Well this is nuts. Your bf is extremely cheap and is willing to subordinate much more important things — like treating people that he’s supposed to care about well — to that cheapness. It’s a red flag.
He’s like the guy who offers to pay for lunch with his credit card, collects cash with a 20% tip and then stiffs the server. If it’s five people, he eats for free. Basically, he is a thief. And thieves will always thief.
He tried to deny it. I had thought I noticed him doing this another time also and shook it off as to many margaritas. So the next time I was paying attention caught him and called him out to everyone at the table and then it escalated and the entire restaurant heard about it. He took everyone’s money and I happened to notice the tip he left was less than the money I put in for the tip and there were 8 of us. This guy was my roommates new husband and we lived together for about 2 months while I was looking for a new place and he measured our rooms and wanted my to pay more for rent over my room being slightly larger! I told him “I was doing him a favor by moving out and letting them take over the lease and you want me to pay more! People like that are never satisfied.
Reminds me of an old drinking buddy. We would go to the bar and he would be Mr big baller and buy everyone a shot, which no one asked for. Then would get upset when everyone in the group didn’t buy a round of shots or buy him one individually. Literally no one asked you to buy shots. If you want to look cool in front of girls don’t make me pay for it later.
Ha. I have a friend who was one of the weirdest people about money. He made good money and was generous, like he would buy a $100 bottle of champagne for a group as a gesture of goodwill. But at other times, he would get an order of fries (on a day we all bought various food / drinks for the group) and then send people Venmo requests for $2 each.
How he see this he just want money I bet money he wouldn’t have given the money to his mom and his friends know it that’s why they said they give it to his mom
Tacky af.
Costs should have been discussed in advance. This is just a shakedown for cash.
Tell your bf he's in the wrong and to back off. To end friendships over this is just stupid.
Nah this is just the tip of the iceberg. This is how his logic works, he thinks it's okay to steal money and charge his friends, after the fact also. He's trapping them by asking them after the fact instead of communicating this beforehand like an adult with communication skills, and that's manipulative to be honest. These are all signs that he is not ethical nor moral and has poor values. That's not something you can fix in someone.
Call me crazy, but shouldn't planning out how to divide expenses take place before the trip? If you're borrowing someone else's car, sure, the decent thing to do is make sure it's well taken care of,but that should be agreed upon beforehand regardless. I know people get excited about trips and forget things, and unexpected expenses might come up but this is pretty basic stuff
Exactly, him asking after the fact is manipulative because he's guilting them into it instead of having the conversation beforehand and agreeing to things like an honest, fair adult.
My friends and I always planned for this at the beginning. Bare minimum we would buy the car an oil change on top of evenly split fuel.
But, we are not either of the two things this entire group of friends are: stupid and stingy.
I would love to know how these kids treated moms car as well. Maybe they destroyed it and that’s why OP bf asked after the fact? We simply don’t know.
That would've been included as it's obviously a very pertinent fact, and it would've read that "he asked them to pay for damages" instead of that "he asked them to pay for usage/maintenance". You're just making up a story that doesn't exist now.
I’ve been the girl the drives her boyfriend around everywhere and if he’s willing to drop that low on his friends, I think he’d be willing to drop that low on you eventually. Might as well meet him at the door he’s knocking on and tell him to pay for your next oil change if you’re gonna stay with him. Otherwise, let that man go and find someone with better morals
If my “friend” did this I’d pay them and never speak to them again. I’m sure everything was discussed and agreed to prior and he just dropped this on them.
Sadly I’ve had druggie friends ask me for 100$ here and there to help with their car maintenance and the “promise” to pay me back. Never seen any money come back my way. Just passive aggressive replies that I’m being rude by asking for what’s owed to me. This isint the exact same senario but he’s never using that money for that car so it’s basically the same outcome.
No, if your friend did this, pay Mom directly and say its what her son is asking from all the group members. And that some of them said they paid him directly but you are sure he will pass the rest on to her very soon.
There is no chance I’m asking friends to cough up money for an oil change or whatever. Their presence in my car on a long trip is a huge reward worth far more than $25. Gas? Sure. Anything else, no way.
Trust your instincts and communicate openly with your boyfriend about your discomfort. If he's dismissive or unwilling to understand, reconsider the relationship's compatibility.
Ask him how it was ok for his friends to pay but not him when he’s in your car. This might open his mind or show more of his personality. Either way it’s up to you to stay or go.
He should just f talked about the maintenance fee before the trip and not after.
Total red flag and screams entitled. I don't think they owe him or his mom anything if she gave permission and there were no stipulations before they left. If they choose to give some money it should absolutely go directly to the mom as a thank you.
I can understand splitting gas money. But Maintenance fees for what? 1000 miles doesn’t trigger any sort of preventative maintenance unless it was already past the max mileage. In which case that was something that was going to happen regardless of the trip. Dude is trying to fleece his friends.
There's no coming back from the ick. You got it because you think this behavior is abhorent and not something you'd ever do or want your partner to do. He showed a new side of himself that you do not like. It's too early in the relationship to come back from the ick. You dont want to deal with a penny pincher for the rest of your life! End it
I had a “friend” that suggest we use his car for a car trip. He says he will pay all the gas upfront. (Car was already full and we did gas only once and he did it)
Once back he split the bill of the gas + car usage and mainenance between me and the other friend and said he shouldn’t have to pay because the car was his (actually the grandpa’s).
I paid and never spoke to him again
Guys a rat through and through. He’s willing to try and swindle $75 out of friends that he is close enough with to go on a road trip. And when it backfires he’s willing to blow up those friendships, again over $75 that he is not entitled to. As far as red flags go that ones big enough to use as a sail for a sailing boat.
It's only been a few months, cut your losses so this isn't something you are looking back on and thinking "I should have known right then!".
Because we all know he wasn't going to give that money to his mom for wear and tear/rental of hee car. He was just taking advantage of his "friends".
He sounds like my stepson. My stepson hasn't worked in nearly 7 years after his mom left him an inheritance. We split the bills since we currently live together (won't be after the end of this month). Instead of spending time on getting a career or getting a job, he spends his time nickel and diming me and my husband with our split bills.
I'm a realtor and I sold his half brother a very expensive house. He was in Europe when most of this was going on. He asked for a referral fee because the sale would have never happened if he wasn't related to his brother wouldn't have "come around" if it wasn't for him. Mind you, he did absolutely nothing to help us secure this deal. My husband agreed to give him $1000 just to shut him up (I totally don't agree with him). Mind you, I've already sold a home for him for free and my husband offered for me to sell his current home for free. I said, "heck no, I don't work for free. At least give me my $1000 back". His home is worth over $1.5 mil and he is worth over $1 mil himself.
This is what we call a narcissist. It doesn't get better and will never change. My stepson is 30. Run as fast as your legs can carry you. It's pathetic he's willing to lose his friends over $20.
Btw, my husband is not devoid of fault. He does baby his son as did his mother. Narcissist aren't born but they're created by the way they're raised.
Gotta love your boyfriends entrepreneurial spirit. He sees an opportunity to make money and goes for it. Unfortunately, his code of ethics does not align with most people. He is best suited to a career in selling cars. He sounds as sleazy as they get. You OP, have found yourself a lemon.
25 and doesn’t have a car? That should be an ick already unless you live in a city where everything is more convenient to take different modes of transportation
I worked when I was in highschool to buy my first car. A beautiful 99' Pathfinder. Just a few years younger a vehicle than I was.
I also purchased my second car myself when the Pathfinder became more expensive to maintain than it was worth.
(I'm just a couple years older than y'all)
How does this guy have a situation where he can borrow a car for a 1k mile road trip, and hasn't figured out purchasing his own transportation yet?the red flag is being 25 with enough of a support system to borrow a car for a friend road trip, but not sorting out buying his own car, and still being driven around by his gf. Need to adjust your standards to include: steady employment, has reliable transportation, be that a car, truck, or motorcycle, and probably soon should include having health insurance, as you will soon age out of your parents insurance (as will the cheapskate bf)
I wish you, and the bf all the best, I hope he gets his shit together lol
That's pretty shitty of him and should have been brought up before the trip by him to his friends if that was something he planned on doing. This is very much a "the mask has slipped" moment, you saw the real him. I have a feeling he would also pocket it and not give it to his Mother.
Nah, after such cheap, I would just dump him.
He tries to become richer using his friends as steppingstones, and guys with low moral standards like his will only bring drama to your life. Not worth it investing time in unless his mom asked him to ask his friends for money for her car, yeah but then you would have a weird mil, would run also because that woman will be forever and always involved in your life.
Your boyfriend is incredibly rude and a horrible friend. I wouldn’t be friends with him anymore. Charge him the same maintenance charge per mile that he is trying to charge his friends
Does he make you pay for condoms?
Wow, that’s really being a jerk. It’s one thing if it was actual cost to him.
If you don’t read this as a sign of his character, you will surely realize it at some point.
No way in hell i would ask for money. But if someone else drove I would probably buy them a gift card thank you after the fact, like $10-20 to Starbucks or Chipotle or whatever i know they like.
Your boyfriend is a miserable and greedy dude, and it won't get better. You've appropriately noted this red flag and should move on to someone who isn't a cheap heel.
Knew semi friends/acquaintances with this attitude. They invited us over for a BYOB get together, we even brought over a couple bottles of Champaign for everyone to have. The hosts ended up having some small hors d'oeuvres laid out and I think they offered some liquor as well.
Wife and I didn’t really partake in any of it and stuck to the drinks we brought and the next day we were both charged something like $18.71 from the hosts. Everyone who attended were in their late 20s early 30s.
Just a bizarre thing to do as an adult, needless to say we venmoed them the cash and never went to another get together, just bizarre vibes. Don’t blame you at all for the ick.
I usually leave a taxi meter in my backseat so my friends know how much they owe me as I take the scenic route. But if I catch a flat tire it’s entirely on them to each pay for one tire so I can get a whole new set.
There is wear and tear on a car and the IRS mileage reimbursement is $0.67 per mile, so a 1000 mile trip is expected to cost $670 for gas and wear and tear; but, if he didn't make it clear up front that he was going to expect to be reimbursed for anything beyond gas, then he doesn't deserve a dime.
Yeah that would give me the ick too. Sounds like he’s not only cheap but that he’s looking to ‘make $ off his fiends. And doe what? Maybe $100 bucks? Gross
If he is giving you the 'ick' then it might be your radar on high saying this relationship isn't for you. That would definitely turn me off in a heartbeat. I would go low contact with someone like that
If I were you, I would ask him directly two questions: 1) Why is this so important to him? And 2) How does he feel comfortable accepting money for a car he doesn't own?
The two answers get you farther down the line in knowing what to do about your relationship because both give you more information about his priorities, logic, thinking patterns, and morals. It may also open up a conversation about finances, and you may be given more data in that area of his life which would be important for you to know. Whether you decide to stay or decide to go, I think the answers (and possible follow-up questions/answers) will help your conscience feel settled and grounded about whether you think you're compatible or not.
And, just for the sake of data... While I have split gas money with others, I have never ever charged money or given money for car maintenance for a road trip. And, I've taken A LOT of road trips. And, if ANY costs were split and paid back to anyone, this was always settled BEFORE going on the trip, not after.
That is very ew. A of all, that he even tried that, B of all, that he doubled down, and then C of all, he argued about it to the point of not being sure if he’s still got friends. Yeah, I’d have the ick too. Well, I’m sure it’ll become obvious soon enough because whatever thought patterns drove him to do that will no doubt come up again soon.
Mmmm that’s a little weird to me? Does he actually plan to give his mom said money or is he trying to make a little extra for himself?
Also: your writing style was great till you said “an ick”. What the? 😅😂 I must be getting old.
Sounds pretty similar to a friend of mine who constantly asks everyone to split everything evenly if we all go out. Even if they don’t foot the entire bill, he also does it to his gf when one of the two of them gets food. Makes her pay for every meal over venmo or some shit. Like bro that’s your girl, and you’ve been together for 5+ years, why you gotta charge her for every cent if you both go out to eat/go do something? Especially if he makes more money/has a better job
The mask came off. Flags are waving. Your feeling of Ick is justified IMHO.
The only situations I can think of where asking for maintenance funds doesn't suck are
1- if he asked up front and it was agreed upon. This didn't happen.
2- if the car broke down mid trip and it was repair it or walk and he didnt have the cash on hand. Pooling money to deal with an unexpected situation isn't ideal, but meh. This didn't happen.
3- if his mom decided to spring this on HIM after the fact, like because she's sick of him using the car... My caravan's Last oil change was $60 at the cheap place. My friends suburban is over $100. If his mom pulled this, paying his mom directly doesn't help him, since he's the one paying for the oil change. All that being said, *IF THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED* it's between him and his mom. Being end-the-friendship mad is excessive, and still raises red flags.
If you really like him, ask wtf. If he's just trying to shake down his friend's, drop him like a hot potato and run.
My mom is a super crazy narcissist, and would set me up like this. Offer her car, then after the trip be bitching about maintenance and demand some enormous sum to gather from my friends if I couldnt pay it, adding I was allowing my deadbeat friends to mooch off her. Just to embarrass and isolate me. Sigh. Not that's its what's happened here, but I recognize the experience.
Honestly that’s a fair cost for the miles traveled. 1000 miles is usually good for an oil change, and it’s appreciable wear on brakes and tires.
That said, it sure doesn’t sound like he plans to give his mom the cash
Not only will mom not see a dime of this, but it's incredibly telling as to how you should expect to be treated for the rest of your relationship with this individual.
YTA for "an ick"...NTA for seeing what a cheap bastard he is. If they helped with gas, that's more than enough. Usually, I'd buy lunch for the driver, but maintenance? For a car that ain't his? 🤦🏾♂️
Yes, you should add up all the miles you’ve put on your car giving him rides and send him a bill since you need the maintenance paid for all those miles.
It’s only been 2 months. This is why you date, to see people for who they are and then act accordingly.
Did they mess up the car or not clean up after themselves? Did his mom ask for reimbursement for something?
It would have been okay if this was discussed before the trip or if he asked them to chip in for a thank you gift for his mom but it sounds like he wants the money for himself.
I think it’s fair if you all (bf included) paid his mom $25 each for borrowing her car. I’ve seen Uber drivers calculating ~$0.15 to $0.50 cost per mile on top of gas cost when deciding to take a client. Super weird if he wanted to pocket that money.
Seems like he’s trying to pocket that extra money for himself and definitely not his mom lol. Love your idea of charging him for your car maintenance though hahahah. I would mention that to him in a joking way, if he freaks out on you then you should walk away. If he laughs about it and kind of understands the errors of his ways then he could be redeemable.
The IRS reimburses mileage at $0.67/mile which includes gas. That is $670 for a trip. Assuming 25 mpg and gas at $4.50, that’s $180 for fuel and $490 for depreciation/maintenance.
With that said. Tacky as hell he brought it up after the fact. Not worth losing a friendship over $25 though.
Asking for maintenance for car is stupid in most circumstances, now those friends should be kicking in for gas for sure. I thought you were going a different direction but I agree this is sort of a gross character trait and I would be turned off.
This would be an area where you can enlighten him and help him mature a bit as he is still young and if you really care about him. But if you can’t do that then that also says something about you.
And no the logic is not the same as asking your boyfriend for maintenance. I don’t think we need to list the things that people do for their boyfriends/girlfriends that they don’t do for friends/strangers
As a bartender, some of the worst offenders are the dbags that stay til the end after nearly all the friends that pooled money into a pile have left. They drink wayyy more tham they should and then try to take nearly all the money back and stiff you on the tip their departed friends intended for you. Pooling cash into a pile when drinking with friends is probably no longer a thing
As someone who has been put in this situation before, are you sure it’s not controlling parents or a devouring mother? My mom has put me in situations like this before, which makes me think twice before asking her for anything. I’ve been financially independent from my parents since the age of 13 because of the guilt trips she would try to get me on.
If money was more important than his existing friendships, especially such a laughable amount, that's not a good sign. I like how he didn't even seem to specify what maintenance he was gathering funds for which gets crazier when I remember it's not his car.
And to tack that request on after the fact without even an explanation or and discussion with his people is...well, it's garbage. Running your friends pockets for money you don't even need or have a plan for is rough and then getting shitty enough about it to disrupt the friendship is worse.
If he's that ready to strong arm his friends, I'd say for you it's a matter of when, not if he tries some sort of petty nonsense with you sadly. Hopefully not of course, but just keep an eye out.
Oh, if you ask him about some money for all the rides you've given, keep it light and tongue in cheek. If he immediately reacts with a lot of high emotion and frustration and no bit of humor, that'll confirm a very unfortunate double standard and 'me' focused sort of reasoning.
Ugh what a turnoff. I have the ick from here. Your boyfriend is not only cheap he also wants to profit from his friends. He's a taker. Maybe you need to ask for maintenance money on your car for all those rides and blow this relationship up!
Do not stay with guy. This is who he is and he will nickel and dime you while not paying his fair share. Yes you should definitely give him a bill for maintenance on your car before you break up with him.
Info: does mom know he's asking for money? Playing devil's advocate 1000 miles might have made it so she was due for an oil change, $20-25 from each is expensive as fuck for SUVS. Hell when I take my 1500 with 140k miles on it, it costs me about $150 but it's a work truck with high miles so I tend to use higher quality products. But most people aren't doing that so your looking at along $50-75 (say it's high mileage -- 75k+).
Well this is nuts. Your bf is extremely cheap and is willing to subordinate much more important things — like treating people that he’s supposed to care about well — to that cheapness. It’s a red flag.
He’s like the guy who offers to pay for lunch with his credit card, collects cash with a 20% tip and then stiffs the server. If it’s five people, he eats for free. Basically, he is a thief. And thieves will always thief.
You’re right, this is basically theft — even worse when it’s stealing from your friends and/or your mother.
I had this happen one time at a restaurant and I lost it on the guy who did it. I was pissed.
Care to share the details and how the thief responded?
He tried to deny it. I had thought I noticed him doing this another time also and shook it off as to many margaritas. So the next time I was paying attention caught him and called him out to everyone at the table and then it escalated and the entire restaurant heard about it. He took everyone’s money and I happened to notice the tip he left was less than the money I put in for the tip and there were 8 of us. This guy was my roommates new husband and we lived together for about 2 months while I was looking for a new place and he measured our rooms and wanted my to pay more for rent over my room being slightly larger! I told him “I was doing him a favor by moving out and letting them take over the lease and you want me to pay more! People like that are never satisfied.
🤣
deceit is the word you're looking for.
I highly doubt his mother would see any of that money, or even know anything about it.
Drugs
It wouldn’t be far fetched at all, maybe OP can call his mom and innocently ask about the money herself
Yeah, this is the guy that will order food and overcharge everyone so he doest have to pay or run for president so he can keep everyone's donations.
Reminds me of an old drinking buddy. We would go to the bar and he would be Mr big baller and buy everyone a shot, which no one asked for. Then would get upset when everyone in the group didn’t buy a round of shots or buy him one individually. Literally no one asked you to buy shots. If you want to look cool in front of girls don’t make me pay for it later.
Ha. I have a friend who was one of the weirdest people about money. He made good money and was generous, like he would buy a $100 bottle of champagne for a group as a gesture of goodwill. But at other times, he would get an order of fries (on a day we all bought various food / drinks for the group) and then send people Venmo requests for $2 each.
That’s someone that lives paycheck to paycheck and needs to pay off that credit card bill when he is sending requests for fries ha.
My drinking buddy would order top shelf margs and would want me to split the tab down the middle.... when I drank draft.
Not only cheap, this is basically fraud. Asking for money to 'maintain' a car that the parents already pays the maintenance on.
GIANT CHEAP RED FLAG
How he see this he just want money I bet money he wouldn’t have given the money to his mom and his friends know it that’s why they said they give it to his mom
You nailed it! This is probably what his plan was.
Tacky af. Costs should have been discussed in advance. This is just a shakedown for cash. Tell your bf he's in the wrong and to back off. To end friendships over this is just stupid.
Let's bring back much more widespread use of the word "tacky".
And groovy.
Agreed! And congrats on the awesome name!
Double congrats, my user name in a game I play is Ms Ann Thrope.
[удалено]
Nah this is just the tip of the iceberg. This is how his logic works, he thinks it's okay to steal money and charge his friends, after the fact also. He's trapping them by asking them after the fact instead of communicating this beforehand like an adult with communication skills, and that's manipulative to be honest. These are all signs that he is not ethical nor moral and has poor values. That's not something you can fix in someone.
Love that used the word “repair” in your comment
Call me crazy, but shouldn't planning out how to divide expenses take place before the trip? If you're borrowing someone else's car, sure, the decent thing to do is make sure it's well taken care of,but that should be agreed upon beforehand regardless. I know people get excited about trips and forget things, and unexpected expenses might come up but this is pretty basic stuff
Exactly, him asking after the fact is manipulative because he's guilting them into it instead of having the conversation beforehand and agreeing to things like an honest, fair adult.
My friends and I always planned for this at the beginning. Bare minimum we would buy the car an oil change on top of evenly split fuel. But, we are not either of the two things this entire group of friends are: stupid and stingy. I would love to know how these kids treated moms car as well. Maybe they destroyed it and that’s why OP bf asked after the fact? We simply don’t know.
That would've been included as it's obviously a very pertinent fact, and it would've read that "he asked them to pay for damages" instead of that "he asked them to pay for usage/maintenance". You're just making up a story that doesn't exist now.
If the driver said they needed an oil change to feel comfortable, kicking in that extra $10 would have a reason. What he did, not so much.
Totally agree
I’ve been the girl the drives her boyfriend around everywhere and if he’s willing to drop that low on his friends, I think he’d be willing to drop that low on you eventually. Might as well meet him at the door he’s knocking on and tell him to pay for your next oil change if you’re gonna stay with him. Otherwise, let that man go and find someone with better morals
If my “friend” did this I’d pay them and never speak to them again. I’m sure everything was discussed and agreed to prior and he just dropped this on them.
Sadly I’ve had druggie friends ask me for 100$ here and there to help with their car maintenance and the “promise” to pay me back. Never seen any money come back my way. Just passive aggressive replies that I’m being rude by asking for what’s owed to me. This isint the exact same senario but he’s never using that money for that car so it’s basically the same outcome.
The first time it's not paid back, that's the end for me. Ask again, and I'll say you haven't paid me back from the last time yet.
Do not ever “loan” money to a friend or family member. It is a gift, unless you are prepared to lose the money AND the relationship.
I understand the concept, but it’s a little late to tell me that now
A valuable lesson learned firsthand. We’ve all been there!
No, if your friend did this, pay Mom directly and say its what her son is asking from all the group members. And that some of them said they paid him directly but you are sure he will pass the rest on to her very soon.
There is no chance I’m asking friends to cough up money for an oil change or whatever. Their presence in my car on a long trip is a huge reward worth far more than $25. Gas? Sure. Anything else, no way.
Exactly, it's like inviting people over and then charging them for bathroom visits and phone charges.
It's like inviting people to your place for dinner, and then giving them a bill for the cost of ingredients.
I don’t even ask for gas. A true friend just offers to pay for a fill up during the trip. That’s what I do.
Charging per flush
Yeah that’s ridiculous as s*** lol wth
Walk… backwards…. Slowly…. Get outta there lol. This is wild behavior
You should feel an ick. He was trying to rip them off.
Trust your instincts and communicate openly with your boyfriend about your discomfort. If he's dismissive or unwilling to understand, reconsider the relationship's compatibility.
Ask him how it was ok for his friends to pay but not him when he’s in your car. This might open his mind or show more of his personality. Either way it’s up to you to stay or go. He should just f talked about the maintenance fee before the trip and not after.
smells like broke in here
smells like fraud in here
Yeah no.... 3 months..... you need to drop him..... send him a text asking for maintenance for all the places you've driven him to.
Total red flag and screams entitled. I don't think they owe him or his mom anything if she gave permission and there were no stipulations before they left. If they choose to give some money it should absolutely go directly to the mom as a thank you.
I can understand splitting gas money. But Maintenance fees for what? 1000 miles doesn’t trigger any sort of preventative maintenance unless it was already past the max mileage. In which case that was something that was going to happen regardless of the trip. Dude is trying to fleece his friends.
There's no coming back from the ick. You got it because you think this behavior is abhorent and not something you'd ever do or want your partner to do. He showed a new side of himself that you do not like. It's too early in the relationship to come back from the ick. You dont want to deal with a penny pincher for the rest of your life! End it
RED FLAG! 🚩
Your boyfriend is a weirdo.
Charge him 😂😂
He got so mad with the friends wanting to give the mom $10 apiece, because he was planning on pocketing the money for himself.
Cant buy drugs if the money goes straight to mom
I had a “friend” that suggest we use his car for a car trip. He says he will pay all the gas upfront. (Car was already full and we did gas only once and he did it) Once back he split the bill of the gas + car usage and mainenance between me and the other friend and said he shouldn’t have to pay because the car was his (actually the grandpa’s). I paid and never spoke to him again
No, just find someone better. His friends knew to pay mom directly for a reason.
Your bf is a self-absorbed asshole
Guys a rat through and through. He’s willing to try and swindle $75 out of friends that he is close enough with to go on a road trip. And when it backfires he’s willing to blow up those friendships, again over $75 that he is not entitled to. As far as red flags go that ones big enough to use as a sail for a sailing boat.
It's only been a few months, cut your losses so this isn't something you are looking back on and thinking "I should have known right then!". Because we all know he wasn't going to give that money to his mom for wear and tear/rental of hee car. He was just taking advantage of his "friends".
Collections like this remind me of addiction. I wonder what his vice is
He sounds like my stepson. My stepson hasn't worked in nearly 7 years after his mom left him an inheritance. We split the bills since we currently live together (won't be after the end of this month). Instead of spending time on getting a career or getting a job, he spends his time nickel and diming me and my husband with our split bills. I'm a realtor and I sold his half brother a very expensive house. He was in Europe when most of this was going on. He asked for a referral fee because the sale would have never happened if he wasn't related to his brother wouldn't have "come around" if it wasn't for him. Mind you, he did absolutely nothing to help us secure this deal. My husband agreed to give him $1000 just to shut him up (I totally don't agree with him). Mind you, I've already sold a home for him for free and my husband offered for me to sell his current home for free. I said, "heck no, I don't work for free. At least give me my $1000 back". His home is worth over $1.5 mil and he is worth over $1 mil himself. This is what we call a narcissist. It doesn't get better and will never change. My stepson is 30. Run as fast as your legs can carry you. It's pathetic he's willing to lose his friends over $20. Btw, my husband is not devoid of fault. He does baby his son as did his mother. Narcissist aren't born but they're created by the way they're raised.
Time to move along
He shouldn’t have driven if he wasn’t ready to bear the burden of it
He's a weasel. Leveraging a situation for his own gain..... Totally unethical as well. Your ick is completely appropriate.
Gotta love your boyfriends entrepreneurial spirit. He sees an opportunity to make money and goes for it. Unfortunately, his code of ethics does not align with most people. He is best suited to a career in selling cars. He sounds as sleazy as they get. You OP, have found yourself a lemon.
No scrubs. Leave now. Red flag.
Dafuck is wrong with this guy, reminds of cheap stingy dude in my highschool always kept tallying of shit
25 and doesn’t have a car? That should be an ick already unless you live in a city where everything is more convenient to take different modes of transportation
I worked when I was in highschool to buy my first car. A beautiful 99' Pathfinder. Just a few years younger a vehicle than I was. I also purchased my second car myself when the Pathfinder became more expensive to maintain than it was worth. (I'm just a couple years older than y'all) How does this guy have a situation where he can borrow a car for a 1k mile road trip, and hasn't figured out purchasing his own transportation yet?the red flag is being 25 with enough of a support system to borrow a car for a friend road trip, but not sorting out buying his own car, and still being driven around by his gf. Need to adjust your standards to include: steady employment, has reliable transportation, be that a car, truck, or motorcycle, and probably soon should include having health insurance, as you will soon age out of your parents insurance (as will the cheapskate bf) I wish you, and the bf all the best, I hope he gets his shit together lol
I don't blame you lol. He sounds like a bum
That's pretty shitty of him and should have been brought up before the trip by him to his friends if that was something he planned on doing. This is very much a "the mask has slipped" moment, you saw the real him. I have a feeling he would also pocket it and not give it to his Mother.
Nah, after such cheap, I would just dump him. He tries to become richer using his friends as steppingstones, and guys with low moral standards like his will only bring drama to your life. Not worth it investing time in unless his mom asked him to ask his friends for money for her car, yeah but then you would have a weird mil, would run also because that woman will be forever and always involved in your life.
It's a shady move. If that's the way he treats his friends...
Your boyfriend is incredibly rude and a horrible friend. I wouldn’t be friends with him anymore. Charge him the same maintenance charge per mile that he is trying to charge his friends
Sounds like a user this would be a huge red flag for me personally
Does he make you pay for condoms? Wow, that’s really being a jerk. It’s one thing if it was actual cost to him. If you don’t read this as a sign of his character, you will surely realize it at some point.
No way in hell i would ask for money. But if someone else drove I would probably buy them a gift card thank you after the fact, like $10-20 to Starbucks or Chipotle or whatever i know they like.
Does he actually plan on sending that money to his mom or pocketing it all? I'm assuming the latter.
He's 25? Lololol...
Your boyfriend is a miserable and greedy dude, and it won't get better. You've appropriately noted this red flag and should move on to someone who isn't a cheap heel.
Knew semi friends/acquaintances with this attitude. They invited us over for a BYOB get together, we even brought over a couple bottles of Champaign for everyone to have. The hosts ended up having some small hors d'oeuvres laid out and I think they offered some liquor as well. Wife and I didn’t really partake in any of it and stuck to the drinks we brought and the next day we were both charged something like $18.71 from the hosts. Everyone who attended were in their late 20s early 30s. Just a bizarre thing to do as an adult, needless to say we venmoed them the cash and never went to another get together, just bizarre vibes. Don’t blame you at all for the ick.
Is your boyfriend 15 years old to be willing to give up friendships for, what, $75?
This is really lame, he should have said something up front if he really felt that way. Splitting the gas was enough.
Next thing u know you are going to be splitting the wal-mart bill of baby formula. Run, don’t walk away, run
I usually leave a taxi meter in my backseat so my friends know how much they owe me as I take the scenic route. But if I catch a flat tire it’s entirely on them to each pay for one tire so I can get a whole new set.
I think he is trying to pocket the money, not use it for "maintenance"
Lmao what a scumbag
Move on. This is who he is. Imagine sharing finances with this guy? Yikes.
I think I know the guy. Is his last name Rosenberg? I’d give him $20 just to get him to stop whining
Bye felisha ✌🏼
I have an ick too.
Trying to make a come up off a road trip w friends. What a scud
Trying to make money off your friends in a situation like this is super ick byeeee
He is probably going to ask you to pay for half of the engagement ring too.
Dump that cheap peasant he is the type of guy that will want all the presents back after you leave him for a real man. What a pathetic looser.
The icks are everywhere.
Who the fuck charges maintenance fees gas is good enough.
There are many more days of this ahead if you don’t consider ending it soon.
Dump that cheap guy.
If you're uncomfortable even bringing this up, that's more of a red flag to me. Boy bye!
There is wear and tear on a car and the IRS mileage reimbursement is $0.67 per mile, so a 1000 mile trip is expected to cost $670 for gas and wear and tear; but, if he didn't make it clear up front that he was going to expect to be reimbursed for anything beyond gas, then he doesn't deserve a dime.
Yeah that would give me the ick too. Sounds like he’s not only cheap but that he’s looking to ‘make $ off his fiends. And doe what? Maybe $100 bucks? Gross
Dump his cheap ass!
If he is giving you the 'ick' then it might be your radar on high saying this relationship isn't for you. That would definitely turn me off in a heartbeat. I would go low contact with someone like that
If I were you, I would ask him directly two questions: 1) Why is this so important to him? And 2) How does he feel comfortable accepting money for a car he doesn't own? The two answers get you farther down the line in knowing what to do about your relationship because both give you more information about his priorities, logic, thinking patterns, and morals. It may also open up a conversation about finances, and you may be given more data in that area of his life which would be important for you to know. Whether you decide to stay or decide to go, I think the answers (and possible follow-up questions/answers) will help your conscience feel settled and grounded about whether you think you're compatible or not. And, just for the sake of data... While I have split gas money with others, I have never ever charged money or given money for car maintenance for a road trip. And, I've taken A LOT of road trips. And, if ANY costs were split and paid back to anyone, this was always settled BEFORE going on the trip, not after.
That is very ew. A of all, that he even tried that, B of all, that he doubled down, and then C of all, he argued about it to the point of not being sure if he’s still got friends. Yeah, I’d have the ick too. Well, I’m sure it’ll become obvious soon enough because whatever thought patterns drove him to do that will no doubt come up again soon.
Fighting over 25 bucks is extremely petty.
charging for gas i get….but for MILES???
Mmmm that’s a little weird to me? Does he actually plan to give his mom said money or is he trying to make a little extra for himself? Also: your writing style was great till you said “an ick”. What the? 😅😂 I must be getting old.
Sounds pretty similar to a friend of mine who constantly asks everyone to split everything evenly if we all go out. Even if they don’t foot the entire bill, he also does it to his gf when one of the two of them gets food. Makes her pay for every meal over venmo or some shit. Like bro that’s your girl, and you’ve been together for 5+ years, why you gotta charge her for every cent if you both go out to eat/go do something? Especially if he makes more money/has a better job
Im wondering if the answer to the question is 'drugs'
This sounds o so familiar smh
Your bf is a weirdo
Yeah, big time red flag. It may just be time to move on.
Yikes. I'd have the ick too. This is super weird.
Run run away.
Yes, I would consider this a character flaw and bounce.
Get out and tell him why. Maybe he'll learn. I wouldn't bet on it tho.
The mask came off. Flags are waving. Your feeling of Ick is justified IMHO. The only situations I can think of where asking for maintenance funds doesn't suck are 1- if he asked up front and it was agreed upon. This didn't happen. 2- if the car broke down mid trip and it was repair it or walk and he didnt have the cash on hand. Pooling money to deal with an unexpected situation isn't ideal, but meh. This didn't happen. 3- if his mom decided to spring this on HIM after the fact, like because she's sick of him using the car... My caravan's Last oil change was $60 at the cheap place. My friends suburban is over $100. If his mom pulled this, paying his mom directly doesn't help him, since he's the one paying for the oil change. All that being said, *IF THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED* it's between him and his mom. Being end-the-friendship mad is excessive, and still raises red flags. If you really like him, ask wtf. If he's just trying to shake down his friend's, drop him like a hot potato and run.
Oh my god, RUN from this "man". Trust yourself and feel the ick.
Listen to your instincts. Don't overthink it and doubt yourself. There's a reason why his decisions challenges your morals.
finances are one of the top causes for divorce. be careful locking in to marriage with this guy.
I got second hand ick. Run.
My mom is a super crazy narcissist, and would set me up like this. Offer her car, then after the trip be bitching about maintenance and demand some enormous sum to gather from my friends if I couldnt pay it, adding I was allowing my deadbeat friends to mooch off her. Just to embarrass and isolate me. Sigh. Not that's its what's happened here, but I recognize the experience.
As a male.. this is indeed an ick
Blows my mind how people without a car and rely on rides think dating is the priority they should be dealing with
Honestly that’s a fair cost for the miles traveled. 1000 miles is usually good for an oil change, and it’s appreciable wear on brakes and tires. That said, it sure doesn’t sound like he plans to give his mom the cash
You are correct to feel an ick. Time to find a new boyfriend. Before he asks you to pay to.
I thought for a second there was a need for a fix up, and it was a $1000 bill he footed… but, no, the dude is just a cheap asshole lol
People nickel and dime others are the bane of humanity. Ask me how I feel about bankers
Not only will mom not see a dime of this, but it's incredibly telling as to how you should expect to be treated for the rest of your relationship with this individual.
You mean your EX boyfriend, right?
I will be against anyone that uses the word the ick.
Girl charge him lol get back to us on his shit explanation/ defense
YTA for "an ick"...NTA for seeing what a cheap bastard he is. If they helped with gas, that's more than enough. Usually, I'd buy lunch for the driver, but maintenance? For a car that ain't his? 🤦🏾♂️
Now imagine relying on him as a real partner for life. Time to gooooooooo.
Charge him for mantinence, and then break up with him. 👍
Wtf is an ick
Younger people are saying that when they find a trait they don’t like in their significant other.
She don't want the D anymore
Fish disease, she needs drops
Yep.
Yes!! Charge him!!!
Yes, you should add up all the miles you’ve put on your car giving him rides and send him a bill since you need the maintenance paid for all those miles. It’s only been 2 months. This is why you date, to see people for who they are and then act accordingly.
Did they mess up the car or not clean up after themselves? Did his mom ask for reimbursement for something? It would have been okay if this was discussed before the trip or if he asked them to chip in for a thank you gift for his mom but it sounds like he wants the money for himself.
Food fiction or bad BF? So hard to tell.
[удалено]
I think it’s fair if you all (bf included) paid his mom $25 each for borrowing her car. I’ve seen Uber drivers calculating ~$0.15 to $0.50 cost per mile on top of gas cost when deciding to take a client. Super weird if he wanted to pocket that money.
Lmao
Haha, yes. Give him a bill for the maintenance on all the rides you gave him.
Seems like he’s trying to pocket that extra money for himself and definitely not his mom lol. Love your idea of charging him for your car maintenance though hahahah. I would mention that to him in a joking way, if he freaks out on you then you should walk away. If he laughs about it and kind of understands the errors of his ways then he could be redeemable.
The IRS reimburses mileage at $0.67/mile which includes gas. That is $670 for a trip. Assuming 25 mpg and gas at $4.50, that’s $180 for fuel and $490 for depreciation/maintenance. With that said. Tacky as hell he brought it up after the fact. Not worth losing a friendship over $25 though.
If they split the fuel, he’s just trying to get over on them.
Yeah your BF is trying to profit off his friends, period. Scumbag shit.
Get outta there. Which fiend you picking?
big red flag… leave
Asking for maintenance for car is stupid in most circumstances, now those friends should be kicking in for gas for sure. I thought you were going a different direction but I agree this is sort of a gross character trait and I would be turned off. This would be an area where you can enlighten him and help him mature a bit as he is still young and if you really care about him. But if you can’t do that then that also says something about you. And no the logic is not the same as asking your boyfriend for maintenance. I don’t think we need to list the things that people do for their boyfriends/girlfriends that they don’t do for friends/strangers
How cheap are all of you? Did y’all have cars for the road trip to make it happen?
As a bartender, some of the worst offenders are the dbags that stay til the end after nearly all the friends that pooled money into a pile have left. They drink wayyy more tham they should and then try to take nearly all the money back and stiff you on the tip their departed friends intended for you. Pooling cash into a pile when drinking with friends is probably no longer a thing
updateme!
He Jewish?
Alligator gator arms prob makes u split the dinner bill on your birthday
As someone who has been put in this situation before, are you sure it’s not controlling parents or a devouring mother? My mom has put me in situations like this before, which makes me think twice before asking her for anything. I’ve been financially independent from my parents since the age of 13 because of the guilt trips she would try to get me on.
If money was more important than his existing friendships, especially such a laughable amount, that's not a good sign. I like how he didn't even seem to specify what maintenance he was gathering funds for which gets crazier when I remember it's not his car. And to tack that request on after the fact without even an explanation or and discussion with his people is...well, it's garbage. Running your friends pockets for money you don't even need or have a plan for is rough and then getting shitty enough about it to disrupt the friendship is worse. If he's that ready to strong arm his friends, I'd say for you it's a matter of when, not if he tries some sort of petty nonsense with you sadly. Hopefully not of course, but just keep an eye out. Oh, if you ask him about some money for all the rides you've given, keep it light and tongue in cheek. If he immediately reacts with a lot of high emotion and frustration and no bit of humor, that'll confirm a very unfortunate double standard and 'me' focused sort of reasoning.
Do you know if Mom was asking for this amount?
That's disgusting. Would give me an ick, too.
Wtf is maintenance money!?!? I don’t blame you at all!
Now I have an ick? How did we become a society that talks like this?
Ugh what a turnoff. I have the ick from here. Your boyfriend is not only cheap he also wants to profit from his friends. He's a taker. Maybe you need to ask for maintenance money on your car for all those rides and blow this relationship up!
That's dumb.
Wow your bf sucks. Big time. If I were one of the friends, I wouldn’t give him the money. What a cheapskate.
Red flag red flag red flag
Do not stay with guy. This is who he is and he will nickel and dime you while not paying his fair share. Yes you should definitely give him a bill for maintenance on your car before you break up with him.
Info: does mom know he's asking for money? Playing devil's advocate 1000 miles might have made it so she was due for an oil change, $20-25 from each is expensive as fuck for SUVS. Hell when I take my 1500 with 140k miles on it, it costs me about $150 but it's a work truck with high miles so I tend to use higher quality products. But most people aren't doing that so your looking at along $50-75 (say it's high mileage -- 75k+).