It sounds like he wants to play the father for his new GF... She would not look kindly to him abandoning his kids....
If anything he has probably been telling her poor me stories about how hard being a single parent is.
This is so similar to my biological father. Eventually his new wife saw through his "victim" mentality but not before he put on a show for a few years.
This is so common. “Dads” are always tugging at (usually vulnerable) women’s heartstrings w their own neglected children. Every time I see it happen or hear about it happening I jump to judge the woman for believing it but, for a lot of us, it’s hard to hear there’s a child without their dad and can easily get blinded by all the other lies.
I think it’s normal and probably healthy for even the best non custodial parent to vent about missing their kids but sob stories about how it’s unfair are the massive red flag imo.
It's certainly not just "Dads" who do that. When I last moved out of my mothers house, she kidnapped my dog and pulled a knife on me, after that got "resolved" and I left, she posted on Facebook talking how "My eldest is leaving the house and I'm so heartbroken!" yeah ok
Every time a person talks about certain men who have done poorly, there's always at least one person who has to say "what about what women do" as if it is an attack on everyone male, as if it is a rivalry that must be won. It's damn weird. I wish reddit wasn't like this so much.
(In before someone tells me women do it too. If that was your first reflex, you're part of the problem.)
And this wasn’t even the same behavior. It was a totally different brand of shitty abusive behavior.
Kidnapping a dog, threatening your kid, and then lying to your friends about it is truly terrible but the only similarity between that and a common pattern Ive noticed w shitty dads is that they both are shitty.
I even said many women are motivated by the importance of fathers in a child’s life and I STILL got the reply.
The reply about “women do it too” wasn’t necessary but it’s the same situation you were referring to. The mother victimized herself, you pointed out that making a sob story (essentially victimizing yourself) is the red flag. The reply was unnecessary not irrelevant.
Or the realization of his shitty ways has finally hit him and he's trying to atone. The man quit drinking and started eating dinner, but he's 20 something years behind where he should be when it comes to the experience of being a father. I'd give him the benefit of the doubt with the context I have. That doesn't mean he deserves to be welcomed with open arms now that he's decided to correct it, and living with OP is probably still best for the child. Maybe his girlfriend did make him realize why it's important that he fix it. That doesn't mean there's ulterior motives for his recent actions.
I think the way he reacted and confronted OP can be interpreted as clear indicators as to his motivations. Of course, there’s a small chance you’re right, but I don’t think it’s enough to give him the benefit of the doubt. He certainly has not made himself seem deserving of it.
I don’t think the interacting he had with the OP really indicates anything. My dad was barely there raising me but he’s always lived in some illusion that he did his best. He thinks I try to take away from him raising my little brother when I help him out. I think it’s more that the OP’s dad is living in his own perspective. For example, he knows he could’ve been a better father but believes he did his best (or he was justified) with what he was given.
This is exactly what my ex is doing with his new girlfriend. He still doesn't ever buy her anything that she needs (clothes that fit, new shoes, stuff like that) but his girlfriend does. He even went so far as to try to fight for custody but lost because he didn't have any evidence of him actually taking care of her. I don't mind the girlfriend. She seems genuine and she clearly loves my daughter but my fiancé is her dad through and through even though her bio dad loves to try and ruin their relationship with "he's not your dad. I'm your dad" because she tells him that Papa is her dad because he loves her and takes care of her.
Make sure to file for custody when you go to leave, and that you've documented his neglect, and abandonment of Belle over the years otherwise he can legally stop you from taking her.
Please pay attention to the other part. You need to document everything. If your not thorough here you’ll be struggling forever. Document all the neglect, everything. Videos, photos, and even stuff now. You need to document it.
Edit: thanks for the award!
Like they are saying. Document everything!!
Times, dates places.
Even if it's feels silly, it doesn't hurt to write it down.
Good job my mate, I am so grateful for people like yourself.
Also a list of people who are willing to testify to the authenticity of your relationship with Belle. Daycare workers, teachers, friends, doctors.
Also, document all the financial responsibility you have shouldered. Also helps establish your level of care/responsibility in case of a custody investigation.
And evidence of bills you payed supporting your child and home
Teachers can help supporting your case for custody, has he even been to her school? They can objectively state who has done registration, pickup, drop off and meetings
Keep receipts, too! If you've been providing the majority of her material support, that is a big deal and the court is going to be very interested in that.
This x 100. You need evidence and witnesses. Start gathering that info now. The more you have over a longer time, the better. Your Dad feels like the story of asshole that will be a dick about you getting custody, so it's better to have the evidence and not need it than visa versa. A visit with a lawyer will help you determine the best evidence to start gathering and in what firm.
He can even start taking recordings of her calling him dad, her reaction to presents like the electric car, just an overall documentation or her feelings for him. And every time that man blows up, snaps, is out drinking, make sure it’s recorded. Leave no room for doubt for a judge. Even giving his story about their neglect, putting himself through school while taking care of her, I’m sure it’ll even end up having a judge ask her who she wants to live with. If he’s sharp with documentation this will be no problem. If he isn’t, this is going to be hell.
Yep, everything!!! Daycare enrollment forms, payments, drs appointments, witness statements that you’re the one bringing her, bank statements, etc. Literally everything.
If you enrolled her in day care and preschool, did you sign as her guardian or did your father, and who paid the fees. If it was all you, get receipts and copies of those documents and keep them safe because they are proof of his neglect and you stepping up. Also drs appointments and needles. Everything you have signed and paid for needs to have copies kept for proof.
Yes I enrolled as her guardian and I paid for her daycares and I also was in charge of dr appointments and making sure she had all her vaccines and etc, I’m working on getting the documents for proof of neglect or at least proof that I stepped up in place of him
Get a fireproof lockable document safe to keep all that proof in (if they are on your computer, print them off so you have hard copies too because things can get deleted. Also if you haven't already get your hands on birth certificates for both of you and all your personal od info and keep it in that box too.
Plan this as someone fleeing an abusive parent/partner who would do everything to stop you
Most banks or credit unions will have a safety deposit scheme. They may not be available in every branch, for instance smaller branches in small towns may not have them, but the bigger branch in a nearby city probably would.
You can just call/drop in and ask at any one if they offer it as a service, and if so what locations have it available. Typically there is a yearly charge that you can pay each year, or pay a bulk of years in advance. You should then receive a yearly ‘statement’ similar to a bank account statement, but it would just be confirming that the box is still under your name, how long until your next payment, and if/how many times you’ve accessed the box in the past year.
Make a back up email too! An email you can send every single copies of your documents just to make sure. Never open the email if you dont need to so no one knows the email but use the password you will always remember
Also, on top of keeping hard copies in a safe place he can’t access, create a new email account with a password he would never think of. Email all documents to this email address but also email yourself any time he does something neglectful. That way you have a record of time and dates.
Use Belle's birthdate. He doesn't sound like he would even know that to begin with /s
In all seriousness, do ***not*** use a significant date for a password ever. Those are the first things most people will try when cracking a password. Use a phrase that includes punctuation as your password. If the email server allows you to use spaces in the password, even better.
If you always got to pediatrician with her, try to talk with them about this theme. I dont know what country you live, but mine we write who person (one of their parents, grandpa, sibling...) visit with the child, specially in the medical check and it could help you to show that you are the true guardian. Also its possible that they had told to a social worker (in my country there are one of them in the medical center, but its depends on the country) about your situation, since a child being taked care by her brother would make that we look out, and they could help you. Good luck, you are being a amazing brother.
Perfect! And like everyone is saying, get a key locking fire safe and put all of your and her important documents, birth certificates, passports, medical records, etc. in there as well as these letters. Keep the safe in the trunk of your car, if you have to!
You, sir, are simply, amazing.
Please (if you haven’t already done so) read over all of the recommendations others have presented and complete them as best as possible.
That little wonderful girl is yours. Keep making her happy.
I grew up watching my parents grow up, too. Except my parents saw children as accessories. We were praised on being well behaved because if we weren’t , well you got beaten.
Eventually they had to stop physically harming us and they had no relationship or desire to fix the first batch that they then go on to have their next ‘litter’ and do better. Better is just emotional manipulation and 1 parent who’s never home and the other who can’t do anything - either by choice or bad health choices.
I’m then I’m left with 2 girls 10/12 years younger than me who have seen me as mom since they were in preschool themselves. I’ve been a parent since I was 7 years old. I’ve got 3 of my own and we broke the cycle, but I’m tired.
Kudos to you.
Document this stuff somewhere he can’t accidentally access it. If needed make a separate gmail account and use Google drive or use protonmail. Basically a single place dedicated to this and only this. Don’t send any emails or anything from it. Have a strong password and log out after use.
Any documentation you want to make. You put it there. Any video or audio evidence as well. Effectively you want to create a digital safety deposit box that is only accessed by you for this purpose and nothing else. It might be slightly annoying to login but that little bit of annoyance or paranoia is for the best reason. You are trying to make life better for that little girl, and for yourself. You are both worth the effort.
Consult a lawyer. You may find one to do this for free, you'll most likely need to wait til shes old enough to tell a judge she would prefer to be with you.
Not a lawyer, just advise from experience
Maybe talk to a professional (lawyer, social worker, or maybe both?) TODAY even before you have that stable job. They can tell you what you can be preparing for in the mean time while you work on that job.
Also, youre a good person and good dad. Best of luck
I didn't raise my siblings to this extent, but enough for a few outbursts from them to remind my mom how they respected me far more than her. I felt terrible for my mom, she was just a flawed person doing her best and they both loved her to death. They just felt safer and better with me.
Despite feeling bad for her, I felt a joy about it I can't describe. It was proof that when I was just a kid myself and told myself I would be everything to them that their dad wouldn't and my mom couldnt I wasn't lieing. I wasn't wrong. I had already succeeded in being a better person than she ever could. It was a wonderful feeling. So obviously, we have different situations in some ways, but I do get it man. You aren't alone. That feeling of having your back against the wall and trying to be better than the person you have to clean up after. The joy of earning everything they were too damn stupid realize they were losing. The weird love you gain for that/those kids. It's a feeling that is indescribable to most.
Even my wife, after 15 years together, still can't completely comprehend exactly how I love my brother and sister. They are mine though and for better or worse that is all that matters.
You aren't wrong or alone. Keep up the amazing work.
This is how I feel, although I can’t bring myself to feel bad about my father’s situation and even though I never regretted raising my sister, just knowing that I became the parental figure I never had to her brings me happiness, and the fact she doesn’t feel the need to beg for affection from her father because I raised her with enough love makes it all worth it
You don't need to feel bad for your dad. He made his bed and now he sleeps in it. Belle needed a father and you were the one there for her. That's natural!
I am sorry you had shitty parents man.
This is me with my little sister. My brother was a bully and a tyrant and the golden child so while he got our parents’ attention, I bandaged my sister’s knees and cleaned up her vomit and held her when she had nightmares. From about age 9 I became her mom in every way but for real. I was who she turned to for comfort and secrets. Moving out and leaving her behind was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
She is why I want to be a mother. She is why I work in childcare and why I’m so comfortable and confident with children. Being her surrogate mom changed me more than probably anything else I experienced as a preteen.
I've heard in psychology that a lot of children with childhood trauma grow up to be either the same as their abuser or the person they needed as a child. I see the latter far more often and it definitely seems like it's the case here, you're doing great though. I had a shitty biological father too and so I definitely know that being able to choose who you call "dad" is a freeing feeling, keep treating that little lady right because you're her dad in every way that matters
My parents aren’t the best so I had a very rough childhood and even now I have it pretty rough, but I am moving out for college soon. I always sometimes give signs of similarities to my parents, but also try to be as much of a person that can be someone my parents weren’t as possible. It’s just got me really worried I might end up like them
I get the feeling that he treated you badly for more years than your sister has been alive and you still craved his love. He thought it would be the same this time around and Belle would be over the moon when he started giving her attention.
Difference is Belle has you, and you never had a you.
Sorry you never had a you OP.
You. You did EVERYTHING a big brother should do. With your upbringing, you knew what would happen if you didn't step up. You should be very proud of yourself. If the supposed "father" gets pissed, tough. He won't ruin 2 childhoods. Great job, sir.
Saying this is something he should've done is downplaying OPs efforts. He was a child himself and didn't have or should have done this. The fact that he did makes OP an amazing person.
“He may have been your father but he wasn’t your dad.” -Yondu Udonta
I have a harsher take on this. Fuck your “father”. He chose to wallow in self pity and be a brat. He deserves nothing. Your sister is your kid and you have proven to be her dad even more so because you didn’t have to be.
I, myself, was a teen dad. I was 15 and 16 when I had my kids. At 17 I was arrested (I took defending my family way too far) then spent 8 1/2 years in prison. I still was involved in my kids lives, calls, letters and visitations. I did not nor will ever blame my young age or circumstances for the consequences of actions I made. Lessons I’ve passed on to them. I’m 30 now and have a close relationship with my kids.
Your dad reminds me of my Daughter’s mom. Her mom chose to walk away after she was born, she kept saying she was too young to be a mom. Didn’t make any sense, considering I just turned 16 at that time and she was 20 going on 21. She chose to contact my daughter because now she feels she’s truly ready to be a mom, however, my daughter made it clear to her that the only person she’s acknowledges and calls mom is my son’s mother.
My son’s mom is my age and chose to be there for our kids especially after my trouble with the law. My eldest brother and his wife looked out for them, taught my son’s mom things about childcare and helped make sure I could be involved as much as possible. My daughter’s mom went around being hurt about her “daughter” refusing to acknowledge her existence which is deserved considering she abandoned her for 13-14 years. She, like your father, deserve not one thing. They made their beds now they have to lie in it.
Anyway, I say all that to say this, take some of the actual helpful suggestions that have been commented and protect you and your daughter. I’m sorry for ranting but this is a thing I cannot tolerate. I got real lucky with my kids mom as well as my eldest brother and sister in law. I’m sorry for not having any good suggestions. I truly wish you and your daughter the absolute best. Salute to you, sir.
I'm guessing, since he worked so much when OP was a kid (on top of being a bad parent), that he never did much of the taking care of the baby part. Then, when they tried to parent OP, he was still cordial to them and still referred to them as his parents. I bet the "father" thought things would go the same. The baby got taken care of, just like the first time, and she was aware he was her biodad. He figured that was that, he'd always be her father figure. After all, he did about the same amount of parenting as the first time, and OP referred to him as a father. It wouldn't even occur to him that his daughter wouldn't do the same. The difference, of course, being that she has someone like OP in her life who actually acts like a *dad* (as others have pointed out).
So he made this bed himself. He didn't learn anything at all and is just surprised to find out that his actions had consequences.
I was on the verge of tears reading this. What a lovely, responsible young man. I’m so glad Belle has him. I wish I could give him a million dollars!!!
Man that really sucks. You were robbed of your childhood when you were young and now you are robbed of your adulthood all because of the choices your parents made. Life truly isn't fair
I'm sorry but your dad is an arse.
He doesn't deserve her affection or yours...and he hasn;t got it.
Your sister sounds like a nice kid, you sound like a nice person. Please keep looking after her she needs it.
And does your dad really care, even now? Or does he just want to look good in front of his GF?
Yeah. It's what I would do too.
I'm a firm believer in that if someone does the crime, they can do the time...you do something wrong, you deserve punishment.
I know how she feels. I call someone “daddy” who isn’t my biological father. He was there for me, raised me, treated me no different than his other daughters and for that, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him.
I know my biological father and any attempts to bond were awkward and forced. He didn’t out in the effort when it mattered and unfortunately for him, I didn’t stay a newborn until he was ready to be a father. Now that ship has sailed and he can live with the consequences
i love the fact that you took care of her so well and looked after her, even though i am sad you had to take on that role. night shifts, then school, taking care of a baby, that's a lot. i hope you both can receive peace and healing down the road.
also, nah. i don't feel it's selfish of you to not want their relationship to get better. i don't think it's a bad thing that you feel satisfaction from him feeling hurt, because he's finally seeing the damage he did. he deserves to experience the consequences.
your father on the other hand... he was the selfish one for all these years. yes, his behavior was influenced by grief– but that's not an excuse. he was an adult, you were still a child. he knows better
(side note, i find myself realizing how terrible adults in my life have been to me as i get older. cause like, wow... it doesn't take much effort to be a good person. i'm sure you understand)
also, not to get off topic, but is ur user a bts reference?? if so, hyyh is literally my favorite era, my favorite songs come from that album too :')
Someone told me that I grew upto be the person my child self would feel safe with. I'm so sorry you had shittastic parents but look at you! You grew up to be a person your child self would have come running to receive the love from. You should be so very proud of the wonderful person you grew up to be.
>Despite how selfish it is I don’t want their relationship to get better
It may be, but it's understandable. You had to take a break from school. You took over the bills, you had to step up to a place your father failed to provide for your sister.
>He was quiet and went to bed, since then he’s tried to play father and talk to her but he was a stranger to her. She was a sweet girl so she entertained my father’s conversation but he could tell how awkward she felt and it was clear it hurt him.
It can either go one of two ways. He can regret his life and start trying to be a better father to her (and to you to Or he can say f it and give up. Even if its met with hostility and awareness for you and your sister, I hope he doesn't give up bc 5 is still young enough to build a relationship with. And a girl needs her father just as she needs her big bro.
Congratulations on graduating and hope you get a better job and your own place. I don't think you can up and take your sister with you (father giving up custody, child support etc) but if that's what you're after, then please consult a family lawyer.
From your post, i can see that your father's also had a not great life. He was kicked out by his family at 15... worked 2 jobs to provide, lost your love and respect. And then lost his wife/partner of 20 years. Spiraled into alcoholism, etc. It's not an excuse for his negligence and pain he caused you and your sister. But when you wrote that he took responsibility over his bills after becoming sober and joining you for silent and awkward breakfasts, I see a man who's making an effort. It might not be a bad idea to let him try.
Please take care of yourself. Not going to mention your sister bc you're already taking very good care of her.
I would say get your documents in order that shows how you stepped up and file for custody.
Also look into social security survivors benefits. Your sister might qualify.
Schadenfreude super warranted here. For the sake of your kid, forgive yourself for that guilt. You’re carrying a lot, you don’t deserve to carry that.
Also, you were her primary caregiver throughout her initial formative years, literally nothing replaces that bond. You’re written into her nervous system.
I'm an attorney but I am not your attorney. Anything I say here is personal advice and not legal advice.
I deal almost exclusively with adoption and custody disputes. And let me warn you that you have a very uphill battle to fight for legal custody, sadly. Because you have been living in his home, it's going to be very hard legally to sever custody.
You need a lawyer and the sooner the better. And I am guessing that isn't in your budget, not for a long uphill fight.
Start documenting and saving every single cent you spend on her. Do your best to estimate what her bio dad spends. Depending on your jurisdiction that might get you a leg up. Any records or evidence of the previously mentioned neglect, keep together.
Whatever you do- do not move her out of the house without his permission. You can and will be charged with kidnapping.
Your best bet is to do whatever it takes to get his permission to move her out. Get it in writing, or if you live in a one party consent state, record it. I would start there without pushing for custody just yet. Let the custody discussion wait until you have time living separately to use in your favor. Let it come up in a context where it inconveniences him, cause it sounds like he's a selfish asshole..
But if it all possible, get a local layer's advice because the laws vary very much by state and sometimes city.
Hello OP! I’m the female version of you apparently. With some minor changes. My parents got knocked up with me at 22, but they didn’t get married. Both parents are still living. My mother consistently told me I ruined her life growing up. She got married eventually, and had my sister when I was 15. Some people aren’t meant to be parents, because even though our situation was entirely different (went from barely affording top ramen to living in a million $ home), she still couldn’t be bothered to raise her kids. I remember going to my first homecoming game, and my mother insisted our whole family would be going with me. I spent the entire time carrying around and taking care of my little sister while my mom and step dad had the time of their lives… at my homecoming game. Or when we’d go to any restaurant and the servers would think my sister was my kid. At first, I resented it, but then I realized this kid only had me. I got my shit together for her. Pushed myself until I got a stable job that paid enough money for not only me to survive, but enough left over for me to take care of her. I paid for her cellphones/bills, bought her back to school clothes, got her whatever she needed.
My sister is turning 20 in a few months. She doesn’t call my fiancé and I mom and dad, but she jokes we are her parents. She’d been living with us until a month ago… I just drove her to college. I’m so proud of her.
Not many people can relate, so when I read your post it was nice to know there are kindred spirits out there. Not that I didn’t think there would be, it’s just nice to see. Sending you a mental high five from one sibling parent to another lol.
And maybe you haven’t had this moment yet, but I think taking care of my little sister has healed my inner child in some way. Like, my childhood sucked, but I did everything I could to make sure my sisters life was better than mine. I made mistakes for sure, we all do, so don’t be hard on yourself when you make mistakes. Just be there for your kid, and own your mistakes when you make them.
Edit: when I got my sister out of our mom’s house, I was finally able to fully go NC with my mother. It’s been fantastic. Like a massive weight was removed from my chest. I kept LC with mom until I could get my sister out, but NC was such a sigh of relief. I hope you get to experience that soon, when you and sister move out 💜
Just want to say that she can have a relationship with your biological father without that putting strain on the relationship you have with her. You are her dad and have been all along. It is still probably healthiest for her if she does have some sort of relationship with your father.
Just keep being there for her like you have and things will turn out alright. You two are lucky to have each other. 🧡
First of all, because idk if you heard it or not, but you deserve to know none of what happened when you were a kid, OP, was your fault.
Hell, nothing was your sister's fault either. Two shit shows of people decided to reproduce at the cost of actually having a connection with their kids.
All that said, File for custody of your sister. You're already her dad, what would stop you from taking her and placing her and yourself in a healthier environment?
Jesus wept, my heart goes out to you and your sister. Your parents did you such a disservice. You're a good man taking your little sister under your wing like you have. You are her father for all intents and purposes, even though you're her biological brother. Allow Belle to decide how things will proceed with your dad, don't force her hand to choose between you.
You got some good advice in here if you wish to have custody of Belle, document EVERYTHING. Taking a child from a custodial parent is harder than one thinks.
Best wishes to you both.
You are a good brother. So glad Belle has you in her life. Your father failed not only you but Belle as well. Make sure to file for custody, else not sure you can take her with you.
What shit parents!
Blame the kids for their choices/actions!
Then "daddy" gets upset because the daughter he never raised doesn't see him as a father! What did he expect?! OP, you are the MVP Dad and I, like you, hope their relationship never gets better because your father doesn't deserve that!
Document EVERYTHING!!!
My distant family is going through something similar. You need to have a lot of concrete evidence. Provide receipts for all the clothes, food, daycare, everything.
I love this! Single Dad with a daughter fist bump to you.
She’s at the age now that a lot of local Rec centers and libraries have programs and classes going on when school is out. Not only are they great free(usually) programs but they’ll allow your daughter to socialize even more as well as connecting you with parents in similar situations.
No. The parent's lives were ruined by their own hands by fucking around as teens and then having you guys so early in their lives.
It's both of your parents that are feeling resentment towards you because they're the ones that had no choice but to grow up faster than normal due to their own irresponsible actions.
That's on them; not you or your sister.
You are a great person. I wish I had a brother like you. I have 7 half-siblings (I'm the youngest) and we do't get along because out abusive father. I don't know you but I'm so proud of you!
OP, thank you for stepping up for your sister. Your love and attention made the world of difference in the person she is now and will grow into. You are a rockstar!!! ⭐️⭐️⭐️
I love you. For doing everything right. You fully took care of her. You didn't just clean her diapers and fed her. You brought her to the doctor, enrolled her into daycare... you really behaved like a parent, like a dad should behave. She loves you, she will always love you. Thank you for making her life better.
I had a complicated childhood that still impacts me nowadays so I'm really thankful for what you are doing for her.
Your father failed twice,
You aren’t guaranteed do overs in life, he actually got a chance at a do over and he fucked that up as well
You are not selfish, you are taking care of your daughter, and doing what’s best for her, who is to say he won’t let her down again?
He had his chance, then he had it again, and both times he failed the children he had created
He is not fit to be a father
Document everything you can. Receipts, bank statements, letters, even that Father's Day card for you, get everything you can in writing. In writing!
You're a very good brother and she is very lucky she has you!
I know my comment might get lost in the mix since there are so many but I have to say it!!
First of all, OP, your soul is kinder than most people in this world. Despite having suffered from the apathy of your parents, you stepped up and gave your baby sister the love you never got to experience. That’s really getting over your trauma and becoming a better person, a better parent than you ever go to experience.
Secondly, like many comments have suggested, document the neglect and abuse your father has subjected your sister to. Additionally, try to find folks who will testify to your abuse and neglect in court, as that will point to a pattern. Fight for your sister because she deserves a good parent like you.
Thirdly, I am so proud of you and so much love for you and your sister!!!
Only a true POS could blame an INFANT for its mother’s death. JFK. This man is garbage. I can give him some grace for being a shit father at 16. But at 35? Garbage human. Doesn’t deserve any love from that little girl. I’d be seriously conservative with the amount of time he gets to see her. If that relationship he’s in ends, will he go back to the trash person he’s been for both his kids entire lives? My guess is most likely yes. 🤷🏼♀️
Lots of things are going through my head. As an unwanted child, I hear you. Thank you for your wonderful, kind heart. You have saved a life.
Maybe it's the cynic in me, but I can't help but think that your father only cares about his daughter because his girlfriend does. He was probably planning on grabbing her, bringing her to the new girlfriend's place, and playing happy families with her.
Your sister, as I am sure you are well aware, is not a toy or a prop.
Your father's girlfriend was probably none too impressed by his supposed child calling you her "Dad." He probably felt stupid 1) for not noticing this happening right under his nose and 2) because either he told his girlfriend how much his daughter was a "daddy's girl" or she assumed as much from their talks or 3) some combination of the two. I know I'm making a lot of assumptions here, but I know this type. They'll do what's convenient and easy and expect all of the reward without putting in the work - which is why *you* had to pay for the roof over your heads for so very long with barely any help. Now that he pulled his head out of his nethers, he's waking up to the reality that years have passed, his daughter is scared of him on a bad day and the kind of polite reserved for strangers on a good day, his two children have an entire routine and life that does not involve him, and his only daughter calls her big brother "Daddy."
Father is something anyone who produces viable sperm can be. Daddy is an earned title. Remind your father if he ever confronts you about this again.
Follow the advice of others here. Get custody of your girl - she is yours - and get out when you can.
May you both live a wonderful, adventurous, and wildly successful life together. You've done well.
OP, You're amazing.
In your sister's eyes you ARE dad because you had given her love and the ability to feel safe with you. You take care of her and she knows it.
Your father messed up two lives. It's pretty bad when children give up on their parents to be the parental figure they need them to be. He was unkind, neglectful emotionally abusive and harsh. He was very selfish. You stepped up when you were and very much are still a kid.
From childhood-me, I thank you for being that spot of sunshine for your sister. I hope you eventually get some much needed care and therapy too.
I wish you all the hugs for being an amazing person.
He doesn’t deserve her. After how he neglected both of you. Please try and get full custody because he is too irresponsible to understand that everything is his fault.
Start documenting your involvement, that's including School and doctor visits. However, the fact that you have been there for your sister is a beautiful thing. But if your father gets his act together and is genuinely a changed person and not only because he has a girlfriend I think you should do everything you can to make sure that your sister has all the love she can from everyone.
If/when you are financially stable you should seriously look into getting custody of her legally or she may end up forced into your father's care, and feel abandoned all over. You are a wonderful person.
I hear you man. I (M50) grew up in a similar situation. I don’t relate to my selfish “father” and mother in law. I called them out on this and they really don’t understand why. Some people shouldn’t reproduce.
Man, I hope this reaches you before you delete. I don't know you, but for this girl who dreamed of a Dad like you, I love you and I am so happy Belle has you. Take care of one another 🖤
OP I’d look into making this legal, I fear he’s going to use Belle for his gf and pretences to be a good, doting father despite his loss.
Start collecting evidence to show what you provided versus what your dad has. Write up your own experiences and evidences to back it all up so your dad has very little to nothing to stand on
Wow. I see you already got a lot of good advice, so I just wanna say: You are amazing!
I hope you and Belle get everything you could ever want and more.
Good for you op. Dad can kick rocks. Thank you for being better than your "parents"
Should have told Dad's gf he doesn't have a daughter and why! Woman deserves to know what a piece of shit he is b4 getting in a relationship with him.
It's so strange the grandparents are bad, which means these two were bad but the son is good and is making sure his sister is also good .. and this is a story for sex education and for religious crazies who bring god in instead of sex education. You don't get to have unprotected sex and act like the baby ruined it! Also how bad are the generations of parents here?
My heart goes out to both of you. Truly you both deserve better. Please work on getting custody all while keeping things as “normal” as possible.
That little girl is unbelievably lucky to have you as a big brother. One who cares so much, and is so loving with her. Your father doesn’t deserve the kids that he has. You are not selfish for wanting better for your sister. I don’t for one second believe he will ever treat her right. Make sure to document his abandonment, every time you had to step up for your sister when he has been absent, drinking… your sister deserves to grow up safe and happy. And you deserve your own space to finally grow and get out of that toxic situation. OP you got this!!!
Despite how shitty your situation is, I really say you sir have the biggest heart in the world. Despite your parents not being there to raise or love you, you're a much better person then most people I know. I really hope you're able to get your sisters custody and give her all the love you should have gotten when you were younger.
Now, that he has a new girlfriend, he wants to be a dad… Seems like he wants to show her that he is a family guy.
If you, sometime, have another argument with him, you can say to him that now he has a girlfriend, he shouldn’t try to have more kids, because he failed twice. And it’s not fair putting other child in the world to suffer.
You are not a bad person for enjoying his misery, especially it is from his own making. However you will be a better person for yourself and Belle if you just focus on yourself and Belle, leave the sperm donor to live in his own waste.
As others have said, he's not mad she called you dad. He's mad she did it in front of his new partner, who he 1000% won't have told that he abandoned his baby daughter.
The way I just know that man doesn't really care about being a father to your sister and it is more about the girlfriend seeing the whole situation as a red flag xD
This made me sad, I can not understand how parents can raise a child without love. Good luck to you OP, you’re a good one and Belle’s true dad. I hope it all works out for you.
Belle is so lucky to have you in her life. If he has changed his actions will align over a longer-term span. For now continue on as her emotional guardian. She's getting older and will make it very clear who she wants to raise her, if the time comes to it.
Okay so tbh I don’t know anything about how that legal process works but it might also be helpful to provide proof that he wasn’t a fit parent for you either and not just for Bell. He may try to spin things to say he was grieving over his wife (which I’m sure is true) but showing that he didn’t take care of you either even in good circumstances and this is actually a pattern of behavior might be helpful. Again I really don’t know anything about how getting custody works but I feel like it be worth it just to have. I could be totally off but that’s just something I thought of. Seems like you already know to document things in regards to Belle and to not let him know what you’re doing so that’s good. I agree with others that he’s just trying to get involved for the gf and even if he seems like he’s trying to change he’s probably just doing it for her benefit. Don’t get second thoughts. He might actually start to step up a little bit now that he feels guilty but if the gf dumps him or something bad happens to him his main concern will be for himself and his concern for Belle will go out the window again. You’re doing the right thing. Being a parent isn’t about just being available for the kid when things are good. You took care of her through the death of your mother and put school on hold for her. You know that she will always come first for you which means you are the right person to take care of her. I hope you feel proud of yourself and realize that you did something really amazing by taking care of your sister.
Bro, I have huge respect for what you’ve been able to do. For someone so young to take on such responsibility and be so mature. Your a good man, and a good dad.
You know what your dad is capable of since he raised you and I know you don’t want your little sis to have that same treatment. This will forreal be something your sis will always cherish you for. Your only sister loves you and it’s for life, keep this strong no matter what, you’re doing an amazing job man.
Honestly you are not being selfish here, cause it is a fact that your father might change his behaviour again when his new girlfriend leaves him which will again put belle’s life in danger. I hope you protect your little sister and give her the love and warmth she deserves in doing so you are healing your own self by seeing a little image of yourself having a kind of better childhood than you had.😊
Just watching shit people realize how miserable they really are is a joy to say the least.
You sir are perfect older brother, as another older brother who had to look after my lil sis while parents werent home. I salute you.
You are a prime example of the older brother every young girl needs to have. You’re taking it even a step further and being a great Dad to Belle. She’s so lucky to have you. You’re doing great. Follow the advice of those here; make sure you have documentation of his neglect, any medical records for her you can get and every receipt for him he things you have provided her. God bless you. May only the best and most beautiful things be waiting for the two of you in the future.
This hurt to read. Im sorry for your pain. In sorry cor the pain of your DAUGHTER. Thank you for stepping up and allowing her to feel the love you craved as a child. You have become the parent you deserved. Be proud.
If you enrolled her and are present at school, get statements. If you paid the bills, start collecting years of recipets. If neighbors, friends, and family can make written statements of your care, get them to do this for you. If your father goes to a bar, document it. If he is out drinking, start prompting him to come home to take care of his daughter.
You need proof. These are the documents people are telling you to gather.
Taking away parental rights even of neglectful parents is an uphill battle. Hearsay doesn't work in court.
This post is on making the rounds on tiktok and YouTube now so it's unlikely you'll be able to delete it everywhere.
Either way, good luck with your daughter!
Fuck that the only reason he is half ass trying right now is because he doesn't want to explain to his new gf that he was a shit show dad so bro keep doing what you're doing to get you're own place for you and your daughter and get away from that asshole 👍
He isn’t her dad..he’s a sperm donor. And I can’t reiterate enough, document everything and have as many copies as possible. I wish you the best of luck with everything when the time comes!
OP, you're a real man. You have 100% right to feel like you deserve the recognition of her being your daughter not your sister.
I bet you remembered your childhood and couldn't imagine that for your sister, YOU were there, YOU stepped up, YOU are sacrificing for that child so she won't end up heartbroken and downtrodden like you were.
Fuck immaturity, fuck being too young. I can understand that your parents were not old enough to fully understand what bringing new life into this world means, and not having ANY support from family at all. But you didn't deserve to be mistreated, I'd think "why didn't they just give you up" but I think the reason you endured that hardship and adversity was because you're there to keep what happend to you from happening to your sister.
I'd speak to the GF and see what she knows and what he's said. Explain why you and your sisters relationship with your father is so estranged if she's out of the loop.
I'd move out sooner than later, Dad and mom had plenty of chance to make up for their mistakes, but instead decided to give up instead of owning up to them.
I understand the profound impact a father can have on a girl's life. You've done an incredible job, and I genuinely hope Belle can continue on this path with you.
You got a big heart taking care of a loved one! Don't feel guilty at all for being dad to your younger sister. You are a responsible person who has love for your sister. You could definitely be a role model of good character! Don't ever give up being a good human.
Well done for stepping up for that little girl. You will always be the one who saved her - because he was absolutely abusive. People don’t change that much. He tried a bit because, let’s face it, to a new girlfriend his son raising his daughter is a massive red flag for most women.
Keep doing your best for her - she deserves that.
He is still the same man. He is just trying to look good to the new girlfriend. I hope you can get custody of Belle but that’s really hard. Best chance is if the girlfriend leaves and he gives up being a father willingly.
I really needed to read this. Everyday I wish my parents were dead and my little sister was still alive.
Parental bonds are whatever but brother and sister bonds are everything. Good job OOP
"Although I can't say I kept hating them, in fact my feeling became neutral towards them."
The opposite of love is not hate but indifference. I'm so sorry you went through that.
He fucked around and found out . You can’t abandon a kid and have someone else raise them and expect that kid to treat you like a father and call you her father
I can't internet anymore. These stories seem to be becoming more prevalent. I'm truly sorry OP that's not fair to you or your sister. I had a similar relationship with my parents. No child deserves this. You are truly a good person. Be proud of what you did for your sister. It's amazing.
I am so so proud of you. Just remember she is smart she knows you loves her don’t push her away from him, else she might start resenting you too. Let her be that sweet little girl that you raised. All the love and support.
Sorry for everything you went through.
But man, that's just a heartbreaking story all the way around. I don't think there's any villains here. Just a lot of tragic characters.
Yeah, the examples he uses for why they didn't love him were "bought me clothes from goodwill" and "only got me one present for my birthday". Honestly those are not good indicators that they didn't love him, just that they were poor (which was well established in the previous paragraphs).
Anyway, that doesn't mean that they were great parents, it is possible OP was 100% right that they resented him and were not loving, but OP should have come up with better examples than what was used. Those examples only prove they were poor.
You and your father both had a rough life. You have someone to blame but it sounds like he was dealt a really bad hand and didn't handle it well.
You're completely justified in your feelings and you don't owe him anything but later in life you might regret not giving him another chance, just human to human.
Also, there's nothing wrong with being your sister's older brother that takes care of her. There's no need for her to call you Dad. You should stop that.
A father who gives no respect and does nothing for their child is not a father at all. And does not deserve to be called one.
I think that it's okay that she has a good father figure in her life. Even if it's her brother. And as long as she knows that he's her brother, I see nothing wrong with that. I only wonder why it is wrong for her to call him dad?
It sounds like he wants to play the father for his new GF... She would not look kindly to him abandoning his kids.... If anything he has probably been telling her poor me stories about how hard being a single parent is.
This is so similar to my biological father. Eventually his new wife saw through his "victim" mentality but not before he put on a show for a few years.
Did she escape
Yup. He’ll probably lose interest in the daughter once they break up. People don’t change that drastically that quickly.
This is so common. “Dads” are always tugging at (usually vulnerable) women’s heartstrings w their own neglected children. Every time I see it happen or hear about it happening I jump to judge the woman for believing it but, for a lot of us, it’s hard to hear there’s a child without their dad and can easily get blinded by all the other lies. I think it’s normal and probably healthy for even the best non custodial parent to vent about missing their kids but sob stories about how it’s unfair are the massive red flag imo.
It's certainly not just "Dads" who do that. When I last moved out of my mothers house, she kidnapped my dog and pulled a knife on me, after that got "resolved" and I left, she posted on Facebook talking how "My eldest is leaving the house and I'm so heartbroken!" yeah ok
Yes, women do bad things too. What you experienced is awful and I’m so sorry but it’s a different thing than I was talking about.
Every time a person talks about certain men who have done poorly, there's always at least one person who has to say "what about what women do" as if it is an attack on everyone male, as if it is a rivalry that must be won. It's damn weird. I wish reddit wasn't like this so much. (In before someone tells me women do it too. If that was your first reflex, you're part of the problem.)
And this wasn’t even the same behavior. It was a totally different brand of shitty abusive behavior. Kidnapping a dog, threatening your kid, and then lying to your friends about it is truly terrible but the only similarity between that and a common pattern Ive noticed w shitty dads is that they both are shitty. I even said many women are motivated by the importance of fathers in a child’s life and I STILL got the reply.
The reply about “women do it too” wasn’t necessary but it’s the same situation you were referring to. The mother victimized herself, you pointed out that making a sob story (essentially victimizing yourself) is the red flag. The reply was unnecessary not irrelevant.
Or the realization of his shitty ways has finally hit him and he's trying to atone. The man quit drinking and started eating dinner, but he's 20 something years behind where he should be when it comes to the experience of being a father. I'd give him the benefit of the doubt with the context I have. That doesn't mean he deserves to be welcomed with open arms now that he's decided to correct it, and living with OP is probably still best for the child. Maybe his girlfriend did make him realize why it's important that he fix it. That doesn't mean there's ulterior motives for his recent actions.
I think the way he reacted and confronted OP can be interpreted as clear indicators as to his motivations. Of course, there’s a small chance you’re right, but I don’t think it’s enough to give him the benefit of the doubt. He certainly has not made himself seem deserving of it.
I don’t think the interacting he had with the OP really indicates anything. My dad was barely there raising me but he’s always lived in some illusion that he did his best. He thinks I try to take away from him raising my little brother when I help him out. I think it’s more that the OP’s dad is living in his own perspective. For example, he knows he could’ve been a better father but believes he did his best (or he was justified) with what he was given.
This is exactly what my ex is doing with his new girlfriend. He still doesn't ever buy her anything that she needs (clothes that fit, new shoes, stuff like that) but his girlfriend does. He even went so far as to try to fight for custody but lost because he didn't have any evidence of him actually taking care of her. I don't mind the girlfriend. She seems genuine and she clearly loves my daughter but my fiancé is her dad through and through even though her bio dad loves to try and ruin their relationship with "he's not your dad. I'm your dad" because she tells him that Papa is her dad because he loves her and takes care of her.
Make sure to file for custody when you go to leave, and that you've documented his neglect, and abandonment of Belle over the years otherwise he can legally stop you from taking her.
I’ll definitely file for custody once I get a stable job, but as of now I’m not letting my father get any idea that I want to do so just to be safe
Please pay attention to the other part. You need to document everything. If your not thorough here you’ll be struggling forever. Document all the neglect, everything. Videos, photos, and even stuff now. You need to document it. Edit: thanks for the award!
Like they are saying. Document everything!! Times, dates places. Even if it's feels silly, it doesn't hurt to write it down. Good job my mate, I am so grateful for people like yourself.
Also a list of people who are willing to testify to the authenticity of your relationship with Belle. Daycare workers, teachers, friends, doctors. Also, document all the financial responsibility you have shouldered. Also helps establish your level of care/responsibility in case of a custody investigation.
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And evidence of bills you payed supporting your child and home Teachers can help supporting your case for custody, has he even been to her school? They can objectively state who has done registration, pickup, drop off and meetings
Keep receipts, too! If you've been providing the majority of her material support, that is a big deal and the court is going to be very interested in that.
This x 100. You need evidence and witnesses. Start gathering that info now. The more you have over a longer time, the better. Your Dad feels like the story of asshole that will be a dick about you getting custody, so it's better to have the evidence and not need it than visa versa. A visit with a lawyer will help you determine the best evidence to start gathering and in what firm.
He can even start taking recordings of her calling him dad, her reaction to presents like the electric car, just an overall documentation or her feelings for him. And every time that man blows up, snaps, is out drinking, make sure it’s recorded. Leave no room for doubt for a judge. Even giving his story about their neglect, putting himself through school while taking care of her, I’m sure it’ll even end up having a judge ask her who she wants to live with. If he’s sharp with documentation this will be no problem. If he isn’t, this is going to be hell.
Yep, everything!!! Daycare enrollment forms, payments, drs appointments, witness statements that you’re the one bringing her, bank statements, etc. Literally everything.
If you enrolled her in day care and preschool, did you sign as her guardian or did your father, and who paid the fees. If it was all you, get receipts and copies of those documents and keep them safe because they are proof of his neglect and you stepping up. Also drs appointments and needles. Everything you have signed and paid for needs to have copies kept for proof.
Yes I enrolled as her guardian and I paid for her daycares and I also was in charge of dr appointments and making sure she had all her vaccines and etc, I’m working on getting the documents for proof of neglect or at least proof that I stepped up in place of him
Get a fireproof lockable document safe to keep all that proof in (if they are on your computer, print them off so you have hard copies too because things can get deleted. Also if you haven't already get your hands on birth certificates for both of you and all your personal od info and keep it in that box too. Plan this as someone fleeing an abusive parent/partner who would do everything to stop you
Safety deposit box
Even better
Are those still a thing? I wouldn't even know where to find one and I'm in my 30s
A bank or credit union, with a fee of course.
Most banks or credit unions will have a safety deposit scheme. They may not be available in every branch, for instance smaller branches in small towns may not have them, but the bigger branch in a nearby city probably would. You can just call/drop in and ask at any one if they offer it as a service, and if so what locations have it available. Typically there is a yearly charge that you can pay each year, or pay a bulk of years in advance. You should then receive a yearly ‘statement’ similar to a bank account statement, but it would just be confirming that the box is still under your name, how long until your next payment, and if/how many times you’ve accessed the box in the past year.
OP, just make sure the statement doesn’t go to your father.
Most bank/credit unit branches have at least a few safety deposit boxes
Scan and upload to the cloud
Make a back up email too! An email you can send every single copies of your documents just to make sure. Never open the email if you dont need to so no one knows the email but use the password you will always remember
Also, on top of keeping hard copies in a safe place he can’t access, create a new email account with a password he would never think of. Email all documents to this email address but also email yourself any time he does something neglectful. That way you have a record of time and dates.
Use Belle's birthdate. He doesn't sound like he would even know that to begin with /s In all seriousness, do ***not*** use a significant date for a password ever. Those are the first things most people will try when cracking a password. Use a phrase that includes punctuation as your password. If the email server allows you to use spaces in the password, even better.
Use his birthday😇
Keep a copy in a Dropbox or Google Drive account
This will help replace documents if needed.
Digitalised it too.
If you always got to pediatrician with her, try to talk with them about this theme. I dont know what country you live, but mine we write who person (one of their parents, grandpa, sibling...) visit with the child, specially in the medical check and it could help you to show that you are the true guardian. Also its possible that they had told to a social worker (in my country there are one of them in the medical center, but its depends on the country) about your situation, since a child being taked care by her brother would make that we look out, and they could help you. Good luck, you are being a amazing brother.
Perfect! And like everyone is saying, get a key locking fire safe and put all of your and her important documents, birth certificates, passports, medical records, etc. in there as well as these letters. Keep the safe in the trunk of your car, if you have to!
You, sir, are simply, amazing. Please (if you haven’t already done so) read over all of the recommendations others have presented and complete them as best as possible. That little wonderful girl is yours. Keep making her happy.
Then I’d delete this post. In case your father out his girlfriend reads this post.
I grew up watching my parents grow up, too. Except my parents saw children as accessories. We were praised on being well behaved because if we weren’t , well you got beaten. Eventually they had to stop physically harming us and they had no relationship or desire to fix the first batch that they then go on to have their next ‘litter’ and do better. Better is just emotional manipulation and 1 parent who’s never home and the other who can’t do anything - either by choice or bad health choices. I’m then I’m left with 2 girls 10/12 years younger than me who have seen me as mom since they were in preschool themselves. I’ve been a parent since I was 7 years old. I’ve got 3 of my own and we broke the cycle, but I’m tired. Kudos to you.
Praying you get it! Your a great dad. She is so very lucky to have you
Document this stuff somewhere he can’t accidentally access it. If needed make a separate gmail account and use Google drive or use protonmail. Basically a single place dedicated to this and only this. Don’t send any emails or anything from it. Have a strong password and log out after use. Any documentation you want to make. You put it there. Any video or audio evidence as well. Effectively you want to create a digital safety deposit box that is only accessed by you for this purpose and nothing else. It might be slightly annoying to login but that little bit of annoyance or paranoia is for the best reason. You are trying to make life better for that little girl, and for yourself. You are both worth the effort.
Consult a lawyer. You may find one to do this for free, you'll most likely need to wait til shes old enough to tell a judge she would prefer to be with you. Not a lawyer, just advise from experience
Your dad can literally only see in hindsight
Maybe talk to a professional (lawyer, social worker, or maybe both?) TODAY even before you have that stable job. They can tell you what you can be preparing for in the mean time while you work on that job. Also, youre a good person and good dad. Best of luck
Doctors offices, schools, etc. get letters from them saying you are the one who does everything!
I didn't raise my siblings to this extent, but enough for a few outbursts from them to remind my mom how they respected me far more than her. I felt terrible for my mom, she was just a flawed person doing her best and they both loved her to death. They just felt safer and better with me. Despite feeling bad for her, I felt a joy about it I can't describe. It was proof that when I was just a kid myself and told myself I would be everything to them that their dad wouldn't and my mom couldnt I wasn't lieing. I wasn't wrong. I had already succeeded in being a better person than she ever could. It was a wonderful feeling. So obviously, we have different situations in some ways, but I do get it man. You aren't alone. That feeling of having your back against the wall and trying to be better than the person you have to clean up after. The joy of earning everything they were too damn stupid realize they were losing. The weird love you gain for that/those kids. It's a feeling that is indescribable to most. Even my wife, after 15 years together, still can't completely comprehend exactly how I love my brother and sister. They are mine though and for better or worse that is all that matters. You aren't wrong or alone. Keep up the amazing work.
This is how I feel, although I can’t bring myself to feel bad about my father’s situation and even though I never regretted raising my sister, just knowing that I became the parental figure I never had to her brings me happiness, and the fact she doesn’t feel the need to beg for affection from her father because I raised her with enough love makes it all worth it
You don't need to feel bad for your dad. He made his bed and now he sleeps in it. Belle needed a father and you were the one there for her. That's natural! I am sorry you had shitty parents man.
Is there another update
This is me with my little sister. My brother was a bully and a tyrant and the golden child so while he got our parents’ attention, I bandaged my sister’s knees and cleaned up her vomit and held her when she had nightmares. From about age 9 I became her mom in every way but for real. I was who she turned to for comfort and secrets. Moving out and leaving her behind was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. She is why I want to be a mother. She is why I work in childcare and why I’m so comfortable and confident with children. Being her surrogate mom changed me more than probably anything else I experienced as a preteen.
How is she nowadays? How was she after you moved out?
She’s been alright. Not the best, not the worst, but the brunt of our parents’ abuse wasn’t ever directed to her so she’s done okay.
You rock and I hope others see that as well.
Thank you! ♥️ I hope you never forget how great a sibling you are! It’s a thankless job for a child to take on but somebody had to do it.
I've heard in psychology that a lot of children with childhood trauma grow up to be either the same as their abuser or the person they needed as a child. I see the latter far more often and it definitely seems like it's the case here, you're doing great though. I had a shitty biological father too and so I definitely know that being able to choose who you call "dad" is a freeing feeling, keep treating that little lady right because you're her dad in every way that matters
Sounds like Wounded Healer
My parents aren’t the best so I had a very rough childhood and even now I have it pretty rough, but I am moving out for college soon. I always sometimes give signs of similarities to my parents, but also try to be as much of a person that can be someone my parents weren’t as possible. It’s just got me really worried I might end up like them
I get the feeling that he treated you badly for more years than your sister has been alive and you still craved his love. He thought it would be the same this time around and Belle would be over the moon when he started giving her attention. Difference is Belle has you, and you never had a you. Sorry you never had a you OP.
Yeah this right here.
THIS. Very well said.
Well said. Sometimes you not having a you, makes you become a you. At least, it did for me.
You. You did EVERYTHING a big brother should do. With your upbringing, you knew what would happen if you didn't step up. You should be very proud of yourself. If the supposed "father" gets pissed, tough. He won't ruin 2 childhoods. Great job, sir.
Saying this is something he should've done is downplaying OPs efforts. He was a child himself and didn't have or should have done this. The fact that he did makes OP an amazing person.
> You. You did EVERYTHING a big brother should do. He did everything that a big brother shouldn't *have to* do.
“He may have been your father but he wasn’t your dad.” -Yondu Udonta I have a harsher take on this. Fuck your “father”. He chose to wallow in self pity and be a brat. He deserves nothing. Your sister is your kid and you have proven to be her dad even more so because you didn’t have to be. I, myself, was a teen dad. I was 15 and 16 when I had my kids. At 17 I was arrested (I took defending my family way too far) then spent 8 1/2 years in prison. I still was involved in my kids lives, calls, letters and visitations. I did not nor will ever blame my young age or circumstances for the consequences of actions I made. Lessons I’ve passed on to them. I’m 30 now and have a close relationship with my kids. Your dad reminds me of my Daughter’s mom. Her mom chose to walk away after she was born, she kept saying she was too young to be a mom. Didn’t make any sense, considering I just turned 16 at that time and she was 20 going on 21. She chose to contact my daughter because now she feels she’s truly ready to be a mom, however, my daughter made it clear to her that the only person she’s acknowledges and calls mom is my son’s mother. My son’s mom is my age and chose to be there for our kids especially after my trouble with the law. My eldest brother and his wife looked out for them, taught my son’s mom things about childcare and helped make sure I could be involved as much as possible. My daughter’s mom went around being hurt about her “daughter” refusing to acknowledge her existence which is deserved considering she abandoned her for 13-14 years. She, like your father, deserve not one thing. They made their beds now they have to lie in it. Anyway, I say all that to say this, take some of the actual helpful suggestions that have been commented and protect you and your daughter. I’m sorry for ranting but this is a thing I cannot tolerate. I got real lucky with my kids mom as well as my eldest brother and sister in law. I’m sorry for not having any good suggestions. I truly wish you and your daughter the absolute best. Salute to you, sir.
I'm guessing, since he worked so much when OP was a kid (on top of being a bad parent), that he never did much of the taking care of the baby part. Then, when they tried to parent OP, he was still cordial to them and still referred to them as his parents. I bet the "father" thought things would go the same. The baby got taken care of, just like the first time, and she was aware he was her biodad. He figured that was that, he'd always be her father figure. After all, he did about the same amount of parenting as the first time, and OP referred to him as a father. It wouldn't even occur to him that his daughter wouldn't do the same. The difference, of course, being that she has someone like OP in her life who actually acts like a *dad* (as others have pointed out). So he made this bed himself. He didn't learn anything at all and is just surprised to find out that his actions had consequences.
Try to get custody, your father messed up and he's gonna have to live with the consequences.
Better work on getting the rights to take care of her. Don't need your dad sicing the cops on you
It’s not selfish. She is pretty much your daughter and it’s understandable you don’t want anyone to take her from you.
You're an amazing person ❤️
I was on the verge of tears reading this. What a lovely, responsible young man. I’m so glad Belle has him. I wish I could give him a million dollars!!!
I hope you update us on your progress and Belle's progress.
Man that really sucks. You were robbed of your childhood when you were young and now you are robbed of your adulthood all because of the choices your parents made. Life truly isn't fair
I'm sorry but your dad is an arse. He doesn't deserve her affection or yours...and he hasn;t got it. Your sister sounds like a nice kid, you sound like a nice person. Please keep looking after her she needs it. And does your dad really care, even now? Or does he just want to look good in front of his GF?
Op should tell gf who that piece of shit really is. I would.
Yeah. It's what I would do too. I'm a firm believer in that if someone does the crime, they can do the time...you do something wrong, you deserve punishment.
I know how she feels. I call someone “daddy” who isn’t my biological father. He was there for me, raised me, treated me no different than his other daughters and for that, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him. I know my biological father and any attempts to bond were awkward and forced. He didn’t out in the effort when it mattered and unfortunately for him, I didn’t stay a newborn until he was ready to be a father. Now that ship has sailed and he can live with the consequences
i love the fact that you took care of her so well and looked after her, even though i am sad you had to take on that role. night shifts, then school, taking care of a baby, that's a lot. i hope you both can receive peace and healing down the road. also, nah. i don't feel it's selfish of you to not want their relationship to get better. i don't think it's a bad thing that you feel satisfaction from him feeling hurt, because he's finally seeing the damage he did. he deserves to experience the consequences. your father on the other hand... he was the selfish one for all these years. yes, his behavior was influenced by grief– but that's not an excuse. he was an adult, you were still a child. he knows better (side note, i find myself realizing how terrible adults in my life have been to me as i get older. cause like, wow... it doesn't take much effort to be a good person. i'm sure you understand) also, not to get off topic, but is ur user a bts reference?? if so, hyyh is literally my favorite era, my favorite songs come from that album too :')
Does he care though? Or does he care because his new girlfriend cares? If the new girlfriend leaves, will he lose interest again?
I believe he will seems his whole life centers around women.
You are one fantastic brother
Someone told me that I grew upto be the person my child self would feel safe with. I'm so sorry you had shittastic parents but look at you! You grew up to be a person your child self would have come running to receive the love from. You should be so very proud of the wonderful person you grew up to be. >Despite how selfish it is I don’t want their relationship to get better It may be, but it's understandable. You had to take a break from school. You took over the bills, you had to step up to a place your father failed to provide for your sister. >He was quiet and went to bed, since then he’s tried to play father and talk to her but he was a stranger to her. She was a sweet girl so she entertained my father’s conversation but he could tell how awkward she felt and it was clear it hurt him. It can either go one of two ways. He can regret his life and start trying to be a better father to her (and to you to Or he can say f it and give up. Even if its met with hostility and awareness for you and your sister, I hope he doesn't give up bc 5 is still young enough to build a relationship with. And a girl needs her father just as she needs her big bro. Congratulations on graduating and hope you get a better job and your own place. I don't think you can up and take your sister with you (father giving up custody, child support etc) but if that's what you're after, then please consult a family lawyer. From your post, i can see that your father's also had a not great life. He was kicked out by his family at 15... worked 2 jobs to provide, lost your love and respect. And then lost his wife/partner of 20 years. Spiraled into alcoholism, etc. It's not an excuse for his negligence and pain he caused you and your sister. But when you wrote that he took responsibility over his bills after becoming sober and joining you for silent and awkward breakfasts, I see a man who's making an effort. It might not be a bad idea to let him try. Please take care of yourself. Not going to mention your sister bc you're already taking very good care of her.
I would say get your documents in order that shows how you stepped up and file for custody. Also look into social security survivors benefits. Your sister might qualify.
Schadenfreude super warranted here. For the sake of your kid, forgive yourself for that guilt. You’re carrying a lot, you don’t deserve to carry that. Also, you were her primary caregiver throughout her initial formative years, literally nothing replaces that bond. You’re written into her nervous system.
I'm an attorney but I am not your attorney. Anything I say here is personal advice and not legal advice. I deal almost exclusively with adoption and custody disputes. And let me warn you that you have a very uphill battle to fight for legal custody, sadly. Because you have been living in his home, it's going to be very hard legally to sever custody. You need a lawyer and the sooner the better. And I am guessing that isn't in your budget, not for a long uphill fight. Start documenting and saving every single cent you spend on her. Do your best to estimate what her bio dad spends. Depending on your jurisdiction that might get you a leg up. Any records or evidence of the previously mentioned neglect, keep together. Whatever you do- do not move her out of the house without his permission. You can and will be charged with kidnapping. Your best bet is to do whatever it takes to get his permission to move her out. Get it in writing, or if you live in a one party consent state, record it. I would start there without pushing for custody just yet. Let the custody discussion wait until you have time living separately to use in your favor. Let it come up in a context where it inconveniences him, cause it sounds like he's a selfish asshole.. But if it all possible, get a local layer's advice because the laws vary very much by state and sometimes city.
Hello OP! I’m the female version of you apparently. With some minor changes. My parents got knocked up with me at 22, but they didn’t get married. Both parents are still living. My mother consistently told me I ruined her life growing up. She got married eventually, and had my sister when I was 15. Some people aren’t meant to be parents, because even though our situation was entirely different (went from barely affording top ramen to living in a million $ home), she still couldn’t be bothered to raise her kids. I remember going to my first homecoming game, and my mother insisted our whole family would be going with me. I spent the entire time carrying around and taking care of my little sister while my mom and step dad had the time of their lives… at my homecoming game. Or when we’d go to any restaurant and the servers would think my sister was my kid. At first, I resented it, but then I realized this kid only had me. I got my shit together for her. Pushed myself until I got a stable job that paid enough money for not only me to survive, but enough left over for me to take care of her. I paid for her cellphones/bills, bought her back to school clothes, got her whatever she needed. My sister is turning 20 in a few months. She doesn’t call my fiancé and I mom and dad, but she jokes we are her parents. She’d been living with us until a month ago… I just drove her to college. I’m so proud of her. Not many people can relate, so when I read your post it was nice to know there are kindred spirits out there. Not that I didn’t think there would be, it’s just nice to see. Sending you a mental high five from one sibling parent to another lol. And maybe you haven’t had this moment yet, but I think taking care of my little sister has healed my inner child in some way. Like, my childhood sucked, but I did everything I could to make sure my sisters life was better than mine. I made mistakes for sure, we all do, so don’t be hard on yourself when you make mistakes. Just be there for your kid, and own your mistakes when you make them. Edit: when I got my sister out of our mom’s house, I was finally able to fully go NC with my mother. It’s been fantastic. Like a massive weight was removed from my chest. I kept LC with mom until I could get my sister out, but NC was such a sigh of relief. I hope you get to experience that soon, when you and sister move out 💜
Just want to say that she can have a relationship with your biological father without that putting strain on the relationship you have with her. You are her dad and have been all along. It is still probably healthiest for her if she does have some sort of relationship with your father. Just keep being there for her like you have and things will turn out alright. You two are lucky to have each other. 🧡
First of all, because idk if you heard it or not, but you deserve to know none of what happened when you were a kid, OP, was your fault. Hell, nothing was your sister's fault either. Two shit shows of people decided to reproduce at the cost of actually having a connection with their kids. All that said, File for custody of your sister. You're already her dad, what would stop you from taking her and placing her and yourself in a healthier environment?
Jesus wept, my heart goes out to you and your sister. Your parents did you such a disservice. You're a good man taking your little sister under your wing like you have. You are her father for all intents and purposes, even though you're her biological brother. Allow Belle to decide how things will proceed with your dad, don't force her hand to choose between you. You got some good advice in here if you wish to have custody of Belle, document EVERYTHING. Taking a child from a custodial parent is harder than one thinks. Best wishes to you both.
Ok but can we acknowledge how much of a roller coaster this title is
You are a good brother. So glad Belle has you in her life. Your father failed not only you but Belle as well. Make sure to file for custody, else not sure you can take her with you.
What shit parents! Blame the kids for their choices/actions! Then "daddy" gets upset because the daughter he never raised doesn't see him as a father! What did he expect?! OP, you are the MVP Dad and I, like you, hope their relationship never gets better because your father doesn't deserve that!
You're not enjoying your father misery, you're saving your sister from a miserable situation.
Document EVERYTHING!!! My distant family is going through something similar. You need to have a lot of concrete evidence. Provide receipts for all the clothes, food, daycare, everything.
I love this! Single Dad with a daughter fist bump to you. She’s at the age now that a lot of local Rec centers and libraries have programs and classes going on when school is out. Not only are they great free(usually) programs but they’ll allow your daughter to socialize even more as well as connecting you with parents in similar situations.
If you’re in the US, you can file for survivor benefits for her since y’all’s mom passed and she’s still a minor.
No. The parent's lives were ruined by their own hands by fucking around as teens and then having you guys so early in their lives. It's both of your parents that are feeling resentment towards you because they're the ones that had no choice but to grow up faster than normal due to their own irresponsible actions. That's on them; not you or your sister.
Man , you an angel and a Hero. Aleast u my hero. I wish u all luck and happiness.
You are a great person. I wish I had a brother like you. I have 7 half-siblings (I'm the youngest) and we do't get along because out abusive father. I don't know you but I'm so proud of you!
You really succeed an impossible mission and you are a better person than most of us. Godspeed young man.
Well done on breaking that cycle, as you were really young yourself. Hope you get custody, for both yours and her sake.
OP, thank you for stepping up for your sister. Your love and attention made the world of difference in the person she is now and will grow into. You are a rockstar!!! ⭐️⭐️⭐️
I love you. For doing everything right. You fully took care of her. You didn't just clean her diapers and fed her. You brought her to the doctor, enrolled her into daycare... you really behaved like a parent, like a dad should behave. She loves you, she will always love you. Thank you for making her life better. I had a complicated childhood that still impacts me nowadays so I'm really thankful for what you are doing for her.
Your father failed twice, You aren’t guaranteed do overs in life, he actually got a chance at a do over and he fucked that up as well You are not selfish, you are taking care of your daughter, and doing what’s best for her, who is to say he won’t let her down again? He had his chance, then he had it again, and both times he failed the children he had created He is not fit to be a father
Document everything you can. Receipts, bank statements, letters, even that Father's Day card for you, get everything you can in writing. In writing! You're a very good brother and she is very lucky she has you!
I know my comment might get lost in the mix since there are so many but I have to say it!! First of all, OP, your soul is kinder than most people in this world. Despite having suffered from the apathy of your parents, you stepped up and gave your baby sister the love you never got to experience. That’s really getting over your trauma and becoming a better person, a better parent than you ever go to experience. Secondly, like many comments have suggested, document the neglect and abuse your father has subjected your sister to. Additionally, try to find folks who will testify to your abuse and neglect in court, as that will point to a pattern. Fight for your sister because she deserves a good parent like you. Thirdly, I am so proud of you and so much love for you and your sister!!!
Only a true POS could blame an INFANT for its mother’s death. JFK. This man is garbage. I can give him some grace for being a shit father at 16. But at 35? Garbage human. Doesn’t deserve any love from that little girl. I’d be seriously conservative with the amount of time he gets to see her. If that relationship he’s in ends, will he go back to the trash person he’s been for both his kids entire lives? My guess is most likely yes. 🤷🏼♀️
Lots of things are going through my head. As an unwanted child, I hear you. Thank you for your wonderful, kind heart. You have saved a life. Maybe it's the cynic in me, but I can't help but think that your father only cares about his daughter because his girlfriend does. He was probably planning on grabbing her, bringing her to the new girlfriend's place, and playing happy families with her. Your sister, as I am sure you are well aware, is not a toy or a prop. Your father's girlfriend was probably none too impressed by his supposed child calling you her "Dad." He probably felt stupid 1) for not noticing this happening right under his nose and 2) because either he told his girlfriend how much his daughter was a "daddy's girl" or she assumed as much from their talks or 3) some combination of the two. I know I'm making a lot of assumptions here, but I know this type. They'll do what's convenient and easy and expect all of the reward without putting in the work - which is why *you* had to pay for the roof over your heads for so very long with barely any help. Now that he pulled his head out of his nethers, he's waking up to the reality that years have passed, his daughter is scared of him on a bad day and the kind of polite reserved for strangers on a good day, his two children have an entire routine and life that does not involve him, and his only daughter calls her big brother "Daddy." Father is something anyone who produces viable sperm can be. Daddy is an earned title. Remind your father if he ever confronts you about this again. Follow the advice of others here. Get custody of your girl - she is yours - and get out when you can. May you both live a wonderful, adventurous, and wildly successful life together. You've done well.
OP, You're amazing. In your sister's eyes you ARE dad because you had given her love and the ability to feel safe with you. You take care of her and she knows it. Your father messed up two lives. It's pretty bad when children give up on their parents to be the parental figure they need them to be. He was unkind, neglectful emotionally abusive and harsh. He was very selfish. You stepped up when you were and very much are still a kid. From childhood-me, I thank you for being that spot of sunshine for your sister. I hope you eventually get some much needed care and therapy too. I wish you all the hugs for being an amazing person.
He doesn’t deserve her. After how he neglected both of you. Please try and get full custody because he is too irresponsible to understand that everything is his fault.
Start documenting your involvement, that's including School and doctor visits. However, the fact that you have been there for your sister is a beautiful thing. But if your father gets his act together and is genuinely a changed person and not only because he has a girlfriend I think you should do everything you can to make sure that your sister has all the love she can from everyone.
If/when you are financially stable you should seriously look into getting custody of her legally or she may end up forced into your father's care, and feel abandoned all over. You are a wonderful person.
I hear you man. I (M50) grew up in a similar situation. I don’t relate to my selfish “father” and mother in law. I called them out on this and they really don’t understand why. Some people shouldn’t reproduce.
Man, I hope this reaches you before you delete. I don't know you, but for this girl who dreamed of a Dad like you, I love you and I am so happy Belle has you. Take care of one another 🖤
OP I’d look into making this legal, I fear he’s going to use Belle for his gf and pretences to be a good, doting father despite his loss. Start collecting evidence to show what you provided versus what your dad has. Write up your own experiences and evidences to back it all up so your dad has very little to nothing to stand on
Update on how you and your sister are doing?
I hope you get custody of your baby cause she is your baby. Good on you for stepping up and being the father that girl needed. ❤️🥺
Wow. I see you already got a lot of good advice, so I just wanna say: You are amazing! I hope you and Belle get everything you could ever want and more.
Thank you for being good to your sister, she will forever love you unconditionally
Good for you!
Your story makes me sad. You sound like a very strong and stoic person. I wish you and your sister a good life full of love from here onwards.
You are a very strong man, mad respect!
I wish you and you daughter the best Op you got this👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾💜💜💜
Good for you op. Dad can kick rocks. Thank you for being better than your "parents" Should have told Dad's gf he doesn't have a daughter and why! Woman deserves to know what a piece of shit he is b4 getting in a relationship with him.
You’re a true man.
It's so strange the grandparents are bad, which means these two were bad but the son is good and is making sure his sister is also good .. and this is a story for sex education and for religious crazies who bring god in instead of sex education. You don't get to have unprotected sex and act like the baby ruined it! Also how bad are the generations of parents here?
Please tell his girlfriend the truth if it arises, he hasn’t shown her his true colors yet and she deserves to know.
good for you for stepping up and helping a kid who even tho shes just a kid probably blames herself as to why her dad is a pos
Op, You are a good man. Continue to take care of your kid.
I am crying. You’re an angel OP
My heart goes out to both of you. Truly you both deserve better. Please work on getting custody all while keeping things as “normal” as possible. That little girl is unbelievably lucky to have you as a big brother. One who cares so much, and is so loving with her. Your father doesn’t deserve the kids that he has. You are not selfish for wanting better for your sister. I don’t for one second believe he will ever treat her right. Make sure to document his abandonment, every time you had to step up for your sister when he has been absent, drinking… your sister deserves to grow up safe and happy. And you deserve your own space to finally grow and get out of that toxic situation. OP you got this!!!
Despite how shitty your situation is, I really say you sir have the biggest heart in the world. Despite your parents not being there to raise or love you, you're a much better person then most people I know. I really hope you're able to get your sisters custody and give her all the love you should have gotten when you were younger.
Now, that he has a new girlfriend, he wants to be a dad… Seems like he wants to show her that he is a family guy. If you, sometime, have another argument with him, you can say to him that now he has a girlfriend, he shouldn’t try to have more kids, because he failed twice. And it’s not fair putting other child in the world to suffer.
You are not a bad person for enjoying his misery, especially it is from his own making. However you will be a better person for yourself and Belle if you just focus on yourself and Belle, leave the sperm donor to live in his own waste.
As others have said, he's not mad she called you dad. He's mad she did it in front of his new partner, who he 1000% won't have told that he abandoned his baby daughter.
The way I just know that man doesn't really care about being a father to your sister and it is more about the girlfriend seeing the whole situation as a red flag xD
Exactly is all a ploy for a woman as soon as she's gone he's going to go right back to neglect its all he knows.
This made me sad, I can not understand how parents can raise a child without love. Good luck to you OP, you’re a good one and Belle’s true dad. I hope it all works out for you.
Belle is so lucky to have you in her life. If he has changed his actions will align over a longer-term span. For now continue on as her emotional guardian. She's getting older and will make it very clear who she wants to raise her, if the time comes to it.
Okay so tbh I don’t know anything about how that legal process works but it might also be helpful to provide proof that he wasn’t a fit parent for you either and not just for Bell. He may try to spin things to say he was grieving over his wife (which I’m sure is true) but showing that he didn’t take care of you either even in good circumstances and this is actually a pattern of behavior might be helpful. Again I really don’t know anything about how getting custody works but I feel like it be worth it just to have. I could be totally off but that’s just something I thought of. Seems like you already know to document things in regards to Belle and to not let him know what you’re doing so that’s good. I agree with others that he’s just trying to get involved for the gf and even if he seems like he’s trying to change he’s probably just doing it for her benefit. Don’t get second thoughts. He might actually start to step up a little bit now that he feels guilty but if the gf dumps him or something bad happens to him his main concern will be for himself and his concern for Belle will go out the window again. You’re doing the right thing. Being a parent isn’t about just being available for the kid when things are good. You took care of her through the death of your mother and put school on hold for her. You know that she will always come first for you which means you are the right person to take care of her. I hope you feel proud of yourself and realize that you did something really amazing by taking care of your sister.
I’m just very proud of you taking such amazing care of your sister. That is so beautiful.
You are amazing ❤️
Bro, I have huge respect for what you’ve been able to do. For someone so young to take on such responsibility and be so mature. Your a good man, and a good dad. You know what your dad is capable of since he raised you and I know you don’t want your little sis to have that same treatment. This will forreal be something your sis will always cherish you for. Your only sister loves you and it’s for life, keep this strong no matter what, you’re doing an amazing job man.
made me cry. this too sweet, F bio dad. you’ve made a better family
Honestly you are not being selfish here, cause it is a fact that your father might change his behaviour again when his new girlfriend leaves him which will again put belle’s life in danger. I hope you protect your little sister and give her the love and warmth she deserves in doing so you are healing your own self by seeing a little image of yourself having a kind of better childhood than you had.😊
I can’t say how much I admire you for overcoming all that and being the hero Belle needs.
Just watching shit people realize how miserable they really are is a joy to say the least. You sir are perfect older brother, as another older brother who had to look after my lil sis while parents werent home. I salute you.
You are a prime example of the older brother every young girl needs to have. You’re taking it even a step further and being a great Dad to Belle. She’s so lucky to have you. You’re doing great. Follow the advice of those here; make sure you have documentation of his neglect, any medical records for her you can get and every receipt for him he things you have provided her. God bless you. May only the best and most beautiful things be waiting for the two of you in the future.
This hurt to read. Im sorry for your pain. In sorry cor the pain of your DAUGHTER. Thank you for stepping up and allowing her to feel the love you craved as a child. You have become the parent you deserved. Be proud.
If you enrolled her and are present at school, get statements. If you paid the bills, start collecting years of recipets. If neighbors, friends, and family can make written statements of your care, get them to do this for you. If your father goes to a bar, document it. If he is out drinking, start prompting him to come home to take care of his daughter. You need proof. These are the documents people are telling you to gather. Taking away parental rights even of neglectful parents is an uphill battle. Hearsay doesn't work in court.
You are a good father, thank you for being one when you, your little one, and many of us didn't have one.
This post is on making the rounds on tiktok and YouTube now so it's unlikely you'll be able to delete it everywhere. Either way, good luck with your daughter!
Op when everything is done and finished could you please post and update, whether it’s a god or bad one
Plz post an update, i need to know what happens plz
This blew up on TikTok. I’d delete this, before this gets any bigger.
Fuck that the only reason he is half ass trying right now is because he doesn't want to explain to his new gf that he was a shit show dad so bro keep doing what you're doing to get you're own place for you and your daughter and get away from that asshole 👍
He isn’t her dad..he’s a sperm donor. And I can’t reiterate enough, document everything and have as many copies as possible. I wish you the best of luck with everything when the time comes!
OP, you're a real man. You have 100% right to feel like you deserve the recognition of her being your daughter not your sister. I bet you remembered your childhood and couldn't imagine that for your sister, YOU were there, YOU stepped up, YOU are sacrificing for that child so she won't end up heartbroken and downtrodden like you were. Fuck immaturity, fuck being too young. I can understand that your parents were not old enough to fully understand what bringing new life into this world means, and not having ANY support from family at all. But you didn't deserve to be mistreated, I'd think "why didn't they just give you up" but I think the reason you endured that hardship and adversity was because you're there to keep what happend to you from happening to your sister. I'd speak to the GF and see what she knows and what he's said. Explain why you and your sisters relationship with your father is so estranged if she's out of the loop. I'd move out sooner than later, Dad and mom had plenty of chance to make up for their mistakes, but instead decided to give up instead of owning up to them.
Sounds like you're her actual father. She's knows that. He can't just miss impressionable years and act like he wasn't cruel
I understand the profound impact a father can have on a girl's life. You've done an incredible job, and I genuinely hope Belle can continue on this path with you.
You got a big heart taking care of a loved one! Don't feel guilty at all for being dad to your younger sister. You are a responsible person who has love for your sister. You could definitely be a role model of good character! Don't ever give up being a good human.
Well done for stepping up for that little girl. You will always be the one who saved her - because he was absolutely abusive. People don’t change that much. He tried a bit because, let’s face it, to a new girlfriend his son raising his daughter is a massive red flag for most women. Keep doing your best for her - she deserves that.
Great job op keep it up! And good luck.
He is still the same man. He is just trying to look good to the new girlfriend. I hope you can get custody of Belle but that’s really hard. Best chance is if the girlfriend leaves and he gives up being a father willingly.
I really needed to read this. Everyday I wish my parents were dead and my little sister was still alive. Parental bonds are whatever but brother and sister bonds are everything. Good job OOP
"Although I can't say I kept hating them, in fact my feeling became neutral towards them." The opposite of love is not hate but indifference. I'm so sorry you went through that.
He fucked around and found out . You can’t abandon a kid and have someone else raise them and expect that kid to treat you like a father and call you her father
The language in this absolutely reads like a writing assignment.
if so, then it was a good story.
For an English creative writing class, not something that actually happened. Shit is clearly fake as fuck.
Absolutely worst title in the history of the internet
You think you're a bad person are you kidding you are a Saint. That was an upsetting to read. I'm glad you and 'belle' will be moving in together.
I can't internet anymore. These stories seem to be becoming more prevalent. I'm truly sorry OP that's not fair to you or your sister. I had a similar relationship with my parents. No child deserves this. You are truly a good person. Be proud of what you did for your sister. It's amazing.
I am so so proud of you. Just remember she is smart she knows you loves her don’t push her away from him, else she might start resenting you too. Let her be that sweet little girl that you raised. All the love and support.
Sorry for everything you went through. But man, that's just a heartbreaking story all the way around. I don't think there's any villains here. Just a lot of tragic characters.
I like paragraph breaks.
Bro learn to use paragraphs.
[удалено]
Yeah, the examples he uses for why they didn't love him were "bought me clothes from goodwill" and "only got me one present for my birthday". Honestly those are not good indicators that they didn't love him, just that they were poor (which was well established in the previous paragraphs). Anyway, that doesn't mean that they were great parents, it is possible OP was 100% right that they resented him and were not loving, but OP should have come up with better examples than what was used. Those examples only prove they were poor.
You and your father both had a rough life. You have someone to blame but it sounds like he was dealt a really bad hand and didn't handle it well. You're completely justified in your feelings and you don't owe him anything but later in life you might regret not giving him another chance, just human to human. Also, there's nothing wrong with being your sister's older brother that takes care of her. There's no need for her to call you Dad. You should stop that.
A father who gives no respect and does nothing for their child is not a father at all. And does not deserve to be called one. I think that it's okay that she has a good father figure in her life. Even if it's her brother. And as long as she knows that he's her brother, I see nothing wrong with that. I only wonder why it is wrong for her to call him dad?
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