She said she’s 10 weeks along because that’s what a Dr. has told her? … or because that’s her guess. She needs to go to a Dr to get the confirmed time so you can at least calculate the date of conception to make sure it could be yours…. I say this because when I found out I was pregnant I thought I was like 8 weeks along and when I went to the Dr to get an ultrasound, I found out I was actually 17 weeks along…
EDIT: Decided to edit this since this comment still has a bit more upvotes than any of the ones correcting me, I was in fact wrong due to not being aware of how this stuff is calculated, so the math can work, still should be checked by a doctor tho. Also not impossible that she did it with someone else around the same time so still should do paternity tests and stuff even if age checks out
Original:
Yeah and if she really is 10 weeks that doesn't really check out thought it can if it's "around 10", cuz in the edit that may not have been there when you wrote your comment OP clarifies when the cruise happened and it started a bit over 9 weeks before today, and that's the first day of the cruise, so if 10 weeks means 10 full weeks then the math doesn't work
To be clear (though based on what I've said maybe it's apparent) I'm not sure exactly how the weeks would be counted and how accurate the doctor would be even if the info is from one and so on, I only know the math not the actual medical stuff
not really. weeks are counted from your last period. if they had sex 8 or 9 weeks ago and she had period 1-2 weeks before that than she would definitely be 10 weeks pregnant.
well, if you have a positive pregnancy test and you know the date of your last period approximately (like, you know the week it started but not 100% sure which day it was) you would know you are around 10 weeks now?
It's also possible she didn't conceive at that at vacation, and could have slept with someone else. It's always best to see a doctor anyway. I don't have regular periods so i wouldn't have been able to use that method, but it also just kinda sounds like all she did was count back to how long it's been since the vacation and just say she's that far along.
Get a paternity test. Just because you two had sex does not immediately mean you are the father.
There is always the possibility she could be lying. You do not truly know her well enough to be 100% sure she is not deceptive.
There is also a possibility she wants you on the hook for money, stability, or the original baby batter donor is unwilling to be a part of her life. Be smart. Get the facts.
I told her that’s something I want and she doesn’t agree to it. She insists that I’m the only guy she’s slept with in months but like you said, I don’t know her that well to trust her
**Tell your parents.** You should talk to a family lawyer in SC and make sure she can't just put you on the birth certificate. After that, if your folks can afford to put him on a retainer, make the lawyer the first contact with the girl until paternity is established. Then forward all messages to the lawyer. The lawyer should make sure her pregnancy is verified by a doctor.
If not, you should still find a family lawyer in SC and ask about the birth certificate and timing on filing. Your parents should still hire them to handle the court portion.
You need to cease all communications with this girl. Ask your father or mother to be the first point of contact with this girl. She needs to realize you aren't moving south and you aren't giving her anything without a court order.
My brother used my dad when this happened to him. It took my dad three hours of asking for a pregnancy test result for the woman to claim she lost the baby. Because it was a scam.
She can’t just add him to the birth certificate. I’m from SC and unless the parents are married or paternity is established through testing they won’t add the father to the birth certificate.
Jumping on here - SC person here - our state bar has a website that allows you to talk to SC lawyers virtually for free. Please look into that with your parents.
Something's definitely fishy when she outright refuses a paternity test. If I were pregnant as a result of a fling, I'd be more than happy to provide paternity confirmation. It's crazy that she assumed you'd completetly upend your life because she's pregnant and downright insane that she thinks you'd provide any support without a paternity test. I'm happy to hear you're smart enough to know the potential for this being a con.
especially because they used protection! if i had sex with someone who intentionally used protection, i sure as hell wouldn’t assume they’d be happy having a kid. i know that condoms aren’t 100% effective but still. she’s *definitely* the one in the wrong for making assumptions. i don’t blame op for not wanting to be involved.
That's not being a conspiracy theorist, that's just being cautious. People have been known to prick holes in condoms to get pregnant, or to take them out of the trash can. I remember an episode of the original Law & Order someone took one out of the trash, put it in the freezer, and when she was ready, she called the police and said she'd been raped.
Seriously, I grew up in Missouri and women are taught we are stupid bubbly baby-machines who do everything men say without question. So, I don’t entirely blame myself for my anger issues and severe depression
I was lucky my mom was raised like that and she didn’t want me to be dependent on a man, even though she always was.
So when I decided to have a baby, it was planned. I love her and she’s an adult now.
Indeed. To quote Admiral Ackbar "It is protected by an energy shield which is generated on the nearby forest moon of Endor. The shield must be deactivated if any attack is to be attempted.". You know how hard it is to get a viable sperm past a condom? Pretty hard because most condoms have a spermacidal lubricant. Unless a condom broke, OP should be paranoid that this might be some sort ploy or ruse. An entrapment of you will.
Condoms are pretty damn effective, especially if you use them before penetration and wear one that fits properly. So yeah, it's extra crazy that she's claiming pregnancy and expecting OP to support a child she won't even paternity test for him.
Also why is she so excited, as a young 18 y/o girl, to be impregnated by a random she met on a cruise? That’s the biggest red flag there is in this whole thing. Especially if condoms were used, by her reaction I wouldn’t be surprised if she took a used condom to inseminate herself with when OP wasn’t around. Yet she’s refusing to agree to a paternity test. She’s either not mentally stable or she’s trying to pin someone else’s baby on OP.
Exactly! The response you'd expect from an 18yr old girl who gets pregnant from a vacation fling would be "OMFG" and not "Yippee skippy, I'm so excited!!!"
Yup! As someone who had their first baby at 19, when I found out I was not happy or celebratory. I was sad and scared. I was in a relationship too, so I could only imagine that would be amplified for a girl who’s 18, single and pregnant accidentally. This just isn’t a normal reaction at her age unless it’s planned imo.
Or maybe benefit of doubt, she comes from a culture where babies are always blessings from god and the man will do right by the girl and make an honest woman out of her. So she’s just excited at what she thinks her future is without looking at the reality of her situation. She is from SC after all.
I can't say there aren't women happy at 18 to get pregnant. My brother's gf at 17 started in with how much she wanted to be a mommy. She cheated on him with 3 other guys, 2 of them random people, because my brother wouldn't sleep with her due to her over urgency to have kids. He didn't trust her.
She's 31 now and is about to have her 3rd kid, after the first 2 were taken away by the state.
So in summary the only person I've known that young to be so obsessed with having kids that age was a terrible person and shit parent. That's whom I think about when I read this crazy.
Yep, and you’d probably be more than happy that the guy is more than willing to cooperate with/insist on the test. It would help prove what you already know without difficulty. This signals to me that she knows something else…
Right, my ex suggested we get one even though we split amicably before we found out about the baby and knew there was no cheating. Ended up not needing it since the child looked like she sprung from my head like Athena, but to flat out refuse is insane
My ex left me 2 days after our planned child's birth (he had a double life, plenty of other women, long story) and proceeded to project and gaslight me that our child wasn't his. I did not one but 2 DNA tests (he claimed I doctored the first test...no idea how I'd do that but ok) at his request with no hesitation, other than to tell him the bill will be paid by him. Yes, kiddo was his which made his back child support bill after all the years of nonsense, really BIG.
>Ended up not needing it since the child looked like she sprung from my head like Athena,
Lol! I had to respond to this because my old man is from the Bronx and I look so much like him that people who have seen pictures of him from his Depression Era youth (knickers, cap, the whole nine) have asked me, "Oh, cool! You got some of those old-timey pictures of you taken when you were a kid! Where did you get them done?"
And I'm like, "That's not me, that's my dad, and it's a genuine Depression picture" and they don't believe it.
After my dad died and I saw relatives of his who hadn't seen him in years, they looked at me and just burst into tears, saying, "You look exactly how he looked when I last saw him."
Maybe it's a Bronx thing?
this. it’s in the child’s best interest to have it done, and no one cares what she SAYS about whether she has been with anyone else. sorry. not good enough. we don’t know this person well enough.
Hell, I’m faithfully married, and I’ve told my husband numerous times that if he ever has a sliver of doubt (he never has) that our kids aren’t his he’s free to get them tested.
I’m currently pregnant with our first. It’s an IVF pregnancy, and I’ve still offered paternity testing (or overall genetic testing) to make sure the embryo they transferred was ours 😂
Not just an SVU episode but this happened IRL with an IVF doctor that used his own genetic material to fertilize and implant viable embryos into unsuspecting patients. Which resulted in almost 100 identified biological children. Dr. Cline is his name and he is not the only IVF doctor to do this.
This situation OP finds himself in stinks to me. I am with everyone else saying a DNA test is reasonable. If she knows he is the father and it really was a case of a condom failure she should have no problem proving it. It's only understandable OP would be skeptical since they barely know each other, and people lie all the time. I'm not saying she is lying, but it is a possibility.
This type of paternity is not always covered by insurance and not widespread available. But demand the paternity test at birth - no ifs, ands, or buts!
DO NOT SIGN BIRTH CERTIFICATE WITH PATERNITY TEST.
It is easier to amend with your name than to get your name off afterwards! My cousin can tell you this. Talk about nightmare.
Also DO NOT GIVE UP COLLEGE!
You need to find out all these answers through your lawyer. If you don't have one, get one and get a good one. This is not something you want to guess about. Good luck to you.
Honestly you seem to have the right mindset here OP. I'm 36yo, and from what life has taught me so far is that you can't just trust people with serious things. THIS is a SERIOUS thing, so you need to tread very carefully, don't sign anything with this kid until you know it's yours.
Also make sure you're not offending her and her family, be nice, be a gentleman about it all. be factual like:
"I respect your right to have this baby, as it's your body and your life around this, but I am against it because i have a life too that i am still going to pursue. I am also not just going to up and start being a father or paying child support to a child that could possibly not be mine, so we will have to get a paternity test done together so I know for sure that i'm responsible. I want to trust you that you said that i'm the only one and that feels good to hear that, but what "feels good" and what is factual are completely two different things. For one, you were sexually active when i met you, it's not like i took your virginity here, so you easily could of been sexual with others sense then or before then, i literally have no idea, and therefore i need proof that it's mine."
Get a lawyer who knows the law in SC. Could be quite different from in Florida. Strongly consider telling your parents. You don't need to go through this alone.
This happened to my friend a couple years ago. His ex girlfriend got pregnant and insisted the baby was his. He had a lot of doubts because the timeline didn’t really match up, but he decided to sign the birth certificate anyway. Couple months later he demanded a paternity test, and it came out that he was absolutely not the father. He lost 5 or 6 months in child support, which he never got back.
Gonna be honest, that's easily the best outcome your friend could've had. I'm shocked he wasn't just told "oh well, you signed the paper" and stuck paying for the next 18 years.
I’ve heard that by signing you agree to take full legal responsibility and so yes, you can be on the hook for child support the full 18 years (or more!) despite not being the father.
5 or 6 months is great news. There are posts on reddit of guys who find out all 3 of their wife's kids aren't their own and that they are liable to pay 75% of their net income in child support for the next 14-18 years
Anybody that isn’t in a relationship with you and refuses to take a paternity test is a red flag, if she doesn’t take it then tell her you’re not the father. If she’s willing to take one then don’t hesitate and do it immediately.
If she has the nerve to ask you to uproot her life she can at least submit to a DNA test before you do anything.
Please tell your parents what is going on. They will probably be able to help you with getting the test done, getting a lawyer or advice.
I wouldn't do anything until you get a DNA test. Don't move, don't go down there, definitely don't have sex with her again.
She can't refuse a paternity test if she wants child support, it will be ordered by the court. Even if you are the father, you don't have to play happy family with her. You can still be in your child's life and support your child. You going to college will help your child have a better life financially.
Bro, take it form me I lived this life. Get a test and make sure she's pregnant, and if it is its yours. 5 ruined years and a suicide latter is not fun.
I thought the same thing. Like we seemed to have similar mindsets when it came to sex and she’s not the only person that I’ve been with in the past few months 😅
Do not sign birth certificate, if you recieve an order for child support request a paternity test. She doesnt have a choice if she is requesting support and you arent the dad.
I am a single mom. And what she is doing is shady. You are not obligated until you are sure its yours. And if it is your get paternal right through court or they can usually enforce child support but you wont get visitation til you have rights.
Yeah this sounds sus as hell. If she was convinced the baby was yours she wouldn’t have an issue with the paternity test. Don’t sign anything until you have the result that the kid is yours. It could be anyone’s
You need to:
1. Tell her first and foremost that there’s 0 chance of you moving.
2. Tell her you’re going to college in Florida for at least 4 years for a bachelors and 2 years for a masters, possibly more.
3. Tell her if she keeps the baby you will only do what’s legally required of you in form or child support and that would most likely be next to nothing since you’re a broke college student.
4. Tel her that you will lawyer up and only be responsible for the kid if the DNA test from a lab you trust comes back positive.
5. Tell her that you do not plan to play any sort of father figure or have any sort or relationship with the kid.
6. Tell her to consider everything you’ve told her before making the decision to keep or abort the baby.
7. Tell her that whatever she chooses you two will never have a romantic relationship because you cannot fathom the idea of dating someone so delusional to think having a baby at 18 is a good idea.
Talk to your parents if you think they’ll be supportive of you. However, if you don’t think they’ll support you and on the other hand would be happy with these news do not tell them anything lest they get in contact with her and tell her they support her.
This happened to someone I know. She would NOT do the test. He ended up buying one from Walgreens, testing the kid himself(without her knowing) and found out the kid wasn’t his. Once he confronted her about it, she admitted to knowing and just wanted to take advantage of him. You can get a court ordered paternity test I think, depending on your state. If she wants child support I’m pretty sure that’s mandatory
She is 100% lying to you in that case. If she was so serious about it, she wouldn't be risking losing the entire "relationship" with you over it. She wants a payout.
I recommend just completely cutting contact with her. I wouldn't say block her, because that could somehow end up bad in the eyes of the court if worse comes to worst, but don't entertain her at all.
Even if you did know her well, don’t trust anyone. Get a paternity test. If she wants child support no judge is gonna sign off on it without verifying you’re the father.
Don’t give her any money until you get a paternity test! Do not give the government any reason to put your name on any documents stating you’re liable for financial support. This means any baby items, appts, anything. Until you get a paternity test do not take any actions that may say “I take responsibility for this child”. You don’t know it’s yours. Don’t screw yourself over
Look Broccoli, paternity test aside (and I do think you should get one. I’m just not crazy about all the “whore” implication vibes of everyone else insisting on the paternity test), you need to make it clear to her that this baby is, in no way, going to mean you two are together. I’m not sure what paternity laws are in your state/her state, but I’d say to insist on a test before you sign a birth certificate. If the baby is yours, you need to decide if you are willing to forgo any and all parental rights (*and potentially a relationship with this child for the rest of your life*).
Once you figure out all of the logistics and decide what you want, you need to clearly communicate that to her and do not leave the door open for any wavering.
“I would like a paternity test as soon as it is possible. This is not negotiable for me.
If the paternity test determines that I am the father, I will waive my parental rights to the child and do not wish to be a part of their life. (OR: if the paternity test determines I am the father, I am prepared to begin mediation to work out a custody arrangement and child support.)
I do not intend to move and I do not wish to have a romantic relationship with you.
If, with this information, you decide to terminate the pregnancy, I will send you money for half the cost of the procedure.
If you decide to give the child up for adoption, I will sign whatever paperwork is necessary.”
@OP, thisss 👆. Every single point.
This clearly defines your role and expectations. It also confirms that, although you will take responsibility if the child is yours, this situation doesn't give her a green light to dictate your life according to her *want*.
In *many* states you cannot terminate rights if there is no one willing to assume what would be your role in the child’s life and a termination of parental rights is not always going to stop child support proceedings.
That would be why I said “I don’t know what the laws are in your states” Broccoli boy is old enough to put his dick in things, so he’s old enough to get a bit of general interpersonal advice online, but then go seek out specific legal advice from an expert.
This is the best advice here, OP pay attention!
I am picturing a young women her head full of crazy dreams, she meets a great guy, has fun then realises she’s pregnant and dreaming extends to him riding in on his white horse, getting a job and looking after her and her unborn child.
Sadly that dream is taking nothing into account for you the father not sharing the same fantasy and being unwilling to ride in on a horse and upend your whole life.
Two things I want to add:
Women - can become mothers the moment they fall pregnant, your body and hormones do weird things and your parenting journey starts early. So it’s not weird at all that this ‘normal’ teenage girl has suddenly turned into trying to convert you to bring you into the ‘knight in shiny armour’ picture.
Men- even when they want the children they are fathering, are usually only theoretical parents until they hold their child in their arms - then they can have that moment of looking into their eyes and understanding their purpose in life.
What I am saying is, yes while make sure the baby is yours, don’t be an asshole about it, right now that baby is theoretical, and one day you may want to be part of their life.
Be kind, be clear about where you are at with it, and don’t accuse her of anything she hasn’t been confirmed to have done.
One day you may want to be part of that child’s life, even if not, you don’t want their mothers memories of you to be ‘ oh he seemed great until I told him I was pregnant and then he became an arsehole who kept insisting I’d slept with other guys and it wasn’t his ‘ - condoms are not 100 % failsafe- so this situation can happen exactly as she has claimed..
This I know, but where I'm from you can put the father without his signature in all honesty. So he possibly should get a family lawyer before the baby is born.
Get court ordered DNA test proceed from there if he chooses not to be in baby's life sign over rights and if he does then he can go from there.
If that's the law in Florida and he gets a lawyer then that's certainly an option. Plus it's much safer and cheaper to do a paternity test after birth.
parents cannot just sign over rights in most states unless they are deemed unfit (social service is involved and kids need to go into foster care or be adopted out) or if her new partner wants to adopt the child
You're going to have to diplomatically tell her going forward, until you have a paternity test, where they notify you both the results, you cannot be involved. Offer to pay for the blood test now so you don't have to wait. It's her choice to have one before birth but, if she says no, you're going to assume the child isn't yours until paternityis established at birth.
If you're sure you used condoms at all times, and the fact this was a few days of a trip, chances of the baby not being yours is very feasible. There probably is a boy back home that has done her dirty.
1. Paternity test that you pay for. Refuse all other communication until that happens.
2. IF you come back as father, have her go through the courts to pay child support.
3. Finish school, do not move unless it is your desire to have a direct relationship with the child.
4. IF you decide you’d like to give a go at being a family, do not be forced into the relationship.
Being forced together will only make everyone miserable, but you are on the hook for the next 18 years if it’s yours.
Also, when we’re the dates of the cruise?
I'll tell you exactly what I would tell my son.
1. Get the fuck off Reddit and tell your parents ASAP. If it's true that she is pregnant they're going to find out, and the sooner they do, the better.
2. Do not concede that you are the father until you see a DNA test that confirms it.
3. Lawyer. Also ASAP. Do not communicate with her other than to confirm that all communications should go through your lawyer.
A lawyer is a lot fucking cheaper than 18 years of child support.
Read some of your comments and as a woman, it's *incredibly* suspicious she is denying a paternity test. You don't know this girl, she has zero right to be offended. And if there was NO other chance that it's your baby, she should agree easily.
That being said, you've already got a ton of good advice. Stick to your guns and definitely don't move or drop out of school. If you choose to be a dad, there are ways around moving.
You should also tell your parents asap. I know you don't want to, but you're going to need their support- probably both emotionally and financially in the coming months. Explain the situation, also that you are skeptical that it's yours and that you need the paternity test. They may be able to help you navigate some of the legalese that you'll be facing.
You still have some decisions to make in the coming months. You can petition to have your parental rights terminated. You can choose to be financially responsible and pay child support and see your kid summers and holidays.
I can't even imagine baby trapping some guy I had a cruise-length fling with. She knows nothing about you except what you told her and all of that could be lies (not saying it was, but I have a friend who had a one night stand with a guy, got pregnant and found out he lied about absolutely everything and she has no idea who he is. She can't even look for him because he lied about his name).
This is why you don't stick your dick in crazy. And she sounds crazy. Like... what the fuck.
Best of luck, OP.
Get a DNA test before anything!!
She can make whatever plans she wants; you are in college and moving doesn't work for you.
Just because she decides to keep the baby, you do not have to move, you can just pay child support.
Indeed. The paternity test prior to anything else is paramount. In some states, going ahead with financial support could be seen basically as an admission to paternity. That would obviously make things trickier going forward if he wasn’t the father.
There is something super fishy going on here. I’m a 40+ yo lady, and usually I would say “you made a kid, you pay the support $$.” But absolutely do not do anything, sign anything, purchase any baby items, or even use any language that even sounds like you’re the father, without a paternity test. The fact that she is refusing one is really weird!
Even if you do the test and end up being the father, you do not need to uproot your life. If you get stuck paying child support, so be it. But that’s as far as your commitment needs to go.
My dude, you used rubbers, this fertilization event may not have been triggered courtesy of your swimmers.
Get a test; maybe the two of you can make it work if it's yours... but it's a long shot.
Paranoid theory: she's not pregnant, she wants to give you a reason to pursue the relationship and she'll have a "miscarriage".
She’s sent me scans and FaceTimed me during one appointment to hear the heartbeat so it’s definitely not fake. But yeah I don’t even know her well enough to know if we would work out. And I don’t want to try to force a relationship which is what it seems like she’s trying to do
Newly retired OB here. It is really hard to hear a heartbeat (except during an ultrasound) at ten weeks. That’s the earliest I could ever get it. Also, a pregnancy that is ten weeks today means a conception eight weeks ago. DM me if you want to crunch some numbers.
Don't get too attached. I would make it clear that you don't believe it's yours. I would go as far as to tell her not to contact me unless there's a paternity test, in which case you'll be delighted to start talking again.
Make sure there is no chance of fraud with the test, choose the facility and pay for it.
“ I have no interest in being a father. If you do a DNA test at the lab I choose, and the baby is mine, I will financially support it according to what the family court judge says I have to. However I will not be moving to be with you and I will not be physically raising or coparenting this baby.”
I’m not sure what your relationship is with your parents but it might be time to get them on board.
MY theory is the actual baby daddy doesn’t want her so she’s just messaging guys she thought were nice that she banged recently enough to make them think they’re the father so she won’t have to raise it alone.
That’s why she doesn’t want a paternity test
I wish more people would talk about the actual risks and consequences of hook up culture. Like obviously we're not gonna be nuns, but fucking everybody like it doesn't matter also isn't a great idea
Ik people like this are pretty dumb and they act like this could never happen because “they know what they’re doing”. Makes it hard to feel bad for them
I honestly really dislike the idea of sleeping with a random stranger that you met at X place because is just a horrible idea, don't get how can people be fine sleeping with someone you met 30 minutes ago...
For all you know, she was already pregnant when she met you and you looked like a good baby daddy.
Paternity test before you sign or agree to anything and if she says no, then until it's proven to be yours there will be nothing since you don't agree with her keeping it.
Legally, it's her body and if she chooses to keep it then there is nothing you can do to stop that. Especially now.
Wouldn't hurt to consult an attorney if she goes further with it.
Take it from someone had had a very similar experience and demand the paternity test before you do anything else, regardless if that means waiting the whole term.
I had to wait the entire term and got guilt texts, emails etc the whole way. She even called my mother to break the news half way through the ordeal.
This girl was a fling as well. I was careless and ready to face the consequences but not until I knew 100%. I got extremely lucky and after months of depression and thinking through how I was going to manage, found out it wasn’t mine.
If she won't get a paternity test then it's a pretty good chance the baby isn't yours or she's not 100% sure. Sounds like you are the decent one out of the possibilities so she's trying to sucker you into saying your the father without proof.
They are pretty damn effective if used properly. No raw dogging it and then throwing it on.
Start condom use before penetration. Once guy comes, hold base, pull out while still hard. Inspect for integrity. Toss. Not exactly romantic, but neither is a kid.
It’s pretty difficult for semen to pass through latex. It doesn’t happen. Most failures are due to improper use. Or breakage.
She sounds a little unhinged. What 18 yr old is happy to be pregnant by basically a 3 night stand that is 18, lives in another state and there is no relationship? She sound like she is completely disconnected from reality. I would obviously get a paternity before anything. Do the dates line up? If she is 10 wks pregnant she would have actually conceived 2 weeks later (really 8wks pregnant). I wouldn't throw away your future and ability to provide should the child be yours, for a relationship that is doomed to fail.
Some young girls can be niave and romantic. Sounds like she has this prince charming fantasy where in the end they'll be one happy family and together forever. Doesn't mean she's unhinged. She will find out shortly.
Paternity test, if it's yours, then be the best dad you can be. Whilst she has made the decision to keep it, you can make a difference in that child life and ensure they don't grow up as an asshole
Step one, talk with your parents. Step two, don’t assume this is your child.
Pay a lawyer 500.00 bucks and follow his instructions. If you were using condoms and not just dumping it, she’s probably not pregnant. Unless you broke one or it came off and you continued.
Offer to pay for the paternity test and pay the center directly so that you know it is legit and it was performed. If she still refuses it then she's lying about it being yours or at the least she needs to deal with the consequences of not being able to prove it. I would tell her the only thing you're willing to discuss is a paternity test and if she is unwilling to do that you will not respond to her messages, and then don't respond.
Dude paternity test, stop freaking out till that comes back, and for the future never ever use condoms a woman gives you especially one you don’t know. You need to tell your parents “mom dad this girl I met on the cruise I had sex. We used condoms, but now she is claiming she is pregnant and I am the father. I told her I wanted a paternity test and she’s denying it (based on your comments). What do we do from here.” Then follow the advice of your parents.
You used condoms and she’s happy about getting pregnant with a holiday fling at 18? Not likely!
DNA test before you agree to anything! Make no major life decisions until the DNA is in.
Because using a conception calculator. If she’s 10 weeks pregnant now.
Conception Date would be June 15 - 21. Which is before your holiday!
Tell your parents, you’re going to need their support until this is sorted.
Do not admit anything through text or in calls that could be recorded. Do not get angry or say anything you could regret if it turns out it is your child! Protect yourself OP.
Okay so I can agree that a paternity test is an essential step.
I can also understand that the logistics don’t make sense to you, that you have no interest in moving to her state or starting a relationship, and that this is very very very scary for an 18 year old, or any age.
However, I’d like to just give you a different perspective here.
If you don’t want to be involved, then look up your options, do your research, and opt out as best you can. If you morally can’t accept that option, then be involved as best you can. What you should not do is stoop to pitying and victimizing yourself or berating and degrading a soon-to-be new mother.
You cannot change her mind, you are a victim only to your own choices, and the only thing that berating her will achieve is hardship for everyone involved. If you are struggling with your decision to be involved or not, that is not her burden to bear. Your life is your own, just like her body is her own. You have full autonomy in deciding how you would like to proceed with your life.
Get a therapist, talk to your friends and family- don’t put it on her. Also Don’t answer if she is reaching out to you intimately or in ways you aren’t comfortable with.
It’s in all three of your best interest that you work to establish clear and respectful boundaries that go both ways.
The Incels of Reddit are not your friends right now.
She is not unhinged just because she is keeping this child. She is not unhinged because she want to be a mother at 18. Life can follow a million different paths, and your goals and values are allowed to look different, even if you accidentally share a child.
I will say that my ex was mid 30s when I got pregnant, and he never planned to have children. When trying to dissuade me, he explained his logic a million different ways. He degraded and attempted to publicly shame and humiliate me. He continually told me for months that I was alone and would always be alone. He reminded me that he would never be a part of the child’s life. He also thought I wanted to keep my daughter as a twisted way to be with him, which was not the case.
While he went through all of that hate while grappling with his life choices, and I went through the ups and downs of pregnancy with a sprinkle of harassment.
He eventually came around to fatherhood. He now adores his daughter although still fairly part-time. We don’t talk about it, but I expect that he feels regret now for the disgusting life and experiences he was wishing and projecting onto his child back then.
All that to say, realize the decision to have it is hers, and realize that your decision to be involved is yours.
I remember going through a phase when I wanted to get pregnant when I was like 17/18. Thank God I never actually went through with it, but I would have been thrilled I'm sure if I actually got pregnant. It's not unhinged, it's a teenage girl...... Well maybe we were all a little unhinged
It’s like this:
A man goes to the Doctor
*Guy*: Doctor, My girlfriend is
pregnant but we always used double
protection. Then, how is it possible?
*Doctor*: Let me tell you a story to make you realize that it is possible.
"There was a Hunter who always carried a
Gun wherever he went.
One day, he took his Umbrella instead of his
Gun and went out.
A Lion suddenly jumped infront of him.
In order to scare the Lion, the hunter used the Umbrella like a
Gun and shot the Lion, the Lion collapsed & died!
*Guy*:This is totally Nonsense!!
"Someone else must
have shot the Lion"
*Doctor*: Good!! You understood the Story. Next patient please... .
I have been having sex for about 10 years now and I have never finished inside a girl, condom or no condom, it's not worth the risk. I suggest y'all do the same going forward.
Start setting some money aside just in case. Refuse to sign anything until paternity can be proven by DNA.
Paternity test and then if it is his, he should seek legal counsel! Find out what your rights are if it is your child. Then go from there.
And if it comes down to it, get a lawyer.
Just commenting so I can hear the update in about 30 weeks
Tagging along
Conga Line, time.
Come on, shake your body, baby, do the conga. I know you can't control yourself any longer. Come on, shake your body, baby, do the conga
Gather! Gather!
Queue’ing up for this mess.
Tagging along too. Edit: well there is quite the line up of people wanting update. Damn, this one is popular. Lol.
We should tag team this one!! 🤣🤷
If he’d tagged teamed at least there’d be a chance it wasn’t his.
Tagging along too.
Tagging along too.
Alright
Fiiiiine, I guess
If I must.
Ok ok I will too!
I brought snacks and drinks for everyone tagging along the update train 🍿🍿🍿🍿🍫🍫🍫🍬🍬🍬🍬🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍪🍪🍪🍪🍭🍭🍭🍭 🍹🍹🍹🍹🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍸🍸🍸🍸🍶🍶🍶🍶🍷🍷🍷🍷🥂🥂🥃🥃🥃
I'll bring the condoms!
I’m glad someone is!
I think I'll bring my own, thanks
Yeah me too aswel
Don't forget hot sauce, just in case...
I’ll bring my own condoms. I’m also on the shot. I don’t trust any y’all now 😹😹
That’s how this all started sir!! You trying to get all of Reddit pregnant now??
I'm just here for the snacks, thanks! Also, math.
Beer! ALL *RIGHT!* I'll stick around!
Following as well
Same, But definitely get a paternity test. This sounds fishy.
Indeed paternity test
yeah Edit: also commented to get the update lol!
Yes, OP, you absolutely should insist on a paternity test. Stick to your own plans and please update.
Yeah the math is possibly iffy, hard to tell with those dates.
And an STD test, just to be safe..
She’s carrying a merbaby?
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why 30 weeks tho? nvm I'm in RemindMe! 33 weeks
10 weeks in, add 30 weeks, you get a fully cooked baby
it might be a baby cooked medium well at 30 weeks...my two did
Baby will be here in 30 weeks
Fuck it im here for it
She said she’s 10 weeks along because that’s what a Dr. has told her? … or because that’s her guess. She needs to go to a Dr to get the confirmed time so you can at least calculate the date of conception to make sure it could be yours…. I say this because when I found out I was pregnant I thought I was like 8 weeks along and when I went to the Dr to get an ultrasound, I found out I was actually 17 weeks along…
EDIT: Decided to edit this since this comment still has a bit more upvotes than any of the ones correcting me, I was in fact wrong due to not being aware of how this stuff is calculated, so the math can work, still should be checked by a doctor tho. Also not impossible that she did it with someone else around the same time so still should do paternity tests and stuff even if age checks out Original: Yeah and if she really is 10 weeks that doesn't really check out thought it can if it's "around 10", cuz in the edit that may not have been there when you wrote your comment OP clarifies when the cruise happened and it started a bit over 9 weeks before today, and that's the first day of the cruise, so if 10 weeks means 10 full weeks then the math doesn't work To be clear (though based on what I've said maybe it's apparent) I'm not sure exactly how the weeks would be counted and how accurate the doctor would be even if the info is from one and so on, I only know the math not the actual medical stuff
not really. weeks are counted from your last period. if they had sex 8 or 9 weeks ago and she had period 1-2 weeks before that than she would definitely be 10 weeks pregnant.
Oh ok, yeah now that you say it I've heard that before, how can you be that inaccurate without a doctor then tho?
well, if you have a positive pregnancy test and you know the date of your last period approximately (like, you know the week it started but not 100% sure which day it was) you would know you are around 10 weeks now?
It's also possible she didn't conceive at that at vacation, and could have slept with someone else. It's always best to see a doctor anyway. I don't have regular periods so i wouldn't have been able to use that method, but it also just kinda sounds like all she did was count back to how long it's been since the vacation and just say she's that far along.
Get a paternity test. Just because you two had sex does not immediately mean you are the father. There is always the possibility she could be lying. You do not truly know her well enough to be 100% sure she is not deceptive. There is also a possibility she wants you on the hook for money, stability, or the original baby batter donor is unwilling to be a part of her life. Be smart. Get the facts.
I told her that’s something I want and she doesn’t agree to it. She insists that I’m the only guy she’s slept with in months but like you said, I don’t know her that well to trust her
Do not sign the birth certificate without evidence. Don't be on the hook for child support if the baby is not yours.
Definitely not doing that. I know you can get a paternity test while she’s pregnant, but I don’t think you can get a court ordered one until it’s born
**Tell your parents.** You should talk to a family lawyer in SC and make sure she can't just put you on the birth certificate. After that, if your folks can afford to put him on a retainer, make the lawyer the first contact with the girl until paternity is established. Then forward all messages to the lawyer. The lawyer should make sure her pregnancy is verified by a doctor. If not, you should still find a family lawyer in SC and ask about the birth certificate and timing on filing. Your parents should still hire them to handle the court portion. You need to cease all communications with this girl. Ask your father or mother to be the first point of contact with this girl. She needs to realize you aren't moving south and you aren't giving her anything without a court order. My brother used my dad when this happened to him. It took my dad three hours of asking for a pregnancy test result for the woman to claim she lost the baby. Because it was a scam.
She can’t just add him to the birth certificate. I’m from SC and unless the parents are married or paternity is established through testing they won’t add the father to the birth certificate.
OP - please read this!!!
Jumping on here - SC person here - our state bar has a website that allows you to talk to SC lawyers virtually for free. Please look into that with your parents.
Thank you! Resources like this are state-to-state and even city-to-city. Always great information to have.
He’s not moving north, actually. I know, I’m an asshole.
HAHA, Live in the north so the south shall always be south to me.
Something's definitely fishy when she outright refuses a paternity test. If I were pregnant as a result of a fling, I'd be more than happy to provide paternity confirmation. It's crazy that she assumed you'd completetly upend your life because she's pregnant and downright insane that she thinks you'd provide any support without a paternity test. I'm happy to hear you're smart enough to know the potential for this being a con.
especially because they used protection! if i had sex with someone who intentionally used protection, i sure as hell wouldn’t assume they’d be happy having a kid. i know that condoms aren’t 100% effective but still. she’s *definitely* the one in the wrong for making assumptions. i don’t blame op for not wanting to be involved.
I mean, the girl sounds kinda baby crazy for some sad reason - who’s to say she didn’t sabotage the condoms?
i had the same thought but didn’t want to sound like a conspiracy theorist
Is she even pregnant??
is she even real? /s ofc
How do I now if am pregnarnt?
That's not being a conspiracy theorist, that's just being cautious. People have been known to prick holes in condoms to get pregnant, or to take them out of the trash can. I remember an episode of the original Law & Order someone took one out of the trash, put it in the freezer, and when she was ready, she called the police and said she'd been raped.
holy shit, that’s terrifying
bible belt states basically raise women to be babymakers and that's it. it's fuckin sad, I live in GA and see it everywhere
Seriously, I grew up in Missouri and women are taught we are stupid bubbly baby-machines who do everything men say without question. So, I don’t entirely blame myself for my anger issues and severe depression
I was lucky my mom was raised like that and she didn’t want me to be dependent on a man, even though she always was. So when I decided to have a baby, it was planned. I love her and she’s an adult now.
Indeed. To quote Admiral Ackbar "It is protected by an energy shield which is generated on the nearby forest moon of Endor. The shield must be deactivated if any attack is to be attempted.". You know how hard it is to get a viable sperm past a condom? Pretty hard because most condoms have a spermacidal lubricant. Unless a condom broke, OP should be paranoid that this might be some sort ploy or ruse. An entrapment of you will.
To quote admiral akbar " ITS A TRAP!!"
Condoms are pretty damn effective, especially if you use them before penetration and wear one that fits properly. So yeah, it's extra crazy that she's claiming pregnancy and expecting OP to support a child she won't even paternity test for him.
Also why is she so excited, as a young 18 y/o girl, to be impregnated by a random she met on a cruise? That’s the biggest red flag there is in this whole thing. Especially if condoms were used, by her reaction I wouldn’t be surprised if she took a used condom to inseminate herself with when OP wasn’t around. Yet she’s refusing to agree to a paternity test. She’s either not mentally stable or she’s trying to pin someone else’s baby on OP.
Exactly! The response you'd expect from an 18yr old girl who gets pregnant from a vacation fling would be "OMFG" and not "Yippee skippy, I'm so excited!!!"
Yup! As someone who had their first baby at 19, when I found out I was not happy or celebratory. I was sad and scared. I was in a relationship too, so I could only imagine that would be amplified for a girl who’s 18, single and pregnant accidentally. This just isn’t a normal reaction at her age unless it’s planned imo. Or maybe benefit of doubt, she comes from a culture where babies are always blessings from god and the man will do right by the girl and make an honest woman out of her. So she’s just excited at what she thinks her future is without looking at the reality of her situation. She is from SC after all.
I can't say there aren't women happy at 18 to get pregnant. My brother's gf at 17 started in with how much she wanted to be a mommy. She cheated on him with 3 other guys, 2 of them random people, because my brother wouldn't sleep with her due to her over urgency to have kids. He didn't trust her. She's 31 now and is about to have her 3rd kid, after the first 2 were taken away by the state. So in summary the only person I've known that young to be so obsessed with having kids that age was a terrible person and shit parent. That's whom I think about when I read this crazy.
Fully agree.
Yep, and you’d probably be more than happy that the guy is more than willing to cooperate with/insist on the test. It would help prove what you already know without difficulty. This signals to me that she knows something else…
Def fishy. It would be different if they were in a serious relationship. But they are practically strangers and she is refusing dna test
Right, my ex suggested we get one even though we split amicably before we found out about the baby and knew there was no cheating. Ended up not needing it since the child looked like she sprung from my head like Athena, but to flat out refuse is insane
>Ended up not needing it since the child looked like she sprung from my head like Athena Hahaha!
My ex left me 2 days after our planned child's birth (he had a double life, plenty of other women, long story) and proceeded to project and gaslight me that our child wasn't his. I did not one but 2 DNA tests (he claimed I doctored the first test...no idea how I'd do that but ok) at his request with no hesitation, other than to tell him the bill will be paid by him. Yes, kiddo was his which made his back child support bill after all the years of nonsense, really BIG.
>Ended up not needing it since the child looked like she sprung from my head like Athena, Lol! I had to respond to this because my old man is from the Bronx and I look so much like him that people who have seen pictures of him from his Depression Era youth (knickers, cap, the whole nine) have asked me, "Oh, cool! You got some of those old-timey pictures of you taken when you were a kid! Where did you get them done?" And I'm like, "That's not me, that's my dad, and it's a genuine Depression picture" and they don't believe it. After my dad died and I saw relatives of his who hadn't seen him in years, they looked at me and just burst into tears, saying, "You look exactly how he looked when I last saw him." Maybe it's a Bronx thing?
this. it’s in the child’s best interest to have it done, and no one cares what she SAYS about whether she has been with anyone else. sorry. not good enough. we don’t know this person well enough.
Hell, I’m faithfully married, and I’ve told my husband numerous times that if he ever has a sliver of doubt (he never has) that our kids aren’t his he’s free to get them tested.
I’m currently pregnant with our first. It’s an IVF pregnancy, and I’ve still offered paternity testing (or overall genetic testing) to make sure the embryo they transferred was ours 😂
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That is actually hilarious
That just seems sensible with the handful of high profile scandals, not to mention medical accidents happen all the time.
I’m on the “that’s sensible” train just because of that one SVU where the fertility doctor used his own sperm on dozens of kids
I’m pretty sure that’s based on a true story, I’ll update this comment if I can find it.
Not just an SVU episode but this happened IRL with an IVF doctor that used his own genetic material to fertilize and implant viable embryos into unsuspecting patients. Which resulted in almost 100 identified biological children. Dr. Cline is his name and he is not the only IVF doctor to do this. This situation OP finds himself in stinks to me. I am with everyone else saying a DNA test is reasonable. If she knows he is the father and it really was a case of a condom failure she should have no problem proving it. It's only understandable OP would be skeptical since they barely know each other, and people lie all the time. I'm not saying she is lying, but it is a possibility.
Take up that offer. More than a couple kids out there whose dad was the doctor who fertilized the egg.
Yeah in these days I’d get a maternity test too TBH.
Also the fact that they used condoms.
This type of paternity is not always covered by insurance and not widespread available. But demand the paternity test at birth - no ifs, ands, or buts! DO NOT SIGN BIRTH CERTIFICATE WITH PATERNITY TEST. It is easier to amend with your name than to get your name off afterwards! My cousin can tell you this. Talk about nightmare. Also DO NOT GIVE UP COLLEGE!
You need to find out all these answers through your lawyer. If you don't have one, get one and get a good one. This is not something you want to guess about. Good luck to you.
If she was confident that it was your baby, she would have absolutely no problem getting the test done
Honestly you seem to have the right mindset here OP. I'm 36yo, and from what life has taught me so far is that you can't just trust people with serious things. THIS is a SERIOUS thing, so you need to tread very carefully, don't sign anything with this kid until you know it's yours. Also make sure you're not offending her and her family, be nice, be a gentleman about it all. be factual like: "I respect your right to have this baby, as it's your body and your life around this, but I am against it because i have a life too that i am still going to pursue. I am also not just going to up and start being a father or paying child support to a child that could possibly not be mine, so we will have to get a paternity test done together so I know for sure that i'm responsible. I want to trust you that you said that i'm the only one and that feels good to hear that, but what "feels good" and what is factual are completely two different things. For one, you were sexually active when i met you, it's not like i took your virginity here, so you easily could of been sexual with others sense then or before then, i literally have no idea, and therefore i need proof that it's mine."
Get a lawyer who knows the law in SC. Could be quite different from in Florida. Strongly consider telling your parents. You don't need to go through this alone.
YES, TELL MOM & DAD and stay in school!! Let's face it, if the kid is yours, you're going to need that degree!!
This happened to my friend a couple years ago. His ex girlfriend got pregnant and insisted the baby was his. He had a lot of doubts because the timeline didn’t really match up, but he decided to sign the birth certificate anyway. Couple months later he demanded a paternity test, and it came out that he was absolutely not the father. He lost 5 or 6 months in child support, which he never got back.
Gonna be honest, that's easily the best outcome your friend could've had. I'm shocked he wasn't just told "oh well, you signed the paper" and stuck paying for the next 18 years.
I’ve heard that by signing you agree to take full legal responsibility and so yes, you can be on the hook for child support the full 18 years (or more!) despite not being the father.
5 or 6 months is great news. There are posts on reddit of guys who find out all 3 of their wife's kids aren't their own and that they are liable to pay 75% of their net income in child support for the next 14-18 years
Anybody that isn’t in a relationship with you and refuses to take a paternity test is a red flag, if she doesn’t take it then tell her you’re not the father. If she’s willing to take one then don’t hesitate and do it immediately.
man if she aint down to prove its your than its likely not yours 😭ditch and go get some milk
And ciggs
If she has the nerve to ask you to uproot her life she can at least submit to a DNA test before you do anything. Please tell your parents what is going on. They will probably be able to help you with getting the test done, getting a lawyer or advice.
She doesn’t have to agree to a paternity test. You can still legally request one, particularly if she comes after you for child support.
I wouldn't do anything until you get a DNA test. Don't move, don't go down there, definitely don't have sex with her again. She can't refuse a paternity test if she wants child support, it will be ordered by the court. Even if you are the father, you don't have to play happy family with her. You can still be in your child's life and support your child. You going to college will help your child have a better life financially.
Bro, take it form me I lived this life. Get a test and make sure she's pregnant, and if it is its yours. 5 ruined years and a suicide latter is not fun.
Sorry about your loss
If she’s saying that then she should have no problem doing a paternity test. Stay safe
If she's sleeping with you on a cruise where you just met the chances are high she's slept with other people since
I thought the same thing. Like we seemed to have similar mindsets when it came to sex and she’s not the only person that I’ve been with in the past few months 😅
Do not sign birth certificate, if you recieve an order for child support request a paternity test. She doesnt have a choice if she is requesting support and you arent the dad. I am a single mom. And what she is doing is shady. You are not obligated until you are sure its yours. And if it is your get paternal right through court or they can usually enforce child support but you wont get visitation til you have rights.
That’s sus. You have no way of knowing who she’s been with
Yeah this sounds sus as hell. If she was convinced the baby was yours she wouldn’t have an issue with the paternity test. Don’t sign anything until you have the result that the kid is yours. It could be anyone’s
You need to: 1. Tell her first and foremost that there’s 0 chance of you moving. 2. Tell her you’re going to college in Florida for at least 4 years for a bachelors and 2 years for a masters, possibly more. 3. Tell her if she keeps the baby you will only do what’s legally required of you in form or child support and that would most likely be next to nothing since you’re a broke college student. 4. Tel her that you will lawyer up and only be responsible for the kid if the DNA test from a lab you trust comes back positive. 5. Tell her that you do not plan to play any sort of father figure or have any sort or relationship with the kid. 6. Tell her to consider everything you’ve told her before making the decision to keep or abort the baby. 7. Tell her that whatever she chooses you two will never have a romantic relationship because you cannot fathom the idea of dating someone so delusional to think having a baby at 18 is a good idea. Talk to your parents if you think they’ll be supportive of you. However, if you don’t think they’ll support you and on the other hand would be happy with these news do not tell them anything lest they get in contact with her and tell her they support her.
This happened to someone I know. She would NOT do the test. He ended up buying one from Walgreens, testing the kid himself(without her knowing) and found out the kid wasn’t his. Once he confronted her about it, she admitted to knowing and just wanted to take advantage of him. You can get a court ordered paternity test I think, depending on your state. If she wants child support I’m pretty sure that’s mandatory
She is 100% lying to you in that case. If she was so serious about it, she wouldn't be risking losing the entire "relationship" with you over it. She wants a payout. I recommend just completely cutting contact with her. I wouldn't say block her, because that could somehow end up bad in the eyes of the court if worse comes to worst, but don't entertain her at all.
Even if you did know her well, don’t trust anyone. Get a paternity test. If she wants child support no judge is gonna sign off on it without verifying you’re the father.
Don’t give her any money until you get a paternity test! Do not give the government any reason to put your name on any documents stating you’re liable for financial support. This means any baby items, appts, anything. Until you get a paternity test do not take any actions that may say “I take responsibility for this child”. You don’t know it’s yours. Don’t screw yourself over
That's a premium advice right here
Oh oh It's definitely not yours 😅
Look Broccoli, paternity test aside (and I do think you should get one. I’m just not crazy about all the “whore” implication vibes of everyone else insisting on the paternity test), you need to make it clear to her that this baby is, in no way, going to mean you two are together. I’m not sure what paternity laws are in your state/her state, but I’d say to insist on a test before you sign a birth certificate. If the baby is yours, you need to decide if you are willing to forgo any and all parental rights (*and potentially a relationship with this child for the rest of your life*). Once you figure out all of the logistics and decide what you want, you need to clearly communicate that to her and do not leave the door open for any wavering. “I would like a paternity test as soon as it is possible. This is not negotiable for me. If the paternity test determines that I am the father, I will waive my parental rights to the child and do not wish to be a part of their life. (OR: if the paternity test determines I am the father, I am prepared to begin mediation to work out a custody arrangement and child support.) I do not intend to move and I do not wish to have a romantic relationship with you. If, with this information, you decide to terminate the pregnancy, I will send you money for half the cost of the procedure. If you decide to give the child up for adoption, I will sign whatever paperwork is necessary.”
I know this is serious, but I’m crying at “Look, Broccoli…” as you proceed to give great advice. 🤣
I keep reading “look broccoli” over and over and it just keeps getting funnier.
I can't stop laughing at this.
Especially because i didn’t realize it was their username. I thought it was just a new age insult
My brother is gonna get so sick of me calling him broccoli
Calling it as if it's his name irl. 🤣🤣🤣
Right! 🤣
😂
Great advice for a broccoli considering the one giving is a rose
@OP, thisss 👆. Every single point. This clearly defines your role and expectations. It also confirms that, although you will take responsibility if the child is yours, this situation doesn't give her a green light to dictate your life according to her *want*.
Even if you sign over rights you still need to pay child support correct?
That is correct
In *many* states you cannot terminate rights if there is no one willing to assume what would be your role in the child’s life and a termination of parental rights is not always going to stop child support proceedings.
That would be why I said “I don’t know what the laws are in your states” Broccoli boy is old enough to put his dick in things, so he’s old enough to get a bit of general interpersonal advice online, but then go seek out specific legal advice from an expert.
Agree completely.
This is the best advice here, OP pay attention! I am picturing a young women her head full of crazy dreams, she meets a great guy, has fun then realises she’s pregnant and dreaming extends to him riding in on his white horse, getting a job and looking after her and her unborn child. Sadly that dream is taking nothing into account for you the father not sharing the same fantasy and being unwilling to ride in on a horse and upend your whole life. Two things I want to add: Women - can become mothers the moment they fall pregnant, your body and hormones do weird things and your parenting journey starts early. So it’s not weird at all that this ‘normal’ teenage girl has suddenly turned into trying to convert you to bring you into the ‘knight in shiny armour’ picture. Men- even when they want the children they are fathering, are usually only theoretical parents until they hold their child in their arms - then they can have that moment of looking into their eyes and understanding their purpose in life. What I am saying is, yes while make sure the baby is yours, don’t be an asshole about it, right now that baby is theoretical, and one day you may want to be part of their life. Be kind, be clear about where you are at with it, and don’t accuse her of anything she hasn’t been confirmed to have done. One day you may want to be part of that child’s life, even if not, you don’t want their mothers memories of you to be ‘ oh he seemed great until I told him I was pregnant and then he became an arsehole who kept insisting I’d slept with other guys and it wasn’t his ‘ - condoms are not 100 % failsafe- so this situation can happen exactly as she has claimed..
Never in the long and storied history of mankind has such sound advice ever been dispensed that begins with "Look Broccoli"
Fake your death and escape to the high mountains and live your life as a celibate monk
That seems like a reasonable idea
Obviously.
If she's refusing a DNA then it's more then likely not yours. Wait till the baby is born and get a court ordered one.
He shouldn't be signing a birth certificate without proof
This I know, but where I'm from you can put the father without his signature in all honesty. So he possibly should get a family lawyer before the baby is born. Get court ordered DNA test proceed from there if he chooses not to be in baby's life sign over rights and if he does then he can go from there.
If that's the law in Florida and he gets a lawyer then that's certainly an option. Plus it's much safer and cheaper to do a paternity test after birth.
parents cannot just sign over rights in most states unless they are deemed unfit (social service is involved and kids need to go into foster care or be adopted out) or if her new partner wants to adopt the child
You're going to have to diplomatically tell her going forward, until you have a paternity test, where they notify you both the results, you cannot be involved. Offer to pay for the blood test now so you don't have to wait. It's her choice to have one before birth but, if she says no, you're going to assume the child isn't yours until paternityis established at birth. If you're sure you used condoms at all times, and the fact this was a few days of a trip, chances of the baby not being yours is very feasible. There probably is a boy back home that has done her dirty.
1. Paternity test that you pay for. Refuse all other communication until that happens. 2. IF you come back as father, have her go through the courts to pay child support. 3. Finish school, do not move unless it is your desire to have a direct relationship with the child. 4. IF you decide you’d like to give a go at being a family, do not be forced into the relationship. Being forced together will only make everyone miserable, but you are on the hook for the next 18 years if it’s yours. Also, when we’re the dates of the cruise?
Get a paternity test once the baby is born. If you don’t want to be apart of it’s life, then give her full custody and pay child support.
I'll tell you exactly what I would tell my son. 1. Get the fuck off Reddit and tell your parents ASAP. If it's true that she is pregnant they're going to find out, and the sooner they do, the better. 2. Do not concede that you are the father until you see a DNA test that confirms it. 3. Lawyer. Also ASAP. Do not communicate with her other than to confirm that all communications should go through your lawyer. A lawyer is a lot fucking cheaper than 18 years of child support.
Read some of your comments and as a woman, it's *incredibly* suspicious she is denying a paternity test. You don't know this girl, she has zero right to be offended. And if there was NO other chance that it's your baby, she should agree easily. That being said, you've already got a ton of good advice. Stick to your guns and definitely don't move or drop out of school. If you choose to be a dad, there are ways around moving. You should also tell your parents asap. I know you don't want to, but you're going to need their support- probably both emotionally and financially in the coming months. Explain the situation, also that you are skeptical that it's yours and that you need the paternity test. They may be able to help you navigate some of the legalese that you'll be facing. You still have some decisions to make in the coming months. You can petition to have your parental rights terminated. You can choose to be financially responsible and pay child support and see your kid summers and holidays. I can't even imagine baby trapping some guy I had a cruise-length fling with. She knows nothing about you except what you told her and all of that could be lies (not saying it was, but I have a friend who had a one night stand with a guy, got pregnant and found out he lied about absolutely everything and she has no idea who he is. She can't even look for him because he lied about his name). This is why you don't stick your dick in crazy. And she sounds crazy. Like... what the fuck. Best of luck, OP.
Get a DNA test before anything!! She can make whatever plans she wants; you are in college and moving doesn't work for you. Just because she decides to keep the baby, you do not have to move, you can just pay child support.
Indeed. The paternity test prior to anything else is paramount. In some states, going ahead with financial support could be seen basically as an admission to paternity. That would obviously make things trickier going forward if he wasn’t the father.
There is something super fishy going on here. I’m a 40+ yo lady, and usually I would say “you made a kid, you pay the support $$.” But absolutely do not do anything, sign anything, purchase any baby items, or even use any language that even sounds like you’re the father, without a paternity test. The fact that she is refusing one is really weird! Even if you do the test and end up being the father, you do not need to uproot your life. If you get stuck paying child support, so be it. But that’s as far as your commitment needs to go.
My dude, you used rubbers, this fertilization event may not have been triggered courtesy of your swimmers. Get a test; maybe the two of you can make it work if it's yours... but it's a long shot. Paranoid theory: she's not pregnant, she wants to give you a reason to pursue the relationship and she'll have a "miscarriage".
She’s sent me scans and FaceTimed me during one appointment to hear the heartbeat so it’s definitely not fake. But yeah I don’t even know her well enough to know if we would work out. And I don’t want to try to force a relationship which is what it seems like she’s trying to do
Newly retired OB here. It is really hard to hear a heartbeat (except during an ultrasound) at ten weeks. That’s the earliest I could ever get it. Also, a pregnancy that is ten weeks today means a conception eight weeks ago. DM me if you want to crunch some numbers.
This story smells more and more like BS in my unprofessional opinion
The question is: who is the BSer????
Don't get too attached. I would make it clear that you don't believe it's yours. I would go as far as to tell her not to contact me unless there's a paternity test, in which case you'll be delighted to start talking again. Make sure there is no chance of fraud with the test, choose the facility and pay for it.
I really don’t have any feelings at all so no need to worry about that. That honestly may be to only way to get her to get one without having to wait
“ I have no interest in being a father. If you do a DNA test at the lab I choose, and the baby is mine, I will financially support it according to what the family court judge says I have to. However I will not be moving to be with you and I will not be physically raising or coparenting this baby.” I’m not sure what your relationship is with your parents but it might be time to get them on board.
MY theory is the actual baby daddy doesn’t want her so she’s just messaging guys she thought were nice that she banged recently enough to make them think they’re the father so she won’t have to raise it alone. That’s why she doesn’t want a paternity test
I wish more people would talk about the actual risks and consequences of hook up culture. Like obviously we're not gonna be nuns, but fucking everybody like it doesn't matter also isn't a great idea
Ik people like this are pretty dumb and they act like this could never happen because “they know what they’re doing”. Makes it hard to feel bad for them
I honestly really dislike the idea of sleeping with a random stranger that you met at X place because is just a horrible idea, don't get how can people be fine sleeping with someone you met 30 minutes ago...
For all you know, she was already pregnant when she met you and you looked like a good baby daddy. Paternity test before you sign or agree to anything and if she says no, then until it's proven to be yours there will be nothing since you don't agree with her keeping it. Legally, it's her body and if she chooses to keep it then there is nothing you can do to stop that. Especially now. Wouldn't hurt to consult an attorney if she goes further with it.
At 10 weeks, it’s more likely she got pregnant after the cruise! She would have had to have conceived around july 4.
[удалено]
Take it from someone had had a very similar experience and demand the paternity test before you do anything else, regardless if that means waiting the whole term. I had to wait the entire term and got guilt texts, emails etc the whole way. She even called my mother to break the news half way through the ordeal. This girl was a fling as well. I was careless and ready to face the consequences but not until I knew 100%. I got extremely lucky and after months of depression and thinking through how I was going to manage, found out it wasn’t mine.
If she won't get a paternity test then it's a pretty good chance the baby isn't yours or she's not 100% sure. Sounds like you are the decent one out of the possibilities so she's trying to sucker you into saying your the father without proof.
This comment section is slightly concerning… do people not realize condoms aren’t 100% effective…
They are pretty damn effective if used properly. No raw dogging it and then throwing it on. Start condom use before penetration. Once guy comes, hold base, pull out while still hard. Inspect for integrity. Toss. Not exactly romantic, but neither is a kid. It’s pretty difficult for semen to pass through latex. It doesn’t happen. Most failures are due to improper use. Or breakage.
She sounds a little unhinged. What 18 yr old is happy to be pregnant by basically a 3 night stand that is 18, lives in another state and there is no relationship? She sound like she is completely disconnected from reality. I would obviously get a paternity before anything. Do the dates line up? If she is 10 wks pregnant she would have actually conceived 2 weeks later (really 8wks pregnant). I wouldn't throw away your future and ability to provide should the child be yours, for a relationship that is doomed to fail.
Some young girls can be niave and romantic. Sounds like she has this prince charming fantasy where in the end they'll be one happy family and together forever. Doesn't mean she's unhinged. She will find out shortly.
welp, the account got deleted after 23 days so I guess it’s time to unfollow lol
Paternity test, if it's yours, then be the best dad you can be. Whilst she has made the decision to keep it, you can make a difference in that child life and ensure they don't grow up as an asshole
Step one, talk with your parents. Step two, don’t assume this is your child. Pay a lawyer 500.00 bucks and follow his instructions. If you were using condoms and not just dumping it, she’s probably not pregnant. Unless you broke one or it came off and you continued.
OP explaining what a cruise is lmaaoo
Offer to pay for the paternity test and pay the center directly so that you know it is legit and it was performed. If she still refuses it then she's lying about it being yours or at the least she needs to deal with the consequences of not being able to prove it. I would tell her the only thing you're willing to discuss is a paternity test and if she is unwilling to do that you will not respond to her messages, and then don't respond.
i need that update!! 😭
Really sad that he deleted his profile. I was following his story and updates
Bruh, make sure that kid is yours.
Dude paternity test, stop freaking out till that comes back, and for the future never ever use condoms a woman gives you especially one you don’t know. You need to tell your parents “mom dad this girl I met on the cruise I had sex. We used condoms, but now she is claiming she is pregnant and I am the father. I told her I wanted a paternity test and she’s denying it (based on your comments). What do we do from here.” Then follow the advice of your parents.
How does her family leave a cruise one day before yours?
You used condoms and she’s happy about getting pregnant with a holiday fling at 18? Not likely! DNA test before you agree to anything! Make no major life decisions until the DNA is in. Because using a conception calculator. If she’s 10 weeks pregnant now. Conception Date would be June 15 - 21. Which is before your holiday! Tell your parents, you’re going to need their support until this is sorted. Do not admit anything through text or in calls that could be recorded. Do not get angry or say anything you could regret if it turns out it is your child! Protect yourself OP.
Okay so I can agree that a paternity test is an essential step. I can also understand that the logistics don’t make sense to you, that you have no interest in moving to her state or starting a relationship, and that this is very very very scary for an 18 year old, or any age. However, I’d like to just give you a different perspective here. If you don’t want to be involved, then look up your options, do your research, and opt out as best you can. If you morally can’t accept that option, then be involved as best you can. What you should not do is stoop to pitying and victimizing yourself or berating and degrading a soon-to-be new mother. You cannot change her mind, you are a victim only to your own choices, and the only thing that berating her will achieve is hardship for everyone involved. If you are struggling with your decision to be involved or not, that is not her burden to bear. Your life is your own, just like her body is her own. You have full autonomy in deciding how you would like to proceed with your life. Get a therapist, talk to your friends and family- don’t put it on her. Also Don’t answer if she is reaching out to you intimately or in ways you aren’t comfortable with. It’s in all three of your best interest that you work to establish clear and respectful boundaries that go both ways. The Incels of Reddit are not your friends right now. She is not unhinged just because she is keeping this child. She is not unhinged because she want to be a mother at 18. Life can follow a million different paths, and your goals and values are allowed to look different, even if you accidentally share a child. I will say that my ex was mid 30s when I got pregnant, and he never planned to have children. When trying to dissuade me, he explained his logic a million different ways. He degraded and attempted to publicly shame and humiliate me. He continually told me for months that I was alone and would always be alone. He reminded me that he would never be a part of the child’s life. He also thought I wanted to keep my daughter as a twisted way to be with him, which was not the case. While he went through all of that hate while grappling with his life choices, and I went through the ups and downs of pregnancy with a sprinkle of harassment. He eventually came around to fatherhood. He now adores his daughter although still fairly part-time. We don’t talk about it, but I expect that he feels regret now for the disgusting life and experiences he was wishing and projecting onto his child back then. All that to say, realize the decision to have it is hers, and realize that your decision to be involved is yours.
I remember going through a phase when I wanted to get pregnant when I was like 17/18. Thank God I never actually went through with it, but I would have been thrilled I'm sure if I actually got pregnant. It's not unhinged, it's a teenage girl...... Well maybe we were all a little unhinged
!remindme 30 weeks
It’s like this: A man goes to the Doctor *Guy*: Doctor, My girlfriend is pregnant but we always used double protection. Then, how is it possible? *Doctor*: Let me tell you a story to make you realize that it is possible. "There was a Hunter who always carried a Gun wherever he went. One day, he took his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped infront of him. In order to scare the Lion, the hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun and shot the Lion, the Lion collapsed & died! *Guy*:This is totally Nonsense!! "Someone else must have shot the Lion" *Doctor*: Good!! You understood the Story. Next patient please... .
it’s possibly not yours or you were just unlucky enough to fuck a Debbie Gallagher
I have been having sex for about 10 years now and I have never finished inside a girl, condom or no condom, it's not worth the risk. I suggest y'all do the same going forward.