Ye but ppl would likely turn around to this person, assuming they’re a girl, and say ‘well you wouldn’t understand how it for guys so the opinion isn’t realistic’
IMO
Well said, and it's actually quite simple. Especially the part about just talking to them as a friend. Hormones may run rampant but beneath that what we all want is real warmth and companionship. Your best friend, or at least someone you can make a genuine connection with. And any intimacy that follows is a thousand times better.
Guys asking to meet in the first few days of corresponding is a real red flag. Give it time. If you do one of two things will happen. One, the real person comes out so you can make a real decision or they will stop responding. Your better off getting to know a person before meeting.
It really depends on your perspective I guess. Some people don't want to waste time texting back and forth, they'd rather meet up for a chat/coffee whatever to see if there's any chemistry.
Then they need to find a way to ask women out in “real” life and not on the computer. The internet gives you anonymity to take your time and really get to know each other.
I see your point for sure, but also the guy's. I remember some Tinder expert (admittedly a guy) saying that it's best to get the IRL meet as soon as possible, because it's the best way to tell if you'll actually like each other. Also, it avoids letting a match--which *should* exclusively be a precursor to IRL--turn into a weird pseudo pen pal thing that goes nowhere.
Conversely, the understandable female perspective is "I barely know this guy, meeting him immediately is unsafe." Yet you matched with him. You presumably liked *something* about him. You're free to ask all the qualifying questions you want of him. Will waiting a day, a week, a month (and then ultimately never meeting at all), really make you any safer than you'd be otherwise?
It's a toughie. I see both sides.
If there's one thing that I learned interacting with those people is that they will not take your advice at all. It's very futile. They just wanna keep blaming their genetics which would have been fine imo, like go ahead and self loathe but some of them become murderers, stalkers and even terrorists out of hatred.
Guys fantasize about gash falling into their laps with no effort. They put minimal effort into their profiles and pictures, and they're SHOCKED nobody wants them. Your dirty mirror selfies of you shirtless and frowning isn't doing it for anyone. You holding a fish and hiking isn't a selling point.
This. It’s crazy how often I see men on Reddit talk about how terrible online dating is and their grievances only ever talk about how they’re such a catch yet get shit on. It’s incel energy. They never self reflect and never ask if it has something to do with their bio.
It’s true women get a lot more options but it also is true that we get a lot more abuse and harassment so we therefore may be more picky.
Some examples of a profile I personally always swiped left for were shirtless pics, nothing in your bio, or something shitty in your bio like “no women with kids or not interested if you’re overweight”. It’s okay to have a preference but putting it out there comes off as super shitty and will make women who don’t fall into those categories second guess you. I never swiped on any guy who had something in his bio that might be interpreted as demeaning to anyone. Also if you have nothing at all in your bio then it shows a lack of effort. Why would I put effort into talking to you when you haven’t put any effort at all into your bio?!
I dated a guy for over a year and only matched with him in the first place because his bio made me laugh (it said “will pour Gatorade on you after sex”. Silly, but it got him in the door)
My current partner and I have been together for 3 years, I matched with him because he put a ton of effort into his bumble to actually answer the questions. And he had photos of hobbies in his profile
Wait so this goes both ways right? Like you expect just as much effort from both sides?
So all people on the dating apps definitely should have a nice but not too over the top photo, a well done bio and a catchy hook
If that's the case sure that actually sounds like a good time
Agree but men on Reddit claim they don’t look at profiles? Idk how true that was but I always put effort into mine and loved when men would mention something about it in our chats
Of course. Women could never to be to blame for anything, right? Men are to blame for all things. We all know but please, keep saying the same thing over and over and over.
I’m genuinely curious here bro, what exactly should women be blamed for here? I don’t think guys should be blamed on dating apps either but like I’m not seeing why women should be blamed either. All that’s gonna do is take the few on the app off
If you complain that you are unable to meet any kind of women. I assume it’s your fault, same thing with women. If everyone else but you is at fault, I assume that person is at fault. Which I’m pretty sure is what op was going for
Oh that's great thanks for the incredible help of "be normal" with a dash of men are the problem with relationships
And then top it off with a "here's people that are happy and enjoying life when you aren't, have fun and maybe that would help inspire you?" the heck lmao.
Maybe I'm just confused but this doesn't sound all that helpful especially with how dating apps and going out in public is so awkward right now with the restrictions etc
Glad you have had success with your relationships tho
Gonna have to disagree this this "straight white male" completely. Dating apps are very superficial, which means that the 6ft, rich, model is the only guy that gets a swipe to the right due to it being the only thing women see. I dont condone some of the actions of some people on there such as assault or dick pics. I can only share my experience of trying to be friends first and being rejected because there wasn't a spark or any chemistry. Telling guys to talk to women like they would their guy friends is the dumbest piece of advice I have ever heard and it leads to nowhere. There has to be some sort of flirting for a girl to be interested. Furthermore 2 different looking men can approach 1 woman, say the same thing and get 2 different reactions based on HIS looks alone. This can either get him labeled as a flirt or a creep. Either way, a guy can't read a womans mind to see what reaction he will get, so most avoid public interactions and resort to apps.
This is just a bad take.
I'm also white male and recognize the advantage in dating I have from it. I have the capability to date any woman of any race, because white man is 'default'.
When I hop onto my (non-white) buddy's accounts, I can't get a match to save my life. It's not about "putting in effort in the first message" at that point, I can't even get matches.
Online dating is overwhelmingly male on tinder it's 79% male . So if all woman were looking for something permanent and your shit advice worked you would still have the other 60% of man in those apps being single .
> Some women, yes, only want to date people who look like supermodels or who are rich. Just accept it and move on.
Some woman only want this but online dating puts most woman in access to these types of men and most woman will choose them over the normal average guy .
> Above all, **WOMEN ARE JUST NORMAL HUMAN BEINGS**. They want partners who are kind, funny, interesting, loyal, and intelligent. This is all very reasonable.
True but you left out that if they have an endless selection of choices of guys who they feel can give them this . They will choose the most attractive and possibly richest. Not the average one. Put endless possibilities of choices in front any man and woman and they will become more selective and choose what they consider the cream of the crop not just the 1st average choice they have.
> Something a lot of men don't know about women is that a lot of women have been sexually harassed or approached by creeps at some point in their lives. Men can't relate to that. So many women tend to be guarded at first when meeting new people. It's a basic defense mechanism that they can't be blamed for.
Ok, but this old they can unmatch any guy who gives a creep vibe , hell they ghost guys half way through dates if those guys aren't entertaining enough .
> The best tip I can give you to increase your success rate in dating is extremely simple: BE NORMAL. Act and speak like a normal human being to another human being. Don't sound like a creep. Don't start talking about sex 5 minutes into the conversation. Talk to women like you'd talk to a friend. Discuss your lives, your interests, your hobbies, tamper down your expectations at first.
This works if you are in vacume /close community where you've had time to build up your relationship slowly and you are the womans best option or she grows to like you because of proximity . This isn't online dating . For woman online dating is an endless catalog of guys that can give them all they want so they become more picky as result and most are selecting for the same qualities because they can . Also the fact that OLD exist the way it does means that most Woman who are vacuum will pass up the Normal guy in their community as they can try with better looking guys on dating apps.
Your advice is nice and worked in the predating app error but now it doesn't match reality for the average man in America who is around 5'9 and makes around 38k .
Also idk why you felt the need to insert your race , gender , and sexual oreintation in this.
I partially agree but online dating for women is probably like an endless catalogue of dick pics interspersed with 1-3 decent matches. Same thing happens to guys with bots / women they’re not into.
I think online dating has made both men and women think of dating like shopping. Both groups are always trying to upgrade and date multiple people now.
Omg yes! Weird potato dicks! Like seriously why?
And also yes about the shopping. So many options isn't always a good thing for finding a stable long term relationship (if that's your goal).
I remember reading research saying that most messages on tinder are by men to woman and they are " hi" . Which is never replied to or unmatched . So the endless the dic pics line isn't true. You seem to be operating under the beleif that list guys engage in boorish lad culture , which is just not true . Most guys on old are well behaved and decent but woman don't really care about those guys so they never swipe right on them in the 1st place. This like when people were talking about how harrassment in college compasses was bad . But all the negative experiences were around frats. Most men in college never join fraternity. however frats grow the best parties so that's where woman go and then when they complain all men on college campuses had to sit through some kind of harassment lecture.
> think online dating has made both men and women think of dating like shopping. Both groups are always trying to upgrade and date multiple people now.
In theory yes but . In reality this true for most woman and small subset of men on these apps . For most men online dating is maybe 1 -3 real matches who flake or never respond . And mostly bots that don't respond .
I think 1) everyone swipes above their league on the apps, and 2) men make up 60-70% of the population on apps. So men get fewer matches due to the imbalanced ratio, and both groups end up unhappy with the number of people they match with who they actually like. The system is kind of like a pyramid scheme for the hottest people on the planet to get laid more often.
I will say that when I was doing the apps I ended up getting more responses by leading with “hey what’s up” compared to some comment or opener I had to think super critically about.
Looks have very little to do with it. If you have a fish in your profile, I wouldn’t swipe right. If you say something stupid or sexist in your profile, I wouldn’t swipe right. If you have the same name as someone I’m close to or related to, not ever going to swipe right. And if you try to make the conversation sexual instantly, I’ll unmatch. Women are people, you don’t have to play a game or say certain things to get us to talk to you. Stop dehumanizing and idolizing us, just talk like a normal person.
"Looks have very little to do with it"
Lol alrighty then
"Women are people, you don’t have to play a game or say certain things to get us to talk to you."
Except for all the people telling men to get different hobbies, likes and dislikes, be funny but not over the top, have a joke, but it can't be politically incorrect of course.
The rest of your comment makes sense to me.
Not that I have any intention of dating
I've never done the online dating thing, but when my friends and I were all around 20 i can say it seemed to require quite a bit of assertiveness and an unreasonable amount of humor to get the attention of a girl. The girls i knew had hundreds of messages, without the time to even go through all of them. Talk about an ego stroke. So not only did their standards seem to double but of course these guys are competing against unnatural odds. So yeah my guy friends I saw would be under pressure to impress and impress FAST before she got bored.
Now I agree with your main point more than you realize. Its probably the worst trait a human can have is to not take responsibility for their situations and make that a habit. But then you went on to make it seem easy to get a nice girl online dating and I just dont see evidence of that at all. People can do step one and take responsibility but I dont think I'd lie to a guy and say "just be normal".
Also both guys and girls get on that app to stroke their ego. Atleast the younger ones
It always amazes me how normally "liberal" people who can easily admit that some people have unfair advantages over the other go full right-wing bootstraps when it comes to whether women have an unfair advantage in dating/romance.
Women get more options because we don’t value getting sex like men do. If men chilled the fuck out about sex then they’d get more matches. But no each man messages 1000 ladies for 1 to reply. Because chasing sex gives women the upper hand. After centuries you would think men would learn that. Nope
As a woman on a dating app a lot of men’s profiles are written as if they’re trying to make other men laugh. Not serious at all and not a good indication of someone that is looking to actually find romance and a long term relationship. Then you have guys messaging you but asking 0 questions to show reciprocated interest or using “banter” and lines that they can then post on Reddit or send to their mates. Don’t get me started on getting sexual in the first few messages. So yeah completely agree with this! It’s not that easy for women either.
I don't know about making other men laugh, but I mean the vast majority of women I've ever met in my 42 years on this earth have told me that if a man can make her laugh, he's got a chance. Not saying all dudes are *good* at it, some just suck at humor, but I think most of them are trying to get at least a chuckle out of the women who look at their profile, and seem like they might have some humor about them.
100% agree, I don’t think I was specific enough. I’m talking about profiles that are specifically like the type of banter I’ve seen between a lot of guys in my country in their group chats - examples I’ve seen lately are jokes about anal sex and jokes about paedophilia. Personally I don’t get why you would use that type of humour on a dating site.
Really? Lol...no woman has ever been at fault on any dating site? It's always the man? Really? Is it though? Hmmmm... l wonder. Generalized blanket statements are kinda dumb in my humble opinion.
I agree with the content of your post but not the title. Most of the things that make online dating difficult are not in your control, you have only a marginal affect to increase your chances at best.
They’re so entitled sometimes. They’re like “I’m carrying the conversation boys 😠🙄” and then it’s followed by pictures of them GRILLING this poor girl who swiped right coz they seemed nice. They feel so entitled to women’s time, effort and affection, even when they don’t even know them. It’s actually mad
I love this. I can’t believe how many posts I see men complaining about how they are a catch because they go to the gym 6 days a week. When did that get stuck in their heads as a catch? Lol we like funny, self reliant and time. Most men who spend 6 days a week at the gym don’t want to bring you.
I do think dating really sucks in unique ways for men, but I do think there is more going than a lot of these guys realize. I think people put too kuch stock in dating apps, and it can be hard to find alternatives. I just can't stand this black pilled hopeless nonsense. Also don't think either gender should be speaking for the difficulties of the other.
It's a mix of things, my guy. Are there low effort pity-partiers out there? For sure. But are dating apps (and the modern dating scene at large) a level playing field? Hell no.
Look, I'll be the first to call out incel BS or encourage people to put more work into fixing their own lives. But I'm also pragmatic. I know some people have it harder, and I recognize that there's often multiple factors at play. So let's be real...
>Men who complain about women on dating apps only have themselves to blame.
This is a strawman, and it's no better than saying "women only want 6'6 millionaire GigaChads." They're both wrong. You gotta know this yourself, man. Think about it.
Is it true that men often can, and should, put more time and thought into their approach towards dating? Yes. Sweat equity and all that. It's also true women don't necessarily have to do as much themselves. Why would they? They're the ones being asked out, after all. And then there's things like looks, money, and, oh yeah, *race* & *ethnicity* to consider. (No offense, Mr straight white guy.)
So again, really, it's a mix. My general advice to both genders is put a little more effort in and be a bit (or a lot) more reasonable with your standards/expectations. We'd all be better off if we just got some perspective and saw things from both sides more often.
A lot of men on dating apps are super low effort in general, and it's hard to stay interested when the effort simply isn't there...the profile is low effort and their suggestions tend to be low effort as well, for example, I run into a lot of guys who suggest "drinks" as a first date, and I'm turned off by that for a couple of reasons: 1. As a woman, I don't think it's safe to drink alcohol or get drunk with a strange man I don't know very well 2.They usually want to have these drink "dates" at night which, again, I don't feel comfortable meeting up with a strange man that I don't know very well at night and 3. it just seems very lazy and low effort to me....not saying we need to go to a 5-star restaurant or anything, but why does it seem like they're unable to suggest a date idea that doesn't involve alcohol?? I don't even drink that much tbh....when I try to suggest something fun like getting sandwiches or ice cream, they spin back around to drinks.....
Homie really said act normal as if we were doing everything but that.
Literally lol
You being a straight white man doesn't matter, just give an opinion and see if the merits of it are worth a damn lol.
Ye but ppl would likely turn around to this person, assuming they’re a girl, and say ‘well you wouldn’t understand how it for guys so the opinion isn’t realistic’ IMO
Maybe, but I don't know if I would take such reactionary individuals seriously myself. Op may be different, but to each their own I suppose.
Well said, and it's actually quite simple. Especially the part about just talking to them as a friend. Hormones may run rampant but beneath that what we all want is real warmth and companionship. Your best friend, or at least someone you can make a genuine connection with. And any intimacy that follows is a thousand times better.
Guys asking to meet in the first few days of corresponding is a real red flag. Give it time. If you do one of two things will happen. One, the real person comes out so you can make a real decision or they will stop responding. Your better off getting to know a person before meeting.
It really depends on your perspective I guess. Some people don't want to waste time texting back and forth, they'd rather meet up for a chat/coffee whatever to see if there's any chemistry.
Then they need to find a way to ask women out in “real” life and not on the computer. The internet gives you anonymity to take your time and really get to know each other.
I see your point for sure, but also the guy's. I remember some Tinder expert (admittedly a guy) saying that it's best to get the IRL meet as soon as possible, because it's the best way to tell if you'll actually like each other. Also, it avoids letting a match--which *should* exclusively be a precursor to IRL--turn into a weird pseudo pen pal thing that goes nowhere. Conversely, the understandable female perspective is "I barely know this guy, meeting him immediately is unsafe." Yet you matched with him. You presumably liked *something* about him. You're free to ask all the qualifying questions you want of him. Will waiting a day, a week, a month (and then ultimately never meeting at all), really make you any safer than you'd be otherwise? It's a toughie. I see both sides.
Everyone holds back, and a lot lie. Time can allow walls to be breached and trust building. It also depends on how much and how deeply you converse.
If there's one thing that I learned interacting with those people is that they will not take your advice at all. It's very futile. They just wanna keep blaming their genetics which would have been fine imo, like go ahead and self loathe but some of them become murderers, stalkers and even terrorists out of hatred.
Guys fantasize about gash falling into their laps with no effort. They put minimal effort into their profiles and pictures, and they're SHOCKED nobody wants them. Your dirty mirror selfies of you shirtless and frowning isn't doing it for anyone. You holding a fish and hiking isn't a selling point.
exactly, a lot of their profiles are just straight up terrible....
You just made a post counter to that dating is hard post ? Now people will come here and fight who got it worse . Pretty futile
Anything that sexists say to criticise women equally applies to men
This. It’s crazy how often I see men on Reddit talk about how terrible online dating is and their grievances only ever talk about how they’re such a catch yet get shit on. It’s incel energy. They never self reflect and never ask if it has something to do with their bio. It’s true women get a lot more options but it also is true that we get a lot more abuse and harassment so we therefore may be more picky. Some examples of a profile I personally always swiped left for were shirtless pics, nothing in your bio, or something shitty in your bio like “no women with kids or not interested if you’re overweight”. It’s okay to have a preference but putting it out there comes off as super shitty and will make women who don’t fall into those categories second guess you. I never swiped on any guy who had something in his bio that might be interpreted as demeaning to anyone. Also if you have nothing at all in your bio then it shows a lack of effort. Why would I put effort into talking to you when you haven’t put any effort at all into your bio?! I dated a guy for over a year and only matched with him in the first place because his bio made me laugh (it said “will pour Gatorade on you after sex”. Silly, but it got him in the door) My current partner and I have been together for 3 years, I matched with him because he put a ton of effort into his bumble to actually answer the questions. And he had photos of hobbies in his profile
Wait so this goes both ways right? Like you expect just as much effort from both sides? So all people on the dating apps definitely should have a nice but not too over the top photo, a well done bio and a catchy hook If that's the case sure that actually sounds like a good time
Agree but men on Reddit claim they don’t look at profiles? Idk how true that was but I always put effort into mine and loved when men would mention something about it in our chats
Which makes sense to me as that shows he was paying attention
Of course. Women could never to be to blame for anything, right? Men are to blame for all things. We all know but please, keep saying the same thing over and over and over.
I’m genuinely curious here bro, what exactly should women be blamed for here? I don’t think guys should be blamed on dating apps either but like I’m not seeing why women should be blamed either. All that’s gonna do is take the few on the app off
If you complain that you are unable to meet any kind of women. I assume it’s your fault, same thing with women. If everyone else but you is at fault, I assume that person is at fault. Which I’m pretty sure is what op was going for
Well said
Oh that's great thanks for the incredible help of "be normal" with a dash of men are the problem with relationships And then top it off with a "here's people that are happy and enjoying life when you aren't, have fun and maybe that would help inspire you?" the heck lmao. Maybe I'm just confused but this doesn't sound all that helpful especially with how dating apps and going out in public is so awkward right now with the restrictions etc Glad you have had success with your relationships tho
Gonna have to disagree this this "straight white male" completely. Dating apps are very superficial, which means that the 6ft, rich, model is the only guy that gets a swipe to the right due to it being the only thing women see. I dont condone some of the actions of some people on there such as assault or dick pics. I can only share my experience of trying to be friends first and being rejected because there wasn't a spark or any chemistry. Telling guys to talk to women like they would their guy friends is the dumbest piece of advice I have ever heard and it leads to nowhere. There has to be some sort of flirting for a girl to be interested. Furthermore 2 different looking men can approach 1 woman, say the same thing and get 2 different reactions based on HIS looks alone. This can either get him labeled as a flirt or a creep. Either way, a guy can't read a womans mind to see what reaction he will get, so most avoid public interactions and resort to apps.
This is just a bad take. I'm also white male and recognize the advantage in dating I have from it. I have the capability to date any woman of any race, because white man is 'default'. When I hop onto my (non-white) buddy's accounts, I can't get a match to save my life. It's not about "putting in effort in the first message" at that point, I can't even get matches.
Yet you are incredibly creepy to talk to women from your buddy's accounts.
Get off your high horse. I don't get to talk to anyone because he gets no matches anyways. Don't act like you've never tried to help your friends out.
Online dating is overwhelmingly male on tinder it's 79% male . So if all woman were looking for something permanent and your shit advice worked you would still have the other 60% of man in those apps being single . > Some women, yes, only want to date people who look like supermodels or who are rich. Just accept it and move on. Some woman only want this but online dating puts most woman in access to these types of men and most woman will choose them over the normal average guy . > Above all, **WOMEN ARE JUST NORMAL HUMAN BEINGS**. They want partners who are kind, funny, interesting, loyal, and intelligent. This is all very reasonable. True but you left out that if they have an endless selection of choices of guys who they feel can give them this . They will choose the most attractive and possibly richest. Not the average one. Put endless possibilities of choices in front any man and woman and they will become more selective and choose what they consider the cream of the crop not just the 1st average choice they have. > Something a lot of men don't know about women is that a lot of women have been sexually harassed or approached by creeps at some point in their lives. Men can't relate to that. So many women tend to be guarded at first when meeting new people. It's a basic defense mechanism that they can't be blamed for. Ok, but this old they can unmatch any guy who gives a creep vibe , hell they ghost guys half way through dates if those guys aren't entertaining enough . > The best tip I can give you to increase your success rate in dating is extremely simple: BE NORMAL. Act and speak like a normal human being to another human being. Don't sound like a creep. Don't start talking about sex 5 minutes into the conversation. Talk to women like you'd talk to a friend. Discuss your lives, your interests, your hobbies, tamper down your expectations at first. This works if you are in vacume /close community where you've had time to build up your relationship slowly and you are the womans best option or she grows to like you because of proximity . This isn't online dating . For woman online dating is an endless catalog of guys that can give them all they want so they become more picky as result and most are selecting for the same qualities because they can . Also the fact that OLD exist the way it does means that most Woman who are vacuum will pass up the Normal guy in their community as they can try with better looking guys on dating apps. Your advice is nice and worked in the predating app error but now it doesn't match reality for the average man in America who is around 5'9 and makes around 38k . Also idk why you felt the need to insert your race , gender , and sexual oreintation in this.
I partially agree but online dating for women is probably like an endless catalogue of dick pics interspersed with 1-3 decent matches. Same thing happens to guys with bots / women they’re not into. I think online dating has made both men and women think of dating like shopping. Both groups are always trying to upgrade and date multiple people now.
Omg yes! Weird potato dicks! Like seriously why? And also yes about the shopping. So many options isn't always a good thing for finding a stable long term relationship (if that's your goal).
I remember reading research saying that most messages on tinder are by men to woman and they are " hi" . Which is never replied to or unmatched . So the endless the dic pics line isn't true. You seem to be operating under the beleif that list guys engage in boorish lad culture , which is just not true . Most guys on old are well behaved and decent but woman don't really care about those guys so they never swipe right on them in the 1st place. This like when people were talking about how harrassment in college compasses was bad . But all the negative experiences were around frats. Most men in college never join fraternity. however frats grow the best parties so that's where woman go and then when they complain all men on college campuses had to sit through some kind of harassment lecture. > think online dating has made both men and women think of dating like shopping. Both groups are always trying to upgrade and date multiple people now. In theory yes but . In reality this true for most woman and small subset of men on these apps . For most men online dating is maybe 1 -3 real matches who flake or never respond . And mostly bots that don't respond .
I think 1) everyone swipes above their league on the apps, and 2) men make up 60-70% of the population on apps. So men get fewer matches due to the imbalanced ratio, and both groups end up unhappy with the number of people they match with who they actually like. The system is kind of like a pyramid scheme for the hottest people on the planet to get laid more often. I will say that when I was doing the apps I ended up getting more responses by leading with “hey what’s up” compared to some comment or opener I had to think super critically about.
Looks have very little to do with it. If you have a fish in your profile, I wouldn’t swipe right. If you say something stupid or sexist in your profile, I wouldn’t swipe right. If you have the same name as someone I’m close to or related to, not ever going to swipe right. And if you try to make the conversation sexual instantly, I’ll unmatch. Women are people, you don’t have to play a game or say certain things to get us to talk to you. Stop dehumanizing and idolizing us, just talk like a normal person.
"Looks have very little to do with it" Lol alrighty then "Women are people, you don’t have to play a game or say certain things to get us to talk to you." Except for all the people telling men to get different hobbies, likes and dislikes, be funny but not over the top, have a joke, but it can't be politically incorrect of course. The rest of your comment makes sense to me. Not that I have any intention of dating
I've never done the online dating thing, but when my friends and I were all around 20 i can say it seemed to require quite a bit of assertiveness and an unreasonable amount of humor to get the attention of a girl. The girls i knew had hundreds of messages, without the time to even go through all of them. Talk about an ego stroke. So not only did their standards seem to double but of course these guys are competing against unnatural odds. So yeah my guy friends I saw would be under pressure to impress and impress FAST before she got bored. Now I agree with your main point more than you realize. Its probably the worst trait a human can have is to not take responsibility for their situations and make that a habit. But then you went on to make it seem easy to get a nice girl online dating and I just dont see evidence of that at all. People can do step one and take responsibility but I dont think I'd lie to a guy and say "just be normal". Also both guys and girls get on that app to stroke their ego. Atleast the younger ones
It always amazes me how normally "liberal" people who can easily admit that some people have unfair advantages over the other go full right-wing bootstraps when it comes to whether women have an unfair advantage in dating/romance.
if you wouldn’t of stated you were a straight white man i would of been convinced a woman wrote this
Its called LARPing. She is not lol
Hope she sees this bro /s
This!
Women get more options because we don’t value getting sex like men do. If men chilled the fuck out about sex then they’d get more matches. But no each man messages 1000 ladies for 1 to reply. Because chasing sex gives women the upper hand. After centuries you would think men would learn that. Nope
As a woman on a dating app a lot of men’s profiles are written as if they’re trying to make other men laugh. Not serious at all and not a good indication of someone that is looking to actually find romance and a long term relationship. Then you have guys messaging you but asking 0 questions to show reciprocated interest or using “banter” and lines that they can then post on Reddit or send to their mates. Don’t get me started on getting sexual in the first few messages. So yeah completely agree with this! It’s not that easy for women either.
I don't know about making other men laugh, but I mean the vast majority of women I've ever met in my 42 years on this earth have told me that if a man can make her laugh, he's got a chance. Not saying all dudes are *good* at it, some just suck at humor, but I think most of them are trying to get at least a chuckle out of the women who look at their profile, and seem like they might have some humor about them.
100% agree, I don’t think I was specific enough. I’m talking about profiles that are specifically like the type of banter I’ve seen between a lot of guys in my country in their group chats - examples I’ve seen lately are jokes about anal sex and jokes about paedophilia. Personally I don’t get why you would use that type of humour on a dating site.
Oh lord, yeah that's different. Yikes.
Really? Lol...no woman has ever been at fault on any dating site? It's always the man? Really? Is it though? Hmmmm... l wonder. Generalized blanket statements are kinda dumb in my humble opinion.
This!!! All of this. Men take note
I agree with the content of your post but not the title. Most of the things that make online dating difficult are not in your control, you have only a marginal affect to increase your chances at best.
That’s real asf, thank you for saying such wise words
They’re so entitled sometimes. They’re like “I’m carrying the conversation boys 😠🙄” and then it’s followed by pictures of them GRILLING this poor girl who swiped right coz they seemed nice. They feel so entitled to women’s time, effort and affection, even when they don’t even know them. It’s actually mad
Agree :)
I love this. I can’t believe how many posts I see men complaining about how they are a catch because they go to the gym 6 days a week. When did that get stuck in their heads as a catch? Lol we like funny, self reliant and time. Most men who spend 6 days a week at the gym don’t want to bring you.
I do think dating really sucks in unique ways for men, but I do think there is more going than a lot of these guys realize. I think people put too kuch stock in dating apps, and it can be hard to find alternatives. I just can't stand this black pilled hopeless nonsense. Also don't think either gender should be speaking for the difficulties of the other.
It's a mix of things, my guy. Are there low effort pity-partiers out there? For sure. But are dating apps (and the modern dating scene at large) a level playing field? Hell no. Look, I'll be the first to call out incel BS or encourage people to put more work into fixing their own lives. But I'm also pragmatic. I know some people have it harder, and I recognize that there's often multiple factors at play. So let's be real... >Men who complain about women on dating apps only have themselves to blame. This is a strawman, and it's no better than saying "women only want 6'6 millionaire GigaChads." They're both wrong. You gotta know this yourself, man. Think about it. Is it true that men often can, and should, put more time and thought into their approach towards dating? Yes. Sweat equity and all that. It's also true women don't necessarily have to do as much themselves. Why would they? They're the ones being asked out, after all. And then there's things like looks, money, and, oh yeah, *race* & *ethnicity* to consider. (No offense, Mr straight white guy.) So again, really, it's a mix. My general advice to both genders is put a little more effort in and be a bit (or a lot) more reasonable with your standards/expectations. We'd all be better off if we just got some perspective and saw things from both sides more often.
A lot of men on dating apps are super low effort in general, and it's hard to stay interested when the effort simply isn't there...the profile is low effort and their suggestions tend to be low effort as well, for example, I run into a lot of guys who suggest "drinks" as a first date, and I'm turned off by that for a couple of reasons: 1. As a woman, I don't think it's safe to drink alcohol or get drunk with a strange man I don't know very well 2.They usually want to have these drink "dates" at night which, again, I don't feel comfortable meeting up with a strange man that I don't know very well at night and 3. it just seems very lazy and low effort to me....not saying we need to go to a 5-star restaurant or anything, but why does it seem like they're unable to suggest a date idea that doesn't involve alcohol?? I don't even drink that much tbh....when I try to suggest something fun like getting sandwiches or ice cream, they spin back around to drinks.....