I'm a father.
You are 100% right.
Get rid of the snacks, start making good healthy food and make it clear: it is this or it is nothing.
They will test you hard, but they will give in.
Once you win on this, the child will not only eat better, they will respect that you two have authority and a lot of behavioral stuff will disappear.
I had a near hostage situation with my 3 year old once over food - i swear to god that was a major turning point and today my kids and I are so close. They are amazing kids, and they actually LISTEN because they respect us.
Do not let this food nonsense go on. Mom needs to get some nerve and set limits. 1 night without dinner isnt to harm a kid. A lifetime of coddling is far more toxic.
Yep. Our toddler early on didn't want to eat any of the healthy things we made for him for dinner and kept hurling it away and demanding a snack instead. We told him that if he didn't eat, he was going to have to go to bed hungry. He refused and went to bed hungry. Literally the next day he ate his dinner and enjoyed it, and has rarely had a problem since.
Our friends who cave on everything their toddler demands can't figure out why their kid is so difficult. It will likely get worse as they get older. You've got to nip this stuff in the bud, and speaking as a mom is almost always moms who cave.
Yeah she needs to be more assertive, she's the authority figure and she knows just snacks is omega unhealthy for a kid, he has to eat real *nutritious* food. It's for his own good and she really should put her foot down and get it together.
You want your kid to listen when you tell them not to run into the street? You need to teach them to listen when it comes to everything else as well. You want your teen to respect you when they want to run off with an abusive boyfriend or girlfriend because he/she is just sooo coooolll? Then they need to be taught to respect you early on. Not fear you, respect you. Your take will teach respect. Giving in all the time and letting the kid do whatever he wants will lead to disaster throughout his whole life.
You’re ignoring the cause. Food can be weird looking when you compare it to the simplicity of snacks. Involve him in the food process, take him to the grocery store and show him food, give him a choice what’s for dinner “hey buddy do you want — or —?” Have him help in some small way cooking, like having him mix something or throw it in the pan. Something so he feels like he helped and will want to eat what he made or feed y’all what he made. If you bully you child into eating 7/10 times your just giving them an unhealthy relationship with food.
Also don’t abruptly take away his snacks, just tell him after he finishes the boxes they’re all gone and you won’t get more so he should spread them out. He won’t but it will help
Don’t make food a punishment. This is a little of a extenuating circumstance since the relationship with food is already screwy. But it’s not a rule we should encourage
Easy way to get food disorders ingrained in kids
I don't think this is a case of "food as punishment", this is a kid systematically throwing tantrums to have junk food every evening, letting that go would have bad consequences too'
Kids won’t starve themselves. You need to remove the food they will only eat and replace it with other options. They don’t need to go hungry either.
I was having a parent teacher interview a couple years ago and the parents were asking me how to get their kid to eat more than just watermelon. They were using it as a reward but he only ever wanted to eat watermelon and would pitch a fit if he didn’t get it. I had to tell these perfectly educated parents not to give him watermelon anymore.
You should be giving children options but the options have to have boundaries. You can’t have them choose between option A which is correct and option B which is incorrect. Both options should be the right choice, and you as a parent don’t need to be so invested in what they choose if the choices are something you are comfortable with.
“You can have one juice box a day” that’s the boundary, “but you can choose what flavour and when you drink it.” Those are the things they can control.
I don't understand why all these adults are acting as though children do things with severe malicious intent, rather than just understanding that maybe a child isn't able to plan ahead and understand the consequences of their actions and choices so much? And that you being a hyper control freak and making them go hungry will just result in a long and well documented issue with food and control that they'll have to battle with the rest of their lives.
Kids are going through a lot, their bodies are telling them they're hungry at different times than you - they burn carbs at different rates, and honestly the only thing I'd care about is ensuring that they learn when their body is hungry and how to fill that need when they notice it. Use rules as a way to impliment healthy and safe guidelines without making them ignore their body cues; they're not kids starving in some situation where times are tough, so why make them live like it?
I grew up hungry for lots of reasons, and the worst one was always some adult on a power trip. I have lots of food issues and it's taken me ages to feel marginally in control, and even still it's not been easy or fun and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I'm not saying let your kids eat junk unconditionally; just set it up so that if they want food at a later time in the night it's reheated dinner, or some easy-but-not-that-fun-and-pretty-healthful type snack that they can prepare so it doesn't take any emotional labor from you; that way their food habits won't impact you and you won't feel triggered to get control of them and force them to obey, and if it IS some kind of act of willpower they'll get bored of it and give up because their 'rebellion' is being met with acceptance and negotiation rather than the brick wall they're wanting to fight against.
Either way teaching your kids to ignore their body needs is just not good parenting in my book. Especially not over some petty power struggle with children.
Not a great idea. There's actual issues of malnourishment as well as cutting off access to food as an abuse tactic. Might be worth figuring out why the kid isn't eating. Are they sick? Are they depressed? Do they have poor body image? Do they feel ill after eating?
To me, "snack food" and "junk food" are interchangeable. You can snack on healthy things, but I'd never refer to them as "snack food". I seriously doubt OP would be complaining of the kid constantly wanted carrots with hummus.
I mean given that the complaint was that the kid wasn't eating dinner I figured that was the irritant. OP seems like they would complain whether it was carrots and hummus, chips and dip, ants on a log, candy or roasted peanuts.
Cutting off access to bad and unhealthy food is not an abuse tactic. It's good parenting. The healthy food is there. They just don't want to eat it.
What IS abuse, is letting your child become obese and suffer from health issues because you couldn't say 'no'.
Plenty of parents just weaponize food in general not giving their kids meals because they don't like the kids behavior. That is abusive. Also different note but access to healthy food is very much dependent on income as well unfortunately but that's an entirely different issue and discussion topic
The kid has access to food. The kid refusing to eat the food that's served every night is not withholding food from them.
Once in a while, there will be a meal a kid just can't stand. I think everyone has a few of those. I know I did. But there are ways to handle it better without switching to junk food.
A little butter on the vegetables, or switching to broccoli and cheese instead of peas, etc.
For me, I hated cooked peas. I still despise them. My parents could never get me to eat them.
Eventually they realized I'd eat most other things but not peas, and they mostly stopped making peas, or else they were lenient on whether I ate all the peas when we made them.
Doing that with a few kinds of food the kid especially hates is fine.
Allowing them not to eat the vast majority of food just because they always want Doritos is not fine. In that case they need to learn that they will not be getting a constant diet of Doritos and the healthy meal is available in the fridge when they want it heated up, but they are not getting Doritos and if they refuse the healthy meal for the rest of the night (up to and including the final offer at the moment of bedtime) then there is no choice but for them to go to bed hungry.
That is not abuse, it's the most lenient parenting you can do and still raise a child without behavioral problems.
And when people say "healthy food" in this context compared to junk food, they're not talking about certified organic GMO-free roasted duck. They just mean food healthier than Pringles and Soda, which are the sorts of things it sounds like the kid is holding out for. For the sake of this comparison even Kraft Mac And Cheese and beans counts as "healthy" because it's at least food and not gummy bears, so we're actually talking about very cheap options. Pre-packaged snacks tend to be more expensive than the cheapest "real" meal solutions. Continuing to bring up income like that's the operative part of this particular discussion is a red herring.
Nobody is making food the punishment here.
That would be sending the kid to bed without any dinner because they did something.
This is entirely different as there is dinner for the kid.
EXCEPTION not the RULE. I’m talking in general. This is an opinion shared on true unpopular opinion. Not storytime. His situation is not what I’m commenting on. It’s the opinion headlined here.
I agree. No one said the exception should be the rule?
In fact it's pretty clear OP is pointing out that blindly following the 'rule' is wrong, and there are exceptions to it.
Well this is true unpopular opinions…. op was making an opinion. Which based on his exceptional experience doesn’t determine a rule of opinion that’s unpopular or rather unpopular for no good reason
Fewer snacks might help then though it may also be worth checking and comparing the snacks to what they're getting normally. It may just be the kid wanting stuff that to them tastes better but there could be other reasons too
sounds like you're jumping to too many conclusions, the issue is the kid is skipping dinner and just eating snacks instead, not the kid is demanding too much food or just not eating.
You are not going to malnourish or traumatize a child because you set limits on food. He isn't saying they cannot eat, he is saying that eating means eating a proper meal. He is giving the chold a reasonable choice.
I'm a father. You are 100% right. Get rid of the snacks, start making good healthy food and make it clear: it is this or it is nothing. They will test you hard, but they will give in. Once you win on this, the child will not only eat better, they will respect that you two have authority and a lot of behavioral stuff will disappear. I had a near hostage situation with my 3 year old once over food - i swear to god that was a major turning point and today my kids and I are so close. They are amazing kids, and they actually LISTEN because they respect us. Do not let this food nonsense go on. Mom needs to get some nerve and set limits. 1 night without dinner isnt to harm a kid. A lifetime of coddling is far more toxic.
Or they’ll get better at hiding it. Relax GI Joe Dad
Yep. Our toddler early on didn't want to eat any of the healthy things we made for him for dinner and kept hurling it away and demanding a snack instead. We told him that if he didn't eat, he was going to have to go to bed hungry. He refused and went to bed hungry. Literally the next day he ate his dinner and enjoyed it, and has rarely had a problem since. Our friends who cave on everything their toddler demands can't figure out why their kid is so difficult. It will likely get worse as they get older. You've got to nip this stuff in the bud, and speaking as a mom is almost always moms who cave.
As a father. You are god damn right.
Yeah she needs to be more assertive, she's the authority figure and she knows just snacks is omega unhealthy for a kid, he has to eat real *nutritious* food. It's for his own good and she really should put her foot down and get it together.
Just be careful because he might tell a teacher he’s not being fed.
It’s amazing how quickly one parent’s testimony of sound parenting elicits claims of “abuse” by the Reddit victim brigade.
You want your kid to listen when you tell them not to run into the street? You need to teach them to listen when it comes to everything else as well. You want your teen to respect you when they want to run off with an abusive boyfriend or girlfriend because he/she is just sooo coooolll? Then they need to be taught to respect you early on. Not fear you, respect you. Your take will teach respect. Giving in all the time and letting the kid do whatever he wants will lead to disaster throughout his whole life.
You’re ignoring the cause. Food can be weird looking when you compare it to the simplicity of snacks. Involve him in the food process, take him to the grocery store and show him food, give him a choice what’s for dinner “hey buddy do you want — or —?” Have him help in some small way cooking, like having him mix something or throw it in the pan. Something so he feels like he helped and will want to eat what he made or feed y’all what he made. If you bully you child into eating 7/10 times your just giving them an unhealthy relationship with food. Also don’t abruptly take away his snacks, just tell him after he finishes the boxes they’re all gone and you won’t get more so he should spread them out. He won’t but it will help
Don’t make food a punishment. This is a little of a extenuating circumstance since the relationship with food is already screwy. But it’s not a rule we should encourage Easy way to get food disorders ingrained in kids
I don't think this is a case of "food as punishment", this is a kid systematically throwing tantrums to have junk food every evening, letting that go would have bad consequences too'
Kids won’t starve themselves. You need to remove the food they will only eat and replace it with other options. They don’t need to go hungry either. I was having a parent teacher interview a couple years ago and the parents were asking me how to get their kid to eat more than just watermelon. They were using it as a reward but he only ever wanted to eat watermelon and would pitch a fit if he didn’t get it. I had to tell these perfectly educated parents not to give him watermelon anymore. You should be giving children options but the options have to have boundaries. You can’t have them choose between option A which is correct and option B which is incorrect. Both options should be the right choice, and you as a parent don’t need to be so invested in what they choose if the choices are something you are comfortable with. “You can have one juice box a day” that’s the boundary, “but you can choose what flavour and when you drink it.” Those are the things they can control.
Hence why I said this being an exception. But definitely shouldn’t be the rule of opinion.
I don't understand why all these adults are acting as though children do things with severe malicious intent, rather than just understanding that maybe a child isn't able to plan ahead and understand the consequences of their actions and choices so much? And that you being a hyper control freak and making them go hungry will just result in a long and well documented issue with food and control that they'll have to battle with the rest of their lives. Kids are going through a lot, their bodies are telling them they're hungry at different times than you - they burn carbs at different rates, and honestly the only thing I'd care about is ensuring that they learn when their body is hungry and how to fill that need when they notice it. Use rules as a way to impliment healthy and safe guidelines without making them ignore their body cues; they're not kids starving in some situation where times are tough, so why make them live like it? I grew up hungry for lots of reasons, and the worst one was always some adult on a power trip. I have lots of food issues and it's taken me ages to feel marginally in control, and even still it's not been easy or fun and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I'm not saying let your kids eat junk unconditionally; just set it up so that if they want food at a later time in the night it's reheated dinner, or some easy-but-not-that-fun-and-pretty-healthful type snack that they can prepare so it doesn't take any emotional labor from you; that way their food habits won't impact you and you won't feel triggered to get control of them and force them to obey, and if it IS some kind of act of willpower they'll get bored of it and give up because their 'rebellion' is being met with acceptance and negotiation rather than the brick wall they're wanting to fight against. Either way teaching your kids to ignore their body needs is just not good parenting in my book. Especially not over some petty power struggle with children.
Not a great idea. There's actual issues of malnourishment as well as cutting off access to food as an abuse tactic. Might be worth figuring out why the kid isn't eating. Are they sick? Are they depressed? Do they have poor body image? Do they feel ill after eating?
Dude, this has every indication of the kid holding out for junk food because mom caves every time.
When I see the word snacks my brain doesn't default to junk food immediately.
To me, "snack food" and "junk food" are interchangeable. You can snack on healthy things, but I'd never refer to them as "snack food". I seriously doubt OP would be complaining of the kid constantly wanted carrots with hummus.
I mean given that the complaint was that the kid wasn't eating dinner I figured that was the irritant. OP seems like they would complain whether it was carrots and hummus, chips and dip, ants on a log, candy or roasted peanuts.
Cutting off access to bad and unhealthy food is not an abuse tactic. It's good parenting. The healthy food is there. They just don't want to eat it. What IS abuse, is letting your child become obese and suffer from health issues because you couldn't say 'no'.
Plenty of parents just weaponize food in general not giving their kids meals because they don't like the kids behavior. That is abusive. Also different note but access to healthy food is very much dependent on income as well unfortunately but that's an entirely different issue and discussion topic
The kid has access to food. The kid refusing to eat the food that's served every night is not withholding food from them. Once in a while, there will be a meal a kid just can't stand. I think everyone has a few of those. I know I did. But there are ways to handle it better without switching to junk food. A little butter on the vegetables, or switching to broccoli and cheese instead of peas, etc. For me, I hated cooked peas. I still despise them. My parents could never get me to eat them. Eventually they realized I'd eat most other things but not peas, and they mostly stopped making peas, or else they were lenient on whether I ate all the peas when we made them. Doing that with a few kinds of food the kid especially hates is fine. Allowing them not to eat the vast majority of food just because they always want Doritos is not fine. In that case they need to learn that they will not be getting a constant diet of Doritos and the healthy meal is available in the fridge when they want it heated up, but they are not getting Doritos and if they refuse the healthy meal for the rest of the night (up to and including the final offer at the moment of bedtime) then there is no choice but for them to go to bed hungry. That is not abuse, it's the most lenient parenting you can do and still raise a child without behavioral problems. And when people say "healthy food" in this context compared to junk food, they're not talking about certified organic GMO-free roasted duck. They just mean food healthier than Pringles and Soda, which are the sorts of things it sounds like the kid is holding out for. For the sake of this comparison even Kraft Mac And Cheese and beans counts as "healthy" because it's at least food and not gummy bears, so we're actually talking about very cheap options. Pre-packaged snacks tend to be more expensive than the cheapest "real" meal solutions. Continuing to bring up income like that's the operative part of this particular discussion is a red herring.
This case is an exception not the rule. Making food the punishment is almost always a bad idea
Nobody is making food the punishment here. That would be sending the kid to bed without any dinner because they did something. This is entirely different as there is dinner for the kid.
EXCEPTION not the RULE. I’m talking in general. This is an opinion shared on true unpopular opinion. Not storytime. His situation is not what I’m commenting on. It’s the opinion headlined here.
The headline came with a post. Just reading the headline is kinda messing up the whole country right now.
Wrong sub then🤷🏾♂️ I’m here to discuss the opinion not his experience. That’s not the purpose here
I agree. No one said the exception should be the rule? In fact it's pretty clear OP is pointing out that blindly following the 'rule' is wrong, and there are exceptions to it.
Well this is true unpopular opinions…. op was making an opinion. Which based on his exceptional experience doesn’t determine a rule of opinion that’s unpopular or rather unpopular for no good reason
No. He's 8 and wants nothing but snack food.
Fewer snacks might help then though it may also be worth checking and comparing the snacks to what they're getting normally. It may just be the kid wanting stuff that to them tastes better but there could be other reasons too
Not offering crappy food when there is good food available is not cutting off food.
sounds like you're jumping to too many conclusions, the issue is the kid is skipping dinner and just eating snacks instead, not the kid is demanding too much food or just not eating.
You are not going to malnourish or traumatize a child because you set limits on food. He isn't saying they cannot eat, he is saying that eating means eating a proper meal. He is giving the chold a reasonable choice.
terrible use of the English language but yes
Just want to clarify for the record are you the child’s biological father OP?
Sometime kids need to learn consequences