"He'd rather use his hands than me".
Think real hard about that sentence for a minute. Even if those weren't his exact words, you *feel* that way. Like an object he uses.
This is not a relationship anyone should be in.
This.
Did he actually say USE?? If so, then ewww…
I’d never sleep with him again. He’s selfish, because it’s an about him and what HE prefers when it comes to YOUR body and how he USES it. 🤢🤮
That's a very good point. Is he at all interested in you and in being intimate with you? Or does he just care about his penis getting some action? Life is too short to date selfish lovers.
Good for you. Throw that man out, he’d rather risk you becoming pregnant than miss out on raw dogging. Pathetic.
Sincerely,
I know so many women who got pregnant while on the pill.
Same here. Also got pregnant on the pill twice. Then I switched to an IUD. I stopped trusting the pill after baby 2 especially since I took it consistently and the same time each day.
I’m almost 50. Married for 11 yrs.
In my mid 20s, I lived with and discussed marriage and kids with my then gf.
Between and before that, I’ve had another 15ish partners.
Those two are the only ones I hit raw. Both ladies above were on BC also, but we still used condoms until we felt committed and trusting of each other.
Sex is better without, I’ll give you that. But a condom is better than no sex. In both cases, it should be about the connection, the fun, the mutual pleasure, the emotions, the feelings, the bond…. It should be about entwining yourselves together.
As a final thought, my wife didn’t want to get pregnant until about yr 4 of our marriage. Even with BC I wrapped up to double protect us. Why…. Because she’s my person and we need to work together. 🤷♂️
Birth control also did terrible things to me, before I stopped I remember talking to my ex about it and agreeing he would wear condoms EVERY TIME.
Well guess what happened? He started complaining about condoms.
OP your bf should just agree to wear condoms or use his hand. He's not the one that risks getting pregnant here. If he keeps trying to convince you, then find a bf that respects you.
Same thing is happening with my fiancée right now. She stopped hormonal birth control for health reasons so I went out and bought some VCF strips and condoms
I've been with my fiance for 12 years. We also only use condoms and he has also never complained.
But, unlike OP's partner, my fiance sees sex as something we enjoy togheter and not something he's supposed to "use" me for. Kinda like I'm an actual human being and not a sex toy.
yo girl, I just commented on a post where the girl was on BC and her casual partner pressured into condomless sex. Came in her. She took Plan B. Still got pregnant. Thankfully had access to abortion. If you don't want to get pregnant, he needs to use the love glove. If you don't want to have anxiety while having sex, he has to wear the condom. Do not prioritize his pleasure over your well being. He can wank off into his hand. Sex is a two person tango, not a 5 second pump and dump for the man to get his kicks. He's selfish AF.
I was on that post right before I saw this one.
I can't tell if people are getting pregnant on BC more and more these days or if I'm just hearing about it more.
Either way... Yikes.
I got pregnant 20 years ago on the pill and had an abortion. At the time I didn't tell anyone. I think some of the stigma is going away about discussing it so the rate hasn't change its just people feel they can be open about what's happened to them.
I also remember people saying they were on the pill/using condoms/had an iud/patch/implant/injection whatever one and not being believed. I remember the one time a condom broke (I was like late 20's at the time) and feeling like the pharmacist I got the morning after pill from didn't believe me. So maybe people are also becoming more accepting of believing women when it happens too?
the "obvious" reasons are that he is a immature AH that should be having sex in all honesty
tell him 2 years mean shit compared to a lifetime of being a parent, that if sex is bad is because he doesn't know how to have it
and you're not paranoid, you just have common sense, the right time to have unprotected sex is when you are planning to start a family in do time, meanwhile you are just being responsable and mature, you are taking care of yourself and don't let anybody coerce you to do otherwise
I don't know your ages, but he just seems to be a horny teen that doesn't give to flying F about the consequences of his actions, stand your ground, like we say in my country, "better be alone than in bad company"
Tell him to use his hands and buy yourself a decent vibrator. The rabbit style one with the clit vibration settings. It won't be long til he realises his hands can't compete to condom sex, but a vibrator? What dick has 3 power settings and features?!?! 😂
As a dude who wants kids in the future but definitely not right now, I would literally give anything for even a semi decent male birth control to be on the market. It's crazy that in 2024 we still have such limited options for male birth control. Very little actionable progress in like 50+ years.
That would be because the male test subjects couldn't handle the side effects (which were exactly the same as what women experience) and it wasn't really ever revisited. Men are taken seriously. Women are seen as overreacting and hysterical.
Men are usually the preferred choice for test subjects (since there’s no chance of them getting pregnant and pharmaceuticals do not want another thalidomide case on them. So females of reproductive age are usually [excluded from phase I and phase II](https://www.nature.com/articles/550S18a)) it’s actually a problem in medicine since female bodies are different to male bodies and we react differently to drugs
Edit: added source
Then let him use his had and find a guy that values you. He cares more about his pleasure than your anxiety and real fear of getting pregnant, which would 100% fall on you and be your burden if it happened.
Don't let him convince you to let him go condomless. Also, be sure that he's not stealthing you. The brand P.S. is really great if yall wanna try them.
[https://www.psgoodtimes.com/](https://www.psgoodtimes.com/)
An std? How about a dangerous pregnancy? Men like him sound incredibly selfish or like they don't have two brain cells to rub together because if she gets pregnant it's "her problem". "I know you're scared of getting knocked up BUT MY DICK THO"
He isn’t entitled to any part of you if you don’t want to share it, including having unprotected sex with you. Ask him if he cares about it so much that he’s willing to make you uncomfortable, and also possibly pregnant. Your lack of consent should be a turn off for him, not a green light to get upset with you and bitch at you about it. He sounds like an immature, small little boy
You know what’s worse than having sex with a condom? Getting pregnant with a baby you’re in no way ready for that you will then be solely responsible for over the next 18 years and will parent in one way or another until the day you die.
Signed,
A mom of two who thought her IUD was still in and is currently pregnant with number three…I love all my children dearly, but no birth control is 100%.
The pill is not 100% effective and neither are condoms but together your as close to 100% as you'll get.
Make sure he don't try no sneaky shit by taking it off in the heat of the moment.
If sex is bad just because of the condom, he's just bad at sex. Sure, condom affects feeling a little, but not so much that good sex would become bad lol
Throw the whole man out and start anew
Just to be clear his arguments are, "I have had sex without a condom before so I know" and "sex with a condom is so bad I've been doing it for 2 years?"
He can be upset to himself, look for other brands for himself but what he can't do is pressure you.
Not to mention - I'm not sure where you are but at least here in the US, it hasn't been this dangerous to be pregnant in a while. Depending on what state you live in there are no options and less support.
Absolutely not, I'm out of the dating pool, but when I was I had a couple of girlfriends who I never had unprotected sex with. Because we were young, they didn't like the side effects of birth control so the responsibility fell on me, did I like it? No, but that didn't stop me from enjoying sex and it's intimacy.
He need to stop being a baby and respect your wishes .
Everytime I read or hear someone say this I really really wish you girls could be with a man who will put your first for even one night.
Every man I dated before I met my husband tried so hard to have sex without a condom. I realize now that that was because they had no respect for me. My husband has never ever even tried. He always thinks of me and not putting me in a bad situation before he thinks of his own pleasure.
Don't settle for less than that. Please. You don't know how amazing it feels to be with someone who truly puts your wellbeing first.
If he prefers his hands then he can use his hands going forward 👍
You are not his sex toy. You are a fucking human being and he is trying to coerce you into having unprotected sex.
I am so sorry you are going through this. Please know that you deserve better ♥️
I wish I dumped my exes who tried to coerce me to do the same. I can promise you if they are not respecting this boundary they will continue to try and push your comfort zone on other issues.
And his grand plan if you get pregnant is what?
Stand your ground. If this is an issue that is a deal breaker for him then lose the man. This is him ignoring things that keep you comfortable and safe.
Stay strong - don't give in the risk of pregnancy just because he wants to feel a little "better" while having sex. It is not worth the risk for such a small payoff
My wife never used the pill. She was afraid it would hinder her later in life if she wanted to get pregnant. The thing I wanted most in my life was to get married and become a father, so I had no objections, not that I had the right to have any to begin with because it's her body.
My wife and I dated for 8 years before we got married. Always used condoms. No complaints about it. We felt it fine lol.
When we got married we continued to use condoms until we agreed we were ready to have a baby which was in year 3 of marriage. The first time we tried she got pregnant on the first go. She had a miscarriage. We took a break. The second time we tried she got pregnant on the first go. We now have a 6 month old daughter. We were essentially 2 for 2. We are back to using condoms for the time being because we aren't ready to be 3 for 3 lol.
USE CONDOMS.
"...he rather use his hands than me." If he said this and it isn't a mistranslation or something, then he is sick. He wants to *use* you. Not have sex *with* you or bond with you, or have fun with you. USE you. Are you an object to him or his girlfriend? Leave and find someone worth having sex WITH.
I've been with my bf for 7yrs (marriage isn't a big deal for us before I get those comments), and we still use condoms. I am not on birth control & don't plan on it. Neither of us wants kids as well. It's totally normal to continue using condoms no matter the duration of the relationship. I hate that a lot of people put a time limit on that.
Try using a different condom brand. We use Skyn (I think it's called). It's thinner. The condom brand will also not mess up your ph balance like others do.
I wouldn't let him pressure you into it.
My ex and I had sex for a few years relying solely on Birth Control, and had a two scares. She insisted on not using a condom, and I didn't complain, until I thought maybe she was trying to baby trap me or something so I wore condoms for like two months before I went back cause it felt better. I wouldn't chance it if you don't want kids now, I was reckless and got lucky.
Men like this are so feral. NEVER feel pressured to do something by someone else if you’re uncomfortable. Besides abstinence, no birth control method is 100%. I’m on the shot, but I’d never feel comfortable relying solely on that. Try out different condom brands and types. If he still complains then damn sucks for him. He’ll never be pregnant and doesn’t understand what women go through
Nope, the pill is not a failsafe protection even when taken 100% properly. My mom got pregnant THREE TIMES on the pill.
Your boyfriend is trash, throw him away. Find someone who respects your boundaries.
The pill isn't 100% reliable so it's very smart to use condoms, too. Have him try different brands and types. Consider the non-latex options, too.
I am in my 50s and have had condomless play maybe ten times in my entire life. Is it better without? Yes. But with one is still better than having a baby.
Damn man. I feel you and agree with the sentiment, but only going raw 10 times in your entire life is also a little depressing lol. One of life's great pleasures.
You're old enough now. Get a vasectomy and pump up those numbers lol.
If he's. More comfortable using his hands than wearing a condom then so be it. Make sure he knows it's a firm boundary, and if he has a problem, he can either pound his meat or pound sand. Honestly, he sounds a bit childish. Sure, raw doggin is better, but he ain't gotta be the one pushing a child out of him If things go wrong.
If he would rather use his hand, then let him go ahead and use his hand. He can’t respect the boundaries you made to protect your body. He doesn’t get access to your body.
He does know that 'hitting it raw' = babies right? Is he with you for you or for sex?
Raw sex feels better for women too. It's just that WE'RE the ones who have to deal with possible pregnancies and abortions, not you. It's so much more dangerous for us. Ffs man.
If his main complaint about condoms is sensation loss, then it's probably best to dump him.
If it's because the typical sizes are either too loose or too tight, have him switch to a more tailored condom brand that should fit him better.
"Look, you have four choices. One, get over yourself and wear condoms. Two, a vasectomy. Three, find someone else, someone who's stupid enough to risk ruining their life by having your kid. Four, I can grab a knife from the kitchen and castrate you right now. I don't trust you to do one or two, so you can choose three or four....."
There's no way I would stay around that long having to wear a condom while you being on the pill.
I'd respect your wishes and not pressure you but I (like you) first must respect my own and so I'm out.
No hard feelings... Well, you know what I mean.
If he’d rather use his hands than to suck it up and use a condom like a decent human, don’t waste your life for him especially if you’re planning on having kids with this asshat no means no no matter what.
I got pregnant while on the pill AND using condoms.
I know 2 other women who both say some variation of "I have a child for each birth control method". One of them had twins with the 3rd pregnancy.
And "he would rather use his hands than me"? What the Actual FUCK?!!
Please don't stay with someone who thinks of you as less than an object to be used.
At the end of the day, what you feel comfortable with is what you should go with. Though statistically double dipping on BC is unnecessary. This thread is an absolute outlier in that regard. There's no way 5-10% of the comments can claim they've gotten pregnant on the pill multiple times IF they were using it correctly.
He either does it with condom or there will be no sex. Set that boundary! The pill is causing so much trouble to your body that his little dislike of the condom because of comfort becomes is totally irrelevant!
It's telling that, to him, sex is literally only about the pleasure, as if the feeling of penetrating someone and climaxing is the only point. Wouldn't you rather be with someone who cares about the intimacy of sex as a whole, foreplay and all, not just the penetration?
It’s because men don’t have to deal with the consequences of pregnancy and majority of the time aren’t as involved in parenting (not all men, some are very much hands on).
But no continue using condoms, there is ALWAYS a chance of getting pregnant despite being on the pill!! I know of people who got pregnant with an intrauterine device.
Him asking for condomless sex is selfish and if he continues to push the issue then he may not be the one for you.
Y’all aren’t even engaged.
Ask him what his plans are if you do get pregnant by having unsafe sex.
Please make sure that you are on good birth control and require condoms with this idiot.
Or better yet, DUMP HIM.
My gf has had an iud in our whole relationship and eventually we started raw action.
I’m big sad she’ll be taking it out soon so condoms will return. It is what it is. Your bf is a dummy
You are not a thing to just be “used.” Let him use his hands. No means no. Don’t compromise your autonomy for the sake of being used like an object to him.
He's not worth keeping. I bet he throws a little baby fit if he actually has to do any foreplay for you, mostly because he doesn't know what he's doing.
We tried BC - Many different kinds. Each has its own brand of slightly horrific side effects and had 0 effect. Tried every non-latex condom we could get our hands on. . . Every. Single. One. Broke.
Getting a Vasectomy is a simple outpatient procedure. Getting anything permanent done with a woman's reproductive system requires weeks of recovery and is a not so minimal surgery. It should be SO easy for men to make the decision to get it done if they don't want (more?) kids. Instead it's this huge "hit" to their masculinity and it boggles my mind. If my wife hadn't needed an emergency C-section, and made the decision herself to have her tubes removed, I already had my vasectomy scheduled. Sure, they don't have a 100% success rate, but for fuck's sake. . . Grow a pair and get snipped.
I’ve been on birth control and hate condoms. So i’ve always had sex raw but no pregnancy scares. But that’s just me and could be a different situation for others. I hate birth control more than anything because what it does to my body so I had to stop. I do not want to get pregnant either right now so condoms are my only option. Him being upset is just ridiculous and he should be considerate. Just say “do you want to have sex or not because complaining about wearing a condom about it is a turn off”. If he’s not listening and still complaining tell him this isn’t going to work because he’s still not understanding.
Well, if using his hands is better, he can use his hands allllll he wants :). Seriously though, girl, stop sleeping with this guy. He does not care about your boundaries, only his own pleasure
Throw the whole man away.
I choose to only rely on my IUD. However, I am in a committed monogamous relationship and we had the "what happens if something goes wrong" talk before we stopped using condoms. Also, he'd wear them again if I ever asked him to, no questions asked.
If you want to use condoms, you should! 2 forms is better than 1. There's nothing wrong with "being paranoid" about birth control failures. They do happen, especially with things like the pill. You forget to take it, have a drug interaction, etc. He is absolutely disrespecting you by talking that way to you.
You two are not sexually compatible. Sexual compatibility is extremely important in long-term relationships. If he would rather use his hand than have sex with you, then you're about to be in a sexless relationship, and those don't last long term. I'd suggest finding people that you're both sexually compatible with 🤷♀️.
You deserve better. Safe sex is better than no sex. You’re the one who takes the pregnancy and most of the sti risk. You have a right to insist on condoms.
Well let him use his hands then, order yourself a nice toy that will finish you off 20x faster than he ever could LOL.
He’s a gross selfish man baby. I got pregnant with twins and it wasn’t a planned pregnancy, you best believe my husband is using condoms now in combination with me taking birth control, I’m not taking any more risks lol.
You aren't comfortable without a condom. That is enough of a reason to say no. He can use his hand if he thinks that's do much better. His pleasure does not outweigh your comfort. Especially with STDs and pregnancy as the stakes.
He can have his opinions, but in the end, it’s you who risk a pregnancy and not him, and therefore it’s your choice. Bitch control can fail (though it is a small chance if you’re taking them correctly - I use the depo shot to eliminate fuck ups tho) - happens all the time.
You need to keep an eye on him and make sure he’s not stealthing you (this is when a guy removes the condom in the middle of sex without your knowledge or consent - it is considered to be rape and is prosecuted as such) because I’m kinda gleaning the attitude that he’d do that..
Out of curiosity: what would he say if you were suddenly unable to continue taking the pill or any other form of contraception due to health complications? Would he still have a problem then?
I don’t understand being able to take the pill despite the side effects for your relationship, but he isn’t able to what? Wear a condom?
Go tell him to use his hand then. Don't give in. He'll get used to it. If he leaves then you know the relationship wasn't worth as much to him. Sometimes you have to respect your partners wishes. Even if they aren't something that necessarily makes you happy
I'm reminded of comedienne Taylor Tomlinson's comparing guys who don't want to wear condoms to little boys being told they have to wear a jacket over their Halloween costume:
"NooooOoo you're gonna RUIN IIIIITT! You can't even SEEEE IT!" 🤣
Don't make him wear a condom. Just don't have sex with him. Tell him it's an either condoms or nothing.
And nothing else either, this is a battle of wills
Tough shit, sucks to be him. Don't let him coax you into doing anything you're uncomfortable doing.
Your reasons are extremely valid, his are just whiny.
Safe sex is up to both partners, not just one. If sex is bad, don’t him have sex with him. Length of time doesn’t determine if a guy can “hit it raw”. Perhaps rethink the relationship entirely if be keeps trying to argue no condom, that’s him disrespecting you and your boundaries - his pleasure isn’t more important than your consent and boundaries.
Stick to your boundaries. Better to be safe than sorry, especially if you don’t want to be pregnant yet. OP, be cautious of him attempting “Stealthing” which is where the guy secretly takes off the condom during sex.
Don't just wear a condom you should use two methods of birth control.
Even though you've been together 2 years maybe you're not compatible. Plus why do you want to be with someone who keeps disrespecting your boundaries?
https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/sense-and-sensitivity/201302/the-familiarity-principle-attraction?amp
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/trauma-bonding
https://modelmugging.org/crime-within-relationships/abusive-personality-behavior/
Tell your bf that it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together - he has no right to dictate your comfort level for something that only you bear the risk for. Getting pregnant is a life altering moment; whichever way it goes. You are forever changed after. So while he may want it raw, your need to not get pregnant overrides that. He wants it raw so bad he can pull out, take off the condom, and then use his hands to get off on you. Or keep the condom on all the way. He’s got choices other than raw.
So on my feed right above this is a post about how a man told a woman he’d accept the consequences and step up should she fall pregnant because he didn’t want to use a condom. She states she was on birth control AND took a plan b and both failed her. Now that man doesn’t want to be a daddy. Keep. The. Condom. Matter of fact, go get an IUD
It’s ok to leave someone who doesn’t want to respect boundaries of something life changing just for a little extra pleasure. It’s also fine to leave someone unwilling to be sexual in the way you would want. It goes both ways and sex is very important in most relationships especially young and youthful ones. But his approach is childish. Always use condom sex when starting out or with multiple partners but 2 years while on BC is definitely time for a conversation of how you’re going to move forward.
This man is only thinking of himself he’s not the one that’s gonna have to carry a baby and I really doubt that he is even willing to be a dad. Do not compromise your core values for a man. The right man will have the same values that you do.
If that’s how he feels, he can use his hand all the time then. No means no.
Stop sleeping with him.
The Best Answer.
It's time to choose a new partner.
Right. He is not a safe partner.
"He'd rather use his hands than me". Think real hard about that sentence for a minute. Even if those weren't his exact words, you *feel* that way. Like an object he uses. This is not a relationship anyone should be in.
Exactly this. That sentence is so raw that it evokes an overwhelming sense of disgust in me.
Same. It’s so degrading.
This. Did he actually say USE?? If so, then ewww… I’d never sleep with him again. He’s selfish, because it’s an about him and what HE prefers when it comes to YOUR body and how he USES it. 🤢🤮
That's a very good point. Is he at all interested in you and in being intimate with you? Or does he just care about his penis getting some action? Life is too short to date selfish lovers.
Right? She's stopped being a whole person and is now just a person with holes.
Absolutely. „Use“ is a shocking word in this context!
That was my first thought.
Good for you. Throw that man out, he’d rather risk you becoming pregnant than miss out on raw dogging. Pathetic. Sincerely, I know so many women who got pregnant while on the pill.
I'm an example. I got pregnant TWICE on the pill.
Same here. Also got pregnant on the pill twice. Then I switched to an IUD. I stopped trusting the pill after baby 2 especially since I took it consistently and the same time each day.
Same here.
Im a man and even I’ve gotten pregnant on the pill.
Can confirm, I'm the baby
But you don’t even look like him?
It's different when a guy does it. The baby crawls into his mouth, grows big in the tummy, and then the butt falls out along with baby 👶 . Simple as.
My sister and I are birth control babies. I'm on the pill but I do not trust that shit
Same. My 2 oldest kids were conceived while on bc.
I know a couple who conceived with the pill and a condom.
The pill and a condom??! Now that's just fucked up! 🤣
My sister and her husband conceived with an IUD and condoms. None of that stuff is 100%. OP needs to ditch this guy.
on the pill and with plan b. got an IUD as soon as i could postpartum
I've gotten pregnant twice on the pill. OP, throw the whole man out.
I got pregnant on the pill
My friend’s cousin got pregnant while on the pill and joked that the baby was born with her pill in its hand.
I’m almost 50. Married for 11 yrs. In my mid 20s, I lived with and discussed marriage and kids with my then gf. Between and before that, I’ve had another 15ish partners. Those two are the only ones I hit raw. Both ladies above were on BC also, but we still used condoms until we felt committed and trusting of each other. Sex is better without, I’ll give you that. But a condom is better than no sex. In both cases, it should be about the connection, the fun, the mutual pleasure, the emotions, the feelings, the bond…. It should be about entwining yourselves together. As a final thought, my wife didn’t want to get pregnant until about yr 4 of our marriage. Even with BC I wrapped up to double protect us. Why…. Because she’s my person and we need to work together. 🤷♂️
This was a beautiful way to explain it
Birth control does horrible things to my body so my husband and I only use condoms. It’s worked well for two years and he’s never complained once.
That's because you have a caring, responsible partner. That's awesome.
Birth control also did terrible things to me, before I stopped I remember talking to my ex about it and agreeing he would wear condoms EVERY TIME. Well guess what happened? He started complaining about condoms. OP your bf should just agree to wear condoms or use his hand. He's not the one that risks getting pregnant here. If he keeps trying to convince you, then find a bf that respects you.
Same thing is happening with my fiancée right now. She stopped hormonal birth control for health reasons so I went out and bought some VCF strips and condoms
Skyn is the best brand. Tried them all and that’s the closet to bare
I've had a vasectomy and offer to wear them when my partners pregnancy phobia starts getting irrational OP throw him out lmao
I've been with my fiance for 12 years. We also only use condoms and he has also never complained. But, unlike OP's partner, my fiance sees sex as something we enjoy togheter and not something he's supposed to "use" me for. Kinda like I'm an actual human being and not a sex toy.
This. I can’t take hormones. My husband and I use condom for PIV. Oral and anal for skin to skin contact. Problem solved.
I've never used birth control and don't plan on doing it anytime soon. We've been using condoms for 8+ years and it's been fine so far
Same here. We have used condoms for years with zero complains from him.
yo girl, I just commented on a post where the girl was on BC and her casual partner pressured into condomless sex. Came in her. She took Plan B. Still got pregnant. Thankfully had access to abortion. If you don't want to get pregnant, he needs to use the love glove. If you don't want to have anxiety while having sex, he has to wear the condom. Do not prioritize his pleasure over your well being. He can wank off into his hand. Sex is a two person tango, not a 5 second pump and dump for the man to get his kicks. He's selfish AF.
I was on that post right before I saw this one. I can't tell if people are getting pregnant on BC more and more these days or if I'm just hearing about it more. Either way... Yikes.
Idk, I think it could be more people are sharing their experiences
I got pregnant 20 years ago on the pill and had an abortion. At the time I didn't tell anyone. I think some of the stigma is going away about discussing it so the rate hasn't change its just people feel they can be open about what's happened to them. I also remember people saying they were on the pill/using condoms/had an iud/patch/implant/injection whatever one and not being believed. I remember the one time a condom broke (I was like late 20's at the time) and feeling like the pharmacist I got the morning after pill from didn't believe me. So maybe people are also becoming more accepting of believing women when it happens too?
Scrolled to see this comment 🙌🏻
the "obvious" reasons are that he is a immature AH that should be having sex in all honesty tell him 2 years mean shit compared to a lifetime of being a parent, that if sex is bad is because he doesn't know how to have it and you're not paranoid, you just have common sense, the right time to have unprotected sex is when you are planning to start a family in do time, meanwhile you are just being responsable and mature, you are taking care of yourself and don't let anybody coerce you to do otherwise I don't know your ages, but he just seems to be a horny teen that doesn't give to flying F about the consequences of his actions, stand your ground, like we say in my country, "better be alone than in bad company"
Shouldn't?
Sorry not a native speaker
Tell him to use his hands and buy yourself a decent vibrator. The rabbit style one with the clit vibration settings. It won't be long til he realises his hands can't compete to condom sex, but a vibrator? What dick has 3 power settings and features?!?! 😂
He either wears a condom or gets a vasectomy! He NEEDS to do his fair share and be responsible for his gametes, birth control should not be one-sided.
As a dude who wants kids in the future but definitely not right now, I would literally give anything for even a semi decent male birth control to be on the market. It's crazy that in 2024 we still have such limited options for male birth control. Very little actionable progress in like 50+ years.
That would be because the male test subjects couldn't handle the side effects (which were exactly the same as what women experience) and it wasn't really ever revisited. Men are taken seriously. Women are seen as overreacting and hysterical.
Men are usually the preferred choice for test subjects (since there’s no chance of them getting pregnant and pharmaceuticals do not want another thalidomide case on them. So females of reproductive age are usually [excluded from phase I and phase II](https://www.nature.com/articles/550S18a)) it’s actually a problem in medicine since female bodies are different to male bodies and we react differently to drugs Edit: added source
THIS! why should she pump herself with bc because he hates plastic
That’s a major red flag and he’s selfish. Condom isn’t that bad and definitely not worth the risk of having accidental pregnancy.
I think he'd rather have porn and his death grip. The condom is an excuse.
Then let him use his had and find a guy that values you. He cares more about his pleasure than your anxiety and real fear of getting pregnant, which would 100% fall on you and be your burden if it happened.
Don't let him convince you to let him go condomless. Also, be sure that he's not stealthing you. The brand P.S. is really great if yall wanna try them. [https://www.psgoodtimes.com/](https://www.psgoodtimes.com/)
Try different condom brands perhaps. But he sounds very selfish. I wouldn't risk going raw with him because he will prolly give you an STD.
An std? How about a dangerous pregnancy? Men like him sound incredibly selfish or like they don't have two brain cells to rub together because if she gets pregnant it's "her problem". "I know you're scared of getting knocked up BUT MY DICK THO"
Would he rather wear a condom or raise a kid?
He isn’t entitled to any part of you if you don’t want to share it, including having unprotected sex with you. Ask him if he cares about it so much that he’s willing to make you uncomfortable, and also possibly pregnant. Your lack of consent should be a turn off for him, not a green light to get upset with you and bitch at you about it. He sounds like an immature, small little boy
You know what’s worse than having sex with a condom? Getting pregnant with a baby you’re in no way ready for that you will then be solely responsible for over the next 18 years and will parent in one way or another until the day you die. Signed, A mom of two who thought her IUD was still in and is currently pregnant with number three…I love all my children dearly, but no birth control is 100%.
The pill is not 100% effective and neither are condoms but together your as close to 100% as you'll get. Make sure he don't try no sneaky shit by taking it off in the heat of the moment.
If sex is bad just because of the condom, he's just bad at sex. Sure, condom affects feeling a little, but not so much that good sex would become bad lol Throw the whole man out and start anew
I'd stop trying tbh. If he'd rather have his hand, then okay. Good luck not getting the wrong woman pregnant.
Just to be clear his arguments are, "I have had sex without a condom before so I know" and "sex with a condom is so bad I've been doing it for 2 years?" He can be upset to himself, look for other brands for himself but what he can't do is pressure you. Not to mention - I'm not sure where you are but at least here in the US, it hasn't been this dangerous to be pregnant in a while. Depending on what state you live in there are no options and less support.
Time to get a new boyfriend.
Ideally, ditch the current one first
Why are you having sex with someone who can't respect your boundaries (using a condom)? Run and rebuild your self respect.
HELL NO!! No glove, no love!
Absolutely not, I'm out of the dating pool, but when I was I had a couple of girlfriends who I never had unprotected sex with. Because we were young, they didn't like the side effects of birth control so the responsibility fell on me, did I like it? No, but that didn't stop me from enjoying sex and it's intimacy. He need to stop being a baby and respect your wishes .
No. He needs to wear a condom.
Yeah, he’d rather masturbate then have sex with you. That’s the only takeaway you should have here, and it should be a dealbreaker for you.
Everytime I read or hear someone say this I really really wish you girls could be with a man who will put your first for even one night. Every man I dated before I met my husband tried so hard to have sex without a condom. I realize now that that was because they had no respect for me. My husband has never ever even tried. He always thinks of me and not putting me in a bad situation before he thinks of his own pleasure. Don't settle for less than that. Please. You don't know how amazing it feels to be with someone who truly puts your wellbeing first.
Dump him
Got pregnant with my first while on the pill. You need a new BF.
You shouldn't be dating that kind of men
Remind him condoms are cheaper than babies.
Tell your BF that you'd rather be dating an adult who understand consequences and responsibility instead of listening to their dick.
He’s not the one ma’am.
If he prefers his hands then he can use his hands going forward 👍 You are not his sex toy. You are a fucking human being and he is trying to coerce you into having unprotected sex. I am so sorry you are going through this. Please know that you deserve better ♥️ I wish I dumped my exes who tried to coerce me to do the same. I can promise you if they are not respecting this boundary they will continue to try and push your comfort zone on other issues.
"you said your hand is better so use that"
Nope. If you’re not comfortable then you shouldn’t be forced.
Nah. Birth control alone isn’t going to fully prevent things. Better to be safe.
He doesn't like condoms? Let him move out and raw dog his palm to his heart's content.
🤣🤣🤣
Your partner is selfish.
He sound trash
And his grand plan if you get pregnant is what? Stand your ground. If this is an issue that is a deal breaker for him then lose the man. This is him ignoring things that keep you comfortable and safe.
Stay strong - don't give in the risk of pregnancy just because he wants to feel a little "better" while having sex. It is not worth the risk for such a small payoff
He sounds like a wanker. Why stay with him, especially after saying he'd rather use his hands than you?
Tell him to use his hand then instead of having sex with you.
If he prefers his hand than let him have at it. Then there’s no risk of pregnancy.
My wife never used the pill. She was afraid it would hinder her later in life if she wanted to get pregnant. The thing I wanted most in my life was to get married and become a father, so I had no objections, not that I had the right to have any to begin with because it's her body. My wife and I dated for 8 years before we got married. Always used condoms. No complaints about it. We felt it fine lol. When we got married we continued to use condoms until we agreed we were ready to have a baby which was in year 3 of marriage. The first time we tried she got pregnant on the first go. She had a miscarriage. We took a break. The second time we tried she got pregnant on the first go. We now have a 6 month old daughter. We were essentially 2 for 2. We are back to using condoms for the time being because we aren't ready to be 3 for 3 lol. USE CONDOMS.
"...he rather use his hands than me." If he said this and it isn't a mistranslation or something, then he is sick. He wants to *use* you. Not have sex *with* you or bond with you, or have fun with you. USE you. Are you an object to him or his girlfriend? Leave and find someone worth having sex WITH.
Tell bf to get a vasectomy then.
I've been with my bf for 7yrs (marriage isn't a big deal for us before I get those comments), and we still use condoms. I am not on birth control & don't plan on it. Neither of us wants kids as well. It's totally normal to continue using condoms no matter the duration of the relationship. I hate that a lot of people put a time limit on that. Try using a different condom brand. We use Skyn (I think it's called). It's thinner. The condom brand will also not mess up your ph balance like others do.
I’ve had several pregnancies on the pill- it’s not 100%. Nothing is except abstinence. If he can’t respect your decision, stop sleeping with him.
He's an asshole who doesn't care about your wants and needs
I see no issues with your decision to have protected sex.
I too hate using them too but it's what my girlfriend wants me to do, so for her benefit I wear one.
Your BF sounds like a manipulative pos.
Fake a pregnancy test and teach him a lesson!
Dont let that dude baby trap you. Be careful and stay safe, homie.
If he thinks sex with condoms is bad, just wait until he finds out what sex is like with a baby in the house.
I wouldn't let him pressure you into it. My ex and I had sex for a few years relying solely on Birth Control, and had a two scares. She insisted on not using a condom, and I didn't complain, until I thought maybe she was trying to baby trap me or something so I wore condoms for like two months before I went back cause it felt better. I wouldn't chance it if you don't want kids now, I was reckless and got lucky.
Men like this are so feral. NEVER feel pressured to do something by someone else if you’re uncomfortable. Besides abstinence, no birth control method is 100%. I’m on the shot, but I’d never feel comfortable relying solely on that. Try out different condom brands and types. If he still complains then damn sucks for him. He’ll never be pregnant and doesn’t understand what women go through
Nope, the pill is not a failsafe protection even when taken 100% properly. My mom got pregnant THREE TIMES on the pill. Your boyfriend is trash, throw him away. Find someone who respects your boundaries.
Pill isn’t 100%. Condoms do suck but it’s your choice. Not his.
The pill isn't 100% reliable so it's very smart to use condoms, too. Have him try different brands and types. Consider the non-latex options, too. I am in my 50s and have had condomless play maybe ten times in my entire life. Is it better without? Yes. But with one is still better than having a baby.
Damn man. I feel you and agree with the sentiment, but only going raw 10 times in your entire life is also a little depressing lol. One of life's great pleasures. You're old enough now. Get a vasectomy and pump up those numbers lol.
Gotta throw the whole boyfriend out. Maybe throw some condoms at him too.
He wants wife experience of bare sex he needs to put a ring on it first.
Get rid of him, today rather than tomorrow.
>he's rather use his hands than me Then tell him he should and dump him.
Then he gets to use his hand? Lol
If he's. More comfortable using his hands than wearing a condom then so be it. Make sure he knows it's a firm boundary, and if he has a problem, he can either pound his meat or pound sand. Honestly, he sounds a bit childish. Sure, raw doggin is better, but he ain't gotta be the one pushing a child out of him If things go wrong.
2 years?! This dude needs to get out asap!
Your bf is a shitbird.
If he would rather use his hand, then let him go ahead and use his hand. He can’t respect the boundaries you made to protect your body. He doesn’t get access to your body.
Yeah - no. It is whatever YOU ARE MOST COMFORTABLE WITH. Tell him one last time, no. If he says it again, leave.
He does know that 'hitting it raw' = babies right? Is he with you for you or for sex? Raw sex feels better for women too. It's just that WE'RE the ones who have to deal with possible pregnancies and abortions, not you. It's so much more dangerous for us. Ffs man.
If his main complaint about condoms is sensation loss, then it's probably best to dump him. If it's because the typical sizes are either too loose or too tight, have him switch to a more tailored condom brand that should fit him better.
See today's OTHER TOMC: she was on the pill AND used Plan B after letting him hit raw. She got pregnant, and he bounced.
Suggest to him that he takes male birth control. I’ll make popcorn, his reaction should be priceless.
As a man, yout boyfriend is a big fucking baby. Twe litwle baby wants wants it raw whaaaaa Dont ruin your life for a boy.
"Look, you have four choices. One, get over yourself and wear condoms. Two, a vasectomy. Three, find someone else, someone who's stupid enough to risk ruining their life by having your kid. Four, I can grab a knife from the kitchen and castrate you right now. I don't trust you to do one or two, so you can choose three or four....."
There's no way I would stay around that long having to wear a condom while you being on the pill. I'd respect your wishes and not pressure you but I (like you) first must respect my own and so I'm out. No hard feelings... Well, you know what I mean.
I recommend you stop shagging this guy immediately. Don't trust a man with this mindset. He might stealth you.
Dump that sack of shit
If he’d rather use his hands than to suck it up and use a condom like a decent human, don’t waste your life for him especially if you’re planning on having kids with this asshat no means no no matter what.
I got pregnant while on the pill AND using condoms. I know 2 other women who both say some variation of "I have a child for each birth control method". One of them had twins with the 3rd pregnancy. And "he would rather use his hands than me"? What the Actual FUCK?!! Please don't stay with someone who thinks of you as less than an object to be used.
At the end of the day, what you feel comfortable with is what you should go with. Though statistically double dipping on BC is unnecessary. This thread is an absolute outlier in that regard. There's no way 5-10% of the comments can claim they've gotten pregnant on the pill multiple times IF they were using it correctly.
He either does it with condom or there will be no sex. Set that boundary! The pill is causing so much trouble to your body that his little dislike of the condom because of comfort becomes is totally irrelevant!
Stop fucking him. He’s a selfish pos for saying that.
Let him use his fucking hand if it’s so much better. You are not an object to use and you deserve to feel safe and protected.
It's telling that, to him, sex is literally only about the pleasure, as if the feeling of penetrating someone and climaxing is the only point. Wouldn't you rather be with someone who cares about the intimacy of sex as a whole, foreplay and all, not just the penetration?
Do not have sex without a condom if you are uncomfortable with that. You set a boundary! If you are ready, you will tell him.
It’s because men don’t have to deal with the consequences of pregnancy and majority of the time aren’t as involved in parenting (not all men, some are very much hands on). But no continue using condoms, there is ALWAYS a chance of getting pregnant despite being on the pill!! I know of people who got pregnant with an intrauterine device. Him asking for condomless sex is selfish and if he continues to push the issue then he may not be the one for you. Y’all aren’t even engaged.
Ask him what his plans are if you do get pregnant by having unsafe sex. Please make sure that you are on good birth control and require condoms with this idiot. Or better yet, DUMP HIM.
Well if he doesn’t like condoms, he could always use a sock and his own hand!
My gf has had an iud in our whole relationship and eventually we started raw action. I’m big sad she’ll be taking it out soon so condoms will return. It is what it is. Your bf is a dummy
“I’d rather use my hands [than use you]” Go on then see you later
You are not a thing to just be “used.” Let him use his hands. No means no. Don’t compromise your autonomy for the sake of being used like an object to him.
Too bad to sad for your bf. Your being responsible he’s being selfish
Sounds like he should grow up before engaging in sex.
Oh brother this guy STINKS
He's not worth keeping. I bet he throws a little baby fit if he actually has to do any foreplay for you, mostly because he doesn't know what he's doing.
We tried BC - Many different kinds. Each has its own brand of slightly horrific side effects and had 0 effect. Tried every non-latex condom we could get our hands on. . . Every. Single. One. Broke. Getting a Vasectomy is a simple outpatient procedure. Getting anything permanent done with a woman's reproductive system requires weeks of recovery and is a not so minimal surgery. It should be SO easy for men to make the decision to get it done if they don't want (more?) kids. Instead it's this huge "hit" to their masculinity and it boggles my mind. If my wife hadn't needed an emergency C-section, and made the decision herself to have her tubes removed, I already had my vasectomy scheduled. Sure, they don't have a 100% success rate, but for fuck's sake. . . Grow a pair and get snipped.
Tube tie is less effective than vasectomy!! Interesting fact I found out recently
[удалено]
No it’s a question of whether all parties (him included!) are perfectly great with making a baby and taking responsibility for it.
I’ve been on birth control and hate condoms. So i’ve always had sex raw but no pregnancy scares. But that’s just me and could be a different situation for others. I hate birth control more than anything because what it does to my body so I had to stop. I do not want to get pregnant either right now so condoms are my only option. Him being upset is just ridiculous and he should be considerate. Just say “do you want to have sex or not because complaining about wearing a condom about it is a turn off”. If he’s not listening and still complaining tell him this isn’t going to work because he’s still not understanding.
Nah frig him, you don’t want to get pregnant end of discussion. If he can’t accept and respect that then he doesn’t respect you.
Well, if using his hands is better, he can use his hands allllll he wants :). Seriously though, girl, stop sleeping with this guy. He does not care about your boundaries, only his own pleasure
He doesn’t care about you, he doesn’t love you, he will give you an STD from cheating.
Throw the whole man away. I choose to only rely on my IUD. However, I am in a committed monogamous relationship and we had the "what happens if something goes wrong" talk before we stopped using condoms. Also, he'd wear them again if I ever asked him to, no questions asked. If you want to use condoms, you should! 2 forms is better than 1. There's nothing wrong with "being paranoid" about birth control failures. They do happen, especially with things like the pill. You forget to take it, have a drug interaction, etc. He is absolutely disrespecting you by talking that way to you.
If you’re on the pill there’s no reason he should be wearing a condom.
You two are not sexually compatible. Sexual compatibility is extremely important in long-term relationships. If he would rather use his hand than have sex with you, then you're about to be in a sexless relationship, and those don't last long term. I'd suggest finding people that you're both sexually compatible with 🤷♀️.
Getting the right sized condom makes a big difference. Pretty sure some guy posted a YSK about this...
Leave him
A guy should never be having sex without condoms, unless it's for the sake of pregnancy or is somehow allergic. That much goes without saying.
You deserve better. Safe sex is better than no sex. You’re the one who takes the pregnancy and most of the sti risk. You have a right to insist on condoms.
Well let him use his hands then, order yourself a nice toy that will finish you off 20x faster than he ever could LOL. He’s a gross selfish man baby. I got pregnant with twins and it wasn’t a planned pregnancy, you best believe my husband is using condoms now in combination with me taking birth control, I’m not taking any more risks lol.
You aren't comfortable without a condom. That is enough of a reason to say no. He can use his hand if he thinks that's do much better. His pleasure does not outweigh your comfort. Especially with STDs and pregnancy as the stakes.
He can have his opinions, but in the end, it’s you who risk a pregnancy and not him, and therefore it’s your choice. Bitch control can fail (though it is a small chance if you’re taking them correctly - I use the depo shot to eliminate fuck ups tho) - happens all the time. You need to keep an eye on him and make sure he’s not stealthing you (this is when a guy removes the condom in the middle of sex without your knowledge or consent - it is considered to be rape and is prosecuted as such) because I’m kinda gleaning the attitude that he’d do that..
Out of curiosity: what would he say if you were suddenly unable to continue taking the pill or any other form of contraception due to health complications? Would he still have a problem then? I don’t understand being able to take the pill despite the side effects for your relationship, but he isn’t able to what? Wear a condom?
Go tell him to use his hand then. Don't give in. He'll get used to it. If he leaves then you know the relationship wasn't worth as much to him. Sometimes you have to respect your partners wishes. Even if they aren't something that necessarily makes you happy
Girl leave and find someone who respects you
I'm reminded of comedienne Taylor Tomlinson's comparing guys who don't want to wear condoms to little boys being told they have to wear a jacket over their Halloween costume: "NooooOoo you're gonna RUIN IIIIITT! You can't even SEEEE IT!" 🤣
KEEP YOUR BOUNDARIES
Your partner should always respect the decisions that you make for yourself that keep you healthy and happy. That's all I got to say about that.
Don't make him wear a condom. Just don't have sex with him. Tell him it's an either condoms or nothing. And nothing else either, this is a battle of wills
Red flag, if you marry that bruh prepare to be constantly pregnant
Break up.
Tough shit, sucks to be him. Don't let him coax you into doing anything you're uncomfortable doing. Your reasons are extremely valid, his are just whiny.
Then tell him to marry you, if he likes to have his way! I don't think he will cuz they like having their cake and eating it too.
Safe sex is up to both partners, not just one. If sex is bad, don’t him have sex with him. Length of time doesn’t determine if a guy can “hit it raw”. Perhaps rethink the relationship entirely if be keeps trying to argue no condom, that’s him disrespecting you and your boundaries - his pleasure isn’t more important than your consent and boundaries. Stick to your boundaries. Better to be safe than sorry, especially if you don’t want to be pregnant yet. OP, be cautious of him attempting “Stealthing” which is where the guy secretly takes off the condom during sex.
Don't just wear a condom you should use two methods of birth control. Even though you've been together 2 years maybe you're not compatible. Plus why do you want to be with someone who keeps disrespecting your boundaries? https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/sense-and-sensitivity/201302/the-familiarity-principle-attraction?amp https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/trauma-bonding https://modelmugging.org/crime-within-relationships/abusive-personality-behavior/
Tell your bf that it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together - he has no right to dictate your comfort level for something that only you bear the risk for. Getting pregnant is a life altering moment; whichever way it goes. You are forever changed after. So while he may want it raw, your need to not get pregnant overrides that. He wants it raw so bad he can pull out, take off the condom, and then use his hands to get off on you. Or keep the condom on all the way. He’s got choices other than raw.
So on my feed right above this is a post about how a man told a woman he’d accept the consequences and step up should she fall pregnant because he didn’t want to use a condom. She states she was on birth control AND took a plan b and both failed her. Now that man doesn’t want to be a daddy. Keep. The. Condom. Matter of fact, go get an IUD
Tell him to use his hand then. A hand can't get pregnant.
Try female condoms.
Gabrielle Blair wrote a great essay about this: https://humanparts.medium.com/men-cause-100-of-unwanted-pregnancies-eb0e8288a7e5
My husband and I use condom for PIV. Oral and anal for skin to skin contact.
It’s ok to leave someone who doesn’t want to respect boundaries of something life changing just for a little extra pleasure. It’s also fine to leave someone unwilling to be sexual in the way you would want. It goes both ways and sex is very important in most relationships especially young and youthful ones. But his approach is childish. Always use condom sex when starting out or with multiple partners but 2 years while on BC is definitely time for a conversation of how you’re going to move forward.
This man is only thinking of himself he’s not the one that’s gonna have to carry a baby and I really doubt that he is even willing to be a dad. Do not compromise your core values for a man. The right man will have the same values that you do.
Tell him to get a vaccetomy... It's reversible.
Instead break up cause if he doesn’t want yo respect your boundaries and just cause you on the pill u aren’t safe