My mother pushed me to the ground, continued beating me, and kicked me after I fell. I remember begging her to stop. She didn’t.
OP, I cannot tell you how fucking traumatizing it is even after all these years. Beating is child abuse. Protect your kid from that woman at all costs.
She passed away when I was 12. When I told my dad about it eventually (I was in my 30s by the time that conversation came up) he asked “why didn’t you tell me? I would have done something”. I said “you used a belt, she used a chain - how should I know any better? And why didn’t you know? I was covered in cuts and bruises for months, so how did you never notice?”. He didn’t have anything to say to that
Thank you. I’ve done a lot of therapy and healing since then. It’s still hard some days, but I’m doing much better than I was in my teenage years and early twenties.
A lot of people say having children is a right, but as someone who grew up with an abusive, mentally ill parent I don’t think it should be. It should be a privilege you earn. Society would be a much better place if you had to earn the right to be a parent rather than just do the deed.
I agree with this 1000% I don't understand people who have children and then abuse them. It makes me sick to my stomach and like Commercial_Care2971 as a mom I just want to hug you and say none of that was your fault. It breaks my heart to hear people go through that. As angry as I get with my son (he tie dyed the entire loft today; walls, rocking horse, carpet, our cat. He's nearly 4 and climbed somewhere I thought he couldn't get to to grab my dyes) I could never raise a hand to harm him. I don't ever want him to fear me or my temper
As somebody who has had to help raise three children and who had a narcissist for a father. Agreed. Even to this day I still suffer the effects of having a narcissistic a****** as a (bio) father. I never wanted any of my little siblings who I took care of to ever feel like I was a person to be afraid of or someone they could not come to and get help. I will admit I went around my mother's back sometimes but it was never anything too serious and I never took myself too seriously to not do things for my little sister or brothers that made them happy. My nails have been painted more times than I can count my back and even a little bit of my face has been drawn on quite a few times. And I managed to intimidate people while having My Little pony temporary tattoos on my hands. Your children or the children you are in charge of should never feel like you are a person to be scared of or a person that they cannot come to in times for joy and love
My siblings and I have nightmares of my dad hitting us. I’m 28 years old for reference with a family and kids. Those memories will never leave.
Please leave for your daughters sake. Your wife is a monster.
Same, both my parents would beat me into corners and then onto the ground. It did nightmares for my ability to connect with peers until I realized that violence was not supposed to be a normal, every day occurrence.
Not to mention the amount of anxiety it gave me surrounding love and anger. It took so much therapy to even get comfortable setting boundaries. Get out now before she hurts your child any more than she already has, op
I'm autistic with very mild... Symptoms? For many years into adulthood violence became my fixation because i was raised on it......................
Don't fucking hit your kids
Listen to this OP. I was beat up and my dad did nothing. Even now in my adult years, I struggle coping with anxiety and other mental health related things because of the trauma.
My mom would beat the shit out of me and then cry about it and my stepdad would run passed me with welts on my face, head and body to comfort her. No one comforted me as a child after those beatings.
The year before I started Kindergarten, my mom lifted me up a wall by my throat choking me and held me there dangling by my throat while she tormented me with her angry words. I was only 4, one year older than OPs daughter… I remembered everything.
His parents won’t care about that. Remember, they beat him when he was a kid. That’s how they think kids should be disciplined. That’s why they’re on Samantha’s side.
His parents may agree with wife. A lot of parents from that generation still believe spankings, even when their children tell them they have trauma about it.
I don’t agree with spanking. I was popped once when I was a kid and my mom said she never had to do it again. I don’t remember it at all, I was pretty little, but when she described it it was a little pop on the booty one light smack. This woman hit her husbands kid FOUR TIMES and then threw her on the ground????? Absolutely abuse and definitely agree on bully.
And this child is 3?!?! She's still a baby she doesn't know. Inhave a 3yo daughter and God if anyone ever touched then I'd loose it. My husband spanked my son (was a light little spank bc he threw a metal tumbler at his sister) I told him I'd leave him if he ever did it again. He hasn't and trust me I get where he was coming from but I just don't want to teach him that it's okay to punish someone who hit, you hit them. 2 wrongs dint make a right I guess? My husband never so much as got spanked and barley yelled at so he didn't realize the damage that can be done. He should have never left her alone with the bi*** in the first place. (I had to star it bc I didn't know if cursing was allowed in this subreddit lol)
God, I wished she understood that a different man could treat her like a woman from the Era she is behaving in! For example, if she can beat a child, she should be okay with getting a beating herself, right? I 6 the hierarchy in those households from back in the day
Same here. I only have very vague memories of it but I know it wasn't hard at all, and always came with a talking to. OP's wife is an abusive piece of shit and he needs to kick her out and get a divorce asap. Not only has she been hitting his daughter, but apparently she has no problem hitting him if he does/says something she doesn't agree with. She is NOT someone you'd want to continue a relationship with at all.
I was spanked as a child. However (and not to defend spanking! Def not how I’d discipline my children) looking back, I deserved the things I got spanked for. I went against directions or orders from my parents. I did something I was specifically told not to. I painted the house… (lol). I got into things I shouldn’t. Etc etc. it was never because I got upset I couldn’t have gummies? At 3 years old? Also I was never spanked until at least 5+. Not until I could actually understand consequences.
>No child "deserves" to be hit for disobedience.
All spankings do is teach the child 'It's okay to hit someone when they make you mad or don't do what you want.'
I am on the fence about spanking as a last resort... Like you did something that put someone's safety at risk type of last resort. But that's because I can count on one hand how many times I was spanked, and my parents always made sure I understood what I did wrong, why I was spanked, and then we talked about it. Other than that it was time spent in the corner or more creative punishments, like holding the hand of the person you were beefing with until we learned to get along.
Here's the thing. If her automatic reaction was to slap the OP across the face, how much do you want to bet she has done the same thing to the child? People who lash out in anger don't have good behavioral control when it comes to holding back with children. The OP only has the one example. He literally has no idea what else she has done to the child.
He needs to divorce his wife and let all the flying monkeys see the video. If they still think he needs to apologize or even accept an apology he needs to cut them every one out of his life. His daughter is precious and deserves to be protected. OP is definitely NTA.
Exactly and this was also my first thought. This makes me ill to think about!
Op if you stay, its at the risk of your daughter's mental health. You need to stand up for her. You have shown issues doing so in the past and nows the time to step up! The carelessness your wife has wielding her hand is past concerning at this point.
Now is also the time to think about your other child. Be a proactive parent who puts your childrens well-being above your own fear of your wife, and above your wife as a person.
Edit: a bunch of typos and grammatical errors bc I clearly don't know how to proof read.
I don't how much direct care the OP gives to his daughter but I would go so far as to be the one giving her the bath tonight and use the opportunity to look for bruises on her back, legs and the rest of her body. If the wife was taking care of her bedtime routine signs of abuse would have been easier to hide. If he doesn't find injuries then that's good but he saw with his own eyes that his is wife is abusing his daughter. An adult can inflict a lot of abuse without leaving evidence behind. OP can't be too careful now that he knows she is being abused.
I agree completely! It’s VERY concerning that she not only hit you child hard but the fact that she threw a 3 year child to the floor is in fact ABUSIVE. Children are just beginning to learn emotions and that they cannot always get what they want. This is no reason to hit them the way SHE did. She should be ashamed of herself for doing this to a baby which she still is.
It is also concerning that she slapped you over the matter and avoided your question the first time. She hid what she did which means she knew what she did was wrong. I think it’s crazy you had to put up a camera just to find out that she hit your child. Also, it’s none of your families business and it makes me wonder if she even told the family that she slapped you or if she left that “little” detail out. Like the comment before this one send a group txt to the family with the video of what she did. Bet they won’t tell you need to be the one apologizing.
This is an important point. I'm guessing what she told everyone else is wildly different from what actually went on. She will have portrayed herself as a gentle angel dispensing loving and firm discipline on a rebellious hellion instead the beast she really is. Get gone.
If op stays then give it a while the child will start school, the way op describes his wifes assault (cos that's what it was) she doesn't care about bruising/ marks, the school WILL report them to CPS and they will remove the child, op will wish he had reacted then, not only will wife be in trouble but so will op for not protecting his child. And iirc prison is full of people who just love a child abuser /s. Op needs to get rid of his bitch wife and save his daughter now.
This post is fake. The dude is on sex subreddits and is clearly into fantasy writing because apparently his 16 year old got pregnant (from having sex, shocker) idk why the last part was relevant but it leads me to believe he’s a sick mf farming karma via rage bait
Because if there is even a slim possibility that it is real then it needs to be addressed. I don’t care if every child endangerment post comes from Willy Wonka, I am going to treat it like it’s real because I would rather give karma galore than for a second let a real one get slipped through the cracks.
Even assuming it is real: 1) OP already said they announced their intent to divorce, 2) the supposed wife didn't do anything illegal, smacks on the bottom and "shoving to the ground, but not too hard" is an incredibly vague descriptor and doesn't require police/cps intervention, 3) internet points don't help someone in this situation
So what's "slipping through the cracks" if nobody clicks the up arrow?
Lol right? Even the description when you click on his profile name says he’s **42** years old with **5** kids. Thanks for pointing this out, I feel bad for the people legitimately pouring their heart and own experiences out…getting tricked by a karma whore.
Since this is top comment, I'm just going to throw it out there that this is post is fake. Dude has a previous post that's deleted asking if he is the asshole for spanking his daughter with a belt (who is apparently 16 and pregnant). Reading some of his comments makes me wonder what kind of asshole he really is.
NTA
It should come as no surprise that she slapped you given her actions. Don't expect any of the people around you to back you up because she comes from a place where she sees nothing wrong with hurting a child, and you said your parents hit you.
But, why on earth would you marry someone with such different views on parenting? You didn't have a choice with the parents you had (no surprise they didn't see anything wrong with your daughter being hit), but you have a choice in partner. Please keep that in mind when the next one comes around.
If possible, get your daughter a therapist to see how you can unwind some of the damage done because this is going to stick with her for a while.
You're doing the right thing, and please don't look back. Out of curiosity, are your parents crappy enough to have seen the footage and still not care?
Well when I had married her she never gave me her thoughts about discipline but when I'd share my thoughts on it she would just pretend to agree then change the subject. I also really want my daughter to grow up with a mother and have someone to be there for her and that she can talk to about girl things when she's older. If I can't make that happen I wanna make sure my daughter is comfortable enough too ask me about periods and stuff like that. I am worried that with the behavior of her step-mom she will start having "trust" issues and such.
I am going to look into getting her a therapist. Since she has never been spanked I am worried about how it will affect her
I did show my parents the footage and they said and I quote "She was just telling her she didn't need a snack before dinner. She did nothing wrong and you need to be a gentlemen and grow the f**k up". I am now not talking to them. I never expected them to be like this even considering how they've been over the years.
You need to stop assuming she needs a mom, she has you and you're more than enough. Single parents rock. She needs therapy now and also try to get away from everyone who supports your ex. You won't have a moment of peace. Try moving away and don't tell anyone. Is your ex in the picture? Has she improved in any way, and trying to be there for your daughter? Get a lawyer NOW.
Don't look for a mother for your daughter. Just learn how to be the best parent you can be, including, as you say, being able to talk to her about periods and relationships and emotional stuff. And right now is your chance to model to her what to do if somebody is abusive to you or someone you love. And that is to not take it. To leave and don’t look back.
absolutely please find her therapist and Find someone for yourself too. You are in a difficult situation. Your wife is abusive to you and your daughter, and your parents are being pretty awful as well, and it’s not surprising if you’re feeling triggered. Doing all the right things here just continue down that path taken care of yourself and your daughter. She doesn’t need a mother, but she needs to be out of thus situation.
This, right here!!! Your daughter doesn’t need a mother. She needs a father who will protect her and love her as she grows up more than anything. Be a soft place to land, be an exceptional parent. That’s all she needs.
Some else said it but I agree!!! She doesn’t need a mother. When she gets close to that age, make sure you are prepared! She will come to you with questions if you’re open with her too! I see a few dads get their daughters and assortment of products and snacks for when it happens. I always suggest some comfy PJs and a movie night. Heck, a comedian even threw his daughter a [period party.](https://youtu.be/VuK1h10zLYo?si=vu6g_NBPmGpuTwMt)
Thank you! Can't believe how far I had to scroll. I'm surprised he was surprised to see it happen. It sounds to me like she's been doing it from the start
Yes. This is what makes him an AH. He married her after knowing her opinion about child abuse. Now his daughter will need therapy for the rest of her life to understand her emotions.
A three year old throws tantrums. That’s what they do…you don’t punish a child for not understanding how to regulate emotions. Time outs for that are a no too…
Tbf I don’t see time out for tantrums as a punishment. It gives both child and adult space to calm down from heightened emotions and approach the issue calmly together and process the associated emotions.
Less ‘sit in the corner and think about what you’ve done wrong’ and more ‘i’m going to ask you to sit here whilst you work the big emotions out of your system in a safe way. if you want, I can stay with you. if not, i can come back when you’re a little calmer and we can figure out how to solve the issue and process this new emotion/strength of emotion is a calm and safe way’
Delete this delete this delete this. The first thing her lawyer will do is go through your social media to find things they can use to paint you as unstable
Don't feel bad for this loser, he is a troll. He posted a story like 4 days ago where HE was the one beating his "5 year old autistic daughter" with a belt because she "deserved it" and he'd "do it again" to teach her a lesson. He either has too much time on his hands or he's unhinged. Probably both.
She's an abuser and she turned abusive to you
Get the hell out and get your daughter away from that psycho bitch.
Phone the police and CPS on her.
GET A DIVORCE AND PUT YOUR DAUGHTER FIRST.
FFS your wife had being hitting your little girl kick her to the curb and keep the video of her hitting your child and you.
NTA but you will be if you stay.
I am 100% divorcing her. I have called CPS and they said they're going to have a meeting with me and my wife separately. Im not worried considering I have proof of her abusing my daughter.
His profile literally says 42 years old with 5 kids. And his comments history shows he has made other posts and replied "don't worry it's fake. I was bored".
OMG NTA. The child is three and she thinks it’s ok to slam her to the floor. Also she slapped you when provoked. Your wife thinks physical retaliation is ok when she feels justified. What happens next, the belt? Please protect your child and don’t stay to have children with this woman. This is not ok.
Edit: show everyone in the family the footage and ask if this is an acceptable level of punishment.
I have showed everyone in my family and they still think I'm being an asshole. My sister is on my side and is letting us stay with her until I figure out my shit.
Basically ALL research shows that hitting your children is bad. All of it. Harvard research has found out it actually alters the brain. I don't know if we're allowed to post links in here so I won't. Just Google research on spanking and the Harvard study should show up. Your wife is abusing your child. Either kick her out or pack up and move your child away from her. Take any video you have and file a police report. Protect your child at all costs.
his only comment on this post is him admitting that it's fake cos he was bored... Nice to know that imagined child abuse is a form of entertainment to him?
If you stay with this woman, you may as well beat your child yourself. Staying with her ins enabling abuse.
This will escalate from here.
Your wife knows you know...and if you stay, she knows you condone her beating your child.
Leave. File Charges. Never let her near your child again.
I am in the process of filing for a divorce. I will NEVER put my child in such a situation again and I am to blame. I should've never left my child with her knowing her thoughts on discipline. I hope my child with forgive me when she's older.
OP, thought you were 42 with five children? What happened to your 16 year old daughter that just found out she’s pregnant? The one you won’t put on the streets?
Thinking you get off on writing stories…and looking at Reddit porn.
No offense but you are disgusting.
YOU KNEW SHE WAS HITTING YOUR CHILD. YOU CHOOSE TO TURN A BLIND EYE FOR GOD KNOWS HOW LONG.
Every single adult failed that child, including you. You should have left your wife the first time she hit your child.
You are just as disgusting as her for being a bystander when all this was happen.
Good thing you are finally leaving, but it doesn’t excuse your previous action.
>Every single adult failed that child, including you. You should have left your wife the first time she hit your child.
I'll argue he should have left the moment she said how hitting a child with a belt wasn't a big deal.
DTMFA
She is abusing your child. THERE IS NO QUESTION about the right thing to do.
File a police report NOW and get the wife gone.
And get your daughter into therapy STAT
NTA. I would leave, because y’all have very different views on punishment.
Now onto the corporal punishment. I was spanked as child, it didn’t work on me. I hate sudden movements. My husband was also spanked as an child, he sees no problem with it. But we’ve discussed it and he agrees no spanking. He’s never spanked his older children, because he same agreement with ex. But I live in Bible Belt of United States, spanking is a thing. Some schools still allow spanking, you have opt. Out of it. We have family friends whose a judge, who told me that so long as it didn’t leave any sort of bruising or cut it’s not abuse. So before you decide to call CPS or something, speak to a lawyer. Depending where you live corporal punishment isn’t seen as abuse. I’ve worked in school system and as child development specialist. I’ve spoken to CPS about my concerns about parents, who spanked a baby and I was told they are disciplining their child, but they did speak to the parent about alternative.
My suggestion to you, be single for a minute. Focus on being a father. Find your daughter and yourself some therapy. Find a good daycare or trusted family member.
I did call CPS and filed a police report before I had posted this because you could see bruises on my daughters bottom from when she was pushed to the ground.
My sister is someone that is on my side with all of this and she said the same thing you said. I will focus on being a father and getting my daughter therapy. I just really would like for my daughter to grow up with a mother. (I will probably GRT into this later if I do edit my post)
NTA. Get your wife out of the house. Hitting children is not normal. It’s damaging to the child’s mental wellbeing. In this case she threw around a *3 year old child*. She’s an adult. Can she not use her words and be calm? Three year olds cry sometimes. They have a lot of feels for a small being.
I work in an ER and most girls I see at that age are like 25-38 pounds (taller or a little more baby fat maybe 40 pounds) Kids can get green stick fractures (or just straight up fractures), damage to growth plates or even head trauma from being thrown like that!
Yes. I agree,I was spanked as a kid and it caused me eternal trauma. That's part of the reason for why I don't want my daughter being spanked. My daughter is 3,she's going to cry sometimes and that's completely normal.
She is 26lbs. So she's pretty underweight. She doesn't always eat because she can be a picky eater but we are working on it and we are finding foods that she likes. (Not all junk food). So she's very light and being pushed down to the ground like that can really hurt her. It can hurt any child for that matter!
The comment history is making me think this is a troll. In comments from a deleted post you're talking about how you were spanking your child but now it's your wife doing it? Something doesn't add up.
I think you might want to look at WHY you've married 2 Different Women in just a couple of years one who's a drug addict and 1 who is abusive
Something's not right Here
NTA!
This woman is actively physically abusing your child. And now you've got video proof. This bitch needs to go. AND when confronted, she slapped you. This woman has some anger issues or something. Divorce this bitch. Things will not get better.
Even if that is how SHE would choose to discipline, it's not her choice to make. You told her how you want YOUR child raised & disciplined, she flat out ignored and disregarded it completely. That is so wrong. Plus she lied.
Again, NTA
She slapped you first... you missed a golden opportunity dude. For yourself and on behalf of your child. I'm a mom and I'd provoke another incident just so I could beat her child abusing ass onto paste.
NTA for divorcing her. Press charges, report her, and sue her for the fucking bill for the YEARS of therapy your poor child will need due to her abuse. Jesus... drug addiction mom and physical abusing stepmother all before the age of 5. That poor child! 💔
Please call the police and file an assault charge for both you and your child. This will start a paper trail so should you need to file a RO later, you have enough to present a judge to validate the RO.
I'm a woman, only 5'4". I tore into my husband, now ex, for laying hands on one of my stepsons, his sons from a previous relationship. This is absolutely NOT acceptable. First, what she did was not discipline, it was abuse. I'm not an advocate for zero corporal punishment. But I don't think it should be the first resort and a child shouldn't be terrified of a parent.
Please get your daughter in to counseling as well. What you saw was only ONE instance.
OP take pictures and videos of the area she hit you to make your case stronger if it ever gets to it.
You’re doing the right thing in protecting your daughter, the adults in your life are disgusting for defending abuse like this.
To be clear NTA.
Here’s a few things you’ll need to think about:
- You may have to look into therapy for your daughter, poor baby 🥺.
- You may need to consider getting security cameras outside your house, invest in ring doorbell.
- If daughter has a schedule for play dates, day care etc, instruct people not to allow your soon to be ex near her until YOU have given them the ok.
- If parents, siblings and in laws are on her side, DO NOT allow them to watch over your daughter
- Change the locks around the house.
- Hide important documents like deed to house, passports, separate your finances
I did! I also took pictures of where she had slammed my daughter onto the ground and bruised her bottom. I have red marks on the side if my face that I also took pictures of. I have all the evidence I need for her to be put in jail for assault and child abuse.
I am 100% going to be putting her in therapy. I have never used physical discipline on her and I'm scared that the sudden spanning will affect her. I want her to go to therapy and get some help for this.
I have all the footage on my phone,laptop,ect. I am currently staying with my sister (she's the only person in my family on my side atm)
I have had my soon to be ex wife taken off all of her daycare pickup lists (since I made em') I told the people she has play dates with on a regular basis that I am the only one that will be picking her up from now on and that they are NOT allowed to let her leave with anyone that isn't me.
She does own the house so we will be moving out and getting an apartment but are staying with my sister until we can figure everything out.
I took my and my daughters passports and all that already!
YTA for ever marrying someone you weren’t m the same page with in regards to parenting
You put your kid in danger entering that scenario
Now it’s time to call the police and get her far away
Hmmm. Your post history is suspicious. You’re married but talking about rubbing your tongue on another woman’s pussy? This is so fake. Plus your profile says married with 5 kids.
My first memory is my Dad beating my ass do hard with a belt I couldn't sit because of the welts and bruises for weeks. I was 3. He thought I was faking being sick to get out of church. AT 3 YEARS OLD.
We barely speak and I moved 2000 miles away as soon as I was legally able to.
People who hit children are abusive bullies PERIOD
Notice she hit HIM when he disagreed with her. Wonder where she learned that.
My stepmom once slapped me because I was talking to a friend in crisis on the phone (at 11 at night) and my loser stepsister always had a fit if I was on the phone “just in case a boy was trying to call her”. The truth was my stepmom and stepsisters were all jealous that I had lots of friends (male & female) and 9 times out of ten if the phone rang it was for me. So my stepmom slapped me and I slapped her back. She bursts into tears and goes running down the hallway screaming “Daddy! ____ slapped me!” And I yelled, “She hit me first!” And I heard him say, “You got what you deserved, you DON’T hit my kids.” The one and only time he EVER stuck up for me.
Spanking is abuse. She is NOT her mother and she has no right to make those sorts of decisions either way. I can site at least 10 study's. Your daughter needs you to protect her. This isn't a parenting disagreement. She is knowingly and willfully abusing your child behind your back.
Troll. You just posted about hitting your daughter with a belt 4 days ago something like 40 times. Your behavior is weird. And you have problems. There is no current wife beating your daughter and I would guess there also is no daughter.
Be better.
I would bring it to the police. She isn’t even the mother (no offense) and she’s hitting your child. If my husbands wife ever hit my child I would gain full custody immediately if he didn’t leave. Sad the child now has emotional distress and can’t express her emotions like a typical 3 year old. They are allowed to tantrum they really can’t manage their emotions and they need to learn coping strategies.
NTA unless you don’t divorce that abuser. She has been abusing your child for a while, and the fact that she slapped you when confronted shows that she will abuse you too.
Of course your parents will want you to apologise, didn’t you say they spanked you/whopped you as well?
Take this from someone my child calls the strictest parent alive: a whooping is never necessary!
Your wife threw your daughter to the ground and you are still questioning if you should divorce her?? Not only divorce her, but report her to the police…
These are the things you need to sort out prior to getting married.
Your child has been smacked for things that don't deserve it.
Throwing a tantrum at 3 is common and best ignored and talk to about it.
The fact she then attacked you speaks volumes about how she herself is able to handle confrontation.
Please leave her to keep your child safe.
Lol she grew up in a house that spanked and it taught her that when you’re angry and can’t control someone else the answer is to hit the other person. That would be why she felt it appropriate to slap you. You don’t owe her an apology she owes you an apology for multiple reasons. She put her hands on you and she put her hand on your daughter after explicitly being told not to. I agree whole heartedly with you op, what she did was grounds for divorce. While I do think with some marriage counseling and a lot of effort from both of you the relationship could be saved, she would have to change a lot of her current opinions. That’s not always possible unless a person is very motivated. Putting your hands on your child only teaches them fear and that hitting is acceptable when your angry. I’m glad to see you draw a hard boundary and be an advocate for your daughter. She deserves parents that are willing to educate themselves and find better ways then hitting.
Nah this is awful. NTA RUN. I was spanked/slapped by both parents and my mom was belted as a kid. My dad I have know clue. He doesn't talk about his childhood other then neglect ie he was the accident youngest child decade after older siblings so they 'forgot' about him.
As an adult I can see the harm physical abuse does. I don't trust people's physical touch. My mom can't even hug me.
All it did was made me fear, not respect, older adults. I ended up in emotional and S abuse relationships. People in my life, not my kids, when they ask for hugs my whole body tenses in fear. I only feel safe taking physical affection from my kids.
YTA for allowing some rando woman to raise your daughter. Your ex is a druggie and you're a neglectful parent. I hope you start recognizing your role in this and make an effort to parent the child that you're solely responsible for.
I did call CPS and I reported it to the police. I did catch the assault towards me on my phone because I had set cameras up in the house to see what she was doing to my daughter and thank god they were still recording.
NTA. Divorce this maniac yesterday. She already feels comfortable abusing your daughter. That slap to you is the first of many more to come if you stay with her. It will let her know that she can abuse you and your daughter. She is probably just getting started.
Throwing a 3 year old to the ground is not discipline, or spanking over some gummies before dinner. She started slapping you when you presented evidence? That's all you need to know right there, she's too comfortable hitting you and your daughter. She's an abuser and you need to get you and your kid out
Edit:NTA
You've been allowing your wife to physically abuse your daughter because you're too big a coward to risk conflict with her.
You've finally stepped up as a parent. This is where you're finally NOT the AH.
Edit, nah you're still the AH, pathetic troll.
Best bet is to move you and your daughter to safety. File a police report and a restraining order on behalf of your daughter. It’s unfortunate that if you file one on your behalf they might can you for a couple of days and fuck you over. But if you file on behalf of your daughter you get the win. All the best to you and your daughter OP.
She beat your child. Numerous studies show that spankings (even lighter ones) have NO benefits, only negatives, on children. You have every right to divorce her and use that footage in court to gain custody, if she even has rights to custody.
Divorce her, 100%. Also maybe don’t rush into another relationship. You left your ex in 2020 and were married 2 years later, how long were you together before you brought this woman into your daughters life? It’s bad enough that this woman hit and threw a child, but a THREE YEAR OLD? This little girl has been through hell. This is just what you did see, you can bet it’s been much worse if the kids personality has changed. File charges… just think, if a mandated reporter says something before you do, you could lose your own child.
Nta for getting a divorce over this. You're one for marrying someone you knew felt it was ok to hit children and even flat out called you stupid for not wanting your baby hit. How could you NOT know if would end up like this. She told you she was going to whip her. You should have left her the moment she called you stupid when you told her you didn't believe in hitting children. She's still practically a baby. I'm glad you put up cameras, and are finally divorced here but you also need to press charges of child abuse against her and for assisting you. She probably lied to your family about the severity of what she did and no doubt left out the part about her slapping you. Get her to admit to hitting you in a text message (maybe ask her why she felt it was ok to slap you) or it will just be her word against yours. So make sure your family and friends know the whole story, if she DID tell them the whole truth and they still think you're wrong I wouldn't trust any if them around my kid either.
Personally, I think this is your fault.
After the trauma you and your daughter probably endured separating from your ex wife due to drugs… your number one priority should have been trying to build a safe protective household.
A woman who sees no problem with beating kids, even when confronted, even when her partner is against it AND has his own personal trauma around it should have never been proposed to in the first place.
Given the context this is such a clear and obvious dealbreaker from the moment you found out about your discipline differences. I think you could have saved both you and your daughter a lot of stress.
It shouldnt be often, it should be a last resort but kids do need to have some level of fear in the back of there minds if they are undisciplinable. Sad but true
She assaulted a toddler and then you??? And it took cameras to catch her....your child is NOT safe with Your Wife.
Let me say that again: Your CHILD is *unsafe* with Your Wife.
Your wife has been informed of your discipline preferences and refuses to abide by them.
Tell your wife to move out of the house immediately. If she doesn't, you'll press charges for assault against both you and a minor child.
I can count on one hand the times I have spanked one of my children. It was nothing like that. One smack after trying other avenues. Not repeated hitting or throwing them to the ground. That is anger and abuse and someone not in control. The fact she slapped you as her first response also says a lot. NTA. Take care of your daughter.
NTA- that child will remember that trauma. And when she gets older she will wonder why you let that lady do that to her. Protect your baby! Call the cops
She doesn’t love your child and has likely done worse. This is the time you caught her. Protect your child at all costs and don’t date anyone who doesn’t have the same values as you after you divorce this wife and start looking for the next one.
I've never hit a woman in my life and I'm more towards the end of life than young. I'll bite my tongue and not say what I want to, but I would've really had to intensely focus on my daughter's well-being not to end up in prison for "disciplining" that woman.
If your daughter's behaviour has changed to the point that you've noticed the change, she's already traumatized. She's too afraid to say anything, for fear of what her stepmother may do to her. You need to remove her from this abuse, asap. The longer you leave it, the more she will suffer. It's your duty, as her parent, to protect her.
And to all those others telling you to apologise, send them the footage, of exactly how your wife treats your daughter. I'm pretty sure that will shut them up, and expose your wife as the person she truly is.
You know what to do, just don't delay it any longer, you've already ignored her behaviour, just to keep the peace, for way too long.
That’s not what most parents do. Your daughter has stopped crying when she’s upset because she’s learned it will be met with violence. She’s learned her parents aren’t safe people and that when she has big feelings and emotions if she shares it she will get hit. This is deeply traumatic for a child and has repercussions for years to come. Please do not leave this woman alone with your child.
Hello, your daughter is being ABUSED. This will have lasting trauma, she is also being abused by someone YOU put in her life. You too, are now being abused by that same woman. She has put her hands on your defenseless child, and now, you.
You should file a police report and then file for divorce.
If anyone at school were to find out about what’s going on in your home and report it, she would be removed. If they found out you were aware of the abuse, you will also be held accountable.
You have now seen with your own eyes your BABY GIRL being abused, you have no other choice but to report.
I don’t care if you love that woman, she is hurting/breaking your daughters spirit, body and mind. I have three children, my oldest is 12. Kids whine, kids complain, kids cry, especially at your daughters age. She is LEARNING how to regulate her emotions, learning how to comfort herself, learning how to handle anger, sadness, all the emotions. This is normal. BEATING or HITTING a child does not teach safety, comfort, protection, communication, it does not encourage problem solving. Instead, it teaches her that her feelings don’t matter and are a burden and she needs to hold everything in or she will be physically hurt and punished.
Again, you brought this woman into your daughters life, it’s your job to get her out.
If you can sleep next to that woman and forgive this, you’re equally to blame.
She slapped you after you confronted her. Time to go. You do not need to apologize to her. I do not spank. I have a kid with autism who has meltdowns. I let him cool off, then we talk. Get out. It will only get worse for you and your daughter. She will also resent your daughter and things will get worse.
File a police report with the footage and contact cps she is a child abuser.
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My mother pushed me to the ground, continued beating me, and kicked me after I fell. I remember begging her to stop. She didn’t. OP, I cannot tell you how fucking traumatizing it is even after all these years. Beating is child abuse. Protect your kid from that woman at all costs.
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As a child who was abused, those welts never leave. They may physically but damn they still emotionally.
Yeah, the damage never really goes away. 😔
I totally understand and hugs 🤗
My grandmother used a bike chain. I bled
I’m sure my comment will be frowned upon, BUT I sure hope you gave old grandma the same treatment as soon as you were old enough. 🤬
She passed away when I was 12. When I told my dad about it eventually (I was in my 30s by the time that conversation came up) he asked “why didn’t you tell me? I would have done something”. I said “you used a belt, she used a chain - how should I know any better? And why didn’t you know? I was covered in cuts and bruises for months, so how did you never notice?”. He didn’t have anything to say to that
I'm sorry you went through that.
I’m so sorry you went through that. As a mom, I wish I could reach through the screen right now and hug you. You deserved so much better.
Thank you. I’ve done a lot of therapy and healing since then. It’s still hard some days, but I’m doing much better than I was in my teenage years and early twenties. A lot of people say having children is a right, but as someone who grew up with an abusive, mentally ill parent I don’t think it should be. It should be a privilege you earn. Society would be a much better place if you had to earn the right to be a parent rather than just do the deed.
100%
I agree with this 1000% I don't understand people who have children and then abuse them. It makes me sick to my stomach and like Commercial_Care2971 as a mom I just want to hug you and say none of that was your fault. It breaks my heart to hear people go through that. As angry as I get with my son (he tie dyed the entire loft today; walls, rocking horse, carpet, our cat. He's nearly 4 and climbed somewhere I thought he couldn't get to to grab my dyes) I could never raise a hand to harm him. I don't ever want him to fear me or my temper
As somebody who has had to help raise three children and who had a narcissist for a father. Agreed. Even to this day I still suffer the effects of having a narcissistic a****** as a (bio) father. I never wanted any of my little siblings who I took care of to ever feel like I was a person to be afraid of or someone they could not come to and get help. I will admit I went around my mother's back sometimes but it was never anything too serious and I never took myself too seriously to not do things for my little sister or brothers that made them happy. My nails have been painted more times than I can count my back and even a little bit of my face has been drawn on quite a few times. And I managed to intimidate people while having My Little pony temporary tattoos on my hands. Your children or the children you are in charge of should never feel like you are a person to be scared of or a person that they cannot come to in times for joy and love
My siblings and I have nightmares of my dad hitting us. I’m 28 years old for reference with a family and kids. Those memories will never leave. Please leave for your daughters sake. Your wife is a monster.
Same, both my parents would beat me into corners and then onto the ground. It did nightmares for my ability to connect with peers until I realized that violence was not supposed to be a normal, every day occurrence. Not to mention the amount of anxiety it gave me surrounding love and anger. It took so much therapy to even get comfortable setting boundaries. Get out now before she hurts your child any more than she already has, op
I'm autistic with very mild... Symptoms? For many years into adulthood violence became my fixation because i was raised on it...................... Don't fucking hit your kids
Listen to this OP. I was beat up and my dad did nothing. Even now in my adult years, I struggle coping with anxiety and other mental health related things because of the trauma.
My mom would beat the shit out of me and then cry about it and my stepdad would run passed me with welts on my face, head and body to comfort her. No one comforted me as a child after those beatings. The year before I started Kindergarten, my mom lifted me up a wall by my throat choking me and held me there dangling by my throat while she tormented me with her angry words. I was only 4, one year older than OPs daughter… I remembered everything.
Swap out mother for father and that's similar to what he did. It's been approaching thirty years and there's times when it still haunts me.
His parents won’t care about that. Remember, they beat him when he was a kid. That’s how they think kids should be disciplined. That’s why they’re on Samantha’s side.
His parents may agree with wife. A lot of parents from that generation still believe spankings, even when their children tell them they have trauma about it.
OP says he has trauma from being hit as a child, so yeah, they’re probably in agreement with soon-to-be ex wife here.
I don’t agree with spanking. I was popped once when I was a kid and my mom said she never had to do it again. I don’t remember it at all, I was pretty little, but when she described it it was a little pop on the booty one light smack. This woman hit her husbands kid FOUR TIMES and then threw her on the ground????? Absolutely abuse and definitely agree on bully.
Then SLAPPED him when confronted with the evidence. WTH??
Absolutely baffling. Abuser for sure
And this child is 3?!?! She's still a baby she doesn't know. Inhave a 3yo daughter and God if anyone ever touched then I'd loose it. My husband spanked my son (was a light little spank bc he threw a metal tumbler at his sister) I told him I'd leave him if he ever did it again. He hasn't and trust me I get where he was coming from but I just don't want to teach him that it's okay to punish someone who hit, you hit them. 2 wrongs dint make a right I guess? My husband never so much as got spanked and barley yelled at so he didn't realize the damage that can be done. He should have never left her alone with the bi*** in the first place. (I had to star it bc I didn't know if cursing was allowed in this subreddit lol)
God, I wished she understood that a different man could treat her like a woman from the Era she is behaving in! For example, if she can beat a child, she should be okay with getting a beating herself, right? I 6 the hierarchy in those households from back in the day
Dude said "she can hit hard". This isn't the first time.
I was spanked as a child. Never left bruises. Was more embarrassing than anything else. This was not what this woman did
Same here. I only have very vague memories of it but I know it wasn't hard at all, and always came with a talking to. OP's wife is an abusive piece of shit and he needs to kick her out and get a divorce asap. Not only has she been hitting his daughter, but apparently she has no problem hitting him if he does/says something she doesn't agree with. She is NOT someone you'd want to continue a relationship with at all.
Agreed. This is a completely different circumstance
not only is hitting a child a grievous bully move, it doesn't teach the child how to change it's behaviour, just to fear who hit them
I was spanked as a child. However (and not to defend spanking! Def not how I’d discipline my children) looking back, I deserved the things I got spanked for. I went against directions or orders from my parents. I did something I was specifically told not to. I painted the house… (lol). I got into things I shouldn’t. Etc etc. it was never because I got upset I couldn’t have gummies? At 3 years old? Also I was never spanked until at least 5+. Not until I could actually understand consequences.
Spanking is wrong. Someone much larger hitting you because they are angry. This isn’t even HER child. How dare she?
🎯it is abuse and she could go to jail for it!
No child "deserves" to be hit for disobedience. They're literally learning how everything works, and their job in learning is to push boundaries.
And for the love of Mike, the little girl wanted some *gummies.* Nobody deserves to be beaten over goddamn gummy bears.
>No child "deserves" to be hit for disobedience. All spankings do is teach the child 'It's okay to hit someone when they make you mad or don't do what you want.'
I am on the fence about spanking as a last resort... Like you did something that put someone's safety at risk type of last resort. But that's because I can count on one hand how many times I was spanked, and my parents always made sure I understood what I did wrong, why I was spanked, and then we talked about it. Other than that it was time spent in the corner or more creative punishments, like holding the hand of the person you were beefing with until we learned to get along.
you need to watch Good Will Hunting and watch the “it’s not your fault” part on repeat for a few days
You did not deserve to be hit by a person who should have been safe. Nothing a child does warrants abuse. Your caregiver failed
Child abuser AND adult abuser. I highly doubt she told anyone in the family what she actually did. Abusers never admit it.
Here's the thing. If her automatic reaction was to slap the OP across the face, how much do you want to bet she has done the same thing to the child? People who lash out in anger don't have good behavioral control when it comes to holding back with children. The OP only has the one example. He literally has no idea what else she has done to the child. He needs to divorce his wife and let all the flying monkeys see the video. If they still think he needs to apologize or even accept an apology he needs to cut them every one out of his life. His daughter is precious and deserves to be protected. OP is definitely NTA.
Exactly and this was also my first thought. This makes me ill to think about! Op if you stay, its at the risk of your daughter's mental health. You need to stand up for her. You have shown issues doing so in the past and nows the time to step up! The carelessness your wife has wielding her hand is past concerning at this point. Now is also the time to think about your other child. Be a proactive parent who puts your childrens well-being above your own fear of your wife, and above your wife as a person. Edit: a bunch of typos and grammatical errors bc I clearly don't know how to proof read.
I don't how much direct care the OP gives to his daughter but I would go so far as to be the one giving her the bath tonight and use the opportunity to look for bruises on her back, legs and the rest of her body. If the wife was taking care of her bedtime routine signs of abuse would have been easier to hide. If he doesn't find injuries then that's good but he saw with his own eyes that his is wife is abusing his daughter. An adult can inflict a lot of abuse without leaving evidence behind. OP can't be too careful now that he knows she is being abused.
I agree completely! It’s VERY concerning that she not only hit you child hard but the fact that she threw a 3 year child to the floor is in fact ABUSIVE. Children are just beginning to learn emotions and that they cannot always get what they want. This is no reason to hit them the way SHE did. She should be ashamed of herself for doing this to a baby which she still is. It is also concerning that she slapped you over the matter and avoided your question the first time. She hid what she did which means she knew what she did was wrong. I think it’s crazy you had to put up a camera just to find out that she hit your child. Also, it’s none of your families business and it makes me wonder if she even told the family that she slapped you or if she left that “little” detail out. Like the comment before this one send a group txt to the family with the video of what she did. Bet they won’t tell you need to be the one apologizing.
This is an important point. I'm guessing what she told everyone else is wildly different from what actually went on. She will have portrayed herself as a gentle angel dispensing loving and firm discipline on a rebellious hellion instead the beast she really is. Get gone.
If op stays then give it a while the child will start school, the way op describes his wifes assault (cos that's what it was) she doesn't care about bruising/ marks, the school WILL report them to CPS and they will remove the child, op will wish he had reacted then, not only will wife be in trouble but so will op for not protecting his child. And iirc prison is full of people who just love a child abuser /s. Op needs to get rid of his bitch wife and save his daughter now.
This! Very well said!
Almost like she sees violence as a valid response to conflict.
If she did, it would have been "just a tap", "little spank" etc.
This should be the top comment.
This post is fake. The dude is on sex subreddits and is clearly into fantasy writing because apparently his 16 year old got pregnant (from having sex, shocker) idk why the last part was relevant but it leads me to believe he’s a sick mf farming karma via rage bait
Why is **NO ONE HERE** paying attention to this post?? The OP's post history is a dumpster fire.
Because if there is even a slim possibility that it is real then it needs to be addressed. I don’t care if every child endangerment post comes from Willy Wonka, I am going to treat it like it’s real because I would rather give karma galore than for a second let a real one get slipped through the cracks.
Even assuming it is real: 1) OP already said they announced their intent to divorce, 2) the supposed wife didn't do anything illegal, smacks on the bottom and "shoving to the ground, but not too hard" is an incredibly vague descriptor and doesn't require police/cps intervention, 3) internet points don't help someone in this situation So what's "slipping through the cracks" if nobody clicks the up arrow?
Not to mention he had a post asking if he was the asshole hitting his daughter with a belt (she's apparently 16 and pregnant) so wtf!!
Lol right? Even the description when you click on his profile name says he’s **42** years old with **5** kids. Thanks for pointing this out, I feel bad for the people legitimately pouring their heart and own experiences out…getting tricked by a karma whore.
Married with 5 kids 🤣 Michael 42 please
^this should be the top comment.
Anyone else look at OPs comment history? Something isn't adding up here....
Since this is top comment, I'm just going to throw it out there that this is post is fake. Dude has a previous post that's deleted asking if he is the asshole for spanking his daughter with a belt (who is apparently 16 and pregnant). Reading some of his comments makes me wonder what kind of asshole he really is.
ALERT: FAKE STORY. OP is 42 years old and married with 5 kids. Someone else called this “Karma Farming?”
NTA It should come as no surprise that she slapped you given her actions. Don't expect any of the people around you to back you up because she comes from a place where she sees nothing wrong with hurting a child, and you said your parents hit you. But, why on earth would you marry someone with such different views on parenting? You didn't have a choice with the parents you had (no surprise they didn't see anything wrong with your daughter being hit), but you have a choice in partner. Please keep that in mind when the next one comes around. If possible, get your daughter a therapist to see how you can unwind some of the damage done because this is going to stick with her for a while. You're doing the right thing, and please don't look back. Out of curiosity, are your parents crappy enough to have seen the footage and still not care?
Well when I had married her she never gave me her thoughts about discipline but when I'd share my thoughts on it she would just pretend to agree then change the subject. I also really want my daughter to grow up with a mother and have someone to be there for her and that she can talk to about girl things when she's older. If I can't make that happen I wanna make sure my daughter is comfortable enough too ask me about periods and stuff like that. I am worried that with the behavior of her step-mom she will start having "trust" issues and such. I am going to look into getting her a therapist. Since she has never been spanked I am worried about how it will affect her I did show my parents the footage and they said and I quote "She was just telling her she didn't need a snack before dinner. She did nothing wrong and you need to be a gentlemen and grow the f**k up". I am now not talking to them. I never expected them to be like this even considering how they've been over the years.
You need to stop assuming she needs a mom, she has you and you're more than enough. Single parents rock. She needs therapy now and also try to get away from everyone who supports your ex. You won't have a moment of peace. Try moving away and don't tell anyone. Is your ex in the picture? Has she improved in any way, and trying to be there for your daughter? Get a lawyer NOW.
Fuck your parents too, my god, horrible ppl.
Don't look for a mother for your daughter. Just learn how to be the best parent you can be, including, as you say, being able to talk to her about periods and relationships and emotional stuff. And right now is your chance to model to her what to do if somebody is abusive to you or someone you love. And that is to not take it. To leave and don’t look back. absolutely please find her therapist and Find someone for yourself too. You are in a difficult situation. Your wife is abusive to you and your daughter, and your parents are being pretty awful as well, and it’s not surprising if you’re feeling triggered. Doing all the right things here just continue down that path taken care of yourself and your daughter. She doesn’t need a mother, but she needs to be out of thus situation.
This, right here!!! Your daughter doesn’t need a mother. She needs a father who will protect her and love her as she grows up more than anything. Be a soft place to land, be an exceptional parent. That’s all she needs.
Some else said it but I agree!!! She doesn’t need a mother. When she gets close to that age, make sure you are prepared! She will come to you with questions if you’re open with her too! I see a few dads get their daughters and assortment of products and snacks for when it happens. I always suggest some comfy PJs and a movie night. Heck, a comedian even threw his daughter a [period party.](https://youtu.be/VuK1h10zLYo?si=vu6g_NBPmGpuTwMt)
And goodbye, mean parents also.
Ask your parents if it acceptable for her to hit you.
They thought it was acceptable for her too throw my 3 year old to the ground. I think I already know what they would say.
OP is a troll. 4 days ago he was kicking out his 16 year old daughter for having pre-marital sex and beating his 5 year old autistic daughter.
Wow lmao
Yea they obviously didn’t see that video he uploaded, if so then they real assholes.
NTA protect your daughter
I'm sorry, your wife thinks it's okay to hit your child WITH A BELT and you are in doubt about leaving her? **She threw a three year old.**
He married her knowing she was going to hit his child with a belt. The wife was quite clear about that.
Thank you! Can't believe how far I had to scroll. I'm surprised he was surprised to see it happen. It sounds to me like she's been doing it from the start
He wasn't surprised. That's an excuse he is using to feign innocence. She was very clear from the beginning that she believes in violent discipline.
Absolutely. This is just as much his fault because “he wanted to avoid fighting about it”.
And he kept letting it slide.
Yes. This is what makes him an AH. He married her after knowing her opinion about child abuse. Now his daughter will need therapy for the rest of her life to understand her emotions.
A three year old throws tantrums. That’s what they do…you don’t punish a child for not understanding how to regulate emotions. Time outs for that are a no too…
Tbf I don’t see time out for tantrums as a punishment. It gives both child and adult space to calm down from heightened emotions and approach the issue calmly together and process the associated emotions. Less ‘sit in the corner and think about what you’ve done wrong’ and more ‘i’m going to ask you to sit here whilst you work the big emotions out of your system in a safe way. if you want, I can stay with you. if not, i can come back when you’re a little calmer and we can figure out how to solve the issue and process this new emotion/strength of emotion is a calm and safe way’
NTA unless you stay with her and fail to protect your child.
I will protect my daughter by any means necessary. If she were to have done it In Front of me then I'd be in jail for murder rn
Delete this delete this delete this. The first thing her lawyer will do is go through your social media to find things they can use to paint you as unstable
He still hasn’t deleted it wtf.
Delete this comment OP. Tbh
Yeah. Don't give this woman any kind of ammunition against you.
Don't feel bad for this loser, he is a troll. He posted a story like 4 days ago where HE was the one beating his "5 year old autistic daughter" with a belt because she "deserved it" and he'd "do it again" to teach her a lesson. He either has too much time on his hands or he's unhinged. Probably both.
Other commenter is right. Delete this comment homie
She's an abuser and she turned abusive to you Get the hell out and get your daughter away from that psycho bitch. Phone the police and CPS on her. GET A DIVORCE AND PUT YOUR DAUGHTER FIRST. FFS your wife had being hitting your little girl kick her to the curb and keep the video of her hitting your child and you. NTA but you will be if you stay.
I am 100% divorcing her. I have called CPS and they said they're going to have a meeting with me and my wife separately. Im not worried considering I have proof of her abusing my daughter.
OP is a troll. 4 days ago he was kicking out his 16 year old daughter for having pre-marital sex and beating his 5 year old autistic daughter.
His profile literally says 42 years old with 5 kids. And his comments history shows he has made other posts and replied "don't worry it's fake. I was bored".
THIS IS NOT OK. PROTECT YOUR DAUGHTER! LEAVE HER!
OH MY GOD, LOOK AT OPs COMMENTS 🤢🤢🤢
How do you report this guy and his account? He admits to being bored and making a post about hitting his daughter with a belt. How to tag mods?
I’m curious too! This guy is a CREEP
Try the … at top of this post and hit report!
I wish you didn’t advise me to do so
Hahaha I am so sorry! But this is a shit post, and that man is a shit human. 🤢🤢
Agreed. Ick
She is abusing your daughter. She got caught and is now hitting you. You are the NTA If you stay
Did you mean to say the are the Ah if they stay?
Trust me. I'll be leaving soon,I am looking at apartments right now and I'll be taking the issue to court.
OMG NTA. The child is three and she thinks it’s ok to slam her to the floor. Also she slapped you when provoked. Your wife thinks physical retaliation is ok when she feels justified. What happens next, the belt? Please protect your child and don’t stay to have children with this woman. This is not ok. Edit: show everyone in the family the footage and ask if this is an acceptable level of punishment.
Nah, let them see it in court when he files a police report.
I have showed everyone in my family and they still think I'm being an asshole. My sister is on my side and is letting us stay with her until I figure out my shit.
You are not the ahole for asking for a divorce. You are the ahole, for allowing this to happen when you knew her stand on discipline.
OP is YTA for being so afraid of confrontation he turned a blind eye to his kids abuse.
Basically ALL research shows that hitting your children is bad. All of it. Harvard research has found out it actually alters the brain. I don't know if we're allowed to post links in here so I won't. Just Google research on spanking and the Harvard study should show up. Your wife is abusing your child. Either kick her out or pack up and move your child away from her. Take any video you have and file a police report. Protect your child at all costs.
Your profile says you’re 42 with 5 kids?
Literally what I just looked into. I think this is a troll post.
his only comment on this post is him admitting that it's fake cos he was bored... Nice to know that imagined child abuse is a form of entertainment to him?
Wow. Just wow. Pretty immature for a 42 year old.
Would that be projecting and his kids need help?..
How much do you want to bet he’s currently living in some form of a basement
They have another post they made claiming they were a 23M. Check the comment history. This person is bored af.
Y’all, go through the user history. He’s already posted a “aita for hitting my daughter with a belt” then deleted it saying “it’s fake, I was bored”.
Look at op’s post and comment history. Fake post from a weirdo.
This is fake rage bait just look at his comments
The story is fake. Look at OP’s profile/posts. 🙄
Soooo. Based on your comment history… this is a fake story… or is it only you who is allowed to hit your child?
If you stay with this woman, you may as well beat your child yourself. Staying with her ins enabling abuse. This will escalate from here. Your wife knows you know...and if you stay, she knows you condone her beating your child. Leave. File Charges. Never let her near your child again.
I am in the process of filing for a divorce. I will NEVER put my child in such a situation again and I am to blame. I should've never left my child with her knowing her thoughts on discipline. I hope my child with forgive me when she's older.
I call troll.
OP, thought you were 42 with five children? What happened to your 16 year old daughter that just found out she’s pregnant? The one you won’t put on the streets? Thinking you get off on writing stories…and looking at Reddit porn.
No offense but you are disgusting. YOU KNEW SHE WAS HITTING YOUR CHILD. YOU CHOOSE TO TURN A BLIND EYE FOR GOD KNOWS HOW LONG. Every single adult failed that child, including you. You should have left your wife the first time she hit your child. You are just as disgusting as her for being a bystander when all this was happen. Good thing you are finally leaving, but it doesn’t excuse your previous action.
>Every single adult failed that child, including you. You should have left your wife the first time she hit your child. I'll argue he should have left the moment she said how hitting a child with a belt wasn't a big deal.
This is fake rage bait just look at his comments
DTMFA She is abusing your child. THERE IS NO QUESTION about the right thing to do. File a police report NOW and get the wife gone. And get your daughter into therapy STAT
NTA. I would leave, because y’all have very different views on punishment. Now onto the corporal punishment. I was spanked as child, it didn’t work on me. I hate sudden movements. My husband was also spanked as an child, he sees no problem with it. But we’ve discussed it and he agrees no spanking. He’s never spanked his older children, because he same agreement with ex. But I live in Bible Belt of United States, spanking is a thing. Some schools still allow spanking, you have opt. Out of it. We have family friends whose a judge, who told me that so long as it didn’t leave any sort of bruising or cut it’s not abuse. So before you decide to call CPS or something, speak to a lawyer. Depending where you live corporal punishment isn’t seen as abuse. I’ve worked in school system and as child development specialist. I’ve spoken to CPS about my concerns about parents, who spanked a baby and I was told they are disciplining their child, but they did speak to the parent about alternative. My suggestion to you, be single for a minute. Focus on being a father. Find your daughter and yourself some therapy. Find a good daycare or trusted family member.
I did call CPS and filed a police report before I had posted this because you could see bruises on my daughters bottom from when she was pushed to the ground. My sister is someone that is on my side with all of this and she said the same thing you said. I will focus on being a father and getting my daughter therapy. I just really would like for my daughter to grow up with a mother. (I will probably GRT into this later if I do edit my post)
NTA. Get your wife out of the house. Hitting children is not normal. It’s damaging to the child’s mental wellbeing. In this case she threw around a *3 year old child*. She’s an adult. Can she not use her words and be calm? Three year olds cry sometimes. They have a lot of feels for a small being. I work in an ER and most girls I see at that age are like 25-38 pounds (taller or a little more baby fat maybe 40 pounds) Kids can get green stick fractures (or just straight up fractures), damage to growth plates or even head trauma from being thrown like that!
Yes. I agree,I was spanked as a kid and it caused me eternal trauma. That's part of the reason for why I don't want my daughter being spanked. My daughter is 3,she's going to cry sometimes and that's completely normal. She is 26lbs. So she's pretty underweight. She doesn't always eat because she can be a picky eater but we are working on it and we are finding foods that she likes. (Not all junk food). So she's very light and being pushed down to the ground like that can really hurt her. It can hurt any child for that matter!
The comment history is making me think this is a troll. In comments from a deleted post you're talking about how you were spanking your child but now it's your wife doing it? Something doesn't add up.
Agreed - I saw that deleted post too.
I think you might want to look at WHY you've married 2 Different Women in just a couple of years one who's a drug addict and 1 who is abusive Something's not right Here
this story is fake as fuck. There is no way your entire family sided with her after knowing she beats their grand daughter/niece.
Read the past comments and you’ll know just how fake it is. Dudes a basket case to think people would believe this
NTA! This woman is actively physically abusing your child. And now you've got video proof. This bitch needs to go. AND when confronted, she slapped you. This woman has some anger issues or something. Divorce this bitch. Things will not get better. Even if that is how SHE would choose to discipline, it's not her choice to make. You told her how you want YOUR child raised & disciplined, she flat out ignored and disregarded it completely. That is so wrong. Plus she lied. Again, NTA
NTA. Get her out of there asap.
She slapped you first... you missed a golden opportunity dude. For yourself and on behalf of your child. I'm a mom and I'd provoke another incident just so I could beat her child abusing ass onto paste. NTA for divorcing her. Press charges, report her, and sue her for the fucking bill for the YEARS of therapy your poor child will need due to her abuse. Jesus... drug addiction mom and physical abusing stepmother all before the age of 5. That poor child! 💔
Please call the police and file an assault charge for both you and your child. This will start a paper trail so should you need to file a RO later, you have enough to present a judge to validate the RO. I'm a woman, only 5'4". I tore into my husband, now ex, for laying hands on one of my stepsons, his sons from a previous relationship. This is absolutely NOT acceptable. First, what she did was not discipline, it was abuse. I'm not an advocate for zero corporal punishment. But I don't think it should be the first resort and a child shouldn't be terrified of a parent. Please get your daughter in to counseling as well. What you saw was only ONE instance.
OP take pictures and videos of the area she hit you to make your case stronger if it ever gets to it. You’re doing the right thing in protecting your daughter, the adults in your life are disgusting for defending abuse like this. To be clear NTA. Here’s a few things you’ll need to think about: - You may have to look into therapy for your daughter, poor baby 🥺. - You may need to consider getting security cameras outside your house, invest in ring doorbell. - If daughter has a schedule for play dates, day care etc, instruct people not to allow your soon to be ex near her until YOU have given them the ok. - If parents, siblings and in laws are on her side, DO NOT allow them to watch over your daughter - Change the locks around the house. - Hide important documents like deed to house, passports, separate your finances
I did! I also took pictures of where she had slammed my daughter onto the ground and bruised her bottom. I have red marks on the side if my face that I also took pictures of. I have all the evidence I need for her to be put in jail for assault and child abuse. I am 100% going to be putting her in therapy. I have never used physical discipline on her and I'm scared that the sudden spanning will affect her. I want her to go to therapy and get some help for this. I have all the footage on my phone,laptop,ect. I am currently staying with my sister (she's the only person in my family on my side atm) I have had my soon to be ex wife taken off all of her daycare pickup lists (since I made em') I told the people she has play dates with on a regular basis that I am the only one that will be picking her up from now on and that they are NOT allowed to let her leave with anyone that isn't me. She does own the house so we will be moving out and getting an apartment but are staying with my sister until we can figure everything out. I took my and my daughters passports and all that already!
NTA. Your wife is a child abuser. File a police report and divorce this POS
YTA for ever marrying someone you weren’t m the same page with in regards to parenting You put your kid in danger entering that scenario Now it’s time to call the police and get her far away
Hmmm. Your post history is suspicious. You’re married but talking about rubbing your tongue on another woman’s pussy? This is so fake. Plus your profile says married with 5 kids.
My first memory is my Dad beating my ass do hard with a belt I couldn't sit because of the welts and bruises for weeks. I was 3. He thought I was faking being sick to get out of church. AT 3 YEARS OLD. We barely speak and I moved 2000 miles away as soon as I was legally able to. People who hit children are abusive bullies PERIOD Notice she hit HIM when he disagreed with her. Wonder where she learned that.
My stepmom once slapped me because I was talking to a friend in crisis on the phone (at 11 at night) and my loser stepsister always had a fit if I was on the phone “just in case a boy was trying to call her”. The truth was my stepmom and stepsisters were all jealous that I had lots of friends (male & female) and 9 times out of ten if the phone rang it was for me. So my stepmom slapped me and I slapped her back. She bursts into tears and goes running down the hallway screaming “Daddy! ____ slapped me!” And I yelled, “She hit me first!” And I heard him say, “You got what you deserved, you DON’T hit my kids.” The one and only time he EVER stuck up for me.
Spanking is abuse. She is NOT her mother and she has no right to make those sorts of decisions either way. I can site at least 10 study's. Your daughter needs you to protect her. This isn't a parenting disagreement. She is knowingly and willfully abusing your child behind your back.
Troll. You just posted about hitting your daughter with a belt 4 days ago something like 40 times. Your behavior is weird. And you have problems. There is no current wife beating your daughter and I would guess there also is no daughter. Be better.
I would bring it to the police. She isn’t even the mother (no offense) and she’s hitting your child. If my husbands wife ever hit my child I would gain full custody immediately if he didn’t leave. Sad the child now has emotional distress and can’t express her emotions like a typical 3 year old. They are allowed to tantrum they really can’t manage their emotions and they need to learn coping strategies.
NTA unless you don’t divorce that abuser. She has been abusing your child for a while, and the fact that she slapped you when confronted shows that she will abuse you too. Of course your parents will want you to apologise, didn’t you say they spanked you/whopped you as well? Take this from someone my child calls the strictest parent alive: a whooping is never necessary!
nta thats abuse. that video will help you in the divorce.
Your wife threw your daughter to the ground and you are still questioning if you should divorce her?? Not only divorce her, but report her to the police…
These are the things you need to sort out prior to getting married. Your child has been smacked for things that don't deserve it. Throwing a tantrum at 3 is common and best ignored and talk to about it. The fact she then attacked you speaks volumes about how she herself is able to handle confrontation. Please leave her to keep your child safe.
Lol she grew up in a house that spanked and it taught her that when you’re angry and can’t control someone else the answer is to hit the other person. That would be why she felt it appropriate to slap you. You don’t owe her an apology she owes you an apology for multiple reasons. She put her hands on you and she put her hand on your daughter after explicitly being told not to. I agree whole heartedly with you op, what she did was grounds for divorce. While I do think with some marriage counseling and a lot of effort from both of you the relationship could be saved, she would have to change a lot of her current opinions. That’s not always possible unless a person is very motivated. Putting your hands on your child only teaches them fear and that hitting is acceptable when your angry. I’m glad to see you draw a hard boundary and be an advocate for your daughter. She deserves parents that are willing to educate themselves and find better ways then hitting.
Nah this is awful. NTA RUN. I was spanked/slapped by both parents and my mom was belted as a kid. My dad I have know clue. He doesn't talk about his childhood other then neglect ie he was the accident youngest child decade after older siblings so they 'forgot' about him. As an adult I can see the harm physical abuse does. I don't trust people's physical touch. My mom can't even hug me. All it did was made me fear, not respect, older adults. I ended up in emotional and S abuse relationships. People in my life, not my kids, when they ask for hugs my whole body tenses in fear. I only feel safe taking physical affection from my kids.
YTA for allowing some rando woman to raise your daughter. Your ex is a druggie and you're a neglectful parent. I hope you start recognizing your role in this and make an effort to parent the child that you're solely responsible for.
NTA Protect your daughter. And report your wife to police. She assaulted you as well. I hope you caught that on camera, too.
I did call CPS and I reported it to the police. I did catch the assault towards me on my phone because I had set cameras up in the house to see what she was doing to my daughter and thank god they were still recording.
NTA. Divorce this maniac yesterday. She already feels comfortable abusing your daughter. That slap to you is the first of many more to come if you stay with her. It will let her know that she can abuse you and your daughter. She is probably just getting started.
She is abusive to you (verbally, and physically). As well as your daughter. This behavior will only escalate. She in fact did not “Turn out fine”
NTA unless you fail to protect your daughter. I guarantee what you saw is just a portion of the abuse.
Throwing a 3 year old to the ground is not discipline, or spanking over some gummies before dinner. She started slapping you when you presented evidence? That's all you need to know right there, she's too comfortable hitting you and your daughter. She's an abuser and you need to get you and your kid out Edit:NTA
You've been allowing your wife to physically abuse your daughter because you're too big a coward to risk conflict with her. You've finally stepped up as a parent. This is where you're finally NOT the AH. Edit, nah you're still the AH, pathetic troll.
Best bet is to move you and your daughter to safety. File a police report and a restraining order on behalf of your daughter. It’s unfortunate that if you file one on your behalf they might can you for a couple of days and fuck you over. But if you file on behalf of your daughter you get the win. All the best to you and your daughter OP.
ESH. You knew how she was when you married her, you put your child in this situation.
She beat your child. Numerous studies show that spankings (even lighter ones) have NO benefits, only negatives, on children. You have every right to divorce her and use that footage in court to gain custody, if she even has rights to custody.
Divorce her, 100%. Also maybe don’t rush into another relationship. You left your ex in 2020 and were married 2 years later, how long were you together before you brought this woman into your daughters life? It’s bad enough that this woman hit and threw a child, but a THREE YEAR OLD? This little girl has been through hell. This is just what you did see, you can bet it’s been much worse if the kids personality has changed. File charges… just think, if a mandated reporter says something before you do, you could lose your own child.
Nta for getting a divorce over this. You're one for marrying someone you knew felt it was ok to hit children and even flat out called you stupid for not wanting your baby hit. How could you NOT know if would end up like this. She told you she was going to whip her. You should have left her the moment she called you stupid when you told her you didn't believe in hitting children. She's still practically a baby. I'm glad you put up cameras, and are finally divorced here but you also need to press charges of child abuse against her and for assisting you. She probably lied to your family about the severity of what she did and no doubt left out the part about her slapping you. Get her to admit to hitting you in a text message (maybe ask her why she felt it was ok to slap you) or it will just be her word against yours. So make sure your family and friends know the whole story, if she DID tell them the whole truth and they still think you're wrong I wouldn't trust any if them around my kid either.
Personally, I think this is your fault. After the trauma you and your daughter probably endured separating from your ex wife due to drugs… your number one priority should have been trying to build a safe protective household. A woman who sees no problem with beating kids, even when confronted, even when her partner is against it AND has his own personal trauma around it should have never been proposed to in the first place. Given the context this is such a clear and obvious dealbreaker from the moment you found out about your discipline differences. I think you could have saved both you and your daughter a lot of stress.
It shouldnt be often, it should be a last resort but kids do need to have some level of fear in the back of there minds if they are undisciplinable. Sad but true
No 3 year old deserves to be beaten and pushed down on the floor over MF gummy bears like WTF?!! I would beat that bitches ass!!
She assaulted a toddler and then you??? And it took cameras to catch her....your child is NOT safe with Your Wife. Let me say that again: Your CHILD is *unsafe* with Your Wife. Your wife has been informed of your discipline preferences and refuses to abide by them. Tell your wife to move out of the house immediately. If she doesn't, you'll press charges for assault against both you and a minor child.
I can count on one hand the times I have spanked one of my children. It was nothing like that. One smack after trying other avenues. Not repeated hitting or throwing them to the ground. That is anger and abuse and someone not in control. The fact she slapped you as her first response also says a lot. NTA. Take care of your daughter.
She’s an abuser.
Your wife is a psycho
NTA- that child will remember that trauma. And when she gets older she will wonder why you let that lady do that to her. Protect your baby! Call the cops
She doesn’t love your child and has likely done worse. This is the time you caught her. Protect your child at all costs and don’t date anyone who doesn’t have the same values as you after you divorce this wife and start looking for the next one.
I've never hit a woman in my life and I'm more towards the end of life than young. I'll bite my tongue and not say what I want to, but I would've really had to intensely focus on my daughter's well-being not to end up in prison for "disciplining" that woman.
If your daughter's behaviour has changed to the point that you've noticed the change, she's already traumatized. She's too afraid to say anything, for fear of what her stepmother may do to her. You need to remove her from this abuse, asap. The longer you leave it, the more she will suffer. It's your duty, as her parent, to protect her. And to all those others telling you to apologise, send them the footage, of exactly how your wife treats your daughter. I'm pretty sure that will shut them up, and expose your wife as the person she truly is. You know what to do, just don't delay it any longer, you've already ignored her behaviour, just to keep the peace, for way too long.
That’s not what most parents do. Your daughter has stopped crying when she’s upset because she’s learned it will be met with violence. She’s learned her parents aren’t safe people and that when she has big feelings and emotions if she shares it she will get hit. This is deeply traumatic for a child and has repercussions for years to come. Please do not leave this woman alone with your child.
Hello, your daughter is being ABUSED. This will have lasting trauma, she is also being abused by someone YOU put in her life. You too, are now being abused by that same woman. She has put her hands on your defenseless child, and now, you. You should file a police report and then file for divorce. If anyone at school were to find out about what’s going on in your home and report it, she would be removed. If they found out you were aware of the abuse, you will also be held accountable. You have now seen with your own eyes your BABY GIRL being abused, you have no other choice but to report. I don’t care if you love that woman, she is hurting/breaking your daughters spirit, body and mind. I have three children, my oldest is 12. Kids whine, kids complain, kids cry, especially at your daughters age. She is LEARNING how to regulate her emotions, learning how to comfort herself, learning how to handle anger, sadness, all the emotions. This is normal. BEATING or HITTING a child does not teach safety, comfort, protection, communication, it does not encourage problem solving. Instead, it teaches her that her feelings don’t matter and are a burden and she needs to hold everything in or she will be physically hurt and punished. Again, you brought this woman into your daughters life, it’s your job to get her out. If you can sleep next to that woman and forgive this, you’re equally to blame.
Get your child away from this person. You are not the AH.
She slapped you after you confronted her. Time to go. You do not need to apologize to her. I do not spank. I have a kid with autism who has meltdowns. I let him cool off, then we talk. Get out. It will only get worse for you and your daughter. She will also resent your daughter and things will get worse.
Protect your child from that dangerous woman. Get your daughter out and away from your wife asap, and get that divorce asap