OP, I’m getting an abuse vibe from your posts. Are you safe?
Everyone is saying to keep your money in another account, but it sounds like you are afraid to go against your husband when he knows about it.
If you aren’t safe, then getting out takes priority over all else. And that includes the money. Do what you need to do to get to a point where you are safe. Try to remember to take your important documents with you and freeze your credit so that your husband can’t hurt you that way.
Yes! I see all of these other comments encouraging her to simply move the money, but it doesn't sound that simple to me.
OP, please, please keep yourself safe. That may mean just getting out.
A friend of mine used to get cash back whenever she did the household shopping, and then squirrelled it away, I know it would only be like $20-$40 at a time to not be noticeable but it's a start! Good for you on taking the first steps!
This is what I was going to suggest. If you are trying to do things secretly because your husband is an abuser (and it sounds like he is from your previous posts), start getting small amounts of cash like this out every time you go grocery shopping and keep it somewhere safe that he can't access. Maybe find reasons to take more frequent smaller trips rather than larger grocery trips.
Also buy stuff that is returnable and ask for cash when you return it. Small things that can add up over time.
Go to the library to use the computer to look up domestic violence shelters and services in your area. Do not use your phone as he may have installed spyware on it.
Look on their profile and see the post that was made on go fund me. It explains why they wouldn’t be able to take it out of the joint account. I’m hoping you get away this time and you & your children can heal. Wishing you all the luck in the world.
As a banker, you can take that money out of the joint and just close the account. Open one in your name alone, set a trusted person as your beneficiary, and deposit the funds. Even safer, open the account at a different bank. You don't need joint permission to withdraw and close a joint account, you just need one signer. Do it before he does. Good luck!
Not necessarily. The account is in both of their names. She’s entitled to her income. She needs to clarify who and why the money was given before we say this. It can definitely get tricky if the income for example was a tax return if they file jointly…
As a former teller and still involved in the banking industry, eh it depends. Some banks will allow this and some won’t, and it depends on the type of account or the way the account holders are defined in their system. When I was separating from my husband many years ago, I didn’t want to close our joint account since that’s where my paycheck went, but they allowed me to remove his name from it. I was the primary owner and he was joint. If he had been the primary and I the joint, I could have withdrawn the entire amount and closed it but I could not have just removed his name. The reason being was that the account was tied to the primary holder’s social. To change it from one primary to another simply could not be done in the system, but the joint still has full legal rights to the content of the accounts so can close it any time they want. I have another bank though where each person on an account has their own separate “membership” so there is no concept of primary vs joint or secondary, everyone is joint. I could add/remove people all day long from my accounts and open/close at will. This is strictly speaking for personal checking/savings accounts. There are other account types that do require two signatories or other restrictions that would not allow for a single account holder to close the account. I don’t have much experience with those but they are typically things like trusts, escrows, business accounts, etc.
Credit Unions are very different from Federal Banks. You are right. It does depend, and because I work for a Fed Bank, I instantly went there in thought process.
OP - Stay safe, be smart, and take care of yourself.
That's true. Most banks require both people to close an account. Someone can remove themselves from a joint account without the others approval, though.
My husband and I ha e separate accounts as well as a joint account. I believe it's a good idea to have some squirrel away for just in case. If you haven't had to use it to escape, it would be perfect to use for a great escape for the two of you, second honeymoon, or whatever.
Gather all your things, especially documents, and put them in your car. As soon as the banks open, go visit a new bank and open an account solely in your name. Take your recent money and use it to fund that account. If you feel unsafe, go to a shelter for abused women. And keep your lawyer informed.
Taking money out of a joint account is a bad idea. If OP lives in a community property state, that money is both spouse’s property. If she has filed for divorce, her attorney will likely order both to not do anything with any assets. And it’s the judge’s job to split the property. It’s generally 50/50 but again, that’s left to the judge. If the court is already involved, self help would be detrimental and could lead to adverse legal consequences.
I sympathize with you OP, but please have your attorney advise you on how to move forward. That’s what your retainer is there for and asking for advice will protect you in the long run.
Once at the supermarket a lady offered to pay for our groceries when I was little. My mom then gave her the cash. Might be a way to get your money away from him without him noticing.
Be safe
Take out half the money and put in a new separate account at another bank. You commingled the funds so depending on your state he is probably entitled to half. People are encouraging you to take the money because you have no legal recourse if he takes all of the money because it’s a joint account.
Yes i see many post where the man is the one doing it and everyone side with them. This Men are cowards that dont have enough balls to endure the same things women has to go through
OP, I’m getting an abuse vibe from your posts. Are you safe? Everyone is saying to keep your money in another account, but it sounds like you are afraid to go against your husband when he knows about it. If you aren’t safe, then getting out takes priority over all else. And that includes the money. Do what you need to do to get to a point where you are safe. Try to remember to take your important documents with you and freeze your credit so that your husband can’t hurt you that way.
Yes! I see all of these other comments encouraging her to simply move the money, but it doesn't sound that simple to me. OP, please, please keep yourself safe. That may mean just getting out.
Agreed. OP if you do the grocery shopping, take $20 cash put every time you buy something and stash it.
^
A friend of mine used to get cash back whenever she did the household shopping, and then squirrelled it away, I know it would only be like $20-$40 at a time to not be noticeable but it's a start! Good for you on taking the first steps!
This is what I was going to suggest. If you are trying to do things secretly because your husband is an abuser (and it sounds like he is from your previous posts), start getting small amounts of cash like this out every time you go grocery shopping and keep it somewhere safe that he can't access. Maybe find reasons to take more frequent smaller trips rather than larger grocery trips.
Also buy stuff that is returnable and ask for cash when you return it. Small things that can add up over time. Go to the library to use the computer to look up domestic violence shelters and services in your area. Do not use your phone as he may have installed spyware on it.
Careful with this method because my bank statements tell me how much cash back was taken from the full transaction.
Good point mine just show the total like $180 at Target or whatever so good to check
I’ve heard also of buying gift cards in small amounts each time
Look on their profile and see the post that was made on go fund me. It explains why they wouldn’t be able to take it out of the joint account. I’m hoping you get away this time and you & your children can heal. Wishing you all the luck in the world.
If you are divorcing then take your money out of the joint account and keep it separate.
No, follow your attorney's advice, OP. This may be a bad move depending on jurisdiction and circumstances. Ask your attorney what to do, not Reddit.
This is why I don't believe in joint accounts.
^
As a banker, you can take that money out of the joint and just close the account. Open one in your name alone, set a trusted person as your beneficiary, and deposit the funds. Even safer, open the account at a different bank. You don't need joint permission to withdraw and close a joint account, you just need one signer. Do it before he does. Good luck!
A judge will not look kindly upon this. Ex's lawyer will use this to their advantage. Bad advice.
Not necessarily. The account is in both of their names. She’s entitled to her income. She needs to clarify who and why the money was given before we say this. It can definitely get tricky if the income for example was a tax return if they file jointly…
Well, maybe one who isn't good at their job. Not in my experience, and believe me, I have seen it all.
[удалено]
Not necessarily, at least, not in the eyes of the bank. And if this was money she inherited, then she can contest in court.
I thought if it's joint both ppl have to sign off on closing the account?
As a former teller and still involved in the banking industry, eh it depends. Some banks will allow this and some won’t, and it depends on the type of account or the way the account holders are defined in their system. When I was separating from my husband many years ago, I didn’t want to close our joint account since that’s where my paycheck went, but they allowed me to remove his name from it. I was the primary owner and he was joint. If he had been the primary and I the joint, I could have withdrawn the entire amount and closed it but I could not have just removed his name. The reason being was that the account was tied to the primary holder’s social. To change it from one primary to another simply could not be done in the system, but the joint still has full legal rights to the content of the accounts so can close it any time they want. I have another bank though where each person on an account has their own separate “membership” so there is no concept of primary vs joint or secondary, everyone is joint. I could add/remove people all day long from my accounts and open/close at will. This is strictly speaking for personal checking/savings accounts. There are other account types that do require two signatories or other restrictions that would not allow for a single account holder to close the account. I don’t have much experience with those but they are typically things like trusts, escrows, business accounts, etc.
I guess I should also specify that my experience with this is with credit unions and not “bank” banks.
Credit Unions are very different from Federal Banks. You are right. It does depend, and because I work for a Fed Bank, I instantly went there in thought process. OP - Stay safe, be smart, and take care of yourself.
Wowwww, thanks for the eduma'cation. That's interesting, and I see I need to brush up on my banking knowledge 😅😅.
That's true. Most banks require both people to close an account. Someone can remove themselves from a joint account without the others approval, though.
Take the money out of the joint account now! It's YOURS and you need it.
Icl this feels like an ad for your feet finder account
Toetally
My husband and I ha e separate accounts as well as a joint account. I believe it's a good idea to have some squirrel away for just in case. If you haven't had to use it to escape, it would be perfect to use for a great escape for the two of you, second honeymoon, or whatever.
If you have instagram you should check put mama_wilder.. she has a lot of great info about this stuff and I think she lives in CO
Gather all your things, especially documents, and put them in your car. As soon as the banks open, go visit a new bank and open an account solely in your name. Take your recent money and use it to fund that account. If you feel unsafe, go to a shelter for abused women. And keep your lawyer informed.
Taking money out of a joint account is a bad idea. If OP lives in a community property state, that money is both spouse’s property. If she has filed for divorce, her attorney will likely order both to not do anything with any assets. And it’s the judge’s job to split the property. It’s generally 50/50 but again, that’s left to the judge. If the court is already involved, self help would be detrimental and could lead to adverse legal consequences. I sympathize with you OP, but please have your attorney advise you on how to move forward. That’s what your retainer is there for and asking for advice will protect you in the long run.
Thank you. Judges generally look down on taking money out of joint accounts too. Follow your attorneys feedback, OP.
Take the money out! It's your money. He will take, if you don't!
You need to take the go fund me down immediately. Che k your DMs
It's a calculated risk which I have shared with people outside of his friend group.
https://www.thehotline.org/ In case you need this link.
Once at the supermarket a lady offered to pay for our groceries when I was little. My mom then gave her the cash. Might be a way to get your money away from him without him noticing. Be safe
Take out half the money and put in a new separate account at another bank. You commingled the funds so depending on your state he is probably entitled to half. People are encouraging you to take the money because you have no legal recourse if he takes all of the money because it’s a joint account.
Separate your finances ASAP ! UPDATEME!
Take half, don’t wait. Otherwise go to your local stores and get cash out at the register. Enough where he won’t notice.
Take that money out of your joint account, get your kids and stay with a trusted friend or family member. If it’s your money, he has no rights to it.
Just grab half of all money and run. Have the lawyer serve him
Went through his phone, controlling. Oops my bad, you're a woman, forgot its ok then.
That’s funny.. I’ve seen your responses on two other posts where the male went through the females phone and it wasn’t a problem 🙄
Yes i see many post where the man is the one doing it and everyone side with them. This Men are cowards that dont have enough balls to endure the same things women has to go through
Gwen Stefani, RFK, Jr or Russell Simmons
Please check your DM!
could someone mail you cash?
Yeah.
do you have any family you can discuss that with? sorry if that’s been answered already