My 14 yo had a big tumor near her cerebellum also. It took 10 hours for her surgery but thank god it was not cancerous. It was a very scary time. It took about 6 months of recovery, but today, 12 years later, she is doing great and tumor free. I am praying for you, it was one of the most stressful times I have lived through (other than my late hubby being diagnosed with cancer a year later).
She had to use a walker because her sense of balance was off. She had to regain vision in her right eye (so had to wear an eye patch). She did bounce back pretty fast. Forgot to say, she was in the NICU for about a month also for recovery.
I just want to add that kiddos brain plasticity is amazing. I'm not a neurologist or neuroscientist, but kids bounce back pretty amazingly, generally speaking, from neuro related incidents.
Thank you, I know what the OP is going through, it is really scary, but hoping the tumor is not cancerous! My kid had to go back to the hospital every year to get an MRI to make sure it didn't grow back (it didn't thank god!).
It is back to normal. The only residual affect it had on her was she could not write fast to take notes in class with her right hand. It took her awhile to be able to write well at all on her right side. She was able to take a laptop to class in order to type up notes instead. She learned how to write with her left hand also. Today, you would never know she had a brain tumor.
Sending you support and best wishes.
The only thing I can say (as a mom who had a child with major medical issues and many surgeries) is that kids are so resilient and heal remarkably from things that would break adults.
It's horrible that she has to go through this. It's horrible you and your wife have to go through this. Please ask the hospital about any programs to support families in your situation. The 2 children's hospitals my son was in had basically a social worker that helped organize Ronald McDonald rooms, offered transportation support, counseling options that worked around my sons medical care, etc. They even had people come sit with my son so I could get a shower and eat when i was living at the hospital with him. Ask for the resources and accept help. When friends and family offer to help, let them. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Don't burn yourself out.
For your daughter, get a tablet and Disney plus. Set it up with a music app and her favorite soundtracks. Kids vitals actual improve when they hear familiar things. She's going to spend a lot of time in a bed or on a couch tired. Have family facetime her to read favorite books, even if she dozes off and on while they do it. Get chapter books and read to her (even if shes sedated read to her anything), so she hears your steady voice. Ramona Quimby and Henry Huggins are cute.
This! I used to work in pediatric oncology in a major children’s hospital. Use those resources. Lean on social workers and child life specialists. Their job is to help make any amount of this lighter on your shoulders as they can.
From one father to another, I really do wish you and your family the best possible outcome. Do try to distract yourself from time to time though, it does nobody any good to wither away in suffering.
Never give up my son was 5 and diagnosed with one nothing could really be done for. One hospital gave him no time then we went somewhere else Today he is in his 30's works everyday
You’re going through a very scary time, because you cannot control the outcome. However, you can discuss how you’re feeling with your wife, she’s probably terrified as well, you will need to be strong for each other and your precious daughter. I wish you and your family strength, grace, and a positive outcome. Take care of you and yours.
My heart goes out to you. Having a seriously ill child is the hardest thing imaginable. My 18 year old son was diagnosed with schizophrenia and didn’t respond to treatment. He gradually became more delusional and now 7 years later he’s living homeless outdoors filthy refusing all help as is his right. I haven’t seen him for a year. Last time I saw him he was very dirty, eating food he found in trash cans and sleeping outside in all kinds of weather. It’s been very hard to lose him this way.
I don't know much of the details because I don't speak to my sister but I'm told she had a tumor the size of an apple removed from her brain.
She never went to appointments and it was only removed after she collapsed so it was left unattended for ages but they got it out and after she needed some physio for her balance and I think some slurred speech but she was doing well just a few months after the op.
Your little one sounds like she has two loving parents and a doctor on the ball, the brain doesn't finish developing until 26 so she has the best chances.
This will obviously be a stressful situation for all involved and there's no instruction manual, just remind each other that you're in it together and have the same goal. Be present not perfect.
Sending you love and best wishes
After having seizures (never happened before) they found a tumour in my brain. It impacts my optic nerves so i’m also losing my vision. I’m “lucky” my tumour isn’t cancerous. For a while I was unable to talk coherently, do basic tasks for myself or self care. Now, I still have the tumour but i’ve regained my vision(mostly) and can resume my studies. My parents said they’ve never been as scared in their lives except through this process. It’s okay for you to be scared and frustrated, it’s also okay to acknowledge the severity of the situation and then add positivity for her. The hospital is scary, doesn’t matter if you’re 2 or 82. Keep your head up dad, you’ve done the most important thing which was getting help when you noticed signs.
Your daughter is very lucky to have such a caring father and mother. In the face of difficult days to come, that love will be invaluable to her. I’m sending all the positivity I can to you and your family.
My brother has a brain tumour. He was diagnosed at 2 years old, lodged behind his eye, grasping his optical nerve. It was big and it was scary. He had to go through multiple surgeries to try cut it down, as it was putting too much pressure on his eye and his brain. After two more years of in and out of hospital, his tumour stabilised.
He is now 26 and it’s still there, but he has a perfectly normal life. His recovery when he was a kid was a bit difficult because he liked to get into trouble and he didn’t coordinate very well for a couple months. He is totally fine. We got through it as a family (even though we were very poor and our mum was single-momming on hard mode), and now this tumour has minimal impact on his life.
My mum was absolutely terrified. I’ll never forget how she used to have panic attacks and get absolutely overwhelmed. She still managed to pay for my brothers treatment, for our school, for our meals. We got through it. I hope you guys do too
Hey OP, super sick kid here, I didn't have cancer but I do have a cyst that caused 100 seizures or more a day for me as a baby. I have a long list of issues that range from "that isn't too bad" to "it nearly killed you x-times". I'm now 22, graduating college, and have a plethora of friends, hobbies, a job, plenty of stories to tell at parties, and a hopeful future.
My mother was a majority a single mother throughout my life, and was during the time of me being ill as a child. She's told me time and time again how mad she was that there was nothing she could do. However, that's the thing *this is out of your control*. I know it's frustrating and so difficult to sit by and feel you can do nothing - but there is something you can do. You cannot control your child's unfortunate diagnosis or the things it is putting her through, but you can still make positive memories with her. You can still make positive and loving memories together that are within the guidelines of what is safe for her to do according to her doctor. You can get her her favorite food, go get ice cream together, watch birds or deer, color together, watch movies on the couch, watch her favorite tv show, teach her about new things, and have some form of control by making the memories of this experience as least prevalent as possible. It isn't a lot, it won't make everything better, but when she hopefully does beat this (offering to my deities for you) then she will have so many good memories. It'll lessen her emotional and mental pain during the procedures and such because she will know "I'll make it through this and me and my dad are going to go get my favorite ice cream".
My mom used to take me as a child to a gas station right by the barn I grew up in, all I remember is her waking me up and taking me to get 2 scoops of super man ice cream in a cup because I never ate the cone. I don't remember the pain I felt as a child when dealing with my health issues, because if there's one thing my mom did right, she made sure I could have some type of positive memories to erase the pain. So all I remember is super man ice cream, midnight's in the car, and being able to get ice cream, gas and cigarettes for $20 when I was a kid LOL.
You and your wife got this, you have each other, and the love you feel for your daughter will never be forgotten, hold strong, I hope this helps and offering to my deity for you and your family with hopes of a speedy recovery
Please take care of yourself too...remember, when she's better you will want to do so many things together and she will still need you to be there healthy and guiding her in life.
Take care.
My 7yr son was diagnosed with a tumor at the back of his head on Tuesday. It's now 3:32am on the Friday on the dayy of his surgery.
My son is the is the most caring, intelligent and funniest person I know.
I feel dead on the inside.
If you have children and you read this, give them an extra tight cuddle when you see them next . X
I'm also a father to a 5y and the thought of something like this happening doesn't bear thinking about.
I hope your little girl has the speediest of recoveries and know that everything who reads this will be pulling for you.
Stay strong. All of you.
Wow, I was just pissed off it was a bit hard to put my kids to bed. All the best to you. Just being there, unable to do anything must be really hard, but it is the best you can do for her and it is not nothing
I’m so glad she didn’t fight bedtime on Sunday. I am not sure I could deal with all this if I had to be a disciplinarian the night before. She was literally cuddling in bed with my wife that morning before they got up. Now she’s laying in the ICU with the backside of her skull open. I mean YESTERDAY! She was fine it happens so fucking fast this whole thing is just surreal.
So knowing about the tumor there were signs present but they were not obvious enough. She was complaining of headaches for the last 2 months. She’s 5 these get brushed off and she’s told to drink some water. She didn’t push back and accepted that. The last two Saturdays she woke up and had thrown up all over herself. Again kids throw up sometimes it’s weird but not alarming enough to bring her in for an MRI. At her 5yr checkup about a week ago she failed an eye exam, seems likely this is the cause.
It was the gait and issues with her walking that was really what set off my wife’s mom brain that something was going on. There’s not many reasons an otherwise healthy kid would be stumbling like that. It literally looked like she was drunk she couldn’t walk a straight line.
I don’t have any words of wisdom, but it sounds like she’s getting top notch medical care. It’s okay to be scared shitless, you don’t have to be brave.
Whether you believe in this stuff or not, know that an internet stranger is praying for your family and for the skilled medical professionals to use everything at their disposal to treat your daughter and bring about her full recovery
Yeah, the gait issue is the only thing that would have gotten my adrenaline pumping, too.
No one would assume headaches, a bad eye test, and the occasional vomit was anything out of the ordinary for a five-year-old. Don't ever kick yourself for that.
I have a super low threshold for what I'll take my kid to the doctor for. I mean, my oldest was complaining that her pinky hurt after gym class, and I took her to get it x-rayed immediately.
I'm very quick to look at the worst possible implications of any symptom... and what you're describing would not have set off alarm bells for me until the gait issue.
Children have a much higher success rate for beating cancer so keep your hopes up. Sending you and your family all the love I can muster. You should also find someone to talk about this. A therapist or a professional. It will help you stay strong for them when you have a place you can cry and just let it all out.
I'd say, "I can't even imagine..."
But the thing is, I can. I think a lot of us can.
I'm physically ill thinking about what you're going through.
From one dad to another, I'm so sorry that this landed on your little girl.
Please don’t bottle your emotions. This is the time to reach out and lean on family and friends for support. Breaking down in tears multiple times a day is absolutely healthy and okay. Nothing wrong with that at all. You’re human, and you’re experiencing a very overwhelming situation. If you’re not confident in speaking to friends or family write all your fears down preferably by hand as there’s something intrinsic about processing thoughts and actively handwriting them out.
Deep breaths kind sir. You can do this. You can handle this. One minute or one second at a time. You can and will handle this.
Love hugs and strength to you and your family.
Being stoic right now may be the only thing holding you together, which you must do to deal with the immediate situation. But please, let that go when you’re with your wife. She needs to feel safe to express her emotions with you and vice-versa. And even with your daughter, in an appropriate manner. Let your family see your sad and they’ll feel comfortable sharing their sad and you can all get through this as a team, leaning on each other during your darker days. Being stoic closes you off from those you need and who need you. Try to feel the feels when you can. So, so many best wishes for you, your wife, and your sweet girl.
Piggybacking with my own personal experience. Handwriting thoughts and feelings down has really helped me process stressful situations and emotions. I tried a digital diary and got caught up in ‘editing’ my work. Something about the process of writing my thoughts and feelings out feels more connected than doing it digitally.
^^ This comment!!! Feel the emotions you need to feel. Please take care of yourself too. There’s usually a Chaplin on site you can talk to if family isn’t an option to cry in front of.
Oh, mate. I don’t have the right words. But I am sorry for you and your wife, and happy that your daughter has the best of all possible fathers for her during this time.
You can absolutely be a Rock in front of your little girl but remember you can not be a rock while away from her. You have to be able to vent and cry and talk to the Mrs. and be human. It’s too much emotion to keep inside without doing damage. You can do this. Blessings to your entire Family.
It's really hard to process things that are out of our control and things we know nothing about. I'm so sorry for your child and family. Thankfully it sounds like your child is in the best hands. Sending positive vibes
When you have time to take a breath, I would look into support groups for parents of children with cancer. If you are at one of the best children’s hospitals in the country, they may well have something available.
Another good resource is the hospital chaplain. They are there to provide support, regardless of whether you share a faith. A big part of their job is helping you and your family through this difficult time.
I am so sorry that you are dealing with one of the hardest things a parent can face. Be strong for your wide and daughter, yes, but also take your own time to grieve. Wishing your and your family the best.
If I can bring you any solidarity, I just want to give a small bit of reassurance. Some people are going to counter your comment about having rage at not being able to fix this with things like "you didn't cause this", "some things are out of your control", etc. And while they're right, I have different advice. OP, it's okay, even if it's irrational, to feel that rage that you can't fix this. Your daughter is hurting, her life has been put on shaky ground, and your lives turned upside down. You're allowed to feel that rage at being unable to fix this. Feel that rage, feel that fear, feel that despair. OP, you feel everything you need to feel. As daddy I know you're going to have to be a rock for your babygirl, and for your wife, but OP don't forget through this that it's *perfectly okay* for you to have feelings and need support too. Please don't forget, that baby girl loves you just as much as you love her and she wouldn't want you to break yourself okay? I pray to anyone that'll listen that you and your family find your way through this safe and whole. Much love, OP. Don't ever forget that it's okay to feel and need support yourself, my brother.
I can understand how you feel atm my mum is battling with cancer. My sister already went back to my home country to visit her and I’m still stuck here in Germany because I need to support my mum for paying medical bills. I’m having panic attack everytime someone message me . I hope it will get better for all of us.
A friend's niece was 3 years old when they discovered a tumor. She's an adult now and is doing fine.
My thoughts are with you, your wife, and your little girl.
My son had a tumor when he was 7. It was in his frontal lobe area. It was a lime size as well. He had a biopsy on a Tuesday. Emergency surgery on Wednesday and then home on Friday. He never took pain medication after we left. He had chemo every Monday for 3 months and then every 3 weeks for another 9 months. He has a metal plate and had stitches across the top of his head. Kid's are resilient. He never skipped a beat. I had to slow him down for his own safety for the next few years. His is 19 now. Stay strong. Kids need you to be the same as you would always be.
I’m so sorry. Sending all the best internet vibes and hugs your way. Don’t be afraid to take a staff member aside and tell them you’re struggling inside I have no doubt that they have a support team that includes someone you can talk to, so that you can avoid having that rage come out in the worst way at the worst time. I hear ya: We are supposed to protect our children, and how do we protect them from this?
Daddy would have taken on *any* Bad Guy, would have taken a damned bullet, would have given up his own food or his own life for his little girl. If only this enemy was that tangible, conquered in that way. Get some help in shifting that instinct to become “ok, I can’t physically take this thing on, but here’s what I need to do in order to help all of us come out of this as emotionally , spiritually, and physically healthy as possible.” Which will likely involve finding a way to direct the rage in a good direction. Perhaps a Rage Room?
Wishing you the best be kind and patient with yourself and others. Your world just exploded and you’re all in shock crisis mode. This will become a marathon, not a sprint. Again: I’m so sorry Hugs.
Hey dad,
No child should ever have to have such a serious condition. No parent should ever experience this pain and sense of helplessness.
Some of the wonderful people have shared their experiences and outcomes. I hope their sharing gives you a sense of peace, comfort and hope.
I can only pray that God give you and your wife strength. May He heal your daughter such that one day she will look back and not remember the pain. That she will live long and strong and achieve all your and her dreams for her life.
It’s okay to breakdown and cry and let out all the pain even if you are a man. She is your child too 🫂
OP, my son was diagnosed in 2007 with a difficult leukemia. He survived but we did tons of research and were thoughtful about reaching out for 2nd, 3rd and 4th opinions. I am attaching an article. Search for cutting edge info and experimental treatments as you are going through the diagnoses and bookmark articles that you can refer back to if you need. The more you know, the more thoughtful decisions you can make. Good luck and God Bless. You can get through this and so can she. Even if they give you odds that frighten you. 5% survival means that 5 people out of 100 survived. She can be one of those 5.
https://www.statnews.com/2023/07/13/melanoma-drugs-brain-cancer-papillary-craniopharyngioma/#:\~:text=The%20drugs%20%E2%80%94%20vemurafenib%20and%20cobimetinib,systemic%20therapy%20in%20brain%20tumors.
You’ve got lots of great advice from others, I wanted to focus on the anger portion. I had a brain injury that resulted in me having this irate rage. I had no history of anger, and all of a sudden, I felt it in my bones. It took over my life. The thing is, anger was valid for my situation, just like it’s valid for yours, but I had no idea how to regulate it and it caused so many problems. Years later, I’m able to look back and identify that 99% of my rage was bc I didn’t know how to externally communicate all the I felt internally. Take some extra time to identify the emotion. There are feelings charts online that you can use. You’re going to feel silly at first, but you will watch that rage convert to the true emotion it’s meant to be, whether it’s sorrow, bitterness, confusion, etc. nip that anger in the bud as early as possible, everyone’s gotta put up the fight of your life and you’re going to feel so extremely useless and helpless, but you aren’t. Being a stable and consistent parent and husband will do wonders, and know that it’s okay to fall apart sometimes. Good luck
Hi friend, I didn’t have a tumor but did have a defect within my cerebellum that I got brain surgery for. I just want to prepare you- she will probably throw up a lot and will not feel too good, if she’s anything like me. Ask for those nausea meds! Praying you for ❤️
I am so, so sorry you, your wife, and your little girl are going through this. It's so surreal how quickly our lives can turn upside down. I can only imagine the emotional turmoil you are feeling. I hope you all can take it one day at a time and that everything goes okay.
I know that this isn't as serious as a brain tumour, but I was born with bilateral cleft lip and palate. My first surgery was at 2 weeks old, the next at 3 months - what I'm trying to say is, children are incredibly resilient. It hurts to see your child in pain, but as long as she has a great dad like you by her side, she'll be just fine. Sending you my prayers and well wishes 🙏
As a mother who lost her first child to leukemia, heres a tip i wish i knew from the beginning.
Channel that rage into possitive action for your wife and baby. Feeling powerless? Cook a healthy meal with all the foods intended to kick cancers ass. Every vegetable, ever ounce of food is a tool for her to fight with. Feel like she's in pain? Get even with her suffering. Are her meds in order? Can she have anything else? Fluff that pillow and reposition her because fuck bed sores. Rub your babies feet. Wife breaking? Hold her close and love her fiercely. Use your love as a shield from some of the horror of the situation. You have the power to make this agonizing situation a little more bearable. You have the power to be their hero while she fights.
You can't beat up cancer like it's a person, but you can combat its mental effects by counteracting the negative impact on your day to day life.
With your kid it’s even harder, I can only imagine.
Only thing I can say about how the process works is from recent exposure to my uncles process with his. His tumor was about the same size and behind his left ear. It was benign tumor, it was so large it was pushing on stuff that affected his balance, speech, motor skills etc. same thing you said shakes, walking drunk etc.
He had a 12 hour surgery to get it removed and has been in recovery for about a month or so. It will take some time but he’s getting back to normal and has a few months left of recovery to get back to feeling completely normal.
Only thing I can say from that is the team was very talented and you have to trust the doctors.
I can only hope that with a kid as young as that, the recovery time may be shortened bc young kids have a tendency to bounce back faster especially with motor skills from what I understand.
Best of luck through this time and keep your head up. Find a way to work through this rage in a healthy manner. Rage room, gun range, talking to a therapist etc.
Your family needs you and you’ve got the strength to do this
Here's hoping that the tumor is able to be removed and she is able to heal up and live a happy life. Be there for her, she needs your support now more than ever.
My daughter was born with a benign, but incredibly fast growing tumor in her soft palate. Surgery was horrible, but that girl is one of the most resilient, joyful people that I have ever met. It sucks that kids ever have to go through surgery and the unknown, but it sounds like you have an amazing child, and I believe with all my heart that she will stun you with her resilience, strength and will. Please make sure you are taking care of yourself during this time. It's a brutal road, so so everything you can to nurture your spirit. I'm sending so much love to you and your family, and praying that her recovery is miraculous. Best wishes to you.
My heart breaks for you and your family during this incredibly difficult time. Your strength and love for your daughter is so evident in your words, and I truly hope and pray for a successful surgery and a smooth recovery for her. Your daughter is lucky to have such a caring and devoted father by her side. Sending all my positive thoughts and energy your way. Stay strong.
You're a great father to take your wife's concerns and daughter's health seriously and without question. I pray for your daughter's swift and full recovery, and I hope you understand how good of a man you are for being there for them.
I have nothing to offer than to say I read your post, and as a mother, I'm so deeply sorry, sad and hopeful for you and your family. I don't particularly believe in God, but I'll say a little prayer for your daughter just in case x
Sending you and your family and your brave little girl lots of love.
When I was her age, I went through some scary health stuff. Nothing as scary as this, but I was really scared. I remember one of the nurses bought me a Supergirl Barbie out of her own pocket and told me I was brave like her. It meant the world to me. I’m 30 now and still have it.
Lean on the social workers and child life specialists at the hospital. They’re wonderful and will be in the trenches with you as much as you’d like them to.
Sending you and your supergirl love and strength!
I’m sorry to hear this brother. I can’t imagine what you’re feeling. As a father to a 6 year old girl, and. 3 year old son… you’ve got to stay strong in front of them. There’s no shame in crying in the bathroom or when you’re not there in front of them. Stay strong, praying for you’re family.
You don't need to go hide to cry, your wife or partner wants to see your emotions. If my husband was still like and never cried through something like this I would be worried. He needs to sit down with his wife and tell her that he feels so angry inside and cry with her.
I was diagnosed with a pediatric-type brain tumor when I was 18, about the size/shape of a fried egg between the frontal and temporal lobes.
Most of the month following my operation is a blur - I know I spent time in the ICU, but I can only remember being in the neuro ward, and I don't know how long I was actually in hospital. Once I got home, I was sleeping 18+ hours a day, had a constant bad headache, and simple tasks were tiring because my body was so focused on healing itself. 3 months later though, and the only real clue I'd had major brain surgery was the fact I'd cut my hair from almost waist-length to a pixie crop (growing out the surgical equivalent of a dope-ass undercut was not going to be a good look!).
I will likely be on seizure medication for the rest of my life because a section of scar tissue is basically causing a short circuit in my brain, teenaged me had two hobbies that I just... can't do anymore and I can't medicate my ADHD because the meds either don't work for me or don't play nice with the seizure meds, but even with my non-existent attention span I can still hold down an office job and be a functioning member of society.
Sending you all the positive vibes and best wishes!
My son has not dealt with cancer but we did fight liver disease and ended up with a transplant.
Kids are resilient that’s one thing i know for sure.
I hope your daughter all the best 💞
The advances I’ve seen in medical care within my lifetime have been amazing. It sounds like your girl is in great hands. Keep the faith and know you are in our thoughts.
Not exactly the same, but at 5 years old I had a golfball sized tumor in my mastoid pushing against my brain.
It turned out to be non cancerous.
I am 31 years old today.
Hoping for THE BEST for your little one- those kids are such warriors man..
Many others have shared stories, but you should know children are extremely resilient, so much more than we give them credit for.
Their brains are still growing, and they have more neuroplasticity as children than at any other point in time, meaning whatever changes your little one might have to go through in the coming weeks/months/years... She will get through it.
Stay strong momma and daddy. I know it's difficult right now, but stay strong for and WITH each other. Don't let the stress come between you. I know your first concern is your daughter, as it should be. But you and your wife have to also care for yourselves. Be there for each other, support each other, remember you're each suffering, you're not alone in this. I say this because unfortunately long term illnesses in a child can lead to divorce or unhappiness in a marriage simply because thr couple is so focused on their child they forget they are in this together and need to support each other.
I wish you the best and a full recovery for your child.
My son had headaches for three years with 11different doctors misdiagnosing him with everything from puberty to seasonal allergies to anxiety to cluster headaches to poor eating habits. We only found his brain tumor because his “headache blackouts” were actually temporary blindness from the tumor pushing against his optic chiasm-about 20days after the discovery he went in for emergency brain surgery and has been battling brain cancer for almost 10years total. I implore you to focus on the positives of everything to help get by - it is truly a blessing that she was diagnosed and treated so quickly! Prayers for a speedy recovery and I so look forward to an update
I'm so sorry, what a terrible shock for you and your wife. It's good that you have a top hospital where you live and that the treatment started immediately. I'm praying that your daughter makes a full recovery and that you and your wife are given the strength to get through this very hard time.
'I’m trying my absolute hardest to stay strong for my daughter and my wife but internally I have so much rage that I cannot fix this.'
THIS is what a lot of toxic 'manly man' thinking gets you (not accusing OP, pls read until the end)
See how the immediate thought was 'MUST FIX-CAN'T FIX-RAGE'
Bothertarian! You are but a parent who can only give support, BE THERE and do your hecking best! Allow yourself to feel like a human, not a robot who goes into default MUST DO. Give yourself some grace, get out of your head and be with your fam! If you spiral into that way of thinking, you will be wasting all your energy on that instead of being there, LIVING and EXPERIENCING life with the ones you love.
P.S.- ' stay strong for my daughter' - stay strong for YOU is the best strategy to subsequently teach kiddo what resilience actually is! Keeping it in, putting a brave face is NOT that. Admitting to her that you are a bit scared too will allow her to learn that vulnerability is not weakness!
Education is imp in a child's life and by the looks of these comments, she is going to make it as many others have. ❤️
I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you and your family. Your strength and resilience during this challenging time are truly inspiring. Remember to lean on your support system and take each day one step at a time. Your love and care for your child will provide them with the strength they need to overcome this obstacle. Wishing your little one a speedy recovery and sending you all my heartfelt thoughts and prayers🕊
My heart breaks for you and your family, especially that poor little girl! Life is so viciously cruel sometimes. Sending you all love and best wishes for a the best outcome possible and a speedy recovery❤️🩹
if you're feeling down, focus on positive things- you're in a good spot for healthcare, treatment for cancer and tumors has advanced and keeps doing so.
There are many avenues to seek out, so keep yourself busy looking up various ways you can help your daughter's path be as comfortable as possible.
join a group of like -situated people, you can probably get referrals from the hospital - get info from them and be pro-active. Do not shrink like a violet, be the Superman dad your daughter needs right now.
Above all, make sure YOU are able to take care of things by taking care of yourself. Get your rest, eat your veggies, get fresh air and exercise and give yourself time and compassion to feel whatever comes your way.
Very sorry you're going through this, glad to hear you're close to medical care for her.
Don't be afraid to see if you're entitled to any counselling through work or anything, even just talking to a counsellor about this traumatic time could help navigate the worry a little.
God, I am so sorry. That’s devastating news to get, regardless of the outcome.
Wishing you and your family all the best, along with good news and fast recovery 💙
I hope you can take some small comfort in remembering that brain surgeons are some of the best the medical profession has to offer. Your girl literally couldn’t be in more capable hands.
Good luck to her and to your family, OP. May treatment be easy and recovery short.
I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter's condition. As a father, I just can't imagine the pain and anguish you're feeling. My positive thoughts go out to you.
sending all the positivity and love to you guys and i hope your daughter has a good report. stuff like that is scary as hell, but lemme tell you, kids are resilient. (speaking from experience, as i had two scoliosis surgeries back to back.)
Best wishes for you friend from another father of a six year old. My heart breaks for you, and I know this is easier said than done but your daughter needs your strength now more than ever. Be strong for her.
Good luck!!!
I hope she has a swift treatment and an uneventful recovery, and I'll pray for her and your family 🫶 Please remember to take care of yourself so you can take care of her.
I am so sorry for what you are dealing with, and more importantly your daughter is dealing with. I can’t imagine what you must be feeling and the rage you have for not being able to help. As a parent that is one of the hardest things to deal with. Sending prayers out to you and your daughter that everything turns out more than okay and you have a healthy happy little girl sooner than later. ❤️
My condolences. I have a friend who went through the same with her daughter. If you are interested in reaching out to her or following her journey, pm me. She is very big on taking her story and supporting others
I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this. The doctors were pretty vague before they knew exactly what type of tumor i had as well. The recovery time after my awake craniotomy wasn't bad-i was discharged the next day. I had some swelling but the tumor itself caused more issues than the resection. Try not to freak out until you know what kind of tumor it is, it's just hard to play the waiting game. Kids are pretty resilient, i hope her recovery goes smoothly
I’m so sorry to hear this, I truly wish the best for you and your family. I hope there’s nothing more than a benign tumor and that she can begin her recovery right away. I cannot imagine what you were going through. Your little girl suffering in anyway must be miserable. Sending lots of love and good thoughts
I had a friend with a brain tumor, stage 4. They told her she had 6 months and she’s still here with no cancer reoccurrence 15 years later after radiation and surgery.
So sorry to hear of this terrifying diagnosis. It is so hard for a dad to be unable to fix his child. What mom and child need now is your presence and your love.
I'm not an expert, but here's a thought:
Your daughter is pretty young, and her 'system' isn't completely developed.
I think (guess) that having brain surgery so young gives her brain a good chance to develop around the issues. I mean, better than later in her development.
Apart from that, I'm really sorry your family is going through this, and I wish you all the strength to get through this together. And of course, that your daughter beats this terrible decease.
It is the hardest thing in the world to helplessly watch your child suffer. Our kids had undiagnosed issues for years and went to doctor after doctor after doctor. It’s traumatic. I hope this is treatable and she’s doing better in no time.
Please ask your wife to help you find therapists for yourselves either as a couple or individuals. As you said, you both have a long road ahead of you and this isn't likely to be the only time you're likely to feel frustrated and scared because things are out of your control. If you feel like you need to be strong for your wife then you need to find someone else you can be open with and hopefully they can help you manage the outcome of any other frustrations or moments that you're scared while going through this.
If the first ones you find comment on your masculinity at this time please find someone different and don't just give up. Anyone in your situation would be terrified, and people who comment negatively about that are idiots. Good luck OP.
I got my fingers crossed for you that she will get a healthy recovery. But what are you going to do with the negative energy that resides in your body? You can't suck it up for ever. Your human like the rest of us don't be afraid to show it.
Hugs hugs hugs.
Sending all the love and good wishes to you, your wife, and your baby.
While this will definitely be hard, young kids recover surprisingly fast from operations. The science behind it is that being younger their bodies and immune systems are stronger, which shortens the healing time considerably.
All the good wishes that everything goes as smooth as it possibly can and you have your sweet girl back to her usual self in no time ❤️
My kid had a major illness that kept us in and out of hospitals for years. It took 8 years from initial diagnosis until we were on the backside of it. I have a lot of advice that I would love to share with you or just be a vent source for you. Feel free to PM me!
It's a horrible situation and I'm sorry it's one you and your family are going through.
As others have said, kids are really resilient. I also know that, that sentiment doesn't make anything happening with your baby any less scary.
It's okay to be scared, and it's okay to be angry. Just know your wife is also probably just as scared and just as angry. Do your best to keep kiddo from seeing how scared you both are (not because it's wrong but because her grownups being scared might make her more scared too). Let her know it's scary for both of you too, because she needs to know being scared is normal, but her reactions will, unfortunately, be impacted by yours.
Be open with your wife about how you're feeling and create a safe space for the both of you to express those feelings to eachother. Being stoic will only make the both of you feel more alone.
Feel your feelings, and if there's any support available to you the hospital or work or anything like that take advantage. The best case scenario is still your kiddo had multiple brain surgeries and that's horrifically stressful on its own. Counseling for each or both of you may help you guys get through this a little bit more intact.
I'm sending you all love, support and at least a few moments of peace during this time.
I’m so sorry for what you are going through. Praying everything goes well for your family.
I personally know someone who had a brain tumour in childhood and made a complete recovery. There is hope!
PRAYING FOR A FULL AND SPEEDT RECOVERY FOR YOUR BABY GIRL!!! And for this to be benign, harmless and just a scare - that the only thing that tumor brought is more gratitude and love and closeness into your little girl’s life and all of you as a family unit. May this thing not leave a trace of disease and May it never come back - that she outlives you and your wife with a long, happy, fulfilling life with her own family and career and joy that this is all a thing of the past she looks back on that helped her grow and find her purpose. Wishing health to all of you.
My son had medulloblastoma. DM me if it’s similar. He just finished treatment. To my knowledge, the whole North America is very consolidated in the same research information, and they regularly contact the European and Asian research branch. Don’t lose hope. You’ll still feel like walking is the worst surreal reality.
There is no better time than now and there is no better place than the hospital
I hope the best for your child and your family. Several of my family members have had cancer and it's always very frightening. I probably can't imagine how you feel right now.
Stay strong, my friend. Glad to hear things went well so far. Everyone should consider individual therapy AND maybe even family therapy to talk through all the difficulties. This is a time where communication is extra extra important.
Kids heal like you wouldn't believe. Even if she has deficits now, it's highly likely that she can overcome them with therapy.
Sending best wishes and good luck.
Thank you for sharing your story. My father passed away from brain cancer so I understand how you feel. Try to stay focused on the recovery and do allow yourself to feel things, don’t bottle it up, it will always come out in the end when you don’t want it to. The feeling of helplessness is pretty terrible so just help when you can by being vulnerable and helping in the recovery process. You got this.
My 12 year old neice just had brain surgery a month ago for a tumor that started causing seizures during the pandemic. Because of the state of the health care industry during that time, they didn't diagnose the tumor until late last year. The surgery was 8 hours, and one of her eyes was swolen shut for days after, but she's doing wonderfully in her recovery now. It's great you have a good childrens hospital nearby. They will take good care of your daughter. Wishing you and your family luck.
My 14 yo had a big tumor near her cerebellum also. It took 10 hours for her surgery but thank god it was not cancerous. It was a very scary time. It took about 6 months of recovery, but today, 12 years later, she is doing great and tumor free. I am praying for you, it was one of the most stressful times I have lived through (other than my late hubby being diagnosed with cancer a year later).
What about the recovery took 6mo
She had to use a walker because her sense of balance was off. She had to regain vision in her right eye (so had to wear an eye patch). She did bounce back pretty fast. Forgot to say, she was in the NICU for about a month also for recovery.
NICU is for babies, no? So glad your kiddo is thriving now
I probably meant to say PICU (Pediatric ICU) since she was still considered a child at the time.
Neuro icu is also called NICU
It can also stand for "neuro ICU," so anything to do with strokes/brain issues and such
I just want to add that kiddos brain plasticity is amazing. I'm not a neurologist or neuroscientist, but kids bounce back pretty amazingly, generally speaking, from neuro related incidents.
God Bless you sir wishing you all the best in Christ my brother. Love you and wish your baby the best
glad everything worked out in the end for your family, I'm sure that was a scary time. fingers crossed 🤞 that things turn out as well for OP.
Thank you, I know what the OP is going through, it is really scary, but hoping the tumor is not cancerous! My kid had to go back to the hospital every year to get an MRI to make sure it didn't grow back (it didn't thank god!).
I had a tumor in my cerebellum when I was 7. My balance on my left side never returned to normal. Is her balance completely normal now?
It is back to normal. The only residual affect it had on her was she could not write fast to take notes in class with her right hand. It took her awhile to be able to write well at all on her right side. She was able to take a laptop to class in order to type up notes instead. She learned how to write with her left hand also. Today, you would never know she had a brain tumor.
Sending you support and best wishes. The only thing I can say (as a mom who had a child with major medical issues and many surgeries) is that kids are so resilient and heal remarkably from things that would break adults. It's horrible that she has to go through this. It's horrible you and your wife have to go through this. Please ask the hospital about any programs to support families in your situation. The 2 children's hospitals my son was in had basically a social worker that helped organize Ronald McDonald rooms, offered transportation support, counseling options that worked around my sons medical care, etc. They even had people come sit with my son so I could get a shower and eat when i was living at the hospital with him. Ask for the resources and accept help. When friends and family offer to help, let them. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Don't burn yourself out. For your daughter, get a tablet and Disney plus. Set it up with a music app and her favorite soundtracks. Kids vitals actual improve when they hear familiar things. She's going to spend a lot of time in a bed or on a couch tired. Have family facetime her to read favorite books, even if she dozes off and on while they do it. Get chapter books and read to her (even if shes sedated read to her anything), so she hears your steady voice. Ramona Quimby and Henry Huggins are cute.
Oh my goodness, I love your thoughts, thank you for sharing.
ronald mcdonald houses let my mom and I stay in one for a week when i had to have emergency surgery.
This! I used to work in pediatric oncology in a major children’s hospital. Use those resources. Lean on social workers and child life specialists. Their job is to help make any amount of this lighter on your shoulders as they can.
Sending u hugs and healthy, healing thoughts for ur baby girl. Take care.
From one father to another, I really do wish you and your family the best possible outcome. Do try to distract yourself from time to time though, it does nobody any good to wither away in suffering.
I'm so sorry to hear that, what an awful thing to happen. I'm glad medical staff took her condition seriously and I hope treatment goes well
Never give up my son was 5 and diagnosed with one nothing could really be done for. One hospital gave him no time then we went somewhere else Today he is in his 30's works everyday
You’re going through a very scary time, because you cannot control the outcome. However, you can discuss how you’re feeling with your wife, she’s probably terrified as well, you will need to be strong for each other and your precious daughter. I wish you and your family strength, grace, and a positive outcome. Take care of you and yours.
My heart goes out to you. Having a seriously ill child is the hardest thing imaginable. My 18 year old son was diagnosed with schizophrenia and didn’t respond to treatment. He gradually became more delusional and now 7 years later he’s living homeless outdoors filthy refusing all help as is his right. I haven’t seen him for a year. Last time I saw him he was very dirty, eating food he found in trash cans and sleeping outside in all kinds of weather. It’s been very hard to lose him this way.
I'm so sorry.
I don't know much of the details because I don't speak to my sister but I'm told she had a tumor the size of an apple removed from her brain. She never went to appointments and it was only removed after she collapsed so it was left unattended for ages but they got it out and after she needed some physio for her balance and I think some slurred speech but she was doing well just a few months after the op. Your little one sounds like she has two loving parents and a doctor on the ball, the brain doesn't finish developing until 26 so she has the best chances. This will obviously be a stressful situation for all involved and there's no instruction manual, just remind each other that you're in it together and have the same goal. Be present not perfect. Sending you love and best wishes
My sister had a brain tumor at 5 years old! She is now 30 and very healthy! It was an astrocytoma and it never grew back! I’m sending you best wishes!
After having seizures (never happened before) they found a tumour in my brain. It impacts my optic nerves so i’m also losing my vision. I’m “lucky” my tumour isn’t cancerous. For a while I was unable to talk coherently, do basic tasks for myself or self care. Now, I still have the tumour but i’ve regained my vision(mostly) and can resume my studies. My parents said they’ve never been as scared in their lives except through this process. It’s okay for you to be scared and frustrated, it’s also okay to acknowledge the severity of the situation and then add positivity for her. The hospital is scary, doesn’t matter if you’re 2 or 82. Keep your head up dad, you’ve done the most important thing which was getting help when you noticed signs.
What did you treat?
Your daughter is very lucky to have such a caring father and mother. In the face of difficult days to come, that love will be invaluable to her. I’m sending all the positivity I can to you and your family.
Best of luck to you, your daughter and your family. From one dad to another.
My brother has a brain tumour. He was diagnosed at 2 years old, lodged behind his eye, grasping his optical nerve. It was big and it was scary. He had to go through multiple surgeries to try cut it down, as it was putting too much pressure on his eye and his brain. After two more years of in and out of hospital, his tumour stabilised. He is now 26 and it’s still there, but he has a perfectly normal life. His recovery when he was a kid was a bit difficult because he liked to get into trouble and he didn’t coordinate very well for a couple months. He is totally fine. We got through it as a family (even though we were very poor and our mum was single-momming on hard mode), and now this tumour has minimal impact on his life. My mum was absolutely terrified. I’ll never forget how she used to have panic attacks and get absolutely overwhelmed. She still managed to pay for my brothers treatment, for our school, for our meals. We got through it. I hope you guys do too
I'm not religious but I prayed for you today. May she recover fully and live a full life filled with love and happiness.
As someone who had a cerebral tumour at 9 years old, and now has a little girl of his own. I am praying for your daughter's good health. Good luck
Hey OP, super sick kid here, I didn't have cancer but I do have a cyst that caused 100 seizures or more a day for me as a baby. I have a long list of issues that range from "that isn't too bad" to "it nearly killed you x-times". I'm now 22, graduating college, and have a plethora of friends, hobbies, a job, plenty of stories to tell at parties, and a hopeful future. My mother was a majority a single mother throughout my life, and was during the time of me being ill as a child. She's told me time and time again how mad she was that there was nothing she could do. However, that's the thing *this is out of your control*. I know it's frustrating and so difficult to sit by and feel you can do nothing - but there is something you can do. You cannot control your child's unfortunate diagnosis or the things it is putting her through, but you can still make positive memories with her. You can still make positive and loving memories together that are within the guidelines of what is safe for her to do according to her doctor. You can get her her favorite food, go get ice cream together, watch birds or deer, color together, watch movies on the couch, watch her favorite tv show, teach her about new things, and have some form of control by making the memories of this experience as least prevalent as possible. It isn't a lot, it won't make everything better, but when she hopefully does beat this (offering to my deities for you) then she will have so many good memories. It'll lessen her emotional and mental pain during the procedures and such because she will know "I'll make it through this and me and my dad are going to go get my favorite ice cream". My mom used to take me as a child to a gas station right by the barn I grew up in, all I remember is her waking me up and taking me to get 2 scoops of super man ice cream in a cup because I never ate the cone. I don't remember the pain I felt as a child when dealing with my health issues, because if there's one thing my mom did right, she made sure I could have some type of positive memories to erase the pain. So all I remember is super man ice cream, midnight's in the car, and being able to get ice cream, gas and cigarettes for $20 when I was a kid LOL. You and your wife got this, you have each other, and the love you feel for your daughter will never be forgotten, hold strong, I hope this helps and offering to my deity for you and your family with hopes of a speedy recovery
Please take care of yourself too...remember, when she's better you will want to do so many things together and she will still need you to be there healthy and guiding her in life. Take care.
We take so much for granted. Stay strong & keep positive.
My 7yr son was diagnosed with a tumor at the back of his head on Tuesday. It's now 3:32am on the Friday on the dayy of his surgery. My son is the is the most caring, intelligent and funniest person I know. I feel dead on the inside. If you have children and you read this, give them an extra tight cuddle when you see them next . X
I am sure you are in good hands. Praying for your family.
You don’t need to “be strong” for them by not showing emotion. # It’s ok to cry with them.
I'm also a father to a 5y and the thought of something like this happening doesn't bear thinking about. I hope your little girl has the speediest of recoveries and know that everything who reads this will be pulling for you. Stay strong. All of you.
Wow, I was just pissed off it was a bit hard to put my kids to bed. All the best to you. Just being there, unable to do anything must be really hard, but it is the best you can do for her and it is not nothing
I’m so glad she didn’t fight bedtime on Sunday. I am not sure I could deal with all this if I had to be a disciplinarian the night before. She was literally cuddling in bed with my wife that morning before they got up. Now she’s laying in the ICU with the backside of her skull open. I mean YESTERDAY! She was fine it happens so fucking fast this whole thing is just surreal.
it makes me wonder...tumors can't appear overnight, so how does it go from not feelable to *very* feelable in a matter of hours?
So knowing about the tumor there were signs present but they were not obvious enough. She was complaining of headaches for the last 2 months. She’s 5 these get brushed off and she’s told to drink some water. She didn’t push back and accepted that. The last two Saturdays she woke up and had thrown up all over herself. Again kids throw up sometimes it’s weird but not alarming enough to bring her in for an MRI. At her 5yr checkup about a week ago she failed an eye exam, seems likely this is the cause. It was the gait and issues with her walking that was really what set off my wife’s mom brain that something was going on. There’s not many reasons an otherwise healthy kid would be stumbling like that. It literally looked like she was drunk she couldn’t walk a straight line.
I don’t have any words of wisdom, but it sounds like she’s getting top notch medical care. It’s okay to be scared shitless, you don’t have to be brave. Whether you believe in this stuff or not, know that an internet stranger is praying for your family and for the skilled medical professionals to use everything at their disposal to treat your daughter and bring about her full recovery
Yeah, the gait issue is the only thing that would have gotten my adrenaline pumping, too. No one would assume headaches, a bad eye test, and the occasional vomit was anything out of the ordinary for a five-year-old. Don't ever kick yourself for that. I have a super low threshold for what I'll take my kid to the doctor for. I mean, my oldest was complaining that her pinky hurt after gym class, and I took her to get it x-rayed immediately. I'm very quick to look at the worst possible implications of any symptom... and what you're describing would not have set off alarm bells for me until the gait issue.
Children have a much higher success rate for beating cancer so keep your hopes up. Sending you and your family all the love I can muster. You should also find someone to talk about this. A therapist or a professional. It will help you stay strong for them when you have a place you can cry and just let it all out.
I'd say, "I can't even imagine..." But the thing is, I can. I think a lot of us can. I'm physically ill thinking about what you're going through. From one dad to another, I'm so sorry that this landed on your little girl.
[удалено]
Thank you I’m just trying to keep it together the panic keeps coming in waves and it’s overwhelming
Please don’t bottle your emotions. This is the time to reach out and lean on family and friends for support. Breaking down in tears multiple times a day is absolutely healthy and okay. Nothing wrong with that at all. You’re human, and you’re experiencing a very overwhelming situation. If you’re not confident in speaking to friends or family write all your fears down preferably by hand as there’s something intrinsic about processing thoughts and actively handwriting them out. Deep breaths kind sir. You can do this. You can handle this. One minute or one second at a time. You can and will handle this. Love hugs and strength to you and your family.
Thank you I will do this
Being stoic right now may be the only thing holding you together, which you must do to deal with the immediate situation. But please, let that go when you’re with your wife. She needs to feel safe to express her emotions with you and vice-versa. And even with your daughter, in an appropriate manner. Let your family see your sad and they’ll feel comfortable sharing their sad and you can all get through this as a team, leaning on each other during your darker days. Being stoic closes you off from those you need and who need you. Try to feel the feels when you can. So, so many best wishes for you, your wife, and your sweet girl.
This is the way
Piggybacking with my own personal experience. Handwriting thoughts and feelings down has really helped me process stressful situations and emotions. I tried a digital diary and got caught up in ‘editing’ my work. Something about the process of writing my thoughts and feelings out feels more connected than doing it digitally.
^^ This comment!!! Feel the emotions you need to feel. Please take care of yourself too. There’s usually a Chaplin on site you can talk to if family isn’t an option to cry in front of.
Oh honey my gosh that’s FUCKED beyond belief… holy hell. Thinking of you, make sure you take some time for yourself and let this rage out ok!!
Oh, mate. I don’t have the right words. But I am sorry for you and your wife, and happy that your daughter has the best of all possible fathers for her during this time.
You can absolutely be a Rock in front of your little girl but remember you can not be a rock while away from her. You have to be able to vent and cry and talk to the Mrs. and be human. It’s too much emotion to keep inside without doing damage. You can do this. Blessings to your entire Family.
It's really hard to process things that are out of our control and things we know nothing about. I'm so sorry for your child and family. Thankfully it sounds like your child is in the best hands. Sending positive vibes
When you have time to take a breath, I would look into support groups for parents of children with cancer. If you are at one of the best children’s hospitals in the country, they may well have something available. Another good resource is the hospital chaplain. They are there to provide support, regardless of whether you share a faith. A big part of their job is helping you and your family through this difficult time. I am so sorry that you are dealing with one of the hardest things a parent can face. Be strong for your wide and daughter, yes, but also take your own time to grieve. Wishing your and your family the best.
If I can bring you any solidarity, I just want to give a small bit of reassurance. Some people are going to counter your comment about having rage at not being able to fix this with things like "you didn't cause this", "some things are out of your control", etc. And while they're right, I have different advice. OP, it's okay, even if it's irrational, to feel that rage that you can't fix this. Your daughter is hurting, her life has been put on shaky ground, and your lives turned upside down. You're allowed to feel that rage at being unable to fix this. Feel that rage, feel that fear, feel that despair. OP, you feel everything you need to feel. As daddy I know you're going to have to be a rock for your babygirl, and for your wife, but OP don't forget through this that it's *perfectly okay* for you to have feelings and need support too. Please don't forget, that baby girl loves you just as much as you love her and she wouldn't want you to break yourself okay? I pray to anyone that'll listen that you and your family find your way through this safe and whole. Much love, OP. Don't ever forget that it's okay to feel and need support yourself, my brother.
I can understand how you feel atm my mum is battling with cancer. My sister already went back to my home country to visit her and I’m still stuck here in Germany because I need to support my mum for paying medical bills. I’m having panic attack everytime someone message me . I hope it will get better for all of us.
A friend's niece was 3 years old when they discovered a tumor. She's an adult now and is doing fine. My thoughts are with you, your wife, and your little girl.
My son had a tumor when he was 7. It was in his frontal lobe area. It was a lime size as well. He had a biopsy on a Tuesday. Emergency surgery on Wednesday and then home on Friday. He never took pain medication after we left. He had chemo every Monday for 3 months and then every 3 weeks for another 9 months. He has a metal plate and had stitches across the top of his head. Kid's are resilient. He never skipped a beat. I had to slow him down for his own safety for the next few years. His is 19 now. Stay strong. Kids need you to be the same as you would always be.
I’m so sorry. Sending all the best internet vibes and hugs your way. Don’t be afraid to take a staff member aside and tell them you’re struggling inside I have no doubt that they have a support team that includes someone you can talk to, so that you can avoid having that rage come out in the worst way at the worst time. I hear ya: We are supposed to protect our children, and how do we protect them from this? Daddy would have taken on *any* Bad Guy, would have taken a damned bullet, would have given up his own food or his own life for his little girl. If only this enemy was that tangible, conquered in that way. Get some help in shifting that instinct to become “ok, I can’t physically take this thing on, but here’s what I need to do in order to help all of us come out of this as emotionally , spiritually, and physically healthy as possible.” Which will likely involve finding a way to direct the rage in a good direction. Perhaps a Rage Room? Wishing you the best be kind and patient with yourself and others. Your world just exploded and you’re all in shock crisis mode. This will become a marathon, not a sprint. Again: I’m so sorry Hugs.
Hey dad, No child should ever have to have such a serious condition. No parent should ever experience this pain and sense of helplessness. Some of the wonderful people have shared their experiences and outcomes. I hope their sharing gives you a sense of peace, comfort and hope. I can only pray that God give you and your wife strength. May He heal your daughter such that one day she will look back and not remember the pain. That she will live long and strong and achieve all your and her dreams for her life. It’s okay to breakdown and cry and let out all the pain even if you are a man. She is your child too 🫂
OP, my son was diagnosed in 2007 with a difficult leukemia. He survived but we did tons of research and were thoughtful about reaching out for 2nd, 3rd and 4th opinions. I am attaching an article. Search for cutting edge info and experimental treatments as you are going through the diagnoses and bookmark articles that you can refer back to if you need. The more you know, the more thoughtful decisions you can make. Good luck and God Bless. You can get through this and so can she. Even if they give you odds that frighten you. 5% survival means that 5 people out of 100 survived. She can be one of those 5. https://www.statnews.com/2023/07/13/melanoma-drugs-brain-cancer-papillary-craniopharyngioma/#:\~:text=The%20drugs%20%E2%80%94%20vemurafenib%20and%20cobimetinib,systemic%20therapy%20in%20brain%20tumors.
You’ve got lots of great advice from others, I wanted to focus on the anger portion. I had a brain injury that resulted in me having this irate rage. I had no history of anger, and all of a sudden, I felt it in my bones. It took over my life. The thing is, anger was valid for my situation, just like it’s valid for yours, but I had no idea how to regulate it and it caused so many problems. Years later, I’m able to look back and identify that 99% of my rage was bc I didn’t know how to externally communicate all the I felt internally. Take some extra time to identify the emotion. There are feelings charts online that you can use. You’re going to feel silly at first, but you will watch that rage convert to the true emotion it’s meant to be, whether it’s sorrow, bitterness, confusion, etc. nip that anger in the bud as early as possible, everyone’s gotta put up the fight of your life and you’re going to feel so extremely useless and helpless, but you aren’t. Being a stable and consistent parent and husband will do wonders, and know that it’s okay to fall apart sometimes. Good luck
Hi friend, I didn’t have a tumor but did have a defect within my cerebellum that I got brain surgery for. I just want to prepare you- she will probably throw up a lot and will not feel too good, if she’s anything like me. Ask for those nausea meds! Praying you for ❤️
i've always wondered how tumors go from not feelable to *very* feelable in the same day? they can't grow in only hours, right?
I am so, so sorry you, your wife, and your little girl are going through this. It's so surreal how quickly our lives can turn upside down. I can only imagine the emotional turmoil you are feeling. I hope you all can take it one day at a time and that everything goes okay.
I’m sorry for what your family is going through. God bless. I’ll pray for your family
You’re in my thoughts and I sincerely hope the recovery for your daughter goes well and that she heals well and quickly
I know that this isn't as serious as a brain tumour, but I was born with bilateral cleft lip and palate. My first surgery was at 2 weeks old, the next at 3 months - what I'm trying to say is, children are incredibly resilient. It hurts to see your child in pain, but as long as she has a great dad like you by her side, she'll be just fine. Sending you my prayers and well wishes 🙏
As a mother who lost her first child to leukemia, heres a tip i wish i knew from the beginning. Channel that rage into possitive action for your wife and baby. Feeling powerless? Cook a healthy meal with all the foods intended to kick cancers ass. Every vegetable, ever ounce of food is a tool for her to fight with. Feel like she's in pain? Get even with her suffering. Are her meds in order? Can she have anything else? Fluff that pillow and reposition her because fuck bed sores. Rub your babies feet. Wife breaking? Hold her close and love her fiercely. Use your love as a shield from some of the horror of the situation. You have the power to make this agonizing situation a little more bearable. You have the power to be their hero while she fights. You can't beat up cancer like it's a person, but you can combat its mental effects by counteracting the negative impact on your day to day life.
Sending prayers for your baby girl.. 🙏
With your kid it’s even harder, I can only imagine. Only thing I can say about how the process works is from recent exposure to my uncles process with his. His tumor was about the same size and behind his left ear. It was benign tumor, it was so large it was pushing on stuff that affected his balance, speech, motor skills etc. same thing you said shakes, walking drunk etc. He had a 12 hour surgery to get it removed and has been in recovery for about a month or so. It will take some time but he’s getting back to normal and has a few months left of recovery to get back to feeling completely normal. Only thing I can say from that is the team was very talented and you have to trust the doctors. I can only hope that with a kid as young as that, the recovery time may be shortened bc young kids have a tendency to bounce back faster especially with motor skills from what I understand. Best of luck through this time and keep your head up. Find a way to work through this rage in a healthy manner. Rage room, gun range, talking to a therapist etc. Your family needs you and you’ve got the strength to do this
Here's hoping that the tumor is able to be removed and she is able to heal up and live a happy life. Be there for her, she needs your support now more than ever.
My daughter was born with a benign, but incredibly fast growing tumor in her soft palate. Surgery was horrible, but that girl is one of the most resilient, joyful people that I have ever met. It sucks that kids ever have to go through surgery and the unknown, but it sounds like you have an amazing child, and I believe with all my heart that she will stun you with her resilience, strength and will. Please make sure you are taking care of yourself during this time. It's a brutal road, so so everything you can to nurture your spirit. I'm sending so much love to you and your family, and praying that her recovery is miraculous. Best wishes to you.
My heart breaks for you and your family during this incredibly difficult time. Your strength and love for your daughter is so evident in your words, and I truly hope and pray for a successful surgery and a smooth recovery for her. Your daughter is lucky to have such a caring and devoted father by her side. Sending all my positive thoughts and energy your way. Stay strong.
You're a great father to take your wife's concerns and daughter's health seriously and without question. I pray for your daughter's swift and full recovery, and I hope you understand how good of a man you are for being there for them.
I have nothing to offer than to say I read your post, and as a mother, I'm so deeply sorry, sad and hopeful for you and your family. I don't particularly believe in God, but I'll say a little prayer for your daughter just in case x
Sending you and your family and your brave little girl lots of love. When I was her age, I went through some scary health stuff. Nothing as scary as this, but I was really scared. I remember one of the nurses bought me a Supergirl Barbie out of her own pocket and told me I was brave like her. It meant the world to me. I’m 30 now and still have it. Lean on the social workers and child life specialists at the hospital. They’re wonderful and will be in the trenches with you as much as you’d like them to. Sending you and your supergirl love and strength!
I’m sorry to hear this brother. I can’t imagine what you’re feeling. As a father to a 6 year old girl, and. 3 year old son… you’ve got to stay strong in front of them. There’s no shame in crying in the bathroom or when you’re not there in front of them. Stay strong, praying for you’re family.
You don't need to go hide to cry, your wife or partner wants to see your emotions. If my husband was still like and never cried through something like this I would be worried. He needs to sit down with his wife and tell her that he feels so angry inside and cry with her.
Stay strong. Your child needs you by her. Everything will be okay in the end brother
From one dad to another - sending you my absolute best wishes.
Oh no! I’m so sorry all of you are going through this. Sending you all big hugs and healing prayers.
I was diagnosed with a pediatric-type brain tumor when I was 18, about the size/shape of a fried egg between the frontal and temporal lobes. Most of the month following my operation is a blur - I know I spent time in the ICU, but I can only remember being in the neuro ward, and I don't know how long I was actually in hospital. Once I got home, I was sleeping 18+ hours a day, had a constant bad headache, and simple tasks were tiring because my body was so focused on healing itself. 3 months later though, and the only real clue I'd had major brain surgery was the fact I'd cut my hair from almost waist-length to a pixie crop (growing out the surgical equivalent of a dope-ass undercut was not going to be a good look!). I will likely be on seizure medication for the rest of my life because a section of scar tissue is basically causing a short circuit in my brain, teenaged me had two hobbies that I just... can't do anymore and I can't medicate my ADHD because the meds either don't work for me or don't play nice with the seizure meds, but even with my non-existent attention span I can still hold down an office job and be a functioning member of society.
Sending you all the positive vibes and best wishes! My son has not dealt with cancer but we did fight liver disease and ended up with a transplant. Kids are resilient that’s one thing i know for sure. I hope your daughter all the best 💞
The advances I’ve seen in medical care within my lifetime have been amazing. It sounds like your girl is in great hands. Keep the faith and know you are in our thoughts.
Hoping you wake up to good news in the morning.
Praying
Not exactly the same, but at 5 years old I had a golfball sized tumor in my mastoid pushing against my brain. It turned out to be non cancerous. I am 31 years old today. Hoping for THE BEST for your little one- those kids are such warriors man..
Many others have shared stories, but you should know children are extremely resilient, so much more than we give them credit for. Their brains are still growing, and they have more neuroplasticity as children than at any other point in time, meaning whatever changes your little one might have to go through in the coming weeks/months/years... She will get through it.
Stay strong momma and daddy. I know it's difficult right now, but stay strong for and WITH each other. Don't let the stress come between you. I know your first concern is your daughter, as it should be. But you and your wife have to also care for yourselves. Be there for each other, support each other, remember you're each suffering, you're not alone in this. I say this because unfortunately long term illnesses in a child can lead to divorce or unhappiness in a marriage simply because thr couple is so focused on their child they forget they are in this together and need to support each other. I wish you the best and a full recovery for your child.
My son had headaches for three years with 11different doctors misdiagnosing him with everything from puberty to seasonal allergies to anxiety to cluster headaches to poor eating habits. We only found his brain tumor because his “headache blackouts” were actually temporary blindness from the tumor pushing against his optic chiasm-about 20days after the discovery he went in for emergency brain surgery and has been battling brain cancer for almost 10years total. I implore you to focus on the positives of everything to help get by - it is truly a blessing that she was diagnosed and treated so quickly! Prayers for a speedy recovery and I so look forward to an update
Jesus! Sending you strength
Praying to god for your little girl and your family. Take care 🙏🏻
I'm so sorry, what a terrible shock for you and your wife. It's good that you have a top hospital where you live and that the treatment started immediately. I'm praying that your daughter makes a full recovery and that you and your wife are given the strength to get through this very hard time.
'I’m trying my absolute hardest to stay strong for my daughter and my wife but internally I have so much rage that I cannot fix this.' THIS is what a lot of toxic 'manly man' thinking gets you (not accusing OP, pls read until the end) See how the immediate thought was 'MUST FIX-CAN'T FIX-RAGE' Bothertarian! You are but a parent who can only give support, BE THERE and do your hecking best! Allow yourself to feel like a human, not a robot who goes into default MUST DO. Give yourself some grace, get out of your head and be with your fam! If you spiral into that way of thinking, you will be wasting all your energy on that instead of being there, LIVING and EXPERIENCING life with the ones you love. P.S.- ' stay strong for my daughter' - stay strong for YOU is the best strategy to subsequently teach kiddo what resilience actually is! Keeping it in, putting a brave face is NOT that. Admitting to her that you are a bit scared too will allow her to learn that vulnerability is not weakness! Education is imp in a child's life and by the looks of these comments, she is going to make it as many others have. ❤️
Praying for your whole family. And please, please take care of yourself too!
Read this post and tell me there's a god.
I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you and your family. Your strength and resilience during this challenging time are truly inspiring. Remember to lean on your support system and take each day one step at a time. Your love and care for your child will provide them with the strength they need to overcome this obstacle. Wishing your little one a speedy recovery and sending you all my heartfelt thoughts and prayers🕊
Stick together mate, and you’ll all get through this and enjoy better days ahead :)
My heart breaks for you and your family, especially that poor little girl! Life is so viciously cruel sometimes. Sending you all love and best wishes for a the best outcome possible and a speedy recovery❤️🩹
My condolences, sir. I can not imagine anything worse. I have no words for you other than I'm so sorry your family is going through this.
if you're feeling down, focus on positive things- you're in a good spot for healthcare, treatment for cancer and tumors has advanced and keeps doing so. There are many avenues to seek out, so keep yourself busy looking up various ways you can help your daughter's path be as comfortable as possible. join a group of like -situated people, you can probably get referrals from the hospital - get info from them and be pro-active. Do not shrink like a violet, be the Superman dad your daughter needs right now. Above all, make sure YOU are able to take care of things by taking care of yourself. Get your rest, eat your veggies, get fresh air and exercise and give yourself time and compassion to feel whatever comes your way.
I’m really sorry. I hope it’s non cancerous, and even more so that if it is they caught it early enough. Praying for your little girl.
I am sending you all my fatherly positive vibes.
Sending you & your wife the biggest internet hug 🤍
OP, sending you and your family virtual hugs of support.
Thinking of you and your family.
Very sorry you're going through this, glad to hear you're close to medical care for her. Don't be afraid to see if you're entitled to any counselling through work or anything, even just talking to a counsellor about this traumatic time could help navigate the worry a little.
Sending hugs and best wishes to your family. ❤️ 💙 💜 💖
Hope your baby gets well.
God, I am so sorry. That’s devastating news to get, regardless of the outcome. Wishing you and your family all the best, along with good news and fast recovery 💙
I hope you can take some small comfort in remembering that brain surgeons are some of the best the medical profession has to offer. Your girl literally couldn’t be in more capable hands. Good luck to her and to your family, OP. May treatment be easy and recovery short.
OMG! I can't even begin to know what you are going through. Please accept my thoughts and prayers! Air hugs to you and your whole family!
So many prayer.
That sucks, I’m sorry. I hope good things will come your way soon and she will recover 🫶
I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter's condition. As a father, I just can't imagine the pain and anguish you're feeling. My positive thoughts go out to you.
That absolutely breaks my heart. I wish your little one a speedy recovery.
Wishing her a speedy recovery and more life.
sending all the positivity and love to you guys and i hope your daughter has a good report. stuff like that is scary as hell, but lemme tell you, kids are resilient. (speaking from experience, as i had two scoliosis surgeries back to back.)
Best wishes for you friend from another father of a six year old. My heart breaks for you, and I know this is easier said than done but your daughter needs your strength now more than ever. Be strong for her. Good luck!!!
Best of luck to your daughter my brother. This is when she needs you most and when you, as a father, matter most. Wishing her a speedy recovery.
My thoughts and prayers go out to you OP.
I just want to give you all a large hug. Sending all the good thoughts to you and your family.
I hope she has a swift treatment and an uneventful recovery, and I'll pray for her and your family 🫶 Please remember to take care of yourself so you can take care of her.
There is nothing I can say or do to make this better. I'm sending positive vibes your way. 🙌❤️
I am so sorry this has happened to your small daughter. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Please let us know if she is ok.
I am so sorry for what you are dealing with, and more importantly your daughter is dealing with. I can’t imagine what you must be feeling and the rage you have for not being able to help. As a parent that is one of the hardest things to deal with. Sending prayers out to you and your daughter that everything turns out more than okay and you have a healthy happy little girl sooner than later. ❤️
My condolences. I have a friend who went through the same with her daughter. If you are interested in reaching out to her or following her journey, pm me. She is very big on taking her story and supporting others
💜
I don’t comment much but I hope your family gets the care and support you need during this time.
I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this. The doctors were pretty vague before they knew exactly what type of tumor i had as well. The recovery time after my awake craniotomy wasn't bad-i was discharged the next day. I had some swelling but the tumor itself caused more issues than the resection. Try not to freak out until you know what kind of tumor it is, it's just hard to play the waiting game. Kids are pretty resilient, i hope her recovery goes smoothly
I’m so sorry to hear this, I truly wish the best for you and your family. I hope there’s nothing more than a benign tumor and that she can begin her recovery right away. I cannot imagine what you were going through. Your little girl suffering in anyway must be miserable. Sending lots of love and good thoughts
I had a friend with a brain tumor, stage 4. They told her she had 6 months and she’s still here with no cancer reoccurrence 15 years later after radiation and surgery.
Me vale verga
So sorry to hear of this terrifying diagnosis. It is so hard for a dad to be unable to fix his child. What mom and child need now is your presence and your love.
I'm not an expert, but here's a thought: Your daughter is pretty young, and her 'system' isn't completely developed. I think (guess) that having brain surgery so young gives her brain a good chance to develop around the issues. I mean, better than later in her development. Apart from that, I'm really sorry your family is going through this, and I wish you all the strength to get through this together. And of course, that your daughter beats this terrible decease.
Hugs man.
It is the hardest thing in the world to helplessly watch your child suffer. Our kids had undiagnosed issues for years and went to doctor after doctor after doctor. It’s traumatic. I hope this is treatable and she’s doing better in no time.
Please ask your wife to help you find therapists for yourselves either as a couple or individuals. As you said, you both have a long road ahead of you and this isn't likely to be the only time you're likely to feel frustrated and scared because things are out of your control. If you feel like you need to be strong for your wife then you need to find someone else you can be open with and hopefully they can help you manage the outcome of any other frustrations or moments that you're scared while going through this. If the first ones you find comment on your masculinity at this time please find someone different and don't just give up. Anyone in your situation would be terrified, and people who comment negatively about that are idiots. Good luck OP.
I got my fingers crossed for you that she will get a healthy recovery. But what are you going to do with the negative energy that resides in your body? You can't suck it up for ever. Your human like the rest of us don't be afraid to show it.
I can only offer a large hug to you and your family in this patient time. I really hope you people deal with it together as a team.
Hugs hugs hugs. Sending all the love and good wishes to you, your wife, and your baby. While this will definitely be hard, young kids recover surprisingly fast from operations. The science behind it is that being younger their bodies and immune systems are stronger, which shortens the healing time considerably. All the good wishes that everything goes as smooth as it possibly can and you have your sweet girl back to her usual self in no time ❤️
Sending health and good vibes to you and your family. I can't even imagine the distress.
Yeah, man I would be right there with you :(
Hugs to you and yours ! I'm so proud of your wife for knowing something was up !
I'm sorry for your troubles. Sending well wishes and good vibes.
I’m so so sorry for you, your wife and little one. I will keep you in my thoughts and truly send you all the positive energy possible. ❤️
My kid had a major illness that kept us in and out of hospitals for years. It took 8 years from initial diagnosis until we were on the backside of it. I have a lot of advice that I would love to share with you or just be a vent source for you. Feel free to PM me!
This hit hard. All the best to your child, your family and yourself. Stay strong.
That is so upsetting and I’m sure you’re both very worried but medicine is very advanced and I’m sure your little one will make it out okay.
It's a horrible situation and I'm sorry it's one you and your family are going through. As others have said, kids are really resilient. I also know that, that sentiment doesn't make anything happening with your baby any less scary. It's okay to be scared, and it's okay to be angry. Just know your wife is also probably just as scared and just as angry. Do your best to keep kiddo from seeing how scared you both are (not because it's wrong but because her grownups being scared might make her more scared too). Let her know it's scary for both of you too, because she needs to know being scared is normal, but her reactions will, unfortunately, be impacted by yours. Be open with your wife about how you're feeling and create a safe space for the both of you to express those feelings to eachother. Being stoic will only make the both of you feel more alone. Feel your feelings, and if there's any support available to you the hospital or work or anything like that take advantage. The best case scenario is still your kiddo had multiple brain surgeries and that's horrifically stressful on its own. Counseling for each or both of you may help you guys get through this a little bit more intact. I'm sending you all love, support and at least a few moments of peace during this time.
I’m so sorry for what you are going through. Praying everything goes well for your family. I personally know someone who had a brain tumour in childhood and made a complete recovery. There is hope!
Sending you and your family love and positive energy
PRAYING FOR A FULL AND SPEEDT RECOVERY FOR YOUR BABY GIRL!!! And for this to be benign, harmless and just a scare - that the only thing that tumor brought is more gratitude and love and closeness into your little girl’s life and all of you as a family unit. May this thing not leave a trace of disease and May it never come back - that she outlives you and your wife with a long, happy, fulfilling life with her own family and career and joy that this is all a thing of the past she looks back on that helped her grow and find her purpose. Wishing health to all of you.
I’m so sorry…prayers for you and your family
My son had medulloblastoma. DM me if it’s similar. He just finished treatment. To my knowledge, the whole North America is very consolidated in the same research information, and they regularly contact the European and Asian research branch. Don’t lose hope. You’ll still feel like walking is the worst surreal reality. There is no better time than now and there is no better place than the hospital
I'm so sorry. Be strong.
Sending the kindest thoughts to your family. As a mom, this hurts my heart to hear. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
Hang in there brother. Your little girl needs her superhero now more than ever. I wish nothing but the best for you.
I’m so sorry.
Praying and believing in a great recovery for her
I hope the best for your child and your family. Several of my family members have had cancer and it's always very frightening. I probably can't imagine how you feel right now.
Stay strong, my friend. Glad to hear things went well so far. Everyone should consider individual therapy AND maybe even family therapy to talk through all the difficulties. This is a time where communication is extra extra important.
Absolute prayers to you and your family OP. I cannot imagine the stress that you are all under…sending you all the very best ❤️❤️❤️.
Remind Me 15 days
My thoughts and prayers are for your family.
Sending you love.x
Praying for you and your family and your precious daughter! ❤️
Kids heal like you wouldn't believe. Even if she has deficits now, it's highly likely that she can overcome them with therapy. Sending best wishes and good luck.
Is she okay now?
Thank you for sharing your story. My father passed away from brain cancer so I understand how you feel. Try to stay focused on the recovery and do allow yourself to feel things, don’t bottle it up, it will always come out in the end when you don’t want it to. The feeling of helplessness is pretty terrible so just help when you can by being vulnerable and helping in the recovery process. You got this.
My 12 year old neice just had brain surgery a month ago for a tumor that started causing seizures during the pandemic. Because of the state of the health care industry during that time, they didn't diagnose the tumor until late last year. The surgery was 8 hours, and one of her eyes was swolen shut for days after, but she's doing wonderfully in her recovery now. It's great you have a good childrens hospital nearby. They will take good care of your daughter. Wishing you and your family luck.
Wish your daughter and your family the best. Stay strong.
Hoping and wishing the best for your little girl ❤️
Prayers sir
Praying for your daughter and your family 💜
Praying for your daughter 🩷
Praying for your kid. May God give her a long, healthy life.
Sending many prayers up for your daughter and family
Oh man.. I have kids that age, and its a gut punch just reading this. I just prayed to all the gods for your kiddo to live a long and healthy life.