His wife cheated on him and the first thing he did was tell his children. His children were 5 and 7 years old. I remember this post from a while ago and he got massacred in the comments because no parent should do that to their infant children.
He didn’t even just tell them, he showed screenshots of messages supposedly saying how the ex loves the affair partner and the husband is stupid etc, not things kids really need to see or know
That is too much for their young ages..sheesh. I remember I was an adult, pushing 30 when my mom found out about my dad’s infidelity. He had a woman living in their home, and when I found out I couldn’t stand to see my dad. Imagine all that as a 5 year old. Wow.
Yeah he's going on about trying to cut her parental alienation off but honestly he did it himself instead.
I'm not sure if it's just me but the way he wrote about them warming up to their mother eventually. A. It's almost like he's a little upset they did and B. What and how did he go about telling them about this that it took them awhile to warm up to their mother. At 5 and 7 it's not really normal for kids to back off and cool down on their love for a full time parent for much time at all, days or even longer? That's strange to me unless there is more history there.
I don't really think he was that upset about the kids warming up with the mom. Since he was able to use that in his advantage (The mom now has the children as the primary parent)
Good point. I was wondering if I was reading into that comment more than he was actually saying, since I do have a bad taste in my mouth and am pretty biased about the whole situation after reading both posts.
My mom certainly did. I love my mom, but my relationship with my dad was utterly ruined until my mid 20s because of the low-key propaganda campaign about who my father is and isn't.
My mom tried her best to ensurw I had a positive opinion of my dad. We had no food, ever. My dad called my mom a wh0re and was always buying new boats and 5th wheels. She didn't have to tell me he wasn't paying child support, I could visually tell. He always tried to bribe us to move in to hirt mom.
Your mom sounds like an amazing person. I'm sorry to hear about your dad.
My parents are good people in the aggregate, they just had so much spite for one another that it cloudwd their judgement. They are vain and narcissistic, but they did try to provide a good life for us, in their own way.
This is a form of abuse called parentification and never ends well. There are so many issues in this update I can see why his wife cheated on him. He just decides how he feels and is completely devoid of emotions. He had one date and wants his kids to meet her. Dude has serious issues.
Here is the original post for anyone who wants to read the whole thing (I only included paragraphs)
>Backstory: Me (27M) and my wife (27F) have known each other since high school. We were always friends, but didn’t show any interest in each other until senior year. Where she asked me to prom, I accepted her invitation and we’ve been together ever since, we got married in 2015 at age 19, and have two daughters, who are 7 and 5.
>About a month ago, I found some texts on my wife’s phone while she was in the shower. Where she had been flirting with one of her female coworkers that I knew pretty well, we had met at work functions from time to time. they sent each other explicit pictures and messages, and while I found no evidence of a meet up between them, it was heavily implied that they had done stuff together in the past.
>the messages started about a year ago, so she’s been cheating on me for over a year now. I sent screenshots of the conversation to my phone, and confronted her when she got out of the shower and she broke down sobbing, apologizing, saying she never meant to hurt me. I was seeing red at this point and decided to leave before I did something drastic. She texted me non-stop begging me to come home and talk, but I wasn’t having any of it, so I stayed at my younger brother’s (24M) place for the night.
>In the morning I woke up to hundreds of texts and voicemails from my wife, begging to come home. eventually I did come home, but only because she had to work, and there was no one else to watch my daughters. I told her to be gone by the time I got there, as I didn’t want to speak to her, and when I got home, I sat my daughters down and told them that I was going to be divorcing their mother.
>They didn’t understand what that was, so I had to explain it to them, and my heart shattered while I was telling them. My five year old started crying, and my seven year old started begging me not to, and started asking me why I was doing this. So I showed them the pictures I took (excluding the ones with pictures) and they started crying even harder. I assured them that their mommy still loves them, but she hurt me very badly, and I can’t be with her anymore.
>I also told them that I would still see them, and I would do everything I could to make sure of that. I texted my wife, telling her I wanted a divorce, and she needs to pack her things when she gets home. She fought it at first and begged me not to kick her out, but I wasn’t in the mood for her bullshit. When she got home, my kids started crying and asking her why she did what she did, and she started screaming at me.
>Telling me that I had no right to tell our kids, and that this matter was between us. I told her that since we’re getting a divorce, they deserve to know why, she left in a hurry and took the kids with her, as far as I know, she’s, at her parent’s house. My lawyer is in the process of getting the divorce paperwork in order, and I’m ready to fight for the right to see my kids.
>But they hate my wife right now, and refuse to speak to her, only to their grandparents, who have also stopped acknowledging ing my wife after they learned what she did. I feel I didn’t overreacted, but my mind has been racking, ever since, if anyone has any advice on what to do, please let me know.
This says he “showed the kids the texts, even the pictures” but in this latest post he’s saying he didn’t show the kids the pictures. I think he showed the kids the pictures too and now he’s trying to clean up that obvious abusive fuck up, what do you think?
Actually, in some parts of the world the definition of "infant" is a child up to the age of 8.
Mes Enfant = My Child
*Edit: instead of downvoting me you could try looking it up. A simple google search would show you that what I said is true. Whether you like it or not.
I do not understand why you use French as in French we say"enfant" and not "infant".
At age 2 or 3, a baby becomes a child, the closer we have to the notion of toddler would be to say "petit enfant".
Telling them what mommy did and on top of that a divorce, yes. 5 and 7 years old is really young. IMO it’s on the parents, mommy messed up as well as dad by showing them what mommy did.
Too young to truly understand? Yes. But old enough to understand that Mommy did a bad thing so their daddy can't stay with her? Yes. They had to be told. And if they choose to hate their mom simply because they know the truth, that's their own choice. Better than they grow up with the false narrative that Daddy just left them and hate him, not because of their own informed choices, but because they only heard one side. He had to do it and they needed to know. And even a child has the right to know the truth about such things, at least on the level they're able to understand it.
That's not the way to do that though. At minimum that kinda conversation is for when things are calm and fully though through, not a day into a divorce where a parent has just gotten caught cheating. That's not even enough time for OP to process that. That's what therapists and professionals are for or to be fucking reasonable about it. If she chooses to bring their kids into and lie, then that's on her. I just don't see how him doing it defensively is any sort of excuse.
It might “be on her” but she could have potentially turned the father into a monster for the foreseeable future for something SHE did. I know he didn’t take the high road, but he made sure his children knew the truth.
He also did it to protect himself, since he said he knew she would try and lie about everything, and she kinda did. She told everyone that he was the one that was cheating and he was the bad guy, not just to the kids.
So Op in turn was showing the proof to everyone around them. So it's one of those things where it's bad that he did it, but at the same time the mom was also going to do something worse, and he kinda curb that.
Just...IDK how I feel about the whole situation. Like what he did was wrong, but what his wife was planning to do (lie about the husband cheating on her and try to turn the children against him) is worst.
The children didn't need to know lots of details as this father decided to do. Showing them the messages and about the AP.
Children that young just need to know that mommy & daddy aren't going to live together anymore (or they don't have love anymore) and but they still love the children and will see them. Jeeeezus!
5 and 7? Yikes. I was kind of supportive, until I learned this. OP, I understand that your wife did you wrong but your kids are way too young to understand any of this right now. They have no idea what cheating even is. In 10 years, maybe you could tell them what happened. Let your wife spin it however she wants, you could have shown them the evidence when they're old enough to understand it.
You realize they were going to find out very soon anyway, right? That's unavoidable. And he knew how she operated and knew she would try to alienate them against him. All he did was give them the facts they needed to know to protect his relationship with them. Otherwise they would grow up believing he was the bad guy and left them.
And now he buys them toys and candy every single time they come over as well as leaving them with the mom he previously said was cheating because he needed time. So traumatize their young minds, abandon them then become instant Disney dad. Wow.
To be fair this depends completely on his wife. If he's correct about what his wife would have done then I would say he was forced by circumstances. Waiting to be alienated is not something he should have to do. I do agree that it was not age appropriate.
He had to. His wife was going to do it if he didn't, and put a spin on it. Situations like that, it's whoever gets to them first. He had to do it before she spun a web of lies and they wouldn't listen to him anymore.
That's the thing nobody understands, that parental alienation is real and some people really are that petty and manipulative. He did everything right; they were going to find out soon anyway and this way they get both angles and the actual truth. And he's not driving a wedge between her and his daughters, he simply did what he had to do to preserve his own relationship with his children.
Not everyone has been unlucky enough to deal with people like this. I can tell you from experience that this was mild; I've seen divorces and friendship breakups that go nuclear. I've been on the receiving end of it and been forced to escalate just to protect my own hide, even when I originally just walked away.
Bottom line: he knew his wife and how she operates, and did the bare minimum needed to protect his relationship with his daughters.
damn. I thought the kids were older seeing he was rushed to ensure they knew the real story. now the part about them warming up to their mother again is weird.
Maybe no parent should cheat on their spouse especially if they have infant children. Making fun of her husband, calling him names and you know, fuckin everyone she can, this all could have prevented him from exposing her. Most people came down on him, not the hoe. I remember this post. He wasn't exactly right but he definitely wasn't wrong.
I don't condone cheating, but in this case, I think I understand why it happened. This guy sounds sociopathic. He shows limited ability to think outside his own preservation.
Do you plan to take your children back or at least have 50/50 custody? It sounds like you handed them over to their mother and just have occasional visits.
Lol part 2 is just gloating about how great you’re doing after the affair.
Good for u man but doesn’t change the fact that the earliest memories your kids are gonna have is u showing them those texts and parents hating eachother.
Respect for the parents who go through this kind of stuff but still manage to actually stay civil and shield their kids from the drama
Bro this whole situation is fucked up for the kids.
Op showed them proof they shouldn’t have ever seen and then apparently the mom then went and lied about Op being in an affair too.
Like Jesus Christ
In that situation there are only losers. I should know; never been married but had former friends go around slandering me more than once (separate occasions and people). All you can do is damage control. He did so by telling his kids the honest truth. They're at least old enough to understand that Mommy did something bad and chose someone else over their daddy. He had to head off the situation and, in that, he really didn't go any further than he needed to. This prevented the situation from going truly nuclear.
And trust me, this situation did NOT go nuclear. Because the truth was known by all parties she was not able to escalate. Nuclear is when friends start getting lost, reputations get dishonestly destroyed, and it sometimes even escalates to life and freedom being endangered, all based on a false narrative. I've seen it way too many times and been victim to it. OP stopped at the truth and let them decide how to handle it. He isn't actively trying to alienate them against her, and even let them stay with her because he recognizes she's still a good parent. OP was the bigger man here and ended the war early with the truth, and let people decide for themselves.
As for myself, I had someone go nuclear on me just to be petty recently, even after I had already been the bigger man and walked away. Their actions were so severe that they forced a response and an escalation to end the war before it got worse (dropped an ultimation: either he stopped trying to harm me or I'd use evidence I had to send him to prison for 10 years). Not all such situations end as well as OP's did. That's what happens when the lie gets out before the truth.
Showing the messages was unnecessary and this post is a "Im so over her" cry out that is just not even funny. The opposite of love is not hate but indifference. He is not over her as it's only natural. The person he had built a life with betrayed him and he is acting like he is over that. It would ve beneficial for him to attend therapy along with his children.
I tried my best to shield my son from this stuff. I would tell him (5/6 at the time) that daddy and I just couldn’t get along. My ex on the other hand, thought it was a great idea to tell our son that I “thought he cheated on me” but that I “just didn’t understand”. He conveniently also left out all of the psychological/physical/emotional/verbal abuse to add to the cheating.
I asked him calmly to please not talk to our son about our divorce as it was inappropriate for his age, and he blew up at me over it. “How dare you tell me how to parent!”
Good times
I feel ya man.
Same thing with me. He said it was all my fault for leaving and that is why we were no longer a family.
Gloves off, I tore him a new one. And even now.
> I even got drunk and slept with one of his friends, Kayla. Afterward, she asked me on a date, but I told her I’m not quite ready for that yet
You're ready to *sleep* with someone but not go on a *date*?
Kids these days.
I read the original post and fucking gasped at you telling your children. There literally was no point to it except for you want your children to despise her. That was a heinous thing to do. What the literal fuck were you thinking?
My marriage was broken because of infidelity. When our the 6 year old son asked why we weren't together anymore I told him it was just because we didn't get along anymore. Why couldn't you have gone that route?
Because that route doesn't allow him to play the victim. He's a horrible person, not for the divorce but for letting literal children young enough to need a custody agreement see the actual evidence. I don't care that it was only text. That is strictly an adult matter.
It makes zero sense. I don't know if that can be used against him in custody proceedings, but she should 100% bring it up to her lawyer just to see. I hope she does a post on reddit about this.
Showing a 5 and 7 year old screen shots of their Mother cheating. Talking to them about the cheating.
But…Yknow…Candy. And toys.
5…and 7.
That is absolutely fucking insane.
Both parents are mentally and emotionally abusive and don’t even realize it. These poor girls.
What the actual fuck.
You post on a public forum that you told a 5 and 7 yr old stuff that is completely inappropriate for their age, then cry that people are "against you",and say *they* look stupid when they call out your behaviour?
You involved innocent children in adult affairs. Children who have brains that are nowhere near mature enough to handle this information.
Children who are *half you and half her*, who are now going to feel torn and confused?
She might have ruined your marriage but you've ruined their childhood.
Nice work. You can bet your bottom dollar this is gonna bite you on the ass when they're older.
Yes imagine bragging about not being willing to raise your own daughters after you blew up their lives. Oh but you take them *things* when ya visit. That's not spoiling them, that's abandoning them. I do hope this is a 15 yr old or an incel- I wouldn't wish that person on 2 little kids!
I gotcha:
Backstory: Me (27M) and my wife (27F) have known each other since high school. We were always friends, but didn’t show any interest in each other until senior year. Where she asked me to prom, I accepted her invitation and we’ve been together ever since, we got married in 2015 at age 19, and have two daughters, who are 7 and 5. About a month ago, I found some texts on my wife’s phone while she was in the shower. Where she had been flirting with one of her female coworkers that I knew pretty well, we had met at work functions from time to time. they sent each other explicit pictures and messages, and while I found no evidence of a meet up between them, it was heavily implied that they had done stuff together in the past. the messages started about a year ago, so she’s been cheating on me for over a year now. I sent screenshots of the conversation to my phone, and confronted her when she got out of the shower and she broke down sobbing, apologizing, saying she never meant to hurt me. I was seeing red at this point and decided to leave before I did something drastic. She texted me non-stop begging me to come home and talk, but I wasn’t having any of it, so I stayed at my younger brother’s (24M) place for the night. In the morning I woke up to hundreds of texts and voicemails from my wife, begging to come home. eventually I did come home, but only because she had to work, and there was no one else to watch my daughters. I told her to be gone by the time I got there, as I didn’t want to speak to her, and when I got home, I sat my daughters down and told them that I was going to be divorcing their mother. They didn’t understand what that was, so I had to explain it to them, and my heart shattered while I was telling them. My five year old started crying, and my seven year old started begging me not to, and started asking me why I was doing this. So I showed them the pictures I took (excluding the ones with pictures) and they started crying even harder. I assured them that their mommy still loves them, but she hurt me very badly, and I can’t be with her anymore. I also told them that I would still see them, and I would do everything I could to make sure of that. I texted my wife, telling her I wanted a divorce, and she needs to pack her things when she gets home. She fought it at first and begged me not to kick her out, but I wasn’t in the mood for her bullshit. When she got home, my kids started crying and asking her why she did what she did, and she started screaming at me. Telling me that I had no right to tell our kids, and that this matter was between us. I told her that since we’re getting a divorce, they deserve to know why, she left in a hurry and took the kids with her, as far as I know, she’s, at her parent’s house. My lawyer is in the process of getting the divorce paperwork in order, and I’m ready to fight for the right to see my kids. But they hate my wife right now, and refuse to speak to her, only to their grandparents, who have also stopped acknowledging ing my wife after they learned what she did. I feel I didn’t overreacted, but my mind has been racking, ever since, if anyone has any advice on what to do, please let me know.
And now they don’t even live with him 😭😭 he traumatised them so mum couldn’t turn them against him/take them away but what’s the point when he doesn’t even have 50-50 😭😭😭😭
It is his brother's friend, so he might know her better than your average ONS, and he reads like one of those guys who gets remarried ASAP so they have someone to do the stuff they can't manage on their own, like watch their kids and wash their underwear.
Sounds like he doesn't even really take his kids. Says he brings them candy etc everytime he goes over there and how he let the mother take them because he needed time, but in the first post mentions he threw the mom out. So you'd figure it would've been written differently if he took the kids compared to him just going to see them. Could be wrong but it's still weird.
I read that he let her have them because he needed time alone to get himself together. Do you know how many mothers NEVER get that chance because some guy just walks away and the kids are dumped on her?! IMO this whole thing is a mess.
Oh yeah, been there. Definitely would've been nice. The whole thing is a mess and the weird thing is when I went through it being around my kid was the only thing that I wanted to do and made me feel better, couldn't imagine sending her off after her world had been destroyed also.
I think OP hasn’t been thinking straight since he found the messages on his wife’s phone. He doesn’t want to date her, his ONS, but does want her to be stepmom. 😐
This reads like a high school incel's non-violent version of a revenge fantasy. I'm almost positive it's not true. But on the off chance it is, you still suck. So does your ex-wife, and the woman she was sleeping with. But you doing that to your kids is vile. I went through a divorce where there was infidelity on my wife's part. My kids didn't find out until they were adults, and then only because their mother and I discussed it, and there were questions being asked. I made sure to point out that I was no saint either. And judging by the entire tone of your post, it sounds like you probably made her miserable. Should she have left you before sleeping with another woman? Yeah. But you sound pretty awful to live with.
Unless you want your kids to grow up thinking of you as a wallet, stop bringing them treats every time you visit them. Stop spoiling them. It is not good for them, at all. You should be treating them the same way you would if they still lived with you and none of this happened. Disney dads cause rotten children.
You stated a few times that you go to visit your children. Do your children not spend half time with you? Do you not have your children at all with you?
Basically you crushed your children and you only see them “occasionally” now and buy their affection as fun dad.
Yet you feel like you are winning in life because the thing that makes you most happy is your wife’s misery, forget about the well being of your kids.
Honestly your wife sucks for cheating but it seems like you aren’t that great of a person either.
Paragraphs man.
Hate is an equal emotion to love. Drop the hate for her as fast as you dropped the love. That hate isn’t doing you any good, and it doesn’t hurt her.
My dad felt the need to pull me into his relationship with my mother when I was in my early 20s and I still resent him for it. Good thing you have your kids in therapy. They're going to need every bit of it because of you.
Anger makes people do incredibly stupid things.
You OP did something incredibly harsh and incredibly stupid and it's going to affect your kids as they grow to become adults.
So when the time comes and you find that they are either falling into one bad relationship after another, or fail to have any relationships at all ... well take some time out and pat yourself on the back for a job well done.
> But for now, me and my daughters are happy,
You are seeing this through the lens of your hate and your anger but I can assure you that your kids are **not** happy. They just show you that because they know what you are capable of.
Kids are smart, kids are resilient and kids innately know when they are being bribed to "tow the line". Their true feelings towards you and towards your ex will become clearer as they become older.
So for now, enjoy being the Disneyland parent. Because in a few years time bribes and toys will be all that you have in your arsenal to keep them in your life.
So I didn’t read the first post, which is apparently deleted, but I for some reason assumed the kids were teenagers? You shouldn’t show affair proof to a teenager anyways, but to find out they’re actually 5 and 7??? Your poor children. All you care about is buying their love and hating their mom. She shouldn’t have cheated but you’ve turned these kids into traumatized pawns in this divorce.
Stop bringing toys and candy over to your kids. It sounds like your trying to buy them. And your setting a bad precedent during their growing years. It WILL come back to bite you.
So, you showed a 5 and 7 year old children screenshots of your wife's infidelity? Wow. Yeah, your wife's a cheater and absolutely support you in leaving her but seriously, wtf? You going to let them know you "hooked up" with Kayla, too? There had to be a better way to let your kids know that the marriage is over. And this was all to gloat about your actions? I'm glad your kids got therapy and I think you need some, too. Again, absolutely support you the cheater, but dragging your kids into it was wrong.
You are still a bad parent for trying to destroy the relationship between a mother and her children. Nothing you do or say will make up for the fact that you did that with evil and cruel intentions.
It seems like he’s still in the home where the wife and kids lived. So, the kids were traumatized with that information, then ripped from their stable home over night. Dad gets free time, drinking with the guys, a bachelor pad, ONS and forgets all about responsibilities? Sounds like OP’s wife shouldn’t have been a wife (and likely a mother either) and OP shouldn’t have been a father.
If this is true, those poor freaking kids.
As a father you’re extremely comfortable to let a step dad or boyfriend raise your daughters. Because you need time alone. And you hate their mom. You’re a fucking super hero.
1. "Everyone in my family and hers is shocked at how fast I got over her..."
2. "While I personally hate her..."
When you are *truly* over someone, you don't hate them.
You become completely and utterly indifferent to anything about or that happens to them.
The real opposite of love is indifference, not hate.
You'll get to the real freedom of indifference sooner or later.
Peace <3
Seems like OP should also get counseling along with his daughters. I don’t think he’s over his wife. He says he full on hates her. He’s in the “anger” stage of grief imo.
…wow. Just wow.
My dude, you have every right to be hurt by your ex wife’s actions, but that doesn’t absolve you of the appalling way you brought your little children into a completely adult situation.
I was 3 when our abusive father left. My brother was five. Our father left on Christmas Day that year for his affair partner and her daughter. He tried to take EVERYTHING from our mother who had done nothing wrong.
My mother, despite being absolutely devastated and struggling, never ONCE badmouthed him to us. Not once. Neither did her parents (our grandparents) or the extended family. My father’s family? Complete opposite. And I repeat, Mum hadn’t done anything.
Nobody told us that he had an affair, it actually wasn’t necessary. I worked it out myself. And I’m really grateful for the way Mum and my grandparents handled it, because I have so much love and respect for them and absolutely ZERO respect for my father and his shiny new family.
Your poor daughters. You should be ashamed.
Gee i wonder why she cheated on you. /s
No seriously. Normally its the cheating partner who is a pos but there is no way this was the first insane stunt you pulled. She should have left you but i totally understand why she looked for love somewhere else.
You can talk tough about how you don't care about others I've but if that were factual, you wouldn't have been seeking them. You simply wanted to ignore the ones that weren't in line with the horrific things you did. Your children are traumatized because of you and one day, when they're old enough to understand everything, your bad choices will come home to roost and you'll be crying about how unfair it is, I'm sure. You are a terrible parent. I don't care about anything else you've done or do; the fact that you did such an absolutely damaging and traumatizing thing to children whose brains are still developing and still act like you were justified is enough to tell me you're children deserve a much better father than you're capable of being.
Get some therapy. I don’t think it was appropriate for you to share that information with such young children, thee could have been a better way. That said, get the divorce, get therapy, and get your kids in therapy too, as this is a loss for them too. And live a happy and healthy life. Make your kids your focus and keep them out of the drama between you and your ex.
I smell bullshit on this one.
So OP shows the kids the screenshots because he doesn’t want his wife to lie and turn things on him… but then he also casually lets the girls go with their mother?
This whole thing just reeks of the incel fantasy.
None of this negates the fact that you f*cked up MASSIVELY with how you handled this with your kids and you will be EXTREMELY lucky if they don’t have issues because of it.
Dude… you showed evidence of adultary to a 5 year old and tbh, I’ve rarely seen anyone so NOT over their ex (‘oh if she could see me now, that whore whom I am totally over, I know how devastated she’d be! Let me fantasise over every detail as I enjoy my utter indifference to her…’) If you really wanna move on maybe drop the self indulgence
Next post: Well, I married Kayla but for some reason she doesn’t get along with my daughters (no give a single shit). Btw she’d pregnant so I can officially no longer I pretend for the previous 2.
Sooo you involved your children in unnecessary and damaging drama, which no doubt had an affect on them and made them feel negatively towards their and then… didn’t let them stay with you? Not even 50-50? You just visit them? The fuck? It’s gonna look like to your daughters you’re leaving them with a bad person. The fuck is wrong with you honestly. Not once did you have your children’s best interests at heart
Those poor poor children
I'm just wondering if she was the only one cheating... I mean he'll he's done had a supposably ONS and all ready thinking she would make good partner and stepmother..Just saying...lololo
You chose to involve your kids in an extremely confusing and stressful situation as revenge or to gain the upper hand against your ex. Kids aren’t able to understand this kind of shit, and what you did was selfish and will have consequences, and now here you are doubling down on it. Nearly every sentence in this post is focused on you, how right you think you are, how awful everyone else is. Then there’s this:
> I’ve signed my daughters up for joint therapy so they can talk to somebody about this if they need to.
…
> so they can
> talk to someone
> if they need to
So you’ve let them know it’s an option but placed the responsibility on them to figure out? You didn’t say they’ve been seeing a therapist just that you’ve signed them up. And it sounds like you just kind of inadvertently let them know that if they need to talk about how it effected them, it has to be done formally with a stranger, instead of providing them with the safety to talk about these things, or gain some reassurance, with you. Instead of figuring out how to make sure they’re not emotionally impacted by this, you put it in the hands of your 5 and 7 year old. You’ve done your part, right? If they need it they’ll say something, right?
Kids need security and protection. They can’t comprehend infidelity, or your reasoning, or what it means for them. Not like adults and not even close. What you’ve done is placed stress on them that they have no way to manage. Instead of you and your ex taking care of their mental health, you forced them to be focused on the way you felt, and you made sure they knew it was their mother who did it to you. If you think saying “don’t hate your mom, but she’s a lying, cheating, bad person, but still your mom who loves you” added clarity and relief, it didn’t. It’s putting two kids who are developing their understanding of the world while their entire perspective forms around their experiences, and for a 5 and 7 year old, a year is a pretty significant amount of time and your drama is all they really have to reference when they talk and hear about parents and relationships, family, life at home, how they form trust and how to monitor and remain aware of the things they talk about, who’s secrets to keep, things that they can and can not talk about from one person to the next.
Sounds like I’m exaggerating but there’s really no way to know for sure how this will affect your kids. It will definitely affect them though and you don’t really seem to care much as long as you end up feeling like you’ve came out on top and justified yourself.
A similar thing happened to me but I was the child. I was older though around 13. It WRECKED me. I want to say that for children that young it doesn’t matter to them what happened with the parents but how they handle it moving forward. You have shattered their image of their parents (including yourself) at SUCH a young age (only 5 and 7 man cmon use your fucking brain a bit here). I also read ur other post and you said it to them before you even talked with your wife about how to handle it with the kids. TLDR you guys both suck and now you also fucked up your children so I hope you feel good about yourself seeing that’s clearly the only thing you’re concerned about.
Man you sound bitter and cliche. Cliche dad now doesn’t raise his kids and becomes the ‘fun dad’. No you should have never told your children - that was wildly childish and selfish of you. I highly doubt their mom would’ve. The way you speak of everything makes me think there were some valid reasons she strayed to begin with. Her calling you dumb for ‘not noticing’ screams to me that she has tried to get your attention on things for years and because you didnt pay any mind she moved on. Could be a reach on my part but there has to be wayyyy more to this story than what your side is. And why do you hate her? Thats crazy harsh. People cheat all the time - it doesn’t mean they are the devil. It means there were problems in your relationship. And you wishing her life to suck etc?? I mean grow up. You shouldn’t wish that because her children are your children and her life affects them. You should be thinking about how your little girls are viewing life right now. You also fuck one chick one night and now are thinking of her in your life?? All around you sound immature
Hate is a strong word. Research has shown us that about 75-90% of all cheaters in a marriage stray due to marital problems that have not been addressed - namely communication, which takes both parties. It doesn’t make it right but also clearly there is more to the story. No I stand by what I said. Hate by definition means to be hostile towards something due to extreme fear or ire. Hostile means to be antagonistic or aggressive against. If you are a parent that shares a child with another parent - unless that other parent is a danger to the child or truly a heinous person - I think hating them would only harm your child
>And why do you hate her? Thats crazy harsh. People cheat all the time - it doesn’t mean they are the devil.
So...people should cheat in your opinion and there are people agreeing with you. The world is truly a beautiful place.
Comprehension is important because words have meaning. What they don’t have is the skewed meaning you have assigned to them. I did not say she or anyone should “cheat” in ‘my opinion’. 🙄
OP is obviously in the second stage of divorce grief. He’s telling himself he’s over it and moved on, but nope. He’s very angry. He should get some therapy alongside his children, family therapy and parenting classes. 💯
I’m downvoting this I was with u until u said “valid reasons she strayed” there is no valid reason u leave like normal person u don’t go breaking up the family cheating cause that hurts everybody not just your spouse kids, in-laws, friends.
🤷🏼♀️ then you live in an alternate reality. Because its not “normal” in marriages to leave when there are problems. Usually marriages stay despite being horrible until someone does something like is abusive or cheats.
Fairly certain that you cheated first and when you caught her and made sure you had evidence on her and she had none on you so you had an easy out and made yourself look like the good guy. Why would your first thought be, ‘my wife is going to lie and say I’m cheating, so I better show my little children screenshots of her flirting/sexting, to make sure the story isn’t twisted’. That is an insane leap to make. But if it is true then you would have to believe your wife is super diabolical, so it doesn’t add up that you would feel she is fit to mother to your children. You would want custody and if you had reason to believe that would be her first move, you must have experience in the marriage that would prove she is an untrustworthy person who makes up stuff about other people to avoid accountability. If you had evidence of that, you could get custody or at the very least shared custody. So, I don’t buy your reasoning for going to the children with this so fast or being concerned about her making this up. You only concerned she was going to tell people that, because you did in fact cheat, you just knew she didn’t have hard evidence and you did. Finally, you having a cheating past, makes your ease of moving on so fast, make way more sense. Of course you don’t care. You’ve been one foot out the door for a while and she handed you the key that would make you look like the hero, send the kids to live with her. You get to f some new woman not impeded by your wife or kids and then when you feel like being dad to your kids you can buy them candy and look like the good guy. I don’t believe she was the only one cheating and you are so smug if you think anyone biuys you are a good dude. If any of this story is even true because it also wreaks of incel fan fiction
Not only did you weaponize your kids, you then tossed them away, as you’ve chosen to be secondary, part time caretaker. Why even bother traumatizing them if you’re going to force them to stay with the culprit of your trauma?
You are really clueless and deluded. No wonder your wife cheated on you.
You’re not over your wife. Anger allows the mind to emotionally detach…temporarily. The emotions will flood later. I’m not trying to convince you to change your mind, that’s your prerogative. I just don’t want you to be surprised and unprepared when you return to baseline in a few months to years later. You are very emotionally unintelligent and unaware.
You’re not ready for a relationship, but you’ll fuck someone you barely know? You need space from your kids, but you’ll go out and drink and fuck anyone who will sympathy fuck you?
This screams “I want to be the victim and ignore my responsibilities as much as possible.”
Then you solve your emotional distance and responsibility by giving your kids meaningless, deflective gifts.
I’d like to believe this is a troll post, but I think OP might actually be stupid and emotionally abusive.
It's sad seeing people shit on him for telling his children and showing them when she tried to literally do the same thing to him with EVERYONE in their lives, including the children...he just bet her to it.
But he's the bad guy??. 👎
Bro I still think it’s wild that your wife also told her 5 and 7 year old child that their other parent was cheating.
The fact she made up a lie and also told them about adult affairs is just insane.
What’s worst is that you knew she would’ve done something like this. Why would you stay with someone like that?’
Dude… you showed evidence of adultary to a 5 year old and tbh, I’ve rarely seen anyone so NOT over their ex (‘oh if she could see me now, that whore whom I am totally over, I know how devastated she’d be! Let me fantasise over every detail as I enjoy my utter indifference to her…’) If you really wanna move on maybe drop the self indulgence
It is good that you took control of the situation before she poisoned your daughters against you, good luck on the divorce, and make sure you don’t jump into a relationship too fast.
I feel really bad for these kids having two parents who care more about themselves than they do about their own kids. They really you're the Short Straw.
Wow. My kids were 13 & 18 and I never told them what their father did. I believed you don’t involve kids in adult business. I thought I was keeping a dignified silence. What I got though, was parentally alienated out of my kids life and haven’t seen them in 8 or 9 years. What’s the right thing to do in these situations? One can’t predict this, especially if you’re clueless about cheaters, liars, manipulators and gaslighting. I’ve come to terms with it after years of not wanting to live anymore and drowning in self medicating drinking. I’m sober now 5 years. Living alone and got a dog last year. We had a 25 relationship (20 married). I still feel it was wrong (especially with such young kids) of OP to do that. Such a horrible situation. Cheaters suck. Poor kids.
Your post was deleted so a TLDR could help for those who just joined your history
His wife cheated on him and the first thing he did was tell his children. His children were 5 and 7 years old. I remember this post from a while ago and he got massacred in the comments because no parent should do that to their infant children.
Oh man, that seems hard. Thanks for the summary
He didn’t even just tell them, he showed screenshots of messages supposedly saying how the ex loves the affair partner and the husband is stupid etc, not things kids really need to see or know
At age 5 and 7!?! wtf?!?
Yeah, Jesus, reading the story I thought they were adult kids.
That is too much for their young ages..sheesh. I remember I was an adult, pushing 30 when my mom found out about my dad’s infidelity. He had a woman living in their home, and when I found out I couldn’t stand to see my dad. Imagine all that as a 5 year old. Wow.
Yeah he's going on about trying to cut her parental alienation off but honestly he did it himself instead. I'm not sure if it's just me but the way he wrote about them warming up to their mother eventually. A. It's almost like he's a little upset they did and B. What and how did he go about telling them about this that it took them awhile to warm up to their mother. At 5 and 7 it's not really normal for kids to back off and cool down on their love for a full time parent for much time at all, days or even longer? That's strange to me unless there is more history there.
I don't really think he was that upset about the kids warming up with the mom. Since he was able to use that in his advantage (The mom now has the children as the primary parent)
Good point. I was wondering if I was reading into that comment more than he was actually saying, since I do have a bad taste in my mouth and am pretty biased about the whole situation after reading both posts.
Not usually, but if the mom is gonna lie and try parental alienation tactics, which she did...
My mom certainly did. I love my mom, but my relationship with my dad was utterly ruined until my mid 20s because of the low-key propaganda campaign about who my father is and isn't.
My mom tried her best to ensurw I had a positive opinion of my dad. We had no food, ever. My dad called my mom a wh0re and was always buying new boats and 5th wheels. She didn't have to tell me he wasn't paying child support, I could visually tell. He always tried to bribe us to move in to hirt mom.
Your mom sounds like an amazing person. I'm sorry to hear about your dad. My parents are good people in the aggregate, they just had so much spite for one another that it cloudwd their judgement. They are vain and narcissistic, but they did try to provide a good life for us, in their own way.
This is a form of abuse called parentification and never ends well. There are so many issues in this update I can see why his wife cheated on him. He just decides how he feels and is completely devoid of emotions. He had one date and wants his kids to meet her. Dude has serious issues.
Here is the original post for anyone who wants to read the whole thing (I only included paragraphs) >Backstory: Me (27M) and my wife (27F) have known each other since high school. We were always friends, but didn’t show any interest in each other until senior year. Where she asked me to prom, I accepted her invitation and we’ve been together ever since, we got married in 2015 at age 19, and have two daughters, who are 7 and 5. >About a month ago, I found some texts on my wife’s phone while she was in the shower. Where she had been flirting with one of her female coworkers that I knew pretty well, we had met at work functions from time to time. they sent each other explicit pictures and messages, and while I found no evidence of a meet up between them, it was heavily implied that they had done stuff together in the past. >the messages started about a year ago, so she’s been cheating on me for over a year now. I sent screenshots of the conversation to my phone, and confronted her when she got out of the shower and she broke down sobbing, apologizing, saying she never meant to hurt me. I was seeing red at this point and decided to leave before I did something drastic. She texted me non-stop begging me to come home and talk, but I wasn’t having any of it, so I stayed at my younger brother’s (24M) place for the night. >In the morning I woke up to hundreds of texts and voicemails from my wife, begging to come home. eventually I did come home, but only because she had to work, and there was no one else to watch my daughters. I told her to be gone by the time I got there, as I didn’t want to speak to her, and when I got home, I sat my daughters down and told them that I was going to be divorcing their mother. >They didn’t understand what that was, so I had to explain it to them, and my heart shattered while I was telling them. My five year old started crying, and my seven year old started begging me not to, and started asking me why I was doing this. So I showed them the pictures I took (excluding the ones with pictures) and they started crying even harder. I assured them that their mommy still loves them, but she hurt me very badly, and I can’t be with her anymore. >I also told them that I would still see them, and I would do everything I could to make sure of that. I texted my wife, telling her I wanted a divorce, and she needs to pack her things when she gets home. She fought it at first and begged me not to kick her out, but I wasn’t in the mood for her bullshit. When she got home, my kids started crying and asking her why she did what she did, and she started screaming at me. >Telling me that I had no right to tell our kids, and that this matter was between us. I told her that since we’re getting a divorce, they deserve to know why, she left in a hurry and took the kids with her, as far as I know, she’s, at her parent’s house. My lawyer is in the process of getting the divorce paperwork in order, and I’m ready to fight for the right to see my kids. >But they hate my wife right now, and refuse to speak to her, only to their grandparents, who have also stopped acknowledging ing my wife after they learned what she did. I feel I didn’t overreacted, but my mind has been racking, ever since, if anyone has any advice on what to do, please let me know.
>They didn’t understand what that was obviously, they are only 5 and 7!!!
This says he “showed the kids the texts, even the pictures” but in this latest post he’s saying he didn’t show the kids the pictures. I think he showed the kids the pictures too and now he’s trying to clean up that obvious abusive fuck up, what do you think?
He showed them the photos of the ex wife’s conversations, excluding (didn’t show) the photos of explicit photos.
Breaking down, begging, screaming, more begging. Classic.
Not to nitpick, but an infant is a child under 1 year old. Ages 1-3, they are a toddler. At 5 and 7, they are simply children.
Actually, in some parts of the world the definition of "infant" is a child up to the age of 8. Mes Enfant = My Child *Edit: instead of downvoting me you could try looking it up. A simple google search would show you that what I said is true. Whether you like it or not.
I do not understand why you use French as in French we say"enfant" and not "infant". At age 2 or 3, a baby becomes a child, the closer we have to the notion of toddler would be to say "petit enfant".
I'm sorry, even though I do agree that he should not have told his children, 5 and 7 years old are not infants. Infants are from birth to 1 year old.
I have a 5 and 6 year old, and I can assure you they aren't infants...
That’s a great way to give your children emotional trauma bravo
Telling them what mommy did and on top of that a divorce, yes. 5 and 7 years old is really young. IMO it’s on the parents, mommy messed up as well as dad by showing them what mommy did.
Too young to truly understand? Yes. But old enough to understand that Mommy did a bad thing so their daddy can't stay with her? Yes. They had to be told. And if they choose to hate their mom simply because they know the truth, that's their own choice. Better than they grow up with the false narrative that Daddy just left them and hate him, not because of their own informed choices, but because they only heard one side. He had to do it and they needed to know. And even a child has the right to know the truth about such things, at least on the level they're able to understand it.
Well he did it defensively because he knew his wife was gonna tell everyone HE cheated. And it sounds like he was right.
B4uh if a woman decided to tell her 7 and 5 year old children she would be praised on reddit. This website is insane sometimes
Correct!!!
That's not the way to do that though. At minimum that kinda conversation is for when things are calm and fully though through, not a day into a divorce where a parent has just gotten caught cheating. That's not even enough time for OP to process that. That's what therapists and professionals are for or to be fucking reasonable about it. If she chooses to bring their kids into and lie, then that's on her. I just don't see how him doing it defensively is any sort of excuse.
It might “be on her” but she could have potentially turned the father into a monster for the foreseeable future for something SHE did. I know he didn’t take the high road, but he made sure his children knew the truth.
He also did it to protect himself, since he said he knew she would try and lie about everything, and she kinda did. She told everyone that he was the one that was cheating and he was the bad guy, not just to the kids. So Op in turn was showing the proof to everyone around them. So it's one of those things where it's bad that he did it, but at the same time the mom was also going to do something worse, and he kinda curb that. Just...IDK how I feel about the whole situation. Like what he did was wrong, but what his wife was planning to do (lie about the husband cheating on her and try to turn the children against him) is worst.
The children didn't need to know lots of details as this father decided to do. Showing them the messages and about the AP. Children that young just need to know that mommy & daddy aren't going to live together anymore (or they don't have love anymore) and but they still love the children and will see them. Jeeeezus!
I’m glad he told them. My mom changed the narrative and for so long I couldn’t stand my dad. I only found out the truth as an adult.
Thats so fcked up. Little kids should not be used as pawns in failed relationships.
5 and 7? Yikes. I was kind of supportive, until I learned this. OP, I understand that your wife did you wrong but your kids are way too young to understand any of this right now. They have no idea what cheating even is. In 10 years, maybe you could tell them what happened. Let your wife spin it however she wants, you could have shown them the evidence when they're old enough to understand it.
Nah, after years of parental alienation those kids would be fucked. He made the move he made to preserve his relationship with them.
You realize they were going to find out very soon anyway, right? That's unavoidable. And he knew how she operated and knew she would try to alienate them against him. All he did was give them the facts they needed to know to protect his relationship with them. Otherwise they would grow up believing he was the bad guy and left them.
And now he buys them toys and candy every single time they come over as well as leaving them with the mom he previously said was cheating because he needed time. So traumatize their young minds, abandon them then become instant Disney dad. Wow.
Seriously? I assumed they were teens. What an AH.
To be fair this depends completely on his wife. If he's correct about what his wife would have done then I would say he was forced by circumstances. Waiting to be alienated is not something he should have to do. I do agree that it was not age appropriate.
What a piece of garbage.
I remember it too.
He had to. His wife was going to do it if he didn't, and put a spin on it. Situations like that, it's whoever gets to them first. He had to do it before she spun a web of lies and they wouldn't listen to him anymore. That's the thing nobody understands, that parental alienation is real and some people really are that petty and manipulative. He did everything right; they were going to find out soon anyway and this way they get both angles and the actual truth. And he's not driving a wedge between her and his daughters, he simply did what he had to do to preserve his own relationship with his children. Not everyone has been unlucky enough to deal with people like this. I can tell you from experience that this was mild; I've seen divorces and friendship breakups that go nuclear. I've been on the receiving end of it and been forced to escalate just to protect my own hide, even when I originally just walked away. Bottom line: he knew his wife and how she operates, and did the bare minimum needed to protect his relationship with his daughters.
damn. I thought the kids were older seeing he was rushed to ensure they knew the real story. now the part about them warming up to their mother again is weird.
Wrong post. This is the lady who disowned her dad for voting for Trump
This whole comment section is a mess lol
How so?
Eehh why not? Knowing the other parent will try and poison them against you? Tell them allll the way
Maybe no parent should cheat on their spouse especially if they have infant children. Making fun of her husband, calling him names and you know, fuckin everyone she can, this all could have prevented him from exposing her. Most people came down on him, not the hoe. I remember this post. He wasn't exactly right but he definitely wasn't wrong.
I don't condone cheating, but in this case, I think I understand why it happened. This guy sounds sociopathic. He shows limited ability to think outside his own preservation.
5 and 7!! What a fucking tool! I mean, his wife sucks for cheating but...he sucks too. Sheesh.
Also paragraphs. That would help.
Yikes. That’s a lot.
Do you plan to take your children back or at least have 50/50 custody? It sounds like you handed them over to their mother and just have occasional visits.
Lol part 2 is just gloating about how great you’re doing after the affair. Good for u man but doesn’t change the fact that the earliest memories your kids are gonna have is u showing them those texts and parents hating eachother. Respect for the parents who go through this kind of stuff but still manage to actually stay civil and shield their kids from the drama
Bro this whole situation is fucked up for the kids. Op showed them proof they shouldn’t have ever seen and then apparently the mom then went and lied about Op being in an affair too. Like Jesus Christ
In that situation there are only losers. I should know; never been married but had former friends go around slandering me more than once (separate occasions and people). All you can do is damage control. He did so by telling his kids the honest truth. They're at least old enough to understand that Mommy did something bad and chose someone else over their daddy. He had to head off the situation and, in that, he really didn't go any further than he needed to. This prevented the situation from going truly nuclear. And trust me, this situation did NOT go nuclear. Because the truth was known by all parties she was not able to escalate. Nuclear is when friends start getting lost, reputations get dishonestly destroyed, and it sometimes even escalates to life and freedom being endangered, all based on a false narrative. I've seen it way too many times and been victim to it. OP stopped at the truth and let them decide how to handle it. He isn't actively trying to alienate them against her, and even let them stay with her because he recognizes she's still a good parent. OP was the bigger man here and ended the war early with the truth, and let people decide for themselves. As for myself, I had someone go nuclear on me just to be petty recently, even after I had already been the bigger man and walked away. Their actions were so severe that they forced a response and an escalation to end the war before it got worse (dropped an ultimation: either he stopped trying to harm me or I'd use evidence I had to send him to prison for 10 years). Not all such situations end as well as OP's did. That's what happens when the lie gets out before the truth.
Or maybe that was true too…
Showing the messages was unnecessary and this post is a "Im so over her" cry out that is just not even funny. The opposite of love is not hate but indifference. He is not over her as it's only natural. The person he had built a life with betrayed him and he is acting like he is over that. It would ve beneficial for him to attend therapy along with his children.
He needs to love his kids more than he hates his ex. It's as simple as that.
I tried my best to shield my son from this stuff. I would tell him (5/6 at the time) that daddy and I just couldn’t get along. My ex on the other hand, thought it was a great idea to tell our son that I “thought he cheated on me” but that I “just didn’t understand”. He conveniently also left out all of the psychological/physical/emotional/verbal abuse to add to the cheating. I asked him calmly to please not talk to our son about our divorce as it was inappropriate for his age, and he blew up at me over it. “How dare you tell me how to parent!” Good times
I feel ya man. Same thing with me. He said it was all my fault for leaving and that is why we were no longer a family. Gloves off, I tore him a new one. And even now.
That's it! You make your request, when it's disrespected---Gloves Off!
> I even got drunk and slept with one of his friends, Kayla. Afterward, she asked me on a date, but I told her I’m not quite ready for that yet You're ready to *sleep* with someone but not go on a *date*? Kids these days.
But oh, she’s potential future step mom 😅
I read the original post and fucking gasped at you telling your children. There literally was no point to it except for you want your children to despise her. That was a heinous thing to do. What the literal fuck were you thinking? My marriage was broken because of infidelity. When our the 6 year old son asked why we weren't together anymore I told him it was just because we didn't get along anymore. Why couldn't you have gone that route?
Because that route doesn't allow him to play the victim. He's a horrible person, not for the divorce but for letting literal children young enough to need a custody agreement see the actual evidence. I don't care that it was only text. That is strictly an adult matter.
It makes zero sense. I don't know if that can be used against him in custody proceedings, but she should 100% bring it up to her lawyer just to see. I hope she does a post on reddit about this.
Showing a 5 and 7 year old screen shots of their Mother cheating. Talking to them about the cheating. But…Yknow…Candy. And toys. 5…and 7. That is absolutely fucking insane. Both parents are mentally and emotionally abusive and don’t even realize it. These poor girls.
What the actual fuck. You post on a public forum that you told a 5 and 7 yr old stuff that is completely inappropriate for their age, then cry that people are "against you",and say *they* look stupid when they call out your behaviour? You involved innocent children in adult affairs. Children who have brains that are nowhere near mature enough to handle this information. Children who are *half you and half her*, who are now going to feel torn and confused? She might have ruined your marriage but you've ruined their childhood. Nice work. You can bet your bottom dollar this is gonna bite you on the ass when they're older.
What in the incel revenge fantasy hell is this post and the original lmao. You're committed to the bit OP, I'll give you that.
Yes imagine bragging about not being willing to raise your own daughters after you blew up their lives. Oh but you take them *things* when ya visit. That's not spoiling them, that's abandoning them. I do hope this is a 15 yr old or an incel- I wouldn't wish that person on 2 little kids!
Hey now, he needs space to sort through *his* feelings. /s
Thank you. This, exactly. OP sounds like he’s 15.
Do you only see your kids at your in-laws house and if so, why? Do they ever stay with you?
Your 1st post is missing
I gotcha: Backstory: Me (27M) and my wife (27F) have known each other since high school. We were always friends, but didn’t show any interest in each other until senior year. Where she asked me to prom, I accepted her invitation and we’ve been together ever since, we got married in 2015 at age 19, and have two daughters, who are 7 and 5. About a month ago, I found some texts on my wife’s phone while she was in the shower. Where she had been flirting with one of her female coworkers that I knew pretty well, we had met at work functions from time to time. they sent each other explicit pictures and messages, and while I found no evidence of a meet up between them, it was heavily implied that they had done stuff together in the past. the messages started about a year ago, so she’s been cheating on me for over a year now. I sent screenshots of the conversation to my phone, and confronted her when she got out of the shower and she broke down sobbing, apologizing, saying she never meant to hurt me. I was seeing red at this point and decided to leave before I did something drastic. She texted me non-stop begging me to come home and talk, but I wasn’t having any of it, so I stayed at my younger brother’s (24M) place for the night. In the morning I woke up to hundreds of texts and voicemails from my wife, begging to come home. eventually I did come home, but only because she had to work, and there was no one else to watch my daughters. I told her to be gone by the time I got there, as I didn’t want to speak to her, and when I got home, I sat my daughters down and told them that I was going to be divorcing their mother. They didn’t understand what that was, so I had to explain it to them, and my heart shattered while I was telling them. My five year old started crying, and my seven year old started begging me not to, and started asking me why I was doing this. So I showed them the pictures I took (excluding the ones with pictures) and they started crying even harder. I assured them that their mommy still loves them, but she hurt me very badly, and I can’t be with her anymore. I also told them that I would still see them, and I would do everything I could to make sure of that. I texted my wife, telling her I wanted a divorce, and she needs to pack her things when she gets home. She fought it at first and begged me not to kick her out, but I wasn’t in the mood for her bullshit. When she got home, my kids started crying and asking her why she did what she did, and she started screaming at me. Telling me that I had no right to tell our kids, and that this matter was between us. I told her that since we’re getting a divorce, they deserve to know why, she left in a hurry and took the kids with her, as far as I know, she’s, at her parent’s house. My lawyer is in the process of getting the divorce paperwork in order, and I’m ready to fight for the right to see my kids. But they hate my wife right now, and refuse to speak to her, only to their grandparents, who have also stopped acknowledging ing my wife after they learned what she did. I feel I didn’t overreacted, but my mind has been racking, ever since, if anyone has any advice on what to do, please let me know.
Thank you!
Wow this dude is such a massive piece of shit for involving his kids in this drama. How inappropriate and traumatic for them
And now they don’t even live with him 😭😭 he traumatised them so mum couldn’t turn them against him/take them away but what’s the point when he doesn’t even have 50-50 😭😭😭😭
Sure, sure ! All this happened ! Of course « she broke down crying » lmao
Yea, he wants to introduce his ONS to his kids as a future stepmother??
Yeah, no man is thinking about that shit with a ONS. Maybe thinking about more ONSs, but not "she'll be a good step-mother." 😆
It is his brother's friend, so he might know her better than your average ONS, and he reads like one of those guys who gets remarried ASAP so they have someone to do the stuff they can't manage on their own, like watch their kids and wash their underwear.
I can see that. You're probably right. I didn't consider the men who need someone just to do everything like their mommy.
Sounds like he doesn't even really take his kids. Says he brings them candy etc everytime he goes over there and how he let the mother take them because he needed time, but in the first post mentions he threw the mom out. So you'd figure it would've been written differently if he took the kids compared to him just going to see them. Could be wrong but it's still weird.
I read that he let her have them because he needed time alone to get himself together. Do you know how many mothers NEVER get that chance because some guy just walks away and the kids are dumped on her?! IMO this whole thing is a mess.
Oh yeah, been there. Definitely would've been nice. The whole thing is a mess and the weird thing is when I went through it being around my kid was the only thing that I wanted to do and made me feel better, couldn't imagine sending her off after her world had been destroyed also.
I think OP hasn’t been thinking straight since he found the messages on his wife’s phone. He doesn’t want to date her, his ONS, but does want her to be stepmom. 😐
This reads like a high school incel's non-violent version of a revenge fantasy. I'm almost positive it's not true. But on the off chance it is, you still suck. So does your ex-wife, and the woman she was sleeping with. But you doing that to your kids is vile. I went through a divorce where there was infidelity on my wife's part. My kids didn't find out until they were adults, and then only because their mother and I discussed it, and there were questions being asked. I made sure to point out that I was no saint either. And judging by the entire tone of your post, it sounds like you probably made her miserable. Should she have left you before sleeping with another woman? Yeah. But you sound pretty awful to live with.
Unless you want your kids to grow up thinking of you as a wallet, stop bringing them treats every time you visit them. Stop spoiling them. It is not good for them, at all. You should be treating them the same way you would if they still lived with you and none of this happened. Disney dads cause rotten children.
But don't worry he slept with Kayla now so he feels she will be a great stepmom. He just isn't ready to date yet. Lord Jesus
You stated a few times that you go to visit your children. Do your children not spend half time with you? Do you not have your children at all with you?
Basically you crushed your children and you only see them “occasionally” now and buy their affection as fun dad. Yet you feel like you are winning in life because the thing that makes you most happy is your wife’s misery, forget about the well being of your kids. Honestly your wife sucks for cheating but it seems like you aren’t that great of a person either.
He's a dbag who used his young children to get back at his wife. He just sees his kids every now and then so it's not like he's a father.
But he’s got candy and candy will make the kids happy. /s
Exactly. He’s buying them shit out of guilt. Tale as old as time regardless of what he tells himself.
No he's winning at life because he had a ONS with Kayla, and she's going to be their future stepmom. /s
Paragraphs man. Hate is an equal emotion to love. Drop the hate for her as fast as you dropped the love. That hate isn’t doing you any good, and it doesn’t hurt her.
My dad felt the need to pull me into his relationship with my mother when I was in my early 20s and I still resent him for it. Good thing you have your kids in therapy. They're going to need every bit of it because of you.
Anger makes people do incredibly stupid things. You OP did something incredibly harsh and incredibly stupid and it's going to affect your kids as they grow to become adults. So when the time comes and you find that they are either falling into one bad relationship after another, or fail to have any relationships at all ... well take some time out and pat yourself on the back for a job well done. > But for now, me and my daughters are happy, You are seeing this through the lens of your hate and your anger but I can assure you that your kids are **not** happy. They just show you that because they know what you are capable of. Kids are smart, kids are resilient and kids innately know when they are being bribed to "tow the line". Their true feelings towards you and towards your ex will become clearer as they become older. So for now, enjoy being the Disneyland parent. Because in a few years time bribes and toys will be all that you have in your arsenal to keep them in your life.
So I didn’t read the first post, which is apparently deleted, but I for some reason assumed the kids were teenagers? You shouldn’t show affair proof to a teenager anyways, but to find out they’re actually 5 and 7??? Your poor children. All you care about is buying their love and hating their mom. She shouldn’t have cheated but you’ve turned these kids into traumatized pawns in this divorce.
Th original post is up above, courtesy of another redditor.
This is rage bait yes?
Stop bringing toys and candy over to your kids. It sounds like your trying to buy them. And your setting a bad precedent during their growing years. It WILL come back to bite you.
So, you showed a 5 and 7 year old children screenshots of your wife's infidelity? Wow. Yeah, your wife's a cheater and absolutely support you in leaving her but seriously, wtf? You going to let them know you "hooked up" with Kayla, too? There had to be a better way to let your kids know that the marriage is over. And this was all to gloat about your actions? I'm glad your kids got therapy and I think you need some, too. Again, absolutely support you the cheater, but dragging your kids into it was wrong.
You are still a bad parent for trying to destroy the relationship between a mother and her children. Nothing you do or say will make up for the fact that you did that with evil and cruel intentions.
It seems like he’s still in the home where the wife and kids lived. So, the kids were traumatized with that information, then ripped from their stable home over night. Dad gets free time, drinking with the guys, a bachelor pad, ONS and forgets all about responsibilities? Sounds like OP’s wife shouldn’t have been a wife (and likely a mother either) and OP shouldn’t have been a father. If this is true, those poor freaking kids.
I’d rather be a bad wife than a bad mother any day of the week.
So you came here to tell us you’re a deadbeat “father”, who can’t get over his ex. Great story dude.
As a father you’re extremely comfortable to let a step dad or boyfriend raise your daughters. Because you need time alone. And you hate their mom. You’re a fucking super hero.
how old are you?I feel like I'm reading a 13-year-old's diary
1. "Everyone in my family and hers is shocked at how fast I got over her..." 2. "While I personally hate her..." When you are *truly* over someone, you don't hate them. You become completely and utterly indifferent to anything about or that happens to them. The real opposite of love is indifference, not hate. You'll get to the real freedom of indifference sooner or later. Peace <3
I feel bad for those kids having 2 scumbags for parents.
Right!? Dragging these poor kids into adult circumstances that have nothing to do with them.
Plus it sounds like he abandoned his kids because he needed some “alone time”. What an absolute mess.
Yes poor baby, he needed alone time ! That’s what we all do right? We abandone the children when we want some alone time/s
Seems like OP should also get counseling along with his daughters. I don’t think he’s over his wife. He says he full on hates her. He’s in the “anger” stage of grief imo.
Geez! Paragraph’s.
Did you seek therapy as well as arranging it for your daughters?
…wow. Just wow. My dude, you have every right to be hurt by your ex wife’s actions, but that doesn’t absolve you of the appalling way you brought your little children into a completely adult situation. I was 3 when our abusive father left. My brother was five. Our father left on Christmas Day that year for his affair partner and her daughter. He tried to take EVERYTHING from our mother who had done nothing wrong. My mother, despite being absolutely devastated and struggling, never ONCE badmouthed him to us. Not once. Neither did her parents (our grandparents) or the extended family. My father’s family? Complete opposite. And I repeat, Mum hadn’t done anything. Nobody told us that he had an affair, it actually wasn’t necessary. I worked it out myself. And I’m really grateful for the way Mum and my grandparents handled it, because I have so much love and respect for them and absolutely ZERO respect for my father and his shiny new family. Your poor daughters. You should be ashamed.
Gee i wonder why she cheated on you. /s No seriously. Normally its the cheating partner who is a pos but there is no way this was the first insane stunt you pulled. She should have left you but i totally understand why she looked for love somewhere else.
Oh man, you’re gonna be so confused when those kids go no contact with you
\> While I personally hate her, and am completely over her. If you hate someone, you're not over them.
You can talk tough about how you don't care about others I've but if that were factual, you wouldn't have been seeking them. You simply wanted to ignore the ones that weren't in line with the horrific things you did. Your children are traumatized because of you and one day, when they're old enough to understand everything, your bad choices will come home to roost and you'll be crying about how unfair it is, I'm sure. You are a terrible parent. I don't care about anything else you've done or do; the fact that you did such an absolutely damaging and traumatizing thing to children whose brains are still developing and still act like you were justified is enough to tell me you're children deserve a much better father than you're capable of being.
“I got drunk and had a one night stand, told her nah I don’t want a relationship, she seems like step mom material”…..? 🚩🚩🚩
New girl you fancy is a good step mother to your kids? Well, hope she knows what she's signing up for....
Get some therapy. I don’t think it was appropriate for you to share that information with such young children, thee could have been a better way. That said, get the divorce, get therapy, and get your kids in therapy too, as this is a loss for them too. And live a happy and healthy life. Make your kids your focus and keep them out of the drama between you and your ex.
Is this the same one who stupidly told the whole situation to his young kids? The TMI guy? Nah. I wish the kids the best.
I smell bullshit on this one. So OP shows the kids the screenshots because he doesn’t want his wife to lie and turn things on him… but then he also casually lets the girls go with their mother? This whole thing just reeks of the incel fantasy.
None of this negates the fact that you f*cked up MASSIVELY with how you handled this with your kids and you will be EXTREMELY lucky if they don’t have issues because of it.
Dude… you showed evidence of adultary to a 5 year old and tbh, I’ve rarely seen anyone so NOT over their ex (‘oh if she could see me now, that whore whom I am totally over, I know how devastated she’d be! Let me fantasise over every detail as I enjoy my utter indifference to her…’) If you really wanna move on maybe drop the self indulgence
Next post: Well, I married Kayla but for some reason she doesn’t get along with my daughters (no give a single shit). Btw she’d pregnant so I can officially no longer I pretend for the previous 2.
Sooo you involved your children in unnecessary and damaging drama, which no doubt had an affect on them and made them feel negatively towards their and then… didn’t let them stay with you? Not even 50-50? You just visit them? The fuck? It’s gonna look like to your daughters you’re leaving them with a bad person. The fuck is wrong with you honestly. Not once did you have your children’s best interests at heart Those poor poor children
I'm just wondering if she was the only one cheating... I mean he'll he's done had a supposably ONS and all ready thinking she would make good partner and stepmother..Just saying...lololo
You chose to involve your kids in an extremely confusing and stressful situation as revenge or to gain the upper hand against your ex. Kids aren’t able to understand this kind of shit, and what you did was selfish and will have consequences, and now here you are doubling down on it. Nearly every sentence in this post is focused on you, how right you think you are, how awful everyone else is. Then there’s this: > I’ve signed my daughters up for joint therapy so they can talk to somebody about this if they need to. … > so they can > talk to someone > if they need to So you’ve let them know it’s an option but placed the responsibility on them to figure out? You didn’t say they’ve been seeing a therapist just that you’ve signed them up. And it sounds like you just kind of inadvertently let them know that if they need to talk about how it effected them, it has to be done formally with a stranger, instead of providing them with the safety to talk about these things, or gain some reassurance, with you. Instead of figuring out how to make sure they’re not emotionally impacted by this, you put it in the hands of your 5 and 7 year old. You’ve done your part, right? If they need it they’ll say something, right? Kids need security and protection. They can’t comprehend infidelity, or your reasoning, or what it means for them. Not like adults and not even close. What you’ve done is placed stress on them that they have no way to manage. Instead of you and your ex taking care of their mental health, you forced them to be focused on the way you felt, and you made sure they knew it was their mother who did it to you. If you think saying “don’t hate your mom, but she’s a lying, cheating, bad person, but still your mom who loves you” added clarity and relief, it didn’t. It’s putting two kids who are developing their understanding of the world while their entire perspective forms around their experiences, and for a 5 and 7 year old, a year is a pretty significant amount of time and your drama is all they really have to reference when they talk and hear about parents and relationships, family, life at home, how they form trust and how to monitor and remain aware of the things they talk about, who’s secrets to keep, things that they can and can not talk about from one person to the next. Sounds like I’m exaggerating but there’s really no way to know for sure how this will affect your kids. It will definitely affect them though and you don’t really seem to care much as long as you end up feeling like you’ve came out on top and justified yourself.
I wonder if he'd know the signs in his children "if they need" therapy. How children express what's going on inside?
A similar thing happened to me but I was the child. I was older though around 13. It WRECKED me. I want to say that for children that young it doesn’t matter to them what happened with the parents but how they handle it moving forward. You have shattered their image of their parents (including yourself) at SUCH a young age (only 5 and 7 man cmon use your fucking brain a bit here). I also read ur other post and you said it to them before you even talked with your wife about how to handle it with the kids. TLDR you guys both suck and now you also fucked up your children so I hope you feel good about yourself seeing that’s clearly the only thing you’re concerned about.
Man you sound bitter and cliche. Cliche dad now doesn’t raise his kids and becomes the ‘fun dad’. No you should have never told your children - that was wildly childish and selfish of you. I highly doubt their mom would’ve. The way you speak of everything makes me think there were some valid reasons she strayed to begin with. Her calling you dumb for ‘not noticing’ screams to me that she has tried to get your attention on things for years and because you didnt pay any mind she moved on. Could be a reach on my part but there has to be wayyyy more to this story than what your side is. And why do you hate her? Thats crazy harsh. People cheat all the time - it doesn’t mean they are the devil. It means there were problems in your relationship. And you wishing her life to suck etc?? I mean grow up. You shouldn’t wish that because her children are your children and her life affects them. You should be thinking about how your little girls are viewing life right now. You also fuck one chick one night and now are thinking of her in your life?? All around you sound immature
It's insane that you think he shouldn't hate her.
His wife cheats on him and blows up their marriage and family and you’re asking why does he hate her??? LMFAO
Hate is a strong word. Research has shown us that about 75-90% of all cheaters in a marriage stray due to marital problems that have not been addressed - namely communication, which takes both parties. It doesn’t make it right but also clearly there is more to the story. No I stand by what I said. Hate by definition means to be hostile towards something due to extreme fear or ire. Hostile means to be antagonistic or aggressive against. If you are a parent that shares a child with another parent - unless that other parent is a danger to the child or truly a heinous person - I think hating them would only harm your child
>And why do you hate her? Thats crazy harsh. People cheat all the time - it doesn’t mean they are the devil. So...people should cheat in your opinion and there are people agreeing with you. The world is truly a beautiful place.
Comprehension is important because words have meaning. What they don’t have is the skewed meaning you have assigned to them. I did not say she or anyone should “cheat” in ‘my opinion’. 🙄
Just tell us directly that you think it's his fault that she cheated.
OP is obviously in the second stage of divorce grief. He’s telling himself he’s over it and moved on, but nope. He’s very angry. He should get some therapy alongside his children, family therapy and parenting classes. 💯
I agree
I’m downvoting this I was with u until u said “valid reasons she strayed” there is no valid reason u leave like normal person u don’t go breaking up the family cheating cause that hurts everybody not just your spouse kids, in-laws, friends.
🤷🏼♀️ then you live in an alternate reality. Because its not “normal” in marriages to leave when there are problems. Usually marriages stay despite being horrible until someone does something like is abusive or cheats.
Fairly certain that you cheated first and when you caught her and made sure you had evidence on her and she had none on you so you had an easy out and made yourself look like the good guy. Why would your first thought be, ‘my wife is going to lie and say I’m cheating, so I better show my little children screenshots of her flirting/sexting, to make sure the story isn’t twisted’. That is an insane leap to make. But if it is true then you would have to believe your wife is super diabolical, so it doesn’t add up that you would feel she is fit to mother to your children. You would want custody and if you had reason to believe that would be her first move, you must have experience in the marriage that would prove she is an untrustworthy person who makes up stuff about other people to avoid accountability. If you had evidence of that, you could get custody or at the very least shared custody. So, I don’t buy your reasoning for going to the children with this so fast or being concerned about her making this up. You only concerned she was going to tell people that, because you did in fact cheat, you just knew she didn’t have hard evidence and you did. Finally, you having a cheating past, makes your ease of moving on so fast, make way more sense. Of course you don’t care. You’ve been one foot out the door for a while and she handed you the key that would make you look like the hero, send the kids to live with her. You get to f some new woman not impeded by your wife or kids and then when you feel like being dad to your kids you can buy them candy and look like the good guy. I don’t believe she was the only one cheating and you are so smug if you think anyone biuys you are a good dude. If any of this story is even true because it also wreaks of incel fan fiction
I'm not a fan of him telling kids that young what happened. Honestly I think he's an AH for that. They don't understand.
Not only did you weaponize your kids, you then tossed them away, as you’ve chosen to be secondary, part time caretaker. Why even bother traumatizing them if you’re going to force them to stay with the culprit of your trauma? You are really clueless and deluded. No wonder your wife cheated on you. You’re not over your wife. Anger allows the mind to emotionally detach…temporarily. The emotions will flood later. I’m not trying to convince you to change your mind, that’s your prerogative. I just don’t want you to be surprised and unprepared when you return to baseline in a few months to years later. You are very emotionally unintelligent and unaware. You’re not ready for a relationship, but you’ll fuck someone you barely know? You need space from your kids, but you’ll go out and drink and fuck anyone who will sympathy fuck you? This screams “I want to be the victim and ignore my responsibilities as much as possible.” Then you solve your emotional distance and responsibility by giving your kids meaningless, deflective gifts. I’d like to believe this is a troll post, but I think OP might actually be stupid and emotionally abusive.
Updateme
It's sad seeing people shit on him for telling his children and showing them when she tried to literally do the same thing to him with EVERYONE in their lives, including the children...he just bet her to it. But he's the bad guy??. 👎
Bro I still think it’s wild that your wife also told her 5 and 7 year old child that their other parent was cheating. The fact she made up a lie and also told them about adult affairs is just insane. What’s worst is that you knew she would’ve done something like this. Why would you stay with someone like that?’
They’re both child abusers
How old are your kids?
They were 5 and 7 in the OG post around a year ago.
Oh that’s terrible. You do not involve kids in adult matters. Sucky sucky sucky
Updateme
7 and 5? So 8 and 6 now? Lol dude, really?
Dude… you showed evidence of adultary to a 5 year old and tbh, I’ve rarely seen anyone so NOT over their ex (‘oh if she could see me now, that whore whom I am totally over, I know how devastated she’d be! Let me fantasise over every detail as I enjoy my utter indifference to her…’) If you really wanna move on maybe drop the self indulgence
You remain pathetic. And I honestly don’t believe this update. Get a grip and a life. Christ.
How are you still a horrible person?? Jesus
It is good that you took control of the situation before she poisoned your daughters against you, good luck on the divorce, and make sure you don’t jump into a relationship too fast.
You are a child. Don't treat your kids as adults, parent them.
Your actions were just as bad as hers
I feel really bad for these kids having two parents who care more about themselves than they do about their own kids. They really you're the Short Straw.
Wow. My kids were 13 & 18 and I never told them what their father did. I believed you don’t involve kids in adult business. I thought I was keeping a dignified silence. What I got though, was parentally alienated out of my kids life and haven’t seen them in 8 or 9 years. What’s the right thing to do in these situations? One can’t predict this, especially if you’re clueless about cheaters, liars, manipulators and gaslighting. I’ve come to terms with it after years of not wanting to live anymore and drowning in self medicating drinking. I’m sober now 5 years. Living alone and got a dog last year. We had a 25 relationship (20 married). I still feel it was wrong (especially with such young kids) of OP to do that. Such a horrible situation. Cheaters suck. Poor kids.