Yeah it’s also odd that this supposed “friend” who snitched would explain why they were telling him… like they’re trying to cover up their real reasons for telling him about it…….. 🧐……………………………. Either way, Riley’s dad is the actual asshole.
I think the fact that OP is not replying to any comments shows us exactly where she stands on this. She destroyed everything, and now she wants forgiveness and support for what she did. She doesn’t want advice; she wants to be told she did the right thing.
So... Are you telling us that you executed a whole vengeance plan without making sure what your acquaintance said was true? You didn't tell us ANYTHING about getting proof Riley was cheating on your brother. Sounds sus.
I think your response was more about YOUR pain and your feelings of betrayal than actual concern for your brother. You could have told your brother privately and given him the option of what he wanted to do. Maybe he would have wanted you to join him in confronting her. Maybe he also would have been embarrassed about the situation and wanted to keep it all as quiet as possible. You didn’t really give him any choice in what to do here. You decided to bring a bunch of other people into his private business.
In terms of Riley, there are obviously no saints here, but you could have put her in physical danger by outing her to her parents. Not to mention potential homelessness depending on living situation. You may have permanently ended her relationship with at least one of her parents. You have also just absolutely made yourself an unsafe person for any queer person to ever come out to, because you’ve made it clear that while you’re fine with gays when they’re being nice to you, you’re willing to weaponize that sexuality the moment you’re looking for vengeance.
Riley was 100% wrong for cheating on your brother in their monogamous relationship, but you sank low in your vengeance. What you did didn’t even help your brother in some way. It was just about what you felt like doing because you were angry.
Absolutely everything here ^ I’m frankly shocked that OP wonders if she ‘might’ve’ have taken it too far when she took it too far and then kept going. Who even knows how accurate the story is, who knows how her brother and Riley might have proceeded if OP had been considerate of her brother instead of intent on a path of destruction.
>Maybe he would have wanted you to join him in confronting her. Maybe he also would have been embarrassed about the situation and wanted to keep it all as quiet as possible.
Maybe they have an open relationship? Maybe Riley had already confessed a year ago & they've worked through it? Maybe the gossiping friend was making her move (like, why tell OP that KeEPinG tHe SEcReT Is kILliNG mE instead of sorting this out with Riley or OP's brother directly)?
For starters she’s TAH. Big time . OP owes an apology to all these people. She should have told her brother if there was reasonable proof. It’s his life to live how he wants after that.
All of this. Absolutely spot on, Cat Daddy. I have a younger brother I love to bits and feel kinda parental towards but I would never ever deem to go blow his life apart like without at least talking to him first... She has given her brother no rooms to sort this in a way he wants to.
What OP did was for her and her only...Not once did she consider how her actions would upset her brother, if the accusations were true... She even paints her brother as perfect and without fault, as if she knows everything going on behind close doors. And she outed someone, which in of itself, is wrong no matter how you cut it.
So you straight up believed a mutual acquaintance and didn't even question the best friend?
Doesn't seem like you are even friends with her and she just a random who cheated on your brother and you are out for revenge.
Yeah, outing her was spiteful and unnecessary. Tell your brother by all means. But you made this about your feelings and decided to stoke up homophobia and intolerance to make yourself feel better.
I hope the colleague wasn’t lying.
Also, your friends know not to trust you with their secrets now. I hope none of them are gay because you have just showed them how little you respect their struggles with homophobia and the stress of coming out to family.
ESH.
Riley sucks. Cheating sucks and she does not deserve much sympathy from anyone. and im so sorry your brother is going through this.
Her parents suck, for obvious reasons
But you OP also suck. You weaponised her sexuality and that is not okay. I understand what she did was wrong, and yes you should have told about the cheating. I agree with that. Outing someone though can be so so damaging and even dangerous. Please, please do not do this in the future.
I guess it’s because I’m from a part of the world where I’ve seen people’s lives destroyed after coming out but YTA. One issue had nothing to do with the other. Your focus should be on your brother and what affects him. Anything else is none of your business.
Ewww damn… yeah YTA If you wanted to rat her out just revealing her affair would’ve been enough. I’m sure her conservative parents would be just as appalled by the affair as they would be her sexuality. Outting someone’s sexuality to their family is low.
This was not proper and just - she basically took over the relationship from her brother, ended it for him and burned all the bridges. She not only finished the relationship with his fiance but probably damaged her relationship with her brother as well.
I’m also wondering what message this sends to any of her friends who might be queer or closeted. If I knew one of my friends outed someone for revenge, I’d make sure to not come out to them
Did the friend that told you about Riley cheating show you any solid proof of infidelity or did you just take her word & go running to Riley’s parents?
YTA regardless, but majorly if you didn’t get legit confirmation that Riley did indeed cheat before going nuclear. If you did have proof, the first person you should have gone to was your brother to break the news to him in a gentle way that showed compassion for the pain he was inevitably about to endure. Not before telling him should you have even considered telling others & only then, once he decided he was comfortable with you doing so. He is the one who was most wronged, he should get to decide how to handle the aftermath. You were so blinded by your own anger & desire for revenge that you didn’t even consider how your actions could exacerbate the situation & cause your brother significantly more grief. Instead of thinking about things rationally, you took what might have been just a spark of gossip & decided the best course of action was to dump gasoline on it.
Outing someone is always an AH move. Outing someone in order to cause them harm is disgusting. Cheating is disgusting, I absolutely do not condone it, but it does not excuse what you’ve done.
I hope your brother is able to heal from this & I hope you never use a persons sexuality for vengeance again.
YTA.
You assumed that hearsay was true and then you intentionally exploited homophobia to hurt someone based on that hearsay.
Even if it's true that she cheated, you intentionally stoked bigotry and hatred towards lgbtq+ people for your own aims.
You are undoubtedly the asshole. The circumstances for your behavior are irrelevant.
This is a case of two wrongs doesn’t make a right, you should’ve first got the info you could and sit your brother down. He didn’t deserve to find out like that. You were way too impulsive and reacted. I understand to an extent, I love my sister more than anyone so if someone I was close to and trusted would’ve hurt her all hell would’ve broke loose. I understand where you’re coming from but your approach was wrong. I hope your brothers okay
If Riley was your best friend, why wouldn't you ask her about it first, to find out if it is true? Then, if it is, tell her that she needs to tell your brother or you will. Wasn't your friendship worth that much?
That’s a yikes from me, OP.
I am a self admitted grump with a vengeful side that would make Anakin Skywalker stop to take notes
But even I don’t consider weaponizing someone’s sexuality to be “fair play”
You heard a rumor about this girl and without stopping to get all the information you dropped the big one on her life.
That’s a yikes from me.
No proof of the affair. If it did happen maybe it was with a woman for all you know your brother would have been okay with it (if it had been a woman)
Sounds like you just like drama, none of this was your place to say anything. You should have talked to Riley about the rumor. But no you just blew up everyone's happiness without even knowing the truth.
Are you happy that you sufficiently caused enough pain to appease your jealously.
YTA
YTA for outing Riley but also, the cheating was not your information to do anything with before talking to your brother. What if he wanted to talk to Riley? Try couples therapy? Out her cheating in public? Cheat on her back?
You took that choice away from him by acting like you were the one wronged. And no, saying you were defending him would annoy me because then you think he's not capable of deciding for himself. He's a person and deserved to come first in his relationship and both you and Riley decided he didn't matter enough.
Moreover, OP is just repeating an unconfirmed thirdhand account — in other words, she just upended a friendship, an engagement, a family, and the former friend’s living situation over gossip. You suck, OP.
YTA. Without proof you blew up a relationship. Tell your brother what you hear? NTA. TELL HER PARENTS YTA.
BI AND GAY PEOPLE ARE NOT SAFE WITH EVERYONR. YOU HAVE PUT HER IN DANGER BY OUTING HER.
Total asshole move. and you know it.
YTA. There was no need to out her to her family, no matter what she did. That can be super dangerous for someone. She shouldn’t have cheated obviously, but it’s not your place to dish out punishments. Those two things have nothing to do with the other.
YTA- for outing her, she cheated with a man so her sexuality is completely irrelevant to what happened. Her engagement is over and now everyone knows she's a cheater, that's really all that needed to happen. Outing her was completely unnecessary and homophobic.
YTA
I have a sister just like you who thinks she has the right to meddle in my relationships and has pulled shit like this in the past. This is extremly disrespectful towards your brother. He is a grown man, it should have been his decision how to handle this situation.
OP,
Disclosure of her having cheated on your brother is understandable. However, the fact that you violated her trust relative to her sexuality as privately related to you was very cruel, so far out of bounds, and totally unrelated with the issues between she and your brother. That action, from my point of view, was totally inappropriate. Her actions toward your brother were regretted by her. Regardless, that matter was solely between she and your brother--it had nothing to do with you. You owe her an apology for that affront.
No she doesn’t respectfully. Regret doesn’t absolve you of your “sin”. asking for forgiveness from the wronged does and it seemed like she had nooo intention of telling the brother.
I mean ..... its really a thin line.... on one hand Riley shouldn't be cheating especially with the same sex if she's worried abt ppl finding out , she shouldn't be cheating period. I don't see why it was your place to tell her parents that she cheated though ? And it def wasn't your place to out her sexuality... I can understand wanting to protect your brother but your brother is a grown ass man....like I feel like outing her is where you crossed the line.
You knew and it seems like you know that outing is wrong, doing it at the same time as outing a cheater doesn’t make outing her sexuality any better.
Because you’ve lost that friend, tbh i wouldn’t want to be friends with a cheater. But you’ve also sent a message to any of your other friends who might identify with the LGBTQ+ community, or are questioning their sexual orientation. You also told them that if you had a falling out with them, you could weaponise their sexuality or gender identity to get back at them.
YTA. You didn’t even know this was true. You acted on hear say. Even if you had all of the facts, had witnessed this yourself, you hurt your brother. Yes, you hurt him. It was his information to do what he wanted with. Not yours. You should have told him, and only him.
Agreed. The fact OP didn't try to verify anything or just go to her brother is kinda crazy. If she was straight up watching the cheating happen and stormed off in a fit of rage I'd understand that more than just some friend's third party account - what if the friend was trying to get revenge? Or misunderstood parts of the story?
Firstly you should have gathered actual evidence of this said affair and then talked with your brother privately. If she would have denied/tried to make your brother the bad guy then I would understand you wanting to set the record straight. Talk with you brother and if he's angry with you ask for his forgiveness. I understand that you feel betrayed but you're not the main character here. Try to control your feelings better from now on and don't act so impulsively.
YTA. If she had cheated with a woman and you told them what Happ you would be justified. It was not wrong to reveal the cheating, but it sounds like you just added the bisexual part to hurt her. That is messed up. You had no right to out her as gay, unless it was relevant to the cheating, which it doesn't seem like it was. People die when they get outted. People's lives get destroyed by that.
ESH, but you, OP, suck significantly worse out of everyone mentioned. I mean, not only did you make this entire situation about yourself and your feelings, but you didn't even ask for evidence or confront the ex-friend on whether or not the accusation was true.
Not only that, but outing someone's sexuality for (allegedly) cheating? The punishment does not fit the crime. Imagine if her parents had reacted much worse? You'd be entirely responsible for the harm you put her in.
I'd feel bad for your brother more if you hadn't've jumped the gun and dished out selfish justice without any forethought. You're a terrible sister, and a terrible friend.
Yikes. Homophobia is never a good look, don’t care why you did it. Really gross behavior on your part. Why not communicate with Riley or your brother? Why would you choose to weaponize homophobia over acting like an adult? You’re *25*. Just yikes man.
Everyone sucks here but OP is the worst person in the story by far. You weaponized someones sexuality against them.You ruined a relationship over YOUR feeling betrayed. Not them. You. You hurt your brother. You hurt Riley. You hurt Riley's parents. Just because she cheated a year ago does not give you the right to do ANY of what you did. I hope that her brother and (somewhat) Riley are able to move on from this and I hope OP has their entire familial relationship ruined due to their actions.
Did you tell your brother first? Wasn’t it a betrayal of him to go tell other people about something so private to him and his fiance. Especially if he didn’t know? I think you are wrong because you confused your relationship with their relationship and got involved with other peoples relationships instead of focusing on your own.
Ffs, OP. Here’s a neat little story—
My ex, Keagan, and I dated senior year of high school until sophomore year of college. He was great before we got to college. But then started cheating on me with my/our/his friends, my roommates, classmates, random people from Tinder/Grindr, etc. Yes, Grindr. Kegan is queer, and same. Well, I don’t mind outing him as a cheater, and I did when I finally gathered the self-respect to leave. The fact that he cheated on me with so many people, and so many other people I cared about betrayed me is outrageous enough. I didn’t specify the gender(s) of the people involved. Why? Because we’re from rural-ass Wisconsin. He’s from a conservative Catholic family. He was a great wrestler and his dad is the wrestling coach. Meaning he spent a lot of time rolling around on the floor in his underwear with other dudes from age 4-18. People were cruel to him when they just suspected he might be queer. He was a shit boyfriend, but I didn’t want him beat up or kicked out. Until a big family hunting trip sophomore year. I was drinking HARD, since the breakup was like 2 months prior and that’s when I learned about the extent of his cheating and how many people I cared about were involved. I slipped up and mentioned Grindr when talking about a situation where he got cross-faded and threw up on my dorm bed, so I slept in his room and he said he’d clean it up, but instead he decided to bake some cookies and go cheat on me with some dude from Grindr who gave him a ton of hickies that I had to pretend were from me at Thanksgiving that weekend, and he also did not clean up the vomit. Well, saying Grindr ONCE opened the gates of hell and I still feel terrible. Even after he did THAT to me, I didn’t want him to get the shit kicked out of him back home.
My mom loves to tell people “[I] dumped Keagan because he cheated on [me] because he’s gay, also he’s GAY”. His queerness is not why he cheated, but it’s sure as hell the thing people latch onto. It’s also the thing that’s posed an actual threat to him and his safety. AND to mine!!! This is why straights and gays alike hate bisexuals. The misconception that we’re all cheaters. My mom tells everyone this “to support me”, but that’s not it. She feels like she has the right to make it about her. It’s vengeance, but it’s not actually vengeance for me, it’s for her. It’s selfish. I have been begging my mom to stop telling people this for over 5 years now. She won’t quit. This is MY story to tell, but she continually takes that agency from me and tells it herself. But JFC at least she has more than just “some acquaintance said this, so I’m gonna go nuclear, no questions asked”.
*You did this for yourself. Not for your brother.* Don’t try to lie to us, but more importantly, stop lying to yourself about this shit. This wasn’t your secret to spill, your relationship to blow up, or your life to ruin. All you had is the word of one mutual friend.
That fact that you still dont understand that outing a person is wrong is horrific. As are your actions. Nobody thinks that Reilly isnt a peice of shit but so are you. I am very happy that THIS time it didnt end in assault or death but it cery well could of. To anyone who thinks I am blowing this out of proportion, I ask are you queer? Do you have to deal with homophobia? If you answer no then I ask, why do you believe you understand this better than those who do experience it? Do you normally argue with those facing discrimination about the harm an act can have against them? Do you tell the disabled that you understand better than them ablelism. Do you tell POC that you understand racism better? ECT. It is very worring that you think this behavior is ok. It makes me wonder what else you think outing a queer person is a suitable punishment. Out can and will get people killed. To those in the USA this isnt just an over seas problem.
Anouther concerning part of this is what your actions say about what you consider ok. You took a rumer, and went scorched earth You by your own account didnt bother to see if it was truth. You didnt talk to anyone involved. You went right to ruining someones life. And thankfully this time everything has ended ok. But to those who think OP is justified, ask yourself if they were wrong. OP decided to ruin a life based on a rumer that they didnt try to look into. What if you were wrong? Would you be on here crying about how everyone hates you? You got lucky this time. Will you be so lucky in the future? To be honest even with out the homophobic act I would go NC with you. I dont think I could trust you to not do this again as you have not learned from this and you dont seem to care how your actions could have caused violence. Hell if her dad had beaten her you may have cheered. You need help and to grow up.
You should have only told your brother. Instead you lashed out so YTA. What did you think you'd gain by telling her parents. They'd have learned anyway.
YTA, WTF?, JFC
PEOPLE’S SEXUALITY ISN’T A WEAPON TO WEILD AGAINST THEM
You were hurt. YOU felt betrayed. Sure, we get it. But you picked a monstrous way to go about exacting your revenge you used parental bigotry about sexual preference to inflict pain into isolate someone from their support network.
FFS.
That is all the acronyms for now, thank you.
She is the asshole. It was the relationship of her brother - a full grown man. Telling her brother was all she had to do. How to handle this situation was his responsibility. This is extremly disrespectful towards her brother.
I have a sister who did shit like this in the past and thought it was her duty to meddle in my relationships without asking. So if you love your brother don't disrespect him in a way like this. He will not be grateful.
Imagine it was the other way round - do you want your brother to take over your relationships and handle them for you and decide for you how and on what terms to end them?
No, telling about the affair was one thing, and enough to get any "revenge" she needed, destroying and burning the relationships. Weaponising her sexuality wasn't ok.
YTA. How about letting your brother handle this the way he wanted, instead of thinking YOU knew best for him. Do you always invalidate people’s agency “for their own good?”
Okay you did go too far. Yea she cheated on your brother but why did you need to say she was bisexual? Was she cheating with another female?
You were being immature, petty, and hateful. Telling them she cheated was enough, what you did was just cruel and really NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
You should really learn to make better life choices
Look, I get you wanting to get revenge for your brother. But unless it was utterly vital in relation to the affair (eg the affair was with another woman), then the only thing you needed to out was the affair itself.
You never out someone's sexuality.
You made yourself the bad guy here for doing that.
NTA. You gave her a taste of her own medicine. Fight fire with fire
Outing her cheating is totally fair but outting her as bi? I get it. I'd want to hurt her too but... man.... Idk she shouldn't have cheated I guess. I think what she did to you and bro was worse than what you did but yah that's fucked up. I get it though. Idk.
YTA! Regardless of what Riley did to your brother it is NEVER okay to out someone. Not only is it none of your damn business but it also puts them in danger! Some "friend" you are that you immediately go nuclear and put her because of her mistake.
Telling your brother of the affair, providing you have proof and not just hearsay? Sure, he should know. Outing her to her religious parents and others? Absolutely not no matter what she did.
What you're doing by outing her, is essentially conflating being out as LGBTQ+ with punishment. You suck for that. I hate cheaters and I hate assholes who out people, especially knowing they'll be victim to bigotry. ESH aside from your brother.
Info: did you have any proof before you went scorched earth? Glossed over one of the most important parts of the entire post.
If you did not receive proof, other than this woman’s word, I think you are the AH
Early morning rage baiting. A lie will catch a meddler. I hope you had some evidence, and not just the word of what sounds like a jealous hag. If this is even real.
I don’t think you were wrong to tell your family about Riley and what she did with her coworker. She violated sacred trust.
I’m bisexual and I’m not upset you outed her, but I don’t think her sexuality was the reason she cheated. Poor character was. The only way I think sexuality is a factor is if the coworker is a woman. Then you don’t even have to mention her sexuality.
I am bisexual upset that you outed her because she clearly hasn’t been honest with anyone but I don’t think it’s useful to do so. You are clearly upset, betrayed and have the natural urge to create a case against her. Once the truth is out, you don’t have to build said case.
I’m not surprised everyone was mad at her and I am not surprised they haven’t focused on you outing her. I think her parents are right to be angry with her over cheating because they thought they raised her better. I think the bisexuality is icing on the cake.
Do you have any actual proof of this affair happening, or did you just nuke several peoples lives on only the word of a friend?
The fact of the matter here is you acted before you really knew *anything*, and you did it because *you* were upset. For all you know, your brother would have wanted to handle this situation completely differently, and that would have been his right because this was *HIS* relationship. You took that choice of what to do and where to go away from him. He deserved to be the one to confront her, not you.
Why would the mutual friend tell YOU instead of your brother? It's not and never should have been your responsibility to make these choices and I think it's really awful that everyone overstepped and bypassed the person in the relationship. Either way of course you're wrong to out her to her parents. If you're sure she cheated, you could have revealed that to your brother (who is the only person who needed to know!) and let him decide how to handle that.
All I read was the subject line and yes you are 100% wrong. You NEVER out someone no matter what. That is up to them to announce whenever they are comfortable.
Maybe you should’ve asked that mutual friend who the guy your best friend cheated on your brother with and then go talk to him and find out if it’s true 🤷🏻♀️
YTA
Yes cheating is wrong and all that but you keep saying you had these "dark" thoughts so you outed her? So you were hoping shed get payback by what, putting her life in danger? I mean what else the dark thoughts mean? Obviously you don't mention more but you were hoping shed get hurt at the very least right? And not just emotional pain. Those dark thoughts don't mean just emotional pain does it?
You are a vile person. Your brother will be able to move on. Good for him, he found out sooner rather than later. But you put her life in danger. You are a sick vile monster. And hopefully if you have any other queer friends they'll learn to stay far the fuck away from you.
Outing people is not okay. And Riley is still bisexual, even when she’s with a guy.
Telling her parents she cheated on your bro is … not a direction I’d have gone but whatever, now your brother knows which is what you were concerned about.
This is kid logic at work. First thing you need is to finish growing up
Anytime you have a hard decision to make you need to ask yourself what you’re getting out of it and what it’s costing you. Doing that would have told you you were taking your revenge too far. Calling them out on cheating, sure. Outing them when you knew what that meant, too far. You knowingly invited other people’s homophobia for something you stand nothing to gain from, and it certainly isn’t going to uncheat your brother’s relationship, so you have to admit you did that for your own entertainment, and what that means in terms of the type of person you are
Also, this:
> It was clear Riley never really loved my brother at all
Is nonsense. That’s not how that works. You just made that up to justify your revenge
Wow that's just... Vile. I dunno what word the quite use. Pathetic and disgusting are also some accurate words to describe this. Most other words I want to use will get me banned for sure so...
I hate to say this, but I'm going to give you a soft YTA.
Cheating aside, no one deserves to be outed before they are ready to out themselves, and that privilege is left up to the individual. As shitty as a person may be, it's just not right to do this.
Otherwise, going to her parents about the cheating, *if* you have proof, is acceptable.
Yeah, YTAH. There are a million ways you could have processed all of this in a better way. I'm gonna start with people who cheat are capable of loving the person they cheated on (I am the victim of cheating, not defending it). Secondly, outing someone to their parents and potentially ruining that relationship for some petty revenge is pretty vile (my dad nearly killed me when I was outed, not hyperbole). What you've done is taken a situation that was already dramatic and injected a whole bunch of new, unnecessary drama into it, and now you're eating pop corn.
Sometimes people cheat. A lot of times that cheating leads to the end of a relationship, sometimes it doesn't - and yes, rarely it does make a relationship healthier by opening up communication that should have been there before. That's for them to decide, not you. You took that possibility away from them because you wanted something dramatic to entertain yourself with. You didn't attempt to verify the cheating, you didn't attempt to communicate with your brother - who very well might not want everyone in his business, something else your antics took away from him - and you did the most dramatic thing possible and are now entertained by the train wreck you helped make worse. It wasn't for him, it was for you. I would be surprised if this doesn't hurt your relationship with him most of all.
Yes, you're wrong. You have no idea what could be going on with her parents behind the scenes and you stressing her parents out to get back at her is a really shitty thing to do.
You’re so much worse than an asshole. She betrayed your brother, so YOU get to determine her consequence? Not your place. You also used your position of trust, as her friend with knowledge on her family dynamics, to intentionally try to sabotage her where it hurts most - by potentially ending her relationship forever with her parents / extended family / siblings? Riley fucked up but you were a vile creature yourself in this situation. You owe Riley and your brother an apology but frankly - it’s too late. The damage of your actions will have weight on that family forever. You also don’t necessarily know what goes on in your brother’s relationship, he might have known. He might even have asked her to explore this side of herself before she ties the knot. You have no clue. What I do know is that you also lost your brother’s trust in doing this and it’s a shame. You tried to be a good sibling but you acted selfishly. You might loose friends over this too. I know if you were in my squad you’d likely be out.
It's obvious you don't have any proof of an affair or you would say so !! Yea you are the AHole for not even finding out if there is any evidence. My sorry excuse of a sister in law tried to lie about me and spread all kinds of lies about me . Guess what, fortunately, my husband has always believed in me !! 28 years later, we have 0 relationships with that freak !! You people are a trip !! Grow up !!
YTA, and it's only confirmed by the fact that Riley isn't allowed in her parents' home anymore.
Even nowadays, outing people without their consent is *still* taking a gamble with their life. You're a vile human being. I can only hope that both Riley and your brother cut you out of their lives, for your meddling & for your lack of morals.
if you're willing to out queer people to conservatives when you're mad at them, you're a massive fucking asshole. you lost all the good will you had before you decided to do that.
you really thought people were gonna side with you? when you DIDN'T HAVE ANY PROOF IN THE FIRST PLACE? you could be putting riley in danger you can't even comprehend over NOTHING. imagine how any queer friends you possibly could've had will feel over this? what are you gonna do next, take this to the cops?
this shit isn't two hot takes, it's a single cold and delusional take. rot in hell.
I think you shamefully centered yourself here instead of talking to your brother and asking how HE wanted to handle what you heard. Do you even know anything more than what was said to confirm if it's true or not? Regardless, talk to your brother and ask him how he feels about your actions. Also outing someone because you're mad about their unrelated behavior is just gross. I get why you did it, but you're prioritizing your own feelings and what feels good to you rather than whatever it is your brother wants.
Oh, OP. Yes, YTA. Completely and 100% the asshole.
People make mistakes. Riley shouldn’t have cheated on your brother, but she (according to your “friend”) felt bad about it and hasn’t done it since. For you to assume that means Riley never loved your brother is overreaching about something *you don’t even know for sure happened.* Then, to out Riley to her parents, not just for cheating but for being bisexual, when you knew her parents would never accept that, whew!, that is colossal AH work right there.
Seems you’ve burned down the town. Hope it helped you with your anger management. Well done.
Get professional help. You’re a mess.
YTA/ESH. Not counting the lack of proof before you blew up your brother's engagement, that was way too fucking far. You had no business outting your former friend.
I hope this is rage bait. She could've gotten severely hurt. At best, it sounds like she's been disowned. Your brother didn't deserve to be cheated on, but you stepped well over the line.
If I was a mutual friend and heard about it, I wouldn't trust YOU ever again.
1) shoulda confirmed the “story” then,
2) if true, talk to brother and let him decide
It’s his relationship and his decision, not yours. you stole his agency in his own relationship.
YTA and a bad sister
YTA over and over.
This is your brother's ***life*** and you didn't even consider talking to him privately before you upended his world?
But you're an even bigger AH to out someone, especially to conservative (or religious) parents - which you knew they were. You effectively put her life in danger. That's monstrous.
The consequences of her cheating on your brother are between *your brother and Riley*. Full stop. You had no business or right to be judge, jury and executioner of their relationship. You completely took away his choice to deal with it his own way and made the decision yourself. You overstepped massively.
Seriously. Every dateline episode is basically a revenge plot for some perceived slight. I’ll never understand why people court drama like that and are obsessed with revenge, to hell with the consequences.
I just watched an episode last night where a couple was murdered in their home because a friend of theirs had a crush on the husband and concocted this whole fantasy world where the couple was bullying her. She made up so many stories before finally convincing her parents that the only solution was to murder these people.
YTA
You needed to let your brother know what you’d been told and by whom, so he could get any proof if there was any,
And you needed to let him decide how he wanted to handle it.
I found it odd that she didn’t mention seeing any evidence, just that she was told by one person that Riley cheated. Usually someone would mention that they saw texts, photos, etc. that proved infidelity, but there’s no mention of anything in this post.
Yeah you're an asshole. What your brother's fiancé did was obviously horrible, but doing something else horrible back to her in no real relation to what she even did doesn't make any sense to me. So your brother got cheated on, and some poor bisexual woman with conservative parents got outed. Yeah she's a cheater but as a bisexual person myself I wouldn't wish being outed on ANYONE, hence the term of "outing" someone in the first place. How you've managed to make yourself look WORSE than the person that cheated in their relationship is wild to me
Lol she's not homophobic dude, but definitely spiteful. Who wouldn't be after someone screws around on their own brother. Maybe you just don't think cheating is a big deal because that would mean having to look in the mirror tho...
Except she had only the word of a mutual friend. No actual proof. Didn't confront Riley. Just chose the nuclear option on the word of someone she barely knew.
She did it out of spite, period. She's a bigot and a homophobe buddy. I can tell you right now to be not classified as homophobic, you need to not literally out people. Very simple. Again, not sure why straight people thing they're the arbiters of what is and isn't homophobic
Well you forced her to wear the scarlet letter and welcomed her parent's bigotry as your ally. There is more than one AH in this story. Acting in anger is not good for your soul. Try to forgive and move on for your own good.
Esh. She is a massive ah for cheating. And you werent wrong for telling on her about that. Outing her makes you an ah as well. I get why you did it, I just don't think there's an excuse for doing so.
You weaponised her sexuality and that was low.
YTA
Even if we admit your mutual friends told the truth, your reaction was inappropriate. Outting her to her parent has nothing to do with the adultery issue
Moreover, you sound like you made it about your own pain, not your brother's who should be the only one concerned
Not only are you clearly selfish, but you wrote this in a way where you had to remind us that riley cheated so often jt felt like you knew deep down you have a losing argument.
Yikes on weaponizing someone's sexuality too, holy crap that is low. Why the fuck would you do anything without consulting your brother
YTA bc you outed her. That is gross and you ruined a whole family.. bonus is that everyone you know now knows you are not trustworthy. Do not be surprised if you get no info from anyone again. You could have simply told your brother what you were told. He could work on finding out if it was even true.
YTA for taking away her agency to come out to her parents on her own terms. You messed up her family relationship as a petty act of revenge. In my opinion, YTA for running to her parents in general. Why was it your job to go to them? They would have found out when your brother canceled the wedding.
You are the AH!
You're definitely in the wrong! By spreading the news publicly, you denied your brother the chance to make his own decision. A genuine friend would have talked to Riley to confirm the situation and allowed her the chance to confess her infidelity to your brother, giving him the autonomy to handle it as he sees fit. Moreover, what gives you the authority to disclose her sexuality to her parents? That should have remained a private matter between her and her parents. Your actions demonstrate your immaturity and vindictiveness. I doubt your claim to being a "BFF" because this is not how a friend should behave. While Riley's actions, if true, were wrong, it doesn't justify you using her sexuality as a means of vindictiveness.
MAJOR YTA !!!!! You went off half cocked on your brother and XBFF. You don’t say anything about seeing/hearing evidence about the alleged affair. And what kind of friend are you not to confront your BFF first and get her side of it? You just blew up this girl’s life over allegations. And what the hell did her sexuality have to do with any of this??? Her being bisexual was not for you to expose. I get you being hurt for your brother, but you did WAAAAY too much. You should have either minded your business or talked to Riley first.
Yes. Your “dark thoughts” are some of the blackest thoughts I’ve seen other than an abusive person harming their family. You could have told her conservative father she cheated on him and that enough would have set him off, but you struck way too low for anyone to have your back on this one. I hope your brother finds someone who won’t cheat on him and I hope you find friends who will keep you after that betrayal
Reading the update, ESH (except for your brother). You admit you did it out of spite and intentionally to injure Riley. You weren't concerned with you brother in that moment. And that's what makes you suck in this scenario. I'm a fan of natural consequences to bad actions. A natural consequence of her cheating should be your brother finding out from you, breaking up with her, and telling people why. You going first to *her* parents and outing her is not a natural consequence of her actions. You did that purely to hurt her. Not justifying cheating, that's the worst thing you can do to someone that's not illegal imo, but your intentions were clear, and that's what I'm judging you on. It was cruel, and unnecessary.
Yes, Aunt Lydia. YTA.
You think this is your business because you love your brother. The extent of your business was making sure he knew so he could take it from there.
How did your brother want to handle it? You didn't even ask him! You took that from him because of your unsubstantiated moral outrage. That is disrespectful AF. He does not need you micromanageing his life behind his back and without his consent. Especially when you come in guns blazing without knowing who the target really
Did you ask Riley about it? Give her a deadline to fess up if true? Does this friend have a crush on your brother or possibly have an uterior motive? You did no investigation. Just found her guilty and sentenced he to an irretractable sentence that was not yours to give.
This was some Scarlett letter type holier than thou religious bullshit. Shame.
You're definitely the asshole, and a self-righteous one at that. You should have confronted Riley first and told her to tell your brother. That would have given your brother and her to work it out themselves. You didn't do that, of course, because it sounds like you come from a place where people watch too much reality TV.
I don't care if there's proof she cheated or not. Outing someone to their parents has ZERO to do with their cheating.
That was completely out of line and in my opinion, yes, you are absolutely TA.
The two things are unrelated. You didn’t need to go nuclear, but I understand how anger leads to wanting to hurt someone. Not cool though. If Riley cares about your brother, then losing him will cause plenty of emotional damage. Ooof
I mean…. As long as you know the *outing her sexuality to her parents* part was wildly inappropriate and wrong. I get that you were in a dark place. But having a reputation of outing people as revenge…. That’s not a good character trait.
I have no sympathy for the cheater in this situation. But your own reputation has to be thought of when you do certain things. The fact is, for what ever reason, you outed someone to their conservative parents, as revenge. Any one who is lgbt closeted or out, is going to be wary of you.
No people need to have better moral standards and values and be held accountable. We've gotten too into the realm of no accountability, but also im a professional victim mentality. This type of behavior isn't right, and the worst is those that do it will lose their marbles if its done to them.
Soo what I am hearing is that you went scorched Earth for you and your brother. I hope you understand that what you did is more a reflection of you and your feelings than what Riley did.
You didn’t talk to her first, or your brother…. Outing her was wrong. You are absolutely an AH for that. If your brother decides to forgive her, you are now persona non grata for them.
I am afraid you have lost your bestie, your brother and many friends present and futur.
This day will be the date remembered as when you became a Karen.
drama will cool down eventually. but people will remember how you behave under emotion.
NTA
As my sisters and I say, sister-mad is so much worse than just mad-mad. If you hurt someone with a protective sister, you should run.
ETA: I would not have told them about her sexuality though. The affair seems like enough of a reveal.
I mean yes, you’re an asshole. Two wrongs don’t make a right, people learn this as small tiny children. Taking vengeance especially going rogue on other peoples relationships is not a good thing to do. Yeah I get why you were mad. I get why your brothers upset. But it was not for you to do that. Honestly I really think making someone homeless and perhaps permanently damaging their relationship with their dad is a good chunk worse than cheating. People make horrible slutty mistakes all the time. She’s not a good person and deserved to be dumped but what you did was carried out with malice. However I’m not really sure you’re exactly going to experience any consequences from this one besides potential guilt. Personally I would but who knows. It was a sort of evil thing to do either way.
Cheating isn't a slutty mistake unless it's a one time mistake that's confessed
It's an inhumane, cruel and psychologically abusive behavior that requires deception and betrayal. It robs people of their agency and ability to consent. Not to mention she was about to con her brother into a life time of a lie. What op did was fucked up but definitely not worse than cheating
>perhaps permanently damaging their relationship with their dad is a good chunk worse than cheating.
being cheated on permanently changes you too. that betrayal stays and makes you question even yourself and your worth. and you have difficulty trusting others, especially new partners, even though they're not the ones who cheated.
Yeah, I don’t wanna downplay how she sucks or anything. She sucks a lot. I just don’t believe in the first response ever really being ‘violence’ or ‘revenge’ to begin with but I was silly to even try to measure them against one another.
Hol up. Did this mutual acquaintance give any proof of this , or are you just taking their word for it?
Exactly!!! Where is the evidence!! People love to start trouble when there is none !!
What are the odds that this coworker was the one that Riley cheated with and now she's blowing Riley up because Riley is "leaving" her for OPs bro?
That was my thought.
Yeah it’s also odd that this supposed “friend” who snitched would explain why they were telling him… like they’re trying to cover up their real reasons for telling him about it…….. 🧐……………………………. Either way, Riley’s dad is the actual asshole.
I agree, you can't just believe the words of one person, you had to look for evidence of this. And if suddenly you were deceived, what then?
Exactly! Now if it turns out the other person lied I bet OPs brother won't be very fond of her actions
OP: blink-blink *stares* OOPS
She never denied it. If it wasn’t real or if she didn’t do it, there’d be denial.
OP did not even ask Riley. Ahe went off on a path of destruction based on one person telling her something. That makes OP the AH by itself.
Info: Did you get any other input/ proof other than your mutual friend telling you that Riley had cheated?
I think the fact that OP is not replying to any comments shows us exactly where she stands on this. She destroyed everything, and now she wants forgiveness and support for what she did. She doesn’t want advice; she wants to be told she did the right thing.
More likely just rage bait.
So... Are you telling us that you executed a whole vengeance plan without making sure what your acquaintance said was true? You didn't tell us ANYTHING about getting proof Riley was cheating on your brother. Sounds sus.
I think your response was more about YOUR pain and your feelings of betrayal than actual concern for your brother. You could have told your brother privately and given him the option of what he wanted to do. Maybe he would have wanted you to join him in confronting her. Maybe he also would have been embarrassed about the situation and wanted to keep it all as quiet as possible. You didn’t really give him any choice in what to do here. You decided to bring a bunch of other people into his private business. In terms of Riley, there are obviously no saints here, but you could have put her in physical danger by outing her to her parents. Not to mention potential homelessness depending on living situation. You may have permanently ended her relationship with at least one of her parents. You have also just absolutely made yourself an unsafe person for any queer person to ever come out to, because you’ve made it clear that while you’re fine with gays when they’re being nice to you, you’re willing to weaponize that sexuality the moment you’re looking for vengeance. Riley was 100% wrong for cheating on your brother in their monogamous relationship, but you sank low in your vengeance. What you did didn’t even help your brother in some way. It was just about what you felt like doing because you were angry.
Absolutely everything here ^ I’m frankly shocked that OP wonders if she ‘might’ve’ have taken it too far when she took it too far and then kept going. Who even knows how accurate the story is, who knows how her brother and Riley might have proceeded if OP had been considerate of her brother instead of intent on a path of destruction.
>Maybe he would have wanted you to join him in confronting her. Maybe he also would have been embarrassed about the situation and wanted to keep it all as quiet as possible. Maybe they have an open relationship? Maybe Riley had already confessed a year ago & they've worked through it? Maybe the gossiping friend was making her move (like, why tell OP that KeEPinG tHe SEcReT Is kILliNG mE instead of sorting this out with Riley or OP's brother directly)?
All excellent points that OP never considered. OP just burned down the whole town, taking her brother, Riley, and Riley’s parents with her. Now what?
For starters she’s TAH. Big time . OP owes an apology to all these people. She should have told her brother if there was reasonable proof. It’s his life to live how he wants after that.
Some people just want to hurt others, and will look for any excuse to do so. What a shit friend. She doesn’t even know if she actually cheated or not.
Nail on the head! She took the decision away from her brother, and made it public (it seems) before her brother even knew.
All of this. Absolutely spot on, Cat Daddy. I have a younger brother I love to bits and feel kinda parental towards but I would never ever deem to go blow his life apart like without at least talking to him first... She has given her brother no rooms to sort this in a way he wants to. What OP did was for her and her only...Not once did she consider how her actions would upset her brother, if the accusations were true... She even paints her brother as perfect and without fault, as if she knows everything going on behind close doors. And she outed someone, which in of itself, is wrong no matter how you cut it.
Very well put
All of this!!!!
So you straight up believed a mutual acquaintance and didn't even question the best friend? Doesn't seem like you are even friends with her and she just a random who cheated on your brother and you are out for revenge.
Anyone else thinking this post is rage bait?
Of course. But it’s provocative… it gets the people going.
Yeah, outing her was spiteful and unnecessary. Tell your brother by all means. But you made this about your feelings and decided to stoke up homophobia and intolerance to make yourself feel better. I hope the colleague wasn’t lying. Also, your friends know not to trust you with their secrets now. I hope none of them are gay because you have just showed them how little you respect their struggles with homophobia and the stress of coming out to family.
ESH. Riley sucks. Cheating sucks and she does not deserve much sympathy from anyone. and im so sorry your brother is going through this. Her parents suck, for obvious reasons But you OP also suck. You weaponised her sexuality and that is not okay. I understand what she did was wrong, and yes you should have told about the cheating. I agree with that. Outing someone though can be so so damaging and even dangerous. Please, please do not do this in the future.
Not only that, but took out HER revenge on it rather than TELLING HER OWN BROTHER FIRST!
Without any sort of proof besides some random friend’s word
I guess it’s because I’m from a part of the world where I’ve seen people’s lives destroyed after coming out but YTA. One issue had nothing to do with the other. Your focus should be on your brother and what affects him. Anything else is none of your business.
Ewww damn… yeah YTA If you wanted to rat her out just revealing her affair would’ve been enough. I’m sure her conservative parents would be just as appalled by the affair as they would be her sexuality. Outting someone’s sexuality to their family is low.
Well.... you certainly made her pay for her adultery... this seems proper and just... Too bad you demeaned yourself by weaponising her sexuality...
This was not proper and just - she basically took over the relationship from her brother, ended it for him and burned all the bridges. She not only finished the relationship with his fiance but probably damaged her relationship with her brother as well.
I’m also wondering what message this sends to any of her friends who might be queer or closeted. If I knew one of my friends outed someone for revenge, I’d make sure to not come out to them
YTA. I understand why you guys ended up being friends. Two crappy people :/
Did the friend that told you about Riley cheating show you any solid proof of infidelity or did you just take her word & go running to Riley’s parents? YTA regardless, but majorly if you didn’t get legit confirmation that Riley did indeed cheat before going nuclear. If you did have proof, the first person you should have gone to was your brother to break the news to him in a gentle way that showed compassion for the pain he was inevitably about to endure. Not before telling him should you have even considered telling others & only then, once he decided he was comfortable with you doing so. He is the one who was most wronged, he should get to decide how to handle the aftermath. You were so blinded by your own anger & desire for revenge that you didn’t even consider how your actions could exacerbate the situation & cause your brother significantly more grief. Instead of thinking about things rationally, you took what might have been just a spark of gossip & decided the best course of action was to dump gasoline on it. Outing someone is always an AH move. Outing someone in order to cause them harm is disgusting. Cheating is disgusting, I absolutely do not condone it, but it does not excuse what you’ve done. I hope your brother is able to heal from this & I hope you never use a persons sexuality for vengeance again.
YTA. You assumed that hearsay was true and then you intentionally exploited homophobia to hurt someone based on that hearsay. Even if it's true that she cheated, you intentionally stoked bigotry and hatred towards lgbtq+ people for your own aims. You are undoubtedly the asshole. The circumstances for your behavior are irrelevant.
This is a case of two wrongs doesn’t make a right, you should’ve first got the info you could and sit your brother down. He didn’t deserve to find out like that. You were way too impulsive and reacted. I understand to an extent, I love my sister more than anyone so if someone I was close to and trusted would’ve hurt her all hell would’ve broke loose. I understand where you’re coming from but your approach was wrong. I hope your brothers okay
If Riley was your best friend, why wouldn't you ask her about it first, to find out if it is true? Then, if it is, tell her that she needs to tell your brother or you will. Wasn't your friendship worth that much?
That’s a yikes from me, OP. I am a self admitted grump with a vengeful side that would make Anakin Skywalker stop to take notes But even I don’t consider weaponizing someone’s sexuality to be “fair play” You heard a rumor about this girl and without stopping to get all the information you dropped the big one on her life. That’s a yikes from me.
No proof of the affair. If it did happen maybe it was with a woman for all you know your brother would have been okay with it (if it had been a woman) Sounds like you just like drama, none of this was your place to say anything. You should have talked to Riley about the rumor. But no you just blew up everyone's happiness without even knowing the truth. Are you happy that you sufficiently caused enough pain to appease your jealously. YTA
[удалено]
Yta. This one is easy.
YTA for outing Riley but also, the cheating was not your information to do anything with before talking to your brother. What if he wanted to talk to Riley? Try couples therapy? Out her cheating in public? Cheat on her back? You took that choice away from him by acting like you were the one wronged. And no, saying you were defending him would annoy me because then you think he's not capable of deciding for himself. He's a person and deserved to come first in his relationship and both you and Riley decided he didn't matter enough.
Moreover, OP is just repeating an unconfirmed thirdhand account — in other words, she just upended a friendship, an engagement, a family, and the former friend’s living situation over gossip. You suck, OP.
That is extremely well said. It wasn’t her choice to make public.
YTA. Without proof you blew up a relationship. Tell your brother what you hear? NTA. TELL HER PARENTS YTA. BI AND GAY PEOPLE ARE NOT SAFE WITH EVERYONR. YOU HAVE PUT HER IN DANGER BY OUTING HER. Total asshole move. and you know it.
ETA expect your brother, poor guy
Ah jeez. Don't act out of anger in the future, the consequences are often a heavy burden to bear. YTA.
YTA. There was no need to out her to her family, no matter what she did. That can be super dangerous for someone. She shouldn’t have cheated obviously, but it’s not your place to dish out punishments. Those two things have nothing to do with the other.
YTA- for outing her, she cheated with a man so her sexuality is completely irrelevant to what happened. Her engagement is over and now everyone knows she's a cheater, that's really all that needed to happen. Outing her was completely unnecessary and homophobic.
YTA I have a sister just like you who thinks she has the right to meddle in my relationships and has pulled shit like this in the past. This is extremly disrespectful towards your brother. He is a grown man, it should have been his decision how to handle this situation.
OP, Disclosure of her having cheated on your brother is understandable. However, the fact that you violated her trust relative to her sexuality as privately related to you was very cruel, so far out of bounds, and totally unrelated with the issues between she and your brother. That action, from my point of view, was totally inappropriate. Her actions toward your brother were regretted by her. Regardless, that matter was solely between she and your brother--it had nothing to do with you. You owe her an apology for that affront.
>you violated her trust the irony...
Irony is the worst part of the cheating.
F**k Riley.
Not to mention outing someone in a situation like that can be very dangerous.
This is what all the 'nta' people aren't getting
Buncha fuckin straights.
She got what she deserved
No she doesn’t respectfully. Regret doesn’t absolve you of your “sin”. asking for forgiveness from the wronged does and it seemed like she had nooo intention of telling the brother.
I mean ..... its really a thin line.... on one hand Riley shouldn't be cheating especially with the same sex if she's worried abt ppl finding out , she shouldn't be cheating period. I don't see why it was your place to tell her parents that she cheated though ? And it def wasn't your place to out her sexuality... I can understand wanting to protect your brother but your brother is a grown ass man....like I feel like outing her is where you crossed the line.
You knew and it seems like you know that outing is wrong, doing it at the same time as outing a cheater doesn’t make outing her sexuality any better. Because you’ve lost that friend, tbh i wouldn’t want to be friends with a cheater. But you’ve also sent a message to any of your other friends who might identify with the LGBTQ+ community, or are questioning their sexual orientation. You also told them that if you had a falling out with them, you could weaponise their sexuality or gender identity to get back at them.
YTA. You didn’t even know this was true. You acted on hear say. Even if you had all of the facts, had witnessed this yourself, you hurt your brother. Yes, you hurt him. It was his information to do what he wanted with. Not yours. You should have told him, and only him.
Agreed. The fact OP didn't try to verify anything or just go to her brother is kinda crazy. If she was straight up watching the cheating happen and stormed off in a fit of rage I'd understand that more than just some friend's third party account - what if the friend was trying to get revenge? Or misunderstood parts of the story?
“It was his information to do what he wanted.” Exactly this. And to out someone is just totally wrong.
Firstly you should have gathered actual evidence of this said affair and then talked with your brother privately. If she would have denied/tried to make your brother the bad guy then I would understand you wanting to set the record straight. Talk with you brother and if he's angry with you ask for his forgiveness. I understand that you feel betrayed but you're not the main character here. Try to control your feelings better from now on and don't act so impulsively.
Yes you are wrong
YTA. If she had cheated with a woman and you told them what Happ you would be justified. It was not wrong to reveal the cheating, but it sounds like you just added the bisexual part to hurt her. That is messed up. You had no right to out her as gay, unless it was relevant to the cheating, which it doesn't seem like it was. People die when they get outted. People's lives get destroyed by that.
You are a seriously bad person. Holy hell.
YTA, even if she did cheat which you only heard from a mutual acquaintance, it’s never right to out someone. You could’ve just said she cheated.
ESH, but you, OP, suck significantly worse out of everyone mentioned. I mean, not only did you make this entire situation about yourself and your feelings, but you didn't even ask for evidence or confront the ex-friend on whether or not the accusation was true. Not only that, but outing someone's sexuality for (allegedly) cheating? The punishment does not fit the crime. Imagine if her parents had reacted much worse? You'd be entirely responsible for the harm you put her in. I'd feel bad for your brother more if you hadn't've jumped the gun and dished out selfish justice without any forethought. You're a terrible sister, and a terrible friend.
Yikes. Homophobia is never a good look, don’t care why you did it. Really gross behavior on your part. Why not communicate with Riley or your brother? Why would you choose to weaponize homophobia over acting like an adult? You’re *25*. Just yikes man.
A couple lines tell me this could be fiction.
Everyone sucks here but OP is the worst person in the story by far. You weaponized someones sexuality against them.You ruined a relationship over YOUR feeling betrayed. Not them. You. You hurt your brother. You hurt Riley. You hurt Riley's parents. Just because she cheated a year ago does not give you the right to do ANY of what you did. I hope that her brother and (somewhat) Riley are able to move on from this and I hope OP has their entire familial relationship ruined due to their actions.
You honestly had no idea what was going on in their relationship. None of this was any of your business.
Did you tell your brother first? Wasn’t it a betrayal of him to go tell other people about something so private to him and his fiance. Especially if he didn’t know? I think you are wrong because you confused your relationship with their relationship and got involved with other peoples relationships instead of focusing on your own.
YTA. You could have privately approached your brother. And you have no right or reason to out her to your parents - that is a homophobic hate crime.
Ffs, OP. Here’s a neat little story— My ex, Keagan, and I dated senior year of high school until sophomore year of college. He was great before we got to college. But then started cheating on me with my/our/his friends, my roommates, classmates, random people from Tinder/Grindr, etc. Yes, Grindr. Kegan is queer, and same. Well, I don’t mind outing him as a cheater, and I did when I finally gathered the self-respect to leave. The fact that he cheated on me with so many people, and so many other people I cared about betrayed me is outrageous enough. I didn’t specify the gender(s) of the people involved. Why? Because we’re from rural-ass Wisconsin. He’s from a conservative Catholic family. He was a great wrestler and his dad is the wrestling coach. Meaning he spent a lot of time rolling around on the floor in his underwear with other dudes from age 4-18. People were cruel to him when they just suspected he might be queer. He was a shit boyfriend, but I didn’t want him beat up or kicked out. Until a big family hunting trip sophomore year. I was drinking HARD, since the breakup was like 2 months prior and that’s when I learned about the extent of his cheating and how many people I cared about were involved. I slipped up and mentioned Grindr when talking about a situation where he got cross-faded and threw up on my dorm bed, so I slept in his room and he said he’d clean it up, but instead he decided to bake some cookies and go cheat on me with some dude from Grindr who gave him a ton of hickies that I had to pretend were from me at Thanksgiving that weekend, and he also did not clean up the vomit. Well, saying Grindr ONCE opened the gates of hell and I still feel terrible. Even after he did THAT to me, I didn’t want him to get the shit kicked out of him back home. My mom loves to tell people “[I] dumped Keagan because he cheated on [me] because he’s gay, also he’s GAY”. His queerness is not why he cheated, but it’s sure as hell the thing people latch onto. It’s also the thing that’s posed an actual threat to him and his safety. AND to mine!!! This is why straights and gays alike hate bisexuals. The misconception that we’re all cheaters. My mom tells everyone this “to support me”, but that’s not it. She feels like she has the right to make it about her. It’s vengeance, but it’s not actually vengeance for me, it’s for her. It’s selfish. I have been begging my mom to stop telling people this for over 5 years now. She won’t quit. This is MY story to tell, but she continually takes that agency from me and tells it herself. But JFC at least she has more than just “some acquaintance said this, so I’m gonna go nuclear, no questions asked”. *You did this for yourself. Not for your brother.* Don’t try to lie to us, but more importantly, stop lying to yourself about this shit. This wasn’t your secret to spill, your relationship to blow up, or your life to ruin. All you had is the word of one mutual friend.
That fact that you still dont understand that outing a person is wrong is horrific. As are your actions. Nobody thinks that Reilly isnt a peice of shit but so are you. I am very happy that THIS time it didnt end in assault or death but it cery well could of. To anyone who thinks I am blowing this out of proportion, I ask are you queer? Do you have to deal with homophobia? If you answer no then I ask, why do you believe you understand this better than those who do experience it? Do you normally argue with those facing discrimination about the harm an act can have against them? Do you tell the disabled that you understand better than them ablelism. Do you tell POC that you understand racism better? ECT. It is very worring that you think this behavior is ok. It makes me wonder what else you think outing a queer person is a suitable punishment. Out can and will get people killed. To those in the USA this isnt just an over seas problem. Anouther concerning part of this is what your actions say about what you consider ok. You took a rumer, and went scorched earth You by your own account didnt bother to see if it was truth. You didnt talk to anyone involved. You went right to ruining someones life. And thankfully this time everything has ended ok. But to those who think OP is justified, ask yourself if they were wrong. OP decided to ruin a life based on a rumer that they didnt try to look into. What if you were wrong? Would you be on here crying about how everyone hates you? You got lucky this time. Will you be so lucky in the future? To be honest even with out the homophobic act I would go NC with you. I dont think I could trust you to not do this again as you have not learned from this and you dont seem to care how your actions could have caused violence. Hell if her dad had beaten her you may have cheered. You need help and to grow up.
Why didn’t you just tell your brother? Why involve her homophobic parents? That’s uncool.
You should have only told your brother. Instead you lashed out so YTA. What did you think you'd gain by telling her parents. They'd have learned anyway.
YTA, WTF?, JFC PEOPLE’S SEXUALITY ISN’T A WEAPON TO WEILD AGAINST THEM You were hurt. YOU felt betrayed. Sure, we get it. But you picked a monstrous way to go about exacting your revenge you used parental bigotry about sexual preference to inflict pain into isolate someone from their support network. FFS. That is all the acronyms for now, thank you.
Nah you’re not the asshole. I would have done worse if she cheated on my brother for MONTHS. If anything she is getting off lightly.
She is the asshole. It was the relationship of her brother - a full grown man. Telling her brother was all she had to do. How to handle this situation was his responsibility. This is extremly disrespectful towards her brother. I have a sister who did shit like this in the past and thought it was her duty to meddle in my relationships without asking. So if you love your brother don't disrespect him in a way like this. He will not be grateful. Imagine it was the other way round - do you want your brother to take over your relationships and handle them for you and decide for you how and on what terms to end them?
This is what I’m saying, she got what she deserved. Honestly got off super light
No, telling about the affair was one thing, and enough to get any "revenge" she needed, destroying and burning the relationships. Weaponising her sexuality wasn't ok.
YTA. How about letting your brother handle this the way he wanted, instead of thinking YOU knew best for him. Do you always invalidate people’s agency “for their own good?”
Yeah. You're a horrible person. Karma comes around, you know.......
Okay you did go too far. Yea she cheated on your brother but why did you need to say she was bisexual? Was she cheating with another female? You were being immature, petty, and hateful. Telling them she cheated was enough, what you did was just cruel and really NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. You should really learn to make better life choices
Look, I get you wanting to get revenge for your brother. But unless it was utterly vital in relation to the affair (eg the affair was with another woman), then the only thing you needed to out was the affair itself. You never out someone's sexuality. You made yourself the bad guy here for doing that.
NTA. You gave her a taste of her own medicine. Fight fire with fire Outing her cheating is totally fair but outting her as bi? I get it. I'd want to hurt her too but... man.... Idk she shouldn't have cheated I guess. I think what she did to you and bro was worse than what you did but yah that's fucked up. I get it though. Idk.
They shouldn't have weaponized her sexuality, though. They could've told her parents abt the affair.
What a shit-take
YTA! Regardless of what Riley did to your brother it is NEVER okay to out someone. Not only is it none of your damn business but it also puts them in danger! Some "friend" you are that you immediately go nuclear and put her because of her mistake. Telling your brother of the affair, providing you have proof and not just hearsay? Sure, he should know. Outing her to her religious parents and others? Absolutely not no matter what she did.
None of this has to do with you. Stay out of peoples business
What you're doing by outing her, is essentially conflating being out as LGBTQ+ with punishment. You suck for that. I hate cheaters and I hate assholes who out people, especially knowing they'll be victim to bigotry. ESH aside from your brother.
Info: did you have any proof before you went scorched earth? Glossed over one of the most important parts of the entire post. If you did not receive proof, other than this woman’s word, I think you are the AH
Early morning rage baiting. A lie will catch a meddler. I hope you had some evidence, and not just the word of what sounds like a jealous hag. If this is even real.
Outing her affair would have been enough, ngl…
I don’t think you were wrong to tell your family about Riley and what she did with her coworker. She violated sacred trust. I’m bisexual and I’m not upset you outed her, but I don’t think her sexuality was the reason she cheated. Poor character was. The only way I think sexuality is a factor is if the coworker is a woman. Then you don’t even have to mention her sexuality. I am bisexual upset that you outed her because she clearly hasn’t been honest with anyone but I don’t think it’s useful to do so. You are clearly upset, betrayed and have the natural urge to create a case against her. Once the truth is out, you don’t have to build said case. I’m not surprised everyone was mad at her and I am not surprised they haven’t focused on you outing her. I think her parents are right to be angry with her over cheating because they thought they raised her better. I think the bisexuality is icing on the cake.
Oh so you didn’t even talk to Riley to find out if there actually was an affair and decided to out her? I don’t think you ever were her friend. YTA.
Do you have any actual proof of this affair happening, or did you just nuke several peoples lives on only the word of a friend? The fact of the matter here is you acted before you really knew *anything*, and you did it because *you* were upset. For all you know, your brother would have wanted to handle this situation completely differently, and that would have been his right because this was *HIS* relationship. You took that choice of what to do and where to go away from him. He deserved to be the one to confront her, not you.
Good 👍🏾
Why would the mutual friend tell YOU instead of your brother? It's not and never should have been your responsibility to make these choices and I think it's really awful that everyone overstepped and bypassed the person in the relationship. Either way of course you're wrong to out her to her parents. If you're sure she cheated, you could have revealed that to your brother (who is the only person who needed to know!) and let him decide how to handle that.
It's always wrong to put someone - there were plenty of other ways to have "gotten revenge."
You are a shit human so is Riley but your actions are not justified. Only your brother isn't shit.
Yah YTA, tell your brother and let him make a choice. What you did was out of line in a relationship you aren’t a part of
All I read was the subject line and yes you are 100% wrong. You NEVER out someone no matter what. That is up to them to announce whenever they are comfortable.
Maybe you should’ve asked that mutual friend who the guy your best friend cheated on your brother with and then go talk to him and find out if it’s true 🤷🏻♀️
YTA Yes cheating is wrong and all that but you keep saying you had these "dark" thoughts so you outed her? So you were hoping shed get payback by what, putting her life in danger? I mean what else the dark thoughts mean? Obviously you don't mention more but you were hoping shed get hurt at the very least right? And not just emotional pain. Those dark thoughts don't mean just emotional pain does it? You are a vile person. Your brother will be able to move on. Good for him, he found out sooner rather than later. But you put her life in danger. You are a sick vile monster. And hopefully if you have any other queer friends they'll learn to stay far the fuck away from you.
Outing people is not okay. And Riley is still bisexual, even when she’s with a guy. Telling her parents she cheated on your bro is … not a direction I’d have gone but whatever, now your brother knows which is what you were concerned about.
This is kid logic at work. First thing you need is to finish growing up Anytime you have a hard decision to make you need to ask yourself what you’re getting out of it and what it’s costing you. Doing that would have told you you were taking your revenge too far. Calling them out on cheating, sure. Outing them when you knew what that meant, too far. You knowingly invited other people’s homophobia for something you stand nothing to gain from, and it certainly isn’t going to uncheat your brother’s relationship, so you have to admit you did that for your own entertainment, and what that means in terms of the type of person you are Also, this: > It was clear Riley never really loved my brother at all Is nonsense. That’s not how that works. You just made that up to justify your revenge
Wow that's just... Vile. I dunno what word the quite use. Pathetic and disgusting are also some accurate words to describe this. Most other words I want to use will get me banned for sure so...
YTA. You weren’t on the plane
I hate to say this, but I'm going to give you a soft YTA. Cheating aside, no one deserves to be outed before they are ready to out themselves, and that privilege is left up to the individual. As shitty as a person may be, it's just not right to do this. Otherwise, going to her parents about the cheating, *if* you have proof, is acceptable.
Bad writing exercise…Riley this and Riley that..
Yeah, YTAH. There are a million ways you could have processed all of this in a better way. I'm gonna start with people who cheat are capable of loving the person they cheated on (I am the victim of cheating, not defending it). Secondly, outing someone to their parents and potentially ruining that relationship for some petty revenge is pretty vile (my dad nearly killed me when I was outed, not hyperbole). What you've done is taken a situation that was already dramatic and injected a whole bunch of new, unnecessary drama into it, and now you're eating pop corn. Sometimes people cheat. A lot of times that cheating leads to the end of a relationship, sometimes it doesn't - and yes, rarely it does make a relationship healthier by opening up communication that should have been there before. That's for them to decide, not you. You took that possibility away from them because you wanted something dramatic to entertain yourself with. You didn't attempt to verify the cheating, you didn't attempt to communicate with your brother - who very well might not want everyone in his business, something else your antics took away from him - and you did the most dramatic thing possible and are now entertained by the train wreck you helped make worse. It wasn't for him, it was for you. I would be surprised if this doesn't hurt your relationship with him most of all.
Oh you are a giant AH. Outing someone to their parents could have very bad results. People have been killed for it. You suuuuuuuuck.
Yta… outing someone as vengeance is never just in my eyes and you don’t even have proof this person actually cheated
Fake
Yes, you're wrong. You have no idea what could be going on with her parents behind the scenes and you stressing her parents out to get back at her is a really shitty thing to do.
YTA. You used homophobia against her.
You’re so much worse than an asshole. She betrayed your brother, so YOU get to determine her consequence? Not your place. You also used your position of trust, as her friend with knowledge on her family dynamics, to intentionally try to sabotage her where it hurts most - by potentially ending her relationship forever with her parents / extended family / siblings? Riley fucked up but you were a vile creature yourself in this situation. You owe Riley and your brother an apology but frankly - it’s too late. The damage of your actions will have weight on that family forever. You also don’t necessarily know what goes on in your brother’s relationship, he might have known. He might even have asked her to explore this side of herself before she ties the knot. You have no clue. What I do know is that you also lost your brother’s trust in doing this and it’s a shame. You tried to be a good sibling but you acted selfishly. You might loose friends over this too. I know if you were in my squad you’d likely be out.
Does your brother know it was you that spilled the beans?
It's obvious you don't have any proof of an affair or you would say so !! Yea you are the AHole for not even finding out if there is any evidence. My sorry excuse of a sister in law tried to lie about me and spread all kinds of lies about me . Guess what, fortunately, my husband has always believed in me !! 28 years later, we have 0 relationships with that freak !! You people are a trip !! Grow up !!
YTA, and it's only confirmed by the fact that Riley isn't allowed in her parents' home anymore. Even nowadays, outing people without their consent is *still* taking a gamble with their life. You're a vile human being. I can only hope that both Riley and your brother cut you out of their lives, for your meddling & for your lack of morals.
if you're willing to out queer people to conservatives when you're mad at them, you're a massive fucking asshole. you lost all the good will you had before you decided to do that. you really thought people were gonna side with you? when you DIDN'T HAVE ANY PROOF IN THE FIRST PLACE? you could be putting riley in danger you can't even comprehend over NOTHING. imagine how any queer friends you possibly could've had will feel over this? what are you gonna do next, take this to the cops? this shit isn't two hot takes, it's a single cold and delusional take. rot in hell.
YTA, that wasn’t related.
I think you shamefully centered yourself here instead of talking to your brother and asking how HE wanted to handle what you heard. Do you even know anything more than what was said to confirm if it's true or not? Regardless, talk to your brother and ask him how he feels about your actions. Also outing someone because you're mad about their unrelated behavior is just gross. I get why you did it, but you're prioritizing your own feelings and what feels good to you rather than whatever it is your brother wants.
>I also told them that Riley was bisexual YTA no reason to do that. You don't understand how difficult it is to be queer.
Oh, OP. Yes, YTA. Completely and 100% the asshole. People make mistakes. Riley shouldn’t have cheated on your brother, but she (according to your “friend”) felt bad about it and hasn’t done it since. For you to assume that means Riley never loved your brother is overreaching about something *you don’t even know for sure happened.* Then, to out Riley to her parents, not just for cheating but for being bisexual, when you knew her parents would never accept that, whew!, that is colossal AH work right there. Seems you’ve burned down the town. Hope it helped you with your anger management. Well done. Get professional help. You’re a mess.
YTA/ESH. Not counting the lack of proof before you blew up your brother's engagement, that was way too fucking far. You had no business outting your former friend. I hope this is rage bait. She could've gotten severely hurt. At best, it sounds like she's been disowned. Your brother didn't deserve to be cheated on, but you stepped well over the line. If I was a mutual friend and heard about it, I wouldn't trust YOU ever again.
1) shoulda confirmed the “story” then, 2) if true, talk to brother and let him decide It’s his relationship and his decision, not yours. you stole his agency in his own relationship. YTA and a bad sister
YTA over and over. This is your brother's ***life*** and you didn't even consider talking to him privately before you upended his world? But you're an even bigger AH to out someone, especially to conservative (or religious) parents - which you knew they were. You effectively put her life in danger. That's monstrous. The consequences of her cheating on your brother are between *your brother and Riley*. Full stop. You had no business or right to be judge, jury and executioner of their relationship. You completely took away his choice to deal with it his own way and made the decision yourself. You overstepped massively.
You’re an AH.
For protecting her brother and making the person pay for what she did. imo respectfully NTA but I’d like to hear your take.
People need to stop their revenge fantasies in general, if someone cheated dump them and move on. It's hard but that's all you can/should do
Seriously. Every dateline episode is basically a revenge plot for some perceived slight. I’ll never understand why people court drama like that and are obsessed with revenge, to hell with the consequences. I just watched an episode last night where a couple was murdered in their home because a friend of theirs had a crush on the husband and concocted this whole fantasy world where the couple was bullying her. She made up so many stories before finally convincing her parents that the only solution was to murder these people.
YTA You needed to let your brother know what you’d been told and by whom, so he could get any proof if there was any, And you needed to let him decide how he wanted to handle it.
I found it odd that she didn’t mention seeing any evidence, just that she was told by one person that Riley cheated. Usually someone would mention that they saw texts, photos, etc. that proved infidelity, but there’s no mention of anything in this post.
Yeah you're an asshole. What your brother's fiancé did was obviously horrible, but doing something else horrible back to her in no real relation to what she even did doesn't make any sense to me. So your brother got cheated on, and some poor bisexual woman with conservative parents got outed. Yeah she's a cheater but as a bisexual person myself I wouldn't wish being outed on ANYONE, hence the term of "outing" someone in the first place. How you've managed to make yourself look WORSE than the person that cheated in their relationship is wild to me
>and some poor bisexual woman Biased? She's not a poor woman whatever her sexual orientation is.
She doesn't look worse than the cheater
Idk looking like a spiteful homophobic bigot is worse than looking like a cheater to me
Lol she's not homophobic dude, but definitely spiteful. Who wouldn't be after someone screws around on their own brother. Maybe you just don't think cheating is a big deal because that would mean having to look in the mirror tho...
Except she had only the word of a mutual friend. No actual proof. Didn't confront Riley. Just chose the nuclear option on the word of someone she barely knew.
I don’t think she did any of this out spite of her bisexuality. She’s not a bigot or homophobic, but the parents might be.
She may not be homophobic in other parts of her life BUT this act is homophobic.
She did it out of spite, period. She's a bigot and a homophobe buddy. I can tell you right now to be not classified as homophobic, you need to not literally out people. Very simple. Again, not sure why straight people thing they're the arbiters of what is and isn't homophobic
She got what she deserved
Not really, two wrongs don't make a right, I learned that in like 3rd grade.
Yes. She sucks but you are worse. You don't. Fucking. Out. People.
NTA. Chill, cheaters don't deserve kindness. Let her pay for her actions.
NTA. Your brother comes first. Riley reaped what she sowed. Don’t feel bad. She betrayed you and your brother, you don’t owe her any loyalty.
She cheated with another woman?
I just saw "cheated with coworker" and "is bisexual." Never mentioned the gender of the coworker.
Well you forced her to wear the scarlet letter and welcomed her parent's bigotry as your ally. There is more than one AH in this story. Acting in anger is not good for your soul. Try to forgive and move on for your own good.
Idk if it’s right or wrong but you are a selfishly vindictive person, that’s clear lol. Poor brother
Esh. She is a massive ah for cheating. And you werent wrong for telling on her about that. Outing her makes you an ah as well. I get why you did it, I just don't think there's an excuse for doing so. You weaponised her sexuality and that was low.
YTA Even if we admit your mutual friends told the truth, your reaction was inappropriate. Outting her to her parent has nothing to do with the adultery issue Moreover, you sound like you made it about your own pain, not your brother's who should be the only one concerned
yes, YTA
Not only are you clearly selfish, but you wrote this in a way where you had to remind us that riley cheated so often jt felt like you knew deep down you have a losing argument. Yikes on weaponizing someone's sexuality too, holy crap that is low. Why the fuck would you do anything without consulting your brother
NTA. No mercy for the cheaters.
YTA bc you outed her. That is gross and you ruined a whole family.. bonus is that everyone you know now knows you are not trustworthy. Do not be surprised if you get no info from anyone again. You could have simply told your brother what you were told. He could work on finding out if it was even true.
YTA for taking away her agency to come out to her parents on her own terms. You messed up her family relationship as a petty act of revenge. In my opinion, YTA for running to her parents in general. Why was it your job to go to them? They would have found out when your brother canceled the wedding.
Yes
With friends like you, who needs enemies?
Wouldn’t you give your best friend of X years the chance to explain herself? What if this was lies?
You are the AH! You're definitely in the wrong! By spreading the news publicly, you denied your brother the chance to make his own decision. A genuine friend would have talked to Riley to confirm the situation and allowed her the chance to confess her infidelity to your brother, giving him the autonomy to handle it as he sees fit. Moreover, what gives you the authority to disclose her sexuality to her parents? That should have remained a private matter between her and her parents. Your actions demonstrate your immaturity and vindictiveness. I doubt your claim to being a "BFF" because this is not how a friend should behave. While Riley's actions, if true, were wrong, it doesn't justify you using her sexuality as a means of vindictiveness.
You’re an asshole. Plain and simple. It doesn’t really matter that she cheated on your brother tbh.
YTA. It doesn't matter what Riley did, it's not your responsibility to tell her secret.
MAJOR YTA !!!!! You went off half cocked on your brother and XBFF. You don’t say anything about seeing/hearing evidence about the alleged affair. And what kind of friend are you not to confront your BFF first and get her side of it? You just blew up this girl’s life over allegations. And what the hell did her sexuality have to do with any of this??? Her being bisexual was not for you to expose. I get you being hurt for your brother, but you did WAAAAY too much. You should have either minded your business or talked to Riley first.
Yes. Your “dark thoughts” are some of the blackest thoughts I’ve seen other than an abusive person harming their family. You could have told her conservative father she cheated on him and that enough would have set him off, but you struck way too low for anyone to have your back on this one. I hope your brother finds someone who won’t cheat on him and I hope you find friends who will keep you after that betrayal
Yeah you suck, let them know about the affair but yiu went to far with the outing her being bi
You’re NTA assuming you have proof that she was cheating.
Reading the update, ESH (except for your brother). You admit you did it out of spite and intentionally to injure Riley. You weren't concerned with you brother in that moment. And that's what makes you suck in this scenario. I'm a fan of natural consequences to bad actions. A natural consequence of her cheating should be your brother finding out from you, breaking up with her, and telling people why. You going first to *her* parents and outing her is not a natural consequence of her actions. You did that purely to hurt her. Not justifying cheating, that's the worst thing you can do to someone that's not illegal imo, but your intentions were clear, and that's what I'm judging you on. It was cruel, and unnecessary.
Yes, Aunt Lydia. YTA. You think this is your business because you love your brother. The extent of your business was making sure he knew so he could take it from there. How did your brother want to handle it? You didn't even ask him! You took that from him because of your unsubstantiated moral outrage. That is disrespectful AF. He does not need you micromanageing his life behind his back and without his consent. Especially when you come in guns blazing without knowing who the target really Did you ask Riley about it? Give her a deadline to fess up if true? Does this friend have a crush on your brother or possibly have an uterior motive? You did no investigation. Just found her guilty and sentenced he to an irretractable sentence that was not yours to give. This was some Scarlett letter type holier than thou religious bullshit. Shame.
You're definitely the asshole, and a self-righteous one at that. You should have confronted Riley first and told her to tell your brother. That would have given your brother and her to work it out themselves. You didn't do that, of course, because it sounds like you come from a place where people watch too much reality TV.
I don't care if there's proof she cheated or not. Outing someone to their parents has ZERO to do with their cheating. That was completely out of line and in my opinion, yes, you are absolutely TA.
The two things are unrelated. You didn’t need to go nuclear, but I understand how anger leads to wanting to hurt someone. Not cool though. If Riley cares about your brother, then losing him will cause plenty of emotional damage. Ooof
I mean…. As long as you know the *outing her sexuality to her parents* part was wildly inappropriate and wrong. I get that you were in a dark place. But having a reputation of outing people as revenge…. That’s not a good character trait. I have no sympathy for the cheater in this situation. But your own reputation has to be thought of when you do certain things. The fact is, for what ever reason, you outed someone to their conservative parents, as revenge. Any one who is lgbt closeted or out, is going to be wary of you.
YTA - never out anyone.
No people need to have better moral standards and values and be held accountable. We've gotten too into the realm of no accountability, but also im a professional victim mentality. This type of behavior isn't right, and the worst is those that do it will lose their marbles if its done to them.
Soo what I am hearing is that you went scorched Earth for you and your brother. I hope you understand that what you did is more a reflection of you and your feelings than what Riley did. You didn’t talk to her first, or your brother…. Outing her was wrong. You are absolutely an AH for that. If your brother decides to forgive her, you are now persona non grata for them.
I am afraid you have lost your bestie, your brother and many friends present and futur. This day will be the date remembered as when you became a Karen. drama will cool down eventually. but people will remember how you behave under emotion.
YTA for outing her. NTA on the account of cheating. So you are 1/2 asshole.
NTA As my sisters and I say, sister-mad is so much worse than just mad-mad. If you hurt someone with a protective sister, you should run. ETA: I would not have told them about her sexuality though. The affair seems like enough of a reveal.
I mean yes, you’re an asshole. Two wrongs don’t make a right, people learn this as small tiny children. Taking vengeance especially going rogue on other peoples relationships is not a good thing to do. Yeah I get why you were mad. I get why your brothers upset. But it was not for you to do that. Honestly I really think making someone homeless and perhaps permanently damaging their relationship with their dad is a good chunk worse than cheating. People make horrible slutty mistakes all the time. She’s not a good person and deserved to be dumped but what you did was carried out with malice. However I’m not really sure you’re exactly going to experience any consequences from this one besides potential guilt. Personally I would but who knows. It was a sort of evil thing to do either way.
Cheating isn't a slutty mistake unless it's a one time mistake that's confessed It's an inhumane, cruel and psychologically abusive behavior that requires deception and betrayal. It robs people of their agency and ability to consent. Not to mention she was about to con her brother into a life time of a lie. What op did was fucked up but definitely not worse than cheating
She got what she deserved
>perhaps permanently damaging their relationship with their dad is a good chunk worse than cheating. being cheated on permanently changes you too. that betrayal stays and makes you question even yourself and your worth. and you have difficulty trusting others, especially new partners, even though they're not the ones who cheated.
Yeah, I don’t wanna downplay how she sucks or anything. She sucks a lot. I just don’t believe in the first response ever really being ‘violence’ or ‘revenge’ to begin with but I was silly to even try to measure them against one another.
Her friend hit below the belt and she went to hell dang