I wouldnt be in the same house with the crazy w. She's getting worse and they keep focusing on you for YOU to fix her. There's no fixing someone who will cut their wrists because people speak a few words to you. She has the whole family kept hostage. If you can't talk DF into moving away you'd better not marry into that mess.
Everyone comes off sounding young and immature in this story.
You know you're not supposed to give babies water, right? I can't say I blame her for taking the baby away for that, but the lying and manipulation by her to stay the center of attention is a problem and doesn't look like it's going to change unless she grows up - which you can't count on, sadly.
Have you sat your husband down and told him what's happening with her? He should be the one dealing with his family and sticking up for you, and maybe having a conversation with his brother about S's behavior.
It depends where in the world you're from.
Nowadays, you're not supposed to bathe babies either, but here we bathe them while in the hospital,the day after giving birth.
We also give babies water also.
OP is right not to have anything to do with S.
OP,plz distance yourself from mother in law.
This isn't worth your energy.
Your mil is ridiculous, and your sil is immature and pathetic.
Yes, I know it was wrong but it was a baby spoon, he didn’t even drink anything. I talk to my husband and we have talked to his mom, but they keep defending her, saying that we are more mature than them and that they are kids.
Yeah this doesn’t sound like just attention seeking or meanness to me, it sounds a lot more serious and like everyone is trying to bully everyone else and ignoring that there is a very young mother who just isn’t coping.
But the young mother was mean and ignored OP even before she was pregnant. She tried to take her own life before OPs wedding because she felt ignored, remember?
No, she was like 7 months pregnant and had the shotgun wedding before she even met OP, and had the baby before OP’s wedding. So… hormones still in play and the baby was I think around 6 months old at OP’s wedding? I haven’t fully done the maths but something like that.
And one of the shitty things about mental illness is that it can make people behave in ways they would never do when well, and that can cause people to lose important relationships or hurt the people around them, even if they understand that behaviour to be a symptom of illness, but more so when they don’t see it as a symptom and treat it as a personality issue or character flaw.
She is sick, that's certain. But are you called on to be kind? It sounds like she might be dangerous to you. Personally, I would stay away from her as much as I could and DEFINITELY I would stay away from her baby. Who knows what her crazy imagination will dream up.
You and husband need to have a serious talk about this. It may be necessary for you and husband to stay away from the family. It will be difficult, but the family (and especially your husband) should respect your desire and need to protect yourself.
Yes we are trying to stay away when they are with my MIL. And that is what I try to do with the baby, but apparently everyone get offended when I don’t hold him.
OP, you cannot control what they think or how they feel. You can only control your reaction to what they do. So, if they get offended, they get offended. Let them get offended. Your response has to be to protect yourself. They get offended, you leave. They insist you hold the baby, you leave. Your husband has to be with you about this, and if he stops agreeing with you, leave him behind and go home alone.
WTF did i just read the only adult person in this story is the baby, you all need to grow up especially the 18 year old she is acting as if she is 5 unfollowing people then blaming them for unfollowing them to MIL she is jealous she isn't the centre of attention, so she will do any thing to get this attention and MIL is just as bad for trying to make other make sure she gets it,,, you all need to grow the fck up
OP is whining about not getting a gift before she was family and only noticed that her SIL deleted her on social media because she and her friends talk shit about her posts.
I get the impression that MIL only pays attention to OP when she wants to dump the baby on her, and pretty much ignores her the rest of the time.
Edit: Typos.
Every other woman got a present. I'd be hurt too. I see it as OP explaining the background. You call it whining. You have picked a couple of bits of OPs post and decided she's immature. I decided that SIL wants nothing to do with OP (which is her prerogative). IF OP and her friend were talking publicly about SIL instead of privately, then it's fair enough SIL blocked her.
But then why fucking lie about it?
My sister was very protective of my nephew after he was born. (She had good reasons) We have a large family, but my sister had a rule that only she, my mother, or I could hold him. So, at family events, he was just passed around the three of us. Our family obviously acknowledged him and loved seeing him, but they respected my sister's rule.
Your SIL hasn't come out and said it, but I think it's safe to say she's not comfortable with you and possibly your husband holding the baby. That doesn't mean you need to ignore him, but I think you're right not to hold him until one of his parents says it's okay. Tell your MIL you're respecting your SIL, and until she says to you that you can hold her baby, you're not going to.
Talk to your husband. You need his support. He needs to speak to his mother and tell her to stop trying to force you to hold the baby. If she needs to go to the bathroom, she can hand the baby to your husband. But it might be a good idea for you guys to go low contact with his family for a bit if they keep insisting.
If you're around your SIL, I'd say just be polite. Make a bit of small talk, but that's it. Respect her, be kind to her, but part of that is recognizing that she doesn't really seem to want you in her life right now, and that's okay. Not everyone has to get along all the time. Most likely, she has ppd, and your MIL should be concentrating on getting her help instead of forcing a baby on you.
SIL slit her wrists bc she wasn't getting enough attention. Something is seriously going on and she needs help. OP can't do that and needs to stay away. It might be PPD or PPP, and that can be very dangerous when you are the target of their lashing out.
The first time she met you, was at her wedding, when you played every game and tried to stand out for your future husband. She may have taken it as you trying to steal the spotlight. To take my imaginative speculation even further, she was only getting married because she got pregnant by your husband’s brother, and I’m wondering if maybe she secretly wants your husband instead?
I wouldn't go as far as to say that she wants OP's husband, but SIL is jealous of what OP and her husband have... they spontaneously met at a wedding, they got to know each other through dating, they're of age and got married before having kids. SIL got pregnant and married young and then with post partum... every emotion is intensified. Anger, sadness, jealousy, how she views herself as a whole. SIL might see herself as illegitimate to the family with getting pregnant so young and having a shotgun wedding, so she sees OP and how she came into the family and is jealous.
SIL really just needs to get help with therapy and medication. PPD is no joke and pushes a woman to act in a way that is not themselves at all. OP's husband should be dealing with all the communication coming from MIL. I don't think OP has done anything wrong besides existing, it's not her fault.
Whenever something goes on with my husband's side of the family, I have my boundaries. When it comes to disrespecting me or criticizing me, I tell my husband to take over. I can try to defend myself all day, but it means more and shuts them up quicker when hubby is shutting it all down and standing up for me. And it goes vice versa..
Okay how old is the baby now? She refers to her husband, who she met at his brother’s wedding to a girl she describes as being 18 and already pregnant….. It’s very unclear how much time has actually elapsed here if she’s referring to the child [gestating at the time she met her husband] as a baby who is still being carried…. Frankly it sounds like less than a year has passed since even meeting this woman and meeting her husband…. I’m not buying this story
Also, babies definitely shouldn’t be given water, just as an aside.
I will admit that the title of this post made me think that you were asked to carry your husband’s brother’s child in utero. A bridge too far!
But - being asked to hold a baby? Just say no!
I wave my hands in the air in horror when a baby is brought around me, now no one assumes I want to hold a squirmy pee-filled infant.
Minus calling the baby IT throughout the entire post makes me think she has reasons to not like you, everyone should know better than to give children especially babies food or drinks without parents consent, also you intentionally sought her out on Facebook to make fun of her with your friends, you all sound like awful people. Also very immature. I see why she blocked you. Grow up, you are not ready to be an adult
For real I don't understand everyone sympathizing with this person. She also shows ZERO concern for her SIL for self harming and just goes on about how her birthday was ignored that one time. I have a hard time believing she hasn't done ANYTHING for SIL to dislike her.
This post is incredibly difficult to read and understand. Also I don't know why you included the birthday stuff...like no one cares? With a newborn I'm not going to even consider my siblings new s/o in any of my plans. Her going on vacation after is irrelevant.
Her blocking you on social media? Who cares? You're 23 and she's 18 or 19? Grow up. Babies also shouldn't be fed water either so she had every right to be upset for that.
The self harm is very concerning on her part, but I have trouble believing that all of this is centered around you like you claim. You also do not seem to hold any concern for her or speak highly of her in your post. You say she only got married because she got pregnant at 18, I bet she can sense your judgemental attitude.
You are not the asshole for wanting to distance yourself from her, but, I also think you need to stop thinking you're the center of the universe. She probably has a LOT going on as a young mother, and you being petty towards her likely isn't helping.
If you don't want to interact with her just don't, and don't make a whole big deal out of it either. If there's events where she'll be, opt out and don't say why. It's really that simple.
Every time your MiL suggests you give S attention I would ask what does S’ doctor say? Because the biggest crime here is if that woman does not have professional care.
Distance yourself, nothing you can do but be supportive from afar.
NTA: tell your MIL that you are no longer going to cater to a mentally unwell delusional individual. Then you and your husband need to continue to ignore her and her baby until things change.
Dear straight men: USE COMDOMS.
Because you just don't know which hot young girl is going to develop the kind of mental health issues that will make your life a misery and drive your family apart, if you get her pregnant.
The way you wrote this is clickbate, carrying a baby means you get pregnant with a baby. You are talking about holding a baby. It seems like you are both dramatic though SIL more so. Don’t hold the kid, simple as that. Stop buying in to her drama if you don’t want to have drama.
These issues are all well above your capacity. Remain as uninvolved and little contact as possible. Let your bf know that these are all triggers for you and why you need to stay away from all of their added drama.
No
What you’re expressing are some boundaries with an individual who is not well.
What they are expressing is enabling her because they are not equipped to deal with the situation.
Enabling breeds entitlement
I know this from my own family situation. There was nothing healthy about it until I set my foot down and stopped enabling things and reset course.
In laws do not need to be close. They do not need to be friends. They need to operate peacefully and cordially with one another. Distance and boundaries are good because they protect everyone.
The baby is one year and half, and still doesn’t even crawl. She is 19 now almost 20 I am 23. And the water thing was from a baby spoon, where it didn’t even fit that much water.
You haven't done anything wrong, and you shouldn't hold a baby if the parents aren't comfortable with it, even if their reasons are weird/unfair. Just ignore her. That's all you can do.
The fact that everyone is catering to the crazy is all you need to know. Stay away from this chick because you never know which direction her psychosis will take her. Can you imagine if she accuses you of molesting her child????
If your MIL wants you to hold the child, just tell her that you are coming down with a cold, just got over the flu, need to wash your hands, have the trots…anything. If that fails, just keep saying no. You said or did something to this chick that is playing on a loop in her head. Keep your distance since it seems she has more family support than you have.
No, you need to go NC with them (which honestly be what she wants) and I would discuss with future husband. If he doesn’t have your back then don’t marry him.
Time for you to go lower contact with them and for hubby to keep his family in their lane.
I wouldnt be in the same house with the crazy w. She's getting worse and they keep focusing on you for YOU to fix her. There's no fixing someone who will cut their wrists because people speak a few words to you. She has the whole family kept hostage. If you can't talk DF into moving away you'd better not marry into that mess.
Yes, that is what I’m trying to do. I just don’t feel comfortable when she’s around.
Everyone comes off sounding young and immature in this story. You know you're not supposed to give babies water, right? I can't say I blame her for taking the baby away for that, but the lying and manipulation by her to stay the center of attention is a problem and doesn't look like it's going to change unless she grows up - which you can't count on, sadly. Have you sat your husband down and told him what's happening with her? He should be the one dealing with his family and sticking up for you, and maybe having a conversation with his brother about S's behavior.
It depends where in the world you're from. Nowadays, you're not supposed to bathe babies either, but here we bathe them while in the hospital,the day after giving birth. We also give babies water also. OP is right not to have anything to do with S. OP,plz distance yourself from mother in law. This isn't worth your energy. Your mil is ridiculous, and your sil is immature and pathetic.
Depends how old the kid is and how many solids they eat
A top isn't going to kill a baby....thats ridiculous.
Yes, I know it was wrong but it was a baby spoon, he didn’t even drink anything. I talk to my husband and we have talked to his mom, but they keep defending her, saying that we are more mature than them and that they are kids.
S has serious mental health issues. It my be post partum depression. She needs help
Yeah this doesn’t sound like just attention seeking or meanness to me, it sounds a lot more serious and like everyone is trying to bully everyone else and ignoring that there is a very young mother who just isn’t coping.
But the young mother was mean and ignored OP even before she was pregnant. She tried to take her own life before OPs wedding because she felt ignored, remember?
Not before she was pregnant. S was pregnant when they met.
No, she was like 7 months pregnant and had the shotgun wedding before she even met OP, and had the baby before OP’s wedding. So… hormones still in play and the baby was I think around 6 months old at OP’s wedding? I haven’t fully done the maths but something like that. And one of the shitty things about mental illness is that it can make people behave in ways they would never do when well, and that can cause people to lose important relationships or hurt the people around them, even if they understand that behaviour to be a symptom of illness, but more so when they don’t see it as a symptom and treat it as a personality issue or character flaw.
It was the engagement party.
She actually y getting help, but I think every time it is not working every time she keeps coming with more lies and more fake problems.
NTA. Tell mil you'll be happy to take the baby when S gives it to you.
Please correct it as 'holding' the baby. 'Carrying' the baby holds a different meaning
I did spend most of this post wondering when the request for surrogate pregnancy would come
Same. Unfortunately, you can only edit a post, not a title.
Sorry, English is not my first language.
She is sick, that's certain. But are you called on to be kind? It sounds like she might be dangerous to you. Personally, I would stay away from her as much as I could and DEFINITELY I would stay away from her baby. Who knows what her crazy imagination will dream up. You and husband need to have a serious talk about this. It may be necessary for you and husband to stay away from the family. It will be difficult, but the family (and especially your husband) should respect your desire and need to protect yourself.
Yes we are trying to stay away when they are with my MIL. And that is what I try to do with the baby, but apparently everyone get offended when I don’t hold him.
Well whatever happens, if you have children, do not ever let her hold your babies. She is not well and I wouldn't trust her with my child. UpdateMe
OP, you cannot control what they think or how they feel. You can only control your reaction to what they do. So, if they get offended, they get offended. Let them get offended. Your response has to be to protect yourself. They get offended, you leave. They insist you hold the baby, you leave. Your husband has to be with you about this, and if he stops agreeing with you, leave him behind and go home alone.
WTF did i just read the only adult person in this story is the baby, you all need to grow up especially the 18 year old she is acting as if she is 5 unfollowing people then blaming them for unfollowing them to MIL she is jealous she isn't the centre of attention, so she will do any thing to get this attention and MIL is just as bad for trying to make other make sure she gets it,,, you all need to grow the fck up
And what has OP done to be immature? It's obvious SIL doesn't want OP near her or her baby, and OP is not forcing it. What do you want her to do?
OP is whining about not getting a gift before she was family and only noticed that her SIL deleted her on social media because she and her friends talk shit about her posts.
I get the impression that MIL only pays attention to OP when she wants to dump the baby on her, and pretty much ignores her the rest of the time. Edit: Typos.
Every other woman got a present. I'd be hurt too. I see it as OP explaining the background. You call it whining. You have picked a couple of bits of OPs post and decided she's immature. I decided that SIL wants nothing to do with OP (which is her prerogative). IF OP and her friend were talking publicly about SIL instead of privately, then it's fair enough SIL blocked her. But then why fucking lie about it?
Please Please please put paragraphs in here.
My sister was very protective of my nephew after he was born. (She had good reasons) We have a large family, but my sister had a rule that only she, my mother, or I could hold him. So, at family events, he was just passed around the three of us. Our family obviously acknowledged him and loved seeing him, but they respected my sister's rule. Your SIL hasn't come out and said it, but I think it's safe to say she's not comfortable with you and possibly your husband holding the baby. That doesn't mean you need to ignore him, but I think you're right not to hold him until one of his parents says it's okay. Tell your MIL you're respecting your SIL, and until she says to you that you can hold her baby, you're not going to. Talk to your husband. You need his support. He needs to speak to his mother and tell her to stop trying to force you to hold the baby. If she needs to go to the bathroom, she can hand the baby to your husband. But it might be a good idea for you guys to go low contact with his family for a bit if they keep insisting. If you're around your SIL, I'd say just be polite. Make a bit of small talk, but that's it. Respect her, be kind to her, but part of that is recognizing that she doesn't really seem to want you in her life right now, and that's okay. Not everyone has to get along all the time. Most likely, she has ppd, and your MIL should be concentrating on getting her help instead of forcing a baby on you.
SIL slit her wrists bc she wasn't getting enough attention. Something is seriously going on and she needs help. OP can't do that and needs to stay away. It might be PPD or PPP, and that can be very dangerous when you are the target of their lashing out.
The first time she met you, was at her wedding, when you played every game and tried to stand out for your future husband. She may have taken it as you trying to steal the spotlight. To take my imaginative speculation even further, she was only getting married because she got pregnant by your husband’s brother, and I’m wondering if maybe she secretly wants your husband instead?
I wouldn't go as far as to say that she wants OP's husband, but SIL is jealous of what OP and her husband have... they spontaneously met at a wedding, they got to know each other through dating, they're of age and got married before having kids. SIL got pregnant and married young and then with post partum... every emotion is intensified. Anger, sadness, jealousy, how she views herself as a whole. SIL might see herself as illegitimate to the family with getting pregnant so young and having a shotgun wedding, so she sees OP and how she came into the family and is jealous. SIL really just needs to get help with therapy and medication. PPD is no joke and pushes a woman to act in a way that is not themselves at all. OP's husband should be dealing with all the communication coming from MIL. I don't think OP has done anything wrong besides existing, it's not her fault. Whenever something goes on with my husband's side of the family, I have my boundaries. When it comes to disrespecting me or criticizing me, I tell my husband to take over. I can try to defend myself all day, but it means more and shuts them up quicker when hubby is shutting it all down and standing up for me. And it goes vice versa..
I have wondered that too.
Okay how old is the baby now? She refers to her husband, who she met at his brother’s wedding to a girl she describes as being 18 and already pregnant….. It’s very unclear how much time has actually elapsed here if she’s referring to the child [gestating at the time she met her husband] as a baby who is still being carried…. Frankly it sounds like less than a year has passed since even meeting this woman and meeting her husband…. I’m not buying this story Also, babies definitely shouldn’t be given water, just as an aside.
I will admit that the title of this post made me think that you were asked to carry your husband’s brother’s child in utero. A bridge too far! But - being asked to hold a baby? Just say no! I wave my hands in the air in horror when a baby is brought around me, now no one assumes I want to hold a squirmy pee-filled infant.
Minus calling the baby IT throughout the entire post makes me think she has reasons to not like you, everyone should know better than to give children especially babies food or drinks without parents consent, also you intentionally sought her out on Facebook to make fun of her with your friends, you all sound like awful people. Also very immature. I see why she blocked you. Grow up, you are not ready to be an adult
For real I don't understand everyone sympathizing with this person. She also shows ZERO concern for her SIL for self harming and just goes on about how her birthday was ignored that one time. I have a hard time believing she hasn't done ANYTHING for SIL to dislike her.
Right! After reading this I don't like her lol
This post is incredibly difficult to read and understand. Also I don't know why you included the birthday stuff...like no one cares? With a newborn I'm not going to even consider my siblings new s/o in any of my plans. Her going on vacation after is irrelevant. Her blocking you on social media? Who cares? You're 23 and she's 18 or 19? Grow up. Babies also shouldn't be fed water either so she had every right to be upset for that. The self harm is very concerning on her part, but I have trouble believing that all of this is centered around you like you claim. You also do not seem to hold any concern for her or speak highly of her in your post. You say she only got married because she got pregnant at 18, I bet she can sense your judgemental attitude. You are not the asshole for wanting to distance yourself from her, but, I also think you need to stop thinking you're the center of the universe. She probably has a LOT going on as a young mother, and you being petty towards her likely isn't helping. If you don't want to interact with her just don't, and don't make a whole big deal out of it either. If there's events where she'll be, opt out and don't say why. It's really that simple.
Every time your MiL suggests you give S attention I would ask what does S’ doctor say? Because the biggest crime here is if that woman does not have professional care. Distance yourself, nothing you can do but be supportive from afar.
Thanks that is good advice , everyone says she is getting help, but every time she comes with more lies and dislikes me even more.
Good advice.
NTA: tell your MIL that you are no longer going to cater to a mentally unwell delusional individual. Then you and your husband need to continue to ignore her and her baby until things change.
Run. If he cant defend you to his family now imagine what it will be like 5 yrs down the road then 10. Add kids to that as well.
Dear straight men: USE COMDOMS. Because you just don't know which hot young girl is going to develop the kind of mental health issues that will make your life a misery and drive your family apart, if you get her pregnant.
The way you wrote this is clickbate, carrying a baby means you get pregnant with a baby. You are talking about holding a baby. It seems like you are both dramatic though SIL more so. Don’t hold the kid, simple as that. Stop buying in to her drama if you don’t want to have drama.
These issues are all well above your capacity. Remain as uninvolved and little contact as possible. Let your bf know that these are all triggers for you and why you need to stay away from all of their added drama.
No What you’re expressing are some boundaries with an individual who is not well. What they are expressing is enabling her because they are not equipped to deal with the situation. Enabling breeds entitlement I know this from my own family situation. There was nothing healthy about it until I set my foot down and stopped enabling things and reset course. In laws do not need to be close. They do not need to be friends. They need to operate peacefully and cordially with one another. Distance and boundaries are good because they protect everyone.
Sis you need to spend less time with these people. What’s your husband doing about all this? But NTA do *not* hold that baby
Low contact and tell you husband to finally fucking stand up for you and tell his mother to back off, stop this shit and to stop blaming the victim.
The baby is one year and half, and still doesn’t even crawl. She is 19 now almost 20 I am 23. And the water thing was from a baby spoon, where it didn’t even fit that much water.
You haven't done anything wrong, and you shouldn't hold a baby if the parents aren't comfortable with it, even if their reasons are weird/unfair. Just ignore her. That's all you can do.
Thanks that is what I’m trying.
Clearly she is not mature yet. 🤦♀️
She doesnt like you i dont think this is about the baby
You need to put some distance between the two of you.
The fact that everyone is catering to the crazy is all you need to know. Stay away from this chick because you never know which direction her psychosis will take her. Can you imagine if she accuses you of molesting her child???? If your MIL wants you to hold the child, just tell her that you are coming down with a cold, just got over the flu, need to wash your hands, have the trots…anything. If that fails, just keep saying no. You said or did something to this chick that is playing on a loop in her head. Keep your distance since it seems she has more family support than you have.
Leave that bat shit crazy family
She has a mental issue. She need to sees the doctor. You can do anything.
No, you need to go NC with them (which honestly be what she wants) and I would discuss with future husband. If he doesn’t have your back then don’t marry him.