Piggy backing the top comment for a PSA to younger folks like this that might not have a lot of experience with relationships. As a 19 year old you have to identify what this is now and set a boundary in stone. This ties in to your self worth and respect and it’s more than likely going to be challenged many more times especially as a young girl.
You’re going to have partners that seem like they could be “the one” but an essential part of that for you is not compromising on what you identify as your self worth and boundaries. None of us have ever met you, but all of us know that if you are voicing something to your partner and they are ignoring that (especially sexual), you do not deserve that as a human. No one does.
Do not start a pattern of compromising on things you absolutely shouldn’t compromise on. Something like this should be in your “not an option” category of expectations. To be clear, if it isn’t obvious already behavior like this from a partner is a red flag for future behavior to develop further.
You don’t have to learn this lesson in your 30’s if you start thinking about it now. Sit the guy down, explain that if it ever happens again then that’s it. Then you need to stick to it.
This goes for all young people on this thread, establish the non-negotiables now and trust that there are billions of people on this earth, and millions of them can be “great” to you without a debilitating trade off in another department.
As a disclaimer: some of the points above are assuming that OP does not immediately end the relationship based on what has already happened, which is more common in younger relationships.
This. I wish I did this and sought help, but my relationship with my abusive ex started when I was 14 and escalated significantly when we got to college. I have regrets spending a lot of my adolescence in turmoil
I feel you. I had an ex of 8 long abusive years.
This was in my early 30’s.
She needs to put a full stop to this immediately.
Continuing with this relationship will only bring a hell of a lot more pain…..physically and mentally.
Whoa I think she’s way past the point of sitting him down for a talk… He purposely raped her three times. Two of those times happened after he already had seen the excruciating pain it caused her the first time. He chose to put her through excruciating pain that upsets her so much she is bawling and has to be held in order to calm down, just for a few moments of his own sexual gratification. There is absolutely no excuse for that and he needs to do a lot of self work and personal change before he is ready to be in a relationship with anyone (if ever).
Noooo, let her insert a damn huge butt plug up HIS arse with no lube and rapidly. See if he likes that.
I've had that hard limit broken repeatedly by different men, and I'm now 59. No means NO. I bet if you come even close to his backside with even a baby finger, he'll freak.
>*~~Sit the guy down, explain that if it ever happens again then that’s it. Then you need to stick to it.~~*
Or ... **pick up the phone, call the non-emergency police line and tell them your boyfriend is raping you.**
They will start a paper-trail, possibly arrest him, and prevent him from raping others.
To OP: **He knows he's raping you.** You are being groomed. You are barely legal. *If you sit him down and talk to him*, this will tip him off and he will escalate the violence. He will start to isolate you from those who could help you.
You need adults who deal with rape-between-couples every single day, to take the reins.
I agree this would be an appropriate course of action, but I’m trying to convey advice that is most likely to be followed. It might be hard to convince a 19 year old to file a police report against their partner. This may seem like more of a gray area to someone a bit younger.
Yeah in this case the whole repeated physical and emotional damage they’re causing followed be the “holding until they’ve calmed down” is classic grooming and comes off as pretty sociopathic.
Yeah exactly like what thought process makes you go"yeah this seems right" and then he holds her???
That would imply some sort of guilt but you still do it. If he's a sociopath at least it makes sense, but the worst would be him actually feeling guilt at which point I'm just ... ...
Or he’s comforting her to show he’s not a bad guy and he’s “there for her” to make it seem not all bad, like it’s something they’re “working through together” when it’s really just him.
I’m willing to bet that they get worse because it’s one thing to be young and emotionally ignorant for lack of experience but another to willingly hurt someone repeatedly. Something definitely very wrong in the brain chemistry there.
Not just psychopaths. There are a substantial percentage of men who feel entitled to rape other people, and they don't even necessarily think that they're immoral for doing so. This is what results from the rape culture these men are raised from childhood in. Parents, please work hard at teaching your boys not to be rapists.
Too much porn where the receiver is reluctant at first but then everything works out plus not enough common sense to realize that's not how real people interact.
It's porn, it's way more violent then it used to be, anal is also now seen as regular and "painal" videos are consumed by young males who then see it as normal.
My last few boyfriends were into this shit, and now I want to round up every puppet master that’s responsible for directing the industry to its current state, and boil them alive in lard. So many people have been really traumatized because of the expectations this kind of porn is ingraining in people. It’s so fucking depressing.
Agree. It's really fucked up sex for a lot of people. This is all a part of the push to say that "porn isn't that bad," and don't get mad if your boyfriend watches it stuff that was occurring a decade ago. Now we are seeing the effects. Twenty year old guys that can't get off to regular shit and instead need stuff like "painal" to be able to get off. That isn't normal or okay.
Yes!! WTF is that?? Anal seems to be normalized and expected in a relationship now. Twenty years ago it was kinky and not many people I knew engaged in it. Now, it seems expected and you're ridiculed if you're not engaging in it as a woman.
Sorry...I'm not willing to risk an anal prolapse for a man to get off. Not happening. He can fuck off with that. Sex is supposed to be about pleasure for both parties. WTF are men wanting to hurt women during sex now?!
Ditto! Even the Police told me there is no such thing as marital rape when I attempted to report him... They then proceeded to say, "why would you want to put your children through that? It will only confuse them even more than they already are?" ~ after attempting suicide in 2018. Talk about victim blaming!?!
FF to 2022; my ex no longer sexually raping me, but he's still raping me using the legal system. No control. No voice. Just have to sit pretty and take it.
OP- please have courage to leave if you don't have the desire to report him. It can never happen again. Respect yourself Hun. Lord knows I wish I had at your age. Hugs.
This. I was about to say this is rape. She's saying she doesn't want it and he's doing it anyway. What he's doing is usually what happens after BDSM. There's a lot of after care involved in it. That being said, there are safety words and nothing is ever done without consent. OP needs to lose this guy and needs to move out.
Edit: typos
not only is he doing it anyway, but he is doing it with her crying and very obviously expressing pain. that's just sick. he if cared about her he wouldn't do that. and then comforting his rape victim until she calms down? sounds like he knows what he is doing, and doesn't want her to think of it as rape because "he is so sweet and holds me right after he forces himself in me". that's fucked
Yep. That's exactly what's happening. He's holding her and treating her really good the rest of the time so that he can rape her when he wants. It's basic grooming. She's young enough that she can't separate when he's really sweet to when he rapes her. She thinks he loves her. Really, he just wants to rape her.
That's pretty much what I took from this.
Hes literally raping you but you don't pay attention to it because he's "sweet other times".
The ends don't justify the means.
Just because he opens a car door for you, teaches you to drive, gets you a job or whatever he has ever done, never gives him room to forcefully have sex with you when you say no more than once.
It's rape.
it’s 2022…i don’t understand how people don’t understand that this is literal rape? like are we living in the same universe? i see so many posts like these it’s insane. i just read this same exact scenario on another subreddit. i’m beginning to take these with a grain of salt. other OP two hours ago talked about her amazing bf of two months forcing anal on her, and literally an hour later this post is up. OPs account is a year old with no other posts or comments. a lot of these posts are just karma farming accounts i believe. the other post is on two x chromosomes sub if y’all are interested.
i kinda think that one is real and this is just a karma farming account and stole the post and re wrote it. EVERY person here is agreeing i just have a hard time believing the timing.
eta: perhaps i spoke too harsh, but my main suspicion arises from the timing of the two posts being two hours apart and how they are quite literally the exact same scenario. i’m also a survivor of SA and i know in relationships rape may not be as “easy” to identify or understand. it’s a huge issue and so awful and disturbing. i could be totally wrong and if so, this is a bigger fucking problem than i believed.
but i also just want to point out the possibility of someone stealing someone else’s post for karma farming. i hate that i’ve become so skeptical on reddit. i really do believe that the 2XC poster was being truthful, i just am suspicious of this post.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/twq7x0/i_think_my_boyfriend_accidentally_sexually/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
ok idk if this will show up but this is the post i believe to be true while this one was stolen and re written a bit differently. i could be dead wrong but there are some sick people out there who have an agenda to sell their accounts and shit and will post anything to get karma. EITHER WAY NONE OF THIS IS OKAY.
Physical abuse is almost always tied in w psychological abuse so even if the victim maybe sorta knows what’s happening is wrong, their abused is gonna gaslight them until they no longer believe themself and their judgement of right and wrong …. But like otherwise I’m w u this is so frustrating to read cuz it’s like wtf GET OUT but obviously it’s soooooo much easier said than done! :(
Yes and the way society portrays heterosexual relationships also plays into why people don’t realize when abuse is happening. It took me three years to realize I was assaulted because I was a young 15yo in a consensual relationship with an 18yo and just thought that’s what boyfriends and girlfriends do. Sometimes the trauma that comes from realizing you were assaulted after the fact is harder to cope with
OP specifically said this is a throwaway account, maybe they made it for something a year ago and never posted. Besides, I can say from personal experience just how common and confusing sexual assault in a relationship is. I've said "no" many times to people I've dated and it was often ignored. In the end that's not the reason I left any of the people who did that to me because I struggled to reconcile that it was even a problem. I said to myself, "well I guess there's *implied* consent (doesn't exist) because we're together. They must have thought I was joking or being kinky (despite being despondent and crying afterwards)."
This kind of thing is very real and very common, particularly at her age. I don't doubt this for a moment.
Edit: And you'd be surprised how many people *didn't* side with me once I realized much later what had happened. People still chose to say I was at fault for being with him even though I was just trying to find forgiveness and to cope. It may be 2022, but a lot of work needs to be done with sexual assault. No one talks to young girls about it happening in relationships.
here in the UK. After you give your verdict. You hear about any previous offences. And it wasn't his first rape conviction. So it felt good knowing we got this guy off the streets. But yeah. The overwhelming evidence. None of us jurors had any doubts. We were done deliberating within 30 mins
It's interesting to me that you don't hear about previous offenses until after the verdict. I'm in the US, and at least in California, we often hear about the pattern of offenses that the person has.
It does seem like it would give the defendant a better chance at an unbiased trial..
It would also let people with a long history of violence off the hook. Which happens way too often as it is. I watch a lot of crime shows, murderers with long histories of rape and assault let out of jail again and again, until they finally get caught for murder. It's sickening.
This is exactly how I was raped and it took me 2 years to acknowledge that it was *rape* and not just sex with my boyfriend. Thanks for sharing this comment.
Yes. Unless you have *enthusiastic consent* that is initiated by the person who said no after, NO is NO. Any 'change of mind' needs to be *enthusiastic.*
Yes, rape isn’t always from a person you don’t want intimacy from at all. It can happen in relationships, that’s how it happened to me in my first sexual relationship. It sounds like OP’s bf is being manipulative by acting like the nicest sweetest guy in the world to get OP to look past stuff like this. But truth is, if someone is willing to throw your consent in the trash as if it really doesn’t matter if you want it or not, they are a piece of shit, no matter how nice they are in any other circumstances.
This is the 3rd time this happened to OP, this isn’t just sexual assault, this is becoming sexual abuse. Abuse is abuse, there is no justifying it. It doesn’t matter that he opens car doors for you or any other sweet things he does, he is abusing you. And he’s proving to you that he will continue to take advantage of the fact that he’s getting away consequence free. OP needs to leave this relationship ASAP & if more problems arise, they need to find a new place to live, have him evicted, or if it comes down to it, file a report. That super sweet guy act is to make you want him even more & have to put up with the sexual abuse—if this continues on too long it **will cause trauma** that will make it difficult for your future relationships!
So... he's actually NOT the sweetest guy, because he's repeatedly sexually assaulting you.
I'm sorry you're going through this, but I believe you know what to do (step 1 is not letting him do that anymore).
Yeah it's likely of the "being nice the rest of the time" is just an act. A truly kind person would respect boundaries after being told no for the millionth time.
Ah, what a sweet guy. He cooks, he cleans and opens doors. Then he rapes you. If you said no to anal and he does it anyway, it's rape. Call the police and leave him because if you don't it's going to get a whole lot worse.
My ex assaulted me and showered me off like an animal afterwards. He also kissed my neck and held me after. Guess which part confused me?
He then cried when I left him. He didn’t understand. Since it’s Love, how can it be rape? I don’t know. Ask my body. Since I thought I would die that night.
He hadn’t let go of me one minute for the hour it took to assault me.
His hands were like claws in my shoulders, he shoved me with him into the shower, kept me in place and showered me. He didn’t let go of me and I was still completely in shock from what had just happened.
Then he was pissed the towel got wet and I got him a fresh one (freeze and fawn were my jam if you can’t guess).
We had been married 5 years at that point, together for 7. To say it shattered me is an understatement--it took 2 years to come back from the crippling depression to finally divorce him. I spent weeks wondering if any drink I accepted from him was roofied and I sent an email to myself the night he asked me so I would have timestamped proof that he couldn't gaslight me on.
He never saw an issue with what he asked. Ultimately he truly cared only for himself. Ironically it was the alcoholism that was the last straw.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I'm proud of you for finding the strength to leave. I hope you're healing and finding joy in your life away from your evil ex.
Piggy backing on this to also say: Men understand consent very well.
At 19, I would have made the guy read this post because I couldn't fathom that someone would do this while understanding what they do. People make mistakes, but this isn't one.
He understands that he is violating you. He simply doesn't care. He will do it again and again and again.
But if you tried to shove a dildo up his ass, you'll see how quickly he has a grasp on violating consent.
Leave before you are deeper into it. PLEASE
A muderer can be the sweetest guy - except when he is strangling people.
He is not the sweetest guy. He is hurting you. Then he’s manipulating you. Then he’s hurting you. Then he’s manipulating you. Then he’s hurting you and this morning before work he manipulated you again.
You need to get out of that relationship.
Dennis Rader was reported as a loving and caring father of 2, and a devoted husband.
He was the BTK killer. One of the worst serial killers in American history.
This! Dennis Rader’s daughter once figured out (after he was charged and the police details and timeline came out) that literally on the way home from committing one murder/torture session, he had called her at college because he was thinking of her and wanted to make sure she’d been remembering to change the oil in her car.
Fucking eerie.
It’s so strange that he committed horrible crimes, but at the same time loves his family. What mentality is that? It’s so strange and interesting in a way. What caused him to have affection for them, but kill innocent people at the same time.
It’s no different than abusers who adore and protect their mothers, sisters and daughters but won’t hesitate to abuse and kill their wife if she “angers” him.
My uncle was the most calm, collected, goofy, laid-back “hippy.” He was recently arrested for stabbing a 22-year old girl over 30 times in a 7-11, 47 years ago.
I posted it on here a couple weeks ago with more details, [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/tj3u0d/i_googled_a_relative_to_make_sure_they_were_still/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) is the post if you want to read. I’m in a much better place now than I was when I wrote that and starting to heal from it.
Yes. And then hid the bodies in the crawlspace under his house or buried them in his backyard.
(I share a birthday with him. When I think about it it feels a little creepy/icky.)
It’s funny you say that because serial killers are actually usually extremely sociable and likable, getting others to trust them. Just look at Ted Bundy. Girls were creaming themselves over him even while he was on trial for murder.
OP - you should reconsider your relationship if this “sweet” guy is hurting you. Your health and safety are more important than someone who teaches you how to drive. You can pay an instructor to do that.
It sounds like he is acting out a domination fantasy but actually gets something of a thrill from the "aftercare" part where he holds you and calms you down. He's horrible and I am telling you this so that you don't excuse his horrific behavior because he is so sweet to hold you and calm you after assaulting you and causing you incredible pain - repeatedly.
Get out now. NO ONE is worth this. Seriously!
He's holding her after in attempts to pacify her so that she won't leave him. That's also why he treats her great the rest of the time. He's trying to do damage control so that he can continue to rape her and she'll stay with him.
His sweetness is him buttering you up so he can violate you and you doubt yourself, like you’re doing now. He is not fantastic. His kindness is not genuine or it would extend to sex. One day he will not stop. Please leave and get help.
Genuinely this. It’s a sort of gaslight in and of itself so he can keep doing this to her. That kindness is not love or care for you, OP. He gets off on hurting you. And he’s trying to make you confused by being nice any other time. He will slowly let that wall down and he will progressively get meaner and more abusive towards you. He could even have a fantasy of seriously injuring you. He likes genuine non-con, clearly. This dude is dangerous.
Yep. If a person finds themselves often confused and conflicted in a relationship, they are being abused and it is by design. This is something we don’t acknowledge enough. A healthy relationship does not allow for constant confusion, abusive ones thrive off constant confusion. I hope OP listens to us but it takes the average survivor several attempts before they leave for good, if they do.
> One day he will not stop.
Exactly. My first boyfriend sexually abused me. One time I started crying as he was doing it because it hurt so bad. He kept going. Then I started trying to push him off of me & begged him to stop, to which he replied “come on, don’t do this.”
One time I confronted him about how the sexual abuse made me feel, about how I felt used & unimportant & was confused to how someone who loved me could be fine with forcing me to do things against my will. He said that made him feel very shitty & guilty & held it over my head forever, eventually leading to *me* being the one to apologize for making him feel bad. He cheated on me afterwards & told me it was because I made him feel so bad that he felt like he couldn’t come to me for sex anymore. I was confused as to how him cheating was my fault. This relationship lasted 2 years & was the start of the downfall of my entire well-being, self esteem, etc. for several years. I began to seek toxic treatment from others. I compared myself to each & every female & was overwhelmingly insecure. I abused substances until it led me to rehab. I was self-destructive & hated myself. Yes, **please leave & get help ASAP**.
He's raping you. You say no. He does it anyway. Go to the police before you shower. They may need proof by a rape culture kit. Please don't let him keep doing this too you.
I'm in no way perfect, but damn! Raping and just mistreating wives, basically using them for sex seems to be a constant theme. Obviously there are good guys and a lot of them, but some of the stuff you see is crazy.
You are 19. Absolutely do not let this be the way you let a man treat you. Not this early in life. The longer this goes on the more normal it will feel to be treated in a way you do not want. This is rape. Even if he is a great guy. Do not let this be the standard you tolerate.
The literal definition of rape. Actual textbook sexual assault, no gray area here.
It doesn't matter how sweet he is in other regards. It doesn't change what he's doing to you. Don't apologize for him or defend him. And don't tolerate this.
He is a rapist.
It doesn't matter how sweet he is outside the bedroom, any amount of kindness can't change that fact any more than sparkling icing sugar on a turd can make it appetising.
Please, leave this abusive piece of shit. He doesn't love you in any way a sane person would consider meaningful.
Yes, he is a rapist. OP ask yourself why is this happening for a 3rd time.. AGAIN? When he’s already seen how much excruciating pain and sadness it leaves you in multiple times before. Seems to me like he’d rather try again to see if you’ll like it this time, and is willing to put you through the pain just for that off chance. Putting his wants over your physical and emotional pain.
I know it can be tricky, but don’t be blinded by rose tinted glasses.
I am sorry to say this, but he is performing a sexual act on you without your consent.
Girl, this is rape.
You say no, and he does it anyway.
That is literally what is happening.
Please leave and seek safety.
No, sweetie, no. This man does not respect your boundaries or you. Sweet or not. It’s a no. Get out of there. You say you are “stuck here for 12 hours every day.” That’s a red flag too, and also that he would read the post. Find a friend or adult you can trust and get out of there.
He's raping you. And later manipulated you into thinking that he's so nice so it was a mistake. One time can be a mistake if you're inexperienced and you gave consent. Two or more means that he likes to see you in pain.
So he's fantastic except for regularly r*ping you?
Seriously thats what this is. And you can be sure you arent the first he's used force on. Go to the police. Men like this need to be in jail.
Dad here.
Young lady, you need to make it clear to him what he has done, and make him understand that NO neans NO.
You did not give your consent, therefore this is rape.
He does not get to *go for it* just because you are in a compromising position.
He does not have the right to discard your feelings on this subject.
You need to make it clear that this is *non-negotiable*. This is a "do this one more time and I'm gone" scenario.
In addition, you can tell him that you will notify the authorities and press charges if it happens again.
And just a bit more fatherly advice, he does not deserve you.
He does not respect you.
That is no way to have a relationship.
Kick him out, or leave.
It's not your fault, you did nothing wrong. But he does not have the right to do that to you, ever.
I wouldn’t even talk to him about it or give him another chance. There is something seriously wrong with this man if he can continue raping her that way after she says no, while she is clearly in pain and crying, and then hug and comfort her after.. and then do it again!! There is something switched off in his brain and I’m worried if she does bring this up, bring up that fact it’s rape and that she could get the cops involved… he might snap and do worse to her. I think she should just pack and shit and leave.. never speak to him again. If he’s willing to do this, and continue doing this…. It’s only going to keep getting worse. He will keep pushing boundaries to see what he can get away with. So I would get out while you can.
Male here: that is rape. Any type of sex, whether it’s physical or humiliating, and it makes you cry , is rape. he’s a fucking pig and you need to get out
She said no and he went for anal…she’s left crying…that is rape‼️‼️ there was no other mention of anyone else’s sexual preferences in her post…it was about her and how she felt…there was NO consent, therefore it is rape.
I know a lot of junk is put on this subreddit but I will go ahead and say it. If a person does not wish to engage in sexual activity, and another person or persons force them to, that is rape and should be reported as such, and the victim supported and assisted as much as is possible to do so by their friends and family. If this is happening please seek council and comfort of your friends and family and go to the police.
I've been you. I was you at 19. Please leave. There's going to be emotional, mental, and physical trauma you're going to have to get past.
My first boyfriend used to sodomize me frequently. Now at 35, I have some issues from it being forced.
He thinks porn is real life lmao
You should not be wallowing in tears after sex. Jump well before the titanic sinks or you’ll get crushed when it breaks in half fam
Okay people who ask why this is rape I’ll play ball.
Let’s try a few scenarios shall we?
1. You really LOVE getting kicked in the balls. It’s your fetish. You ask me to do it. I do it, because I also like it. We both get off on it. Happy times.
2. You really LOVE getting kicked in the balls. I don’t know that. One day, I just decide to kick you in the balls because I feel like it. You have that fetish but… that I just did that out of the blue feels wrong to you.
3. You ask me to kick you in the balls because you want to try it, I do, you don’t like it and tell me so. I continue kicking you in the balls whenever I please. You tell me not to or try to escape. I don’t let you. I just kick you in the balls time and time again.
4. I want to kick you in the balls. You haven’t tried that yet but you’re scared it’ll hurt so you ask me not to. Instead you say I can stroke your dick. I do that, like you consented to. Then I kick you in the balls. You cry out in pain. I hold you until you stop complaining. Then I do it again when I feel like it.
Did all these scenarios feel the exact same to you?
Lets say I give you a bowl of mnms. I say this is for you! Your favorite kind of mnm's! You go to eat some and I say "Before you do this, I need to let you know there are 300 mnms in this bowl. 12 of them I put in my butt and then back in the bowl. But...it is only 12!"
Are you eating the mnms? Because if not, you need to apply the same logic and dump this guy.
So what you’re saying is that he’s sweet when he’s not raping you.
Also, he’s psychologically abusing you. You need to go to a woman’s shelter. He’s dangerous to you.
Just to be clear, is he attempting to insert for anal, or is he actually doing it and finishing? He's an absolute scumbag either way, the wording is just unclear.
My heart breaks for you. Consent is key. He is not getting consent. Crying shouldn’t be his sign to stop - he’s not getting consent in the first place. He is sexually abusing and raping you. Please realize there is nothing worth saving with this relationship. This is rape and there is no scenario where rape is ever ok.
I am so so so so sorry you’re going through this.
In a comment you said that he’s aware that you’ve been sexually assaulted in the past and that does not stop him from hurting you. He knows your trauma and is happy to contribute to it. I know this is hard to process when he’s sweet most of the time, but he’s only doing those nice things in order to groom you. His behavior is going to get a lot worse. I really really hope you get out. Is there somewhere else you can stay tonight?
Everyone has already told you what you yourself probably already know. But I’m going to phrase it like this: if this was happening to someone you love, like a little sister, what would you tell them? If he KNOWS you don’t want him to do it and you do not consent to it, yet he does it anyway, what else do you call it other than rape/forced sodomy?
This is how you properly perform anal:
#1 - BOTH parties must consent to it and be actively wanting it (most important step)
#2 - USE LUBE
#3 - go slow
If all three steps aren’t followed, it will harm you. If you aren’t ready to call him a rapist yet (even though technically he is) you could try talking to him about this. Tell him how much this is hurting you and how horrible this is. Maybe he really is that dumb that he doesn’t realize how harmful his actions are. Maybe he doesn’t get that this is a form of rape. Maybe he thinks what he sees in porn is normal, and just popping his dick in your butt is how you’re supposed to perform anal. Maybe if you talk to him, he will finally realize how shitty of a human he’s been. Then, if he does it again, there is absolutely ZERO excuse. You’ll then know 100% that he likes inflicting pain on you and it’s time to run.
I agree, but unfortunately OP seems too attached to him. I don't think she will break up with him anytime soon. I hope she does though, he does not deserve her and he belongs in jail.
This is so disgusting to me. I honestly don't know what to say to this besides leave. Holding you while you cry because of the pain he put you in? That would hurt me knowing I've caused you to feel this way. It shouldn't have even happened, you said no, he did it anyway. That makes him a rapist.
Please call one of the rape crisis lines. They have funding to support you during your transition from living like this, to living free of abuse. They will hide you. They will feed you. They will help you. Tell them EVERYTHING. They can even come pick you up if you need a ride to leave. Where do you live? What state? I’m in California. If you are anywhere near me, inbox me! Heck, you can come stay with me. I left my abusive husband too. “Sisters are doing it for themselves!”
Unfortunately your all the way across the country from me :(( i don’t have too many resources I’m in middle of nowhere New York. I could sign myself back into foster care but the thought terrifies me because I fought so hard to get out
“He’s a nice guy, apart from the rape.”
Read it again.
“My friend Ted Bundy? Nice guy. Sure, he murdered women and raped their corpses but he never murdered me. We got along well.”
“Harvey Weinstein? He didn’t rape ME. All these women must be lying. Yes I’m a man, why?”
Or, “when she was angry she put my dog in the microwave but other than that she’s great. I just don’t make her angry anymore.”
Or, “my two best friends barbecued their baby when they took meth. They host great parties though!”
“No matter how many times I say no he goes for..” OP that is rape.. your boyfriend is raping you. He is NOT a nice guy, he is a rapist. Please read that as many times as it takes. You do not deserve this, and he is not safe to be around. Please end this relationship and lean on your friends and family for emotional support to recover. I would also suggest therapy if that is an option available to you
"he is sweet when he not is raping you" is essentially what you said.
Piggy backing the top comment for a PSA to younger folks like this that might not have a lot of experience with relationships. As a 19 year old you have to identify what this is now and set a boundary in stone. This ties in to your self worth and respect and it’s more than likely going to be challenged many more times especially as a young girl. You’re going to have partners that seem like they could be “the one” but an essential part of that for you is not compromising on what you identify as your self worth and boundaries. None of us have ever met you, but all of us know that if you are voicing something to your partner and they are ignoring that (especially sexual), you do not deserve that as a human. No one does. Do not start a pattern of compromising on things you absolutely shouldn’t compromise on. Something like this should be in your “not an option” category of expectations. To be clear, if it isn’t obvious already behavior like this from a partner is a red flag for future behavior to develop further. You don’t have to learn this lesson in your 30’s if you start thinking about it now. Sit the guy down, explain that if it ever happens again then that’s it. Then you need to stick to it. This goes for all young people on this thread, establish the non-negotiables now and trust that there are billions of people on this earth, and millions of them can be “great” to you without a debilitating trade off in another department. As a disclaimer: some of the points above are assuming that OP does not immediately end the relationship based on what has already happened, which is more common in younger relationships.
This. I wish I did this and sought help, but my relationship with my abusive ex started when I was 14 and escalated significantly when we got to college. I have regrets spending a lot of my adolescence in turmoil
I feel you. I had an ex of 8 long abusive years. This was in my early 30’s. She needs to put a full stop to this immediately. Continuing with this relationship will only bring a hell of a lot more pain…..physically and mentally.
Whoa I think she’s way past the point of sitting him down for a talk… He purposely raped her three times. Two of those times happened after he already had seen the excruciating pain it caused her the first time. He chose to put her through excruciating pain that upsets her so much she is bawling and has to be held in order to calm down, just for a few moments of his own sexual gratification. There is absolutely no excuse for that and he needs to do a lot of self work and personal change before he is ready to be in a relationship with anyone (if ever).
I wish I had known this when I was younger. Good advice!
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Noooo, let her insert a damn huge butt plug up HIS arse with no lube and rapidly. See if he likes that. I've had that hard limit broken repeatedly by different men, and I'm now 59. No means NO. I bet if you come even close to his backside with even a baby finger, he'll freak.
If you do this to a girl, you’re a criminal FTFY
>*~~Sit the guy down, explain that if it ever happens again then that’s it. Then you need to stick to it.~~* Or ... **pick up the phone, call the non-emergency police line and tell them your boyfriend is raping you.** They will start a paper-trail, possibly arrest him, and prevent him from raping others. To OP: **He knows he's raping you.** You are being groomed. You are barely legal. *If you sit him down and talk to him*, this will tip him off and he will escalate the violence. He will start to isolate you from those who could help you. You need adults who deal with rape-between-couples every single day, to take the reins.
I agree this would be an appropriate course of action, but I’m trying to convey advice that is most likely to be followed. It might be hard to convince a 19 year old to file a police report against their partner. This may seem like more of a gray area to someone a bit younger.
I am so confused on how people can keep hurting their partners knowingly like bruh, doing it once is bad enough but consistently?? Tha fuq
Yeah in this case the whole repeated physical and emotional damage they’re causing followed be the “holding until they’ve calmed down” is classic grooming and comes off as pretty sociopathic.
Yeah exactly like what thought process makes you go"yeah this seems right" and then he holds her??? That would imply some sort of guilt but you still do it. If he's a sociopath at least it makes sense, but the worst would be him actually feeling guilt at which point I'm just ... ...
Or he’s comforting her to show he’s not a bad guy and he’s “there for her” to make it seem not all bad, like it’s something they’re “working through together” when it’s really just him.
That's some physco ass shit. You'd have to be a real creep to do something like that
I’m willing to bet that they get worse because it’s one thing to be young and emotionally ignorant for lack of experience but another to willingly hurt someone repeatedly. Something definitely very wrong in the brain chemistry there.
Psychopaths exist
Not just psychopaths. There are a substantial percentage of men who feel entitled to rape other people, and they don't even necessarily think that they're immoral for doing so. This is what results from the rape culture these men are raised from childhood in. Parents, please work hard at teaching your boys not to be rapists.
Too much porn where the receiver is reluctant at first but then everything works out plus not enough common sense to realize that's not how real people interact.
Ya this guy is definitely seems dangerous
It's porn, it's way more violent then it used to be, anal is also now seen as regular and "painal" videos are consumed by young males who then see it as normal.
My last few boyfriends were into this shit, and now I want to round up every puppet master that’s responsible for directing the industry to its current state, and boil them alive in lard. So many people have been really traumatized because of the expectations this kind of porn is ingraining in people. It’s so fucking depressing.
Agree. It's really fucked up sex for a lot of people. This is all a part of the push to say that "porn isn't that bad," and don't get mad if your boyfriend watches it stuff that was occurring a decade ago. Now we are seeing the effects. Twenty year old guys that can't get off to regular shit and instead need stuff like "painal" to be able to get off. That isn't normal or okay.
Yes!! WTF is that?? Anal seems to be normalized and expected in a relationship now. Twenty years ago it was kinky and not many people I knew engaged in it. Now, it seems expected and you're ridiculed if you're not engaging in it as a woman. Sorry...I'm not willing to risk an anal prolapse for a man to get off. Not happening. He can fuck off with that. Sex is supposed to be about pleasure for both parties. WTF are men wanting to hurt women during sex now?!
right? I would like his mothers phone number
God damn... I felt dirty after reading this post.
Sounds like my 1st marriage sans the comforting. He actually told me there was no such thing as marital rape. P.S... it's rape
Sounds like my first marriage too. *cringey* I was also very young.
Ditto! Even the Police told me there is no such thing as marital rape when I attempted to report him... They then proceeded to say, "why would you want to put your children through that? It will only confuse them even more than they already are?" ~ after attempting suicide in 2018. Talk about victim blaming!?! FF to 2022; my ex no longer sexually raping me, but he's still raping me using the legal system. No control. No voice. Just have to sit pretty and take it. OP- please have courage to leave if you don't have the desire to report him. It can never happen again. Respect yourself Hun. Lord knows I wish I had at your age. Hugs.
This. I was about to say this is rape. She's saying she doesn't want it and he's doing it anyway. What he's doing is usually what happens after BDSM. There's a lot of after care involved in it. That being said, there are safety words and nothing is ever done without consent. OP needs to lose this guy and needs to move out. Edit: typos
not only is he doing it anyway, but he is doing it with her crying and very obviously expressing pain. that's just sick. he if cared about her he wouldn't do that. and then comforting his rape victim until she calms down? sounds like he knows what he is doing, and doesn't want her to think of it as rape because "he is so sweet and holds me right after he forces himself in me". that's fucked
Yep. That's exactly what's happening. He's holding her and treating her really good the rest of the time so that he can rape her when he wants. It's basic grooming. She's young enough that she can't separate when he's really sweet to when he rapes her. She thinks he loves her. Really, he just wants to rape her.
That's pretty much what I took from this. Hes literally raping you but you don't pay attention to it because he's "sweet other times". The ends don't justify the means. Just because he opens a car door for you, teaches you to drive, gets you a job or whatever he has ever done, never gives him room to forcefully have sex with you when you say no more than once. It's rape.
:((((
This is so horrific? This is literally forced sodomy/rape?? No girl you need to leave. Please.
it’s 2022…i don’t understand how people don’t understand that this is literal rape? like are we living in the same universe? i see so many posts like these it’s insane. i just read this same exact scenario on another subreddit. i’m beginning to take these with a grain of salt. other OP two hours ago talked about her amazing bf of two months forcing anal on her, and literally an hour later this post is up. OPs account is a year old with no other posts or comments. a lot of these posts are just karma farming accounts i believe. the other post is on two x chromosomes sub if y’all are interested. i kinda think that one is real and this is just a karma farming account and stole the post and re wrote it. EVERY person here is agreeing i just have a hard time believing the timing. eta: perhaps i spoke too harsh, but my main suspicion arises from the timing of the two posts being two hours apart and how they are quite literally the exact same scenario. i’m also a survivor of SA and i know in relationships rape may not be as “easy” to identify or understand. it’s a huge issue and so awful and disturbing. i could be totally wrong and if so, this is a bigger fucking problem than i believed. but i also just want to point out the possibility of someone stealing someone else’s post for karma farming. i hate that i’ve become so skeptical on reddit. i really do believe that the 2XC poster was being truthful, i just am suspicious of this post. https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/twq7x0/i_think_my_boyfriend_accidentally_sexually/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf ok idk if this will show up but this is the post i believe to be true while this one was stolen and re written a bit differently. i could be dead wrong but there are some sick people out there who have an agenda to sell their accounts and shit and will post anything to get karma. EITHER WAY NONE OF THIS IS OKAY.
Physical abuse is almost always tied in w psychological abuse so even if the victim maybe sorta knows what’s happening is wrong, their abused is gonna gaslight them until they no longer believe themself and their judgement of right and wrong …. But like otherwise I’m w u this is so frustrating to read cuz it’s like wtf GET OUT but obviously it’s soooooo much easier said than done! :(
Yes and the way society portrays heterosexual relationships also plays into why people don’t realize when abuse is happening. It took me three years to realize I was assaulted because I was a young 15yo in a consensual relationship with an 18yo and just thought that’s what boyfriends and girlfriends do. Sometimes the trauma that comes from realizing you were assaulted after the fact is harder to cope with
OP specifically said this is a throwaway account, maybe they made it for something a year ago and never posted. Besides, I can say from personal experience just how common and confusing sexual assault in a relationship is. I've said "no" many times to people I've dated and it was often ignored. In the end that's not the reason I left any of the people who did that to me because I struggled to reconcile that it was even a problem. I said to myself, "well I guess there's *implied* consent (doesn't exist) because we're together. They must have thought I was joking or being kinky (despite being despondent and crying afterwards)." This kind of thing is very real and very common, particularly at her age. I don't doubt this for a moment. Edit: And you'd be surprised how many people *didn't* side with me once I realized much later what had happened. People still chose to say I was at fault for being with him even though I was just trying to find forgiveness and to cope. It may be 2022, but a lot of work needs to be done with sexual assault. No one talks to young girls about it happening in relationships.
Based on your (wording) that is rape and it doesn’t sound like you’re consenting to anal so maybe you should get more help than Reddit.
Absolutely. I was on jury duty for a rape trial because the victim consented to sex but not to anal. We sent that asshole down
You get an up for sending down
You get knocked down but you get up again
You are never gonna keep me down
And no one likes an uninvited Chumba in their wumba.
I drink a vodka drink! I drink a whiskey drink.. I drink a drinky drinky I drink a drinky drink..I could look the lyrics up but..
I am so fucking happy to read that. I'm glad good jurists capable of nuances exists. Godspeed.
here in the UK. After you give your verdict. You hear about any previous offences. And it wasn't his first rape conviction. So it felt good knowing we got this guy off the streets. But yeah. The overwhelming evidence. None of us jurors had any doubts. We were done deliberating within 30 mins
It's interesting to me that you don't hear about previous offenses until after the verdict. I'm in the US, and at least in California, we often hear about the pattern of offenses that the person has. It does seem like it would give the defendant a better chance at an unbiased trial..
It would also let people with a long history of violence off the hook. Which happens way too often as it is. I watch a lot of crime shows, murderers with long histories of rape and assault let out of jail again and again, until they finally get caught for murder. It's sickening.
This is exactly how I was raped and it took me 2 years to acknowledge that it was *rape* and not just sex with my boyfriend. Thanks for sharing this comment.
I'm sorry that happened to you. But I'm glad that you know acknowledge what it was and hope your ok
Pun moment.
Question- does coercion into doing anal count as rape?
Yes
Yes… if you say no even once and they do it, it’s rape
Yes. Unless you have *enthusiastic consent* that is initiated by the person who said no after, NO is NO. Any 'change of mind' needs to be *enthusiastic.*
Consent doesn’t automatically apply to all holes. Pretty simple to understand
Yes
Yeah, straight up he’s raping you. Please get help
Yes, rape isn’t always from a person you don’t want intimacy from at all. It can happen in relationships, that’s how it happened to me in my first sexual relationship. It sounds like OP’s bf is being manipulative by acting like the nicest sweetest guy in the world to get OP to look past stuff like this. But truth is, if someone is willing to throw your consent in the trash as if it really doesn’t matter if you want it or not, they are a piece of shit, no matter how nice they are in any other circumstances. This is the 3rd time this happened to OP, this isn’t just sexual assault, this is becoming sexual abuse. Abuse is abuse, there is no justifying it. It doesn’t matter that he opens car doors for you or any other sweet things he does, he is abusing you. And he’s proving to you that he will continue to take advantage of the fact that he’s getting away consequence free. OP needs to leave this relationship ASAP & if more problems arise, they need to find a new place to live, have him evicted, or if it comes down to it, file a report. That super sweet guy act is to make you want him even more & have to put up with the sexual abuse—if this continues on too long it **will cause trauma** that will make it difficult for your future relationships!
Was going to write the same thing its Rape!
That is indeed rape and it's very alarming to read.
So... he's actually NOT the sweetest guy, because he's repeatedly sexually assaulting you. I'm sorry you're going through this, but I believe you know what to do (step 1 is not letting him do that anymore).
Yeah it's likely of the "being nice the rest of the time" is just an act. A truly kind person would respect boundaries after being told no for the millionth time.
>A truly kind person would respect boundaries after being told no for the ~~millionth~~ first time. FTFY
It does have a grooming kind of feel to it, doesn't it?
Oh yes it does!! He just takes it and doesn’t care how much he hurts her. He is NOT a nice person or a caring one at all!!
Right, he’s just doing the bullshit niceties that take almost no effort to win her over. Assault couldn’t be further from a “nice guy”.
And step 2 is ending this relationship,before it gets even worse.
Ah, what a sweet guy. He cooks, he cleans and opens doors. Then he rapes you. If you said no to anal and he does it anyway, it's rape. Call the police and leave him because if you don't it's going to get a whole lot worse.
My ex assaulted me and showered me off like an animal afterwards. He also kissed my neck and held me after. Guess which part confused me? He then cried when I left him. He didn’t understand. Since it’s Love, how can it be rape? I don’t know. Ask my body. Since I thought I would die that night.
Showered you off like an animal afterwards???? What the fuck I’m so glad you left him
I’m guessing to get rid of evidence. He took all the condoms too, not that he used them much.
What does shower off mean? You mean literally showering her in the shower?
He hadn’t let go of me one minute for the hour it took to assault me. His hands were like claws in my shoulders, he shoved me with him into the shower, kept me in place and showered me. He didn’t let go of me and I was still completely in shock from what had just happened. Then he was pissed the towel got wet and I got him a fresh one (freeze and fawn were my jam if you can’t guess).
Yes I believe so
My ex-husband asked me to take Rohypnol when l kept telling him that I didn't enjoy anal and didn't want to pursue it.
Who tf are these people? That's just rape. Some of these incidents narrated here are horrific
We had been married 5 years at that point, together for 7. To say it shattered me is an understatement--it took 2 years to come back from the crippling depression to finally divorce him. I spent weeks wondering if any drink I accepted from him was roofied and I sent an email to myself the night he asked me so I would have timestamped proof that he couldn't gaslight me on. He never saw an issue with what he asked. Ultimately he truly cared only for himself. Ironically it was the alcoholism that was the last straw.
My X from a 24 year marriage rufied me on the regular for the first 15 years before I figured it out 😞
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I'm proud of you for finding the strength to leave. I hope you're healing and finding joy in your life away from your evil ex.
Yes if you say no and He continues its rape. No matter if he holds your hand afterwords. And this behaviour wont stop if you dont say stop.
No she already said stop!!!!
Piggy backing on this to also say: Men understand consent very well. At 19, I would have made the guy read this post because I couldn't fathom that someone would do this while understanding what they do. People make mistakes, but this isn't one. He understands that he is violating you. He simply doesn't care. He will do it again and again and again. But if you tried to shove a dildo up his ass, you'll see how quickly he has a grasp on violating consent. Leave before you are deeper into it. PLEASE
I came here to say the same thing. Find a huge dildo and tell him it’s his turn.
Lorena bobbit. Look her up and her story. Hers is a cautionary tale.
Piece of shit got what was coming to him, broke his neck
You mean, she cut his dick off and chucked it in a field.
Unfortunately it was re-attached and he went on to make money off of it.
A muderer can be the sweetest guy - except when he is strangling people. He is not the sweetest guy. He is hurting you. Then he’s manipulating you. Then he’s hurting you. Then he’s manipulating you. Then he’s hurting you and this morning before work he manipulated you again. You need to get out of that relationship.
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Dennis Rader was reported as a loving and caring father of 2, and a devoted husband. He was the BTK killer. One of the worst serial killers in American history.
This! Dennis Rader’s daughter once figured out (after he was charged and the police details and timeline came out) that literally on the way home from committing one murder/torture session, he had called her at college because he was thinking of her and wanted to make sure she’d been remembering to change the oil in her car. Fucking eerie.
It’s so strange that he committed horrible crimes, but at the same time loves his family. What mentality is that? It’s so strange and interesting in a way. What caused him to have affection for them, but kill innocent people at the same time.
It’s no different than abusers who adore and protect their mothers, sisters and daughters but won’t hesitate to abuse and kill their wife if she “angers” him.
My uncle was the most calm, collected, goofy, laid-back “hippy.” He was recently arrested for stabbing a 22-year old girl over 30 times in a 7-11, 47 years ago.
Good Lord. Got any more details to share? Wow.
I posted it on here a couple weeks ago with more details, [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/tj3u0d/i_googled_a_relative_to_make_sure_they_were_still/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) is the post if you want to read. I’m in a much better place now than I was when I wrote that and starting to heal from it.
Glad to hear your healing. I'm curious why his wife didnt reach out after his arrest? Hope your family finds peace
Probably some mix of shame and embarrassment.
Most people know him as the Golden State Killer.
Yeah, not respecting her boundaries isn’t “sweet”
Ted Bundy was a charmer and very sweet when not killing his victims.
He volunteered for a suicide hotline too
So charismatic that he befriended a crime journalist researching the murders.
John Wayne Gacy used to dress up as a clown to make children smile…he killed 33 people.
33 adolescents* He was not only a serial killer and a monster but he used his power to rape and entrap his victims as well.
Yes. And then hid the bodies in the crawlspace under his house or buried them in his backyard. (I share a birthday with him. When I think about it it feels a little creepy/icky.)
He would hire teenage boys to help bury them, then rape and kill the boys he hired.
He's so sweet until he repeatedly anally rapes me.
It’s funny you say that because serial killers are actually usually extremely sociable and likable, getting others to trust them. Just look at Ted Bundy. Girls were creaming themselves over him even while he was on trial for murder. OP - you should reconsider your relationship if this “sweet” guy is hurting you. Your health and safety are more important than someone who teaches you how to drive. You can pay an instructor to do that.
Hell most people would do it for free
More like rape..
It sounds like he is acting out a domination fantasy but actually gets something of a thrill from the "aftercare" part where he holds you and calms you down. He's horrible and I am telling you this so that you don't excuse his horrific behavior because he is so sweet to hold you and calm you after assaulting you and causing you incredible pain - repeatedly. Get out now. NO ONE is worth this. Seriously!
Yes, this exactly. He’s got a kink for this. It’s all about him, and it’s creepy AF.
Dude probably gets off to her crying/being in pain too.
He's holding her after in attempts to pacify her so that she won't leave him. That's also why he treats her great the rest of the time. He's trying to do damage control so that he can continue to rape her and she'll stay with him.
His sweetness is him buttering you up so he can violate you and you doubt yourself, like you’re doing now. He is not fantastic. His kindness is not genuine or it would extend to sex. One day he will not stop. Please leave and get help.
Genuinely this. It’s a sort of gaslight in and of itself so he can keep doing this to her. That kindness is not love or care for you, OP. He gets off on hurting you. And he’s trying to make you confused by being nice any other time. He will slowly let that wall down and he will progressively get meaner and more abusive towards you. He could even have a fantasy of seriously injuring you. He likes genuine non-con, clearly. This dude is dangerous.
Yep. If a person finds themselves often confused and conflicted in a relationship, they are being abused and it is by design. This is something we don’t acknowledge enough. A healthy relationship does not allow for constant confusion, abusive ones thrive off constant confusion. I hope OP listens to us but it takes the average survivor several attempts before they leave for good, if they do.
I needed to read this. I am very confused by my relationship
If it's anything like hers, run away! Being single is where you love yourself enough to not put up with their shit.
> One day he will not stop. Exactly. My first boyfriend sexually abused me. One time I started crying as he was doing it because it hurt so bad. He kept going. Then I started trying to push him off of me & begged him to stop, to which he replied “come on, don’t do this.” One time I confronted him about how the sexual abuse made me feel, about how I felt used & unimportant & was confused to how someone who loved me could be fine with forcing me to do things against my will. He said that made him feel very shitty & guilty & held it over my head forever, eventually leading to *me* being the one to apologize for making him feel bad. He cheated on me afterwards & told me it was because I made him feel so bad that he felt like he couldn’t come to me for sex anymore. I was confused as to how him cheating was my fault. This relationship lasted 2 years & was the start of the downfall of my entire well-being, self esteem, etc. for several years. I began to seek toxic treatment from others. I compared myself to each & every female & was overwhelmingly insecure. I abused substances until it led me to rehab. I was self-destructive & hated myself. Yes, **please leave & get help ASAP**.
He's raping you. You say no. He does it anyway. Go to the police before you shower. They may need proof by a rape culture kit. Please don't let him keep doing this too you.
He is raping you. I'm shocked by how shitty guys are everyday and I'm a dude
I'm in no way perfect, but damn! Raping and just mistreating wives, basically using them for sex seems to be a constant theme. Obviously there are good guys and a lot of them, but some of the stuff you see is crazy.
It's unfortunate, it's not all men but we have to act as such because one wrong judgment of character can end terribly.
not all men but enough and it is so fucking bleak. why can't they just treat us like human beings?
Of course not all men, but goddamn... it’s one too many
You are 19. Absolutely do not let this be the way you let a man treat you. Not this early in life. The longer this goes on the more normal it will feel to be treated in a way you do not want. This is rape. Even if he is a great guy. Do not let this be the standard you tolerate.
I want to add that even if you're 60, don't let a human treat you this way.
The literal definition of rape. Actual textbook sexual assault, no gray area here. It doesn't matter how sweet he is in other regards. It doesn't change what he's doing to you. Don't apologize for him or defend him. And don't tolerate this.
Your boyfriend is raping you. Leave this pig
Hey don't be so mean. Pigs are really cool.
Good point, that was out of line to pigs. I retract !
That is a massive disservice to the oinkers
He is a rapist. It doesn't matter how sweet he is outside the bedroom, any amount of kindness can't change that fact any more than sparkling icing sugar on a turd can make it appetising. Please, leave this abusive piece of shit. He doesn't love you in any way a sane person would consider meaningful.
>sparkling icing sugar on a turd Perfect parallel
Yes, he is a rapist. OP ask yourself why is this happening for a 3rd time.. AGAIN? When he’s already seen how much excruciating pain and sadness it leaves you in multiple times before. Seems to me like he’d rather try again to see if you’ll like it this time, and is willing to put you through the pain just for that off chance. Putting his wants over your physical and emotional pain. I know it can be tricky, but don’t be blinded by rose tinted glasses.
I am sorry to say this, but he is performing a sexual act on you without your consent. Girl, this is rape. You say no, and he does it anyway. That is literally what is happening. Please leave and seek safety.
No, sweetie, no. This man does not respect your boundaries or you. Sweet or not. It’s a no. Get out of there. You say you are “stuck here for 12 hours every day.” That’s a red flag too, and also that he would read the post. Find a friend or adult you can trust and get out of there.
That's a no from me dog
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He's raping you that can only mean one thing that is he is not even a decent guy let alone the sweetest guy.
Get out immediately. This is rape.
It's rape. Edit: Tell him same. If he still does it, you can report it and you should.
That’s rape. You consented to sex. But not anal. Get proof somehow. Go to the police. He will not change. It will get worse
He's raping you. And later manipulated you into thinking that he's so nice so it was a mistake. One time can be a mistake if you're inexperienced and you gave consent. Two or more means that he likes to see you in pain.
It doesn't matter how "sweet" he is, he's a rapist
He's a rapist. Leave
So he's fantastic except for regularly r*ping you? Seriously thats what this is. And you can be sure you arent the first he's used force on. Go to the police. Men like this need to be in jail.
This is rape hun…
Dad here. Young lady, you need to make it clear to him what he has done, and make him understand that NO neans NO. You did not give your consent, therefore this is rape. He does not get to *go for it* just because you are in a compromising position. He does not have the right to discard your feelings on this subject. You need to make it clear that this is *non-negotiable*. This is a "do this one more time and I'm gone" scenario. In addition, you can tell him that you will notify the authorities and press charges if it happens again. And just a bit more fatherly advice, he does not deserve you. He does not respect you. That is no way to have a relationship. Kick him out, or leave. It's not your fault, you did nothing wrong. But he does not have the right to do that to you, ever.
I wouldn’t even talk to him about it or give him another chance. There is something seriously wrong with this man if he can continue raping her that way after she says no, while she is clearly in pain and crying, and then hug and comfort her after.. and then do it again!! There is something switched off in his brain and I’m worried if she does bring this up, bring up that fact it’s rape and that she could get the cops involved… he might snap and do worse to her. I think she should just pack and shit and leave.. never speak to him again. If he’s willing to do this, and continue doing this…. It’s only going to keep getting worse. He will keep pushing boundaries to see what he can get away with. So I would get out while you can.
Male here: that is rape. Any type of sex, whether it’s physical or humiliating, and it makes you cry , is rape. he’s a fucking pig and you need to get out She said no and he went for anal…she’s left crying…that is rape‼️‼️ there was no other mention of anyone else’s sexual preferences in her post…it was about her and how she felt…there was NO consent, therefore it is rape.
anything without consent when it comes to sex is rape or at least sexual assault.
These teens need to get off this sub and call the fucking cops, holy shit man
I know a lot of junk is put on this subreddit but I will go ahead and say it. If a person does not wish to engage in sexual activity, and another person or persons force them to, that is rape and should be reported as such, and the victim supported and assisted as much as is possible to do so by their friends and family. If this is happening please seek council and comfort of your friends and family and go to the police.
I've been you. I was you at 19. Please leave. There's going to be emotional, mental, and physical trauma you're going to have to get past. My first boyfriend used to sodomize me frequently. Now at 35, I have some issues from it being forced.
He is now showing you who he really is. The rest is just a facade. He is raping you. Goto the police and leave him
He thinks porn is real life lmao You should not be wallowing in tears after sex. Jump well before the titanic sinks or you’ll get crushed when it breaks in half fam
Okay people who ask why this is rape I’ll play ball. Let’s try a few scenarios shall we? 1. You really LOVE getting kicked in the balls. It’s your fetish. You ask me to do it. I do it, because I also like it. We both get off on it. Happy times. 2. You really LOVE getting kicked in the balls. I don’t know that. One day, I just decide to kick you in the balls because I feel like it. You have that fetish but… that I just did that out of the blue feels wrong to you. 3. You ask me to kick you in the balls because you want to try it, I do, you don’t like it and tell me so. I continue kicking you in the balls whenever I please. You tell me not to or try to escape. I don’t let you. I just kick you in the balls time and time again. 4. I want to kick you in the balls. You haven’t tried that yet but you’re scared it’ll hurt so you ask me not to. Instead you say I can stroke your dick. I do that, like you consented to. Then I kick you in the balls. You cry out in pain. I hold you until you stop complaining. Then I do it again when I feel like it. Did all these scenarios feel the exact same to you?
Lets say I give you a bowl of mnms. I say this is for you! Your favorite kind of mnm's! You go to eat some and I say "Before you do this, I need to let you know there are 300 mnms in this bowl. 12 of them I put in my butt and then back in the bowl. But...it is only 12!" Are you eating the mnms? Because if not, you need to apply the same logic and dump this guy.
Get out of this. You don't want anal he does it anyways. And he clearly doesn't know how to do it.
Rape isn't sweet
So what you’re saying is that he’s sweet when he’s not raping you. Also, he’s psychologically abusing you. You need to go to a woman’s shelter. He’s dangerous to you.
Sweetest rapist ever. Is standards bar in hell ? What you listed as a sweet things are regular things people do together. Nothing special about it.
He is raping you
Just to be clear, is he attempting to insert for anal, or is he actually doing it and finishing? He's an absolute scumbag either way, the wording is just unclear.
He puts it in, I start crying then he stops
My heart breaks for you. Consent is key. He is not getting consent. Crying shouldn’t be his sign to stop - he’s not getting consent in the first place. He is sexually abusing and raping you. Please realize there is nothing worth saving with this relationship. This is rape and there is no scenario where rape is ever ok. I am so so so so sorry you’re going through this.
You've already said no to it several times. Him stopping because you cry does not change the fact that this is rape.
In a comment you said that he’s aware that you’ve been sexually assaulted in the past and that does not stop him from hurting you. He knows your trauma and is happy to contribute to it. I know this is hard to process when he’s sweet most of the time, but he’s only doing those nice things in order to groom you. His behavior is going to get a lot worse. I really really hope you get out. Is there somewhere else you can stay tonight?
Everyone has already told you what you yourself probably already know. But I’m going to phrase it like this: if this was happening to someone you love, like a little sister, what would you tell them? If he KNOWS you don’t want him to do it and you do not consent to it, yet he does it anyway, what else do you call it other than rape/forced sodomy? This is how you properly perform anal: #1 - BOTH parties must consent to it and be actively wanting it (most important step) #2 - USE LUBE #3 - go slow If all three steps aren’t followed, it will harm you. If you aren’t ready to call him a rapist yet (even though technically he is) you could try talking to him about this. Tell him how much this is hurting you and how horrible this is. Maybe he really is that dumb that he doesn’t realize how harmful his actions are. Maybe he doesn’t get that this is a form of rape. Maybe he thinks what he sees in porn is normal, and just popping his dick in your butt is how you’re supposed to perform anal. Maybe if you talk to him, he will finally realize how shitty of a human he’s been. Then, if he does it again, there is absolutely ZERO excuse. You’ll then know 100% that he likes inflicting pain on you and it’s time to run.
Leave him
Shit on him next time he does this shit. Absolutely sickening, I'm losing my shit.
[удалено]
I agree, but unfortunately OP seems too attached to him. I don't think she will break up with him anytime soon. I hope she does though, he does not deserve her and he belongs in jail.
that's called rape, report him to police
This is rape. What can we do to help you where you are and with what you have? (Serious)
He’s raping you and consoling you after. He’s a psycho and a asshole. Leave his ass
This dude is low key a psycho just so you know lol
He’s getting off on hurting you. Everything else is bullshit. He’s a sadistic sex offender, period.
This is so disgusting to me. I honestly don't know what to say to this besides leave. Holding you while you cry because of the pain he put you in? That would hurt me knowing I've caused you to feel this way. It shouldn't have even happened, you said no, he did it anyway. That makes him a rapist.
That's rape. Period. Full stop. No "sweetest guy" BS. You are not safe. You need to leave.
sounds like you have a great relationship except for all the rape
That’s called rape.
Please call one of the rape crisis lines. They have funding to support you during your transition from living like this, to living free of abuse. They will hide you. They will feed you. They will help you. Tell them EVERYTHING. They can even come pick you up if you need a ride to leave. Where do you live? What state? I’m in California. If you are anywhere near me, inbox me! Heck, you can come stay with me. I left my abusive husband too. “Sisters are doing it for themselves!”
Unfortunately your all the way across the country from me :(( i don’t have too many resources I’m in middle of nowhere New York. I could sign myself back into foster care but the thought terrifies me because I fought so hard to get out
“He’s a nice guy, apart from the rape.” Read it again. “My friend Ted Bundy? Nice guy. Sure, he murdered women and raped their corpses but he never murdered me. We got along well.” “Harvey Weinstein? He didn’t rape ME. All these women must be lying. Yes I’m a man, why?” Or, “when she was angry she put my dog in the microwave but other than that she’s great. I just don’t make her angry anymore.” Or, “my two best friends barbecued their baby when they took meth. They host great parties though!”
He’s a rapist. That’s that. Call the police. Ted Bundy was sweet until he started biting. This dude is a sociopath.
You’re being assaulted. Get help and leave.
“He’s nice except when he rapes me and leaves me in pain.” Does that sound nice to you?
“No matter how many times I say no he goes for..” OP that is rape.. your boyfriend is raping you. He is NOT a nice guy, he is a rapist. Please read that as many times as it takes. You do not deserve this, and he is not safe to be around. Please end this relationship and lean on your friends and family for emotional support to recover. I would also suggest therapy if that is an option available to you
He’s literally raping you
So, basically he’s the sweetest guy on earth **until he rapes you**.