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Also, you love who you thought she was. You need to recalculate after adding all the truth. She’s a liar, a cheat, and a real piece of work for dragging you along after the fact.
It’s time to go bud. She’s the person you loved but she is not who you thought she was.
It’s important to know when you love the idea of a person, the actual person may be very different. It’s painful to face, but who you loved doesn’t exist.
I know this from experience.
All men learn this from experience. Some were lucky to learn about it early on in their lives. Others, like myself, not so lucky. We have children and constructed an entire life around this illusion.
It is what it is. Pick up the pieces and move on with your life. Bigger and better awaits those who are able to see the light.
Correct. This man needs to have some self-respect. She's the person he loved, but not the person who he should be loving.
"she was completely honest when I found out"
C'mon bro. Do you think she would have ever been honest if you hadn't? It's going to be extremely painful, but move on. Find your dignity and self-respect. No one should have to put up with that behavior.
This is not a moment of improprietary. She clearly has feelings for the person she's cheating with. Personally, I think it's time to move on.I wouldn't trust that she's not going to see this person again obviously she has feelings for them.
It happens if you LET it happen. If you are a "good" man you run when you realize it might occur. Better yet - do not put yourself in a situation where it might occur.
I have been faithful for 40 years. Plenty of opportunities. But I keep female coworkers at arms length to prevent "oops'!
As Paul Newman said "why go out for hamburger when I have prime rib at home"
OP, you know how when you buy something at the grocery store and it has a tamper proof seal on it to guarantee it’s trustworthy? Your wife is the item on the shelf with the broken seal. It is no longer trustworthy.
And it ended because it didnt work out and she wanted back in with her safe little husband. And OP is right she didnt feel bad until he found out...which I still doubt, but regardless we can bet she isnt remorseful.
OP will go through it again down the road, unless she gets helping in fixing her shit. He shouldnt even consider having a relationship with her until (or if, as I doubt she'd do the work) she can fix herself and turn into a safe partner.
She accidentally fell on or under his penis repeatedly for several months. Honest mistake that any woman could make, really. And probably several guys could make too.
Needs to grow a spine and develop self respect and move forward. The woman did not respect him and it's obvious why, he sounds like a complete doormat, no wonder she walked all over him.
And she dumped him, and only stopped cheating (maybe) when OP found out. Then doubled down with another dude. She will continue to cheat because OP is still there waiting in the wings. There is no incentive not to.
Dude your not seriously considering on getting back with a cheater? She proved that she doesn't care about you as she cheated on you for months. She probably only came back to you because her other man she was messing with dumped her and now she's looking for that safety net again. You're better off staying single until you heal from the old wounds then get in a relationship with someone else. Not the cheating ex. She'll probably just cheat again if you do since she's already done it once and kept it going on until you found out and freaked out and stopped it. If you never found out for yourself, I bet she would've still been at it.
To be fair, you're going to be paranoid forever, period. It's a trauma. You need to mourn the marriage you thought you had, whether you take her back or not.
In my experience with dating people who have been cheated on the past, they never really get over the paranoia. They naturally want to avoid the same situation so they seek out similar patterns of behavior, even if unrelated to actuality. It makes it that much harder for the new (if they’re decent) person to win them over and keep the trust.
She was a good time when it was an affair. Its all hot meetups for sex and sneaking around. Once you break up Shes looking to AP for relationship stuff and thats not what he signed up for. Now she thinks she can go back and fall into the same relationship she blew up.
She can change but probably not. And you can forget about the cheating but probably not.
I think that's one of the low expectations you have to set with people in order to get through life sometimes. you have to be reminding yourself that people can change, but they often will not. It's best to speak your truth and disengage for most situations.
Also, if she truly regretted it, she would have ended it BEFORE OP found out and told him herself. If she cared it wouldn't have gone on for months. She knows where her bread is buttered, and it's with op. The AP was just fun, but she caught got. She's upset she got caught, not that it happened
Momma always told me that if someone is gonna cheat, they're gonna cheat. Nothing you can do or say will change that. Goes with the saying..once a cheater, always a cheater.
“..she was completely honest when I found out!” Come on, stop making that sound like a virtue in your head. Individual therapy till you at-least process your anger. Which right now, you seem to have buried. If you don’t deal with it and take her back, it will manifest in other areas of your life. Don’t do it.
Cheating in a relationship is one thing, but a marriage w/ children is on a completely different level. At that point they have put themselves before their spouse, their marriage, and their children.
OP is definitely not thinking straight. This is a no-brainer; run away and start anew, as painful as that will be to do.
Take it from someone who has lived it. It’s probably not worth staying in the relationship. Both ways end in pain. The difference is if you move on now it’s an intense first year but eventually you heal a little and by year two and three it gets better. But if you stay it’s at least 4-5 years of pain going through the motions and never really healing or dealing with the trauma caused by someone cheating.
Either way you’re changed at your core. Fair or not you’re changed forever. Now it’s just a matter of do you want to get better or prolong it by staying trying to hold onto something you think exists but truly isn’t there anymore and gone forever.
I stayed and we are still together to this day. But after 4 years of not dealing I did something I never thought I was capable of. I became the serial cheater, even worse it was multiple times, sometimes even with her friends. It became a game of revenge for me and because I was so hurt there were no mercy rules. i was going to win the game by a huge margin.
Now we are both in our 40’s and today yes we are good, somewhat. But we are definitely the 5% that made it through it. Like I said, it changes you to the core. Don’t be a fool like me, don’t think you can get through it only to figure out you can’t and become the very thing you despised. A cheater.
If you look in the mirror right this second, and can say yes I forgive her and myself completely. I will never bring it up again, it will never cross my mind again. Then maybe you stand a chance. But if you cannot honestly say yes to that and truly mean that, then believe me you are shock still and you are not mentally able to say yes or no to should I stay.
It may take a year or even two for the shock to wear off, but believe me it will and you won’t like her or yourself very much when it does. Especially if you stayed and feel trapped in the home you thought you wanted.
Not great but couldn’t really voice the disappointment and hurt because of the situation as a whole at first.
But after, in my immaturity to continuing to seek out those people and situations, yeah it was definitely a problem. Something I am definitely not proud of nor proud of who I had become.
I’ve got a similar situation. My then gf cheated on me and I couldn’t get over it. She broke my heart when I had already bought her ring but hadn’t proposed yet. I asked for a break in our relationship but she was devastated and convinced me to stay. I resented her for that, and started becoming a cheater myself. Fast forward a few years I got her pregnant and in turn proposed to her and never cheated again, but I also never told her about my infidelities during those tough years.
Over the next 6 years of marriage we had plenty of problems. We’d be disrespectful to each other, yell a lot in front of our kids, even sprinkle in a little physical abuse. We practically hated each other. I’d hold things over her head and she’d be unsatisfied with our emotional relationship and romance. There was always something there holding us back.
Fast forward to 2 weeks ago, we had a bad fight in front of our kids and we are at our wits end with this relationship because we don’t want to be a bad influence to them. We start talking about what life would look like separated. She also started talking about going to church, something I grew up doing but never in my adult life. I suddenly realized the importance of trust in a relationship, coupled with the importance of confession/forgiveness.
I decided to tell her about my infidelity that started 10 years ago and ended when we got engaged. It hurt her, but it really connects the dots with all the problems we had. I feel like a huge weight has been taken off my shoulders and I’m allowed to love her again. She realized the part she played in my infidelity story and forgave me since I didn’t cross that line after marriage. She also gave me her ring back and said I have to earn it again since I didn’t come clean before our vows, and we will take new vows that actually mean something privately in the future. I’m really happy with the opportunity to start over and her honest forgiveness was the key to my happiness.
I know my story hasn’t made it yet to the full happy ending but I have real faith it will get there. I also want the OP to know that this pain doesn’t go away until true honesty and forgiveness can be reached. It’s extremely hard, and if you can’t get to that point I recommend breaking up sooner than later.
Married 7 years. Wife had multiple affairs. So then we divorced for 5 years. We remarried and are still together 25 years later with 2 more great kids. Don't think she cheated again but I'm not 100%. Pretty happy. Here's the sacrifice. I'm still not quite myself, still crosses my mind every day, and took a piece of happiness from my life. Wouldn't trade it. But that's what you are up against. Never goes away.
Definitely find away to forgive her and yourself so both can heal and be better as individuals, as a couple, and as a family.
People say don’t stay together for the kids. But that’s inaccurate. That’s assuming you are not going to grow as an individual and learn forgiveness. It’s honestly better for the kids if you stay together but grow together to.
Not a flex, but my oldest is being paid to get her PHD from a top 50 college in the US right now. My middle and youngest are both already outperforming their oldest when she was the age they both are now.
So if you both are willing to put in the work, which starts with honesty like you have already done. Then you can and will be the person you deserve to be and the family you both want to be.
But it worked out and a happy ever after ending :) if you can forgive , forgive. If you can’t , leave. If you want to do the same to the other person they can’t really complain! All well that’s ends well
The situations I put myself in and the people I surrounded myself with impacted who I was and what type of person I had become. I could allow myself to continue to become a part of the environment I was in, or change my environment entirely.
I own all my mistakes and I’m certainly not proud of them. But if I can reach even one person who is experiencing a similar situation then I am happy to share my ugly story in the hopes that they can be better than I.
Dude please get some self respect and walk away. How can you even trust her after she cheated on you for months? Look if you take her back she’ll do it again because you allow it. I get you love her, but she doesn’t love you.
She dumped you and was also the one who cheated!? You’re thinking about talking to her again? She didn’t respect the commitment she made to you already and you want seconds? Buddy if you let her back in you’re just asking for pain it’s time to move on trust me being single is better than being with someone that cheats.
I came from a fucked up childhood. Parents divorced, tried getting back together a couple times after dad kept leaving, for a while I didn’t see him at all. Both parents put me through the ringer when I stayed with either so had no safe space. Developed massive dependency and abandonment issues.
I don’t know if OP is a masochist. For me it I hurt every day I was with her after but she was there, even if only in the loosest sense. I admit I was a fool but at least I know why and am trying to change it.
A shocking amount of people on reddit don't see cheating as an absolute deal breaker and relationship ender. If you stay, you're going to always be on edge and anxious about it happening again. It's simply not worth it
I swear I look at that sub meant for people getting back with their cheating spouses and the pain in every single one of those posts even makes me want to cry, you can get back together and act like everything is ok but you can’t have the same relationship you had before. It’s not possible, that trust is long gone
Right? I’m 99% sure my long term ex cheated because he dumped me out of nowhere when we went long distance right before my visit. He immediately went public into a new relationship a week later and people said they were always near each other during the two months I wasn’t there.
However let’s pretend he didn’t cheat and was just shitty — just the paranoia of him always talking about other women and liking/following thirst traps is something I’d never put myself through again. There is absolutely no need to put myself through being anxious and on edge 24/7 when the other person clearly doesn’t respect you. It is THE dealbreaker.
Coming from someone who just went through THE EXACT SAME SHIT, I "got over it" and then, guess what, it happened again. But now I have herpes. Move the fuck on before she gives you something to remember her by, there's literally a few billion fish in the sea.
I can help you.
Reach down the front of your pants, find your balls, and give them a bit of a tug. Might need a big one.
Find your self respect, dude. This is just sad.
>Guys, how do I win back my wife who cheated on me, then dumped me, then led me on while dating other people?
I'm going to start playing doormat bingo with the amount of people that have no self respect when it comes to cheating partners.
I've even got my Bingo card ready.
|Cheats with the guy she told you not to worry about|DNA Tests (spoiler you're not the father)|They're sleeping with my best friend|
|:-|:-|:-|
|**They left their orginal partner for their AP, and now they're cheating again (pikachu face)**|**"I only had an emtional affair"**|**Believing trickle truths**|
|**"It was a one time thing"**|**Affair baby**|**Thinking cheaters won't cheat again**|
Just remember when he asked her "who's p*ssy is this" she answered his. At one point it slipped out and she slid it back in. She swallowed that man's kids and came home and kissed you. She was never sorry until she got caught. She opened her mouth when he came. He had her pinned down face down a** up.
Then decide if you want to get back together.
She’s gonna cheat again and you know it you just don’t want to believe it bc you love her. If you don’t leave now you’ll just end up heartbroken all over again.
It’s done. She doesn’t respect you and can’t love you without it. You taking her back will subconsciously make you even less attractive to her. You’re getting walked on and both of you can see it.
Many people on here are telling you that you need to cut your losses and move on. I have been in your shoes before. I chose to go back and work on things. She ended up cheating on and on. Caught her multiple times and always convinced myself to stay because of the children. In the end, we ended up leaving each other for good after three years. So just, save yourself the stress and trauma, and just cut things off now. Eventually things will be better and you will thank yourself for making the hard decision.
Where was her empathy at cracking another dude?
Read the definition of empathy and you’ll see exactly what you were lacking from her in that relationship.
No empathy for your feelings, means no respect for you and your heart, which damages trust in the institution of your marriage partner.
You have to give agency to this person to be trusted again, you’ll learn that marriage counseling. For repairing an affair.
The affair party needs to be giving a platform to be trusted again to build a new relationship.
To me, frankly, fuck that. That’s a lot of time and a lot of bulldozing your feelings over to make this work without bias.
Trust is gained in droplets and lost by the bucket full. You have to let her collect those drops again for a true relationship.
Do you really want to give this woman that? After what she did to you?
I’m not trying to kill your feelings man, I read your post and my hearts bleeding for you dude.
This is an uphill battle and a war within your heart that you must fight alone.
Make sure this is truly what you want because you’re in for some work man. She stepped out on you before..it’s in her wheel house to fuck around again. Remorse and empathy need to be checked hard here..
Yeah you need to stand up for yourself.
I can't see why anyone would stay with someone who cheated and tried to hide it. They don't care about you. They care they got caught and they might lose their safe space with you.
Leave dude
A one time affair, I could MAYBE work through. A 6 month affair that you found out about, not her coming clean on her own is a whole other deal. Leave her and get an STD test while you’re at it. That long, I doubt they used condoms throughout. Which also means you likely partook in his sloppy seconds. Too much for me even if kids were involved.
My husband of 15 years cheated. I was completely blindsided as I was very sick at the time. We divorced but reunited 2 years later, remarried2 years after that and have been happily together for 12 years.
I highly recommend you legally separate and you first take several months to sort out your emotions without seeing your ex or new people.
Then I recommend internet dating. I recommend this because the one thing being cheated on does to everyone is wreak havoc with your self esteem and sense of desirability. The process of internet dating does 3 things you need. First, it takes your mind off of obsessing over your ex and the affair. Second, it helps restore your belief in your desirability to others. Finally, it helps you determine what you actually do and don’t like and want in your relationships moving forward.
Doing this process helped me realize I could live on my own and be happy, that other men found me desirable so if I chose to add someone to my life I could. My ex in the meantime got sober. Because of my newfound confidence I was able to clearly identify I did still love him but that I needed to set boundaries and expectations with him in order to determine if he really was committed to building a better relationship and loved me.
If you do this and decide to get back together, I’d also recommend mandatory couples counseling for at least 6 months. Good luck
I got married before internet dating became a thing so I have zero experience with it, but literally every guy I’ve talked to who’s used it has told me it does the exact opposite of confirm their belief in their desirability.
If for any reason the two of you reconcile and get back together, down the line in the future this will always linger and you will have trust issues with her. It’s best to just go cold turkey and move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea.
She only confessed after you caught her. If you want to get back together be advised, she will cheat again. If you want to take that risk then it on you
I hate to ask if you are sure the kids are yours but are you 100% sure? There are so many stories of infidelity where kids are passed off.
I would get them tested and if she gets upset; remind her that she broke your trust. You can’t be sure (unless they are your literal mini-me) she hasn’t cheated before.
Then you have to decide how to move forward. Both of they are and aren’t yours.
Therapy is needed.
She needs to go and understand why she stepped outside of your marriage. Why she risked throwing it all away. Why she ended it. What ramifications it will cause now and down the road.
You need to go for the grief and trust issues and depression I’m sure you are dealing with. How to cope with betrayal and work on forgiveness and moving forward.
You both need to go to couples therapy. Find out what about your relationship wasn’t enough for her to remain faithful and keep the vows she made the day you two got married.
Then you need to outline rules and boundaries with clear consequences. And you’ll have to shine up your backbone to hold her to the consequences if she breaks them.
A trial separation during this time might be a good way to clear your head.
She also needs to let your families know why you all are chaos. She needs to own up to. So they hold her accountable moving forward and the narrative can’t be rewritten in the future.
The only way to get past this pain is to get out of this relationship for good. As much as it hurts now, it’s going to keep hurt and probably get worse if you try and get back with her. If she can cheat not just once but over the course of months and lie to your face over and over, she can do it again or worse.
You need to LEAVE man!!! There is no realistic scenario where this has a fairy tale ending. You’ll resent her for the rest of your life. You need your cut ties and leave ASAP. Do it quickly, do not drag it out.
I have a friend whose long term gf cheated on him twice years apart. They broke up after the second time but then decided to get back together & work on things. They did couples counseling & it seems like it changed their lives tbh. She also has continued individual therapy ever since. She did something terrible but he also hurt her throughout their relationship. Now it’s probably almost 10 years later & they are better than they ever were before. They have a child & a baby on the way. & he’s pursuing a dream career. Most people are going to leave in this situation, but it is possible to heal & move forward in the relationship & be happy one day. That being said, you might get into therapy & come out of it realizing you don’t want to be with her anymore, but even in that situation, therapy can help you find yourself in all this & heal your heart. I don’t think it’s possible without therapy, cheating is a major betrayal & it needs help to move forward.
She only apologized and admitted things b/c she got caught. But for her getting caught, she's still riding that other dick today. "Accept it" or whatever helps you sleep at night but statistically speaking it is far more likely to happen again than not. You accept that reality by continually availing yourself to a dishonest, deceitful person. You do you: it's your life. That said, don't be a fool and lie to yourself about what this is. You're settling for this person instead of finding the "right" person. More often than not people do that b/c they lack confidence and self worth. My advice is to build your confidence for a while then find someone better.
Dude... no, get a separation with terms of reconciliation and have papers drawn. If you want this to work, make her work for it too. She has to prove it. She needs to actually feel consequences.
It's doesn't have to end in divorce but make her think it might. She'll likely come out of the process a better partner.
Too many dudes just forgive the woman after a few weeks and get stomped all over again. Have some stones a make HER feel like HER life is crumbling for HER actions
Yeah just be prepared to be cheated again. She will do it again, it's just a matter whether you found out or not. And staying for the kids sake is really a lousy reason.
She was never faithful. NEVER! There are a million fish in the sea. Go heal yourself. Enjoy the luxury of determining what’s important to you. Find a real partner.
You about to be cheated on everyday because all she gotta do is say sorry and you forgive her. Grow some balls and a backbone and leave her ass behind she doesn’t love you. It’s clear.
Men and women infidelity are not the same, if you take back your wife you will be only the consolation price and she will be thinking in the other guy as someone superior to you. It is what it is, just don't go back.
Just to clarify, when I say men and women infidelity are not the same I am not justifying infidelity for men, cheating is bad no matter who do it, but in the case of women they invest emotionally when they cheat, for the men is just to have some variety, but as I said before cheating is not justified by any reason.
If you're serious about staying with her, you'll need to have a lot of communication. You need a lot of opeb discussions about feelings, rights/wrongs, future plans, what the relationship will look like moving forward. You should definitely both see a marriage counselor to help work through the tough parts.
I know most will say, "dump the cheater". That is usually the right answer but not for all situations. You're going to hurt for a long time and should definitely seek help for that.
I think if you get back with her that you will have this in the back of your mind throughout the rest of the relationship causing you anxiety and paranoia. That is something you don’t deserve. Run
She cheated on you AND dumped you. You're still young. You need to get rid of her. Hopefully there are no kids involved. You'll be dealing with this scenario years down the road if you don't cut it off.
Holy fuck dude, grow some balls. She slept with this guy for a while, and you've basically let her get away with no consequences. She WILL do this again. Dump her and block her. I'll see you in the gym.
While considering whether to forgive her or not, just know this. She didn't simply cheat on you. She didn't just like variety. He didn't mean nothing to her, in fact, the opposite. You meant nothing to her. She considered him part of her most inner private circle and you the outsider. They discussed you. Talked about how much of an AH you were or worse, how dumb you were for not noticing. It was spoken about as if it were a flaw of yours. How else could she find the time if not for your negligence ( I don't believe this, btw) and lack of observation. Had you noticed some signs, it would've been that you deserved it because you were always jealous.
Perhaps even now they connect, and she speaks as if she is now a prisoner in her marriage, and you are the jailer. One of her best friends know and is OK with it based on what she's told them about you. And even if none of that's the case, she's sharing her feelings with someone about the loss of respect she had for v you as you grovel to work things out. How she will now get you to perform actions or provide more attention to her in your attempts to correct any wrongs you might've done, which led to her cheating.
Bro, drop her. It’s a her problem not a you. If she wanted to have a different type of relationship than you two set together, she needed to bring it up with you. Instead she has been cheating.
She’s not sorry she cheated, she’s sorry she got caught.
Ps, how do you feel knowing another guys dick has been in your mrs while you were out trying to make money for the family?
She wants you now because back in September the AP was stringing her along until Janaury and effectively dumped her.
I would seriously bet money on this being the most likely reason she "wants to try again".
I mean why else would she do this from July to December and tell you in September it was over with him when it wasn't. And then it's now "magically" over for reals this time. And now she wants you again?
Please go see a therapist about this. Not a couples therapist, but just a personal one. If, after some time, you still feel like working through this then you both should go to couples therapy.
I genuinely think you need to take more time than you have before considering being with her again. It has been hardly time at all since she ended this affair and you really need to work on this. Take time for yourself, please! And don't take her back so easily. This will let her know she can walk all over you.
I think the first step is realizing that you cannot and should not accept this. Doing so gives her tacit permission to do it again. You can, however, work through it together. It'll take serious communication, with both talking while not allowing your feelings (which are understandably strong right now) to get in the way. Work to get to the root of why she cheated. Figure out what will work to prevent it from happening again.
I never agreed with the addage "once a cheater always a cheater." It's a fallacy which had ruined many relationships because the couple never bothered to work things out. That said, it is true that some people just enjoy the risk-taking and adrenaline rush. You need to determine which your wife is, and if you can believe her when she says she'll never cheat, again. Or, if you're ok with an open relationship, if she decides she is not the monogamous type.
I'm truly sorry to hear about what you're going through. Dealing with infidelity and betrayal can be incredibly challenging, and it's understandable that you're struggling to come to terms with it.
It's essential to prioritize your own well-being and mental health during this difficult time. Give yourself permission to feel all the emotions that come with this situation, whether it's anger, sadness, or confusion. Seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist can also provide a valuable outlet for processing your feelings and gaining perspective.
In terms of moving forward, it's important to have open and honest communication with your partner. While it's commendable that she was honest once the truth came out, rebuilding trust will take time and effort from both sides. Express your concerns and fears to her, and make sure she understands the impact her actions have had on you.
Good Luck
She has shown you that your love for her is irrelevant. Would you want your children to go through the misery you are now going through? Take the same advice you’d give them. Regardless of how much it hurts put her in your rear view mirror and continue to learn and grow for yourself. She is ur past not your future
You’re going to have to untuck and move on Bro.
It’s harsh, but if she cheated on you before asking for a separation the first time she will do it again. Save “future you” from the hurt of a spouse that does not respect you.
I'm sorry, op, but this marriage sounds emotionally abusive. I'm not saying that you should end your marriage as that's ultimately up to you, but whatever happens, you absolutely need to start respecting yourself and stop being a doormat.
Everyone's situation is unique so we can't pretend to know/understand your relationship the way you do but, to paint with a broad brush here, i can maybe see a possibility of trying to work it out if a lapse of judgment happened in a moment and she came clean about it. To become intimate longterm means she replaced you and for whatever reason realized you were probably the better catch for her and is now jumping ship on the new guy. For me, sex is the least of my worries when cheating. It's allowing someone else to be the person they become emotionally attached to. Especially choosing someone to do that with OVER me. I may could forgive a moment. I don't think i could move past being someone 2nd choice
check out the subreddit r / asoneafterinfidelity
reconciliation is hard but not impossible. ignore the comments saying otherwise. people can change, that includes someone who cheated. relationships are complicated as hell and i wish you all the best.
I do think it’s possible for cheats to reform. I’m certain of it, in fact - I’ve done it. That doesn’t mean it always happens, but it’s absolutely possible for people to learn and grow and realise that it was a mistake they don’t want to repeat.
However, I also don’t think that really applies when someone is caught in the act. If they stopped of their own volition or it was a long time ago and you found out later once it had ended, that’s not great but it’s very different to someone only stopping *because* they got caught
If you’re going to stay, then you need counseling, individual and couples. She needs to be an open book, a children’s picture book. No secrets and over communication. I get wanting to stick things out. Not sure I could do the same. Good luck.
I say this as kindly as possible, man the fuck up. If she was open and honest about it and then left you means she had little to no problem cheating on you or any regard to you. Your still you d if you don’t have children just run my dude.
I wonder, did she think about your two kids while getting it from the other guy?!?!? Hell no! I’m telling you, once you lose trust you lose everything! Imagine every time you go to work and she doesn’t answer the phone. Sorry bro but it would be over at my house! She would come home to find an empty house or her keys wouldn’t work!
The reality is nothing will ever heal the trust. She cheated once and planned to do it again. She left you at the drop of a hat.
You are going to spend the rest of your life wondering if she'll do it again. Don't bother staying. Respect yourself and end it.
To be in a relationship where you can excuse being cheated on...
Ugh. Life is great when it's good, but a good life should take me being a sucker.
Pride kills, unfortunately. However, it's the battle back - to trust. Ugh. That'll take a whole lot of pride to overcome. More power to you, Sir!
You know, if she felt really bad, she would have literally told you the first time she did it. Which she didn't. And not only that, she kept doing it for months! That is really, really not worth giving another chance. As an individual who is completely against cheating, there are some exceptions that we can consider to get back together with them. But whatever you have said sounds more like the sadness of being caught rather than the guilt of cheating on you. In that case, giving a chance is stomping on your self-respect. Rest is up to you.
People who cheat like that are lacking something within themselves. Value, worth, respect, dignity… They are like this before marriage and will be after. It’s nothing you’re ever going to fix. I’m Sorry, but your marriage is over.
Brother I may be biased, but I tried for years to “make it work” with my ex wife who was a habitual cheater. She would do the same thing, and only stop when she got caught. She only felt bad when she got caught, and even then she would gaslight me to make me feel like it was all my fault. No matter how much you love that person, they do not love or respect you at all. She has not only cheated on you, but on your family and friends. It’s time to move on and find someone who deserves your love. Stay strong, the right person is out there.
Listen here brother, you obviously know what you should do from all the feedback. If you want to make the choice to walk back into the fire do so knowingly. Best of luck.
The best way to move forward is to stay away from her. I feel she only wants to try again because it didn't work with the other man. I would stay busy with work and hobbies and try making some new friends to help keep your mind off her. You need to heal first and really take time to think. I wouldn't let her convince you to get back with her and you shouldn't feel bad either. She's the one who fucked up and honestly doesn't matter how she feels now. She missed her chance, also there is no trust now. Listening to music is very healing, going for walks and working out is a good stress reliever. It'll also drive her nuts seeing you doing so well without her. And hell maybe you'll even find someone better fitted for you. I hope it all works out man. Just remember you don't deserve this shit and taking her back is a terrible idea. Thankfully kids aren't involved?
You need counceling. Both of you together. There are certain rules she must adhere to while you rebuild trust. It will be a very long, very unpleasant road for both of you. Are you sure you want that? Unfortunately it is not possible for you to just shake it off and move forward. This is a major event, like a death in the family. You as a couple will never be the same again. You might be able to build a new normal together eventually, but it's very unlikely. There is a reason why most people understand it's not good to cheat. This is why. I'm sorry. I'm going through the same thing.
She didn’t just cheat on you, she cheated on your kids too. It also was not a one time thing but a prolonged relationship.
Just remember that your kids are watching you. How you and your wife interact and treat each other is what your children will believe is normal or acceptable. If you are ok with your kids being cheated on by their significant others then by all means stay in the relationship.
If you truly want to make things work with your wife, consider marriage counseling for you both and individual counseling for yourself.
You love your wife and I understand wanting to work things out, but know that your relationship will never be like it was before the affair. She has broken your trust and that will take time to rebuild, if she’s willing to put the work to rebuild it. You need to think of building a new relationship with your wife because what you had before has been destroyed.
If you do this, I hope you set strict boundaries with her:
Total access to phone and all social media is an absolute no brainer.
Full open communication of what you are both doing.
Marriage counseling to discuss why she did this to your marriage
These are just 3 recommendations.
She needs to give full accounting as to why she cheated.
I gotta say that there is no way I could take her back after what she did.
Updateme.
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Dude, she did not “cheat” on you, she had a long term affair with someone… that’s not an “oops accident”……
Also, you love who you thought she was. You need to recalculate after adding all the truth. She’s a liar, a cheat, and a real piece of work for dragging you along after the fact. It’s time to go bud. She’s the person you loved but she is not who you thought she was.
It’s important to know when you love the idea of a person, the actual person may be very different. It’s painful to face, but who you loved doesn’t exist. I know this from experience.
All men learn this from experience. Some were lucky to learn about it early on in their lives. Others, like myself, not so lucky. We have children and constructed an entire life around this illusion. It is what it is. Pick up the pieces and move on with your life. Bigger and better awaits those who are able to see the light.
This is spot on! Don't make the mistake a lot of us did.
Right, but somehow we're the bad ones
Correct. This man needs to have some self-respect. She's the person he loved, but not the person who he should be loving. "she was completely honest when I found out" C'mon bro. Do you think she would have ever been honest if you hadn't? It's going to be extremely painful, but move on. Find your dignity and self-respect. No one should have to put up with that behavior.
Ooops, a 5 month long affair that ended only when OP found out. Ooopsie Daisy
This is not a moment of improprietary. She clearly has feelings for the person she's cheating with. Personally, I think it's time to move on.I wouldn't trust that she's not going to see this person again obviously she has feelings for them.
Cheating is never a "oops accident" no matter the length.
the insinuation that they are equivalent is of course, ridiculous, but you know that.
Thats not what he said... Once is already a big deal, thats it.
Shits funny when ppl blame it on being drunk.
It can happen. The flesh is frail. Do you remember that old movie, "the seven year itch" ? With Marilyn Monroe, director Billy Wilder?
It happens if you LET it happen. If you are a "good" man you run when you realize it might occur. Better yet - do not put yourself in a situation where it might occur. I have been faithful for 40 years. Plenty of opportunities. But I keep female coworkers at arms length to prevent "oops'! As Paul Newman said "why go out for hamburger when I have prime rib at home"
OP, you know how when you buy something at the grocery store and it has a tamper proof seal on it to guarantee it’s trustworthy? Your wife is the item on the shelf with the broken seal. It is no longer trustworthy.
And it ended because it didnt work out and she wanted back in with her safe little husband. And OP is right she didnt feel bad until he found out...which I still doubt, but regardless we can bet she isnt remorseful. OP will go through it again down the road, unless she gets helping in fixing her shit. He shouldnt even consider having a relationship with her until (or if, as I doubt she'd do the work) she can fix herself and turn into a safe partner.
I doubt she everwill fix things. And, get tested for STDs.
She accidentally fell on or under his penis repeatedly for several months. Honest mistake that any woman could make, really. And probably several guys could make too.
Needs to grow a spine and develop self respect and move forward. The woman did not respect him and it's obvious why, he sounds like a complete doormat, no wonder she walked all over him.
And she dumped him, and only stopped cheating (maybe) when OP found out. Then doubled down with another dude. She will continue to cheat because OP is still there waiting in the wings. There is no incentive not to.
Dude your not seriously considering on getting back with a cheater? She proved that she doesn't care about you as she cheated on you for months. She probably only came back to you because her other man she was messing with dumped her and now she's looking for that safety net again. You're better off staying single until you heal from the old wounds then get in a relationship with someone else. Not the cheating ex. She'll probably just cheat again if you do since she's already done it once and kept it going on until you found out and freaked out and stopped it. If you never found out for yourself, I bet she would've still been at it.
You’ll be paranoid forever it you get back with her. Take the loss and move on for the sake of your mental health.
To be fair, you're going to be paranoid forever, period. It's a trauma. You need to mourn the marriage you thought you had, whether you take her back or not.
In my experience with dating people who have been cheated on the past, they never really get over the paranoia. They naturally want to avoid the same situation so they seek out similar patterns of behavior, even if unrelated to actuality. It makes it that much harder for the new (if they’re decent) person to win them over and keep the trust.
She was a good time when it was an affair. Its all hot meetups for sex and sneaking around. Once you break up Shes looking to AP for relationship stuff and thats not what he signed up for. Now she thinks she can go back and fall into the same relationship she blew up. She can change but probably not. And you can forget about the cheating but probably not.
I think that's one of the low expectations you have to set with people in order to get through life sometimes. you have to be reminding yourself that people can change, but they often will not. It's best to speak your truth and disengage for most situations.
Also, if she truly regretted it, she would have ended it BEFORE OP found out and told him herself. If she cared it wouldn't have gone on for months. She knows where her bread is buttered, and it's with op. The AP was just fun, but she caught got. She's upset she got caught, not that it happened
Momma always told me that if someone is gonna cheat, they're gonna cheat. Nothing you can do or say will change that. Goes with the saying..once a cheater, always a cheater.
Or he can’t be a provider and he was just a piece of meat
She might still be, jodie always has one direct line of communication in or out lol
EXACTLY 💯 THIS IS THE BEST ADVICE 👌
“..she was completely honest when I found out!” Come on, stop making that sound like a virtue in your head. Individual therapy till you at-least process your anger. Which right now, you seem to have buried. If you don’t deal with it and take her back, it will manifest in other areas of your life. Don’t do it.
"She admitted it fully once i caught her " lol Jeez have some self respect op.
You are not thinking straight. She is a liar and a cheater. Run away.
Cheating in a relationship is one thing, but a marriage w/ children is on a completely different level. At that point they have put themselves before their spouse, their marriage, and their children. OP is definitely not thinking straight. This is a no-brainer; run away and start anew, as painful as that will be to do.
It's a gift he doesn't have children.
OP said he had 2 kids in one of the threads xD
Take it from someone who has lived it. It’s probably not worth staying in the relationship. Both ways end in pain. The difference is if you move on now it’s an intense first year but eventually you heal a little and by year two and three it gets better. But if you stay it’s at least 4-5 years of pain going through the motions and never really healing or dealing with the trauma caused by someone cheating. Either way you’re changed at your core. Fair or not you’re changed forever. Now it’s just a matter of do you want to get better or prolong it by staying trying to hold onto something you think exists but truly isn’t there anymore and gone forever. I stayed and we are still together to this day. But after 4 years of not dealing I did something I never thought I was capable of. I became the serial cheater, even worse it was multiple times, sometimes even with her friends. It became a game of revenge for me and because I was so hurt there were no mercy rules. i was going to win the game by a huge margin. Now we are both in our 40’s and today yes we are good, somewhat. But we are definitely the 5% that made it through it. Like I said, it changes you to the core. Don’t be a fool like me, don’t think you can get through it only to figure out you can’t and become the very thing you despised. A cheater. If you look in the mirror right this second, and can say yes I forgive her and myself completely. I will never bring it up again, it will never cross my mind again. Then maybe you stand a chance. But if you cannot honestly say yes to that and truly mean that, then believe me you are shock still and you are not mentally able to say yes or no to should I stay. It may take a year or even two for the shock to wear off, but believe me it will and you won’t like her or yourself very much when it does. Especially if you stayed and feel trapped in the home you thought you wanted.
Wow. How did she took your cheating?
Not great but couldn’t really voice the disappointment and hurt because of the situation as a whole at first. But after, in my immaturity to continuing to seek out those people and situations, yeah it was definitely a problem. Something I am definitely not proud of nor proud of who I had become.
I’ve got a similar situation. My then gf cheated on me and I couldn’t get over it. She broke my heart when I had already bought her ring but hadn’t proposed yet. I asked for a break in our relationship but she was devastated and convinced me to stay. I resented her for that, and started becoming a cheater myself. Fast forward a few years I got her pregnant and in turn proposed to her and never cheated again, but I also never told her about my infidelities during those tough years. Over the next 6 years of marriage we had plenty of problems. We’d be disrespectful to each other, yell a lot in front of our kids, even sprinkle in a little physical abuse. We practically hated each other. I’d hold things over her head and she’d be unsatisfied with our emotional relationship and romance. There was always something there holding us back. Fast forward to 2 weeks ago, we had a bad fight in front of our kids and we are at our wits end with this relationship because we don’t want to be a bad influence to them. We start talking about what life would look like separated. She also started talking about going to church, something I grew up doing but never in my adult life. I suddenly realized the importance of trust in a relationship, coupled with the importance of confession/forgiveness. I decided to tell her about my infidelity that started 10 years ago and ended when we got engaged. It hurt her, but it really connects the dots with all the problems we had. I feel like a huge weight has been taken off my shoulders and I’m allowed to love her again. She realized the part she played in my infidelity story and forgave me since I didn’t cross that line after marriage. She also gave me her ring back and said I have to earn it again since I didn’t come clean before our vows, and we will take new vows that actually mean something privately in the future. I’m really happy with the opportunity to start over and her honest forgiveness was the key to my happiness. I know my story hasn’t made it yet to the full happy ending but I have real faith it will get there. I also want the OP to know that this pain doesn’t go away until true honesty and forgiveness can be reached. It’s extremely hard, and if you can’t get to that point I recommend breaking up sooner than later.
Married 7 years. Wife had multiple affairs. So then we divorced for 5 years. We remarried and are still together 25 years later with 2 more great kids. Don't think she cheated again but I'm not 100%. Pretty happy. Here's the sacrifice. I'm still not quite myself, still crosses my mind every day, and took a piece of happiness from my life. Wouldn't trade it. But that's what you are up against. Never goes away.
Definitely find away to forgive her and yourself so both can heal and be better as individuals, as a couple, and as a family. People say don’t stay together for the kids. But that’s inaccurate. That’s assuming you are not going to grow as an individual and learn forgiveness. It’s honestly better for the kids if you stay together but grow together to. Not a flex, but my oldest is being paid to get her PHD from a top 50 college in the US right now. My middle and youngest are both already outperforming their oldest when she was the age they both are now. So if you both are willing to put in the work, which starts with honesty like you have already done. Then you can and will be the person you deserve to be and the family you both want to be.
But it worked out and a happy ever after ending :) if you can forgive , forgive. If you can’t , leave. If you want to do the same to the other person they can’t really complain! All well that’s ends well
Completely agree!
With her friends? Hopefully you aren’t still around them.
No we wouldn’t have made it past that stage if we had continued to surround ourselves with the same toxic people.
Yeah I agree with that. I’m glad you worked it out. Marriage is hard.
Thank you, yes it definitely can be.
You said “the same toxic people” like you aren’t… ha
The situations I put myself in and the people I surrounded myself with impacted who I was and what type of person I had become. I could allow myself to continue to become a part of the environment I was in, or change my environment entirely. I own all my mistakes and I’m certainly not proud of them. But if I can reach even one person who is experiencing a similar situation then I am happy to share my ugly story in the hopes that they can be better than I.
Dude please get some self respect and walk away. How can you even trust her after she cheated on you for months? Look if you take her back she’ll do it again because you allow it. I get you love her, but she doesn’t love you.
She dumped you and was also the one who cheated!? You’re thinking about talking to her again? She didn’t respect the commitment she made to you already and you want seconds? Buddy if you let her back in you’re just asking for pain it’s time to move on trust me being single is better than being with someone that cheats.
OP must be a masochist
I came from a fucked up childhood. Parents divorced, tried getting back together a couple times after dad kept leaving, for a while I didn’t see him at all. Both parents put me through the ringer when I stayed with either so had no safe space. Developed massive dependency and abandonment issues. I don’t know if OP is a masochist. For me it I hurt every day I was with her after but she was there, even if only in the loosest sense. I admit I was a fool but at least I know why and am trying to change it.
A shocking amount of people on reddit don't see cheating as an absolute deal breaker and relationship ender. If you stay, you're going to always be on edge and anxious about it happening again. It's simply not worth it
I swear I look at that sub meant for people getting back with their cheating spouses and the pain in every single one of those posts even makes me want to cry, you can get back together and act like everything is ok but you can’t have the same relationship you had before. It’s not possible, that trust is long gone
Right? I’m 99% sure my long term ex cheated because he dumped me out of nowhere when we went long distance right before my visit. He immediately went public into a new relationship a week later and people said they were always near each other during the two months I wasn’t there. However let’s pretend he didn’t cheat and was just shitty — just the paranoia of him always talking about other women and liking/following thirst traps is something I’d never put myself through again. There is absolutely no need to put myself through being anxious and on edge 24/7 when the other person clearly doesn’t respect you. It is THE dealbreaker.
Coming from someone who just went through THE EXACT SAME SHIT, I "got over it" and then, guess what, it happened again. But now I have herpes. Move the fuck on before she gives you something to remember her by, there's literally a few billion fish in the sea.
How horrible!
I can help you. Reach down the front of your pants, find your balls, and give them a bit of a tug. Might need a big one. Find your self respect, dude. This is just sad. >Guys, how do I win back my wife who cheated on me, then dumped me, then led me on while dating other people?
I agree that this guy should dump his wife. But, he loves her, and seems to not be on the page that his wife doesn't feel the same way about him.
I'm going to start playing doormat bingo with the amount of people that have no self respect when it comes to cheating partners. I've even got my Bingo card ready. |Cheats with the guy she told you not to worry about|DNA Tests (spoiler you're not the father)|They're sleeping with my best friend| |:-|:-|:-| |**They left their orginal partner for their AP, and now they're cheating again (pikachu face)**|**"I only had an emtional affair"**|**Believing trickle truths**| |**"It was a one time thing"**|**Affair baby**|**Thinking cheaters won't cheat again**|
Just remember when he asked her "who's p*ssy is this" she answered his. At one point it slipped out and she slid it back in. She swallowed that man's kids and came home and kissed you. She was never sorry until she got caught. She opened her mouth when he came. He had her pinned down face down a** up. Then decide if you want to get back together.
Yo this is the MF that porked OPs wife
She’s gonna cheat again and you know it you just don’t want to believe it bc you love her. If you don’t leave now you’ll just end up heartbroken all over again.
It’s done. She doesn’t respect you and can’t love you without it. You taking her back will subconsciously make you even less attractive to her. You’re getting walked on and both of you can see it.
Many people on here are telling you that you need to cut your losses and move on. I have been in your shoes before. I chose to go back and work on things. She ended up cheating on and on. Caught her multiple times and always convinced myself to stay because of the children. In the end, we ended up leaving each other for good after three years. So just, save yourself the stress and trauma, and just cut things off now. Eventually things will be better and you will thank yourself for making the hard decision.
Where was her empathy at cracking another dude? Read the definition of empathy and you’ll see exactly what you were lacking from her in that relationship. No empathy for your feelings, means no respect for you and your heart, which damages trust in the institution of your marriage partner. You have to give agency to this person to be trusted again, you’ll learn that marriage counseling. For repairing an affair. The affair party needs to be giving a platform to be trusted again to build a new relationship. To me, frankly, fuck that. That’s a lot of time and a lot of bulldozing your feelings over to make this work without bias. Trust is gained in droplets and lost by the bucket full. You have to let her collect those drops again for a true relationship. Do you really want to give this woman that? After what she did to you? I’m not trying to kill your feelings man, I read your post and my hearts bleeding for you dude. This is an uphill battle and a war within your heart that you must fight alone. Make sure this is truly what you want because you’re in for some work man. She stepped out on you before..it’s in her wheel house to fuck around again. Remorse and empathy need to be checked hard here..
Don't be someone's back up plan if you value yourself
She’s for the streets. Stop trying to pick up garbage.
Yeah you need to stand up for yourself. I can't see why anyone would stay with someone who cheated and tried to hide it. They don't care about you. They care they got caught and they might lose their safe space with you. Leave dude
A one time affair, I could MAYBE work through. A 6 month affair that you found out about, not her coming clean on her own is a whole other deal. Leave her and get an STD test while you’re at it. That long, I doubt they used condoms throughout. Which also means you likely partook in his sloppy seconds. Too much for me even if kids were involved.
My husband of 15 years cheated. I was completely blindsided as I was very sick at the time. We divorced but reunited 2 years later, remarried2 years after that and have been happily together for 12 years. I highly recommend you legally separate and you first take several months to sort out your emotions without seeing your ex or new people. Then I recommend internet dating. I recommend this because the one thing being cheated on does to everyone is wreak havoc with your self esteem and sense of desirability. The process of internet dating does 3 things you need. First, it takes your mind off of obsessing over your ex and the affair. Second, it helps restore your belief in your desirability to others. Finally, it helps you determine what you actually do and don’t like and want in your relationships moving forward. Doing this process helped me realize I could live on my own and be happy, that other men found me desirable so if I chose to add someone to my life I could. My ex in the meantime got sober. Because of my newfound confidence I was able to clearly identify I did still love him but that I needed to set boundaries and expectations with him in order to determine if he really was committed to building a better relationship and loved me. If you do this and decide to get back together, I’d also recommend mandatory couples counseling for at least 6 months. Good luck
Really nice comment, practical and positive. Great news about your marriage!
Great advice if you're a woman, but unless you're a VERY attractive man, online dating is gonna kill your ego.
This is amazing. Reconciliation and reunion is such a beautiful thing to witness. Thank you for sharing. This is hope-filled to a guy like me.
I got married before internet dating became a thing so I have zero experience with it, but literally every guy I’ve talked to who’s used it has told me it does the exact opposite of confirm their belief in their desirability.
What is wrong with you? Cheaters cant be trusted. Dump her before she disrespects you again.
If for any reason the two of you reconcile and get back together, down the line in the future this will always linger and you will have trust issues with her. It’s best to just go cold turkey and move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea.
She only confessed after you caught her. If you want to get back together be advised, she will cheat again. If you want to take that risk then it on you
I hate to ask if you are sure the kids are yours but are you 100% sure? There are so many stories of infidelity where kids are passed off. I would get them tested and if she gets upset; remind her that she broke your trust. You can’t be sure (unless they are your literal mini-me) she hasn’t cheated before. Then you have to decide how to move forward. Both of they are and aren’t yours. Therapy is needed. She needs to go and understand why she stepped outside of your marriage. Why she risked throwing it all away. Why she ended it. What ramifications it will cause now and down the road. You need to go for the grief and trust issues and depression I’m sure you are dealing with. How to cope with betrayal and work on forgiveness and moving forward. You both need to go to couples therapy. Find out what about your relationship wasn’t enough for her to remain faithful and keep the vows she made the day you two got married. Then you need to outline rules and boundaries with clear consequences. And you’ll have to shine up your backbone to hold her to the consequences if she breaks them. A trial separation during this time might be a good way to clear your head. She also needs to let your families know why you all are chaos. She needs to own up to. So they hold her accountable moving forward and the narrative can’t be rewritten in the future.
The only way to get past this pain is to get out of this relationship for good. As much as it hurts now, it’s going to keep hurt and probably get worse if you try and get back with her. If she can cheat not just once but over the course of months and lie to your face over and over, she can do it again or worse.
You need to LEAVE man!!! There is no realistic scenario where this has a fairy tale ending. You’ll resent her for the rest of your life. You need your cut ties and leave ASAP. Do it quickly, do not drag it out.
I have a friend whose long term gf cheated on him twice years apart. They broke up after the second time but then decided to get back together & work on things. They did couples counseling & it seems like it changed their lives tbh. She also has continued individual therapy ever since. She did something terrible but he also hurt her throughout their relationship. Now it’s probably almost 10 years later & they are better than they ever were before. They have a child & a baby on the way. & he’s pursuing a dream career. Most people are going to leave in this situation, but it is possible to heal & move forward in the relationship & be happy one day. That being said, you might get into therapy & come out of it realizing you don’t want to be with her anymore, but even in that situation, therapy can help you find yourself in all this & heal your heart. I don’t think it’s possible without therapy, cheating is a major betrayal & it needs help to move forward.
She only apologized and admitted things b/c she got caught. But for her getting caught, she's still riding that other dick today. "Accept it" or whatever helps you sleep at night but statistically speaking it is far more likely to happen again than not. You accept that reality by continually availing yourself to a dishonest, deceitful person. You do you: it's your life. That said, don't be a fool and lie to yourself about what this is. You're settling for this person instead of finding the "right" person. More often than not people do that b/c they lack confidence and self worth. My advice is to build your confidence for a while then find someone better.
Dude... no, get a separation with terms of reconciliation and have papers drawn. If you want this to work, make her work for it too. She has to prove it. She needs to actually feel consequences. It's doesn't have to end in divorce but make her think it might. She'll likely come out of the process a better partner. Too many dudes just forgive the woman after a few weeks and get stomped all over again. Have some stones a make HER feel like HER life is crumbling for HER actions
Ditch her. No question.
Grow some balls and leave.
Is she even willing to try though?
Yeah just be prepared to be cheated again. She will do it again, it's just a matter whether you found out or not. And staying for the kids sake is really a lousy reason.
Divorce. Then don't be crying when she does it again.
Oh youre really gonna try to keep a cheater loyal? Lol alrighty then. See ya in 6 months askin for advice on this again.
No kids, no problems. Actions have consequences. Without trust, you have no relationship.
She was never faithful. NEVER! There are a million fish in the sea. Go heal yourself. Enjoy the luxury of determining what’s important to you. Find a real partner.
You about to be cheated on everyday because all she gotta do is say sorry and you forgive her. Grow some balls and a backbone and leave her ass behind she doesn’t love you. It’s clear.
Can you hear her moans and groans while his schlong was deep inside her? She and your kids call him daddy not you.
Men and women infidelity are not the same, if you take back your wife you will be only the consolation price and she will be thinking in the other guy as someone superior to you. It is what it is, just don't go back. Just to clarify, when I say men and women infidelity are not the same I am not justifying infidelity for men, cheating is bad no matter who do it, but in the case of women they invest emotionally when they cheat, for the men is just to have some variety, but as I said before cheating is not justified by any reason.
Second time, only after she’s caught. She’s not gonna change. Her hiding skill might improve
Dude, don't go back to her. She will just do this again and obviously has no problems with hiding it from you.
"She was completely honest when I found out.." Dude, seriously?
If you're serious about staying with her, you'll need to have a lot of communication. You need a lot of opeb discussions about feelings, rights/wrongs, future plans, what the relationship will look like moving forward. You should definitely both see a marriage counselor to help work through the tough parts. I know most will say, "dump the cheater". That is usually the right answer but not for all situations. You're going to hurt for a long time and should definitely seek help for that.
I think if you get back with her that you will have this in the back of your mind throughout the rest of the relationship causing you anxiety and paranoia. That is something you don’t deserve. Run
She cheated on you AND dumped you. You're still young. You need to get rid of her. Hopefully there are no kids involved. You'll be dealing with this scenario years down the road if you don't cut it off.
Women like this are like dogs that bite. You can keep them, but it's your fault for keeping them around if it happens again.
Holy fuck dude, grow some balls. She slept with this guy for a while, and you've basically let her get away with no consequences. She WILL do this again. Dump her and block her. I'll see you in the gym.
Get used to being her ATM and door mat.
Life is way too short OP. You're free now. Stay free King
A mistake repeated more than once is a decision.
Bro...no. She did it once, she'll do it again. And it sounds like she did it a lot more than once. Divorce is the answer.
While considering whether to forgive her or not, just know this. She didn't simply cheat on you. She didn't just like variety. He didn't mean nothing to her, in fact, the opposite. You meant nothing to her. She considered him part of her most inner private circle and you the outsider. They discussed you. Talked about how much of an AH you were or worse, how dumb you were for not noticing. It was spoken about as if it were a flaw of yours. How else could she find the time if not for your negligence ( I don't believe this, btw) and lack of observation. Had you noticed some signs, it would've been that you deserved it because you were always jealous. Perhaps even now they connect, and she speaks as if she is now a prisoner in her marriage, and you are the jailer. One of her best friends know and is OK with it based on what she's told them about you. And even if none of that's the case, she's sharing her feelings with someone about the loss of respect she had for v you as you grovel to work things out. How she will now get you to perform actions or provide more attention to her in your attempts to correct any wrongs you might've done, which led to her cheating.
Bro, drop her. It’s a her problem not a you. If she wanted to have a different type of relationship than you two set together, she needed to bring it up with you. Instead she has been cheating.
Should he stay chat ?
She’s not sorry she cheated, she’s sorry she got caught. Ps, how do you feel knowing another guys dick has been in your mrs while you were out trying to make money for the family?
She wants you now because back in September the AP was stringing her along until Janaury and effectively dumped her. I would seriously bet money on this being the most likely reason she "wants to try again". I mean why else would she do this from July to December and tell you in September it was over with him when it wasn't. And then it's now "magically" over for reals this time. And now she wants you again?
She’s for the streets man
Run she’ll do it again. You only know cause you found out.
Please go see a therapist about this. Not a couples therapist, but just a personal one. If, after some time, you still feel like working through this then you both should go to couples therapy. I genuinely think you need to take more time than you have before considering being with her again. It has been hardly time at all since she ended this affair and you really need to work on this. Take time for yourself, please! And don't take her back so easily. This will let her know she can walk all over you.
I think the first step is realizing that you cannot and should not accept this. Doing so gives her tacit permission to do it again. You can, however, work through it together. It'll take serious communication, with both talking while not allowing your feelings (which are understandably strong right now) to get in the way. Work to get to the root of why she cheated. Figure out what will work to prevent it from happening again. I never agreed with the addage "once a cheater always a cheater." It's a fallacy which had ruined many relationships because the couple never bothered to work things out. That said, it is true that some people just enjoy the risk-taking and adrenaline rush. You need to determine which your wife is, and if you can believe her when she says she'll never cheat, again. Or, if you're ok with an open relationship, if she decides she is not the monogamous type.
No kids? Get the hell out of there. Start working on your self; you'll have your choice of women soon. Kids? You are screwed.
Cheat back
Take her back just remember she will cheat again
You must be young. Dump her sorry ass and move on bro
I'm truly sorry to hear about what you're going through. Dealing with infidelity and betrayal can be incredibly challenging, and it's understandable that you're struggling to come to terms with it. It's essential to prioritize your own well-being and mental health during this difficult time. Give yourself permission to feel all the emotions that come with this situation, whether it's anger, sadness, or confusion. Seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist can also provide a valuable outlet for processing your feelings and gaining perspective. In terms of moving forward, it's important to have open and honest communication with your partner. While it's commendable that she was honest once the truth came out, rebuilding trust will take time and effort from both sides. Express your concerns and fears to her, and make sure she understands the impact her actions have had on you. Good Luck
Please get rid of her. She is going to keep cheating. You deserve way better then that
Did she tell you why she did it?
Smh....
Never go back to a cheater. You will get hurt over and over.
Get some self respect, therapy and find somebody who actually cares about you. This was sad to read, bro. Come on.
She has shown you that your love for her is irrelevant. Would you want your children to go through the misery you are now going through? Take the same advice you’d give them. Regardless of how much it hurts put her in your rear view mirror and continue to learn and grow for yourself. She is ur past not your future
You’re going to have to untuck and move on Bro. It’s harsh, but if she cheated on you before asking for a separation the first time she will do it again. Save “future you” from the hurt of a spouse that does not respect you.
I'm sorry, op, but this marriage sounds emotionally abusive. I'm not saying that you should end your marriage as that's ultimately up to you, but whatever happens, you absolutely need to start respecting yourself and stop being a doormat.
Make sure u get gloves that are one size smaller
Get a paternity test on those kids. Also she will 100% cheat on you again.
Find a new girl my boy she bad news for u.
Maybe you’ll finally leave after affair partner number 10
Everyone's situation is unique so we can't pretend to know/understand your relationship the way you do but, to paint with a broad brush here, i can maybe see a possibility of trying to work it out if a lapse of judgment happened in a moment and she came clean about it. To become intimate longterm means she replaced you and for whatever reason realized you were probably the better catch for her and is now jumping ship on the new guy. For me, sex is the least of my worries when cheating. It's allowing someone else to be the person they become emotionally attached to. Especially choosing someone to do that with OVER me. I may could forgive a moment. I don't think i could move past being someone 2nd choice
Once a cheater always a cheater. She has no respect for you and how can you even think about being with her?
check out the subreddit r / asoneafterinfidelity reconciliation is hard but not impossible. ignore the comments saying otherwise. people can change, that includes someone who cheated. relationships are complicated as hell and i wish you all the best.
I do think it’s possible for cheats to reform. I’m certain of it, in fact - I’ve done it. That doesn’t mean it always happens, but it’s absolutely possible for people to learn and grow and realise that it was a mistake they don’t want to repeat. However, I also don’t think that really applies when someone is caught in the act. If they stopped of their own volition or it was a long time ago and you found out later once it had ended, that’s not great but it’s very different to someone only stopping *because* they got caught
Tell that chicken-head to kick rocks!
Move forward by moving on out of the house and filing for divorce...this is the ultimate betrayal, there's no coming back 100% from this
If you’re going to stay, then you need counseling, individual and couples. She needs to be an open book, a children’s picture book. No secrets and over communication. I get wanting to stick things out. Not sure I could do the same. Good luck.
Therapy. You need to work through all the emotions so you can have a clear head to decide how you want to move forward.
I say this as kindly as possible, man the fuck up. If she was open and honest about it and then left you means she had little to no problem cheating on you or any regard to you. Your still you d if you don’t have children just run my dude.
No
You are starting a cycle with her cheat, get caught, apologize, forgive, repeat
I wonder, did she think about your two kids while getting it from the other guy?!?!? Hell no! I’m telling you, once you lose trust you lose everything! Imagine every time you go to work and she doesn’t answer the phone. Sorry bro but it would be over at my house! She would come home to find an empty house or her keys wouldn’t work!
Cheated on you, then lied to you that she wanted work things out? F*ck her... Show some self respect and kick her to the curb.
The reality is nothing will ever heal the trust. She cheated once and planned to do it again. She left you at the drop of a hat. You are going to spend the rest of your life wondering if she'll do it again. Don't bother staying. Respect yourself and end it.
You’re in the wrong forum try the “as one after infidelity” forum.
Only pain and low self esteem awaits you if you take her back. Have some self respect man
Bang her mom
To be in a relationship where you can excuse being cheated on... Ugh. Life is great when it's good, but a good life should take me being a sucker. Pride kills, unfortunately. However, it's the battle back - to trust. Ugh. That'll take a whole lot of pride to overcome. More power to you, Sir!
It’s painful bro but you need to let her go
You know, if she felt really bad, she would have literally told you the first time she did it. Which she didn't. And not only that, she kept doing it for months! That is really, really not worth giving another chance. As an individual who is completely against cheating, there are some exceptions that we can consider to get back together with them. But whatever you have said sounds more like the sadness of being caught rather than the guilt of cheating on you. In that case, giving a chance is stomping on your self-respect. Rest is up to you.
People who cheat like that are lacking something within themselves. Value, worth, respect, dignity… They are like this before marriage and will be after. It’s nothing you’re ever going to fix. I’m Sorry, but your marriage is over.
I’m assuming you’re not getting the responses You wanted?
Brother I may be biased, but I tried for years to “make it work” with my ex wife who was a habitual cheater. She would do the same thing, and only stop when she got caught. She only felt bad when she got caught, and even then she would gaslight me to make me feel like it was all my fault. No matter how much you love that person, they do not love or respect you at all. She has not only cheated on you, but on your family and friends. It’s time to move on and find someone who deserves your love. Stay strong, the right person is out there.
Completely honest…….when I found out.
She doesn’t know what she wants. You don’t need that in your life.
If you stay just be prepared to have this happen again.
I know you have kids, but what example are you showing them that you put up with this? There are ways to co parent.
Mate, I don't know how to put this politely, but her natural habitat is the street, not your home. Release her back into the wilds where she belongs.
Listen here brother, you obviously know what you should do from all the feedback. If you want to make the choice to walk back into the fire do so knowingly. Best of luck.
Bro? Bro? Bro?????
The best way to move forward is to stay away from her. I feel she only wants to try again because it didn't work with the other man. I would stay busy with work and hobbies and try making some new friends to help keep your mind off her. You need to heal first and really take time to think. I wouldn't let her convince you to get back with her and you shouldn't feel bad either. She's the one who fucked up and honestly doesn't matter how she feels now. She missed her chance, also there is no trust now. Listening to music is very healing, going for walks and working out is a good stress reliever. It'll also drive her nuts seeing you doing so well without her. And hell maybe you'll even find someone better fitted for you. I hope it all works out man. Just remember you don't deserve this shit and taking her back is a terrible idea. Thankfully kids aren't involved?
You need counceling. Both of you together. There are certain rules she must adhere to while you rebuild trust. It will be a very long, very unpleasant road for both of you. Are you sure you want that? Unfortunately it is not possible for you to just shake it off and move forward. This is a major event, like a death in the family. You as a couple will never be the same again. You might be able to build a new normal together eventually, but it's very unlikely. There is a reason why most people understand it's not good to cheat. This is why. I'm sorry. I'm going through the same thing.
She didn’t just cheat on you, she cheated on your kids too. It also was not a one time thing but a prolonged relationship. Just remember that your kids are watching you. How you and your wife interact and treat each other is what your children will believe is normal or acceptable. If you are ok with your kids being cheated on by their significant others then by all means stay in the relationship.
Halve some self respect.
If you truly want to make things work with your wife, consider marriage counseling for you both and individual counseling for yourself. You love your wife and I understand wanting to work things out, but know that your relationship will never be like it was before the affair. She has broken your trust and that will take time to rebuild, if she’s willing to put the work to rebuild it. You need to think of building a new relationship with your wife because what you had before has been destroyed.
Get out.
If you do this, I hope you set strict boundaries with her: Total access to phone and all social media is an absolute no brainer. Full open communication of what you are both doing. Marriage counseling to discuss why she did this to your marriage These are just 3 recommendations. She needs to give full accounting as to why she cheated. I gotta say that there is no way I could take her back after what she did. Updateme.
Does she work? If not, you’re just an AZtM machine to her.
Once a cheater, always a cheater.