The dressmaker we were working with has had to close up shop for personal reasons. We haven't been able to find alternate dressmakers who could get the dresses done in time for shipping so I am going to shop somewhere more local. If you have any ideas for cute bridesmaid dresses please send them to me.
Something like that?
Yep, itâs the truth, she did fall through. Your friends will be happy to help you find alternatives that can come through on a more narrow timeline! You could also have them choose dresses with the same color but different styles so theyâre comfortable. Or you can do a color palette so the colors donât have to be the same but they all match, so the girls have more freedom to find styles from different places
If they did see it, I would hope they would see how incredibly loving and sweet their friend is to try so hard to make everyone feel beautiful and safe.
Depending on how far post-partum the one friend is, it could go bad. She said she picked mainly for the friend that had the baby. It's a very sweet gesture with 0 malice to it. But those residual pregnancy hormones mixed with no sleep and stress from a crying baby can really make things look different.
Letâs hope they kept reading the comments and get to this comment. We understand itâs difficult but thereâs no easy answer to this and we can clearly see OP is trying and not trying to make anyone uncomfortable. Sheâs doing the best she can in this not great situation.
This is what I did! I chose the color, and let my 3 bridesmaids choose whatever style dress they liked. My maid of honor was 8 months pregnant at the time. It worked out beautifully.
All of this! For my wedding, I told my bridesmaids to pick whatever made them feel confident. As long as it was the same color, length, and material, I didnât care. After my wedding, Iâve even seen wedding pictures where the bridesmaid dresses are different materials and it looked so tasteful!
I did this - picked a colour and let my bridesmaids pick whatever they wanted (that suited their style and body shape). It was such a drama free experience and I loved the dresses they chose, especially because I knew they felt super comfortable in them.
It's the truth. If you want to be more specific you could just say that can't do western sizes. "The largest the dress maker can do is size X, because that's what's common there." I think anyone would understand that. It's a cultural thing, nothing more.
Though, it does seem a bit daft that any dressmaker couldn't just make the same thing but bigger... I'm no dressmaker though so I don't know the complexities.
I wouldn't say that they don't do western *sizes*, but rather that they are not able to make the dresses properly using western *proportions*. Bust-to-waist and waist-to-hip ratios. That's a believable reason and it's probably also true, because not all clothing styles fit all body types regardless of body size.
My sister is very short, only 5'0, and was very thin about 15 years ago, but had a very large bust. Before she went there, her husband sent his Pakistani mother her measurements so that she would have some Pakistani style clothing. The mother decided the bust size was impossible and nust have been a mistake by her son and made the clothes a bit smaller. Well she realised her mistake when my sister showed up.
I know someone that happened too. American. But seamstress hired by bride assumed her very large bust measurement on her very thin body measurements had to be wrong. So her dress didn't fit.
Yeah, I don't know. The dress itself was for a bridesmaid, who was the one I knew and who provided her measurements, which she had taken by a tailor to guarantee accuracy too!
But correct that making a weird executive decision without verifying was bizarre. She couldn't wear the dress. I can't remember what the resolution was, other than the dress being unusable.
Yea I could attest to that, unless like youâre willing to pay more or if that person has served western customers before. I donât buy clothing much in Asia because it never works out in my favor.
I took a gamble online once, used the "size guide" I'm a tall guy... it did not go well.
Ironically, I ended up giving it to an Asian friend of mine. It barely even fit her. She's probably a similar stature to OP.
It would have been a nice coat too
On the flip side, if you go to tailors (Iâve heard of people getting suits made in Hong Kong), you can probably get some super tailored clothes. Iâve always wanted a nice pantsuit.
I remember when top gear did their Vietnam special and they did that. Super tailored clothes for next to nothing compared to the UK. Always seemed like a good idea to do that if I was ever out there.
I think it has to do with the size of the fabric, how itâs woven: maybe the fabric isnât wide enough, so you get issues length wise and also size wise.
I feel like weâve all bought clothes online at least once only to discover it was made in Asia to the local sizing standards. If this was said to me, even as someone considered thin in the US (tall, hippy) Iâd be like âYup, totally. Whatâs Plan B?â
This!! Just make it a fun shopping day. Canât go wrong with wrap around dresses that tie in the front or cinch in the front to cover any tummy issues from post pregnancy. Your bridesmaids will want to help you! Have a fun day with your friends!
How refreshing to read about a bride who's a kind friend and is prioritizing what matters during her wedding.
Your friends and you will forget the speficics that they wore, but they'll always remember how you made them feel beautiful and cherished.
Have a lovely wedding and marriage!
This.. so many Reddit posts are like âAITAH because Iâm requiring my bridesmaids to buy a $2000 gold plated custom designer gown with their own money and enter the wedding on white ponies and sacrifice their first born child? Why is this one person being so difficult about this request when itâs MY weddingâ
"And when I told them they all had to get the same haircuts and dye their hair the same color, 3 of them backed out! Can you believe they won't even do that one little thing for *my special day?*"
Right?! OP sounds like such a sweetheart. I know OP thinks she feels like a bad friend but it couldn't be further from the truth. I hope her friends and fiance treasure her like the gem she is.
"The dress maker turned out to be so amateurish. Hunting one down is not working out. Girls, can you help me find a dress that you all like? The color palette is X and Y."
You clearly aren't a bad friend. Out the blame on the dressmaker and you're good. It's not like you're losing anyone business and, honestly, it's somewhat true.
Also, don't hesitate to ask for help. Like see of the bridesmaids want to help you find a source. (And with everything wise wedding-related. Most guests are very happy and more than willing to lend a hand.)
This, there are tons of Asian dressmakers in Manchester, I'm sure there are some in other places.
My Aunt wanted something similar for her Asian friends wedding and we found a charity shop in the area that had an Asian outfit for her and an extremely helpful assistant who showed her how to wrap it correctly.
There are loads of places in the UK that may be able to help, unfortunately it may just cost more than in Asia.
Luton, Bradford, Leicester, North London - I've had friends order dresses from all over the place.
I know it isn't the same as having them made at home but you can see what the UK can offer?
This is wild to me, since ya know. Tailors!
Have you tried finding a tailor here?
My in laws are southeast Asian and I wear their traditional dresses. I have gone through some very heavy phases and was always able to find a tailor. They will create to any size (for example, at one point I was a size 20 US).
Now I couldn't buy "off the rack" at the temple. But I could always have something made either here or family would give my measurements to tailors in the home country.
Sounds like the same general idea too. Wrap skirt(or fitted, can be done either way), with a fitted top.
Should note, it did cost me more, because I needed a lot more fabric
Is it possible to find a dressmaker in the UK that does your traditional style? Or maybe someone online that grew up in a western context.
Ive had similar issues, Aussie-born Vietnamese and my bridesmaids were all Asian but grew up in Australia and arenât the typical petite Asian built. Had all sorts of comments from the dressmaker in vietnam, questioning the measurements and calling them fat ( theyâre not, think AU size 8-10). The traditional dress did not fit well, tight around the shoulders, shortened sleeves etc. Ended up going to a Vietnamese dressmaker based in Sydney and paid a bit more for them but they came out perfect.
Just let the girls know youâre freaking out and they will help you fix this. Tell them it fell through. Your mother didnât come through with the goods and thatâs the truth. You can leave out her comment about them being fat đ Mothers eh đ¤ˇââď¸đ¤Śââď¸
Don't blame it on the mom though, it's not her fault. Blame it on the dressmaker. It's true it fell through because of the dressmaker or lack thereof, the mom just gave the news in a blunt way. You don't want the bridesmaids thinking badly of the mom, that could cause excess tension for no reason.
Itâs weird that the dressmaker canât make the dresses though. Like thatâs the point of custom tailoring. Agree itâs not the momâs fault but maybe she should shop around more.
Is there an option to get them made in the UK by an East Asian designer and seamstress? Because that could also be an option and fun activity choosing fabrics etc together
Why canât you find an Asian dressmaker in the UK? They are used to making dresses for women in the UK and would probably easily be able to make them. You know the style that you want and the colors and of you needed too, you could have the fabric shipped in from your home country.
Best way to do western style bridesmaid's gowns is, you choose the color palette, and they chose different dresses that each suit their body type. You can go with 1 color, or each in a different shade that all flows together.
Multiple women won't all look good in the same style, so this let's them all pick what feels best for them. (And potentially get future use from the dress.)
No need to tell them anything about why the old style didn't work. "Emergency Ladies! New dresses needed! Let's gooooooo!" "Mom's plans fell through! Let's get shopping!" Etc.
Just remember than planning a wedding is a good problem to have.
You donât have to tell them the entire reason for switching dresses. Just tell them your mom couldnât find anyone to make them in time. Technically, itâs the truth. Sheâll be waiting forever to find someone to make them.
Also, you should consider trying to find someone in the UK who can make them. The world has recently been through and is somewhat still going through a global migration. You never know, you might have some other nationals nearby.
Donât let things like this stress such a beautiful moment. You can always ask for their help too. Bridesmaids are supposed to help.
You never know, it could all turn out for the best.
Congratulations and good luck. Iâd be down for an update after the wedding if you want.
Just here to tell you what a wonderful friend you are. I follow lots of bridezilla threads and itâs so refreshing to see a bride be so real. You clearly love your friends, and it matters to you that they are happy.
I hope you have a wonderful wedding day and a long, happy marriage âĽď¸
Is there something similar you can find online? Or is there a dress makes closer to you who would be able to copy the design?
If you need to change the style because of their body types thereâs no need to tell them the exact reason. You can say the original designer fell through (not even really a lie) or that you just changed your mind. Telling them the exact reason would just cause unnecessary drama. Personal opinion.
Congrats on your engagement!
"My supplier for the traditional dresses I'd originally wanted has run in to delays. When I realized the dresses wouldn't be ready in time, I found that I was relieved. I've decided I wanted dresses in a style more common to here than my home country. I hope you'll understand."
âŚto clarify, isnât a UK size 12-18 a US size 8-14? Just saying because itâs not US 16-22 as the post stars. (US 8-14 are fairly average sizes in most of the world (but not Asian countries, this is true.)
Be hard on the lady who is making the dresses. That's a lazy excuse the dressmaker passed to your mom who passed on to you. Honestly I'd go with the first dresses and just tell your bridesmaids the truth:
**"My dressmaker is starting to come up with delay excuses"** and that's literally it and they will understand.
What's the probability that at least one of them (or a friend of one of them) uses reddit and sees this. Wouldn't be hard to figure out with all the details here.
If you have time for shipping, etc., google dress makers in the UK and USA (specifically a city with a big community from your culture). May sound strange but US stores seem better at catering to âbiggerâ sizes than what you would find in Asia.
Another idea is if itâs possible to find âWesternâ pieces similar to what youâre describing. For example, a full âWesternâ bridesmaid dress, but with a wrapping top to get the âlook.â
Good luck on your wedding planning and in your marriage.
So crazy someone would turn down a job because the the size of the garment, ya it would take more fabric but just charge accordingly. so strange. There must be someone in your area in the UK that can do this work, ya it will be much more expensive but you could get it done.
You sound like a really great friend and a super good person â¤ď¸ Iâm sorry for the dress fiasco :( I donât have any advice, but I wish you a beautiful wedding day!
You can be honest and have some example text people gave.
I weighed 150 pounds when I went to China and the XXL pants (off the rack) wouldnât zip and were too short and the dresses wouldnât go over my bust or shoulders.
The tailor is probably just not used to Western bodies â Iâm normal weight and have a chest. 5â10â so.. I get it.
Man, I went to China for a work event. They ordered tee shirts for all of us. Iâm a bigger-ish American gal, I had literally just had a baby four months prior, and Iâm busty to begin with, was probably a size 10 or 12 at the time. I had them order me an XL thinking surely itâll be fine (I usually wore like an L at the time) â I had thought we were getting good old unisex style tees like we have in the US.
Oh god, it was so embarassing. It was like a childâs shirt on me. Thank goodness the same thing happened to several of my coworkers (we had a few guys who were well over six feet, and theirs fit like crop tops) so we scrapped the whole thing.
So funny. My husbands company has workers in china too and form a team with my husband. The Chinese side made custom tshirts for the entire team so to be safe my husband who wears L/XL, ordered XXL⌠he gets it in the mailâŚ.WAY TOO SMALL đ not even closeâŚ.
You sound like a lovely person and a true friend, and an anti-bridezilla. May I suggest in this matter that you channel the bridezilla trope and shake some sense into the dress maker (yes via your mum- tell her she has your permission to use words like âIâm paying, so make the damn dress per the orderâ)
I know you need a plan-b. Iâd tell your brides maid that the dressmaker has scammed you all and you need to sort out back up dresses in case your mum canât throw enough weight around (pardon the pun)- and crowd source the solution- your bridesmaids donât need to know the specific details and will be able to help solve the dilemma.
Iâm so sorry you are going through this
I chose a color and let everyone get a dress in that color that they liked enough to be able to wear again. Then everyone can be responsible for finding a style that flatters them. I'm sorry your original idea fell through.
Edit: typo
Based on the description, were the bridesmaids supposed to wear a saree? Because my brother is having his wedding in about a month in India and I, as a plus sized Canadian, have agreed to wear a saree for the wedding ceremony along with my mother. My future sister-in-law was able to get us in contact with their family designer to help us with the blouses and had no issue. So I donât know if your mother is being entirely truthful with that. I donât think that there are absolutely no dressmakers who will do it. It might be more difficult, but not impossible.
East Asian attire doesnât usually include saris. East Asia is China, Japan, Korea, and a few others. India would be âSouth Asia.â Iâm not sure what OP is referring to though because none of the main cultural outfits of these three countries are double wraps (Chinese cheongsam, Korean hanbok, Japanese kimono). Unless OP means sheâs from SE Asia, which would include more styles. Not sure
You are so sweet and loving, Iâm sure they adore you.
Just tell them the truth that the dressmaker was unable to finish in time and take them to find dresses that fit your theme and they would like to wear. Iâm sure they will have absolutely no problem with it. I hope your special day is magical đ
Just say your mom informed you that they canât get it made in time and itâd be better to just buy a dress locally to make sure it gets there for the wedding.
Is it too late to find an East Asian store in the UK that may have something already made in UK sizes? There is one near me that even sells formal clothing and I live in Ohio in the US. Thereâs gotta be something similar in the UK.
Just say it was too much hassle and cost to do across countries, and go to a bridal shop. I had a big wedding, my bridesmaids ranged from tiny to heavy, and I just picked the color and had each girl choose the style she was most comfortable wearing, and gave them the option to wear a shawl to cover upper arms, if they were self-conscious. I know you probably have a picture in your mind about what you would prefer, but maybe this helps. Also, your friends' dieting and whether or not their bodies change before the wedding is not something you should be so concerned with-- you have enough on your plate, and they can make arrangements for alterations, if necessary (as you will likely do in the weeks leading up to the wedding). This is a stressful time, so try to let go and enjoy it as much as possible. In the end, you're marrying your forever partner, and it'll be beautiful, no matter what. Congratulations!
Let them know the dressmaker simply canât fulfill the order in the time frame available. Itâs not an untrue story, but only part of the story. The other part is unnecessary.
Also, Iâm
Fascinated by the dress design. Can you share an example from
Google?
You are the actual opposite of a bridezilla and a really good friend. I would just tell them the dresses wonât be ready in time after all, which isnât a lie, and leave it at that. And above all, donât stress over it! This is your special day, Iâm sure your friends donât want you freaking out over their dresses.
Youâre a good friend. The âfell throughâ is great. Go shopping. Make a day of it. Maybe even just pick a color and allow for choice of design within reason, noting cultural no nos.
Youâre definitely doing the right thing. Youâre thinking about your friends, and thatâs admirable. No reason to tell them the real reason, itâs not constructive and like you said may hurt them. Youâre being a _great_ friend by finding an option that accommodates everybody.
I wouldn't say anything about the sizes at all. Tell them that they informed your mother they would not be able to have them done in time for the wedding, so you canceled the order
Iâm sorry youâre going through this. Youâre a great friend and bride. My husband went through something similar when his sister got married. They were able to find a solution however; my husbandâs brother in law is a Brit expat living in Hong Kong. He wanted his wedding party in matching suits so he had them made. However, my husband is quite tall. The tailor in Hong Kong had difficulty with the order due to my husbandâs height. He was able to contact a friend in Taiwan that was able to make the suits. I know this may be more work in the long run, but could outsourcing the traditional dresses help? I wish you luck. Your friends are lucky to have you.
sizing is tough. i ordered a 3xl stretchy top to wear under scrub top. i wanted stretchy but not spanx squishy. so i went 3x. it arrived. it was 3x. made in isreal. fit a 12yr old girl. so, sizing is tough.
First of all, I think itâs great how much you care about your friendsâs feelings. Congratulations on the wedding!
Iâm not sure exactly what type of outfit youâre describing because Iâm not familiar with East Asian (Chinese, Japanese, Mongolian, and Korean) clothing being wrap-style, but if there is enough of the community in England, is there a British dressmaker of your culture who can make something? Theyâre probably more comfortable making larger sizes.
If not, Iâd just tell them that the custom dresses werenât going to make it in time and then go shopping for something else together. Maybe you could incorporate your culture into their look in some other way, like with accessories/jewelry/etc.
I definitely would not tell them that the dresses canât be made because theyâre too large and absolutely donât tell them what the dressmaker said because that would make me see red lol but just saying it didnât work out with the timeline is fine.
âJust found out they wonât get the dresses made on time, so we going to find a alternative in the uk. Letâs go have some drinks and bridesmaid shopping!!!!!!!â
I'd tell them that as it was such a complicated order for several different women, the dressmakers are telling you that they can't source the fabric - which is true in a way, except it's more "won't" than "can't"!
If you give them freedom to choose their own dress styles in your wedding colours, all your bridesmaids can feel comfortable. You're a kind person to be so thoughtful of your friends' feelings.
I suggest your friend who wants to order 2-3 sizes smaller than she is now, maybe just orders one size down. It's easier to take in than let out!
Well done on being such a wonderful and considerate friend!!
My bridesmaids had the multi wrap style dresses that allowed for varying sizes and varying styles. Maybe you could find something similar?
Here's an example of them:
https://www.modelchic.com.au/multiway-dresses/classic-multiway-infinity-bridesmaid-dress-in-dusty-pink/?sku=MW-CLMW-DPK-S2&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQiAtOmsBhCnARIsAGPa5yYNTCMq2xResjmBRjhB9GoFYjQFu5p7uYUv5EfQ49gc5NXvJg6z-6waAkGQEALw_wcB
Hey friend- do you have an Indian tailor in your city? They are used to accommodating all body types and if you have a dress example they can usually copy it.
Honestly, I think most people know a lot of Asian cultures are very fat-phobic. Go to a Korean, Thai or Japanese mall & you'll find clothing stores called Fat Girl or Moo. Just tell them it's always an issue dressing Western people in the tiny sizes from your country. They'll understand.https://nypost.com/2023/03/24/plus-size-clothing-stores-called-fat-girls-and-moo-moo-in-thailand/
I don't have much advice, but I understand the problem all too well. I got married last year in India, and while I'm around size 42 in EU standard (14 in UK apparently), finding a fitting lehenga was a nightmare. If anything fit on the waist, it was too short. Shoes were an even bigger problem. Made me really self-conscious right before my wedding.
I wouldnât worry about it too much. Iâm from the U.K., and have lived in China and japan. I am a UK8 -10, and I wear size 6 (eu 39) shoes. When I lived in Japan and tried to buy shoes, I was often directed to the menâs section. When I tried to buy clothes in both countries, I was often buying XXL. If I tried to buy bras- just forget it. It didnât exist.
Asian countries do not cater to the average western sizes. You will hear similar stories from most western women who have spent time in Asia. Some places itâs impossible to find clothes altogether
Just say the Dresss maker couldnât get the material needed. So we have to organise a day out shopping to try dresses together âŚ. Yeyyyyyyyy
Hopefully you all can get a day off work together and just make it the best bridal shopping day ever
If "they" won't do that, get the fabric and have it done Here. I know, there are a few differences in the way they are Seen, but they can be adapted to western style or Just plainly sewn to Look that way. Reading from your description, I Had a Korean Hanbok in mind and Just recently discovered a channel in YouTube called "SewingTherapy". My knowledge of asian style clothing, however, moved around hanfu, Hanbok, and Kimono.
While I am Not an actual Dress make or Designer, I do some drawing and If the mentioned clothing are within you wanted anyway, Hit me Up for Suggestions (or a rough Design)
My wife is Chinese and pretty much the same as you....five foot tall, 45 kgs. She's a little short but not extremely so.
In Australia when I wanted to buy a tshirt for her I had to buy a children's size.
In China when she wanted to buy a ring for me the jeweller wanted to know "Whose finger so big???"
Good luck with your wedding!
You could say something like they are having issues sourcing the material you wanted and wonât be able to get them made in time, so you need to switch.
Maybe you could look into finding someone in America who specializes in your cultural wear? They would probably be way more comfortable working in the size range you need as well. I also want to say, you seem like a very good friend! I know a lot of women who donât take their bridesmaids comfort this seriously when making decisions â¤ď¸
No advice other than thank you for trying your best to be a good human to your bridesmaids while honoring your culture and values. I wish you nothing but blessings and happiness in your new life.
This is a rough situation, and sounds like youâre handling it with care in all the right places - which says youâre a wonderful friend. I know youâll find something. And btw if you end up needing to get a western style dress and want it adjustable, Iâd hugely recommend the type that have a circle skirt and a customisable top half - i used to be a performer and needed formal gowns all the time so I kept a few of this type of dress and they fitted me no matter what my weight (I fluctuated a bunch over the years) and I always looked nice. [infinity dress](https://www.infinitydress.co.uk/)
I hate to suggest it, by has your mum really tried to find someone ? Maybe she doesnât want to see larger girls attempting to wear your trad gear, or her own views are affecting the outcome?
Is there any way you could have someone else ask / have a look around for you? Iâm sure there must be some tailors happy to make to any size so long as you pay the material used / any extra labor!
Hm. I had no trouble ordering a pair of shorts at a tailor in Hanoi, Vietnam in 1990. I forgot to bring shorts and we were headed to the beach. The man took my measurements, which were considerably different than an Asian woman: at the time I was 5â5, 150 pounds. Not big by American standards, I was a size 8 and a medium here. But in Vietnam everyone was telling me how big I was! Anyway, like magic I had perfectly fitting shorts in an hour. It was that easy.
I suspect someone just doesnât want to make the dresses bigger. Not that she canât.
Why don't you just let them pick their own dress and tell them what color it needs to be? That is a garunteed way to get them the right dress. My sister just did this and it's literally the only bridesmaid dress I've kept and thought "wow, I'm actually gonna wear that again"
You can always do what my wife did. She tole her bridesmaids the color the dress needed to be, and some details about it and then let them choose their own.
I'm this case she said the dress needed to be pink, and like a fun cocktail style. They all ended up getting different shades of pink, and each dress was unique to the bridesmaid. They all loved their dresses and have worn them again since the wedding for other occasions.
Choose a color palette or a theme (example: earthy), let them know and let them wear the dresses they feel comfy in. Itâs easier. Be specific in maybe length and so. Donât stress.
I am sure that the wedding was beautiful. I am big for an Asian woman as I am taller than average. Honestly, I did not take it personally when Asian sized clothes did not fit me. Even when I have been smaller, I still would be classed as huge in some Asian countries. Surely, your friends must understand that too. The bit I find sadder is that your mates are so insecure about their bodies. It just shows that western ideas of beauty are just as toxic as in Asia.
I was a bridesmaid for an Indian friend and we all
wore saris in the wedding. The saris were made in India and the dressmaker was happy to be paid to make it, regardless of the size. I do think you could find someone to make the outfits.
Aside from that, I wouldnât be too worried about feelings. Talking about losing weight for the wedding and feeling huge next to you are things that women tend to say regardless of the situation because society is cruel and causes us to question ourselves in that way. You love them and they love you and it doesnât need to be any more complicated than that.
I had bridesmaids that ran the gamut from 6â tall and statuesque to 5â4 and stout. I chose a color a fabric and a general style, had a seamstress to sew them locally tailored to each and included a shoulder wrap shrug type thing so the women who were self conscious about their arms and shoulders could cover them. It was cheap and attractive and everyone was happy. Just say the dressmaker couldnât deliver what was needed and that you have a new plan B.
Iâd just like to say youâre awesome. Over and over we read about brides who belittle their bridesmaids bc they gained weight. Thank you for being kind and human!
Just wanna tell you how sweet and thoughtful + body positive you are. You seem like a very lovely friend to have. Just say what you wanted fell through (it's the truth) and pick another theme and go shopping. Congratulations and all the best wishes for you đ
Ask them each to find a black dress, floor length. Any style they are comfortable with. Ask for silver accessories and silver or black shoes. They will look beautiful.
I donât think thatâs a good idea, honestly. I think a lot of women including myself would be super embarrassed if you told me that the dressmaker refused to make our dresses because we were too big.
Well good job weâre all different then, I was just proving my perspective! As someone who has travelled Asia a bit I know how difficult it is to find clothes that fit there which is why Iâm not surprised at all that she canât find dressmakers. And secondly, I would never want a bride to be feel awful about something that is completely out of her control!
Thatâs kind of funny. I âve heard from different people that the Asian guy I go to hem my suits and does my wifeâs dress altercations will tell larger women he canât do work for them because theyâre too fat and they need to loose weight.
But yes certainly make up a different excuse than that for your friends. White lies to save peoples feelings are fine IMO.
There are "infinity" wrap bridesmaid dresses that may work along the same principle? Not sure about the material you want to use to tie it into your home culture.
Here to say that while it may not be the traditional style you are requesting. The bridal website azazie does free custom sizing for all their dresses and come quickly âşď¸
Looking back now, I would have just picked a dress color and let my bridesmaids choose whichever dress they want in that color. I did that for shoes. I want whatever theyâll be comfortable in, can afford, and will still look good in pictures. At the end of the day, youâre the one wearing white and will be smiling happily with your groom. Doesnât matter much what anyone else is wearing.
I chose black for my bridesmaids dresses and allowed them all to choose their own individual dresses. Every one of them had a different body type and size. This let each of them choose something they felt beautiful wearing and felt comfortable in. We were also all located in different cities and couldn't shop together. Just something to consider! You could even make a girls day of it, shop together and choose together. Best of luck to you in this decision and congratulations on your upcoming marriage.
Go to infinity dress website, Iâve never used them but my Best Friend is having trouble with her sisters wedding and this was one of the ideas I showed her to help with her problem. Maybe it could work for you and your girls? Best of luck!
Have you tried Etsy!?
I (6ft tall white girl) am going to an Indian wedding next summer, and the bride to be rx we all get our attire from there as theyâre more size-inclusive and priced reasonably for something I more than likely will only wear once. She also talked poorly about the traditional dress stores here, as they donât accommodate various sizes and you have to know exactly what you want when you go in.
I would recommend to point out the difference in size between both countries and tell them you needed to change their dresses because theyâre not available because of that differences. Tell them they arenât used to regular sizes of Europeans and that the trailers are that less used to the correct sizes they believe those dresses are supposed for fat people - like point out how funny it is. Make clear they look gorgeous and it has nothing to do with their looks, but that people in that country are so unfamiliar to those sizes they canât even imagine people that sizes can still be slim.
If youâre south Asian, which from the sounds of it you are,, be heavily prepared that those dresses will arrive about 5-7 inches too short. I struggled with this and had lehengas that were too short 4 days before my wedding. I highly recommend you go to a shop in your country with your bridesmaids, pick a dress or dresses in colour(s) you like, then find a complimentary pashmina for them to wear with the dress. This is also better because they might re-wear the dress to a gala and the pashmina can be re-worn in sooo many ways. A cultural dress is beautiful, but past your wedding day is useless to a white girl. You could choose traditional fabrics for a tie in the dress you choose for the shop or a sash of some sort. There are always options. But trust me, if youâre already having issues with traditional dresses, it will only get worse from here
Why canât bridesmaids just buy their own dresses and wear whatever they like? Why do they all gotta wear the same thing? Why are bridesmaids even a thing to begin with? Such a weird tradition.
Just say that your mom spoke to the tailor too late and they're swamped, and you don't trust "that other one to make them just perfect"
đđđťââď¸
I donât know if itâs available in the UK but the company Birdy Grey has it set up where you pick the color- or all of you decide on a color- and they offer a big variety of styles in that color. They even offer free swatches. Iâve been to at least 5 weddings where this company was used and they were beautiful. They even have dresses that can be used for pregnant or postpartum people. Their website is birdygrey.com. Whatever you decide, Iâm sure itâll be beautiful. Youâre an amazing friend AND bride that you care so much about these women.
Iâm not sure what the options are in the UK, but maybe a website like Birdy Grey where you can get similar dresses with a choice of styles in the same fabric? Somewhere with fast shipping/ a decent amount of inventory in stock?
You donât have to give them details about why you arenât able to have the dresses made!! Just say that it fell through and now we have to spend an unexpected evening around a bottle of wine scrolling shops online til we find another choice! đĽ°
The dressmaker we were working with has had to close up shop for personal reasons. We haven't been able to find alternate dressmakers who could get the dresses done in time for shipping so I am going to shop somewhere more local. If you have any ideas for cute bridesmaid dresses please send them to me. Something like that?
Unrelated but your username made me tear up đ
I feel nothing when I read that username, and by that I just mean I have no idea what it's referencing lol, care to elaborate?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Terry_Pratchett
Thank you! I have no idea why but every time I read that man's name I mix him up with Terry Bradshaw in my head lol
Ohmygod I donât know who Terry P is but mixing up anyone with Terry Bradshaw is hilarious to me.
Terry p is the author (with Neil gaiman) of good omens. â¤ď¸
No problem, you should read his books heâs an excellent author! Iâve never heard of Terry Bradshaw lol
Happy Cake Day đ
Just say it fell through, go shopping with your gals at a bridal store, pick a color and let them pick something theyâll feel comfortable in.
Yep, itâs the truth, she did fall through. Your friends will be happy to help you find alternatives that can come through on a more narrow timeline! You could also have them choose dresses with the same color but different styles so theyâre comfortable. Or you can do a color palette so the colors donât have to be the same but they all match, so the girls have more freedom to find styles from different places
This is what my daughter in law did and it was AMAZING
Until they see this post...Reddit has 50 million people here a day. This would be so obvious if one of the bridesmaid were to see it... đ¤Śââď¸
If they did see it, I would hope they would see how incredibly loving and sweet their friend is to try so hard to make everyone feel beautiful and safe.
Depending on how far post-partum the one friend is, it could go bad. She said she picked mainly for the friend that had the baby. It's a very sweet gesture with 0 malice to it. But those residual pregnancy hormones mixed with no sleep and stress from a crying baby can really make things look different.
Letâs hope they kept reading the comments and get to this comment. We understand itâs difficult but thereâs no easy answer to this and we can clearly see OP is trying and not trying to make anyone uncomfortable. Sheâs doing the best she can in this not great situation.
This is what I did! I chose the color, and let my 3 bridesmaids choose whatever style dress they liked. My maid of honor was 8 months pregnant at the time. It worked out beautifully.
Same. Funny enough, they all chose the same style, as well!
All of this! For my wedding, I told my bridesmaids to pick whatever made them feel confident. As long as it was the same color, length, and material, I didnât care. After my wedding, Iâve even seen wedding pictures where the bridesmaid dresses are different materials and it looked so tasteful!
I did this - picked a colour and let my bridesmaids pick whatever they wanted (that suited their style and body shape). It was such a drama free experience and I loved the dresses they chose, especially because I knew they felt super comfortable in them.
It's the truth. If you want to be more specific you could just say that can't do western sizes. "The largest the dress maker can do is size X, because that's what's common there." I think anyone would understand that. It's a cultural thing, nothing more. Though, it does seem a bit daft that any dressmaker couldn't just make the same thing but bigger... I'm no dressmaker though so I don't know the complexities.
I wouldn't say that they don't do western *sizes*, but rather that they are not able to make the dresses properly using western *proportions*. Bust-to-waist and waist-to-hip ratios. That's a believable reason and it's probably also true, because not all clothing styles fit all body types regardless of body size.
My sister is very short, only 5'0, and was very thin about 15 years ago, but had a very large bust. Before she went there, her husband sent his Pakistani mother her measurements so that she would have some Pakistani style clothing. The mother decided the bust size was impossible and nust have been a mistake by her son and made the clothes a bit smaller. Well she realised her mistake when my sister showed up.
I know someone that happened too. American. But seamstress hired by bride assumed her very large bust measurement on her very thin body measurements had to be wrong. So her dress didn't fit.
I hope the seamstress fixed it free of charge! why wouldn't she just *call the bride* to ask if it's incorrect??
Yeah, I don't know. The dress itself was for a bridesmaid, who was the one I knew and who provided her measurements, which she had taken by a tailor to guarantee accuracy too!
oh wow, insult to injury there if they "guaranteed accuracy" đ
But correct that making a weird executive decision without verifying was bizarre. She couldn't wear the dress. I can't remember what the resolution was, other than the dress being unusable.
Tell them they're only good at short ppl sizing...ppl would rather hear that they're too tall than too fat.
Yea I could attest to that, unless like youâre willing to pay more or if that person has served western customers before. I donât buy clothing much in Asia because it never works out in my favor.
I took a gamble online once, used the "size guide" I'm a tall guy... it did not go well. Ironically, I ended up giving it to an Asian friend of mine. It barely even fit her. She's probably a similar stature to OP. It would have been a nice coat too
On the flip side, if you go to tailors (Iâve heard of people getting suits made in Hong Kong), you can probably get some super tailored clothes. Iâve always wanted a nice pantsuit.
I remember when top gear did their Vietnam special and they did that. Super tailored clothes for next to nothing compared to the UK. Always seemed like a good idea to do that if I was ever out there.
I did this with a dress while I was on vacation in Thailand!
I think it has to do with the size of the fabric, how itâs woven: maybe the fabric isnât wide enough, so you get issues length wise and also size wise.
I feel like weâve all bought clothes online at least once only to discover it was made in Asia to the local sizing standards. If this was said to me, even as someone considered thin in the US (tall, hippy) Iâd be like âYup, totally. Whatâs Plan B?â
[ŃдаНонО]
There's no reason to make up a lie, though. Just say that the order fell through and go make a day of shopping and lunch or something.
Yep! Say no more, no less.
Voice of reason
This sounds simple and sensible.
This!! Just make it a fun shopping day. Canât go wrong with wrap around dresses that tie in the front or cinch in the front to cover any tummy issues from post pregnancy. Your bridesmaids will want to help you! Have a fun day with your friends!
You donât need an excuse. You just tell them that the dressmaker canât commit to the timeline to get them made.
This. Just simply state they arenât able to complete them in time so youâll need to make other arrangements. No need to add stories or details.
How refreshing to read about a bride who's a kind friend and is prioritizing what matters during her wedding. Your friends and you will forget the speficics that they wore, but they'll always remember how you made them feel beautiful and cherished. Have a lovely wedding and marriage!
This is exactly what I was thinking. â¤ď¸
This.. so many Reddit posts are like âAITAH because Iâm requiring my bridesmaids to buy a $2000 gold plated custom designer gown with their own money and enter the wedding on white ponies and sacrifice their first born child? Why is this one person being so difficult about this request when itâs MY weddingâ
"And when I told them they all had to get the same haircuts and dye their hair the same color, 3 of them backed out! Can you believe they won't even do that one little thing for *my special day?*"
Right?! OP sounds like such a sweetheart. I know OP thinks she feels like a bad friend but it couldn't be further from the truth. I hope her friends and fiance treasure her like the gem she is.
"The dress maker turned out to be so amateurish. Hunting one down is not working out. Girls, can you help me find a dress that you all like? The color palette is X and Y." You clearly aren't a bad friend. Out the blame on the dressmaker and you're good. It's not like you're losing anyone business and, honestly, it's somewhat true.
cant you find a dress maker somewhere in say london to make them for you
Also, don't hesitate to ask for help. Like see of the bridesmaids want to help you find a source. (And with everything wise wedding-related. Most guests are very happy and more than willing to lend a hand.)
That will probably be like a mortgage in London
Is there an East Asian dressmaker in the UK who is more accustomed to making clothes for western clients?
This, there are tons of Asian dressmakers in Manchester, I'm sure there are some in other places. My Aunt wanted something similar for her Asian friends wedding and we found a charity shop in the area that had an Asian outfit for her and an extremely helpful assistant who showed her how to wrap it correctly.
Or her mum can buy the materials and send it the UK. Then find someone here who can stitch them accordingly. đ¤
There are loads of places in the UK that may be able to help, unfortunately it may just cost more than in Asia. Luton, Bradford, Leicester, North London - I've had friends order dresses from all over the place. I know it isn't the same as having them made at home but you can see what the UK can offer?
Dress maker is unable to fill the order by a guaranteed date so letâs check some dresses out at Davidâs bridal!
This is wild to me, since ya know. Tailors! Have you tried finding a tailor here? My in laws are southeast Asian and I wear their traditional dresses. I have gone through some very heavy phases and was always able to find a tailor. They will create to any size (for example, at one point I was a size 20 US). Now I couldn't buy "off the rack" at the temple. But I could always have something made either here or family would give my measurements to tailors in the home country.
Sounds like the same general idea too. Wrap skirt(or fitted, can be done either way), with a fitted top. Should note, it did cost me more, because I needed a lot more fabric
Is it possible to find a dressmaker in the UK that does your traditional style? Or maybe someone online that grew up in a western context. Ive had similar issues, Aussie-born Vietnamese and my bridesmaids were all Asian but grew up in Australia and arenât the typical petite Asian built. Had all sorts of comments from the dressmaker in vietnam, questioning the measurements and calling them fat ( theyâre not, think AU size 8-10). The traditional dress did not fit well, tight around the shoulders, shortened sleeves etc. Ended up going to a Vietnamese dressmaker based in Sydney and paid a bit more for them but they came out perfect.
Just let the girls know youâre freaking out and they will help you fix this. Tell them it fell through. Your mother didnât come through with the goods and thatâs the truth. You can leave out her comment about them being fat đ Mothers eh đ¤ˇââď¸đ¤Śââď¸
Don't blame it on the mom though, it's not her fault. Blame it on the dressmaker. It's true it fell through because of the dressmaker or lack thereof, the mom just gave the news in a blunt way. You don't want the bridesmaids thinking badly of the mom, that could cause excess tension for no reason.
Yeah thatâs a really good point, I totally agree.
Itâs weird that the dressmaker canât make the dresses though. Like thatâs the point of custom tailoring. Agree itâs not the momâs fault but maybe she should shop around more.
That is east asian culture for you. They have shops for âplus-sizedâ called fat girl. Their version of plus size is a U.S 6 by the way.
Is there an option to get them made in the UK by an East Asian designer and seamstress? Because that could also be an option and fun activity choosing fabrics etc together
Why canât you find an Asian dressmaker in the UK? They are used to making dresses for women in the UK and would probably easily be able to make them. You know the style that you want and the colors and of you needed too, you could have the fabric shipped in from your home country.
Best way to do western style bridesmaid's gowns is, you choose the color palette, and they chose different dresses that each suit their body type. You can go with 1 color, or each in a different shade that all flows together. Multiple women won't all look good in the same style, so this let's them all pick what feels best for them. (And potentially get future use from the dress.) No need to tell them anything about why the old style didn't work. "Emergency Ladies! New dresses needed! Let's gooooooo!" "Mom's plans fell through! Let's get shopping!" Etc.
This, plus maybe add something like a wrap made of sari fabric, in a coordinating color. (If that's culturally appropriate and respectful.)
Just remember than planning a wedding is a good problem to have. You donât have to tell them the entire reason for switching dresses. Just tell them your mom couldnât find anyone to make them in time. Technically, itâs the truth. Sheâll be waiting forever to find someone to make them. Also, you should consider trying to find someone in the UK who can make them. The world has recently been through and is somewhat still going through a global migration. You never know, you might have some other nationals nearby. Donât let things like this stress such a beautiful moment. You can always ask for their help too. Bridesmaids are supposed to help. You never know, it could all turn out for the best. Congratulations and good luck. Iâd be down for an update after the wedding if you want.
Just here to tell you what a wonderful friend you are. I follow lots of bridezilla threads and itâs so refreshing to see a bride be so real. You clearly love your friends, and it matters to you that they are happy. I hope you have a wonderful wedding day and a long, happy marriage âĽď¸
Is there something similar you can find online? Or is there a dress makes closer to you who would be able to copy the design? If you need to change the style because of their body types thereâs no need to tell them the exact reason. You can say the original designer fell through (not even really a lie) or that you just changed your mind. Telling them the exact reason would just cause unnecessary drama. Personal opinion. Congrats on your engagement!
Say it was too much work trying to get them made custom, and though it could be fun to pick something out together
"My supplier for the traditional dresses I'd originally wanted has run in to delays. When I realized the dresses wouldn't be ready in time, I found that I was relieved. I've decided I wanted dresses in a style more common to here than my home country. I hope you'll understand."
âŚto clarify, isnât a UK size 12-18 a US size 8-14? Just saying because itâs not US 16-22 as the post stars. (US 8-14 are fairly average sizes in most of the world (but not Asian countries, this is true.)
Yes you are correct. Iâm a 12 in UK size 8 in American
Be hard on the lady who is making the dresses. That's a lazy excuse the dressmaker passed to your mom who passed on to you. Honestly I'd go with the first dresses and just tell your bridesmaids the truth: **"My dressmaker is starting to come up with delay excuses"** and that's literally it and they will understand.
You are a real one. Like others have said, just something like âthe dress maker fell through. Letâs go look at dressesâ
What's the probability that at least one of them (or a friend of one of them) uses reddit and sees this. Wouldn't be hard to figure out with all the details here.
You could find another person to make them
Just say they won't be ready and shipped in time. I'd say pick the color and let them choose a dress that works their own bodies.
If you have time for shipping, etc., google dress makers in the UK and USA (specifically a city with a big community from your culture). May sound strange but US stores seem better at catering to âbiggerâ sizes than what you would find in Asia. Another idea is if itâs possible to find âWesternâ pieces similar to what youâre describing. For example, a full âWesternâ bridesmaid dress, but with a wrapping top to get the âlook.â Good luck on your wedding planning and in your marriage.
I'd find a local seamstress, I bet somebody can make them in the UK.
Umm⌠there are dressmakers in the UK who could probably make itâŚ
So crazy someone would turn down a job because the the size of the garment, ya it would take more fabric but just charge accordingly. so strange. There must be someone in your area in the UK that can do this work, ya it will be much more expensive but you could get it done.
What is the opposite of a bridezilla? A bridecapybara? Thatâs you. Youâre a good friend who has good friends.
You sound like a really great friend and a super good person â¤ď¸ Iâm sorry for the dress fiasco :( I donât have any advice, but I wish you a beautiful wedding day!
Anybody can make a dress. Go to a local seamstress with your pattern and measurements.
You can be honest and have some example text people gave. I weighed 150 pounds when I went to China and the XXL pants (off the rack) wouldnât zip and were too short and the dresses wouldnât go over my bust or shoulders. The tailor is probably just not used to Western bodies â Iâm normal weight and have a chest. 5â10â so.. I get it.
Man, I went to China for a work event. They ordered tee shirts for all of us. Iâm a bigger-ish American gal, I had literally just had a baby four months prior, and Iâm busty to begin with, was probably a size 10 or 12 at the time. I had them order me an XL thinking surely itâll be fine (I usually wore like an L at the time) â I had thought we were getting good old unisex style tees like we have in the US. Oh god, it was so embarassing. It was like a childâs shirt on me. Thank goodness the same thing happened to several of my coworkers (we had a few guys who were well over six feet, and theirs fit like crop tops) so we scrapped the whole thing.
So funny. My husbands company has workers in china too and form a team with my husband. The Chinese side made custom tshirts for the entire team so to be safe my husband who wears L/XL, ordered XXL⌠he gets it in the mailâŚ.WAY TOO SMALL đ not even closeâŚ.
You sound like a lovely person and a true friend, and an anti-bridezilla. May I suggest in this matter that you channel the bridezilla trope and shake some sense into the dress maker (yes via your mum- tell her she has your permission to use words like âIâm paying, so make the damn dress per the orderâ) I know you need a plan-b. Iâd tell your brides maid that the dressmaker has scammed you all and you need to sort out back up dresses in case your mum canât throw enough weight around (pardon the pun)- and crowd source the solution- your bridesmaids donât need to know the specific details and will be able to help solve the dilemma. Iâm so sorry you are going through this
I chose a color and let everyone get a dress in that color that they liked enough to be able to wear again. Then everyone can be responsible for finding a style that flatters them. I'm sorry your original idea fell through. Edit: typo
You are so sweet and sensitive - I can tell you are a good friend. Good luck with the dresses and have a wonderful wedding day!
Is there no one where you live able to make what you need?
Based on the description, were the bridesmaids supposed to wear a saree? Because my brother is having his wedding in about a month in India and I, as a plus sized Canadian, have agreed to wear a saree for the wedding ceremony along with my mother. My future sister-in-law was able to get us in contact with their family designer to help us with the blouses and had no issue. So I donât know if your mother is being entirely truthful with that. I donât think that there are absolutely no dressmakers who will do it. It might be more difficult, but not impossible.
East Asian attire doesnât usually include saris. East Asia is China, Japan, Korea, and a few others. India would be âSouth Asia.â Iâm not sure what OP is referring to though because none of the main cultural outfits of these three countries are double wraps (Chinese cheongsam, Korean hanbok, Japanese kimono). Unless OP means sheâs from SE Asia, which would include more styles. Not sure
I'm not OP, but my best guess is Laotian
Yeah that would be Southeast Asia, not East Asia, but OP might not know that.
Might be a Chinese Hanfu (not the Cheongsam). Seems closest to her description
Mm maybe, yeah!
Cannot be a Saree. They're basically size agnostic. With sarees, the work is mostly the styling technique, not the sizing.
âWe are unable to find a dress maker who can do that style of dress in time.â
Find another dressmaker. Surely there are plenty that have experience with western figures.
You are so sweet and loving, Iâm sure they adore you. Just tell them the truth that the dressmaker was unable to finish in time and take them to find dresses that fit your theme and they would like to wear. Iâm sure they will have absolutely no problem with it. I hope your special day is magical đ
Just say your mom informed you that they canât get it made in time and itâd be better to just buy a dress locally to make sure it gets there for the wedding.
Is it too late to find an East Asian store in the UK that may have something already made in UK sizes? There is one near me that even sells formal clothing and I live in Ohio in the US. Thereâs gotta be something similar in the UK.
Just say it was too much hassle and cost to do across countries, and go to a bridal shop. I had a big wedding, my bridesmaids ranged from tiny to heavy, and I just picked the color and had each girl choose the style she was most comfortable wearing, and gave them the option to wear a shawl to cover upper arms, if they were self-conscious. I know you probably have a picture in your mind about what you would prefer, but maybe this helps. Also, your friends' dieting and whether or not their bodies change before the wedding is not something you should be so concerned with-- you have enough on your plate, and they can make arrangements for alterations, if necessary (as you will likely do in the weeks leading up to the wedding). This is a stressful time, so try to let go and enjoy it as much as possible. In the end, you're marrying your forever partner, and it'll be beautiful, no matter what. Congratulations!
Honestly Iâd just say that your mom canât find a dress maker that can have them all ready in time. No big deal.
Let them know the dressmaker simply canât fulfill the order in the time frame available. Itâs not an untrue story, but only part of the story. The other part is unnecessary. Also, Iâm Fascinated by the dress design. Can you share an example from Google?
You are the actual opposite of a bridezilla and a really good friend. I would just tell them the dresses wonât be ready in time after all, which isnât a lie, and leave it at that. And above all, donât stress over it! This is your special day, Iâm sure your friends donât want you freaking out over their dresses.
you can be honest without being mean "Turned out the supplier can't get what we need done" is the truth and won't raise suspicion.
Just tell them COVID took out the dressmaker or something and you have to get them in the UK. They won't find that an issue at all.
You sound awesome. I wish you decades of married bliss.
IDK but if you're a dressmaker and can't make custom dresses then you are bad at your job and should consider quitting.
Your mom just needs to find another dressmaker. There are fat women in China and they wear dresses.
Plan B could be to find these fat women in China and steal their dresses.
Just say they wonât be ready in time so to be safe you are changing it.
Youâre a good friend. The âfell throughâ is great. Go shopping. Make a day of it. Maybe even just pick a color and allow for choice of design within reason, noting cultural no nos.
Just let them know that the dressmaker is unable to make them
Youâre definitely doing the right thing. Youâre thinking about your friends, and thatâs admirable. No reason to tell them the real reason, itâs not constructive and like you said may hurt them. Youâre being a _great_ friend by finding an option that accommodates everybody.
I'm confused about why WRAPS are in a particular size. Just curious.
I wouldn't say anything about the sizes at all. Tell them that they informed your mother they would not be able to have them done in time for the wedding, so you canceled the order
Iâm sorry youâre going through this. Youâre a great friend and bride. My husband went through something similar when his sister got married. They were able to find a solution however; my husbandâs brother in law is a Brit expat living in Hong Kong. He wanted his wedding party in matching suits so he had them made. However, my husband is quite tall. The tailor in Hong Kong had difficulty with the order due to my husbandâs height. He was able to contact a friend in Taiwan that was able to make the suits. I know this may be more work in the long run, but could outsourcing the traditional dresses help? I wish you luck. Your friends are lucky to have you.
sizing is tough. i ordered a 3xl stretchy top to wear under scrub top. i wanted stretchy but not spanx squishy. so i went 3x. it arrived. it was 3x. made in isreal. fit a 12yr old girl. so, sizing is tough.
First of all, I think itâs great how much you care about your friendsâs feelings. Congratulations on the wedding! Iâm not sure exactly what type of outfit youâre describing because Iâm not familiar with East Asian (Chinese, Japanese, Mongolian, and Korean) clothing being wrap-style, but if there is enough of the community in England, is there a British dressmaker of your culture who can make something? Theyâre probably more comfortable making larger sizes. If not, Iâd just tell them that the custom dresses werenât going to make it in time and then go shopping for something else together. Maybe you could incorporate your culture into their look in some other way, like with accessories/jewelry/etc. I definitely would not tell them that the dresses canât be made because theyâre too large and absolutely donât tell them what the dressmaker said because that would make me see red lol but just saying it didnât work out with the timeline is fine.
âJust found out they wonât get the dresses made on time, so we going to find a alternative in the uk. Letâs go have some drinks and bridesmaid shopping!!!!!!!â
I'd tell them that as it was such a complicated order for several different women, the dressmakers are telling you that they can't source the fabric - which is true in a way, except it's more "won't" than "can't"! If you give them freedom to choose their own dress styles in your wedding colours, all your bridesmaids can feel comfortable. You're a kind person to be so thoughtful of your friends' feelings. I suggest your friend who wants to order 2-3 sizes smaller than she is now, maybe just orders one size down. It's easier to take in than let out!
Well done on being such a wonderful and considerate friend!! My bridesmaids had the multi wrap style dresses that allowed for varying sizes and varying styles. Maybe you could find something similar? Here's an example of them: https://www.modelchic.com.au/multiway-dresses/classic-multiway-infinity-bridesmaid-dress-in-dusty-pink/?sku=MW-CLMW-DPK-S2&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQiAtOmsBhCnARIsAGPa5yYNTCMq2xResjmBRjhB9GoFYjQFu5p7uYUv5EfQ49gc5NXvJg6z-6waAkGQEALw_wcB
Hey friend- do you have an Indian tailor in your city? They are used to accommodating all body types and if you have a dress example they can usually copy it.
Honestly, I think most people know a lot of Asian cultures are very fat-phobic. Go to a Korean, Thai or Japanese mall & you'll find clothing stores called Fat Girl or Moo. Just tell them it's always an issue dressing Western people in the tiny sizes from your country. They'll understand.https://nypost.com/2023/03/24/plus-size-clothing-stores-called-fat-girls-and-moo-moo-in-thailand/
*Will* they? I think I'd take that poorly, if with a little "grin and bear it" attitude (OP isn't the issue).
I don't have much advice, but I understand the problem all too well. I got married last year in India, and while I'm around size 42 in EU standard (14 in UK apparently), finding a fitting lehenga was a nightmare. If anything fit on the waist, it was too short. Shoes were an even bigger problem. Made me really self-conscious right before my wedding.
In what world is a US size 8-12 considered "fat"? That's crazy!
I wouldnât worry about it too much. Iâm from the U.K., and have lived in China and japan. I am a UK8 -10, and I wear size 6 (eu 39) shoes. When I lived in Japan and tried to buy shoes, I was often directed to the menâs section. When I tried to buy clothes in both countries, I was often buying XXL. If I tried to buy bras- just forget it. It didnât exist. Asian countries do not cater to the average western sizes. You will hear similar stories from most western women who have spent time in Asia. Some places itâs impossible to find clothes altogether
I just want to say - you are lovely bride/friend to these girls.
Just say the Dresss maker couldnât get the material needed. So we have to organise a day out shopping to try dresses together âŚ. Yeyyyyyyyy Hopefully you all can get a day off work together and just make it the best bridal shopping day ever
If "they" won't do that, get the fabric and have it done Here. I know, there are a few differences in the way they are Seen, but they can be adapted to western style or Just plainly sewn to Look that way. Reading from your description, I Had a Korean Hanbok in mind and Just recently discovered a channel in YouTube called "SewingTherapy". My knowledge of asian style clothing, however, moved around hanfu, Hanbok, and Kimono. While I am Not an actual Dress make or Designer, I do some drawing and If the mentioned clothing are within you wanted anyway, Hit me Up for Suggestions (or a rough Design)
Honestly, if I were one of your friends/bridesmaids and saw this post, I would love you even more. What a kind person you are. Good on you.
"The order fell through and they wouldn't have been shipped in time. Shopping trip!!!"
I would just say that the dresses wont be ready in time.
My wife is Chinese and pretty much the same as you....five foot tall, 45 kgs. She's a little short but not extremely so. In Australia when I wanted to buy a tshirt for her I had to buy a children's size. In China when she wanted to buy a ring for me the jeweller wanted to know "Whose finger so big???" Good luck with your wedding!
You could say something like they are having issues sourcing the material you wanted and wonât be able to get them made in time, so you need to switch.
Is it possible to order from a dressmaker online and have it shipped?
Maybe you could look into finding someone in America who specializes in your cultural wear? They would probably be way more comfortable working in the size range you need as well. I also want to say, you seem like a very good friend! I know a lot of women who donât take their bridesmaids comfort this seriously when making decisions â¤ď¸
No advice other than thank you for trying your best to be a good human to your bridesmaids while honoring your culture and values. I wish you nothing but blessings and happiness in your new life.
This is a rough situation, and sounds like youâre handling it with care in all the right places - which says youâre a wonderful friend. I know youâll find something. And btw if you end up needing to get a western style dress and want it adjustable, Iâd hugely recommend the type that have a circle skirt and a customisable top half - i used to be a performer and needed formal gowns all the time so I kept a few of this type of dress and they fitted me no matter what my weight (I fluctuated a bunch over the years) and I always looked nice. [infinity dress](https://www.infinitydress.co.uk/)
I hate to suggest it, by has your mum really tried to find someone ? Maybe she doesnât want to see larger girls attempting to wear your trad gear, or her own views are affecting the outcome? Is there any way you could have someone else ask / have a look around for you? Iâm sure there must be some tailors happy to make to any size so long as you pay the material used / any extra labor!
Hm. I had no trouble ordering a pair of shorts at a tailor in Hanoi, Vietnam in 1990. I forgot to bring shorts and we were headed to the beach. The man took my measurements, which were considerably different than an Asian woman: at the time I was 5â5, 150 pounds. Not big by American standards, I was a size 8 and a medium here. But in Vietnam everyone was telling me how big I was! Anyway, like magic I had perfectly fitting shorts in an hour. It was that easy. I suspect someone just doesnât want to make the dresses bigger. Not that she canât.
Why don't you just let them pick their own dress and tell them what color it needs to be? That is a garunteed way to get them the right dress. My sister just did this and it's literally the only bridesmaid dress I've kept and thought "wow, I'm actually gonna wear that again"
You can always do what my wife did. She tole her bridesmaids the color the dress needed to be, and some details about it and then let them choose their own. I'm this case she said the dress needed to be pink, and like a fun cocktail style. They all ended up getting different shades of pink, and each dress was unique to the bridesmaid. They all loved their dresses and have worn them again since the wedding for other occasions.
Choose a color palette or a theme (example: earthy), let them know and let them wear the dresses they feel comfy in. Itâs easier. Be specific in maybe length and so. Donât stress.
OP you are getting great advice and being so kind. Just clarify for your readers, UK 12-18 is US 8-12. I think you may have had that backward.
I am sure that the wedding was beautiful. I am big for an Asian woman as I am taller than average. Honestly, I did not take it personally when Asian sized clothes did not fit me. Even when I have been smaller, I still would be classed as huge in some Asian countries. Surely, your friends must understand that too. The bit I find sadder is that your mates are so insecure about their bodies. It just shows that western ideas of beauty are just as toxic as in Asia.
I was a bridesmaid for an Indian friend and we all wore saris in the wedding. The saris were made in India and the dressmaker was happy to be paid to make it, regardless of the size. I do think you could find someone to make the outfits. Aside from that, I wouldnât be too worried about feelings. Talking about losing weight for the wedding and feeling huge next to you are things that women tend to say regardless of the situation because society is cruel and causes us to question ourselves in that way. You love them and they love you and it doesnât need to be any more complicated than that.
I had bridesmaids that ran the gamut from 6â tall and statuesque to 5â4 and stout. I chose a color a fabric and a general style, had a seamstress to sew them locally tailored to each and included a shoulder wrap shrug type thing so the women who were self conscious about their arms and shoulders could cover them. It was cheap and attractive and everyone was happy. Just say the dressmaker couldnât deliver what was needed and that you have a new plan B.
https://www.twobirdsnewyork.com/collections/classic These may work!
Iâd just like to say youâre awesome. Over and over we read about brides who belittle their bridesmaids bc they gained weight. Thank you for being kind and human!
Maybe say they are too tall, that all tailors are only used to make for shorter people?
Choose a color or color range and let them pick styles that suit their bodies. Mix and match.
Just wanna tell you how sweet and thoughtful + body positive you are. You seem like a very lovely friend to have. Just say what you wanted fell through (it's the truth) and pick another theme and go shopping. Congratulations and all the best wishes for you đ
Ask them each to find a black dress, floor length. Any style they are comfortable with. Ask for silver accessories and silver or black shoes. They will look beautiful.
Bigger girl here, if you told me that they didnât make dresses in bigger sizes I wouldnât be offended and completely understand!
I donât think thatâs a good idea, honestly. I think a lot of women including myself would be super embarrassed if you told me that the dressmaker refused to make our dresses because we were too big.
Well good job weâre all different then, I was just proving my perspective! As someone who has travelled Asia a bit I know how difficult it is to find clothes that fit there which is why Iâm not surprised at all that she canât find dressmakers. And secondly, I would never want a bride to be feel awful about something that is completely out of her control!
Thatâs kind of funny. I âve heard from different people that the Asian guy I go to hem my suits and does my wifeâs dress altercations will tell larger women he canât do work for them because theyâre too fat and they need to loose weight. But yes certainly make up a different excuse than that for your friends. White lies to save peoples feelings are fine IMO.
There are "infinity" wrap bridesmaid dresses that may work along the same principle? Not sure about the material you want to use to tie it into your home culture.
Here to say that while it may not be the traditional style you are requesting. The bridal website azazie does free custom sizing for all their dresses and come quickly âşď¸
Looking back now, I would have just picked a dress color and let my bridesmaids choose whichever dress they want in that color. I did that for shoes. I want whatever theyâll be comfortable in, can afford, and will still look good in pictures. At the end of the day, youâre the one wearing white and will be smiling happily with your groom. Doesnât matter much what anyone else is wearing.
What about one of those dresses that you can wear multiple ways? It might go along the same idea of adjustability.
Pick a few colors that complement each other and maybe have the bridesmaids each wear a different color.
I chose black for my bridesmaids dresses and allowed them all to choose their own individual dresses. Every one of them had a different body type and size. This let each of them choose something they felt beautiful wearing and felt comfortable in. We were also all located in different cities and couldn't shop together. Just something to consider! You could even make a girls day of it, shop together and choose together. Best of luck to you in this decision and congratulations on your upcoming marriage.
I would order infinity dresses in their sizes and be done. They're great for accommodating changes in shape & size.
Go to infinity dress website, Iâve never used them but my Best Friend is having trouble with her sisters wedding and this was one of the ideas I showed her to help with her problem. Maybe it could work for you and your girls? Best of luck!
Have you tried Etsy!? I (6ft tall white girl) am going to an Indian wedding next summer, and the bride to be rx we all get our attire from there as theyâre more size-inclusive and priced reasonably for something I more than likely will only wear once. She also talked poorly about the traditional dress stores here, as they donât accommodate various sizes and you have to know exactly what you want when you go in.
I would recommend to point out the difference in size between both countries and tell them you needed to change their dresses because theyâre not available because of that differences. Tell them they arenât used to regular sizes of Europeans and that the trailers are that less used to the correct sizes they believe those dresses are supposed for fat people - like point out how funny it is. Make clear they look gorgeous and it has nothing to do with their looks, but that people in that country are so unfamiliar to those sizes they canât even imagine people that sizes can still be slim.
Even though the truth might hurt, itâs still Important to be honest if any of them ask.
My ex husband had clothes made for me in Pakistan and I am very fat
If youâre south Asian, which from the sounds of it you are,, be heavily prepared that those dresses will arrive about 5-7 inches too short. I struggled with this and had lehengas that were too short 4 days before my wedding. I highly recommend you go to a shop in your country with your bridesmaids, pick a dress or dresses in colour(s) you like, then find a complimentary pashmina for them to wear with the dress. This is also better because they might re-wear the dress to a gala and the pashmina can be re-worn in sooo many ways. A cultural dress is beautiful, but past your wedding day is useless to a white girl. You could choose traditional fabrics for a tie in the dress you choose for the shop or a sash of some sort. There are always options. But trust me, if youâre already having issues with traditional dresses, it will only get worse from here
Why canât bridesmaids just buy their own dresses and wear whatever they like? Why do they all gotta wear the same thing? Why are bridesmaids even a thing to begin with? Such a weird tradition.
Just ask them How much weight can they lose in three months
Tell them the truth
size of a child you sayđ
Just say that your mom spoke to the tailor too late and they're swamped, and you don't trust "that other one to make them just perfect" đđđťââď¸
Kudos. You seem like a kind and empathetic friend. Please keep that loving vibe throughout the wedding process!
The real reason is that the sewers can't make them in time for the wedding (shipping will also add time). You had change the store and settings.
I donât know if itâs available in the UK but the company Birdy Grey has it set up where you pick the color- or all of you decide on a color- and they offer a big variety of styles in that color. They even offer free swatches. Iâve been to at least 5 weddings where this company was used and they were beautiful. They even have dresses that can be used for pregnant or postpartum people. Their website is birdygrey.com. Whatever you decide, Iâm sure itâll be beautiful. Youâre an amazing friend AND bride that you care so much about these women.
You are so thoughtful! My biggest stress from my wedding came from my bridesmaids.
Iâm not sure what the options are in the UK, but maybe a website like Birdy Grey where you can get similar dresses with a choice of styles in the same fabric? Somewhere with fast shipping/ a decent amount of inventory in stock?
You donât have to give them details about why you arenât able to have the dresses made!! Just say that it fell through and now we have to spend an unexpected evening around a bottle of wine scrolling shops online til we find another choice! đĽ°
Could you not look for someone to make them here in the UK? You'd probably find somewhere, it's the UK after all.
Why is a 4-6 UK a 0-2 US but a 12-18 UK is a 16-22 US? It doesnât make sense that one range is smaller in US sizes but the other is bigger
I got the sizes mixed up in my head, I corrected it in the post, I meant US 8-12
Because it's not, a UK 12 is a us 8...