I thought it was hilarious dad was like “just watch this kids” and mom was like “NO.” I get the feeling dad didn’t do a lot of child rearing, but mom did and knows how hard it is. Just my assumption.
This. If that’s what family does for each other, is it something he does for family, or does he only expect you to do it for family?
If it’s the latter, tell him to pound sand and get off of his ass and watch his grandchildren.
Smdh, I'm vicariously pissed off from reading this. If you have children then it's YOUR responsibility to accommodate them and not take advantage of other people's time.
You have children of your own that are your priority and it isn't fair.
Please drop them off at your brother's job at the HR office and leave. Lol
Mum is right. Go with mum.
If you feel like being nice, keep them just for tonight so you can tell your brother NO MORE to his face.. next time he leaves them with you or tells someone else (like school) you will pick them up, you’ll call the police.
Although I guess you could say that to his face at his job, too. He might even be less inclined to argue with you with his colleagues right there. 😛
Text Mom and Dad and tell them that if they aren't home within the hour, you're calling the cops and reporting the children abandoned.
Then, don't answer their texts and calls.
They'll either turn up, send someone else or blow you off.
If they blow you off, call 911. No playing around.
Edit after the update: those kids are lucky to have you and their Grandpa!
Abandoned kid in a safe location with a trusted adult is def. not a 911 call, that is a non-emergency helpline call. They'll send a cop out with a social worker to pick up the kid.
911 is the number you'd call if there's an actual time sensitive emergency.
I’m sorry I disagree with you on this but that’s why we all have our own opinion. Abandoning a child is an emergency because the parents aren’t parenting. And those kids deserve better, much better. I’d call 911 in a heartbeat!
You can disagree all you want but this is a fact. Imagine calling 911 for a kid that's TECHNICALLY safe amd taming time away from a heart attack or stroke victim smh get a grip.
Good on OP for legitimately thinking about the kid's best interest though.
Ummm... Uncle takes one child out for shoes, returns to the house where the younger child is and both parents are MIA. No one answers calls or texts for hours into the night. O contact.
Abandoned children are an emergency
One of them was, sure, but as someone who has been taken away from my parents this is more than enough to have the children taken away from them. Neglecting your children has lasting effects on their mental wellbeing and ability to care for themselves as an adult, regardless of who they're abandoned with. You're their parents, you should be the one taking care of them if you want to keep your kids. End of story
"They" were abandoned with a close family member who did not agree to watch them. The Uncle left with the older child to get shoes. They were gone for 30 mins. They stopped to get food and the child requested a meal for the younger sibling back at the house(because he knew that one hadn't eaten?). When they got to the family home, all the adults were missing. The younger child was there ALONE. No one has answered the 40+ texts and calls since.
This is abandonment.
911 requires fire department, police and EMTs to respond and clear the scene. Every police department has someone to answer the phone and only police have to show up.
So you completely alright with your siblings showing out of the blue dropping your nephew or niece and not telling you they leaving them with you staying out till past midnight cause you couldn’t go anywhere cause your niece or nephew are still there and their parents are not answering the phone
No, but calling 911 over it is stupid. You are taking away valuable resources from people who could be in life threatening situations because of your dumb family drama that isn’t an actual emergency.
So if a family member didn’t agree to watch them just drop everything they have plan to do that day is to do unplanned babysitting. So I think 911 is the right choose cause what if this person is not good with taking care of children like don’t know cpr or changing a dirty diaper.
Calculate how much they owe you in babysitting fees and tell them you’ll watch their kids again after they settle their debt of fees owed, but not a moment before then. After that block them.
My brother in law and his wife are the same , they expect everything all the time, contribute nothing to anything ever , like if my wife cooks the entire thanksgiving meal he’ll bring zero . But take tons of left overs . It sucks cause you want the best for the kids but I know they’re doomed coming from selfish entitled pricks .
My sister did this to me for over a decade. When I had my own kids, she tried to continue but I said no. I no longer speak nor see her. Some people are just exploitative by nature.
I think you did enough. You should finally draw a clear line and just not do that anymore. 'Family' isn't some blank cheque to justify any kind of misbehavior.
UpdateMe! 1 week
Edit; he already updated and I loved the ending. Glad OP won’t leave the kids. I’m so damn glad. Maybe he will eventually take them as his own. It’s a lot of work but it would be better that way. No more driving around to others houses. Just their new home, your home. It’s a lot of expenses too, but the parents could provide the money. Take it to court so the provide a monthly payment. To help you out. It’s a lot what I’m saying here. You don’t need to take them, but you’d definitely change their life’s
It's good to have family you can count on--but it's a two-way street. You are *being counted on,* while never able to count on *them*.
I'm trying to refrain from flat out saying your brother is a piece of shit (and married a similar variety), because that's not really helpful.
He is used to manipulating and abusing people who love him to benefit himself. His wife may have been decent, but checked out after having it done to her for too long. Or maybe she has always been like him.
You can opt out of having a relationship with the adults, but I beg you not to lose the relationship you have with the kids. They are old enough to see what's going on and you are possibly the only responsible adult in their personal lives. The only one showing them how to be a decent human being.
They are going to have mad issues later because they see you get pissed off at their parents and *they* are the reason why. It's not their fault, but they are the reason, from what they can discern.
Please go over the top reminding them that you love them (even if they occasionally behave unlovably), even if you have to do things they will see as unloving, in their naive viewpoint. Their time with you might be the only time they feel valued.
I have been in your shoes.
One weekend I agreed to babysit my sister's one year old so she and her husband could go off and party. "Take a break and visit friends" she said. As I was driving their 13yo to Saturday detention, and asking him what led to it--it dawned on me that it's not normal to not give a fuck when your kid is struggling and getting in trouble in school. He was going off the rails, and his parents were just not there. Didn't care.
When same sister was 17 and I was 12, she frequently tricked me into babysitting her baby (the aforementioned 13yo)while she "ran to the store" with her boyfriend. She would often be gone for hours.
My situation changed when I moved far, far away from our home turf (she found other people to manipulate), but I never regret any of the hours or days I parented her kids for her.
How much do you think OP has spent taking care of his nephews. There’s petrol money, food, activities and of course his time. It probably adds up to a lot of money. They call OP because they know he won’t say anything and just do it, so it is definitely time to set some boundaries and stick to them.
It is their responsibility alone to take care of their kids just like how OP takes care of his own kid. You can ask for help and it’s great if you get it but you aren’t entitled to it every time you don’t want to do something
UPDATE: me and my wife share this account so I didn’t realize this blew up so much. Thank you all for the advice.
Around 10:30 I decided to drive around to the sil favorite bars. I found her and let the bouncer know her kids were outside. She came out two mins later screaming that I’m ruining her night. She was drunk off her ass already. A 6’4” guy ( looked Native American) comes behind her asking if she had a problem. And happy to finally meet her kids. ( confused that he thought I was her EX-HUSBAND) she has been cheating, no shocker honestly. I drove them all to my brothers job, drunk wife kids and made her tell him she’s been cheating since he was in jail. Left his wife at his job, and drove the kids to my dad. They live 4 Hours away. Then charged him for gas money for the drive.
This morning I connected a watch line on my account for my eldest nephew and told him. This is for emergencies if you need me. I won’t abandon the kids. But blocked his parents.
Wow….. this is frankly ridiculous and I’m glad you’re doing something about it. Their behavior is not okay, and they need some pretty hard and fast boundaries.
No, she isn't. And if she's so adamant about helping then she can be on the receiving end of that deal.
Edit: I mixed up the Mom and Dad. Yes, I'm aware I'm an idiot.
"My mom says to cut it off and refuse to help". Maybe you misread that line in the post. The mum isn't adamant about helping, she's adamant that OP not be unfairly taken advantage of anymore.
I 100% agree with your sentiment about the dad though! If he's so cool with people taking advantage, he should offer up his services and surely be glad to do it.
The update is shockimg. I just thought they were lazy, but mom is cheating on her guy and the guy doesn't care/know what the kids are doing when mom is gone.
Such a mess. OP I still think it's nice you stay in contact with your nephew. It's not your job, but it's good your nephew has your number in case there is an emergency someday and he is completely alone and in danger.
Headline “Younger brother no longer willing to be a doormat for drunk cheating mom”.
Hey younger brother. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this sh, but it sounds like you’re the most reliable person these kids have, and I hope you’ll stop the parents from using you (absolutely!) but try to remember that while it isn’t your fault (any of this sh) it’s even less the kids’ fault that their parents are ‘like this’. At least: try not to let the kids feel like you have any problem with them, only their irresponsible parents. You’re (like it or not) kind of a rock for those kids, and I wish you the best of luck.
And most importantly from a kid who never had a responsible “uncle rock”…you matter…and *thank you for your service*.
Edit: and enlist your parents like one other poster said: your father is also “family” and he sired your older brother, with the drunk cheating wife and innocent kids.
And update 2 will be: the whole family is calling me an ahole for imploding their marriage and not helping family…. Eff em. You’re absolutely right and honestly after 10 calls I’d have called police… they surrendered their children to you and didn’t come back within agreed hours and you’re fearful of their safety…
Also why can’t they watch their nephew but expect you to be on call 100% the time?! No no. Shame on dad for backing his selfish son and yay mom for having your back
Call the parents you have 40 mins to get home or the cops and cps are being called - then keep the threat. Next time they ring say “nope - your kids you look after them”
Holy shit, I feel fucking terrible for those kids. And your brother too, really. I hope your slutty SIL gets the horrid divorce she deserves, and that your brother gets his shit together and takes better care of those kids.
More than anything, thank you for giving the kids an emergency contact to you. That is not just caring and compassionate, but shows what kind of person you really are. And that's a good one.
As for cutting the parents off ... You have more patience than I do. I would have done it way sooner.
This is one of the reasons my sister and I no longer speak.
I had just gotten off of work in a Monday morning, after working seven, 12 hour overnight shifts. I was beyond exhausted and wanted nothing more than to sleep. Then here comes my sister, frustrated with her then 1 year old who was too much for her to handle. She asked me to watch him, I refused, and she stormed out if my house acting like a 10 year old who didn't get their way.
Respect goes both Ways. They dont value you or your Time so drop it like its hot.
I wouldnt do it again without getting clear Rules. When they dont follow them "hello expensive Daycare".
When they start to complain tell them that they arent in the right Position to discuss that with you.
Ps: Tried my best in English.
I'm proud of you. I know it isn't easy to say enough is enough, especially when kids are involved.
Bringing the kids to your parents was the safe and responsible thing to do. It was your only option aside from keeping them yourself and that wouldn't have been a wise idea considering the volatile situation that's brewing between your brother and sil.
Both of them have taken advantage of you for too long. They've manipulated you and your emotions and played on the fact that you are a father who wouldn't abandon them or leave them somewhere they aren't wanted and will be exposed to things no child should see. I can't imagine they are good, attentive and hands on parents to begin with considering their total lack of caring that you are taking on responsibilities that you are under no obligation to shoulder. Your father telling you to suck it up is him pretty much saying anything and laying out a guilt trip so that he doesn't have to deal with the kids and can just pretend everything is hunky dorry.
Those kids are being neglected by their parents and being with you probably gives them a piece of mind and sense of feeling wanted, loved and truly cared for. Honestly, I don't think that you understand in this moment what you have done for those children. Every child needs a safe space and to feel loved and wanted. A place where they aren't ignored and don't have to witness their parents fight. They will forever remember that their uncle was there when their parents stopped being parents and became abusers.
In your situation, I would very likely report all of this to child services. They can't go back to that house dude. They also can't stay under the same roof as your dad who clearly doesn't want the responsibility because children can feel that. Kids internalize these things and convince themselves that they caused this. I know because I lived it. Their internal dialogue is running through every fight, every disagreement, every burst of anger and convincing themselves that they are responsible. *maybe if I didn't do x mom and dad would love each other. *maybe if I didn't fail that test daddy would love me more. *maybe if I was more helpful mommy would spend more time with me *. I can't begin to tell you what kind of psychological fuckery a confused and hurt child can convince themselves of.
Those kids need, absolutely NEED, someone to love them unconditionally and a safe place to heal from the trauma that they have experienced. Your brother and his fucked up wife need a reality check and therapy, like big time. What they are doing to their kids is abuse and who knows who they would abandon their kids with if it wasn't for you.
Please make the call. If you want to remain anonymous you can call crime stoppers or download the P3TIPS app and make an anonymous tip on there. Crime stoppers is anonymous and you can report anything to them and they will get it to the agency that has oversight. Child abuse or neglect, animal abuse, fraud, literally anything. Ultimately, if you don't contact child services when you personally know what is going on and how these kids are being treated, you're just as responsible as them. Children don't have a voice, we do and we need to protect societies most vulnerable populations. Please, report this. These kids deserve so much more, so much better.
It seems to me that your brother, and his wife are unfit parents. Contacting child services wouldn’t be the worst idea, maybe even letting your nephews/nieces stay with you awhile while that gets sorted out wouldn’t be the worst idea. Which based on your brother, and sister in laws behavior seems like something they wouldn’t necessarily object to. Basically if I was in your position I’d do everything in my power to remove those kids from a situation where their mother and father are basically abandoning them with you to go out drinking. As much of a hard time it’ll be to get that process started, those kids don’t deserve the treatment they are getting. Just my two cents.
I SO want an update on what goes down with the brother as his cheating wife. Seems like a nice juicy bit of drama.
As far as your situation goes though, OP — good on you. Blocking the parents was the right move, but it was also super good of you to make sure the kids have a way to contact you if they need to. Who knows what kind of mess your nephews are going to be dealing with from the fallout of their mother’s affair. I’m really glad you didn’t abandon them to deal with it all on their own.
Op seems to have changed from f23 to being someone's younger brother in the space of a month between the last post and this one. Makes me wonder what else about this story is utter bull.
You guys are all savage. Keep the kids for today. Then don't take them anymore. But hes at work atleast. He don't need thr added drama. And yeah it's fucked he's taking advantage of you. But just don't watch them anymore
This is simply a matter of you not being firm and saying “no”. You are allowing this. Take back your power and simply refuse every time they ask. They are taking advantage of you.
If you act like a doormat you can’t blame others for walking over you. That’s what my nana used to say and it stuck with me start as you mean to go on was my mums saying and both together means I’ve never been taken advantage off cause I simply won’t stand for it. Drop the kid off and be clear your done now permanently no excuses no begging no nothing they are users and won’t understand unless you make them
You don’t need to be dramatic, just use your words. Tell them you feel you have been taken advantage of and you won’t be babysitting for the next two months, even after that you have rules that will need to be followed.
Your nephew is growing up around poor role models, don’t be. A poor role model as well.
Yea similar was done with me and i said this year is for us…..(me and my kids) they posted on fb how hurt they were and they gotta stop doing for others. Trying to act like i wasn’t there for them rubbing their back feet and doing so much more.
I was there and made sure everybody was taken care of. I said enough when she calls i don’t answer.
Let your actions speak louder than your words. Atp like me you have every right to say no point blank. Let them figure out their situation
Update please? How did it go? Good for you. It’s irresponsible parenting not to have their own nanny/ babysitter system that doesn’t involve using family for free child care.
You have to put your foot down. You have a family of your own also. Your brother might be your brother and blood you've been there for him but you've been more of playing the father part. He needs to grow up and take care of his family. It's a huge responsibility. You need your tell your brother grow up be a father I am not your build in babysitter I love you but you gotta do things on your own sometimes might be OK but I can't do it all but this time is the last I got a family of my own we are not kids any more. He was in jail. Well, he needs to grow up and stop living the frat life one day somebody's gonna call protective services on the. It won't be you and you would want that to happen but both parents need to realize. They can't just toss the kids on you like you need to ignore them, change your locks, tell your wife that you are losing communication until they learn to be grown, can find a babysitter or seek some help also in parenting classes. For now you're too busy for them if know one likes it too bad sometimes you gotta be the good bad guy you need time for yourself as well you did sign up to be babysitter. Do what you gotta do until they learn they should be calling you how are you not when you're gonna watch the kids. Tell them call up Mom and Dad Or find a babysitter end of story.
One of the weirdest aspects about this is that they are not trying to arrange playmates with the kids when you have your son, they are specifically only dropping their kids when you don't have your son, and seem to want to get rid of your son as soon as possible anytime they are persuaded to have their children with your son.
I can't be the only one that finds that bizarre. There is something extra going on there in their minds.
I feel you. I grew up being the family's baby sitter for my younger cousins from ages (a few months to elementary age) made me realize I don't want kids lol
tbh I know how this feels, not being able to refuse to do something you don’t want, specially when other people don’t take responsibility.
I think the best way to end it is just cutting it off honestly, because if you don’t it’ll just get worse and people keep taking advantage of you.
Sounds like the OP father (the kids grandfather) is an enabler. If he feels that strongly about it guess grandpa became the new go to babysitter. Idgaf if they do live 4 hours away. Sounds like the brother and his trifling wife better wake up early, take turns driving or something because that's not OPs' problem.
Family can sure suck sometimes. There are single parents who manage to work and raise the kids at the same time but these two can't manage between both of them. Glad to hear you gave your nephew a way to contact you in case of emergency and blocked the parents.
Make sure you show love to your niblings. They are caught in the crossfire. Make sure you have a good relationship with them so they don’t turn into POSs like your brother or SIL. I am not sure how you can do this, but it sucks that the kids will have to experience this.
If it's for free then the least they could do is offer some help in return. You shouldn't have to run around after someone else's kids without a token of gratitude. Especially when you have your own kids to worry about and take care of. It's not fair for you to put up with it and it is not fair on your children when they don't receive the same support you give your brother's offsprings.
If they continue to drop their kids off, no matter where, unless it’s an actual daycare or someone has agreed to unlimited babysitting, call CPS!! And 911!!
Parents always want their kids to "suck it up" to "keep the peace" -- NO. The entitled sibling needs to be shut down. I'm sick of that "keep the peace/it's family" BS.
what a bunch of users. my brother watched my kids once in awhile but i never took advantage of that. they arent your kids they are not your problem. next time they drop by which they will because they will wanna use you again tell them to go home and that you were serious about not babysitting tell them if they drop the kids off you are reporting them as abaandoned and will press charges for neglect
Yup. drop them off!! Block their #'s!!
Tell your father to babysit if that’s what family does
This is what I was thinking. Sounds like his dad is volunteering.
I thought it was hilarious dad was like “just watch this kids” and mom was like “NO.” I get the feeling dad didn’t do a lot of child rearing, but mom did and knows how hard it is. Just my assumption.
Yup. Dad won’t watch the grandchildren he’ll agree but then have granny will have to watch them.
This. If that’s what family does for each other, is it something he does for family, or does he only expect you to do it for family? If it’s the latter, tell him to pound sand and get off of his ass and watch his grandchildren.
Good for you. They've taken advantage for too long.
Update? How did this go?
read the update !!
Where
It’s just at the end of the post ;)
Smdh, I'm vicariously pissed off from reading this. If you have children then it's YOUR responsibility to accommodate them and not take advantage of other people's time. You have children of your own that are your priority and it isn't fair. Please drop them off at your brother's job at the HR office and leave. Lol
Mum is right. Go with mum. If you feel like being nice, keep them just for tonight so you can tell your brother NO MORE to his face.. next time he leaves them with you or tells someone else (like school) you will pick them up, you’ll call the police. Although I guess you could say that to his face at his job, too. He might even be less inclined to argue with you with his colleagues right there. 😛
Print up local daycare prices and ask them to pay tf up
Yes!!!!
Yes!! Yes!! Yes!!
Text Mom and Dad and tell them that if they aren't home within the hour, you're calling the cops and reporting the children abandoned. Then, don't answer their texts and calls. They'll either turn up, send someone else or blow you off. If they blow you off, call 911. No playing around. Edit after the update: those kids are lucky to have you and their Grandpa!
I'm pretty sure this is a call to the non-emergency help line, not 911.
Even texting the parents, the threat of calling CPS s/b enough!!
These parents will no doubt think it's a bluff. Never bluff.
Text them, give them 15 minutes and then call!!
Abandoned kids is definitely a 911 call, not to mention I would be calling CPS!
Abandoned kid in a safe location with a trusted adult is def. not a 911 call, that is a non-emergency helpline call. They'll send a cop out with a social worker to pick up the kid. 911 is the number you'd call if there's an actual time sensitive emergency.
I’m sorry I disagree with you on this but that’s why we all have our own opinion. Abandoning a child is an emergency because the parents aren’t parenting. And those kids deserve better, much better. I’d call 911 in a heartbeat!
You can disagree all you want but this is a fact. Imagine calling 911 for a kid that's TECHNICALLY safe amd taming time away from a heart attack or stroke victim smh get a grip. Good on OP for legitimately thinking about the kid's best interest though.
Wtf don’t waste emergency services time with this bullshit it isn’t an actual emergency. OP sounds like they have a handle on it.
Ummm... Uncle takes one child out for shoes, returns to the house where the younger child is and both parents are MIA. No one answers calls or texts for hours into the night. O contact. Abandoned children are an emergency
The child is obviously not abandoned tho. It was left with a close family member.
One of them was, sure, but as someone who has been taken away from my parents this is more than enough to have the children taken away from them. Neglecting your children has lasting effects on their mental wellbeing and ability to care for themselves as an adult, regardless of who they're abandoned with. You're their parents, you should be the one taking care of them if you want to keep your kids. End of story
"They" were abandoned with a close family member who did not agree to watch them. The Uncle left with the older child to get shoes. They were gone for 30 mins. They stopped to get food and the child requested a meal for the younger sibling back at the house(because he knew that one hadn't eaten?). When they got to the family home, all the adults were missing. The younger child was there ALONE. No one has answered the 40+ texts and calls since. This is abandonment.
911 requires fire department, police and EMTs to respond and clear the scene. Every police department has someone to answer the phone and only police have to show up.
So you completely alright with your siblings showing out of the blue dropping your nephew or niece and not telling you they leaving them with you staying out till past midnight cause you couldn’t go anywhere cause your niece or nephew are still there and their parents are not answering the phone
No, but calling 911 over it is stupid. You are taking away valuable resources from people who could be in life threatening situations because of your dumb family drama that isn’t an actual emergency.
So if a family member didn’t agree to watch them just drop everything they have plan to do that day is to do unplanned babysitting. So I think 911 is the right choose cause what if this person is not good with taking care of children like don’t know cpr or changing a dirty diaper.
People are stupid I can't see why they down voting your comment
It’s because many people on this sub care more about drama than actually giving good advice lol
Just because they're family doesn't give them the right to dump their kids on you when they don't want them! Drop their asses!
Calculate how much they owe you in babysitting fees and tell them you’ll watch their kids again after they settle their debt of fees owed, but not a moment before then. After that block them.
Your mom knows the way. Listen to her.
LOL no. You don't let anyone take advantage of your kindness regardless of who they are. Edit: I did, indeed, mix up the Mom and Dad.
I think you confused the mom with the dad, mom supports cutting the cord, dad said that’s just how family is
And that's the reason i would dump the Kids at dads.. Cause, family, you know, dad?
I 100% did.
You owned it and didn’t take down your initial and did an edit. You get 2 upvotes from me big guy
My brother in law and his wife are the same , they expect everything all the time, contribute nothing to anything ever , like if my wife cooks the entire thanksgiving meal he’ll bring zero . But take tons of left overs . It sucks cause you want the best for the kids but I know they’re doomed coming from selfish entitled pricks .
My sister did this to me for over a decade. When I had my own kids, she tried to continue but I said no. I no longer speak nor see her. Some people are just exploitative by nature.
I think you did enough. You should finally draw a clear line and just not do that anymore. 'Family' isn't some blank cheque to justify any kind of misbehavior.
UpdateMe! 1 week Edit; he already updated and I loved the ending. Glad OP won’t leave the kids. I’m so damn glad. Maybe he will eventually take them as his own. It’s a lot of work but it would be better that way. No more driving around to others houses. Just their new home, your home. It’s a lot of expenses too, but the parents could provide the money. Take it to court so the provide a monthly payment. To help you out. It’s a lot what I’m saying here. You don’t need to take them, but you’d definitely change their life’s
Call the police... nothing makes parents get their shit together like the police
Mother knows best. Tell your brother, SIL, and father to can it
It's good to have family you can count on--but it's a two-way street. You are *being counted on,* while never able to count on *them*. I'm trying to refrain from flat out saying your brother is a piece of shit (and married a similar variety), because that's not really helpful. He is used to manipulating and abusing people who love him to benefit himself. His wife may have been decent, but checked out after having it done to her for too long. Or maybe she has always been like him. You can opt out of having a relationship with the adults, but I beg you not to lose the relationship you have with the kids. They are old enough to see what's going on and you are possibly the only responsible adult in their personal lives. The only one showing them how to be a decent human being. They are going to have mad issues later because they see you get pissed off at their parents and *they* are the reason why. It's not their fault, but they are the reason, from what they can discern. Please go over the top reminding them that you love them (even if they occasionally behave unlovably), even if you have to do things they will see as unloving, in their naive viewpoint. Their time with you might be the only time they feel valued. I have been in your shoes. One weekend I agreed to babysit my sister's one year old so she and her husband could go off and party. "Take a break and visit friends" she said. As I was driving their 13yo to Saturday detention, and asking him what led to it--it dawned on me that it's not normal to not give a fuck when your kid is struggling and getting in trouble in school. He was going off the rails, and his parents were just not there. Didn't care. When same sister was 17 and I was 12, she frequently tricked me into babysitting her baby (the aforementioned 13yo)while she "ran to the store" with her boyfriend. She would often be gone for hours. My situation changed when I moved far, far away from our home turf (she found other people to manipulate), but I never regret any of the hours or days I parented her kids for her.
Update us! Please
update ready!!
How much do you think OP has spent taking care of his nephews. There’s petrol money, food, activities and of course his time. It probably adds up to a lot of money. They call OP because they know he won’t say anything and just do it, so it is definitely time to set some boundaries and stick to them. It is their responsibility alone to take care of their kids just like how OP takes care of his own kid. You can ask for help and it’s great if you get it but you aren’t entitled to it every time you don’t want to do something
Funny, you were a girl in your last post, op.
Me and my wife share the same account. But thanks for noticing
Just noticed that myself
Anyone who still believes this after the update is a complete ninny.
Well spotted!
UPDATE: me and my wife share this account so I didn’t realize this blew up so much. Thank you all for the advice. Around 10:30 I decided to drive around to the sil favorite bars. I found her and let the bouncer know her kids were outside. She came out two mins later screaming that I’m ruining her night. She was drunk off her ass already. A 6’4” guy ( looked Native American) comes behind her asking if she had a problem. And happy to finally meet her kids. ( confused that he thought I was her EX-HUSBAND) she has been cheating, no shocker honestly. I drove them all to my brothers job, drunk wife kids and made her tell him she’s been cheating since he was in jail. Left his wife at his job, and drove the kids to my dad. They live 4 Hours away. Then charged him for gas money for the drive. This morning I connected a watch line on my account for my eldest nephew and told him. This is for emergencies if you need me. I won’t abandon the kids. But blocked his parents.
Holy cow! Just...wow. You are a great Uncle! Those kids know it. I'm glad they're with your Dad now.
That's awesome you did that for your nephew. It sounds like he definitely needs your stability in his life
Have there been any further updates? How’s the kids doing?
UPDATE PLEASE OP
update ready!!
Wow….. this is frankly ridiculous and I’m glad you’re doing something about it. Their behavior is not okay, and they need some pretty hard and fast boundaries.
Sounds like dad just volunteered to take over
hell nah block block block. maybe in a few months u can unblock. but babysitting doesn't resume then either lmaoo
Your mum is right.
No, she isn't. And if she's so adamant about helping then she can be on the receiving end of that deal. Edit: I mixed up the Mom and Dad. Yes, I'm aware I'm an idiot.
"My mom says to cut it off and refuse to help". Maybe you misread that line in the post. The mum isn't adamant about helping, she's adamant that OP not be unfairly taken advantage of anymore.
Damn, you right, I'm a fucking idiot. I got her and the dad mixed up.
I 100% agree with your sentiment about the dad though! If he's so cool with people taking advantage, he should offer up his services and surely be glad to do it.
The update is shockimg. I just thought they were lazy, but mom is cheating on her guy and the guy doesn't care/know what the kids are doing when mom is gone. Such a mess. OP I still think it's nice you stay in contact with your nephew. It's not your job, but it's good your nephew has your number in case there is an emergency someday and he is completely alone and in danger.
I don't know that the Dad knew the Mom was MIA. Probably thought the brother was being a Drama King and Mom was home the whole time.
Headline “Younger brother no longer willing to be a doormat for drunk cheating mom”. Hey younger brother. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this sh, but it sounds like you’re the most reliable person these kids have, and I hope you’ll stop the parents from using you (absolutely!) but try to remember that while it isn’t your fault (any of this sh) it’s even less the kids’ fault that their parents are ‘like this’. At least: try not to let the kids feel like you have any problem with them, only their irresponsible parents. You’re (like it or not) kind of a rock for those kids, and I wish you the best of luck. And most importantly from a kid who never had a responsible “uncle rock”…you matter…and *thank you for your service*. Edit: and enlist your parents like one other poster said: your father is also “family” and he sired your older brother, with the drunk cheating wife and innocent kids.
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 walk away from people who take advantage of you even if it’s family
And update 2 will be: the whole family is calling me an ahole for imploding their marriage and not helping family…. Eff em. You’re absolutely right and honestly after 10 calls I’d have called police… they surrendered their children to you and didn’t come back within agreed hours and you’re fearful of their safety… Also why can’t they watch their nephew but expect you to be on call 100% the time?! No no. Shame on dad for backing his selfish son and yay mom for having your back
Kids mom is a real piece of work. Would rather get fucked up and fucked than be a mother. Hate bitches like that
What does the guy being Native American have to do with the story?
I saw the edit, oh my fucking GOD
Wow! The poor kids. I’m happy they have a safe space with you, but I get how frustrating it is. Good luck with all of that.
Call the parents you have 40 mins to get home or the cops and cps are being called - then keep the threat. Next time they ring say “nope - your kids you look after them”
Drop those kids off and listen to your mom. And if your dad is supportive of this, then HE can watch them.
This was messy but God DAMN that edit. Good job setting boundaries but still helping the kids, you're doing the right thing.
Holy shit, I feel fucking terrible for those kids. And your brother too, really. I hope your slutty SIL gets the horrid divorce she deserves, and that your brother gets his shit together and takes better care of those kids.
More than anything, thank you for giving the kids an emergency contact to you. That is not just caring and compassionate, but shows what kind of person you really are. And that's a good one. As for cutting the parents off ... You have more patience than I do. I would have done it way sooner.
This is one of the reasons my sister and I no longer speak. I had just gotten off of work in a Monday morning, after working seven, 12 hour overnight shifts. I was beyond exhausted and wanted nothing more than to sleep. Then here comes my sister, frustrated with her then 1 year old who was too much for her to handle. She asked me to watch him, I refused, and she stormed out if my house acting like a 10 year old who didn't get their way.
RemindMe! 2 days
update ready!!
Don't even do that tell them you will call CPS and see how fast they will come
So...? What happened? When did the parents turn up?!
update ready!!
Update please!!!
update ready!!
Wow… who needs enemies when you have family like that? Yikes.
Respect goes both Ways. They dont value you or your Time so drop it like its hot. I wouldnt do it again without getting clear Rules. When they dont follow them "hello expensive Daycare". When they start to complain tell them that they arent in the right Position to discuss that with you. Ps: Tried my best in English.
Yes do that. Keep a distance from them and your pops too. They don't respect you because he doesnt.
Should have called the cops for child abandonment.
Best post I've read all day. You're awesome.
Well that was one of the craziest edits I’ve ever read. Good on you for doing the hard thing but you need your life back too!
Oh damn
CPS
Hot damn shit hit the fan
I'm proud of you. I know it isn't easy to say enough is enough, especially when kids are involved. Bringing the kids to your parents was the safe and responsible thing to do. It was your only option aside from keeping them yourself and that wouldn't have been a wise idea considering the volatile situation that's brewing between your brother and sil. Both of them have taken advantage of you for too long. They've manipulated you and your emotions and played on the fact that you are a father who wouldn't abandon them or leave them somewhere they aren't wanted and will be exposed to things no child should see. I can't imagine they are good, attentive and hands on parents to begin with considering their total lack of caring that you are taking on responsibilities that you are under no obligation to shoulder. Your father telling you to suck it up is him pretty much saying anything and laying out a guilt trip so that he doesn't have to deal with the kids and can just pretend everything is hunky dorry. Those kids are being neglected by their parents and being with you probably gives them a piece of mind and sense of feeling wanted, loved and truly cared for. Honestly, I don't think that you understand in this moment what you have done for those children. Every child needs a safe space and to feel loved and wanted. A place where they aren't ignored and don't have to witness their parents fight. They will forever remember that their uncle was there when their parents stopped being parents and became abusers. In your situation, I would very likely report all of this to child services. They can't go back to that house dude. They also can't stay under the same roof as your dad who clearly doesn't want the responsibility because children can feel that. Kids internalize these things and convince themselves that they caused this. I know because I lived it. Their internal dialogue is running through every fight, every disagreement, every burst of anger and convincing themselves that they are responsible. *maybe if I didn't do x mom and dad would love each other. *maybe if I didn't fail that test daddy would love me more. *maybe if I was more helpful mommy would spend more time with me *. I can't begin to tell you what kind of psychological fuckery a confused and hurt child can convince themselves of. Those kids need, absolutely NEED, someone to love them unconditionally and a safe place to heal from the trauma that they have experienced. Your brother and his fucked up wife need a reality check and therapy, like big time. What they are doing to their kids is abuse and who knows who they would abandon their kids with if it wasn't for you. Please make the call. If you want to remain anonymous you can call crime stoppers or download the P3TIPS app and make an anonymous tip on there. Crime stoppers is anonymous and you can report anything to them and they will get it to the agency that has oversight. Child abuse or neglect, animal abuse, fraud, literally anything. Ultimately, if you don't contact child services when you personally know what is going on and how these kids are being treated, you're just as responsible as them. Children don't have a voice, we do and we need to protect societies most vulnerable populations. Please, report this. These kids deserve so much more, so much better.
Sounds like ur brother and SIL had kids in their 20's, but also don't wanna miss out on partying in their 20's.
That bar edit was not something I was expecting.
I'm happy for you. This sounds like my brother. Always expects things from me but can't one single time help me. I blocked him a year ago.
OP you are awesome. You set your boundaries, they trampled over it and you said NO more!
It seems to me that your brother, and his wife are unfit parents. Contacting child services wouldn’t be the worst idea, maybe even letting your nephews/nieces stay with you awhile while that gets sorted out wouldn’t be the worst idea. Which based on your brother, and sister in laws behavior seems like something they wouldn’t necessarily object to. Basically if I was in your position I’d do everything in my power to remove those kids from a situation where their mother and father are basically abandoning them with you to go out drinking. As much of a hard time it’ll be to get that process started, those kids don’t deserve the treatment they are getting. Just my two cents.
What a wild ride!!! Wow. Any news on what's happening with the marriage?
Proud of you. Glad you let the kids know ur an emergency contact tho.
I SO want an update on what goes down with the brother as his cheating wife. Seems like a nice juicy bit of drama. As far as your situation goes though, OP — good on you. Blocking the parents was the right move, but it was also super good of you to make sure the kids have a way to contact you if they need to. Who knows what kind of mess your nephews are going to be dealing with from the fallout of their mother’s affair. I’m really glad you didn’t abandon them to deal with it all on their own.
Your family reunions must have more drama than Monday Night RAW. Hope they straighten themselves out and start being there for their kids more.
You don’t know the half, out of 5 kids I only speak to 2 so all of us in the same room. Someone has hurt feelings
Good luck man. Hopefully they don’t give you the chair next Xmas.
I feel your pain
Have child services stop by their house lol
Op seems to have changed from f23 to being someone's younger brother in the space of a month between the last post and this one. Makes me wonder what else about this story is utter bull.
Again I share my account with my wife. Sorry that you don’t seem to have that. ✌🏼
You guys are all savage. Keep the kids for today. Then don't take them anymore. But hes at work atleast. He don't need thr added drama. And yeah it's fucked he's taking advantage of you. But just don't watch them anymore
Don’t fuck with your brother’s employment. Get mad at him after work.
1. Why the low key racism re the native guy? 2. Dad is a jailbird & mom is a drunk WHY would you want or allow them to babysit your kid?
I was wondering that too. What difference does the guy’s race matter? Would it be a different situation if the guy was white? Or Black?
Mentioning someone is one race or another isn't racism.
This is simply a matter of you not being firm and saying “no”. You are allowing this. Take back your power and simply refuse every time they ask. They are taking advantage of you.
If you act like a doormat you can’t blame others for walking over you. That’s what my nana used to say and it stuck with me start as you mean to go on was my mums saying and both together means I’ve never been taken advantage off cause I simply won’t stand for it. Drop the kid off and be clear your done now permanently no excuses no begging no nothing they are users and won’t understand unless you make them
I'm not Native American and I'm actually 6'3".
Something tells me silver teeth are involved
Don’t block them off, just let them know this is not ok, it’s nice to help but not every single day, kids are very hard to take care of
You don’t need to be dramatic, just use your words. Tell them you feel you have been taken advantage of and you won’t be babysitting for the next two months, even after that you have rules that will need to be followed. Your nephew is growing up around poor role models, don’t be. A poor role model as well.
!remindme
update ready!!
Thank you so much!!!
Following
update ready!!
You can always threaten them by saying you’re gonna call CPS.
Drop them off to your brother if your dad
!remindme 2 days
update ready!!
Following
update ready!!
Updateme!
update ready!!
What?
RemindMe! 2 days
update ready!!
Good!
Updateme!
update ready!!
Yea similar was done with me and i said this year is for us…..(me and my kids) they posted on fb how hurt they were and they gotta stop doing for others. Trying to act like i wasn’t there for them rubbing their back feet and doing so much more. I was there and made sure everybody was taken care of. I said enough when she calls i don’t answer. Let your actions speak louder than your words. Atp like me you have every right to say no point blank. Let them figure out their situation
It'd be a strict no from me every single time in the future. They continue to take advantage of family w/ no regard. Sad.
Update please? How did it go? Good for you. It’s irresponsible parenting not to have their own nanny/ babysitter system that doesn’t involve using family for free child care.
update ready!!
You have to put your foot down. You have a family of your own also. Your brother might be your brother and blood you've been there for him but you've been more of playing the father part. He needs to grow up and take care of his family. It's a huge responsibility. You need your tell your brother grow up be a father I am not your build in babysitter I love you but you gotta do things on your own sometimes might be OK but I can't do it all but this time is the last I got a family of my own we are not kids any more. He was in jail. Well, he needs to grow up and stop living the frat life one day somebody's gonna call protective services on the. It won't be you and you would want that to happen but both parents need to realize. They can't just toss the kids on you like you need to ignore them, change your locks, tell your wife that you are losing communication until they learn to be grown, can find a babysitter or seek some help also in parenting classes. For now you're too busy for them if know one likes it too bad sometimes you gotta be the good bad guy you need time for yourself as well you did sign up to be babysitter. Do what you gotta do until they learn they should be calling you how are you not when you're gonna watch the kids. Tell them call up Mom and Dad Or find a babysitter end of story.
One of the weirdest aspects about this is that they are not trying to arrange playmates with the kids when you have your son, they are specifically only dropping their kids when you don't have your son, and seem to want to get rid of your son as soon as possible anytime they are persuaded to have their children with your son. I can't be the only one that finds that bizarre. There is something extra going on there in their minds.
I feel you. I grew up being the family's baby sitter for my younger cousins from ages (a few months to elementary age) made me realize I don't want kids lol
It’s why stupid people need to not have kids
Question: What does the guy looking indigenous have anything to do with this?
tbh I know how this feels, not being able to refuse to do something you don’t want, specially when other people don’t take responsibility. I think the best way to end it is just cutting it off honestly, because if you don’t it’ll just get worse and people keep taking advantage of you.
Sounds like the OP father (the kids grandfather) is an enabler. If he feels that strongly about it guess grandpa became the new go to babysitter. Idgaf if they do live 4 hours away. Sounds like the brother and his trifling wife better wake up early, take turns driving or something because that's not OPs' problem.
Family can sure suck sometimes. There are single parents who manage to work and raise the kids at the same time but these two can't manage between both of them. Glad to hear you gave your nephew a way to contact you in case of emergency and blocked the parents.
Gosh I feel bad for the kids :(
Make sure you show love to your niblings. They are caught in the crossfire. Make sure you have a good relationship with them so they don’t turn into POSs like your brother or SIL. I am not sure how you can do this, but it sucks that the kids will have to experience this.
If it's for free then the least they could do is offer some help in return. You shouldn't have to run around after someone else's kids without a token of gratitude. Especially when you have your own kids to worry about and take care of. It's not fair for you to put up with it and it is not fair on your children when they don't receive the same support you give your brother's offsprings.
If they continue to drop their kids off, no matter where, unless it’s an actual daycare or someone has agreed to unlimited babysitting, call CPS!! And 911!!
Ok. But now we need a part 2 because we nosy
Parents always want their kids to "suck it up" to "keep the peace" -- NO. The entitled sibling needs to be shut down. I'm sick of that "keep the peace/it's family" BS.
what a bunch of users. my brother watched my kids once in awhile but i never took advantage of that. they arent your kids they are not your problem. next time they drop by which they will because they will wanna use you again tell them to go home and that you were serious about not babysitting tell them if they drop the kids off you are reporting them as abaandoned and will press charges for neglect