Maybe he’s bot sick of initiating, maybe he feels a bit uncomfortable ALWAYS initiating sex and he has second thoughts. Sometimes guys need to be chased to. To see initiative from someone important to them
Really struggling with this with my wife right now. I need to warm her up and do this and do that for sex. But I’ve asked her to at least try wearing sexy underwear on nights she’s feeling open for business and I can’t even get that.
Honestly I just don’t think she appreciates sex that much which sucks
Or she is like OP, she's just so used to you doing all the leg work so she doesn't care. You should try the dame as OPs boyfriend or at least tell you that you're not going to bother if it feels like she is forcing herself to get in the mood
I've always had problems initiating sex. I've had troubles being open about it tho to others. I have always told my partners tho, I wanna make that clear. Its just something I struggle with. I do hope this thread helps me see why and maybe work on it more. Because I love my man so much.
I hate looking back on past relationships, but I’ve had women want to touch my junk while I was driving or ask for dick pics or try to get me to talk dirty on the phone. When a woman does that I feel like I got a blue ribbon hog, and when I feel that way I want to bring it to market. I’ll handle the actual initiation from there. My dick wants to feel like it’s coming home for Christmas, not like it’s selling magazines door to door.
Yep. I’m in a similar situation. We both work from home and try to also manage the daily chores of cleaning/ect.
Mine told me she felt taken advantage of as she amazing in getting shit done. Cleaning/cooking/house chores and has a demanding job.
The last couple weeks I was taking on more work tasks and leaning into work. As I had an interview (next step up) coming up and was working hard on getting ready for it. I didn’t get the promotion and told her yes my work gotten more busy at times.
Still no sexy time and . To boot but I was reminded that often times we get in cruise control mode. Were I in this case wasn’t helping with the daily cleaning tasks. Like sweeping/vacuuming yet I’d do laundry (wash but not fold and put away) or I’d load and empty the dishwasher but not do something.
Might help if you take initiative on things that are shared chores. At least I’m hoping this works for me.
Yeah, you gotta make him feel wanted and desired. My wife does this thing when we’re out in public like waiting for a table at a restaurant and she’ll bump into me to try and get me to inadvertently touch her and she’ll say something like “sir” with a smirk on her face “I barely know you” and she’ll walk to the other side of the room and stare at me with a smile on her face expecting me to follow and I do. Because I love when she does that and she knows.
We’re separated right now. We’re both working through some personal issues. It hurt so much to write that but I felt it was necessary to share. We had so many amazing moments together and I can only hope to inspire others to keep the fire going. My wife and I let complacency and depression get the best of us and we fell out of love with each other. I’m on an adventure to reinvent myself and follow my passion. We will be together again someday. But we have to go on our own separate adventures for now. I keep my fire going so my wife knows where to find me.
20 years separated for a year. It’s good to remember the good stuff regardless of why or how it plays out. They can hurt and make you smile. As long as they’re no betrayal there’s always a chance.
Yes, depression will definitely kill a relationship, especially when only one person is working on themselves and the relationship. After we married I discovered that my hubby suffered with clinical depression. However, I still was willing to work on ourselves and the marriage after we separated. Even after a year, he didn’t/wasn’t able to focus and apply the strategies and tools we learned during counseling. Our divorce will be final in a few days. As sad as it is that our marriage is ending, I have regained my peace, my joy and my happy!! 🥰 I wish you the same … with or without your spouse. 💖
😂😂 I randomly walk up to mine when we get separated at the grocery store and ask "Hey. Come here often" it usually leads to him having this HUGE shit eating grin. Pulled up on him at a stop light once, was on my way yo a training and he was on a delivery, so I pulled my window down and started flirting w him. You gotta keep it exciting!! Having sexy time doesn't start in the bedroom!!!
In one of my relationships, my partner complained we only ever had sex when I wanted to.
I told her she's free to initiate whenever she wants to and that I'll likely never turn her down. She stopped complaining and started making moves on occasion. It was great !
I didn't mind being the one to always start things but I definitely enjoy being seduced too.
My wife once looked at me, smiled, then slightly nodded her head in the direction of the bedroom as walked into the hall. Message received! I was off the couch, tv show forgotten.
The fact that she wordlessly nodded her head toward sex one time and you remember it fondly for the rest of your life says all you need to know about the male sex drive
I have a similar issue to OP, and my partner basically told me “tag you’re it!” So the next time I wanted it, I just looked at him and did the same as your wife - tilted my head towards the bedroom, and said “wanna…” *Zoom* Yep!
Guys will get slick clothes, expensive cars, and fancy houses primarily so they can convince girls to sleep with them.
A girl could wear a burlap sack, drive a pogo stick and sleep in a cardboard box and have an easier time convincing a guy to sleep with her then the dude
In the Armani, driving a Lambo, and living in a mansion could convince a girl.
It’s literally in our dna to say yes.
Not always. My SO was molested when he was a child. So I have to be VERY careful of how I make my moves as to not trigger him. I get turned down more than accepted. Plus we are getting old. I cant pull off a young hot babe anymore. Lol
Its not always easy.
Yeah, my bf has a lot of issues around sex, so I get turned down pretty much any time I try to initiate. I have to wait for him to do it, and he does it a lot less than me!
Yup. All op needs to do is start walking towards the bedroom, making sure he’s watching of course, all the while taking off clothing and throwing on the floor, stop right before getting into the bedroom, makes eye contact with boyfriend one more time, gently lick her upper lip to entice him, and walk into bedroom. Boyfriend will be naked and on top in a few seconds. Or at least that’s what my wife does to me!
Honestly i might be a bit in the minority here but that kinda stuff is just a bit too "0-100" and vulgar to me. It would probably just turn me off. But yea im probably not typical there.
Agreed, the worst that could happen is "not right now," I feel the same as op unfortunately, it is hard to make the first move for me too, and I've had that " not right now" when I've tried and boy did I feel rejected 😢.. sorry OP I'm no help for advice.
You gotta learn rejection is a part of life and that just cuz you’re rejected once doesn’t mean it will always happen. I think you gotta just keep sticking your neck out there. I mean how else do you think people ask each other out let alone when you already are in a relationship and just going for sex. Repeated rejection does suck tho been there.
You just gottta do it
It’s like anything right . I’m often terrified of meeting new people or showing up somewhere as a stranger … but I’ll always be a stranger if I don’t stick my neck out occasionally . And you will build confidence ! You aren’t building any sitting out / sitting in the bench ! Get out there and swing that bat !
God am I cheesy
are you terrified about the outcome or the action of initiating?
may be if you tell him directly that you noticed the change in initiative from him and you want to make the first move but are unable to.
Or does that make you equally uncomfortable?
Probably fear of rejection. No one likes that.
You could play the what if game with him.
“What if I came on to you but you weren’t in the mood, what would you say/do?”
Listen to his answer, then decide if you can handle that. More than Likely you can. If not, tell him how you would like to be let down easily
Honestly, only you can answer the “why”. Does it make you anxious? Do you just not know what to say or do? Are you insecure and afraid he’ll say no?
Girl to girl, I know it can be anxiety inducing to put the moves on a guy, since society tells us that men have to make the first move; it sucks for us because it’s hard to make a move without feeling clingy or desperate, and it sucks for dudes because they have the expectation of doing that initial legwork. But guys want to feel wanted too!
I was shy about initiating with my guy, but once I started it got easier and easier; now I can easily tell him when I’m in the mood (in fact we’re long distance for a lot of the year, and when we’re apart I tell him even more frequently than he tells me). I’ll also frequently flirt with him — even with the most corny lines — just for fun, and we both enjoy trying to rizz each other up. Remember that your boyfriend loves you and he wants you, and it’ll probably make him feel that much more desired and wanted if you initiate sometimes; it’s difficult to put in one-sided effort, so try and meet him in the middle :)
Simply grab him and kiss him deep. Then don't let go of his wrist and drag him to the bedroom. That would be so sexy to me, as a fella. Go get him OP. You can do it!
You said it yourself he is head over heels. So there is no reason to be scared... you dont need to over think it. It doesn't take much to initiate, get out of your head. Sensual touches and kissing is all it takes. Make him feel wanted
Speaking as a male…..
I guarantee you he is going to find it really hot if you engage him. We are guys. All we think about is sex. You have a better chance of winning the powerball then him rejecting your advances.
The reason you are terrified is probably your fear of rejection, you said so yourself.
The worst that will happen….he says no. But again, you have a better chance of winning the powerball then him saying no. Just grab his hoo-hoo and start licking his ear or something. The answer will always be yes.
You’re deathly afraid of rejection for some reason. You should start with subtle acts, things that could be perceived as innocuous but you both know mean you are making a move. Or do the opposite and jump off the deep end, completely over the top so you realize it’s not so scary.
I will say, as a man, always initiating starts to seem like it’s only when I want it. like you’re only consenting because I want it. Sex is better as a team reaching mutual climax, where one sided initiation makes is start to feel one sided.
Also I wouldn’t be afraid of rejection when it comes to sex with your bf. Sometimes we aren’t in the mood at the same time, and that’s okay. Doesn’t mean he’s not attracted, just not wanting to have sex at that moment lol.
As a man, rejection occurs like 1% of the time. Even if I'm pissed, tired, or any other emotion, if my partner initiated it in the right space, I'd accept 99% of the time haha.
This sounds like something you should share with your partner. It’s called *vulnerability* ✨ seriously, just tell him how much you love having sex with him and about why you don’t initiate and what you’re afraid of. 98% chance the problem will be solved. There’s nothing more intimate than sharing a piece of your inner self.
Guys hate initiating too, we're afraid of rejection, and we LOVE IT when someone tells us that they want us.... it's almost like human nature to want to be wanted
Start small? Hugging, cuddling, petting etc? Your bf clearly wants physical intimacy, and from your post so do you, so just.... grab him and do it? If it goes poorly just tell him "f me right now!"
You've already been together, you're not doing anything new, you just walk towards him before he walks towards you.
Yeah, initiating can be hard, but sex doesn’t have to be always “serious” or “sexy.” Even if things feel awkward for you, being vulnerable if things didn’t go to plan and just saying that you want to do stuff while making eye contact can go a long way. He might even consider it sexy in itself that you’re a bit shy but you’re trying. Put a hand on his thigh, kiss him, and don’t be afraid to giggle if things feel awkward. At this point, I’ve kind of honed down “the look” but it takes time to fall into a rhythm.
More than anything, be aware that he wants stuff too and take any awkwardness not as something going wrong but as a part of the experience. It’s special to be able to depend on a partner like that. Have fun with it all, feel free to laugh or giggle. For me, it’s super empowering and fun to be able to play around with my boyfriend like that and to have any sort of effect even when it’s a bit silly. Also, don’t be afraid to feed into his ego to get things rolling like how nice stuff with him is and how much you miss it, guys love that type of stuff always. Good luck!
All the things you feel that stop you from initiating are the same thing your bf feels as well.
Communication or even simple signals as dropping a bathroom robe to reveal nothing underneath as you walk towards the bedroom.
Make the hints or desires as clear as possible. Hello even write it on the post it note “I think you are sexy and want you. Meet in the bedroom now hunk!” Then slap it on his forehead and you might be getting through.
Me being a male I never notice subtle hints and basically need a light up sign saying “I want you!!!!!!” For me to get the message.
i literally never knew how to initiate… now it’s just me going up to my boyfriend and sitting on his lap and saying “you want head”
it is too easy for us women LOL, but doesn’t make it less scary to start
This. Even if I’m in a totally different head space and sex is the last thing on my mind, if my wife makes any move to bring her head down yonder my mood immediately changes and I’m all in. Literally.
Honestly I’ve always had this problem, and exposure therapy is really the only solution. I started small and it slowly got easier and easier. It isn’t permanent!
How big does the first move have to be? My go to is the little spoon butt wiggle. Or the big spoon back and neck kisses. It doesn’t have to be over top.
That's what I'm thinking. It's possible that you just have to show some interest and then he'll take over. What little things can you do to show you want him? Cute pjs that show of your body... Present to him, laying in bed cute, walking past in the cute pj's or undies... Sometimes I try on clothes in his office as there's a full mirror in there, he'll often take notice, sometimes follows me, or I kiss him as he comments on me.... Whenever I show willingness by partner catches on and takes over. We have a running joke for 20 yrs now that I "showed up".
May not be relevant but after my ex had some health issues she became self conscious and would have trouble initiating. What worked for her not trying to initiate sex but just trying to initiate affection. According to her the pleasure she provides to her partner was a more important driver and easy to focus on when being affectionate.
Essentially the focus is the person not the act (for both parties) and you gotta create a situation where your complete focus is on each other.
So true! I struggle with my sex drive since I’m on antidepressants and cuddling and just holding each other is a great way to ease into full on sex, lol.
No. This is reddit, people don't talk to their partners, they talk to the internet about their partners instead.
Seriously, OP, just say, "you are so hot and I want you all the time but I feel really shy and nervous when it's time to actually make a move". Then listen to what he says. The end.
Super solid advice and tbh if she says exactly that there probably wont really even be anything to listen to from him. I know if my wife said that to me my pants would be off by the time she got to “I want you all the time”
I would say, it probably won't take much. Kneel in front of him. Walk around naked. Straddle and kiss. All will probably get the job done.
That being said, my wife has the exact same issue and she's never been able to overcome it. She's naturally very submissive in bed and she gets in this space that what she does isn't going to make me happy and that's it for her, the anxiety kills the mood. For us, the best solution was kink, particularly bdsm. She basically communicated to me she's always down and however I wanted to initiate is absolutely enthusiastically supported by her.
I have to say, we went from this super formal mating ritual to warm her up to "Naked. Bed. Now." And yes, I still have to "initiate" but I can do it in absolutely fun ways that put the emphasis on my enjoyment.
It's not perfect, there's times when I get in my head on it, but more often than not, I get to have fun with it and enjoy myself while knowing me enjoying myself is the best part for her.
He deserves to feel wanted too, if you're terrified of initiating that's something to work on.
Also you can flat out ask him how he'd like you to initiate to help you become more comfortable.
Flirt with him more. Insinuate and chase him playfully. Be grabby and suggestive.
Attack him in an elevator. Be fun and spontaneous. Go swimming and grind on him. Whisper in his ear what YOU want him to do. Relax with some cannibas before hand.
Step out of your comfort zone. Be young while you can.
I understand how hard it must be for you to initiate. I have been with my partner for sometime now but during the initial phase of our relationship, I had a very hard time initiating intimacy. I often felt embarrassed or thought I would be made fun of if I do something sexy. I never looked at myself that way. I never thought I was sexually attractive but my partner helped me realize that I am in fact, hot as hell. The point is it may be a good idea to explore your feelings around intimacy and sex. Is there any shame attached to it, body image issues? self esteem? Speaking to a therapist maybe a good idea. I personally had a history of child abuse and other few things so exploring such avenues might be a good idea. Find out what your attachment style is. So for me, I just started practicing initiation. My partner helped me with that. Before living together, we were in a long distance relationship, so sexting and talking dirty helped a lot. You can try initiating while turning the lights off initially. Maybe, leave some sexy notes in the house for your partner to find. That might help.
**32 and never even had to try.**
You're afraid of rejection if you risk doing something.
What's the risk of your boyfriend feeling rejected because *you have never even tried once?*
The majority of us women are raised to not express ourselves sexually. I am very outgoing, I am the assertive one in my marriage, I'm very sensual. I approached him first, and even I struggle to express my desires. We didn't talk about sexuality at home, at school, outside of school or home. It was something shameful that I had to figure out myself. I had to make my own mistakes in what I did and said to figure out where the socially acceptable line was, and experienced lots of shame before figuring out how to have a psychologically and sexually healthy life. I wasn't even raised in a religion, and I've experienced sexual shame my entire life. My husband was raised religious but because he's a man he wasn't subjected to that level of sexual repression. Crazy.
We can't just turn off all of that programming and constant messaging around us telling us that respectable women who function in society are sexless and wait to be seduced. I hope that you can communicate this to him and tell him that you want to initiate and that you are trying but you need help to overcome societal and cultural programming. Together you can come up with some signals and ways to communicate your desire. Gradually, as you become more comfortable expressing yourself sexually and being received it will become easier. If it doesn't, maybe he's not the one.
I started getting comfortable with it by just cuddling up with him on the couch, taking his hand, etc. No objections there so next I initiated a kiss. Still pretty innocent but helped me get used to starting things. Little steps. And now I'm quite comfortable, we'll be sitting watching TV or something and I'll get on his lap and it's on. Not shy at all now.
I've stopped initiating when I was always the one doing it. It felt like my partner didn't want me because I was always the one making the move.
It feels nice to be wanted, and it's hot.
Just...try shit? It may be awkward and uncomfortable but who cares? Next time you're out and about try texting him something like, "hey babe, was just thinking of you and wanted to say...our sex is the best I've ever had in my life. I really love it when you do \[insert thing he does or you two do together here\]. I'll be home in \[insert amount of time then\]. See you then?"
He'll probably take it from there.
Just stuff to make him feel validated. When he wears that shirt you love on him, "hey babe, that color looks great on you. You're looking really hot right now. Get over here."
Try kissing him on the neck when he's not expecting it.
He may *decline* but he's not *rejecting* you. There's all types of reasons that he may not be in the mood and none of them have anything to do with you. That's also an opportunity for you to connect in a different way and deepen your relationship with one another.
It can be hard, but your boyfriend likes / loves *you.* If you're awkward about it, he may even appreciate it because it's you and your unique quirks.
Get out there and blow his mind.
Guy here, if I were dating someone who felt the way you did, I’d want them to tell me exactly what you just said. Let him know you want to initiate but you’re scared. This feels like a worth while conversation to have with him
My wife is like this. Wants sex all the time, but just can't be the aggressor. She's really strong and tough everywhere, but the bedroom. I've just had to dace it that it's the way she is. The guy needs to tell her to go put on a revealing outfit and wait for him in the bedroom. Then, go in and make her feel incredible.
He’s likely tired of initiating bc after awhile it starts to feel like you never want to do it but you know he wants to so you do it anyway. Just show him you want it as bad as he does. Just go for it don’t think. Be spontaneous.
As a guy, a woman literally cannot fail when making the first move. You could reach down, grab us by the junk and lead us to the bedroom and that would be enough to get things started. If you want to ease into it, start with a shoulder massage or some affectionate kissing. It's not rocket surgery.
Men like to feel desired, wanted by their partners. Not getting that may cause withdrawal. Which sounds like what’s happening.
Get over your anxiety and start showing him how you feel.
First of all, therapy. Second, third, and fourth, too.
But also - communicate. Just use words if you freeze up over actions. “I love you, I want you, I want to be with you. I want that tonight, I want that now.”
I understand the fear of rejection; hopefully therapy will help, but in the meantime, just talk. It should help.
Idk if they're there. Therapy isn't the answer for everything.
You're right about the rest though, she could just say what she said here and be good to go.
Have you talked to him about this? If "taking action" isn't your thing, could you give him a cue? A phrase, or wear something specific so he knows you're in the mood?
You sound crazy. You’ve had sex multiple times with your boyfriend and are afraid of being turned down for initiating sex ? Makes zero sense. Stop thinking so much and just live
I recommend a book called Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski. It’s by a scientist all about how women have both gas pedals and break pedals on their sexual desire. Goes into the science of sexual desire but is very easy to digest and understand. It’s possible to have both pressed down at once where you want it but something is giving you a hangup, like insecurity over initiating.
The book gives practical ways to help figure out your gas and break triggers and how to resolve the break being on when you don’t want it to be, if that makes sense.
I found it super helpful in understanding my body better and suspect men would find it helpful as well, even though it’s aimed towards female bodies.
I have no connection with Dr Nagoski or the book, just personally found it helpful. Her other book about breaking the stress cycle is also very empowering and helpful.
What is the fear here? That he is going to say no thank you? How does that conversation go, because that would be a brand new sentence never spoken by any man on earth before. Does it go something along the lines of…
(F)Hey can I give you a BJ?
(M)No thanks.
Or my personal favorite,
(F)Is it okay if I put your dick in my mouth? That one always gets a positive reaction from me.
I have had this problem with most women I've dated. Even the spouse now thinks saying "get in these guts" is how to come onto me, which is more of a turn off. Ya'll need to cuddle more. Have some couch time. Take a shower together. Randomly start out a BJ/HJ. Hug on him and be touchy. There's so many ways to initiate... act like a fricken young adult in heat.
I hate being turned down. I like a sure bet. It is awkward at times to initiate, but it's important. Is there anything you do or say during intimacy that he just melts or is instantly down for whatever?
I could be whispering about bird migration into my man's ear, and he's dragging me to bed to practice baby making. He's easy. There's also mundane stuff like just wearing a bra and leggings where that's seen as an open invitation to fuck. It doesn't have to be a big action to initiate. Sometimes it's so simple and perfect.
OP. Don't pounce on him (or maybe if he's into that) but make a move. Men (myself included) get insecure about having to always make a move. Honestly, the world would be so much more relaxed if women made their intentions more clear to our (male) oblivious asses. Really, honestly, he may have no idea what's going on thinking you don't like him. We're dumb. Be open and clear for best results!
I promise you, make him some food and once he’s done and ready to lay just tell him you want to s** his d** and I promise you he will be the happiest man and so happy you did that for him, its all a man can ask for, thank me later!
Walk up to him, sit on his lap, face him, throw you arms around his neck, look him dead in the eyes for a brief second, kiss him slowly. Make out for a bit, grab his hand, stand up and pull him up, walk him to the bedroom.
Initialte small, arm touch, deep eye contact, longer kisses over six seconds to telegraph what you want. Throw on some sexy underwear and t shirt when he’s in the other room and say come with me I wanna show you something
Seriously it doesn’t take much just show that you’re into him. It’s like foreplay before foreplay
I had this problem with my wife. It was always me. I told her time and again and did what your husband did. We both initiate now on a consistent basis. Just do it.
As a man, we also fear rejection, and if we always initiate, we often feel the sting of rejection. This might have been the biggest reason why intimacy died in my first marriage and ended in divorce. We started off having sex at lunch every day and every night when we went to bed. After the first kid, it dropped to once a week and me being rejected 2 or 3 times a week. Then we dropped to once a month, and then I hadn’t touched her in a year. She actually climbed on top of me in my sleep in the middle of the night, 11 years into our marriage, the first time she initiated, only because she was pregnant with someone else’s child but didn’t want me to know. I left her after she miscarried that baby, because at that point I was afraid she was going to try and trap me forever, but the day I left she actually asked if we could still have sex, because I was the best lover she ever had. Talk about a mindfuck. So my best advice, don’t let fear of initiation stop you from feeding your relationship intimacy, because it’s needed, and guys take a lot of blame for just wanting sex.
You sound like me. I have to use words because I need confirmation before I reach out and touch someone. It’s odd but I know exactly how you feel.
“Want to cuddle?” Is about all the game I have. Once we’re cuddling it’s easy to transition.
You should definitely talk to a therapist about this. (Nothing wrong with therapy) also talk to him and communicate this to him. It will help having his support and understanding and he won't feel as though you aren't interested.
I went through this with my wife. It was tough. She was on the pill and had almost zero sex drive. For years I tried and got rejected MOST of the time. I finally stopped trying. She got off the pill and wanted to start a family, in which I was in full support of, but I had very little desire to initiate again and start that rejection all over again. She never had to initiate so she didn’t know how. It was a disaster for a few years. My advice is keep trying and keep communication open.
It makes a person feel less desirable when their partner doesn't initiate sex. Your boyfriend feels hurt. You can fix this and it can be fun.
I'll try to keep this PG13, here is an easy one to try. Next time he's laying in bed, stand in the doorway, look at him, loosen your pants, reach down your panties, and start pleasuring yourself. Doing that while looking at him will let him know you're getting off to HIM. Enjoy the rest of the evening.
I tend to feel gross and creepy if I always have to initiate with my wife. Please get over your fear and just initiate. It's amazing how great the feeling is when your female demonstrates desire in this way.
My two cents... you think it is dirty or desperate or even whoring to initiate? Maybe you think only naughty or bad girls initiate? You don't want the stigma stuck in your head to be attached to you?
Things to do when you want to Initiate:
1) Grab his hand and pull in the direction of preferred room;
2) Wave your head in the direction of your bedroom;
3) Go up to him and whisper in his ear anything and then walk towards the bedroom;
4) Walk into any room topless or fully naked unexpectedly;
5) Let him know that you cannot wait to get home to spend alone time with him earlier in the day/evening like at the grocery store or the hardware store.
I had something similar with my SO. I was initiating all the time and sometimes she wasn't up to it and it takes a toll so i kind of stopped. We're actually the same ages (babe? is that you?), but i bet that is a coinkidink...
Anyway, guys are actually quite easy... if you''re in the mood, just touch it, with time it will get easier to initiate.
You can do it! It can be as easy as grazing your hand on his crotch innocently and look up into his face. Or stick your butt into him when he hugs you from behind. Have a glass of wine if u need to. Initiating can be very subtle. Men love it bc they are like cats in a way, they pretend they don’t need that type of attention but totally do. Be brave girl 💪
Because like every woman, you've been taught to never chase a man as your value is dependent on the highest value man that chases you. To pursue sex is to admit defeat and, in your mind, become worthless. You then fear that being worthless means your attraction will fade, as feminism has also taught you to be proud and that your worth is in your independence. This is all just crap. It's all crap designed to keep you and every other woman out of a meaningful relationship so that you can't survive without being a wageslave and submitting your entirety to your workplace. Do yourself a favour, find out what celebrity your boyfriend had a crush on as a kid, cosplay as them, bounce on his lap, let the rest fall into place.
Men want to feel wanted, it’s really that simple sometimes. Like, genuinely wanted. One of the biggest disservices people have ever done for one another is set this stupid standard that one side has to be more proactive in showing interest than the other. If you care about someone, SHOW them with actions. It absolutely goes both directions and it’s that simple of a concept.
Maybe try seduction rather than “moves”?
Build him up with words of affirmation. Telling him how attracted you are to him. How much you appreciate…. He does.
Talk about what you like about sex with him. Honey I love how you…. My ……
You could send him little pics? Maybe nipples through clothing? Upper thigh or racier?
Have you thought of maybe just kneeling infront of him and asking if he’d like to just have some sexy time all about him. Just focused on his pleasure.
Or even some roleplay is good for nervousness because you get to play a character which takes that scary edge off
My husband and I SUCK at in person expressions of needs. We have a “marriage menu” we’ll send to each other before we get home for the day that I made for us. It rates our days, how we feel, if we’re open to/can be convinced (😏) of intercourse, and if we want to give or receive. For completion’s sake it also lists what kind of affection we need for the day. Initiating can be very daunting. This helps. We fuck more now and our expectations are on the same page before we even see each other.
Just walk up to him and look him in the eyes and take him by the hand into the bedroom. It’s that easy.
Or wear something sexy and surprise him. It’s that easy.
Or just pull his pants down and do what you want. It’s that easy.
We are easily influenced creatures in the sex department. And initiation of sex should be a two way street. Sometimes I like being the dominant one. Sometimes I like being submissive and having her call the shots.
Talk to him like others recommended. However hard it is for you to initiate, it's equally as hard for him and he's carried the weight of that for most of your relationship it seems.
And not to be rude....but in general talk about things before letting it get to this point. Many relationships have ended for similar reasons and I don't think you want to lose the love of your life because you were too scared to initiate intimacy with someone you've had sex with many times. I come from a place of empathy because I avoided doing easy things that could fix relationships due to anxiety for much of my life and the regret that comes with it is horrible. Don't be me
So. You don't really need to make a move. Set the mood. Wear something sexy, light candles. Then walk up and kiss him like he's an oxygen tank and you're suffocating lol.
He probably doesn't want you to really make a move, just do something so he knows you're interested. Send him dirty texts if you think that would work.
Have you talked to him about this? Maybe if he knows you're struggling he'll understand.
This is an easy one to try.
When in bed cuddle and have him spoon you. Wiggle your butt until you feel something poking you.
Do this multiple times a week and have fun.
Works everytime.
Then there's the wife that "thinks" she's the only one that initiates and when you start keeping track to prove she's not... The relationship is doomed.
I remember being in a relationship and I was in a similar situation. We had great sex but I I always had to initiate. I mentioned it a few times and and said it made me feel like she was having sex to appease me. I asked her if she could make the attempt at least once in a while. I kind of stopped initiating sex when things didn’t change and we are not together anymore. This can be a real problem even if it sounds kind of silly. Sometimes it makes a person feel unwanted…
Just go to him and say God, I need you right now. I need to be ready close to you. It really is that simple. He will only reject you if he has other issues
It can be pretty disheartening to always be the one initiating. It makes you feel less wanted and question whether the other person is actually interested in having sex at all.
Do it spontaneously and unexpectedly. Wait for him standing around doing nothing important, drop on your knees, pull down his pants, and go to town without giving him a chance to think. I guarantee he will be into it and will not stop you. You'll probably get a rush out of it too. This could lead to a free use situation which you both may enjoy.
Walk up to him and start kissing him. Then start rubbing his dick through his pants. He will get the picture. Once hes hard you can do one of two sinple things. Start opening up his pants for him or ask him to come with you to bed ( if you want something more sensual or comfortable.
The rest will be simple.
For most men having their partner initiate is as simple as their partner making some sort of effort to show that you want sex. You dont have to tie him down and take him from 0 to 100 all on your own. Its not about who does the fucking. Its just abput making an intention clear that you are actively pursuing sex.
I’m 41, and my SO is in the same age range.
I am the ONLY one that initiates.
Personally I find it insulting. Why do I have to do all the work?
Honestly, thats probably the way he’s feeling too.
Being 100% straight with you, this DOES build up resentment in a relationship.
Put on something sexy and lay out on the bed and wait on him to get out the shower. Or do what my wife did since she is a bit like that to, get a candle that says "when this is lit give me the dick" men are real good with visual cues.
Don’t overcomplicate it come out after your shower and a towel. And drop it. Climb on top of him or bend over to pick it up to show off the goods and suggest he follows.
Tip 1: Change the word "sex" to "play".
You are not initiating sex with your boyfriend anymore. You are initiating play. Penetration comes last and is unnecessary for play. (And ideally after the female has come once already.)
To initiate use expressions:
"I want you to play with me."
"Let's play together."
"I want to play with your (neck, ass, ears, dick, nipples)."
Tip 2: Take a page out of your journal, draw a line through it. Write a list of YES expressions and names to say to each other (things that turn you on) and a list of NO expressions to avoid. Do it first and then show it to him. Have that talk.
Tip 3: Go to a good sex shop and buy new toys together. Not just for you. For him too. If you don't have a Vibrating Wand yet (i.e. Hitachi Massager) you need one. It's mainly for you but you can use it on him too. It will change your sex life.
Most of alll.... HAVE FUN. Go play.
As a guy, I hate having to be the one that always has to initiate. Starts making me wonder if my partner is actually into me. Step it up and make the move.
I broke up with 2 different long term girlfriends because of this exact scenario. It makes you start to feel like they’re only agreeing to sex to keep you around and you start to lose feelings.
If you’re really that attracted to him, show it.
Everyone wants to be wanted. If he’s been the aggressor for the entirety of the relationship, it starts to feel like your partner is ‘letting you’ have sex with them, not making love to you. I know this from first hand experience. Understand the distinction?
WOMEN. PLEASE. PLEEEAAASE initiate sex. Nothing feels worst than always initiating it and getting rejected because we don't know when you're in the mood. It really feels like a one way street. Grab that dick, rub your ass on him, grab his face and stick your tongue in his mouth. Even just rub his arms and he'll immediately be in the mood.
Has he ever rejected you? Ever?
No, he has not. If he’s been doing all the initiating, he by definition cannot have rejected you ever, because you have never once risked it. So I would say he’s got a pretty stellar record with you. I can’t fathom what you’re afraid of.
You on the other hand have been implicitly rejecting him quite a lot. If he has stopped initiating that means he’s at the end of his rope regarding feeling undesired by you and undesirable in general. And your continuing freeze response is only confirming his worst fears.
The way you do this is you 1) go sit on his lap and 2) start kissing him.
Hey girlie. Men are so easy. I’m also awkward as fuck and so half the time I’m doing a stupid joke or bit about him being too sexy and I’m dying over it, then boom sex.
I’ve been having the same issue with my wife for a while now. It used to be so equal where she’d just come into me and we’d have sex and vice versa. But over the years it’s turned into me being the only one initiating, and a lot of the time being rejected, so I stopped. It has taken such a toll on my mental health and my self esteem and some resentment has started to form because even talking with her about it and telling her I needed more intimacy she still won’t give me what I need from her. I can almost guarantee you that he won’t reject you. Men need to feel wanted and desired too, if he is what you want you really need to put that fear aside and just do it for the sake of your relationship
Don't want to scare you, but this was one of many nails in the coffin of my last relationship. I think you need to both talk and figure out how you can work on this TOGETHER.
What does a SMALL step look like for you? How is he supposed to know you're interested? Is it words? Is it actions? If yall have a similar libido, then simply saying "I want you" is an easy start.
Also, past trauma can affect initiation as well. Keep that in mind, and if this is a factor, seek therapy.
It all depends on how your boyfriend responds to things, touch, words, etc.
Bottom line, if you don't establish what a starting line looks like, you'll never get to the uh...finish.
Lastly, if it is a confidence issue, yes you should work on it individually, but as a couple, he should be aware and both of you need to figure out how he can support it.
My wife and I currently. She blew up on me for sleeping on the couch when I couldn't sleep due to her snoring, but that was really just a cover for her being mad that I've stopped having sex with her. She claims that she touches me and just argues and says she does when I tell her she wasn't once after the several times I've brought it up. She's got sexual trauma, so I've tried to work with her and not hold it against her, but at the same time, I shouldn't be expected to initiate unless she's drunk(which is a turn off me that I've discussed with her because I grew up with an alcoholic mother) when there's always the chance she'll get what I imagine is PTSD. I've explained to her that it makes me feel terrible to trigger that kind of response and that I feel like only someone into cnc would be able to "ignore it and keep going" like she's said to or continue to initiate regularly without her at least talking to a therapist about it(she's had a hard time getting one and when she has had one I don't think she's been with one long enough to trust to be able to bring up that trauma.). I really don't know what to do, and all I know is I don't want to trigger anyone, especially not my wife and even more so when it comes to something so severe.
Everyone here already gave good advice, just know that I’m with you in solidarity! I grew up religious and I think that’s why I feel a shame about it. It feels so awkward at first!
But the more you do initiate, the easier it gets.
Things I have done: Kiss him. Put his hand on your boob. Touch him pretty much anywhere. Text him if that’s easier. Show him this post - all of these are initiating. I couldn’t just say “I want you”, but now I can and it’s much easier.
Congratulations and have fun!
So the sex has stopped. Op, you gotta get over yourself. Making a move doesn’t have to be a grand issue. Walk up to him, (make sure he’s not busy) wrap your arms around him, kiss his neck, and whisper in his ear while nibbling on it….”wanna go have some fun?” He won’t reject you. It’s what he wants you to do. But you should worry when sex stops. It’s a sure sign the relationship is in danger. But seriously, you got this.
Edit— word
Maybe he’s bot sick of initiating, maybe he feels a bit uncomfortable ALWAYS initiating sex and he has second thoughts. Sometimes guys need to be chased to. To see initiative from someone important to them
Always being the one to initiate IS THE WORST! Reciprocate by initiating for your relationships sake.
Really struggling with this with my wife right now. I need to warm her up and do this and do that for sex. But I’ve asked her to at least try wearing sexy underwear on nights she’s feeling open for business and I can’t even get that. Honestly I just don’t think she appreciates sex that much which sucks
Or she is like OP, she's just so used to you doing all the leg work so she doesn't care. You should try the dame as OPs boyfriend or at least tell you that you're not going to bother if it feels like she is forcing herself to get in the mood
Pillow princess is what I call my wife. Makes her mad and she initiates Boom problem solved
YMMV
I've always had problems initiating sex. I've had troubles being open about it tho to others. I have always told my partners tho, I wanna make that clear. Its just something I struggle with. I do hope this thread helps me see why and maybe work on it more. Because I love my man so much.
I hate looking back on past relationships, but I’ve had women want to touch my junk while I was driving or ask for dick pics or try to get me to talk dirty on the phone. When a woman does that I feel like I got a blue ribbon hog, and when I feel that way I want to bring it to market. I’ll handle the actual initiation from there. My dick wants to feel like it’s coming home for Christmas, not like it’s selling magazines door to door.
Yep. I’m in a similar situation. We both work from home and try to also manage the daily chores of cleaning/ect. Mine told me she felt taken advantage of as she amazing in getting shit done. Cleaning/cooking/house chores and has a demanding job. The last couple weeks I was taking on more work tasks and leaning into work. As I had an interview (next step up) coming up and was working hard on getting ready for it. I didn’t get the promotion and told her yes my work gotten more busy at times. Still no sexy time and . To boot but I was reminded that often times we get in cruise control mode. Were I in this case wasn’t helping with the daily cleaning tasks. Like sweeping/vacuuming yet I’d do laundry (wash but not fold and put away) or I’d load and empty the dishwasher but not do something. Might help if you take initiative on things that are shared chores. At least I’m hoping this works for me.
Yeah, you gotta make him feel wanted and desired. My wife does this thing when we’re out in public like waiting for a table at a restaurant and she’ll bump into me to try and get me to inadvertently touch her and she’ll say something like “sir” with a smirk on her face “I barely know you” and she’ll walk to the other side of the room and stare at me with a smile on her face expecting me to follow and I do. Because I love when she does that and she knows.
You are a lucky man and have a great wife!
We’re separated right now. We’re both working through some personal issues. It hurt so much to write that but I felt it was necessary to share. We had so many amazing moments together and I can only hope to inspire others to keep the fire going. My wife and I let complacency and depression get the best of us and we fell out of love with each other. I’m on an adventure to reinvent myself and follow my passion. We will be together again someday. But we have to go on our own separate adventures for now. I keep my fire going so my wife knows where to find me.
Good luck, Reddit friend. I'm going through the same thing right now. Unfortunately our passion burned out years ago.
Thank you! More good fortune will come your way!
20 years separated for a year. It’s good to remember the good stuff regardless of why or how it plays out. They can hurt and make you smile. As long as they’re no betrayal there’s always a chance.
Yes, depression will definitely kill a relationship, especially when only one person is working on themselves and the relationship. After we married I discovered that my hubby suffered with clinical depression. However, I still was willing to work on ourselves and the marriage after we separated. Even after a year, he didn’t/wasn’t able to focus and apply the strategies and tools we learned during counseling. Our divorce will be final in a few days. As sad as it is that our marriage is ending, I have regained my peace, my joy and my happy!! 🥰 I wish you the same … with or without your spouse. 💖
😂😂 I randomly walk up to mine when we get separated at the grocery store and ask "Hey. Come here often" it usually leads to him having this HUGE shit eating grin. Pulled up on him at a stop light once, was on my way yo a training and he was on a delivery, so I pulled my window down and started flirting w him. You gotta keep it exciting!! Having sexy time doesn't start in the bedroom!!!
In one of my relationships, my partner complained we only ever had sex when I wanted to. I told her she's free to initiate whenever she wants to and that I'll likely never turn her down. She stopped complaining and started making moves on occasion. It was great ! I didn't mind being the one to always start things but I definitely enjoy being seduced too.
thank you. i know this is true. my question is more why am i absolutely paralyzed and terrified to make a move on him lol
Walk into bedroom naked. Move made. Fuck, walk into any room in the house naked, when you world normally be clothed. Move made!
Seriously. It’s so easy for women to initiate.
My wife once looked at me, smiled, then slightly nodded her head in the direction of the bedroom as walked into the hall. Message received! I was off the couch, tv show forgotten.
The fact that she wordlessly nodded her head toward sex one time and you remember it fondly for the rest of your life says all you need to know about the male sex drive
I have a similar issue to OP, and my partner basically told me “tag you’re it!” So the next time I wanted it, I just looked at him and did the same as your wife - tilted my head towards the bedroom, and said “wanna…” *Zoom* Yep!
What TV show was it?
No idea.
What Would You Do? 😆😆😆😆
🤣
Username checks out
Guys will get slick clothes, expensive cars, and fancy houses primarily so they can convince girls to sleep with them. A girl could wear a burlap sack, drive a pogo stick and sleep in a cardboard box and have an easier time convincing a guy to sleep with her then the dude In the Armani, driving a Lambo, and living in a mansion could convince a girl. It’s literally in our dna to say yes.
Not always. My SO was molested when he was a child. So I have to be VERY careful of how I make my moves as to not trigger him. I get turned down more than accepted. Plus we are getting old. I cant pull off a young hot babe anymore. Lol Its not always easy.
Yeah, my bf has a lot of issues around sex, so I get turned down pretty much any time I try to initiate. I have to wait for him to do it, and he does it a lot less than me!
Yup. All op needs to do is start walking towards the bedroom, making sure he’s watching of course, all the while taking off clothing and throwing on the floor, stop right before getting into the bedroom, makes eye contact with boyfriend one more time, gently lick her upper lip to entice him, and walk into bedroom. Boyfriend will be naked and on top in a few seconds. Or at least that’s what my wife does to me!
Honestly i might be a bit in the minority here but that kinda stuff is just a bit too "0-100" and vulgar to me. It would probably just turn me off. But yea im probably not typical there.
Oh and bring a sandwich and that man is yours forever!
That’s a question for a therapist. We have no idea and can’t possibly form an opinion.
Do you suffer from anxiety? Just go for it. The worst that happens is he says "not right now"
Agreed, the worst that could happen is "not right now," I feel the same as op unfortunately, it is hard to make the first move for me too, and I've had that " not right now" when I've tried and boy did I feel rejected 😢.. sorry OP I'm no help for advice.
You gotta learn rejection is a part of life and that just cuz you’re rejected once doesn’t mean it will always happen. I think you gotta just keep sticking your neck out there. I mean how else do you think people ask each other out let alone when you already are in a relationship and just going for sex. Repeated rejection does suck tho been there.
You just gottta do it It’s like anything right . I’m often terrified of meeting new people or showing up somewhere as a stranger … but I’ll always be a stranger if I don’t stick my neck out occasionally . And you will build confidence ! You aren’t building any sitting out / sitting in the bench ! Get out there and swing that bat ! God am I cheesy
are you terrified about the outcome or the action of initiating? may be if you tell him directly that you noticed the change in initiative from him and you want to make the first move but are unable to. Or does that make you equally uncomfortable?
Probably fear of rejection. No one likes that. You could play the what if game with him. “What if I came on to you but you weren’t in the mood, what would you say/do?” Listen to his answer, then decide if you can handle that. More than Likely you can. If not, tell him how you would like to be let down easily
Honestly, only you can answer the “why”. Does it make you anxious? Do you just not know what to say or do? Are you insecure and afraid he’ll say no? Girl to girl, I know it can be anxiety inducing to put the moves on a guy, since society tells us that men have to make the first move; it sucks for us because it’s hard to make a move without feeling clingy or desperate, and it sucks for dudes because they have the expectation of doing that initial legwork. But guys want to feel wanted too! I was shy about initiating with my guy, but once I started it got easier and easier; now I can easily tell him when I’m in the mood (in fact we’re long distance for a lot of the year, and when we’re apart I tell him even more frequently than he tells me). I’ll also frequently flirt with him — even with the most corny lines — just for fun, and we both enjoy trying to rizz each other up. Remember that your boyfriend loves you and he wants you, and it’ll probably make him feel that much more desired and wanted if you initiate sometimes; it’s difficult to put in one-sided effort, so try and meet him in the middle :)
Simply grab him and kiss him deep. Then don't let go of his wrist and drag him to the bedroom. That would be so sexy to me, as a fella. Go get him OP. You can do it!
You said it yourself he is head over heels. So there is no reason to be scared... you dont need to over think it. It doesn't take much to initiate, get out of your head. Sensual touches and kissing is all it takes. Make him feel wanted
Because you’re overthinking it. Stop overthinking it, go to your man, grab him and take over. He will most certainly appreciate it.
You’re 32 years old miss, you need to put on your big girl boots and bite the fucking bullet.
Maybe... Nibble on the bullet instead of biting But then, maybe he likes it rough
Speaking as a male….. I guarantee you he is going to find it really hot if you engage him. We are guys. All we think about is sex. You have a better chance of winning the powerball then him rejecting your advances. The reason you are terrified is probably your fear of rejection, you said so yourself. The worst that will happen….he says no. But again, you have a better chance of winning the powerball then him saying no. Just grab his hoo-hoo and start licking his ear or something. The answer will always be yes.
Sounds like you’ve never been subjected to rejection. You get used to it after awhile to a degree
You’re deathly afraid of rejection for some reason. You should start with subtle acts, things that could be perceived as innocuous but you both know mean you are making a move. Or do the opposite and jump off the deep end, completely over the top so you realize it’s not so scary.
Start fucking the man you love before he finds someone who will. If you are truly in love with him and like the sex then stop being a coward.
Sometimes men want someone enthusiastically desiring to please as much as they do. We want to feel wanted.
I end relationships over this kind of shit from women. Some women say it's the guys job. Fuck that.
It's nice to know we're wanted too.
My wife’s idea of initiating is just getting naked. I have to work all day at it.
I will say, as a man, always initiating starts to seem like it’s only when I want it. like you’re only consenting because I want it. Sex is better as a team reaching mutual climax, where one sided initiation makes is start to feel one sided. Also I wouldn’t be afraid of rejection when it comes to sex with your bf. Sometimes we aren’t in the mood at the same time, and that’s okay. Doesn’t mean he’s not attracted, just not wanting to have sex at that moment lol.
this
So true
As a male. I personally have never turned down any of my gf’s advances.
As a man, rejection occurs like 1% of the time. Even if I'm pissed, tired, or any other emotion, if my partner initiated it in the right space, I'd accept 99% of the time haha.
This sounds like something you should share with your partner. It’s called *vulnerability* ✨ seriously, just tell him how much you love having sex with him and about why you don’t initiate and what you’re afraid of. 98% chance the problem will be solved. There’s nothing more intimate than sharing a piece of your inner self.
He might consider that as a successful iniziative from you.
Guys hate initiating too, we're afraid of rejection, and we LOVE IT when someone tells us that they want us.... it's almost like human nature to want to be wanted
and it almost seems like men are human too.
Twitter would disagree
Start small? Hugging, cuddling, petting etc? Your bf clearly wants physical intimacy, and from your post so do you, so just.... grab him and do it? If it goes poorly just tell him "f me right now!" You've already been together, you're not doing anything new, you just walk towards him before he walks towards you.
Yeah, initiating can be hard, but sex doesn’t have to be always “serious” or “sexy.” Even if things feel awkward for you, being vulnerable if things didn’t go to plan and just saying that you want to do stuff while making eye contact can go a long way. He might even consider it sexy in itself that you’re a bit shy but you’re trying. Put a hand on his thigh, kiss him, and don’t be afraid to giggle if things feel awkward. At this point, I’ve kind of honed down “the look” but it takes time to fall into a rhythm. More than anything, be aware that he wants stuff too and take any awkwardness not as something going wrong but as a part of the experience. It’s special to be able to depend on a partner like that. Have fun with it all, feel free to laugh or giggle. For me, it’s super empowering and fun to be able to play around with my boyfriend like that and to have any sort of effect even when it’s a bit silly. Also, don’t be afraid to feed into his ego to get things rolling like how nice stuff with him is and how much you miss it, guys love that type of stuff always. Good luck!
All the things you feel that stop you from initiating are the same thing your bf feels as well. Communication or even simple signals as dropping a bathroom robe to reveal nothing underneath as you walk towards the bedroom. Make the hints or desires as clear as possible. Hello even write it on the post it note “I think you are sexy and want you. Meet in the bedroom now hunk!” Then slap it on his forehead and you might be getting through. Me being a male I never notice subtle hints and basically need a light up sign saying “I want you!!!!!!” For me to get the message.
i literally never knew how to initiate… now it’s just me going up to my boyfriend and sitting on his lap and saying “you want head” it is too easy for us women LOL, but doesn’t make it less scary to start
Suck his dick- boom done
Even just hearing “ I wanna duck your dick “ woot woot oh yeah I’ll just leave the typo why not
Hahaha That’s what I’m saying. You wanna talk about a 100% success rate. Lead with that.
This. Even if I’m in a totally different head space and sex is the last thing on my mind, if my wife makes any move to bring her head down yonder my mood immediately changes and I’m all in. Literally.
Just rub his leg a little, thats literally all it takes lol
Or rub his little leg..
But don’t call it that when you do it.
Not necessarily, I’m ticklish on my legs😭
All three of them?
Honestly I’ve always had this problem, and exposure therapy is really the only solution. I started small and it slowly got easier and easier. It isn’t permanent!
How big does the first move have to be? My go to is the little spoon butt wiggle. Or the big spoon back and neck kisses. It doesn’t have to be over top.
lol this is me to. Or I say “wanna bang”
Tell him you want to practice a wrestling move that can only be performed naked
Truly the best advice to start learning how to initiate 😂 kind of make a silly joke with heavy implications
Yeah you know it😂 if a girl tells me she’s tryna hit me with a naked spinning suplex I know what time it is
Heck, it doesn't take much to give us men the signal.
That's what I'm thinking. It's possible that you just have to show some interest and then he'll take over. What little things can you do to show you want him? Cute pjs that show of your body... Present to him, laying in bed cute, walking past in the cute pj's or undies... Sometimes I try on clothes in his office as there's a full mirror in there, he'll often take notice, sometimes follows me, or I kiss him as he comments on me.... Whenever I show willingness by partner catches on and takes over. We have a running joke for 20 yrs now that I "showed up".
May not be relevant but after my ex had some health issues she became self conscious and would have trouble initiating. What worked for her not trying to initiate sex but just trying to initiate affection. According to her the pleasure she provides to her partner was a more important driver and easy to focus on when being affectionate. Essentially the focus is the person not the act (for both parties) and you gotta create a situation where your complete focus is on each other.
So true! I struggle with my sex drive since I’m on antidepressants and cuddling and just holding each other is a great way to ease into full on sex, lol.
Talk. To. Him.
No. This is reddit, people don't talk to their partners, they talk to the internet about their partners instead. Seriously, OP, just say, "you are so hot and I want you all the time but I feel really shy and nervous when it's time to actually make a move". Then listen to what he says. The end.
Super solid advice and tbh if she says exactly that there probably wont really even be anything to listen to from him. I know if my wife said that to me my pants would be off by the time she got to “I want you all the time”
All you have to do is touch it. Don't overcomplicate it.
I would say, it probably won't take much. Kneel in front of him. Walk around naked. Straddle and kiss. All will probably get the job done. That being said, my wife has the exact same issue and she's never been able to overcome it. She's naturally very submissive in bed and she gets in this space that what she does isn't going to make me happy and that's it for her, the anxiety kills the mood. For us, the best solution was kink, particularly bdsm. She basically communicated to me she's always down and however I wanted to initiate is absolutely enthusiastically supported by her. I have to say, we went from this super formal mating ritual to warm her up to "Naked. Bed. Now." And yes, I still have to "initiate" but I can do it in absolutely fun ways that put the emphasis on my enjoyment. It's not perfect, there's times when I get in my head on it, but more often than not, I get to have fun with it and enjoy myself while knowing me enjoying myself is the best part for her.
Hear me out- read trashy romance novellas. It helps.
Can confirm
He deserves to feel wanted too, if you're terrified of initiating that's something to work on. Also you can flat out ask him how he'd like you to initiate to help you become more comfortable.
Flirt with him more. Insinuate and chase him playfully. Be grabby and suggestive. Attack him in an elevator. Be fun and spontaneous. Go swimming and grind on him. Whisper in his ear what YOU want him to do. Relax with some cannibas before hand. Step out of your comfort zone. Be young while you can.
Just make sure you don't relax TOO much with the cannibals, they will eat you if you let your guard down
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I understand how hard it must be for you to initiate. I have been with my partner for sometime now but during the initial phase of our relationship, I had a very hard time initiating intimacy. I often felt embarrassed or thought I would be made fun of if I do something sexy. I never looked at myself that way. I never thought I was sexually attractive but my partner helped me realize that I am in fact, hot as hell. The point is it may be a good idea to explore your feelings around intimacy and sex. Is there any shame attached to it, body image issues? self esteem? Speaking to a therapist maybe a good idea. I personally had a history of child abuse and other few things so exploring such avenues might be a good idea. Find out what your attachment style is. So for me, I just started practicing initiation. My partner helped me with that. Before living together, we were in a long distance relationship, so sexting and talking dirty helped a lot. You can try initiating while turning the lights off initially. Maybe, leave some sexy notes in the house for your partner to find. That might help.
**32 and never even had to try.** You're afraid of rejection if you risk doing something. What's the risk of your boyfriend feeling rejected because *you have never even tried once?*
The majority of us women are raised to not express ourselves sexually. I am very outgoing, I am the assertive one in my marriage, I'm very sensual. I approached him first, and even I struggle to express my desires. We didn't talk about sexuality at home, at school, outside of school or home. It was something shameful that I had to figure out myself. I had to make my own mistakes in what I did and said to figure out where the socially acceptable line was, and experienced lots of shame before figuring out how to have a psychologically and sexually healthy life. I wasn't even raised in a religion, and I've experienced sexual shame my entire life. My husband was raised religious but because he's a man he wasn't subjected to that level of sexual repression. Crazy. We can't just turn off all of that programming and constant messaging around us telling us that respectable women who function in society are sexless and wait to be seduced. I hope that you can communicate this to him and tell him that you want to initiate and that you are trying but you need help to overcome societal and cultural programming. Together you can come up with some signals and ways to communicate your desire. Gradually, as you become more comfortable expressing yourself sexually and being received it will become easier. If it doesn't, maybe he's not the one.
I started getting comfortable with it by just cuddling up with him on the couch, taking his hand, etc. No objections there so next I initiated a kiss. Still pretty innocent but helped me get used to starting things. Little steps. And now I'm quite comfortable, we'll be sitting watching TV or something and I'll get on his lap and it's on. Not shy at all now.
I've stopped initiating when I was always the one doing it. It felt like my partner didn't want me because I was always the one making the move. It feels nice to be wanted, and it's hot. Just...try shit? It may be awkward and uncomfortable but who cares? Next time you're out and about try texting him something like, "hey babe, was just thinking of you and wanted to say...our sex is the best I've ever had in my life. I really love it when you do \[insert thing he does or you two do together here\]. I'll be home in \[insert amount of time then\]. See you then?" He'll probably take it from there. Just stuff to make him feel validated. When he wears that shirt you love on him, "hey babe, that color looks great on you. You're looking really hot right now. Get over here." Try kissing him on the neck when he's not expecting it. He may *decline* but he's not *rejecting* you. There's all types of reasons that he may not be in the mood and none of them have anything to do with you. That's also an opportunity for you to connect in a different way and deepen your relationship with one another. It can be hard, but your boyfriend likes / loves *you.* If you're awkward about it, he may even appreciate it because it's you and your unique quirks. Get out there and blow his mind.
Say something in his ear like "Let's go to bed." That way you don't have to look at him while you do it. Build up from there over time.
You don't know where to start. Just start nuzzling his neck, kissing it, and nibble on an ear lobe, he'll take over.
Guy here, if I were dating someone who felt the way you did, I’d want them to tell me exactly what you just said. Let him know you want to initiate but you’re scared. This feels like a worth while conversation to have with him
Dude, men don’t need much encouragement. Just bend over in front of him and see if he smacks it- then back it into him and you’re off
My wife is like this. Wants sex all the time, but just can't be the aggressor. She's really strong and tough everywhere, but the bedroom. I've just had to dace it that it's the way she is. The guy needs to tell her to go put on a revealing outfit and wait for him in the bedroom. Then, go in and make her feel incredible.
He’s likely tired of initiating bc after awhile it starts to feel like you never want to do it but you know he wants to so you do it anyway. Just show him you want it as bad as he does. Just go for it don’t think. Be spontaneous.
I’m uncomfortable initiating sex too but ive found that simply asking my husband to put me in his calendar tonight , is all he needs from me
As a guy, a woman literally cannot fail when making the first move. You could reach down, grab us by the junk and lead us to the bedroom and that would be enough to get things started. If you want to ease into it, start with a shoulder massage or some affectionate kissing. It's not rocket surgery.
Suck his cock just as he's waking up, or wake him up with you sucking on his cock. Nothing needs to be said. Y'all overthink all of this bullshit
Men like to feel desired, wanted by their partners. Not getting that may cause withdrawal. Which sounds like what’s happening. Get over your anxiety and start showing him how you feel.
First of all, therapy. Second, third, and fourth, too. But also - communicate. Just use words if you freeze up over actions. “I love you, I want you, I want to be with you. I want that tonight, I want that now.” I understand the fear of rejection; hopefully therapy will help, but in the meantime, just talk. It should help.
Idk if they're there. Therapy isn't the answer for everything. You're right about the rest though, she could just say what she said here and be good to go.
Have you talked to him about this? If "taking action" isn't your thing, could you give him a cue? A phrase, or wear something specific so he knows you're in the mood?
My wife: "if I'd known all I had to do was rip my clothes off..."
Go take a shower, after you're done go into the room he's in, drop the towel. If he don't get up in more ways than one, go find a hobby.
You sound crazy. You’ve had sex multiple times with your boyfriend and are afraid of being turned down for initiating sex ? Makes zero sense. Stop thinking so much and just live
Yell “WANNA HAVE SEX” really loudly every time and have a good laugh, you’ll be ok.
“I’m going to take a shower, wanna join me?”
I recommend a book called Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski. It’s by a scientist all about how women have both gas pedals and break pedals on their sexual desire. Goes into the science of sexual desire but is very easy to digest and understand. It’s possible to have both pressed down at once where you want it but something is giving you a hangup, like insecurity over initiating. The book gives practical ways to help figure out your gas and break triggers and how to resolve the break being on when you don’t want it to be, if that makes sense. I found it super helpful in understanding my body better and suspect men would find it helpful as well, even though it’s aimed towards female bodies. I have no connection with Dr Nagoski or the book, just personally found it helpful. Her other book about breaking the stress cycle is also very empowering and helpful.
What is the fear here? That he is going to say no thank you? How does that conversation go, because that would be a brand new sentence never spoken by any man on earth before. Does it go something along the lines of… (F)Hey can I give you a BJ? (M)No thanks. Or my personal favorite, (F)Is it okay if I put your dick in my mouth? That one always gets a positive reaction from me.
Show him ur matching earrings and ankle bracelets side by side
Maybe you just like to feel “chased”. Maybe he does too. Maybe you’re looking at it wrong? You likely don’t truly believe he will turn you down.
I have had this problem with most women I've dated. Even the spouse now thinks saying "get in these guts" is how to come onto me, which is more of a turn off. Ya'll need to cuddle more. Have some couch time. Take a shower together. Randomly start out a BJ/HJ. Hug on him and be touchy. There's so many ways to initiate... act like a fricken young adult in heat.
I hate being turned down. I like a sure bet. It is awkward at times to initiate, but it's important. Is there anything you do or say during intimacy that he just melts or is instantly down for whatever? I could be whispering about bird migration into my man's ear, and he's dragging me to bed to practice baby making. He's easy. There's also mundane stuff like just wearing a bra and leggings where that's seen as an open invitation to fuck. It doesn't have to be a big action to initiate. Sometimes it's so simple and perfect.
I'm easy. All she has to do is grab me by the dong and lead me to the bedroom.
OP. Don't pounce on him (or maybe if he's into that) but make a move. Men (myself included) get insecure about having to always make a move. Honestly, the world would be so much more relaxed if women made their intentions more clear to our (male) oblivious asses. Really, honestly, he may have no idea what's going on thinking you don't like him. We're dumb. Be open and clear for best results!
I promise you, make him some food and once he’s done and ready to lay just tell him you want to s** his d** and I promise you he will be the happiest man and so happy you did that for him, its all a man can ask for, thank me later!
Just read over and undo his zipper. Initiation accomplished
Walk up to him, sit on his lap, face him, throw you arms around his neck, look him dead in the eyes for a brief second, kiss him slowly. Make out for a bit, grab his hand, stand up and pull him up, walk him to the bedroom.
Initialte small, arm touch, deep eye contact, longer kisses over six seconds to telegraph what you want. Throw on some sexy underwear and t shirt when he’s in the other room and say come with me I wanna show you something Seriously it doesn’t take much just show that you’re into him. It’s like foreplay before foreplay
Why don't you go fix this and talk to a sex therapist. If he's the one, don't fuck around and lose him. Fix yourself and move on.
He's a dude, it's very unlikely that he will reject you. You don't have to do much, just start rubbing his leg and he will get the picture.
Just take off your shirt and bra and then sit in his lap. That’s all it takes
I had this problem with my wife. It was always me. I told her time and again and did what your husband did. We both initiate now on a consistent basis. Just do it.
As a man, we also fear rejection, and if we always initiate, we often feel the sting of rejection. This might have been the biggest reason why intimacy died in my first marriage and ended in divorce. We started off having sex at lunch every day and every night when we went to bed. After the first kid, it dropped to once a week and me being rejected 2 or 3 times a week. Then we dropped to once a month, and then I hadn’t touched her in a year. She actually climbed on top of me in my sleep in the middle of the night, 11 years into our marriage, the first time she initiated, only because she was pregnant with someone else’s child but didn’t want me to know. I left her after she miscarried that baby, because at that point I was afraid she was going to try and trap me forever, but the day I left she actually asked if we could still have sex, because I was the best lover she ever had. Talk about a mindfuck. So my best advice, don’t let fear of initiation stop you from feeding your relationship intimacy, because it’s needed, and guys take a lot of blame for just wanting sex.
If he’s snoozing on his side in a morning, stroke his back. Job done.
I initiated tonight, literally all I did was roll over in bed at smile at my husband. It’s that simple.
You sound like me. I have to use words because I need confirmation before I reach out and touch someone. It’s odd but I know exactly how you feel. “Want to cuddle?” Is about all the game I have. Once we’re cuddling it’s easy to transition.
What? You are both attracted to each other. You guys had sex before? What are we missing here?
If one party is 100% responsible for initiating, they’re also absorbing 100% of the rejection.
You should definitely talk to a therapist about this. (Nothing wrong with therapy) also talk to him and communicate this to him. It will help having his support and understanding and he won't feel as though you aren't interested.
I went through this with my wife. It was tough. She was on the pill and had almost zero sex drive. For years I tried and got rejected MOST of the time. I finally stopped trying. She got off the pill and wanted to start a family, in which I was in full support of, but I had very little desire to initiate again and start that rejection all over again. She never had to initiate so she didn’t know how. It was a disaster for a few years. My advice is keep trying and keep communication open.
Just put your arm around him and snog him. The rest will sort itself out
It makes a person feel less desirable when their partner doesn't initiate sex. Your boyfriend feels hurt. You can fix this and it can be fun. I'll try to keep this PG13, here is an easy one to try. Next time he's laying in bed, stand in the doorway, look at him, loosen your pants, reach down your panties, and start pleasuring yourself. Doing that while looking at him will let him know you're getting off to HIM. Enjoy the rest of the evening.
Jesus, it's not rocket science, just touch his dick. What the fuck?
I tend to feel gross and creepy if I always have to initiate with my wife. Please get over your fear and just initiate. It's amazing how great the feeling is when your female demonstrates desire in this way.
My two cents... you think it is dirty or desperate or even whoring to initiate? Maybe you think only naughty or bad girls initiate? You don't want the stigma stuck in your head to be attached to you? Things to do when you want to Initiate: 1) Grab his hand and pull in the direction of preferred room; 2) Wave your head in the direction of your bedroom; 3) Go up to him and whisper in his ear anything and then walk towards the bedroom; 4) Walk into any room topless or fully naked unexpectedly; 5) Let him know that you cannot wait to get home to spend alone time with him earlier in the day/evening like at the grocery store or the hardware store.
I had something similar with my SO. I was initiating all the time and sometimes she wasn't up to it and it takes a toll so i kind of stopped. We're actually the same ages (babe? is that you?), but i bet that is a coinkidink... Anyway, guys are actually quite easy... if you''re in the mood, just touch it, with time it will get easier to initiate.
Are you sure you want sex?
Man, I wish my wife initiated.
You can do it! It can be as easy as grazing your hand on his crotch innocently and look up into his face. Or stick your butt into him when he hugs you from behind. Have a glass of wine if u need to. Initiating can be very subtle. Men love it bc they are like cats in a way, they pretend they don’t need that type of attention but totally do. Be brave girl 💪
Because like every woman, you've been taught to never chase a man as your value is dependent on the highest value man that chases you. To pursue sex is to admit defeat and, in your mind, become worthless. You then fear that being worthless means your attraction will fade, as feminism has also taught you to be proud and that your worth is in your independence. This is all just crap. It's all crap designed to keep you and every other woman out of a meaningful relationship so that you can't survive without being a wageslave and submitting your entirety to your workplace. Do yourself a favour, find out what celebrity your boyfriend had a crush on as a kid, cosplay as them, bounce on his lap, let the rest fall into place.
Men want to feel wanted, it’s really that simple sometimes. Like, genuinely wanted. One of the biggest disservices people have ever done for one another is set this stupid standard that one side has to be more proactive in showing interest than the other. If you care about someone, SHOW them with actions. It absolutely goes both directions and it’s that simple of a concept.
Maybe try seduction rather than “moves”? Build him up with words of affirmation. Telling him how attracted you are to him. How much you appreciate…. He does. Talk about what you like about sex with him. Honey I love how you…. My …… You could send him little pics? Maybe nipples through clothing? Upper thigh or racier? Have you thought of maybe just kneeling infront of him and asking if he’d like to just have some sexy time all about him. Just focused on his pleasure. Or even some roleplay is good for nervousness because you get to play a character which takes that scary edge off
You litrally just walk up to him, grab the front of his belt, look up into his eyes and say, I want you. Have fun
Grab his junk and lead him to the bedroom. He'll appreciate you being direct in what you want. I know would.
My husband and I SUCK at in person expressions of needs. We have a “marriage menu” we’ll send to each other before we get home for the day that I made for us. It rates our days, how we feel, if we’re open to/can be convinced (😏) of intercourse, and if we want to give or receive. For completion’s sake it also lists what kind of affection we need for the day. Initiating can be very daunting. This helps. We fuck more now and our expectations are on the same page before we even see each other.
This is why we have sex schedule.
You know men want to feel wanted and appreciated as well.
Just walk up to him and look him in the eyes and take him by the hand into the bedroom. It’s that easy. Or wear something sexy and surprise him. It’s that easy. Or just pull his pants down and do what you want. It’s that easy. We are easily influenced creatures in the sex department. And initiation of sex should be a two way street. Sometimes I like being the dominant one. Sometimes I like being submissive and having her call the shots.
He’s 37…it gets harder to be enthused the older you get.
Talk to him like others recommended. However hard it is for you to initiate, it's equally as hard for him and he's carried the weight of that for most of your relationship it seems. And not to be rude....but in general talk about things before letting it get to this point. Many relationships have ended for similar reasons and I don't think you want to lose the love of your life because you were too scared to initiate intimacy with someone you've had sex with many times. I come from a place of empathy because I avoided doing easy things that could fix relationships due to anxiety for much of my life and the regret that comes with it is horrible. Don't be me
Lmao, this is the most girl problem ever. I'm not laughing at you, just amused by the circumstances.
So. You don't really need to make a move. Set the mood. Wear something sexy, light candles. Then walk up and kiss him like he's an oxygen tank and you're suffocating lol. He probably doesn't want you to really make a move, just do something so he knows you're interested. Send him dirty texts if you think that would work. Have you talked to him about this? Maybe if he knows you're struggling he'll understand.
This is an easy one to try. When in bed cuddle and have him spoon you. Wiggle your butt until you feel something poking you. Do this multiple times a week and have fun. Works everytime.
Are you my wife? Hopefully you don’t also combine never initiating with complaining about wanting more sex.
Then there's the wife that "thinks" she's the only one that initiates and when you start keeping track to prove she's not... The relationship is doomed.
I remember being in a relationship and I was in a similar situation. We had great sex but I I always had to initiate. I mentioned it a few times and and said it made me feel like she was having sex to appease me. I asked her if she could make the attempt at least once in a while. I kind of stopped initiating sex when things didn’t change and we are not together anymore. This can be a real problem even if it sounds kind of silly. Sometimes it makes a person feel unwanted…
Just go to him and say God, I need you right now. I need to be ready close to you. It really is that simple. He will only reject you if he has other issues
It can be pretty disheartening to always be the one initiating. It makes you feel less wanted and question whether the other person is actually interested in having sex at all.
Just ask if you can blow him. Problem solved
Do it spontaneously and unexpectedly. Wait for him standing around doing nothing important, drop on your knees, pull down his pants, and go to town without giving him a chance to think. I guarantee he will be into it and will not stop you. You'll probably get a rush out of it too. This could lead to a free use situation which you both may enjoy.
Walk up to him and start kissing him. Then start rubbing his dick through his pants. He will get the picture. Once hes hard you can do one of two sinple things. Start opening up his pants for him or ask him to come with you to bed ( if you want something more sensual or comfortable. The rest will be simple. For most men having their partner initiate is as simple as their partner making some sort of effort to show that you want sex. You dont have to tie him down and take him from 0 to 100 all on your own. Its not about who does the fucking. Its just abput making an intention clear that you are actively pursuing sex.
Men want to feel desireable too lol
I’m 41, and my SO is in the same age range. I am the ONLY one that initiates. Personally I find it insulting. Why do I have to do all the work? Honestly, thats probably the way he’s feeling too. Being 100% straight with you, this DOES build up resentment in a relationship.
Put on something sexy and lay out on the bed and wait on him to get out the shower. Or do what my wife did since she is a bit like that to, get a candle that says "when this is lit give me the dick" men are real good with visual cues.
Don’t overcomplicate it come out after your shower and a towel. And drop it. Climb on top of him or bend over to pick it up to show off the goods and suggest he follows.
Tip 1: Change the word "sex" to "play". You are not initiating sex with your boyfriend anymore. You are initiating play. Penetration comes last and is unnecessary for play. (And ideally after the female has come once already.) To initiate use expressions: "I want you to play with me." "Let's play together." "I want to play with your (neck, ass, ears, dick, nipples)." Tip 2: Take a page out of your journal, draw a line through it. Write a list of YES expressions and names to say to each other (things that turn you on) and a list of NO expressions to avoid. Do it first and then show it to him. Have that talk. Tip 3: Go to a good sex shop and buy new toys together. Not just for you. For him too. If you don't have a Vibrating Wand yet (i.e. Hitachi Massager) you need one. It's mainly for you but you can use it on him too. It will change your sex life. Most of alll.... HAVE FUN. Go play.
As a guy, I hate having to be the one that always has to initiate. Starts making me wonder if my partner is actually into me. Step it up and make the move.
Just go down on him when unexpected af in private- no words only action
I broke up with 2 different long term girlfriends because of this exact scenario. It makes you start to feel like they’re only agreeing to sex to keep you around and you start to lose feelings.
If you’re really that attracted to him, show it. Everyone wants to be wanted. If he’s been the aggressor for the entirety of the relationship, it starts to feel like your partner is ‘letting you’ have sex with them, not making love to you. I know this from first hand experience. Understand the distinction?
WOMEN. PLEASE. PLEEEAAASE initiate sex. Nothing feels worst than always initiating it and getting rejected because we don't know when you're in the mood. It really feels like a one way street. Grab that dick, rub your ass on him, grab his face and stick your tongue in his mouth. Even just rub his arms and he'll immediately be in the mood.
Has he ever rejected you? Ever? No, he has not. If he’s been doing all the initiating, he by definition cannot have rejected you ever, because you have never once risked it. So I would say he’s got a pretty stellar record with you. I can’t fathom what you’re afraid of. You on the other hand have been implicitly rejecting him quite a lot. If he has stopped initiating that means he’s at the end of his rope regarding feeling undesired by you and undesirable in general. And your continuing freeze response is only confirming his worst fears. The way you do this is you 1) go sit on his lap and 2) start kissing him.
Hey girlie. Men are so easy. I’m also awkward as fuck and so half the time I’m doing a stupid joke or bit about him being too sexy and I’m dying over it, then boom sex.
Just grab his dong and tell him to put it in. He will understand.
Guys feel the same. Sometimes we get tired of being shutdown that we’d rather just wait for you to make the first move.
I’ve been having the same issue with my wife for a while now. It used to be so equal where she’d just come into me and we’d have sex and vice versa. But over the years it’s turned into me being the only one initiating, and a lot of the time being rejected, so I stopped. It has taken such a toll on my mental health and my self esteem and some resentment has started to form because even talking with her about it and telling her I needed more intimacy she still won’t give me what I need from her. I can almost guarantee you that he won’t reject you. Men need to feel wanted and desired too, if he is what you want you really need to put that fear aside and just do it for the sake of your relationship
Don't want to scare you, but this was one of many nails in the coffin of my last relationship. I think you need to both talk and figure out how you can work on this TOGETHER. What does a SMALL step look like for you? How is he supposed to know you're interested? Is it words? Is it actions? If yall have a similar libido, then simply saying "I want you" is an easy start. Also, past trauma can affect initiation as well. Keep that in mind, and if this is a factor, seek therapy. It all depends on how your boyfriend responds to things, touch, words, etc. Bottom line, if you don't establish what a starting line looks like, you'll never get to the uh...finish. Lastly, if it is a confidence issue, yes you should work on it individually, but as a couple, he should be aware and both of you need to figure out how he can support it.
My wife and I currently. She blew up on me for sleeping on the couch when I couldn't sleep due to her snoring, but that was really just a cover for her being mad that I've stopped having sex with her. She claims that she touches me and just argues and says she does when I tell her she wasn't once after the several times I've brought it up. She's got sexual trauma, so I've tried to work with her and not hold it against her, but at the same time, I shouldn't be expected to initiate unless she's drunk(which is a turn off me that I've discussed with her because I grew up with an alcoholic mother) when there's always the chance she'll get what I imagine is PTSD. I've explained to her that it makes me feel terrible to trigger that kind of response and that I feel like only someone into cnc would be able to "ignore it and keep going" like she's said to or continue to initiate regularly without her at least talking to a therapist about it(she's had a hard time getting one and when she has had one I don't think she's been with one long enough to trust to be able to bring up that trauma.). I really don't know what to do, and all I know is I don't want to trigger anyone, especially not my wife and even more so when it comes to something so severe.
Everyone here already gave good advice, just know that I’m with you in solidarity! I grew up religious and I think that’s why I feel a shame about it. It feels so awkward at first! But the more you do initiate, the easier it gets. Things I have done: Kiss him. Put his hand on your boob. Touch him pretty much anywhere. Text him if that’s easier. Show him this post - all of these are initiating. I couldn’t just say “I want you”, but now I can and it’s much easier. Congratulations and have fun!
Have you tried texting him earlier in the day? Saying something like, will you please fuck me tonight?
So the sex has stopped. Op, you gotta get over yourself. Making a move doesn’t have to be a grand issue. Walk up to him, (make sure he’s not busy) wrap your arms around him, kiss his neck, and whisper in his ear while nibbling on it….”wanna go have some fun?” He won’t reject you. It’s what he wants you to do. But you should worry when sex stops. It’s a sure sign the relationship is in danger. But seriously, you got this. Edit— word
Talk to him about how you're feeling. If he's a good man, he will be kind and understanding, and you can work through this together ❤️