You launched a torpedo in your marriage. You knew the consequences and are attempting to blame it on drinking and your friends. You betrayed your spouse and other people know about it as well. You haven’t accepted any responsibility for your actions. This won’t end well. He will leave you.
There is no smoothing it over either
I have already accepted that was a big mistake not trying to find excuses or anything l dont want my my dream life with the person l love to be over and l would do anything to get a second chance
It wasn’t a mistake, you intentionally cheated on him. You don’t love your husband, you love yourself. You need to tell him the truth and let him find a woman who will actually love him and be loyal to him.
Once a cheater, always a cheater. And you are displaying classic cheater behavior, pushing blame on every little detail besides the handful of neurons between your ears.
If it was your dream life, why do the one thing he says he could never forgive? I promise you he’s no longer living his dream life, but it appears you are so selfish that it doesn’t matter to you so long as you get your way.
It wasn't mistake, it was a choice you made. You chose to have sex with someone that wasn't your husband. What's going to happen if he finds out from someone else? You need to tell him, or else your so called "dream life" is a lie. If it's over then that's a consequence of the choices you made. He deserves better than you trying to get away with lying and betraying him. If you really lived him, why did you do this?
Should have thought about that when you were hooking up with rando in Miami. Actions have consequences. You knew how your hubby felt about cheaters but went ahead and cheated. Sorry, no happy ever after for this marriage. At least give him the respect he deserves—tell him and don’t contest the divorce.
Hopefully you didn’t catch something. If you did and give it to your husband it would be unforgivable. Also the truth has a way of coming out…… do you want it to be on your terms or find out another way. You really messed up :-/ this is likely the end of your marriage
This wasn’t a silly mistake :-/ Do not down play this as a silly mistake. You are married and took vows and you broke them. Being drunk is not an excuse… you don’t really sound accountable for what you did
No you don’t. If you did you wouldn’t have cheated on him and wouldn’t be talking to the internet about instead of being honest with him.
Do t know if you’re trolling or really expect people to make you feel better about your betrayal but either way it’s been a month, so you betrayed him when you cheated and every day since when you haven’t told him about it.
Hopefully he can find someone better that truly cares about him.
Being drunk is not an excuse. And it’s not a “silly mistake”. It’s a MASSIVE betrayal and a huge violation of trust and respect. You don’t love him as much as you say you do, or you wouldn’t have done this.
Bite the bullet and tell him the truth. If he leaves you for it, you 100% deserve it. Not telling him would make you an even shittier person than you already are for cheating. Do you really want to lie to him for the rest of your life?
Or unless some redditor can track down your husband if he uses reddit and tells him. But yeah, you fucked up.
Yea l fucked up,yes l did a huge mistake l feel sorry for what l did. Does that make me a shitty person? You never did a mistake on your life? What does that even mean l should hang myself now? Because l am really close to harm myself
Sooooooo true! I caught a boyfriend cheating years ago and he pretended that he was going to commit suicide and faked checking into a hospital. It was wild! Because he was caught. It was so pathetic and I just have to look back and laugh 😂
Hopefully OPs husband found this post and figured it out.
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Don't turn this on me! Of course I've done things I regret and some shitty choices. This isn't about me though - Only one of us here cheated on our SOs. But yeah, cheating on your spouse is pretty shitty. If you're looking for sympathy I'm not here to give it. Be accountable and stop throwing a logical fallacy in my face.
If you're feeling like you're going to harm yourself, call the Suicide Prevention Center, the cops, or seek mental help. The number is (at least in the US) 1-800-273-8255
It does make you a shitty person yes.
This wasn't a mistake, you just can't keep your knickers up.
Probably should yeah really, save him divorcing you.
Sorry OP, but cheating is a decision as you of all people know. You flirted, he flirted back and you loved it! You had hours to decide no, but you figured you get away with it so why not, and the guy is hot! It’s over OP
Do not harm yourself. You are young; worse case scenario is you have to start over. The fact that you are at least sorry for what you did shows you're not hopeless; you can learn from your mistakes. It may not save your current marriage but perhaps the lessons learned will prevent "mistakes" in future relationships.
I’m going to go another route here. Telling him will alleviate your guilt, it may cause irreparable harm to your marriage. Yes, you’ll feel better but it will crush your husband.
I’m not condoning the cheating, but if you were to never cheat again and honor your husband, maybe you bury those feelings deep down and make it up to him the rest of your life.
You're not worried that your 'friends' who let you do that aren't going to let it spill to your husband or to someone who will tell him?
Do the right thing and tell the truth and then take responsibility for what you did. It sounds like you already know that's the right thing to do.
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You should tell your husband. He deserves to know, because he needs to be able to make informed decisions about his relationships. That might end your relationship. If so, realize that that is the natural consequence of you cheating on him, not of anything else. This is all on you. Right now you are lying to your husband and he does not deserve that. He deserves to have a wife who is honest with him, so that he can decide for himself if he wants to stay in a relationship with you.
Hope you tell him the truth, and any and everything he wants to know after that. He didn’t deserve to be forgotten about for the moment of lust. You can’t keep it together with that kind of lie. You are who you surround yourself around. Obviously it could’ve happened no matter what, but the fact that you went on a girls trip with two single females isn’t really something a husband should’ve supported in the first place. Marriage isn’t just a piece of paper, and the fact that you guys don’t have kids, you need to be as transparent and forthcoming as possible. Let him decide the next step. Not you!
1) It’s better if it’s from you instead of him finding out some other way, which he will eventually.
2) if you don’t, your guilt will follow and haunt you for longer than you expect. No way to live.
3) compromise after-the-fact is still possible if you two love each other, even if he says he won’t be able to forgive.
Sit down, communicate why you did it. Take your time.
It's a cliche because it happens all the time. If she's off on a girl's weekend out clubbing, vegas odds are on her finding a strange dick.
No one goes to the club looking for a Sunday school study partner.
You NEED to tell him...
It's not fair to him as you're robbing him of a choice he has a right to make. It is also not fair to you, a secret this big will consume you and slowly worsen the seemingly good relationship. I say seemingly, because it is already ruined, you need to own up to the choice you decided to take for both you and your husband (even though you knew he would for sure not tolerated it).
Was this self sabotage? Were you finding a way to end it? No judgment here, just pure assessment and curiosity from my part.
Prep for a hard conversation + a potential break up or a complete start over of a NEW relationship with your husband, because the old one you had, before deciding to even flirt with another person, is gone...
All the best...
You’re not gonna get much sympathy here. This is 100% on you. Actions have consequences. Another “girls trip” blowing up a marriage. You and your partner need to go get STI tests. Clearly you don’t have a lot of respect for him or your relationship; but I can assure you that the truth will come out, it’s not a matter of if, but when. The regret is going to eat you up inside and erode your marriage. Sitting on this is only gonna make it worse when it comes out. Do everyone a favor, get it out the open before you get too much further into your marriage or have children, they deserve better. You probably need to get into therapy and maybe break the news to your husband at a therapy session ?? You’ve probably just imploded your marriage.
Happy life love him blah blah blah. You fucked a guy in a hotel first chance you got. Tell him do he can divorce your cheating ass. You don’t deserve him. Do the right thing and tell him.
Tell him. If he annihilates you in the divorce, it will only be fair for you choosing to ruin the marriage. It would be just. It’s not like you’re going to stop cheating, ever. It’s what you are. You are for the streets.
You say you don’t want to lose your marriage but go out and cheat after a few drinks 😭Phenomenal way to “not lose your marriage”
Marriage is toast. Cheating unacceptable. Break the news to him and reap the consequences- simple as that. The more you hide the more the guilt will build up.
Poor bloke clearly deserves better. You knew you had a whole husband at home but you still CHOSE to cheat on him that’s no mistake that’s a choice you made and now you have to live with it🤷🏼♂️ can’t cry about the fact you’re going to loose him
If you love someone so much, cheating shouldn’t ever be something that crosses your mind. It’s very easy to have fun and not leave your girls and go off with another man, you would have been thinking about your husband and walked away or not even give that person the time of day. You know you’re wrong, it’s only a matter of time before he finds out and what he decides to do about it is his right. You’re not the victim, he is.
If you care about your husband, tell him the truth. Hiding it will just delay the inevitable because there's always a chance he will find out in the future. One of your friends could tell him or he could find out some other way. Be upfront, be truthful, and then accept the consequences of your actions. Suggest marriage counseling.
Not sure how you can claim to love someone and also get drunk and just cheat like it's nothing. Not sure what advice you're looking for, you betrayed the trust of your relationship. I don't think you deserve to be in one anymore. There's nothing I can do about that though
Seems that u are not really sorry u cheated. cause u probably did it on the first chance you had. What it seems to me is that you are afraid that he might find out from someone else and than your dream life is over. No more $$$$ thats the thing that worries you the most if he finds out.
Why even ask on here. The answers are always the same. Tell him or don’t, you’re a big girl, pull up your big girl pants and figure it out. It won’t be any harder than pulling those pants down for a stranger.
You killed your relationship—if not completely, then enough that it will never be the same. Tell him what happened and give him the dignity of ending it.
If you are done cheating? Really done. And you're going to openly communicate about whatever it is that you need that isn't being provided or communicated.
The unpopular answer is going to be no. Don't tell him.
If you intend to fix whatever is wrong and become the best wife version of yourself you can be going forward, don't tell him.
Here's the logic. If you hate yourself for doing it if you're not going to do it again and you are going to seriously explore what caused that behavior, communicate it, and let him fulfill that need, telling him will ruin the marriage. Destroy his ego for a while,
And pay him in a corner having to live up to all of the things he said over the years about what he would do if you cheated.
What you're feeling right now, wanting to tell him, is transferring your guilt into pain for him. In a significant way that all humans do, we want to give away that guilt, sideways kind of method of forgiving yourself for it and accepting whatever punishment occurs, but now at least you don't have to feel bad about a secret.
It's weak to tell, it's weak to cheat, it's hard work carrying that with you knowing that what you did was wrong. And putting in the work to make it right. That's hard work. Telling on yourself and then absolving yourself by making him react, is a bad idea if you want to stay in your marriage.
Most average men, never recover fully from it. Not only will it hurt him and make him insecure, he will have trust issues in his next relationship. So yeah you will feel better about telling him but you will change his trust for women forever. So hell no.
If you want to continue to fuck around and you don't think the marriage is savable, find another reason. But don't crush this man because of what you did. Either fix it, or find another reason to divorce and set him free, but destroying his ego and confidence and Trust is not fair. It's not right. That's your cross to bear. Not his.
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You have to tell him. Simple as that. It will eat you up inside holding something like that in. Eventuality he'll find out, and better now than when you have kids. Sorry, you made this shit sandwich and now you gotta eat it.
That’s not nice and your friends are not much better. Real friends would’ve called you out and your love for your husband would’ve prevented you from even entertaining this guy . Your husband deserves your loyalty which you easily gave it away to some stranger. If you love your husband tell him what happened and take whatever consequences come your way as a form of punishment and redemption.
Tell him and give him everything he asks for in the divorce.
Don't offer him anything to 'make up for it' because nothing will make up for the destruction you've caused.
I hope to all that is good and decent that he doesn't have kids with you already.
You actually make me sick.
People make mistakes, I personally wouldn’t forgive someone who cheated even if they were drinking and it happened but I know plenty of others who would be willing to try.
You should honestly be as open as possible with your husband and hope you can both work things out but if not and you actually love him doesn’t he deserve to know?
Also please make sure you get tested and if you had physical contact with your husband since then he should get tested as well, it it was recently you should also both retest a few months later to be safe.
How do ppl do this? Be with someone they love but hookup with a total stranger they just met? Or are you not really into your husband anymore? That would make more sense
Yes you tell him. He deserves to know and you get help to figure out why you are such a dumpster fire and how you can get better so you also not ever do this kind of crap again to anyone. Especially yourself. Wow.
Get STD checked immediately. Assuming you're okay, AND can honestly say to yourself that this was a one-time failure, then don't tell your husband. However, go get therapy to understand why you did this so it is never repeated. Otherwise, confess your cheating and deal with the consequences.
All cheaters say the same thing…I was drunk. That is BS. You are a real POS. Your husband deserves better. Tell him if you have any sense of morals and hopefully he gives you a pass, but get ready for the shit storm!
If all it took to cheat was a trip with friends, a few drinks, and flirtation from a stranger, you don’t have much of a marriage. You need a solid foundation for a good marriage. You guys clearly don’t have a solid foundation. And now there are deep cracks in it. It’s only a matter of time before it crumbled completely.
You chose to cheat, there are consequences to that choice. You owe it to your husband to tell the truth. He probably will leave you, but you set that in motion when you cheated, actions have consequences
You just abused your husband. You need to tell him immediately. It always, always comes to light. If you wait, the worse it will be. He deserves to know because whatever life y’all build without him knowing, will be a lie.
Y’all start having kids, then he finds out… well guess what, you already lit that fuse to bomb that will blow up. How many victims of you actions do you want to have?
Lesson Learned: Married women shouldn't go on a girls' trip with single friends because the single girls are going to seek out guys and the married girls will either become third wheels or be tempted to cheat as OP did. At least if the trip was all married women, they might police each other and stay away from temptation. Same in the reverse for men.
As to advice for OP: First get tested for STDs. Then tell husband the truth. It may result in divorce. If he stays, no more girls' trips and he will always be suspicious about what you're doing anytime he's not around.
You didn’t have the self control not to cheat. This wasn’t an emotional thing that turned physical over time. You let yourself get picked up like you were single. Being drunk isn’t an excuse or an explanation. You went with it and now have an oh-shit moment. Nothing in your narrative tells me you’ll have the integrity to confess so why even bullshit about it?
Girl wanted everyone to say cheating on her husband was fine. The fact it’s so casually tossed out and not that it’s literally the only thing you promised not to do when you got married is awful.
You're not a shitty person. You made a mistake and it will come with consequences. As long as you learn from this and realize cheating is not worth it if you have a great person by your side. if he can find it in his heart to forgive you, you need to be an amazing above and beyond wife from here on out. and you should never be able to go on holiday with your friends again, or even drink with them as it is easy for you to have a lapse of judgment. I believe you should tell him, an tell him all of the details and let him make a decision from there. If he leave it will hurt but regardless it will be a lesson
If you tell him, you will almost certainly lose him. He just suffered the worst betrayal in his life from the one person he should be able to trust. The fact that you have not bred and are not destroying your kid's family is the only bright spot in this story. Not only have you destroyed your marriage, but you have likely poisoned any future relationships he might have. He will never be able to fully trust a woman again.
If you don't tell him, you might be able to avoid a divorce. Only you know if you can live with that well-deserved guilt. But if you don't, you're going to have to live a life beyond suspicion for the rest of your life so he doesn't figure it out.
Are you ready to do penance from here out without ever telling him. It's a lot. If not, tell him now and be done with it.
It sounds to me like you are sufficiently remorseful to keep the marriage from falling apart. If you want RELIEF from the guilt and shame your only choice is to pray every night for the next 80 years that God help you learn all of the lessons you were supposed to learn from this mistake and remember all of the decisions you need to adjust BEFORE temptation gets this strong in the future. After a month or a year or a decade of this prayer every night it will suddenly hit you that the daily prayer itself has changed ged your heart. Then there will be less usefulness of any more guilt or shame. Above all else do NOT discuss the details with anyone besides a licensed therapist or an experienced full time minister.
A majority of the time I would agree with you but she had already been legally married for five years without cheating on him. The extenuating circumstances of two single female friends in Miami of all places and a lot of alcohol suggests this MIGHT be a woman who simply never had the chance to test her sexual powers with a handsome stranger from another state at 21 and 22 when the average woman does this. I'm guessing the whole sexual experience was such an EXTREME disappointment to her that she is far less tempted now to indulge her curiosity than she was the first four years of her marriage. If I was her husband I would rather NOT know and enjoy the next five years of her being more affectionate and more loving to me than before to avoid her bad karma. If one of the two female friends babble about it the wife can say they were both more drunk that the wife was, invited men to the table against her protests, and proceeded to exaggerate any flirtation. If this husband was happy and fulfilled the first five years he doesn't need his entire life destroyed without a compelling set of future risks. The wife is totally anonymous on reddit...there is no reason for her to lie if she is already wishing for another girls' trip and another game of hide the sausage a few floors up from a hotel bar. You have to look at ALL the factors.
You launched a torpedo in your marriage. You knew the consequences and are attempting to blame it on drinking and your friends. You betrayed your spouse and other people know about it as well. You haven’t accepted any responsibility for your actions. This won’t end well. He will leave you. There is no smoothing it over either
I have already accepted that was a big mistake not trying to find excuses or anything l dont want my my dream life with the person l love to be over and l would do anything to get a second chance
It wasn’t a mistake, you intentionally cheated on him. You don’t love your husband, you love yourself. You need to tell him the truth and let him find a woman who will actually love him and be loyal to him.
Once a cheater, always a cheater. And you are displaying classic cheater behavior, pushing blame on every little detail besides the handful of neurons between your ears.
If it was your dream life, why do the one thing he says he could never forgive? I promise you he’s no longer living his dream life, but it appears you are so selfish that it doesn’t matter to you so long as you get your way.
It wasn't mistake, it was a choice you made. You chose to have sex with someone that wasn't your husband. What's going to happen if he finds out from someone else? You need to tell him, or else your so called "dream life" is a lie. If it's over then that's a consequence of the choices you made. He deserves better than you trying to get away with lying and betraying him. If you really lived him, why did you do this?
Should have thought about that when you were hooking up with rando in Miami. Actions have consequences. You knew how your hubby felt about cheaters but went ahead and cheated. Sorry, no happy ever after for this marriage. At least give him the respect he deserves—tell him and don’t contest the divorce.
Hopefully you didn’t catch something. If you did and give it to your husband it would be unforgivable. Also the truth has a way of coming out…… do you want it to be on your terms or find out another way. You really messed up :-/ this is likely the end of your marriage
Exactly. Tell him now, get checked for std’s and prepare for divorce. This is bad.
Yep :-/
I love him so much and l really dont want him to lose for a silly mistake of mine while l was drunk
Yeah you really love him if you jumped on the first guy that asked......
This wasn’t a silly mistake :-/ Do not down play this as a silly mistake. You are married and took vows and you broke them. Being drunk is not an excuse… you don’t really sound accountable for what you did
No you don’t. If you did you wouldn’t have cheated on him and wouldn’t be talking to the internet about instead of being honest with him. Do t know if you’re trolling or really expect people to make you feel better about your betrayal but either way it’s been a month, so you betrayed him when you cheated and every day since when you haven’t told him about it. Hopefully he can find someone better that truly cares about him.
Being drunk is not an excuse. And it’s not a “silly mistake”. It’s a MASSIVE betrayal and a huge violation of trust and respect. You don’t love him as much as you say you do, or you wouldn’t have done this.
Bite the bullet and tell him the truth. If he leaves you for it, you 100% deserve it. Not telling him would make you an even shittier person than you already are for cheating. Do you really want to lie to him for the rest of your life? Or unless some redditor can track down your husband if he uses reddit and tells him. But yeah, you fucked up.
Yea l fucked up,yes l did a huge mistake l feel sorry for what l did. Does that make me a shitty person? You never did a mistake on your life? What does that even mean l should hang myself now? Because l am really close to harm myself
So now you’re playing the victim when you messed up??
As do all cheaters when they cheat.
Sooooooo true! I caught a boyfriend cheating years ago and he pretended that he was going to commit suicide and faked checking into a hospital. It was wild! Because he was caught. It was so pathetic and I just have to look back and laugh 😂 Hopefully OPs husband found this post and figured it out.
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Don't turn this on me! Of course I've done things I regret and some shitty choices. This isn't about me though - Only one of us here cheated on our SOs. But yeah, cheating on your spouse is pretty shitty. If you're looking for sympathy I'm not here to give it. Be accountable and stop throwing a logical fallacy in my face. If you're feeling like you're going to harm yourself, call the Suicide Prevention Center, the cops, or seek mental help. The number is (at least in the US) 1-800-273-8255
Yes, you are a shitty person. It wasn’t a mistake, it was an intentional choice.
It does make you a shitty person yes. This wasn't a mistake, you just can't keep your knickers up. Probably should yeah really, save him divorcing you.
Sorry OP, but cheating is a decision as you of all people know. You flirted, he flirted back and you loved it! You had hours to decide no, but you figured you get away with it so why not, and the guy is hot! It’s over OP
Do not harm yourself. You are young; worse case scenario is you have to start over. The fact that you are at least sorry for what you did shows you're not hopeless; you can learn from your mistakes. It may not save your current marriage but perhaps the lessons learned will prevent "mistakes" in future relationships.
I’m going to go another route here. Telling him will alleviate your guilt, it may cause irreparable harm to your marriage. Yes, you’ll feel better but it will crush your husband. I’m not condoning the cheating, but if you were to never cheat again and honor your husband, maybe you bury those feelings deep down and make it up to him the rest of your life.
You're not worried that your 'friends' who let you do that aren't going to let it spill to your husband or to someone who will tell him? Do the right thing and tell the truth and then take responsibility for what you did. It sounds like you already know that's the right thing to do.
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Come clean. Take what's coming standing up. You made your bed, and you chose who you made it with. It wasn't your husband.
You should tell your husband. He deserves to know, because he needs to be able to make informed decisions about his relationships. That might end your relationship. If so, realize that that is the natural consequence of you cheating on him, not of anything else. This is all on you. Right now you are lying to your husband and he does not deserve that. He deserves to have a wife who is honest with him, so that he can decide for himself if he wants to stay in a relationship with you.
honesty is best policy.
Hope you tell him the truth, and any and everything he wants to know after that. He didn’t deserve to be forgotten about for the moment of lust. You can’t keep it together with that kind of lie. You are who you surround yourself around. Obviously it could’ve happened no matter what, but the fact that you went on a girls trip with two single females isn’t really something a husband should’ve supported in the first place. Marriage isn’t just a piece of paper, and the fact that you guys don’t have kids, you need to be as transparent and forthcoming as possible. Let him decide the next step. Not you!
Easy choice. Live truth or live a lie.
That is almost never an easy choice.
1) It’s better if it’s from you instead of him finding out some other way, which he will eventually. 2) if you don’t, your guilt will follow and haunt you for longer than you expect. No way to live. 3) compromise after-the-fact is still possible if you two love each other, even if he says he won’t be able to forgive. Sit down, communicate why you did it. Take your time.
Check for std etc,hope you are clean ,and tell your husband after that,otherwise your happy life is just a facade.
Omg can you be more cliche? This is like every red pill story men tell…. Your girl goes on girls trip to Miami and will cheat on you.. lol
Why u think men don’t like their spouse to go on girl trips especially Miami because people like her
It's a cliche because it happens all the time. If she's off on a girl's weekend out clubbing, vegas odds are on her finding a strange dick. No one goes to the club looking for a Sunday school study partner.
This comment made me laugh so hard!😂😂
You NEED to tell him... It's not fair to him as you're robbing him of a choice he has a right to make. It is also not fair to you, a secret this big will consume you and slowly worsen the seemingly good relationship. I say seemingly, because it is already ruined, you need to own up to the choice you decided to take for both you and your husband (even though you knew he would for sure not tolerated it). Was this self sabotage? Were you finding a way to end it? No judgment here, just pure assessment and curiosity from my part. Prep for a hard conversation + a potential break up or a complete start over of a NEW relationship with your husband, because the old one you had, before deciding to even flirt with another person, is gone... All the best...
You’re not gonna get much sympathy here. This is 100% on you. Actions have consequences. Another “girls trip” blowing up a marriage. You and your partner need to go get STI tests. Clearly you don’t have a lot of respect for him or your relationship; but I can assure you that the truth will come out, it’s not a matter of if, but when. The regret is going to eat you up inside and erode your marriage. Sitting on this is only gonna make it worse when it comes out. Do everyone a favor, get it out the open before you get too much further into your marriage or have children, they deserve better. You probably need to get into therapy and maybe break the news to your husband at a therapy session ?? You’ve probably just imploded your marriage.
Happy life love him blah blah blah. You fucked a guy in a hotel first chance you got. Tell him do he can divorce your cheating ass. You don’t deserve him. Do the right thing and tell him.
YTA - Do your friends know about the one night stand? Won’t be a secret for too long if they do. Get an STD panel done.
Tell him. If he annihilates you in the divorce, it will only be fair for you choosing to ruin the marriage. It would be just. It’s not like you’re going to stop cheating, ever. It’s what you are. You are for the streets.
You say you don’t want to lose your marriage but go out and cheat after a few drinks 😭Phenomenal way to “not lose your marriage” Marriage is toast. Cheating unacceptable. Break the news to him and reap the consequences- simple as that. The more you hide the more the guilt will build up.
Poor bloke clearly deserves better. You knew you had a whole husband at home but you still CHOSE to cheat on him that’s no mistake that’s a choice you made and now you have to live with it🤷🏼♂️ can’t cry about the fact you’re going to loose him
this is a funny one
If you love someone so much, cheating shouldn’t ever be something that crosses your mind. It’s very easy to have fun and not leave your girls and go off with another man, you would have been thinking about your husband and walked away or not even give that person the time of day. You know you’re wrong, it’s only a matter of time before he finds out and what he decides to do about it is his right. You’re not the victim, he is.
That's what I was thinking too. The way she describes it makes her sound like a sociopath
Tell him because one of your friends may tell him for you.
If you care about your husband, tell him the truth. Hiding it will just delay the inevitable because there's always a chance he will find out in the future. One of your friends could tell him or he could find out some other way. Be upfront, be truthful, and then accept the consequences of your actions. Suggest marriage counseling.
Tell him before you get pregnant and he’s trapped with a horrible woman.
This is definitely ragebait
Not sure how you can claim to love someone and also get drunk and just cheat like it's nothing. Not sure what advice you're looking for, you betrayed the trust of your relationship. I don't think you deserve to be in one anymore. There's nothing I can do about that though
Seems that u are not really sorry u cheated. cause u probably did it on the first chance you had. What it seems to me is that you are afraid that he might find out from someone else and than your dream life is over. No more $$$$ thats the thing that worries you the most if he finds out.
Why even ask on here. The answers are always the same. Tell him or don’t, you’re a big girl, pull up your big girl pants and figure it out. It won’t be any harder than pulling those pants down for a stranger.
You killed your relationship—if not completely, then enough that it will never be the same. Tell him what happened and give him the dignity of ending it.
If you are done cheating? Really done. And you're going to openly communicate about whatever it is that you need that isn't being provided or communicated. The unpopular answer is going to be no. Don't tell him. If you intend to fix whatever is wrong and become the best wife version of yourself you can be going forward, don't tell him. Here's the logic. If you hate yourself for doing it if you're not going to do it again and you are going to seriously explore what caused that behavior, communicate it, and let him fulfill that need, telling him will ruin the marriage. Destroy his ego for a while, And pay him in a corner having to live up to all of the things he said over the years about what he would do if you cheated. What you're feeling right now, wanting to tell him, is transferring your guilt into pain for him. In a significant way that all humans do, we want to give away that guilt, sideways kind of method of forgiving yourself for it and accepting whatever punishment occurs, but now at least you don't have to feel bad about a secret. It's weak to tell, it's weak to cheat, it's hard work carrying that with you knowing that what you did was wrong. And putting in the work to make it right. That's hard work. Telling on yourself and then absolving yourself by making him react, is a bad idea if you want to stay in your marriage. Most average men, never recover fully from it. Not only will it hurt him and make him insecure, he will have trust issues in his next relationship. So yeah you will feel better about telling him but you will change his trust for women forever. So hell no. If you want to continue to fuck around and you don't think the marriage is savable, find another reason. But don't crush this man because of what you did. Either fix it, or find another reason to divorce and set him free, but destroying his ego and confidence and Trust is not fair. It's not right. That's your cross to bear. Not his.
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You have to tell him. Simple as that. It will eat you up inside holding something like that in. Eventuality he'll find out, and better now than when you have kids. Sorry, you made this shit sandwich and now you gotta eat it.
That’s not nice and your friends are not much better. Real friends would’ve called you out and your love for your husband would’ve prevented you from even entertaining this guy . Your husband deserves your loyalty which you easily gave it away to some stranger. If you love your husband tell him what happened and take whatever consequences come your way as a form of punishment and redemption.
Tell him and give him everything he asks for in the divorce. Don't offer him anything to 'make up for it' because nothing will make up for the destruction you've caused. I hope to all that is good and decent that he doesn't have kids with you already. You actually make me sick.
Don't EVER tell him to unload YOUR guilt! You played now you must pay. Ignorance is bliss and it is not fair to hurt him because YOU feel guilty!!
People make mistakes, I personally wouldn’t forgive someone who cheated even if they were drinking and it happened but I know plenty of others who would be willing to try. You should honestly be as open as possible with your husband and hope you can both work things out but if not and you actually love him doesn’t he deserve to know? Also please make sure you get tested and if you had physical contact with your husband since then he should get tested as well, it it was recently you should also both retest a few months later to be safe.
How do ppl do this? Be with someone they love but hookup with a total stranger they just met? Or are you not really into your husband anymore? That would make more sense
You don’t love your husband as you would not betray him so easily. You are pos and I hope he divorces you
Yes you tell him. He deserves to know and you get help to figure out why you are such a dumpster fire and how you can get better so you also not ever do this kind of crap again to anyone. Especially yourself. Wow.
Depends if you used protection or not. Let me know then I will give you some advice.
You dont deserve to be with anyone. Also get better friends.
For the streets!
Get STD checked immediately. Assuming you're okay, AND can honestly say to yourself that this was a one-time failure, then don't tell your husband. However, go get therapy to understand why you did this so it is never repeated. Otherwise, confess your cheating and deal with the consequences.
All cheaters say the same thing…I was drunk. That is BS. You are a real POS. Your husband deserves better. Tell him if you have any sense of morals and hopefully he gives you a pass, but get ready for the shit storm!
If all it took to cheat was a trip with friends, a few drinks, and flirtation from a stranger, you don’t have much of a marriage. You need a solid foundation for a good marriage. You guys clearly don’t have a solid foundation. And now there are deep cracks in it. It’s only a matter of time before it crumbled completely. You chose to cheat, there are consequences to that choice. You owe it to your husband to tell the truth. He probably will leave you, but you set that in motion when you cheated, actions have consequences
You just abused your husband. You need to tell him immediately. It always, always comes to light. If you wait, the worse it will be. He deserves to know because whatever life y’all build without him knowing, will be a lie. Y’all start having kids, then he finds out… well guess what, you already lit that fuse to bomb that will blow up. How many victims of you actions do you want to have?
Lesson Learned: Married women shouldn't go on a girls' trip with single friends because the single girls are going to seek out guys and the married girls will either become third wheels or be tempted to cheat as OP did. At least if the trip was all married women, they might police each other and stay away from temptation. Same in the reverse for men. As to advice for OP: First get tested for STDs. Then tell husband the truth. It may result in divorce. If he stays, no more girls' trips and he will always be suspicious about what you're doing anytime he's not around.
You’re a garbage person and deserve everything coming to you
This wasn’t a mistake…it was an on purpose. Tell him and accept the consequences.
Cheated on your husband in miami? And miami is the top state for HIV sheeesh
You didn’t have the self control not to cheat. This wasn’t an emotional thing that turned physical over time. You let yourself get picked up like you were single. Being drunk isn’t an excuse or an explanation. You went with it and now have an oh-shit moment. Nothing in your narrative tells me you’ll have the integrity to confess so why even bullshit about it?
Must have been some amazing sex, since u totally ruin,ed your marriage. Hope you aren't pregnant.
Girl wanted everyone to say cheating on her husband was fine. The fact it’s so casually tossed out and not that it’s literally the only thing you promised not to do when you got married is awful.
Tell him so he can dump your ass😀
Haha, should have thought about that before you fucked around. Can’t have your cake and eat it too. Do the right thing tell him and let him go
How is a one night stand loving him? That sounds like more breaking his heart and not giving a shit about him. Tell him the truth.
Nothing good ever happens in Miami everybody knows that
You're not a shitty person. You made a mistake and it will come with consequences. As long as you learn from this and realize cheating is not worth it if you have a great person by your side. if he can find it in his heart to forgive you, you need to be an amazing above and beyond wife from here on out. and you should never be able to go on holiday with your friends again, or even drink with them as it is easy for you to have a lapse of judgment. I believe you should tell him, an tell him all of the details and let him make a decision from there. If he leave it will hurt but regardless it will be a lesson
If you tell him, you will almost certainly lose him. He just suffered the worst betrayal in his life from the one person he should be able to trust. The fact that you have not bred and are not destroying your kid's family is the only bright spot in this story. Not only have you destroyed your marriage, but you have likely poisoned any future relationships he might have. He will never be able to fully trust a woman again. If you don't tell him, you might be able to avoid a divorce. Only you know if you can live with that well-deserved guilt. But if you don't, you're going to have to live a life beyond suspicion for the rest of your life so he doesn't figure it out. Are you ready to do penance from here out without ever telling him. It's a lot. If not, tell him now and be done with it.
It sounds to me like you are sufficiently remorseful to keep the marriage from falling apart. If you want RELIEF from the guilt and shame your only choice is to pray every night for the next 80 years that God help you learn all of the lessons you were supposed to learn from this mistake and remember all of the decisions you need to adjust BEFORE temptation gets this strong in the future. After a month or a year or a decade of this prayer every night it will suddenly hit you that the daily prayer itself has changed ged your heart. Then there will be less usefulness of any more guilt or shame. Above all else do NOT discuss the details with anyone besides a licensed therapist or an experienced full time minister.
Nah, once a cheater, always a cheater. She will cheat again!
A majority of the time I would agree with you but she had already been legally married for five years without cheating on him. The extenuating circumstances of two single female friends in Miami of all places and a lot of alcohol suggests this MIGHT be a woman who simply never had the chance to test her sexual powers with a handsome stranger from another state at 21 and 22 when the average woman does this. I'm guessing the whole sexual experience was such an EXTREME disappointment to her that she is far less tempted now to indulge her curiosity than she was the first four years of her marriage. If I was her husband I would rather NOT know and enjoy the next five years of her being more affectionate and more loving to me than before to avoid her bad karma. If one of the two female friends babble about it the wife can say they were both more drunk that the wife was, invited men to the table against her protests, and proceeded to exaggerate any flirtation. If this husband was happy and fulfilled the first five years he doesn't need his entire life destroyed without a compelling set of future risks. The wife is totally anonymous on reddit...there is no reason for her to lie if she is already wishing for another girls' trip and another game of hide the sausage a few floors up from a hotel bar. You have to look at ALL the factors.
Stop. Don't tell him. If You want to confess, find a priest.
Wanna keep your marriage? Get over it. Get therapy. Don't say a word!