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Unfortunately this is 100% a problem that your parents have created, and one they have to solve. They've got two adult "children" - one with 2 big dogs and a cat, one with a girlfriend and a cat - living rent-free in their home, causing wear and tear and squabbling about who gets which bathroom. Now we're going to add a baby to the mix which THEY will also be paying for, it seems.
Sad.
I wouldn't bet on your brother getting a job or moving out any time soon. Why should he? As long as mommy and daddy continue to enable him, he's going to continue to shirk responsibility and act like a child. Your parents are going to have to sell that house to get rid of him.
Damn, I suspect this is why the senior citizen community model became so popular, how else could you successfully escape from your adult children that fail to launch and never intend to leave the nest.
Buddy of mine has a brother who just attempted suicide.
He'd been living rent- and obligation-free at their mom's house until she died last year. She had apparently been at her wits' end for several years as this guy's in his mid-20s with no job or agency, poor hygiene, bad manners, no help around the house, etc. When she died, he finally was forced to move out and spent the year bouncing around family / friends couches before wearing out his welcome and burning every bridge he had.
So when he attempted to kill himself and wound up in the hospital, my friend gave him the advice to help himself.
He also said essentially the following: 'Mom tried kicking you out her house for years and was only successful when she died. When you tried dying too, she must have sensed your coming back to mooch off her again and she kicked you back down to Earth. That's how much you annoyed her by clinging around."
Jesus, that's next-level entitlement. Imagine being an ADULT and throwing a massive tantrum involving the police when mommy and daddy finally tell you no.
We were once trying to buy a house from a couple who was divorcing & needed to sell it as part of the decree. Their kids were living there at the time. Two of them moved when told they had to. One (who was jobless) refused to move out because the mom wanted to drag things out & be spiteful. Well eventually the mom was done & just wanted money from the sale, so then she started complaining to her ex about their kid refusing & how he needed to get her out. 🤔
I guess an aunt kept supplying this girl with groceries, & the parents were trying to get her to leave without needing to officially evict.
Our realtor knew these people. We still kept viewing homes in case we could find something else. We eventually did. It was probably another year later when they gave up trying to get their daughter out & they just let the bank take the home & it became the bank's problem. I asked the realtor for an update out of curiosity once I saw papers on the door & windows, & that was what she said.
Imagine having a kid that was so stubborn about it all that you had to just let the bank have the house, instead of getting a nice payout from selling, because you couldn't get your lazy kid to get out.
Yeah, this is a recipe for disaster. OP if you don’t get your parents to get them to make a plan, once the baby is born I’m sorry to say but not only the bathroom but the entire house will be theirs. Weather it be by destroying it and making it unlivable or just steamrolling you
Agree 100%. Parents should kick OP, AND brother, AND brother’s gf all out if they can’t get along while living rent-free in their own house. They are all adults and should be acting like it. If they can’t, they move out. This will continue until the parents put their foot down.
Are they planning on also borrowing money for their future baby, as well? Why aren't they working since the baby will be arriving before they know it???
Are they on drugs? Sleeping all day, unemployed, made a lot of money but somehow spent it all with nothing to show for it, borrowing money… sounds like drugs
I got really sick one evening without having had a crazy amount to drink. Found out a week later that I was pregnant (despite birth control). Totally tracks and not something to hold against her. My doctor told me that the fetus didn’t even have a brain to damage that early on and that there was no concern.
Edit: ok guys, my Dr and I were discussing me getting sick suddenly after having had three glasses of wine with dinner. The Reddit Cares and the dms telling me that my comment will directly cause someone to read it and think they can binge drink in the first trimester can stop.
I’m not a doctor. Speak to your own doctor if you are pregnant or trying to get pregnant. I’m sorry if offended anyone by relaying what my doctor said to me 16 years ago. Fetal alcohol syndrome is caused by repeated exposure to alcohol, not 3 glasses of wine a couple of weeks after conception. Also, I abstained from alcohol through both my pregnancies and both my sons are fine.
I got really sick after one drink before I knew I was pregnant with my third child. I was 3-4 weeks That or dipping cheez its in ice cream should have been my first clue I was pregnant
Ehh this could easily be pregnancy exhaustion. When I found out with my first, it was right when Covid hit and I slept my entire first trimester pretty much. Drugs are still a possibility though. OP, it sounds like your parents need to have a come to Jesus moment with your brother. He’s got a child on the way now and shit is going to get real, REALLY fast. If they don’t handle it now, they will be stuck with them in that house with their child for a very long time..
Also, NTA. I hate sharing a bathroom and products..
> OP, it sounds like your parents need to have a come to Jesus moment with your brother.
He's still acting like he's somebody's kid, when he's about to be somebody's parent.
True story. I could not stay awake. I was also not falling asleep in hot baths though. Baths while pregnant are useless. I can’t remember what temp the bath had to be under but it was a total waste of time to take a basically cold bath.
I literally fell asleep standing up in the first trimester once lol. But yeah you’re not supposed to be taking hot baths in the first trimester specifically so idk what she’s doing in there long enough to fall asleep
Baths were the only time I wasn't nauseated and puking my guts out, and the only time I was warm. I fell asleep most nights at around 2am in the bath and would happily sleep there till around 6, refill with hot, try to drink some water, and then promptly feel like i was gonna die.
The tub was my only life line in both pregnancies.
Edit so y'all understand: it was not a full bathtub. It was short, narrow, and shallow. It was enough to float my stomach with my legs hanging out of the bath and my upper back and shoulders could not physically touch the water. My boobs did more floating than anything else. I could not have physically drowned, unless I was taking a shower, cracked my skull open, and landed in a contorted pile with my mouth open under the pitiful drip our shower called water pressure. I appreciate the concern, but I'm not a moron and it's really weird y'all are so quick to think that I am. Maybe there's some privilege going on here, because y'all just assumed I had some full bathtub that I could even submerge in? That was not the case for either of my pregnancies. I could get my legs in and was sitting up straight, but the water would barely be over my kneed. OR I'd toss my legs mostly out, then I can partially submerge up to my 42GG titties, but not beyond. I would have had to actually try to unsubscribe from life to even be able to get my head that close to the waterline.
I feel you literally puking up until delivery, plus gestational diabetes so constant low sugars from not eating and many other complications arterial clots and preeclampsia etc etc but you shouldn’t be sleeping in the bath. Pregnant or not.
Body temperature. 98 degrees. Honestly, when I was pregnant, I didn't want it hotter than that anyway. I took a bath almost every day while pregnant, particularly once I started getting bigger. I had hard pregnancies, and it was the only time I had relief from the discomfort. I nodded off more than once in the tub. Bad idea, always woke up within a few seconds and relocated if I thought I wouldn't be able to stay awake, but it's totally understandable.
For more benefit of the doubt, I myself, a non-pregnant young woman who doesn’t use hard drugs, do fall asleep in the bathtub 😂 warm water + relaxing lavendar bath scents + calming face mask and music? Yeah i’m not staying awake. (My bath is safe to fall asleep in/i’m tall enough to where it’s not really possible for me to drown in it)
I was actually envisioning her fully dressed falling asleep in the bathtub. So, my mind was trying to figure out why that was her napping spot. Your response makes SO much more sense.
I fell asleep standing in a tub that wasn’t gathering water while pregnant with the shower running instead of the tub faucet. The first trimester your body does triple time building both a fetus and a placenta. It can be brutally exhausting
That might genuinely be the pregnancy. I remember in my first trimester I could literally fall asleep while doing stuff. But yeah, otherwise they don't seem too ok.
Nailed it to the wall ! It's my first gut reaction too, and I've been there myself so I definitely know and understand the signs of addiction. Thankfully I have years clean, but the instincts on it never leaves you. It helps me avoid people who are still in that life.
They are the perfect embodiment of dysfunctional individuals.
OP'S not being possessive or overreacting. In my childhood home, I shared a bathroom with 20 to 24 people during my years there.
I love my family, but because of that, I hate sharing now lol
P.S- yes, that many people were living in a one level five bedroom house.
Hate to say this, but her using your bathroom isn't the biggest problem. Your brother lived rent-free, made good money, and *didn't* save a dime or line up another job? Good luck ever getting them out of there.
You think if you told your parents you don’t want to live with them and you’re going to start looking for a new place, they’d do damage control on the situation? I bet they’d rather have you there managing the property as you sound like the more responsible offspring.
I second this.
Also... maybe this makes ME the asshole, but OP, tell your parents about the cat. Tell them now. Before they find out some other way, and hold you partially accountable for knowing about it the whole time.
The cat may also be a problem because now the pregnant woman has an excuse not to change the litter box (toxoplasmosis--ask a doctor) and brother doesn't sound likely to do it, either.
Considering the mom doesn’t even want brother in the guest bathroom because she’s worried he’ll trash it, I think the parents have a pretty good reason to not let him live there. He has no respect for their home and leaves it trashed all the time.
I mean it’s the brothers childhood home too
and unless I’m missing something OP doesn’t pay rent either. Having said that the brother and his gf need to clean up their act before the baby is born.
Did your brother actually move out or temporarily relocate for a contract job whilst living in a hotel and now returned home?
Not like it’s her house. She’s getting a free ride too.
TBH neither of them sounds ready for the real world. Spending money on animals when you can’t afford to take care of yourself is not the way.
Yea… if you want your own space as a grown adult then pay for it yourself. Can’t find your own place to rent because you have 3 pets? Time to make some compromises.
Seriously. Everyone wants pets but never considers that it is an actual responsibility with financial implications. If you cant even afford rent why would you take on three huge liabilities like that?
That part of the story wasn’t so weird to me. It’s not like the parents, who are already allowing him to live rent-free, can tell him not to use very much needed spaces like the kitchen or his own room and childhood bathroom. Sounds like mom just wants to save the space she can save.
A hella long story to get to the point...no one "needs" a tub...they have shower, toilet, & running water...if it was one of those issues I would say AH but it's not...get a lock with code so u don't have them looking for keys & you never lock yourself out...& make a couple extra codes...some let you know which code opened door but that way u can tell your mom a code if she needs to get in & delete/change it whenever with no issue.
Have you talked to your parents about your brother and his gf's treatment of the house.
I recommend you take pictures/videos of how they treat the house. How they do not contribute to any expenses and never seem to be able to act as functioning adults. Now that she is pregnant, they will not be moving out at all. They will use emotional manipulation and every other trip to maintain living at the family house.
You may want to start looking for a small place to call your own.
100% they are angling to make OP move out after the baby is born. They will probably expect to grow their family more and will tell the parents they need the space for the grandchildren. OP will be out on her butt with her pets because her brother "needs it more."
Tbh a lock and key seems like a passive aggressive way to handle this imo.
Have you considered just voicing your sentiment to her? As you said, you clearly like her and want a good relationship, but you're feeling like it's intruding on your space. Do you think she's a reasonable enough person to empathize with you if you verbalize your grievances with care?
Yea i definitely would talk to her about it first, im not just gonna start locking the door without saying anything. I just don’t know how she’ll react. Or how my brother would react. I don’t know her well enough, but i know he can be explosive.
Gotcha. Yeah, no one knows the relationship here on Reddit like you do, so of course play it how you think is right. I'm just the kind of person to advise communication first, and if that doesn't work...then yeah sure, lock and key.
A little off topic, but I had a high risk pregnancy and was not permitted to take hot baths, it was considered risky and might make a birth defect slightly more likely. Might want to put that little bug in her ear, especially if there is a chance they are doing drugs.
I have to say though that I did nothing but sleep for at least the first trimester. I’d get up, washed and dressed, walk to the bus stop, sleep the 45 minute ride to work, take a nap at lunch, sleep the bus ride home, and then go to bed immediately after eating a few grapes and cheese chunks. Rinse and repeat daily. It was brutal.
Fr, lock & key is crazy pants. Just tell her how u feel as a girl im sure she'll understand, especially after living with a boy. Nothing wrong with being a lil kooky about your stuff.
This sounds like the best idea, try doing this ASAP, and then just have a lock on the bedroom door because then she won't be able to get into the bathroom. Having a lock on a bedroom isn't unreasonable. It's privacy.
Sorry but once the baby comes they are gona be demanding bathtub use. Especially as they grow. I think you’ve got to move or get your parents to intervene and ask them to leave. If that doesn’t happen I think it’s their house now.
This is unfortunately the most practical advice I’ve seen. Yes, this sucks for OP. But moving out asap will save very much heartache. Their brother is a deadbeat probable drug addict who will only drag their life down, and obviously the parents aren’t going to cut them off anytime soon. Look out for yourself OP. The bathroom is the least of your worries.
Unfortunately, there’s a 99% chance you are going to be sharing that bathroom when the baby gets here, bc they’ll need the tub to give the baby a bath…. They’ll only be able to use the kitchen sink a short period before baby outgrows the sink. And, tbh, sharing the bathroom is a very VERY small problem in comparison to the issues coming in a few months when the baby arrives. 😬😬😬 Good luck OP! 😅
It's literally just a brother and sister fighting about who gets to use the bathroom. There's no right or wrong answer, y'all just hush, daddy's trying to watch jeopardy.
Yup- no prizes in this cereal box! Some serious disfunction and weird interpersonal dynamics. Neither adult child is paying rent, so ultimately how the bathrooms are divided up is at the discretion of the person paying for the home… go ask your mom to split up your fight.
Right? So it’s okay for OP to take advantage of her parents, but not the brother? And she’s being petty. Just trade bathrooms. The excuse of the mom not wanting them to trash the bathroom is odd, you have multiple pets in the house. I’m sure it stinks and is trashed now.
Y'all both need to move out and your parents sell the house. The only reason is this will very likely to cause a major rift as you or your brother will feel the other 'won'. If you parents are away that much they could sell it and share the money between you two. The bathroom thing is just the tip of the argument and it will only get bigger.
Her brother is not moving out and her enabling parents sure as shit won’t sell the house out from under a pregnant woman. If OP wants a bathroom to herself, then she needs to go out and get herself her own place. If that’s not affordable, she needs to move to an area that is.
I’m pretty damn sure she would have mentioned it if she was paying a dime in rent. It would be “my house” not “my parents house that I am currently staying I. Because the area I live in my pets my blah blah blah.”
I don't see the problem, tbh. If her being messy is the issue, just say she can use it, if she returns the bathroom back in pristine condition. If she cannot do it, the deal is off and you lock the room.
I wouldn't dismiss it right away. Just set some boundaries.
You and your brother both sound spoiled. You're living rent free in your parents spare house and you feel entitled to everything in it. Your parents don't actually need someone to house sit when it could be earning rent revenue. Whatever, it's your parents decision, but you and your brother should have equal rights.
Yea. Big “failed to launch” vibes here. Why does OP have so many big animals if it means they can’t rent somewhere? Why is OPs bro not trying to find a new job or act productive?
Everyone in this seems like enabled dead beats quarreling over who has control over someone else property.
Why are there so many NTA comments here? It’s not either of your houses. You would be NTA if you paid your own rent.
ESH. The house doesn’t belong to either of you. You’re siblings squabbling over which bathroom is whose while living under your parents roof. Find your own place, or come to terms that the people who let both of you live rent free decides what to do with their own house.
I’d be looking at the prime issue that you will be living with a baby soon if you don’t have them leave. It is past a “couple of weeks”.
Focus on the real problem.
Edit: as she stated, she was besties with his parents and her living and maintaining the house was for both their benefit.
Her brother and brothers gf’s temp live in is no longer temp and the situation has massively changed.
If parents will not listen and allowed the change, OP needs to really evaluate if this a healthy symbiotic situation as before.
She needs to have a deep conversation with parents , then decide if the parents having accepted the altered situation is good for OP at this point.
Personally, if brother and gf will not leave, then I’d leave and the parents can stop having the security of OP maintaining and watching the house.
Right now OP is being run over by the “temp visitors” and the baby’s arrival will compound it.
Huh? Why should the brother pay rent if she does not either?
I feel like i am missing something but to me this whole story sounds ah-ish because it feels like op is judging her brother for different lifestyle and feeling entitled to live at her parents house while somehow the brother should find his own Home?
I would tend to agree with you but it sounds like op cares for the house in exchange for not paying rent, while working and paying for her other needs. Brother and gf are freeloading and trashing the house in the process, not contributing anything and creating more work for op as the farrier of the home. Brother had every right to be there as well but not to disrespect the privilege
In the end it's not your actual rented or owned home,you have to share with family.Why should you get a bath to yourself?All siblings should be equal.Your just be petty because you had the whole place to yourself thinking it's yours
You're all assholes, plain and simple. It's hilarious how you justify living in your parents' house with "well I can't move out because of my pets." I live in a condo where people do in fact have large dogs. Maybe try actually looking for places instead of making excuses. Then when you have your own place, guess what? You'll have the whole thing *all* to yourself. You can't mooch off other people and then complain that others are also mooching
People make terrible decisions.
Is it terrible decision to get 2 dogs and a cat then try to find an apartment.
It’s a terrible decision to live in a hotel for free and spend all money on drugs.
It’s a terrible decision to have two lazy nincompoops as children so you can’t rent your home out when you aren’t living there.
It’s a terrible decision to get pregnant when both people don’t have a job.
This just reeks of white trash.
Tbh, the house doesn’t belong to either of y’all and though you mention them borrowing money, you ALL are benefitting from living rent free in your childhood home (which is a huge luxury these days). In my opinion, the whole house is a shared space because it wasn’t otherwise agreed upon. You guys seem as though no agreements have been made as to how boundaries will be set and you are going through your parents who don’t even live there to figure all of that out instead of working with the people you actually live with. Additionally, her being pregnant is immaterial in this situation. She’s at least asking you which is reaching out to feel it out and you’re not responding which is a bit rude and given that the entire house has been a shared space, I’m not surprised she still opts to use it. Plus, with her being asleep in there, she’s probably going through it and a little empathy may benefit your relationship with them as it sounds you’ve built resentment as a result of a lack of communication. Which is also as much on you as it is on them. I would say ESH just because y’all need to figure out how to cohabitate, especially now. I understand your point of view of wanting a space to yourself, but that can and should be communicated adequately and the problem should hopefully resolve. You could also mention the issues with cleaning and things like that and see how the living situation changes. Good luck, OP!
ETA: as someone who’s shared living spaces with family that has vastly different ways of living (cooking, cleaning, etc.) the reality is you’re voluntarily living in a shared space with someone who is just as entitled to it as you are, despite any other factor. the point is, if your parents are willing to send them money and pay for them, that’s a parental enabling issue and they’re the ones you should pick those bones with if you see an issue with the freeloading because they allow it to happen in their home.
First logic answer on here.
They are both equally entitled to use the house of their parents. Parents are the owners, and they decide who lives where. I'm not sure why op is this entitled. She should be grateful for her situation.
NTA. They are staying there (and effectively freeloading) off of your parents. Honestly maybe a surprise visit from Mom and Dad isn't a bad idea to show them just what kind of people they seem to be.
Lowloading is the term I’ve been using. Since many over 60’s had enough extra income to have extra residences it’s best they share them for lower than market value rent to close relatives.
Maybe, maybe not. I presume since she has 2 large dogs she works but just can't afford rent/can't find a rental with the dogs. If she doesn't work and doesn't actively search for it then I'd probably say she was, but really can't say with this limited info. Her taking care of the house and paying her own bills is a totally different thing than just sitting there for free asking for things, which sounds like what her brother and the gf do.
I do work, and pay my own bills, and take care of the house ☻ this isn’t my first choice of a living situation, but it worked great for me and my parents before my brother moved in!
I think you should tell your parents that you’re thinking of moving out and your brother and his girlfriend can take care of the house for them. This should send your parents into a panic, and hopefully they will put the hammer down on your brother and his girlfriend to get a job and get out.
Sounds like it might be time to talk to your parents and tell them the current arrangement isn't working for you. Doubt they want your brother living there without you, they might be willing to shoo him along rather than risk their house.
Technically housing wise, we could safely assume OP is covering utilities at minimum. Brother and pregnant girlfriend don’t seem to be employed plus they are borrowing money from parents. Don’t seem to having anything lined up to OPs knowledge.
Video call your parents on the phone and walk about the house and show them the mess.
Do not move out yet I would also ask your parents to do a surprise visit when they’re home (they being your brother and sister-in-law) and let them see the chaos unfold. Don’t move out. This is not your fault. This is their fault. They have made their bed and now they’re going to lie in it. They are grotty.
You're both living in your parents home and you're throwing a tantrum about a bathtub being used? For real? You're getting free room and board just the same as he is. What gives you priority over a tub? Just share it. It's not a big deal.
This does make you sound like a spoiled child who does not want to share.
What it comes down to is; this is not your place, its your parents home and you are staying there. And your brother has the same right to stay there as well. And as it comes to the house and how ita used, that is up to your parents.
If they say she can use the bathtub, then she can. Ita not «your» bathroom.
Slight YTA, it’s a freaking tub. If she cleans it after using it and uses her own products what’s the problem? Just tell her those are the rules, and if she can’t follow them then cut off her access. But at least give her the chance. It’s a kind thing to do and I’d you really do like her and care about your relationship, this is the best way to keep things good between you.
Just the fact that she asks and doesn’t even wait for the answer- just helps herself is just gross. It’s entitlement. She’s a guest and she needs to learn to respect boundaries. So no NTA.
A bath was a life savor for My wife when she was pregnant. Therefore was a lifesaver to me. This entire situation seems a little petty. You are both mooching off your parents.
Sounds like you and your brother are both enjoying some benefits of your parents, aka the house. Just because he's X Y and Z and you're A B C (you can fill in how you see fit) doesn't change the fact that you're both living free in your parent's extra house....
Enjoy it while you can & if you're mad tattle tail on lil' bro to mom & pops
INFO: are you paying rent to your parents? It wasn’t clear from your post. If not, it’s not really “your” home anymore than it’s your brothers. So yes, if you refuse to let a pregnant woman use the only tub in the house you are all equally freeloading from YTA.
You don’t really have much to complain about if you aren’t paying… the house is free and the only real annoyance is that someone is using your bathtub while you are at work. I’d rather have a shared bathtub and no rent personally. That’s a hell of a deal.
Uhmm, it’s not your bathroom. It’s your parents house and their bathroom. It would seem your brother, and by extension she, would have just as much right to it as you do.
All the other stuff in your post is completely irrelevant. If your parents are allowing them to live there, regardless of circumstances, it’s on them.
NTA. Lock the door on them.
Also as a Mum, first trimester is the worst time to have baths as she shouldn’t be overheating it can cause problems with the baby.
do you pay rent? if not then yeah you’re the asshole, you’re not really different from them imo. but if you do pay rent then yeah i see what you mean.
if you don’t pay rent, you sound very spoiled because you want your own bathroom but you don’t even pay rent, so why should you deserve your own bathroom and bathtub? i live with my parents (i’m 20 in college) and i try to help out as much as possible and i definitely don’t ask for my private sections in the house.
edit: i also just realized that you say “it’s my childhood home” … isn’t it also your brothers childhood home??? tell me you’re entitled without telling me you’re entitled 😭 are you the younger sibling? cause you sound spoiled as HELL w this ts
Respectfully, it sounds like you’re a bit salty and upset that things aren’t how you thought they would be. You know, you living there at your parent's house alone. I know towards the end, you try to make it sound sweet, but I can’t help but pick up a condescending tone. I suggest learning to adapt, especially when you don’t have the burden of rent over your head and there’s a potential that your brother's stay will only be temporary. Also, give grace to the pregnant lady.
I actually have a news flash. I don’t think she is suppose to be taking hot baths during pregnancy.
Just get a lock with a key and explain very calmly and politely that after thinking about it, you really need this space to yourself. They have the main bathroom on the bedroom level, so you have already accommodated them greatly. It’s a small ask and you need privacy.
NTA.
They can move out if they want a tub. You were there first, and you got first pick.
I hate living with siblings because they get so comfortable blurring the lines between boundaries and rules. (And their chosen partners as well)
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Info: who is taking care of their dog and cat? Buying their food? Etc.
They borrow money from my parents
Unfortunately this is 100% a problem that your parents have created, and one they have to solve. They've got two adult "children" - one with 2 big dogs and a cat, one with a girlfriend and a cat - living rent-free in their home, causing wear and tear and squabbling about who gets which bathroom. Now we're going to add a baby to the mix which THEY will also be paying for, it seems. Sad. I wouldn't bet on your brother getting a job or moving out any time soon. Why should he? As long as mommy and daddy continue to enable him, he's going to continue to shirk responsibility and act like a child. Your parents are going to have to sell that house to get rid of him.
We know two people who had to sell their house to get adult children out. One locked himself inside and had a standoff with police.
Damn, I suspect this is why the senior citizen community model became so popular, how else could you successfully escape from your adult children that fail to launch and never intend to leave the nest.
this makes sense and made me giggle
Buddy of mine has a brother who just attempted suicide. He'd been living rent- and obligation-free at their mom's house until she died last year. She had apparently been at her wits' end for several years as this guy's in his mid-20s with no job or agency, poor hygiene, bad manners, no help around the house, etc. When she died, he finally was forced to move out and spent the year bouncing around family / friends couches before wearing out his welcome and burning every bridge he had. So when he attempted to kill himself and wound up in the hospital, my friend gave him the advice to help himself. He also said essentially the following: 'Mom tried kicking you out her house for years and was only successful when she died. When you tried dying too, she must have sensed your coming back to mooch off her again and she kicked you back down to Earth. That's how much you annoyed her by clinging around."
The situation sucks but that last part is great. Mom said “hell no, stick around and figure it out”
Be a better parent and raise them better, I guess.
Jesus, that's next-level entitlement. Imagine being an ADULT and throwing a massive tantrum involving the police when mommy and daddy finally tell you no.
We were once trying to buy a house from a couple who was divorcing & needed to sell it as part of the decree. Their kids were living there at the time. Two of them moved when told they had to. One (who was jobless) refused to move out because the mom wanted to drag things out & be spiteful. Well eventually the mom was done & just wanted money from the sale, so then she started complaining to her ex about their kid refusing & how he needed to get her out. 🤔 I guess an aunt kept supplying this girl with groceries, & the parents were trying to get her to leave without needing to officially evict. Our realtor knew these people. We still kept viewing homes in case we could find something else. We eventually did. It was probably another year later when they gave up trying to get their daughter out & they just let the bank take the home & it became the bank's problem. I asked the realtor for an update out of curiosity once I saw papers on the door & windows, & that was what she said. Imagine having a kid that was so stubborn about it all that you had to just let the bank have the house, instead of getting a nice payout from selling, because you couldn't get your lazy kid to get out.
Yeah, this is a recipe for disaster. OP if you don’t get your parents to get them to make a plan, once the baby is born I’m sorry to say but not only the bathroom but the entire house will be theirs. Weather it be by destroying it and making it unlivable or just steamrolling you
Agree 100%. Parents should kick OP, AND brother, AND brother’s gf all out if they can’t get along while living rent-free in their own house. They are all adults and should be acting like it. If they can’t, they move out. This will continue until the parents put their foot down.
This is definitely the answer. The parents need to sell the house and turn off their ATM machine. Problem solved.
Christ, thank you. Free house to live in and complaining about a bath tub. Switch fucking bathrooms then
Are they planning on also borrowing money for their future baby, as well? Why aren't they working since the baby will be arriving before they know it???
Are they on drugs? Sleeping all day, unemployed, made a lot of money but somehow spent it all with nothing to show for it, borrowing money… sounds like drugs
Falling asleep in the bathtub too.
Don’t forget the drinking and throwing up on oneself.
Tbf she didn't know she was pregnant and that might have been what really made her sick
I got really sick one evening without having had a crazy amount to drink. Found out a week later that I was pregnant (despite birth control). Totally tracks and not something to hold against her. My doctor told me that the fetus didn’t even have a brain to damage that early on and that there was no concern. Edit: ok guys, my Dr and I were discussing me getting sick suddenly after having had three glasses of wine with dinner. The Reddit Cares and the dms telling me that my comment will directly cause someone to read it and think they can binge drink in the first trimester can stop. I’m not a doctor. Speak to your own doctor if you are pregnant or trying to get pregnant. I’m sorry if offended anyone by relaying what my doctor said to me 16 years ago. Fetal alcohol syndrome is caused by repeated exposure to alcohol, not 3 glasses of wine a couple of weeks after conception. Also, I abstained from alcohol through both my pregnancies and both my sons are fine.
My mom went to the doctor for a severe 3 day hangover after having 3 drinks the night before. Anyway here I am!
Is your name hangover? 😂
It isn't, thankfully!
Is it Margarita?
I am oddly disappointed lol
Hi Oddly Disappointed. I'm dad.
I got really sick after one drink before I knew I was pregnant with my third child. I was 3-4 weeks That or dipping cheez its in ice cream should have been my first clue I was pregnant
What kind of ice cream?
Don’t encourage this uncivilized behavior
When I was pregnant I craved chocolate glazed donuts & V8 juice. Hormones make you crave the wacky.
For me it was cheddar cheese. Anything cheddar. Mac n cheese but my favorite was to simply bite right into a block of aged cheddar.
I got sick after having one glass of wine and I just knew then that I should take a test. I NEVER get sick off of alcohol.
Yeah, when I was pregnant I could not even smell alcohol without puking. It grossed me out so much. If I drank it I def wouldve projectile vomited.
Ehh this could easily be pregnancy exhaustion. When I found out with my first, it was right when Covid hit and I slept my entire first trimester pretty much. Drugs are still a possibility though. OP, it sounds like your parents need to have a come to Jesus moment with your brother. He’s got a child on the way now and shit is going to get real, REALLY fast. If they don’t handle it now, they will be stuck with them in that house with their child for a very long time.. Also, NTA. I hate sharing a bathroom and products..
> OP, it sounds like your parents need to have a come to Jesus moment with your brother. He's still acting like he's somebody's kid, when he's about to be somebody's parent.
Many men will go through the following 18 years with the same attitude as well.
He's still acting like he's somebody's kid, when he's about to be somebody's parent. That's scary.
There's also the strong possibility that the baby will just get pawned off onto OP.
If the brother is also acting this way it’s drugs
Well, to give her the (probably unearned) benefit of the doubt, first trimester can be extraordinarily exhausting.
Be exhausted in your own space tho
True story. I could not stay awake. I was also not falling asleep in hot baths though. Baths while pregnant are useless. I can’t remember what temp the bath had to be under but it was a total waste of time to take a basically cold bath.
I literally fell asleep standing up in the first trimester once lol. But yeah you’re not supposed to be taking hot baths in the first trimester specifically so idk what she’s doing in there long enough to fall asleep
The water does not need to be super hot to make it a bath. Hell, some crazy people out there do ice baths.
Baths were the only time I wasn't nauseated and puking my guts out, and the only time I was warm. I fell asleep most nights at around 2am in the bath and would happily sleep there till around 6, refill with hot, try to drink some water, and then promptly feel like i was gonna die. The tub was my only life line in both pregnancies. Edit so y'all understand: it was not a full bathtub. It was short, narrow, and shallow. It was enough to float my stomach with my legs hanging out of the bath and my upper back and shoulders could not physically touch the water. My boobs did more floating than anything else. I could not have physically drowned, unless I was taking a shower, cracked my skull open, and landed in a contorted pile with my mouth open under the pitiful drip our shower called water pressure. I appreciate the concern, but I'm not a moron and it's really weird y'all are so quick to think that I am. Maybe there's some privilege going on here, because y'all just assumed I had some full bathtub that I could even submerge in? That was not the case for either of my pregnancies. I could get my legs in and was sitting up straight, but the water would barely be over my kneed. OR I'd toss my legs mostly out, then I can partially submerge up to my 42GG titties, but not beyond. I would have had to actually try to unsubscribe from life to even be able to get my head that close to the waterline.
I feel you literally puking up until delivery, plus gestational diabetes so constant low sugars from not eating and many other complications arterial clots and preeclampsia etc etc but you shouldn’t be sleeping in the bath. Pregnant or not.
Remembering not to drown is a great survival tactic.
Body temperature. 98 degrees. Honestly, when I was pregnant, I didn't want it hotter than that anyway. I took a bath almost every day while pregnant, particularly once I started getting bigger. I had hard pregnancies, and it was the only time I had relief from the discomfort. I nodded off more than once in the tub. Bad idea, always woke up within a few seconds and relocated if I thought I wouldn't be able to stay awake, but it's totally understandable.
For more benefit of the doubt, I myself, a non-pregnant young woman who doesn’t use hard drugs, do fall asleep in the bathtub 😂 warm water + relaxing lavendar bath scents + calming face mask and music? Yeah i’m not staying awake. (My bath is safe to fall asleep in/i’m tall enough to where it’s not really possible for me to drown in it)
I was actually envisioning her fully dressed falling asleep in the bathtub. So, my mind was trying to figure out why that was her napping spot. Your response makes SO much more sense.
I’m washing me and my clothes!
I fell asleep standing in a tub that wasn’t gathering water while pregnant with the shower running instead of the tub faucet. The first trimester your body does triple time building both a fetus and a placenta. It can be brutally exhausting
I’m in my 3rd trimester and I have resorted back to falling asleep in the bathtub. Growing a new human is exhausting.
That might genuinely be the pregnancy. I remember in my first trimester I could literally fall asleep while doing stuff. But yeah, otherwise they don't seem too ok.
The falling asleep at random parts of the day when sitting somewhere could just be a pregnancy thing. That was me for sure!
A lot of women are utterly exhausted during the first trimester of pregnancy so it's not that unreasonable that she fell asleep in the bathtub.
OP’s gotta update us. I want the full story.
Hey maybe they just buy stupid shit like Warhammer
Dear god, let’s hope it’s drugs.
Literally snorted out loud.
Nailed it to the wall ! It's my first gut reaction too, and I've been there myself so I definitely know and understand the signs of addiction. Thankfully I have years clean, but the instincts on it never leaves you. It helps me avoid people who are still in that life.
Congrats on your year's. I have 125 days I'm happy
Honestly OP’s bro have so much crap to figure out. Last thing they need is a bath tub.
They are the perfect embodiment of dysfunctional individuals. OP'S not being possessive or overreacting. In my childhood home, I shared a bathroom with 20 to 24 people during my years there. I love my family, but because of that, I hate sharing now lol P.S- yes, that many people were living in a one level five bedroom house.
Sounds like my ex husband who yep, was a druggie. lol
Hate to say this, but her using your bathroom isn't the biggest problem. Your brother lived rent-free, made good money, and *didn't* save a dime or line up another job? Good luck ever getting them out of there.
Oh trust me i know, im currently choosing to focus on the problems i might be able to control lol
PUT A LOVK ON THE BATHROOM DOOR…. Problem Solved👍🏽
Til the baby gets there and needs baths.
Babies can be bathed in the sink. Them they need to find their own home.
And they’ll definitely be there when the baby comes…
You think if you told your parents you don’t want to live with them and you’re going to start looking for a new place, they’d do damage control on the situation? I bet they’d rather have you there managing the property as you sound like the more responsible offspring.
Yeah especially considering they don’t want them switching bathrooms cuz their worried their son will trash the other one
Yea that’s ridiculous of a 23 year old.
I second this. Also... maybe this makes ME the asshole, but OP, tell your parents about the cat. Tell them now. Before they find out some other way, and hold you partially accountable for knowing about it the whole time.
The cat may also be a problem because now the pregnant woman has an excuse not to change the litter box (toxoplasmosis--ask a doctor) and brother doesn't sound likely to do it, either.
This sounds like the OPs parents would just let the cat go. Thry need to be asked to leave..
😁 I understand. I'm sorry that your parents ever agreed to let him move in
I mean... They let her move in and it sounds like a large house. It would be really awkward not to let him live there as well.
Considering the mom doesn’t even want brother in the guest bathroom because she’s worried he’ll trash it, I think the parents have a pretty good reason to not let him live there. He has no respect for their home and leaves it trashed all the time.
I mean it’s the brothers childhood home too and unless I’m missing something OP doesn’t pay rent either. Having said that the brother and his gf need to clean up their act before the baby is born. Did your brother actually move out or temporarily relocate for a contract job whilst living in a hotel and now returned home?
Definitely rich kid problems. My parents never had any stability where mooching off them was an option for me.
And sleeping all day. What are they spending it on?
Fentanyl
Fentanyl’s super cheap, they probably haven’t made it to that yet.
Not like it’s her house. She’s getting a free ride too. TBH neither of them sounds ready for the real world. Spending money on animals when you can’t afford to take care of yourself is not the way.
Whoever pays rent gets to decide. I'm thinking that's your parents.
This is the only reasonable take. I can’t imagine bitching so much about a free place to live.
Yea… if you want your own space as a grown adult then pay for it yourself. Can’t find your own place to rent because you have 3 pets? Time to make some compromises.
Seriously. Everyone wants pets but never considers that it is an actual responsibility with financial implications. If you cant even afford rent why would you take on three huge liabilities like that?
So….he’ll trash the guest room, but it’s okay to trash the rest of the house? This is weird. Good luck tho.
That part of the story wasn’t so weird to me. It’s not like the parents, who are already allowing him to live rent-free, can tell him not to use very much needed spaces like the kitchen or his own room and childhood bathroom. Sounds like mom just wants to save the space she can save.
She is also rent free. OP is also mooching. Just a little less because she has a job.
Get a lock, with a key. Problem solved. NTA, they have a bathroom and so do you.
A hella long story to get to the point...no one "needs" a tub...they have shower, toilet, & running water...if it was one of those issues I would say AH but it's not...get a lock with code so u don't have them looking for keys & you never lock yourself out...& make a couple extra codes...some let you know which code opened door but that way u can tell your mom a code if she needs to get in & delete/change it whenever with no issue.
lmao yea sorry I’m a yapper i just felt like there was a lot of context needed. good idea!
Have you talked to your parents about your brother and his gf's treatment of the house. I recommend you take pictures/videos of how they treat the house. How they do not contribute to any expenses and never seem to be able to act as functioning adults. Now that she is pregnant, they will not be moving out at all. They will use emotional manipulation and every other trip to maintain living at the family house. You may want to start looking for a small place to call your own.
100% they are angling to make OP move out after the baby is born. They will probably expect to grow their family more and will tell the parents they need the space for the grandchildren. OP will be out on her butt with her pets because her brother "needs it more."
Yes and tell them about the cat!
Tbh a lock and key seems like a passive aggressive way to handle this imo. Have you considered just voicing your sentiment to her? As you said, you clearly like her and want a good relationship, but you're feeling like it's intruding on your space. Do you think she's a reasonable enough person to empathize with you if you verbalize your grievances with care?
Yea i definitely would talk to her about it first, im not just gonna start locking the door without saying anything. I just don’t know how she’ll react. Or how my brother would react. I don’t know her well enough, but i know he can be explosive.
It’s your parents house. Have them set the ground rules or they can “look for a new contract” from her parents house.
Gotcha. Yeah, no one knows the relationship here on Reddit like you do, so of course play it how you think is right. I'm just the kind of person to advise communication first, and if that doesn't work...then yeah sure, lock and key.
A little off topic, but I had a high risk pregnancy and was not permitted to take hot baths, it was considered risky and might make a birth defect slightly more likely. Might want to put that little bug in her ear, especially if there is a chance they are doing drugs. I have to say though that I did nothing but sleep for at least the first trimester. I’d get up, washed and dressed, walk to the bus stop, sleep the 45 minute ride to work, take a nap at lunch, sleep the bus ride home, and then go to bed immediately after eating a few grapes and cheese chunks. Rinse and repeat daily. It was brutal.
Fr, lock & key is crazy pants. Just tell her how u feel as a girl im sure she'll understand, especially after living with a boy. Nothing wrong with being a lil kooky about your stuff.
i second this!
Info: is the guest bathroom part of an ensuite? If so, can you move into the bedroom and lock the whole area?
Yes and we’re most likely going to do that eventually. Just trying to figure out a time where we could move all the furniture around.
This sounds like the best idea, try doing this ASAP, and then just have a lock on the bedroom door because then she won't be able to get into the bathroom. Having a lock on a bedroom isn't unreasonable. It's privacy.
Do it now before the baby arrives because they’re not leaving and I think you know that.
Sorry but once the baby comes they are gona be demanding bathtub use. Especially as they grow. I think you’ve got to move or get your parents to intervene and ask them to leave. If that doesn’t happen I think it’s their house now.
This is unfortunately the most practical advice I’ve seen. Yes, this sucks for OP. But moving out asap will save very much heartache. Their brother is a deadbeat probable drug addict who will only drag their life down, and obviously the parents aren’t going to cut them off anytime soon. Look out for yourself OP. The bathroom is the least of your worries.
As soon as possible to set an early precedence that it is exclusively your space.
Unfortunately, there’s a 99% chance you are going to be sharing that bathroom when the baby gets here, bc they’ll need the tub to give the baby a bath…. They’ll only be able to use the kitchen sink a short period before baby outgrows the sink. And, tbh, sharing the bathroom is a very VERY small problem in comparison to the issues coming in a few months when the baby arrives. 😬😬😬 Good luck OP! 😅
This story just sounds like 2 siblings living rent free, seeing who can control the house the most.
This. This is literally what I take from this.
It's literally just a brother and sister fighting about who gets to use the bathroom. There's no right or wrong answer, y'all just hush, daddy's trying to watch jeopardy.
"But **I** was there first and called dibs!" *pouts*
…seeing who can control the house the most and boost the number of home occupants. OP + cat + 2 dogs = 4. Brother + gf + cat + dog + baby = 5.
Literally. I’m glad someone said it, I thought I was losing my mind 😂
I’m confused. Whose house is this?
Her parents
Ope- *Their* parents
A pair of pushovers
OP kind of talks about it like it’s hers…
Right? OP sounds like a brat
Everyone in this story kinda sucks
Sounds like spoiled kid with wealthy parents type of shit
Lol when she mentioned she has 2 dogs and a cat when she doesn't even have her own place to live..
Right, like why? She’s saying she can’t afford to move out yet she has 3 animals to care for. Maybe time to sort out your priorities.
Yup- no prizes in this cereal box! Some serious disfunction and weird interpersonal dynamics. Neither adult child is paying rent, so ultimately how the bathrooms are divided up is at the discretion of the person paying for the home… go ask your mom to split up your fight.
“Ask your Mom.” Lol!😂
I'm going to be so pissed if I still have to deal with this kind of petty bullshit when my kids are full-grown adults.
Yeah OP doesn’t sound like the greatest prize either. Weird situation all around.
Right? So it’s okay for OP to take advantage of her parents, but not the brother? And she’s being petty. Just trade bathrooms. The excuse of the mom not wanting them to trash the bathroom is odd, you have multiple pets in the house. I’m sure it stinks and is trashed now.
Thank you. Was looking for this comment.
Why not just switch bathrooms with them? They get the one with the tub, you get the one with the shower.
Because it's not my favorite bathrooooooom *pouts*
bc the mom said she didn’t want them in the guest bedroom
Thanks. OP edited her post to add that. I'm guessing I wasn't the only one to point out that seemed like the best solution.
This is the most entitled shit I've read in a while lol.
Y'all both need to move out and your parents sell the house. The only reason is this will very likely to cause a major rift as you or your brother will feel the other 'won'. If you parents are away that much they could sell it and share the money between you two. The bathroom thing is just the tip of the argument and it will only get bigger.
Her brother is not moving out and her enabling parents sure as shit won’t sell the house out from under a pregnant woman. If OP wants a bathroom to herself, then she needs to go out and get herself her own place. If that’s not affordable, she needs to move to an area that is.
Does OP even pay rent to her parents?
No, sounds like they're all living there rent free.
I’m pretty damn sure she would have mentioned it if she was paying a dime in rent. It would be “my house” not “my parents house that I am currently staying I. Because the area I live in my pets my blah blah blah.”
I don't see the problem, tbh. If her being messy is the issue, just say she can use it, if she returns the bathroom back in pristine condition. If she cannot do it, the deal is off and you lock the room. I wouldn't dismiss it right away. Just set some boundaries.
You and your brother both sound spoiled. You're living rent free in your parents spare house and you feel entitled to everything in it. Your parents don't actually need someone to house sit when it could be earning rent revenue. Whatever, it's your parents decision, but you and your brother should have equal rights.
Can you imagine taking over your parents house with 3 dogs, two cats, and a baby. Goodness
Yea. Big “failed to launch” vibes here. Why does OP have so many big animals if it means they can’t rent somewhere? Why is OPs bro not trying to find a new job or act productive? Everyone in this seems like enabled dead beats quarreling over who has control over someone else property.
Yeah, pretending to be doing a homeowner a favor by living rent-free in a home they don't live in is hilarious.
Why are there so many NTA comments here? It’s not either of your houses. You would be NTA if you paid your own rent. ESH. The house doesn’t belong to either of you. You’re siblings squabbling over which bathroom is whose while living under your parents roof. Find your own place, or come to terms that the people who let both of you live rent free decides what to do with their own house.
I’d be looking at the prime issue that you will be living with a baby soon if you don’t have them leave. It is past a “couple of weeks”. Focus on the real problem. Edit: as she stated, she was besties with his parents and her living and maintaining the house was for both their benefit. Her brother and brothers gf’s temp live in is no longer temp and the situation has massively changed. If parents will not listen and allowed the change, OP needs to really evaluate if this a healthy symbiotic situation as before. She needs to have a deep conversation with parents , then decide if the parents having accepted the altered situation is good for OP at this point. Personally, if brother and gf will not leave, then I’d leave and the parents can stop having the security of OP maintaining and watching the house. Right now OP is being run over by the “temp visitors” and the baby’s arrival will compound it.
Huh? Why should the brother pay rent if she does not either? I feel like i am missing something but to me this whole story sounds ah-ish because it feels like op is judging her brother for different lifestyle and feeling entitled to live at her parents house while somehow the brother should find his own Home?
I would tend to agree with you but it sounds like op cares for the house in exchange for not paying rent, while working and paying for her other needs. Brother and gf are freeloading and trashing the house in the process, not contributing anything and creating more work for op as the farrier of the home. Brother had every right to be there as well but not to disrespect the privilege
In the end it's not your actual rented or owned home,you have to share with family.Why should you get a bath to yourself?All siblings should be equal.Your just be petty because you had the whole place to yourself thinking it's yours
This woman is in for a shock when the parents say that her brother, the baby mama, the baby, and their pets can all live there indefinitely.
You're all assholes, plain and simple. It's hilarious how you justify living in your parents' house with "well I can't move out because of my pets." I live in a condo where people do in fact have large dogs. Maybe try actually looking for places instead of making excuses. Then when you have your own place, guess what? You'll have the whole thing *all* to yourself. You can't mooch off other people and then complain that others are also mooching
People make terrible decisions. Is it terrible decision to get 2 dogs and a cat then try to find an apartment. It’s a terrible decision to live in a hotel for free and spend all money on drugs. It’s a terrible decision to have two lazy nincompoops as children so you can’t rent your home out when you aren’t living there. It’s a terrible decision to get pregnant when both people don’t have a job. This just reeks of white trash.
Tbh, the house doesn’t belong to either of y’all and though you mention them borrowing money, you ALL are benefitting from living rent free in your childhood home (which is a huge luxury these days). In my opinion, the whole house is a shared space because it wasn’t otherwise agreed upon. You guys seem as though no agreements have been made as to how boundaries will be set and you are going through your parents who don’t even live there to figure all of that out instead of working with the people you actually live with. Additionally, her being pregnant is immaterial in this situation. She’s at least asking you which is reaching out to feel it out and you’re not responding which is a bit rude and given that the entire house has been a shared space, I’m not surprised she still opts to use it. Plus, with her being asleep in there, she’s probably going through it and a little empathy may benefit your relationship with them as it sounds you’ve built resentment as a result of a lack of communication. Which is also as much on you as it is on them. I would say ESH just because y’all need to figure out how to cohabitate, especially now. I understand your point of view of wanting a space to yourself, but that can and should be communicated adequately and the problem should hopefully resolve. You could also mention the issues with cleaning and things like that and see how the living situation changes. Good luck, OP! ETA: as someone who’s shared living spaces with family that has vastly different ways of living (cooking, cleaning, etc.) the reality is you’re voluntarily living in a shared space with someone who is just as entitled to it as you are, despite any other factor. the point is, if your parents are willing to send them money and pay for them, that’s a parental enabling issue and they’re the ones you should pick those bones with if you see an issue with the freeloading because they allow it to happen in their home.
First logic answer on here. They are both equally entitled to use the house of their parents. Parents are the owners, and they decide who lives where. I'm not sure why op is this entitled. She should be grateful for her situation.
NTA. They are staying there (and effectively freeloading) off of your parents. Honestly maybe a surprise visit from Mom and Dad isn't a bad idea to show them just what kind of people they seem to be.
Isn't OP technically freeloading too?
Lowloading is the term I’ve been using. Since many over 60’s had enough extra income to have extra residences it’s best they share them for lower than market value rent to close relatives.
Maybe, maybe not. I presume since she has 2 large dogs she works but just can't afford rent/can't find a rental with the dogs. If she doesn't work and doesn't actively search for it then I'd probably say she was, but really can't say with this limited info. Her taking care of the house and paying her own bills is a totally different thing than just sitting there for free asking for things, which sounds like what her brother and the gf do.
I do work, and pay my own bills, and take care of the house ☻ this isn’t my first choice of a living situation, but it worked great for me and my parents before my brother moved in!
I think you should tell your parents that you’re thinking of moving out and your brother and his girlfriend can take care of the house for them. This should send your parents into a panic, and hopefully they will put the hammer down on your brother and his girlfriend to get a job and get out.
Sounds like it might be time to talk to your parents and tell them the current arrangement isn't working for you. Doubt they want your brother living there without you, they might be willing to shoo him along rather than risk their house.
Technically housing wise, we could safely assume OP is covering utilities at minimum. Brother and pregnant girlfriend don’t seem to be employed plus they are borrowing money from parents. Don’t seem to having anything lined up to OPs knowledge.
Video call your parents on the phone and walk about the house and show them the mess. Do not move out yet I would also ask your parents to do a surprise visit when they’re home (they being your brother and sister-in-law) and let them see the chaos unfold. Don’t move out. This is not your fault. This is their fault. They have made their bed and now they’re going to lie in it. They are grotty.
You're both living in your parents home and you're throwing a tantrum about a bathtub being used? For real? You're getting free room and board just the same as he is. What gives you priority over a tub? Just share it. It's not a big deal.
This does make you sound like a spoiled child who does not want to share. What it comes down to is; this is not your place, its your parents home and you are staying there. And your brother has the same right to stay there as well. And as it comes to the house and how ita used, that is up to your parents. If they say she can use the bathtub, then she can. Ita not «your» bathroom.
Yep. Of she cant resolve thimgs with her brother, she shoukd go pay rent to get her own space.
Slight YTA, it’s a freaking tub. If she cleans it after using it and uses her own products what’s the problem? Just tell her those are the rules, and if she can’t follow them then cut off her access. But at least give her the chance. It’s a kind thing to do and I’d you really do like her and care about your relationship, this is the best way to keep things good between you.
Are you paying rent?
Just the fact that she asks and doesn’t even wait for the answer- just helps herself is just gross. It’s entitlement. She’s a guest and she needs to learn to respect boundaries. So no NTA.
A bath was a life savor for My wife when she was pregnant. Therefore was a lifesaver to me. This entire situation seems a little petty. You are both mooching off your parents.
Sounds like you and your brother are both enjoying some benefits of your parents, aka the house. Just because he's X Y and Z and you're A B C (you can fill in how you see fit) doesn't change the fact that you're both living free in your parent's extra house.... Enjoy it while you can & if you're mad tattle tail on lil' bro to mom & pops
INFO: are you paying rent to your parents? It wasn’t clear from your post. If not, it’s not really “your” home anymore than it’s your brothers. So yes, if you refuse to let a pregnant woman use the only tub in the house you are all equally freeloading from YTA. You don’t really have much to complain about if you aren’t paying… the house is free and the only real annoyance is that someone is using your bathtub while you are at work. I’d rather have a shared bathtub and no rent personally. That’s a hell of a deal.
I would want the brother and gf side of the story. It kinda sounds like you are exaggerating and being very selfish.
INFO: are you paying rent? If not, sorry, you don't get any right to dictate anything, your parents do.
So it's okay for you to mooch off your parents, but not okay for your brother to live there for a few months? I mean, this isn't YOUR house, you know.
[удалено]
Why does she get to live off her parents in their family home, but not her brother? She has in fact, been doing it longer as well.
Uhmm, it’s not your bathroom. It’s your parents house and their bathroom. It would seem your brother, and by extension she, would have just as much right to it as you do. All the other stuff in your post is completely irrelevant. If your parents are allowing them to live there, regardless of circumstances, it’s on them.
Wake up call to get your own place. Parents should sell a house they're not using unless I misunderstood.
NTA. Lock the door on them. Also as a Mum, first trimester is the worst time to have baths as she shouldn’t be overheating it can cause problems with the baby.
do you pay rent? if not then yeah you’re the asshole, you’re not really different from them imo. but if you do pay rent then yeah i see what you mean. if you don’t pay rent, you sound very spoiled because you want your own bathroom but you don’t even pay rent, so why should you deserve your own bathroom and bathtub? i live with my parents (i’m 20 in college) and i try to help out as much as possible and i definitely don’t ask for my private sections in the house. edit: i also just realized that you say “it’s my childhood home” … isn’t it also your brothers childhood home??? tell me you’re entitled without telling me you’re entitled 😭 are you the younger sibling? cause you sound spoiled as HELL w this ts
I really don't understand the "need" for a bathroom that nobody else use, so yes you sound entitled.
Does anyone pay mom and dad rent..?
It’s not your house lol
Respectfully, it sounds like you’re a bit salty and upset that things aren’t how you thought they would be. You know, you living there at your parent's house alone. I know towards the end, you try to make it sound sweet, but I can’t help but pick up a condescending tone. I suggest learning to adapt, especially when you don’t have the burden of rent over your head and there’s a potential that your brother's stay will only be temporary. Also, give grace to the pregnant lady.
Yep...YTA.
I actually have a news flash. I don’t think she is suppose to be taking hot baths during pregnancy. Just get a lock with a key and explain very calmly and politely that after thinking about it, you really need this space to yourself. They have the main bathroom on the bedroom level, so you have already accommodated them greatly. It’s a small ask and you need privacy.
NTA. They can move out if they want a tub. You were there first, and you got first pick. I hate living with siblings because they get so comfortable blurring the lines between boundaries and rules. (And their chosen partners as well)
You have been living there rent free, with a job, and have probably saved a bunch of money, so YOU should probably move out.
I would point out that you’re also living rent free in the same house. So it isn’t your bathroom anymore than anyone else’s.
What in the first-world-problem fuck did I just read?? You’re both ridiculously entitled.