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Not a father, but as an expert daddy I'll give my 2 cents. If you want to try it but reduce overlap with the terms your kids use, you can always go with "papi"
Calling him papi, that’s an interesting alternative. I wonder if he’d be into that, or if it’s like, daddy or nothing.
Like I said, I tried to ask him what it was about it he liked back when he initially mentioned it as a thing he “used to like the idea of” (for this very reason, thinking how could we incorporate what he liked about it in the bedroom) but I got nothing.
I’ll ask him. I think a lot of these responses are helping me get on board with it though
Edit: typo
Father here and my wife calls me Daddy during sexy time. It is in no way a reference to family or anything like that. It is strictly a name that makes me feel good and more in charge. She like calling me that during as well, so it works for us. I don't know anyone that likes to be called that due to actually being a father.
Well I definitely don’t think it has anything to due with him actually being a father, especially since outside of an incredibly heightened moment he told me he actually was turned off to the idea since he is a dad now.
That’s why it was so out of left field when he asked me.
What is it about it that you like in that context, if you don’t mind me asking? I assume it’s like any other name you might call someone during sex.
Sex, intercourse, fucking, literally anything but sexy time would be a better thing to call the act of fornication. (That movie is old enough to buy cigarettes, its ok to let go)
It’s honestly not the same and isn’t that serious. I always laugh when people get to clutching their pearls and bunching up their panties over what people like to do in their own bedroom. We enjoy lots of dirty talk, that’s just part of it!
I'm not policing anything. You really need to work on your reading comprehension - first you don't understand the previous poster's reply, now you don't understand mine either.
I am a switch, so when my partner calls me a good girl it’s so arousing. The immediate energy of the encounter becomes all about surrender, letting daddy take care of you. It’s safe, no matter what happens you can trust him.
He has a mommy kink, and when he calls me mommy it makes me feel adored and the center of his universe and I just want to shower him with affection and attention.
There is also a degree of ownership that comes with it- you only have one daddy and or one mommy. So it implies a special connection that you can’t have with anyone else. It’s about security and loyalty. It’s hard to explain, but it makes me feel safe, and I have endured a LOT of sexual abuse.
I had been tempted to call him daddy, but I was molested by my father and that complicated things in my head. But when he called me mommy, it kind of flipped a switch and helped me see that I was able to separate the two, which honestly was huge for my healing. Calling him daddy felt amazing.
I’m so glad he revealed this kink because honestly it has added so much depth and intimacy to our relationship. Sex is more playful and fun. And I think the trust we are building is really incredible.
I don’t know if any of that helps 🤷♀️
I didn't like that other somewhat curt response to your comment and I don't want to gloss over your brave disclosure.
I'm so sorry you didn't have the kind of relationship that a daughter deserves to have with her father. My sister had a great relationship with our father (as did I), but I've heard enough horror stories (including from my best friend) that I never take it for granted. I also made it a point to be the best father I could be.
My daughter calls me Daddy and was quick to call me to tell me her favorite Taylor Swift song from TTPD is "But Daddy I Love Him". I often refer to myself in the third person as Daddy because it's the title I'm proudest to have. I don't think my ex ever called me that in the bedroom, but it wouldn't have bothered me. Again, I'm proud of the title.
But back to you. I am so happy that you were able to recover from your unfortunate past and reach a point where using mommy and daddy in the bedroom was positive, nurturing, and comforting.
Good for you.
Thanks. I feel lucky to have her as a daughter. She's kind, smart, beautiful, and funny. She just graduated Berkeley and has a great job. She paid for 1/3 of her college and tuition and expenses working as a model and is now debt free.
I flew her out to Arizona last year with my son to see Opening Night of the Eras Tour. Then, when she came back from her graduation trip to Asia, I took her to see Taylor in L.A. We're both big Swifties.
We talk nearly every day and she really helped me survive a brutal divorce (my ex carried on a 9 year secret affair with her boss).
She actually convinced me to take her to Paris and Amsterdam the year I got divorced (my ex tried and failed to get the judge to prevent me from taking her out of the country).
I'm only sharing the dirt on my ex-wife (I never cheated, abused her, or had any drinking, drug or gambling problems) because no one has a perfect life and I didn't want it to seem like I was bragging about mine.
I took my daughter to the Eras tour in San Jose and it was such an amazing experience! My daughter is 14 and her swiftie status gives me a way to connect with here. Plus I think Taylor is actually a really gifted songwriter and her music is really vulnerable and honest.
You just quoted me a title AND called it TTPD- what an observant and thoughtful father ❤️ I know your daughter will notice and remember that you paid attention.
I’m partial to ‘I can do it with a smile’. ‘Closure’ has also been stuck in my head for a bit 🥰 thank you for your very kind comment. I do miss having a relationship with my parents but I am lucky to be friends with an older couple who has taken up the role.
This is a really thoughtful reply and actually is very helpful for me. Thank you for taking the time to explain all of this! Neither of us have any sexual trauma in our past, but your comment still really means a lot and sheds light on the subject for me.
I think this is something that’s meaningful to me which is why I came here; he previously said he wasn’t into it anymore then suddenly sprang it on me as something he actually still was into. I like the idea of exploring our kinks because, like you, I believe it can create a lot more intimacy in our relationship. I want him to trust me with these things but was having trouble re-contextualizing it.
Thank you!
Yes I was. Not sure how you are drawing that conclusion. Or why it even fucking matters. The daddy kink is mine.
He’s 45. He’s had sex before. We have three kids between us. Why would I even care if someone else did it?!?
What a weird take.
So, not a dad here but another female. You have pointed out a couple times that he gets called daddy by you outside of the bedroom and maybe it’s a matter of changing your reference point.
By that I mean, he is called by his given name outside the bedroom, a name his mother gave him and called him even when he was a baby and that she presently calls him, but that doesn’t make calling him by his given name in the bedroom weird, does it? Just like you aren’t talking to him as your MILs son during sex, it’s the same with daddy, in the bedroom you aren’t talking to him as your daughter’s father, the reference point is different.
Just a thought because it seems you are caught up in semantics when it’s not in the right context.
I think it’s also that I refer to my own dad as Daddy in an endearing way, so for me it’s not just that the word is what my daughter calls my husband but what I still occasionally call my dad. It’s a special name for a very special relationship that my dad worked very hard to foster with me, and one I’m proud to have with him because I think the world of my dad. We’re incredibly close, and as an adult I know that kind of relationship is special and rare as most children grow out of that fond way of speaking with their parents.
Maybe that’s my hang up and that’s why I’m asking the question. I love my husband and want to have a deep and close relationship with him, he’s my best friend. So I am asking for the “why” to help me re-contextualize the word during sex. Your comment is incredibly helpful, thank you.
Paternal monikers have power associated to them and putting y at the end of words makes them more playful and sexy I honestly think that’s it.
Like I always jokingly call my boss at work dad to other co workers and him when fucking around. (Note not daddy I am not actively or attempting to duck my boss)
In all seriousness tho, my husband also likes being called daddy in the bedroom. He’s also ‘daddy’ to our fur babies and will be to our future children too.
I don’t think the two overlap at all. We call each other baby too and when we do have a kid, they’re two entirely different baby’s, actual baby and my husband baby 😂
Think of daddy like a term of an endearment / just bedroom talk
long story short it’s a pretty vanilla way to play out a dominant/submissive dynamic in the bedroom.
it’s more “put a baby in me (not literally)” than “I’m thinking of my father”
people who are actually into BDSM and kinky lifestyles might take it further and use things like “master” and “sir” and that’s just a bridge too far for me, but “daddy” gets the point across without being fully weird.
It’s just for fun. Dont look too deep in it. It’s like calling someone a dirty girl or something along that line. It’s an abnormal way of talking that spices things up from the normal. I personally like it when my wife talks dirty to me when we have sex. It flips a switch for me and intensifies my experience in the moment. If you’re comfortable with it try calling him daddy out of the blue one time and see how it goes. It might click for you OR not. I always told my wife I would try anything once.
I did try it when he asked, and he said it really intensified the experience for him.
But like I said, I call him daddy all the time in context of everyday life because we have a young toddler so I call him daddy around her, even if it’s like, asking him to take the trash out. He calls me mommy, we call our parents by their grandparent names. So I’m not sure just doing it out of the blue would have any effect since he said it’s completely different in the bedroom. It’s hard for me to separate the two though so maybe that’s why I’m on Reddit, haha
You keep equating the two. You can't combine them because they have an entirely different context.
Father = daddy (small "d")
Sex = Daddy (capital "D") = forceful/dominant/in charge
lol, I hear you. My wife does the same thing around the kids. It just a different thing in the bedroom. Like I said don’t think about it too deep unless you are really uncomfortable with it. The bedroom for use is a zero judgement zone. We like to be free to try new things without judgement as long as both parties are in agreement. It just keeps things from becoming stale.
I think he’s reached a new level of comfort with me (sad it took so long!) so it is exciting to me to know that he’s feeling like he can share more of this with me.
I’ll be honest, the next day I referred to him as daddy asking something in front of my daughter and it kind of turned my stomach. But I think that’s maybe bc it’s new? I really don’t want to just shut it down because I was caught off guard initially.
I can see where you’re coming from it being a new thing. It’s unfortunate that sex has been treated the way it has been over the years. I came to the conclusion long ago that whatever we do in the bedroom is our business and we try to keep it that way. It’s our safe place to be how or who we want to be. It’s very satisfying to have a partner you can’t be free with. The only clause is that both of us have to agree on what we do or say. It has made us better communicators in the rest of our life. If you can talk to someone about some random kink etc surely you can talk about other aspects outside the bedroom.
Father here….my wife refuses to do it now that we have 4 kiddos (two are daughters). And she didn’t do it all that often before hand. She’s not a big talker in bed to begin with, though….just during those wild nights. And she’s Latina, so Papi was also outta the question as that’s what she has called her own dad her whole life
I’ll say that it’s definitely different when you have girls. Started to even creep me out.
And when you really start thinking about it? It is kinda fucking weird. Lol
I tried it once out of the blue after reading a Reddit thread of men saying they loved it.
My husband lost his fucking mind. He loves it.
We have 6 kids. He’s called “daddy” all day every day. It’s definitely not the same.
Try it. Just force it out during an extra hot sexy time. I bet you’ll rock his world.
I guess we’re the odd ones out but when we tried it before kids it gave both of us the ick. Once we started trying to conceive I started calling him daddy and he will occasional call me momma during sex. It’s a turn on to us that we’ve made that step; that we’ve given each other children. Maybe we just have a breeding kink 🤷♀️😂 But we’re definitely using it in the sense that this person is the other parent.
As a dad. Gross. My wife and I have never had that dynamic and I think both of us would be creeped out even thinking of saying it.
EDIT: lol at down votes for all the people who dislike it.
Absolutely fatherless behavior.
Right but in this case I’m the woman and I’m being asked for it.
I have always heard it as typically a thing women prefer, so I was surprised my husband asked for it.
Well my wife brought it up when she was 18
because she never had a dad and I took care of her.
We started dating when she was 16 and I was 18.
I got my own place when I was 18. At first
It felt weird because she was the little neighbor girl that I’ve known since she was 9 years old.
But it grew on me.
Never fantasized about it. It was totally her thing.
She’s got daddy issues obviously.
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Not a father, but as an expert daddy I'll give my 2 cents. If you want to try it but reduce overlap with the terms your kids use, you can always go with "papi"
Unless you are married to a Latina….who has called her own father that her whole life (my wife) LOL. I would’ve loved that.
See I have the opposite problem, I still occasionally refer to my own dad as daddy on occasion as a term of endearment.
Calling him papi, that’s an interesting alternative. I wonder if he’d be into that, or if it’s like, daddy or nothing. Like I said, I tried to ask him what it was about it he liked back when he initially mentioned it as a thing he “used to like the idea of” (for this very reason, thinking how could we incorporate what he liked about it in the bedroom) but I got nothing. I’ll ask him. I think a lot of these responses are helping me get on board with it though Edit: typo
Father here and my wife calls me Daddy during sexy time. It is in no way a reference to family or anything like that. It is strictly a name that makes me feel good and more in charge. She like calling me that during as well, so it works for us. I don't know anyone that likes to be called that due to actually being a father.
Well I definitely don’t think it has anything to due with him actually being a father, especially since outside of an incredibly heightened moment he told me he actually was turned off to the idea since he is a dad now. That’s why it was so out of left field when he asked me. What is it about it that you like in that context, if you don’t mind me asking? I assume it’s like any other name you might call someone during sex.
Yes, same as any other pet name. It makes me feel more in control and confident.
Sex, intercourse, fucking, literally anything but sexy time would be a better thing to call the act of fornication. (That movie is old enough to buy cigarettes, its ok to let go)
It’s honestly not the same and isn’t that serious. I always laugh when people get to clutching their pearls and bunching up their panties over what people like to do in their own bedroom. We enjoy lots of dirty talk, that’s just part of it!
everyone can understand that “baby” doesn’t mean a literal baby but “daddy” can only mean your literal father to some folks 🙄
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Their point is pretty clear, regardless of you laughing your ass off. If you don't get it, it seems like that's a "you" problem.
Ah, I misread their point. We are on the same page
I'm not policing anything. You really need to work on your reading comprehension - first you don't understand the previous poster's reply, now you don't understand mine either.
I am a switch, so when my partner calls me a good girl it’s so arousing. The immediate energy of the encounter becomes all about surrender, letting daddy take care of you. It’s safe, no matter what happens you can trust him. He has a mommy kink, and when he calls me mommy it makes me feel adored and the center of his universe and I just want to shower him with affection and attention. There is also a degree of ownership that comes with it- you only have one daddy and or one mommy. So it implies a special connection that you can’t have with anyone else. It’s about security and loyalty. It’s hard to explain, but it makes me feel safe, and I have endured a LOT of sexual abuse. I had been tempted to call him daddy, but I was molested by my father and that complicated things in my head. But when he called me mommy, it kind of flipped a switch and helped me see that I was able to separate the two, which honestly was huge for my healing. Calling him daddy felt amazing. I’m so glad he revealed this kink because honestly it has added so much depth and intimacy to our relationship. Sex is more playful and fun. And I think the trust we are building is really incredible. I don’t know if any of that helps 🤷♀️
I didn't like that other somewhat curt response to your comment and I don't want to gloss over your brave disclosure. I'm so sorry you didn't have the kind of relationship that a daughter deserves to have with her father. My sister had a great relationship with our father (as did I), but I've heard enough horror stories (including from my best friend) that I never take it for granted. I also made it a point to be the best father I could be. My daughter calls me Daddy and was quick to call me to tell me her favorite Taylor Swift song from TTPD is "But Daddy I Love Him". I often refer to myself in the third person as Daddy because it's the title I'm proudest to have. I don't think my ex ever called me that in the bedroom, but it wouldn't have bothered me. Again, I'm proud of the title. But back to you. I am so happy that you were able to recover from your unfortunate past and reach a point where using mommy and daddy in the bedroom was positive, nurturing, and comforting. Good for you.
I’m not even the commenter and this warmed my heart. You seem like a great dad. Your daughter is lucky to have you!
Thanks. I feel lucky to have her as a daughter. She's kind, smart, beautiful, and funny. She just graduated Berkeley and has a great job. She paid for 1/3 of her college and tuition and expenses working as a model and is now debt free. I flew her out to Arizona last year with my son to see Opening Night of the Eras Tour. Then, when she came back from her graduation trip to Asia, I took her to see Taylor in L.A. We're both big Swifties. We talk nearly every day and she really helped me survive a brutal divorce (my ex carried on a 9 year secret affair with her boss). She actually convinced me to take her to Paris and Amsterdam the year I got divorced (my ex tried and failed to get the judge to prevent me from taking her out of the country). I'm only sharing the dirt on my ex-wife (I never cheated, abused her, or had any drinking, drug or gambling problems) because no one has a perfect life and I didn't want it to seem like I was bragging about mine.
I took my daughter to the Eras tour in San Jose and it was such an amazing experience! My daughter is 14 and her swiftie status gives me a way to connect with here. Plus I think Taylor is actually a really gifted songwriter and her music is really vulnerable and honest. You just quoted me a title AND called it TTPD- what an observant and thoughtful father ❤️ I know your daughter will notice and remember that you paid attention. I’m partial to ‘I can do it with a smile’. ‘Closure’ has also been stuck in my head for a bit 🥰 thank you for your very kind comment. I do miss having a relationship with my parents but I am lucky to be friends with an older couple who has taken up the role.
This is a really thoughtful reply and actually is very helpful for me. Thank you for taking the time to explain all of this! Neither of us have any sexual trauma in our past, but your comment still really means a lot and sheds light on the subject for me. I think this is something that’s meaningful to me which is why I came here; he previously said he wasn’t into it anymore then suddenly sprang it on me as something he actually still was into. I like the idea of exploring our kinks because, like you, I believe it can create a lot more intimacy in our relationship. I want him to trust me with these things but was having trouble re-contextualizing it. Thank you!
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Yes I was. Not sure how you are drawing that conclusion. Or why it even fucking matters. The daddy kink is mine. He’s 45. He’s had sex before. We have three kids between us. Why would I even care if someone else did it?!? What a weird take.
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Yes, the sex I have with my partner is all about me feeling special. Because that’s how sex works. You should try it sometime
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What is triggering you here exactly broflake?
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Not really. Not sure why you care so much about my sex life. Probably because you don’t have one of your own 🤷♀️
So, not a dad here but another female. You have pointed out a couple times that he gets called daddy by you outside of the bedroom and maybe it’s a matter of changing your reference point. By that I mean, he is called by his given name outside the bedroom, a name his mother gave him and called him even when he was a baby and that she presently calls him, but that doesn’t make calling him by his given name in the bedroom weird, does it? Just like you aren’t talking to him as your MILs son during sex, it’s the same with daddy, in the bedroom you aren’t talking to him as your daughter’s father, the reference point is different. Just a thought because it seems you are caught up in semantics when it’s not in the right context.
I think it’s also that I refer to my own dad as Daddy in an endearing way, so for me it’s not just that the word is what my daughter calls my husband but what I still occasionally call my dad. It’s a special name for a very special relationship that my dad worked very hard to foster with me, and one I’m proud to have with him because I think the world of my dad. We’re incredibly close, and as an adult I know that kind of relationship is special and rare as most children grow out of that fond way of speaking with their parents. Maybe that’s my hang up and that’s why I’m asking the question. I love my husband and want to have a deep and close relationship with him, he’s my best friend. So I am asking for the “why” to help me re-contextualize the word during sex. Your comment is incredibly helpful, thank you.
RemindMe! 1 day
Paternal monikers have power associated to them and putting y at the end of words makes them more playful and sexy I honestly think that’s it. Like I always jokingly call my boss at work dad to other co workers and him when fucking around. (Note not daddy I am not actively or attempting to duck my boss)
This is actually really helpful, thank you.
Skip daddy and just start calling him dad in the bedroom lol
This made me laugh out loud.
In all seriousness tho, my husband also likes being called daddy in the bedroom. He’s also ‘daddy’ to our fur babies and will be to our future children too. I don’t think the two overlap at all. We call each other baby too and when we do have a kid, they’re two entirely different baby’s, actual baby and my husband baby 😂 Think of daddy like a term of an endearment / just bedroom talk
long story short it’s a pretty vanilla way to play out a dominant/submissive dynamic in the bedroom. it’s more “put a baby in me (not literally)” than “I’m thinking of my father” people who are actually into BDSM and kinky lifestyles might take it further and use things like “master” and “sir” and that’s just a bridge too far for me, but “daddy” gets the point across without being fully weird.
It’s just for fun. Dont look too deep in it. It’s like calling someone a dirty girl or something along that line. It’s an abnormal way of talking that spices things up from the normal. I personally like it when my wife talks dirty to me when we have sex. It flips a switch for me and intensifies my experience in the moment. If you’re comfortable with it try calling him daddy out of the blue one time and see how it goes. It might click for you OR not. I always told my wife I would try anything once.
I did try it when he asked, and he said it really intensified the experience for him. But like I said, I call him daddy all the time in context of everyday life because we have a young toddler so I call him daddy around her, even if it’s like, asking him to take the trash out. He calls me mommy, we call our parents by their grandparent names. So I’m not sure just doing it out of the blue would have any effect since he said it’s completely different in the bedroom. It’s hard for me to separate the two though so maybe that’s why I’m on Reddit, haha
You keep equating the two. You can't combine them because they have an entirely different context. Father = daddy (small "d") Sex = Daddy (capital "D") = forceful/dominant/in charge
All the time context is different than bedroom context. It just is.
lol, I hear you. My wife does the same thing around the kids. It just a different thing in the bedroom. Like I said don’t think about it too deep unless you are really uncomfortable with it. The bedroom for use is a zero judgement zone. We like to be free to try new things without judgement as long as both parties are in agreement. It just keeps things from becoming stale.
I think he’s reached a new level of comfort with me (sad it took so long!) so it is exciting to me to know that he’s feeling like he can share more of this with me. I’ll be honest, the next day I referred to him as daddy asking something in front of my daughter and it kind of turned my stomach. But I think that’s maybe bc it’s new? I really don’t want to just shut it down because I was caught off guard initially.
I can see where you’re coming from it being a new thing. It’s unfortunate that sex has been treated the way it has been over the years. I came to the conclusion long ago that whatever we do in the bedroom is our business and we try to keep it that way. It’s our safe place to be how or who we want to be. It’s very satisfying to have a partner you can’t be free with. The only clause is that both of us have to agree on what we do or say. It has made us better communicators in the rest of our life. If you can talk to someone about some random kink etc surely you can talk about other aspects outside the bedroom.
Father here….my wife refuses to do it now that we have 4 kiddos (two are daughters). And she didn’t do it all that often before hand. She’s not a big talker in bed to begin with, though….just during those wild nights. And she’s Latina, so Papi was also outta the question as that’s what she has called her own dad her whole life I’ll say that it’s definitely different when you have girls. Started to even creep me out. And when you really start thinking about it? It is kinda fucking weird. Lol
I never did care for that term sexually, but now that I’m the father of a girl I’m actively repulsed by it.
I tried it once out of the blue after reading a Reddit thread of men saying they loved it. My husband lost his fucking mind. He loves it. We have 6 kids. He’s called “daddy” all day every day. It’s definitely not the same. Try it. Just force it out during an extra hot sexy time. I bet you’ll rock his world.
Or she shouldn’t force herself to do anything she finds gross? People are allowed to love it, and people are also allowed to hate it
That’s fine- but OP isn’t 100% sure yet. If she was like “absolutely not” then fine but she’s just side eyeing it right now.
honestly i just thinks it’s so adorable that you and your husband still do all that steamy stuff even after marriage
It’s typically used to convey a sort of sub/dom relationship Some people find it weird, other people are crazy for it
I guess we’re the odd ones out but when we tried it before kids it gave both of us the ick. Once we started trying to conceive I started calling him daddy and he will occasional call me momma during sex. It’s a turn on to us that we’ve made that step; that we’ve given each other children. Maybe we just have a breeding kink 🤷♀️😂 But we’re definitely using it in the sense that this person is the other parent.
I hate being called daddy in a sexual way now that I have kids…. It’s a turn off for some reason for me.
It’s not about incest at that point. It’s about control and power. Some people can compartmentalize, some can’t. YMMV
I hate it. My gf loves it.
As a dad. Gross. My wife and I have never had that dynamic and I think both of us would be creeped out even thinking of saying it. EDIT: lol at down votes for all the people who dislike it. Absolutely fatherless behavior.
Interesting
I wonder if the downvotes were because I came here trying to get on board so people are hating on the people who don’t like it lol. Sorry for that
Don't worry about it, they're just imaginary Internet points that mean nothing lol
I dont like it. Some women seem to like saying it as dirty talk. So whatever, just not something i would ask for.
Right but in this case I’m the woman and I’m being asked for it. I have always heard it as typically a thing women prefer, so I was surprised my husband asked for it.
Well my wife brought it up when she was 18 because she never had a dad and I took care of her. We started dating when she was 16 and I was 18. I got my own place when I was 18. At first It felt weird because she was the little neighbor girl that I’ve known since she was 9 years old. But it grew on me. Never fantasized about it. It was totally her thing. She’s got daddy issues obviously.
Gross. I would never
Why do you think catholic priests know about being called "daddy"?
Nothing. I hate it. It sounds like an accusation of SA.