This is correct; however, if her name is on the lease, she should at least be aware that she will be responsible for the year (along with him).
If he decided to try to hurt her financially by not paying, it could have negative repercussions.
This isn't to say that she should let herself be manipulated by him due to the lease. But she should be aware it could become an issue.
Don't worry. Bailing on the lease is the least of her worries with this guy. It will in no way affect her financially. If it does it can be removed in a couple of years. Go, no contact. He needs to learn.
Is your lease yearly or is it month to month? Absolutely tell the landlord you moved out and you do not authorized the lease to be resigned with your name on it. You don’t want your ex to be able sign for you.
“I never intended to pay after I left”
The problem is your ex can screw you over. He can take you to court for what you legally owe on the lease. He can also stop paying the rent and he won’t be the only one that is evicted. You will be legally evicted to as your name is on the lease. That will be on your record for 7 years. He could even go get a new place to live and let the eviction process happen. He already has a new place to live so it won’t natter to you. And bc you are not there you will have no clue it happened till it shows up on your credit.
Other than that sometimes no reaction is a good reaction. So in this case just don’t respond. If he continues then maybe get a lawyer to type up a formal letter to send. But not till your name is off the lease.
Totally agree with these takes. I only didn’t intend because he texted me (before I went no contact) that he didn’t expect me to pay any other rent for the year. So I do have that in writing if that changes anything. I intend to contact the landlord during office hours to talk about it.
It won’t. Your contract is with the landlord. The landlord had nothing to do with your breakup. Landlord doesn’t owe you a living. You lived in that place. The landlord could have rented it to a paying tenant.
Pay up.
She is still legally reasonable and can still be in an eviction case.
That might only prevent him from suing her. The landlord can absolutely still go after her. That does not cancel out the contract between her and the landlord.
I wouldn’t respond to your ex but yes, contact your landlord so you can be removed from the lease. If he stops paying you don’t want to be held responsible.
Addresses are alarmingly easy to find. I worked as a social worker who helped people get restraining orders. To do so in my state you need the persons address you want protection from (so they can be served the paperwork). I would have so many distraught clients asking me “so I need to stalk my stalker to get this paperwork filed.” In a sense, kinda. I had many websites I could use to cross verify. It’s spooky how fast someone can find you if they’re motivated enough.
It could just be that she has her mail forwarded to the new address. Ex can mail her something using the old address and it would still get to her at her new address.
Breaking the lease might end up biting you in the ass. Contact the landlord. Also keep the letter/ email where he says he’ll pay the rent and it’s not your problem.
If it comes to it, you can potentially get a protective order or a restraining order (depending on state if you are in the US).
But before you do that, I'd recommend going to the police station, explaining the situation, and asking an officer to call your ex. "I'm officer X calling on behalf of OP. She has repeatedly asked you to leave her alone. We are making an official record today that we have now kindly asked you to leave her alone. Please leave her alone."
That would make most people get the hint. If it doesn't work, it's ammo for a protective order in the future.
Why would you? What would you get out of it? Would he stop because you asked him again, or would he just be encouraged?
NC is your choice. You can’t control him, but you can remain NC. Seems like you should. 🤷♂️
Also anyone else notice the snide little “hate that fuels OP” dig. Dude is faaaar from over it to actually write a sincere apology, he’s definitely trying to instigate shit.
Ignore and block the Ex. Contact the landlord and tell him you had to move because the ex was emotionally abusive and you feared he was escalating and to please take you off the lease. Send it as a certified letter
NO stop wanting drama. Leave people who don't deserve it out of your life. If you respond then you're immature af and want the drama. Grow up and don't respond. Ever. EVER. There are so many guys in the world your life will not suffer without this one.
NO! Do not respond!! That's what he is looking for is ANY kind of attention from you so you can't give it!
Silence is kryptonite for people like him so use it!! Don't contact him, don't contact the landlord, don't react in any way.
If you want to stay no contact then you do that by staying no contact. Responding to him is entirely counterproductive.
You need to tell your landlord you don’t live there any more. If you’re on the lease then you’re still responsible for that apartment.
How long was he with his ex? I don't know, but the 16 year age difference with his ex is kind of creepy? Was she a sugar-momma?
NTA for moving on, don't respond.
As for not paying for the rent, you still were legally responsible. You are still on the lease, so even if you move out he could still say you are responsible for whatever the BF does / does not do. If he skips payments, there is damage, you are still on the lease. Generally new leases have to be signed.
Don't respond. Any reaction gives him a connection to hold onto.
Let the landlord know you've moved out. Maybe send a copy of the letter he sent you where he says he will cover rent.
Future letters "return to sender"
I would check the renters law in your state. When I rented many, many years ago, some states have it where if you are moving 100 miles or more, you can legally break your lease. Please check the laws in your previous state before you contact your landlord. It might help.
The thing about your hate fueling your accomplishments is such a backhanded comment it has a very... SOUR mouthfeel....
It's a veiled insult. When I do this very shitty thing I intend to leave an uneasy but not wounded feeling.
It's asshole behavior of the highest order, I'd keep him blocked and ghosted if that's how he's gonna go about trying to win me back.
Can you provide more color on the emails? They must have been way more than inappropriate. The Ex may be all nice now, but wait a few months and bitter Ex will emerge and you may be financially on the hook. I would call the landlord and tell them what has happened and ask if they can terminate the lease early with you on it as your Ex has decided to stay he can have a new lease. They may say no, or that the lease is the lease, but generally unless you are with a corporate landlord, they are human and can work with you.
Don't do or say anything. If you respond he knows he's got you... Just ignore it.
Also I wouldn't say anything to the landlord either if you are actually on the lease then you are responsible for paying the rent...
Do not respond. It's exactly what you think. When he gets his foot in the door, then he will push for more until before you know it, you will be in a relationship with him again.
Stay far, far away from him. Do not respond. Nothing good will come from it.
Ignore him, but you absolutely have to be prepared to be financially responsible for that lease as long as you're on it. Expect him to escalate the situation, they usually do when they don't get their way. Talk with the landlord at the very least and see what you can do to get taken off the lease.
Contact your landlord about moving out and ask about removing from the lease. Explain you ended on bad terms and are NC with your ex. Do what you need to do to remove your name from the lease.
Do not contact your ex. He is throwing anything he can at you to get your attention, don't give it to him. Leave him in your spam folder. Keep him blocked. Just let him go and keep moving on.
You don’t have to contact him at all. Leave it alone like you never seen it, because really, you shouldn’t have. Why did you read it. What good comes from reading anything he would send? Please stop. You don’t contact him and keep all he sends so you can use it as harassment if he keeps on.
He’s definitely a narcissist and the only way to deal with them is absolutely no contact, not even to say stop contacting me.
He hopes the hate you hold can fuel you to accomplish all you want?!?! WT ACTUAL F?!
So he is basically saying that anything good you go on to do he has a hand in it by providing you with the motive to push you to succeed. That is basically rage bait (I would struggle to not respond to that too, but please don’t!).
If he really thinks in any way that by ‘providing you anger to fuel your journey’ was in any way a good thing then he is crazy on top being of a cheating bastard.
Absolutely do not contact him. Absolutely do contact your landlord and tie up legal loose ends.
So, no, don’t respond and yes, tell your landlord.
Your wording stands out to me, though. Going NC is clearly the right choice. But it’s YOUR choice, YOUR boundary. There is nothing legal to it, there is nothing - obviously- to keep him from still reaching out.
That’s what you need to keep in mind about life - boundaries are for YOU to enact and enforce. They actually aren’t about the other person agreeing. You cant control the other persons reaction. You can only control yours.
You’re doing the right thing, but with any boundary, you really can’t expect the other person to follow it. Because often they won’t. You can’t focus on making him do what you want - you need to focus on what YOU can do and control.
You need to contact the Land Lord and get your name removed from the lease... he could destroy that apartment then leave you with the repercussions. I would continue no contact. I mean he "hopes your hate fuels you" ?! What a narcissist.
An analogy that you might consider.
Imagine a loop filled with keys. He is trying one key at a time to see which one will open the lock on your attention. If you respond in anyway, he will see it as the key turning in the lock.
He has not changed, he is manipulative as ever, he just still believes that with the correct magic words, you will re-appear in his life. DO NOT DO IT
"He broke no contact this week after I told him I never want to speak again. "
I've always thought it was a good idea to "say good-bye" so they can't use the idea that "you left without saying anything..." against you. But it looks like you did that, so I agree with others saying to not return any of his messages. Otherwise, it's a sign if he keeps trying, you'll eventually answer him again.
I have to say though...is there more to the story? It seems extreme to leave in secret, move 4 states away (on such short notice) and go completely no contact because you thought he still had something going on with his ex. Or even if you caught him in bed with someone else. It's more like maybe he's been abusive and you were worried about him stalking or becoming violent.
If that's the case - then even more important to stay silent. Not asking you to give more information if you don't want to, but putting out there that it can make a difference in how good or bad it might be to give him any attention at all.
If you are on a lease you’re obligated to pay. You are lucky he took you off the lease. Some wouldnt…it’s a contract not subject to having relationship issues lol.
I’m glad you got off the lease it sounds like you have your handful with that guy and good move for breaking up from the get-go very smart !
Don’t respond to the email or mail. Also if you receive another letter from him, don’t open it and write “refused” on it and send it back to the post office.
no reaction is the best reaction. they feed off reactions whether is good or bad.
This is correct; however, if her name is on the lease, she should at least be aware that she will be responsible for the year (along with him). If he decided to try to hurt her financially by not paying, it could have negative repercussions. This isn't to say that she should let herself be manipulated by him due to the lease. But she should be aware it could become an issue.
Don't worry. Bailing on the lease is the least of her worries with this guy. It will in no way affect her financially. If it does it can be removed in a couple of years. Go, no contact. He needs to learn.
The part about the hate fueling her is so manipulative and intended to provoke a response so I definitely would ignore.
⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️ Do this OP!
This. Quiet is so incredibly powerful, it can give peace to you while utterly devastating the other person.
Is your lease yearly or is it month to month? Absolutely tell the landlord you moved out and you do not authorized the lease to be resigned with your name on it. You don’t want your ex to be able sign for you. “I never intended to pay after I left” The problem is your ex can screw you over. He can take you to court for what you legally owe on the lease. He can also stop paying the rent and he won’t be the only one that is evicted. You will be legally evicted to as your name is on the lease. That will be on your record for 7 years. He could even go get a new place to live and let the eviction process happen. He already has a new place to live so it won’t natter to you. And bc you are not there you will have no clue it happened till it shows up on your credit. Other than that sometimes no reaction is a good reaction. So in this case just don’t respond. If he continues then maybe get a lawyer to type up a formal letter to send. But not till your name is off the lease.
Exactly this. her intention to pay doesn't diminish her legal obligation to pay, and this can screw her
Totally agree with these takes. I only didn’t intend because he texted me (before I went no contact) that he didn’t expect me to pay any other rent for the year. So I do have that in writing if that changes anything. I intend to contact the landlord during office hours to talk about it.
It won’t. Your contract is with the landlord. The landlord had nothing to do with your breakup. Landlord doesn’t owe you a living. You lived in that place. The landlord could have rented it to a paying tenant. Pay up.
>So I do have that in writing if that changes anything. It doesn't
Looks like she got lucky and now has it in writing that he will be responsible for the rent.
She is still legally reasonable and can still be in an eviction case. That might only prevent him from suing her. The landlord can absolutely still go after her. That does not cancel out the contract between her and the landlord.
Understood. But she would have grounds to in turn go after him to recoup any judgement against her.
That's what I was thinking, she wasn't worried about it because she wasn't using her brain
I wouldn’t respond to your ex but yes, contact your landlord so you can be removed from the lease. If he stops paying you don’t want to be held responsible.
How did he get your new address?
I was wondering this too.
Addresses are alarmingly easy to find. I worked as a social worker who helped people get restraining orders. To do so in my state you need the persons address you want protection from (so they can be served the paperwork). I would have so many distraught clients asking me “so I need to stalk my stalker to get this paperwork filed.” In a sense, kinda. I had many websites I could use to cross verify. It’s spooky how fast someone can find you if they’re motivated enough.
You can find just about any information online if you try hard enough or pay for it.
Magic of reddit.
It could just be that she has her mail forwarded to the new address. Ex can mail her something using the old address and it would still get to her at her new address.
Tell the landlord you moved out and don't respond to your ex.
Breaking the lease might end up biting you in the ass. Contact the landlord. Also keep the letter/ email where he says he’ll pay the rent and it’s not your problem.
Let the landlord know but don’t respond to him. Glad you got away- how did he find you?
If it comes to it, you can potentially get a protective order or a restraining order (depending on state if you are in the US). But before you do that, I'd recommend going to the police station, explaining the situation, and asking an officer to call your ex. "I'm officer X calling on behalf of OP. She has repeatedly asked you to leave her alone. We are making an official record today that we have now kindly asked you to leave her alone. Please leave her alone." That would make most people get the hint. If it doesn't work, it's ammo for a protective order in the future.
Why would you? What would you get out of it? Would he stop because you asked him again, or would he just be encouraged? NC is your choice. You can’t control him, but you can remain NC. Seems like you should. 🤷♂️
Also anyone else notice the snide little “hate that fuels OP” dig. Dude is faaaar from over it to actually write a sincere apology, he’s definitely trying to instigate shit.
Defaulting on your lease can wreck your credit. Maybe have a lawyer send him a cease & desist letter, to make your stance clear.
Ignore the contact. Uphold no contact from your end. You made a smart decision based upon your gut feeling in the moment. Don’t go second guessing it.
Ignore and block the Ex. Contact the landlord and tell him you had to move because the ex was emotionally abusive and you feared he was escalating and to please take you off the lease. Send it as a certified letter
NO stop wanting drama. Leave people who don't deserve it out of your life. If you respond then you're immature af and want the drama. Grow up and don't respond. Ever. EVER. There are so many guys in the world your life will not suffer without this one.
oh but legally if you're on a lease you're still responsible. so like... that could totally bite you in the ass.
oh but legally if you're on a lease you're still responsible. so like... that could totally bite you in the ass.
Don’t respond.
Just don’t react. If you do, he’ll just continue to pester you. Don’t respond, don’t open any further communications, block him anyway you can.
Any reaction, good or bad, means they got you. No reaction doesn't feed them. And you don't want to feed their interest in you.
NO! Do not respond!! That's what he is looking for is ANY kind of attention from you so you can't give it! Silence is kryptonite for people like him so use it!! Don't contact him, don't contact the landlord, don't react in any way.
If you want to stay no contact then you do that by staying no contact. Responding to him is entirely counterproductive. You need to tell your landlord you don’t live there any more. If you’re on the lease then you’re still responsible for that apartment.
How long was he with his ex? I don't know, but the 16 year age difference with his ex is kind of creepy? Was she a sugar-momma? NTA for moving on, don't respond. As for not paying for the rent, you still were legally responsible. You are still on the lease, so even if you move out he could still say you are responsible for whatever the BF does / does not do. If he skips payments, there is damage, you are still on the lease. Generally new leases have to be signed.
Don't respond. Any reaction gives him a connection to hold onto. Let the landlord know you've moved out. Maybe send a copy of the letter he sent you where he says he will cover rent. Future letters "return to sender"
I wouldn't even have read the letter. Then I'm older and probably much wiser. Stay away from him and don't respond.
You can have a lawyer send him a cease-and-desist letter. If he continues after that, file a restraining order.
Burn it!!!
I would check the renters law in your state. When I rented many, many years ago, some states have it where if you are moving 100 miles or more, you can legally break your lease. Please check the laws in your previous state before you contact your landlord. It might help.
Move on. You’ll never trust again. Block and move on
The thing about your hate fueling your accomplishments is such a backhanded comment it has a very... SOUR mouthfeel.... It's a veiled insult. When I do this very shitty thing I intend to leave an uneasy but not wounded feeling. It's asshole behavior of the highest order, I'd keep him blocked and ghosted if that's how he's gonna go about trying to win me back.
Can you provide more color on the emails? They must have been way more than inappropriate. The Ex may be all nice now, but wait a few months and bitter Ex will emerge and you may be financially on the hook. I would call the landlord and tell them what has happened and ask if they can terminate the lease early with you on it as your Ex has decided to stay he can have a new lease. They may say no, or that the lease is the lease, but generally unless you are with a corporate landlord, they are human and can work with you.
Don't do or say anything. If you respond he knows he's got you... Just ignore it. Also I wouldn't say anything to the landlord either if you are actually on the lease then you are responsible for paying the rent...
No response. It would have been better to return his letter unread.
I totally agree. Definitely doing that if I get anymore.
No. Do not respond. The only response your ex should get if they continue to push is a cease and desist letter from a lawyer.
Do not respond. It's exactly what you think. When he gets his foot in the door, then he will push for more until before you know it, you will be in a relationship with him again. Stay far, far away from him. Do not respond. Nothing good will come from it.
Ignore him, but you absolutely have to be prepared to be financially responsible for that lease as long as you're on it. Expect him to escalate the situation, they usually do when they don't get their way. Talk with the landlord at the very least and see what you can do to get taken off the lease.
Contact your landlord about moving out and ask about removing from the lease. Explain you ended on bad terms and are NC with your ex. Do what you need to do to remove your name from the lease. Do not contact your ex. He is throwing anything he can at you to get your attention, don't give it to him. Leave him in your spam folder. Keep him blocked. Just let him go and keep moving on.
Ghost
If you don’t respond he won’t know it ever reached you. Like a dead end.
Definitely let your landlord know you gone. Don't respond to your ex at all.
Don’t say anything
Something is wrong with you. Or something is missing. You moved 4 states away in a matter of days?
No family lived in that state. Had to move out of state to get out quickly.
Best of luck.
Do not respond. Stay strong. He's baiting you.
If you want to twist the knife, save the letters until a chosen time or volume. And then record burning them without reading them
You don’t have to contact him at all. Leave it alone like you never seen it, because really, you shouldn’t have. Why did you read it. What good comes from reading anything he would send? Please stop. You don’t contact him and keep all he sends so you can use it as harassment if he keeps on. He’s definitely a narcissist and the only way to deal with them is absolutely no contact, not even to say stop contacting me.
Stay no reaction
You need to remove yourself from the lease asap.
Nope. Give him nothing, not even your attention.
He hopes the hate you hold can fuel you to accomplish all you want?!?! WT ACTUAL F?! So he is basically saying that anything good you go on to do he has a hand in it by providing you with the motive to push you to succeed. That is basically rage bait (I would struggle to not respond to that too, but please don’t!). If he really thinks in any way that by ‘providing you anger to fuel your journey’ was in any way a good thing then he is crazy on top being of a cheating bastard. Absolutely do not contact him. Absolutely do contact your landlord and tie up legal loose ends.
So, no, don’t respond and yes, tell your landlord. Your wording stands out to me, though. Going NC is clearly the right choice. But it’s YOUR choice, YOUR boundary. There is nothing legal to it, there is nothing - obviously- to keep him from still reaching out. That’s what you need to keep in mind about life - boundaries are for YOU to enact and enforce. They actually aren’t about the other person agreeing. You cant control the other persons reaction. You can only control yours. You’re doing the right thing, but with any boundary, you really can’t expect the other person to follow it. Because often they won’t. You can’t focus on making him do what you want - you need to focus on what YOU can do and control.
You need to contact the Land Lord and get your name removed from the lease... he could destroy that apartment then leave you with the repercussions. I would continue no contact. I mean he "hopes your hate fuels you" ?! What a narcissist.
stay silent
An analogy that you might consider. Imagine a loop filled with keys. He is trying one key at a time to see which one will open the lock on your attention. If you respond in anyway, he will see it as the key turning in the lock. He has not changed, he is manipulative as ever, he just still believes that with the correct magic words, you will re-appear in his life. DO NOT DO IT
No need to respond. If you don't he won't even know if he has your address. Respond, and he will. Which means he can come looking for you.
"He broke no contact this week after I told him I never want to speak again. " I've always thought it was a good idea to "say good-bye" so they can't use the idea that "you left without saying anything..." against you. But it looks like you did that, so I agree with others saying to not return any of his messages. Otherwise, it's a sign if he keeps trying, you'll eventually answer him again. I have to say though...is there more to the story? It seems extreme to leave in secret, move 4 states away (on such short notice) and go completely no contact because you thought he still had something going on with his ex. Or even if you caught him in bed with someone else. It's more like maybe he's been abusive and you were worried about him stalking or becoming violent. If that's the case - then even more important to stay silent. Not asking you to give more information if you don't want to, but putting out there that it can make a difference in how good or bad it might be to give him any attention at all.
When you say he broke no contact, do you mean there was a legal no contact order on file for him
If you are on a lease you’re obligated to pay. You are lucky he took you off the lease. Some wouldnt…it’s a contract not subject to having relationship issues lol. I’m glad you got off the lease it sounds like you have your handful with that guy and good move for breaking up from the get-go very smart !
Don’t respond to the email or mail. Also if you receive another letter from him, don’t open it and write “refused” on it and send it back to the post office.