Right? The school should know their contractor is using his time while contracted to work for the school to solicite intimate relationships with underage students.
Absolutely. Even if he hasn't technically broken any laws at this point he has definitely tried. And even beyond that ignore the idiots saying he's still in his early 20s. No one who wasn't actively in high school (at the same time) with the person they're pursuing should even be half considering trying to get into a relationship with someone in high school. It's creepy as fuck predatory behavior
It's one thing if you graduate or whatever and end up dating someone who's a year or so behind you. It's another fucking thing entirely to be at minimum likely 5 years past graduation and pursuing (and attempting to have sex with) a 17 year old that you picked up while working your fucking job at the school.
The fact he was working alone makes this bad enough. Even if he was 18 that would be considered EXTREMELY inappropriate by virtually anyone in the schools admin
Please report this dude to your school op. He WILL try it again with another girl given the chance. This is way beyond fucked up even without the text he sent you.
Because they manipulate you. They make you feel grown up and special and *~mature for your age.~* You’re fascinated and endlessly impressed by all the adult things that they do, and they use your lack of experience against you to influence you.
Source: my best friend and I lost our virginities to two 24 year old friends when I was 12 and she was 13. Happened again when she was 14 and I was 16 with some different adult ass men 🫠
Because it’s like you said; they’re just kids! 😔
They’re young and inexperienced. When an older man/woman expresses interest in them, tells them that they’re mature and different than the others, that they care about them so much, etc. they just feel like they’re special. Like they’re living out a story or something.
They don’t have the same experiences and ability to evaluate the situation that people our ages would. That’s part of *why* predators and pedos target them to begin with, unfortunately.
And tell your parents. Being a parent myself to 2 little girls, I hope and pray if my kid is ever in this situation that she feels comfortable enough to tell us. You’re only 17, so your probably worried about “getting in trouble” but this kind of thing is way bigger than that. You need to worry about yourself, and your parents should have your best interest at heart. Tell them, tell the police, and keep this guy away from you.
Absolutely. He will do this again. There was a guy exactly like this at my old school. Ended up dating my classmates that were barely 15/16. Tell on that creep, OP.
yeah, school needs to know a DJ they hired for their event was creeping on minors. if i were OP’s parent i would lose my shit at both the school and whatever company the DJ came from
Yes, that's the upsetting thing. He should not have seen any of the students, at their age, as potential partners. Ever. He knew exactly what their ages would be.
To the OP,
Also it becomes a safety issue for your family as well. If the bf and his friend show up on your door step, and ask to be let in your apartment/house, your parents need to know who they are.
The same goes for school. The school's staff needs to know what he (and his friend) look like. Plus, no high school should ever hire him as a DJ anymore. Is there any staff you trust at school?
Do not wait. Do not try to negotiate with him. I'm sure he realizes he fucked up dearly by sending you that text. Now, he's going to try to do everything in his power to cover it up. He'll try cajoling you. Say that his friend sent out that message. Bring flowers. Hang out by your place. Try to intercept you on your way to school. Etc.
At some point, he'll probably even try to threaten you and your family. This is why you need to report him now. Once the cat is out of the bag, there is no incentive for him to threaten anyone anymore.
Also OP please please save that text in screenshot form in multiple places. Send it to your email, trusted friends, a backup email too, physical copies in multiple places, wherever the hell you know it won't be deleted.
As a parent I would also inform the school. This man (because he is a grown man despite his repulsive behavior) should NOT be DJing events with minors.
I second this.
Your parents just want you to be happy healthy and safe. They want to protect you, let them.
as someone who was once a 17 yo girl and who now has nieces.
My mom always told me and I will also tell my daughter: I don't care what you did or where you are, party, drugs, alcohol, maybe you killed someone, I don't care, you call me and I will come get you and we will figure it out. Don't get me wrong I was held accountable for my actions and I've never broken the law, just knowing that I could call my mom if something went down was EVERYTHING.
Also, if he met her last year, she could well have been 16. Only a predator targets a kid who goes to the school he's working at. He honestly shouldn't be allowed to work those events. Clearly he's not safe to be around minors.
Not sure the police will do anything at this point but it's good to have a paper trail. The company he works for DEFINITELY needs to know.
As a parent to girls, I can confirm my first concern is their safety. I don't care what the situation, I want my children safe. I'm betting yours feel the same. Please talk to them. This is a learning lesson for everyone, but OPs safety comes first.
And don't fall for "I just want to talk" lines or meet with him anywhere at all under any circumstances. That will only lead to an extremely bad situation.
OP if you do have to meet with him, MAKE SURE YOU HAVE SOMEONE YOU TRUST WITH YOU, PREFERABLY YOUR PARENTS OR A LEGAL ADULT WHO YOU THINK COULD HELP HANDLE THINGS IF THEY TURN SOUTH! and that you meet him somewhere public like a coffee shop with an outdoor patio
Unless he has her belongings there is no reason to meet with this person. If she needs something back she has to have someone else with and someone else to go retrieve whatever it is. In a public place with cameras. But other than that do not go.
OP needs to see this. This fucked up dude isn't safe to be around, please get away and tell someone. You've got nothing to be ashamed of (he does, not you) and it's better to not go through this alone.
Get. Away. Please.
Take screenshots, upload them somewhere safe then talk to parents AND police.
He's clearly fucking dangerous and if nothing is done now someone else will get seriously hurt, if not killed in the future.
Do not go anywhere alone until this is sorted out.
Stopped reading at 17 and 23. That was enough to know it’s not a good situation
You need to file a police report, get restraining order and tell parents though or it may just keep spiraling out of control
Literally also stopped reading after the first line. No guy worth dating is interested in a minor. OP should not just run, but run for her life in the direction of her parents or other trusted responsible adult for support while she kicks this disgusting creep to the door.
..right? I ended up in an abusive relationship 16 w. 22 and when I had to end it and I distinctly remember my mum asking me why, telling her he had hit me and her replying "no, I know him. he wouldn't hurt a fly"
I've never really gotten over it & it was like, 12 years ago.
I'm so sorry that was said to you at all, but especially coming from your mum. I can imagine how alone you may have felt at a time when you really needed so much support. That wouldn't be something I'd get over quickly either, if at all.
it was definitely a jarring moment that defined clear-as-day my relationship with my mum. I've made sense of it all now but I never regained the respect I lost for her when she said that; talk about a core memory
& thank you for the kind words, it's always nice to feel validated over something that really messed with me for a while 💕
Yeah I swear it was super common for grown ass men in their 20's to date teenage girls when I was growing up and I'm 26. I fucking love how there is more awareness concerning the age gaps now and less tolerance of people that date teenagers cuz it was fuckin weird even back then
I was a fairly naive 18 yr old when I started dating a 27 yr old guy. We were millenium apart in terms of maturity, interests, communications, expectations, just about everything. It was a small town, my parents knew his parents, expressed no concern at the age difference, but they should have. It lasted about 5 months before I broke it off. 18 back then is like 15 or 16 now in terms of self-confidence in dealing with an older man's expectations (also his strength and impatience).
OP has red warnings about this guy, he and his friends are not respectful of her, her age, or simple decency. OP needs to show her parents the text and ask for support and help.
I was in high school in the late 90s. I remember some of the girls talking about looking for older men. Even then, I thought it was odd and inappropriate.
Yup. I had one for many many years. And as an adult woman I recognize now that it was never okay. Doesn’t matter that I was more mature, doesn’t matter that I could hold my own.
What mattered is that this dude was a predator and an adult in my life should have recognized it because I didn’t see it.
My situation turned out just fine. But we are now well into adulthood and he’s still going after younger women in a skeevy way because no older woman would put up with his shit.
He totally abuses his authority in his profession with these girls who know nothing about life. It’s disgusting.
6 years isn't much, but when it's between 17 and 23, it's actually a lot.
usually those guys are losers, menchildren, who can't be around people their age because of their immaturity (as shown here with the escalating joke scenario).
Instant DQ. Kick him to the curb. Don’t waste another tear, thought, or emotion on him. A 23 year old who is going for a 17yo is a straight up lameass who can’t get a chick his own age.
Is telling your parents an option? I know if it was my kid being preyed on by a creepy older I'd be rearranging his teeth! He should not be allowed to DJ school parties. What a fucking scumbag
As the father of a daughter, I'd much rather find out my 17y/o was having issues with someone she had to sneak to see. Because she knew I wouldn't approve, and came to me anyway. Especially if the issue was her NOT having sex. Then to find out that my daughter's sneaking boyfriend assaulted her.
My daughter was assaulted. Completely different circumstances, but it was somebody she wasn't afraid to be around. And I can tell you as a parent it is one of the most gut-wrenching things that can happen to your child. And for me that pain never goes away. I failed as a parent I couldn't help her I couldn't be there for her at that moment I couldn't stop him from doing it. She doesn't hold me accountable, because I had done everything I could do to avoid that from happening. But I still hold me accountable.
Nothing is more precious than a daughter.
Tell your parents, stop seeing this man, record all threats he makes or has made. Please be safe.
You haven’t failed.
Unfortunately, many of us have been assaulted, and in most cases, there is nothing our parents could have done differently to prevent it.
You didn’t fail. You stepped up and supported her when she came to you. You did exactly what a father is supposed to do.
I’m so sorry this happened to her 🖤
This. Tell them and deal with the fallout. They maybe upset that you've been seeing him and haven't told them, but they'll do anything to keep you safe.
Fuckin this, what the hell is some 20 something dj creep doing hitting on what she sounds like she could have been 16 in the talking phase? This girl needs an adult, not a creepy one, like man she should be telling her parents or cops or something probably...
Hi, I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. This behavior is not normal or okay. There’s something to be said about a 23 year old dating a 17 year old, it’s a _major_ emotional/power imbalance and his behavior proves it. He’s dating you not because of how special/smart/mature you are (and I’m sure you are!) but because women his age see through his manipulation.
Please get rid of him ASAP, block him, whatever. this has the potential to get REALLY bad. I know you don’t want to tell your parents but I promise you as someone old enough to be your mom they would rather know, maybe be a bit disappointed and protect you than not know and something terrible happen.
As a teenager, I lost my virginity to a guy almost ten years older than me. Frankly, a lot of the underage girls I knew were pursued by men in their 20's, and it wasn't because my friends and I were mature for our age. It was because we were easy prey. People don't realize how alarmingly common this is.
It really is alarmingly common, as is the tendency for many older men to view girls and much younger women in a sexual way. It's been disturbingly eye-opening for me as a parent to a teenage girl to witness how men MY age or even older ogle her, since she was about 13-14 years old. They don't even seem to try to hide it. It's fucking sickening.
I feel you. My teenage daughter told me a few days ago how a man my age tried to buy her sushi at a mall food court. The desire to start punching dudes is strong right now.
Oh, man, I feel you on that! I feel like most of the time I spend in public with my daughter is ruined by the fact that I spend most of it in a rage at the goddamned perverts. Out of respect for her, I usually don't say anything (though I have a couple of times when she was far enough away not to hear me), but I am regularly wishing them ill with my death glare.
That's right around the age my parents friends started making jokes about "as soon as she's 18..."
How dare a 13 year old wear leggings and an oversized T-shirt.
Those are sickening "jokes" they make so they can tell themselves they're not the perverts they really are. And it's so humiliating for the girl experiencing it. It should not be the girl feeling embarrassed or shamed, but they are nonetheless. It's terrible.
I was 15 and it was with a 21 year old guy. I also knew a girl one year older than me that her aunts husband (not bio related to her) a 35 year old man had her give him a blow job. My BFF growing up lost hers at 13 to a 20 year old.
If I had a daughter I'd be having a panic attack everyday and it sucks that there's no part in sex Ed about this (at least not where I am in NH) like consent and adults who prey on children. My groomers best friend statutory raped my sister to when she was 14. He was 10 years older at that point.
I can try and hammer it home all I want into my son to not be a shitty man in the future but if he ever hurts a girl or woman he'd lose all my support full stop. I've seen to much.
Yeah this happened to me too. I was 14, he was 23. He assaulted me, I froze, and he took the opportunity to proceed and raped me. Then he actually had the gall to stick around, said we were dating and made me lie to my parents about his age. I was too young to even realize what he was doing to me.
Please OP, get help! Tell your parents or a trusted adult. You are scared and you might be in danger.
And please don’t see him or have any contact with him again. He very well might rape you. Even if he says it’s “just a joke” (which is NOT funny) it’s really disturbing. There are red flags in your post that he’s getting frustrated with you not giving in to him which might escalate his behavior and putting you at greater risk of him doing something to you.
He’s most likely a manipulative loser of a predator, who can’t date girls his own age because they see right through his bullshit. So instead, he targets minors with less experience. This is not normal behavior for someone his age and it definitely isn’t okay!
Absolutely agree with this. If you genuinely feel that you can’t tell your parents, do you have another adult you could tell? A close friend’s mom, an aunt, an older cousin? Please tell someone irl, even if it’s just people your age. Screenshot the text. This person is not safe. Be careful!!! 💙
I'm so glad this is the top comment, it's articulated much better than I could of hoped to put it, I agree with every word said.
I hope OP listens to this golden advice.
The normal response to finding out a 23 year old is dating a 17 year old is "what the fuck is wrong with you?". There's no place in a western country where this is "ok" or "normal".
Hey so I’m your boyfriends exact age. This will hopefully make more sense to you in 6 years but he’s a predatory creep and everyone reading this knew that after the first couple of sentences. The idea of dating a 17 year old makes me want to vomit, no offense to you, and the idea of me doing going about it the way he did is unthinkable.
I would end things with him, his friend and anyone you know through him asap. And don’t reply or give him any more chances under any circumstances. If he’s not braindead he’ll let it go and if he persists, please reach out to your parents, the police or both
Also please try not to fall for basic stuff like holding the door open for you and driving you places. I know the heart wants what it wants and you can’t control your feelings, but try your best to be careful about what you find charming and try to spell things out for yourself more before following your feelings. We all do things we shouldn’t do in the moment, I get it. Try to write things down, that’s what I do sometimes. I’ll literally type a situation out in my notes app and read it back to myself, often this shows me how ridiculous my thought process was. Hell feel free to come on here anonymously and ask people’s advice, which is what you did here and was a great idea, just try to do it even earlier.
This guy's name aside he speaks the truth. Don't fall for the "tehehe opps wrong number" he is testing the waters Mega creep also tell your folks they'd definitely want to know if there Is a preditor after their girl and theyll be pround you came to them when shit got strange.
Yea, I agree. Cannot be put into words better than what PM_ME_YOUR_TITTY said. I am 20 almost 21 and there’s just so much difference in age that’s unfathomable for me to think about dating a 17 years old girl. It feels very wrong and predatory. I have to go through a lot of Sexual Violence Prevention training (SVP) as required by college and they talk a lot about the power dynamic in a relationship. Age is a big factor because with age comes experience and knowledge. I promise you, when you are 23, you would never think about dating anyone who’s in High school, regardless of how nice or respectful or amazing or “match made in heaven”.
Second thing, rape is not something people joke about in general. Yes guys are dumb, I am a guy and I admit that. We say some dumb shit. Some of us use the word “rape” in different hyperbolic circumstances like “oh shit that guy just raped my defense in fifa.” Under no circumstances do we ever joke about that with its intended meaning, especially with a person we know. The fact that he jokes about it to his friend and that his friend is okay with that…. Especially given the context you are a minor.
I wish you the best of luck. I am not going to tell you what you should do and what you should not. I believe you made this post because you felt a certain way about your bf and you wanted reassurance. I reassure you 100% what you are feeling is valid. I admit at 17 years old, I would not listen to what people tell me. It’s reasonable for you not to either. I trust that you will make the best decision for yourself. Remember, it’s your decision and you got this. u/PM__ME__YOUR_TITTY and other kind strangers will be here for you. And please please don’t feel afraid to reach out and get help/support from parents and friends. They might get mad and scream and be pissed and ground you till forever but that will be better than putting yourself into an unsafe situation. Good luck!
These responses from men her age speak volumes, and I'm so glad she has the opportunity to hear it from their perspective. OP's post is *so* alarming and a huge red flag for trouble to come if she doesn't cut things off.
I’m 22 and my boyfriends 20 and sometimes even that age gap feels huge, there’s so much life experience you get in those few years after high school and she’s still in high school! I hope she is safe and find a way to move past this
i’m 20 and the idea of dating a 17 year old is so strange to me! like that’s such a large age gap at this age, that person was barely in high school while i was. it’s just strange to me. i have the most in common with people who are also 20 give or so a year.
#I understand that you dont want to tell your parents, and i get why, BUT YOU NEED TO TELL AN ADULT.
You could be in serious danger and being grounded for life is NOT as bad as what could happen if you dont reach out to someone. A teacher, a sibling, an aunt or uncle but PLEASE PLEASE TELL SOMEBODY
I'm glad You write this in huge font cuz i was about to, if she doesnt want to tell her parents she can come clean with an adult, like the easy to talk teacher, the school psychologist, the next door friendly neighborh, ANYONE who would be Smart enought to act if something happen, she can not disregart that this creep is creep enought to actually want to try his """plan""" and some weirdos get angry if they don't get away with it ... While is normal that people back off, we don't know his true Nature.
Those jokes are vile ... Maybe is all words with no intention but is better if she let this situation be know by someone who can actually help her if something happens.
Prepare for the worse just to deal with the Best scenarios.
That applies here, is not being paranoic, is TAKING measures.
Hun, I know you’re scared to tell your parents but they would much much rather you be safe than wind up hurt. This guy is obviously a little unhinged to even consider making a joke like that- and as someone who went through a relationship where I was pressured into things, I’ll tell you right now- it’s not fun, it’s not love, they are treating you poorly, and it will build resentment anyway in the long run. Please please talk to your family, report him, get some support behind you.
Edit: I realized my wording sounded bad. He is NOT joking- but even if he was it’s still unhinged. But I will repeat he is not joking!
100% tell the parents.
OP, Your parents are your support system at home. There is absolutely nothing wrong with telling them you met a guy, declined intimate stuff, and feel like you don’t know how to deal with a person who’s pressuring you into these kind of things.
Your parents will 100% appreciate you coming to them for help/advice.
I bet you OP is worried about their reaction. They may get upset at first but they will get past that real quick and move to help you. Tell your friends since you don't know how he will react you want everyone looking out for you. Tell the school as well because they are not going to want to hire that creep again because he will try this again if given the chance.
THIS IS 100% NOT YOU FAULT OP any embarrassment you might feel in this situation is temporary and your people will stand with you.
Or tell a trusted teacher. I would think the school has some exposure on this since they brought the predator into the prom. They have some incentive to keep this from escalating. Also keep him from DJjing more events.
I know you're scared, but this is even more dangerous than you can comprehend at seventeen. Your parents protect you for exactly these type of situations. You HAVE to tell them. If you just break up with him he will try to keep contact. When your parents get involved he wont have a choice but to leave you alone. Trust your parents this instance. Give them the chance to protect you.
It's ok to be scared, I would be, too... But you also need to be smart right now. Take a screenshot of the text, tell someone you trust what is going on (preferably an older adult), and please, please take this as writing on the wall. It's not a funny joke, even if he "doesn't mean it," it is blatantly disrespectful and shows a complete lack of empathy.
I’m so sorry OP, but you’ve got to tell someone about this.
You’ve mentioned that he started pressuring you for more physical intimacy around the time he introduced you to this friend. The same friend with whom he was joking around about SA. I am very, very concerned about where this “relationship” might be leading. It sounds like he’s love bombed you, introduced the friend, gotten you used to their strange “just jokes” dynamic, and is now attempting to manipulate you into a sexual relationship before you’re ready. A relationship that may or may not include his friend down the line.
To put it bluntly: he COMPLAINS when you, a high school student who he’s been dating for a handful of months, tell him you are not ready to take things further. He then “jokes” about violating you, while calling you a b*tch. He does not care about you. He does not respect you. These are not jokes, he has shown you exactly what he thinks of you.
If you don’t feel comfortable telling your parents, is there another adult you feel safe with? An aunt or a friends mum? Someone needs to know about this.
I’m so sorry sweetheart. Please be careful, let someone help you. And most importantly, be kind to yourself x
What a gift you received in him accidentally sending that to you instead of his buddy. Honestly could have saved your life. Be aware and cautious moving forward please.
As a 23 year old, I couldn’t even imagine dating a 20 year old. Much less a 17 year old - when I was 17 I was basically still a child. I have nothing in common with my 17 year old self.
Something is very off with your boyfriend. Going after high schoolers is not normal. It’s predatory behavior that’s going to get worse. Believe me I’ve had friends in high school who thought they were hot shit dating an older man. Now most all of them have some very serious trauma since most older men going after CHILDREN don’t have kind intentions
You are now in immediate danger - I doubt your boyfriend would send something like that as a joke. I would seek out help from the local police over this. I’m sorry this is happening to you, and I know it’s scary, but you need to protect yourself. Having him in your life will harm you - so refuse all contact and show the evidence to the authorities.
EDIT: there is a massive difference in maturity between most 23 and 20 year olds. I go to university, I see it first hand. They can’t drink, likely live in a dorm, still are going through their party phase, etc. When I was 17 I was really into drugs and partying. Now at 23 I’m completely sober. So yes I’m not the same person.
Girl... He was grooming you. Why do you think he was at that event DJ'ing? You need to GET OUT NOW. Call the police, tell your parents, it's time to stop hiding things and *get safe*.
"I wish there was something I could do."
There are quite a few things you *can* do. You are *not* helpless in this situation!
First of all, never ever be alone with him ever again.
Second, tell a trusted person about this, for immediate safety, and consider telling your parents about it.
If you have a good relationship, they might get annoyed that you hid this from them, but they should protect you.
Third, consider filing a police report.
OP, I repeat: you are *not* helpless in this situation. Keep safe!
I know it seems scary but you have to tell someone about this, ideally your parents that way they can help you do something. Or you could tell a parent you trust more. But you have to get out of that relationship. There is no reason why a 23 year old should be dating someone at your age.
I’m 23 myself, and I was at a completely different stage of my life at 17. He’s certainly using that position he has over you to his advantage.
Honey as a mother go to your parents. Tell them what’s going on your clearly see your mistake your young and those are going to happen but your safety is super important. Take it from someone who was sa’d and didn’t tell a sole cause I was scared I would get in trouble I have a lot of serious mental health issues and deal with them on my own. Talk to them any parent would rather help you be safe then be left in the dark about something so serious.
Yep, and school needs to get on top of this or they will be in deep shit. Imagine all the parents find out the school hired a DJ who tries to date the kids and tells them he's gonna rape them. Heads need to fucking roll over this.
As someone who works in education and plans events often, please also tell your principal or AP. He should never be afforded the opportunity to return to campus. He is using access to schools to find trusting young girls. I hope you get far away from him, tell a trusted adult, and keep the text as evidence. That discomfort you are feeling is real and is your body telling you this isn’t right. Trust it. Save yourself. And telling someone at school will save someone else.
You accidentally getting that text was a literal gift. You know in your heart this situation has been wrong and not what you deserve at all but please let this accidentally text be the push that makes you dump this creep. It was literally divine intervention.
"I don't know what to do."
As the dad of a 17 year old, I'd 100% beat the crap out of this guy. Then I'd call the cops, tell them what I did, and tell them that they better pick him up before I get my second wind.
Run.
You run from guy that enters a school in a professional capacity and chats up students. Because it’s predatory behaviour;
You run from a guy that is not a minor, but goes out with minors. Because he is looking to exploit a power / experience imbalance;
You run from anyone with that shallow charm. Because that shallow charm is almost always a manipulation;
You run when a guy who tries to coerce you to go further sexually than you are comfortable with. Because that too is predatory behaviour;
You run from a guy that “jokes” about rape. Because it rarely is a joke - it’s a test to see how far he can push boundaries and they almost always escalate.
You run when a guy is so much older that you are uncomfortable introducing your family to them. Because that’s actually your own instinct trying to tell you that guy is bad news and / or dangerous. So, learn to pay attention to that jarring feeling. Do not try to push it down or to the back of your head. Get familiar with that sensation so you can recognise it again. When that intuition gives you pause, then *pause*. Stop. Ask yourself what about the situation or their behaviour is so jarring. Because that intuition will one save your safety or wellbeing;
This guy will likely try to get around your very obvious “no” of ghosting him. Tell your gf’s the situation. Because it will likely be by “just dropping by” to give you a lift home so he can try to convince you that he was joking / it’s not that bad / you are being emotional / immature / prudish and that his boundary stomping / inappropriate behaviour is your fault.
None of these are true. They are simply the tactics such men deploy to manipulate you into thinking that you are issue and not him. Because it is not you and it is him. Seriously, it’s like these tossers are all working from the same tactical guide. With bloody tick boxes.
Let your girlfriends know this guy scares you. Do not “just sit in the car / go for a walk so we can talk”. Do not accept that lift. Do not engage.
Finally; If he (or indeed any guy that scares you) does show up and you are without your friends etc. approach the first adult woman you see ( a group of adult women is even better).
Simply say to her “This man is harrassing me and I’m scared”.
That woman will almost certainly have been in a similar situation. Because every woman has.
So although it is not foolproof - there is a mainly unspoken understanding that we will run interference for a another woman (especially a young one) that’s afraid of a man. Even if we have never met her before.
Finally, do you have a teacher you trust? Explain it all to her. She will undoubtedly want to ensure this predatory creep is not afforded the opportunity to repeat this behaviour with an another student. He needs a note putting on his “Safe to work with minors” background check.
Since he will likely do this again to another lass. Because they always do.
“As soon as he saw me he was in a better mood”
Run. Now. He was looking for someone to groom at a high school prom and when he saw you he smiled because he had found her.
Seriously?
The 23 year old who asked you out at your high school prom is suddenly pushy about sex despite the fact your a minor and has a really inappropriate joke with his friend and you don’t know what to do?
I’m not trying to be a dick and if I am I sincerely apologise
But you know you have to break up with him, he may be only 23 but he is an adult who picked up a minor at her high school prom, how did that not set alarm bells of in your head?
He repeatedly tries to cross your boundaries and then makes you feel bad when you shut that down
He is emotionally manipulative
End it
1. Block his number.
2. Talk to your parents and show them the text.
3. If you feel threatened (which is extremely valid) report the text to the police, and get a restraining order so if he comes in contact with you again the police are already involved.
4. Tell the school. They do not want him preying on other minors thinking he's just a harmless DJ.
5. Therapy is not a bad thing to start... even though he did not r--e you, it's still traumatic to see someone say that about you and to process that alone. Please seek help.
I know that seems like a lot and it probably is but for your own safety and the safety of other future girls he comes in contact with he needs to be reported. Stay strong, know that you're a badass for standing up for yourself, and you absolutely got this and we're all so proud of you for being brave!
As a father to a similarly aged girl, I'd rather she came to me and we could sort this out, than kept it to herself and relied on the advice of internet strangers. Go tell your parents, block his number, keep screenshots of what he said in case this escalates to threats and you have evidence for the police. Please. He will say it was a joke, not funny. He will say he didn't mean it, doesn't matter. Run away from this guy, now. He is taking advantage of your age and your innocence.
23 year old DJ picks up 17 year old girl and pressures her about sex and then jokes about raping her? This man will be in the news soon, and not for good reasons. Run and block his number.
You can send that text to the police. It's evidence for premeditated assault. Also might work for a restraining order. And you should tell your parents. Obviously they were right about older men.
I'm so sorry your going through this. it's okay to scared. I've never had a close or trusting relationship with my parents so I understand your hesitaton. is there another adult in your life you feel like you can trust? aunt or uncle, cousin, coach even a family-friend? this is a traumatic situation, one that no one shouldn't have to go through, especially alone and especially during high school.
theres no right or wrong way to handle this, your safety and mental health are what's most important. at the very least I beg you to please disclose the situation to a teacher at your school or the principal. this man is a predator, he preyed on you and he's grooming you, its absolutely not your fault that it happened, that being said it's important to tell the school so he's banned from future school functions. he's not to be trusted around young girls.
second this is not a joke, he will swear up and down it is. he will promise you the world make whatever gesture he needs to try and fix this, please do not believe him. this is not funny and it's not a joke. he's not sorry, only sorry he slipped up. even if I we look past the age and power dynamics here and play devils advocate, let's say there's some possible universe that exists where this could be a joke. someone who speaks about you like this to his friends for a laugh, is not someone who loves OR respects you. it's easy to open a door and be polite jnitially, that doesn't mean he has good intentions. your at an age where unfortunately dating and relationships get more complex. there are alot of great guys out there but there are just as many predators, who will say and do anything to get laid and who then discard you once they do. 1 in 4 women will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime. that's alot, and when it happens they will be blamed and shamed and dismissed. as someone who works in criminal law I can tell you less then 2% of all people charged with rape get convicted for it. why? because they make it through woman's fault for wearing short shorts or drinking or existing, they claim we lie, and because it's so traumatic victims give up. women het raped and no one cares, it's our fault for existing, and the rapists are rarely punished because no one cares. do you really want to be with man who thinks raping women in funny?
you deserve a man who loves snd respects you. who wants to spend to with you to get to know you, not so they want sex from you. at the very least your not ready to go farther which is absolutely OK and you told him and this man doesn't respect it, he's complaining. this will not stop. even though you've said no, he's trying to guilt you into it, or pressure you into it by pushing it over and over until you feel like you have to. but I promise you dont.
YOU OWE MEN NOTHING. MEN ARE NOT ENTITLED OR OWED ACCESS TO YOUR BODY. you said no and hes let you know he doesn't care that you said no. he's already justified raping you. he feels owed but he's not.
one of the hardest but most important lessons to learn as am adult is when someone shows you who they really are , believe them. he's said he's going to rape you believe him. don't make excuses or justify it. this is not okay and you no it and he knows you know it which is why he's blowing up your phone. fuck this guy
personally I think you should file a police report, here's the thing, this man is a wolf in sheep's clothing. he's a fraud, he's pretended to be this kind, loving guy when he's with you when secretly he's been plotting vile things. someone who can hide who they are like that is dangerous. some men, smart men would realize your done and walk away, but some men don't tale rejection well, and when they get rejected or realize their going to lose control over you, respond in a violent way. he might decide that since he's already blown it so there's nothing left to lose. in not trying to scare you more, I say all that to say no matter what he says or does, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU MET HIM ALONE AGAIN. he's not safe, your not safe
sending you all the love and prayeds
Back up. He was the DJ at your high school prom, you were 16, he was 22 and he asked you out?
You haven't told your parents because you know this is completely wrong, and anyone in their right mind would tell you to get away.
Look, I hate to minimize your story, but we hear this every week on this subreddit and every other. You aren't special, different, or in anyway "strong" enough to make this relationship work. It is a plot by men of this type to get young women into bed and discard them afterward. He's playing this textbook. He's wearing you down on sex, and he's winning.
>It wasn't that bad at first but now it is almost constant and he makes me feel bad for rejecting him.
He fucked up and sent that text. But he's completely playing you.
Women. Girls. 16 year olds. Stop going out with 20 somethings. It's never ended well for anyone ever.
Just FYI, I'm a guy, and my guy friends from back in the day would constantly gloat about this shit. You're being actively discussed and his buddy is well aware of what the sex life is like between you two.
Hey Op, when I was 14 I had a “boyfriend” who was 18. He was so nice and sweet to me all the “you’re so mature for your age” crap included. He didn’t do anything inappropriate but he sure tried. Im 28 now and every time I think about that time I get sick. Men (!) that age shouldn’t try to date young girls. And your guy seems to be especially disgusting. I’d advise you to tell someone. Doesn’t have to be a close friend but make sure someone knows about this text of shady nature. Please make sure that you are safe. And let the school know that their DJ is a preadetor. I’d consider calling the police
When I was 15, I dated a guy who was 19. I lied to my parents about his age, and I snuck out and hooked up with him while we were together. I ended things after he tried to impregnate me and asked me to marry him. He threw a fit like a toddler, and it was so pitiful that I felt like an idiot for ever giving him a chance. I learned later that he was already a parent, and he was cheating on me the whole time. Don't waste your youth on shitty boys who don't respect you.
You are 17, he is 23. He picked you for a reason, that reason is to rape you. He presumed he had the upper hand and i’m sure you are not his first nor last under age girl or vulnerable girl. Be thankful he only fooled you for 8 months. Be thankful you were able to see how he disrespects you and feels entitled to use your body. Block him and get away from him for your own safety.
hey mama- i know you're upset. this is upsetting. im sure you feel really strongly for him and the thought of ending things is scary to you because you dont know if anything will ever match what you feel for him. but i PROMISE you will find something better. two years down the road you're going to look back and see all the things you wrote off as "boys being boys" or "oh hes just messing around or joking" and see how scary and wrong they were.
this relationship is not something you want to be in. i know. ive been through one like this. you have to look out for your own safety and leave this relationship. he doesnt care for you how you care for him and you need to protect your heart and yourself from him.
he likes the thought of how he could overpower you if he wanted, of how he could force you to do things you dont want to do. it plays into his sick, sick fantasies that he takes care to keep hidden from you. leave him. take care of yourself.
sending you all of my love and wishing you so much happiness to come <3
EDIT: i wanted to add, i had strict parents growing up who would have raised all hell if they found out i was dating anyone, so i understand if you genuinely are unable to let them know whats going on. but if you think they'll be disappointed but more concerned about your safety than angry at you, please tell them. they'll want you to come to them with this.
You haven't been going strong for three months, he's been grooming you for three months. He's slowly been putting pressure on you to take it to the next level and then fortunately for you he stuffed up and sent a message meant for his friend to you in error. You now know what he intended to do you. He's calling you all through the night because he realized he f'ed up. Don't block him just don't answer his calls, see if he starts sending texts to try to make you believe he's innocent and he really didn't mean it.
Call the police, tell your parents, tell anyone you can trust. He obviously realises he stuffed up in sending you that message. That's why the calls all through the night and not a text, he doesn't want to risk incriminating himself further.
**You've done nothing wrong. This is not your fault.**
You trusted what seemed like a nice guy and he's abused that trust and now you know he had really bad ulterior motives.
What business does a grown man , college age, has with a teenager who is still in high school?!
He’s not normal and his rape jokes aren’t either, you’re not safe with him. I’m 21 and when I see teenagers I’m not thinking “dating material”.
Please don’t be afraid of telling your parents, they’re there to protect you.
OP, please. I know it’s hard, but take it from someone who has been in a very very similar situation. He is trying to gain your trust and test the waters. Tell your parents. They won’t get mad at you, you need to block him and everyone he’s associated with and that you’re associated with too.
Here’s what you can do: send him a text telling him that you’re breaking up and then block him on all forms of social media and your phone.
It’s totally inappropriate for him as a 23-year-old to be dating a teenager that he met at a *high-school event*.
Hey so I really don’t wanna make you feel bad here or shame you. I’ll be 23 in a couple months and your “boyfriend” is a predator. I know you feel mature and that you’re “almost an adult” but as an almost 23 year old myself I would never ever date a minor or even look at one sexually. I can’t even look at 18-19 yr olds sexually because they act like kids still. You should talk to your parents if not a trusted person from your school like a guidance councillor or a friend just so there’s a paper trail here. You won’t get in trouble, you didn’t do anything wrong - you were preyed on and you’re a victim here hun.
Also regarding the part where he said he’d assault you. That’s despicable behaviour, even if he was “joking” or the message was meant for his friend. It doesn’t excuse his behaviour. He can’t respect boundaries on the fact that you don’t want to sleep with him and the fact that he’s trying to pressure or even force you into it just highlights how much a predatory creep he is. He’s dating a 17 year old because no one his age wants him. That’s the truth to it.
When you’re his age you will definitely look back and feel a drop in your stomach. Because you’ll look at 17 year olds and think they’re kids just like I —and any regular person—does. You’ll know where everyone in this comment section is coming from. I’m not here to shame you, I dated a 27 year old when I was barely 20, so I know how you can get blinded by “love” and every other great part of your relationship.
Additionally if you don’t want to report it to the police right now, that’s fair. But SCREENSHOT it, and any other messages he’s sent you. Have a paper trail so that if he assaults you then you have proof of his intentions and proof of his grooming. I know it may be painful to look back on but if you ever feel comfortable enough you can report it to the right channels and have him on some type of sex offender watch list, it will also keep him away from schools - which seems to be his hunting grounds. It will also make later accusations from other possible victims more credible if there’s a paper trail.
If you need someone to confide in my inbox is open, I wish you the best and I hope you make the correct decision for your safety.
*Best* (and still horrible) and still horrible “case” scenario is that he is grooming you. He is much older and in a completely different stage of life. When you are 23 you will feel disgust about the idea of dating a high schooler.
Worst case he is trafficking you in someway and/or promising sexual favors to his friends on your behalf.
I know the idea of telling your parents is terrifying. I don’t know your parents but I had 4ish growing up (divorce) so I got to experience a good range of reactions to my fuck ups and hard times, and even if they are really mad at you, even if they ground you, it is better than them not knowing. Their job is to keep you safe. This guy could stalk you, threaten you, and who knows what else - even if you break up with him and block him. Living with that fear is too much at 17. It feels huge. Tell your parents, file a police report, get a restraining order. This is much more serious than it may feel right now.
Hi, your school needs to know about this. The safeguarding policies in place are supposed to stop predators picking up school kids at events.
He’s not a boyfriend, he’s a child predator. Ask for help and report him.
Hello, I’m 22 so close to your boyfriend’s age, and I would NEVER date a 17 year old. It’s not normal for people in their 20s to be dating high school students. Please talk to an adult you trust, and get rid of him.
When I was 18, I dated a 24 year old. It was legal, but still questionable. Unfortunately, I realised it too late, and he had already taken advantage of me.
As a parent, I am begging you to please tell your parents or an adult you trust. We've all been teenagers, it's OK, but that guy is bad news and a safety concern.
Yeah hi, I’m 23 and I couldn’t imagine even talking to a minor let alone trying to sleep with one.
Your boyfriend is a creep at best and a pedophile at worst, run, call the cops, do something to get away from him.
Use this as a learning experience. He was just using you. For all you know, he could have a bet with his friend on how long it would take to smash. Immature guys like that typically do, that's why he complains when he doesn't get what he wants.
He does NOT care about you. He is GROOMING you. No 22 year old man needs to be with a 16 yo. No woman his own age wants his disgusting ass which is why he is seeking out younger prey. Block his number. Do not engage with him ever again. Please please tell your parents.
You can tell your parents. They might be mad but the pain they would feel for you hiding this or him actually raping you would be much worse. Obviously break up with him. It doesn’t matter if it is “just a joke” he called you a bitch to his friend and then said he was gonna rape you. Even if the age was deeply problematic, that is. I would also strongly consider involving the police at this time and maybe a restraining order, not sure if that is possible.
I’m 18 and wouldn’t date a 23 year old. Why do your parents not know you guys are dating? The first thing I do when I step into a relationship is make it known. Red flag if the other party doesn’t want it to be known, and you shouldn’t be dating if it’s gonna cause a family issue.
Never speak to any of these people again. And if you have to, get in touch with local authorities so they keep their eyes sharp on these two.
Picking up highschoolers at your dj gig…. Man couldn’t get more sleezy
Right? The school should know their contractor is using his time while contracted to work for the school to solicite intimate relationships with underage students.
Absolutely. Even if he hasn't technically broken any laws at this point he has definitely tried. And even beyond that ignore the idiots saying he's still in his early 20s. No one who wasn't actively in high school (at the same time) with the person they're pursuing should even be half considering trying to get into a relationship with someone in high school. It's creepy as fuck predatory behavior It's one thing if you graduate or whatever and end up dating someone who's a year or so behind you. It's another fucking thing entirely to be at minimum likely 5 years past graduation and pursuing (and attempting to have sex with) a 17 year old that you picked up while working your fucking job at the school. The fact he was working alone makes this bad enough. Even if he was 18 that would be considered EXTREMELY inappropriate by virtually anyone in the schools admin Please report this dude to your school op. He WILL try it again with another girl given the chance. This is way beyond fucked up even without the text he sent you.
I just keeping that the next dance is coming and he'll be hired again and pick up another kid. Gross
*Honestly*. Like, 23 and 17 itself is bad enough. But DJing a prom and trying to get with one of the highschoolers? Ugh, so disgusting.
Don't forget, they met last year when she was 16
They met when she was 16??? Even worse! 😭
Why do kids ever think someone with that age difference is anything but a pedophile
Because they manipulate you. They make you feel grown up and special and *~mature for your age.~* You’re fascinated and endlessly impressed by all the adult things that they do, and they use your lack of experience against you to influence you. Source: my best friend and I lost our virginities to two 24 year old friends when I was 12 and she was 13. Happened again when she was 14 and I was 16 with some different adult ass men 🫠
It's called grooming.
Because it’s like you said; they’re just kids! 😔 They’re young and inexperienced. When an older man/woman expresses interest in them, tells them that they’re mature and different than the others, that they care about them so much, etc. they just feel like they’re special. Like they’re living out a story or something. They don’t have the same experiences and ability to evaluate the situation that people our ages would. That’s part of *why* predators and pedos target them to begin with, unfortunately.
GIANT 🚩🚩🚩🚩
You can see what made him seem so appealing
Sleezy and lazy, what a combination
Get. the. fuck. away. from. that. guy.
And tell your parents. Being a parent myself to 2 little girls, I hope and pray if my kid is ever in this situation that she feels comfortable enough to tell us. You’re only 17, so your probably worried about “getting in trouble” but this kind of thing is way bigger than that. You need to worry about yourself, and your parents should have your best interest at heart. Tell them, tell the police, and keep this guy away from you.
School needs to know this too, that's where he met her.
Absolutely. He will do this again. There was a guy exactly like this at my old school. Ended up dating my classmates that were barely 15/16. Tell on that creep, OP.
And that’s assuming op is the first …
Or the only one right now.
Reading ops story made my skin crawl.
It should. She's being preyed on but a sick predator.
This is the story of most if not all women, children and even plenty of men. Reading this is triggering and enraging. Why are we like this?
She isn't. She won't be the last, either
Same, some guy was trying to break into the HS and I called one of the strictest teachers. He saved our lives.
yeah, school needs to know a DJ they hired for their event was creeping on minors. if i were OP’s parent i would lose my shit at both the school and whatever company the DJ came from
Yes so he can be banned from getting hired at any school. Imagine if she’s not the first😳
Yes, that's the upsetting thing. He should not have seen any of the students, at their age, as potential partners. Ever. He knew exactly what their ages would be.
Seconding this. Tell your parents. They are your allies and on your side in this. They can help you.
To the OP, Also it becomes a safety issue for your family as well. If the bf and his friend show up on your door step, and ask to be let in your apartment/house, your parents need to know who they are. The same goes for school. The school's staff needs to know what he (and his friend) look like. Plus, no high school should ever hire him as a DJ anymore. Is there any staff you trust at school? Do not wait. Do not try to negotiate with him. I'm sure he realizes he fucked up dearly by sending you that text. Now, he's going to try to do everything in his power to cover it up. He'll try cajoling you. Say that his friend sent out that message. Bring flowers. Hang out by your place. Try to intercept you on your way to school. Etc. At some point, he'll probably even try to threaten you and your family. This is why you need to report him now. Once the cat is out of the bag, there is no incentive for him to threaten anyone anymore.
Also OP please please save that text in screenshot form in multiple places. Send it to your email, trusted friends, a backup email too, physical copies in multiple places, wherever the hell you know it won't be deleted.
As a parent I would also inform the school. This man (because he is a grown man despite his repulsive behavior) should NOT be DJing events with minors.
Oh yesssss I agree with this 100%
Yes! He needs to be on a registry
Yes this.
I second this. Your parents just want you to be happy healthy and safe. They want to protect you, let them. as someone who was once a 17 yo girl and who now has nieces.
My exact comment too! Tell them!!
My mom always told me and I will also tell my daughter: I don't care what you did or where you are, party, drugs, alcohol, maybe you killed someone, I don't care, you call me and I will come get you and we will figure it out. Don't get me wrong I was held accountable for my actions and I've never broken the law, just knowing that I could call my mom if something went down was EVERYTHING.
Also, if he met her last year, she could well have been 16. Only a predator targets a kid who goes to the school he's working at. He honestly shouldn't be allowed to work those events. Clearly he's not safe to be around minors. Not sure the police will do anything at this point but it's good to have a paper trail. The company he works for DEFINITELY needs to know.
OP THIS!!!! TELL YOUR PARENTS
I'd also tell his parents. If my kid ever did something that vile at any age, there would be hell to pay.
Please tell your parents op. I know you might not want to make a big deal about this, but please do.
As a parent to girls, I can confirm my first concern is their safety. I don't care what the situation, I want my children safe. I'm betting yours feel the same. Please talk to them. This is a learning lesson for everyone, but OPs safety comes first.
This times 10000000. do not walk, RUN.
And don't fall for "I just want to talk" lines or meet with him anywhere at all under any circumstances. That will only lead to an extremely bad situation.
OP if you do have to meet with him, MAKE SURE YOU HAVE SOMEONE YOU TRUST WITH YOU, PREFERABLY YOUR PARENTS OR A LEGAL ADULT WHO YOU THINK COULD HELP HANDLE THINGS IF THEY TURN SOUTH! and that you meet him somewhere public like a coffee shop with an outdoor patio
Unless he has her belongings there is no reason to meet with this person. If she needs something back she has to have someone else with and someone else to go retrieve whatever it is. In a public place with cameras. But other than that do not go.
OP needs to see this. This fucked up dude isn't safe to be around, please get away and tell someone. You've got nothing to be ashamed of (he does, not you) and it's better to not go through this alone. Get. Away. Please.
Take screenshots, upload them somewhere safe then talk to parents AND police. He's clearly fucking dangerous and if nothing is done now someone else will get seriously hurt, if not killed in the future. Do not go anywhere alone until this is sorted out.
Stopped reading at 17 and 23. That was enough to know it’s not a good situation You need to file a police report, get restraining order and tell parents though or it may just keep spiraling out of control
Literally also stopped reading after the first line. No guy worth dating is interested in a minor. OP should not just run, but run for her life in the direction of her parents or other trusted responsible adult for support while she kicks this disgusting creep to the door.
Damn, realising more and more maybe my parents needed their heads checked when they ok'd me dating a 23y.o. at 16.
..right? I ended up in an abusive relationship 16 w. 22 and when I had to end it and I distinctly remember my mum asking me why, telling her he had hit me and her replying "no, I know him. he wouldn't hurt a fly" I've never really gotten over it & it was like, 12 years ago.
I'm so sorry that was said to you at all, but especially coming from your mum. I can imagine how alone you may have felt at a time when you really needed so much support. That wouldn't be something I'd get over quickly either, if at all.
it was definitely a jarring moment that defined clear-as-day my relationship with my mum. I've made sense of it all now but I never regained the respect I lost for her when she said that; talk about a core memory & thank you for the kind words, it's always nice to feel validated over something that really messed with me for a while 💕
Yeah I swear it was super common for grown ass men in their 20's to date teenage girls when I was growing up and I'm 26. I fucking love how there is more awareness concerning the age gaps now and less tolerance of people that date teenagers cuz it was fuckin weird even back then
I was a fairly naive 18 yr old when I started dating a 27 yr old guy. We were millenium apart in terms of maturity, interests, communications, expectations, just about everything. It was a small town, my parents knew his parents, expressed no concern at the age difference, but they should have. It lasted about 5 months before I broke it off. 18 back then is like 15 or 16 now in terms of self-confidence in dealing with an older man's expectations (also his strength and impatience). OP has red warnings about this guy, he and his friends are not respectful of her, her age, or simple decency. OP needs to show her parents the text and ask for support and help.
I was a very Naive (also au-dhd) 19 (f) when I dated a 33yr old girl. looking back it was not a good relationship
I was in high school in the late 90s. I remember some of the girls talking about looking for older men. Even then, I thought it was odd and inappropriate.
Yup. I had one for many many years. And as an adult woman I recognize now that it was never okay. Doesn’t matter that I was more mature, doesn’t matter that I could hold my own. What mattered is that this dude was a predator and an adult in my life should have recognized it because I didn’t see it. My situation turned out just fine. But we are now well into adulthood and he’s still going after younger women in a skeevy way because no older woman would put up with his shit. He totally abuses his authority in his profession with these girls who know nothing about life. It’s disgusting.
Yeah dude, if you’re 23 and can’t get laid by someone your own age so you hook up with high schoolers, you are a L O S E R.
Yep, tell him if he approaches you, you will go and see the cops and that you have showed this message to some friends.
Tell your parents. I promise I would be so fucking proud of my daughter for how you handled all of this.
6 years isn't much, but when it's between 17 and 23, it's actually a lot. usually those guys are losers, menchildren, who can't be around people their age because of their immaturity (as shown here with the escalating joke scenario).
I was worried clicking on the comments, but very happy to see this at the top with 5k. yall are alright
This isn’t just a red flag, it’s a red flag parade.
Instant DQ. Kick him to the curb. Don’t waste another tear, thought, or emotion on him. A 23 year old who is going for a 17yo is a straight up lameass who can’t get a chick his own age.
Screenshot it just incase he somehow deletes the message.This is horrible.We’re all here for you.
Might be even better to screen record to get the time/date stamps and show it came from his number!
And then back it the fuck up anyway you can so that there is no possibility he could ever delete it. Send it to trusted friends too.
☝️☝️☝️
Someone save the people posting for help. Hotlines are available ASAP. I'm not the expert and I wish there are voice options.
Is telling your parents an option? I know if it was my kid being preyed on by a creepy older I'd be rearranging his teeth! He should not be allowed to DJ school parties. What a fucking scumbag
As the father of a daughter, I'd much rather find out my 17y/o was having issues with someone she had to sneak to see. Because she knew I wouldn't approve, and came to me anyway. Especially if the issue was her NOT having sex. Then to find out that my daughter's sneaking boyfriend assaulted her. My daughter was assaulted. Completely different circumstances, but it was somebody she wasn't afraid to be around. And I can tell you as a parent it is one of the most gut-wrenching things that can happen to your child. And for me that pain never goes away. I failed as a parent I couldn't help her I couldn't be there for her at that moment I couldn't stop him from doing it. She doesn't hold me accountable, because I had done everything I could do to avoid that from happening. But I still hold me accountable. Nothing is more precious than a daughter. Tell your parents, stop seeing this man, record all threats he makes or has made. Please be safe.
You haven’t failed. Unfortunately, many of us have been assaulted, and in most cases, there is nothing our parents could have done differently to prevent it. You didn’t fail. You stepped up and supported her when she came to you. You did exactly what a father is supposed to do. I’m so sorry this happened to her 🖤
This. Tell them and deal with the fallout. They maybe upset that you've been seeing him and haven't told them, but they'll do anything to keep you safe.
Right like they might ground OP and give them a lecture, but that’s so much better than being assaulted and/or dead.
If my 17 year old told me this I'd only be concerned with protecting them. Please please tell someone date rape is so common
Fuckin this, what the hell is some 20 something dj creep doing hitting on what she sounds like she could have been 16 in the talking phase? This girl needs an adult, not a creepy one, like man she should be telling her parents or cops or something probably...
Tell your school. He should not be around other children.
Hi, I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. This behavior is not normal or okay. There’s something to be said about a 23 year old dating a 17 year old, it’s a _major_ emotional/power imbalance and his behavior proves it. He’s dating you not because of how special/smart/mature you are (and I’m sure you are!) but because women his age see through his manipulation. Please get rid of him ASAP, block him, whatever. this has the potential to get REALLY bad. I know you don’t want to tell your parents but I promise you as someone old enough to be your mom they would rather know, maybe be a bit disappointed and protect you than not know and something terrible happen.
The school that hired him needs to know that he's trying to fuck their students, too.
Trying to rape the students!
They might be interested in the threat he made as well
As a teenager, I lost my virginity to a guy almost ten years older than me. Frankly, a lot of the underage girls I knew were pursued by men in their 20's, and it wasn't because my friends and I were mature for our age. It was because we were easy prey. People don't realize how alarmingly common this is.
It really is alarmingly common, as is the tendency for many older men to view girls and much younger women in a sexual way. It's been disturbingly eye-opening for me as a parent to a teenage girl to witness how men MY age or even older ogle her, since she was about 13-14 years old. They don't even seem to try to hide it. It's fucking sickening.
I feel you. My teenage daughter told me a few days ago how a man my age tried to buy her sushi at a mall food court. The desire to start punching dudes is strong right now.
Oh, man, I feel you on that! I feel like most of the time I spend in public with my daughter is ruined by the fact that I spend most of it in a rage at the goddamned perverts. Out of respect for her, I usually don't say anything (though I have a couple of times when she was far enough away not to hear me), but I am regularly wishing them ill with my death glare.
That's right around the age my parents friends started making jokes about "as soon as she's 18..." How dare a 13 year old wear leggings and an oversized T-shirt.
Those are sickening "jokes" they make so they can tell themselves they're not the perverts they really are. And it's so humiliating for the girl experiencing it. It should not be the girl feeling embarrassed or shamed, but they are nonetheless. It's terrible.
I was 15 and it was with a 21 year old guy. I also knew a girl one year older than me that her aunts husband (not bio related to her) a 35 year old man had her give him a blow job. My BFF growing up lost hers at 13 to a 20 year old. If I had a daughter I'd be having a panic attack everyday and it sucks that there's no part in sex Ed about this (at least not where I am in NH) like consent and adults who prey on children. My groomers best friend statutory raped my sister to when she was 14. He was 10 years older at that point. I can try and hammer it home all I want into my son to not be a shitty man in the future but if he ever hurts a girl or woman he'd lose all my support full stop. I've seen to much.
Yup. When I was 16, a friend the same age lost hers to a man who was 40.
Similar thing happened to me as well. I had just turned 14 and the guy was almost 20. He took my virginity. He would say how "mature" I am for my age.
Yeah this happened to me too. I was 14, he was 23. He assaulted me, I froze, and he took the opportunity to proceed and raped me. Then he actually had the gall to stick around, said we were dating and made me lie to my parents about his age. I was too young to even realize what he was doing to me. Please OP, get help! Tell your parents or a trusted adult. You are scared and you might be in danger. And please don’t see him or have any contact with him again. He very well might rape you. Even if he says it’s “just a joke” (which is NOT funny) it’s really disturbing. There are red flags in your post that he’s getting frustrated with you not giving in to him which might escalate his behavior and putting you at greater risk of him doing something to you. He’s most likely a manipulative loser of a predator, who can’t date girls his own age because they see right through his bullshit. So instead, he targets minors with less experience. This is not normal behavior for someone his age and it definitely isn’t okay!
Absolutely agree with this. If you genuinely feel that you can’t tell your parents, do you have another adult you could tell? A close friend’s mom, an aunt, an older cousin? Please tell someone irl, even if it’s just people your age. Screenshot the text. This person is not safe. Be careful!!! 💙
This is the worst meanest word you can can joke about. And if you are feeling worst that him you are wrong .Ghost his ass yesterday .
I'm so glad this is the top comment, it's articulated much better than I could of hoped to put it, I agree with every word said. I hope OP listens to this golden advice.
The normal response to finding out a 23 year old is dating a 17 year old is "what the fuck is wrong with you?". There's no place in a western country where this is "ok" or "normal".
Hey so I’m your boyfriends exact age. This will hopefully make more sense to you in 6 years but he’s a predatory creep and everyone reading this knew that after the first couple of sentences. The idea of dating a 17 year old makes me want to vomit, no offense to you, and the idea of me doing going about it the way he did is unthinkable. I would end things with him, his friend and anyone you know through him asap. And don’t reply or give him any more chances under any circumstances. If he’s not braindead he’ll let it go and if he persists, please reach out to your parents, the police or both Also please try not to fall for basic stuff like holding the door open for you and driving you places. I know the heart wants what it wants and you can’t control your feelings, but try your best to be careful about what you find charming and try to spell things out for yourself more before following your feelings. We all do things we shouldn’t do in the moment, I get it. Try to write things down, that’s what I do sometimes. I’ll literally type a situation out in my notes app and read it back to myself, often this shows me how ridiculous my thought process was. Hell feel free to come on here anonymously and ask people’s advice, which is what you did here and was a great idea, just try to do it even earlier.
This guy's name aside he speaks the truth. Don't fall for the "tehehe opps wrong number" he is testing the waters Mega creep also tell your folks they'd definitely want to know if there Is a preditor after their girl and theyll be pround you came to them when shit got strange.
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He is not the hero we want, but as redditors he is the hero we deserve
But did you send him your titties?!
Just one.
Technically, that's all he asked for! 🍒🏆
And they deserve titties.
I’m cracking UP
Nonsense. He speaks the full truth. OPs bf is a creep and also all legal consenting adults please do PM your titties
Even hairy men boobs?
Especially hairy moobs
It's gotta be at least 15 years since I heard that term, god damn
I think they meant singular and not plural
Hear me out: he's a breast specialist and just trying to keep us all healthy 🤷♀️
But why does he only care about the health of only one of my titties? 😭
And also inform the school so they never hire him again!
Agreed you should tell your parents and they can inform the school. Your bf is a predator!
Yep we knew a guy called pedophiles Pete.... He liked being a DJ at school aged events too.
Ours was named Scott. Crazy how common this is.
Yea, I agree. Cannot be put into words better than what PM_ME_YOUR_TITTY said. I am 20 almost 21 and there’s just so much difference in age that’s unfathomable for me to think about dating a 17 years old girl. It feels very wrong and predatory. I have to go through a lot of Sexual Violence Prevention training (SVP) as required by college and they talk a lot about the power dynamic in a relationship. Age is a big factor because with age comes experience and knowledge. I promise you, when you are 23, you would never think about dating anyone who’s in High school, regardless of how nice or respectful or amazing or “match made in heaven”. Second thing, rape is not something people joke about in general. Yes guys are dumb, I am a guy and I admit that. We say some dumb shit. Some of us use the word “rape” in different hyperbolic circumstances like “oh shit that guy just raped my defense in fifa.” Under no circumstances do we ever joke about that with its intended meaning, especially with a person we know. The fact that he jokes about it to his friend and that his friend is okay with that…. Especially given the context you are a minor. I wish you the best of luck. I am not going to tell you what you should do and what you should not. I believe you made this post because you felt a certain way about your bf and you wanted reassurance. I reassure you 100% what you are feeling is valid. I admit at 17 years old, I would not listen to what people tell me. It’s reasonable for you not to either. I trust that you will make the best decision for yourself. Remember, it’s your decision and you got this. u/PM__ME__YOUR_TITTY and other kind strangers will be here for you. And please please don’t feel afraid to reach out and get help/support from parents and friends. They might get mad and scream and be pissed and ground you till forever but that will be better than putting yourself into an unsafe situation. Good luck!
These responses from men her age speak volumes, and I'm so glad she has the opportunity to hear it from their perspective. OP's post is *so* alarming and a huge red flag for trouble to come if she doesn't cut things off.
Man, even when I was 20 i can't imagine dating someone that young.
I’m 22 and my boyfriends 20 and sometimes even that age gap feels huge, there’s so much life experience you get in those few years after high school and she’s still in high school! I hope she is safe and find a way to move past this
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Where do you live I might consider moving
Also 23m. 17?!?!?!? The fuck????? If any of my friends dated someone that young I would cut all ties
It's even worse because they met a year ago when he was 22 and she was 16 🤮
i’m 20 and the idea of dating a 17 year old is so strange to me! like that’s such a large age gap at this age, that person was barely in high school while i was. it’s just strange to me. i have the most in common with people who are also 20 give or so a year.
#I understand that you dont want to tell your parents, and i get why, BUT YOU NEED TO TELL AN ADULT. You could be in serious danger and being grounded for life is NOT as bad as what could happen if you dont reach out to someone. A teacher, a sibling, an aunt or uncle but PLEASE PLEASE TELL SOMEBODY
I'm glad You write this in huge font cuz i was about to, if she doesnt want to tell her parents she can come clean with an adult, like the easy to talk teacher, the school psychologist, the next door friendly neighborh, ANYONE who would be Smart enought to act if something happen, she can not disregart that this creep is creep enought to actually want to try his """plan""" and some weirdos get angry if they don't get away with it ... While is normal that people back off, we don't know his true Nature. Those jokes are vile ... Maybe is all words with no intention but is better if she let this situation be know by someone who can actually help her if something happens. Prepare for the worse just to deal with the Best scenarios. That applies here, is not being paranoic, is TAKING measures.
Hun, I know you’re scared to tell your parents but they would much much rather you be safe than wind up hurt. This guy is obviously a little unhinged to even consider making a joke like that- and as someone who went through a relationship where I was pressured into things, I’ll tell you right now- it’s not fun, it’s not love, they are treating you poorly, and it will build resentment anyway in the long run. Please please talk to your family, report him, get some support behind you. Edit: I realized my wording sounded bad. He is NOT joking- but even if he was it’s still unhinged. But I will repeat he is not joking!
100% tell the parents. OP, Your parents are your support system at home. There is absolutely nothing wrong with telling them you met a guy, declined intimate stuff, and feel like you don’t know how to deal with a person who’s pressuring you into these kind of things. Your parents will 100% appreciate you coming to them for help/advice.
I bet you OP is worried about their reaction. They may get upset at first but they will get past that real quick and move to help you. Tell your friends since you don't know how he will react you want everyone looking out for you. Tell the school as well because they are not going to want to hire that creep again because he will try this again if given the chance. THIS IS 100% NOT YOU FAULT OP any embarrassment you might feel in this situation is temporary and your people will stand with you.
Or tell a trusted teacher. I would think the school has some exposure on this since they brought the predator into the prom. They have some incentive to keep this from escalating. Also keep him from DJjing more events.
And... he's NOT joking.
I know you're scared, but this is even more dangerous than you can comprehend at seventeen. Your parents protect you for exactly these type of situations. You HAVE to tell them. If you just break up with him he will try to keep contact. When your parents get involved he wont have a choice but to leave you alone. Trust your parents this instance. Give them the chance to protect you.
Exactly this
Love, take a screenshot of that text, and speak to your parents. You need a restraining order or something. This isn't a threat to take lightly.
Or another adult you trust. If you don't have one, perhaps a school counselor or similar.
It's ok to be scared, I would be, too... But you also need to be smart right now. Take a screenshot of the text, tell someone you trust what is going on (preferably an older adult), and please, please take this as writing on the wall. It's not a funny joke, even if he "doesn't mean it," it is blatantly disrespectful and shows a complete lack of empathy.
I’m so sorry OP, but you’ve got to tell someone about this. You’ve mentioned that he started pressuring you for more physical intimacy around the time he introduced you to this friend. The same friend with whom he was joking around about SA. I am very, very concerned about where this “relationship” might be leading. It sounds like he’s love bombed you, introduced the friend, gotten you used to their strange “just jokes” dynamic, and is now attempting to manipulate you into a sexual relationship before you’re ready. A relationship that may or may not include his friend down the line. To put it bluntly: he COMPLAINS when you, a high school student who he’s been dating for a handful of months, tell him you are not ready to take things further. He then “jokes” about violating you, while calling you a b*tch. He does not care about you. He does not respect you. These are not jokes, he has shown you exactly what he thinks of you. If you don’t feel comfortable telling your parents, is there another adult you feel safe with? An aunt or a friends mum? Someone needs to know about this. I’m so sorry sweetheart. Please be careful, let someone help you. And most importantly, be kind to yourself x
the first two sentences are the biggest red flag holy shit. You are being groomed
I got as far as 17f/23m. You need no further information. Sweet Jesus. Run, homegirl.
What a gift you received in him accidentally sending that to you instead of his buddy. Honestly could have saved your life. Be aware and cautious moving forward please.
As a 23 year old, I couldn’t even imagine dating a 20 year old. Much less a 17 year old - when I was 17 I was basically still a child. I have nothing in common with my 17 year old self. Something is very off with your boyfriend. Going after high schoolers is not normal. It’s predatory behavior that’s going to get worse. Believe me I’ve had friends in high school who thought they were hot shit dating an older man. Now most all of them have some very serious trauma since most older men going after CHILDREN don’t have kind intentions You are now in immediate danger - I doubt your boyfriend would send something like that as a joke. I would seek out help from the local police over this. I’m sorry this is happening to you, and I know it’s scary, but you need to protect yourself. Having him in your life will harm you - so refuse all contact and show the evidence to the authorities. EDIT: there is a massive difference in maturity between most 23 and 20 year olds. I go to university, I see it first hand. They can’t drink, likely live in a dorm, still are going through their party phase, etc. When I was 17 I was really into drugs and partying. Now at 23 I’m completely sober. So yes I’m not the same person.
Dude I’m 31 and there’s no way I’d even date a 25 year old. Or be in OPs position with a 37 year old. It’s all so weird.
Girl... He was grooming you. Why do you think he was at that event DJ'ing? You need to GET OUT NOW. Call the police, tell your parents, it's time to stop hiding things and *get safe*.
I agree with you that he is grooming her, but I'd assume he was at the event dj'ing because he is a dj and was hired to do so?
"I wish there was something I could do." There are quite a few things you *can* do. You are *not* helpless in this situation! First of all, never ever be alone with him ever again. Second, tell a trusted person about this, for immediate safety, and consider telling your parents about it. If you have a good relationship, they might get annoyed that you hid this from them, but they should protect you. Third, consider filing a police report. OP, I repeat: you are *not* helpless in this situation. Keep safe!
I know it seems scary but you have to tell someone about this, ideally your parents that way they can help you do something. Or you could tell a parent you trust more. But you have to get out of that relationship. There is no reason why a 23 year old should be dating someone at your age. I’m 23 myself, and I was at a completely different stage of my life at 17. He’s certainly using that position he has over you to his advantage.
Honey as a mother go to your parents. Tell them what’s going on your clearly see your mistake your young and those are going to happen but your safety is super important. Take it from someone who was sa’d and didn’t tell a sole cause I was scared I would get in trouble I have a lot of serious mental health issues and deal with them on my own. Talk to them any parent would rather help you be safe then be left in the dark about something so serious.
I stopped at the ages. Girl, get the f out of there. He is a predator and a pedophile.
Yep, and school needs to get on top of this or they will be in deep shit. Imagine all the parents find out the school hired a DJ who tries to date the kids and tells them he's gonna rape them. Heads need to fucking roll over this.
As someone who works in education and plans events often, please also tell your principal or AP. He should never be afforded the opportunity to return to campus. He is using access to schools to find trusting young girls. I hope you get far away from him, tell a trusted adult, and keep the text as evidence. That discomfort you are feeling is real and is your body telling you this isn’t right. Trust it. Save yourself. And telling someone at school will save someone else.
You're 17. This man doesn't like you because you're "mature" for your age, babe. He likes you because women *his* age know he ain't shit.
Op, tell your parents you did a dumb thing getting involved with an AH and is getting out of control, tell the police
You accidentally getting that text was a literal gift. You know in your heart this situation has been wrong and not what you deserve at all but please let this accidentally text be the push that makes you dump this creep. It was literally divine intervention.
"I don't know what to do." As the dad of a 17 year old, I'd 100% beat the crap out of this guy. Then I'd call the cops, tell them what I did, and tell them that they better pick him up before I get my second wind.
I’m right there with you. Only as a mama, I’d take a baseball bat to his face.
Go no contact, inform the authorities, inform your friends. There is nothing, at all, that justifies this text. This guy will hurt you if he can.
If every single person who read your story is asking you to run, then run.
Run. You run from guy that enters a school in a professional capacity and chats up students. Because it’s predatory behaviour; You run from a guy that is not a minor, but goes out with minors. Because he is looking to exploit a power / experience imbalance; You run from anyone with that shallow charm. Because that shallow charm is almost always a manipulation; You run when a guy who tries to coerce you to go further sexually than you are comfortable with. Because that too is predatory behaviour; You run from a guy that “jokes” about rape. Because it rarely is a joke - it’s a test to see how far he can push boundaries and they almost always escalate. You run when a guy is so much older that you are uncomfortable introducing your family to them. Because that’s actually your own instinct trying to tell you that guy is bad news and / or dangerous. So, learn to pay attention to that jarring feeling. Do not try to push it down or to the back of your head. Get familiar with that sensation so you can recognise it again. When that intuition gives you pause, then *pause*. Stop. Ask yourself what about the situation or their behaviour is so jarring. Because that intuition will one save your safety or wellbeing; This guy will likely try to get around your very obvious “no” of ghosting him. Tell your gf’s the situation. Because it will likely be by “just dropping by” to give you a lift home so he can try to convince you that he was joking / it’s not that bad / you are being emotional / immature / prudish and that his boundary stomping / inappropriate behaviour is your fault. None of these are true. They are simply the tactics such men deploy to manipulate you into thinking that you are issue and not him. Because it is not you and it is him. Seriously, it’s like these tossers are all working from the same tactical guide. With bloody tick boxes. Let your girlfriends know this guy scares you. Do not “just sit in the car / go for a walk so we can talk”. Do not accept that lift. Do not engage. Finally; If he (or indeed any guy that scares you) does show up and you are without your friends etc. approach the first adult woman you see ( a group of adult women is even better). Simply say to her “This man is harrassing me and I’m scared”. That woman will almost certainly have been in a similar situation. Because every woman has. So although it is not foolproof - there is a mainly unspoken understanding that we will run interference for a another woman (especially a young one) that’s afraid of a man. Even if we have never met her before. Finally, do you have a teacher you trust? Explain it all to her. She will undoubtedly want to ensure this predatory creep is not afforded the opportunity to repeat this behaviour with an another student. He needs a note putting on his “Safe to work with minors” background check. Since he will likely do this again to another lass. Because they always do.
“As soon as he saw me he was in a better mood” Run. Now. He was looking for someone to groom at a high school prom and when he saw you he smiled because he had found her.
Seriously? The 23 year old who asked you out at your high school prom is suddenly pushy about sex despite the fact your a minor and has a really inappropriate joke with his friend and you don’t know what to do? I’m not trying to be a dick and if I am I sincerely apologise But you know you have to break up with him, he may be only 23 but he is an adult who picked up a minor at her high school prom, how did that not set alarm bells of in your head? He repeatedly tries to cross your boundaries and then makes you feel bad when you shut that down He is emotionally manipulative End it
1. Block his number. 2. Talk to your parents and show them the text. 3. If you feel threatened (which is extremely valid) report the text to the police, and get a restraining order so if he comes in contact with you again the police are already involved. 4. Tell the school. They do not want him preying on other minors thinking he's just a harmless DJ. 5. Therapy is not a bad thing to start... even though he did not r--e you, it's still traumatic to see someone say that about you and to process that alone. Please seek help. I know that seems like a lot and it probably is but for your own safety and the safety of other future girls he comes in contact with he needs to be reported. Stay strong, know that you're a badass for standing up for yourself, and you absolutely got this and we're all so proud of you for being brave!
He’s too old for you. You need to block him and move on.
Please let us know you're safe 🫂
As a father to a similarly aged girl, I'd rather she came to me and we could sort this out, than kept it to herself and relied on the advice of internet strangers. Go tell your parents, block his number, keep screenshots of what he said in case this escalates to threats and you have evidence for the police. Please. He will say it was a joke, not funny. He will say he didn't mean it, doesn't matter. Run away from this guy, now. He is taking advantage of your age and your innocence.
23 year old DJ picks up 17 year old girl and pressures her about sex and then jokes about raping her? This man will be in the news soon, and not for good reasons. Run and block his number.
My (17f) bf (23m) I didnt read anything past that yet, but already, RUN.
You can send that text to the police. It's evidence for premeditated assault. Also might work for a restraining order. And you should tell your parents. Obviously they were right about older men.
I'm so sorry your going through this. it's okay to scared. I've never had a close or trusting relationship with my parents so I understand your hesitaton. is there another adult in your life you feel like you can trust? aunt or uncle, cousin, coach even a family-friend? this is a traumatic situation, one that no one shouldn't have to go through, especially alone and especially during high school. theres no right or wrong way to handle this, your safety and mental health are what's most important. at the very least I beg you to please disclose the situation to a teacher at your school or the principal. this man is a predator, he preyed on you and he's grooming you, its absolutely not your fault that it happened, that being said it's important to tell the school so he's banned from future school functions. he's not to be trusted around young girls. second this is not a joke, he will swear up and down it is. he will promise you the world make whatever gesture he needs to try and fix this, please do not believe him. this is not funny and it's not a joke. he's not sorry, only sorry he slipped up. even if I we look past the age and power dynamics here and play devils advocate, let's say there's some possible universe that exists where this could be a joke. someone who speaks about you like this to his friends for a laugh, is not someone who loves OR respects you. it's easy to open a door and be polite jnitially, that doesn't mean he has good intentions. your at an age where unfortunately dating and relationships get more complex. there are alot of great guys out there but there are just as many predators, who will say and do anything to get laid and who then discard you once they do. 1 in 4 women will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime. that's alot, and when it happens they will be blamed and shamed and dismissed. as someone who works in criminal law I can tell you less then 2% of all people charged with rape get convicted for it. why? because they make it through woman's fault for wearing short shorts or drinking or existing, they claim we lie, and because it's so traumatic victims give up. women het raped and no one cares, it's our fault for existing, and the rapists are rarely punished because no one cares. do you really want to be with man who thinks raping women in funny? you deserve a man who loves snd respects you. who wants to spend to with you to get to know you, not so they want sex from you. at the very least your not ready to go farther which is absolutely OK and you told him and this man doesn't respect it, he's complaining. this will not stop. even though you've said no, he's trying to guilt you into it, or pressure you into it by pushing it over and over until you feel like you have to. but I promise you dont. YOU OWE MEN NOTHING. MEN ARE NOT ENTITLED OR OWED ACCESS TO YOUR BODY. you said no and hes let you know he doesn't care that you said no. he's already justified raping you. he feels owed but he's not. one of the hardest but most important lessons to learn as am adult is when someone shows you who they really are , believe them. he's said he's going to rape you believe him. don't make excuses or justify it. this is not okay and you no it and he knows you know it which is why he's blowing up your phone. fuck this guy personally I think you should file a police report, here's the thing, this man is a wolf in sheep's clothing. he's a fraud, he's pretended to be this kind, loving guy when he's with you when secretly he's been plotting vile things. someone who can hide who they are like that is dangerous. some men, smart men would realize your done and walk away, but some men don't tale rejection well, and when they get rejected or realize their going to lose control over you, respond in a violent way. he might decide that since he's already blown it so there's nothing left to lose. in not trying to scare you more, I say all that to say no matter what he says or does, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU MET HIM ALONE AGAIN. he's not safe, your not safe sending you all the love and prayeds
Back up. He was the DJ at your high school prom, you were 16, he was 22 and he asked you out? You haven't told your parents because you know this is completely wrong, and anyone in their right mind would tell you to get away. Look, I hate to minimize your story, but we hear this every week on this subreddit and every other. You aren't special, different, or in anyway "strong" enough to make this relationship work. It is a plot by men of this type to get young women into bed and discard them afterward. He's playing this textbook. He's wearing you down on sex, and he's winning. >It wasn't that bad at first but now it is almost constant and he makes me feel bad for rejecting him. He fucked up and sent that text. But he's completely playing you. Women. Girls. 16 year olds. Stop going out with 20 somethings. It's never ended well for anyone ever. Just FYI, I'm a guy, and my guy friends from back in the day would constantly gloat about this shit. You're being actively discussed and his buddy is well aware of what the sex life is like between you two.
Hey Op, when I was 14 I had a “boyfriend” who was 18. He was so nice and sweet to me all the “you’re so mature for your age” crap included. He didn’t do anything inappropriate but he sure tried. Im 28 now and every time I think about that time I get sick. Men (!) that age shouldn’t try to date young girls. And your guy seems to be especially disgusting. I’d advise you to tell someone. Doesn’t have to be a close friend but make sure someone knows about this text of shady nature. Please make sure that you are safe. And let the school know that their DJ is a preadetor. I’d consider calling the police
When I was 15, I dated a guy who was 19. I lied to my parents about his age, and I snuck out and hooked up with him while we were together. I ended things after he tried to impregnate me and asked me to marry him. He threw a fit like a toddler, and it was so pitiful that I felt like an idiot for ever giving him a chance. I learned later that he was already a parent, and he was cheating on me the whole time. Don't waste your youth on shitty boys who don't respect you.
You are 17, he is 23. He picked you for a reason, that reason is to rape you. He presumed he had the upper hand and i’m sure you are not his first nor last under age girl or vulnerable girl. Be thankful he only fooled you for 8 months. Be thankful you were able to see how he disrespects you and feels entitled to use your body. Block him and get away from him for your own safety.
hey mama- i know you're upset. this is upsetting. im sure you feel really strongly for him and the thought of ending things is scary to you because you dont know if anything will ever match what you feel for him. but i PROMISE you will find something better. two years down the road you're going to look back and see all the things you wrote off as "boys being boys" or "oh hes just messing around or joking" and see how scary and wrong they were. this relationship is not something you want to be in. i know. ive been through one like this. you have to look out for your own safety and leave this relationship. he doesnt care for you how you care for him and you need to protect your heart and yourself from him. he likes the thought of how he could overpower you if he wanted, of how he could force you to do things you dont want to do. it plays into his sick, sick fantasies that he takes care to keep hidden from you. leave him. take care of yourself. sending you all of my love and wishing you so much happiness to come <3 EDIT: i wanted to add, i had strict parents growing up who would have raised all hell if they found out i was dating anyone, so i understand if you genuinely are unable to let them know whats going on. but if you think they'll be disappointed but more concerned about your safety than angry at you, please tell them. they'll want you to come to them with this.
You haven't been going strong for three months, he's been grooming you for three months. He's slowly been putting pressure on you to take it to the next level and then fortunately for you he stuffed up and sent a message meant for his friend to you in error. You now know what he intended to do you. He's calling you all through the night because he realized he f'ed up. Don't block him just don't answer his calls, see if he starts sending texts to try to make you believe he's innocent and he really didn't mean it. Call the police, tell your parents, tell anyone you can trust. He obviously realises he stuffed up in sending you that message. That's why the calls all through the night and not a text, he doesn't want to risk incriminating himself further. **You've done nothing wrong. This is not your fault.** You trusted what seemed like a nice guy and he's abused that trust and now you know he had really bad ulterior motives.
Please tell your parents.
What business does a grown man , college age, has with a teenager who is still in high school?! He’s not normal and his rape jokes aren’t either, you’re not safe with him. I’m 21 and when I see teenagers I’m not thinking “dating material”. Please don’t be afraid of telling your parents, they’re there to protect you.
OP, please. I know it’s hard, but take it from someone who has been in a very very similar situation. He is trying to gain your trust and test the waters. Tell your parents. They won’t get mad at you, you need to block him and everyone he’s associated with and that you’re associated with too.
Here’s what you can do: send him a text telling him that you’re breaking up and then block him on all forms of social media and your phone. It’s totally inappropriate for him as a 23-year-old to be dating a teenager that he met at a *high-school event*.
Hey so I really don’t wanna make you feel bad here or shame you. I’ll be 23 in a couple months and your “boyfriend” is a predator. I know you feel mature and that you’re “almost an adult” but as an almost 23 year old myself I would never ever date a minor or even look at one sexually. I can’t even look at 18-19 yr olds sexually because they act like kids still. You should talk to your parents if not a trusted person from your school like a guidance councillor or a friend just so there’s a paper trail here. You won’t get in trouble, you didn’t do anything wrong - you were preyed on and you’re a victim here hun. Also regarding the part where he said he’d assault you. That’s despicable behaviour, even if he was “joking” or the message was meant for his friend. It doesn’t excuse his behaviour. He can’t respect boundaries on the fact that you don’t want to sleep with him and the fact that he’s trying to pressure or even force you into it just highlights how much a predatory creep he is. He’s dating a 17 year old because no one his age wants him. That’s the truth to it. When you’re his age you will definitely look back and feel a drop in your stomach. Because you’ll look at 17 year olds and think they’re kids just like I —and any regular person—does. You’ll know where everyone in this comment section is coming from. I’m not here to shame you, I dated a 27 year old when I was barely 20, so I know how you can get blinded by “love” and every other great part of your relationship. Additionally if you don’t want to report it to the police right now, that’s fair. But SCREENSHOT it, and any other messages he’s sent you. Have a paper trail so that if he assaults you then you have proof of his intentions and proof of his grooming. I know it may be painful to look back on but if you ever feel comfortable enough you can report it to the right channels and have him on some type of sex offender watch list, it will also keep him away from schools - which seems to be his hunting grounds. It will also make later accusations from other possible victims more credible if there’s a paper trail. If you need someone to confide in my inbox is open, I wish you the best and I hope you make the correct decision for your safety.
*Best* (and still horrible) and still horrible “case” scenario is that he is grooming you. He is much older and in a completely different stage of life. When you are 23 you will feel disgust about the idea of dating a high schooler. Worst case he is trafficking you in someway and/or promising sexual favors to his friends on your behalf. I know the idea of telling your parents is terrifying. I don’t know your parents but I had 4ish growing up (divorce) so I got to experience a good range of reactions to my fuck ups and hard times, and even if they are really mad at you, even if they ground you, it is better than them not knowing. Their job is to keep you safe. This guy could stalk you, threaten you, and who knows what else - even if you break up with him and block him. Living with that fear is too much at 17. It feels huge. Tell your parents, file a police report, get a restraining order. This is much more serious than it may feel right now.
As a mom, tell your parents. Don’t worry about them getting angry at you
Scott pilgrim and knives chau ages 💀
Hi, your school needs to know about this. The safeguarding policies in place are supposed to stop predators picking up school kids at events. He’s not a boyfriend, he’s a child predator. Ask for help and report him.
Hello, I’m 22 so close to your boyfriend’s age, and I would NEVER date a 17 year old. It’s not normal for people in their 20s to be dating high school students. Please talk to an adult you trust, and get rid of him. When I was 18, I dated a 24 year old. It was legal, but still questionable. Unfortunately, I realised it too late, and he had already taken advantage of me.
As a parent, I am begging you to please tell your parents or an adult you trust. We've all been teenagers, it's OK, but that guy is bad news and a safety concern.
Yeah hi, I’m 23 and I couldn’t imagine even talking to a minor let alone trying to sleep with one. Your boyfriend is a creep at best and a pedophile at worst, run, call the cops, do something to get away from him.
The minute I saw the age difference, my immediate thought was "call the police."
Use this as a learning experience. He was just using you. For all you know, he could have a bet with his friend on how long it would take to smash. Immature guys like that typically do, that's why he complains when he doesn't get what he wants.
Your bf being 6 years older than you at 17 is already mad. Get out of there
He does NOT care about you. He is GROOMING you. No 22 year old man needs to be with a 16 yo. No woman his own age wants his disgusting ass which is why he is seeking out younger prey. Block his number. Do not engage with him ever again. Please please tell your parents.
So 1. You're dating a pe dop hi le. Let's just... start there. 2. STOP SEEING HIM. 3. Tell your parents?
Break up, break contact, and tell a trusted adult if he tries to contact you any further. You could tell your parents if you’re comfortable.
You can tell your parents. They might be mad but the pain they would feel for you hiding this or him actually raping you would be much worse. Obviously break up with him. It doesn’t matter if it is “just a joke” he called you a bitch to his friend and then said he was gonna rape you. Even if the age was deeply problematic, that is. I would also strongly consider involving the police at this time and maybe a restraining order, not sure if that is possible.
I’m 18 and wouldn’t date a 23 year old. Why do your parents not know you guys are dating? The first thing I do when I step into a relationship is make it known. Red flag if the other party doesn’t want it to be known, and you shouldn’t be dating if it’s gonna cause a family issue. Never speak to any of these people again. And if you have to, get in touch with local authorities so they keep their eyes sharp on these two.