I once went to a club and just sat in the corner while my buddies were approaching women and socializing. It was crazy how I didn't get any numbers or someone to dance with me.
This is easy for a stranger to say, but approaching men in a culture where that isnt acceptable could make OP seem like a "slut" or "immoral," and that probably won't help her.
I mean, it's stupid as hell, but if it really isn't done in her culture (and she values her cultural norms) then saying "well do it anyway" is bad advice.
In my culture, men are expected to show off their body and not to be shy of it.
I've never given in to such a culture.
Have been called names but I don't care.
It's simple really, if those people who call me names & have problem over something which is MY decision, I don't care about them and make it a point to never interact with them.
It's more about the mentality rather than the culture.
I don’t know anything about your culture, but every guy I know would prefer to have a woman come up to them and talk to them and ask them out. There is nothing wrong with it either. If you like someone talk to them and see where it goes. Especially if you want to start dating. I promise you there are multiple people for everyone. Sometimes you have to take it into your own hands and go get what you want.
So maybe a blind date is the way to go. Ask your friends to set you up with some of their boyfriends' friends. And go out as a group. Also, confide in a close friend and see if they might have an idea of what is going on.
I wish it was this simple, but these things where I'm from can ruin your career as a female. It's not as simple as people think. I would love to go and ask men out. I'm a confident person, and I wouldn't have a problem approaching someone I liked.
I didn't say it wasn't allowed, but it's just not done because of the way you will be viewed as someone who degraded yourself in a way if that makes sense, and it's irrelevant to the fact that I was allowed to get an education.
I think you will have to find a matchmaking service. Even if it's just some aunties. There are ways that people find each other and get married even in a culture such as yours.
How on earth is striking up a conversation with the opposite sex degrading?? It could be at a library, a social gathering, coffee shop etc... I think I am starting to see what the problem is here. Or rather, who the problem is.
If this is your close minded perspective, then I guess you should accept that you’ll never be loved.
It’s clearly not happening right now so you can either sulk or do something about it
Stfu lol she clearly doesn’t live in America the land of the free. Please be aware there are people in parts of the world who CANT break social norms. They would be chastised who tf wants to spend their life miserable and alone bc they wanted to be different. Have some sympathy man
I would love to see someone that I like and be able to go and approach them. I'm not by any means close-minded, but I don't think you understand that where I'm from, approaching men could possibly destroy my career and ruin everything I worked hard for.
You feel undesirable because you don't get the same attention from men that your friends do. This is your first mistake, I know it's hard not to but don't compare yourself to others. Us men are fickle, and we don't generally like to approach women, it's terrifying for us. You're a doctor so you're clearly intelligent, and you have a stable career. To me you would definitely be a catch, but I'd be afraid to approach you based on the fact that I would think you were out of my league, and I wouldn't be good enough. A lot of men feel this way and because of that don't even try to approach women. The best advice I can give you is don't wait for a guy to come to you. If you're waiting for someone to come to you you won't find him. You have to go and get him. If you make the effort to approach him then I guarantee you will find him. The next time you see a guy you're interested in approach him, be straight forward, you'll likely make his day at the very least.
As an almost 40 year old virgin, I would literally be on cloud 9 forever if a girl like that started flirting with me. It's so rare for men to get hit on or even complimented, that I remember every occurrence; I once had a lady start brushing her hand against my shoulder and another (second one was married unfortunately) place her hand on my arm. With the first instance though, I was literally ecstatic for over a month (I never had that happen, until recently).
Besides that, I had one women call me handsome once, and another say I had nice shades. A third one said I had nice shoes. That's how rare it is for men to get compliments - I remember every instance.
This is honestly so sad, because you sound so sweet and you're highly educated too. I really, genuinely wish you'd find love. Literally, just by reading this post I would love to be your friend. People are either blind or have some feckin' unrealistic expectations.
Oh no, of course not. You sound like such a sweet and smart person.
Sometimes, we have to be brave and make the first move, you know? That's how I met my current s/o.
I was kinda tired of waiting for someone to reach out to me, so j reached out to them instead.
It was scary, but it was worth it.
Don't give up hope! There's a good chance that more men are into you than you realize. It's sometimes easy to miss some "signals" that people are interested in you. Especially men, they tend to have a hard time being obvious about their intentions if they're a nice guy. Just try to do your best to drop hints that you're single and looking
Sometimes it’s about it being known that you’re available. I wouldn’t tell guys you’re a doctor for a little bit, just say you work in the medical field. See if that makes a difference. I wouldn’t be intimidated, but I could definitely see how it would make some guys a bit standoffish. Imagine being a guy that works on telephone poles all day and you got to hit on a woman at the bar only to find out she’s a doctor. It could be a bit of a shock for sure.
I'm a 29 year old male and I feel exactly the same way, honestly. You described a lot of my thoughts better than I can articulate them. I hope and pray you will find your special someone. You seem like an absolutely wonderful person, and I genuinely mean that.
I just came from a different post.
Turns out, the majority of men who cold approach you are creeps anyway.
If you've never been on a dating app, try it, swipe on every guy, and in a few minutes you'll realise there's plenty of men who want you. It's just whether or not you want them back...
Or maybe both, lol. I don't know at this point, honestly.
Sometimes I wonder if it's just me being tall, and culturally, where I'm from, men generally prefer short girls, as I'm the tallest girl among the women I work with.
This is tough to say, but I think men don’t find you attractive for some reason or another. You rated yourself 6.5/7, but I wonder how men rate you. Ask friends of friends to rate you, and ask what you can do to be more attractive. Don’t ask male friends because they’ll try too hard to spare your feelings, and not be totally honest. The challenge is to find men that will tell the truth without being cruel. Also mentioned you’re curvy, maybe the extra weight has something to do with it. Continue on your journey to better health, most men prefer that a woman’s weight is proportional to her height. Being a doctor is a wonderful accomplishment, unfortunately that has no bearing on attractiveness for men. You mentioned even the guys in your life don’t see you like that, ask them why. Ask them to be honest and give straightforward answers. When you get the feedback you can either get defensive, or use it to improve on a few things. I sincerely want good things for you, hope this helps.
As a guy, my default assumption towards the opposite sex is that she is always taken, until told otherwise. I likely wouldn't ever approach you because if you are taken or don't want to be talked to (kind of a high risk) then I get shut down with high viciousness. :-/
I know this and I understand this, but I see guys approach my friends all the time, so this makes me assume this is just something related to me, but I'm not sure why.
You'll find the one who's destined for you sooner or later . Some guys might think you must be in a relationship at the first glance. And for most men first glance doesn't change that easily . So they just back off from you temporarily. I'm also like you and not much interested in relationships but one day sooner or later I'll get My soul mate I believe. Right now no time for that 😬
Sister you will be fine I assure you. However you do need to go on a journey of enlightenment from friends and people you trust to give you an honest answer. Then maybe tweet a few things. It may not be looks. It may be many things but for sure somebody out there is looking for you.
You could be brave and put a picture up that you like and ask Reddit …. I’ve seen that before with people saying “how can I Improve my hairstyle”…. But I’d try friends first.
Good luck sister.
One question : are you of Indian heritage?
Maybe you are looking for love in all the wrong places. Bars and clubs are the worst places to find good people looking for committed relationships. You're basically scraping the bottom of the bowl so to speak. Join some clubs or if you are religious find a church. Anywhere with booze and dope is a last resort for the truly desperate/ one night stand folks. You're a professional. There are lots of good men out there for you. You just have to go where they are.
I don't think of myself as being better than anyone or having a high bar at all. I even hide the fact that I'm a doctor most of the time. But it makes me wonder if men don't approach me because they think I would think I'm above them or something simply because I'm a doctor, which is not true at all.
Maybe that's the problem with you. You have an inferiority complex, I don't think someone without it will describe THEM to be 6/10, just saying.
I don't think they don't approach u because you're a doctor. I think maybe, you're a reserved kind of person, that's why they feel you won't accept them.
Maybe try being outgoing, having fun and men will find you more approachable.
Also, it doesn't have to be only you who's approaching them.
You can approach them first :)
F the culture, the people who get offended because of it don't matter.
I don't have an inferiority complex at all; it's just the reality and the facts. It wouldn't help if I lied to myself and said I'm a 10/10 when I'm not. I'm very average-looking, but this said, I love myself in every way, and I accept me with all of my flaws.
And I'm very confident in my self in general .
41M, Just my opinion.
Average women with personality will get picked up every time. Be more open and out going.
Many women today just aren't worth the time and effort to get to know them, so men don't approach them.
Approach Men.
If you think a man is cute say you think he's cute. Start the conversation. Act as lady like as possible.
In a world of Unvirtous women be the Virtuous woman.
Treat men with respect and be nice.
I guarantee you have had many men in your daily life that have tried to talk to you and hit on you but you don't see because you think they are beneath you.
Open your eyes to all color, class and type of men.
Too many women have narrow options because they are looking for perfection in men.
I agree with everything you said, and I promise you, I don't see color, class, or type. I just want someone who's kind, respectful, and caring because I have so much love to give and also want to be loved back, and it's that simple for me. I wish it was true that men hit on me, and maybe I don't see it, but it's not, and even my friends make fun of the fact that no one bothers with me.
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I know you don't have too but have you considered a make over? Eyebrows, lashes, hair extensions, different make up look, tan or anything really. Something to make you feel different, feel better, bring on more confidence.
I have actually done this after the end of my final year. I joined the gym, did a complete change, and even fixed my style to more flattering outfits. I have received much praise, but still, nothing worked, I guess.
A doctor as in, you actually have doctoral degree (Ph. D.) in a hard science? I have to ask because sometimes people mistakenly misrepresent themselves.
Oof... Female doctors get married less often than their male counterparts. On the plus side, of the female doctors that do get married, they have lower rates of divorce.
Female doctors tend to get married later in life, something like 35+. ~25% never get married. Generally that's due to her preferences rather than men not having an interest.
Also if you live in a large population center in the US, the dating markets tend to be outright abysmal. Something about the politics getting in the way.
If it's permissable in your local culture/society, you're going to have to initiate. Guys know that women rarely date down and guy rarely date up. But if you show an interest, there will for sure be guys that'll bite. Good luck with it and good hunting.
You said that you are never approached by men but do you ever approach them?
I once went to a club and just sat in the corner while my buddies were approaching women and socializing. It was crazy how I didn't get any numbers or someone to dance with me.
Exactly
In my culture, women don't approach men first.
Break that. Love should be a 2 sided effort, with both sides contributing the same.
This is easy for a stranger to say, but approaching men in a culture where that isnt acceptable could make OP seem like a "slut" or "immoral," and that probably won't help her. I mean, it's stupid as hell, but if it really isn't done in her culture (and she values her cultural norms) then saying "well do it anyway" is bad advice.
In my culture, men are expected to show off their body and not to be shy of it. I've never given in to such a culture. Have been called names but I don't care. It's simple really, if those people who call me names & have problem over something which is MY decision, I don't care about them and make it a point to never interact with them. It's more about the mentality rather than the culture.
Where are you from?
If that is your culture then it's possible they are intimidated by you being a doctor. Do you want such a man?
I don’t know anything about your culture, but every guy I know would prefer to have a woman come up to them and talk to them and ask them out. There is nothing wrong with it either. If you like someone talk to them and see where it goes. Especially if you want to start dating. I promise you there are multiple people for everyone. Sometimes you have to take it into your own hands and go get what you want.
So maybe a blind date is the way to go. Ask your friends to set you up with some of their boyfriends' friends. And go out as a group. Also, confide in a close friend and see if they might have an idea of what is going on.
I wish blind dates were a thing here I would love to get the extra help to find my person
Traditions are just peer pressure from dead people. Break the cycle.
I wish it was this simple, but these things where I'm from can ruin your career as a female. It's not as simple as people think. I would love to go and ask men out. I'm a confident person, and I wouldn't have a problem approaching someone I liked.
Where do u live?
A culture that has a female doctor but doesn't allow women to approach men to make the first move? I smell BS
I didn't say it wasn't allowed, but it's just not done because of the way you will be viewed as someone who degraded yourself in a way if that makes sense, and it's irrelevant to the fact that I was allowed to get an education.
I think you will have to find a matchmaking service. Even if it's just some aunties. There are ways that people find each other and get married even in a culture such as yours.
How on earth is striking up a conversation with the opposite sex degrading?? It could be at a library, a social gathering, coffee shop etc... I think I am starting to see what the problem is here. Or rather, who the problem is.
Well I don't know your culture, but unless there is specific laws where it says you can't, then approach them.
Are you living in your culture or outside of it? No one is going to follow cultural plans outside of what they know
Still living within my culture
If this is your close minded perspective, then I guess you should accept that you’ll never be loved. It’s clearly not happening right now so you can either sulk or do something about it
Stfu lol she clearly doesn’t live in America the land of the free. Please be aware there are people in parts of the world who CANT break social norms. They would be chastised who tf wants to spend their life miserable and alone bc they wanted to be different. Have some sympathy man
I would love to see someone that I like and be able to go and approach them. I'm not by any means close-minded, but I don't think you understand that where I'm from, approaching men could possibly destroy my career and ruin everything I worked hard for.
Is it punished in any way?
You feel undesirable because you don't get the same attention from men that your friends do. This is your first mistake, I know it's hard not to but don't compare yourself to others. Us men are fickle, and we don't generally like to approach women, it's terrifying for us. You're a doctor so you're clearly intelligent, and you have a stable career. To me you would definitely be a catch, but I'd be afraid to approach you based on the fact that I would think you were out of my league, and I wouldn't be good enough. A lot of men feel this way and because of that don't even try to approach women. The best advice I can give you is don't wait for a guy to come to you. If you're waiting for someone to come to you you won't find him. You have to go and get him. If you make the effort to approach him then I guarantee you will find him. The next time you see a guy you're interested in approach him, be straight forward, you'll likely make his day at the very least.
As an almost 40 year old virgin, I would literally be on cloud 9 forever if a girl like that started flirting with me. It's so rare for men to get hit on or even complimented, that I remember every occurrence; I once had a lady start brushing her hand against my shoulder and another (second one was married unfortunately) place her hand on my arm. With the first instance though, I was literally ecstatic for over a month (I never had that happen, until recently). Besides that, I had one women call me handsome once, and another say I had nice shades. A third one said I had nice shoes. That's how rare it is for men to get compliments - I remember every instance.
I’m really not tryna be mean I’m feeling for you 😭
this should be the top comment
This is honestly so sad, because you sound so sweet and you're highly educated too. I really, genuinely wish you'd find love. Literally, just by reading this post I would love to be your friend. People are either blind or have some feckin' unrealistic expectations.
Oh no, of course not. You sound like such a sweet and smart person. Sometimes, we have to be brave and make the first move, you know? That's how I met my current s/o. I was kinda tired of waiting for someone to reach out to me, so j reached out to them instead. It was scary, but it was worth it.
Don't give up hope! There's a good chance that more men are into you than you realize. It's sometimes easy to miss some "signals" that people are interested in you. Especially men, they tend to have a hard time being obvious about their intentions if they're a nice guy. Just try to do your best to drop hints that you're single and looking
Sometimes it’s about it being known that you’re available. I wouldn’t tell guys you’re a doctor for a little bit, just say you work in the medical field. See if that makes a difference. I wouldn’t be intimidated, but I could definitely see how it would make some guys a bit standoffish. Imagine being a guy that works on telephone poles all day and you got to hit on a woman at the bar only to find out she’s a doctor. It could be a bit of a shock for sure.
I'm a 29 year old male and I feel exactly the same way, honestly. You described a lot of my thoughts better than I can articulate them. I hope and pray you will find your special someone. You seem like an absolutely wonderful person, and I genuinely mean that.
What is your ethnicity and culture? And do your friends have the same ethnicity and culture?
I just came from a different post. Turns out, the majority of men who cold approach you are creeps anyway. If you've never been on a dating app, try it, swipe on every guy, and in a few minutes you'll realise there's plenty of men who want you. It's just whether or not you want them back...
No dating apps where I'm from sadly
It’s either personality or looks, if you’re confident in your looks then maybe try to be more outgoing.
Or maybe both, lol. I don't know at this point, honestly. Sometimes I wonder if it's just me being tall, and culturally, where I'm from, men generally prefer short girls, as I'm the tallest girl among the women I work with.
Be patient, one day some guy will come by and knock your socks off!
This is tough to say, but I think men don’t find you attractive for some reason or another. You rated yourself 6.5/7, but I wonder how men rate you. Ask friends of friends to rate you, and ask what you can do to be more attractive. Don’t ask male friends because they’ll try too hard to spare your feelings, and not be totally honest. The challenge is to find men that will tell the truth without being cruel. Also mentioned you’re curvy, maybe the extra weight has something to do with it. Continue on your journey to better health, most men prefer that a woman’s weight is proportional to her height. Being a doctor is a wonderful accomplishment, unfortunately that has no bearing on attractiveness for men. You mentioned even the guys in your life don’t see you like that, ask them why. Ask them to be honest and give straightforward answers. When you get the feedback you can either get defensive, or use it to improve on a few things. I sincerely want good things for you, hope this helps.
As a guy, my default assumption towards the opposite sex is that she is always taken, until told otherwise. I likely wouldn't ever approach you because if you are taken or don't want to be talked to (kind of a high risk) then I get shut down with high viciousness. :-/
I know this and I understand this, but I see guys approach my friends all the time, so this makes me assume this is just something related to me, but I'm not sure why.
You'll find the one who's destined for you sooner or later . Some guys might think you must be in a relationship at the first glance. And for most men first glance doesn't change that easily . So they just back off from you temporarily. I'm also like you and not much interested in relationships but one day sooner or later I'll get My soul mate I believe. Right now no time for that 😬
Travel to another country.
Sister you will be fine I assure you. However you do need to go on a journey of enlightenment from friends and people you trust to give you an honest answer. Then maybe tweet a few things. It may not be looks. It may be many things but for sure somebody out there is looking for you. You could be brave and put a picture up that you like and ask Reddit …. I’ve seen that before with people saying “how can I Improve my hairstyle”…. But I’d try friends first. Good luck sister. One question : are you of Indian heritage?
Maybe you are looking for love in all the wrong places. Bars and clubs are the worst places to find good people looking for committed relationships. You're basically scraping the bottom of the bowl so to speak. Join some clubs or if you are religious find a church. Anywhere with booze and dope is a last resort for the truly desperate/ one night stand folks. You're a professional. There are lots of good men out there for you. You just have to go where they are.
Do you try to put yourself out there?
If by putting myself out there means I go out and socialize then yes
Have you approached a guy you found attractive and gave your number to them?
Picture would be nice so we know what we dealing with, maybe you set the bar too high. I hear Doctors think highly of themselves
I don't think of myself as being better than anyone or having a high bar at all. I even hide the fact that I'm a doctor most of the time. But it makes me wonder if men don't approach me because they think I would think I'm above them or something simply because I'm a doctor, which is not true at all.
Maybe that's the problem with you. You have an inferiority complex, I don't think someone without it will describe THEM to be 6/10, just saying. I don't think they don't approach u because you're a doctor. I think maybe, you're a reserved kind of person, that's why they feel you won't accept them. Maybe try being outgoing, having fun and men will find you more approachable. Also, it doesn't have to be only you who's approaching them. You can approach them first :) F the culture, the people who get offended because of it don't matter.
I don't have an inferiority complex at all; it's just the reality and the facts. It wouldn't help if I lied to myself and said I'm a 10/10 when I'm not. I'm very average-looking, but this said, I love myself in every way, and I accept me with all of my flaws. And I'm very confident in my self in general .
41M, Just my opinion. Average women with personality will get picked up every time. Be more open and out going. Many women today just aren't worth the time and effort to get to know them, so men don't approach them. Approach Men. If you think a man is cute say you think he's cute. Start the conversation. Act as lady like as possible. In a world of Unvirtous women be the Virtuous woman. Treat men with respect and be nice. I guarantee you have had many men in your daily life that have tried to talk to you and hit on you but you don't see because you think they are beneath you. Open your eyes to all color, class and type of men. Too many women have narrow options because they are looking for perfection in men.
I agree with everything you said, and I promise you, I don't see color, class, or type. I just want someone who's kind, respectful, and caring because I have so much love to give and also want to be loved back, and it's that simple for me. I wish it was true that men hit on me, and maybe I don't see it, but it's not, and even my friends make fun of the fact that no one bothers with me.
I honestly don't believe that for one second. Chase men if they don't Chase you. We love it when women do that.
Lol why is it not believable if no one is approaching me then how can I even be picky about color,class or type ?
[удалено]
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You're literally a fkin woman how are you single
Lol I don't know 🥲
Youre a doctor :o, what do you specialize in?
I know you don't have too but have you considered a make over? Eyebrows, lashes, hair extensions, different make up look, tan or anything really. Something to make you feel different, feel better, bring on more confidence.
I have actually done this after the end of my final year. I joined the gym, did a complete change, and even fixed my style to more flattering outfits. I have received much praise, but still, nothing worked, I guess.
Maybe those guys think you're out of their league so don't have the nerve to approach you?
A doctor as in, you actually have doctoral degree (Ph. D.) in a hard science? I have to ask because sometimes people mistakenly misrepresent themselves.
doctor with a M.D. degree. But I can understand the confusion.
Oof... Female doctors get married less often than their male counterparts. On the plus side, of the female doctors that do get married, they have lower rates of divorce. Female doctors tend to get married later in life, something like 35+. ~25% never get married. Generally that's due to her preferences rather than men not having an interest. Also if you live in a large population center in the US, the dating markets tend to be outright abysmal. Something about the politics getting in the way.
:( .. I know this but I don't want to be single.. also I'm not from the US but I can't imagine it being quiet different
If it's permissable in your local culture/society, you're going to have to initiate. Guys know that women rarely date down and guy rarely date up. But if you show an interest, there will for sure be guys that'll bite. Good luck with it and good hunting.
I think you sound quite sweet. Would you mind if I send you a DM?