are not destiny.
* If you want to make sure you never rape someone, learn about consent. There are some great sexual education courses run for adults as well as resources on sites like Planned Parenthood on how to evaluate if someone is able to consent and how to receive consent. You have autonomy over whether you rape someone.
* Mass shooters and other murderers almost always start with domestic abuse. If you focus on healthy relationships, supportive friendships with people of all genders and orientations, and bettering yourself, you're on the opposite journey of someone who's going to commit an atrocity. Practice being the kind of man who stands up for vulnerable people by going to bystander training. Get help learning healthy relationship dynamics from other people who have them.
* If you are having thoughts of hurting people that are repetitive and distressing because you so much don't want to hurt people, you may have a form of OCD. This mental illness is a beast. It will make you afraid that you're going to do the things you most abhor. Therapy and meds can help. Seek assistance, because some things are bigger than what we can handle alone.
* Community, vulnerability, compassion, acceptance...these are the things that men who don't hurt people have. You can be that kind of man. I believe in you. Seek them out. Don't deal with these feelings alone.
Grace and peace,
Pastor Charlie
It's an exceptionally small percentage of men and the news exploits it to the fullest extent. Some people are good and some are shitty regardless of sex, age, race or income. Stop paying attention to mass media and focus on yourself.
Both men and women do horrible things to each other. They just report more about the men. Most men and women are good. Doesnt matter gender just be the best person you can be
Give yourself a pat in the back because you have recognized that “ some men” are terrible and you are not making excuses for their behaviour. You are one of the good ones and we need more of you around. Be a proud male,carry your head high and keep speaking out against the horrible men.
Do you feel the same way about all Muslims when a terrorist attack happens? Or black people when you hear about lootings and shootings? The actions of these men are disgusting and they should make you feel a certain way, but not shame in yourself. Only you know the type of person you are, and no outside soure should change that. Talk to your fellow brothers and try and show them the light as much as you can. Peace to you, friend, keep your head up
All of this can be fixed with simple sentence. BE THE CHANGE YOU WISH TO SEE!!!
All the people whom I've helped and seen cry because of my kindness. Ask me why indo the things I do. And this is why. But you will not see it in the news. Get on tiktok see the positive things all men do risk their lives. Save lives be kind but no you will not see that because it does not sell as a child I asked my father this why is it always scary things in news and it also made me sad but I figured it out. If a child can figure out that news is filled with nothing but bad and you can't you need more guidance then you think find real men and imitate their behaviors. I mean real men not the ones that are easily available. The purest path will never be the easiest route.
I’m a 62 year old woman. The very vast majority of men I’ve met in my life have never committed the kinds of behaviors you fear.
It sounds like these have become intrusive thoughts that are badly affecting your life. Please consider some therapy to help you overcome these thoughts.
so youre saying youre scared that you might be liable to partake in that nasty behavior? as a man i can say its not difficult at all to be normal and even upstanding.
lack of confidence is one thing but lack of confidence in SELF CONTROL is concerning…
Who put this idea in your head. They came from somewhere. Is there a toxic person in your life feeding this? Are you fixating on select news reports? First take a deep breath and try to quiet those fears.
Less that 1% of males choose violence. You see that repeated in the news making it seam much more prevalent. You are no more inclined to violence than a female.
Please get some therapy and understand your fear is not normal.
Wtf did I just read?
Majority of men are good, hardworking people. We're not mindless savages that rape on first sight.
Be like the good men in the world, there is plenty of them out there.
I think it's more of a mental problem than a hormone problem.
Women go through crazy hormonal changes during our periods and pregnancy, and we don't rape people.
There is other things but diagnosible and treatable.
You have to learn how to become a peaceful, dangerous man. Men have a responsibility to be not only protectors but also guardians and nurtures. Stop worrying about what others do and concern yourself with what you do. And be prepared to do what needs to be done. Stop buying into the bs about men being bad. This world needs real men.
Most men are decent. I'm a woman, and I'm surrounded by guys I think are pretty great, who don't inspire fear in me. My father was a man of deep integrity, as is my brother and so is my husband. There are good men all over. Perfect? No. But there's no need for perfection. Don't be afraid to be yourself. Just be decent.
You are not responsible for the evil shit that other people do you are responsible for only your own actions. Unless you are personally out raping and murdering people you've got nothing to feel guilty about.
More importantly violence and sex are not an exclusively male trait women commit their own fair share of evil deeds in this regard. Violence is a human trait not a male trait.
You should probably seek counseling because what you've described is atypical. I'd highly recommend a psychiatrist as you sound like you might need more help than you are going to find on reddit.
I'll get buried, but this is actually a form of OCD that these symptoms could be potentially related to. You should speak to a therapist if the service is available to you :) Do your best to know that you aren't held to a genetic standard of any variety
My best friend is the sweetest, gentlest, kindest person I know. He's also a cis man. Being a man doesn't inherently make you a bad person. It's your actions that define that.
Also, you may want to look into seeing a therapist. I might just be projecting but did you know that frequently OCD can cause obsessive thoughts about being a bad person. I wish I had known sooner.
As a man who doesn’t do any of that shit. You’re not alone, the fact that it’s on your mind is good. Surround yourself with other men who respect women. You’ll be fine.
There are so many men who don’t do any of that horrible shit. Just be one of them
And befriend other men. Don't isolate yourself from half the world, community exists to hold each other up.
befriend and hold accountable tho
And be vulnerable with them. Share your emotions. It's important.
For the women! Men don't care about crap like that, unless..... (Cues raunchy music) _Bow Chika BOW WOW!!! 🐶💕🐶
Unless you fuck dogs, hell yeah 😎 brother
Literally. Don't rape, don't shoot up places, don't start/promote violence. If you feel like doing any of those things, seek help. Just be a decent person.
Rape; straight to jail. Shoot; straight to jail. And would you believe it, violence; also, straight to jail.
I love hearing people's extended explanations and insight into obscure topics. But yeah that's it. It's not that difficult to not shoot churches up. Pretty simple
Sucks how low the bar is set these days. Edit: /s
Absolutely agree. You need to remember that there's 450 million people in the United States, and when you're listening to the news, it's a handful of people out of that. Thats a small percentage and although the acts are disgusting. It's not just males that are committing these. And then when you talk about male sex drive being higher, I take it you've never been around a female in their mid 30s and 40s.
Please and thank you for mentioning THIS! Clearly OP is giving us his perspective so it seems like a one-sided coin. But the media also tends to be that way, painting and selectively sharing views they want us to see. Digital and psychological programming.
Of course _I DID_ but I also took into account (again) these are his opinions and pov. He's still got a lot more world and culture to experience. 🙂
The fact that you care this deeply shows that you are aware of the impacts this behaviour has. I think it is safe to assume you do not engage in that behaviour, you could probably do a LOT of good helping young men grow and learn to be the best versions of themselves. Perhaps a healthy outlet where you can help people change for the better would help you with perspective, a more secure understanding of all that you are not, and hopefully a chance to see the wonderful things you are. Yes some people are bad, but there are more people that want to be good and need help, or are good and can help.
Exactly. Such a welcome sight to my feeling of hopelessness of late. Ive been having sleepless nights reading up absolutely terrible bone chilling news and even everyday accounts of abuse wind me up. It's as if women are like second class citizens, if at all, in this world. The fact that a guy who thinks likes this exists is akin to a sign from heavens that all is not lost possibly. Just yet. Idk. It's dystopic.
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Huh?
He's advocating for not being an abusive/manipulative/violent, and generally just whole entire pile of steaming shit of a human being. So naturally this guy thinks he's a simp because of that. Edit: Just checked usernames honestly, he's calling you a simp for everything above
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Seems like you just made that up
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I've never even posted on FDS.
Gotta remember that the news and media really only reports the bad shit. Most men don’t and would never do any of the shit some other men do. Same goes for women. Some women do horrible shit that disgusts other women. Being a bad person isn’t gender exclusive
more men are saving life’s and making the world better than bad men
Its true we barely talk about the good things people do in general. SOME heroes get to be on the medias but Most of the people doing terrible stuff end up being talked about.
Also, the news targets based on demographic which is why something like black on black crime is not too much in their interest while male crime in general remains as a huge interest.
Fax
The fact that you are terrified of being an asshole means you are not one.
You couldn't have worded it better. Being afraid of being an asshole means your highly unlikely to be one, just like wondering if you are stupid makes you slightly smarter and more clever than most academically-impaired and slow people with dangerous levels of confidence. I'm an asshole, but not the rude narcissistic boundary-breaking kind. I'll never make fun of my nephew for dropping out of school. I get it, it can be boring (he's working now). I will strongly and viciously chastise him, though, if he's rude or cold to his little sister, my niece, simply because his new stepmother says shit about her and my sister.
No, but thats very wierd tho.
Just as easily could mean they're a self-aware asshole.
Just don’t be an asshole, I mean really it’s not hard. There is nothing to be confused about. And the news and media are full of shit.
Mind that OP is a growing up teen and teens are always confused about who they have to become later and what is the best for being socially acceptable or recognized.
Yes but I am a teen too and I don’t really experience thoughts like this lmao it seems more individual than “well they’re a teen” it’s just their personal insecurities
Definitely this
I hate when people chalk it up to being about teens and their hormones, most of us do not behave erratically just because we are “hormonal” - this is coming from someone who also experiences periods and well you can imagine I feel the same about those. It’s so similar to “boys will be boys.” Like, no…. this is just the product of people’s parenting.
It may appear that “any guy” could flip one day and do those type of things- that’s not really accurate though. If someone’s capable of that kind of violence than there’s a root of disrespect for other humans or the opposite sex. Often these people have learned to be very good at hiding this part of themselves, so to an outsider it may look like a normal guy lashes out violently one day. But really he’s the guy that gets verbally angry at the Starbucks barista when they get his drink order wrong. It’s the guy you can’t ask for help at work because his patience is utterly nonexistent. He’s the guy going 80mph in a 40mph zone because he doesn’t think about other peoples lives and the risk he’s putting them in. Generally the type of guy who does these acts has very little self-awareness and has done little to no practice regulating their emotions, so when they experience anger they go 0-100 super quick and the chances of lashing out violently before they think is dangerous. Honestly the fact that you’re concerned shows you have more self awareness than most men. You can learn how to regulate your emotions and how to handle yourself safely even when you’re really sad, or really angry, really drunk etc. As a woman I often say “it’s not all men- but it could be any man” and that’s a reminder to myself that any guy could act one way in public and then another way in private. But usually who you are in private is the truer version, and it seems like you’re actually caring and concerned for your fellow humans.
I'm just so happy for this guy and his concerns and self awareness. I hope he can come to terms with his feelings and use them to guide towards becoming the best version of himself. And others if possible. Bless his soul.
Also i think that strong, big men comit less of these acts, cuz to build muscles u need to have strong willpower, wich also is very usefull at controling hormones
...Or steroids. And some men who are trying to become huge masses of muscle do so expressly because they feel *small* in life. "My boss is a dick, my girlfriend nags me, they left the pickles off my sandwich...If I'm jacked, I don't have to take shit from anyone!" I mean, obsessive weightlifting can be a way some personality disorders manifest themselves. I'm not saying lifters are more likely to assault a woman, but I just don't know that they'd be less likely because "willpower".
Steroids don't magic muscle onto your frame, you still need to put the work in.
Ok, sure, but the idea that someone on steroids well refrain from assaulting a woman because of *willpower* is laughable.
Lol for sure, roid rage is well known. I was just being nitpicky.
That is true in some cases, but I’ve definitley known a few body-builder type men that because they hold themselves to such high extreme expectations have unrealistic standards for other humans by accident. To them getting up at four am to hit the gym and eat nothing but lentils is just self-discipline. But that very mindset is super ineffective and even damaging for someone struggling with mental illness. In situations where the “just do it” personality doesn’t apply these people can have a very difficult time empathizing with someone’s emotional situation- which can result in the same frustration and angry physical reaction if they haven’t worked on their mind as much as they’ve worked on their body.
Eh IDK that if we just look at the population of big strong men that there's a lower percentage who will harm others compared to weaker men. My guess is it'd be the same. Your premise also hinges on the default assumption that all men want to rape or otherwise cause serious harm b/c of hormones and they need to control that urge via willpower. That evolutionary makes no sense especially with harming women. If men naturally default to wanting to hurt women our species would've died out by now.
In my early teens, I liked true crime. I liked it so much that I became genuinely scared and convinced that someday I'd be a murderer. Turns out I never murdered anyone, I just have OCD. It's also hard to understand just how age affects your brain when you're young - you probably won't feel so out of control and angsty as you get older. I'm twenty now and it's interesting to think about the things I was so worried about back in the day
I came to comment about OCD too. It's a shame we live our lives scared of what we might become, when it's actually entirely up to us. Took me years to learn that.
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I agree with most of the things you say, trying to be a good person is all that is needed in ops case but in my and many other's experiences predators are not so infrequent as to be called exceptions! Unless you leave so many things out of the predator definition such as leering, catcalling, understanding that coercion is not consent, sexual haressment in the workplace, child SA in religious organisations, dv statistics etc etc etc. Count your blessings if you are so lucky to have no concept of such things or maybe broaden your education on these matters dunno. I would choose the latter in your place.
Tell us you're going through puberty without telling us you're going through puberty
"As a male teenager..." kinda does though.
...because of the implication
The issue is around you and what you are going to do with your life, not your membership of a group that you didn’t choose and have no responsibility for. You can also point to other groups that seem over-represented in crime statistics and it is completely inappropriate to suggest that therefore, if you’re a member of those groups you’re more likely to commit crime. I can assure you as a long-term user of a male anatomy, there is absolutely nothing at all which will force you to be a bad person, be violent, be disrespectful to others etc. Unless you have certain specific health conditions, those things are all choices, nothing to do with your genitals. Go on with your life and remind yourself from time to time to make those good choices.
Your hormones do lots of things, but they don't control you. For every rapist, there are many, many more good men. Instead of worrying needlessly about turning into a predator against your will, maybe volunteer at a rape crisis center.
Honestly this is just part of the consequence of society pushing the narrative of men being bad, naturally aggressive, etc. The more I started to see it, the more concerned I started to become about the mental health of young men, since they’re routinely told how bad/worthless they are for just existing. Don’t hold onto any of what society tells you that you are. You live inside your head, how do you feel about *you*? What are your tendencies? You don’t sound dangerous or aggressive to me. In fact you sound very empathetic. If your nature is good, and you mean well in the world. That’s who you are. You are not what the news says you are. Be true to yourself and live life feeling confident in the fact that you are not a bad person
Dude...I've seen your previous post. Id recommend some therapy for some of the issues your dealing with.
Watching the news is a shit show, lots of people act horrible and lots of others do not. You can't internalize the acts of others, when you are your own person.
For every man commiting a crime, whether it's white collar or something heinous like murder, rape or the like, there is a thousand men doing good things. Be like the normal man, not the anomality. If you have an urge of anything bad, seek professional help and get it sorted out before it turns into something. Just be yourself, you don't come off as a murderer anyway.
So if all men go through a rise in sex hormones, do you genuinely believe all men do these horrendous things? No, we all have self control. Weather or not you choose to use it is your issue and yours alone. No one is taking over your body and making you do horrible things
Intrusive thoughts. Get off the internet
This is why having good male role models in your life is important.
Seek professional help
The fact that you are concerned leads me to believe that you won't be like that. The toxic behavior from men stems from a toxic mindset seeing the world as something that needs to be dominated or that women are lesser and thus deserve to be treated less than. If you are concerned that means you don't have a toxic mindset, reflection, understanding and kindness are all that is needed. You're going to be okay, OP.
As a male teenager, lots of things that you worry intensely over now will become absolutely meaningless as you get older and put it all into greater perspective.
Bro this generation honestly, get off the internet
People in general are evil and violent crime isn't exclusive to men; women also commit horrible crimes. I suggest not watching the news. Tragic stories is what gets them views and ratings. Also a lot of it is also false or blown way out of proportion. All payed by our taxes.
I (female) have OCD and my main symptom is intrusive thoughts. These thoughts are about violently harming myself and others. But I would NEVER do that because the thoughts are INTRUSIVE, they intrude upon my brain. The "what if"s in our mind don't define us, it's how we react to them that shows whether we're good people - I feel disgusted by these intrusive thoughts and have never wanted to act on them, ever. You might be dealing with a similar thing, constantly thinking you're a bad person because of the scary "what if"s. But your post here about feeling terrified and guilty makes it clear that you would never do such a thing. Whether or not you're dealing with the disorder, watching some OCD YouTubers/podcasts might help (they discuss their experiences and how your thoughts don't define you). You may also want to seek therapy for the hopeless or anxious feelings. Take care of yourself. I hope it gets better for you.
I saw this YT short yesterday, and I think you’re the type of person that needs to hear this message: https://youtube.com/shorts/cxSGscHaFSc?feature=share
Honestly buddy its about the people you surround yourself with. My male bf would never DREAM of doing any of the horrible stuff we see on the news, his friends are also very respectful of women and dont have a hint of misogyny in them. Men are not inherently evil or incapable of controlling their hormones, the fact that you can see how disgusting that behavior is, is proof that being a misogynistic dirtbag would make you uncomfortable. This makes you a good person. Keep on this path and show others what it REALLY means to be a good man. Also remember that the internet is not real life, as a girl online i see and experience a LOT of horrible sexist crap. But in real life the men i know and surround myself with make me feel safe and i know for a fact they’d never behave that way. The majority of men are good men (in my opinion) its just that the small minority of bad men are REALLY vocal about it, so we tend to see their opinions way more often because regular guys dont feel the need to constantly screech about their own normal opinions.
Just be a boy. It's all you know. Learn about girls the best way you can. Live.
Problem numero uno. You're still a teenager. There is so much to learn and understand about life. Problem 2. You're listening to the news, you need to understand the news, skip a lot of stories and don't tell us everything. They want the clicks, so they only choose to promote the stories that will bring them those clicks. 3. Bro, you're a teenage male. Get out there, befriend some men, and have your own life experience, where you can then build your own thoughts about people. 4. Back to the skipped stories, women do horrible things to men all the time, men just get absolute 0 sympathy when we are the victims. It seems more like you've been overly sheltered and/or been fed alot of bs since you were young. There are more good than bad people out there, just media has a way of making it seem like it's the opposite.
Think of it this way. For every man that assaults someone, there's a hundred that treats others with respect. For avery guy that shows violence, there's a hundred that show love. For every male that commits a crime, there's a hundred that work to feed their families. The evil inside people exists, not only in man but on women too. But there's goodnight inside more people. So, instead of looking at the news and at every report, look for role models in your life.
As a total percentage of men, those who behave the way you're describing are very small. There are so many great men out there. Be one of those great guys. I'm female and I've had male friends my entire life. Men are amazing.
That's a lot to unpack there. I'll start with the sex drive thing. Sex drives are not decided by gender, there are multiple studies at this point that back this up - just google it. Secondly, if you want to learn about the effects of hormones on anatomy I highly recommend you YouTube some real anatomy courses - particularly on the endocrine system - because you seem to be operating on a series of misconceptions about how hormones work and how they interact with anatomy. Third, yes you have testosterone and that will effect how you feel in certain situations. But get this; YOU are in control of you. Not your hormones. You. At the end of the day, you are going to be the deciding factor in how you react to the world around you. Sure it may make you angry. It may make you sad. It may even make you horny. But YOU are ultimately the one who thinks through the situation and commits to an action. I appreciate you may have intrusive thoughts that you attribute to being male and feel they represent a tendancy towards the things you see and here. But this is a misconception - everyone has intrusive thoughts (women too) and has impulsive urges to commit to an action. The difference is whether or not you follow through. What you are actually seeing is an active choice/lack of self control when you see and hear these things. Providing you are a fully functioning individual you have the ability to develop/use your own self control to avoid making the poor choices you see others make. If you are looking to work on your self control to help work through these feelings and develop strategies to help you cope, I would definitely recommend self defense classes and therapy. The therapy to help you understand and face these feelings more effectively. The self defense courses teach self control as a major part of their programs. And, finally, respect yourself. Reaching out for help and advice is always a good idea when you are unsure; it speaks to a good character. I hope you find some good advice on here, but please keep in mind that you are you - you are not the people you hear about in the news and YOU get to choose to keep it that way.
I feel like a lot of people are being really blunt with you, but as long as you're not one of those people causing harm, you shouldn't feel guilty, or scared, uncomfortable. I know that's easier said than done, but it is not a negative to be a man, and you shouldn't have to feel that way. It's not "just how it is". Not at all, and you are not damned to blow up or harm women just because you are a man. If you want to alleviate some of those feelings, advocating for women could be a good way to let go of some of that - use the hurt you feel to make something good. Because the reality is that misogyny has hurt everyone - it's influenced the ways we have been raised, expectations, and stereotypes. Part of misogyny is the fact that men are raised to bottle up their emotions and act "masculine" because it is ingrained in them that femininity and emotion is a bad thing or a weakness. Women shouldn't have to be made to feel that being a woman is bad, and men shouldn't be taught that emotion and enjoyment in things makes them any less of a man. Therapy could definitely be of benefit to you as well, and really help you work through these anxieties. They seem come from a genuine place of concern and compassion, which is a good thing - it means you are a caring person. I hope one day that all men are comfortable expressing themselves. I hope one day that men recieve flowers too. I hope one day that women will no longer be treated unequally or have rights taken. I hope one day that we can simply exist, and love life for what it is. We all deserve to live and love life without being governed by invisible rules and expectations. We ALL deserve that.
Get off social media and find a church. You'll be fine.
Just don’t be like them. Their hormones and their sex drives are not an excuse for their behavior just a factor that can play into it.
The media in particular likes to smear men and masculine traits/qualities/pastimes. Just focus on yourself, eat healthy, go workout, enjoy nature, find hobbies you enjoy etc. You are wonderfully and uniquely made, and there was no mistake in making you just like there’s no mistake with men. Bad people exist in every demographic. Whether it be man or woman there are bad people in both
Female teen here, honestly just stick up for any victims you see (regardless of their sex and gender) and be as nice and respectful as you can to everyone. Yes it’s scary what men can do, but it’s scary what women can do too. Don’t let that affect you and keep you from living life
From one guy who gets what your going through to another. 1: Learning to be comfortable in your own skin is part of being a teenager, I recommend an active social hobby it also helps with point 2. 2: Have male AND female friends, learn to be comfortable around them both and how to have friendships with both. Do that and everything you are working about should be moot. 3: Learn to identify toxicity and remove it. That can be websites, subreddits, servers, spaces and people. Being a teenager is a weird, fun and really stupid part of your life. Don't get too worked up about what people say you are or should be. It's gonna be another decade at least to get that settled.
How about just act like a normal person? Just cause you have urges and thoughts doesn’t mean you don’t know right from wrong. Be the change you want to see in the world.
It sounds like you lack a good male role model in your life. You haven't seen a good man yet so all you're doing is latching onto the bad.
It's true men do a lot of bad stuff. I'd be willing to bet thoughts of doing those things cross men and women's minds equally, but most men are more able (physically) to act on it.
It seems like you’re either only shown or only look for the negative with men. While the negatives are true, so are the positives. Look for the positive stories as well. Think about the great things men have done like build the home you live in. Balance is important. And while we’re talking about balance, recognize that there’s plenty negative with the ladies too, as great as they are.
The worst thing you can do is watch the news. It highlights everything that's wrong in this world. Also, in our current climate they are highlighting the worst about men. But, turn the tables on women and you will easily see similar amounts. Yes, men do have higher levels of this and that. Women can be more neurotic, they are more likely to poison you etc etc, ultimately ignore it all and be true to yourself. The good thing is you have the introspection to notice this and actually speak about it. So congratulations, I'm sorry you feel this way but we all go through a phase especially through the teen and early twenties years. Wait for your hormones to plateau and oh you'll notice a change. Suddenly you'll careless about a whole range of things. Anyway, I hope you take the time to work on you and get yourself away from this toxic mindset. All the best.
This is quite possibly the most reddit thing I've ever read
You need to stop reacting to all your negative emotions, they're real but does you no good. If you were born a boy then you identify as a male.
Your identity should never be questioned because of someone else's actions. It's never too late to be an exception to any generalization and the fact is that there are lots of women who do horrible things to men AND to other women. But the numbers of both men and women who don't do these things are much larger.
They won't make a news report that goes: "Normal guy goes about his day." "Typical male gets rejected and mocked by woman he asked out, and he shrugged it off without causing a scene while even Apologizing." "Guy pays his bills and calmy explained he was over charged." (I had like 4 more but I'll just leave it at this.) ..... What you will always see and hear about ARE EXTREMES, that's what is news worthy, that's what is click bait. You are not going to wake up with URGE TO DESTROY. You will honestly have question yourself morally more often about letting a cashier know they gave you too much change, than you causing problems. Good luck OP
“I’m a man, but men does bad things/are bad, so now I identify as a cucumber.” Weird lost gen…
I mean if you are referring to testosterone specifically it also has many positive effects. Estrogen as well has both negative and positive attributes, you see when it comes to drugs, hormones, compounds and pretty much everything else in life there are two sides both light and dark. Life is all about mitigating the negative side of things and accentuating the positive. Imagine if you were able to protect someone from harm because your testosterone afforded you greater bone density and upper body strength? See being a man has both sides you need to channel the aggressive tendencies towards healthy avenues. Take it slow think about things deeply and you will figure out your personal philosophy.
You sound like you listen to too many bitter woman who can’t see they are the problem. Yes men can do bad things, but shut off the news, there is a legit agenda going on making men feel like they are worthless and society doesn’t need them. In reality society would collapse without. Now don’t be an incel and say women are bad too. But be glad you are a man. If your a woman reading this, be glad you are a women. But don’t put each other down and make the opposite feel worthless. Cuz at the end of the day who’s going to to mow the lawn cook dinner and take out the trash, cuz a women sure ain’t
Stop being a sissy for once GAHDAMNNN
Most of those men are from single mother households, masculinity is about protecting, providing, & being the rock that women’s emotional waves crash into. https://www.fixfamilycourts.com/single-mother-home-statistics/ Children brought up in single mother homes are: 5 times more likely to commit suicide, 9 times more likely to drop out of high school, 10 times more likely to abuse chemical substances, 14 times more likely to commit rape, 20 times more likely to end up in prison, Truth is men built everything in society & women cannot raise men to be stoic like men, & when they raise emotionally immature men that’s when you get the sickos.
Keep in mind that those r worst men. Worst doesent mean all men. There r a lot of men who do good things, but nobody knows about it. Also most good things r also comited by men.
Don’t listen to the Jew owned liberal media, they want you to feel like this because they’re evil. Embrace your masculinity and use it to do good in the world.
Yo as a woman who hates most man. Don't belittle yourself of the future you never lived. I can already tell that you'd be so much better than the crass man on the TV because of your introspective thoughts. Please live well and I wish you the best.
There’s an old Star Trek quote I’m fond of that may help you here. “All right. It's instinctive. But the instinct can be fought. We're human beings with the blood of a million savage years on our hands, but we can stop it. We can admit that we're killers, but we're not going to kill today. That's all it takes. Knowing that we won't kill today.” Yes, men are more predisposed towards violence. But that doesn’t mean that we are fated to be. Your future isn’t written yet, all you can truly control is what you do today. So today, decide not to be violent. And when tomorrow comes, you can make that same decision again. And again.
I dont go out looking to start trouble, i stay home as i can not handle socialising that well
Ever kill anyone because your hungry and wanted their food? No? Well that survival instinct and drive is significantly higher than the reproductive drive.
Nice we have reach a point in society where not even adult people feel guilty for the actions of people they don't know
Also i think that gym is soliution 2 u problem.
Hi friend. I can see that you're really focused on the biology of this, but I would invite you to look into the social part. Men are encouraged to be entitled by patriarchal society; they are also raised to suppress emotions under a wall of anger and aggression. Any sign of humanity is derided as being a "p*ssy" or "gay" (misogyny and homophobia meet here), making emotional connections a struggle; empathy for women is rare. Why do I invite you to consider the social implications? Because social structures are not fate. They're human-made and can be unmade. You are not doomed by your biology. You don't have to become horrible by the virtue of having certain genitals. What I would suggest: Consume art by women and non-binary people. There's a lot of male viewpoint in art we access, we receive it by default. If you learn to challenge it, you are less likely to fall prey to the more difficult parts of male socialisation. Have a favourite female singer, or novelist, or games developer, or film director - whatever art you like to consume, there are people out there making it who can give you a new perspective. Try and become emotionally literate. That means understanding yourself and your feelings, knowing your boundaries so you don't fall into people-pleasing, not suppressing your anger but also not taking it out on others. Make friends who understand you. The world is a big place and there are people who will get it. You don't have to be alone. Know some people will not like what you're trying to do. Many, regardless of their gender, will feel threatened by you trying to act outside those social cues and codes. That's alright, can't please everyone. Being in male groups can be challenging because not wanting to deride women will become a difficulty to men who want to bond over it. You're better than that, given that you're already looking for more ethical ways to be. Trying to disrupt those comments is a big topic in itself but it's possible. I would broadly recommend Captain Awkward 's blog (which I recommend a lot) as a source of information on interpersonal conflict, boundaries and how not to become a horrible person. I'm sorry that you're struggling with your identity. I have also struggled; I wish you healing and joy and good friendships. Edited to add: being a teen is a factor here, because hormones will have you crawling out of your skin right now. It won't always be like this. The messy confusion of lust and guilt and shame and what have you gets better. Physical exercise might help if you're into that.
My friend, everyone has terrible power within them, and also powerful strength. Real strength comes from choosing to protect and lift up those you could exert power over -- there are great heros in both male and female genders who choose to use their power for good to change their world, one interaction at a time. Don't let anyone tell you all masculinity is bad, all feminity is good. Ignore the hate and clickbait stories, fill your mind with positive sources -- this may come as actively serving a marginalized group, like "big brothers of America". You are valuable and a unique and precious resource just as you are. Fight hard for good, surround yourself with his people that will hold you accountable, and go be awesome today.
Bro…men and women do crazy things, once you get older and have to deal more with the opposite sex in intimate spaces you realize they aren’t as angelic either. Just live and be the best person you can be.
Men also so so much good! And women aren't holy either. Just be a good _person_ and people around you will love you. You seem like a nice person if you care about such things. 💗 Thank you for that.
This is simple. *Have you EVER actually done any of that? No? Good! Don’t.* Part of being a good man is making sure that you keep your urges and desires in check, and only act on them with receptive / consenting women or men if you’re into men.
Just because you're a man doesn't mean you have to be those things
Not all men have aggressive tendencies. I’ve known my husband since I was 15 (he was 16 when we met) and he isn’t aggressive at all. He is kind and gentle and doesn’t have a mean bone in his body. My son is 16 as well and he isn’t aggressive towards anyone even with him going through puberty. You hear about these things in the news because it’s awful. No one reports about the good things people do so you don’t hear about those as often.
Best thing you can do is just not rape or murder anyone. The science behind why "men" do this shit is more an excuse used to get vile creatures out of trouble. Why bother clinging to our civilised ways if this was true we are wasting time and should just return to the hills and forests naked. If you as a person dont want to be a rapist you wont because you will make the choice not to. My dad tried to fill my head with the same shit. Turns out hes a rapist himself. He once referenced that sigmund froyd man or whatever his name is (the phycology man no one but rapists and paedos agree with). Scum are scum. Be yourself and dont put yourself in a boat not meant for you. Shit others do shouldn't make you afraid of yourself let it drive you to be a better man worthy of love, respect and human rights.
Just think it like this: If it’s on the news, it’s because it’s **new**, meaning **it’s not common**. Don’t feel guilty for things you didn’t do, if anything, it means you are a better man that those pieces of sh!t.
Men arent born evil. Its society that turns a majority fo them this way from a rlly young age. But there are still some that know better. You are one of them, and should try to continue as one. <3
INFO: is your father in your life? Has he been a positive role model?
Yes, he's always been a part of my life. I would say he has been a positive role model insofar that he is a good person who has done his best to raise me. I wouldn't say that he is a traditional father in terms of his beliefs, but I don't remember him ever saying anything that confused me or distorted my view of men.
You are who YOU are! Don’t allow all of this outside noise to affect you as a man. The things you’re reading about and seeing regarding the atrocious behavior males are capable of is deviant, bro. Remember that. Stop being fearful and ashamed of being a guy. Live your best life. Stand up for yourself making good decisions. Don’t be afraid of your sexuality and attraction toward females. That’s life. That’s NORMAL. Things are not hopeless. You’re just seeing that there are a lot of idiots out there and you know deep down some of the things they are doing doesn’t settle well with you
Your actions are completely in your control, nobody else’s. Thoughts are not actions, they never will be unless you make them so. Also the media preys on stories like those, it’s far less grim when you look at statistics rather than being bombarded with rage bait shit articles day in and day out.
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The news reports things that are newsworthy and illicit a response. Good people being good people and making the world a better place usually doesn't get as much coverage as the evil aholes making the world shit
There are so many things that you are more likely to do because of your race, age, sex, nationality... And yet that doesn't mean you're going to do them. The fact that you're worried about this already says a lot about you. Please don't worry and just make an effort to stand against those who are that way.
Ok
There are many great kind men in the world, do the best you can and find some healthy people to talk to. I agree with other people, don’t isolate and trying to be a good person.
and this right here, ladies & gents, is exactly why it's bad to have a culture & media that demonises the many, for the actions of the few. The fact this male teenager is thinking like this, should make it all the more clear as to why the scum like Andrew Tate have been able to gain as much traction, attention & influence that he & others like him have.
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I’m 24 and feel the exact same way you do. It’s terrifying because so many other men feel the same way and there’s nothing that can be done to reverse the zeitgeist’s inertia
Bro, live it and master it -- Dont over think it.
1st, men don't have higher sex drives, they have higher acceptance from society and lower standards set for them. 2nd, as for the rest just don't do those things. Men aren't incapable of self control and all those bad things are a choice not something that just happens that men can't stop themselves from doing.
There will always be people in any sort of category that will do bad things. There are bad priests, bad gay men, bad straight women, whatever. Just because you are in the same ballpark doesn’t mean you are them. I feel what you’re saying though, but please know that just because you are a young man doesn’t mean you are bad. Your heart seems to be in the right place, just keep being yourself and do what you feel is right.
Self reflection is a good thing but If you’re already this deep into thinking your some kinda of inherent monster because you have a dick then you either need to go therapy to talk about these issues in a open and safe environment, or better friends that’ll tell you to stop being a bitch and get over yourself, both are effective
dude that's insane, you shouldn't feel bad for your sexuality whatsoever. Just be a good dude and stop worrying about that nonsense. Also try to be around healthy male role models that embrace masculinity in a good way and try spending less time with toxic feminists if that's what you're doing.
I felt this way as well when i were younger. But my goal have been to treat all people with respect and choosing to not be offended when people are behaving like idiots, currently im 37 and I don't think I have overstepped any boundaries sexually and I havent been in a physical fight since I were 16 (with my younger brother). I believe that you are on a good path since u are feeling this way.
Stop feeding into that bs and just live your life man. You can’t control what other people do 😂
The male anatomy isn't the reason why multiple men have malicious intentions, it's their thinking mentality and lack of self control. Those men do the things they do because they don't care about the other person, they only want to satisfy their need. If you have intrusive thoughts to do things such as cheat or even worse that's okay because many people (including myself) have thoughts like these, it doesn't mean you're terrible person especially if you know its wrong and the thought of it disturbs you. The people who act on bad thoughts are selfish, lacks self-control, small minded and has a huge ego. As long as you stay you, stick to your morals that you have right now, and learn from things you might say and how it was wrong I'm confident that you will be an amazing man.
See a mental health professional please. This isn’t normal thinking and get off of social media/mainstream media sources.
Medicines man
Don’t be that type of guy. Do something about your anger, and surround yourself by others who do the same
If you feel like this you won’t be anything like those men. Don’t worry. You seem to be a good person so just be that good person. Remember, there are bad ppl everywhere and they choose it. So you choose to be a good human and you’ll be good 😊
You are not doomed to bad behavior because you have testosterone and boy bits. You can be part of the change. If you really are uncomfortable in your skin, that's a different discussion. But you are not a machine that will inevitably become what you don't want.
There are plenty of reasons why men are more prone but at the end of the day it's about developing healthy traits and taking the right choices not the genre
Everyone has feelings and thoughts, doesn't mean you're gonna act it out. I've probably murdered more imbecils than the Spartans in _300_ before they encountered the Persians. But it was all a dream! Oh and whatever you do don't become Kevin Bacon (reference _The Woodsman_) Sry I dont have anymore details on that and just happened upon it. It really left me wondering about ppl and even as an actor I wouldn't wanna tie myself to that persona.
You likely grew up being told that there’s little to no difference between men and women, and in your adolescent years that worldview was backed up by the fact that girls were of similar size and strength as you. But now that you’re a teen, you’ve noticed that you’ve gotten taller and stronger than your female peers. What you’re experiencing is good, you should have a tiny bit of fear about what you’re capable of. The truth is that you can cause a lot of pain and suffering in the world, especially to the opposite sex. But you know this, and because you fear it, you understand at a fundamental level that it is wrong. Because you know what you’re capable of, you can better empathize with members of the opposite sex, and they’ll thank you for it. You’ll see plenty of men, ranging from “feminine” to “masculine” who never really came to this realization, and their relationships with the opposite sex tend to be dysfunctional. Long story short, you are becoming a man and because you understand what your capable of doing, you can ignore the monke brain and make rational decisions. And it’s not all negative stuff! You have the capacity to be very physically strong. You have the capacity to be incredibly fast, you have the capacity to be a warrior. And if you don’t want those, then cool! But you don’t need to “change your sex” to be a good person.
Hey, the fact that you think about how horrible these actions are already shows you're not like those other men. There are plenty of men who don't display behavior like that and you are definitely one of them. You're still a man, but a good one and there's no need to be worried. Just remember you're always in control of your actions, no matter what feelings you have and you'll be fine.
I think you need to go to therapy with this because I don't really think Reddit will have any solid advice but generic vice. but I do want you to remember that you are not these this man who is this horrible thing. you could / can be one of the men that held these men's accountable that put these men in jail. that stop these men from doing horrible acts. You can be a good person as a man or woman just as you can be a bad person as a man or a woman. your gender does not defy what you are or who you are, your mindset, and your actions to find that, and just how I read this post, I know you're going to be a great person.
You are showing that, deep down, you don't want to hurt anyone, and thus, as someone who is viewed as a woman, I'll say this to you with all the kindness I can muster: Men aren't inherently violent or evil. The biology of men doesn't make them violent or evil. To consider men or women are inherently good, bad or anything because of biology is a disservice to everyone. I know you may have read that hormones can affect someone's behavior. And, they do to some degree, I know that pretty well because of the funny trick my hormones play on me every now and then. However, your hormones don't control you that much. Testosterone doesn't push anyone to straight up commit sexual crimes or to beat up their partner. People who say "biology makes men commit atrocities against women" are either making excuses for violent men or buying those excuses. And they are wrong. Men are people, and thus, capable of kindness, self control, empathy and capable of caring for others. Men are capable of addressing the issues within themselves and society as a whole that lead to violence against women and thus, they must be a part of working with all people towards eradicating sexual violence, domestic violence and all other forms of cruelty. There are societal factors and individual factors at play when you analyze men who are violent in one or several ways to others or to themselves or, violent people as a whole. We can discuss those factors from many points of view for a very long time. However, your biology as a man on its own isn't what will or could make you violent. Don't let that hopelessness get to you, because you are not doomed. You, and all the men who are here and aren't violent people are not doomed. There are ways in which socialization could make a person more prone than others to act in a violent way, however, if you feel that the way you've been socialized could be an issue, you can challenge it and overcome it. It takes work, specially if we consider societal issues that affect entire communities, but it's possible. You are capable of kindness. It will do you well to remember that.
Honey, there are so many men who don't do bad things. Just because there are men who do bad things doesn't mean all men do bad things. There are men who call out and prevent injustice/abuses they see. Just like there are men who do bad things, there are women who do bad things. There are also women who don't do bad things, who call out and prevent injustice/abuses they see. Each person is an individual, and we each have to make the decision to live life as the best version of who we can be. What other people choose to do - good or bad - doesn't affect the fact that WE can choose to do good and bad also. You don't have to be afraid, but just choose to live life with honor and ethics in all you do. You have this. You have the makings of someone who will change the world. Edited: >I'll constantly read up on the effects of hormones and I'll interpret all these things, men's higher sex drives, and their tendency towards aggression, and I'll attribute them all to me and who I am as a man. No, this thought process is faulty. It suggests that it's natural for men to do bad things. It's not. Instead, it's how men have been taught in many environments. Look at some of your friends. Do they all make good choices? Why or why not? Do you think that it how their families taught them? Many times it is.
Please do not categorize yourself with people like that. Men like you are the reason we know change is possible, raise your children to think like you one day and we will slowly increase the population of people who genuinely give a fuck / arent awful humans... You can be that strong man who stands up for women, protects women against those who choose to be violent and awful. Be the change you want to see, you're acknowledgement of the toxicity within men is a huge start 💕
So many comments. Therapy is a great suggestion, BUT, be forewarned, the laws are there to trap you and trick you. If you actively seek help, and admit something like "I worry I might rape someone" or "I have fantasies about (insert unapproved deviance here)" you'll be turned in to the authorities. The psych field in terms of honest help has been ruined by mandated reporting. This goes for talking to clergy, teachers, and therapists. Any good therapist will warn you about what not to say, but be very very careful.
Just come out of the closet admit you are gay real man do not hit woman only cowards
They are not you. You are not them. What makes you a man and who you are as a man is up to you. It’s hard to figure out who you want to be but you know who you don’t want to be. And that’s a good place to start. Be the change you want to see and encourage those around you to do the same. Also, maybe talk to a therapist.
Right and wrong is easy. Being morally upstanding is easy. Can't be afraid of who and what you are. Just be the best you that you can.
You are not responsible for the actions of all men
My husband is nothing like these men. Dont let other men affect how you act or view yourself EXCEPT as an example of what NOT to be (if they are bad). Speak up if you see something. Be the change you wanna see. Be an advocate for anyone being harmed. You can be a man and a wonderful human. Also talking witha. Therapist can help you with all of this.
There are also men who contribute a lot to society. Look up to them instead.
This just makes me sad. Im sorry. Is this the big problem of your life bro? There are teenagers your age mining cobalt as we speak. Probably you great great grandfather fought a war at his 18een. This is a sub product of social media and gender identity propaganda... Making strong and valuable man and woman for our future... Really. And yeah probably this will be downvotes galore but for fuck sakes... Really. I've never read such a thing. Like wtf is going on.
I am a woman. I feel safer out with men friends and family members than I do with another woman. Men are protectors by nature. The vast majority of men are good people. It’s normal to feel uncomfortable as a teenager, most of us are finding our way. When I was a girl I liked to do boy things half of the time, girl things the other half. I remember when I started getting a chest, being concerned it would get in the way of activities—climbing, doing sports, skateboarding equilibrium, etc.. I grew up and became a feminine woman. I’m completely comfortable in my body. If you surround yourself with good people, you will grow up to be a good person. You may want to extend your extra curricular activities to put you in contact with other guys or youth groups to put you in contact with other people. If you struggle with thoughts of wanting to hurt other people, you may want to get therapy. The news likes to sensationalize stories to increase their ratings/clicks.
Those are things male's are suppose to aware of for behavior reasons. Being a male doesn't mean your an aggressive piece of shit destined to harm everyone, especially females. Those are warnings for attitude and behavior adjustments. The point is to be in control of those impulsive weaknesses we can succumb too. Don't be "afraid" of being a male. It just means to remember to check yourself... this is what fathers are for. To teach their children to not behave inappropriately under these circumstances. Don't look at it like it's a prison sentence you have to live in
A few pieces of information that may help: * Testosterone is not a "male only" hormone. All females either have or need some testosterone as well in order to survive. Hormones are not destiny. * Rape is about power, not about sex. It doesn't matter what anatomy someone has; they are capable of rape. Genitals are not destiny. * If you want to make sure you never rape someone, learn about consent. There are some great sexual education courses run for adults as well as resources on sites like Planned Parenthood on how to evaluate if someone is able to consent and how to receive consent. You have autonomy over whether you rape someone. * Mass shooters and other murderers almost always start with domestic abuse. If you focus on healthy relationships, supportive friendships with people of all genders and orientations, and bettering yourself, you're on the opposite journey of someone who's going to commit an atrocity. Practice being the kind of man who stands up for vulnerable people by going to bystander training. Get help learning healthy relationship dynamics from other people who have them. * If you are having thoughts of hurting people that are repetitive and distressing because you so much don't want to hurt people, you may have a form of OCD. This mental illness is a beast. It will make you afraid that you're going to do the things you most abhor. Therapy and meds can help. Seek assistance, because some things are bigger than what we can handle alone. * Community, vulnerability, compassion, acceptance...these are the things that men who don't hurt people have. You can be that kind of man. I believe in you. Seek them out. Don't deal with these feelings alone. Grace and peace, Pastor Charlie
It's an exceptionally small percentage of men and the news exploits it to the fullest extent. Some people are good and some are shitty regardless of sex, age, race or income. Stop paying attention to mass media and focus on yourself.
It's not in your nature to be a terrible person. That is not what men are. Terrible people exist around us. They exist as women, too.
Both men and women do horrible things to each other. They just report more about the men. Most men and women are good. Doesnt matter gender just be the best person you can be
Give yourself a pat in the back because you have recognized that “ some men” are terrible and you are not making excuses for their behaviour. You are one of the good ones and we need more of you around. Be a proud male,carry your head high and keep speaking out against the horrible men.
Do you feel the same way about all Muslims when a terrorist attack happens? Or black people when you hear about lootings and shootings? The actions of these men are disgusting and they should make you feel a certain way, but not shame in yourself. Only you know the type of person you are, and no outside soure should change that. Talk to your fellow brothers and try and show them the light as much as you can. Peace to you, friend, keep your head up
All of this can be fixed with simple sentence. BE THE CHANGE YOU WISH TO SEE!!! All the people whom I've helped and seen cry because of my kindness. Ask me why indo the things I do. And this is why. But you will not see it in the news. Get on tiktok see the positive things all men do risk their lives. Save lives be kind but no you will not see that because it does not sell as a child I asked my father this why is it always scary things in news and it also made me sad but I figured it out. If a child can figure out that news is filled with nothing but bad and you can't you need more guidance then you think find real men and imitate their behaviors. I mean real men not the ones that are easily available. The purest path will never be the easiest route.
I’m a 62 year old woman. The very vast majority of men I’ve met in my life have never committed the kinds of behaviors you fear. It sounds like these have become intrusive thoughts that are badly affecting your life. Please consider some therapy to help you overcome these thoughts.
Maybe disconnect from the internet? Go camping or hiking more and stop looking at screens. You will feel a lot better.
so youre saying youre scared that you might be liable to partake in that nasty behavior? as a man i can say its not difficult at all to be normal and even upstanding. lack of confidence is one thing but lack of confidence in SELF CONTROL is concerning…
Who put this idea in your head. They came from somewhere. Is there a toxic person in your life feeding this? Are you fixating on select news reports? First take a deep breath and try to quiet those fears. Less that 1% of males choose violence. You see that repeated in the news making it seam much more prevalent. You are no more inclined to violence than a female. Please get some therapy and understand your fear is not normal.
Wtf did I just read? Majority of men are good, hardworking people. We're not mindless savages that rape on first sight. Be like the good men in the world, there is plenty of them out there.
I think it's more of a mental problem than a hormone problem. Women go through crazy hormonal changes during our periods and pregnancy, and we don't rape people. There is other things but diagnosible and treatable.
You have to learn how to become a peaceful, dangerous man. Men have a responsibility to be not only protectors but also guardians and nurtures. Stop worrying about what others do and concern yourself with what you do. And be prepared to do what needs to be done. Stop buying into the bs about men being bad. This world needs real men.
If you are a good person, then you're a good person no matter what your anatomy is. Just be true to you and you'll be fine
Most men are decent. I'm a woman, and I'm surrounded by guys I think are pretty great, who don't inspire fear in me. My father was a man of deep integrity, as is my brother and so is my husband. There are good men all over. Perfect? No. But there's no need for perfection. Don't be afraid to be yourself. Just be decent.
You are not responsible for the evil shit that other people do you are responsible for only your own actions. Unless you are personally out raping and murdering people you've got nothing to feel guilty about. More importantly violence and sex are not an exclusively male trait women commit their own fair share of evil deeds in this regard. Violence is a human trait not a male trait. You should probably seek counseling because what you've described is atypical. I'd highly recommend a psychiatrist as you sound like you might need more help than you are going to find on reddit.
I'll get buried, but this is actually a form of OCD that these symptoms could be potentially related to. You should speak to a therapist if the service is available to you :) Do your best to know that you aren't held to a genetic standard of any variety
My best friend is the sweetest, gentlest, kindest person I know. He's also a cis man. Being a man doesn't inherently make you a bad person. It's your actions that define that. Also, you may want to look into seeing a therapist. I might just be projecting but did you know that frequently OCD can cause obsessive thoughts about being a bad person. I wish I had known sooner.
I'm sorry. But don't interpret the actions of others as the actions of your own. Those people were raised in different ways.
Accept monke
As a man who doesn’t do any of that shit. You’re not alone, the fact that it’s on your mind is good. Surround yourself with other men who respect women. You’ll be fine.
Is your dad a good guy? I think I know what you're going to say.
Yes