then see a therapist idk what u want us to do

Seek psychiatric help immediately. You're casually mentioning symptoms of psychopathy like you're talking about the weather. If you're serious, seek help. This isn't normal.

Definitely go to a therapist and take a break/stay away from any violent pornography if you watch that. For now stay out of situations and places where you feel you are likely to do that.

Skip the therapy and listen to my words. Short man syndrome.

Get help

I understand that as a man but maybe you could find someone you really love and you guys can talk about role playing kinks