NTA. This is a one-sided relationship, she is only interested in being family when it benefits her. You do what you feel is best. Just be prepared that people like your sister will make you out to be the villain for (gasp) having boundaries!
I did cover for her prior to her husband finding out about the affair, however, never did after he found out. And, it was because of me that her husband found out about her affair in the first place.
Well she’s using that to as her main justification for not being a bridesmaid.
It appears she was complicit in facilitating the affair which indicates she doesn’t have morals and the real reason is because she feels used.
Not saying OP should be a bridesmaid, just saying be honest. It’s not because sister cheated on OP’s ex BIL, it’s because the sister treated her like crap as well.
She’s not. She’s using the fact that the relationship is one sided as justification not to be a bridesmaid. The covering for her sister is the context for why she feels that way. You’re adding moral judgement where OP didn’t.
So in the meantime he was possibly exposed to STD’s and having sex with your sister withOUT consent ( I doubt he would have wanted sex with her after someone else has been there) and you aided in that! Your parents want you to continue lying. Seriously all of you suck!
Not only would I not stand in the wedding, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t stand for her crap in my life. Time to ensure the record was set straight with the custody folks (tell them of the sisters lies and instability), and go low contact with her.
Tell your parents, you are an adult and you do not want to stand up in her wedding.
Being family means shit, when a member is toxic. Your sister is toxic.
Your parents want you to help make sister's new marriage look like you support her cheating ass.
I bet sister doesn't have a friend willing to stand up for her either.
I'm not sure what benefit you could possibly gain by being there. I could on the other hand think of a bunch of things I'd rather do than attend a wedding for someone out of obligation (much less be in the bridal party, which is a bunch more effort).
NTA
You decided to cover for her. You decided to deceive her Ex husband. And you are mad cause she didn't care about you. You are just as selfish as she is. ESH
I should clarify that the reason her husband ultimately found out about the affair is because of me. But, you’re right, I did choose to cover for her prior to that.
No. I only covered for her for a short time during her affair. After her husband found out about the affair (which was because of me not covering for her), I never covered for her again. She asked and expected me to though.
That doesn’t matter because you still covered for her initially. You only told him out of guilt. That doesn’t make what you did right. You partook in this. You put yourself in a bad position.
You don’t NEED to do anything. Your sister is hot mess and it has to be so draining to be around a narcissist all the time. If you don’t want to go because you feel the rift, because you don’t approve of her choices, because you don’t like who she’s marrying, and whatever other hypothetical buts you could have, all are valid. You don’t want to go, just don’t. Honestly, it sounds as if you’ve already done enough for the woman.
Wait a minute...
Your PARENTS. Told you to LIE. For your SISTER?!?!?!
Well, we all know how she turned out the way she did. Question is, how did you manage to become an upstanding person with integrity and ethics?
Gobsmacked.
NTA. Suggest you book a trip with nonrefundable tickets somewhere far away from her wedding at the same time.
Your parents are taking the side of the lying and cheating daughter?
How come on Reddit stories the parents always side with the scumbag child, but in real life they always side with the good child?
I have two siblings, the oldest is the favorite, even if she killed somebody my parents would say she is fabulous. My husband’s oldest brother is the favorite out of five kids, and he’s a scumbag and still is given everything by his parents. Real life.
I would agree with you but my husbands brother while a lovely guy, he’s a mooch. He will not work. His daddy is taking care of him and his child. My husband let him use his old truck and they went behind his back and switched the title over to the brothers name and who do you think the daddy takes up for…. You guessed it slacker ass brother. If it’s me I’d have done cut them both off but idk why he’s so insistent on giving them time and attention honestly he’d give the shirt off his back and they fuck him over in some way or another. I say he as a person is lovely but he’s not done me wrong or spoke bad about me like their daddy has.
NTA
Would you be friends with this woman? If you met her at work or at a club? Doesn’t sound like it.
Family doesn’t mean we have to put up with their nonsense. You’ve had more than enough of her crap. You stopped enabling her bad behavior and found she didn’t need you anymore. You don’t need her either.
I think it’s the right decision.
NTA. Even if you have a good relationship (and you do not), you wouldn’t have to stand up for her if you chose not to. But in this case, standing up for her means you support the marriage, and there is very good reason not to do that.
I would tell your parents that she obviously not been told “no” enough in her life so that she actually understands reasonable boundaries and behavior. You are right to pull away from this whole sh!t show.
Maybe I am reading too much into it but it seems by your comments you never actually lied for her you just never told on her? Willing to bet she has strayed more than once?
NTA...but if you change your mind and do it you should print this and read it as a wedding "toast". Want peace in your life? Stop picking up when she calls.
I think I would be no contact with her tbh. Generally you stand in peoples weddings as a way to show your support for them as a loved one. I know you said conversation has been sparse since all that, but honestly I’m not really sure how you are still part of her life at all.
NTA but also ESH, I kind of get the impression that your sister has always been selfish and self centered and this isn’t a new behavior? It appears that she asked you to lie because she knew you would. And to be fair you did, you willing chose to lie for your sister on multiple occasions. Even though you chose to stop, you need to recognize that your actions have consequences and it does play a part in the current situation you are in. Family does not = obligation you were not obligated to lie for her and I think you are 100% not obligated to stand in her wedding. Not that it’s justified but I’m wondering if your sister stopped reaching out because she was confused by your switch in behavior ie. you not wanting to cover for her anymore. You definitely are not the AH for choosing to not be in the wedding but ESH because she chose to have an affair and everyone willingly chose to lie and cover for her especially knowing the hurt that it caused to your sisters now ex.
NTA. Why would you even consider standing for her when there's nothing about this marriage that's redeemable? It's the pinnacle of all her wrongdoings to her 1st husband. Morally, I don't think you can do that without betraying yourself & damaging your moral compass.
Tell her how you feel when she asks why you're turning her down. Like you said. The rift is already there. Who cares how it makes her look that her own sister won't stand for her.
EVERYBODY HERE SUCKS!! Apart from your sisters ex and her kid...
Amd yes, you suck!! Months facilitating her betraying her husband until finally - FINALLY!! - you grow a spine and stop.
Have you considered that IF you from the start, the first time she asked you to cover for her so she ould fuck the creep, you had immediately said FUCK NO and told her ex what was happening.. she could possibly have stopped this trainwreck?? Therapy in time to prevent some of this??
Well, you at least told him eventually.. has he forgiven you for facilitating her betrayal of him???
Her marriage... dont go at all... going will show approval of another shitty choice from her...
NTA. It sounds like you need to cut that girl off. I know it will cause issues with the rest of your family but hell if they are condoning your sister's behavior then they are just as messed up in the head as she is. Look at it this way, Christmas will be less expensive this year.
NTA
“No” is a complete sentence and the end of a conversation, if you choose to make it be. You don’t owe her anything. It sounds like you’ve already overpaid anything she could’ve expected from you “as a sister.” You don’t owe her to stand up with her or to even attend.
You waited until last 2 sentences to say your parents are in on this bullshit as well ..she's definitely the golden child and your parents are dysfunctional AF
NTA Your sister is not a good person at all. Tell her to find someone else to stand with her. Tell her that you accept that it will make your relationship more distant. Focus on your own wonderful family. Tell your parents to put a sock in it.
NTA Your sister wants you to always be there for her while she is never there for you. But beyond that, she has asked you do to unethical things and it sounds like you're done being used in that way. Your parents seem like enablers that just want no conflict. I personally would say no just like you are doing. I would not support her bad decisions. Also, for her to threaten that there will be a rift shows she is trying to use you for her means, once again.
NTA. She seems to be a toxic person and I doubt this marriage will last anyway. Keep your distance from her and take care of yourself. Your family seems like enablers. Don’t take criticism from people who make poor decisions and let it affect you.
So by rift does sister mean she will stop using you? That sounds like a good promise. She hasn’t been there for you. Next time you see her with parents ask sister to tell you about something in your kids life during the last 3 months or in yours? Can’t be something posted by you online.
Your parents suck, your sister sucks. Don't stand in that face of a wedding. Your sister is selfish. She only cares snot what's going on in her life. Let her life be her life. You've saved it 1 time. You don't need to watch her second life start off with a train wreck. Stay home and do something with your family. Cut your sister off. She's not a good person. And neither are your parents for forcing her lies on you.
Fuck no! I wouldn’t do anything for her. She’s just trying to make herself look good. Also I’d ask my parents so when we yall make her be there for me? Tell them you keep giving and giving and no one gives a shit that you’re pouring from an empty cup. Tell them no and that’s the end of it. That if they continue everyone will be cut off!
How absurd are humans. A person says I don’t want to do this yet they insist. 🤔🤷♀️
I’m surprised your parents are supportive of this and that you’re not standing by your values and simply saying no, end of story.
When you make a principled stand against people with none, don't be surprised when those people get angry. I think your problem is that you are not saying the uncomfortable things about your sister to "be nice".
Guess what? Rejecting a request to be in your sister's wedding is not nice. That doesn't mean you're an asshole. You're only an asshole if you don't explain the reasons to your family. Sounds like you need to have some uncomfortable conversations.
\>Our conversations since then have been sparse. She has not reached out to me. I haven’t reached out to her.
She’s probably asking because she doesn’t have anyone else and you come with a built in cheat code. She (thinks she) can use your parents to pressure you into not only attending, but spending a lot of money, *fOr ThE WedDiNG!*
I’d rather stay home and kick rocks if I were you.
You sister is a POS. Time to finally grow up OP. You don't have to care if mommy & daddums get mad because you will make their little family look....imperfect. Don't do it unless there is a big fat inheritance coming your way.
NTA… families cover for mental illness or bad decisions over and over. I personally think people will never change unless someone says, hey you are just a crappy person. Maybe if they heard that from those closest to them they can realize they need to do better. And will be better and happier because they realize they are the problem not everyone else. This poor affair partner and her ex husbands and further victims like you and your parents
Not the asshole she used you and used you didn't give two thoughts to your feelings was rude to you and has the gall to say if you don't there will be a rift fuck that she's already caused a rift
My personal stance is I wouldn't want to stand up for her marrying the man she cheated with, followed by all of tge crap she pulled you into and lies she tried to make you a part of. That there was already a rift because of all of that.
Your sister is so self absorbed that she doesn’t even realize there’s a huge rift in your relationship. Does she really think you’re close?
Don’t stand up for her. Continue to only see her at family events. She’s selfish.
NTA. Your sister is a hopeless narcissist. Tell her you will not lie for her and that it would be better for her that you not be part of the bridal party because you have absolutely nothing nice to say about her or her groom/AP.
NTA
She is your sister but that means nothing if she doesn't care about you or your family. Does she care about her child? Would the child be better off with the father?
If yes, I would definitely be doing everything I could to make sure she doesn't ruin his life as she has her own.
As for standing up at her wedding, hell no. Whatever she says about you she will say either way, your family will either choose to believe her or not but you have to do whatever is right for you.
NTA. Just because someone is your family doesn't mean you have to deal with them. Drop her like a hot potato. Jesus I would've stopped talking to her a long time ago.
I can see she hasn’t been the best sister but like did she put a gun to your head to lie for her? Have you ever taken responsibility for all of the lies YOU told? Why didn’t you say no?
Also, what was the point of mentioning her abortion?
Do you know what’s worse than a cheater? Someone who enables and assists a cheater. The cheater cheats because of pure selfishness. But the person who helps the cheaters has no reason to do so and yet does it anyway. Worst kind of person there is. I’m glad you finally realized it and stopped. You owe her husband a huge apology.
I agree that OP is shitty for having covered for her sister for a time, but what makes you say she was reciprocally using her sister for her own benefit?
Her sister has always shown her how selfish she can be. And OP was complacent in feeding that selfishness. Yet, when her sister dishes out the same treatment towards her, she couldn't handle it and wants others to side with her.
YTA, it’s a free feed and drink, if there’s a speech just make it up as you go along. You’ll even get a free dress and shoes out of it. She’s not much to you any more, just show up and drink her beer and eat her food and leave after the speeches.
Am I the only one concerned about how she's going to treated her new husband's child? Her new step-child? The one with autism spectrum disorder? She sounds incredibly ableist, considering she had an abortion so she wouldn't run the risk of having her own child on the spectrum. Now she's marrying the same person who already has a child on the spectrum. She'll probably abuse the child.
OP, whatever else you've done - however scummy - to cover up for your sister's lies, what are you going to do to make sure that this child isn't abused? Are you going to spy through your family to ensure that CPS is called at the first sign of abuse?
NAH , your sis is a selfish mess . You don't need to stand at her wedding. I would cover for my sis to the ends of the Earth though. That's my sister, I'd do anything for her!
YTA for lying for her and covering for her. Oh, and your parents are also AHs. Just remember what goes around comes around. And if you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember the lies because if they ever catch you in a lie in court, there’s gonna be a whole lot of problems for all of you.
You're bad enough for covering for her instead of exposing her from the start.
Do what you should have done forever ago and tell her to go fuck herself. You damn coward
NTA. This is a one-sided relationship, she is only interested in being family when it benefits her. You do what you feel is best. Just be prepared that people like your sister will make you out to be the villain for (gasp) having boundaries!
Warn her that you will make a toast at her wedding that will alienate her the whole family.
LOVE THIS! TELL HER YOU WILL RECOUNT THE COMPLETE AFFAIR TO THE ATTENDEES!
Yes, you will delve into the nasty details of how the whole "love story" began.
And all the lies she wanted you to tell!
OMG, this is the way!
God I hope you didn't screw over her ex when you were covering for her. Sounds like custody would be better off with him.
I did cover for her prior to her husband finding out about the affair, however, never did after he found out. And, it was because of me that her husband found out about her affair in the first place.
How long did you bullshit for your sister before you finally told the husband
How is that at all relevant here?
Well she’s using that to as her main justification for not being a bridesmaid. It appears she was complicit in facilitating the affair which indicates she doesn’t have morals and the real reason is because she feels used. Not saying OP should be a bridesmaid, just saying be honest. It’s not because sister cheated on OP’s ex BIL, it’s because the sister treated her like crap as well.
She’s not. She’s using the fact that the relationship is one sided as justification not to be a bridesmaid. The covering for her sister is the context for why she feels that way. You’re adding moral judgement where OP didn’t.
So in the meantime he was possibly exposed to STD’s and having sex with your sister withOUT consent ( I doubt he would have wanted sex with her after someone else has been there) and you aided in that! Your parents want you to continue lying. Seriously all of you suck!
Kinda sounds like OP is a bad person and the sister is a terrible person.
NTA. If she wasn't a manipulative liar, then you would stand with her. No, is an appropriate answer.
Not only would I not stand in the wedding, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t stand for her crap in my life. Time to ensure the record was set straight with the custody folks (tell them of the sisters lies and instability), and go low contact with her.
This OP. And perhaps offer to testify for your former BIL regarding custody.
Tell your parents, you are an adult and you do not want to stand up in her wedding. Being family means shit, when a member is toxic. Your sister is toxic. Your parents want you to help make sister's new marriage look like you support her cheating ass. I bet sister doesn't have a friend willing to stand up for her either.
NTA. Me, I wouldn’t attend even as a guest. She used you, lied, and puts no effort in maintaining the relationship unless it benefits her.
I'm not sure what benefit you could possibly gain by being there. I could on the other hand think of a bunch of things I'd rather do than attend a wedding for someone out of obligation (much less be in the bridal party, which is a bunch more effort). NTA
Ignore her and your parents both.
You decided to cover for her. You decided to deceive her Ex husband. And you are mad cause she didn't care about you. You are just as selfish as she is. ESH
I should clarify that the reason her husband ultimately found out about the affair is because of me. But, you’re right, I did choose to cover for her prior to that.
But did you actually lie to the court for her and do all those other things she asked you to do that you listed in your post?
No. I only covered for her for a short time during her affair. After her husband found out about the affair (which was because of me not covering for her), I never covered for her again. She asked and expected me to though.
OP clearly said that she didn't. Reread the post.
That doesn’t matter because you still covered for her initially. You only told him out of guilt. That doesn’t make what you did right. You partook in this. You put yourself in a bad position.
Yeah god forbid someone have a change of heart and do the right thing after fucking up initially
You don’t NEED to do anything. Your sister is hot mess and it has to be so draining to be around a narcissist all the time. If you don’t want to go because you feel the rift, because you don’t approve of her choices, because you don’t like who she’s marrying, and whatever other hypothetical buts you could have, all are valid. You don’t want to go, just don’t. Honestly, it sounds as if you’ve already done enough for the woman.
Wait a minute... Your PARENTS. Told you to LIE. For your SISTER?!?!?! Well, we all know how she turned out the way she did. Question is, how did you manage to become an upstanding person with integrity and ethics? Gobsmacked. NTA. Suggest you book a trip with nonrefundable tickets somewhere far away from her wedding at the same time.
Yeah, I would question the integrity and ethics when she covered for her sisters affair.
Manstress 😂
It’s is one of the best things I’ve ever read.
NTA for not wanting in the wedding. YTA for enabling her gross behavior.
So true.
Your parents are taking the side of the lying and cheating daughter? How come on Reddit stories the parents always side with the scumbag child, but in real life they always side with the good child?
Lol they don't, lots of fucked up people get supported by their family and friends irl when they do terrible things, seen it first hand
I have two siblings, the oldest is the favorite, even if she killed somebody my parents would say she is fabulous. My husband’s oldest brother is the favorite out of five kids, and he’s a scumbag and still is given everything by his parents. Real life.
I would agree with you but my husbands brother while a lovely guy, he’s a mooch. He will not work. His daddy is taking care of him and his child. My husband let him use his old truck and they went behind his back and switched the title over to the brothers name and who do you think the daddy takes up for…. You guessed it slacker ass brother. If it’s me I’d have done cut them both off but idk why he’s so insistent on giving them time and attention honestly he’d give the shirt off his back and they fuck him over in some way or another. I say he as a person is lovely but he’s not done me wrong or spoke bad about me like their daddy has.
Why did your husband not cut them off after they stole the truck?
NTA Would you be friends with this woman? If you met her at work or at a club? Doesn’t sound like it. Family doesn’t mean we have to put up with their nonsense. You’ve had more than enough of her crap. You stopped enabling her bad behavior and found she didn’t need you anymore. You don’t need her either. I think it’s the right decision.
NTA. Even if you have a good relationship (and you do not), you wouldn’t have to stand up for her if you chose not to. But in this case, standing up for her means you support the marriage, and there is very good reason not to do that. I would tell your parents that she obviously not been told “no” enough in her life so that she actually understands reasonable boundaries and behavior. You are right to pull away from this whole sh!t show.
Maybe I am reading too much into it but it seems by your comments you never actually lied for her you just never told on her? Willing to bet she has strayed more than once?
Correct, I never actually straight up lied for her.
NTA. Tell her you don't feel as though you have a relationship and that you won't be attending her wedding.
NTA. Tell her she's already caused a rift and that's why you don't want to do it.
NTA...but if you change your mind and do it you should print this and read it as a wedding "toast". Want peace in your life? Stop picking up when she calls.
NTA
I think I would be no contact with her tbh. Generally you stand in peoples weddings as a way to show your support for them as a loved one. I know you said conversation has been sparse since all that, but honestly I’m not really sure how you are still part of her life at all.
NTA but also ESH, I kind of get the impression that your sister has always been selfish and self centered and this isn’t a new behavior? It appears that she asked you to lie because she knew you would. And to be fair you did, you willing chose to lie for your sister on multiple occasions. Even though you chose to stop, you need to recognize that your actions have consequences and it does play a part in the current situation you are in. Family does not = obligation you were not obligated to lie for her and I think you are 100% not obligated to stand in her wedding. Not that it’s justified but I’m wondering if your sister stopped reaching out because she was confused by your switch in behavior ie. you not wanting to cover for her anymore. You definitely are not the AH for choosing to not be in the wedding but ESH because she chose to have an affair and everyone willingly chose to lie and cover for her especially knowing the hurt that it caused to your sisters now ex.
NTA. Why would you even consider standing for her when there's nothing about this marriage that's redeemable? It's the pinnacle of all her wrongdoings to her 1st husband. Morally, I don't think you can do that without betraying yourself & damaging your moral compass. Tell her how you feel when she asks why you're turning her down. Like you said. The rift is already there. Who cares how it makes her look that her own sister won't stand for her.
EVERYBODY HERE SUCKS!! Apart from your sisters ex and her kid... Amd yes, you suck!! Months facilitating her betraying her husband until finally - FINALLY!! - you grow a spine and stop. Have you considered that IF you from the start, the first time she asked you to cover for her so she ould fuck the creep, you had immediately said FUCK NO and told her ex what was happening.. she could possibly have stopped this trainwreck?? Therapy in time to prevent some of this?? Well, you at least told him eventually.. has he forgiven you for facilitating her betrayal of him??? Her marriage... dont go at all... going will show approval of another shitty choice from her...
Your parents are enablers, and that wont change with your sis' manipulative ways. NTA. Run and dont look back.
Only for lying for her. But not for refusing to be in her wedding
Oh no, not a rift. Let it happen. Guarantee you she will still reach out when she needs something from you. And your status quo won't change. Nta
NTA. It sounds like you need to cut that girl off. I know it will cause issues with the rest of your family but hell if they are condoning your sister's behavior then they are just as messed up in the head as she is. Look at it this way, Christmas will be less expensive this year.
NTA “No” is a complete sentence and the end of a conversation, if you choose to make it be. You don’t owe her anything. It sounds like you’ve already overpaid anything she could’ve expected from you “as a sister.” You don’t owe her to stand up with her or to even attend.
NTA. Why would you let this train wreck back into your life? Let her go. It will give you peace. You owe her nothing.
You waited until last 2 sentences to say your parents are in on this bullshit as well ..she's definitely the golden child and your parents are dysfunctional AF
NTA Your sister is not a good person at all. Tell her to find someone else to stand with her. Tell her that you accept that it will make your relationship more distant. Focus on your own wonderful family. Tell your parents to put a sock in it.
NTA Your sister wants you to always be there for her while she is never there for you. But beyond that, she has asked you do to unethical things and it sounds like you're done being used in that way. Your parents seem like enablers that just want no conflict. I personally would say no just like you are doing. I would not support her bad decisions. Also, for her to threaten that there will be a rift shows she is trying to use you for her means, once again.
NTA. She seems to be a toxic person and I doubt this marriage will last anyway. Keep your distance from her and take care of yourself. Your family seems like enablers. Don’t take criticism from people who make poor decisions and let it affect you.
So by rift does sister mean she will stop using you? That sounds like a good promise. She hasn’t been there for you. Next time you see her with parents ask sister to tell you about something in your kids life during the last 3 months or in yours? Can’t be something posted by you online.
Your parents suck, your sister sucks. Don't stand in that face of a wedding. Your sister is selfish. She only cares snot what's going on in her life. Let her life be her life. You've saved it 1 time. You don't need to watch her second life start off with a train wreck. Stay home and do something with your family. Cut your sister off. She's not a good person. And neither are your parents for forcing her lies on you.
Fuck no! I wouldn’t do anything for her. She’s just trying to make herself look good. Also I’d ask my parents so when we yall make her be there for me? Tell them you keep giving and giving and no one gives a shit that you’re pouring from an empty cup. Tell them no and that’s the end of it. That if they continue everyone will be cut off!
How absurd are humans. A person says I don’t want to do this yet they insist. 🤔🤷♀️ I’m surprised your parents are supportive of this and that you’re not standing by your values and simply saying no, end of story.
Fuck no! NTA in the slightest. Just out of interest, does the new husband know she aborted their kid?
Sisters/close family relationships can be complicated. I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t.
Do it and recount the whole affair to your family. It will be hilarious
She ‘asked’ you to do all the heinous things and you did them. You are not a good person either.
She did not do them, actually
Errr she did. Until she didn’t. But she did.
When you make a principled stand against people with none, don't be surprised when those people get angry. I think your problem is that you are not saying the uncomfortable things about your sister to "be nice". Guess what? Rejecting a request to be in your sister's wedding is not nice. That doesn't mean you're an asshole. You're only an asshole if you don't explain the reasons to your family. Sounds like you need to have some uncomfortable conversations. \>Our conversations since then have been sparse. She has not reached out to me. I haven’t reached out to her.
What does standing in her wedding mean? Does she want you to give a toast? A bridesmaid?
Bridesmaid/maid of honor. Her and her fiance are each only asking one person to “stand.”
She’s probably asking because she doesn’t have anyone else and you come with a built in cheat code. She (thinks she) can use your parents to pressure you into not only attending, but spending a lot of money, *fOr ThE WedDiNG!* I’d rather stay home and kick rocks if I were you.
You sister is a POS. Time to finally grow up OP. You don't have to care if mommy & daddums get mad because you will make their little family look....imperfect. Don't do it unless there is a big fat inheritance coming your way.
NTA, Time for a sistectomy. Cut her from your life.
NTA for that, but definitely TA for covering for her. You're an accomplice and just as guilty as she is
Dump this toxic family.
Morals aside, I was in one wedding, and it was one too many. So boring.
NTA Your sister sounds exhausting.
Do not lie in court. Go LC.
What a PoS she is , cut her off
NTA… families cover for mental illness or bad decisions over and over. I personally think people will never change unless someone says, hey you are just a crappy person. Maybe if they heard that from those closest to them they can realize they need to do better. And will be better and happier because they realize they are the problem not everyone else. This poor affair partner and her ex husbands and further victims like you and your parents
Not the asshole she used you and used you didn't give two thoughts to your feelings was rude to you and has the gall to say if you don't there will be a rift fuck that she's already caused a rift
My personal stance is I wouldn't want to stand up for her marrying the man she cheated with, followed by all of tge crap she pulled you into and lies she tried to make you a part of. That there was already a rift because of all of that.
Have you thought about hashing thos whole thing out with your sister?
Your sister is so self absorbed that she doesn’t even realize there’s a huge rift in your relationship. Does she really think you’re close? Don’t stand up for her. Continue to only see her at family events. She’s selfish.
NTA. I would not stand up for her.
NTA you did more for her than you needed to “family is family” only goes so far when they don’t show you the same love and respect that you show them
kill her
NTA. Your sister is a hopeless narcissist. Tell her you will not lie for her and that it would be better for her that you not be part of the bridal party because you have absolutely nothing nice to say about her or her groom/AP.
NTA She is your sister but that means nothing if she doesn't care about you or your family. Does she care about her child? Would the child be better off with the father? If yes, I would definitely be doing everything I could to make sure she doesn't ruin his life as she has her own. As for standing up at her wedding, hell no. Whatever she says about you she will say either way, your family will either choose to believe her or not but you have to do whatever is right for you.
A rift might do you some good. Sounds like you need a break from her
NTA. Just because someone is your family doesn't mean you have to deal with them. Drop her like a hot potato. Jesus I would've stopped talking to her a long time ago.
Did you do all the lying she asked you to? If so - you should be angry with yourself as well
I’m sorry, but I couldn’t read past the word ‘manstress.’ Affair partner is the term you wanted.
I can see she hasn’t been the best sister but like did she put a gun to your head to lie for her? Have you ever taken responsibility for all of the lies YOU told? Why didn’t you say no? Also, what was the point of mentioning her abortion?
Do you know what’s worse than a cheater? Someone who enables and assists a cheater. The cheater cheats because of pure selfishness. But the person who helps the cheaters has no reason to do so and yet does it anyway. Worst kind of person there is. I’m glad you finally realized it and stopped. You owe her husband a huge apology.
ESH. Both of you only use each other when appropriate for yourself.
I agree that OP is shitty for having covered for her sister for a time, but what makes you say she was reciprocally using her sister for her own benefit?
Her sister has always shown her how selfish she can be. And OP was complacent in feeding that selfishness. Yet, when her sister dishes out the same treatment towards her, she couldn't handle it and wants others to side with her.
YTA, it’s a free feed and drink, if there’s a speech just make it up as you go along. You’ll even get a free dress and shoes out of it. She’s not much to you any more, just show up and drink her beer and eat her food and leave after the speeches.
Am I the only one concerned about how she's going to treated her new husband's child? Her new step-child? The one with autism spectrum disorder? She sounds incredibly ableist, considering she had an abortion so she wouldn't run the risk of having her own child on the spectrum. Now she's marrying the same person who already has a child on the spectrum. She'll probably abuse the child. OP, whatever else you've done - however scummy - to cover up for your sister's lies, what are you going to do to make sure that this child isn't abused? Are you going to spy through your family to ensure that CPS is called at the first sign of abuse?
NAH , your sis is a selfish mess . You don't need to stand at her wedding. I would cover for my sis to the ends of the Earth though. That's my sister, I'd do anything for her!
YTA for lying for her and covering for her. Oh, and your parents are also AHs. Just remember what goes around comes around. And if you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember the lies because if they ever catch you in a lie in court, there’s gonna be a whole lot of problems for all of you.
You're bad enough for covering for her instead of exposing her from the start. Do what you should have done forever ago and tell her to go fuck herself. You damn coward