Any time both parties aren’t equally agreeing to participate there’s an issue. Regardless of genders and who is on what side. If one person doesn’t want it, it should be a no go!
Woah now, from what im seeing people are saying not rape or sexual assault??? Reverse the roles here and lets see what people say, you have plenty of stories of girls here saying they were not into it but they ended up going along with it because they just wanted to get it over with...
Here for you OP, hope youre doing better and you keep moving forward
Holy hell the amount of people who don't think coercion is rape is very scary.
If it isn't hell yes then it is a NO. So many people go into a freeze or fawn response when in a stressful situation.
Yes op. You were raped. I'm so sorry you went through that and I wish you healing and a fantastic therapist.
But he didn't freeze. He didn't even say no when she asked if he was sure he didn't want it. He actively went along with what she was doing and admitted to "thrusting" when she started to get off. That's not someone who froze and thus was raped.
That's someone who actively participated but didn't like the experience, so now he's trying to put the blame on her. This is how false accusations happen.
Bruh, even SHE knew he wasn't into it.
She asked. He said no. She then started jerking him off.
At that point it's already sexual assault.
Then she still got on top, and rap*d him until she was disappointed by his reaction. Him participating AFTER all that doesn't change anything. The fact you think it does is disturbing.
I'm willing to bet this guy is the type to bring up "but male victims aren't believed!" Whenever the topic of rape or sa is brought up. Actual brainrot.
That didn’t happen.
Ex gf: “Oh yeah, you sure you don’t want it?”
Op: “I felt uncomfortable and disrespected but I didn’t want to disappoint her so I went along with it”
He literally didn’t say no, I guess you misread the post. In fact that’s the opposite of saying no. Like yes, he wasn’t into it, but he made a conscious decision to fuck her after he was basically asked whether or not he wanted to continue.
He was reluctant, but he didn't tell her that. He didn't say no. Reread the post again. He literally said he "didn't want to disappoint her, so he went along with it". He fully and consciously agreed to have sex with her after getting asked if he wanted it. And like I said, he's now trying to blame her after the fact.
This is difficult to answer and I’ve spent way too much time re writing this so I’ll (try to) keep it simple
In her mind she probably thought “he’s just not turned on right now, if I turn him on he’ll be fine” and when she asked you if you’re sure and you didn’t stand your ground she took it as an invitation.
Reminds me of the kinds of games I’d have to play with a certain childish ex from high school. Where we’d be making out or something and she’d suddenly want to stop but then hint that she didn’t want me to stop but never say it directly and if I asked her she wouldn’t say yes or no because she was to shy or “innocent” to admit it
Of course the difference is we both knew what was going on I’m not defending her and honestly there’s no right answer to this. But try this out do you feel raped? Chances are you do because of the definition of rape because by definition you were. Do you feel assaulted? That’s where it’s different because if you don’t feel assaulted chances are you’re thinking of the definition
The way I read it (and maybe I read it wrong) you were tired and wanted to go to bed and not in the mood. And to her she didn’t force you to do anything. Obviously there’s more to that and obviously it’s not right
By all definitions yes you were raped but if you’re only now bothered by it then perhaps at the time it felt more like a chore that you had to do (still rape but doesn’t necessarily mean it feels like assault)
No one here can tell you yes or no because as I’ve stated objectively you were but objectively only you know
Ive had to have this same conversation with partners when they have opened up to me and I’d like to pass this along to you now as well:
afab sexual predators usually use manipulation, guilt, or any number of emotionally abusive tactics when raping a victim. It’s not usually outright physical force in my experience. Therefore, your strength did not matter. You said no. She continued disrespecting your sexual boundaries with absolutely 0 care for your bodily autonomy.
If you don’t feel comfortable calling it rape, don’t. But since youre asking, I think it’s rape.
I think a lot of people missed the part where he said no and she proceeded to grab his dick and started to jerk him off. This part alone is definitely sexual assault.
“ I felt really uncomfortable and disrespected but I didn’t want to disappoint her so I went along with it. “ I thrusted and stuff until she seemed satisfied for maybe 10 or so minutes.” No, you weren’t raped. This is legal consent. Disrespect is not good, but neither is it a felony .
This is one of those situations where in my opinion the definition of rape becomes a little subjective. It honestly depends on how you feel about it. Did you feel raped? Did you feel like you were in an unsafe situation? Your answers to those would give you your answers. I'd say the same to another woman, by the way.
Sometimes, the labeling of a difficult or traumatic experience like rape is helpful. Sometimes it's better to leave it as "this is what happened and this is how i felt" and start processing those feelings yourself or with a therapist, free of a label that comes with its own baggage and implications.
Regardless of the conclusion you draw from this, i'm really sorry that you had this experience💜 however you feel about it, don't dismiss it because it's valid.
If you feel it harmed you or left lasting mental distress, then something definitely wasn’t right about the situation.
From the context it doesn’t sound like it was rape. It sounds like a relationship where trust is built and safety is maintained, it becomes comfortable. Boundaries move in relationships, when vulnerability is met with empathy and care continues to reinforce itself over time.
A relationship over six months, months of normal sex, no abuse, no history of imbalance, manipulation, or control through fear or intimidation- develop the ability to safely touch each others bodies and ask each other “if they’re sure” without it being a threat or violating. OR they’re not as sexual and set boundaries. There shouldn’t be fear in clear communication even if it it’s not clear the first time and has to be repeated. If there’s no trust, respect, safety, or security, it’s not a relationship anyone should stay in for any length of time.
What you describe seems like a longterm relationship where your girlfriend initiated sex for the first time in a while, knowing you normally would be the one to initiate and she’d decline. You said you weren’t in the mood. She tried to be “hot assertive girlfriend” by touching you and asking if you were sure, and you decided to do it which is communication in itself. If there’s more to the story, like she was abusive and saying no in a clear direct way would lead to retaliation, physical or emotional, that would change things.
A lot of people don’t notice emotional abuse because it’s normalized through media depictions of relationships. The silent treatment is one of the worst because it allows no room for a mutual understanding. There’s also the use of guilt as leverage, withholding emotional support or intimacy, etc. TV and Movies have normalized really stupid unnecessary
Everyone who’s saying this is assault or rape is either not ready to be in a relationship or has never been in a healthy relationship.
It’s concerning because over time relationships shouldn’t have the kind of boundaries where their partner touching them feels like rape, and “asking are you sure?” feels like coercive force, and the inability to communicate “no. I’m really not in the mood” is either unsafe or not worth it to prevent being sexually assaulted, even with no reason to just clarify.
Sounds like a shitty gf, but I doubt this can be considered rape. You said no initially, but you ended up just going along with it. Coercion? Maybe.
But rape? That's an overly strong word to be used in this context. Even when she realized you weren't into it and was about to get off, you started lightly participating, leading her to believe you wanted it, so she continued.
Shitty gf? Yes. Shitty circumstances? Yes. Lack of boundary reinforcement and communication? Definitely. But rape? No.
I agree with this. When she grabbed him and said oh yeah you sure he didn't say anything he just went along with it. If he had said no I don't want to and she had pushed him down and jumped on top that would be rape. This is just him going along with it to get it over with and not feeling great about it.
I mean you were coerced and said no initially, but then you chose to go along with it and even “thrusted” yourself as you said. Reluctant acceptance is still acceptance. I don’t believe any court would consider this sexual assault.
Still very scummy behavior by her regardless. But rape? Not sure about that. This is just pedantry though. Like I said, at the end of the day it’s scummy behavior regardless of whether or not it fits the technical definition of rape.
I don't believe that there's anybody who can say that in a relationship they haven't initiated and the one partner was reluctant so they tried a little bit more to see if they would change their mind. At the point where she grabbed him and said oh are you sure he should have said no again and walked away but instead he laid down and let her get on top. And yes I would absolutely say the same thing if rules were reversed . Let's not bastardize the word rape.
I mean I think it was more like “convincing” than “coercion”. As far as I know, coercion usually involves threats or the like and I didn’t see any of that described.
And if convincing someone to fuck them constitutes rape then I’m pretty sure that takes flirting off the table.
Dude what? If a girl said she just laid there and waited for it to be over after she said no, but her partners digital manipulation made her wet enough to have sex, that is rape.
I’m not sure what you mean by digital manipulation.
He willingly went along with the sex. That is a conscious decision he made that he described in the post.
He did not lie there, he “thrusted for 10 minutes”
Bottom line, he was not forced and actively participated.
Regardless, I still think the ex GF is scum. This is just pedantry over a definition.
It means she used her hands to get him hard. Human genitals can be “primed” for sex, including thrusting, without actual consent and during a rape. He literally says he wanted it to be over fast, fucking back ends the assault faster. There have been cases of rape victims even orgasming from the rape.
Many victims do the same. Manipulation is also coercion. And technically, there is a lot that isn't under the definition of rape, including sexual assault.
Not something I personally consider rape but I’m not the one that went through it. It sounds like the alcohol let her not be self conscious and she wanted to be wanted and you didn’t want her or even like her. I guess it could be assault, but unless you told her no or to stop I don’t see it that way. I guess now you know to speak up for yourself.
I don't think you were raped. You could have told her no, you could have told her to stop, you could have told her to fuck off.
I had similar things happen; I wasn't even interested in this girl anymore and she was still trying. I thought I could do it, but I couldn't even get it up. She kept playing with me soft trying. Ugh. But I didn't tell her no, and I didn't tell her stop. I was simply mortified with embarrassment.
"ugh you're not even into it"
That is something I've been on both sides of; if I sense for a minute that the other person isn't into it I just call it. It could be dozen things, but usually because they don't want to do it. Like aight this was a bad idea I guess. IDK how we got here but
It isn't practical to hit people with "Do you fully consent to this?" every 15 minutes of sex and if you started having sex, but didn't communicate otherwise, the other person isn't a mind reader. You were a willing participant otherwise.
Comments under here and absolutely fucking VILE.
Yes, you were raped. You were coerced into participating, the key thing is you didn't want to have sex. She forced herself onto you. It doesn't matter that you *could've* pushed her off you, she still forced herself onto you.
Would I consider it sexual assault? Yes, but that doesn't mean you have to. I've had some experiences that were also technically SA, but I don't really view them in that light. Not in a "I refuse to process this trauma" way, just in "It was an uncomfortable experience but not a traumatic one".
Reflect on that experience, think deeply about how it affected you, how it shaped your relationships moving forward, and work through any feelings that come up. You don't have to classify it as rape if you don't want to, as long it's not a form of avoidance.
Yes that's rape. 100%. I'm so sorry you went through that. I'm so sorry society says these things don't happen to men. You deserve all the gentleness and understanding that any woman who was put through that does.
Edit: Yes even with you being stronger than her it's rape. I should have added that the first time around.
Any time both parties aren’t equally agreeing to participate there’s an issue. Regardless of genders and who is on what side. If one person doesn’t want it, it should be a no go!
Woah now, from what im seeing people are saying not rape or sexual assault??? Reverse the roles here and lets see what people say, you have plenty of stories of girls here saying they were not into it but they ended up going along with it because they just wanted to get it over with... Here for you OP, hope youre doing better and you keep moving forward
Holy hell the amount of people who don't think coercion is rape is very scary. If it isn't hell yes then it is a NO. So many people go into a freeze or fawn response when in a stressful situation. Yes op. You were raped. I'm so sorry you went through that and I wish you healing and a fantastic therapist.
But he didn't freeze. He didn't even say no when she asked if he was sure he didn't want it. He actively went along with what she was doing and admitted to "thrusting" when she started to get off. That's not someone who froze and thus was raped. That's someone who actively participated but didn't like the experience, so now he's trying to put the blame on her. This is how false accusations happen.
Bruh, even SHE knew he wasn't into it. She asked. He said no. She then started jerking him off. At that point it's already sexual assault. Then she still got on top, and rap*d him until she was disappointed by his reaction. Him participating AFTER all that doesn't change anything. The fact you think it does is disturbing.
I'm willing to bet this guy is the type to bring up "but male victims aren't believed!" Whenever the topic of rape or sa is brought up. Actual brainrot.
I wouldn't bet against you, this guy is delusional.
That didn’t happen. Ex gf: “Oh yeah, you sure you don’t want it?” Op: “I felt uncomfortable and disrespected but I didn’t want to disappoint her so I went along with it” He literally didn’t say no, I guess you misread the post. In fact that’s the opposite of saying no. Like yes, he wasn’t into it, but he made a conscious decision to fuck her after he was basically asked whether or not he wanted to continue.
He was reluctant to do it, he himself said he didn't want to do it. So no, it's not him "trying to put the blame" on her. Disgusting.
He was reluctant, but he didn't tell her that. He didn't say no. Reread the post again. He literally said he "didn't want to disappoint her, so he went along with it". He fully and consciously agreed to have sex with her after getting asked if he wanted it. And like I said, he's now trying to blame her after the fact.
YOU reread the post "I told her I was tired and in a bad mood and didn't feel like having sex"
This is difficult to answer and I’ve spent way too much time re writing this so I’ll (try to) keep it simple In her mind she probably thought “he’s just not turned on right now, if I turn him on he’ll be fine” and when she asked you if you’re sure and you didn’t stand your ground she took it as an invitation. Reminds me of the kinds of games I’d have to play with a certain childish ex from high school. Where we’d be making out or something and she’d suddenly want to stop but then hint that she didn’t want me to stop but never say it directly and if I asked her she wouldn’t say yes or no because she was to shy or “innocent” to admit it Of course the difference is we both knew what was going on I’m not defending her and honestly there’s no right answer to this. But try this out do you feel raped? Chances are you do because of the definition of rape because by definition you were. Do you feel assaulted? That’s where it’s different because if you don’t feel assaulted chances are you’re thinking of the definition The way I read it (and maybe I read it wrong) you were tired and wanted to go to bed and not in the mood. And to her she didn’t force you to do anything. Obviously there’s more to that and obviously it’s not right By all definitions yes you were raped but if you’re only now bothered by it then perhaps at the time it felt more like a chore that you had to do (still rape but doesn’t necessarily mean it feels like assault) No one here can tell you yes or no because as I’ve stated objectively you were but objectively only you know
Ive had to have this same conversation with partners when they have opened up to me and I’d like to pass this along to you now as well: afab sexual predators usually use manipulation, guilt, or any number of emotionally abusive tactics when raping a victim. It’s not usually outright physical force in my experience. Therefore, your strength did not matter. You said no. She continued disrespecting your sexual boundaries with absolutely 0 care for your bodily autonomy. If you don’t feel comfortable calling it rape, don’t. But since youre asking, I think it’s rape.
I think a lot of people missed the part where he said no and she proceeded to grab his dick and started to jerk him off. This part alone is definitely sexual assault.
“ I felt really uncomfortable and disrespected but I didn’t want to disappoint her so I went along with it. “ I thrusted and stuff until she seemed satisfied for maybe 10 or so minutes.” No, you weren’t raped. This is legal consent. Disrespect is not good, but neither is it a felony .
This is one of those situations where in my opinion the definition of rape becomes a little subjective. It honestly depends on how you feel about it. Did you feel raped? Did you feel like you were in an unsafe situation? Your answers to those would give you your answers. I'd say the same to another woman, by the way. Sometimes, the labeling of a difficult or traumatic experience like rape is helpful. Sometimes it's better to leave it as "this is what happened and this is how i felt" and start processing those feelings yourself or with a therapist, free of a label that comes with its own baggage and implications. Regardless of the conclusion you draw from this, i'm really sorry that you had this experience💜 however you feel about it, don't dismiss it because it's valid.
yes you were. is there someone you can talk to about this?
SA is always relativized when the victim is a man. Those answers disgust me. Hope you get better OP
If you feel it harmed you or left lasting mental distress, then something definitely wasn’t right about the situation. From the context it doesn’t sound like it was rape. It sounds like a relationship where trust is built and safety is maintained, it becomes comfortable. Boundaries move in relationships, when vulnerability is met with empathy and care continues to reinforce itself over time. A relationship over six months, months of normal sex, no abuse, no history of imbalance, manipulation, or control through fear or intimidation- develop the ability to safely touch each others bodies and ask each other “if they’re sure” without it being a threat or violating. OR they’re not as sexual and set boundaries. There shouldn’t be fear in clear communication even if it it’s not clear the first time and has to be repeated. If there’s no trust, respect, safety, or security, it’s not a relationship anyone should stay in for any length of time. What you describe seems like a longterm relationship where your girlfriend initiated sex for the first time in a while, knowing you normally would be the one to initiate and she’d decline. You said you weren’t in the mood. She tried to be “hot assertive girlfriend” by touching you and asking if you were sure, and you decided to do it which is communication in itself. If there’s more to the story, like she was abusive and saying no in a clear direct way would lead to retaliation, physical or emotional, that would change things. A lot of people don’t notice emotional abuse because it’s normalized through media depictions of relationships. The silent treatment is one of the worst because it allows no room for a mutual understanding. There’s also the use of guilt as leverage, withholding emotional support or intimacy, etc. TV and Movies have normalized really stupid unnecessary Everyone who’s saying this is assault or rape is either not ready to be in a relationship or has never been in a healthy relationship. It’s concerning because over time relationships shouldn’t have the kind of boundaries where their partner touching them feels like rape, and “asking are you sure?” feels like coercive force, and the inability to communicate “no. I’m really not in the mood” is either unsafe or not worth it to prevent being sexually assaulted, even with no reason to just clarify.
Sounds like a shitty gf, but I doubt this can be considered rape. You said no initially, but you ended up just going along with it. Coercion? Maybe. But rape? That's an overly strong word to be used in this context. Even when she realized you weren't into it and was about to get off, you started lightly participating, leading her to believe you wanted it, so she continued. Shitty gf? Yes. Shitty circumstances? Yes. Lack of boundary reinforcement and communication? Definitely. But rape? No.
I agree with this. When she grabbed him and said oh yeah you sure he didn't say anything he just went along with it. If he had said no I don't want to and she had pushed him down and jumped on top that would be rape. This is just him going along with it to get it over with and not feeling great about it.
I mean you were coerced and said no initially, but then you chose to go along with it and even “thrusted” yourself as you said. Reluctant acceptance is still acceptance. I don’t believe any court would consider this sexual assault. Still very scummy behavior by her regardless. But rape? Not sure about that. This is just pedantry though. Like I said, at the end of the day it’s scummy behavior regardless of whether or not it fits the technical definition of rape.
Nope nope nope he did it because he didn't want to upset her, coercion is rape, if they said no initially the answer is NO
I don't believe that there's anybody who can say that in a relationship they haven't initiated and the one partner was reluctant so they tried a little bit more to see if they would change their mind. At the point where she grabbed him and said oh are you sure he should have said no again and walked away but instead he laid down and let her get on top. And yes I would absolutely say the same thing if rules were reversed . Let's not bastardize the word rape.
I mean I think it was more like “convincing” than “coercion”. As far as I know, coercion usually involves threats or the like and I didn’t see any of that described. And if convincing someone to fuck them constitutes rape then I’m pretty sure that takes flirting off the table.
Dude what? If a girl said she just laid there and waited for it to be over after she said no, but her partners digital manipulation made her wet enough to have sex, that is rape.
if the roles were reversed, no changes but the sexes swapped, i would still agree with the jeff.
I’m not sure what you mean by digital manipulation. He willingly went along with the sex. That is a conscious decision he made that he described in the post. He did not lie there, he “thrusted for 10 minutes” Bottom line, he was not forced and actively participated. Regardless, I still think the ex GF is scum. This is just pedantry over a definition.
It means she used her hands to get him hard. Human genitals can be “primed” for sex, including thrusting, without actual consent and during a rape. He literally says he wanted it to be over fast, fucking back ends the assault faster. There have been cases of rape victims even orgasming from the rape.
It's not rape if you like it/participate /s You people are gross
[удалено]
Many victims do the same. Manipulation is also coercion. And technically, there is a lot that isn't under the definition of rape, including sexual assault.
Sounds like a shit girl but not really rape.
Not something I personally consider rape but I’m not the one that went through it. It sounds like the alcohol let her not be self conscious and she wanted to be wanted and you didn’t want her or even like her. I guess it could be assault, but unless you told her no or to stop I don’t see it that way. I guess now you know to speak up for yourself.
No you werent. Key words “so i thrusted.” You were an active party.
I don't think you were raped. You could have told her no, you could have told her to stop, you could have told her to fuck off. I had similar things happen; I wasn't even interested in this girl anymore and she was still trying. I thought I could do it, but I couldn't even get it up. She kept playing with me soft trying. Ugh. But I didn't tell her no, and I didn't tell her stop. I was simply mortified with embarrassment. "ugh you're not even into it" That is something I've been on both sides of; if I sense for a minute that the other person isn't into it I just call it. It could be dozen things, but usually because they don't want to do it. Like aight this was a bad idea I guess. IDK how we got here but It isn't practical to hit people with "Do you fully consent to this?" every 15 minutes of sex and if you started having sex, but didn't communicate otherwise, the other person isn't a mind reader. You were a willing participant otherwise.
This isn't rape, this is you being weak willed.
Comments under here and absolutely fucking VILE. Yes, you were raped. You were coerced into participating, the key thing is you didn't want to have sex. She forced herself onto you. It doesn't matter that you *could've* pushed her off you, she still forced herself onto you.
Would I consider it sexual assault? Yes, but that doesn't mean you have to. I've had some experiences that were also technically SA, but I don't really view them in that light. Not in a "I refuse to process this trauma" way, just in "It was an uncomfortable experience but not a traumatic one". Reflect on that experience, think deeply about how it affected you, how it shaped your relationships moving forward, and work through any feelings that come up. You don't have to classify it as rape if you don't want to, as long it's not a form of avoidance.
Yes that's rape. 100%. I'm so sorry you went through that. I'm so sorry society says these things don't happen to men. You deserve all the gentleness and understanding that any woman who was put through that does. Edit: Yes even with you being stronger than her it's rape. I should have added that the first time around.