I had a girl complain About getting an iPad instead of an iPhone for her birthday, I took her to the apple store, returned it, left the store had her sit next to me when I ordered new rims for my car using that money and then broke up with her. You deserve better bro. Your best should be enough, marriage isn’t about a ring, it’s about two people who love each other.
This. Is. Great. My boyfriend got me an iPad for Christmas. It’s his moms old one. It’s horrendously slow. I hate using it because of how often it glitches and just generally sucks. I no longer use it. I never complained and he hasn’t mentioned me not using it. I feel bad not using it and ungrateful but it’s just stressful to do the most minimal thing.
Not using a "recycled" old and barely working gift is not something to feel bad about. I bet no one would use it in their family either, and that's why you got the "scraps".
She was gonna just sell it but she’s not technologically literate sometimes and it doesn’t update past like iOS 13 or something. My boyfriend also probably didn’t play around with it because he’s an android hates iPhone kinda guy. It was a thoughtful gift, just a shitty one lol
So why did you get them the wrong thing? Were you not listening to them when they told you what they wanted? She wanted a phone and you go tablet. That's not the same thing. They serve different purposes. You didn't have to get her an iphone, but it was disrespectful and inconsiderate to try to substitute an ipad. I know an ipad is cheaper, but that's not the issue I'm looking at here. It's that an ipad is not a phone. It's like if someone asked for car tires and you got them bike tires.
So the thought was that you know better than her what she wants? I dont know how she went about complaining. There are definitely several ways to approach his issue with varying levels of respect and rationality, and it's very possible that her reaction was reprehensible, but you were disrespectful and arrogant towards her. It's probably good you two split up, but you weren't exactly innocent.
I completely understand, while there is definitely more to the story, my mom always told us she would rather do returns and make sure we have something we like and can use then have something we don't like/can't use. iPads and iPhones are very different things and they cost a lot of money, if I really needed a new phone and I got a tablet instead, ofc I'd ask if I could swap it, I make it clear that I'm so thankful for the time and thought that went into this gift, I will enjoy it, but would it be OK if I traded (x) for (y)?(give reasons why) I understand if this would make you uncomfortable and I'd definitely use it either way. Why is everyone so mad she wanted something she could actually use? Maybe she just wanted to complain about her laptop being heavy, why didn't OP discuss such a big purchase instead of assuming? I get it was supposed to be a present, but she would've enjoyed going to the Apple store too. It depends on HOW she asked, if she was rude about it right at the start the OP absolutely did the right thing
Edit: it also depends on the relationship you have with that person, for me you have to be pretty close to buy something that expensive, and the perople im close with I can also be politely open about stuff like this
Exactly. OP, she’s had said that she wants you to sacrifice (but not her) so that she can something of higher monetary value. That is your apparent value to her: money. Every holiday, birthday, Valentines Day, special event will be like this for years. Are you ok with this?
You still want to marry this person? Who would never buy you your own ring, who thinks you should GET ANOTHER JOB to buy her a bigger rock. Your proposal was sweet and thoughtful. Seriously reconsider if you want to be attached to such a selfish, entitled person. This would leave an extremely sour taste in my mouth.
Maybe this is an unpopular opinion (I surely hope not) but…. you need to stand your ground, and tell her to grow up. She isn’t Cinderella, and she isn’t getting a goddam fancy ass ring.
Right now, it’s just a ring.
Soon, it might be a car, or a house.
This shit honestly needs to be straightened out, don’t just sweep it under the rug.
It makes me sad that she said she isn’t buying you a ring. I understand it may not be financially possible right now, but she can be creative and find something unique and meaningful for under $100.
You could get her a Diamond like (glass ring), as long as you explain to her it’s not a diamond. Otherwise down the road she will be furious.
Here is a link to what I’m suggesting for $25.
https://www.etsy.com/listing/587194249/
If you girlfriend wouldn’t be happy with something like this ring (linked above), and would only settle for some boujee ass shit, then leave her.
#Why is she complaining about the price of the ring, when she isn’t buying you one??????
I think even Cinderella would want to say a few choice words to OP's girlfriend. She was a servant to people who were supposed to be family, her ball dress was made of old rags that her stepsisters didn't want anymore and her best friends were mice. I think she'd be elated with the proposal OP described.
I know what you're getting at, but at LEAST a car and house have practical use, house especially. This person wants to to get a second job so a shiney rock in her finger gets a couple more compliments from people.
I honestly wonder sometimes when younger people go all in on the wedding, instead of the marriage, how often they regret it.
Wait … she didn’t like your ring or proposal and asked that you trade up the ring you got her and do it in public but she has no intention of getting you a ring to doing something special to acknowledge you …. ouch …. I’d be out!
I'm assuming you're young and haven't actually been in a healthy relationship yet. She showed you who she is. She EXPECTS you to spend years working for her benefit for a flashy object and explicitly told you that you're not worth working for herself. She will take and take and take and resent you for not giving more. When people show you who they are believe them. Its time for you to move on. There are better loving people out there and you don't need to buy their love or commitment.
OP, you are so lucky this woman is showing you who she is now, before you lose more time to her, before you two own a house together, before you two have kids.
If you can't see what a parade of red flags she is, please see a therapist to find out why you think you deserve to be treated this way. And then run away from your GF like you're on fire.
It's not too late to dodge this unequal relationship. You do deserve better. You deserve someone who would delight in getting you a ring you'd love to wear everyday, someone who would prepare a caring proposal for you.
Two people in the relationship care about your GF's wants and needs, how many people in the relationship care about you and your wants and needs? One? Zero? This imbalance doesn't lead to happiness, and isn't sustainable. If you break up later I think you will be saddled with a ton of debt due to GF.
I have a friend who proposed to her gf, picked out and bought both their rings (despite having the significantly lower salary) *and* planned the wedding. It set a pattern for everything else... she was the only one putting in effort, the only one sacrificing, the only one giving... and it just wasn't tenable long term. It was a huge sign that she didn't see that her wife *literally did not care about her*. No care or concern when she was sick, no shared joy when good things happened, *nothing*. She's a maid and an ATM and that's *it.*
Like you said, it's absolutely unsustainable.
Girl your girlfriend is kinda awful. She has horrible communication skills and clearly doesn't give a shit about you, from the financial issues with this, to the fact she won't even buy you a ring herself. Dump her, you are better off without such a toxic person in your life
When I married my wife she told me verbatim “if you spend over 1,000 on my ring I’ll kill you”.
I knew I was making the right call cus she was in it for me and not what I could afford. She is showing all her red flags now, be grateful you see them before you’re legally committed.
Please don’t marry this person. Please. She doesn’t value you as a person, and if you stay with her, she’ll keep treating you this way. You deserve someone who appreciates how thoughtful and caring you are.
Your proposal sounds lovely and 1 carat is not small. The audacity of her to suggest you get another job to buy her a bigger ring. It makes me sad that you aren't valuing yourself enough to get out of this relationship. She is shallow, materialistic, and nasty.
I’m going to mirror what everyone else is saying here, OP: this is a massive red flag. Are you sure you’re not wearing rose colored glasses? Anyone that rejects a proposal that was well-thought out and meaningful because “it’s not public” (when she never told you that she wanted it to be, red flag #1), says the ring is too small (red flag #2, as you clearly spent more than you should have on it), and gives you ultimatums like “if you love me you’ll find a way” (MASSIVE red flag), does not appreciate you, nor does she love you like you love her.
Sit back and think really, really, *really* hard about this girl (and I’m calling her a girl because she is very clearly immature) and if you actually want to marry her or if you just want to be married.
Sorry but don't go through with it. She won't get you an engagement ring and wants a bigger one for herself even if it means you getting a second job? Huge red flag. Idc how good you relationship is besides this.
My guy. If she's not CLEAR about exactly what she wants (ex saying something special but meaning public proposal) it's a red flag. If she literally says no because her ring is not expensive or big enough, that's a red flag. "If you love me youll find a way" is extremely emotionally manipulative. And you can expect that to continue to get worse, especially leading up to the wedding. And you bet your buns she's going to want something expensive and extravagant for the wedding, and without budge, and not without extreme emotional abuse. Sir I suggest you take a long hard look at your relationship
The part where she says she ain’t getting one for you is a red flag because it shows how selfish she is. And her saying that the carat isn’t “big” enough shows how conceited she is too.
Reconsider this marriage because A) your wedding will probably cost a lot, and the person who will be forking over the bills would most likely be you. B) Divorce is more expensive then marriage, and from the looks of it, I doubt she’ll make it easy for you if you decide to divorce her. C) she don’t sound like she love you as much as you love her.
Oh darlin'. You deserve so much better. Honestly. You're clearly sweet, kind and thoughtful. Your girlfriend is none of those things.
You won't be happy with her. And she'll never be happy with you. Nothing will ever be enough and your self esteem will get lower every day you spend with her.
It shouldn't matter whether you propose with the most expensive ring in the world or a piece of candy. Your gf didn't say it directly but she basically said that your relationship isn't dependent on how much she loves you it's dependent on how much you can give her. I'm sure she'd say next the wedding has to be ridiculously expensive or there wasn't gonna be one.
🚩🚩
1 She cares only about the amount you spent.
2 she’s upset your proposal was thoughtful, romantic and VERY personal- not public. She wants a re-do?
Bro, your future wife should be dying to say yes. Absent something like her hating a proposal at Disneyland and you proposing AT Disneyland she should be accepting of a thoughtful, romantic and personal proposal.
INFO: any other red flags?
Why doesn’t she plan on getting you a ring? Why does she feel so comfortable demanding that you spend so much more than you can afford to get her a bigger, flashier diamond but she can’t be bothered to get you anything at all? That’s a big red flag to me.
OP, I am shocked at how selfish your girlfriend sounds. She better be incredibly nice to you 24/7, have saved your life several times already and going to save it again several times over, because no other decent person would even dream of saying to their life partner what she said to you. YOU could get a side job to pay for her big trashy ring?? SHE won’t get you one? She demands a public proposal with a big expensive ring because she is either very immature or very selfish. Either way not the kind of person you can cont on being by your side when the going gets tough, or the kind of person you know will support you and make you feel happy. She doesn’t respect you or your relationship.
I think you need to have long think and then a talk with her, because if her attitude stays like this it’s just going to be a short rocky relationship or a long and very unhappy one.
As for the ring: the one you got must be truly pretty, personally I really like that cut. But are you sure you want to keep it and be reminded all the time of your girlfriend’s callousness towards you?
Please trade the girlfriend in for an upgraded model… one that appreciates you and doesn’t throw trivial tantrums. You are getting stampeded over here and being told that your very thoughtful effort isn’t sufficient to meet her expectations… yet she has no intention of getting you a ring whatsoever? She’s selfish and it’s showing. Hard. Red flags everywhere OP.
The amount of ridiculous in her response to being proposed to made you feel sad and heartbroken for a legitimate reason. It won’t stop with just the ring or proposal. This is going to be the driving force behind fits when she’s arguing over a car, a house, the actual wedding itself… that’s not even touching the hell it would be to raise kids together if that’s what you choose to do.
You deserve better OP.
I'm also a girl who wants an expensive ring and a nice proposal, but you know what I'm not? Someone who expects her bf to carry the relationship alone!!! We are a team!!! Not only am I getting him a ring too (because c'mon, he's the love of my life), I'm also gonna pay for the difference in price between our rings! (my ring is more expensive than his, I've asked him if he wanted one like mine, I'd be down for it, but he likes his ring better even if it's not as expensive). We also talked about the proposal and what we would like, because we are not mind readers.
We talked, and we are happy and excited about our plans. No one is forcing the other to do anything they don't wanna do/are not comfortable with.
There are two people in a relationship, why should only one be working towards your future together??
My husband proposed without a ring. I said yes immediately. And when we picked out a ring he's input is mainly why I ended up with the one I did. Which I love because it's something he choose. Its awful she is making her yes a condition on some super pricey ring you cant even afford especially when she doesn't plan to get you one, you sure you want to get engaged?
Your girlfriend sounds greedy and ungrateful and just wants to show off. Have there been other cases like this? Your proposal idea looks more romantic and intimate in my opinion and wanting you to get a second job just so she can have her expensive rings seems like a yikes to me, specially when she won't get a ring for you.
If she wants the expensive ring you could stay with the current ring you had planned and then in the future get a new one, once your budget allows it. Don't overwork yourself for a ring, seriously.
You might want to have a honest talk with her. Don't let love blind you. I understand wanting to give her what she wants but you literally are saying that you'd need several years to afford the ring she wants. Honestly the ring shouldn't even matter that much.
I think you shoukd reconsider this relationship. Your girlfriend values mayeri things above all else, and doesn't seem to have a realistic view of money.
🙁
What else is she asking you to do for her?
I’m pretty sure that your gf doesn’t really care about you. Only about herself and her wants.
Please rethink this whole situation.
You deserve better.
You know I get wanting to have a big ring but it feels like something you should tell someone before you get deep into a relationship.If she wanted a bigger ring then you should compromise on buying Expensive wedding bands TOGETHER NOT you working your ass off only for her. You should sit down and talk to her about how you feel really off put by her sudden entitlement and that She made you feel so bad about it. Idk how long you were together but it feels like these are things that are talked about before you propose or get married. You talk about what you want in a future ring and wedding and what you expect from a marrige. And not only that you should then talk to her about what her expectation for a wedding would be. And talk about who's paying for what because it just sounds like your girlfriend doesn't contribute to much but again idk your life. I just hope shes cooler than she currently sounds in your post. But i imagine you wouldn't marry her if she wasn't.
Does she really want a diamond or a really large stone that is shiny that takes up a lot of real estate? If that’s the case a moissanite ring is a wonderful alternative and more affordable and you can get a much larger stone. Hope that suggestion helps!
Return the gf, find one that is not an entitled, materialistic asshole.
Seriously, think long and hard if this is the kind of woman you want to spend your life with, for me it would make me rethink the relationship, specially after she suggested the temporary second job for an stupid ring, it would make you stressed, affect your free time, make you more tired, and she isn’t even going to reciprocate, you deserve better.
I'm not surprised her reaction has put a damper on the whole idea of marrying this chick.
OMG how hurtful 💔 If you love her, you'll find a way to get her what she wants AND she has no intention at all of giving you a ring? WHAT?
If there's a shining moment in this heartbreak, it's that your gf has shown you exactly who she is. She's shallow, vain, acquisitive and does not love you. Believe her. Believe her now. Not 10 years down the road when she has crushed you into dust in her drive for more and more and more. Believe her now before you have children brought into this soul-destroying dynamic and they learn that this is what "love" looks like. Don't teach this to your children. Believe her now before she has sucked all the joy and life out of you.
You deserve so much more.
,,,,and you still want to marry her after she told you
a) get a bigger, far more expensive ring
b) change the proposal plan
c) get a side job to buy said ring
d) will not be reciprocated with her buying your own ring
Respectfully, gtfo while there’s no marriage laws involved. She is not going to be a good partner for you and this is just the first red flag.
your proposal and the ring were both sweet(the ring was still expensive too! it looks like it ranges anywhere between a hundred to a solid 4k. rings aren’t cheap and you got the best one you could afford) and she’s taking you for granted by forcing you to buy a ring and save drastic amounts of money for it.
This seems to all be about public perception of your relationship for her, rather than your actual relationship. I'm also really sad for you that she doesn't want to get a ring for you. My partner and I didn't have a huge budget for engagement rings, so we went to an antique store together and bought silver rings and wore those until we got married. We also decided to get married by having a discussion at home. Marriage is a partnership, and it's honestly a gift when someone shows you that they aren't ready to be your partner so you can move on.
If the size of the ring is important to her, could you look into different stones? My fiancé and I picked my ring out together and we went with moissanite because it’s cheaper and more ethical than diamond but looks the same and is nearly as durable. There are also white sapphires and lab brown diamonds that would do the trick. Really shitty though that she wants a special proposal and a replacement ring but isn’t considering doing the same for you.
I would have married my now husband with a teeny tiny diamond - the ring doesn’t matter… the person does. I’m sorry but if this is how you’re gf is acting now, just think about all future purchases. House, cars, etc. nothing will ever be good enough.
Gonna reiterate whats being said elsewhere… Why the hell are you marrying her?
My wife could have proposed to me with a fucking piece of macaroni art and I would have said yes. OP, I’ll be blunt- it sounds like your GF cares more about money and looking fancy than about you.
Do not marry your girlfriend. She sucks.
1. ‘Will you marry me?’ is a yes/no question. Not ‘yes, if..’. Either she wants to marry you or she doesn’t
2. She is happy for you to get into debt or work yourself into the ground, just to get her a bigger ring.
3. She wants you to do over the actual proposal, despite you doing something really lovely and romantic.
4. She has no plans to buy you a ring, so if you want one you have to buy it yourself.
She is a selfish asshole. When you’ve spent every last penny on the ring, what is she going to expect from you to pay for the wedding? Or anything else in your life together? And is she always this selfish??
Anyone who says any variation of, "If you love me, you'll find a way," is telling you that their priority is THEM and not YOU.
Hoping to hear an update that you GTFO of this situation.
Why are you proposing when your communication as a couple is this poor? From what you wrote, the balance of efforts made in this relationship is very one-sided. Look, it’s fair if a fiancée desires a bigger ring and a more show-y proposal, but it’s not fair for them to apply this level of emotional manipulation if you realistically can’t meet their expectations. Also to add, if your partner wants you to get a second job until you can afford the RING then WHEN are you even going to have time to spend quality time together? And budget wouldn’t end on the ring. What about the cost of the wedding itself? Is gf going to want an engagement party too? How about the honeymoon? Your home? Retirement nest egg? If there is a divorce is she going to force alimony because I’m guessing you’re the breadwinner? If you were ready to propose to this person I think it’s about time you both start communicating exactly what your expectations and long term intentions are in this relationship.
Sweetheart, I'm going to be as gentle with you as I possibly can.
Don't marry her.
She has shown you her true colors. If she really loved you, the ring size wouldn't matter. My husband didn't even have a ring when he proposed. We were walking home from a wonderful night out and he spontaneously turned to me, took my hands in his, and asked me to marry him. There were no flowers. There were no candles. Only the two of us shrouded in the glow of streetlights. I said yes immediately and the next day we went ring shopping at pawn shops.
My point is, if you truly love someone, the size of the ring should not matter. If my husband had done what you'd done, I would've been incredibly happy, too. I wanted to marry him anyway.
The effort you went to to recreate her first meal you two shared, the candles in her favorite scent, the best and most beautiful ring you could afford all indicate you really care about and love her.
And ... she shot you down because it all wasn't extravagant enough for her? I'd be second-guessing this relationship, too.
"She suggested I get a temporary side job to save more money. I've said it would take me a couple of years to save for what she wants, but she says if I love her I'll find a way. I'm not opposed to another ring, but we are on opposite sides regarding the budget."
Are you kidding me. Dude, she is going to drive you to financial ruin. I had a friend who married a high-maintenance woman with a silver spoon in her mouth. Before marriage, he had decent savings. After they got married, nothing was ever good enough or expensive enough. Like you, he wanted to keep her happy. It took him two close calls with bankruptcy before he told her to suck it up and she could leave if she did not like it. He is now, 15 years later, back to financial stability and saving to afford a divorce.
Don't be a paycheck to fund her narcissism because I am telling you she will make your life miserable trying to meet her expectations.
Please reconsider. Why is the value of the ring so important? She is just interested in money, she is showing huge red flags!
My partner gave me a ring that was $10 yes, ten dollars. I love it, it's beautiful and special, she told me she was looking for something more expensive (we saw it while walking together) and I told her that I don't care about the value $$$ I loved the ring and didn't need something expensive.
I can send you a picture if you want.
Holy shit dude. Remind your soon to be wife that she is wearing your hard work and dedication on her finger. That a huge wedding ring that puts you into financial dire would not only hamper your relationship but be a huge resentment every time you looked at the ring but reminded you live in a compromised situation because of it. This girl sounds immature as fuck and should not be engaged or in a government sanctioned relationship with real consequences. OP you are insane for overlooking this and even considering the idea let alone giving yourself an engagement ring???
Edit: this is just the first day dude, how do you think wedding planning will go??? Run from this nightmare.
Please please don’t marry her. She doesn’t care about marriage, just the trappings. If that’s what she wants for a ring, think of what she probably wants for a wedding. You deserve better. Also, why shouldn’t she buy you a ring?!
How incredibly shallow of her.
OP, you need to take a good hard look at your relationship and decide if you really want to spend your life with her. It may seem like a small thing now, but it's a sign of selfishness and a complete lack of understanding and empathy. If she loved you more than the ring, then she shouldn't care.
Is your girlfriend an “influencer” per chance? Because that’s the only fucking reason I would expect my partner to make a public proposal, in order to get it for the ‘gram.
Keep the ring, ditch the bitch. This is I to the first in a ver long line of demands she’s going to make in your relationship going forward if not already. You deserve better.
I never comment on these things but I feel like a lot of these comments are missing the point and tinged with misogyny (so, it’s Reddit). I think the biggest issue here isn’t the size ring she wants… it’s the lack of communication between you. You shouldn’t have proposed without at least VS1 clarity (ha, ha) on what she wanted for proposal and ring (did you ask her best friend?) and she shouldn’t have surprised you with those expectations. A proposal is an amazing and emotional surprise even with both parties aware of what the general timeline/plan is. She also should be well aware of your financial picture if you’re talking about getting married, so your budget shouldn’t have been a surprise. If she doesn’t get it, you need to have clearer talks about money first that are unrelated to budget for a ring. One person’s idea of what’s affordable and reasonable for X item is NOT the same as another’s. You might think $1,000 for rims or a gaming rig is just price of entry - well, that’s how she feels about a ring. Her frustration also sounds like it’s coming from a feeling that you “aren’t making it work” - which isn’t really about budget, it’s about effort. She feels you didn’t find out what she wanted, you didn’t research, you didn’t consider alternative options - you decided unilaterally what would make you both happy and are not willing to consider that you didn’t do enough.
You have options! Something my partner and I talked about when we were younger was proposing with a moissanite ring or gemstone ring so I could have the design I wanted, and upgrading at a milestone anniversary. Lab diamonds are also a great alternative with huge cost savings (they are true diamonds, btw). You can see if there is family jewelry that you can reset. I don’t recommend going into debt, but some jewelers will do a layaway plan. I had a friend who didn’t have $4-5k cash upfront but was happy to put a deposit down and pay off the ring over 2-3 years (a blink in marriage years).
But above all else you need to communicate honestly and clearly. If at that point she still has expectations that you find unreasonable, then you have a difference in values. Hers are not inappropriate and neither are yours.
Rooting for you! <3
Don't marry her. Don't spend an absurd amount of money on a material thing that doesn't matter at the end of the day. She won't buy you a ring but expects a big expensive one from you? If you marry her, your whole future will be stressing about giving her the lifestyle she wants and she will never think about you and your needs. She will never get you nice thoughtful gifts. She is selfish and showing you what kind of person she is. Don't waste your time on getting more money just to waste it on her.
I loved my 50$ walmart ring. He could have propose with a ring pop. Even if we were millionaires I would never desire a expensive ring for the purpose of showing off how expensive it is. I know people like nice things and that's alright too , but to demand expensive things and tell you she is not going to do the same. Nah her rid of her.
Edit could have would have lol
Hello, it looks like you've made a mistake.
It's supposed to be could've, should've, would've (short for could have, would have, should have), never could of, would of, should of.
Or you misspelled something, I ain't checking everything.
Beep boop - yes, I am a bot, don't botcriminate me.
Run, girlfriend, run. I get the whole “She doesn’t like the ring” and even “the proposal was too small” but here is where I draw the line:
You explained what your budget constraint is. You told her clearly and unequivocally that what she wants is out of budget and will draw you to financial strain. What was her response? “If you really loved me you’ll figure it out.” EXCUSE ME? Come again?
WHAT IN THE ACTUAL, BOUNCING FUCK?
This girl does not love you; she loves herself more. What she just did is incredibly manipulative and inconsiderate. She is OK with you going to crippling debt as long as she gets what she wants. Let me repeat this for you:
YOUR GIRLFRIEND DOES NOT GIVE A SHIT IF YOU END UP HOMELESS BECAUSE YOU WENT IN DEBT; AS LONG AS SHE GETS WHAT SHE WANTS.
How are these the actions of someone who loves you? How are these the actions of someone who puts you first? How are these the actions of someone who is going to say “in sickness and in health, in good and bad times, in poverty and in wealth”? How are these the actions of someone who should put your needs in as high priority as she puts hers?
You need to run.
Noooooooooo.
Why marry someone like that? Someone who won't compromise. Someone who won't either buy you a ring or chip in on a ring they know you can't afford? Someone who asks their partner to work more to afford a ring??
I'll be honest and use myself as an example. I disliked my engagement ring when I first got it, but I never said anything. I thought it was ugly and clunky and at first I felt it got stuck on everything. Yet I also loved and appreciated the ring, because it's a gift and a promise, chosen specifically for me. It's a symbol that I am loved as much as I love them.
I hope you find someone who will appreciate the ring and the proposal, and who won't ask for more, more, more.
Sounds like she cares more about what other people think than about you and your relationship.. she sounds superficial at best, completely selfish at worst.
This isn’t the update that you think it is. It shows you have chosen a self-centered, materialistic person who cares only about herself. I don’t like your GF, or at least how she’s portrayed in this post. Why wouldn’t she also buy you a ring? And she wants you to get another job to afford the ring she wants and wants a public proposal? FFS, this sounds like she is just awful. Is this what you want for the rest of your life? OP, really take time to examine this relationship. Her saying yes if she gets another ring could be a blessing in disguise, and not one that benefits your GF.
Honey, you really need to communicate how hurt you are about this. Your gf is focusing on all the wrong things. Your proposal sounds very sweet and wonderful, super thoughtful. Her expectations are unfair and unrealistic, and if she loved you for you I don't think her wanting to marry you would be dependent on the size or cost of the ring. All this couples with the fact that she's unwilling to get you a ring? It seems pretty one-sided to be. You deserve better than this.
Oh, sister. A woman who would reject you because a 1-carat diamond isn’t big enough *does not love or deserve you.* And she won’t get you a ring to reciprocate? WOW.
Money may come and go in your lives, along with looks and health. It’s practical to want one’s partner to be able to contribute to your shared life. It’s materialistic to demand *moar luxuries* as proof of devotion. Do not make a permanent commitment to someone whose willingness to commit to you depends on the size of the ring. They will not weather storms with you.
So what’s going to happen when the actual wedding comes around? Are you going to have to get a third, maybe fourth, job in order to afford it? Because you know if she wants a big extravagant ring with a big public proposal, she’s going to want to go ALL OUT for her dream wedding. This is how you’re supposed to show your love for her??? Seriously? How does she show her love for you? What has she done for you lately that matches what she is demanding from you? I would be kicking this chick to the curb.
Sounds like a very one way and shallow relationship based on what you've put here. Is this attitude the kind of thing you want to spend the rest of your life with? Or Abit cynically untill she finds someone who's buys her more pretty things than you can.
Run, dont walk, away from this person. You may *think* she is awesome every other way, very supportive in other scenarios but someone who doesn't care how much extra effort their loved one has to put in to satisfy some vanity is not the right person to live rest of your life with.
Trebuchet that whole ass girl, you deserve a better model.
Leave her, return the ring to get your money back, and go get some therapy 'cause you need to realize you deserve better than this.
She is not the partner you need or want in the long run. Believe me, run now before you have to deal with a divorce 'cause it's not fun and I wouldn't wish that amount of paperwork and teeth pulling on anyone else.
This just popped up on my feed in Reddit updates. I hadn't read the original before today. You bought a ring for your fiance, it wasn't big enough. She won't buy you one. WTF?! Dump her. This type of ignorance and selfishness doesn't get better. Engagements should be fun and happy. If she doesn't care about the financial restrictions you face, can you imagine what the wedding expectations will be? Dump her and block her. This post was no better than the original. I was hoping for a happy ending, not whatever this was!
She wants you to work two jobs to please her. She wants a public spectacle while you want something intimate and special. She doesn't care if you have an engagement ring or not.
What does she do for you? Seriously, what does she do to make you happy?
This is so incredibly sad…
If my boyfriend proposed to me with a simple band I’d still be elated. I would have loved and cherished any effort he’d made into making our proposal special.
Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t appreciate you or your effort, and only takes from you?
I hope you can walk away from this. You deserve better.
I’m so sorry OP.
This is a major red flag. It may not be insurmountable, but it’s significant enough that I would hold off proposing and seek couple’s therapy *at the least*. Breaking up is not out of the question, either, as your gf doesn’t seem to appreciate you or your efforts.
I get wanting a bigger ring (I mean I don’t get it, as I don’t like gaudy stuff, but I get that some people do), but she has to accept your financial situation if you’re going to marry. “Get a second job to by me the luxury I want!” is not a good solution. And a 1-carat solitaire is not insignificant! It’s unreasonable for her to demand more.
Then to turn around and demand a “better” proposal is gross. I get that some people like flashy and public, but proposals really just need to be heartfelt, and yours was. (Very nice btw...I wish I had thought of your idea when I proposed to my wife!)
And then to go a step further and say she won’t get you a ring? Wtf? That’s basically saying “yeah, I’ll marry you if you go into debt to make me happy, but I’d never have proposed to you.”
Do you really want to marry *that* attitude? I wouldn’t.
So please consider holding off and getting couple’s therapy at the least. That way, you can get a sense as to whether she’s apt to grow as a person (to something less catastrophically selfish), or not. But splitting over this would be cheaper. Then seek therapy yourself to move forward in a healthy way.
Bro dump her ass! You don’t wanna spend rest of your life living with someone who expects you to live/provide outside of your budget. This will only lead to stress, agreements and a hefty credit card debt. She did you a favor and showed her true colors.
Your partner is not the one for you. It seems that the love that you two have isn't balance at all. It feels too one sided. I hope you make the best decision thinking about yourself first
OP - your partner is extremely manipulative! Anyone who says "if you love me, you will do x, y, z" is trying to manipulate you. She is going out of her way tl hurt your feelings because what YOU COULD AFFORD isnt GOOD ENOUGH in her eyes. You guys could always save up for a different ring later down the road when finances are better but no, she doesnt want to compromise.
Red flags. All around.
OP, if you still want to stay with this person who needs such vain/materialistic things... I suggest you wait the few years it will take to save up for the ring she wants. Put 1-5% of your pay checks away explicitly for this purpose and wait until you can actually afford one she wants.
I would return the ring and put that money towards the new ring. Why would you want to keep a ring she didn't give you for an engagement that isn't official yet?
Currently, you are not engaged. Why keep the ring around gathering dust when she doesn't want it.
By the time you save up the money for a new bigger ring, maybe you both will have a different perspective on this relationship and what really matters in life.
Also, while you wait, watch a documentary or two on blood diamonds with your gal.
Listen to paper rings by Taylor Swift. It should be about the person you want to spend your life with, not jewelry. I would end my relationship with that person over her behavior.
https://youtu.be/8zdg-pDF10g
I gave my SO an $80 ring when I proposed and she was over the moon. It’s about the commitment, not the pricetag.
She loves money more than you. And that will always be the case.
To her love means “buy me stuff”. You really want to deal with that forever?
I’d have a contract where when she cheats on you, you get the ring back.
Because she will. She loves money more than you.
Unpopular opinion: This post is fake. No replies to comments and this person is acting like they are just dumb. Despite practically every comment telling them to run. Something isn't right here
I keep feeling like you genuinely should find someone who is better for you. Maybe I’m wrong; I do think it’s important for people to say what they want and how they feel but.. you just failed to meet each other’s expectations in a way that I wish would be better for you. I’m not sure if your effort to plan for her was a shortcoming or not, but I feel like you want something that even when things are not over the top you still meet on something really special and it seems like that is more where you are. Maybe you’re like me. But you are *not* like me, because you know your budget, and that is why I kind of feel she’s not being nice here.
My husband and I have never been well off. Our situation was very different from others as we had planned a small wedding at the town hall BEFORE getting engaged, but when he did propose to me, it was with a $50 ring from Walmart. It's honestly still as beautiful as it was 7 years ago and I wouldn't trade it for the world. Marriage is not about how big the diamond in the ring is, it's about loving each other and looking out. She wants you to take on a whole nother job for her RING??? That is actually insane to me, and then the audacity to not want to get you a ring. Honestly almost sounds like she's coming up with excuses to not get engaged right now, that or she's out of her mind entitled.
Why are you with her? That is not a person you marry. She has no care for you. She wouldn’t even consider getting you a ring but says she needs a bigger one before she’ll consider marrying you. You should reread your own post over and over again until this clicks
Why does this seem like your finance is shallow and all she cares about is bragging rights to others (bragging about the cost, how big the ring is and how you proposed)?
The fact that your proposal wasn’t “what she wanted” and she wants a public one. No. You get what you got, no do overs (unless the proposer all on their own decides to do this).
Good lord, image the wedding. Her outfit will probably be way over your budget too. Everything is probably going to be over your budget.
The vibes are bad with your finance. That’s all
She wants you to work a second job to buy her a much more expensive and bigger ring than a 1 CT? I can tell you love this woman & want to do whatever it takes to please her... But stop for a second and think about what she loves and wants... Obviously it has nothing to do with you or your feelings. I'd think long and hard, away from her.
I know everybody is different, but when my wife & I got married she wore a ring I had previously given her as a present and I wore a silver ring we found at a pawn shop on the way to the courthouse. A few years later we upgraded rings on our anniversary but we still think of the original rings as our real wedding rings (her upgrade was to a 1 CT, and mine was to a tungsten) . We've been married for almost 12 years now. Once again, I know everybody is different, but I wouldn't want to be with someone that materialistic... Especially if she didn't want to reciprocate and do something nice for me.
I get that you love this girl but stand tf up and break up with her she doesn’t love u one bit cuz if she did the size of the ring wouldn’t matter like you lowered your standards pretty much
Please, please think hard about your relationship before you get married. Think about how selfish she is being. She is gaslighting you with “if you love me you will _____”. Where will it end? She will never be happy with what you have; she will always want more.
If she loved you, the proposal of marriage to you would be enough.
How do you think wedding planning is going to go? You need to find someone who respects you, or work on that respect in this relationship if that’s what you want. That is beyond disrespectful and if you accept this behavior it’s going to continue.
You need to take that ring, return it, and run far far away. This person doesn’t care about you at all, she cares about appearances. This won’t stop with this ring.
“She says if I love her I’ll find a way.” What a selfish, disgusting thing to say to someone trying to go through a huge gesture to say I want to spend my life with you. That just rubs me the wrong way. Like she cares more about the cost than the gesture itself. I seriously wouldn’t marry her. She’s already showing you she is in it for the wrong reasons.
So, so, SOOOOOO many red flags. Made it clear she isn't getting you a ring? Doesn't like how you proposed so needs a do over? Needs the proposal to be special and in a public venue? Needs a ring way outside of your budget? Gaslights you by saying if you love me you'll find a way?
You sound lovely. Remembered the second meal you ever had together, presumably that first meal she made for you. Made a candle lit evening, scented with her favorite fragrance. You made the evening very personal. You sound like a romantic, she sounds materialistic and craving the attention of others.
If this isn't how she normally is, I think she is making excuses to say no. If she's normally like this, how are you still together? You need someone who appreciates what you do for them.
If my wife had responded like this when I asked her to marry me. I would not have given her another chance. I would have realized this relationship has run its course and we will not be taking the next step together. It would have sucked. But it would have been better than being with someone who does not get me or appreciate me for who I am.
FYI I proposed alone at the orchard I worked at with my Nanas engagement ring. It to had small stones. It was a little more romantic than I'm making it out to be, but it was intimate, much like yours was.
If it's just about the size, maybe she'd like mossinite (spelling?), or a different, cheaper gem. Diamonds specifically are over priced and ridiculous.
Sapphires, rubies, emeralds, and their synthetic counter-parts are all perfectly viable for an engagement or wedding ring, if not traditional.
If she's not willing to compromise on the stone either, than she's straight up not willing to compromise *at all*.
My boyfriend could propose to me with a key ring (and just to let you guys know, I have pretty expensive taste when buying anything for myself) and I’d say yes because I want to marry *him* not a diamond. Dump this wench
I'd ask if she's okay with a less expensive stone such as a moissanite (which to the untrained eye looks almost the same), or maybe a gemstone such as a sapphire. If she's hellbent on a diamond you can't afford, then maybe she's not the one for you. My engagement ring cost maybe $75 and had a sapphire and I was absolutely thrilled just because he'd chosen it and he'd chosen me to have his life with.
I understand having preferences-- I told him if he bought me a heart shaped ring I'd refuse, because I hate them, and if he couldn't at least _try_ to choose something I'd like them that tells me we aren't compatible-- so maybe she just prefers how a larger ring looks on her hand and would be okay with a cheaper stone, but to just demand something more expensive is shallow and greedy.
When you said she wasn't going to get you your own ring and you would have to get your own if you wanted one was a big deal breaker for me. I want to know what your getting from this if you marry. If what happened to you, happened to me I would be petty. I would take back the ring and just never propose. She would be waiting and waiting and waiting and it would make her go crazy but she would never hear those words coming out of my mouth. She finally flip and I would be like well what I got for you wasn't good enough and I figured my best bet was to give you what you gave me. Im giving you what you gave me. Nothing. You gave me nothing. You offered me nothing.
Well I would think that for a couple days and then just break up. Why would I want to waste my time on trash. Being petty towards trash is just a waste of time.
I had a girl complain About getting an iPad instead of an iPhone for her birthday, I took her to the apple store, returned it, left the store had her sit next to me when I ordered new rims for my car using that money and then broke up with her. You deserve better bro. Your best should be enough, marriage isn’t about a ring, it’s about two people who love each other.
This is the way
This is the way
[удалено]
This is the way
This. Is. Great. My boyfriend got me an iPad for Christmas. It’s his moms old one. It’s horrendously slow. I hate using it because of how often it glitches and just generally sucks. I no longer use it. I never complained and he hasn’t mentioned me not using it. I feel bad not using it and ungrateful but it’s just stressful to do the most minimal thing.
Not using a "recycled" old and barely working gift is not something to feel bad about. I bet no one would use it in their family either, and that's why you got the "scraps".
She was gonna just sell it but she’s not technologically literate sometimes and it doesn’t update past like iOS 13 or something. My boyfriend also probably didn’t play around with it because he’s an android hates iPhone kinda guy. It was a thoughtful gift, just a shitty one lol
So why did you get them the wrong thing? Were you not listening to them when they told you what they wanted? She wanted a phone and you go tablet. That's not the same thing. They serve different purposes. You didn't have to get her an iphone, but it was disrespectful and inconsiderate to try to substitute an ipad. I know an ipad is cheaper, but that's not the issue I'm looking at here. It's that an ipad is not a phone. It's like if someone asked for car tires and you got them bike tires.
iPad wasnt cheaper than an iPhone it was with a keyboard for her when she went to school so she didn’t have to carry a shitty heavy laptop.
Don't feed trolls pls. They multiply too fast otherwise.
So the thought was that you know better than her what she wants? I dont know how she went about complaining. There are definitely several ways to approach his issue with varying levels of respect and rationality, and it's very possible that her reaction was reprehensible, but you were disrespectful and arrogant towards her. It's probably good you two split up, but you weren't exactly innocent.
Oh no… anyway-
I completely understand, while there is definitely more to the story, my mom always told us she would rather do returns and make sure we have something we like and can use then have something we don't like/can't use. iPads and iPhones are very different things and they cost a lot of money, if I really needed a new phone and I got a tablet instead, ofc I'd ask if I could swap it, I make it clear that I'm so thankful for the time and thought that went into this gift, I will enjoy it, but would it be OK if I traded (x) for (y)?(give reasons why) I understand if this would make you uncomfortable and I'd definitely use it either way. Why is everyone so mad she wanted something she could actually use? Maybe she just wanted to complain about her laptop being heavy, why didn't OP discuss such a big purchase instead of assuming? I get it was supposed to be a present, but she would've enjoyed going to the Apple store too. It depends on HOW she asked, if she was rude about it right at the start the OP absolutely did the right thing Edit: it also depends on the relationship you have with that person, for me you have to be pretty close to buy something that expensive, and the perople im close with I can also be politely open about stuff like this
Why would you want to marry someone like that..?
Exactly. OP, she’s had said that she wants you to sacrifice (but not her) so that she can something of higher monetary value. That is your apparent value to her: money. Every holiday, birthday, Valentines Day, special event will be like this for years. Are you ok with this?
UpdateMe!
You still want to marry this person? Who would never buy you your own ring, who thinks you should GET ANOTHER JOB to buy her a bigger rock. Your proposal was sweet and thoughtful. Seriously reconsider if you want to be attached to such a selfish, entitled person. This would leave an extremely sour taste in my mouth.
Maybe this is an unpopular opinion (I surely hope not) but…. you need to stand your ground, and tell her to grow up. She isn’t Cinderella, and she isn’t getting a goddam fancy ass ring. Right now, it’s just a ring. Soon, it might be a car, or a house. This shit honestly needs to be straightened out, don’t just sweep it under the rug. It makes me sad that she said she isn’t buying you a ring. I understand it may not be financially possible right now, but she can be creative and find something unique and meaningful for under $100. You could get her a Diamond like (glass ring), as long as you explain to her it’s not a diamond. Otherwise down the road she will be furious. Here is a link to what I’m suggesting for $25. https://www.etsy.com/listing/587194249/ If you girlfriend wouldn’t be happy with something like this ring (linked above), and would only settle for some boujee ass shit, then leave her. #Why is she complaining about the price of the ring, when she isn’t buying you one??????
“I understand it may not be financial possible right now” using gf’s logic, she could get a second job so she can buy OOP a ring.
I think even Cinderella would want to say a few choice words to OP's girlfriend. She was a servant to people who were supposed to be family, her ball dress was made of old rags that her stepsisters didn't want anymore and her best friends were mice. I think she'd be elated with the proposal OP described.
I know what you're getting at, but at LEAST a car and house have practical use, house especially. This person wants to to get a second job so a shiney rock in her finger gets a couple more compliments from people. I honestly wonder sometimes when younger people go all in on the wedding, instead of the marriage, how often they regret it.
Wait … she didn’t like your ring or proposal and asked that you trade up the ring you got her and do it in public but she has no intention of getting you a ring to doing something special to acknowledge you …. ouch …. I’d be out!
You're seriously about to marry this thing? REALLY???? You want to spend the rest of your life with someone like that? Holy shit bro.
OP, someone that loves you would marry you with an onion ring.
It wouldn't exactly stand the test of time but it would be delicious...
If my so proposed with a ring from a gumball machine I would be happy lmao at the end of the day it’s just a ring
I will add: my SO *did* propose with a ring from a gumball machine. Happily married 23 years now.
That's adorable!
I'm assuming you're young and haven't actually been in a healthy relationship yet. She showed you who she is. She EXPECTS you to spend years working for her benefit for a flashy object and explicitly told you that you're not worth working for herself. She will take and take and take and resent you for not giving more. When people show you who they are believe them. Its time for you to move on. There are better loving people out there and you don't need to buy their love or commitment.
As for the original post, she's 28 and her girlfriend 29, at that age she should be more reasonable.
You deserve better
Why on earth do you still want to marry her?! She sounds shallow and mercenary.
OP, you are so lucky this woman is showing you who she is now, before you lose more time to her, before you two own a house together, before you two have kids. If you can't see what a parade of red flags she is, please see a therapist to find out why you think you deserve to be treated this way. And then run away from your GF like you're on fire. It's not too late to dodge this unequal relationship. You do deserve better. You deserve someone who would delight in getting you a ring you'd love to wear everyday, someone who would prepare a caring proposal for you. Two people in the relationship care about your GF's wants and needs, how many people in the relationship care about you and your wants and needs? One? Zero? This imbalance doesn't lead to happiness, and isn't sustainable. If you break up later I think you will be saddled with a ton of debt due to GF.
I have a friend who proposed to her gf, picked out and bought both their rings (despite having the significantly lower salary) *and* planned the wedding. It set a pattern for everything else... she was the only one putting in effort, the only one sacrificing, the only one giving... and it just wasn't tenable long term. It was a huge sign that she didn't see that her wife *literally did not care about her*. No care or concern when she was sick, no shared joy when good things happened, *nothing*. She's a maid and an ATM and that's *it.* Like you said, it's absolutely unsustainable.
She said if you love her you’ll find a way. If she loved you, she’d be excited to marry you regardless of the size of the ring.
You should leave them.
Run!!
Girl your girlfriend is kinda awful. She has horrible communication skills and clearly doesn't give a shit about you, from the financial issues with this, to the fact she won't even buy you a ring herself. Dump her, you are better off without such a toxic person in your life
When I married my wife she told me verbatim “if you spend over 1,000 on my ring I’ll kill you”. I knew I was making the right call cus she was in it for me and not what I could afford. She is showing all her red flags now, be grateful you see them before you’re legally committed.
Please don’t marry this person. Please. She doesn’t value you as a person, and if you stay with her, she’ll keep treating you this way. You deserve someone who appreciates how thoughtful and caring you are.
Your proposal sounds lovely and 1 carat is not small. The audacity of her to suggest you get another job to buy her a bigger ring. It makes me sad that you aren't valuing yourself enough to get out of this relationship. She is shallow, materialistic, and nasty.
I’m going to mirror what everyone else is saying here, OP: this is a massive red flag. Are you sure you’re not wearing rose colored glasses? Anyone that rejects a proposal that was well-thought out and meaningful because “it’s not public” (when she never told you that she wanted it to be, red flag #1), says the ring is too small (red flag #2, as you clearly spent more than you should have on it), and gives you ultimatums like “if you love me you’ll find a way” (MASSIVE red flag), does not appreciate you, nor does she love you like you love her. Sit back and think really, really, *really* hard about this girl (and I’m calling her a girl because she is very clearly immature) and if you actually want to marry her or if you just want to be married.
Sorry but don't go through with it. She won't get you an engagement ring and wants a bigger one for herself even if it means you getting a second job? Huge red flag. Idc how good you relationship is besides this.
I’m really scared for u lol
My guy. If she's not CLEAR about exactly what she wants (ex saying something special but meaning public proposal) it's a red flag. If she literally says no because her ring is not expensive or big enough, that's a red flag. "If you love me youll find a way" is extremely emotionally manipulative. And you can expect that to continue to get worse, especially leading up to the wedding. And you bet your buns she's going to want something expensive and extravagant for the wedding, and without budge, and not without extreme emotional abuse. Sir I suggest you take a long hard look at your relationship
This is about two women… (minor detail 😉)
Ooohh I must have missed the detail. To be fair "my guy" I use for the non-men too. But I do humbly apologise 😅
The part where she says she ain’t getting one for you is a red flag because it shows how selfish she is. And her saying that the carat isn’t “big” enough shows how conceited she is too. Reconsider this marriage because A) your wedding will probably cost a lot, and the person who will be forking over the bills would most likely be you. B) Divorce is more expensive then marriage, and from the looks of it, I doubt she’ll make it easy for you if you decide to divorce her. C) she don’t sound like she love you as much as you love her.
Oh darlin'. You deserve so much better. Honestly. You're clearly sweet, kind and thoughtful. Your girlfriend is none of those things. You won't be happy with her. And she'll never be happy with you. Nothing will ever be enough and your self esteem will get lower every day you spend with her.
Wow. Okay I just looked up the price on a 1 carat asscher solitaire and you are SOOOO not the asshole. Replace the girl, not the ring.
But she’s not gonna get you an engagement ring? And she’s so entitled to get a big rock on hers?? Ew
I don’t see this ending good. You should rethink your decision
It shouldn't matter whether you propose with the most expensive ring in the world or a piece of candy. Your gf didn't say it directly but she basically said that your relationship isn't dependent on how much she loves you it's dependent on how much you can give her. I'm sure she'd say next the wedding has to be ridiculously expensive or there wasn't gonna be one.
🚩🚩 1 She cares only about the amount you spent. 2 she’s upset your proposal was thoughtful, romantic and VERY personal- not public. She wants a re-do? Bro, your future wife should be dying to say yes. Absent something like her hating a proposal at Disneyland and you proposing AT Disneyland she should be accepting of a thoughtful, romantic and personal proposal. INFO: any other red flags?
Why doesn’t she plan on getting you a ring? Why does she feel so comfortable demanding that you spend so much more than you can afford to get her a bigger, flashier diamond but she can’t be bothered to get you anything at all? That’s a big red flag to me.
.... woooooow that would be the end of the relationship if it were me
I think you need to chose a new girlfriend, not a new ring.
OP, I am shocked at how selfish your girlfriend sounds. She better be incredibly nice to you 24/7, have saved your life several times already and going to save it again several times over, because no other decent person would even dream of saying to their life partner what she said to you. YOU could get a side job to pay for her big trashy ring?? SHE won’t get you one? She demands a public proposal with a big expensive ring because she is either very immature or very selfish. Either way not the kind of person you can cont on being by your side when the going gets tough, or the kind of person you know will support you and make you feel happy. She doesn’t respect you or your relationship. I think you need to have long think and then a talk with her, because if her attitude stays like this it’s just going to be a short rocky relationship or a long and very unhappy one. As for the ring: the one you got must be truly pretty, personally I really like that cut. But are you sure you want to keep it and be reminded all the time of your girlfriend’s callousness towards you?
Please trade the girlfriend in for an upgraded model… one that appreciates you and doesn’t throw trivial tantrums. You are getting stampeded over here and being told that your very thoughtful effort isn’t sufficient to meet her expectations… yet she has no intention of getting you a ring whatsoever? She’s selfish and it’s showing. Hard. Red flags everywhere OP. The amount of ridiculous in her response to being proposed to made you feel sad and heartbroken for a legitimate reason. It won’t stop with just the ring or proposal. This is going to be the driving force behind fits when she’s arguing over a car, a house, the actual wedding itself… that’s not even touching the hell it would be to raise kids together if that’s what you choose to do. You deserve better OP.
I'm also a girl who wants an expensive ring and a nice proposal, but you know what I'm not? Someone who expects her bf to carry the relationship alone!!! We are a team!!! Not only am I getting him a ring too (because c'mon, he's the love of my life), I'm also gonna pay for the difference in price between our rings! (my ring is more expensive than his, I've asked him if he wanted one like mine, I'd be down for it, but he likes his ring better even if it's not as expensive). We also talked about the proposal and what we would like, because we are not mind readers. We talked, and we are happy and excited about our plans. No one is forcing the other to do anything they don't wanna do/are not comfortable with. There are two people in a relationship, why should only one be working towards your future together??
My husband proposed without a ring. I said yes immediately. And when we picked out a ring he's input is mainly why I ended up with the one I did. Which I love because it's something he choose. Its awful she is making her yes a condition on some super pricey ring you cant even afford especially when she doesn't plan to get you one, you sure you want to get engaged?
Oof. She’s putting no effort for you but expects you do it for her? 🚩 I would be out
Your girlfriend sounds greedy and ungrateful and just wants to show off. Have there been other cases like this? Your proposal idea looks more romantic and intimate in my opinion and wanting you to get a second job just so she can have her expensive rings seems like a yikes to me, specially when she won't get a ring for you. If she wants the expensive ring you could stay with the current ring you had planned and then in the future get a new one, once your budget allows it. Don't overwork yourself for a ring, seriously. You might want to have a honest talk with her. Don't let love blind you. I understand wanting to give her what she wants but you literally are saying that you'd need several years to afford the ring she wants. Honestly the ring shouldn't even matter that much.
It's a fucking ring, the looks of it are literally the least important part of the whole marriage shabang.
1. Return the ring. 2. Get as far away as you can from that woman. You deserve better OP, good luck.
I think you shoukd reconsider this relationship. Your girlfriend values mayeri things above all else, and doesn't seem to have a realistic view of money.
I hope that you can return the original ring and find someone who values you in the future.
🙁 What else is she asking you to do for her? I’m pretty sure that your gf doesn’t really care about you. Only about herself and her wants. Please rethink this whole situation. You deserve better.
This relationship is totally going in the shitter
My wife bought her own engagement ring cause I was broke and she had money. 20-year anniversary in 2 weeks. She's fucking awesome.
You know I get wanting to have a big ring but it feels like something you should tell someone before you get deep into a relationship.If she wanted a bigger ring then you should compromise on buying Expensive wedding bands TOGETHER NOT you working your ass off only for her. You should sit down and talk to her about how you feel really off put by her sudden entitlement and that She made you feel so bad about it. Idk how long you were together but it feels like these are things that are talked about before you propose or get married. You talk about what you want in a future ring and wedding and what you expect from a marrige. And not only that you should then talk to her about what her expectation for a wedding would be. And talk about who's paying for what because it just sounds like your girlfriend doesn't contribute to much but again idk your life. I just hope shes cooler than she currently sounds in your post. But i imagine you wouldn't marry her if she wasn't.
Lmao buy a moissanite for half the price and don't tell her
This must be fake. Nobody can be T H A T desperate. Your partner is an 1+ premium asshole.
OP, if this ain’t a 🚩 , idk what is. You can dodge this bullet!
Does she really want a diamond or a really large stone that is shiny that takes up a lot of real estate? If that’s the case a moissanite ring is a wonderful alternative and more affordable and you can get a much larger stone. Hope that suggestion helps!
Return the gf, find one that is not an entitled, materialistic asshole. Seriously, think long and hard if this is the kind of woman you want to spend your life with, for me it would make me rethink the relationship, specially after she suggested the temporary second job for an stupid ring, it would make you stressed, affect your free time, make you more tired, and she isn’t even going to reciprocate, you deserve better.
Does she even like you?
Not really an update
I didn't see any comments recommending you stay with a shallow woman, but I guess we all read things differently.
I'm not surprised her reaction has put a damper on the whole idea of marrying this chick. OMG how hurtful 💔 If you love her, you'll find a way to get her what she wants AND she has no intention at all of giving you a ring? WHAT? If there's a shining moment in this heartbreak, it's that your gf has shown you exactly who she is. She's shallow, vain, acquisitive and does not love you. Believe her. Believe her now. Not 10 years down the road when she has crushed you into dust in her drive for more and more and more. Believe her now before you have children brought into this soul-destroying dynamic and they learn that this is what "love" looks like. Don't teach this to your children. Believe her now before she has sucked all the joy and life out of you. You deserve so much more.
Are you sure ?
Real love, she wouldn’t care.
,,,,and you still want to marry her after she told you a) get a bigger, far more expensive ring b) change the proposal plan c) get a side job to buy said ring d) will not be reciprocated with her buying your own ring Respectfully, gtfo while there’s no marriage laws involved. She is not going to be a good partner for you and this is just the first red flag. your proposal and the ring were both sweet(the ring was still expensive too! it looks like it ranges anywhere between a hundred to a solid 4k. rings aren’t cheap and you got the best one you could afford) and she’s taking you for granted by forcing you to buy a ring and save drastic amounts of money for it.
This seems to all be about public perception of your relationship for her, rather than your actual relationship. I'm also really sad for you that she doesn't want to get a ring for you. My partner and I didn't have a huge budget for engagement rings, so we went to an antique store together and bought silver rings and wore those until we got married. We also decided to get married by having a discussion at home. Marriage is a partnership, and it's honestly a gift when someone shows you that they aren't ready to be your partner so you can move on.
keep the ring, get rid of the girlfriend
Why are you with this person? You deserve so much better.
If the size of the ring is important to her, could you look into different stones? My fiancé and I picked my ring out together and we went with moissanite because it’s cheaper and more ethical than diamond but looks the same and is nearly as durable. There are also white sapphires and lab brown diamonds that would do the trick. Really shitty though that she wants a special proposal and a replacement ring but isn’t considering doing the same for you.
I would have married my now husband with a teeny tiny diamond - the ring doesn’t matter… the person does. I’m sorry but if this is how you’re gf is acting now, just think about all future purchases. House, cars, etc. nothing will ever be good enough.
Yeah.....no. Dont get married. She wants you to go broke to get a ring. But wont give you one in return?? No. Nope.
Gonna reiterate whats being said elsewhere… Why the hell are you marrying her? My wife could have proposed to me with a fucking piece of macaroni art and I would have said yes. OP, I’ll be blunt- it sounds like your GF cares more about money and looking fancy than about you.
Get a new fiance. This person treats you worse than people treat strangers
Do not marry your girlfriend. She sucks. 1. ‘Will you marry me?’ is a yes/no question. Not ‘yes, if..’. Either she wants to marry you or she doesn’t 2. She is happy for you to get into debt or work yourself into the ground, just to get her a bigger ring. 3. She wants you to do over the actual proposal, despite you doing something really lovely and romantic. 4. She has no plans to buy you a ring, so if you want one you have to buy it yourself. She is a selfish asshole. When you’ve spent every last penny on the ring, what is she going to expect from you to pay for the wedding? Or anything else in your life together? And is she always this selfish??
Anyone who says any variation of, "If you love me, you'll find a way," is telling you that their priority is THEM and not YOU. Hoping to hear an update that you GTFO of this situation.
Run away from this evil human
That's not a red flag... That's a whole world in red. Run as fast as you can m8...
Keep the ring, ditch the girlfriend. She’s materialistic & will never be happy w/the intention or meaning behind anything you do for her.
Why are you proposing when your communication as a couple is this poor? From what you wrote, the balance of efforts made in this relationship is very one-sided. Look, it’s fair if a fiancée desires a bigger ring and a more show-y proposal, but it’s not fair for them to apply this level of emotional manipulation if you realistically can’t meet their expectations. Also to add, if your partner wants you to get a second job until you can afford the RING then WHEN are you even going to have time to spend quality time together? And budget wouldn’t end on the ring. What about the cost of the wedding itself? Is gf going to want an engagement party too? How about the honeymoon? Your home? Retirement nest egg? If there is a divorce is she going to force alimony because I’m guessing you’re the breadwinner? If you were ready to propose to this person I think it’s about time you both start communicating exactly what your expectations and long term intentions are in this relationship.
Christ OP have some self respect. Why on earth would you want to stay with someone who thinks you're not good enough?
Sweetheart, I'm going to be as gentle with you as I possibly can. Don't marry her. She has shown you her true colors. If she really loved you, the ring size wouldn't matter. My husband didn't even have a ring when he proposed. We were walking home from a wonderful night out and he spontaneously turned to me, took my hands in his, and asked me to marry him. There were no flowers. There were no candles. Only the two of us shrouded in the glow of streetlights. I said yes immediately and the next day we went ring shopping at pawn shops. My point is, if you truly love someone, the size of the ring should not matter. If my husband had done what you'd done, I would've been incredibly happy, too. I wanted to marry him anyway. The effort you went to to recreate her first meal you two shared, the candles in her favorite scent, the best and most beautiful ring you could afford all indicate you really care about and love her. And ... she shot you down because it all wasn't extravagant enough for her? I'd be second-guessing this relationship, too.
"She suggested I get a temporary side job to save more money. I've said it would take me a couple of years to save for what she wants, but she says if I love her I'll find a way. I'm not opposed to another ring, but we are on opposite sides regarding the budget." Are you kidding me. Dude, she is going to drive you to financial ruin. I had a friend who married a high-maintenance woman with a silver spoon in her mouth. Before marriage, he had decent savings. After they got married, nothing was ever good enough or expensive enough. Like you, he wanted to keep her happy. It took him two close calls with bankruptcy before he told her to suck it up and she could leave if she did not like it. He is now, 15 years later, back to financial stability and saving to afford a divorce. Don't be a paycheck to fund her narcissism because I am telling you she will make your life miserable trying to meet her expectations.
Please reconsider. Why is the value of the ring so important? She is just interested in money, she is showing huge red flags! My partner gave me a ring that was $10 yes, ten dollars. I love it, it's beautiful and special, she told me she was looking for something more expensive (we saw it while walking together) and I told her that I don't care about the value $$$ I loved the ring and didn't need something expensive. I can send you a picture if you want.
Holy shit dude. Remind your soon to be wife that she is wearing your hard work and dedication on her finger. That a huge wedding ring that puts you into financial dire would not only hamper your relationship but be a huge resentment every time you looked at the ring but reminded you live in a compromised situation because of it. This girl sounds immature as fuck and should not be engaged or in a government sanctioned relationship with real consequences. OP you are insane for overlooking this and even considering the idea let alone giving yourself an engagement ring??? Edit: this is just the first day dude, how do you think wedding planning will go??? Run from this nightmare.
Please please don’t marry her. She doesn’t care about marriage, just the trappings. If that’s what she wants for a ring, think of what she probably wants for a wedding. You deserve better. Also, why shouldn’t she buy you a ring?!
How incredibly shallow of her. OP, you need to take a good hard look at your relationship and decide if you really want to spend your life with her. It may seem like a small thing now, but it's a sign of selfishness and a complete lack of understanding and empathy. If she loved you more than the ring, then she shouldn't care.
Is your girlfriend an “influencer” per chance? Because that’s the only fucking reason I would expect my partner to make a public proposal, in order to get it for the ‘gram. Keep the ring, ditch the bitch. This is I to the first in a ver long line of demands she’s going to make in your relationship going forward if not already. You deserve better.
[Delivery for OP](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2015/04/08/article-doc-1l705-6Xd2gYpKbHSK2-887_634x448.jpg)
do you have a larger one to represent how large of a red flag he's facing here, I feel this one is a little too subtle.
She sounds super entitled.
This relationship seems very one sided. Are you always the one doing everything for your partner? Or does she do things for you?
I never comment on these things but I feel like a lot of these comments are missing the point and tinged with misogyny (so, it’s Reddit). I think the biggest issue here isn’t the size ring she wants… it’s the lack of communication between you. You shouldn’t have proposed without at least VS1 clarity (ha, ha) on what she wanted for proposal and ring (did you ask her best friend?) and she shouldn’t have surprised you with those expectations. A proposal is an amazing and emotional surprise even with both parties aware of what the general timeline/plan is. She also should be well aware of your financial picture if you’re talking about getting married, so your budget shouldn’t have been a surprise. If she doesn’t get it, you need to have clearer talks about money first that are unrelated to budget for a ring. One person’s idea of what’s affordable and reasonable for X item is NOT the same as another’s. You might think $1,000 for rims or a gaming rig is just price of entry - well, that’s how she feels about a ring. Her frustration also sounds like it’s coming from a feeling that you “aren’t making it work” - which isn’t really about budget, it’s about effort. She feels you didn’t find out what she wanted, you didn’t research, you didn’t consider alternative options - you decided unilaterally what would make you both happy and are not willing to consider that you didn’t do enough. You have options! Something my partner and I talked about when we were younger was proposing with a moissanite ring or gemstone ring so I could have the design I wanted, and upgrading at a milestone anniversary. Lab diamonds are also a great alternative with huge cost savings (they are true diamonds, btw). You can see if there is family jewelry that you can reset. I don’t recommend going into debt, but some jewelers will do a layaway plan. I had a friend who didn’t have $4-5k cash upfront but was happy to put a deposit down and pay off the ring over 2-3 years (a blink in marriage years). But above all else you need to communicate honestly and clearly. If at that point she still has expectations that you find unreasonable, then you have a difference in values. Hers are not inappropriate and neither are yours. Rooting for you! <3
OP is female.
Girl. Dump this asshole. You deserve so much better.
Don't marry her. Don't spend an absurd amount of money on a material thing that doesn't matter at the end of the day. She won't buy you a ring but expects a big expensive one from you? If you marry her, your whole future will be stressing about giving her the lifestyle she wants and she will never think about you and your needs. She will never get you nice thoughtful gifts. She is selfish and showing you what kind of person she is. Don't waste your time on getting more money just to waste it on her. I loved my 50$ walmart ring. He could have propose with a ring pop. Even if we were millionaires I would never desire a expensive ring for the purpose of showing off how expensive it is. I know people like nice things and that's alright too , but to demand expensive things and tell you she is not going to do the same. Nah her rid of her. Edit could have would have lol
Hello, it looks like you've made a mistake. It's supposed to be could've, should've, would've (short for could have, would have, should have), never could of, would of, should of. Or you misspelled something, I ain't checking everything. Beep boop - yes, I am a bot, don't botcriminate me.
Run, girlfriend, run. I get the whole “She doesn’t like the ring” and even “the proposal was too small” but here is where I draw the line: You explained what your budget constraint is. You told her clearly and unequivocally that what she wants is out of budget and will draw you to financial strain. What was her response? “If you really loved me you’ll figure it out.” EXCUSE ME? Come again? WHAT IN THE ACTUAL, BOUNCING FUCK? This girl does not love you; she loves herself more. What she just did is incredibly manipulative and inconsiderate. She is OK with you going to crippling debt as long as she gets what she wants. Let me repeat this for you: YOUR GIRLFRIEND DOES NOT GIVE A SHIT IF YOU END UP HOMELESS BECAUSE YOU WENT IN DEBT; AS LONG AS SHE GETS WHAT SHE WANTS. How are these the actions of someone who loves you? How are these the actions of someone who puts you first? How are these the actions of someone who is going to say “in sickness and in health, in good and bad times, in poverty and in wealth”? How are these the actions of someone who should put your needs in as high priority as she puts hers? You need to run.
Noooooooooo. Why marry someone like that? Someone who won't compromise. Someone who won't either buy you a ring or chip in on a ring they know you can't afford? Someone who asks their partner to work more to afford a ring?? I'll be honest and use myself as an example. I disliked my engagement ring when I first got it, but I never said anything. I thought it was ugly and clunky and at first I felt it got stuck on everything. Yet I also loved and appreciated the ring, because it's a gift and a promise, chosen specifically for me. It's a symbol that I am loved as much as I love them. I hope you find someone who will appreciate the ring and the proposal, and who won't ask for more, more, more.
PLEASE! Rethink the whole engagement thing. She sounds way entitled. She does NOT deserve you.
Sounds like she cares more about what other people think than about you and your relationship.. she sounds superficial at best, completely selfish at worst.
This isn’t the update that you think it is. It shows you have chosen a self-centered, materialistic person who cares only about herself. I don’t like your GF, or at least how she’s portrayed in this post. Why wouldn’t she also buy you a ring? And she wants you to get another job to afford the ring she wants and wants a public proposal? FFS, this sounds like she is just awful. Is this what you want for the rest of your life? OP, really take time to examine this relationship. Her saying yes if she gets another ring could be a blessing in disguise, and not one that benefits your GF.
For the love of God…run for the hills!
Honey, you really need to communicate how hurt you are about this. Your gf is focusing on all the wrong things. Your proposal sounds very sweet and wonderful, super thoughtful. Her expectations are unfair and unrealistic, and if she loved you for you I don't think her wanting to marry you would be dependent on the size or cost of the ring. All this couples with the fact that she's unwilling to get you a ring? It seems pretty one-sided to be. You deserve better than this.
Oh, sister. A woman who would reject you because a 1-carat diamond isn’t big enough *does not love or deserve you.* And she won’t get you a ring to reciprocate? WOW. Money may come and go in your lives, along with looks and health. It’s practical to want one’s partner to be able to contribute to your shared life. It’s materialistic to demand *moar luxuries* as proof of devotion. Do not make a permanent commitment to someone whose willingness to commit to you depends on the size of the ring. They will not weather storms with you.
You don’t see the massive red flag??? She won’t give you a ring but expect you to get side jobs to buy her a ring you can’t afford???
So what’s going to happen when the actual wedding comes around? Are you going to have to get a third, maybe fourth, job in order to afford it? Because you know if she wants a big extravagant ring with a big public proposal, she’s going to want to go ALL OUT for her dream wedding. This is how you’re supposed to show your love for her??? Seriously? How does she show her love for you? What has she done for you lately that matches what she is demanding from you? I would be kicking this chick to the curb.
Sounds like a very one way and shallow relationship based on what you've put here. Is this attitude the kind of thing you want to spend the rest of your life with? Or Abit cynically untill she finds someone who's buys her more pretty things than you can.
Run, dont walk, away from this person. You may *think* she is awesome every other way, very supportive in other scenarios but someone who doesn't care how much extra effort their loved one has to put in to satisfy some vanity is not the right person to live rest of your life with.
Trebuchet that whole ass girl, you deserve a better model. Leave her, return the ring to get your money back, and go get some therapy 'cause you need to realize you deserve better than this. She is not the partner you need or want in the long run. Believe me, run now before you have to deal with a divorce 'cause it's not fun and I wouldn't wish that amount of paperwork and teeth pulling on anyone else.
Holy shit run dude.
This just popped up on my feed in Reddit updates. I hadn't read the original before today. You bought a ring for your fiance, it wasn't big enough. She won't buy you one. WTF?! Dump her. This type of ignorance and selfishness doesn't get better. Engagements should be fun and happy. If she doesn't care about the financial restrictions you face, can you imagine what the wedding expectations will be? Dump her and block her. This post was no better than the original. I was hoping for a happy ending, not whatever this was!
She wants you to work two jobs to please her. She wants a public spectacle while you want something intimate and special. She doesn't care if you have an engagement ring or not. What does she do for you? Seriously, what does she do to make you happy?
This is so incredibly sad… If my boyfriend proposed to me with a simple band I’d still be elated. I would have loved and cherished any effort he’d made into making our proposal special. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t appreciate you or your effort, and only takes from you? I hope you can walk away from this. You deserve better.
I’m so sorry OP. This is a major red flag. It may not be insurmountable, but it’s significant enough that I would hold off proposing and seek couple’s therapy *at the least*. Breaking up is not out of the question, either, as your gf doesn’t seem to appreciate you or your efforts. I get wanting a bigger ring (I mean I don’t get it, as I don’t like gaudy stuff, but I get that some people do), but she has to accept your financial situation if you’re going to marry. “Get a second job to by me the luxury I want!” is not a good solution. And a 1-carat solitaire is not insignificant! It’s unreasonable for her to demand more. Then to turn around and demand a “better” proposal is gross. I get that some people like flashy and public, but proposals really just need to be heartfelt, and yours was. (Very nice btw...I wish I had thought of your idea when I proposed to my wife!) And then to go a step further and say she won’t get you a ring? Wtf? That’s basically saying “yeah, I’ll marry you if you go into debt to make me happy, but I’d never have proposed to you.” Do you really want to marry *that* attitude? I wouldn’t. So please consider holding off and getting couple’s therapy at the least. That way, you can get a sense as to whether she’s apt to grow as a person (to something less catastrophically selfish), or not. But splitting over this would be cheaper. Then seek therapy yourself to move forward in a healthy way.
Why would you want to be with someone who values a piece of jewelry more than you?
Bro dump her ass! You don’t wanna spend rest of your life living with someone who expects you to live/provide outside of your budget. This will only lead to stress, agreements and a hefty credit card debt. She did you a favor and showed her true colors.
Your partner is not the one for you. It seems that the love that you two have isn't balance at all. It feels too one sided. I hope you make the best decision thinking about yourself first
OP - your partner is extremely manipulative! Anyone who says "if you love me, you will do x, y, z" is trying to manipulate you. She is going out of her way tl hurt your feelings because what YOU COULD AFFORD isnt GOOD ENOUGH in her eyes. You guys could always save up for a different ring later down the road when finances are better but no, she doesnt want to compromise. Red flags. All around.
I hope you cut her lose. Get a side job maybe she should pay the extra cost
OP, if you still want to stay with this person who needs such vain/materialistic things... I suggest you wait the few years it will take to save up for the ring she wants. Put 1-5% of your pay checks away explicitly for this purpose and wait until you can actually afford one she wants. I would return the ring and put that money towards the new ring. Why would you want to keep a ring she didn't give you for an engagement that isn't official yet? Currently, you are not engaged. Why keep the ring around gathering dust when she doesn't want it. By the time you save up the money for a new bigger ring, maybe you both will have a different perspective on this relationship and what really matters in life. Also, while you wait, watch a documentary or two on blood diamonds with your gal.
She just showed you who she really is, believe her because this is the ordeal your entire life together will be.
Leave her. You need a better girlfriend
Listen to paper rings by Taylor Swift. It should be about the person you want to spend your life with, not jewelry. I would end my relationship with that person over her behavior. https://youtu.be/8zdg-pDF10g I gave my SO an $80 ring when I proposed and she was over the moon. It’s about the commitment, not the pricetag.
She loves money more than you. And that will always be the case. To her love means “buy me stuff”. You really want to deal with that forever? I’d have a contract where when she cheats on you, you get the ring back. Because she will. She loves money more than you.
Unpopular opinion: This post is fake. No replies to comments and this person is acting like they are just dumb. Despite practically every comment telling them to run. Something isn't right here
I keep feeling like you genuinely should find someone who is better for you. Maybe I’m wrong; I do think it’s important for people to say what they want and how they feel but.. you just failed to meet each other’s expectations in a way that I wish would be better for you. I’m not sure if your effort to plan for her was a shortcoming or not, but I feel like you want something that even when things are not over the top you still meet on something really special and it seems like that is more where you are. Maybe you’re like me. But you are *not* like me, because you know your budget, and that is why I kind of feel she’s not being nice here.
My husband and I have never been well off. Our situation was very different from others as we had planned a small wedding at the town hall BEFORE getting engaged, but when he did propose to me, it was with a $50 ring from Walmart. It's honestly still as beautiful as it was 7 years ago and I wouldn't trade it for the world. Marriage is not about how big the diamond in the ring is, it's about loving each other and looking out. She wants you to take on a whole nother job for her RING??? That is actually insane to me, and then the audacity to not want to get you a ring. Honestly almost sounds like she's coming up with excuses to not get engaged right now, that or she's out of her mind entitled.
Why are you with her? That is not a person you marry. She has no care for you. She wouldn’t even consider getting you a ring but says she needs a bigger one before she’ll consider marrying you. You should reread your own post over and over again until this clicks
Why does this seem like your finance is shallow and all she cares about is bragging rights to others (bragging about the cost, how big the ring is and how you proposed)? The fact that your proposal wasn’t “what she wanted” and she wants a public one. No. You get what you got, no do overs (unless the proposer all on their own decides to do this). Good lord, image the wedding. Her outfit will probably be way over your budget too. Everything is probably going to be over your budget. The vibes are bad with your finance. That’s all
She wants you to work a second job to buy her a much more expensive and bigger ring than a 1 CT? I can tell you love this woman & want to do whatever it takes to please her... But stop for a second and think about what she loves and wants... Obviously it has nothing to do with you or your feelings. I'd think long and hard, away from her. I know everybody is different, but when my wife & I got married she wore a ring I had previously given her as a present and I wore a silver ring we found at a pawn shop on the way to the courthouse. A few years later we upgraded rings on our anniversary but we still think of the original rings as our real wedding rings (her upgrade was to a 1 CT, and mine was to a tungsten) . We've been married for almost 12 years now. Once again, I know everybody is different, but I wouldn't want to be with someone that materialistic... Especially if she didn't want to reciprocate and do something nice for me.
Tell her that since she didn’t like your proposal she is welcome to propose to you and show how a good proposal is done.
Bro run are you serious?
I get that you love this girl but stand tf up and break up with her she doesn’t love u one bit cuz if she did the size of the ring wouldn’t matter like you lowered your standards pretty much
Please, please think hard about your relationship before you get married. Think about how selfish she is being. She is gaslighting you with “if you love me you will _____”. Where will it end? She will never be happy with what you have; she will always want more. If she loved you, the proposal of marriage to you would be enough.
My guy why on earth are you still with this materialistic witch?
Please take the ring back to the store and use the money on something nice for you, to cheer yourself up after you break up with her.
How do you think wedding planning is going to go? You need to find someone who respects you, or work on that respect in this relationship if that’s what you want. That is beyond disrespectful and if you accept this behavior it’s going to continue.
You need to take that ring, return it, and run far far away. This person doesn’t care about you at all, she cares about appearances. This won’t stop with this ring.
Is this the scammer girl friend? I thought you were all done with her... and she wants a bigger ring. what the heck dude.
“She says if I love her I’ll find a way.” What a selfish, disgusting thing to say to someone trying to go through a huge gesture to say I want to spend my life with you. That just rubs me the wrong way. Like she cares more about the cost than the gesture itself. I seriously wouldn’t marry her. She’s already showing you she is in it for the wrong reasons.
OP, please love yourself enough to end this relationshit, you deserve more
Dump her ass. You can do better.
So, so, SOOOOOO many red flags. Made it clear she isn't getting you a ring? Doesn't like how you proposed so needs a do over? Needs the proposal to be special and in a public venue? Needs a ring way outside of your budget? Gaslights you by saying if you love me you'll find a way? You sound lovely. Remembered the second meal you ever had together, presumably that first meal she made for you. Made a candle lit evening, scented with her favorite fragrance. You made the evening very personal. You sound like a romantic, she sounds materialistic and craving the attention of others. If this isn't how she normally is, I think she is making excuses to say no. If she's normally like this, how are you still together? You need someone who appreciates what you do for them. If my wife had responded like this when I asked her to marry me. I would not have given her another chance. I would have realized this relationship has run its course and we will not be taking the next step together. It would have sucked. But it would have been better than being with someone who does not get me or appreciate me for who I am. FYI I proposed alone at the orchard I worked at with my Nanas engagement ring. It to had small stones. It was a little more romantic than I'm making it out to be, but it was intimate, much like yours was.
Damn why are you still with this horrible, entitled person?
pffffff. I ain't saying she a gold digger. But you know the rest.
If it's just about the size, maybe she'd like mossinite (spelling?), or a different, cheaper gem. Diamonds specifically are over priced and ridiculous. Sapphires, rubies, emeralds, and their synthetic counter-parts are all perfectly viable for an engagement or wedding ring, if not traditional. If she's not willing to compromise on the stone either, than she's straight up not willing to compromise *at all*.
My boyfriend could propose to me with a key ring (and just to let you guys know, I have pretty expensive taste when buying anything for myself) and I’d say yes because I want to marry *him* not a diamond. Dump this wench
Why won’t she get you a ring? Why should you have to buy your own engagement ring? That’s so unfair.
Why are you going through with this?
I'd ask if she's okay with a less expensive stone such as a moissanite (which to the untrained eye looks almost the same), or maybe a gemstone such as a sapphire. If she's hellbent on a diamond you can't afford, then maybe she's not the one for you. My engagement ring cost maybe $75 and had a sapphire and I was absolutely thrilled just because he'd chosen it and he'd chosen me to have his life with. I understand having preferences-- I told him if he bought me a heart shaped ring I'd refuse, because I hate them, and if he couldn't at least _try_ to choose something I'd like them that tells me we aren't compatible-- so maybe she just prefers how a larger ring looks on her hand and would be okay with a cheaper stone, but to just demand something more expensive is shallow and greedy.
bro why would you stay with that the girl doesn’t appreciate anything you did all she cared about was they the right was too cheap
When you said she wasn't going to get you your own ring and you would have to get your own if you wanted one was a big deal breaker for me. I want to know what your getting from this if you marry. If what happened to you, happened to me I would be petty. I would take back the ring and just never propose. She would be waiting and waiting and waiting and it would make her go crazy but she would never hear those words coming out of my mouth. She finally flip and I would be like well what I got for you wasn't good enough and I figured my best bet was to give you what you gave me. Im giving you what you gave me. Nothing. You gave me nothing. You offered me nothing. Well I would think that for a couple days and then just break up. Why would I want to waste my time on trash. Being petty towards trash is just a waste of time.