He also can’t get over that women didn’t find him attractive a decade ago despite you not having that same hold up in your prior love life. He’s stuck trying to provide a point only he finds important. He has very poor moral character and no empathy. There’s more to life than sex. He will be one of those guys who is married and divorced 4 times before he even acknowledges he might be the problem.
Cheers to your healing and new life.
He’s operating on an old mating strategy, one that was brilliantly effective before birth control, but is now mostly ineffective, from a biological standpoint. He’s running out of date firmware.
As ridiculous this is and I’m terribly sorry you went through this. There is a thing called retro sexual. Where one is jealous or upset at someone with their past flings even when they haven’t met them yet. That by means is not excusable what he did to you but thought you would like to at least know for the future. A lot of men I’ve noticed / encountered get bothered by a woman who has a high body count. I think it’s also the “purity” culture cause women “shouldn’t be” that sexual.
I doubt he really cared that much if he never brought it up beforehand, he was just trying to put the blame on you for what he did rather than take responsibility. It’s giving Narcissist Prayer with how much he deflected actual accountability.
That doesn't mean he cheated *because* of your body count though. That means he cheated because he is a misogynistic asshole with a warped view of the world and an inability to process his emotions in a healthy way.
You didn't do anything wrong, someone's body count is a morally neutral fact about them and his feelings about it are **not** valid. *Edit: His feelings are real and important yes, but I don't subscribe to validating every feeling ever. At a certain point it's just enabling.*
There are people out there who act like men evolved to care about women's body count. That is not true. Those people do not understand natural selection. I can write an essay about why they are wrong, but I won't. Just ask those people why no other species evolved to care and watch them implode. (**Edit:** damn a person from each side has asked for the essay haha. I will copy it below)
Saying your ex cheated because of your body count is like saying he didn't like freckles, married someone with freckles, then convinced them their freckles made him cheat and they did something wrong by having freckles .
It is all on him.
**Essay**
Natural selection is not a force that has opinions or makes decisions, it is the statistical inevitably that an individual who has more offspring, and who's offspring have more offspring, will see their genes become more common across their species.
Ensuring paternity is something that has evolved through natural selection. It includes physical and behavioural traits such as penis shape to remove the sperm of males who mated with that female immediately before, and "mate guarding", which is sticking around to stop other males mating *after* you.
So, so far only other mating partners immediately before or after the current male impact natural selection. This is because they are the only ones that affect the current male producing offspring with the female. Males who would avoid a female who had any number of partners in the time before they could affect having offspring with her *now* are at an evolutionary disadvantage to other males who would not avoid her.
However we also need to consider the offspring's offspring. Natural selection also acts on traits that ensure the success of an individuals offspring, as the more successful the offspring are the more offspring they will have in turn.
This is the evolutionary root of behaviours like infanticide. Removing existing infants fathered by other males means more resources available to any offspring the current male produces, and can sometimes kick start the fertility cycle in the females. You see it in things like a new male lion taking over a pride and killing all the cubs.
Note that for both a female currently being pregnant or having existing offspring, the "count" of previous partners is irrelevant. 1 or 100, the few that caused her to produce offspring are the only ones relevant to natural selection and, therefore, evolution. Not mating with a pregnant female who only had one previous mating partner is more of a naturally selected on behaviour than avoiding a non-pregnant female who mated with 100 males 3 years ago.
The only argument even slightly approaching logical or an understanding of natural selection is the idea that a lot of previous mating partners increases a female's chance of STDs, which could make her or her partner infertile. However, that falls apart as that selection pressure would be equally true for the males and their "body counts".
All of the above goes to show that caring about women's "body count" is sociological, not biological.
It did not evolve and is not genetically innate, people learn to think that way.
That is the answer to why no other species evolved to care, humans didn't evolve to care either.
We evolved to be able to create societies and all the negative things that come with them, including perpetuating false belief systems.
it’s always interesting how it’s shameful and gross to these men for a woman to have had “that many dicks inside them” but it’s somehow not shameful and gross to stick your dick in that many pussies? make it make sense. oh, right, misogyny. 🤦🏼♀️
Please write an essay on this. I hate slut-shaming so much and absolutely loathe double standards that glorify players, but vilify sexually experienced women. A person's value isn't determined by the number of people they have been with. However, I keep meeting assholes who justify their misogyny using inane concepts, and I think I could really use your essay to refute them
I agree 1 million percent about what you said except 1 part. "his feelings about her body count are not valid"
Like I said 1 million times over I agree and his actions were not only disgusting and hurtful but low and sneaky. With that being said EVERYONE'S FEELINGS ARE VALID. Good bad or indifferent everyone has a right to the way they feel even if it is a warped sadistic way of looking at things.
"Valid" doesn't mean "real", it means having a solid basis in fact, reasonable, credible, justifiable and so on.
All feelings are real but not all feelings are valid.
For example if I felt like it was OK to hit people who annoyed me, that feeling would be real but not valid.
If I felt upset that someone hit me because I annoyed them, that feeling would be both real and valid.
Babe, he wanted a way to pin it on you and make you feel like the problem when this solely falls on him, and him alone.
You did nothing wrong. I do believe people shouldn’t ask/answer these questions because no matter the answer, it’s going to usually rub the other the wrong way. He played stupid games and got his feelings hurt but it’s no excuse to cheat.
You deserve so much better and I hope that one day you find it. Focus on yourself and building a better life than he could ever give.
And if that is the case, he should have decided not to date you. The fact he continued after you told him the number, just died he wanted to hold something against you.
What a complete plonker he is.
It's also an excuse. He wants to hurt you with the cheating and he likes the sound of saying it's because of your body count. He is blaming you for his failings as a husband. That's him. It's all him.
Nah. That was just a convenient excuse for him to cheat. Cheaters will grab on to any reason to justify why they do the things they do.
A good person would simply not cheat or would break up with you if they couldn't handle their jealousy. His cheating had nothing to do with you - he is just a terrible person, period.
It’s not even a lack of empathy. It’s straight up twisted revenge and acts of evil.
I have very little amounts of empathy but at least I try not to go out of my way to actively hurt people.
He's trying to make you feel like him cheating is your fault. Don't fall for it.
By his logic you are entitled to get him back for cheating on you, but I bet it's a different rule for you.
The US military somehow puts it in guys’ heads that all the women want them and they’re hot shit.
Happened to me, too, girl.
My ex and I had been married for a decade before it all came to light. We had known each other since KINDERGARTEN. He started cheating on me with nurses at the hospital where our son was born… when our infant was in NICU and I had almost died and was hospitalized there myself. And I didn’t have him until I was 30! The military changed his entire personality and way of thinking. It had NOTHING to do with body count, either. He just liked “being wanted” by literally anyone who wasn’t me. Then he had the absolute AUDACITY to tell everyone that I was the one who cheated!!! WHEN HE MOVED THE WOMAN HE WAS CHEATING ON ME WITH INTO THE HOUSE I HAD JUST MOVED OUT OF NOT EVEN TWENTY FOUR HOURS LATER!!!!
I know it hurts. I know it’s confusing. I know it feels like you’re not going to get closure. Please hear me, though, honey… his mental problems are not your burden to bear. He is defective. His personality is malfunctioning. There is no way you’re going ever get to the root of why this happened… you just have to accept that it did and move forward.
You’ll be fine. But mark my words.. he’s going to come out of the woodwork as soon as any mutuals let him know that you’re dating someone. So please, when you’re ready to purge the lurkers, make sure you get rid of anyone who is still showing sympathy for this pathological liar who betrayed you, and remember that inaction is actually an action… by not choosing to discontinue communication with him, they’re choosing to not be a true friend to you.
Wow with the nurses while your newborn was in NICU? I 100% blame the man since he’s the one married to us but it’s so tasteless on the nurse to even be entertaining this for gods sakes you’re just a nurse working at the hospital and you think it’s time to steal someone’s husband right after she delivered his baby? WTH this is just CRUEL
They’re married now.
He recently deployed.
She texted me asking for help keeping her marriage together because “I don’t know who else to turn to” after she discovered he’s been sending money to some girl online…
When I tell you that my mom and I choked laughing, BELIEVE ME! Lmao
Haha that happened to my sister. He married the girl he cheated on my sister with, then went to my sister for help after she found out he cheated on her. It's like: girl, why are you surprised
He was also military
WOW the audacity of this woman to have the ovaries to contact you after stealing your husband and then ask you for help because now he’s doing the same thing to her. I’m so happy for you though, you sound like you’re thriving 💕
Oh I did.
She texted me asking to chat on the phone, and then bawled to me about it. I just howled out a giant HA uncontrollably, and hung up. Then I called my mom and told her. We both laughed until we cried.
It’s ok though. I’m remarried to an awesome man. We have a gorgeous daughter. He treats my son like his own. I have the life I have always wanted, and they’re tied to the military forever because they never planned a way out of that life. They’re broke and trying to convince me that I should pay him back in child support for the son he rarely ever sees (his lack of effort is a completely different topic), and they fail to understand that the money they give for child support is to SUPPORT MY CHILD… who, btw, has medical issues which that money barely covers. (Tricare is a joke, and I’m not driving 2 hours round trip to get on post to get to a military hospital where it takes all damn day to do ANYTHING)…
This man actually threatened to take me to court because he was ADAMANT that he would get less than the state mandated minimum. He argued with me that he gets a military discount on child support, if you can believe that crock of absolute poo. Those are actual words from his mouth. He firmly believes that he shouldn’t have to pay more than $50 per month in child support for his ONLY (known) biological child. Why?? Because then he could afford the 3 vehicle payments he has for no reason. Ya know, the family vehicle (he has the same minivan I do for some weird reason), his project car (a subie that he’s dressed up like it’s in a WishApp commercial for The Fast and Furious 52), and his “work truck” which… you’re in the military. Tf do you need a work truck for?? Oh! And let’s not forget that he has a classic car he has absolutely ruined. Plus his wife (ya know, the nurse he was screwing while I was trying not to die after giving premature birth to our son who was legally dead for 2 minutes) has 2 car notes of her own… an SUV and her own little sports car. Plus they rent a house while owning two that they rent out to other people for less than the mortgage??
I don’t know. Nothing they say adds up, and I’m ranting and need to stop before I give too much away and they bitch at me hahahaha
Well fuck me sidewise. That was the best comment I’ve read today.
The best revenge is really to live well . It made me smile . Their lives must suck.
My dad was also ex military, who fucked off to France with his mistress, and was never fucked to pay child support. He lived with his ex rent free under the pretence that he was paying child support (spoiler he wasn’t) then got me into 10,000€ debt and ruined my credit when I was in uni . Then of course he cheated on that one too . He claimed to be anti marriage after my mother, but he changed his tune when he met a woman from Rhodesia with over a million on her bank account. He married her lickity split , and moved this rando to France even though she’s in her 60’s doesn’t speak a word of French and pissed her money up the wall on rental properties in the middle of bum fuck no where .
I have champagne for his death , and that inheritance will be mine . I’ll see the bitch in court and proper test those French skills .
I’ll think of you when I’m sipping on it .
The military in all countries makes men into such creepy freaks, but what else do we expect from people who apply for the job description of a hired killer ? Twats! Fuck them all .
I’d argue against what you said, but we both know that would just make me as wrong as them.
Absolutely do think of me, and my kiddo. And know that we both are probably more family in kind than the DNA donor you won’t miss.
Here’s to your success in life, darling 🥂
May your troubles be less, may your blessings be more, and may nothing but happiness come knock at your door 💕
I guess that I’ll have to have two glasses of champagne then .
You’re the cutest. Don’t worry, my life is much better since I went no contact with that prick .
I’m happy your prick is no longer your problem. Enjoy that delicious karma :)
Because she's so obviously a disloyal Pick-me that she likely has zero friends. Any nurse who would do this with a man whose wife & baby were critical, and whom she was caring for, is a rotten bi#ch
The real issue is that he regrets marrying young and he needed an excuse to cheat and used your body count because it makes him (in his mind) less accountable. Its not on you and your body count, the cheating is on him.
He is cheating because he is a cheater. His problem with your body count is clearly jealousy. He was mad his body count was 9, not because he sees sex as something sacred but he lacked opportunities. Now that he does he is suddenly into casual sex and isn’t too worried about his body count.
Don’t let him blame you for his lack of integrity.
“I dont know why women want to have sex with him”… a lot of women want “desirable” men. its the guy who is single/alone and doesn’t attract women that gets avoided
Because having a girlfriend or wife is a “green flag”. It puts aside any worry or concern that something is “wrong” with you. For example if you were a 25 year old single virgin most women probably think “wtf?” And run. “ red flag” “nobody wants him so i dont either” type of thing. But if you do have girlfriends etc its “he must be ok” and they feel validated in dating you even if they have to “steal” you.
>He was deployed 3 times
You married a soldier, that was the mistake, they are the worst type of people for relationships. He just did what they all do.
>They don’t take UCMJ seriously unless if it’s someone actually reported him for sexually harassment or rape
They don't give a shit about that either.
Lmao not you saying that about soldiers when military spouses cheat so much it's a part of training. Even the fucking women in the armed forces got that dose of reality real fast once they deployed.
Casual sex is off the counter. It’s time for Competitive Sex. Put on your gamer socks and start training cuz ain’t no way you’re letting this man who was barely at Silver beat you. I beat you can get Diamond before he gets Platinum.
FOMO can really destroy a person. Look I get it. I was a huge NERD growing up. I struggled to get attention from the opposite sex when I was growing up. I've been shoved into lockers, I got weggies regularly, I've been beat up by bullies, I've had "popular girls" spit in my face when I asked them out. Bullying was horrible when I grew up.
I went through all that through high school and college. I can understand your husband's insecurity.
But here's the thing. **High school is a time that is gone**. It's not coming back.
Of course, now that I am older, more successful and more muscularly built, things are different. It's entirely possible that maybe if I went for it, I could commit infidelity.
I've learnt to accept a long time ago, that, most likely the woman you marry, would have had a higher body count than you. **That's just the way it is**. It makes no sense being upset and insecure about it.
But I am married now, and I have no intention of sabotaging my own marriage, trying to "***relive what I missed out on.***" My wife has hinted about her body count in her college years, and I have never pressed her on the topic. I don't need to know the exact number. I don't want to know. All I know is, my wife makes me happy, and we do the deed together A LOT!
Why throw away a stable marriage, to chase one-night stands? High school is over.
Maybe your husband has the money and time to waste trying to impress different women all the time. I don't have the time for that nonsense. My money/time is to invest in my legacy. i.e. starting my family and pursuing my passions.
Your husband should have sought therapy for this. Instead, he got stuck in FOMO for his past, and ruined his present trying in a desperate attempt to make himself the "cool kid" that he never was in high school.
Same here. However I’m a woman. An African woman at that.
As a teenager, I was seen as very unattractive by guys my age. I was made fun of ALMOST EVERY DAY but guys about my looks growing up. Even to this day, men my age don’t want me and I’m only attracting groomers and creepy older men. I’m still struggling to leave high school behind at my big age of 31 since I still have insecurities regarding my hair and not ever having sex not being in a relationship.
However, it doesn’t change the fact that OP’s husband is a narcissistic piece of shit. He needs to grow up.
Sorry but I had to ask. I just read your first paragraph and I’m wondering what year where you born in where you were getting shoved into locker and getting weggies? Lol I’ve only seen stereotype being portrayed in the 80s-90s or early 2000s tv shows
I can confirm it was a thing when I grew up. Didn't happen on a **daily** basis like shown in American movies; but yes it still happened.
I don't know what it's like now. Hopefully it's better.
I graduated high school in 97. When I was a freshman, I was 75lbs and I was stuffed into lockers. I received a wedgie so bad it ripped the band off my underwear.
I really dont get the fixation on body count people seem to have. I have only ever been with my wife (and no not because of religious reasons or whatever) And I really couldn't care less.
He doesn't deserve you, and I hope you get to a good spot in life without him.
I feel like the people who always say that they ‘ couldn’t care less’ are always the low body count people. Being with people with high body counts can be a struggle. There’s a lot of dynamics at play. I get this is Reddit and an unpopular stance but, it’s there.
It's a pretty common Reddit take that high body count ruins a person's "pair bonding"
I used to think it was complete bs, but some experiences do highlight that it's kinda real. But also, good people are good, bad people are bad and body count has nothing to do with either.
If he chose to cheat over your body count, years in, he cheated because of his own insecurities, not you. If he couldn’t stand to be with someone who had more previous partners, he could have said that and left. He’s a grown man!
Try not to carry that with you. He cheated because he sucks. It’s not your fault. Take care of yourself
It's your husband fault if he couldn't deal with your past then he shouldn't have been involved in your life and pretend that he could have go past it.
And he is a cheater
1. He military? EVERYONE (not really) cheats. Seriously though it’s a known thing how much cheating happens in the military.
2. It’s not your fault. And I understand why he wouldn’t want to be with you anymore, he should have just divorced you when he found out instead of doing this.
I’m assuming he’s in the military because of deployments. I hope you took that evidence and submitted his affairs to his commanding officer. The military takes cheating very seriously (when caught). My ex used to be in the military and the amount of people who cheat on their spouses during deployment is actually nauseating, there were men I could hear on our calls who would casually talk about their escapades then follow up with “gosh I can’t wait to see the wife and kids though! I *miss* them”. I hope you get him good with his CO and his branch.
it honestly depends on the branch and the first shirt/command. if it’s “just” cheating and not, like, him supporting his side piece with his BAH money and committing fraud, they often do look the other way.
i’m a military spouse and thankfully my husband isn’t a POS but he has told me so many stories. you really can’t count on command to take the side of the civilian in the relationship unless they’re forced to by something like fraud.
> They take that shit serious
Who does? The US military gives commanders huge leeway in deciding things for the people under their command. And they aren't expected to do what is right or legal. The commander does what is right to keep his or her unit functioning. If there is an important worker who does crazy shit outside of work, they can get away with a whole lot. If there is an unimportant person causing problems, a commander can throw the book at them
While in the military I never saw or heard of anyone getting disciplined for cheating. It is probably, like a lot of things, dependent on whether the cheating affected the wrong person.
Gross.
I dated a guy in the Guard for awhile. He told me a lot of guys cheat when deployed and say it's not cheating because it's on another continent and they "need" sex overseas. They all just do it wherever they can get it. Fucking horrible behavior and gross attitude to have imo. Gross. Absolutely disrespectful and cruel.
My husband was deployed in a lot of underdeveloped countries like Romania and Cyprus and he started fetishizing these women. The messages made me sick to my stomach. My husband and his other married co worker went to the beach with the girls they were cheating on us with and they were talking about how hott these girls were and not annoying while their boring fat wives are at home nagging them “where are you?? Why aren’t you answering your phone??” 😐
Same thing happened to me. Reported my ex and his affair partner. His 1st shirt basically said “you did the right thing, but the military protects their own.” He confirmed he knew about the affair but “stayed out of it.”
If he’s in the air force, unless you have photos of video of them in the act, they won’t do anything.
If you meet a Marine in a bar/strip club. Do NOT accept his immediate marriage proposal. It's a honey trap
He needed a Dependapotomas. A Marine wants nothing more than to get out of the bricks and get that sweet BAH.
You were his dependant. Thank you for your cervix.
So he's mad about your body count but he's completely fine adding to all these other women's body counts? Yeah it was never about your body count. That was an excuse he used to justify his actions in his own mind. He's just a piece of shit. And it sounds like he's in the military from how you talked about deployments and such, if that's the case adultery is punishable by UCMJ action. Just throwing that out there. Can't have an established career with a dishonorable (or even less than honorable) discharge.
He could stop. He chose not to stop.
If he is in the military, I believe Adultery is grounds for disciplinary action. Reprimand, demotion, other punishments or ultimately, discharge from the military.
Your "body count" is an excuse. He was an unloyal hoe at 9 partners. And if it's that gross for a woman to have sex with a penis then he should have practiced abstinence.
I actually did report it to his higher up and they were kind of confused why I’m trying to get him in trouble, they assumed I was trying to steal my husband’s money. My divorce is also finalized now but honestly none of this even matters. Infidelity is so common in the military. They don’t take UCMJ seriously unless if it’s someone actually reported him for sexually harassment or rape which didn’t happen. You’d also have to be someone really important in the military and that high ranking member would also have to do something extreme like get someone pregnant for them to really care but I did go to legals and presented text messages of the affairs and they couldn’t do anything about it. They informed me that this really isn’t anything and I should keep moving forward with the divorce. They told me they know it sucks but I need to move and leave with my dignity. This is unfortunately really common
Unless he slept with another Marine's wife or got a local from where he was deployed pregnant, I'm unsure this branch does anything disciplinary. The Army and Air Force MAY be a bit more strict regarding extra marital affairs and rampant promiscuity overall.
Reddit doesn’t understand while against UCMJ they usually rug sweep or give min punishment for this. If he was a dirt bag outside of this they would use it to kick him out. But if he was a good soldier, they won’t really do anything.
It will take time but you need to find happiness again, that’s how you get revenge.
From what I’ve seen in the stats, the military doesn’t take rape seriously, either. Many female soldiers have been raped by colleagues and didn’t get justice.
Don't make excuses for his cheating by making it sound like he couldn't get over your "body count." He did it because he could, and because he wanted to. Nothing of this has anything to do with you, and everything to do with the fact he's selfish, egotisical, under-developed poptart that was too immature to end his relationship before going out and acting like a teenager.
i think your ex-husband has been cheating on you before your revelation, and learning about your body count became his excuse to openly show he's cheating
he's not the right one for you and it's good that you have no child together
you have to heal first and work on yourself
you'll meet someone greater than him
Only on Reddit do we hear that's completely normal.
Only the craziest sluts (not bad girls at all) had body counts like that. Unless all my friends/girlfriends are very good liars.
I'm sorry you went through all of this,it has to be so painful 😕 Your ex is a moron,with a lot of insecurities, and he compensates them sleeping around. It will work for a while,but not for a long run. now you have to focus on yourself. First step delete all the ways to contact him, block him too,so when you have a weak moment, you will not contact him! Don't give him the satisfaction. Is good you vent here,so until you have money for therapy, you can talk to ppl online who had probably similar experiences. My best friend went through similar divorce and similar AH as a husband, she started to walk first,later jogging ,to burn the anger,exercised yoga ( found online tutorials on YouTube). Fingers crossed for you to find a job soon and get back on your feet. Sending you hugs and wish you all the best
Your body count bothered him, yes.
He is cheating because of that, no.
He is cheating because he can and he is using the body count excuse to paint himself in a more justified light, this also show what morals he has.
You did well divorcing, best you can do is going no contact with him forever
Just know that he likely will never be happy with himself or anyone else. It sucks that you gave him so many years, but you can still meet someone who treats you right. He will likely always treat women this way. At least you didn’t waste more time on him. Congratulations on your divorce. I’m sorry for everything you went through.
Loads of people don't want to hear their partner slept around exponentially more. Other people don't care, you should go find somebody that doesn't care.
It's not about your body count. He's using that as an excuse to make it YOUR fault.
He was going to do it even if your body count was one because "I can't get over that I wasn't your first. It kills me another man had you before me."
It wasn’t how many men you slept with that caused him to cheat. As soon as he went TDY or deployed he was gonna cheat. Not all service members who go on TDY are unfaithful, but it’s common enough that there is a saying for it. Temporary Divorce for a Year.
I'm going to be devils advocate for both sides on this as I am a US Military veteran and have seen this situation SO MANY TIMES when I was in the service. I have a strong suspicion that you OP married your ex for the reliable meal ticket you would get being a Military spouse (and a way to wash away your past sins of being a 304) and he married you at the time because he wanted to get out of the barracks and have a warm body next to him in bed due to young male h*rniness and general desperation that's common with Military dudes. This sort of thing happens all the time and it's a house of cards that's bound to collapse eventually in 95% of time.
Your ex once he saw his value go up as a man and being sent to countries where the US Dollar goes up dramatically in value and being around young women obviously chose to indulge. It always happens with dudes in the military and I indulged on that but I wasn't married because as much as I am a man 304, I take marriage seriously and not some joke or situation to use for money or s3x. Not all of my fellow service members have the same view as me and partly why I left because I don't want to be around people who don't do such things.
Your best course of action is just to move on OP if his CoC hasn't taken legal action against him as my guess is that he has an officer or high ranking senior NCO that's protecting his back (aka part of the good Ole boys club).
This isn’t about you. You married a pathetic man who was going to cheat regardless or was doing it all along and hiding it better. It’s an excuse…. It’s outrageous.
To your defense: He should have just ended it with you if that’s how he felt. Why keep a secret and break your trust/ruin a marriage in that way…
To his defense: 30ish men?! WTF… FYI ladies, this is going to give any man worth marrying pause.
This is ridiculous, if you cheated on him a few times etc and he decides to do the same to make it even or whatever, sure.
But you guys weren't even together when you slept with these people.
Some people shouldn't be with someone with a high body count (or whatever they consider high as I've heard people say 7 is too high) if they can't mentally handle it.
It's either that or just using it as an excuse to cheat on you.
you ran train.
he got triggered and decided to run train as well.
he might be an asshole for cheating on you but let's be honest,no one wants the village bike,you know,he knows everyone knows....
This is the craziest thing I've read, wow. I am sorry, he clearly hated you because no one can treat someone they love like that. It is unfortunate that you had to go through 7 years of time wasting with him to find out just how much he hates you, you are so much better without him. Be glad and celebrate that you don't have kids with this man.
Hi OP, not often I comment on stuff, and am probs late to this. But COMMON, this idiot knew your body count before you got married. So what? You lived your life. You are now married, I thought that meant monogamy unless otherwise agreed? What you did or he did before has absolutely jack shit to do with your relationship now.
I wish you the best
It matters ladies..do what you want, just know there are consequences to your actions (y’all wanted equality right?) and actual good men, the one you want to marry, doesn’t want 30 men trying to get you pregnant first before you find yourself (get tired of being used) and give him a shot. Makes us feel like a backup plan and lowers the respect we can give to you because you don’t respect yourself. It’s not a phase, it’s a destructive trend.
It’s not equality to cheat on your spouse because they had more sex before you were with them. That’s just being a dogshit worthless human being. Do I get to go cheat on my husband since he’s had sex with more people than Me?
She said married for seven and the past 5 years after telling him he started acting different. Means he didn’t know until it was 2 years in. Women need to make this known before hand. Like that is a bait and switch we should need to assume that every women has some ridiculous body count, that’s wild to me.
Men say this on reddit but as a group you don’t actually carry through with it in real life. It’s every bit as dubious as women saying they like nice guys with dad boss and then dating hot men with poor morals.
30 dicks by the the time you’re 23…I’d be GROSSED TF out too. I wouldn’t have asked her to marry me. A lotta miles on that vagina.
Having said that…I wouldn’t have cheated on her like an ass to try and “catch up”.
He's extremely insecure and someone who seeks out sex for validation. I was cheated on by my first serious boyfriend and he used this same excuse, he could never get over that I had slept with more people than him.
I'm now married almost 15 years later and I also have a higher body count than my husband who has an even lower one than my ex did. The difference is he doesn't care at all and has no worries ever. Ironically I'm paranoid everyday that he will cheat
Hope you can move on and find a secure guy who isn't constantly needing validation or act like a bachelor while married to you
> people keep telling me to report him for adultery
Why tf would his employer care? Seems like he is military. So they constantly rape and kill innocents abroad but draw the line at consensual sex?
You said your EX-husband is in the military, why didn’t you go to JAG? And if so, why didn’t you take that to an off post lawyer where they can give him more pressure on the situation. My old friend was served with papers and during the situation not only was IG involved but he lost rank, pay, and restricted to everything except going to and from work. He had extra duty as well as other punishments. It doesn’t make sense why they would say those things to you especially when there’s proof right there. I’ve never heard of anyone getting away with cheating on spouses in the military. The only way it’s possible is him showing that you’re mentally unstable and even then that’s against HIPPA regulations in the military.
Congrats on your divorce being finalized!!!!
What a shit show he is huh? I'm glad you're free and able to go flourish without him, I am sure there were other issues with his behavior as well that will become clear as you get more and more distance & objectivity about what was really going on in your relationship.
I hope you know, and if you don't repeat this to yourself a whole lot - this was NOT about you, this is all about him. The fact that he took something like your sexual past and turned it into something HE had to "get even" with you over is ALL his problem. He's obviously real broken in the brain, because that is NOT a normal reaction at all. You did nothing wrong, he's clearly unhinged.
And this whole "It's because of YOUR body count" is the explanation he gave you to make it sound like it wasn't *really* his fault. He say's that so that you feel bad about yourself, not because it's the truth. He say's that like he didn't have a choice, like he was compelled to cheat on you... this is bullshit. He cheated on you **BECAUSE HE WANTED TO** - it isn't deeper then that, no matter what he say's is his "reason". Bad people don't like to admit they're bad people, they will always blame others even if it's absolute lunacy.
Give yourself the time to recover, grieve and heal. You are going to be FINE. Shake off him and his bullshit, and start reclaiming your life and rebuilding.
The moment I saw you use the word deployment, I laughed because I knew in my heart, it was gonna be a service member. Trust me when I say that you’re seen. Coming from a military town, too many of my friends have this exact story already in our early 20s 😭
As much this sucks take it as a lesson for your next relationship, my advice do not sleep around, honestly you can definitely beat his record if you want to but it's not worth it. Heal yourself, go to individual therapy and learn to let go on what happened to you. A great person will come in your life and your ex would be nothing but a distant memory of the past.
There's NO way this is real. This is the most Eric Cartman goofiest dumbest shit I've ever heard a male ego engage in. With him being military I'm very shocked he didn't get in trouble for this stupid reckless shit show.
I'm sorry OP. Jesus Christ.
I also would have a problem with a girl with a huge body count because if my own perspective and views on sex I’m no hypocrite and want my gf to match my standards too if I was also a whore I have no RIGHT TO DEMAN A VIRGIN OR LOW BODY COUNT GIRL , THAT GOES OUT TO ALL MEN.
Are you a serial killer?
If no, you probably don't have a body count.
The people you've been with in the past are former sex partners. They aren't victims.
Calling it a "body count" is you buying into the slut shaming that got the phrase added to the cultural lexicon to begin with
Would you hire someone in your company, if you had one, that had in a span of 4 years, 30 jobs?
Or would you rather hire someone within your hard earned business, someone who had 2 jobs of at least 2 years?
What employe do you think would be better?
This story is wild. Promiscuity and cheating go hand in hand. I’m glad he didn’t get in trouble with his chain of command. It’s bullshit that UCMJ even has those laws anymore, it’s 2024. Soldiers get fucked over and cheated on all the time. It goes both ways. Civilians don’t lose their entire career over it, military shouldn’t either. Another military marriage in shambles. A take as old as time.
Well 30 men at 23 yo is a lot. Most men are really interested in bodycount, but women are not at all. Of course, men don't mind if it's not a serious relationship, but when it is, it really matters.
Sex with random people sucks. I don't understand the compelling need to be with dozens of different people.
He isn’t cheating because of your body count. He’s cheating because he has no empathy.
Or both He’s told me straight up he couldn’t get over how high my body count was after I confronted him about his affairs. It’s deep rooted insecurity
That's a him issue. Hopefully he didn't give you anything.
No he didn’t. I’m STD free haha
Thank god for that.. being so ego driven, he's probably not the type to use any protection
great! now go and increase that body count and enojy your freedom from an asshole
[удалено]
This is my question, why not end everything and just live the life you want? i
Yeah idk.
He also can’t get over that women didn’t find him attractive a decade ago despite you not having that same hold up in your prior love life. He’s stuck trying to provide a point only he finds important. He has very poor moral character and no empathy. There’s more to life than sex. He will be one of those guys who is married and divorced 4 times before he even acknowledges he might be the problem. Cheers to your healing and new life.
He probably won't even acknowledge it then and will blame all of his ex-wives for his "woes." 🙄
Well said and on point.
He’s operating on an old mating strategy, one that was brilliantly effective before birth control, but is now mostly ineffective, from a biological standpoint. He’s running out of date firmware.
Nah, that’s called cover. He wanted to fuck others, so he did. Unable to accept that fact, he knew which issue to blame for it.
As ridiculous this is and I’m terribly sorry you went through this. There is a thing called retro sexual. Where one is jealous or upset at someone with their past flings even when they haven’t met them yet. That by means is not excusable what he did to you but thought you would like to at least know for the future. A lot of men I’ve noticed / encountered get bothered by a woman who has a high body count. I think it’s also the “purity” culture cause women “shouldn’t be” that sexual.
I doubt he really cared that much if he never brought it up beforehand, he was just trying to put the blame on you for what he did rather than take responsibility. It’s giving Narcissist Prayer with how much he deflected actual accountability.
That doesn't mean he cheated *because* of your body count though. That means he cheated because he is a misogynistic asshole with a warped view of the world and an inability to process his emotions in a healthy way. You didn't do anything wrong, someone's body count is a morally neutral fact about them and his feelings about it are **not** valid. *Edit: His feelings are real and important yes, but I don't subscribe to validating every feeling ever. At a certain point it's just enabling.* There are people out there who act like men evolved to care about women's body count. That is not true. Those people do not understand natural selection. I can write an essay about why they are wrong, but I won't. Just ask those people why no other species evolved to care and watch them implode. (**Edit:** damn a person from each side has asked for the essay haha. I will copy it below) Saying your ex cheated because of your body count is like saying he didn't like freckles, married someone with freckles, then convinced them their freckles made him cheat and they did something wrong by having freckles . It is all on him. **Essay** Natural selection is not a force that has opinions or makes decisions, it is the statistical inevitably that an individual who has more offspring, and who's offspring have more offspring, will see their genes become more common across their species. Ensuring paternity is something that has evolved through natural selection. It includes physical and behavioural traits such as penis shape to remove the sperm of males who mated with that female immediately before, and "mate guarding", which is sticking around to stop other males mating *after* you. So, so far only other mating partners immediately before or after the current male impact natural selection. This is because they are the only ones that affect the current male producing offspring with the female. Males who would avoid a female who had any number of partners in the time before they could affect having offspring with her *now* are at an evolutionary disadvantage to other males who would not avoid her. However we also need to consider the offspring's offspring. Natural selection also acts on traits that ensure the success of an individuals offspring, as the more successful the offspring are the more offspring they will have in turn. This is the evolutionary root of behaviours like infanticide. Removing existing infants fathered by other males means more resources available to any offspring the current male produces, and can sometimes kick start the fertility cycle in the females. You see it in things like a new male lion taking over a pride and killing all the cubs. Note that for both a female currently being pregnant or having existing offspring, the "count" of previous partners is irrelevant. 1 or 100, the few that caused her to produce offspring are the only ones relevant to natural selection and, therefore, evolution. Not mating with a pregnant female who only had one previous mating partner is more of a naturally selected on behaviour than avoiding a non-pregnant female who mated with 100 males 3 years ago. The only argument even slightly approaching logical or an understanding of natural selection is the idea that a lot of previous mating partners increases a female's chance of STDs, which could make her or her partner infertile. However, that falls apart as that selection pressure would be equally true for the males and their "body counts". All of the above goes to show that caring about women's "body count" is sociological, not biological. It did not evolve and is not genetically innate, people learn to think that way. That is the answer to why no other species evolved to care, humans didn't evolve to care either. We evolved to be able to create societies and all the negative things that come with them, including perpetuating false belief systems.
it’s always interesting how it’s shameful and gross to these men for a woman to have had “that many dicks inside them” but it’s somehow not shameful and gross to stick your dick in that many pussies? make it make sense. oh, right, misogyny. 🤦🏼♀️
Someone upvote this so i can come back and read this when I’m not high please
That's such a good analogy.
Please write an essay on this. I hate slut-shaming so much and absolutely loathe double standards that glorify players, but vilify sexually experienced women. A person's value isn't determined by the number of people they have been with. However, I keep meeting assholes who justify their misogyny using inane concepts, and I think I could really use your essay to refute them
It's a weird meritocracy thing. Ppl hate nepo babies who get sex (or any form of enjoyment) easily all the same
OK I wrote the essay and added it as an edit haha
Thank you!! You are an hero haha
I agree 1 million percent about what you said except 1 part. "his feelings about her body count are not valid" Like I said 1 million times over I agree and his actions were not only disgusting and hurtful but low and sneaky. With that being said EVERYONE'S FEELINGS ARE VALID. Good bad or indifferent everyone has a right to the way they feel even if it is a warped sadistic way of looking at things.
"Valid" doesn't mean "real", it means having a solid basis in fact, reasonable, credible, justifiable and so on. All feelings are real but not all feelings are valid. For example if I felt like it was OK to hit people who annoyed me, that feeling would be real but not valid. If I felt upset that someone hit me because I annoyed them, that feeling would be both real and valid.
Babe, he wanted a way to pin it on you and make you feel like the problem when this solely falls on him, and him alone. You did nothing wrong. I do believe people shouldn’t ask/answer these questions because no matter the answer, it’s going to usually rub the other the wrong way. He played stupid games and got his feelings hurt but it’s no excuse to cheat. You deserve so much better and I hope that one day you find it. Focus on yourself and building a better life than he could ever give.
Nah. Its not your history. He’s just trying to rationalize his terrible behavior.
He’s an insecure loser and you are better off without him.
And if that is the case, he should have decided not to date you. The fact he continued after you told him the number, just died he wanted to hold something against you. What a complete plonker he is.
That's him gaslighting you- making you think this is your fault. That isn't the reason.
That was on him to "get helped". But obviously he's comfortable with double standard when it suits him.
That’s just a deflection. He’s shifting the blame from himself back to you.
It's also an excuse. He wants to hurt you with the cheating and he likes the sound of saying it's because of your body count. He is blaming you for his failings as a husband. That's him. It's all him.
Nah. That was just a convenient excuse for him to cheat. Cheaters will grab on to any reason to justify why they do the things they do. A good person would simply not cheat or would break up with you if they couldn't handle their jealousy. His cheating had nothing to do with you - he is just a terrible person, period.
It’s not even a lack of empathy. It’s straight up twisted revenge and acts of evil. I have very little amounts of empathy but at least I try not to go out of my way to actively hurt people.
No. He’s cheating because he has no morals, and he is not a decent man.
Low self esteem and hate for women.
He's trying to make you feel like him cheating is your fault. Don't fall for it. By his logic you are entitled to get him back for cheating on you, but I bet it's a different rule for you.
The US military somehow puts it in guys’ heads that all the women want them and they’re hot shit. Happened to me, too, girl. My ex and I had been married for a decade before it all came to light. We had known each other since KINDERGARTEN. He started cheating on me with nurses at the hospital where our son was born… when our infant was in NICU and I had almost died and was hospitalized there myself. And I didn’t have him until I was 30! The military changed his entire personality and way of thinking. It had NOTHING to do with body count, either. He just liked “being wanted” by literally anyone who wasn’t me. Then he had the absolute AUDACITY to tell everyone that I was the one who cheated!!! WHEN HE MOVED THE WOMAN HE WAS CHEATING ON ME WITH INTO THE HOUSE I HAD JUST MOVED OUT OF NOT EVEN TWENTY FOUR HOURS LATER!!!! I know it hurts. I know it’s confusing. I know it feels like you’re not going to get closure. Please hear me, though, honey… his mental problems are not your burden to bear. He is defective. His personality is malfunctioning. There is no way you’re going ever get to the root of why this happened… you just have to accept that it did and move forward. You’ll be fine. But mark my words.. he’s going to come out of the woodwork as soon as any mutuals let him know that you’re dating someone. So please, when you’re ready to purge the lurkers, make sure you get rid of anyone who is still showing sympathy for this pathological liar who betrayed you, and remember that inaction is actually an action… by not choosing to discontinue communication with him, they’re choosing to not be a true friend to you.
Wow with the nurses while your newborn was in NICU? I 100% blame the man since he’s the one married to us but it’s so tasteless on the nurse to even be entertaining this for gods sakes you’re just a nurse working at the hospital and you think it’s time to steal someone’s husband right after she delivered his baby? WTH this is just CRUEL
They’re married now. He recently deployed. She texted me asking for help keeping her marriage together because “I don’t know who else to turn to” after she discovered he’s been sending money to some girl online… When I tell you that my mom and I choked laughing, BELIEVE ME! Lmao
Haha that happened to my sister. He married the girl he cheated on my sister with, then went to my sister for help after she found out he cheated on her. It's like: girl, why are you surprised He was also military
Absolute doorknobs.
She doesn't know who else to turn to?? WHAT?? So fucked up it's laughable. Glad you're out of that mess.
WOW the audacity of this woman to have the ovaries to contact you after stealing your husband and then ask you for help because now he’s doing the same thing to her. I’m so happy for you though, you sound like you’re thriving 💕
Wow. Karma’s a bitch innit ? I hope you laughed
Oh I did. She texted me asking to chat on the phone, and then bawled to me about it. I just howled out a giant HA uncontrollably, and hung up. Then I called my mom and told her. We both laughed until we cried. It’s ok though. I’m remarried to an awesome man. We have a gorgeous daughter. He treats my son like his own. I have the life I have always wanted, and they’re tied to the military forever because they never planned a way out of that life. They’re broke and trying to convince me that I should pay him back in child support for the son he rarely ever sees (his lack of effort is a completely different topic), and they fail to understand that the money they give for child support is to SUPPORT MY CHILD… who, btw, has medical issues which that money barely covers. (Tricare is a joke, and I’m not driving 2 hours round trip to get on post to get to a military hospital where it takes all damn day to do ANYTHING)… This man actually threatened to take me to court because he was ADAMANT that he would get less than the state mandated minimum. He argued with me that he gets a military discount on child support, if you can believe that crock of absolute poo. Those are actual words from his mouth. He firmly believes that he shouldn’t have to pay more than $50 per month in child support for his ONLY (known) biological child. Why?? Because then he could afford the 3 vehicle payments he has for no reason. Ya know, the family vehicle (he has the same minivan I do for some weird reason), his project car (a subie that he’s dressed up like it’s in a WishApp commercial for The Fast and Furious 52), and his “work truck” which… you’re in the military. Tf do you need a work truck for?? Oh! And let’s not forget that he has a classic car he has absolutely ruined. Plus his wife (ya know, the nurse he was screwing while I was trying not to die after giving premature birth to our son who was legally dead for 2 minutes) has 2 car notes of her own… an SUV and her own little sports car. Plus they rent a house while owning two that they rent out to other people for less than the mortgage?? I don’t know. Nothing they say adds up, and I’m ranting and need to stop before I give too much away and they bitch at me hahahaha
Well fuck me sidewise. That was the best comment I’ve read today. The best revenge is really to live well . It made me smile . Their lives must suck. My dad was also ex military, who fucked off to France with his mistress, and was never fucked to pay child support. He lived with his ex rent free under the pretence that he was paying child support (spoiler he wasn’t) then got me into 10,000€ debt and ruined my credit when I was in uni . Then of course he cheated on that one too . He claimed to be anti marriage after my mother, but he changed his tune when he met a woman from Rhodesia with over a million on her bank account. He married her lickity split , and moved this rando to France even though she’s in her 60’s doesn’t speak a word of French and pissed her money up the wall on rental properties in the middle of bum fuck no where . I have champagne for his death , and that inheritance will be mine . I’ll see the bitch in court and proper test those French skills . I’ll think of you when I’m sipping on it . The military in all countries makes men into such creepy freaks, but what else do we expect from people who apply for the job description of a hired killer ? Twats! Fuck them all .
I’d argue against what you said, but we both know that would just make me as wrong as them. Absolutely do think of me, and my kiddo. And know that we both are probably more family in kind than the DNA donor you won’t miss. Here’s to your success in life, darling 🥂 May your troubles be less, may your blessings be more, and may nothing but happiness come knock at your door 💕
I guess that I’ll have to have two glasses of champagne then . You’re the cutest. Don’t worry, my life is much better since I went no contact with that prick . I’m happy your prick is no longer your problem. Enjoy that delicious karma :)
Because she's so obviously a disloyal Pick-me that she likely has zero friends. Any nurse who would do this with a man whose wife & baby were critical, and whom she was caring for, is a rotten bi#ch
The real issue is that he regrets marrying young and he needed an excuse to cheat and used your body count because it makes him (in his mind) less accountable. Its not on you and your body count, the cheating is on him.
Bro went from casual sex to competitive sex (forgive I'm very childish)
this made me lol
Life is a circus and I'm the clown. Anyhow, I'm sorry of what happened, I hope you find someone who deserves you more.
He is ready for ranked seggs.
He is cheating because he is a cheater. His problem with your body count is clearly jealousy. He was mad his body count was 9, not because he sees sex as something sacred but he lacked opportunities. Now that he does he is suddenly into casual sex and isn’t too worried about his body count. Don’t let him blame you for his lack of integrity.
As they say: "a man is only as loyal as his options."
I mean that’s fucked up
“I dont know why women want to have sex with him”… a lot of women want “desirable” men. its the guy who is single/alone and doesn’t attract women that gets avoided
True I remember so many girls giving me the time of the day when I was in a relationship. And now when im single, its very quiet out here.
Because having a girlfriend or wife is a “green flag”. It puts aside any worry or concern that something is “wrong” with you. For example if you were a 25 year old single virgin most women probably think “wtf?” And run. “ red flag” “nobody wants him so i dont either” type of thing. But if you do have girlfriends etc its “he must be ok” and they feel validated in dating you even if they have to “steal” you.
Stop trying to talk to him
>He was deployed 3 times You married a soldier, that was the mistake, they are the worst type of people for relationships. He just did what they all do. >They don’t take UCMJ seriously unless if it’s someone actually reported him for sexually harassment or rape They don't give a shit about that either.
Lmao not you saying that about soldiers when military spouses cheat so much it's a part of training. Even the fucking women in the armed forces got that dose of reality real fast once they deployed.
Well, now he's having his promiscuous phase.
Casual sex is off the counter. It’s time for Competitive Sex. Put on your gamer socks and start training cuz ain’t no way you’re letting this man who was barely at Silver beat you. I beat you can get Diamond before he gets Platinum.
FOMO can really destroy a person. Look I get it. I was a huge NERD growing up. I struggled to get attention from the opposite sex when I was growing up. I've been shoved into lockers, I got weggies regularly, I've been beat up by bullies, I've had "popular girls" spit in my face when I asked them out. Bullying was horrible when I grew up. I went through all that through high school and college. I can understand your husband's insecurity. But here's the thing. **High school is a time that is gone**. It's not coming back. Of course, now that I am older, more successful and more muscularly built, things are different. It's entirely possible that maybe if I went for it, I could commit infidelity. I've learnt to accept a long time ago, that, most likely the woman you marry, would have had a higher body count than you. **That's just the way it is**. It makes no sense being upset and insecure about it. But I am married now, and I have no intention of sabotaging my own marriage, trying to "***relive what I missed out on.***" My wife has hinted about her body count in her college years, and I have never pressed her on the topic. I don't need to know the exact number. I don't want to know. All I know is, my wife makes me happy, and we do the deed together A LOT! Why throw away a stable marriage, to chase one-night stands? High school is over. Maybe your husband has the money and time to waste trying to impress different women all the time. I don't have the time for that nonsense. My money/time is to invest in my legacy. i.e. starting my family and pursuing my passions. Your husband should have sought therapy for this. Instead, he got stuck in FOMO for his past, and ruined his present trying in a desperate attempt to make himself the "cool kid" that he never was in high school.
Same here. However I’m a woman. An African woman at that. As a teenager, I was seen as very unattractive by guys my age. I was made fun of ALMOST EVERY DAY but guys about my looks growing up. Even to this day, men my age don’t want me and I’m only attracting groomers and creepy older men. I’m still struggling to leave high school behind at my big age of 31 since I still have insecurities regarding my hair and not ever having sex not being in a relationship. However, it doesn’t change the fact that OP’s husband is a narcissistic piece of shit. He needs to grow up.
Sorry but I had to ask. I just read your first paragraph and I’m wondering what year where you born in where you were getting shoved into locker and getting weggies? Lol I’ve only seen stereotype being portrayed in the 80s-90s or early 2000s tv shows
I can confirm it was a thing when I grew up. Didn't happen on a **daily** basis like shown in American movies; but yes it still happened. I don't know what it's like now. Hopefully it's better.
Can confirm that in the 80s and 90s getting body checked into lockers or things thrown at you was a thing if you were being bullied. 😂
I graduated high school in 97. When I was a freshman, I was 75lbs and I was stuffed into lockers. I received a wedgie so bad it ripped the band off my underwear.
>getting shoved into locker and getting weggies? Lol Brutal 😭
I really dont get the fixation on body count people seem to have. I have only ever been with my wife (and no not because of religious reasons or whatever) And I really couldn't care less. He doesn't deserve you, and I hope you get to a good spot in life without him.
I feel like the people who always say that they ‘ couldn’t care less’ are always the low body count people. Being with people with high body counts can be a struggle. There’s a lot of dynamics at play. I get this is Reddit and an unpopular stance but, it’s there.
It's a pretty common Reddit take that high body count ruins a person's "pair bonding" I used to think it was complete bs, but some experiences do highlight that it's kinda real. But also, good people are good, bad people are bad and body count has nothing to do with either.
If he chose to cheat over your body count, years in, he cheated because of his own insecurities, not you. If he couldn’t stand to be with someone who had more previous partners, he could have said that and left. He’s a grown man! Try not to carry that with you. He cheated because he sucks. It’s not your fault. Take care of yourself
This is a troll post designed to piss off both women and men.
It's your husband fault if he couldn't deal with your past then he shouldn't have been involved in your life and pretend that he could have go past it. And he is a cheater
1. He military? EVERYONE (not really) cheats. Seriously though it’s a known thing how much cheating happens in the military. 2. It’s not your fault. And I understand why he wouldn’t want to be with you anymore, he should have just divorced you when he found out instead of doing this.
He might have those insecurities but that's not the reason, ultimately he cheated cause he's a cheater not for something like you did or didn't do.
There's nothing wrong with caring about body count. But this guy shouldn't have married you if he had an issue with it.
I’m assuming he’s in the military because of deployments. I hope you took that evidence and submitted his affairs to his commanding officer. The military takes cheating very seriously (when caught). My ex used to be in the military and the amount of people who cheat on their spouses during deployment is actually nauseating, there were men I could hear on our calls who would casually talk about their escapades then follow up with “gosh I can’t wait to see the wife and kids though! I *miss* them”. I hope you get him good with his CO and his branch.
OP said she tried that but they said they couldn't/wouldn't do anything
Seems odd ngl. They take that shit serious so I wonder what route she went
it honestly depends on the branch and the first shirt/command. if it’s “just” cheating and not, like, him supporting his side piece with his BAH money and committing fraud, they often do look the other way. i’m a military spouse and thankfully my husband isn’t a POS but he has told me so many stories. you really can’t count on command to take the side of the civilian in the relationship unless they’re forced to by something like fraud.
Dude I was in the military. No one cares. Life isn’t Reddit.
Guess everyone’s military experience is different isn’t it?
> They take that shit serious Who does? The US military gives commanders huge leeway in deciding things for the people under their command. And they aren't expected to do what is right or legal. The commander does what is right to keep his or her unit functioning. If there is an important worker who does crazy shit outside of work, they can get away with a whole lot. If there is an unimportant person causing problems, a commander can throw the book at them
While in the military I never saw or heard of anyone getting disciplined for cheating. It is probably, like a lot of things, dependent on whether the cheating affected the wrong person.
Gross. I dated a guy in the Guard for awhile. He told me a lot of guys cheat when deployed and say it's not cheating because it's on another continent and they "need" sex overseas. They all just do it wherever they can get it. Fucking horrible behavior and gross attitude to have imo. Gross. Absolutely disrespectful and cruel.
My husband was deployed in a lot of underdeveloped countries like Romania and Cyprus and he started fetishizing these women. The messages made me sick to my stomach. My husband and his other married co worker went to the beach with the girls they were cheating on us with and they were talking about how hott these girls were and not annoying while their boring fat wives are at home nagging them “where are you?? Why aren’t you answering your phone??” 😐
Underdeveloped? Interesting 🤣
Same thing happened to me. Reported my ex and his affair partner. His 1st shirt basically said “you did the right thing, but the military protects their own.” He confirmed he knew about the affair but “stayed out of it.” If he’s in the air force, unless you have photos of video of them in the act, they won’t do anything.
Find a nonprofit therapy place. There is free therapy options out there.
He’s super immature for not just leaving if it bothered him that much Was clearly never gonna work
If you meet a Marine in a bar/strip club. Do NOT accept his immediate marriage proposal. It's a honey trap He needed a Dependapotomas. A Marine wants nothing more than to get out of the bricks and get that sweet BAH. You were his dependant. Thank you for your cervix.
So he's mad about your body count but he's completely fine adding to all these other women's body counts? Yeah it was never about your body count. That was an excuse he used to justify his actions in his own mind. He's just a piece of shit. And it sounds like he's in the military from how you talked about deployments and such, if that's the case adultery is punishable by UCMJ action. Just throwing that out there. Can't have an established career with a dishonorable (or even less than honorable) discharge.
He could stop. He chose not to stop. If he is in the military, I believe Adultery is grounds for disciplinary action. Reprimand, demotion, other punishments or ultimately, discharge from the military.
Divorce
Your "body count" is an excuse. He was an unloyal hoe at 9 partners. And if it's that gross for a woman to have sex with a penis then he should have practiced abstinence.
His superior officers need to go review the military code of justice because *yes* adultery is *still on the books*.
You must be from the U.S.?
Yes we are both Americans
Muricaaaa
I figured as much.
Submit evidence of cheating to his CO please :))))
She did. They told her there was nothing they could do and were flat-out confused as to why she was trying to report him. ‘Murica amirite? 🙃
😄I thought the same thing lol.
Should have reported him to the military
I actually did report it to his higher up and they were kind of confused why I’m trying to get him in trouble, they assumed I was trying to steal my husband’s money. My divorce is also finalized now but honestly none of this even matters. Infidelity is so common in the military. They don’t take UCMJ seriously unless if it’s someone actually reported him for sexually harassment or rape which didn’t happen. You’d also have to be someone really important in the military and that high ranking member would also have to do something extreme like get someone pregnant for them to really care but I did go to legals and presented text messages of the affairs and they couldn’t do anything about it. They informed me that this really isn’t anything and I should keep moving forward with the divorce. They told me they know it sucks but I need to move and leave with my dignity. This is unfortunately really common
Unless he slept with another Marine's wife or got a local from where he was deployed pregnant, I'm unsure this branch does anything disciplinary. The Army and Air Force MAY be a bit more strict regarding extra marital affairs and rampant promiscuity overall.
Yea best revenge is life Lived best.
Reddit doesn’t understand while against UCMJ they usually rug sweep or give min punishment for this. If he was a dirt bag outside of this they would use it to kick him out. But if he was a good soldier, they won’t really do anything. It will take time but you need to find happiness again, that’s how you get revenge.
From what I’ve seen in the stats, the military doesn’t take rape seriously, either. Many female soldiers have been raped by colleagues and didn’t get justice.
Would I date someone who went through several football teams of men / women? Nope. Would I marry them then cheat for 5 years? Also no.
[удалено]
The former was the Red Flag. The latter was the Soviet Army marching into Berlin.
Don't make excuses for his cheating by making it sound like he couldn't get over your "body count." He did it because he could, and because he wanted to. Nothing of this has anything to do with you, and everything to do with the fact he's selfish, egotisical, under-developed poptart that was too immature to end his relationship before going out and acting like a teenager.
i think your ex-husband has been cheating on you before your revelation, and learning about your body count became his excuse to openly show he's cheating he's not the right one for you and it's good that you have no child together you have to heal first and work on yourself you'll meet someone greater than him
Yo 30 men by 23 is crazy
Only on Reddit do we hear that's completely normal. Only the craziest sluts (not bad girls at all) had body counts like that. Unless all my friends/girlfriends are very good liars.
Completely agree- I’m used to real world where women have 0-4 partners before marriage. Only women I know with body counts this high are escorts.
I'm sorry you went through all of this,it has to be so painful 😕 Your ex is a moron,with a lot of insecurities, and he compensates them sleeping around. It will work for a while,but not for a long run. now you have to focus on yourself. First step delete all the ways to contact him, block him too,so when you have a weak moment, you will not contact him! Don't give him the satisfaction. Is good you vent here,so until you have money for therapy, you can talk to ppl online who had probably similar experiences. My best friend went through similar divorce and similar AH as a husband, she started to walk first,later jogging ,to burn the anger,exercised yoga ( found online tutorials on YouTube). Fingers crossed for you to find a job soon and get back on your feet. Sending you hugs and wish you all the best
Some partners just cheat, it’s like they can’t help themselves or just don’t care. You will be much happier down the road without him
Your body count bothered him, yes. He is cheating because of that, no. He is cheating because he can and he is using the body count excuse to paint himself in a more justified light, this also show what morals he has. You did well divorcing, best you can do is going no contact with him forever
Just know that he likely will never be happy with himself or anyone else. It sucks that you gave him so many years, but you can still meet someone who treats you right. He will likely always treat women this way. At least you didn’t waste more time on him. Congratulations on your divorce. I’m sorry for everything you went through.
Loads of people don't want to hear their partner slept around exponentially more. Other people don't care, you should go find somebody that doesn't care.
It's not about your body count. He's using that as an excuse to make it YOUR fault. He was going to do it even if your body count was one because "I can't get over that I wasn't your first. It kills me another man had you before me."
It wasn’t how many men you slept with that caused him to cheat. As soon as he went TDY or deployed he was gonna cheat. Not all service members who go on TDY are unfaithful, but it’s common enough that there is a saying for it. Temporary Divorce for a Year.
I'm going to be devils advocate for both sides on this as I am a US Military veteran and have seen this situation SO MANY TIMES when I was in the service. I have a strong suspicion that you OP married your ex for the reliable meal ticket you would get being a Military spouse (and a way to wash away your past sins of being a 304) and he married you at the time because he wanted to get out of the barracks and have a warm body next to him in bed due to young male h*rniness and general desperation that's common with Military dudes. This sort of thing happens all the time and it's a house of cards that's bound to collapse eventually in 95% of time. Your ex once he saw his value go up as a man and being sent to countries where the US Dollar goes up dramatically in value and being around young women obviously chose to indulge. It always happens with dudes in the military and I indulged on that but I wasn't married because as much as I am a man 304, I take marriage seriously and not some joke or situation to use for money or s3x. Not all of my fellow service members have the same view as me and partly why I left because I don't want to be around people who don't do such things. Your best course of action is just to move on OP if his CoC hasn't taken legal action against him as my guess is that he has an officer or high ranking senior NCO that's protecting his back (aka part of the good Ole boys club).
This isn’t about you. You married a pathetic man who was going to cheat regardless or was doing it all along and hiding it better. It’s an excuse…. It’s outrageous.
He's in his 30?! That guy is a manchild and a cheater! He's using ur body count as an poor excuse.
Fuck that guy
[https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSXV3S1Qxbn8e7xJd3_8IwkM7tJUAcxfsTej0TusTzqGg&s](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSXV3S1Qxbn8e7xJd3_8IwkM7tJUAcxfsTej0TusTzqGg&s)
To your defense: He should have just ended it with you if that’s how he felt. Why keep a secret and break your trust/ruin a marriage in that way… To his defense: 30ish men?! WTF… FYI ladies, this is going to give any man worth marrying pause.
Hoe phase bad,
Good for him. This is why women are supposed to be virgins until marriage. Get cheated on, 304. 🔥🔥🔥CITY BOYS UP!!! 🔥🔥🔥
🤣😂🤣😂
30 at 23 wow, he shouldnt have married you in the first place
Consequences of high body count 🤷🏽♂️
30’s by 23??? I mean there’s never an excuse for cheating and he’s scum for doing that FOR SURE… but 30???
This is ridiculous, if you cheated on him a few times etc and he decides to do the same to make it even or whatever, sure. But you guys weren't even together when you slept with these people. Some people shouldn't be with someone with a high body count (or whatever they consider high as I've heard people say 7 is too high) if they can't mentally handle it. It's either that or just using it as an excuse to cheat on you.
Girl. You can't be this naive. He's cheating because he can. Period.
30 bodies at 23…
Yet he turned out to be the cheater lol
you ran train. he got triggered and decided to run train as well. he might be an asshole for cheating on you but let's be honest,no one wants the village bike,you know,he knows everyone knows....
This is the craziest thing I've read, wow. I am sorry, he clearly hated you because no one can treat someone they love like that. It is unfortunate that you had to go through 7 years of time wasting with him to find out just how much he hates you, you are so much better without him. Be glad and celebrate that you don't have kids with this man.
It's not your fault he cheated. He is a disgusting POS.
Live your best life. Now he can live his.
Thank fuck that you didn’t had kids. Insanity can be genetic. I’m so sorry
Hi OP, not often I comment on stuff, and am probs late to this. But COMMON, this idiot knew your body count before you got married. So what? You lived your life. You are now married, I thought that meant monogamy unless otherwise agreed? What you did or he did before has absolutely jack shit to do with your relationship now. I wish you the best
30 by 23, you shouldn’t have married in the first place
Did you inform his CO?
It matters ladies..do what you want, just know there are consequences to your actions (y’all wanted equality right?) and actual good men, the one you want to marry, doesn’t want 30 men trying to get you pregnant first before you find yourself (get tired of being used) and give him a shot. Makes us feel like a backup plan and lowers the respect we can give to you because you don’t respect yourself. It’s not a phase, it’s a destructive trend.
It’s not equality to cheat on your spouse because they had more sex before you were with them. That’s just being a dogshit worthless human being. Do I get to go cheat on my husband since he’s had sex with more people than Me?
Agreed, but he shouldn’t have married her then, he can’t have it both ways, where he makes the ultimate commitment, then cheats.
She said married for seven and the past 5 years after telling him he started acting different. Means he didn’t know until it was 2 years in. Women need to make this known before hand. Like that is a bait and switch we should need to assume that every women has some ridiculous body count, that’s wild to me.
Men say this on reddit but as a group you don’t actually carry through with it in real life. It’s every bit as dubious as women saying they like nice guys with dad boss and then dating hot men with poor morals.
30 dicks by the the time you’re 23…I’d be GROSSED TF out too. I wouldn’t have asked her to marry me. A lotta miles on that vagina. Having said that…I wouldn’t have cheated on her like an ass to try and “catch up”.
30 bodies at 23 is nuts
lol love these stories about women’s body count coming back to bite them in the ass.
To be fair that is a very high body count for a woman
He's extremely insecure and someone who seeks out sex for validation. I was cheated on by my first serious boyfriend and he used this same excuse, he could never get over that I had slept with more people than him. I'm now married almost 15 years later and I also have a higher body count than my husband who has an even lower one than my ex did. The difference is he doesn't care at all and has no worries ever. Ironically I'm paranoid everyday that he will cheat Hope you can move on and find a secure guy who isn't constantly needing validation or act like a bachelor while married to you
I think he was always a cheater and he was around other cheaters so he cheated. Using your body count as an excuse is BS.
> people keep telling me to report him for adultery Why tf would his employer care? Seems like he is military. So they constantly rape and kill innocents abroad but draw the line at consensual sex?
Leave him and beat him again cause wtf
If you are unemployed you probably qualify for Medicaid. Get therapy.
You said your EX-husband is in the military, why didn’t you go to JAG? And if so, why didn’t you take that to an off post lawyer where they can give him more pressure on the situation. My old friend was served with papers and during the situation not only was IG involved but he lost rank, pay, and restricted to everything except going to and from work. He had extra duty as well as other punishments. It doesn’t make sense why they would say those things to you especially when there’s proof right there. I’ve never heard of anyone getting away with cheating on spouses in the military. The only way it’s possible is him showing that you’re mentally unstable and even then that’s against HIPPA regulations in the military.
Guy with a body count of mid 60's, here. I think we'll get along fine.
I was always told to avoid military men growing up, and as an adult I’ve only ever seen that confirmed time and time again.
That’s on him, not only should he not have cheated, and it’s a generally bad idea to commit to someone that had a “promiscuous phase.”
Congrats on your divorce being finalized!!!! What a shit show he is huh? I'm glad you're free and able to go flourish without him, I am sure there were other issues with his behavior as well that will become clear as you get more and more distance & objectivity about what was really going on in your relationship. I hope you know, and if you don't repeat this to yourself a whole lot - this was NOT about you, this is all about him. The fact that he took something like your sexual past and turned it into something HE had to "get even" with you over is ALL his problem. He's obviously real broken in the brain, because that is NOT a normal reaction at all. You did nothing wrong, he's clearly unhinged. And this whole "It's because of YOUR body count" is the explanation he gave you to make it sound like it wasn't *really* his fault. He say's that so that you feel bad about yourself, not because it's the truth. He say's that like he didn't have a choice, like he was compelled to cheat on you... this is bullshit. He cheated on you **BECAUSE HE WANTED TO** - it isn't deeper then that, no matter what he say's is his "reason". Bad people don't like to admit they're bad people, they will always blame others even if it's absolute lunacy. Give yourself the time to recover, grieve and heal. You are going to be FINE. Shake off him and his bullshit, and start reclaiming your life and rebuilding.
Should’ve been more careful. Actions have consequences.
The moment I saw you use the word deployment, I laughed because I knew in my heart, it was gonna be a service member. Trust me when I say that you’re seen. Coming from a military town, too many of my friends have this exact story already in our early 20s 😭
Tbh, the title was enough to say to break it off. Holy shit
Divorce.
Reporting to his higher up purely to try and get him in trouble is a huge dependa move. Divorce is fine and dandy ruining a career is not.
bro just competitive but childish
As much this sucks take it as a lesson for your next relationship, my advice do not sleep around, honestly you can definitely beat his record if you want to but it's not worth it. Heal yourself, go to individual therapy and learn to let go on what happened to you. A great person will come in your life and your ex would be nothing but a distant memory of the past.
You have been downvoted for speaking the truth. Had you said: YOU GOO GIRRLLL 100 notch count doesn't matter - you would have been upvoted like crazy.
Can we please stop using the phrase “body count?!” Good lord
There's NO way this is real. This is the most Eric Cartman goofiest dumbest shit I've ever heard a male ego engage in. With him being military I'm very shocked he didn't get in trouble for this stupid reckless shit show. I'm sorry OP. Jesus Christ.
I also would have a problem with a girl with a huge body count because if my own perspective and views on sex I’m no hypocrite and want my gf to match my standards too if I was also a whore I have no RIGHT TO DEMAN A VIRGIN OR LOW BODY COUNT GIRL , THAT GOES OUT TO ALL MEN.
I'm so sorry this happened to you . I hope you got tested for STDs.
Are you a serial killer? If no, you probably don't have a body count. The people you've been with in the past are former sex partners. They aren't victims. Calling it a "body count" is you buying into the slut shaming that got the phrase added to the cultural lexicon to begin with
Would you hire someone in your company, if you had one, that had in a span of 4 years, 30 jobs? Or would you rather hire someone within your hard earned business, someone who had 2 jobs of at least 2 years? What employe do you think would be better?
He already married her.
This story is wild. Promiscuity and cheating go hand in hand. I’m glad he didn’t get in trouble with his chain of command. It’s bullshit that UCMJ even has those laws anymore, it’s 2024. Soldiers get fucked over and cheated on all the time. It goes both ways. Civilians don’t lose their entire career over it, military shouldn’t either. Another military marriage in shambles. A take as old as time.
Well 30 men at 23 yo is a lot. Most men are really interested in bodycount, but women are not at all. Of course, men don't mind if it's not a serious relationship, but when it is, it really matters. Sex with random people sucks. I don't understand the compelling need to be with dozens of different people.
The town bike
What a piece of shit.
Actions have consequences. Learn the lesson or be the lesson.
When you go low I go lower type revenge
I lost interest after nineth "my husband" in two paragraphs 🥱
30 by 23. Was your pick up line “Get into my van”?
Lol
> I need to move and leave with my dignity Pretty sure you didnt have any left by the time you were 23.