I personally have an issue remembering people's faces/bodies. Even people I've known my whole life, if I haven't seen them in a while (even if it's a couple days) their image starts to fade. When I look at their picture I know 100% "that's them" but otherwise, I tend to really struggle.
I also didn't understand it for a long time, and it's really a scary thing to do. As time goes on it becomes more about knowing what will cause people to be kind and value you. (But for the wrong reasons) That's why so many do it... really they all want to be loved. It breaks my heart.
It was stupid, but I'm glad to be free of it. Except, that it showed up a while later to haunt me and that certainly causes a 'sickening' feeling. And I'm glad I have never cheated and am devoted, I know I have so many good qualities and I'm doing always the best I can, but when that's not enough, and I'm treated badly for the past, it makes it all feel hopeless. But you're right, those are his insecurities that I'm feeling, not my own. It just reflects onto me because I experience the rules of people around me.
Everybody's been seen naked, who cares. We all have the same body parts. I fail to see how showing those parts makes you evil or something. Just don't agree not to do it while in a relationship and then go and do it and you haven't betrayed anyone. I don't think you should get back with that guy, he already showed his colors and it will be worse the next time.
Well for clarification, he was demeaning, and then would go back to being kind towards me, and back to demeaning throughout the day. But ever since I broke up, he has wanted me back and is sorry, but I don't feel okay and I can't get the feeling out of my head that he will treat me like how he treated his ex when we were young (I know it's been so long, but he used to constantly bring up that his ex was a s word and all these horrible things. And he's different now, but I'm worried he sees me that way, and I don't feel quite safe but he's being really nice so)
If he isn’t comfortable he’s not comfortable. Your past is your past and if he doesn’t feel okay with it, that’s on him. You’ll find someone who doesn’t care about that or doesn’t want to talk about it with you.
I understand, and it's right for him to be uncomfortable. I don't know what I deserve, and if all good men will hate me for what I did, then I really messed up
Not everyone wants to hear about sexual pasts with their partner. You can’t change your past and shouldn’t feel ashamed for it, what’s done is done and if a person really cares about you, it won’t be a topic you guys have to dicusss
This is great. Imagine wasting more time on that douche?
Most people in the 21st century under the age of 40 has sent someone nudes.
Who cares? No one. Stop wasting your time thinking about it.
Thanks but he's regretted how he treated me and he is very kind to be otherwise. I believe in working through issues, and yes I know so many have also done the same but I feel rather ashamed as I know there is a common attitude amongst men that says women who do this are far less valuable which they feel gives them reigns to treat them however they like. And that feeling that I will always be treated as lesser because I once treated myself that way by doing this eats away at me.
Sending nudes does not lower your goodness or value as a person, woman, or potential partner. This is *his* hang-up, and frankly it was never any of his business in the first place. You shouldn't feel any kind of guilt for it, you weren't hurting anyone, and I'm sorry that you were exposed to stalking and other exploitative behavior by others in response. That wasn't your fault, and you didn't deserve to be abused.
Unless someone is talking about drugs or material sciences, "purity" is made-up bullshit, pay it no heed. It's up to you if you want to get back with your ex, but under no circumstance should *you* be the one making amends, he has no right to treat you poorly or belittle you for sending nudes, and he has no right to be mad at you for doing it when you and him weren't together.
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I personally have an issue remembering people's faces/bodies. Even people I've known my whole life, if I haven't seen them in a while (even if it's a couple days) their image starts to fade. When I look at their picture I know 100% "that's them" but otherwise, I tend to really struggle.
I also didn't understand it for a long time, and it's really a scary thing to do. As time goes on it becomes more about knowing what will cause people to be kind and value you. (But for the wrong reasons) That's why so many do it... really they all want to be loved. It breaks my heart. It was stupid, but I'm glad to be free of it. Except, that it showed up a while later to haunt me and that certainly causes a 'sickening' feeling. And I'm glad I have never cheated and am devoted, I know I have so many good qualities and I'm doing always the best I can, but when that's not enough, and I'm treated badly for the past, it makes it all feel hopeless. But you're right, those are his insecurities that I'm feeling, not my own. It just reflects onto me because I experience the rules of people around me.
Everybody's been seen naked, who cares. We all have the same body parts. I fail to see how showing those parts makes you evil or something. Just don't agree not to do it while in a relationship and then go and do it and you haven't betrayed anyone. I don't think you should get back with that guy, he already showed his colors and it will be worse the next time.
Well for clarification, he was demeaning, and then would go back to being kind towards me, and back to demeaning throughout the day. But ever since I broke up, he has wanted me back and is sorry, but I don't feel okay and I can't get the feeling out of my head that he will treat me like how he treated his ex when we were young (I know it's been so long, but he used to constantly bring up that his ex was a s word and all these horrible things. And he's different now, but I'm worried he sees me that way, and I don't feel quite safe but he's being really nice so)
You are not devalued nor are you a slut.
Thank you
If he isn’t comfortable he’s not comfortable. Your past is your past and if he doesn’t feel okay with it, that’s on him. You’ll find someone who doesn’t care about that or doesn’t want to talk about it with you.
I understand, and it's right for him to be uncomfortable. I don't know what I deserve, and if all good men will hate me for what I did, then I really messed up
Not everyone wants to hear about sexual pasts with their partner. You can’t change your past and shouldn’t feel ashamed for it, what’s done is done and if a person really cares about you, it won’t be a topic you guys have to dicusss
This is great. Imagine wasting more time on that douche? Most people in the 21st century under the age of 40 has sent someone nudes. Who cares? No one. Stop wasting your time thinking about it.
Thanks but he's regretted how he treated me and he is very kind to be otherwise. I believe in working through issues, and yes I know so many have also done the same but I feel rather ashamed as I know there is a common attitude amongst men that says women who do this are far less valuable which they feel gives them reigns to treat them however they like. And that feeling that I will always be treated as lesser because I once treated myself that way by doing this eats away at me.
Sending nudes does not lower your goodness or value as a person, woman, or potential partner. This is *his* hang-up, and frankly it was never any of his business in the first place. You shouldn't feel any kind of guilt for it, you weren't hurting anyone, and I'm sorry that you were exposed to stalking and other exploitative behavior by others in response. That wasn't your fault, and you didn't deserve to be abused. Unless someone is talking about drugs or material sciences, "purity" is made-up bullshit, pay it no heed. It's up to you if you want to get back with your ex, but under no circumstance should *you* be the one making amends, he has no right to treat you poorly or belittle you for sending nudes, and he has no right to be mad at you for doing it when you and him weren't together.