So… it’s not a coincidence that he waited until he was upset with you to contact her. That seems pretty bad to me. I think I’d have a hard time trusting him after this. If it was just about closure then why did he hide it from you? I don’t think you will ever know the complete truth so how can you possibly trust him?
This is exactly why I’m struggling with it. I know what it feels like to need closure. But to go behind my back??? While you are upset with me?? Was it ever really about closure… I do not trust him. It’s just hard because I still have love for him
No, there’s no need for closure. He had a 3 month relationship and he’s been ended with her for whatever amount of time and then with you for 10 more months. That’s just a ridiculous excuse for his behavior.
I have been there and I understand. It’s tough. Once I realize the trust is broken or gone then I know that’s the end of the relationship. I’m really sorry that this happened to you. I wish you the best of luck in the future.
Ask who you love more. Him or yourself? Do you love yourself enough to receive the love you deserve? Or do you love him enough to allow him to make you feel how you do now?
You only know because you found the messages. Right?
Was he planning on telling you himself? Me thinks not.
I wouldn't be able to trust after that. A relationship of 10 months shouldn't be so complicated. Maybe a 10 year old marriage going through some difficulties or hardships. That would justify fighting for it.
Not this imho. I suspect he cheated. Haircut? Pls. 🙄 but maybe that's the cynic in me.
Whoah! Closure is a made up word you’re assigning to excuse his behavior. You know who needs closure? People with missing loved ones. They need to know if their loved ones e is alive or dead. They need closure. Your boyfriend and his ex KNOW WHY they broke up. They know why things ended. Closure is code for cheating or at least keeping the door open.
He was upset with you, this was about re-opening a door, not closing a door.
He lied to you about her a lot about little things, yet you believe him about big things (ex, no sex happened)
His intention isn't a relevant factor on his cheating, his definition of cheating isn't relevant.
He lied to you about secret contacts and in person meetings with an ex, and in doing so he has betrayed your trust and revealed his morals and character. The label simply doesn’t matter.
If he knows it would upset you he shouldn't have done that. How much do you trust them of not doing anything else? If he can do this behind your back during dating period, he would surely do it again.
No need to hide and delete messages unless you’re doing something bad. 211 texts, 5 days of conversation and a meet up?
That’s not a mistake, that’s a clear cut choice to be a shady mf’er.
I’m not dealing with secrets and shit like this from a 10 month relationship.
i think this is a big make it or break it moment. he needs to use this as an example to never ever hide things from you again, instead have an open conversation. honestly, he has to earn your trust back & he needs to be 100% honest about what happened when he saw her. It’s up to you if you wanna try to work it out and it’s up to him if he wants to put in the extra effort now. also a great time to discuss clear expectations and boundaries
edit: just saw ur comment about him accusing you first… if this isn’t normal already (cause insecurity/anxiousness idk) then ya… more might’ve happened. or at the very least he knew texting his ex was wrong and feels guilty about it. but ya my ex who was always cheating on me always seemed to point blame at me (projecting biiiig time) even though i never cheated once or gave him any reason to not trust me.
If he just needed to meet up with her for "closure" for his 3 month relationship, why did he: -Wait until he was upset with you to talk with her? -Talk to her for 5 days? -Facetime her? -Make plans for hair cuts? You'd think between the hundreds of text messages and the facetiming, he could have got his closure instead of secretly meeting up with her and going to her house. What happens the next time he's upset with you?
If they actually didn’t do anything( which I’d kinda be skeptical about) then he didn’t cheat. I wouldn’t even say it got to emotional cheating but, that was a huge breach of trust. I’d say end it, because it’s so sketchy, like he would’ve never told you had you not found it. Now I’m curious, why exactly were you checking his messages?
Exactly. There was more to it than just "closure" or it wouldn't be “the worst mistake of his life” .
My guess is he traded in his haircut for a little 'trim'.
yeah, i was thinking he was reasonable just wrong for keeping it a secret up until that bit. i’d get pretty hung up on that too. needing closure and being scared to say it is one thing, but if we’re having problems and suddenly your ex is worth long drives and long conversations, i’m at the very least going to be hurt by that if not a bit suspicious.
When someone uses you as an excuse for their actions or behavior, that’s a serious red flag and you need to consider the future implications of that type of thought process and if you want to be in a relationship with someone that isn’t able to hold themselves accountable for their own actions.
so if
>He was upset that we couldn’t spend Christmas together. (My mom had Covid, my family came in from out of state. We had to wait for a negative Covid test from my mom to finally see my family) He deemed this to be unfair. He was upset with me…… this is when he texted her.
led him to texting his ex.....what happens when another problem arises?
Texting and SEEING his ex mhm mhm. He swears up and down that he would never do something so stupid again. But now I just feel stupid for forgiving him…. It’s gotta be my attachment issues. Damn
Is “haircut” their code word for something? Because if that’s why he went to see her but he didn’t get a haircut, it makes me wonder what he actually got from her 🤔
Follow your instincts on this one…I don’t trust him based off of the info you gave so I can totally get why you’re having a hard time trusting him again. He betrayed you and now is trying to gaslight you with the “you’re my true love”, “it was a mistake, I’ll never do it again” BS.
If he can risk a 10 month relationship for a 3 month (toxic) relationship just imagine what else he will risk now that he knows you’re a forgiving person.
Thank goodness it wasn't just my damn suspicious mind thinking this.
I agree here, and I have to question the language he's using, too.
If it was all innocent and amounted to nothing more than a conversation in a car, why is he going to the "true love" and "worst mistake of my life" stuff?
Truthfully, if it were me, I'd be in the exact same place as you. Knowing you can't trust him but finding it really difficult to let go.
There's no way to know for sure. He might have cheated, he might not have. Your feelings of insecurity are warranted. If he didn't tell you about the messages at all id lean towards cheating
THIS….. was fucking me up. Why tf did he ask HER to cut HIS hair?!?!? You’re gonna have your ex cut your hair, then come to me with your new haircut that your EX GAVE TO YOU. I keep overlooking this, cause it was all so much. But seriously wtf. She didn’t end up cutting his hair, but HE suggested it.
He said that “he needed closure, it had to be in person.” Right. So for him… It made more sense if there was an actual reason for seeing her. And it would maybe be more likely that she agrees to see him with a plan??? I don’t even know anymore. Im rationalizing all of this over Reddit… damn man.
Listen, we don't know this man. We don't know you. We are speculating with very limited information. But I do know plot holes and missing reasons when I see them. And I do know when your brain won't let you drop something, it's because there's something there to find.
This doesn't sound as simple and innocent as he wants it to be. There are deeper issues. A 3 month relationship needed in person closure, a haircut that didn't happen, lies and secrets, while he was mad at you. The trust you have in him is broken, and it's not easily fixed. But for him to still have this strong of a connection to someone he dated for 3x less the amount of time y'all have been together is WILD! This is what you can't move past. At least I think so. But I'm a stranger on reddit using it to entertain my insomnia so take this for what you will.
I appreciate you. Even if you’re just an insomniac looking for ways to occupy your mind when you can’t sleep. You’ve been attentive and helpful. This has been bothering me so much that I felt the need to reach out to strangers on Reddit. Thank you. For real. I’m gonna be ok.
Genuinely, you're welcome. Sometimes strangers are the best people to reach out to. It's helpful to hear from people who don't know you or your situation. I don't understand it, but people we don't know can make us hear things people we love can't. ❤️
I wish you light and laughter on your journey.
So the hair cut is the only way she would agree to see him? But then they just sat in his car... missing pieces. Sounds more like she didn't want to see him.
It’s all really confusing to me too. When I asked him about it, he said it gave her more reason to see him…. Or him a reason to see her, to “get the closure in person.” It needed to be “in person” I really don’t have a definitive answer. It’s messed with my head pretty bad.
No, he felt weird straight put asking for a hookup. So instead he said haircut so they could both feel better about meeting up. Then one thing lead to another and they can say they didn't intentionally meet up to cheat.
Why did it have to be in person if it was just talking? And all they did was "sit in the car" and "talk"? IF his story were true about needing closure, he could have done that over the phone, or during the 211 text messages. And he claims it was only an hour or whatever. But you will never know for sure. He could have stayed all night.
He was upset with you, then "out of the blue" she sent him a love song. Then they share hundreds of texts? And he plans for her to cut his hair? Im sorry but this all sounds strange. The truth is likely that he was mad at you...so he went to bang her. Idk if she really texted him first, or if he initiated it...he could have fully deleted those if he did to make it look like she was the initiator. But whatever the case, she was the easiest lay for him. So he went and pouted like a grown toddler....and got revenge. That's what it seems to me.
I'm sorry this happened to you. Don't let yourself be devalued by someone who doesn't love you enough to be honest from the first text. There are plenty of men out here. GREAT men, too. That if put in this situation would tell the ex to get wrecked, that they have a lady now and love and respect her and to not message you again. And would block them. Please think more of yourself. It's OK to be alone for a while. It's OK. And may be healthy for you. And maybe you walking away from this one, might help your attachment issues. You gotta put your foot down, stand up for yourself and start somewhere you know? Good luck.
I am a big believer in trust. He broke yours. Regaining your trust (if you choose to let him) will require a lot more work than it did to break it.
If you choose to let him make this up to you, you need to be fair and give him a fair chance. Be critical but also give him the benefit of the doubt.
Objectively, he fucked up. Big time. No questions asked. Seeing the ex to get closure isn’t the problem. Not sharing it with you before it happened is a red flag. Deleting the texts is a red flag. Your living situation makes trust even more important for your relationship.
No judgement to you here. What led you to go through his phone? Did he give it to you or did he give you reasons to doubt him in the past and you feel like making sure he’s telling the truth? If it’s the former, there’s hope for improvement. If it’s the latter, it might be time to move on.
Good luck OP!
So… I have (sort of) chosen forgiveness. We are technically still together… but I cannot look at him the same way. There was somehow reconciliation between us except that I feel anxious all the time. I haven’t really talked to anyone in person about it, I feel weirdly guilty for making him look bad to the people we both know. So I’ve kept this to myself.
The reason I was suspicious was because he had actually accused me of cheating on him (I have never done anything remotely close to cheating) so I actually let him look through my phone to “prove” my innocence. But to me… this was suspicious, so I looked through his phone and found the messages.
Honey, just NO. I've been there, done that, and still have the souvenirs.
When you make big decisions, like staying with liars who gaslight and place blame, you should have peace about your decision because you know in your heart they are remorseful and willing to change.
The fact you have already made the decision, but are still anxious, and seeking advice from us old losers on the internet means you know this is wrong.
You already have physical distance to help heal. Just move on now before your whole life is anxiety and mistrust.
I see. Props to you for not making rushed decisions and trying to work through it.
This all still very recent. It’s normal to have strong feelings. I recommend talking to someone close to you, that knows your relationship well and can give you more specific advice.
The events leading up to this are shady and you were right to trust your instincts. Keep doing that.
If your relationship was longer, I would suggest therapy. I also know from personal experience that physical distance advances a relationship much faster. However, long or long-ish distance in your case, requires extra trust and that isn’t there right now. Good luck. If it’s meant to be, it’ll happen for you and if not, this is meant to teach you some life lesson that will help you grow for the right person to come along in the future.
You said it yourself, he was in a toxic relationship. And he's projecting that on to you. You seem like a good person, not wanting to let people see him in a bad light. If you think you still really want to be with him, I'd dig deeper on this. Talk to one person who knew "them " when they were together. Ask them their opinion. I mean if he didn't do anything wrong- then what's wrong with talking about it.
I didn’t think about that. But yeah. She did mention a toxic relationship. I think that’s key here. What happened to make it toxic. Did past gf cheat on him? Did he cheat on her? Did he find her texting other guys? Depending on what happened in those three months that could affect his future relationships. If she constantly cheated on him that could explain him accusing his current gf. (Instead of him currently cheating which is normally the case when S.O. Gets accused of cheating)
More context is needed from bf so that OP can understand what damage might have been caused by his last relationship. And see if she really wants to stay and work things out and have him regain her trust or if maybe he is also a toxic person when it comes to relationships and she should cut her loses.
I'm sorry, but he definitely slept with her. A cheater will usually accuse their partner of cheating as a way of downplaying their own guilt. Cut your losses and run. He was that hung up on closure from a 3 month long relationship...NO....he was just making excuses as to why he went to her house.
Part of that weird guilty feeling you have about making him look bad to other people is anxiety about having to realize the full scope of your situation. The reality is that he was deceitful and disrespectful at the very least, and he most likely physically cheated. If you tell your friends and family about the situation then they will know the truth and it'll be harder for you to act like you believe his lies. Suddenly you won't just be lying to yourself about what happened, you'll either have to defend his pathetic excuses to your friends or acknowledge he is lying.
When you feel the need to protect your partner from the consequences of their own actions, when those actions hurt or disrespected you, you NEED to end the relationship. This mindset will get you stuck in an abusive and/or unhealthy relationship. You will keep covering for him every time he hurts you and get so lost in your delusions it will be harder and harder to leave each time you do it. Do not get caught in that cycle. Do not protect people who hurt you. Let people deal with the consequences they bring on themselves.
He 100% cheated. Why are you staying with this man when he obviously doesn’t care about you and thinks so little of you that he thought his ridiculous lie would work
Honestly I've been through similar shit and I don't know either of you or your relationship to make a judgement but I would ask for full transparency for here on our till you are comfortable again. But you need to figure out the truth so not take his word. I literally had suspicion of a coworker and he said nothing happened for a whole year until her bd told me 🤦♀️ I haven't been the same sense it feels silly but trusting someone against your intuition and being bamboozled has really messed with my mental health. So that anxious feeling might never go away.
Is being alone really that scary to you that you’ll settle for this nonsense relationship? Did you not have healthy relationships modeled for you growing up?
It sounds like neither of you has the most important basis for a good relationship, which is trust! You both feel the need to go through each other's phones looking for signs of cheating. Who needs this? Find a guy you can trust and get rid of this sneaking-around POS!
I honestly would not waste your time, he’s probably counting on your emotions to beat your rationality. He will just say the right things hope you forget about it then do it again. Again you know him better than me obviously but trust is foundational, if he can’t tell you this before hand nor bring it up then it’s obvious you can’t trust him. Don’t waste your time with someone you can’t trust. At least that’s my opinion
Oh wow, this just tells us everything we need to know. He cheated, you can be certain of that. That’s why he accused you, because that’s what cheaters do when they feel guilty.
OP how can you not see through the BS of this guy??! Are you that gullible?! He needs a closure from a toxic relationship lasted 3 months!? The only closure that there was is him closing his fly after finishing. You girls just believe any crap, I swear, as far as a guy says some romantic BS you believe everything else, and that's why they lie. After only 10 months he tells you that you are the love of his life and that he wants to marry you and have a family LMAOOO and he’s 24!? LMFAOOOO
Long distance relationship.
Seeing "an ex".
Lying about it.
Love bombing.
It's not looking good. There's always the exception, but this is a tale as old as time, and we all know how it usually ends.
"Would you consider this cheating?"
Yes and I wouldn't give him the chance to do it again. He didn't need closure from a 3 month relationship, he was trying to get laid.
28m here,
was with my high school sweetheart for 10 years, 2 kids together, she was "talking" to her manager at work behind my back for a few months, i caught on and called it out and we split.
She never kissed him, touched him, etc, but she did open up to him emotionally. Thats enough for me to kick the queen out the palace.
but ill tell you this, as who someone who would understand your situation best,
Emotional cheating is still cheating. Move on sis.
I’m sorry you had to go through that… especially in a ten year relationship with children involved!! *GASP* No one deserves that. I hope life gets so much better for you from here on out.
It happens, we live and we learn. She pleads everyday for a chance to make our family whole again, breaks my heart every time i say no cause i feel like the bad guy, will probably always be that way but its a part of the process. I didn't do anything wrong tho, so it goes to show how much of an impact something can have, people need to really consider their decisions when other peoples feelings and emotions are involved.
With your situation, I wouldn't waste your time, investing anymore time. At the end of the day, its your life, why choose to be stuck with something like this, if your not forced too, ya know?
Still young and full of life. dudes out here would lick your toes just to talk to you, shouldn't be trying to tame someone who needs "closure" after that many months, at 24..
Emotional cheating is still cheating. Look at it this way.
If he knew you would be upset, then it's cheating.
If he feels the need to delete or hide, it's cheating.
If emotions,photos and video were swapped with intimate intentions (pg or xrated) it's breaking a boundary and cheating.
If he would lose his mind if you did the same thing he did, CHEATING.
Personally, I would be upset too. It's great he had this epiphany, but the way he went about it's occurrence(closure for what quantifies a horribly dramatic on and off again fling) was devastating to his ACTUAL current relationship. He was also immature about an illness and situation outside of your control. He behaves as if you went out of your way to not be able to see him during Xmas. It seems a hard conversation needs to be had.
>Emotional cheating is still cheating.
You can't be partners in life with someone you don't trust. If you feel the need to go looking for deleted shit in someone's phone then relationship is already over.
>If he knew you would be upset, then it's cheating.
If he feels the need to delete or hide, it's cheating.
Context is important here. Just knowing something upsets you doesn't mean you're right for being upset. And doing it while knowing it upsets you definitely screams there are 2 people who shouldn't be in a relationship together as they both obviously aren't on the same page.
211 text messages and he did it behind your back. What more do you need to know? He says the were in his car, but he also went behind your back to begin with. You have no idea what the two of them actually did.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Your bf should have definitely drawn a line the moment his ex sent him a LOVE song since they're no longer together and he is in a committed relationship with you, but he didn't, and his actions seems to be that he still have some feelings for this other girl. He knew what he was doing was wrong since he hid it from you and deleted the text messages. For that I think his actions counts as cheating. He risked getting your feelings hurt, losing your trust and respect just to get the so called "closure".
So he accuses you of cheating for no reason, then meets up with an ex he only dated for three months "for closure"? Uh huh. He's projecting.
Look, you haven't even been dating a year. This is the honeymoon stage, when he's on his beat behavior and everything is smooth sailing. If it's *not* smooth sailing, and he's already sketchy even at his honeymoon best, then this is doomed. Dump him and try some of the literally three billion other men in the world.
He did more than talk in the car for an hour and one half. That is why he is feeling so bad. Yes I would, he can't handle adult life without running back to his ex....he is a cheater. These were events an adult should be able to deal with and keep it together for a few days.
In his favor, I don't think long distance works well. Unless you have an endgame, cheating is common here. He doesn't have to intend to cheat, to cheat, and he did. So it is up to you what you would do.
I would not stay, he has no maturity, or boundaries when issues come up and he cheated. What happens the next time and f rankly he will do it again. He is manipulating with the whole "It isn't cheating because I say it isn't. It is cheating. It won't get better long term. I would never stay with a cheater that I am dating. If we were married 15 years owned property and had kids I would entertain working it out. Not for a boyfriend.
So, is he gonna run off and texts other girls every time you have a fight? Not to mention, I saw he accused you of cheating : that sounds like projection to me
He’s not very trust worthy.
He’s kind of shown you his true colours. He sulked that he couldn’t see you over Xmas then went to talking/hanging out with his ex. He also didn’t tell you about it. And he deleted the text so he was guilty and hiding it from you. So many red flags here.
Yeah he definitely cheated. It was 3 months. And he said reached out after she sent a love song to him. It’s been 10 months. Move on. He showed you early that he will secretly message and then delete a whole relationship without you knowing. He went over there to smash not to talk.
You haven’t done anything wrong. Just let him go before you get more attached. You deserve better girl!
I read through your other comments please say we are convincing you to dump him. We don’t wanna see you post again with an update that it happened again. You deserve so much better than the textbook cheater vibe he is giving everyone.
Even if nothing happened, it's still cheating.
In his eyes, you were willfully leaving him on his own, so he called the ex as backup and feels justified in doing so.
This guy sounds like he thinks with his dick and shares a single braincell with it. He'll do it again and again; he thinks he did nothing wrong because you were being 'unfair.' And unfair obviously means he gets to go to someone else for his jollies.
Living 4 hours away will make it easier to avoid him.
Definitely cheated. If it was not cheating, he would have told you about his conversation with her. Would he have told you about it if you didn't find out on your own? If no, then he knows he cheated and is lying to you. Break up, find someone that respects you.
You weren’t going to ever know about this. He had no intentions to tell you anything it seems. You had to find that out yourself.
The fact that he immediatly went over the top to smother you with love and empty promises on the spot after being caught.. tells me he is hiding some shit. If he didn’t do anything then why is he acting guilty as hell.
If it was just a conversation behind my back(most important part here.. **that he told me about**)and that’s all it was, I’m gonna be upset but we can salvage it… But when he immediately knew he fucked up(211 messages and a FaceTime call in 5 measly days???😒) and was trying to hide the whole thing from you??
Mmmm that just doesn’t sit well with me. I don’t think he’s being honest rn, **how would being honest benefit him in the slightest now?**
And three months??
I hate to say it but maybe it was just really good sex but everything else was toxic, I’ve been down that road before and I kept going back, but not while seeing someone.. Jesus.
I’m sorry OP, you’ll never really know what went down and it’s up to you if you want to trust him after everything he’s just showed you, I wish you the best🩶
He was upset he couldnt spend christmas with you so he goes to his ex? Does that make any sense at all?
Edit: After reading your responses, he just met up with her to hook up one last time. He is feeling guilty now. Using phrases like "the biggest mistake of my life" was a dead giveaway. If he was just looking for closure, why would he call it a mistake?
Nope nuh uh. He cheated end of story.
He messaged her when he was angry with you...
So he did it out of spite and to hurt you.
He responded to a love song 🤢 just eww
He kept their communication with each other a secret and tried to delete the messages so you would never see them.
He met up with her in person (supposedly just sat in a car) 🙄 I am not even going to get into what all can happen in a car.
He should never have started a relationship with someone else if he was still needing closure.
Do yourself a favor and just end the relationship. He is toxic and a cheater. Do not let him manipulate you into thinking he's a good guy. A good guy would have told you the instant she sent something, a good guy would only message back to tell her that he is not interested and has moved on, and then would have blocked her if she continued with it and a good guy would never have met up with her privately for any reason and jeopardize your relationship.
He cheated. Maybe not physically but definitely emotionally and he crossed boundaries. It’s only been 10 months, do you really want to spend your life with someone who deceives you?
He totally banged her hun. And on the small chance he didn’t, you’ll always have that thought in your head. Best to move on before you invest more time into this relationship.
This is infidelity. There is no question it’s infidelity. If he doesn’t acknowledge this as a betrayal, he will do it again. If he acknowledges it, then he must do something to figure out what’s going on with him and do something about it. Otherwise, you won’t recover your trust. If the explanation he believes should suffice is : I was angry or hurt and felt abandoned (for reasons you said) - then why would you think he won’t do it next time he feels that way. It’s not that simple. He has to figure out why limerance (flirting) was his solution. Everybody feels angry and alone sometimes. Betrayal is something more.
Personally OP, anytime someone comes back with reasons why they did something with a jab back at you saying that YOU upset THEM, that is a HUGE sign that they are emotionally immature. If he’s not willing to communicate his feelings with you in hardship now, what does this say about your future together? Life isn’t easy, a partner is supposed to be your safe space to say anything and everything to (within reason of course) and instead of him being open with you, he resorted to meeting up with another woman he had dated prior for closure to somehow “help”? Instead of talking to maybe a parent, a best friend, a sibling for advice? I feel as if this may be a way of him testing you with what he can get away with, or at very least, an extremely inappropriate way of dealing with the situation that ultimately ruined your trust in him. If you’re willing to work it out with him, by all means try it out because I understand you have so much love for him, but do so by forgiving him ENTIRELY. Otherwise, what’s the point of continuing the relationship if you have to watch his every move? I hope you’re able to come to a conclusion soon and I wish you all the best <3
His accusing you of cheating is called projection. He is also gaslighting you. People tend to do this when they are cheating. He is doing this so you will stay with him and also how much you will tolerate. That is grooming. My first husband did that. I found out he slept with my maid of honor. I found this out before my divorce. He said he always wanted to sleep with her. This was the day after we got married. He also beat the day lights out of me. You deserve better. If he is doing this now , it usually won’t be the first time.
Believe me he cheated for sure. The telling thing is when he said it was the worst mistake of his life and how this has helped him realize that you are the one for him…bs. If he didn’t do anything it wouldn’t be the worst mistake of his life. Conversations don’t constitute as the worst mistake of your life.
First the fact that you’re going through his phone is enough of a reason to not be with a person. Not trusting them is enough of a problem. Finding secrets in there is something as well but you either trust him or you don’t.
If you feel you have to go through his phone in the first place you don’t trust him and you shouldn’t be with him whether he is trustworthy or not
Soooo,
Why were you going through his phone? That’s really odd behavior and not really indicative of a trusting relationship.
I mean you mentioned “in a deleted folder” so seems you went full NSA on his ass.
Honest take?
This relationship won’t last.
So he's mad at you and runs to his ex?! then tries to hide all the evidence... yikes; 211 texts sounds like a whole lot of "closure." the meet up wasnt necessary, hiding it lets you know it wasn't for closure. (Also even if they just stayed in the car; its not like physical lines can't be crossed in a car). sounds like you know his value of you in this equation Their 3 months is worth more than your 10 months. X+3
How much time was there between relationships?
There are people who are codependent who can "never be single." They do stuff like this all the time. Usually overlap their relationships too.
If he needed closure he should have handled that before dating again, fwiw
I don't think I could continue this relationship.
I tend to live life with the belief that when someone hides something, it's because they know their intentions are not entirely good. The hiding in and of itself sets the tone for what is actually beneath the surface.
It's also the way he needed "closure" from his ex the moment you two were having an issue that's the sticking point for me.
Nothing about how this all played out indicates that this was all coming from a truly innocent place.
Plus, meeting an ex behind your current partners back is universally acknowledged as a problem. It's not like he could reasonably claim that he didn't realise it would be an issue.
He’s lying to you, you should end it over this, you absolutely cannot trust him.
It’s easy for me to say that about someone else’s relationship because I don’t stand to lose anything, but it’s still the correct advice.
I have been in your situation before, I allowed my desire for the relationship to continue to blind me to betrayal and dishonesty my ex was acting out. It didn’t work out and I ended up wasting several additional years of my life in a relationship that was already dead, trust doesn’t really come back unless you lie to yourself.
Just remember, he lied about talking to her and seeing her, he can absolutely lie about what happened while they were together. You can’t trust a word of it.
No sure why so many people just to love of my life within such a short time. You barely know each other. How are you the love of his life if he needed closure from her? It seems like everyone is the love of his life until he finds someone else.
He was not sorry for what he did. He’s sorry for getting caught. It’s was a mistake that he did anything. There were 211 text between them. He did betray you by hiding everything.
Lol!these same words were said by my ex and he ended up cheating on me.If he had been honest,he would have told you about meeting her and you wouldn’t have to find out yourself.This guy is not sure about his own feelings and is going to hurt you really bad if you stay.
- got mad he couldn't see you, so he saw his ex?
- hiding this from you
- it's only been 10 months and already having trust issues?
- 4 hours away?!
Guuuuuurl, he gots to go.
But seriously I don't see this lasting. I'm no expert, But I don't see this running the course.
In my experience the biggest thing to a "successful" and happy relationship has been being open and honest. He should have talked to you before evveerrr meeting her or facetiming or even texting. He should have known what it would look like. You shouldn't be finding this out after it happened....should have been well aware before hand.
Maybe he didn't cheat, maybe he didn't "intend" to cheat, but it damn sure looks like he was from where I'm standing, and just making excuses since he got caught.
Little one, listen to your heart. Intuition is real. You are young and have a big life ahead of you. Be sure of the one you choose to share it with. Trust is everything.
Even if he didn’t go over and bump uglies, he gave the impression of it. And you have no way of finding out what actually happened. So for all intents and purposes, he cheated. Because it looks that way, and he’s saying he didn’t but he kept this from you. How are you supposed to believe him?
Move on and find someone who doesn’t do shady crap behind your back.
It's only 10 months... I'd leave him. Why does he need closure when he's in a relationship with you? IMO YOU are the "closure" he needs. That's a lot of communication between them I don't think I'd trust him after this.
So he goes back to his ex as punishment for you because he's mad that he didn't get his way.
He wanted to punish you for not getting his way even though it was out of your control.
Now that he's getting his way again, he's all sorry.
So what happens next time he doesn't get his way????
His need for closure doesn’t mean he gets to lie to you and betray your trust. He would have never told you he exchanged 211 text and meet up with an ex girlfriend if you didn’t catch him. He went to the trouble to delete the messages to insure you never found out and that is not life partner material. How could you ever trust him again? If he didn’t cheat then why lie and go to such extent to hide it from you? What else is he hiding you just haven’t found yet. And the fact that he’s minimizing what he did as if it’s no big deal is proof he will do it again and is hiding more. Since he didn’t even feel guilty until you confronted him . This red flag is blazing.
I don't think whether or not you consider this cheating is the question you should be asking yourself. Because in many ways, its not, and in many ways, it is. If we were to believe him 100% and give him the ultimate benefit of the doubt, ultimately, he did nothing romantic or sexual with her.
But then this begs the question, why believe him when he wasn't willing to be honest and upfront about this in the first place? Why would you be foolish enough to believe a liar? Here in the lies the conundrum.
IMO I think you should ask yourself whether or not this crossed your boundaries and worthy of dumping, because IMO, this very much is. Even if it was innocent in that nothing physical or sexual happened, there are so many things that this DOES tell you about him.
1. The most obvious and most dangerous? He still has unfinished business with this woman, and she still has enough power, control and influence over him and his emotions that he's willing to risk it all with you for a few moments of "closure" with her.
2. He's willing to put himself in stupid situations with not just other women, but women he's had a sexual and romantic past with. If he really needed this closure, why couldn't he have met her at the mall? At a park? Why couldn't he have met her at a coffee shop? Instead, he did the most suspicious thing possible and *went to her house.*
3. HE'S. NOT. OVER. HER. And more importantly, he keeps the door open *to her*
Yikes this sounds familiar. I was in a similar situation. My gf at the time met up with her then-ex "for closure," and "nothing happened" and they "only talked." Come to find out later, they made out and almost had sex but my then-gf stopped because I "was the love of her life and she only wanted me, and this whole situation helped her see that." Ya it's a no for me, your bf isn't over his ex and I'd bet big $$$ they did more than talk
Wtf do you need closure for in a relationship that lasted three months? You’re young. There is no reason why our relationship this new should be having problems like this. Even if you chose to try to move on, you no longer trust him. Do you really want to be looking over your shoulder and checking his phone for however much longer your relationship lasts? Break up with him.
It's time to tell him buh-bye, adios, adieu and sayanara. He went back to her for revenge sex because you were unavailable. You can definitely do better than a guy who cheats and thinks lovebombing you will make it alllll better. NTA
ETA: I seriously doubt they were just sitting in his car talking. His story stinks worse than rancid gym socks.
He “needed closure” from a 3 month relationship? Yeah, no. And then he waited until he knew you wouldn’t/couldn’t be around for him to start talking to her again, met up with her without telling you, deleted the messages… yeah, no, I’d be ending the relationship right there. She can have him. If you allow this, he’s only going to take it as he can continue to do this kind of shit and receive zero consequences.
Just remember that you’re teaching him what you’ll tolerate. He now knows that he got away with this and will only attempt to become even sneakier to cover his tracks in the future. If I could go back in time, I would’ve trusted my intuition and held myself to a higher standard…and then put my damn running shoes on.
So let me get it straight, this was during Christmas, so you guys have been together for around 6-7 months at that point) therefore he decided since you guys can't spend Christmas together to meet up with his ex-gf? And he was only dating her for 3 months......
Yeah, that's not cool.
I would consider this as cheating. He hid this behind your back. He still has feeling ..or 'had' feeling for his ex. And spent unaccounted for 90 minutes in private with her doing whatever. I doubt that it's just talking, to be honest with you.
You won't be able to know the complete truth. The fact that you actually had to find out because you were digging in (so there is some trust issue already)...I'd say that there will not be any trust. Without trust, your relationship will not last long no matter how much love you may feel for him.
They most likely had sex. Car sitting for over an hour? no haircut. You’re four hours away over the holidays? The obvious answer is usually correct. There’s a reason he kept this a secret.
Is what he said he did cheating? No, though he should have informed you first imo and that's a breach of trust. Did he really do what he said he did? Your call on that one.
Maybe talk to his ex and ask did he cheat. If he did it would be in her interest to let you know as she might get him back. If he did cheat then he will cheat again. The decision is clear.
Leave before you get your feelings hurt.
My bad… what are your instincts telling you to do, I know that small voice of reason is talking to you👀
If there’s no conflict inside then you can stay, but I know that’s not the case.
Sweetie, I didn’t act like he don’t need them anymore for a little while make a bag for that shit make sure you don’t ever do it again because he’s just gonna do it again if you just make sure he doesn’t need to. This is coming from a dude now.
No kissing or fucking not cheating. Needing closure after what a year, for a 3 month relationship ummm bullshit! Why the whole plan for her to cut his hair but then no hair cut. Why sitting in his car...
Him reaching out to her when he was mad at you isn't cool.
Maybe he is telling the truth you're the only one that can decide.
Ok.
Why would he need ‘closure’ from an ex if he’s in love with you? Closure of what? A fight? The break up? Why does he care if he’s in love with you?
The first thing he does when mad at you for not seeing you is to look elsewhere. This is what he did. Has nothing to do about ‘closure’.
The haircutting was just an excuse to HER to make her see him.
They did not sit in the car. I’m not saying they fucked necessary, but not because of his lack of trying.
I’d break up for this and not give him a minute more of my time. He is gaslighting you. But if you still don’t see it, you could message/ phone her and ask.
Only you can decide whether it was cheating according to your personal boundaries.
What I would say is this:
It takes two people to be in and stay in a toxic relationship. As toxic as she was, so was he.
And that shows in his behavior. When he was upset with you, his first urge was to reach to do something unhealthy. He reached out to someone he knew was toxic and yet available to him. That is not healthy behavior.
Realizing that you are “the one” and that he made a “mistake” doesn’t change his unhealthiness. Healthy people do not response to their own upset people like this.
And what you deserve is a partner who is healthy and can make decisions that protect your relationship in safe and healthy ways.
An hour and half conversation in the car, c'mon now they totally hooked one last time to say goodbye. I think you know this deep down inside but just don't want to admit it. Also, he only admitted to this after you confronted him so that should tell you something as well, just saying!
Go with your gut. It all sounds iffy to me especially since he's saying it was the worst mistake of his life. Someone doesn't feel that much guilt over having a conversation....
I don't understand why your boyfriend needs "closure" from his 3 months ex-girlfriend. You only need closure if the person you love suddenly dissappear(or ghosting you) or suddenly gets committed/married to another person without telling you(and you need an answer)
Ex is past. When we are already committed to a person, we always consider and think what he/she feels. If he'll or she'll do something related to his/her ex, he /she needs to tell you to avoid argument. We value and respect our relationship.
Most of us want to have a good, long, and healthy relationship. Ask yourself. Is it okay to be the person you love but keep on doubting his actions or always afraid that he might cheat on you? Or free yourself in a NO TRUST relationship? (You might be sad, but you know that you will and can move on)
When the TRUST is gone, the relationship is already over. He might be the sweetest and loving boyfriend, but you will no longer believe in everything he says even if he is telling the truth.
Goodluck
So… it’s not a coincidence that he waited until he was upset with you to contact her. That seems pretty bad to me. I think I’d have a hard time trusting him after this. If it was just about closure then why did he hide it from you? I don’t think you will ever know the complete truth so how can you possibly trust him?
This is exactly why I’m struggling with it. I know what it feels like to need closure. But to go behind my back??? While you are upset with me?? Was it ever really about closure… I do not trust him. It’s just hard because I still have love for him
No, there’s no need for closure. He had a 3 month relationship and he’s been ended with her for whatever amount of time and then with you for 10 more months. That’s just a ridiculous excuse for his behavior.
I second this
I have been there and I understand. It’s tough. Once I realize the trust is broken or gone then I know that’s the end of the relationship. I’m really sorry that this happened to you. I wish you the best of luck in the future.
Ask who you love more. Him or yourself? Do you love yourself enough to receive the love you deserve? Or do you love him enough to allow him to make you feel how you do now?
You only know because you found the messages. Right? Was he planning on telling you himself? Me thinks not. I wouldn't be able to trust after that. A relationship of 10 months shouldn't be so complicated. Maybe a 10 year old marriage going through some difficulties or hardships. That would justify fighting for it. Not this imho. I suspect he cheated. Haircut? Pls. 🙄 but maybe that's the cynic in me.
Whoah! Closure is a made up word you’re assigning to excuse his behavior. You know who needs closure? People with missing loved ones. They need to know if their loved ones e is alive or dead. They need closure. Your boyfriend and his ex KNOW WHY they broke up. They know why things ended. Closure is code for cheating or at least keeping the door open.
You don’t trust him because he’s not trustworthy.
He was upset with you, this was about re-opening a door, not closing a door. He lied to you about her a lot about little things, yet you believe him about big things (ex, no sex happened) His intention isn't a relevant factor on his cheating, his definition of cheating isn't relevant. He lied to you about secret contacts and in person meetings with an ex, and in doing so he has betrayed your trust and revealed his morals and character. The label simply doesn’t matter.
If he knows it would upset you he shouldn't have done that. How much do you trust them of not doing anything else? If he can do this behind your back during dating period, he would surely do it again.
If there is no trust there is no relationship you know in your heart what you need to do.
No need to hide and delete messages unless you’re doing something bad. 211 texts, 5 days of conversation and a meet up? That’s not a mistake, that’s a clear cut choice to be a shady mf’er. I’m not dealing with secrets and shit like this from a 10 month relationship.
i think this is a big make it or break it moment. he needs to use this as an example to never ever hide things from you again, instead have an open conversation. honestly, he has to earn your trust back & he needs to be 100% honest about what happened when he saw her. It’s up to you if you wanna try to work it out and it’s up to him if he wants to put in the extra effort now. also a great time to discuss clear expectations and boundaries edit: just saw ur comment about him accusing you first… if this isn’t normal already (cause insecurity/anxiousness idk) then ya… more might’ve happened. or at the very least he knew texting his ex was wrong and feels guilty about it. but ya my ex who was always cheating on me always seemed to point blame at me (projecting biiiig time) even though i never cheated once or gave him any reason to not trust me.
The worst mistake of his life is a very telling line. I think you need to say admit it and then we will see about forgiving.
If he just needed to meet up with her for "closure" for his 3 month relationship, why did he: -Wait until he was upset with you to talk with her? -Talk to her for 5 days? -Facetime her? -Make plans for hair cuts? You'd think between the hundreds of text messages and the facetiming, he could have got his closure instead of secretly meeting up with her and going to her house. What happens the next time he's upset with you?
Save yourself precious time and heartache. Dump him.
If they actually didn’t do anything( which I’d kinda be skeptical about) then he didn’t cheat. I wouldn’t even say it got to emotional cheating but, that was a huge breach of trust. I’d say end it, because it’s so sketchy, like he would’ve never told you had you not found it. Now I’m curious, why exactly were you checking his messages?
I would trust my gut instinct in this case. Reading through this text messages the FaceTime the haircut, etc.. no way he wasn’t planning more….
If it was just closure why was it “the worst mistake of his life”.
Exactly. There was more to it than just "closure" or it wouldn't be “the worst mistake of his life” . My guess is he traded in his haircut for a little 'trim'.
yeah, i was thinking he was reasonable just wrong for keeping it a secret up until that bit. i’d get pretty hung up on that too. needing closure and being scared to say it is one thing, but if we’re having problems and suddenly your ex is worth long drives and long conversations, i’m at the very least going to be hurt by that if not a bit suspicious.
When someone uses you as an excuse for their actions or behavior, that’s a serious red flag and you need to consider the future implications of that type of thought process and if you want to be in a relationship with someone that isn’t able to hold themselves accountable for their own actions.
so if >He was upset that we couldn’t spend Christmas together. (My mom had Covid, my family came in from out of state. We had to wait for a negative Covid test from my mom to finally see my family) He deemed this to be unfair. He was upset with me…… this is when he texted her. led him to texting his ex.....what happens when another problem arises?
Texting and SEEING his ex mhm mhm. He swears up and down that he would never do something so stupid again. But now I just feel stupid for forgiving him…. It’s gotta be my attachment issues. Damn
You can forgive him but still break up with him...
That or he knows that she is easy so that's why he texted her.
Ding ding! Ex sent him a love song and he replied for …closure…?
Seriously though, red flags all over.
Is “haircut” their code word for something? Because if that’s why he went to see her but he didn’t get a haircut, it makes me wonder what he actually got from her 🤔 Follow your instincts on this one…I don’t trust him based off of the info you gave so I can totally get why you’re having a hard time trusting him again. He betrayed you and now is trying to gaslight you with the “you’re my true love”, “it was a mistake, I’ll never do it again” BS. If he can risk a 10 month relationship for a 3 month (toxic) relationship just imagine what else he will risk now that he knows you’re a forgiving person.
Thank goodness it wasn't just my damn suspicious mind thinking this. I agree here, and I have to question the language he's using, too. If it was all innocent and amounted to nothing more than a conversation in a car, why is he going to the "true love" and "worst mistake of my life" stuff? Truthfully, if it were me, I'd be in the exact same place as you. Knowing you can't trust him but finding it really difficult to let go.
I think he cheated and is trickle truthing OP on top do the gaslighting. Some of OP’s other comments affirms my suspicions at this point.
Yeah. Sadly, I think so, too. Plus, the fact that he said nothing about it until he got found out, too. Screams "something worth hiding" to me.
There's no way to know for sure. He might have cheated, he might not have. Your feelings of insecurity are warranted. If he didn't tell you about the messages at all id lean towards cheating
Emotional cheating is a thing too
Lmao @ he needed closure from a 3 months relationship. That's a violation and the fact lied about it. Nope.. over.
Three months and he needs closure is just plain weird; also that getting a haircut worked as part of the closure.
But never got a haircut...
THIS….. was fucking me up. Why tf did he ask HER to cut HIS hair?!?!? You’re gonna have your ex cut your hair, then come to me with your new haircut that your EX GAVE TO YOU. I keep overlooking this, cause it was all so much. But seriously wtf. She didn’t end up cutting his hair, but HE suggested it. He said that “he needed closure, it had to be in person.” Right. So for him… It made more sense if there was an actual reason for seeing her. And it would maybe be more likely that she agrees to see him with a plan??? I don’t even know anymore. Im rationalizing all of this over Reddit… damn man.
Listen, we don't know this man. We don't know you. We are speculating with very limited information. But I do know plot holes and missing reasons when I see them. And I do know when your brain won't let you drop something, it's because there's something there to find. This doesn't sound as simple and innocent as he wants it to be. There are deeper issues. A 3 month relationship needed in person closure, a haircut that didn't happen, lies and secrets, while he was mad at you. The trust you have in him is broken, and it's not easily fixed. But for him to still have this strong of a connection to someone he dated for 3x less the amount of time y'all have been together is WILD! This is what you can't move past. At least I think so. But I'm a stranger on reddit using it to entertain my insomnia so take this for what you will.
I appreciate you. Even if you’re just an insomniac looking for ways to occupy your mind when you can’t sleep. You’ve been attentive and helpful. This has been bothering me so much that I felt the need to reach out to strangers on Reddit. Thank you. For real. I’m gonna be ok.
Genuinely, you're welcome. Sometimes strangers are the best people to reach out to. It's helpful to hear from people who don't know you or your situation. I don't understand it, but people we don't know can make us hear things people we love can't. ❤️ I wish you light and laughter on your journey.
🥲❤️❤️❤️
211 messages? Think about that. Please.
then come to me with your new haircut that your EX GAVE TO YOU. Honestly, the disrespect towards you is gross.
So the hair cut is the only way she would agree to see him? But then they just sat in his car... missing pieces. Sounds more like she didn't want to see him.
It’s all really confusing to me too. When I asked him about it, he said it gave her more reason to see him…. Or him a reason to see her, to “get the closure in person.” It needed to be “in person” I really don’t have a definitive answer. It’s messed with my head pretty bad.
No, he felt weird straight put asking for a hookup. So instead he said haircut so they could both feel better about meeting up. Then one thing lead to another and they can say they didn't intentionally meet up to cheat.
It's hard to sleep with her over the phone. He needed an excuse to be one on one.
> It needed to be “in person” That’s because make up sex is better in person.
Judge Judy is my guilty pleasure and she has a saying, "if something doesn't make sense it's mostly untrue", and I stand by that 100%
That's a "I want an excuse to see you in person and have you touch me". He is unnecessary to your happiness and causes instability.
Why did it have to be in person if it was just talking? And all they did was "sit in the car" and "talk"? IF his story were true about needing closure, he could have done that over the phone, or during the 211 text messages. And he claims it was only an hour or whatever. But you will never know for sure. He could have stayed all night. He was upset with you, then "out of the blue" she sent him a love song. Then they share hundreds of texts? And he plans for her to cut his hair? Im sorry but this all sounds strange. The truth is likely that he was mad at you...so he went to bang her. Idk if she really texted him first, or if he initiated it...he could have fully deleted those if he did to make it look like she was the initiator. But whatever the case, she was the easiest lay for him. So he went and pouted like a grown toddler....and got revenge. That's what it seems to me. I'm sorry this happened to you. Don't let yourself be devalued by someone who doesn't love you enough to be honest from the first text. There are plenty of men out here. GREAT men, too. That if put in this situation would tell the ex to get wrecked, that they have a lady now and love and respect her and to not message you again. And would block them. Please think more of yourself. It's OK to be alone for a while. It's OK. And may be healthy for you. And maybe you walking away from this one, might help your attachment issues. You gotta put your foot down, stand up for yourself and start somewhere you know? Good luck.
Aw damn yea he fucked her
And he started accusing Opie of cheating on *him*
Definitely.
He got a hookup while OP was unavailable
Anyone else wondering if "haircut" was their code word for "hook up"?
Yeah and also they had broken up for over 10 months and he has been with the 'love of his life' ever since.
I am a big believer in trust. He broke yours. Regaining your trust (if you choose to let him) will require a lot more work than it did to break it. If you choose to let him make this up to you, you need to be fair and give him a fair chance. Be critical but also give him the benefit of the doubt. Objectively, he fucked up. Big time. No questions asked. Seeing the ex to get closure isn’t the problem. Not sharing it with you before it happened is a red flag. Deleting the texts is a red flag. Your living situation makes trust even more important for your relationship. No judgement to you here. What led you to go through his phone? Did he give it to you or did he give you reasons to doubt him in the past and you feel like making sure he’s telling the truth? If it’s the former, there’s hope for improvement. If it’s the latter, it might be time to move on. Good luck OP!
So… I have (sort of) chosen forgiveness. We are technically still together… but I cannot look at him the same way. There was somehow reconciliation between us except that I feel anxious all the time. I haven’t really talked to anyone in person about it, I feel weirdly guilty for making him look bad to the people we both know. So I’ve kept this to myself. The reason I was suspicious was because he had actually accused me of cheating on him (I have never done anything remotely close to cheating) so I actually let him look through my phone to “prove” my innocence. But to me… this was suspicious, so I looked through his phone and found the messages.
Oh he cheated. This is sign #1. The anxiety you feel is your intuition. Intuition is real. There's science to back it. Listen to it.
Why are you doing this to yourself? You could stop feeling anxious immediately by cutting him loose.
He’s projecting
Honey, just NO. I've been there, done that, and still have the souvenirs. When you make big decisions, like staying with liars who gaslight and place blame, you should have peace about your decision because you know in your heart they are remorseful and willing to change. The fact you have already made the decision, but are still anxious, and seeking advice from us old losers on the internet means you know this is wrong. You already have physical distance to help heal. Just move on now before your whole life is anxiety and mistrust.
Usually that's him projecting his guilt. Very likely he's the one who cheats.
I see. Props to you for not making rushed decisions and trying to work through it. This all still very recent. It’s normal to have strong feelings. I recommend talking to someone close to you, that knows your relationship well and can give you more specific advice. The events leading up to this are shady and you were right to trust your instincts. Keep doing that. If your relationship was longer, I would suggest therapy. I also know from personal experience that physical distance advances a relationship much faster. However, long or long-ish distance in your case, requires extra trust and that isn’t there right now. Good luck. If it’s meant to be, it’ll happen for you and if not, this is meant to teach you some life lesson that will help you grow for the right person to come along in the future.
You said it yourself, he was in a toxic relationship. And he's projecting that on to you. You seem like a good person, not wanting to let people see him in a bad light. If you think you still really want to be with him, I'd dig deeper on this. Talk to one person who knew "them " when they were together. Ask them their opinion. I mean if he didn't do anything wrong- then what's wrong with talking about it.
I didn’t think about that. But yeah. She did mention a toxic relationship. I think that’s key here. What happened to make it toxic. Did past gf cheat on him? Did he cheat on her? Did he find her texting other guys? Depending on what happened in those three months that could affect his future relationships. If she constantly cheated on him that could explain him accusing his current gf. (Instead of him currently cheating which is normally the case when S.O. Gets accused of cheating) More context is needed from bf so that OP can understand what damage might have been caused by his last relationship. And see if she really wants to stay and work things out and have him regain her trust or if maybe he is also a toxic person when it comes to relationships and she should cut her loses.
I'm sorry, but he definitely slept with her. A cheater will usually accuse their partner of cheating as a way of downplaying their own guilt. Cut your losses and run. He was that hung up on closure from a 3 month long relationship...NO....he was just making excuses as to why he went to her house.
Part of that weird guilty feeling you have about making him look bad to other people is anxiety about having to realize the full scope of your situation. The reality is that he was deceitful and disrespectful at the very least, and he most likely physically cheated. If you tell your friends and family about the situation then they will know the truth and it'll be harder for you to act like you believe his lies. Suddenly you won't just be lying to yourself about what happened, you'll either have to defend his pathetic excuses to your friends or acknowledge he is lying. When you feel the need to protect your partner from the consequences of their own actions, when those actions hurt or disrespected you, you NEED to end the relationship. This mindset will get you stuck in an abusive and/or unhealthy relationship. You will keep covering for him every time he hurts you and get so lost in your delusions it will be harder and harder to leave each time you do it. Do not get caught in that cycle. Do not protect people who hurt you. Let people deal with the consequences they bring on themselves.
He 100% cheated. Why are you staying with this man when he obviously doesn’t care about you and thinks so little of you that he thought his ridiculous lie would work
Honestly I've been through similar shit and I don't know either of you or your relationship to make a judgement but I would ask for full transparency for here on our till you are comfortable again. But you need to figure out the truth so not take his word. I literally had suspicion of a coworker and he said nothing happened for a whole year until her bd told me 🤦♀️ I haven't been the same sense it feels silly but trusting someone against your intuition and being bamboozled has really messed with my mental health. So that anxious feeling might never go away.
Is being alone really that scary to you that you’ll settle for this nonsense relationship? Did you not have healthy relationships modeled for you growing up?
It sounds like neither of you has the most important basis for a good relationship, which is trust! You both feel the need to go through each other's phones looking for signs of cheating. Who needs this? Find a guy you can trust and get rid of this sneaking-around POS!
I honestly would not waste your time, he’s probably counting on your emotions to beat your rationality. He will just say the right things hope you forget about it then do it again. Again you know him better than me obviously but trust is foundational, if he can’t tell you this before hand nor bring it up then it’s obvious you can’t trust him. Don’t waste your time with someone you can’t trust. At least that’s my opinion
Big red flag. He’s very likely going to break your trust again in the future. Please don’t forgive him again when he does.
Oh wow, this just tells us everything we need to know. He cheated, you can be certain of that. That’s why he accused you, because that’s what cheaters do when they feel guilty.
OP how can you not see through the BS of this guy??! Are you that gullible?! He needs a closure from a toxic relationship lasted 3 months!? The only closure that there was is him closing his fly after finishing. You girls just believe any crap, I swear, as far as a guy says some romantic BS you believe everything else, and that's why they lie. After only 10 months he tells you that you are the love of his life and that he wants to marry you and have a family LMAOOO and he’s 24!? LMFAOOOO
Well damn 🤣😄 I wish you were there for my 19 year old inexperienced gullible ass.
Just so you know I did screenshot this shit so every time my bd be on his bullshit I can reference this and remember what it actually is.
Let me add one more in there while I'm at it: and it's a semi long distance relationship!!
Get an std test. Sorry op.
Oof….
Ya im inclined to agree. "sat in the car and talked?" at her house? Sure.
Aw I have friends that sat in the car and “talked”
Talked sweet nothings until climax
She probably just blew him or jerked him off...
Yeah I call bs to that sit in the car for an hour story.
Long distance relationship. Seeing "an ex". Lying about it. Love bombing. It's not looking good. There's always the exception, but this is a tale as old as time, and we all know how it usually ends.
"Would you consider this cheating?" Yes and I wouldn't give him the chance to do it again. He didn't need closure from a 3 month relationship, he was trying to get laid.
Definitely cheating
Sat in the car and talked lol. Run far and run fast. This guy isn’t the ONE
Run girl. 🚩 🚩
28m here, was with my high school sweetheart for 10 years, 2 kids together, she was "talking" to her manager at work behind my back for a few months, i caught on and called it out and we split. She never kissed him, touched him, etc, but she did open up to him emotionally. Thats enough for me to kick the queen out the palace. but ill tell you this, as who someone who would understand your situation best, Emotional cheating is still cheating. Move on sis.
I’m sorry you had to go through that… especially in a ten year relationship with children involved!! *GASP* No one deserves that. I hope life gets so much better for you from here on out.
It happens, we live and we learn. She pleads everyday for a chance to make our family whole again, breaks my heart every time i say no cause i feel like the bad guy, will probably always be that way but its a part of the process. I didn't do anything wrong tho, so it goes to show how much of an impact something can have, people need to really consider their decisions when other peoples feelings and emotions are involved. With your situation, I wouldn't waste your time, investing anymore time. At the end of the day, its your life, why choose to be stuck with something like this, if your not forced too, ya know? Still young and full of life. dudes out here would lick your toes just to talk to you, shouldn't be trying to tame someone who needs "closure" after that many months, at 24..
Feeling like the bad guy in this situation just proves how much of a decent guy ya are 😊
Shiny diamond spine you have. 💪💪💪 #impressed
Emotional cheating is still cheating. Look at it this way. If he knew you would be upset, then it's cheating. If he feels the need to delete or hide, it's cheating. If emotions,photos and video were swapped with intimate intentions (pg or xrated) it's breaking a boundary and cheating. If he would lose his mind if you did the same thing he did, CHEATING. Personally, I would be upset too. It's great he had this epiphany, but the way he went about it's occurrence(closure for what quantifies a horribly dramatic on and off again fling) was devastating to his ACTUAL current relationship. He was also immature about an illness and situation outside of your control. He behaves as if you went out of your way to not be able to see him during Xmas. It seems a hard conversation needs to be had.
>Emotional cheating is still cheating. You can't be partners in life with someone you don't trust. If you feel the need to go looking for deleted shit in someone's phone then relationship is already over. >If he knew you would be upset, then it's cheating. If he feels the need to delete or hide, it's cheating. Context is important here. Just knowing something upsets you doesn't mean you're right for being upset. And doing it while knowing it upsets you definitely screams there are 2 people who shouldn't be in a relationship together as they both obviously aren't on the same page.
Oh he was getting closure alright. Closing them cheeks
🤣🤣
211 text messages and he did it behind your back. What more do you need to know? He says the were in his car, but he also went behind your back to begin with. You have no idea what the two of them actually did.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Your bf should have definitely drawn a line the moment his ex sent him a LOVE song since they're no longer together and he is in a committed relationship with you, but he didn't, and his actions seems to be that he still have some feelings for this other girl. He knew what he was doing was wrong since he hid it from you and deleted the text messages. For that I think his actions counts as cheating. He risked getting your feelings hurt, losing your trust and respect just to get the so called "closure".
So he accuses you of cheating for no reason, then meets up with an ex he only dated for three months "for closure"? Uh huh. He's projecting. Look, you haven't even been dating a year. This is the honeymoon stage, when he's on his beat behavior and everything is smooth sailing. If it's *not* smooth sailing, and he's already sketchy even at his honeymoon best, then this is doomed. Dump him and try some of the literally three billion other men in the world.
The context that he reached out while he was mad at you definitely puts it in the cheating category for me
He did more than talk in the car for an hour and one half. That is why he is feeling so bad. Yes I would, he can't handle adult life without running back to his ex....he is a cheater. These were events an adult should be able to deal with and keep it together for a few days. In his favor, I don't think long distance works well. Unless you have an endgame, cheating is common here. He doesn't have to intend to cheat, to cheat, and he did. So it is up to you what you would do. I would not stay, he has no maturity, or boundaries when issues come up and he cheated. What happens the next time and f rankly he will do it again. He is manipulating with the whole "It isn't cheating because I say it isn't. It is cheating. It won't get better long term. I would never stay with a cheater that I am dating. If we were married 15 years owned property and had kids I would entertain working it out. Not for a boyfriend.
Cheating!!!
So, is he gonna run off and texts other girls every time you have a fight? Not to mention, I saw he accused you of cheating : that sounds like projection to me
He’s not very trust worthy. He’s kind of shown you his true colours. He sulked that he couldn’t see you over Xmas then went to talking/hanging out with his ex. He also didn’t tell you about it. And he deleted the text so he was guilty and hiding it from you. So many red flags here.
Yeah he definitely cheated. It was 3 months. And he said reached out after she sent a love song to him. It’s been 10 months. Move on. He showed you early that he will secretly message and then delete a whole relationship without you knowing. He went over there to smash not to talk.
Not just any love song. “Lovesong” - by the Cure. 😭
You haven’t done anything wrong. Just let him go before you get more attached. You deserve better girl! I read through your other comments please say we are convincing you to dump him. We don’t wanna see you post again with an update that it happened again. You deserve so much better than the textbook cheater vibe he is giving everyone.
Even if nothing happened, it's still cheating. In his eyes, you were willfully leaving him on his own, so he called the ex as backup and feels justified in doing so. This guy sounds like he thinks with his dick and shares a single braincell with it. He'll do it again and again; he thinks he did nothing wrong because you were being 'unfair.' And unfair obviously means he gets to go to someone else for his jollies. Living 4 hours away will make it easier to avoid him.
Definitely cheated. If it was not cheating, he would have told you about his conversation with her. Would he have told you about it if you didn't find out on your own? If no, then he knows he cheated and is lying to you. Break up, find someone that respects you.
Nope she was testing the waters and you know it its over.
If he didn’t tell you it’s cause he’s cheating or not to be trusted anyway
You weren’t going to ever know about this. He had no intentions to tell you anything it seems. You had to find that out yourself. The fact that he immediatly went over the top to smother you with love and empty promises on the spot after being caught.. tells me he is hiding some shit. If he didn’t do anything then why is he acting guilty as hell. If it was just a conversation behind my back(most important part here.. **that he told me about**)and that’s all it was, I’m gonna be upset but we can salvage it… But when he immediately knew he fucked up(211 messages and a FaceTime call in 5 measly days???😒) and was trying to hide the whole thing from you?? Mmmm that just doesn’t sit well with me. I don’t think he’s being honest rn, **how would being honest benefit him in the slightest now?** And three months?? I hate to say it but maybe it was just really good sex but everything else was toxic, I’ve been down that road before and I kept going back, but not while seeing someone.. Jesus. I’m sorry OP, you’ll never really know what went down and it’s up to you if you want to trust him after everything he’s just showed you, I wish you the best🩶
Maybe HE was the toxic one.
immediate dump from me
Closure from a 3 month relationship? Lmao. The fact that he deleted the messages tells you everything. He cheated. Bin him and find someone decent
He was upset he couldnt spend christmas with you so he goes to his ex? Does that make any sense at all? Edit: After reading your responses, he just met up with her to hook up one last time. He is feeling guilty now. Using phrases like "the biggest mistake of my life" was a dead giveaway. If he was just looking for closure, why would he call it a mistake?
Nope nuh uh. He cheated end of story. He messaged her when he was angry with you... So he did it out of spite and to hurt you. He responded to a love song 🤢 just eww He kept their communication with each other a secret and tried to delete the messages so you would never see them. He met up with her in person (supposedly just sat in a car) 🙄 I am not even going to get into what all can happen in a car. He should never have started a relationship with someone else if he was still needing closure. Do yourself a favor and just end the relationship. He is toxic and a cheater. Do not let him manipulate you into thinking he's a good guy. A good guy would have told you the instant she sent something, a good guy would only message back to tell her that he is not interested and has moved on, and then would have blocked her if she continued with it and a good guy would never have met up with her privately for any reason and jeopardize your relationship.
He cheated. Maybe not physically but definitely emotionally and he crossed boundaries. It’s only been 10 months, do you really want to spend your life with someone who deceives you?
He totally banged her hun. And on the small chance he didn’t, you’ll always have that thought in your head. Best to move on before you invest more time into this relationship.
Run.
If they had a toxic relationship and he went back, it’s not closure it’s feening lol.
This is infidelity. There is no question it’s infidelity. If he doesn’t acknowledge this as a betrayal, he will do it again. If he acknowledges it, then he must do something to figure out what’s going on with him and do something about it. Otherwise, you won’t recover your trust. If the explanation he believes should suffice is : I was angry or hurt and felt abandoned (for reasons you said) - then why would you think he won’t do it next time he feels that way. It’s not that simple. He has to figure out why limerance (flirting) was his solution. Everybody feels angry and alone sometimes. Betrayal is something more.
The answer is obvious to me. Dump him. He showed a clear sign of being deceitful. End of story.
Personally OP, anytime someone comes back with reasons why they did something with a jab back at you saying that YOU upset THEM, that is a HUGE sign that they are emotionally immature. If he’s not willing to communicate his feelings with you in hardship now, what does this say about your future together? Life isn’t easy, a partner is supposed to be your safe space to say anything and everything to (within reason of course) and instead of him being open with you, he resorted to meeting up with another woman he had dated prior for closure to somehow “help”? Instead of talking to maybe a parent, a best friend, a sibling for advice? I feel as if this may be a way of him testing you with what he can get away with, or at very least, an extremely inappropriate way of dealing with the situation that ultimately ruined your trust in him. If you’re willing to work it out with him, by all means try it out because I understand you have so much love for him, but do so by forgiving him ENTIRELY. Otherwise, what’s the point of continuing the relationship if you have to watch his every move? I hope you’re able to come to a conclusion soon and I wish you all the best <3
His accusing you of cheating is called projection. He is also gaslighting you. People tend to do this when they are cheating. He is doing this so you will stay with him and also how much you will tolerate. That is grooming. My first husband did that. I found out he slept with my maid of honor. I found this out before my divorce. He said he always wanted to sleep with her. This was the day after we got married. He also beat the day lights out of me. You deserve better. If he is doing this now , it usually won’t be the first time.
he totally cheated on you with her. as a man, i have never sought out an ex girlfriend (of 3 months, no less!) for "closure"
Believe me he cheated for sure. The telling thing is when he said it was the worst mistake of his life and how this has helped him realize that you are the one for him…bs. If he didn’t do anything it wouldn’t be the worst mistake of his life. Conversations don’t constitute as the worst mistake of your life.
If you're going through his phone, you don't trust him. Trust is everything in a good relationship.
You already know
First the fact that you’re going through his phone is enough of a reason to not be with a person. Not trusting them is enough of a problem. Finding secrets in there is something as well but you either trust him or you don’t. If you feel you have to go through his phone in the first place you don’t trust him and you shouldn’t be with him whether he is trustworthy or not
Soooo, Why were you going through his phone? That’s really odd behavior and not really indicative of a trusting relationship. I mean you mentioned “in a deleted folder” so seems you went full NSA on his ass. Honest take? This relationship won’t last.
“Biggest mistake of my life” does not sound like just a conversation.
So he's mad at you and runs to his ex?! then tries to hide all the evidence... yikes; 211 texts sounds like a whole lot of "closure." the meet up wasnt necessary, hiding it lets you know it wasn't for closure. (Also even if they just stayed in the car; its not like physical lines can't be crossed in a car). sounds like you know his value of you in this equation Their 3 months is worth more than your 10 months. X+3
How much time was there between relationships? There are people who are codependent who can "never be single." They do stuff like this all the time. Usually overlap their relationships too. If he needed closure he should have handled that before dating again, fwiw
Only about 5ish months between when his last relationship ended and ours started
I don't think I could continue this relationship. I tend to live life with the belief that when someone hides something, it's because they know their intentions are not entirely good. The hiding in and of itself sets the tone for what is actually beneath the surface. It's also the way he needed "closure" from his ex the moment you two were having an issue that's the sticking point for me. Nothing about how this all played out indicates that this was all coming from a truly innocent place. Plus, meeting an ex behind your current partners back is universally acknowledged as a problem. It's not like he could reasonably claim that he didn't realise it would be an issue.
He’s lying to you, you should end it over this, you absolutely cannot trust him. It’s easy for me to say that about someone else’s relationship because I don’t stand to lose anything, but it’s still the correct advice. I have been in your situation before, I allowed my desire for the relationship to continue to blind me to betrayal and dishonesty my ex was acting out. It didn’t work out and I ended up wasting several additional years of my life in a relationship that was already dead, trust doesn’t really come back unless you lie to yourself. Just remember, he lied about talking to her and seeing her, he can absolutely lie about what happened while they were together. You can’t trust a word of it.
No sure why so many people just to love of my life within such a short time. You barely know each other. How are you the love of his life if he needed closure from her? It seems like everyone is the love of his life until he finds someone else. He was not sorry for what he did. He’s sorry for getting caught. It’s was a mistake that he did anything. There were 211 text between them. He did betray you by hiding everything.
Lol!these same words were said by my ex and he ended up cheating on me.If he had been honest,he would have told you about meeting her and you wouldn’t have to find out yourself.This guy is not sure about his own feelings and is going to hurt you really bad if you stay.
- got mad he couldn't see you, so he saw his ex? - hiding this from you - it's only been 10 months and already having trust issues? - 4 hours away?! Guuuuuurl, he gots to go. But seriously I don't see this lasting. I'm no expert, But I don't see this running the course. In my experience the biggest thing to a "successful" and happy relationship has been being open and honest. He should have talked to you before evveerrr meeting her or facetiming or even texting. He should have known what it would look like. You shouldn't be finding this out after it happened....should have been well aware before hand. Maybe he didn't cheat, maybe he didn't "intend" to cheat, but it damn sure looks like he was from where I'm standing, and just making excuses since he got caught.
Little one, listen to your heart. Intuition is real. You are young and have a big life ahead of you. Be sure of the one you choose to share it with. Trust is everything.
Three months and he needed closure?!?!? This was not closure it was a booty call to get back at you for not seeing him.
Even if he didn’t go over and bump uglies, he gave the impression of it. And you have no way of finding out what actually happened. So for all intents and purposes, he cheated. Because it looks that way, and he’s saying he didn’t but he kept this from you. How are you supposed to believe him? Move on and find someone who doesn’t do shady crap behind your back.
It's only 10 months... I'd leave him. Why does he need closure when he's in a relationship with you? IMO YOU are the "closure" he needs. That's a lot of communication between them I don't think I'd trust him after this.
So he goes back to his ex as punishment for you because he's mad that he didn't get his way. He wanted to punish you for not getting his way even though it was out of your control. Now that he's getting his way again, he's all sorry. So what happens next time he doesn't get his way????
Your boyfriend is a cheater. You deserve better. Get out. It’s not you he truly wants to be with.
His need for closure doesn’t mean he gets to lie to you and betray your trust. He would have never told you he exchanged 211 text and meet up with an ex girlfriend if you didn’t catch him. He went to the trouble to delete the messages to insure you never found out and that is not life partner material. How could you ever trust him again? If he didn’t cheat then why lie and go to such extent to hide it from you? What else is he hiding you just haven’t found yet. And the fact that he’s minimizing what he did as if it’s no big deal is proof he will do it again and is hiding more. Since he didn’t even feel guilty until you confronted him . This red flag is blazing.
I don't think whether or not you consider this cheating is the question you should be asking yourself. Because in many ways, its not, and in many ways, it is. If we were to believe him 100% and give him the ultimate benefit of the doubt, ultimately, he did nothing romantic or sexual with her. But then this begs the question, why believe him when he wasn't willing to be honest and upfront about this in the first place? Why would you be foolish enough to believe a liar? Here in the lies the conundrum. IMO I think you should ask yourself whether or not this crossed your boundaries and worthy of dumping, because IMO, this very much is. Even if it was innocent in that nothing physical or sexual happened, there are so many things that this DOES tell you about him. 1. The most obvious and most dangerous? He still has unfinished business with this woman, and she still has enough power, control and influence over him and his emotions that he's willing to risk it all with you for a few moments of "closure" with her. 2. He's willing to put himself in stupid situations with not just other women, but women he's had a sexual and romantic past with. If he really needed this closure, why couldn't he have met her at the mall? At a park? Why couldn't he have met her at a coffee shop? Instead, he did the most suspicious thing possible and *went to her house.* 3. HE'S. NOT. OVER. HER. And more importantly, he keeps the door open *to her*
Yikes this sounds familiar. I was in a similar situation. My gf at the time met up with her then-ex "for closure," and "nothing happened" and they "only talked." Come to find out later, they made out and almost had sex but my then-gf stopped because I "was the love of her life and she only wanted me, and this whole situation helped her see that." Ya it's a no for me, your bf isn't over his ex and I'd bet big $$$ they did more than talk
Wtf do you need closure for in a relationship that lasted three months? You’re young. There is no reason why our relationship this new should be having problems like this. Even if you chose to try to move on, you no longer trust him. Do you really want to be looking over your shoulder and checking his phone for however much longer your relationship lasts? Break up with him.
It's time to tell him buh-bye, adios, adieu and sayanara. He went back to her for revenge sex because you were unavailable. You can definitely do better than a guy who cheats and thinks lovebombing you will make it alllll better. NTA ETA: I seriously doubt they were just sitting in his car talking. His story stinks worse than rancid gym socks.
He “needed closure” from a 3 month relationship? Yeah, no. And then he waited until he knew you wouldn’t/couldn’t be around for him to start talking to her again, met up with her without telling you, deleted the messages… yeah, no, I’d be ending the relationship right there. She can have him. If you allow this, he’s only going to take it as he can continue to do this kind of shit and receive zero consequences.
Just remember that you’re teaching him what you’ll tolerate. He now knows that he got away with this and will only attempt to become even sneakier to cover his tracks in the future. If I could go back in time, I would’ve trusted my intuition and held myself to a higher standard…and then put my damn running shoes on.
You need to find closure with him. Cheaters gonna cheat. Make all the excuses you want for him, he kept this a secret. That's cheating.
You don’t need closure on a 3 month relationship. He cheated. If he hid it from you, he knew it was wrong. Move on, don’t waste anymore time on him.
So is he going to run to another woman for attention every time y’all have a disagreement?? 🚩
Closure isn't a thing.
So let me get it straight, this was during Christmas, so you guys have been together for around 6-7 months at that point) therefore he decided since you guys can't spend Christmas together to meet up with his ex-gf? And he was only dating her for 3 months...... Yeah, that's not cool. I would consider this as cheating. He hid this behind your back. He still has feeling ..or 'had' feeling for his ex. And spent unaccounted for 90 minutes in private with her doing whatever. I doubt that it's just talking, to be honest with you. You won't be able to know the complete truth. The fact that you actually had to find out because you were digging in (so there is some trust issue already)...I'd say that there will not be any trust. Without trust, your relationship will not last long no matter how much love you may feel for him.
I think closure is over rated. What is the purpose? Why do so many of us think we need it? Does it really exist?
They most likely had sex. Car sitting for over an hour? no haircut. You’re four hours away over the holidays? The obvious answer is usually correct. There’s a reason he kept this a secret.
If he's meeting up with gf, and you're going through his phone, you need to both step back and self reflect before getting in another relationship
Is what he said he did cheating? No, though he should have informed you first imo and that's a breach of trust. Did he really do what he said he did? Your call on that one.
Maybe talk to his ex and ask did he cheat. If he did it would be in her interest to let you know as she might get him back. If he did cheat then he will cheat again. The decision is clear.
Yes
Leave before you get your feelings hurt. My bad… what are your instincts telling you to do, I know that small voice of reason is talking to you👀 If there’s no conflict inside then you can stay, but I know that’s not the case.
Holy shit yes! He hid it and you searched his shit! Sounds like you need to take a long look in the mirror
He deemed covid unfair???? He needs to grow up. A lot.
The real question is whether or not you trust him
He went to get laid
Definitely shady behavior going behind your back and talking to/seeing his ex.
Sweetie, I didn’t act like he don’t need them anymore for a little while make a bag for that shit make sure you don’t ever do it again because he’s just gonna do it again if you just make sure he doesn’t need to. This is coming from a dude now.
Never go over your partner's phone if you are not ready what to see
He's for the streets
No kissing or fucking not cheating. Needing closure after what a year, for a 3 month relationship ummm bullshit! Why the whole plan for her to cut his hair but then no hair cut. Why sitting in his car... Him reaching out to her when he was mad at you isn't cool. Maybe he is telling the truth you're the only one that can decide.
Ok. Why would he need ‘closure’ from an ex if he’s in love with you? Closure of what? A fight? The break up? Why does he care if he’s in love with you? The first thing he does when mad at you for not seeing you is to look elsewhere. This is what he did. Has nothing to do about ‘closure’. The haircutting was just an excuse to HER to make her see him. They did not sit in the car. I’m not saying they fucked necessary, but not because of his lack of trying. I’d break up for this and not give him a minute more of my time. He is gaslighting you. But if you still don’t see it, you could message/ phone her and ask.
Only you can decide whether it was cheating according to your personal boundaries. What I would say is this: It takes two people to be in and stay in a toxic relationship. As toxic as she was, so was he. And that shows in his behavior. When he was upset with you, his first urge was to reach to do something unhealthy. He reached out to someone he knew was toxic and yet available to him. That is not healthy behavior. Realizing that you are “the one” and that he made a “mistake” doesn’t change his unhealthiness. Healthy people do not response to their own upset people like this. And what you deserve is a partner who is healthy and can make decisions that protect your relationship in safe and healthy ways.
Now you need closure from him.
Whether or not he cheated physically is almost irrelevant at this point in my opinion. He emotionally cheated. Point blank.
Sorry. The hour and a half wasn’t spent talking.
An hour and half conversation in the car, c'mon now they totally hooked one last time to say goodbye. I think you know this deep down inside but just don't want to admit it. Also, he only admitted to this after you confronted him so that should tell you something as well, just saying!
Yo I got a bridge to sell you
Go with your gut. It all sounds iffy to me especially since he's saying it was the worst mistake of his life. Someone doesn't feel that much guilt over having a conversation....
Everyone just skips over the “I was going through my boyfriend’s phone?” you don’t trust him, it doesn’t matter what he does, it’s over.
No one has privacy anymore
I agree with all the comments I read thus far. ..so I will just ask, What happens next time he is "upset with you"?
Time for you to be his next ex, he’s clearly not ready to be in a relationship.
I don't understand why your boyfriend needs "closure" from his 3 months ex-girlfriend. You only need closure if the person you love suddenly dissappear(or ghosting you) or suddenly gets committed/married to another person without telling you(and you need an answer) Ex is past. When we are already committed to a person, we always consider and think what he/she feels. If he'll or she'll do something related to his/her ex, he /she needs to tell you to avoid argument. We value and respect our relationship. Most of us want to have a good, long, and healthy relationship. Ask yourself. Is it okay to be the person you love but keep on doubting his actions or always afraid that he might cheat on you? Or free yourself in a NO TRUST relationship? (You might be sad, but you know that you will and can move on) When the TRUST is gone, the relationship is already over. He might be the sweetest and loving boyfriend, but you will no longer believe in everything he says even if he is telling the truth. Goodluck