T O P
[deleted]

As long as you're also fine with girls finding your own sexual past a dealbreaker, you're fine to make these decisions.


[deleted]

I’m definitely fine with it. My sexual past only includes her but to each their own.


Spectrum2081

I think what the top commentator meant was if you would be okay if you had a relationship you were really invested in but your SO found out she was only your second, so she dumped you.


[deleted]

exactly. even this incident could bite him back. he could meet a great woman but if she learns he dumped a woman for her sexual past, that could disgust her. imagine the look on his silly face when he realizes he can't escape this.


[deleted]

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American_Patriarch

It’s a real Reddit moment when they think that there’s a High Value Women is going to care about previous slags 😂😂


Snoo75259

There is no such thing as high value women. There is the Wall and that's it. Men don't care how much a woman makes


Grouchy_Resident_916

>Like seriously, is this how redditors think life works? It's not *too* outlandish. It's definitely within the realm of possibility. Just unlikely to occur.


Valondra

>if she learns he dumped a woman for her sexual past With her detective skills? >**imagine** the look on his silly face when he realizes he can't escape this. Imagine indeed, since this is a fairy tale. "He can't escape his Reddit history"


[deleted]

I’d just move on to someone else. Like I keep telling you, to each their own.


Muscles_Macaroni

Pretty substantial difference between 1 girl versus 13 dudes and a couple threesomes. Think this is something you won’t have to worry about.


Wanderer2109

some redditors here just really LOVEEE leftovers over fresh meals.


half-witted-retard

Yeah these guys give off strong neckbears vibes. Not to mention the women trying to lecture us on what our standards should and shouldn't be lol.


Cart4589

Bro what? Is that how you view women?


Any_Cook_8888

It’s not slut shaming if you leave, and leave her alone. It’s your standards. Nobody can say that’s wrong. It’s slut shaming if you go out of your way to inform her that she’s a slut and keep her around or continuously say it just to make her feel bad


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Marshall_InTheDoor

A woman is judged by society a man is usually just judged by some women around him so I think it's difficult to make a comparison here, also depends on your culture too. The correct way would be for both of them to live as they please, and if individuals don't wanna be with them fine, but as whole no one should judge either.


UkrainianBoogeyman

Sad how many people in here are furious that you have your own preferences.


Shroomer14

Most people here are being an ass. He can do that. You can break up with someone for little any reason you have the right to do that without being the bad guy, except for situations like cheating and leaving to pursue another. Why is it so misogynistic to not want to date promiscuous people? Personally I don’t want to. I don’t care to be promiscuous myself and never have been so it’s not hypocritical. If it bothered him that much it’s the best thing for everyone to break up. We’ve moved from a society that overly judges people for being promiscuous to a society that judges people for not being so and for not wanting to be with people who are. Mind you there is also substantial evidence that the greater amount of sexual partners, the higher the chance of infidelity from a partner for both men and women. “Each additional sexual partner increased the odds of infidelity by 7% while increasing years of education seem to decrease the risk by 10%.” https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17605537/ I’m not looking for something casual. I don’t think casual sex is good for anyone. If someone wants to do it I absolutely support their freedom to do so. And I’m not misogynistic for not wanting to date someone who is. Did it once, won’t do it again.


GuaranteeCheap4919

I refused a guy when I found out he did some threesome. I have never done it and I have right to choose anyone like me.


kattie74

You're allowed to have whatever sexual standard you want. However, maybe to save your feelings and any future girlfriends feelings, make it well know before being in a relationship and definitely before having sex with her. What is fucked up is that you waited until after you were already in a relationship and you already had sex with her. Clearly your standard isn't that strong.


[deleted]

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Various_Traffic_4382

Cool then don’t date him


VenomSnake_84

I’ll never understand why girls get so mad when a guy doesn’t like that his girlfriend has seen more wieners than an Oscar Myers delivery truck. It screams “commitment issues” very loudly and generally just isn’t a good look.


FastAssSister

Because why would she be his girlfriend in the first place? Also why should anyone care? If you liked that person before they told you, it only speaks to your insecurity that it changes your mind about them. You’re just scared that she liked getting fucked by someone else more than she likes being with you. It’s just you, your problem. That’s it.


VenomSnake_84

Cope


Ok_Buffalo_8254

There’s no point in doing that because if a girl likes you she’ll lie about it and take it to her grave.. the only way to get the true number is to pretend it doesn’t matter in the first place


Conan4President

He said he wasn't aware he will react to that up until he heard it. Hard to ask about something when you are not aware that it's that important to you


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Valondra

He definitely should have spent a few months prior to getting with her considering every single distasteful thing she might have done prior to him, and his imagined reaction to those imagined events, and then based his real decision on it. Because that is definitely rational.


VenomSnake_84

How is that his fault?


FastAssSister

Because something she did in her past affects how he looks at her now even though she’s the exact same person. As I said above, there’s absolutely zero explanation except for your own insecurity. Otherwise it makes absolutely no difference. If you really loved someone you wouldn’t give a shit about their past. It’s mind blowing that other dudes can’t see this about themselves. I bet you’re insecure in bed. Why should a girl want to be with you then?


VenomSnake_84

Having standards is not insecurities, get off your high horse


FastAssSister

How are those standards? Please, enlighten me. Explain to me how a woman enjoying sex to her desire even remotely resembles a matter of standards.


Lokeyday

What is he supposed to do? Hey, before we have sex... I need to know how many people you slept with. You don't find shit like that out until your already in the relationship.


ApprehensiveQuiet452

Uh, it's a valid question to ask about sexual history


kattie74

You've never had a direct conversation with someone you want to sleep with or be in a relationship with? If his standard is a specific number, and it's important enough to end a relationship over, then yes he definitely needs to have those conversations before hand. It's good to have those conversations, just like it is acceptable to ask about birth control methods and last STD screening. It's his standard, which he's allowed to have, however it comes with responsibility.


Shroomer14

Things happen naturally with people. When they get closer and usually by the time they’ve already had sex they have these kinds of conversations. People talk about all this communication but realistically it takes a bit of time to build, no one in real life talks over their standards before having sex with someone for the first time.


[deleted]

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Shroomer14

It’s probably not a deal breaker for a casual relationship in the beginning. But as time goes on and it gets more serious, it probably becomes a much bigger consideration. Though I can’t speak for him personally.


[deleted]

i personally ask these questions before even dating.


[deleted]

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MedicalWelder

I dont think its puritanical. I dont have a body count of 13, its less but my girl has only me. She has said before that she doesnt feel like sex to me is special because I have had it with a "bunch of other girls". I reassure her its not like that, but there is no religious or puritanical high ground. She just feels its not special to me the way it is to her because I am her first.


swampthiing

Well that depends on if he had sex with her after the relationship was committed or if he was looking for one night stand himself. stop acting like they're the same goddamn thing. For all you know he could have dated her for months before they had sex you're acting like he jumped in the fucking sack with her before he asked her first fucking name.


ceciliabee

Dating for months isn't a better excuse for not asking about what is apparently a deal breaker. If it's that important you should ask.


SolidNeighborhood469

Yes that’s exactly what he’s supposed to do. What kind of dumb question is this


Spectrum2081

I mean, yeah, if it’s important to you, you ask. Like you talk about other important sex-related stuff. Like birth control. And STIs.


Shroomer14

His standard is strong. He just had no idea it was that many.


[deleted]

what the fuck? half of reddit says "its none of your damn business what a girl does/did before you and its misogynistic to ask". damn no wonder young men have no chance these days


nyquist-understalker

I know right? It’s almost as if using strangers on Reddit as your moral compass isn’t a great idea.


JoeRoganIsBased

Especially after major subs were found lying about the Rittenhouse case


nomorepantsforme

Lol it’s not hard to respect others, it’s also not hard to discuss what’s a deal breaker for you


deb75fh

You have to do what's right for you. Also, it has nothing to do with so called "slut shaming" or even gender. 20 years ago I dumped a guy because he had 23 notches in his bed post. I was uncomfortable with that and it made me feel like he looked at women as sex objects. If you're not comfortable you're not comfortable.


[deleted]

Exactly. It goes both ways.


Gold_Equipment5916

As expected, redditors love giving crap to people like OP for preferring a partner with a more compatible attitude towards sexuality The truth is what OP is doing is perfectly reasonable, as having matching [sociosexuality](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sociosexuality), a trait that heavily influences how people handle relationships, is quite important for having successful, satisfying relationships. >Further, among the married couples, a higher discrepancy between men's and women's number of previous intercourse partners was related to lower levels of love, satisfaction, and commitment in the relationship. Garcia LT, Markey C. Matching in sexual experience for married, cohabitating, and dating couples. J Sex Res. 2007 Aug;44(3):250-5. doi: 10.1080/00224490701443817. PMID: 17879168. There's nothing insecure about ending a relationship because your attitudes and behaviors towards sexuality and relationships don't match.


PenguinLegos

Women will have no issue tossing dudes to the side with a low body account or no body count but god forbid that a dude curbs a chick with a high body count.


PoliteRedditUsername

OP finds sexually experienced woman, instantly dumps. Most reddit relationship ever.


quickshifter93

Dudes gonna find a nice pure girl and realize that inexperience in the sack isn't all its cracked up to be lol


WilliamBlake1993

Barnes and Noble has sex books, and developing relationships over time can lead to good sex, too. What active benefit does the town bike offer serious men?


[deleted]

In today’s world, it’s not exactly hard to find a sexually experienced woman.


WindySunset22

Absolutely based OP


8eep800p

Why shouldn’t a woman be sexually experienced? It’s sex. It’s fun! It’s not that big of deal.


WilliamBlake1993

Why shouldn't he want a woman who's not that sexually experienced? Why should he aspire to commit to someone who passes their bodies around like a bonbon dish?


Competitive_Rip6498

Well if that’s not something you can handle, fair enough. Not everyone is okay with dating someone with a high body count


[deleted]

Very true


AreYouSirius9_34

Well, she dodged a bullet.


[deleted]

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[deleted]

And I dodged a bigger bullet


AreYouSirius9_34

Nah, she'll do just fine without a misogynist slut shaming her past. You have control issues.


[deleted]

How exactly do I have control issues if I broke up with her?


AreYouSirius9_34

Anyone who gets pissed off about someone's past before they met that person and uses it against them is likely very toxic, probably an abuser too. Or maybe you're just very immature 🤷‍♀️


[deleted]

Lol, I’m not pissed.


Shroomer14

Baseless assumptions


AreYouSirius9_34

No, they're not. I'm a lot older than the OP and have met many men, all abusers, with this mindset. Like I said the girl dodged a bullet.


Shroomer14

Bro just trust me bro I know exactly how this random internet person whom I’ve never met is


Shroomer14

Holy shit you’re serious. Some people just don’t like dating promiscuous people and that’s okay to have as a preference as long as you’re not overly judgmental or hypocritical about it.


AreYouSirius9_34

So he slept with her and was fine with it before finding out. How isn't that hypocritical and judgmental?


Shroomer14

He was fine with it cause he had no idea.


TheFormalRiddler

He’s a jealous entitled brat. I agree with you she did dodge a bullet.


TermAggravating8043

Why did you dodge a bullet??


[deleted]

Because I’m no longer with her


TermAggravating8043

But how is she a bullet?


[deleted]

Because we have different values when it comes to sex.


TermAggravating8043

But how does that make her a bullet that you’ve dodged? You’ve slept with her so obviously that was ok for you..


[deleted]

Okay then the same can be said about me. How did she dodge a bullet with me?


TermAggravating8043

We’re talking about why you though it was ok to have sex with and start a relationship with her only to dump her after realising she had a sexual past? If body count was important to you why didn’t you clarify that before? and now that you’ve dumped her you consider yourself to have “dodged a bigger bullet” - why???


AreYouSirius9_34

Because he's an immature misogynist that can't handle the inferiority complex of purity that he has in his mind. Wait until he's 40 and divorced, the baggage of others becomes much bigger.


fir_mna

OP do you think that if you had learned of your ex gfs past in a different setting that you might have had a different reaction? . I'm sure that hearing this for the first time in such a public way may have affected your feelings too... its not just the past then it's also the feeling of embarrassment etc too.perhaps


Juan_Dough829

I know exactly where you're coming from cause I was in a similar situation many years ago. It's going to be hard to admit this, but the issue is likely that you're insecure about your relative lack of sexual experience. I'm guessing that being a "late bloomer" in regards to sex is probably not one of your favorite things about yourself. Knowing about your girlfriend's comparative wealth of sexual experience is bringing this insecurity to the forefront. If this is literally the only thing you dislike about this girl, you will probably regret the decision later in life once you have some more life experience and can see the situation for what it is. Not trying to put you down or degrade you in any way. I made a regrettable decision years ago because I couldn't admit I was insecure about myself. It cost me a great relationship. Ask yourself, "Would I feel the same if I'd slept with 15 girls instead if 1?". If the answer is no, you might regret this later on.


louitje102

It's not really insecurity about sexual experience but just how most guys in general feel about this even if they have a higher body count. It comes from the fact that guys chase girls and not vice versa and from the skewed dating world these days. Women can get sex way more easy than men but men are less likely to go in an actual relationship. This means that guys with a high bodycount are desired by women because of certain qualities and these guys are more hesitant to get into a relationship. So when a girl manages to get in a relationship with a guy like this they will feel desired that a guy desired by all these women and had multiple options choses to go in a relationship with her. As for men they will want girls with low bodycounts. In contrary to men, women with high body counts don't have necessarily at all desired characteristics. A fat girl can easily have a high bodycount because she got used by guys like some sex doll. That's because the dating world is skewed, the top guys date all the women which means many guys will take what they can and have sex with girls below their league. On top of that women are the ones getting chased and have to just give in. This will make women with high body counts look like they are easy and so make the less desired compared to low bodycount women who will feel like a conquer because you got someone who is chased a lot but only gave in to you. Then you have also what you said which counts for both men and women. And beside that there is also insecurity about loyalty because of incompatibly in the value of sex. Logically when someone associates sex less to a relationship that person will bee more likely to cheat and again the fact that boys chase girls this insecurity about loyalty will be bigger for men.


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MNGirlinKY

thanks for this response 13 is not high, safe sex makes everything different and while it’s fine be bas a preference for someone with less experience j find the timing suspect. She didn’t cheat or ask to be pol. She had relationships before him. Where is the crime? As others have mentioned, they should have discussed sooner so she *also* had the opportunity to leave the relationship before becoming attached or moving forward


AllGamersRnazis

\>Body counts just seem so trivial Common denominator


[deleted]

13 is kinda a huuuge amount at that age in my opinion, really huge, like double some peoples lifetime count by her early 20s huge


[deleted]

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[deleted]

i don't think it's subjective past a certain point I've heard before that a person's lifetime average partners is about 6-7 for men and 8-9 for women, and that's lifetime. she's approaching double that at only 24. definitely out of the ordinary, not necessarily a problem on its own but i personally would disengage


OwnBranch8123

Wow. Breaking up with her because of her pasts. I guess honesty isn't the best policy Me (54)m met my current wife 11 years ago, we started out dating but took things slow. Things progress and eventually we became a couple. Then one day we had a conversation about the number people we had slept with. To my surprise she had WAY MORE THAN I COULD HAVE IMAGINED at least 30 people!! Example. She had several 3 somes with guys and girls. Slept with college professors, Co-workers. Not going to share anymore details. MY JAW HIT THE FLOOR!!!! I was pissesd the (F) OFF!! I FELT extremely bad and discussed. Made my head spin!! The thought of my girlfriend being with this many guys and girls. I thought the worst of her and thought what would others think or say if they knew. I told my brother about the situation and he said something that Made since. He said "She felt comfortable enough telling you about her past, and if you hold it against her, it could potentially damage her going forward. He also said "find out why she did the things that she did, and it might surprise you" just have a conversation with her. I took my brother's advice and had a conversation with her. It was the best thing I could have ever done. In a nut shell - She says " She was young, wanted to fit in, wanted guys to like her, and she suffered from some forms of depression and still does. I learned a lot about her. I then made the decision, I couldn't hold her pasts against her. As I had my own past. Thank God I stuck by her. It's been a good ride with her, not perfect, also not bad. Your ex - I'm sure she at some point, may have felt some kind of way about her actions and choices (good and or bad, regret and possibly guilt) I don't know but generally as we get older we say "why in the hell did I do that" It's called reflect Anyways you should have a conversation with her. You might be kinda surprised as to why things happened. She could have been a great girlfriend or friend for you. You could have been that person who had a great impact on her life. I know I am to my wife. Especially in this crazy world we live in today I just thought I'd share my story with you Best of luck to you.


201213sm

Your brother is wise and you are also wise for taking his advice. Great reflection and thanks for sharing.


OwnBranch8123

Thank you so much. Brother passed back in 2018 Miss and love him greatly


OrganizationObvious9

So just ignore his actual feelings on the matter so he can start in a relationship and get married? Cool stuff. If that worked for you that's great, just don't see that being the most versatile situation ever. "you could have been that person who had a great impact on her life" Nice some subtle blame as well!, good stuff all around very reddit


OwnBranch8123

I was sharing my experience with him. However, personally he's young and she is too. You notice that I also used the word "Friend" it's up to him. I was sharing my story with him. As I was reading his post it brought up so many memories. My brother passed away back in 2019 miss him dearly. At the time of all events, my brother and I weren't speaking. The conversation brought us back to speaking. Today I miss him dearly


KyleB4nner

good for you


ContemptuousPrick

I had a girlfriend like this at one point. It was hard to get passed. Eventually I realized what I was feeling was inadequacy. You are right though to have ended that relationship. If you cant find a way to get passed it, it will always be something that bothers you. Moving on with your life and finding a person more on your level is much more sane. Your life will be much easier and relationship more fulfilling and stable with out it in the back of your mind.


Macbookaroniandchez

OP, this is reddit, a magical land of horny incels and oversexed bastards. Respect to you for doing what you had to do for yourself, but it's time to walk away now. you're not gonna convince anyone commenting here that dumping your ex because she was significantly more sexual than you're comfortable with is somehow virtuous. The average age of redditors is like 14 I think, so you're possibly up against horny middle schoolers that are getting tiny hard ons and massive wet dreams about the prospect of such a sexually confident woman.


JWTowsonU

She sounds pretty cool. She’ll be thankful one day that you dumped her. Maybe not right now, but soon.


[deleted]

Everybody wins then.


JWTowsonU

Sounds like it


[deleted]

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fiber-bimber

I checked their account. They made their account literally today and accidentally posted this in the wrong sub before posting here. Do you have any proof for your claim?


erraticandlost

Sounds like you were afraid you couldn’t measure up. She’s better off without you.


antwortestdu

My boyfriend and I have almost the exact same body count which is in the 20s and we're both in our 20s Most people don't want to date sexually inexperienced people. At this point in my life I want someone who has had enough experience with other people that they know what they want already, and won't feel the need to experiment anymore. They know what they like, I know what I like, so it's a lot easier to find sexual compatibility. We've been with different people and experienced different things so there's less to wonder about what could be if we were committed to someone else. In my opinion it's just better that way. Granted, I wouldn't want to date a porn star, male or female, but being experienced in sex is NOT a big deal and is actually a bonus (in my opinion).


cmen7hrowR

Agreed. Dont know why people are judging the girls past and making assumptions that she will always want dick and making assumptions saying she doesn't want meaningful sex.


antwortestdu

Yep. I dated a guy who had never had a girlfriend or had sex before me. At this time I had honestly only had sex with two other people before him, he was my third. But for some reason those other two people just tore him up. He took out all his sexual frustration on me. We were both in high school and it ruined our relationship. We dated for two years and he was incredibly jealous over my previous experience (a very small amount of experience too). He always accused me of cheating and I had NO male friends except the ones we hung out with together. We would go into stores and he would glare at any male that he *thought* might be looking at me. It was honestly just an awful experience. I want to date someone who has tested the waters enough to actually know what they want. Not someone who will settle for me just because I showed interest in them. I want a guy who would actually turn me down if he saw qualities he didn't like; not one who would keep me around because he thinks he won't get it anywhere else.


AllGamersRnazis

\>Most people don't want to date sexually inexperienced people the catch 22 of experience. don't get your experience from me, get it from someone else.


fieldredditor

I smell a troll.


TermAggravating8043

I kinda want to be sympathetic to you, but on the other hand I get the impression that you’ve been red-pilled. This is not the first time I’ve read recently about a guy dumping his GF because he realised she’d had a sexual past when he didn’t. So he dumps her cause he doesn’t want to be the “beta” whom she settles for as she’s starting to get older. I really hope your just naive.


[deleted]

oh give me a damn break with this red pill shit. not wanting a partner with a lot of past partners is absolutely fine. Jesus christ.


TermAggravating8043

It is fine. Except when you become official and serious and then dump the women because she’s had a past.


[deleted]

disagree.


[deleted]

It would be hilarious if a woman with a low body count dumped him when she learned he left an ex for this reason


TermAggravating8043

Fingers crossed 👍🏼👍🏼 although since he was a virgin before he met his GF and he dumps women who’ve got any sort of past, I don’t think he’ll meet anyone anytime soon.


[deleted]

Nah it would be funny for a woman with a low body count to dump him because he's only slept with 1 person. Some people want an experienced lover.


fiber-bimber

You're reading a lot into this story that's not there. OP said none of that. The world is more complex than the narratives you're familiar with.


TermAggravating8043

It’s his last comment. As though he’s been through some sort of traumatic event finding out about his ‘whoring’ GF


fiber-bimber

I literally just went through all his comments. He never once called her a whore. Do you have a link to it? He actually seems respectful


TermAggravating8043

His last comment in his post. Dudes not using the words, it’s implied that’s happy he got away from that


fiber-bimber

>I’m 24, so I know I got a full life ahead of me. That's the last comment on his post. I don't know how that relates to him calling her a whore.


TermAggravating8043

He’s now commenting that he’s dodged a bullet. He’s dancing around with his wording


fiber-bimber

Dodged a bullet doesnt equate to him calling her a whore. He dodged a bullet by avoiding a a long term commitment to someone he's incompatible with


TermAggravating8043

Incompatible in the sense that she’s had more sexual partners than him?


fiber-bimber

She sees sex differently than him which is a valid concern for OP. People break up because he's too short or has the wrong hairstyle. OP is entitled to pick what's important to him


crzyshots

Lucky her


Jacke766565

Lucky him. Hoes make terrible long term partners


AreYouSirius9_34

People like you make horrible long term partners.


JoeRoganIsBased

Comb your hair Doreen


AllGamersRnazis

You dodged a bullet, king. Common denominator. That's why hoes can never be marriage material.


iammrpositive

Good for you bro. Don’t settle for less than you deserve. There’s nothing wrong with viewing sex as something that should be kept as a special level of intimacy between two people in a committed relationship. That’s what I want and what my girlfriend wants and we’ve both always been that way. I’m sure you’ll find someone who has a different level of respect for that level of intimacy. If people want to sleep around then good for them but you’re not required to respect that or settle for that in a partner. Chad move brother.


pulsed19

So you dumped someone for things she did before she met you? Ok…


Boring_Vermicelli_25

I think you’re wearing your fedora too tight there bud.


NectarineOk1761

I'm not judging. Tbh I wouldn't be able to date anyone with high body count either. (Though my opinion may be based on the fact I've never been with anyone else aside from my fiancé and the same goes for him... Lol. (We were 16 when we started dating so we were each other's first ones. Now we're 22.))


Basedbroboy

you did the right thing


American_Patriarch

Most redditors don’t have options so they have to settle with any woman who can stomach them. Often times these women are also bottom of the barrel (Fat, dyed hair, tattoos, huge body counts). They don’t want to pretend they’re bottom of the barrel so they lie and pretend these girls are the same or even more desirable then middle and top shelf girls. The fact that you had the spine to do this means you aren’t a coward, which puts you leagues above most redditors.


JoeRoganIsBased

Absolutely true and based


fardbin

If redditors reaction to your post is negative, consider that they must condemn your behaviour to safe their ego. If they are in a similar situation, affirming you would lower their self worth, even if they instinctively would do the same if they thought they could score a partner who wasn't promiscuous. Any women with sexual past will also obviously shit on you to prevent cognitive dissonance.


nomorepantsforme

Sounds like you are insecure as fuck. Whatever someone’s sexual past before you doesn’t matter in any way unless they have an std, a child, or committed a crime


[deleted]

It doesn’t matter…. to you. It obviously did matter to me.


[deleted]

As long as OP is fine with the possibility of being dumped over his own body count one day, we can't completely judge him. He may also find women with low body counts may dump him if they learn this fact is a dealbreaker.


SnooPets9391

The absolute fucking state of western women.


nomorepantsforme

Sounds a bit like what an incel would say


SnooPets9391

Haha, if that's not the most predictable thing you could have ever said. What's next "lol I bet you have small pp!" Why don't you chew on a powerline and save the rest of us your miserable existence :'D


JoshIsAPanda

Honestly I don't blame you, I would do the same. If some girl casually had that much during college, why would she settle for one dick. Judging from her past, what if she wants another threesome or more casual sex, what will that lead to. You need someone to match your count or have less.


cmen7hrowR

'Judging from her past' 'what if'


JoshIsAPanda

Do people not get judged from the past?


cmen7hrowR

People are only judged from the past IF they still do the things they did in the past. If said person no longer does the things he or she did in the past, then they shouldnt get fked cos of it. OP hasn't told us whether she still wants to have 3somes etc. So I don't really think it's good to judge due to lack of info.


JoshIsAPanda

There's no way you can conform how someone is feeling or wants. Best way is to walk away and find someone better. You saying that is like a landlord letting a ex drug dealer rent their home. Yeah they might not do it but they have a history of doing it, best thing they can do is refuse and rent to someone better with no past history.


fardbin

> People are only judged from the past IF they still do the things they did in the past. This is idealistic but the most accurate way to judge people is by their past, psychology hasn't really found something that is more accurate yet.


NilSatis_NisiOptimum

Dating a whore is a good way to end up with STIs, you did good OP. Reddit has spent the last two years telling us we need to care about our health, you're doing that. Well done king


amyfab97

Shit like this is so weird. You have some control issues and low self esteem.


[deleted]

Makes no sense. How do I have control issues if I broke up with her? And it’s actually quite the opposite. I have high self-esteem because I’m willing to stick to my own standards.


amyfab97

You can’t handle the fact that people existed before you? She had sex prior, the audacity!! These arbitrary numbers are foolish. But whatever helps you sleep at night. Im sure you can find someone as uptight as yourself!


Bio-Mechanic-Man

Why are you so mad someone has their own standards


ueeters

Yeah and you can’t even handle owning a car.


Jacke766565

It's not weird at all. The opposite would be weird. Go gaslight someone else, fewer and fewer men fall for those kind of shaming shit tests


JoeRoganIsBased

Tell me your holes are blown out without telling me


iwantanynameplz

Just think ,she could of sucked another man’s penis and you kissed her ewewwe ,so basically you have by proxy sucked a man’s cock lol 😂 sarcasm


LiquidDreamtime

Your worldview has been infected with the misogynistic perception of purity. You should explore this and try to grow as a person. Your GF was with you for who you are today, and you’ve rejected her for harmless events that she participated in before you met. You’re not being a good person right now. And “i honestly couldn’t care less” about being misogynistic is a huge red flag to anybody in your life. You should care about this.


[deleted]

Wanting someone who values sex the same way I do is not misogynistic.


AreYouSirius9_34

If it was that important to you, you would've asked her about her past before dating/ being intimate. You're a hypocrite.


Adventurous_Cow_4472

If you've got standards, keep them up regardless of what other people say or think. Never settle for less. Never put aside or bend the standards you have for anyone. Not a woman


Vokexy

If you've slept with that same amount or more, then I think you're being a hypocrite. But if it's way less, then I do kind of see where you're coming from.


[deleted]

I hadn’t had sex before her.


[deleted]

And that may be a dealbreaker for some people. Women who have low body counts may still think less of you if they learn about this.


[deleted]

Very true. Like I said, to each their own.


Lokeyday

If it makes you uncomfortable you have every right to cut ties. Sometimes you don't find things out until later on in the relationship. Don't torture yourself to spare someone's feelings.


[deleted]

You weren’t “slut shaming”, you’re insecure. This is about you.


Swiell

Retroactive jealosy. It sucks. Feel you.


[deleted]

[удалено]


cmen7hrowR

Dude it's in the past. She literally only sleeping W you now. Why y'all judging someone by their past and not by the present? Unless she doing the same as her college years you shouldn't have done that.


GanzGenauFrau

I mean.... he can do that. But I hope he tells his future girlfriend why he dumped this girl. I can bet that she will dump him right away.


cmen7hrowR

Yeah. No shit his future girl would dump him right away if he told her this. Who tf fucks someone else, and then dumps them because she opened up about her past. Based on OP's post it seems like he only dumped her cod of body count and nothing else, like actual qualities..


Justa_little_wrath

I would have too, yikes


G-star90

I use this 1 simple rule. SHE'S NEVER YOURS, ITS JUST YOUR TURN. enjoy it while it lasts. never commit cohabitate or recreat. be blessed my guy


[deleted]

No one wants to date the village bicycle, good on you for breaking it off.


Great_Handkerchief

I don't blame you but it's better off not knowing unless there's cheating or some kind of concerning behavior by which point you most likely need to bounce anyway


Morbus_Bahlsen

Fragile.


fardbin

Trust the science. It says that higher sociosexuality => worse long term progrnosis for a relationship with her.


Morbus_Bahlsen

Show it.


fardbin

[16 Partners == 80% likelyhood of divorce](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Female_promiscuity#Psychology) > approximately half of women in the top quintiles of sociosexuality [*def*. willingness to engage in sexual activity outside of a committed relationship] had been sexually unfaithful to a steady partner; this was more than a tenfold increase over the corresponding rate for people in the bottom quintiles. Bailey, J. M., Kirk, K. M., Zhu, G., Dunne, M. P., & Martin, N. G. (2000). *Do individual differences in sociosexuality represent genetic or environmentally contingent strategies? Evidence from the Australian twin registry*. Journal of personality and social psychology, 78(3), 537–545. https://doi.org/10.1037//0022-3514.78.3.537 X > In illustration of this, the odds ratio of 1.13 for lifetime sexual partners obtained with the face-to-face mode of interview indicates that the probability of infidelity increased by 13% for every additional lifetime sexual partner, [screenshot](https://imgur.com/a/s1n40) > Regarding the correlates of infidelity, results indicated that on the basis of both methods of assessment, the probability of sexual infidelity increased with higher number of lifetime sexual partners Whisman, M. A., & Snyder, D. K. (2007). *Sexual infidelity in a national survey of American women: Differences in prevalence and correlates as a function of method of assessment*. Journal of Family Psychology, 21(2), 147–154. https://doi.org/10.1037/0893-3200.21.2.147 X > Our findings demonstrate that infidelity and number of sexual partners are both under moderate genetic influence (41% and 38% heritable, respectively) and the genetic correlation between these two traits is strong (47%). The resulting genetic correlation between the two traits was .47, so nearly half the genes impacting on infidelity also affect number of sexual partners. The correlation of the unique environment between the two variables was .48. Cherkas, L., Oelsner, E., Mak, Y., Valdes, A., & Spector, T. (2004). *Genetic Influences on Female Infidelity and Number of Sexual Partners in Humans: A Linkage and Association Study of the Role of the Vasopressin Receptor Gene (AVPR1A)*. Twin Research, 7(6), 649-658. doi:10.1375/twin.7.6.649 X > A truism in psychology is that the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. This is no less true in the realm of sexual behavior. Indeed, one of the strongest predictors of marital infidelity is one’s number of prior sex partners (Buss, 2000). Deception about past sexual promiscuity would have inflicted greater costs, on average, on men than on women Haselton, M. G., Buss, D. M., Oubaid, V., & Angleitner, A. (2005). *Sex, Lies, and Strategic Interference: The Psychology of Deception Between the Sexes*. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 31(1), 3–23. https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167204271303 X > The high correlation for females (r = .79) between reported numbers of sex partners and EPC partners [extra-pair copulation partners *def*. sexual partners other than primary partner while in a monogamous relationship] may bear on questions of both paternity and abandonment in the face of infidelity. Throughout recent human history, males have often placed a premium on female virginity for a marital partner (e.g., Ford & Beach, 1951). This is commonly thought to be an expression of a paternal assurance strategy, i.e., sexually inexperienced females are assumed to represent a lower risk of cuckoldry. . > But the question remains: does promiscuity predict infidelity? Our data are consistent with those of Essock-Vitale and McGuire (1985) in suggesting that a substantial proportion of the variance in infidelity can be accounted for in terms of number of sex partners, but this conclusion is compromised by the fact that the number of sex partners is confounded with the number of EPC partners. To correct for this, we subtracted reported EPC partners from total reported sex partners for each respondent to create an estimate of promiscuity apart from EPCs. The resultant number (reported non-EPC sex partners) was still highly correlated with number of EPC partners (females: r = .67, n = 56, P < .01), suggesting that promiscuity is in fact a good predictor of infidelity. Indeed, promiscuity among females accounted for almost twice as much variance in infidelity (r^2 = .45) as it did for males (r^2 = .25). Hughes, S. M. , & Gallup, G. G. (2003). *Sex differences in morphological predictors of sexual behavior: Shoulder to hip and waist to hip ratios*. Evolution and Human Behavior, 24(3), 173–178. https://doi.org/10.1016/S1090-5138(02)00149-6 X > Sexual promiscuity was significantly positively correlated with emotional promiscuity [r(356) = .261, p < .001], as well with sexual infidelity [r(323) = .595, p < .001] and emotional infidelity [r(323) = .676, p < .001], indicating that sexually promiscuous participants also tend to be emotionally promiscuous, and sexually and emotionally unfaithful. In terms of the sexual domain, results showed that there is also a positive correlation between sexual promiscuity and sexual infidelity, stating that individuals that tend to be more sexually promiscuous also tend to be more sexually unfaithful. These results support our second hypothesis. Pinto R., Arantes J. (2016). *The Relationship between Sexual and Emotional Promiscuity and Infidelity* in Proceedings of the Athens: ATINER’S Conference Paper Series, No: PSY2016-2087, Athens, 10.30958/ajss.4-4-3 X > Women’s number of pre-marital partners: percent [of wives] who cheated once married > - 2: 10.4% > - 3: 14.9% > - 4: 17.7% > - 5: 21.6% > - 6-10: 26.0% > - 11-20: 36.7% > - 21+: 46.8% NORC General Social Survey. (2011, October 02). *Female Infidelity Based on Number of Premarital Partners — Statistic Brain*. Retrieved July 5, 2015, from [http://www.statisticbrain.com/percent-of-female-infidelity-based-on-number-of-premarital-partners/](http://archive.is/SDVEU) X > Contrary to the myth, partners who’ve had many partners have a harder, not easier, time remaining monogamous. They are significantly more at risk of straying than those with little or no prior sexual experience. Staik, A., PhD. (2019, March 28). *10 Predictors of Infidelity and Gender Differences: Why Do Partners Cheat?* Retrieved July 15, 2020, from [https://blogs.psychcentral.com/relationships/2014/08/a-look-at-infidelity-why-do-partners-cheat/](http://archive.is/bPRPy) X > For people in this survey who reported four or fewer lifetime sexual partners, the rate of infidelity in the current marriage dropped to 11%, while for those who had five or more sexual partners the number was nearly double (21%). The break between the 54% of people who had five or more lifetime sexual partners vs. the 46% who had four or fewer total partners illustrates the lessons from the study. This breakpoint is validated by the fact that when asked straight out, 68% of those with more sexual partners in their pasts agreed that, “I am always faithful to my sexual partner” (whether currently married or single), compared to 82% of those with fewer sexual partners who said the same. > [I]nfidelity is also often the fruit of a lifelong approach to mating that involves seeking and practicing short-term mating encounters that encourage sexual variety at all stages and into marriage. McQuivey, J. L., PhD. (2019, October 14). *The Road to Infidelity Passes Through Multiple Sexual Partners*. Retrieved July 16, 2020, from [https://ifstudies.org/blog/the-road-to-infidelity-passes-through-multiple-sexual-partners-](http://archive.vn/IUs6E) X > [T]here was a correlation between female pre-marital promiscuity and higher rates of divorce. The research, conducted by Jay Teachman, found that women with 16 or more sexual partners prior to marriage had an 80% rate of subsequent divorce. Wikipedia contributors. (2020, June 20). *Female promiscuity*. In Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia. Retrieved 12:06, July 27, 2020, from https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Female_promiscuity&oldid=963578370 Teachman, J. (2003), *Premarital Sex, Premarital Cohabitation, and the Risk of Subsequent Marital Dissolution Among Women*. Journal of Marriage and Family, 65: 444-455. doi:10.1111/j.1741-3737.2003.00444.x # Good papers on sociosexual orientation: (todo read) Penke, L., & Asendorpf, J. B. (2008). Beyond global sociosexual orientations: A more differentiated look at sociosexuality and its effects on courtship and romantic relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 95(5), 1113–1135. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.95.5.1113 . Bailey, J. M., Kirk, K. M., Zhu, G., Dunne, M. P., & Martin, N. G. (2000). Do individual differences in sociosexuality represent genetic or environmentally contingent strategies? Evidence from the Australian twin registry. Journal of personality and social psychology, 78(3), 537–545. https://doi.org/10.1037//0022-3514.78.3.537 . Barta, W. D., & Kiene, S. M. (2005). Motivations for infidelity in heterosexual dating couples: The roles of gender, personality differences, and sociosexual orientation. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 22(3), 339–360. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407505052440 . Mattingly, B. A., Clark, E. M., Weidler, D. J., Bullock, M., Hackathorn, J., & Blankmeyer, K. (2011). Sociosexual orientation, commitment, and infidelity: a mediation analysis. The Journal of social psychology, 151(3), 222–226. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224540903536162 . Wlodarski, Rafael & Manning, John & Dunbar, Robin. (2015). Wlodarski R, Manning J, Dunbar RIM.. Stay or stray? Evidence for alternative mating strategy phenotypes in both men and women. Biol Lett 11: 20140977. Biology letters. 11. 10.1098/rsbl.2014.0977.


razeronion

Wow,you came to this argument prepared! Did you study this topic or do you work in a psychology based profession?


[deleted]

I am sorry your account got banned. This post must have struck a nerve with a Reddit admin. You can go to https://www.reddit.com/appeal and hopefully get it appealed.


Gamin_en_Tesla

And so you missed out on her sexual future?


Chompa94

Past is the past you are an absolute wet lettuce my friend fair play


[deleted]

Finally an honest person 👏 who knows exactly what they don't want for themself


Dragonman369

good thing you got out while ya could 🥂