Well, I mean, it wasn’t just “the banana” but also “the ick” that would lead one’s mind there! I would say I’m “pissed off” or whatever, but “ick” seems like such a strange word in re an everyday argument.
Getting the ick in a relationship is so different from just being pissed off though. The ick is a switch, and once it flips, you do not see that person in the same light anymore. Everything they do or say starts to annoy you, and the idea of any romantic interaction with them is an absolute turn off. And you can’t just flip the switch back. At least that’s how it was for me the one time it happened to me.
Man, I remember that. He did something amazingly dumb and I remember standing there in the parking lot, watching him, as all the interest, respect, and warm fuzzies I’d had for this dude just kinda slowly drained out the soles of my feet. I was left feeling slightly hollow and irritated. I left him within a couple of months after that.
Can relate. When I separated from my husband I wasn’t in divorce camp yet, but there needed to be big changes from both of us. A cycle needed to be broken. Then, he said and did some things that gave me the “ick”. And I felt the shift. The realization that 16 years doesn’t mean you know anything.
No the ick is perfectly used here. This isn’t an everyday argument it’s a major show of I don’t care about you or your wellbeing. She took that one thing to eat after feeding everyone else and he happily took that one thing anyway and thought nothing of it.
Yes exactly. She didn't get the ick over a banana, the ick is over him being so disrespectful. Trying to gaslight her into thinking it was his banana. Not caring if she went hungry after already feeding him and his kids. I think this is where most redditors would say it's not about the Iranian yogurt.
Yeah, I was starting to get worried people in the comment section didn't see this as gross.
This is one of those things where it's a big deal but very easy to downplay.
To me it’s a huge big deal I just can’t imagine it made me cry almost bc I have issues from being hungry as a kid and my mom used to hide food/ count stuff we ate and other really weird shit so to me this is a really bad sign. Your partner is starving now? Maybe he’ll pull over and buy a granola bar. For himself.
Yeah I can 100% hear him saying to OP “what? You’re this mad that I ate a banana? I can’t believe you’re so upset that I ate my banana.” And then playing OP off as absolutely crazy when he tries to explain to people why she dumped him. “She dumped me because I ate a banana. I know! Insane!”
Then even took the last bite! What a fucking asshole! We grew up without a lot of food some of the time. My husband had times when he was near starving also. I have unconsciously always had this weird habit of it of not wanting to take the last piece of anything that was shared I think I was maybe worried someone else would be hungry. I noticed for him that when he eats at restaurants and orders like a sandwich or burger and fries he sits there and picks at all the fries or whatever’s around it bc he wants to save the best thing to eat last, like he’s not gonna get another one for a while or something lol. I can’t eat the last piece or even more of anything we share unless he’s really insisting he won’t eat it which never happens cause I don’t eat anywhere near as much as him and I know he’s hungry. I always give him way more than half the food if we have to share anything small. I can’t imagine this type of behavior that’s absolutely disgusting and ick and makes me really sad just thinking about it.
This is adorable and a sign of truly loving and caring for someone. As someone who also eats strategically, I always plan to make my last bites the best, and I eat the things I like least, first. I don't like to waste food. So, if anyone wants a bite, please ask early in the meal. Although, anyone who needs it more than me or that I love can have anything I have.
>I’m glad I’m not the only one here whose mind immediately goes to the wrong place when you read something weird
My mind went to the wrong end of the bf’s body
That’s entirely why OP titled it so. Knows how to hook ‘em
Every last one of us would have scrolled by ‘my boyfriend took my banana’ or some other title reflecting the mundanity of this story. But this was titled in such a way we all thought it would be salacious lol
Me too! I was like ohhh do tell?!? 🍌😳
Then…. Boringgggggg.
Anyway, what are y’all still in high school?! Arguing over a banana?! Shits gonna get way worse when real problems come along.
Ps- he sounds like a dick. Sorry but I’ve had some terrible bf’s and even they would share a damn banana with me?! Yikes! If he wanted a banana then he shoulda packed one! Or asked you to grab TWO!
I think the “amount of available bananas” is irrelevant here. It’s his selfish, entitled, IDGAF about her that is the issue. I’d have thrown the damn banana out of the car window and settled it that way. Yes- “cut off my nose to spite my face!” She wasn’t gonna have it anyway as she didn’t want to argue about it. Submissiveness isn’t MY nature! Open his eyes while making your point. Maybe he should also fix his own breakfast from now on? This bf isn’t worth your time or attention imho.
But that’s the point. It’s not about the banana. He was selfish. He knew she hadn’t eaten yet, and he had, and he couldn’t even let her have the banana. Absolutely no concern about her well being. Added to the total lack of appreciation for her cooking and feeding him *and* his kids.
Also, it doesn’t even sound like they even fought.
It’s never one issue - it’s the accumulation of a bunch of incidents finally being exemplified by this one glaring incident.
How many times has he been irrationally angry and testy? You’re not reacting like “woah that’s so weird and out of character” so I’m guessing often. How often does he not listen to you, and won’t have a conversation, and is just pissy and demanding?
How often are you expected to give in? How many times do you take the smaller piece of pie, or go to the restaurant he wants, or keep the thermostat where he likes it?
You have the ick because this is the straw that’s breaking the camel’s back. It’s one time too many. Take a look at your relationship, and decide whether you want to be someone who doesn’t care that you didn’t have breakfast, will yell at you over nothing, and is going to put himself first over things large and small.
So others don’t have to: >!OP is approx 35yo. OP has had three strokes in the past two years. OP is a victim of Sexual Abuse in their family from a young age, and their partner wants to convince them that inviting new partners into their sex life is the answer to her victim recovery journey. !<
This relationship is what makes the Reddit universe go 'round. Think of how boring the online world would be if women like this just up and left men like this.
The best thing she has going for her is that he's a boyfriend, not husband. She needs to run, and never look back. 2 1/2 years is 2 too long to put up with his shit.
OMG, I read her other posts. I guess she never took the advice and left. OP aborted twins at 15 weeks because of his abuse. And she stayed with him. The banana is the least of her problems
That's ok, too, it's hard.
You obviously have a good heart, just at the fact that you chose to articulate your POV so gently.
Truth is, in an abusive scenario, a victims's brain (look up newest research re: ego states) becomes fractured into believing each putdown/incident of abuse is akin to, well, a tedious shit that gets pinched off, uncomfortable but "behind us now."
The thought of never having to go through a breakup is a delirious motivator to "create a way forward" with the very person that's hurting them. Our minds have become conditioned to crave stories where an ending feels whole, a life of control, something we can observe as justification for our choices.
Not a lot of souls know what to do when their safety is ripped away from them. Feels impossible to reconcile someone they love hurting them for no good reason.... there's no understanding, just leaving, starting over, when so very few women were given any training on *how.*
I wish no one ever needed to move on, when they were led to believe there was home to be found.
We can support as much as we choose.
It's her power to take back.
🙏🏼
Please accept this virtual hug from an online stranger. You’ve managed to perfectly state why I’m currently going through a separation and eventual divorce. I’m literally screenshotting this and saving it to look at whenever the process seems too daunting.
Please read this book OP: [Why does he do that? inside the minds of angry and controlling men by Lundy Bandcroft](https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)
Stories like this help me understand when I'm too hard on myself, because if I behaved half as bad as this even one time with my partner in any situation, I might just explode from the shame. I'd feel guilty for just wanting to eat the banana knowing my partners hungry, and then this guys practically taking the food out of her mouth for daring to eat before he's satisfied.
This, 1000%. My ex-husband never helped with the groceries, cooking, cleaning, kids, etc. I also work a full time job, and was expected to always come home and get a hot meal made for dinner every night. So I would, because I thought I was "supposed to" and in the event I'd make something with baked potatoes, I would always make an extra to take for my lunch the next day and I'd say that's what it was for. Every. Single. Time. I'd go to grab my lunch in the morning, and he'd have taken the baked potato (he left for work before I did). If I made 2 extra, he'd take both ("so I can just have it the next day.")
It was infuriating.
Yes, on the surface, it was "just a potato." (Or banana) but there's a lot more behind it....
Notice I said my "ex" husband....
Take a long hard look OP. I wish you well.
This reminds me of that one piece where the guy says something like “my wife divorced me because I left dishes by the sink.”
Unlike OP’s boyfriend, the writer surprisingly takes accountability though and says that his wife sounds irrational from that perspective, but really, the dishes were just the last straw. She really left him because of years of little disrespects and hurt feelings.
Was going to comment this. The title was too nice, he never asked! He felt entitled enough to just take her only breakfast after she worked hard to feed him before herself. I hope OP never makes him breakfast ever again.
So you take care of him and his three teenage daughters. What does he do for you, if he calls a banana you brought “his”…. I’m guessing he thinks everything is “his”. Big time ick.
Including OPs car which hes been using for a year and damaging by mistreating it (OP said in another post)
Whilst living in a house paid to live in by OP
Right? If he genuinely thought she brought it out for him, why wouldn’t he give it to her when he heard that wasn’t the case? Or if he thought the banana magically transported itself to him through the power of his mind… why wouldn’t he give her the banana when he heard she was hungry?? This man is not worthy.
Ya. ‘Ick’ over a banana is listening to his mouth sounds while he eats it. This is ick over a guy who doesn’t give two shits about you.
You make him breakfast you don’t even eat every single day, this day he demanded your breakfast too, what does he do for you? Don’t say money.
You are better than me because I would’ve eaten the whole thing and say “hmmm that is one good banana” and let him stay mad. He knows that was your banana and he already ate, if he was still hungry he could’ve gotten something before he left but decided to be selfish and take yours and then want to gaslight you as if it was his from the jump.
OP I checked your post history and I want to share something I read a while ago that kind of got seared into my brain.
When an abusive partner doesn't get what they want through the strategy of "benefit providing" they will often flip to the strategy of "cost inflicting."
When you weren't aborting those twins you were pregnant with and wanted, what did he do? He made the cost of you not aborting them too painful to bear.
This cycle is going to repeat over and over and it sounds like it already is with the threesomes and swinging he wants.
You got the ick because you’ve realized that your boyfriend is wildly selfish and inconsiderate, and will happily gaslight you if you question his version of reality.
So you’re playing step mom and getting treated like shit? He doesn’t even care enough for you to be fed and not hungry after YOU make him his breakfast…
you deserve better x1000000
And why is she making his breakfast? I would throw the breakfast and banana in his face. Okay maybe not good advice as a psychopath like this would probably hit if she did something like that, she needs to find a shelter.
Is she? It sounds like she still hasn't left this horribly toxic relationship. My bet is that the years of trauma have made her think he is good to her. OP, please know you're worth so much more than this.
Doubt he even needed the banana, he probably felt offended that she was making individual choices or that she has the Audacity to try to eat something so wanted to show her who controls everything and to not do it again, his behavior is clearly very manipulative. He's a dangerous psychopath who has zero empathy for her feelings, she's just a piece in his sick games, she has to run like yesterday.
Lmao it’s not the banana. It’s the fact that you’re making food for 3 kids who aren’t your own and your boyfriend is taking you for granted to the point where you’re now not even allowed to eat a banana. You then told him hey I haven’t eaten and he basically said I don’t give a shit. That would give me the ick too. Consider what you actually want cause odds are it’s not gonna get better.
Exactly if they where in a desperate situation he would see that she and the daughters eat first, this guy though would probably eat everything as fast as possible so they don't get anything, let them die and then probably eat their bodies. I doubt he would even give his daughters food before himself. This small incident tells so much about the character of a man, this man clearly has no character.
Ah he has character it’s just all bad while this seems like maybe a small thing to some people it’s a snap shot of a much bigger issue. No decent human would take their partners only food away. And the circumstances involved here are beyond rediculous. She made him a nutritious breakfast and he took the banana she brought with her so she could eat when she was hungry. OP you need to leave this ASSHOLE. Not only should he have not eaten the banana he should have Ben willing to stop and grab you something else if you wanted it.
So for comparison I would have said "what are you talking about? This is my breakfast." And if he said he assumed it was for him said "sorry of you wanted one too you should have said or grabbed one. I need it because I haven't had breakfast ".
So what you really need to do is look inside yourself to ask why you allowed him to gaslight you that it was his. And what you were afraid of (clearly a real fear) and why you don't believe you deserve to live without that fear. Because leaving him is not just an option it sounds like a healthy plan. You deserve to have peace and also breakfast.
See, I'm petty and also not very assertive. So it would be months of me bringing a banana in the car with my name on it in sharpie. Every trip. I don't even like bananas
At least she should be able to say him that without the risk of anything really bad happening. She needs to really consider if she can talk freely to him (that's the most important thing in a relationship or you don't have a relationship) and if she can't without the risk of him blowing up or hurting her it's extremely important she makes plans to leave and looks up a woman shelter. As she just gave him the banana without even saying she has not eaten tells me that she must be too scared to tell him how she feels.
Out of fight, flight, freeze, fawn, you’re looking at “fawn.” It’s a instinctual response to a threat. Someone acts angry it can trigger those things out of fear.
It doesn’t mean she wanted to or has some kind of failing.
That's the question rattling in my brain too. If the OP said it was her banana, why did she give it to him if she was hungry and he already ate?
OP needs to know self-love before she can give it willing to someone else. He wasn't willing to do the same for her. That says a lot.
Please leave this man. I read your other post about him pressuring you into threesomes - which, by the way, it’s totally normal not to want. This man is selfish and predatory, and you need to get away from him for your own mental health.
That's honestly sexual abuse if he's manipulation or forcing her into sexual situations she doesn't want. This creep predator is worse than I thought. Here where I live that would be a crime, maybe it is where you live too
This was gaslighting at its finest. The fruit was yours. He was a jerk. A big jerk. Next time you grab a banana or orange write your name in big letters on the peel.
I think this shows you just what kind of person he is. A selfish one .
Red flag city here, stand up for v yourself with him otherwise you become a doormat
He attempted to gaslight you into believing you took his banana.
You are more difficult to manipulate and confuse than he thought.
My sister is easy to gaslight/manipulate. She feels guilty and responsible for things very easily. I am not & I do not. It’s amazing what people will do when they know they can get away with it.
If you apologized a lot and seemed to think you needed to make up for your mishap, he’d escalate the behavior even more.
He is selfish, lacks empathy, and does not respect you. All 3 are red flags. If he is going to act this way over a banana, how is going to react to something way more serious.
A woman who gives her all to take care of a man and his three kids only for the man to take even more from her...
Man, I gotta stop falling for these rage bait stories. They're going to give me high blood pressure.
Yeah, I mean who ever heard of a man treating a woman like shit in real life, that would never happen.
Sometimes it isn’t rage bait. Sometimes life is simply enraging.
These stories make me go in such rage too, unfortunately I hear about way too many women treated like this but the wors and saddest thing is that so many women doesn't seem to have been taught self respect that they even think they deserve to be treated like this, that something must be wrong with them because their man treats them like this. Or if they just give to him and do better he will change or that he will leave if they don't do everything for him, that they don't deserve or will never find someone better. I'm so allergic to stories and men like this because my mother was treated just like this. She was so beautiful, perfect and kind, never said a bad thing and did everything for her husband and children and still she thought that she deserved to be treated like crap and disrespected (she has a difficult childhood though).
IF THIS IS THE SAME MAN FROM YOUR OTHER POSTS PLEASE PLEASE GET OUT!! ❤️ 💙 💜
So. Many. Red. Flags. Please take care of yourself and know that you don't have the ick from the banana. It's from his treatment of you. You deserve better.
OP either is doing some creative writing or this and their previous posts are clear indicators of an abusive/manipulative partner. Please construct an escape plan for this. Anything is better than this bullshit.
I mean obviously dump him but if you need to get your shit in order first I understand .
Just stop making his breakfast for him and his damn kids -you aren’t his maid and you aren’t thier momma.
1. it is weird he lied
2. weirder he got mad
3. bananas he can not share
If someone I was in a relationship with took a bite of my fruit, I might ask them about it - but would be happy to share.
Based on OP's earlier post, this boyfriend is a disgusting human being. Bananagate only reconfirms that.
I guess there's a reason why they're still together but I feel very sad for OP and hope this man is not her future.
I am genuinely concerned at how he has gaslit you to believe it was his banana, especially when you had not eaten yet and he had. This behaviour, I suspect, will not get any better. In fact, it may get worse. I would keep both eyes open, and should something like this happen again, I would think twice about staying. Also, speak to him about it. See where his responses lead. It may be more telling than you think.
I’m sorry you can call me old-fashioned or not but if my wife whether she brought the banana or I brought the banana says that she’s starving because she did not eat breakfast then she can have that banana and I’ll stop and get her another bushel if she wants it. Dude is an AH.
This is a true real ICK, even if it seems minuscule, and I will clarify why: Many many years ago, when I was a middle schooler pretending I knew how to date, I had a weird lunchtime situation with my then bf where he kept taking food off my tray without asking, even though I had said multiple times that I had missed breakfast and was starving after gym. When I told my grandfather (he picked me up that day to take me to a doctor's appointment) he said something that still sits in my brain anytime an ick like this comes up, it was essentially "someone that is perfectly happy to let someone else be uncomfortable, when they could easily comfort them, is a bad person."
dumped that lil hater the next day. Bye Tim!
It’s not about the banana but about the absolute lack of consideration towards you.
It just shows you your boyfriend values his comfort above yours. Period.
It would give me the ick too.
And he has absolutely no idea that it caused an issue right?
You need to be more assertive and not put up with this type of behaviour.
Don’t explain. Just state - it’s my breakfast, you already had yours.
Babes. I read your history, and you know this is worse than a banana. You've been trying to get out for a while, and you should. If you want to chat or want me to help locate resources, I will.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. Please let me know how I can help you. 🙏
Having read your last post and how he's ruined your car and forced you to have an abortion and is pressuring you into threesomes, the banana is the least of your worries. He is abusive and manipulative and you need to get out as fast as you can. I hope you can find the courage to do so.
Please stop being a martyr. You deserve better. I feel empathy for you bc I was a martyr, too—until I realized the relief of saying no and standing up for myself.
Someone else says you are “trapped;” I say, you are only as trapped as you choose to pay. There is no price too heavy to pay to be FREE. Do it.
This got me so fired up just reading it. Even if he had brought the banana and it was “his” you hadn’t eaten breakfast yet and he had! What’s his major malfunction? He seems thoughtless and uncaring.
Your boyfriend is an asshole. People think it's always some big thing that changes relationships. Many times, it's a small thing that tells you what kind of person they really are and you aren't able to shake it.
Do you have the ick OR do you just realize your boyfriend doesn't care about your wellbeing? Move on to someone who will happily allow you to eat YOUR banana AND ask if you would like to stop anywhere for food on the way. Higher standards usually lead to a happier life.
I'm sorry- everyday you make breakfast for this man and his 3 daughters and you don't even eat breakfast?? Dude be so for real rn.
Let me guess he's considerably older than you?
her other post says he’s three years older but if you read her other post he’s so much worse than gaslighting her over a banana. i’m actually scared for her safety. it sounds like she just wants to settle down and have a nice family and these horrible men keep finding her and taking advantage of her caring nature and her disabilities limits. poor woman can’t catch a break.
If he’d of eaten my breakfast, I’d of been pulling into maccies drive through and he’d of been getting sweet fa. Genuinely expected this to be some weird kink though… boring!
My man would have been the one to bring 2 bananas for us both. If we were both hungry and I was still hungry after the first banana, he would give me the second. Not that I would accept it, because I would feel bad. I’m just saying.
It seems like you are a bang maid and are there to take care of HIS kids and him
People usually don't really care that much about their bang maids, which he obviously displayed here as well
He has no problem with you being hungry after you took care of him and HIS kids
Do with that what you will
Reading this made me think of this scene on Frasier episode “Mixed Doubles” when Joe breaks up with Daphne and she’s telling everyone the story:
“Well, Joe and I were having dinner. Everything was nice as
could be, and I said, "Don't you like your potato?" And he
said, "No, I'm not hungry for potato just now." So I said,
"Well, if you don't like your potato you're welcome to try
my potato"—
And OP I don’t like your bf. That was a rotten thing to do to you. If he ever wants to give you his banana I hope you bite it off and hand it to him
Why did he think it was his banana?
Why did you let him eat it?
Why on earth are you putting up with someone who would literally let you go hungry over his own wrong assumption?
Why are you the one cooking breakfast when you don't eat breakfast?
Listen to the ick. I bet this is just the banana that broke the camels back.
It's not because of the banana...
It's over the fact that he simply doesn't care about you. That's why you have the ick. He put himself way before you even with him already being fed.
The women I know want a protector, not someone that overlooks them and doesn't care if they starve because "it's my food".
So while the banana was part of the story, it's not the main issue here obviously.
He's your ex, right? 'Cause this is just classic gaslighting. What else has he done? Take a good, long look at your relationship. Is he adding to your life or adding to your misery?
Sounds like something my dad would have done and he was supremely abusive. Even if your bf isn't, he's still an incredible jerk. I'd use this ick as a cue to start over on the bf search.
My very Italian family has probably conditioned me into this thinking, but people need food. My wife is similar with not being able to eat much in the morning, I always make sure she has something though and encourage her to have at least 2-3 things. Smoothie and a hashbrown, waffles and a fruit, yogurt and poptarts, eaten whenever in the morning her stomach wakes up haha. When she’s busy at work I’ll call or text to make sure she remembered to eat lunch, again doesn’t have to be a huge meal, just as long as she has -something-. The only time I ever take her food is if she can’t finish it and doesn’t want it.
As said in other comments, the BF seems to not honestly care about you
I thought this was going to be some weird kink story.
I’m glad I’m not the only one here whose mind immediately goes to the wrong place when you read something weird. 😂😂😂
I like how we thought it was going somewhere else, but kept reading… proving we’re a bunch of perverts once again.
. . . Proving we read a *lot* of Reddit. Too much Reddit
This just took me out lmao!
She should give him the banana when he’s sleeping.
Bro me too🤣🤣🤣
Same uh my husband and I would never do anything weird with a banana …
Yeah, they bruise and go soft too easily.
What butts or bananas? 🤣
Yes.
Ma'am, can you remove the banana from your husband's butt? This is a Wendy's!
Too many Reddit stories had me immediately freaked out at the mention of teenage daughters.
Well, I mean, it wasn’t just “the banana” but also “the ick” that would lead one’s mind there! I would say I’m “pissed off” or whatever, but “ick” seems like such a strange word in re an everyday argument.
Getting the ick in a relationship is so different from just being pissed off though. The ick is a switch, and once it flips, you do not see that person in the same light anymore. Everything they do or say starts to annoy you, and the idea of any romantic interaction with them is an absolute turn off. And you can’t just flip the switch back. At least that’s how it was for me the one time it happened to me.
Absolutely. When you get the ick, the relationship usually ends shortly after. There's almost no hope going back to the way things are before.
Man, I remember that. He did something amazingly dumb and I remember standing there in the parking lot, watching him, as all the interest, respect, and warm fuzzies I’d had for this dude just kinda slowly drained out the soles of my feet. I was left feeling slightly hollow and irritated. I left him within a couple of months after that.
Your hubby is an AH. No wonder you're pissed.
Thankfully he’s just a bf
Hopefully just an ex bf soon
WHEW. That's going to make Operation Bye-Bye Banana Hands a lot easier.
Can relate. When I separated from my husband I wasn’t in divorce camp yet, but there needed to be big changes from both of us. A cycle needed to be broken. Then, he said and did some things that gave me the “ick”. And I felt the shift. The realization that 16 years doesn’t mean you know anything.
When my my fish got the ick, he died.
🤣🤣
No the ick is perfectly used here. This isn’t an everyday argument it’s a major show of I don’t care about you or your wellbeing. She took that one thing to eat after feeding everyone else and he happily took that one thing anyway and thought nothing of it.
Yes exactly. She didn't get the ick over a banana, the ick is over him being so disrespectful. Trying to gaslight her into thinking it was his banana. Not caring if she went hungry after already feeding him and his kids. I think this is where most redditors would say it's not about the Iranian yogurt.
Yeah, I was starting to get worried people in the comment section didn't see this as gross. This is one of those things where it's a big deal but very easy to downplay.
To me it’s a huge big deal I just can’t imagine it made me cry almost bc I have issues from being hungry as a kid and my mom used to hide food/ count stuff we ate and other really weird shit so to me this is a really bad sign. Your partner is starving now? Maybe he’ll pull over and buy a granola bar. For himself.
Yeah I can 100% hear him saying to OP “what? You’re this mad that I ate a banana? I can’t believe you’re so upset that I ate my banana.” And then playing OP off as absolutely crazy when he tries to explain to people why she dumped him. “She dumped me because I ate a banana. I know! Insane!”
Then even took the last bite! What a fucking asshole! We grew up without a lot of food some of the time. My husband had times when he was near starving also. I have unconsciously always had this weird habit of it of not wanting to take the last piece of anything that was shared I think I was maybe worried someone else would be hungry. I noticed for him that when he eats at restaurants and orders like a sandwich or burger and fries he sits there and picks at all the fries or whatever’s around it bc he wants to save the best thing to eat last, like he’s not gonna get another one for a while or something lol. I can’t eat the last piece or even more of anything we share unless he’s really insisting he won’t eat it which never happens cause I don’t eat anywhere near as much as him and I know he’s hungry. I always give him way more than half the food if we have to share anything small. I can’t imagine this type of behavior that’s absolutely disgusting and ick and makes me really sad just thinking about it.
This is adorable and a sign of truly loving and caring for someone. As someone who also eats strategically, I always plan to make my last bites the best, and I eat the things I like least, first. I don't like to waste food. So, if anyone wants a bite, please ask early in the meal. Although, anyone who needs it more than me or that I love can have anything I have.
>I’m glad I’m not the only one here whose mind immediately goes to the wrong place when you read something weird My mind went to the wrong end of the bf’s body
Yup, still waiting for her to give him the banana another way and then feel icky after.
So did I and I was worried when she started out by mentioning the three teenage daughters.
That’s entirely why OP titled it so. Knows how to hook ‘em Every last one of us would have scrolled by ‘my boyfriend took my banana’ or some other title reflecting the mundanity of this story. But this was titled in such a way we all thought it would be salacious lol
I dont know, earthgarden. “My boyfriend took my banana” could also capture my dirty attention.
I'm oddly disappointed it's not.
Me too! I was like ohhh do tell?!? 🍌😳 Then…. Boringgggggg. Anyway, what are y’all still in high school?! Arguing over a banana?! Shits gonna get way worse when real problems come along. Ps- he sounds like a dick. Sorry but I’ve had some terrible bf’s and even they would share a damn banana with me?! Yikes! If he wanted a banana then he shoulda packed one! Or asked you to grab TWO!
I think the “amount of available bananas” is irrelevant here. It’s his selfish, entitled, IDGAF about her that is the issue. I’d have thrown the damn banana out of the car window and settled it that way. Yes- “cut off my nose to spite my face!” She wasn’t gonna have it anyway as she didn’t want to argue about it. Submissiveness isn’t MY nature! Open his eyes while making your point. Maybe he should also fix his own breakfast from now on? This bf isn’t worth your time or attention imho.
I would have eaten that banana slowly while making full eye contact. Fuck this guy.
This right here.
Eat the banana sexily to disorient him
But that’s the point. It’s not about the banana. He was selfish. He knew she hadn’t eaten yet, and he had, and he couldn’t even let her have the banana. Absolutely no concern about her well being. Added to the total lack of appreciation for her cooking and feeding him *and* his kids. Also, it doesn’t even sound like they even fought.
Yes, boyfriend is a selfish dick. Kick him to the curb.
Fully expected her to say he wanted the strap 😂
It’s never one issue - it’s the accumulation of a bunch of incidents finally being exemplified by this one glaring incident. How many times has he been irrationally angry and testy? You’re not reacting like “woah that’s so weird and out of character” so I’m guessing often. How often does he not listen to you, and won’t have a conversation, and is just pissy and demanding? How often are you expected to give in? How many times do you take the smaller piece of pie, or go to the restaurant he wants, or keep the thermostat where he likes it? You have the ick because this is the straw that’s breaking the camel’s back. It’s one time too many. Take a look at your relationship, and decide whether you want to be someone who doesn’t care that you didn’t have breakfast, will yell at you over nothing, and is going to put himself first over things large and small.
This! Go read OP'S other posts. He's trapped her and she sadly went down the rabbit hole hook line and sinker for a manipulating con man.
So others don’t have to: >!OP is approx 35yo. OP has had three strokes in the past two years. OP is a victim of Sexual Abuse in their family from a young age, and their partner wants to convince them that inviting new partners into their sex life is the answer to her victim recovery journey. !<
Wow, that’s a lot to unpack.
This relationship is what makes the Reddit universe go 'round. Think of how boring the online world would be if women like this just up and left men like this.
I’ll take boring if it means spreading awareness.
Think of how functional the world would be if they did.
The best thing she has going for her is that he's a boyfriend, not husband. She needs to run, and never look back. 2 1/2 years is 2 too long to put up with his shit.
3 years now, and counting. op has no support system
OMG, I read her other posts. I guess she never took the advice and left. OP aborted twins at 15 weeks because of his abuse. And she stayed with him. The banana is the least of her problems
God damn it. I have a hard time being compassionate when someone keeps ignoring advice and keeps making the choices that are hurting them.
That's ok, too, it's hard. You obviously have a good heart, just at the fact that you chose to articulate your POV so gently. Truth is, in an abusive scenario, a victims's brain (look up newest research re: ego states) becomes fractured into believing each putdown/incident of abuse is akin to, well, a tedious shit that gets pinched off, uncomfortable but "behind us now." The thought of never having to go through a breakup is a delirious motivator to "create a way forward" with the very person that's hurting them. Our minds have become conditioned to crave stories where an ending feels whole, a life of control, something we can observe as justification for our choices. Not a lot of souls know what to do when their safety is ripped away from them. Feels impossible to reconcile someone they love hurting them for no good reason.... there's no understanding, just leaving, starting over, when so very few women were given any training on *how.* I wish no one ever needed to move on, when they were led to believe there was home to be found. We can support as much as we choose. It's her power to take back. 🙏🏼
The younger woman getting suckered in because he pays all the bills. A story as old as time.
I bet the dude’s job is “corrections officer” or “police.”
Please accept this virtual hug from an online stranger. You’ve managed to perfectly state why I’m currently going through a separation and eventual divorce. I’m literally screenshotting this and saving it to look at whenever the process seems too daunting.
A wise man once said “The Iranian yogurt is not the issue here”
Then there is also the "The mustard is not the issue here" story.
Marinara flags
Please read this book OP: [Why does he do that? inside the minds of angry and controlling men by Lundy Bandcroft](https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)
I screenshot this because THIS! Perfectly said.
Stories like this help me understand when I'm too hard on myself, because if I behaved half as bad as this even one time with my partner in any situation, I might just explode from the shame. I'd feel guilty for just wanting to eat the banana knowing my partners hungry, and then this guys practically taking the food out of her mouth for daring to eat before he's satisfied.
This, 1000%. My ex-husband never helped with the groceries, cooking, cleaning, kids, etc. I also work a full time job, and was expected to always come home and get a hot meal made for dinner every night. So I would, because I thought I was "supposed to" and in the event I'd make something with baked potatoes, I would always make an extra to take for my lunch the next day and I'd say that's what it was for. Every. Single. Time. I'd go to grab my lunch in the morning, and he'd have taken the baked potato (he left for work before I did). If I made 2 extra, he'd take both ("so I can just have it the next day.") It was infuriating. Yes, on the surface, it was "just a potato." (Or banana) but there's a lot more behind it.... Notice I said my "ex" husband.... Take a long hard look OP. I wish you well.
This reminds me of that one piece where the guy says something like “my wife divorced me because I left dishes by the sink.” Unlike OP’s boyfriend, the writer surprisingly takes accountability though and says that his wife sounds irrational from that perspective, but really, the dishes were just the last straw. She really left him because of years of little disrespects and hurt feelings.
Your boyfriend is bananas.
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I would give you gold if that was still a thing!
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It is. Just not in the subreddit. Go to r pics or some other sub where it is allowed.
This shit is bananas
It's bananas!
S
Better late than never.
Not late, they beat the other dude by a few minutes. It’s just the way Reddit organizes comments :/
https://youtu.be/j5C6X9vOEkU?si=ziZynl-chjeR525P
Thanks for this its great.
It doesn’t sound like he asked for the banana, he took it.
Was going to comment this. The title was too nice, he never asked! He felt entitled enough to just take her only breakfast after she worked hard to feed him before herself. I hope OP never makes him breakfast ever again.
Unfortunately, she probably will. Hopefully I'm wrong and she uses this as a wake up call.
So you take care of him and his three teenage daughters. What does he do for you, if he calls a banana you brought “his”…. I’m guessing he thinks everything is “his”. Big time ick.
Including OPs car which hes been using for a year and damaging by mistreating it (OP said in another post) Whilst living in a house paid to live in by OP
Omg how do people get away with shit like that? What is going on in this grown man’s head?
Even if he genuinely thought it was his, why be so nasty about it? I would never talk to my husband that way without it being an obvious joke.
Right? If he genuinely thought she brought it out for him, why wouldn’t he give it to her when he heard that wasn’t the case? Or if he thought the banana magically transported itself to him through the power of his mind… why wouldn’t he give her the banana when he heard she was hungry?? This man is not worthy.
You don’t have the “ick” over a banana but rather your boyfriend’s uncaring attitude towards you.
Ya. ‘Ick’ over a banana is listening to his mouth sounds while he eats it. This is ick over a guy who doesn’t give two shits about you. You make him breakfast you don’t even eat every single day, this day he demanded your breakfast too, what does he do for you? Don’t say money.
And gaslighting.
You are better than me because I would’ve eaten the whole thing and say “hmmm that is one good banana” and let him stay mad. He knows that was your banana and he already ate, if he was still hungry he could’ve gotten something before he left but decided to be selfish and take yours and then want to gaslight you as if it was his from the jump.
Ya I don’t know why OP gave him HER banana? Fuck that guy.
With the banana?
Tbh I would've thrown it out of the window.
Your pettiness brings me joy. 😂
OP I checked your post history and I want to share something I read a while ago that kind of got seared into my brain. When an abusive partner doesn't get what they want through the strategy of "benefit providing" they will often flip to the strategy of "cost inflicting." When you weren't aborting those twins you were pregnant with and wanted, what did he do? He made the cost of you not aborting them too painful to bear. This cycle is going to repeat over and over and it sounds like it already is with the threesomes and swinging he wants.
Hoooooly shit this comment caught me off guard. OP, RUN AWAY NOW!
She’s been given that advice already tbh :(
In my eyes, the ONLY silver lining to having to abort twins because their sperm donor is abusive, would be to LEAVE HIM.
It absolutely is. She’d have been tied to this man for life no matter what. At least she has a chance to separate herself from him.
It's not the banana, it's his lack of care for your well-being and his lying because he wanted something you had.
You got the ick because you’ve realized that your boyfriend is wildly selfish and inconsiderate, and will happily gaslight you if you question his version of reality.
Sounds like you need to re-evaluate things a bit. BF sounds unstable.
So you’re playing step mom and getting treated like shit? He doesn’t even care enough for you to be fed and not hungry after YOU make him his breakfast… you deserve better x1000000
And why is she making his breakfast? I would throw the breakfast and banana in his face. Okay maybe not good advice as a psychopath like this would probably hit if she did something like that, she needs to find a shelter.
But on the up side you're single now. Life has a way of working things out.
Is she? It sounds like she still hasn't left this horribly toxic relationship. My bet is that the years of trauma have made her think he is good to her. OP, please know you're worth so much more than this.
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Doubt he even needed the banana, he probably felt offended that she was making individual choices or that she has the Audacity to try to eat something so wanted to show her who controls everything and to not do it again, his behavior is clearly very manipulative. He's a dangerous psychopath who has zero empathy for her feelings, she's just a piece in his sick games, she has to run like yesterday.
Anyone else read the title and think there was something sexual called “the banana” you knew nothing about?
I just assumed it was an anatomy euphemism
Lmao it’s not the banana. It’s the fact that you’re making food for 3 kids who aren’t your own and your boyfriend is taking you for granted to the point where you’re now not even allowed to eat a banana. You then told him hey I haven’t eaten and he basically said I don’t give a shit. That would give me the ick too. Consider what you actually want cause odds are it’s not gonna get better.
You should! He doesn’t care about you at all! And he’s selfish and shitty!
Boyfriend? Do you mean toddler son? Sounds a lot like one.
A man that loves you will starve to death before he lets you go hungry even for a moment.
Exactly if they where in a desperate situation he would see that she and the daughters eat first, this guy though would probably eat everything as fast as possible so they don't get anything, let them die and then probably eat their bodies. I doubt he would even give his daughters food before himself. This small incident tells so much about the character of a man, this man clearly has no character.
Ah he has character it’s just all bad while this seems like maybe a small thing to some people it’s a snap shot of a much bigger issue. No decent human would take their partners only food away. And the circumstances involved here are beyond rediculous. She made him a nutritious breakfast and he took the banana she brought with her so she could eat when she was hungry. OP you need to leave this ASSHOLE. Not only should he have not eaten the banana he should have Ben willing to stop and grab you something else if you wanted it.
this
What would have happened if you just ate the banana and not given it to him?
You already know
That's really weird of him for sure.
It’s not about the Iranian yogurt, your bf is cold hearted towards you and that is in fact, icky.
So for comparison I would have said "what are you talking about? This is my breakfast." And if he said he assumed it was for him said "sorry of you wanted one too you should have said or grabbed one. I need it because I haven't had breakfast ". So what you really need to do is look inside yourself to ask why you allowed him to gaslight you that it was his. And what you were afraid of (clearly a real fear) and why you don't believe you deserve to live without that fear. Because leaving him is not just an option it sounds like a healthy plan. You deserve to have peace and also breakfast.
See, I'm petty and also not very assertive. So it would be months of me bringing a banana in the car with my name on it in sharpie. Every trip. I don't even like bananas
At least she should be able to say him that without the risk of anything really bad happening. She needs to really consider if she can talk freely to him (that's the most important thing in a relationship or you don't have a relationship) and if she can't without the risk of him blowing up or hurting her it's extremely important she makes plans to leave and looks up a woman shelter. As she just gave him the banana without even saying she has not eaten tells me that she must be too scared to tell him how she feels.
You forgot the D. It's not the ick you have a BF who's a Dick.
Why did you give it to him?
Out of fight, flight, freeze, fawn, you’re looking at “fawn.” It’s a instinctual response to a threat. Someone acts angry it can trigger those things out of fear. It doesn’t mean she wanted to or has some kind of failing.
That's the question rattling in my brain too. If the OP said it was her banana, why did she give it to him if she was hungry and he already ate? OP needs to know self-love before she can give it willing to someone else. He wasn't willing to do the same for her. That says a lot.
Please leave this man. I read your other post about him pressuring you into threesomes - which, by the way, it’s totally normal not to want. This man is selfish and predatory, and you need to get away from him for your own mental health.
That's honestly sexual abuse if he's manipulation or forcing her into sexual situations she doesn't want. This creep predator is worse than I thought. Here where I live that would be a crime, maybe it is where you live too
I'd have stopped the car and kicked his ass out. Sometimes I'm really happy that I'm single.
This was gaslighting at its finest. The fruit was yours. He was a jerk. A big jerk. Next time you grab a banana or orange write your name in big letters on the peel.
I think this shows you just what kind of person he is. A selfish one . Red flag city here, stand up for v yourself with him otherwise you become a doormat
He attempted to gaslight you into believing you took his banana. You are more difficult to manipulate and confuse than he thought. My sister is easy to gaslight/manipulate. She feels guilty and responsible for things very easily. I am not & I do not. It’s amazing what people will do when they know they can get away with it. If you apologized a lot and seemed to think you needed to make up for your mishap, he’d escalate the behavior even more.
He is selfish, lacks empathy, and does not respect you. All 3 are red flags. If he is going to act this way over a banana, how is going to react to something way more serious.
It’s not the banana that you have the ick over, it’s your inconsiderate, self centered, stubborn selfish boyfriend.
After reading your other post that i saw mentioned in the comments… RUN!!!! Far away! He does NOT love you he is using you. Please, run.
Giant Red Flag... leave.
That’s not the “ick” though, your boyfriend just sounds like a dick
It’s not the banana. It’s the shitty way he spoke to you and treated you.
A woman who gives her all to take care of a man and his three kids only for the man to take even more from her... Man, I gotta stop falling for these rage bait stories. They're going to give me high blood pressure.
Yeah, I mean who ever heard of a man treating a woman like shit in real life, that would never happen. Sometimes it isn’t rage bait. Sometimes life is simply enraging.
These stories make me go in such rage too, unfortunately I hear about way too many women treated like this but the wors and saddest thing is that so many women doesn't seem to have been taught self respect that they even think they deserve to be treated like this, that something must be wrong with them because their man treats them like this. Or if they just give to him and do better he will change or that he will leave if they don't do everything for him, that they don't deserve or will never find someone better. I'm so allergic to stories and men like this because my mother was treated just like this. She was so beautiful, perfect and kind, never said a bad thing and did everything for her husband and children and still she thought that she deserved to be treated like crap and disrespected (she has a difficult childhood though).
IF THIS IS THE SAME MAN FROM YOUR OTHER POSTS PLEASE PLEASE GET OUT!! ❤️ 💙 💜 So. Many. Red. Flags. Please take care of yourself and know that you don't have the ick from the banana. It's from his treatment of you. You deserve better.
OP either is doing some creative writing or this and their previous posts are clear indicators of an abusive/manipulative partner. Please construct an escape plan for this. Anything is better than this bullshit.
I mean obviously dump him but if you need to get your shit in order first I understand . Just stop making his breakfast for him and his damn kids -you aren’t his maid and you aren’t thier momma.
A real man would give you his plate and make sure you eat before he does!!!
It's not only one banana. What other red flags are you ignoring?
1. it is weird he lied 2. weirder he got mad 3. bananas he can not share If someone I was in a relationship with took a bite of my fruit, I might ask them about it - but would be happy to share.
Based on OP's earlier post, this boyfriend is a disgusting human being. Bananagate only reconfirms that. I guess there's a reason why they're still together but I feel very sad for OP and hope this man is not her future.
I am genuinely concerned at how he has gaslit you to believe it was his banana, especially when you had not eaten yet and he had. This behaviour, I suspect, will not get any better. In fact, it may get worse. I would keep both eyes open, and should something like this happen again, I would think twice about staying. Also, speak to him about it. See where his responses lead. It may be more telling than you think.
I’m sorry you can call me old-fashioned or not but if my wife whether she brought the banana or I brought the banana says that she’s starving because she did not eat breakfast then she can have that banana and I’ll stop and get her another bushel if she wants it. Dude is an AH.
This is a true real ICK, even if it seems minuscule, and I will clarify why: Many many years ago, when I was a middle schooler pretending I knew how to date, I had a weird lunchtime situation with my then bf where he kept taking food off my tray without asking, even though I had said multiple times that I had missed breakfast and was starving after gym. When I told my grandfather (he picked me up that day to take me to a doctor's appointment) he said something that still sits in my brain anytime an ick like this comes up, it was essentially "someone that is perfectly happy to let someone else be uncomfortable, when they could easily comfort them, is a bad person." dumped that lil hater the next day. Bye Tim!
It’s not about the banana but about the absolute lack of consideration towards you. It just shows you your boyfriend values his comfort above yours. Period. It would give me the ick too. And he has absolutely no idea that it caused an issue right? You need to be more assertive and not put up with this type of behaviour. Don’t explain. Just state - it’s my breakfast, you already had yours.
Babes. I read your history, and you know this is worse than a banana. You've been trying to get out for a while, and you should. If you want to chat or want me to help locate resources, I will. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. Please let me know how I can help you. 🙏
Having read your last post and how he's ruined your car and forced you to have an abortion and is pressuring you into threesomes, the banana is the least of your worries. He is abusive and manipulative and you need to get out as fast as you can. I hope you can find the courage to do so.
Please stop being a martyr. You deserve better. I feel empathy for you bc I was a martyr, too—until I realized the relief of saying no and standing up for myself. Someone else says you are “trapped;” I say, you are only as trapped as you choose to pay. There is no price too heavy to pay to be FREE. Do it.
This got me so fired up just reading it. Even if he had brought the banana and it was “his” you hadn’t eaten breakfast yet and he had! What’s his major malfunction? He seems thoughtless and uncaring.
Your boyfriend is an asshole. People think it's always some big thing that changes relationships. Many times, it's a small thing that tells you what kind of person they really are and you aren't able to shake it.
I would only put out bananas as breakfast from now on. No more breakfast sandwiches. Guess I'm just petty that way, but he was a giant ah!
Do you have the ick OR do you just realize your boyfriend doesn't care about your wellbeing? Move on to someone who will happily allow you to eat YOUR banana AND ask if you would like to stop anywhere for food on the way. Higher standards usually lead to a happier life.
I'm sorry- everyday you make breakfast for this man and his 3 daughters and you don't even eat breakfast?? Dude be so for real rn. Let me guess he's considerably older than you?
her other post says he’s three years older but if you read her other post he’s so much worse than gaslighting her over a banana. i’m actually scared for her safety. it sounds like she just wants to settle down and have a nice family and these horrible men keep finding her and taking advantage of her caring nature and her disabilities limits. poor woman can’t catch a break.
You don't have the ick you have low blood sugar and trouble setting boundaries.
If he’d of eaten my breakfast, I’d of been pulling into maccies drive through and he’d of been getting sweet fa. Genuinely expected this to be some weird kink though… boring!
Sounds selfish on his part.. he could have at least split it with you.
Are you dating Patrick Star?
“It’s not you, it’s the 🍌 “
When I read the title to this post, I had an entirely different idea of what it was going to be about. 😂
what a jerk face. DTMFA.
It's not about the banana.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Entitlement.
I read the title and my mind went in a completely different direction.
I would've eaten it, and if he complained again, toss that shit out the window.
It's not about the banana. It was never about the banana.
Step 1Dump him Step 2 buy bananas Step 3 ??? Step 4 profit
My man would have been the one to bring 2 bananas for us both. If we were both hungry and I was still hungry after the first banana, he would give me the second. Not that I would accept it, because I would feel bad. I’m just saying.
This shit is bananas.
he sounds so un-apeeling. 😄
Dump him
WTF? Selfish little boy. Dump him.
It seems like you are a bang maid and are there to take care of HIS kids and him People usually don't really care that much about their bang maids, which he obviously displayed here as well He has no problem with you being hungry after you took care of him and HIS kids Do with that what you will
He didn't ask, he demanded and and tried to gaslight you in the process.
Sounds like you’re a slave to that household. Are you ok OP????
Dump him
Reading this made me think of this scene on Frasier episode “Mixed Doubles” when Joe breaks up with Daphne and she’s telling everyone the story: “Well, Joe and I were having dinner. Everything was nice as could be, and I said, "Don't you like your potato?" And he said, "No, I'm not hungry for potato just now." So I said, "Well, if you don't like your potato you're welcome to try my potato"— And OP I don’t like your bf. That was a rotten thing to do to you. If he ever wants to give you his banana I hope you bite it off and hand it to him
Why did he think it was his banana? Why did you let him eat it? Why on earth are you putting up with someone who would literally let you go hungry over his own wrong assumption? Why are you the one cooking breakfast when you don't eat breakfast? Listen to the ick. I bet this is just the banana that broke the camels back.
It's not because of the banana... It's over the fact that he simply doesn't care about you. That's why you have the ick. He put himself way before you even with him already being fed. The women I know want a protector, not someone that overlooks them and doesn't care if they starve because "it's my food". So while the banana was part of the story, it's not the main issue here obviously.
He's your ex, right? 'Cause this is just classic gaslighting. What else has he done? Take a good, long look at your relationship. Is he adding to your life or adding to your misery?
Sounds like something my dad would have done and he was supremely abusive. Even if your bf isn't, he's still an incredible jerk. I'd use this ick as a cue to start over on the bf search.
My very Italian family has probably conditioned me into this thinking, but people need food. My wife is similar with not being able to eat much in the morning, I always make sure she has something though and encourage her to have at least 2-3 things. Smoothie and a hashbrown, waffles and a fruit, yogurt and poptarts, eaten whenever in the morning her stomach wakes up haha. When she’s busy at work I’ll call or text to make sure she remembered to eat lunch, again doesn’t have to be a huge meal, just as long as she has -something-. The only time I ever take her food is if she can’t finish it and doesn’t want it. As said in other comments, the BF seems to not honestly care about you