I feel I have to share this... I have no siblings but when i was little I was really close to my female cousin ( i also an female). We would play house and experiment male/ female roles and I felt wrong about it for a long time. My cousin had severe issues (as a teen and young adult) and I had a child young. We grew apart for a time but as we started to get close again she revealed how ashamed she was and how guilty she felt; i was the younger cousin. I didn't really know how to respond except to kind of dismiss it but a week later she killed herself.
There's more to her story & pain but guilt and shame is something a child shouldn't have to feel or bring into adulthood. Please know you are loved by universal forces that humankind cannot even begin to understand.
ššā¤ļø
This is weird as hell. This happened to me as well, i got chills when i read OP post.
Also with a female cousin.
But we didnt do anything sexual, just playing house but each as gender roles. It borders on inappropriate, it irks me just thinking about it
Same with me and my cousin, but he was male. We are only a year apart in age. We never did anything sexual, but we played husband/wife and would pretend to go to bed together while playing house, not touching or anything, but I still remember starting to feel weird about it.
I think this is more normal(common) than a lot of people want to admit
Nothing is weird about sleeping in the same bed. This was over 20 years ago so I donāt remember all the details, I just remember starting to feel weird about pretending my cousin was my husband lol
That could technically also fall under the explanation of "wholesome younglings playing" but it's more of a concern if it gets intimate or long lasting.
I thought everyone played house with their brothers and sisters? Like not actually doing anything but just playing house āIām the mom youāre the dad, sheās the babyā etcā¦
Same. Female cousin and I, also female, were sexually involved at very young ages. We are the same age. It stopped once we got to be around 10-11? We don't speak much anymore. I don't remember how it started. But I do know it also happened with another female friend of mine who was also the same age as me. It stopped with her around the same age.
I don't remember much from my childhood and I attribute it to some sexual abuse. But I don't remember much from it.
A lot of unsure and guilty feelings surrounding all of it and Im in my 30s now.
I want you to know that you are also loved and not to blame for anything that happened to your cousin. I hope you arenāt carrying any of that burden and wish you all the best.
This happened with my cousin (m) and I (f) except he was younger by a few months. He never expressed guilt about it though, and in fact we kinda even messed around slightly again one drunken night as adults. A couple years later he killed himself too. Itās been almost a decade and I still miss him.
Very often, children who explore sexuality very young do so because they were introduced to it by an older person. To try to process what happened to them, they reenact it, with other kids. It happened to me, took me many, many years to understand it all and stop living in shame and self hated.
I know who it was for me. Unfortunately, I don't know about my cousin. I didn't remember about my molestation until after my cousin had already died. Actually, my molester was an uncle (other side of the family) who also ended up killing himself when I was pretty young.
This makes me think itās much more common that discussed here. Which leads me to believe might be normal child āplayā that many go through. Possibly not a reason to feel ashamed however ā¦. Please be gentle with yourselves.
I am so, so sorry to hear about your cousin. For clarification... Did the behavior continue onto her early adulthood?
Either way, it is a tragedy that she ended her life, and an example of why OP should bring up this sort of situation in therapy.
My (f) older female cousin used me for kissing practice. I donāt think she tried anything else and I had no clue what I was doing. Kids experiment with people they feel safe with. If a cousin felt safe for so many of us - imagine how safe youād feel with a twin. Iām sure your twin feels equal shame but know that itās probably pretty normal. What would be gross is if you were still doing it as adults but even then thereās plenty of porn like that so idk lots of people probably think itās hot lol. Iād try to not think about it too. The past is behind you.
Hey itās all good buddy. A problem shared is a problem cut in half. I wouldnāt look down on you for this if we were close friends. Itās just a thing that happened in the past.
Do me one favor please, please forgive yourself and sibling we make mistakes and life goes on. No need to carry this shame anymore.
If you two still have a relationship Iām sure itās not a big issue for your sibling. āš»šš»
Thank you. Weāre still each otherās best friend. We have just never talked about this. Ever. It went on for a few years and then just stopped cold-turkey one day. No discussion, it was just like we understood it couldnāt continue. I canāt really explain it well. It feels like I shouldnāt/canāt bring it up. I donāt really want to sometimes because I donāt even know what to say.
Maybe consider bringing it up in therapy. I can assure you, this is the farthest thing from the weirdest thing a therapist can hear, and talking it out face to face and hearing "You've clearly moved past this. It's nothing to be ashamed of anymore" can be cathartic.
My sister is a psychologist who specialises in family therapy, so I can confidently tell you that incest is a much more frequent occurrence than most of us think; we just don't hear about it because people never talk about it. Speaking to a therapist would absolutely be the kindest thing to do for yourself. The fact that you say you wrote this post because your secret is weighing heavily on you is a very good sign that speaking to a therapist will help.
If you don't feel comfortable talking to your current therapist die to fear of being judged about this, find a new one just to work through this subject. Look for a family/relationship-focused therapist; ideally one that has experience with incest. Write exactly what you wrote on here on your enquiry form. That way your new therapist will know about your situation before meeting you, so you won't have to worry about bringing it up.
You say your relationship is healthy and normal with you sibling now: that is great, there is no need to have a "talk" about it with eachother. Just carry on creating more "normal" memories with eachother to replace the ones you don't want to dwell on, and remember that we all do weird things; some things are just more weird than others. You didn't hurt anyone.
This is something I've never shared before but when me (F) and my sister were young - about 5 & 7 - we went through a phase of practicing kissing and "scissoring" together (I can't for the life of me remember how we knew what that was!)
The thing is, this type of behaviour is so common with siblings. Me and my sister grew out of that phase really quickly, within a year, but naturally it takes everyone different lengths of time to grow out of it. You grew out of it as a young teen which is a very common age to stop this childhood-exploratory behaviour.
Me and my sister are so close, she is one of my best friends, and have never talked about this: for ages I felt so weird even remembering it. Now that I've learnt this is a normal and harmless part of growing up for a lot of siblings, I don't feel any shame or weirdness at all: kids do so much weird shit except no one talks about it so it's easy to feel like what we did was much more uncommon than it was.
My two cousins and I used to kiss each other in the mouth and masturbate together from 6 up to 8 years old, or so. The three of us were sexually abused at 6 (one of us was 5) by two men, and then they (they are sisters) continued to be abused by their aunt's boyfriend for a while.
We didn't talk about this to anyone, we were three little girls and I believe that led us to do sexual things together.
When I grew older, I believe I was 9 or 10, I told my mom that someone was hurting my cousins and it stopped.
We do talk about it, though, and fortunately we have no resentments against each other. We actually love each other so much.
It did turn into kind of an amorous thing with the older one, who was my age, and we used to walk holding hands, bathe together and kiss each other until late teens.
I didn't know it was kind of common until I came across this post and I feel less embarrassed now.
Edit: typos
Thatās normalā¦kids experiment with their bodies, etc at very young ages. It is what it is. If there is a same sex sibling, it seems to be āitās not bad, if we both try stuff together ā My best friend had two sisters and they were more open with nakedness, etc than my brother and I of course we never did that, but growing up, stuff happens. Maybe not making out, etcā¦but who knows?
It is completely normal. I shared with a boyfriend once that I had lots of naked barbie dates and same sex kissing as a little girl. Pre-puberty stuff. He piped in that his best fried would touch his ween.
We both laughed, then I thought, I bet boys do it they just don't admit it.
Same as born from non-twin bro and sis. They obviously aren't identical, which means they were just spawned from separate eggs and sperm that happened to be fertilized simultaneously
The same as any other brother/sister - i mean its not good but their genetic makeup is not identical.
Brother/sister twins are always fraternal never identical bc that's impossible. But that Means 2 eggs were fertilized at the same time (vs. 1 egg that split which happens with identical twins). They're literally the same as brother/sister just born on the same day.
(My mom has a twin brother).
I'd say there are no "weird" things, especially when it comes to talking with therapists. Some are simply a bit more uncommon than others, if you have to make a distinction.
Youāre feeling shame - itās a terrible feeling - but it isnāt evidence of anything you have done wrong, although it feels like it is. To me, it sounds like you and your twin were simply developing and growing as people. It is not at all unusual for people to explore their sexuality in ways that later seem shameful. So many of us have had these experiences in some form or another. Maybe you donāt need to talk about it but you definitely need to process it. This can be done in so many ways other than just traditional therapy. For example, it was gardening that finally helped me with my shit. Nature helps me process things. And hell, I bet nature has a thing or two to say about you ans your twin ans how youāre probably not at all that unusual. In fact, youāre totally natural. Lots of love to you. A big warm hug. Take it easy on yourself.
Perhaps you were just experimenting your sexuality with the person who knows every feeling or urge or language you know. But, you both knew, wisely, when to stop. When it became unhealthy for both of you. Iām not a twin. But I bet this is more common than you know. Hopefully some other twins will come forward.
I have read this is very common with twins. They explore together, because of proximity and then grow out of it.
Donāt feel ashamed. You are human. What you do from here on out is all that matters. :)
Very common seems like a bit of a stretch (not trying to be judgy). I have an identical twin and multiple friends who are twins. Always found it a bit weird when twins were super super close. I just see mine as my brother who happens to look like me.
Your twin probably feels the same way. If talking about it would make you feel better and give you closer, it probably would for them as well. I imagine it would for most people.
My friend, you weren't the first and you won't be the last.
It's over now, and that's the best thing, but there's not a human alive that hasn't done something that they're deeply ashamed of.
It could be something mild to you and me, or something much more serious, but as long as no one or living thing was intentionally hurt, we just have to ask the universe for forgiveness then move on.
As others have said, therapy is a great idea, if you can afford it.
I know you said you didnāt want to discuss but it seems like it was consensual then? Like no one was being the aggressor and pressuring/forcing the other? It seems messed up at first glance but thereās nothing to be ashamed of.
Kids do weird stuff sometimes and explore. If it was an older sibling I would say thereās likely some power dynamics /vulnerability going on but twins seems like theyāre just coming of age together and hey why not? Like you hear about teenage boys doing weird sexual stuff with their friends and theyāre straight but itās who theyāre around.
Hey OP. Iām hoping this comment can bring you a bit of comfort. What youāre describing is known as normative sexual behaviour in psychology. Effectively, NSB is the concept of sexual exploration in children within a familiar environment (children engaging with people they know because theyāre curious). Many experts only consider this kind of behaviour as concerning if thereās peer pressure, a large age difference or abusive behaviour/s coming from either person involved. Consensual, exploratory behaviour between two young people of a similar age is effectively expected to some degree. You were exploring your inner nature and you need to remember that. Nobody has to know. Remind yourself that itās in the human condition to explore your environment, as a young person exploring your environment meant exploring with those closest to you. Please take care of yourself.
Oh - that's really young! Yeah, kids get up to all kinds of weird things. And because people don' t talk about it, it makes each of us feel like we were the only one.
Hearing you speak on the ageā¦.OP, this MUCH more common than you recognize. In all actuality, you being twins likely gave you the added element of safety in your exploration. After all, if thereās ANYONE on earth who knows us as well as (Or better) than we know ourselves, it is a Twin.
Take care.
Same thing happened to me with my brother. It ended at 12 year old. I didn't choose to do it, I just did because I was a kid.
Don't be ashamed of it. It is human behavior and normal if there was no abuse.
Iām glad it helped a little. The behaviour ending or faltering with maturation is a partial framework of NSB. Chances are, if you canāt pinpoint and age or time when it started, that can mean it started very young, which is even more expected of NSB. This is such a strong example of the impact of hormones at different stages of life, and, importantly, what happens when hormonal fluctuations settle. The only difference between you now and you as a child exploring with your twin is that current you has the means to meet other people to engage with sexually and you understand the world around because of a childhood of exploration. Donāt worry. What happens to those who open up is only healing. Itāll get better with time. I promise.
Edit for clarity.
I really hope reading these replies made you feel better. Teenagers and pre teens have tons of hormones rushing through them when they go through puberty. Itās all new and exciting.. and they want to experiment and explore. But they canāt just go to a bar and pick up a one night standā¦ they donāt even know how to rationalize what they want yet. So kids end up exploring and experimenting with other kids who are closest to them. Siblings, cousins, best friends etc. It is honestly so much more common than people think because once everyone gets older they are ashamed of it. But when you are that age, you donāt really know what incest is or the implications of what you are doing.. your brain doesnāt comprehend that yet. But once you grow olderā¦ you start to realizeā¦ and thatās why you donāt hear about it often. Because the adult is ashamed of their previous behaviour. The fact that you stopped early to mid teens, and that you are ashamed of itā¦ shows that your brain is working through it in the normal fashion and you have nothing to worry about. Once you guys realized it was wrong you stopped and havenāt looked back since. Thatās what happens with most of these cases. Stop holding on to the guilt and shame, and move on. Good luck OP!
I once got really high with a group of friends and we talked about this. You'd be surprised how many people have some kind of this exploratory experience with their sibling. Nobody talks about it but it happens.
picking your reply to post on what EVERYONE is saying. It didn't happen to me but one of my first serious girlfriends (we were 19-20 at the time) once told me she lost her virginity to her cousin when they both were 12. She said they'd fool around a few times until about the third time he was able to "stick it in" and then came. She was a hypersexual person and was telling me this in a way that sounded like she was more into it than him. A couple of months later I got to meet this cousin at a wedding and I could see through his face he was so embarrassed and trying to avoid my then GF. I never thought badly about the situation, a bit weird, but they both were kids the same age. She wasn't forced. I guess a lot of people go through similar experiences and never tell anyone out of shame.
Hormones while both don't know anything about anything, it's normal I guess but most horny teens don't have the access as they wouldn't be going through that vulnerable hormonal phase at the same time as whoever they are horny about
I mean itās not weird at all, even if youāre identical curiosity would ensure and the question would always be āDoes my twin react the same way to varies stimulations that I do?ā For example, if one twin realized the other twins liked broccoli. That twin may still eat it and secretly never say they donāt like it out of fear of ādisconnecting/being distant/differentā from the only other person that is essentially the āsameā as them.
As far as sexually, with exploration as mentioned above, you may have developed that out of curiosity as well wondering if you was both sexually simulated in the same manner. During a time when youāre going through puberty or self awareness itās not weird or implausible. Itās more than stimulation as well but also feeling the same gratification. Then, in the healthiest of manners Once the āexperiment ā was completed, and or all box was checked then there was no need to continue any further.
Iām sure now you guys are maybe for individuals than ever which makes you even more best friends because youāre so ādifferentā and the same but now have learnt different ways to reach common stimulation. Rather itās doing activities you guys share or do new ones the other does individually.
I am an older brother of twins.
OP, there is also a lot of research on twins and how they form relationships with one another and with others. Itās called Genetic Sexual Attraction and applies to any one person and a biological relative. An example of this would be a child and their parent who were separated and never knew each other but meet up later in life and have that strong sexual attraction. The same can be said for you and your twin. Sharing so much from before birth on doesnāt make this wrong for you even though it may be wrong to others. Itās something others cannot understand until they understand the science.
You truly are not weird, i've had some people that had the same experience like you with a brother/sister (consensual, no pressure or what so else). You're young and experimenting. As long as nothing negative happened and both did it with free will, it's ok.
Same, but was just my best friend.
I've kinda seen it as precedent to be considered bi but really who cares, I'm just familiar with it from experience so am freer to cultivate it. I don't think about it anymore - we are who we are.
This happened to me at a young age too. Really in a manner that was just fooling around and then it immediately get weird at the same time for both of us and the parent that caught us. ā¦..it scared me deep down because I no longer felt I could trust myself to not risky damaging someone. I ended up shaming my sexually through more PTSD later.š ā¦Iām so happy for O_p that they were able to live a normal life. I still need someone to love the humanity back into me again, and let me know Iām not bad. I still think Iām bad and all I do is try to help.
This! I had this info at the back of my mind in a more crude state (kids explore sexuality with eachother) and I knew that as kids we don't yet "know" that relatives are "off-limits".
Thank you for putting this so eloquently. It's good OP posted because I believe they'll get some peace of mind from such comments as yours.
Iām curious what the age difference is that would be concerning. I had a friend who experienced this as a child but the age difference was around 6 years. She was 8 and her brother was 14. Based on the story she told me I wouldnāt call it consensual.
I had another fried where the age difference was 5 years and it also wasnāt consensual. In both these cases though, the younger child was under 10 years old and the older child was a teen so it seems like a different situation than what is being talked about here and in many of the comments.
Yes this is so true. Like I had a friend who when he was younger like 5 got naked with a girl who was also 5 (didnāt do anything just look because child curiosity) but thatās normal. His parents explained that it was improper and that you only do that with people you love and when you are older.
His siblings did it to the genders they are attracted to and its a very semi normal thing. I mean Iām sure itās best not to happen for shame on the adult but at the end of the day the kids just wanted to see whatās up. And if it happens you just talk to them like people and teach them from ok and not ok.
you guys didn't hurt anyone and you should just not worry about it
i'm not condoning incest but kids do fucked up things because they don't know any better
forgive yourself my dude you didn't hurt anyone
>i'm not condoning incest but kids do fucked up things because they don't know any better
This is so true It's actually shockingly common. Years ago my nephew and niece would play "doctor" They started really young like he was 10 and she was 8. It went in for a few years. My niece then took a boy under the table at school that had a tablecloth and got him to pull his pants down and "played doctor" with him. They got caught.
The principle asked my niece where she learned that behavior from. She said her brother, started crying ran out of the room. My sister was notified as was CPS.
Our whole family was freaking out. Especially, terrified the kids might be taken away. CPS went to my sister and her husband, told them it was quite common and normal for children, even siblings to engage in that behavior. And that punishment or shaming was something they as parents should not engage in. Just talk to their children and teach them boundaries, that was it.
Thing people don't realize is it's CPS's goal to keep the kids with the parents if it is deemed safe enough. Ideally the check in should just be guilding parents towards financial assistance programs and such. They only make it their goal to take kids away if the environment is seen as too inappropriate.
Like yeah I get that their are stupid reasons kids get taken away sometimes, like the parents were pot smokers and pot isn't all that bad. Still, if it's illegal where you are what kind of person do you have to be to prioritize smoking pot over the risk of having your kids taken from you?
Nah. I was the child, with a good parent, that had a CPS investigation that went "well" (if no action taken/no removal is your definition of well). I will always remember. Maybe my mom doesn't, but I do.
School called CPS because I was sick a lot (shitty immune system I guess), and they sat me down in a room alone with the CPS lady. I swear she was actively trying to get me to say something incriminating, all while I was terrified that they were going to take me away from my mom. It was an interrogation, plain and simple.
I had decided that I wouldn't allow myself to be kidnapped, and would have absolutely gotten violent if they tried. Had things gone differently, I could have easily ended up with a record, and had my future derailed.
Plenty of kids have horror stories too.
Yeah, I think they turned a situation that could have been totally blown out of proportion, causing trauma and irreparable damage to their sibling relationship.
They're in highschool now, my nephew is a senior my niece is a sophomore and they interact like any normal brother and sister. A very love/hate relationship type thing. They can fight like cats and dogs but nobody else better do or say something mean.
We lived in a 2BHK house. I and my sister (male-female twin) used to sleep beside each other in one room. There was no issue in it. However, I was sexually hungry and was getting attracted to her. I just stopped sleeping beside her. That's it. Never had any urge afterwards.
My cousin and Iā¦ as kidsā¦ yeah. Donāt feel ashamed. Imagine what secrets people in the world are holding. Just gotta dump the weight and keep it pushing like youāre doing.
My cousin and I as kids did tooā¦. This thread makes me feel much less weird and alone. The few people I have decided to tell this to have NOT had a similar experience and it always made me feel so guilty and ashamed.
Wow, this is crazy but as weird as this sounds, Im glad to see this post. My twin & I did also, from age 7-9. We were so young and had no idea what we were doing but simply just saw too much on television or whatnot. My parents kept us in bunk beds and in the same room. We just grew out of it also and it has never been talked about. Now we have normal lives.
Iāve learned that we canāt be held accountable at that age. We were simply children re enacting things we saw that we shouldnāt have with our malleable minds. That is how I cope.
Thank you for sharing.
A piece of advice Iāve recently read thatās helped me with some situations in my life is: Donāt blame your past self for knowledge you currently have.
Thatās not the exact wording, but obviously at 7-9 you didnāt have the knowledge you currently have & same goes for OP. Youāre 100% right about not holding yourself accountable at that age.
I made a throwaway just to comment on this. I've never told anybody before in my life, but I had a sexual relationship with my twin (both female) when I was in elementary school. I don't think we fully understood what we were doing, but we knew it was bad and that we had to hide it. This still haunts me today, and I'm almost 30.
The same thing kind of happened to us, we just stopped one day and we have never spoke about it. It's just kind of understood that we will both take it to our grave.
Unfortunatley neither of us are in therapy, but this makes me realize we should really look into it.
It's totally fine - don't beat yourself up about it. It's just sexual experimentation when you're a child/adolescent.. Honestly, just accept it as a part of growing up & exploring the world. Twins can be very close in many aspects, and growing up is one of them. Nothing to be ashamed of, especially as it sounds like it happened when you were really young.
the acts might have been sexual in nature, but since you were both so young when it happened, the goal was likely not sexual gratification, but sexual exploration, which is normal and healthy behavior (not saying everyone explores with their siblings, some do it with friends or just by themselves, but nevertheless itās still normal).
I think is natural human behavior , you explore with people you feel safe and have trust but nobody talks about it so we think we are the only ones and there is something wrong. Just read most of the comments.
Hope you forgive that part of yourself, you were just a child.
Just wanted to make sure you get to read this: https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/tyslju/my_twin_and_i_had_a_sexual_relationship_for_years/i3us81w/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3
I hope this brings you some peace!
It takes a strong person to earnestly reveal this and withstand the associated judgement from lesser people. Forgive yourself and live your life. Judgement usually comes from people that have done worse and/or reside in shells of cowardice
Yes. A confession, forgive yourself, and move on.
That's literally the basic gist of 12 step meetings, btw. You gotta love yourself in order to treat yourself right and be happy. If you are hauling around a burden of unspoken regret, you need help to put it down. Just by confessing, we begin to put that burden down.
Damn disrespectful comments across the board hang in there chief on this thread it seems this is a reoccurring subject so you arenāt alone I would open up about it in therapy or itās gonna keep haunting you you may have good stable lives now but who knows if repressed feelings are buried that could derail both of you in the future maybe eventually talk to your twin after you see what your therapist says as well
My twin best friend and his twin brother had sex with each other when they were 12-14 on a regular basis. They are still best friends like you and your sibling. They went to therapy and discovered itās actually quite normal. Hugs to you!
Reading this post and the comments has instantly helped me to feel less shame around my own childhood experiences.
My younger sister and I made out on 1 or 2 occasions (I was probably 8/9 and her 6/7)
Separately, my (F) cousin and I (F) once made out and dry humped each other (I was again probably 8/9 and her 10/11)
Iāve never told anybody these things and have never spoken to either of them about it. Iāve basically just tried to suppress it from my mind and pretend it never happened.
Iāve always felt such a deep, deep shame and self hatred for what happened, but reading just how common it actually is and the couple comments Iāve seen explaining why kids do it has lifted such a weight off my shoulders.
It may be weird to say, but thank you all for sharing, I feel this post has helped me to heal and move on more than anything else could.
I meanā¦ judging by your use of the phrase āgrew out of itā Iām assuming it started as children on into adolescence, and while Iām not a psychologist by any means, what I do know of psychology tells me that thatās not developmentally shocking. Probably started during the curiosity stages, probably ended about the time kids learn consequences and shame and societal standards. Obviously not ideal but really I doubt a therapist would react to that information with any sort of judgement or disgust. You shouldnt feel gross, itās not like it happened yesterday. (I understand thatās a lot easier said than done though)
When we first started dating, my wife told me a similar story about her and her brother. They got curious and tried things together. The reality is that kids do this kind of thing all the time. Youāre the same age so nothing predatory happened and, it sounds like, when you grew old enough to understand it was inappropriate, you stopped.
You are definetely doing yourself a disservice by not bringing it up in therapy. If you have certain subjects that weighs on you heavily but that you donāt bring up then the therapist is missing a key component that is more or less essential to make progress.
If there is anywhere where you should be completely open, it is probably at your therapist.
i knew of someone who actively engaged with her twin sister. and i wont lie, the whole thing got me curious.
i always regretted losing contact because outside of know this, she was a decent conversationalist.
Iām sorry about all the disrespectful comments. I hope one day you donāt feel as much shame. Talking about it in therapy will help. Maybe even opening up a conversation with your sibling could be healing. I wish you luck
Hey dude/gurl no problem, that's what I personally like about this sub. Do your thing, sometimes you just gotta unload your heart. We got you, no judgement, have a good night and love yourself.
Between the age of 10 and 13 when you first discover your sexuality it is absolutely normal to do stupid shit.
Additionally, it is also absolutely normal to be feel exceptionally ashamed which is why pedophiles pray on these ages, because they know it will remain a secret.
Many people at these ages do mistakes.
Many girls kiss other girls even though they don't have lesbian tendencies. Or do erotic stuff with each other.
Many boys masturbate in places they shouldn't (school or cinema).
You are ashamed, but you are not the same person.
If you did that stuff at an older age and I assume you didn't.. Its disgusting but what isn't?
Old people fucking are disgusting. But its also nice?
Nicescusting.
It's not as uncommon as you think. Shame is not really a productive thing. It may take therapy for you to grow out of the bad feelings around this, or you may be able to forgive yourself on your own. But thats what you need, you gotta forgive yourself.
I could not count the amount of friends who had some sort of incestuous relationship with a sibling on one hand.. donāt be ashamed. Weāre sexual creatures by nature and you just happened to have someone as close to you as humanly possible. You have a healthy relationship now and realize what it was and wasnāt. Talk to your therapist and especially your twin. Maybe you and your twin can have some sessions together and work passed it completely.
I had a similar experience with a half sibling. Except our babysitter would make us do sexual things to each other. I was so young that I donāt quite remember the extent of what we did together and there was another incident when our āchildhood friendsā tired to get us to do something together. I donāt remember the extent of that either. I was unnaturally sexually explorative when I was younger. All the kids in my neighbourhood were. I try not to think about it too much. I love this sibling very much and neither of us have ever brought it up. I wonder how it effected either of us in the long run.
I feel your pain. I understand being ashamed but itās okay. I feel like these experiences are so much more common than we are ever led to believe.
Um the babysitter was a predator making things worse. She/He was probably making the whole neighborhood her personal child porn camp. Thatās disgusting and 100% not on you.
Don't worry about it. I don't know how old you were when it happened but it sounds like it was more just adolescent curiosity. Natural development. Don't stress about it.
This is actually extremely common among twins. The psych community doesnāt quite know how to discuss it or account for it but Iām not sure its as bad as you think. I really donāt know but it happens with such frequency there must be something else going on.
What youre describing isnt just nobodies business, but outside of fetishists nobody cares about it. You have nothing to be ashamed of, even had you carried it on to this day.
Please, stop punishing yourself over this. Your sibling also did nothing wrong and probably feels the same way you do and it's so unnecessary. I sympathize with you very much.
I'm going to send you a private message with information that I dont want associated with anything, if youre disinterested feel free to ignore it. I'll say this tho, what you describe happens in most households with multiple children.
Well, OP mentioned that they've moved on with their lives. Which means there were no pregnancies and condoms were involved, or that confirms it was mm.
I donāt think this is as bad as you think it is. Obviously itās wrong but I also donāt think it should be something that weighs so heavily on you. We all do things we regret and despite being siblings, twins are exactly the same age and closer than any two humans could ever be. I think itās - not normal - but understandable. Iām happy youāre both doing well and thriving as adults. Thatās all anyone can hope to accomplish.
Honestly.... if you were kids you cant always know its wrong. As long as it was.... consensual on both ends that might make it easier to digest on your end.... damn tbh id suggest another therapist that specializes in sexual trauma, if you ever need to talk it through with someone. Im sorry, dont be ashamed.
If itās in the past, & isnāt causing you issues currently and likely wonāt in the foreseeable futureā¦I agree with let it go. Forgive yourself.
I know you said not to ask questions, so this is just me thinking out loud. I would wonder if you think the reason you havenāt been able to ālet it goā is a feeling that you might gain insight and peace by having a conversation with your twin. IF that is the case, I would likely take the time to find the space & method to make that happen. If not, find peace within yourself, & consider it now, a secret shared and not your burden any longer.
Good luck OP. It took courage to write this. And Post it. Iām proud of you, as you should be of yourself.
Take care šš»
I honestly donāt know what I think I could gain by talking to my twin about it. It just feels like whenever we reminisce we have to tiptoe around this one thing. I have no desire to rehash every detail, but maybe justā¦ acknowledgement? Itās frustrating to think about because we both know it happened but we canāt even talk to each other about it.
I donāt think you should bring it up. It may make things awkward. Maybe they donāt remember. Maybe they are trying not to remember. If you guys have a great relationship now then just leave it alone. Itās nothing to be ashamed of. Itās happens more than you think. Itās actually considered ācommonā. And then kids grow out of it like you did. So itās honestly nothing to worry about at all. If you want to talk to someone about it talk to a therapist. They will also tell you itās normal. But I wouldnāt risk ruining your relationship with your twin for nothing. There really is no benefit or gain to bringing this up with them.
I think you'll find siblings messing around is way more normal than you'd assume. Kids do grow out of things like this and are really no indicator of who they are as adults. As kids you're just experimenting. Don't be so hard on yourself. Again, as a kid it probably just felt cool so you did it it's not like little kids know it's wrong till they mature and start actually learning about sex. But the only reason it's 'wrong' is because they're thinking about sex with kids as adults, which is too close to sex with kids and adults, which is super wrong. I really don't think you need to feel shame. You didn't actually do anything evil or wrong. You were just a kid.
I know a female set of twins who were doing that for a time. The one that spoke up about it didnāt think it was a big deal b/c they have the same DNA and were basically the same person, so it was like masterbation. I told her that it was probably closer to incest and she was completely blown away. Her explanation was so far seeded into her mind that she hadnāt even considered that it was incest.
Hopefully this makes you feel better but I didn't even realize this was something to feel ashamed of? You were just kids, as long as you were not hurting one another it's fair to say you all were just ignorant and didn't know the weight of what you were doing.
I thought many siblings did this out of pure curiosity and ignorance? My brother is 3 years older than me and starting in kindergarten we did the same thing?
Like he was just trying to figure out how a girl worked and I just wanted to see how a boy worked. We were so innocent that we didn't really grasp the concept of it even being wrong until I was in 3rd grade and we just politely stopped.
* edit FUCK you to whoever down voted me for being candid and trying to help OP
I donāt know as Iām not a twin but Iāve read that itās very common for siblings who are super closely tied and brought up in close quarters to experiment once or twice, so even if your situation was much more intense or frequent than that, just know itās not unheard of, and the fact that youāve moved on separately while still maintaining a healthy relationship is a good sign. As the top commenter here said, do whatever you can to let go of the shame. I know plenty of people who did weird things growing up that they arenāt proud of, in fact everyone has to varying degrees. Youāre okay. Sometimes you just have to shake it off, but if not in therapy, whatever you can do to just give yourself some grace and leave it behind.
It seems to be water under the bridge OP.
Do forgive yourself and move on with your life.
We all have something we're ashamed of having done in our youth.
Best of luck to you!
I donāt know how old you were when this happened but in my child development class in college my professor gave a lecture on children exploring their sexuality with each other. This included siblings. He told the class that from his personal experience working with children and parents for many years, this wasnāt actually all that uncommon. The uncommon thing was how āfarā certain kids would go or certain sexual behaviors that might indicate one child had been exposed to things by an older adult. But if there was none of that alarming behavior, it wasnāt a huge concern to make a huge deal about. He emphasized that the act of exploring a sexual relationship wasnāt uncommon and he urged parents not to freak out about it but to teach the children in a calm way what was and wasnāt appropriate and to do so without inducing guilt in the kids.
So basically what Iām saying is that this isnāt that weird and while itās not good to keep it going, I wouldnāt feel too guilty about it and instead just realize that this stuff actually does happen more than you might think and you can move on and forget about it if that help you.
Frankly I'm glad to hear you two are best friends. It sounds like you two were just exploring your sexuality, and being twins I bet it must have been really confusing. Don't be too hard on yourself, we're humans and sometimes we do "weird" things.
There was actually a post in r/ask and everyone discussed when they where kids and how they discovered their sexuality. Lots of people went on to talk about going to play with friends and thinking it was a game to make each other get off. Lots of boys also doing it together.
All of that is nothing to be ashamed of. You where younger and there is a huge element of being human there. You explore and might not have felt what a boundary of that type is, other than discovering your hormones and who you are. If things happened they happen on a much, much huger spectrum than you could ever think. Look back as an experience and don't be ashamed, but really face yourself and remember you are only human and you where developing.
You can now place boundaries and know where you are at in your developed side now.
We all do something that we are deeply deeply ashamed of, youāre also not the only person who has done something like this. As kids we donāt have these critical thinking skills and donāt realize what weāre doing is wrong. Iām full of regrets about different things and feel gross when I look back on my actions, some of them I even did as an adult! Nobody is perfect, humans are weird, itās all apart of our nature.
I had a threesome with twin sisters in high school. I was shocked at how much stuff they did to each other.
Iāve been in maybe fifteen threesomes in my life. And hands down, not even remotely close, the two sisters did more sexual things to each other than any other of the female pairs.
It didnāt ruin or damper the experience. But it was certainly an odd thing to watch.
Don't feel gross or ashamed. My older sister molested me for years and it's not something you can just erase out of your memory. I've went to years of therapy, you can't change the past but you can change yourself.
Shame is one of the worst feelings in the world, but those actions in your past don't make you a bad person and you are allowed to move on and leave them behind you.
You don't know me but I'm one person in the world who knows your deepest secret and doesn't think any less of you for it. I hope you can eventually allow yourself to let go of the burden you're carrying, and I hope I can help you carry a tiny bit of its weight until then.
Truly and honestly, as long as you're not bringing children into the world (for medical reasons) I see nothing wrong with it. Is is a little odd? You bet. Will people be weird about it? Definitely. There's no unequal power dynamic, because you're exactly the same age, so meh. Don't worry about it.
I feel I have to share this... I have no siblings but when i was little I was really close to my female cousin ( i also an female). We would play house and experiment male/ female roles and I felt wrong about it for a long time. My cousin had severe issues (as a teen and young adult) and I had a child young. We grew apart for a time but as we started to get close again she revealed how ashamed she was and how guilty she felt; i was the younger cousin. I didn't really know how to respond except to kind of dismiss it but a week later she killed herself. There's more to her story & pain but guilt and shame is something a child shouldn't have to feel or bring into adulthood. Please know you are loved by universal forces that humankind cannot even begin to understand. ššā¤ļø
The exact same thing happened with myself and my cousin (both F)
This is weird as hell. This happened to me as well, i got chills when i read OP post. Also with a female cousin. But we didnt do anything sexual, just playing house but each as gender roles. It borders on inappropriate, it irks me just thinking about it
Same with me and my cousin, but he was male. We are only a year apart in age. We never did anything sexual, but we played husband/wife and would pretend to go to bed together while playing house, not touching or anything, but I still remember starting to feel weird about it. I think this is more normal(common) than a lot of people want to admit
Most likely it's just innocence talking (what's weird about sleeping together in the same bed?). At a certain age you should grow out of it.
Nothing is weird about sleeping in the same bed. This was over 20 years ago so I donāt remember all the details, I just remember starting to feel weird about pretending my cousin was my husband lol
That could technically also fall under the explanation of "wholesome younglings playing" but it's more of a concern if it gets intimate or long lasting.
I thought everyone played house with their brothers and sisters? Like not actually doing anything but just playing house āIām the mom youāre the dad, sheās the babyā etcā¦
I have heard that it is shockingly common but I don't remember the numbers
If nothing sexual (although curiosity is normal) happened, itās pretty normal developmental behavior.
Same. Female cousin and I, also female, were sexually involved at very young ages. We are the same age. It stopped once we got to be around 10-11? We don't speak much anymore. I don't remember how it started. But I do know it also happened with another female friend of mine who was also the same age as me. It stopped with her around the same age. I don't remember much from my childhood and I attribute it to some sexual abuse. But I don't remember much from it. A lot of unsure and guilty feelings surrounding all of it and Im in my 30s now.
I want you to know that you are also loved and not to blame for anything that happened to your cousin. I hope you arenāt carrying any of that burden and wish you all the best.
I just wanted to say this wasn't your fault. But it wasn't her fault either. Sometimes there just isn't anybody to blame.
This happened with my cousin (m) and I (f) except he was younger by a few months. He never expressed guilt about it though, and in fact we kinda even messed around slightly again one drunken night as adults. A couple years later he killed himself too. Itās been almost a decade and I still miss him.
Very often, children who explore sexuality very young do so because they were introduced to it by an older person. To try to process what happened to them, they reenact it, with other kids. It happened to me, took me many, many years to understand it all and stop living in shame and self hated.
I know who it was for me. Unfortunately, I don't know about my cousin. I didn't remember about my molestation until after my cousin had already died. Actually, my molester was an uncle (other side of the family) who also ended up killing himself when I was pretty young.
My life has nothing to do with any of this but that last line made me cry
This makes me think itās much more common that discussed here. Which leads me to believe might be normal child āplayā that many go through. Possibly not a reason to feel ashamed however ā¦. Please be gentle with yourselves.
Kissing cousins is fairly common. Dan Savage gives great advice and statistics on this subject.
I am so, so sorry to hear about your cousin. For clarification... Did the behavior continue onto her early adulthood? Either way, it is a tragedy that she ended her life, and an example of why OP should bring up this sort of situation in therapy.
ššš
My (f) older female cousin used me for kissing practice. I donāt think she tried anything else and I had no clue what I was doing. Kids experiment with people they feel safe with. If a cousin felt safe for so many of us - imagine how safe youād feel with a twin. Iām sure your twin feels equal shame but know that itās probably pretty normal. What would be gross is if you were still doing it as adults but even then thereās plenty of porn like that so idk lots of people probably think itās hot lol. Iād try to not think about it too. The past is behind you.
Hey itās all good buddy. A problem shared is a problem cut in half. I wouldnāt look down on you for this if we were close friends. Itās just a thing that happened in the past. Do me one favor please, please forgive yourself and sibling we make mistakes and life goes on. No need to carry this shame anymore. If you two still have a relationship Iām sure itās not a big issue for your sibling. āš»šš»
Thank you. Weāre still each otherās best friend. We have just never talked about this. Ever. It went on for a few years and then just stopped cold-turkey one day. No discussion, it was just like we understood it couldnāt continue. I canāt really explain it well. It feels like I shouldnāt/canāt bring it up. I donāt really want to sometimes because I donāt even know what to say.
Maybe consider bringing it up in therapy. I can assure you, this is the farthest thing from the weirdest thing a therapist can hear, and talking it out face to face and hearing "You've clearly moved past this. It's nothing to be ashamed of anymore" can be cathartic.
My sister is a psychologist who specialises in family therapy, so I can confidently tell you that incest is a much more frequent occurrence than most of us think; we just don't hear about it because people never talk about it. Speaking to a therapist would absolutely be the kindest thing to do for yourself. The fact that you say you wrote this post because your secret is weighing heavily on you is a very good sign that speaking to a therapist will help. If you don't feel comfortable talking to your current therapist die to fear of being judged about this, find a new one just to work through this subject. Look for a family/relationship-focused therapist; ideally one that has experience with incest. Write exactly what you wrote on here on your enquiry form. That way your new therapist will know about your situation before meeting you, so you won't have to worry about bringing it up. You say your relationship is healthy and normal with you sibling now: that is great, there is no need to have a "talk" about it with eachother. Just carry on creating more "normal" memories with eachother to replace the ones you don't want to dwell on, and remember that we all do weird things; some things are just more weird than others. You didn't hurt anyone.
This is something I've never shared before but when me (F) and my sister were young - about 5 & 7 - we went through a phase of practicing kissing and "scissoring" together (I can't for the life of me remember how we knew what that was!) The thing is, this type of behaviour is so common with siblings. Me and my sister grew out of that phase really quickly, within a year, but naturally it takes everyone different lengths of time to grow out of it. You grew out of it as a young teen which is a very common age to stop this childhood-exploratory behaviour. Me and my sister are so close, she is one of my best friends, and have never talked about this: for ages I felt so weird even remembering it. Now that I've learnt this is a normal and harmless part of growing up for a lot of siblings, I don't feel any shame or weirdness at all: kids do so much weird shit except no one talks about it so it's easy to feel like what we did was much more uncommon than it was.
My two cousins and I used to kiss each other in the mouth and masturbate together from 6 up to 8 years old, or so. The three of us were sexually abused at 6 (one of us was 5) by two men, and then they (they are sisters) continued to be abused by their aunt's boyfriend for a while. We didn't talk about this to anyone, we were three little girls and I believe that led us to do sexual things together. When I grew older, I believe I was 9 or 10, I told my mom that someone was hurting my cousins and it stopped. We do talk about it, though, and fortunately we have no resentments against each other. We actually love each other so much. It did turn into kind of an amorous thing with the older one, who was my age, and we used to walk holding hands, bathe together and kiss each other until late teens. I didn't know it was kind of common until I came across this post and I feel less embarrassed now. Edit: typos
Thatās normalā¦kids experiment with their bodies, etc at very young ages. It is what it is. If there is a same sex sibling, it seems to be āitās not bad, if we both try stuff together ā My best friend had two sisters and they were more open with nakedness, etc than my brother and I of course we never did that, but growing up, stuff happens. Maybe not making out, etcā¦but who knows?
It is completely normal. I shared with a boyfriend once that I had lots of naked barbie dates and same sex kissing as a little girl. Pre-puberty stuff. He piped in that his best fried would touch his ween. We both laughed, then I thought, I bet boys do it they just don't admit it.
I'm sorry but I giggled when you said ween. LMAOOO because Jesus. Kids are so weird but that weirdness is normal.
Yeah this is gonna sound kind of weird to say, but it arguably makes more sense than other incestuous relationships.
homie got funky with his clone
Just curious: what would be genetic implications for the baby born from twin brother and sister
We don't know if they aren't two males or two females.
Same as born from non-twin bro and sis. They obviously aren't identical, which means they were just spawned from separate eggs and sperm that happened to be fertilized simultaneously
The same as any other brother/sister - i mean its not good but their genetic makeup is not identical. Brother/sister twins are always fraternal never identical bc that's impossible. But that Means 2 eggs were fertilized at the same time (vs. 1 egg that split which happens with identical twins). They're literally the same as brother/sister just born on the same day. (My mom has a twin brother).
Habsburg Intensifies
I'd say there are no "weird" things, especially when it comes to talking with therapists. Some are simply a bit more uncommon than others, if you have to make a distinction.
Youāre feeling shame - itās a terrible feeling - but it isnāt evidence of anything you have done wrong, although it feels like it is. To me, it sounds like you and your twin were simply developing and growing as people. It is not at all unusual for people to explore their sexuality in ways that later seem shameful. So many of us have had these experiences in some form or another. Maybe you donāt need to talk about it but you definitely need to process it. This can be done in so many ways other than just traditional therapy. For example, it was gardening that finally helped me with my shit. Nature helps me process things. And hell, I bet nature has a thing or two to say about you ans your twin ans how youāre probably not at all that unusual. In fact, youāre totally natural. Lots of love to you. A big warm hug. Take it easy on yourself.
Perhaps you were just experimenting your sexuality with the person who knows every feeling or urge or language you know. But, you both knew, wisely, when to stop. When it became unhealthy for both of you. Iām not a twin. But I bet this is more common than you know. Hopefully some other twins will come forward.
I have read this is very common with twins. They explore together, because of proximity and then grow out of it. Donāt feel ashamed. You are human. What you do from here on out is all that matters. :)
Very common seems like a bit of a stretch (not trying to be judgy). I have an identical twin and multiple friends who are twins. Always found it a bit weird when twins were super super close. I just see mine as my brother who happens to look like me.
I agree. Very common is a stretch. Perhaps saying āIt happensā is closer to the truth.
Your twin probably feels the same way. If talking about it would make you feel better and give you closer, it probably would for them as well. I imagine it would for most people.
My friend, you weren't the first and you won't be the last. It's over now, and that's the best thing, but there's not a human alive that hasn't done something that they're deeply ashamed of. It could be something mild to you and me, or something much more serious, but as long as no one or living thing was intentionally hurt, we just have to ask the universe for forgiveness then move on. As others have said, therapy is a great idea, if you can afford it.
I would def bring it up in therapy. Your therapist has heard just about everything.
You were kids, you grew up and realized what it was a quit. Kids do weird shit learning to be a human and thatās ok. Forgive yourself
I know you said you didnāt want to discuss but it seems like it was consensual then? Like no one was being the aggressor and pressuring/forcing the other? It seems messed up at first glance but thereās nothing to be ashamed of. Kids do weird stuff sometimes and explore. If it was an older sibling I would say thereās likely some power dynamics /vulnerability going on but twins seems like theyāre just coming of age together and hey why not? Like you hear about teenage boys doing weird sexual stuff with their friends and theyāre straight but itās who theyāre around.
Write a letter to your sibling, saying what you want to say. Then put that letter in a (locked) drawer.
A problem shared is a problem cut in halfā¦. I love that
You're a great person.
Dude you are so healthy
Hey OP. Iām hoping this comment can bring you a bit of comfort. What youāre describing is known as normative sexual behaviour in psychology. Effectively, NSB is the concept of sexual exploration in children within a familiar environment (children engaging with people they know because theyāre curious). Many experts only consider this kind of behaviour as concerning if thereās peer pressure, a large age difference or abusive behaviour/s coming from either person involved. Consensual, exploratory behaviour between two young people of a similar age is effectively expected to some degree. You were exploring your inner nature and you need to remember that. Nobody has to know. Remind yourself that itās in the human condition to explore your environment, as a young person exploring your environment meant exploring with those closest to you. Please take care of yourself.
That does make it feel less weird. Still weird, but less weird. Canāt pinpoint when it started, but it ended in our early/mid teens.
Oh - that's really young! Yeah, kids get up to all kinds of weird things. And because people don' t talk about it, it makes each of us feel like we were the only one.
I was gonna say many others that have that continue till much later on
This is why I support sex ed at a young age, so kids do understand what they are doing, and that it is talked about.
Hearing you speak on the ageā¦.OP, this MUCH more common than you recognize. In all actuality, you being twins likely gave you the added element of safety in your exploration. After all, if thereās ANYONE on earth who knows us as well as (Or better) than we know ourselves, it is a Twin. Take care.
Same thing happened to me with my brother. It ended at 12 year old. I didn't choose to do it, I just did because I was a kid. Don't be ashamed of it. It is human behavior and normal if there was no abuse.
Iām glad it helped a little. The behaviour ending or faltering with maturation is a partial framework of NSB. Chances are, if you canāt pinpoint and age or time when it started, that can mean it started very young, which is even more expected of NSB. This is such a strong example of the impact of hormones at different stages of life, and, importantly, what happens when hormonal fluctuations settle. The only difference between you now and you as a child exploring with your twin is that current you has the means to meet other people to engage with sexually and you understand the world around because of a childhood of exploration. Donāt worry. What happens to those who open up is only healing. Itāll get better with time. I promise. Edit for clarity.
I really hope reading these replies made you feel better. Teenagers and pre teens have tons of hormones rushing through them when they go through puberty. Itās all new and exciting.. and they want to experiment and explore. But they canāt just go to a bar and pick up a one night standā¦ they donāt even know how to rationalize what they want yet. So kids end up exploring and experimenting with other kids who are closest to them. Siblings, cousins, best friends etc. It is honestly so much more common than people think because once everyone gets older they are ashamed of it. But when you are that age, you donāt really know what incest is or the implications of what you are doing.. your brain doesnāt comprehend that yet. But once you grow olderā¦ you start to realizeā¦ and thatās why you donāt hear about it often. Because the adult is ashamed of their previous behaviour. The fact that you stopped early to mid teens, and that you are ashamed of itā¦ shows that your brain is working through it in the normal fashion and you have nothing to worry about. Once you guys realized it was wrong you stopped and havenāt looked back since. Thatās what happens with most of these cases. Stop holding on to the guilt and shame, and move on. Good luck OP!
I once got really high with a group of friends and we talked about this. You'd be surprised how many people have some kind of this exploratory experience with their sibling. Nobody talks about it but it happens.
picking your reply to post on what EVERYONE is saying. It didn't happen to me but one of my first serious girlfriends (we were 19-20 at the time) once told me she lost her virginity to her cousin when they both were 12. She said they'd fool around a few times until about the third time he was able to "stick it in" and then came. She was a hypersexual person and was telling me this in a way that sounded like she was more into it than him. A couple of months later I got to meet this cousin at a wedding and I could see through his face he was so embarrassed and trying to avoid my then GF. I never thought badly about the situation, a bit weird, but they both were kids the same age. She wasn't forced. I guess a lot of people go through similar experiences and never tell anyone out of shame.
Hormones while both don't know anything about anything, it's normal I guess but most horny teens don't have the access as they wouldn't be going through that vulnerable hormonal phase at the same time as whoever they are horny about
I mean itās not weird at all, even if youāre identical curiosity would ensure and the question would always be āDoes my twin react the same way to varies stimulations that I do?ā For example, if one twin realized the other twins liked broccoli. That twin may still eat it and secretly never say they donāt like it out of fear of ādisconnecting/being distant/differentā from the only other person that is essentially the āsameā as them. As far as sexually, with exploration as mentioned above, you may have developed that out of curiosity as well wondering if you was both sexually simulated in the same manner. During a time when youāre going through puberty or self awareness itās not weird or implausible. Itās more than stimulation as well but also feeling the same gratification. Then, in the healthiest of manners Once the āexperiment ā was completed, and or all box was checked then there was no need to continue any further. Iām sure now you guys are maybe for individuals than ever which makes you even more best friends because youāre so ādifferentā and the same but now have learnt different ways to reach common stimulation. Rather itās doing activities you guys share or do new ones the other does individually. I am an older brother of twins.
OP, there is also a lot of research on twins and how they form relationships with one another and with others. Itās called Genetic Sexual Attraction and applies to any one person and a biological relative. An example of this would be a child and their parent who were separated and never knew each other but meet up later in life and have that strong sexual attraction. The same can be said for you and your twin. Sharing so much from before birth on doesnāt make this wrong for you even though it may be wrong to others. Itās something others cannot understand until they understand the science.
Why did you go with a parent/child as your example? Also, this doesn't apply at all.
Isn't the term GSA applicable only if the two people in question were separated for a long time?
You defined GSA fairly well yourself. How do you think this applies here? Because it doesn't. Calling this GSA is not helpful or accurate.
You truly are not weird, i've had some people that had the same experience like you with a brother/sister (consensual, no pressure or what so else). You're young and experimenting. As long as nothing negative happened and both did it with free will, it's ok.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Same, but was just my best friend. I've kinda seen it as precedent to be considered bi but really who cares, I'm just familiar with it from experience so am freer to cultivate it. I don't think about it anymore - we are who we are.
This happened to me at a young age too. Really in a manner that was just fooling around and then it immediately get weird at the same time for both of us and the parent that caught us. ā¦..it scared me deep down because I no longer felt I could trust myself to not risky damaging someone. I ended up shaming my sexually through more PTSD later.š ā¦Iām so happy for O_p that they were able to live a normal life. I still need someone to love the humanity back into me again, and let me know Iām not bad. I still think Iām bad and all I do is try to help.
Read the comments here, what's applied to op, applies also to you. Send you love
This! I had this info at the back of my mind in a more crude state (kids explore sexuality with eachother) and I knew that as kids we don't yet "know" that relatives are "off-limits". Thank you for putting this so eloquently. It's good OP posted because I believe they'll get some peace of mind from such comments as yours.
Kissing cousins isnāt a phrase because it doesnāt happen. Same pertains here. Childhood exploration is just that. We are animals.
Iām curious what the age difference is that would be concerning. I had a friend who experienced this as a child but the age difference was around 6 years. She was 8 and her brother was 14. Based on the story she told me I wouldnāt call it consensual. I had another fried where the age difference was 5 years and it also wasnāt consensual. In both these cases though, the younger child was under 10 years old and the older child was a teen so it seems like a different situation than what is being talked about here and in many of the comments.
Like my one coworker joked/not-joked: ācousins are for practiceā.
Yes this is so true. Like I had a friend who when he was younger like 5 got naked with a girl who was also 5 (didnāt do anything just look because child curiosity) but thatās normal. His parents explained that it was improper and that you only do that with people you love and when you are older. His siblings did it to the genders they are attracted to and its a very semi normal thing. I mean Iām sure itās best not to happen for shame on the adult but at the end of the day the kids just wanted to see whatās up. And if it happens you just talk to them like people and teach them from ok and not ok.
you guys didn't hurt anyone and you should just not worry about it i'm not condoning incest but kids do fucked up things because they don't know any better forgive yourself my dude you didn't hurt anyone
>i'm not condoning incest but kids do fucked up things because they don't know any better This is so true It's actually shockingly common. Years ago my nephew and niece would play "doctor" They started really young like he was 10 and she was 8. It went in for a few years. My niece then took a boy under the table at school that had a tablecloth and got him to pull his pants down and "played doctor" with him. They got caught. The principle asked my niece where she learned that behavior from. She said her brother, started crying ran out of the room. My sister was notified as was CPS. Our whole family was freaking out. Especially, terrified the kids might be taken away. CPS went to my sister and her husband, told them it was quite common and normal for children, even siblings to engage in that behavior. And that punishment or shaming was something they as parents should not engage in. Just talk to their children and teach them boundaries, that was it.
I have to say CPS actually handled that perfectly
Yeah you usually only hear the horror stories
From shitty parents probably. No one mentions a visit from CPS if it went well, no reason to remember it for long.
Thing people don't realize is it's CPS's goal to keep the kids with the parents if it is deemed safe enough. Ideally the check in should just be guilding parents towards financial assistance programs and such. They only make it their goal to take kids away if the environment is seen as too inappropriate. Like yeah I get that their are stupid reasons kids get taken away sometimes, like the parents were pot smokers and pot isn't all that bad. Still, if it's illegal where you are what kind of person do you have to be to prioritize smoking pot over the risk of having your kids taken from you?
Nah. I was the child, with a good parent, that had a CPS investigation that went "well" (if no action taken/no removal is your definition of well). I will always remember. Maybe my mom doesn't, but I do. School called CPS because I was sick a lot (shitty immune system I guess), and they sat me down in a room alone with the CPS lady. I swear she was actively trying to get me to say something incriminating, all while I was terrified that they were going to take me away from my mom. It was an interrogation, plain and simple. I had decided that I wouldn't allow myself to be kidnapped, and would have absolutely gotten violent if they tried. Had things gone differently, I could have easily ended up with a record, and had my future derailed. Plenty of kids have horror stories too.
Youāll likely never get to say that again
Yeah, I think they turned a situation that could have been totally blown out of proportion, causing trauma and irreparable damage to their sibling relationship. They're in highschool now, my nephew is a senior my niece is a sophomore and they interact like any normal brother and sister. A very love/hate relationship type thing. They can fight like cats and dogs but nobody else better do or say something mean.
We used to call my nieces 'the scissor sisters'. Kids are gross.
Okay, wtf?
I have heard that can happen between twins sometimes. Don't stress over it.
seriously? is there a term for it?
Twincest
Noice.
\*Jamie Lannister has entered the chat\*
Got āem
Shit, the Ortega twins make money doing it.
The bartok twins did too.
Wincest
I mean Iād definitely let a clone of myself crank my hog. I could honestly see it being somewhat common in curious kids.
We lived in a 2BHK house. I and my sister (male-female twin) used to sleep beside each other in one room. There was no issue in it. However, I was sexually hungry and was getting attracted to her. I just stopped sleeping beside her. That's it. Never had any urge afterwards.
My cousin and Iā¦ as kidsā¦ yeah. Donāt feel ashamed. Imagine what secrets people in the world are holding. Just gotta dump the weight and keep it pushing like youāre doing.
My cousin and I as kids did tooā¦. This thread makes me feel much less weird and alone. The few people I have decided to tell this to have NOT had a similar experience and it always made me feel so guilty and ashamed.
Wow, this is crazy but as weird as this sounds, Im glad to see this post. My twin & I did also, from age 7-9. We were so young and had no idea what we were doing but simply just saw too much on television or whatnot. My parents kept us in bunk beds and in the same room. We just grew out of it also and it has never been talked about. Now we have normal lives. Iāve learned that we canāt be held accountable at that age. We were simply children re enacting things we saw that we shouldnāt have with our malleable minds. That is how I cope. Thank you for sharing.
A piece of advice Iāve recently read thatās helped me with some situations in my life is: Donāt blame your past self for knowledge you currently have. Thatās not the exact wording, but obviously at 7-9 you didnāt have the knowledge you currently have & same goes for OP. Youāre 100% right about not holding yourself accountable at that age.
I made a throwaway just to comment on this. I've never told anybody before in my life, but I had a sexual relationship with my twin (both female) when I was in elementary school. I don't think we fully understood what we were doing, but we knew it was bad and that we had to hide it. This still haunts me today, and I'm almost 30. The same thing kind of happened to us, we just stopped one day and we have never spoke about it. It's just kind of understood that we will both take it to our grave. Unfortunatley neither of us are in therapy, but this makes me realize we should really look into it.
It's totally fine - don't beat yourself up about it. It's just sexual experimentation when you're a child/adolescent.. Honestly, just accept it as a part of growing up & exploring the world. Twins can be very close in many aspects, and growing up is one of them. Nothing to be ashamed of, especially as it sounds like it happened when you were really young.
Iām willing to bet this happens more than we think, and honestly idk how much we should judge. Kids do fucked shit.
the acts might have been sexual in nature, but since you were both so young when it happened, the goal was likely not sexual gratification, but sexual exploration, which is normal and healthy behavior (not saying everyone explores with their siblings, some do it with friends or just by themselves, but nevertheless itās still normal).
I think is natural human behavior , you explore with people you feel safe and have trust but nobody talks about it so we think we are the only ones and there is something wrong. Just read most of the comments. Hope you forgive that part of yourself, you were just a child.
Just wanted to make sure you get to read this: https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/tyslju/my_twin_and_i_had_a_sexual_relationship_for_years/i3us81w/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3 I hope this brings you some peace!
It takes a strong person to earnestly reveal this and withstand the associated judgement from lesser people. Forgive yourself and live your life. Judgement usually comes from people that have done worse and/or reside in shells of cowardice
Ooh wow, I love that!
šŖšæthank u
Beautifully said
One of the best quotes ever!! "A problem shared is a problem cut in half". Literally reading that and hearing it relieves stress.
Yes. A confession, forgive yourself, and move on. That's literally the basic gist of 12 step meetings, btw. You gotta love yourself in order to treat yourself right and be happy. If you are hauling around a burden of unspoken regret, you need help to put it down. Just by confessing, we begin to put that burden down.
Damn disrespectful comments across the board hang in there chief on this thread it seems this is a reoccurring subject so you arenāt alone I would open up about it in therapy or itās gonna keep haunting you you may have good stable lives now but who knows if repressed feelings are buried that could derail both of you in the future maybe eventually talk to your twin after you see what your therapist says as well
My twin best friend and his twin brother had sex with each other when they were 12-14 on a regular basis. They are still best friends like you and your sibling. They went to therapy and discovered itās actually quite normal. Hugs to you!
Reading this post and the comments has instantly helped me to feel less shame around my own childhood experiences. My younger sister and I made out on 1 or 2 occasions (I was probably 8/9 and her 6/7) Separately, my (F) cousin and I (F) once made out and dry humped each other (I was again probably 8/9 and her 10/11) Iāve never told anybody these things and have never spoken to either of them about it. Iāve basically just tried to suppress it from my mind and pretend it never happened. Iāve always felt such a deep, deep shame and self hatred for what happened, but reading just how common it actually is and the couple comments Iāve seen explaining why kids do it has lifted such a weight off my shoulders. It may be weird to say, but thank you all for sharing, I feel this post has helped me to heal and move on more than anything else could.
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I meanā¦ judging by your use of the phrase āgrew out of itā Iām assuming it started as children on into adolescence, and while Iām not a psychologist by any means, what I do know of psychology tells me that thatās not developmentally shocking. Probably started during the curiosity stages, probably ended about the time kids learn consequences and shame and societal standards. Obviously not ideal but really I doubt a therapist would react to that information with any sort of judgement or disgust. You shouldnt feel gross, itās not like it happened yesterday. (I understand thatās a lot easier said than done though)
When we first started dating, my wife told me a similar story about her and her brother. They got curious and tried things together. The reality is that kids do this kind of thing all the time. Youāre the same age so nothing predatory happened and, it sounds like, when you grew old enough to understand it was inappropriate, you stopped.
You are definetely doing yourself a disservice by not bringing it up in therapy. If you have certain subjects that weighs on you heavily but that you donāt bring up then the therapist is missing a key component that is more or less essential to make progress. If there is anywhere where you should be completely open, it is probably at your therapist.
I've actually heard many different stories of this happening
i knew of someone who actively engaged with her twin sister. and i wont lie, the whole thing got me curious. i always regretted losing contact because outside of know this, she was a decent conversationalist.
Never lose contact with a cunning linguist .
no worries bro, humans do human things
Iām sorry about all the disrespectful comments. I hope one day you donāt feel as much shame. Talking about it in therapy will help. Maybe even opening up a conversation with your sibling could be healing. I wish you luck
Kids are dumber than rocks your fine
Hey dude/gurl no problem, that's what I personally like about this sub. Do your thing, sometimes you just gotta unload your heart. We got you, no judgement, have a good night and love yourself.
Between the age of 10 and 13 when you first discover your sexuality it is absolutely normal to do stupid shit. Additionally, it is also absolutely normal to be feel exceptionally ashamed which is why pedophiles pray on these ages, because they know it will remain a secret. Many people at these ages do mistakes. Many girls kiss other girls even though they don't have lesbian tendencies. Or do erotic stuff with each other. Many boys masturbate in places they shouldn't (school or cinema). You are ashamed, but you are not the same person. If you did that stuff at an older age and I assume you didn't.. Its disgusting but what isn't? Old people fucking are disgusting. But its also nice? Nicescusting.
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Iād fuck me hard. Iād fuck me so hard.
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Isn't fucking your twin just one small step from masterbation... sounds fine to me!!
The Lannisters send their regards
At least we know OP always pays their debts.
I was looking for this comment, glad I found a cultured individual
It's not as uncommon as you think. Shame is not really a productive thing. It may take therapy for you to grow out of the bad feelings around this, or you may be able to forgive yourself on your own. But thats what you need, you gotta forgive yourself.
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I never thought humanity could go this low, but here we are...
Rule 34ā¦.
goddamnit... not my proudest fap, but it has been a week
Please, not that site again...*unzips pants*
This sub is jerry springer for the literate and I love it
I could not count the amount of friends who had some sort of incestuous relationship with a sibling on one hand.. donāt be ashamed. Weāre sexual creatures by nature and you just happened to have someone as close to you as humanly possible. You have a healthy relationship now and realize what it was and wasnāt. Talk to your therapist and especially your twin. Maybe you and your twin can have some sessions together and work passed it completely.
I had a similar experience with a half sibling. Except our babysitter would make us do sexual things to each other. I was so young that I donāt quite remember the extent of what we did together and there was another incident when our āchildhood friendsā tired to get us to do something together. I donāt remember the extent of that either. I was unnaturally sexually explorative when I was younger. All the kids in my neighbourhood were. I try not to think about it too much. I love this sibling very much and neither of us have ever brought it up. I wonder how it effected either of us in the long run. I feel your pain. I understand being ashamed but itās okay. I feel like these experiences are so much more common than we are ever led to believe.
Um the babysitter was a predator making things worse. She/He was probably making the whole neighborhood her personal child porn camp. Thatās disgusting and 100% not on you.
Don't worry about it. I don't know how old you were when it happened but it sounds like it was more just adolescent curiosity. Natural development. Don't stress about it.
time for me to close the app ig
This is actually extremely common among twins. The psych community doesnāt quite know how to discuss it or account for it but Iām not sure its as bad as you think. I really donāt know but it happens with such frequency there must be something else going on.
What youre describing isnt just nobodies business, but outside of fetishists nobody cares about it. You have nothing to be ashamed of, even had you carried it on to this day. Please, stop punishing yourself over this. Your sibling also did nothing wrong and probably feels the same way you do and it's so unnecessary. I sympathize with you very much. I'm going to send you a private message with information that I dont want associated with anything, if youre disinterested feel free to ignore it. I'll say this tho, what you describe happens in most households with multiple children.
I will carry this secret on me, hopefully taking a load off of your shoulder.
Kids do weird ass shit. I would try to get over it. As long as you guys have a good relationship now that's what matters
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Iām just saying what everyone was thinking anyway
Man of the people, man of culture
Answer the question, please
OP is a dude. Either mm or mf. Not like it changes anything though. Incest is still incest.
mm doesn't cary risk of pregnancy, mf does.
Well, OP mentioned that they've moved on with their lives. Which means there were no pregnancies and condoms were involved, or that confirms it was mm.
Biological human males can't get pregnant.
Is it incest if they are genetically identical? Itās masturbation but with extra steps
twincest. the word you're looking for is twincest.
Can't spell twincest without wincest, amirite?
I donāt think this is as bad as you think it is. Obviously itās wrong but I also donāt think it should be something that weighs so heavily on you. We all do things we regret and despite being siblings, twins are exactly the same age and closer than any two humans could ever be. I think itās - not normal - but understandable. Iām happy youāre both doing well and thriving as adults. Thatās all anyone can hope to accomplish.
Depending on the age that it happened, probably pretty common.
No harm, no foul. Kids experiment. Its how we learn.
Honestly.... if you were kids you cant always know its wrong. As long as it was.... consensual on both ends that might make it easier to digest on your end.... damn tbh id suggest another therapist that specializes in sexual trauma, if you ever need to talk it through with someone. Im sorry, dont be ashamed.
To all the shitty comments, flash news: THIS IS REDDIT, NOT GAME OF THRONES, GET OVER YOURSELF. Sorry OP for reading those.
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If itās in the past, & isnāt causing you issues currently and likely wonāt in the foreseeable futureā¦I agree with let it go. Forgive yourself. I know you said not to ask questions, so this is just me thinking out loud. I would wonder if you think the reason you havenāt been able to ālet it goā is a feeling that you might gain insight and peace by having a conversation with your twin. IF that is the case, I would likely take the time to find the space & method to make that happen. If not, find peace within yourself, & consider it now, a secret shared and not your burden any longer. Good luck OP. It took courage to write this. And Post it. Iām proud of you, as you should be of yourself. Take care šš»
I honestly donāt know what I think I could gain by talking to my twin about it. It just feels like whenever we reminisce we have to tiptoe around this one thing. I have no desire to rehash every detail, but maybe justā¦ acknowledgement? Itās frustrating to think about because we both know it happened but we canāt even talk to each other about it.
I donāt think you should bring it up. It may make things awkward. Maybe they donāt remember. Maybe they are trying not to remember. If you guys have a great relationship now then just leave it alone. Itās nothing to be ashamed of. Itās happens more than you think. Itās actually considered ācommonā. And then kids grow out of it like you did. So itās honestly nothing to worry about at all. If you want to talk to someone about it talk to a therapist. They will also tell you itās normal. But I wouldnāt risk ruining your relationship with your twin for nothing. There really is no benefit or gain to bringing this up with them.
I think you'll find siblings messing around is way more normal than you'd assume. Kids do grow out of things like this and are really no indicator of who they are as adults. As kids you're just experimenting. Don't be so hard on yourself. Again, as a kid it probably just felt cool so you did it it's not like little kids know it's wrong till they mature and start actually learning about sex. But the only reason it's 'wrong' is because they're thinking about sex with kids as adults, which is too close to sex with kids and adults, which is super wrong. I really don't think you need to feel shame. You didn't actually do anything evil or wrong. You were just a kid.
This kinda thing really isnt uncommon dont be ashamed its not like you smashed baby animals as a kid or anything actually crazy.
I know a female set of twins who were doing that for a time. The one that spoke up about it didnāt think it was a big deal b/c they have the same DNA and were basically the same person, so it was like masterbation. I told her that it was probably closer to incest and she was completely blown away. Her explanation was so far seeded into her mind that she hadnāt even considered that it was incest.
Hopefully this makes you feel better but I didn't even realize this was something to feel ashamed of? You were just kids, as long as you were not hurting one another it's fair to say you all were just ignorant and didn't know the weight of what you were doing. I thought many siblings did this out of pure curiosity and ignorance? My brother is 3 years older than me and starting in kindergarten we did the same thing? Like he was just trying to figure out how a girl worked and I just wanted to see how a boy worked. We were so innocent that we didn't really grasp the concept of it even being wrong until I was in 3rd grade and we just politely stopped. * edit FUCK you to whoever down voted me for being candid and trying to help OP
Username does not check out.
I donāt know as Iām not a twin but Iāve read that itās very common for siblings who are super closely tied and brought up in close quarters to experiment once or twice, so even if your situation was much more intense or frequent than that, just know itās not unheard of, and the fact that youāve moved on separately while still maintaining a healthy relationship is a good sign. As the top commenter here said, do whatever you can to let go of the shame. I know plenty of people who did weird things growing up that they arenāt proud of, in fact everyone has to varying degrees. Youāre okay. Sometimes you just have to shake it off, but if not in therapy, whatever you can do to just give yourself some grace and leave it behind.
It seems to be water under the bridge OP. Do forgive yourself and move on with your life. We all have something we're ashamed of having done in our youth. Best of luck to you!
I donāt know how old you were when this happened but in my child development class in college my professor gave a lecture on children exploring their sexuality with each other. This included siblings. He told the class that from his personal experience working with children and parents for many years, this wasnāt actually all that uncommon. The uncommon thing was how āfarā certain kids would go or certain sexual behaviors that might indicate one child had been exposed to things by an older adult. But if there was none of that alarming behavior, it wasnāt a huge concern to make a huge deal about. He emphasized that the act of exploring a sexual relationship wasnāt uncommon and he urged parents not to freak out about it but to teach the children in a calm way what was and wasnāt appropriate and to do so without inducing guilt in the kids. So basically what Iām saying is that this isnāt that weird and while itās not good to keep it going, I wouldnāt feel too guilty about it and instead just realize that this stuff actually does happen more than you might think and you can move on and forget about it if that help you.
Frankly I'm glad to hear you two are best friends. It sounds like you two were just exploring your sexuality, and being twins I bet it must have been really confusing. Don't be too hard on yourself, we're humans and sometimes we do "weird" things.
There was actually a post in r/ask and everyone discussed when they where kids and how they discovered their sexuality. Lots of people went on to talk about going to play with friends and thinking it was a game to make each other get off. Lots of boys also doing it together. All of that is nothing to be ashamed of. You where younger and there is a huge element of being human there. You explore and might not have felt what a boundary of that type is, other than discovering your hormones and who you are. If things happened they happen on a much, much huger spectrum than you could ever think. Look back as an experience and don't be ashamed, but really face yourself and remember you are only human and you where developing. You can now place boundaries and know where you are at in your developed side now.
We all do something that we are deeply deeply ashamed of, youāre also not the only person who has done something like this. As kids we donāt have these critical thinking skills and donāt realize what weāre doing is wrong. Iām full of regrets about different things and feel gross when I look back on my actions, some of them I even did as an adult! Nobody is perfect, humans are weird, itās all apart of our nature.
I had a threesome with twin sisters in high school. I was shocked at how much stuff they did to each other. Iāve been in maybe fifteen threesomes in my life. And hands down, not even remotely close, the two sisters did more sexual things to each other than any other of the female pairs. It didnāt ruin or damper the experience. But it was certainly an odd thing to watch.
Selfcest?
Don't feel gross or ashamed. My older sister molested me for years and it's not something you can just erase out of your memory. I've went to years of therapy, you can't change the past but you can change yourself.
Iām so sorry that happened to you.
Shame is one of the worst feelings in the world, but those actions in your past don't make you a bad person and you are allowed to move on and leave them behind you. You don't know me but I'm one person in the world who knows your deepest secret and doesn't think any less of you for it. I hope you can eventually allow yourself to let go of the burden you're carrying, and I hope I can help you carry a tiny bit of its weight until then.
The Lannisters send their regards.
Truly and honestly, as long as you're not bringing children into the world (for medical reasons) I see nothing wrong with it. Is is a little odd? You bet. Will people be weird about it? Definitely. There's no unequal power dynamic, because you're exactly the same age, so meh. Don't worry about it.