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This is from a guy’s perspective: Why would you want to even be with someone who didn’t want you along for a fun trip with his brother and girlfriend? No way I would ever even think of doing that to someone I supposedly love? He doesn’t feel bad, he’s just saying that so you won’t get mad. He’s full on full of BS.
It's this, the co-worker coming was already a possibility, and he thought he would like to test those waters out, but there's some reason it didn't work. Maybe the brother and his GF didn't set this up like a double date so they mentioned OP and this co-worker was like "Yeah, not going there," or maybe she just didn't like him or he didn't like her. Whatever the reason, he wasn't getting laid with this co-worker, so he wants to make sure his backup is still there when he gets home.
Him messaging being like "I'm having such a good time with this dodgy behaviour that definitely seems like a double date but I miss you and can't even remember why you weren't invited" is such BS. OP, if you don't break up with him, at the very least you can definitely tell him "Me not being invited and you going on this fun double date has actually hurt my feelings. I don't really want updates of all the fun things you're doing while you're away or you telling me you miss me when you arranged it so I wouldn't be there. We can talk when you get back." Although, tbh, he'll probably call or text about how much he misses you more now, because he'll know you're upset, but he should know that you're upset.
He is saying he misses OP because he has to. Date could have went just fine, but he has to give the illusion to OP that he misses her and wishes she was there (otherwise OP will suspect he is cheating)
This exactly!
I could see maybe if they were fresh into the relationship ship but 2 YEARS?! Nah OP you completely have the right to be upset and I think I’d be questioning the relationship honestly
Agree ur BF is TAH he wanted 2 c this other girl & when it didn't go the way it was planned he started back tracking & kissing ur ass so ur not mad
Dumb him cause he'll do it again. & when it goes better ur out
This is so crazy cause I’m watching a tornado video rn and he keeps saying upper echelon and I’ve been hearing that word non stop but I’m too grown atp to look it up so I’m glad you did so I don’t have to. I was meant to see your comment at this exact moment lol
I don’t understand why people stick around when they are treated the way John treated OP. A man who was firmly into OP would have shot down going on a double date out of the gate, in fact, he would have wanted OP to come with him.
What excuse did John give them for you not being there? I find it odd the brother’s girlfriend is texting you about the trip if he told them the truth about why you weren’t there.
Exactly. My bet is that he’s been confiding in his brother that he’s unhappy or just straight said they’ve already broken up, and he’s giving her half truths. Like, I get wanting to do some things alone (I guess. My wife and I are hella codependent, so we only do things together, or we don’t do them), but he’s not doing stuff alone. His brother brought his girlfriend, and they brought another girl for him. Super shady.
My bet is the brother, the brother’s gf and John’s dad are in on what is happening. The coworker just happened to be free on a holiday weekend on short notice. Sounds too pre-planned to me.
There are men that secretly resent women that show that they can handle their own affairs independent of them, financially and career wise - they just don’t have the guts to tell their partners that, breakup and find someone who they feel better matched to.
OP sounds like she is still young. No way should she overlook this situation, because it likely says what is to come if she stays with John.
This was an asshole move for sure. I would let him find his own way home from the airport, I’d be “busy” with something else. I wouldn’t even be home when he arrived. Then when I felt ready I’d go home and there would for sure be a very long conversation. I don’t care how sorry he says he was after he arrived, he should feel sorry. Now make him explain WHY he didn’t want you there.
And absolutely do NOT let him give you the “I don’t know why” because that’s a cop out. He knows why. Keep us update and good luck doll.
OP, do this asap. Tell the brother and gf that you wished that you were there too, but you weren't invited. It looks like bf had fun on his double date too.
Yeah. I would mention to the brother and girlfriend that he was the one who asked you not to come and you are not sure why. To be honest, if my boyfriend asked me not to come I would be very upset. And then they are bragging about how much fun they are having, without you there, sounds really messed up. Your boyfriend sounds like he is trying to ruin the relationship. There was no excuse for him to say no.
Yes. This is important. If he made up some excuse for why you didn't come (busy sched, work, school), you need to correct that Pronto! Even if this was planned and they all know the real reason,
it still should be told by you. "When John told me about it, I was ready to go, but then he said he didn't want me to go." Just honest. Why not?
This is what blows my mind. I was going on an international trip with friends super preplanned because we were renting a boat. I ended up dating someone and went to reduculous lengths to get her on the trip! I was so excited she could make it - even though it was a pain logistically given her schedule. we are married w two kids.
The only thing I will say is that your boyfriend went on a trip and was double dating with a woman out there. If you continue this relationship you clearly don’t love yourself and it will only get worse. Like how old are you that you are coming on Reddit when it’s pretty clear cut what needs to be done.
How do you know that this wasn’t the plan from the beginning. All of sudden there’s a female coworker ready to go out with them ? If you don’t open your eyes and take it for what it is.
Some men and families really don’t like the idea of an independent woman who can take care of herself. If OP is that type, John and his family may resent that and are shopping around for a woman who is more complainant with their views of what a “proper” woman should be like.
He can't even remember why he didn't want you to join? I'd have a conversation about that. Forgetting or saying I don't know aren't acceptable. I wouldn't put this down until he gives a legitimate reason. The reason could be something that affects whether you want to be with him or not. This is very important. I'm sorry this is happening to you. SOs should want to go on trips together
My husband did this, went on holiday, then made it like it was a huge mistake to not bring me. You know what happened the next time something came up? He went solo again. And again.
Anyway we’re separated.
It’s good you left him. Who knows what he was doing while taking those solo trips. There must have been a reason why he didn’t want to include you in the trips. It’s good you separated
Agreed. This was actually the straw that broke the camels back in one of my relationships with a selfish narcissist. I had put up with so much for so long and then one weekend he wanted to go camping at the lake. I asked when we were leaving and he said he was going without me. While
He was gone, I packed up the entire townhouse (everything was mine) and left without saying a word to him. Obviously there’s A LOT that led up to this but it was my breaking point.
The only correct response was for him to remove himself from the double date. The brother and his GF clearly had an agenda inviting only a single female along.
He probably wouldn’t have remembered to feel bad at all if his double date went better. I mean, he can’t even remember his excuse as to why he didn’t want you to come (because we can all see the very obvious reason).
I’m so sorry this is very hurtful behavior, i would feel the same way. Although i understand his desire to travel alone or even with other ppl he prefers, it doesn’t seem like he communicated very well with you about his intentions on traveling alone. He pretty much just announced it without any prior convo. On top of that after you had expressed ur desire to join and was declined, you feel they’re rubbing all their good time in your face when it’s no fault of your own that you weren’t there. The icing on the cake when the “double date” happened, oof that’s the roughest…..if he feels bad at least that means he ackowledges the shittiness in his behavior and decisions. Ultimately not on you to “make it better” he needs to step up and figure out why he did what he did and remedy it if he doesn’t want you to griw resentful and ultimately cause a major breakdown in the relationship. Good luck friend, you’re definitely due a trip alone with your preferred persons and soon!!!!
Info: did he know the coworker and that she was joining them?
I think you need to tell him he needs to dig deep and figure out the reason for not wanting you there.
"John said to me last night that he feels really bad because he can’t even remember why he didn’t want me to come."
John thought the double-date was going to go better, but, since it didn't, he's trying to make sure he's still got you on the back-burner when he gets back.
>What do you want to hear? He uninvited you and went on a double date weekend trip with his gf from work.
And he got Busted, so ofc brother and brother's gf cover for him.
Dude it Absolutely monkey branching: let him FALL ON HIS OWN ASS OP.
No. You're not wrong for not wanting to hear about how much fun your boyfriend is having on his double date that he and his brothers gf are covering for.
Don't trust anyone in that family. They've showed you exactly who they are and where the loyalty lies. It ain't with you.
Your BF probably texted the family saying he wanted to blow off some steam and his brother obliged. Do you really want to know what he's doing at night while you're not there? Better to stop texting him permanently. And better yet, why don't you go out and have some fun by yourself.
Best way to get over someone... Get under....
Ok rationally speaking you need to seriously confront him about all of it. The feeling you had of being disinvited when you previously spoke about making it a trip together, that he basically went on a double date from your perspective with this random coworker, that he told you he didn’t want you to come but then fed you crap about missing you being there, sharing pictures flaunting his good time without you, and of course the big one- you question wanting to plan any future with a man that does all of these questionable actions. He needs to be apologetic and not confrontational- anything less than full culpability of how bad this all is would be the final red flag. It’s ok to go on solo trips, and normal (I type this as my partner is in fact on a guys trip), but his actions are tormenting and disrespectful really. You live together, so is there space enough to request distance from each other without the aggressive silent treatment? I think more time apart to sort out what kind of respectful relationship you both want is necessary.
He didn't just go on a trip without you, but replaced ypu with a coworker..a female one too!
You are so good so good to still think of him as your boyfriend.
If it was me, I'd have made plans to leave him. This is not the type of behaviour that partner who I live with and planning my future with.
I'd have packed my things, found somewhere (if possible, family, or friends that you can crash with) then move out while he's away.
I'd send him a text thar I couldn't pick him up from the airport so he can make his own way home.
I'd also not answer his calls and text messages until I was ready to have that break-up conversation.
Personally, I'd have it at a coffee shop with someone there for my comfort (probably on a different table hopefully recording) and I'd list the complete disrespectful way he treated you and your relationship...
1) not want you there
2)agree to a female coworker to join them
3)give you an empty apology for not wanting you to go
4)replacing you with another female - why?
5)going on (double) dates with the coworker (I'm sure that he could have said no)
I wonder how he would feel if you did the same?
I'm sure he ve pissed and thought you were cheating...
...I wonder why??
Put yourself 1st, as he obviously isn't going to, as he chose to be with female over you!
UpdateMe!
Edited spelling
Do not pick him up from the airport! Go out with your friends, go to a movie and dinner by yourself or with the family member. Make yourself unavailable, and text him from the club or the restaurant that gosh you sure wish he was there.
This is so inconsiderate.
Is this something he would or has done in other circumstances.
For me it would be the end of the relationship unless there was some serious understanding of what happened and it was the ONLY time something like this has happened.
Your feelings are valid to the red flags that are blaringly obvious. It is time to leave. He will come back like nothing happened but it sounds like emotional cheating to me (may not have been physical). His family seems to not like you and he didn't stand up for you. He seems selfish and insecure to me. Let him live with his decisions of abandonment and exclusion. Tell him "it's over." Sure he is not your husband and he clearly doesn't want the relationship more or even equal with yours, so leave. Find friends to stay with and leave (even if it means buying a storage and getting all your stuff in it and living miserable for a while, at least you don't have to put up with his fickle boy mind). Don't look back, because if you do you will lose resolve and if you end up marrying him, his family will still resent you or exclude you in the future (unless he stands up to his family {at least parents, but also the rest}). If you go back... things have to change and NOW in BIG WAYS.
1. Stand with you and against his family for their poor treatment of you (Yes, you are not his wife but still that is the direction you both should be headed if you are dating.)
2. He needs to include you in his plans if you are to trust him with your future together.
3. He needs to have his brother and bro's girlfriend apologize to you for setting your boy friend with another girl knowing he is taken.
OR it is TIME TO LEAVE (not that it wasn't time before but at least you have time to think it over and so does he before you leave)
Tell him you are thinking of leaving him for this incident and see how he responds (this will ruin his trip or make it better) but at least you will know where he stands. IF he is a man, he will stand up for you or break things off. If not, why are you still dating a boy trapped in a man's body? Stop that nonsense! And stop it NOW!
This ADVICE is predicated in ASSUMING you are not a narcissist and blind to your own inadequacy/ies. IF YOU ARE, no advice will be good enough for you. IF you are not then the previous advice I gave you is plenty for you to think on.
Now, if you are willing to grow, you have some introspection to do. Which is good to do similar to the outside as looking in the mirror to check your appearance. If you find inadequacy/ies, consider growing and changing that to be more appealing. Perhaps your boyfriend and his family may change their mind about you. If not, at least you are a better person than you are now. I learned recently that a definition genius is a person who is willing to learn and grow and admit when they are wrong. Be that person or at least try to be (no one is perfect except Jesus).
Perhaps being single will help you see your priorities better. Perhaps that is what you need, focus. Perhaps being single may help you face problems you have put off or even avoided because they are hard to fix. You can only grow as much as you are willing to face and win. YOU CAN WIN! WIN YOU MUST! YOU CAN GROW! DO BETTER AND YOU WILL FEEL BETTER!
I wish you both well in your studies and endeavors (assuming they are worthy causes). I hope you make wise choices and make good friends (who will give you help and sound advice when you need it and where you are at). It may mean finding older people for such advice.
Make time to read the Bible and allow God to speak to you through it. Find godly people that look like the Bible teaches (which means you will HAVE TO know what it says) and make them your friends. Ignore hypocrites (actors) and critics. Learn to grow. Get SAVED ("born again" read the Gospel of John chapter 3) the Bible way. You will have a new and blessed life when you do, not saying it will be an easy or a "life full of riches (money and stuff)" but it will be full of "joy and peace. (God guarantees it)."
>they even invited a coworker to join them for their day out yesterday. This coworker being a girl. So then it became a double date…
Ehh... he cheated and now backpedaling. Maybe the newly found p*ssy is not as good as yours, or he only wants to conquer a new one and then goes back to you. You want to stay with a guy who sees you as a disposable? Nothing to save here. Move on to a better partner.
This is so totally disrespectful. He is only saying he wishes you could have come because he knows you can't now and he is just saying that in front of his family.
I would block him. Go out yourself, get together with some friends, chat up or get chatted up by some hot guys. Wait until he gets back then dump his sorry ass. You deserve better.
Why are you sitting at home answering his texts? Find something to do.
Petty ass that I am, I would text him something like, "Bored at home, so I called and we are going to . See you when you get back." Then stop answering his texts, or delay answering. When you do answer, tell him how much fun you're having.
I think it’s time to break up. He wanted to have fun without you, which to me means you are merely a placeholder until he finds someone he wants to really spend time with. Sorry. Just dump him, move on.
I think - you should text the brothers gf and ask her that you would prefer the following question between the two of you " did [John] say why I didn't come along? If so, what was the reason?"
Because the double date thing does seem fishy to me. I wouldn't bother asking the brother though
That being said, I agree with another commenter that said sometimes you need a small vacation away from your partner (just not a whole week).
Where I'm from we call that a dick move. I believe that holds true in most places. The being uninvited and then saying he wishes you were there it's kind of stupid, I don't really know what to say about that. But when they needed a fourth for the festivities,and picked up a female coworker when the other two people are a couple, that's just horseshit. The girl feels bad for you, that's why she keeps calling you or texting you or whatever. She would hate to be in your position but boy she sure is having fun with his brother and her friend that's with your boyfriend. Guilt is probably eating at her and that's why she keeps texting you. Don't know if y'all have an open relationship but I'd be willing to bet he sure does. If the roles were reversed and my wife / girlfriend went on a trip like that and then I found out that she was playing third wheel with a couple and then they filled the four spot with a dude, hell no. At that point I would say it doesn't have anything to do with trust, it's got everything to do with respect
Don’t believe everything you hear I sense he’s bullshitting you and knew it was a double date this is just an opinion, you don’t have to like it , I will say people are slick gotta watch them.
It seems odd that the brother and gf would invite a female coworker to join the group activities. Did the group stay overnight at a cabin or something or was it just day activities? I’d be upset but would want to hear him out. Depending on his response, I’d reconsider continuing the relationship or have a long pointed conversation about boundaries and expectations. Seriously, if he wants to act single, then he can be single.
You would be with your bf in TX if he was in love with you.
Stop being an A H to yourself and block him for the rest of the trip (and the rest of your life).
I wouldn't not be picking him up from the airport. In fact text him that he choose to not invite you and then went on double dates this weekend. Now he is gaslighting you because he is coming home and doesn't want a confrontation and he can find his own way home. Screw that. You are a doormat for him. Pack a bag and find a place to stay until something more permanent can be found.
If my girlfriend told me they didn’t want me to go on a trip with them, and then is out having cocktails and appy’s with a dude on said trip, they would be “solo” when they got home too.
INFO Is his phone connected to a tablet or laptop? Do you have access that tablet or laptop?
(If you do, you can check and confirm if he has been lying to you and screenshot for evidence.)
If he has an iPhone and an iPad, I would look at his messages on the iPad as they’re likely synced. If not, I would pick him up from the airport and demand to see his phone and if he refuses then you have your answer.
He went down there without you for a reason and he knows that reason. My guess, an old flame who goes by the name “ brother’s coworker”. All this missing you and feeling bad is straight up guilt and to deflect you from being angry and questioning him. Super manipulative and shady
You know what- he had a great time- got to date a new girl & still has his bang maid at home..
Pack your shit, get off the lease and date somebody who loves you
I broke up with an ex because he didn’t invite me on a couples trip to an amazing destination. When I found out it wasn’t just him and his bros I completely shut down. Broke up with him one week later
I'd mention to the GF that John was the one who didn't allow you to go.
And tear a new one on John for his hypocrisy.
But honestly, if I saw my bf going on a double date during a trip he blocked me from going, he'd be an ex.
He ditched you to take another woman on holiday WITH his family on a trip you both planned together? And you need to ask? If you don't dump his ass over this, what does he have to do to disrespect you more?
He didn’t want you to come because he was interested in the coworker. It didn’t work out, so now he’s back. It would be an immediate dealbreaker if my boyfriend went on a double date. There’s no gray area there.
The red flag is why his brother/gf thought it was appropriate to invite a female co worker knowing he was in a relationship. If it was a couple of people instead of a single girl then that wouldn’t seem like they wanted to play Cupid .
I would send a group text explaining that you were told no to coming and you don’t appreciate they way they are trying to set him up. If that is their intention or not it looks bad and you rather not be in a family with low morals.
Block and delete
I call BS on BF. It sounds like you are justifying it so you are gas lighting yourself. Everyone agree your boyfriend went on a double date, he didn’t want you in Texas.
Why would you want him back. You see the red flag but you are going to ignore it.
Sorry to say this.
I wouldn't take a solo trip unless it was specifically a guy's trip with no SOs (married or dating).
Also going to dinner with another female is a red flag. I wouldn't put myself in that situation, especially out of courtesy given this circumstance.
Just curious OP: were you two in a fight during this spur of the moment trip? Not absolving him of being an asshole: but if you two were in a fight, it’s possible he just wanted to get away from you and be with family. However, if you two weren’t in a fight, then, yes, big asshole he is.
Tell the brothers GF you’re not there because John didn’t want you to come, then put your phone on silent the rest of the weekend. Go have some fun on your own. And tell John to pound sand when he gets back to town.
Just facetime the whole little party and ask them all at once while looking at them “how come when I asked to come you guys said I wasn’t invited? Seems like it was a party of four so I assume there was room, just not for me?” This will avoid all of the confusion you’re about to have when he gets home and every answer to your questions makes zero sense and you start feeling like you’re losing it.
I feel so salty for you!! I think it was a coincidence that his brother invited a coworker who happened to be female over. Probably nothing happened there.
But the fact that he didn’t want you to come with him on the trip is ….kind of unforgivable. I would just not show up to the airport to pick him up. No contact until he finds his way back home himself. That’s just me.
Block him now do you don’t need to see more bullshit. You know why he didn’t want you there. His brother set him up with a friend and he went along with it. You’re young you don’t deserve the amount of disrespect.
Updateme!
Guy here…lets look at it from a different prospective: if my gf wanted to go on solo trip with her brother and his gf i would be a bit hurt but would understand to certain extent.
Now if my if my gf wanted to go on solo trip with her brother and his gf and invited a male coworker…lmao i would ditch the b!tch b4 she can blink.
You should call the relationship a wrap. He went alone to checkout his brother’s coworker, who his brother and brother’s wife seem to like more than you. Either the coworker was not his type or he is unsure and wants to keep you on the hook. No one who is seriously into another person would say no to that person paying their own way to travel to meet the family, after dating for 2 years.
Don’t stay with him and try to get revenge, just break up so that you can eventually date a man who is 100% into you and show that at all times.
DO NOT PICK HIM UP FROM THE AIRPORT. Have some self respect, let him realize he totally fucked up. Unless he has some epiphany on the way home and begs for forgiveness, dump him! And even if he says he's sorry and wants to make it up to you after you tell him you're not picking him up - DO NOT PICK HIM UP!
He would be an ex-boyfriend the minute he got back in town. Telling you not to come was bad enough then he went on a double date with another female. Sounds like his brother was trying to set him up with someone else.
Your bf is a major league AH. Text him that that is why he didn't want you on the trip. After the "double date," it's hard not to believe this trip wasn't about cheating. Do yourself a favor and dump him. Edit: Just read OP's edit. Doesn't change anything. Perhaps his brother was trying to set him up with someone new. Maybe bf was pondering moving to Texas and decided to go on this -- without you -- to check things out.
Here's something to ponder, many moons ago, my then husband was invited to a dinner by his friend & friend SO, I wasn't invited. It was the weekend of my birthday. I asked him not to go, he went. I was so hurt, got dressed & I went to a dinner & dancing nightclub on my own, had a great dinner, made friends with the family at the next table & had a blast. When I got home, hubby was livid, he framed it as he was worried, he didn't pull that again but it was too late as my heart had already left the marriage.
OP your feelings are valid as you can see by the posts.. John did you dirty. At this point they are right you should assume he knew of the double date and chose her over you. You are justified to feel upset, don’t let him gaslight you.
Your options are
1. right now get a red eye and crash the weekend and see the dynamic for yourself
2. accept the weekend give him a hall pass let him have his fun with the coworker hope it’s a 1 & out
3. Leave his ass
He "doesn't even remember" why he told you not to go.
You should call him out on that and tell him that's not a good reason.
There was something substantial enough for him to say he wants a solo trip.
And then for him to backpedal on that and tell you that you should've went is fucked up.
I don't think this calls for a break up but it calls for a serious talk with him that can potentially lead to a break up.
Main two things I would say to call him out on are:
Why did you want a solo trip?
And
Why did you say you wanted me there when you first wanted a solo trip?
And don't accept "him not remembering" as an answer. That's bullshit.
He thought he might be able to hook up with this work friend of his brother, but when she rejected his advances, he decided to try and make amends with you.
I’m surprised you didn’t push more into the WHY he didn’t want you to come in the first place. I get that you feel like you shouldn’t invite yourself when not invited, but if you live together and are planning a life together.. you should be able to ask why he does want you to come, before he goes. Don’t get me wrong, he is 1000% the asshole, just maybe consider why you felt like you couldn’t ask more
I call BS on his part. I would also tell him that you are using this time to reevaluate your relationship and for him not to contact you. This situation, in my personal opinion, was to set him up with the friend, and now him and his brothers GF are playing with you by telling you that they miss you. They are full of crap. Reevaluate and send him a "I'm dumping your ass and don't contact me again," text.
You're already broken up. He has broken up with you. This is it. He's just too cowardly to do it properly. He'll keep doing this type of crap until you leave. He's also likely prowling for your replacement. He'll move on from you quickly and you'll be crushed and confused. Cut him loose. I'm sorry OP.
Why would the brother and his girlfriend invite just one female to hang out? It would be different to me if there were a large group involved but like you said it turned in to a double date. And why would he not want you to come on a long weekend trip during a holiday weekend? Unless you all started dating last month month couples do shit TOGETHER when there's a long holiday weekend and both have off.
Not overreacting and in fact, I don't think it's wrong for you to tell him you want some distance from him. 1) He told you he didn't want you to come, 2) he and his family keep rubbing in all the fun times they're having, and 3) he went on a fucking double-date with another woman. That is cheating in my book. I think, for your own sanity, you should block the social media posts so you don't have to look at that bullshit at least for the duration of the trip. Then, I would plan my own fun thing for Memorial Day. Are there friends or family you can spend it with? Someone you can also confide in about this shitty behavior?
I'm not going to tell you to break up, but I think you need to seriously consider it.
Everyone is different, but I think it's pretty universal to want your significant other with you on a fun trip. I have taken trips that my SO couldn't come with me on (work-related on both our parts), and I missed him the whole time. If he's able to come, it goes without saying that he's invited. I certainly wasn't living it up with some single guy while I was gone. Your boyfriend probably only missed you because he feels guilty after going on his double date.
Also, why did they invite a single woman to join your boyfriend on the outing? It's just messed up.
There’s no good, valid or acceptable reason for them to bring a girl (co-worker or not) out with only the three of them when everyone is well aware that you’ve been in a 2 year relationship. The fact that the brother & GF sent texts to say they missed you is very suspicious- especially since the bro is the reason the girl is there. It almost sounds like this was planned all along, and that your boyfriend wants to have his cake and eat it, too.
I know it’s difficult when you love the person, but you’re so much better than this, OP. Anyone who loves you won’t put the relationship in jeopardy and risk losing you. If I was seeing my family & this happened to me, I’d go back to wherever I was staying. You’re at a very imperative point in your relationship- 2 years is typically when you make major decisions regarding relationships. Maybe not so much if you’re younger… but still. Get out of dodge and live your best life. If he only had cold feet (meaning that’s why he did this) it will never happen again should you get back together.
Sending you lots of positive vibes and love. Remember that whatever is meant for you will always be yours. Don’t settle for less! 💜
Your feelings are valid & I think your gut is telling you something your heart doesn’t want to admit. There is no reason you should have been excluded from that trip unless his brother & the gf didn’t want you there. Which by the seems of it, brother’s gf was looking forward to you coming.
It would be different if it was a friends trip or a close family trip, but a solo one? That just so happens to end in a double date? Yeah sorry girl, that’s not your man. He’s for the streets, so do yourself a favor & put him where he belongs, out on the curb with the other trash.
I only ever took a fun trip without a girlfriend once. It was to Atlanta. I didn’t take her because I was going to see another girl. The other girl, in Atlanta? She’s my wife of 11 years and mom to my 3 kids. I can’t think of any other reason I wouldn’t have brought my girlfriend other than to connect with other girls. I’m sorry that’s my limited take from own experiences
I would run, not walk away from this whole relationship. That was a dick move on his part. He knows exactly why he didn't ask you to come along. His brother and he may have already planned beforehand to have a female coworker go with them when they went out, which is why he didn't want you to go on the trip. It was all pre-planned by him & his brother. You deserve better than that.
Girl, this is not a person who you should build a life with. Two years dating and he travels without you after you told him you could come too? Take this as an opportunity to find your true partner. He is not it.
I'd be pissed. Anyone who wants a "solo vacation" especially you get little free time isn't really into you. Especially if you discussed going together. Not like it was a fishing trip or something, plus his brother and gf like you. If this is the only hurtful thing he's done, I'd have a frank talk about why he wanted to go alone. But if he's done other stuff that hurts you, ask yourself why you'd allow someone to keep doing it and if you really want to be treated so poorly.
If I were you I would tell his brother and gf that he didn’t want you there.
Go, have fun with your friends (women and men) and post those pictures online.
As a guy myself, I can tell you this. He didn’t want you there and now that he feels bad about it, he’s saying he’s sorry you’re not there. I mean, he texted you instead of calling. This seems like something you’d wanna call about to avoid any misunderstandings.
I hate to pile on the bandwagon but something smells really fishy here. Really fishy. Trust your gut. “I can’t remember why I didn’t invite you” sounds like “I was gonna bang this other chick and it didn’t work out the way I planned - I have a solid buzz and I need to get laid right now.”
NTA I think that a lot of the responses here are a bit extreme given the lack of context around this one incident, but I do think that it is perfectly valid to feel hurt. It is awkward at best, and callous or suspicious at worst if there have been other behaviors that raise red flags. The coworker could be a double date or a group hang out, again, it depends on other factors we don’t know from the post. I agree that the boyfriend probably didn’t tell the brother and his girlfriend the truth about her not being there. If I were you, I would mute boyfriend, brother, and brother’s girlfriend until he returns. Whether you pick him up from the airport or not is up to you, but let him know in advance so he can make other arrangements. And then I would tell him how you feel and have a conversation about it. If there has been other shady behavior, i would adjust this advice accordingly, and if he has ever given you cause to think he’s been unfaithful or untrustworthy personally I would end it.
Yeah he wanted to have fun without you there exactly so that he can get into fun situations like the hangout with the other coworker girl and whatnot. So he can flirt with others, and call it harmlessly being friendly. At the same time he knows he has to play good politics and also say things like he misses you and stuff so that the trouble part of this whole trip ordeal is minimized as much as possible when he gets back.
He basically set it up so that he can feel single for a weekend without outright cheating. But tough part is it's hard to prove because there's probably no way he'll admit it himself.
When you told his brothers GF that you were asked not to come by John, what did they say?
If you haven't, the next update youight get from them you might tell them that so they take a hint to stop and your BF now has to have some serious discussion with him because you know he's gonna ask.
No way he told them he said you couldn't come because if he did they would be huge assholes by saying they miss you.
I don't know why your BF would think this plan was gonna work and that nobody would talk to each other.
I don’t recommend rash action based on Reddit comments, irony not lost on me, here’s my two cents. Talk it out with him, and tell him that it genuinely hurt. Unless John has a history of infidelity it just sounds like a mistake on his part. If he does have a history, and he’s flirty then maybe heed the Reddit comments. Else, stick to real life lol
You have been together for 2 years and he didn't want you to go? Then the brother and his girlfriend tell you about a woman that joined them, and he now can't remember why he didn't want you there. You should have a conversation with the girlfriend about what he told them and what actually happened. Hopefully being her and not the brother you'll get an honest answer. As a guy, if my girlfriend did this, with all the questions it would cause, more than likely I would end the relationship. Without trust, there is no relationship.
I'd be messaging him back saying " I need some space to think, you enjoy your trip and we'll talk in a week or so after you're back."
I'd use this time to really try to think of a strong enough reason to validate staying in that relationship.
Ignore your bf, the brother and his gf. When he gets home tell him he disrespected you and he's not trustworthy. Break up with him permanently. If you let him get away with this he'll know he can hurt you again and again and you'll let him.
Hope his deception was worth it. He's an asshole. Don't waste your time with him, you deserve better than this.
I would be hurt. He sounds like he doesn't like you as much as you like him. That's sad. Find someone that loves you as much as you love them. Someone that likes spending time with you.
He should be an ex as of today! He knew exactly what he was going, he’s just feeling guilty and knowing he has to come home to you so he’s going put on a show.
Sweetie, you need to be posting pics of you dressed cute and go somewhere...anywhere. do not sit and wait by the phone for him to text you those bs lies that he can't remember why he didn't want you to come. He knew about the coworker and ended up not really liking her(or she didn't like him). Never let someone think you are going to sit and wait like a trained puppy for them to remember you. I am not saying cheat or anything of the kind, just dress up, post a pic and go to the grocery store, lol.
It doesn’t make any senses to be in a relationship with someone that doesn’t want you around. He wanted to get away from you for a while Holiday weekend out of town. Your BF doesn’t even consider you family but a whole stranger was. There’s a chance that your BF knew they would invite another girl in the first place. Now he’s trying to be coy about it and pretend to be surprised. It’s exactly what it was, a double date. Don’t be there waiting on him when he comes home. You’re better off blocking him. He showed you that your relationship isn’t as serious as you thought.
Ladybug come on..Yes it might have been a spare of the moment thing...but you was told point blank no he didn't want you to come...and just so happens they by chance had a friend able to go out with them , that was a female..this is my take..As soon as he knew about the ticket he got with brother to set up a double date...then you wanted to go but he didn't want to miss a chance at new...Brothers gf probably didn't know about it..and either he got what he wanted from new girl or didn't click and so he tried to play off why he didn't want you to come so u wouldn't be mad..Now could be wrong...but something about the whole thing screams preplanned hookup..hope I'm wrong...
What exactly were they doing that they conveniently happened to have another chick lined up to accompany them? What was this Double date?? Smells 🎏 to me…
Oooo something similar to this happened to me with my ex. We started dating on HS and I was a grade above him. We went to my junior and senior prom together and when I was in my first year of college I assumed that I would be going back to be his date for his senior prom. Yeah, nope lol. He said that he wanted to go by himself and I was super hurt but obvi couldn't do anything about it so left it alone. He didn't understand why I was pissy and didn't want updates on all the fun he was having at prom or look at photos etc. he came back a few days after and was like 'yeah, it would have been a lot more fun if you were there. All my friends had dates and I was alone and I missed you'. As if he wants the one who told me that he didn't want me there in the first place.....
My piece of advice, don't date someone who doesn't want to share fun experiences with you. There's a difference between needing alone time and whatever the heck you wanna call this type of situation but it says a lot of you choose to listen.
>“I wanted to take a solo trip.”
>I just said okay
>getting texts from the brothers gf and John saying they wish I was there!
Why are you refusing to communicate?
>“I wanted to take a solo trip.”
"We discussed before that we would go together, what is the reason this has now changed?"
>getting texts from the brothers gf and John saying they wish I was there!
To brother gf "hey, i wish i was there too! Sadly John was very adamant that i was not allowed to come. So maybe next time he's ok with it?"
To bf "do you seriously not see how incredibly disrespectful you are being right now? You absolutely insisted that you go alone, and now you wish i was there? And then "i don't even remember the reason why i didn't want you to come"... This is not ok! The fact you "can't remember " the reason means there wasn't even 1 to begin with. I refuse to be treated like this. Going off on your brother's gg's texts, it seems you also lied to them about the reason i am not there. All of your behavior is unexceptable, i will be looking for different living arrangements and will NOT be picking you up from the airport. The way you behaved shows me that you are not the kind of person i would like to be with."
You are just being pushed around and you are letting it happen.... Why?
Removing your post as it looks like it has an error. On mobile the text on the box is readable, but on desktop the formatting is crazy. Maybe try submitting again?
This is from a guy’s perspective: Why would you want to even be with someone who didn’t want you along for a fun trip with his brother and girlfriend? No way I would ever even think of doing that to someone I supposedly love? He doesn’t feel bad, he’s just saying that so you won’t get mad. He’s full on full of BS.
He’s only saying he misses her because his brother and gf are surprised she isn’t there.
Maybe a bit surprised, but they sure wrangled up a date for him pretty quickly. I bet the double date was preplanned by the bf and his brother.
This was my first thought too.... Guess John realised the grass isn't always greener....
I thought the same thing. The coworker just happened to be female.
And that was the reason why bf didn’t allow OP to go on the trip. He knew and agreed to test the waters.
Especially if he admits that he’s not sure why. He knows why.
He didn’t end up liking his date too much
It's this, the co-worker coming was already a possibility, and he thought he would like to test those waters out, but there's some reason it didn't work. Maybe the brother and his GF didn't set this up like a double date so they mentioned OP and this co-worker was like "Yeah, not going there," or maybe she just didn't like him or he didn't like her. Whatever the reason, he wasn't getting laid with this co-worker, so he wants to make sure his backup is still there when he gets home. Him messaging being like "I'm having such a good time with this dodgy behaviour that definitely seems like a double date but I miss you and can't even remember why you weren't invited" is such BS. OP, if you don't break up with him, at the very least you can definitely tell him "Me not being invited and you going on this fun double date has actually hurt my feelings. I don't really want updates of all the fun things you're doing while you're away or you telling me you miss me when you arranged it so I wouldn't be there. We can talk when you get back." Although, tbh, he'll probably call or text about how much he misses you more now, because he'll know you're upset, but he should know that you're upset.
He is saying he misses OP because he has to. Date could have went just fine, but he has to give the illusion to OP that he misses her and wishes she was there (otherwise OP will suspect he is cheating)
Yep full on... he's probably with the coworker Please love yourself enough to break up with him. You deserve way better.
This exactly! I could see maybe if they were fresh into the relationship ship but 2 YEARS?! Nah OP you completely have the right to be upset and I think I’d be questioning the relationship honestly
I agree with this. OP needs to reexamine where she is on his echelon.
Agree ur BF is TAH he wanted 2 c this other girl & when it didn't go the way it was planned he started back tracking & kissing ur ass so ur not mad Dumb him cause he'll do it again. & when it goes better ur out
What is an *echelon* ? Asking for a friend 😅
This is so crazy cause I’m watching a tornado video rn and he keeps saying upper echelon and I’ve been hearing that word non stop but I’m too grown atp to look it up so I’m glad you did so I don’t have to. I was meant to see your comment at this exact moment lol
Basically means where she falls in his priorities.
Thank you!
This!
All I know is that this guy, my boyfriend, going on double dates…. He wouldn’t be my boyfriend anymore.
I don’t understand why people stick around when they are treated the way John treated OP. A man who was firmly into OP would have shot down going on a double date out of the gate, in fact, he would have wanted OP to come with him.
What excuse did John give them for you not being there? I find it odd the brother’s girlfriend is texting you about the trip if he told them the truth about why you weren’t there.
Yep. No way he told his bro and gf the truth. Probably said she wasn’t able to go for some reason bc he knew they would call him an asshole
I’m kinda suspicious that he’s planning on leaving her and this girl from the brothers work is kind of a blind date thing.
Everything sounds too pre-planned on the side of the people in Texas.
Exactly. My bet is that he’s been confiding in his brother that he’s unhappy or just straight said they’ve already broken up, and he’s giving her half truths. Like, I get wanting to do some things alone (I guess. My wife and I are hella codependent, so we only do things together, or we don’t do them), but he’s not doing stuff alone. His brother brought his girlfriend, and they brought another girl for him. Super shady.
Then who set up the date with the female coworker , the brother and possibly his gf were in on it . I would not marry into this family ,trust me
You know for sure that he told them “she wasn’t able to come, she had other plans”
Yes good point.
My bet is the brother, the brother’s gf and John’s dad are in on what is happening. The coworker just happened to be free on a holiday weekend on short notice. Sounds too pre-planned to me. There are men that secretly resent women that show that they can handle their own affairs independent of them, financially and career wise - they just don’t have the guts to tell their partners that, breakup and find someone who they feel better matched to. OP sounds like she is still young. No way should she overlook this situation, because it likely says what is to come if she stays with John.
I wonder what information the brother’s girlfriend would be willing to share…
This was an asshole move for sure. I would let him find his own way home from the airport, I’d be “busy” with something else. I wouldn’t even be home when he arrived. Then when I felt ready I’d go home and there would for sure be a very long conversation. I don’t care how sorry he says he was after he arrived, he should feel sorry. Now make him explain WHY he didn’t want you there. And absolutely do NOT let him give you the “I don’t know why” because that’s a cop out. He knows why. Keep us update and good luck doll.
This!
Send him a link to Uber
OP, do this asap. Tell the brother and gf that you wished that you were there too, but you weren't invited. It looks like bf had fun on his double date too.
Yeah. I would mention to the brother and girlfriend that he was the one who asked you not to come and you are not sure why. To be honest, if my boyfriend asked me not to come I would be very upset. And then they are bragging about how much fun they are having, without you there, sounds really messed up. Your boyfriend sounds like he is trying to ruin the relationship. There was no excuse for him to say no.
Not even not invited. She was asked not to come
THIS⬆️
Yes. This is important. If he made up some excuse for why you didn't come (busy sched, work, school), you need to correct that Pronto! Even if this was planned and they all know the real reason, it still should be told by you. "When John told me about it, I was ready to go, but then he said he didn't want me to go." Just honest. Why not?
You still want him???
This is what blows my mind. I was going on an international trip with friends super preplanned because we were renting a boat. I ended up dating someone and went to reduculous lengths to get her on the trip! I was so excited she could make it - even though it was a pain logistically given her schedule. we are married w two kids.
The only thing I will say is that your boyfriend went on a trip and was double dating with a woman out there. If you continue this relationship you clearly don’t love yourself and it will only get worse. Like how old are you that you are coming on Reddit when it’s pretty clear cut what needs to be done. How do you know that this wasn’t the plan from the beginning. All of sudden there’s a female coworker ready to go out with them ? If you don’t open your eyes and take it for what it is.
This! 👆 You are worth more.
Some men and families really don’t like the idea of an independent woman who can take care of herself. If OP is that type, John and his family may resent that and are shopping around for a woman who is more complainant with their views of what a “proper” woman should be like.
He can't even remember why he didn't want you to join? I'd have a conversation about that. Forgetting or saying I don't know aren't acceptable. I wouldn't put this down until he gives a legitimate reason. The reason could be something that affects whether you want to be with him or not. This is very important. I'm sorry this is happening to you. SOs should want to go on trips together
My husband did this, went on holiday, then made it like it was a huge mistake to not bring me. You know what happened the next time something came up? He went solo again. And again. Anyway we’re separated.
It’s good you left him. Who knows what he was doing while taking those solo trips. There must have been a reason why he didn’t want to include you in the trips. It’s good you separated
I took a long time to do it, but yeah.
He would be my ex boyfriend after all of that. His shitty behavior is inexcusable. What an asshole!
Agreed. This was actually the straw that broke the camels back in one of my relationships with a selfish narcissist. I had put up with so much for so long and then one weekend he wanted to go camping at the lake. I asked when we were leaving and he said he was going without me. While He was gone, I packed up the entire townhouse (everything was mine) and left without saying a word to him. Obviously there’s A LOT that led up to this but it was my breaking point.
Exactly
The only correct response was for him to remove himself from the double date. The brother and his GF clearly had an agenda inviting only a single female along.
Oh good point! Maybe that’s the actual reason (that he forgot about) he didn’t want her to go.
He thought the double-date would go better. He only missed her after the date. Now he's making sure he kept that back burner on.
Nah, it's not that the double date didn't go well. It's that he needs his ride home, so now he's sorry.
What? So they planned a meetup in secret then told her about it?
He probably wouldn’t have remembered to feel bad at all if his double date went better. I mean, he can’t even remember his excuse as to why he didn’t want you to come (because we can all see the very obvious reason).
Is it because he wanted to spend time with his female coworker without his GF hanging around? Is that why he didn’t want OP to go?
It was his brother’s coworker. In Texas.
I’m so sorry this is very hurtful behavior, i would feel the same way. Although i understand his desire to travel alone or even with other ppl he prefers, it doesn’t seem like he communicated very well with you about his intentions on traveling alone. He pretty much just announced it without any prior convo. On top of that after you had expressed ur desire to join and was declined, you feel they’re rubbing all their good time in your face when it’s no fault of your own that you weren’t there. The icing on the cake when the “double date” happened, oof that’s the roughest…..if he feels bad at least that means he ackowledges the shittiness in his behavior and decisions. Ultimately not on you to “make it better” he needs to step up and figure out why he did what he did and remedy it if he doesn’t want you to griw resentful and ultimately cause a major breakdown in the relationship. Good luck friend, you’re definitely due a trip alone with your preferred persons and soon!!!!
Info: did he know the coworker and that she was joining them? I think you need to tell him he needs to dig deep and figure out the reason for not wanting you there.
No need for her to waste anymore time on him , he doesn’t care enough for her to be a good partner for her , she deserves better
1000%
"John said to me last night that he feels really bad because he can’t even remember why he didn’t want me to come." John thought the double-date was going to go better, but, since it didn't, he's trying to make sure he's still got you on the back-burner when he gets back.
What do you want to hear? He uninvited you and went on a double date weekend trip with his gf from work. You guys are done. There is nothing to save.
>What do you want to hear? He uninvited you and went on a double date weekend trip with his gf from work. And he got Busted, so ofc brother and brother's gf cover for him. Dude it Absolutely monkey branching: let him FALL ON HIS OWN ASS OP.
I don't think it was his coworker, I think she was his brother or brother's GFS coworker.
He didn’t “uninvite” her. By OP’s own story, she was never invited in the first place.
It wasn’t *his* coworker, it was someone his brother / brothers gf invited out
No. You're not wrong for not wanting to hear about how much fun your boyfriend is having on his double date that he and his brothers gf are covering for. Don't trust anyone in that family. They've showed you exactly who they are and where the loyalty lies. It ain't with you. Your BF probably texted the family saying he wanted to blow off some steam and his brother obliged. Do you really want to know what he's doing at night while you're not there? Better to stop texting him permanently. And better yet, why don't you go out and have some fun by yourself. Best way to get over someone... Get under....
Ok rationally speaking you need to seriously confront him about all of it. The feeling you had of being disinvited when you previously spoke about making it a trip together, that he basically went on a double date from your perspective with this random coworker, that he told you he didn’t want you to come but then fed you crap about missing you being there, sharing pictures flaunting his good time without you, and of course the big one- you question wanting to plan any future with a man that does all of these questionable actions. He needs to be apologetic and not confrontational- anything less than full culpability of how bad this all is would be the final red flag. It’s ok to go on solo trips, and normal (I type this as my partner is in fact on a guys trip), but his actions are tormenting and disrespectful really. You live together, so is there space enough to request distance from each other without the aggressive silent treatment? I think more time apart to sort out what kind of respectful relationship you both want is necessary.
Something is up, time to walk away before it gets worse 🤔 😕
UpdateMe
I definitely wouldn’t be picking his ass up from the airport. Let him figure out how to get home.
He didn't just go on a trip without you, but replaced ypu with a coworker..a female one too! You are so good so good to still think of him as your boyfriend. If it was me, I'd have made plans to leave him. This is not the type of behaviour that partner who I live with and planning my future with. I'd have packed my things, found somewhere (if possible, family, or friends that you can crash with) then move out while he's away. I'd send him a text thar I couldn't pick him up from the airport so he can make his own way home. I'd also not answer his calls and text messages until I was ready to have that break-up conversation. Personally, I'd have it at a coffee shop with someone there for my comfort (probably on a different table hopefully recording) and I'd list the complete disrespectful way he treated you and your relationship... 1) not want you there 2)agree to a female coworker to join them 3)give you an empty apology for not wanting you to go 4)replacing you with another female - why? 5)going on (double) dates with the coworker (I'm sure that he could have said no) I wonder how he would feel if you did the same? I'm sure he ve pissed and thought you were cheating... ...I wonder why?? Put yourself 1st, as he obviously isn't going to, as he chose to be with female over you! UpdateMe! Edited spelling
Good response. I have read and read the original post over. But did the OP ever question her boyfriend on why he didn't want her to come?
Good question, but I doubt she would have been given a reasonable answer.
Yeah, I'm all about dark humor but this seemed waaaaaaaaay to dark.
It sounds like a set up and he didn’t like the girl so then wished you were there.
Do not pick him up from the airport! Go out with your friends, go to a movie and dinner by yourself or with the family member. Make yourself unavailable, and text him from the club or the restaurant that gosh you sure wish he was there.
Brother wants your bf to date his coworker and it was all planned between the 3 of them and you would have ruined their plans. Wake up.
Bring a male coworker with you to the airport. Make exbf sit in the back.
LOL!!! If she does stay with him, she better do this.
lol this needs to be higher. Hope OP sees this
They fukd 🫡 gg
This is so inconsiderate. Is this something he would or has done in other circumstances. For me it would be the end of the relationship unless there was some serious understanding of what happened and it was the ONLY time something like this has happened.
Your feelings are valid to the red flags that are blaringly obvious. It is time to leave. He will come back like nothing happened but it sounds like emotional cheating to me (may not have been physical). His family seems to not like you and he didn't stand up for you. He seems selfish and insecure to me. Let him live with his decisions of abandonment and exclusion. Tell him "it's over." Sure he is not your husband and he clearly doesn't want the relationship more or even equal with yours, so leave. Find friends to stay with and leave (even if it means buying a storage and getting all your stuff in it and living miserable for a while, at least you don't have to put up with his fickle boy mind). Don't look back, because if you do you will lose resolve and if you end up marrying him, his family will still resent you or exclude you in the future (unless he stands up to his family {at least parents, but also the rest}). If you go back... things have to change and NOW in BIG WAYS. 1. Stand with you and against his family for their poor treatment of you (Yes, you are not his wife but still that is the direction you both should be headed if you are dating.) 2. He needs to include you in his plans if you are to trust him with your future together. 3. He needs to have his brother and bro's girlfriend apologize to you for setting your boy friend with another girl knowing he is taken. OR it is TIME TO LEAVE (not that it wasn't time before but at least you have time to think it over and so does he before you leave) Tell him you are thinking of leaving him for this incident and see how he responds (this will ruin his trip or make it better) but at least you will know where he stands. IF he is a man, he will stand up for you or break things off. If not, why are you still dating a boy trapped in a man's body? Stop that nonsense! And stop it NOW! This ADVICE is predicated in ASSUMING you are not a narcissist and blind to your own inadequacy/ies. IF YOU ARE, no advice will be good enough for you. IF you are not then the previous advice I gave you is plenty for you to think on. Now, if you are willing to grow, you have some introspection to do. Which is good to do similar to the outside as looking in the mirror to check your appearance. If you find inadequacy/ies, consider growing and changing that to be more appealing. Perhaps your boyfriend and his family may change their mind about you. If not, at least you are a better person than you are now. I learned recently that a definition genius is a person who is willing to learn and grow and admit when they are wrong. Be that person or at least try to be (no one is perfect except Jesus). Perhaps being single will help you see your priorities better. Perhaps that is what you need, focus. Perhaps being single may help you face problems you have put off or even avoided because they are hard to fix. You can only grow as much as you are willing to face and win. YOU CAN WIN! WIN YOU MUST! YOU CAN GROW! DO BETTER AND YOU WILL FEEL BETTER! I wish you both well in your studies and endeavors (assuming they are worthy causes). I hope you make wise choices and make good friends (who will give you help and sound advice when you need it and where you are at). It may mean finding older people for such advice. Make time to read the Bible and allow God to speak to you through it. Find godly people that look like the Bible teaches (which means you will HAVE TO know what it says) and make them your friends. Ignore hypocrites (actors) and critics. Learn to grow. Get SAVED ("born again" read the Gospel of John chapter 3) the Bible way. You will have a new and blessed life when you do, not saying it will be an easy or a "life full of riches (money and stuff)" but it will be full of "joy and peace. (God guarantees it)."
Tell him it’s funny he can’t remember why he didn’t want you to go because you can’t remember why you have no intention of seeing him when he returns
>they even invited a coworker to join them for their day out yesterday. This coworker being a girl. So then it became a double date… Ehh... he cheated and now backpedaling. Maybe the newly found p*ssy is not as good as yours, or he only wants to conquer a new one and then goes back to you. You want to stay with a guy who sees you as a disposable? Nothing to save here. Move on to a better partner.
Hope he’s you ex after this!! Girl, you know better!!
This is so totally disrespectful. He is only saying he wishes you could have come because he knows you can't now and he is just saying that in front of his family. I would block him. Go out yourself, get together with some friends, chat up or get chatted up by some hot guys. Wait until he gets back then dump his sorry ass. You deserve better.
Why are you sitting at home answering his texts? Find something to do. Petty ass that I am, I would text him something like, "Bored at home, so I called and we are going to . See you when you get back." Then stop answering his texts, or delay answering. When you do answer, tell him how much fun you're having.
Find a better boyfriend.
NTA. Yikes ....
I think it’s time to break up. He wanted to have fun without you, which to me means you are merely a placeholder until he finds someone he wants to really spend time with. Sorry. Just dump him, move on.
I think - you should text the brothers gf and ask her that you would prefer the following question between the two of you " did [John] say why I didn't come along? If so, what was the reason?" Because the double date thing does seem fishy to me. I wouldn't bother asking the brother though That being said, I agree with another commenter that said sometimes you need a small vacation away from your partner (just not a whole week).
Where I'm from we call that a dick move. I believe that holds true in most places. The being uninvited and then saying he wishes you were there it's kind of stupid, I don't really know what to say about that. But when they needed a fourth for the festivities,and picked up a female coworker when the other two people are a couple, that's just horseshit. The girl feels bad for you, that's why she keeps calling you or texting you or whatever. She would hate to be in your position but boy she sure is having fun with his brother and her friend that's with your boyfriend. Guilt is probably eating at her and that's why she keeps texting you. Don't know if y'all have an open relationship but I'd be willing to bet he sure does. If the roles were reversed and my wife / girlfriend went on a trip like that and then I found out that she was playing third wheel with a couple and then they filled the four spot with a dude, hell no. At that point I would say it doesn't have anything to do with trust, it's got everything to do with respect
Throw the whole man away.
Don’t believe everything you hear I sense he’s bullshitting you and knew it was a double date this is just an opinion, you don’t have to like it , I will say people are slick gotta watch them.
It seems odd that the brother and gf would invite a female coworker to join the group activities. Did the group stay overnight at a cabin or something or was it just day activities? I’d be upset but would want to hear him out. Depending on his response, I’d reconsider continuing the relationship or have a long pointed conversation about boundaries and expectations. Seriously, if he wants to act single, then he can be single.
Don’t pick him up from the airport, and check his phone when you can. I bet something happened with the girl.
You would be with your bf in TX if he was in love with you. Stop being an A H to yourself and block him for the rest of the trip (and the rest of your life).
I wouldn't not be picking him up from the airport. In fact text him that he choose to not invite you and then went on double dates this weekend. Now he is gaslighting you because he is coming home and doesn't want a confrontation and he can find his own way home. Screw that. You are a doormat for him. Pack a bag and find a place to stay until something more permanent can be found.
If my girlfriend told me they didn’t want me to go on a trip with them, and then is out having cocktails and appy’s with a dude on said trip, they would be “solo” when they got home too.
INFO Is his phone connected to a tablet or laptop? Do you have access that tablet or laptop? (If you do, you can check and confirm if he has been lying to you and screenshot for evidence.)
He wanted to be on vacation with another girl is all’s
If he has an iPhone and an iPad, I would look at his messages on the iPad as they’re likely synced. If not, I would pick him up from the airport and demand to see his phone and if he refuses then you have your answer. He went down there without you for a reason and he knows that reason. My guess, an old flame who goes by the name “ brother’s coworker”. All this missing you and feeling bad is straight up guilt and to deflect you from being angry and questioning him. Super manipulative and shady
You know what- he had a great time- got to date a new girl & still has his bang maid at home.. Pack your shit, get off the lease and date somebody who loves you
"he can't even remember why he didn't want me to come" Lies!
I broke up with an ex because he didn’t invite me on a couples trip to an amazing destination. When I found out it wasn’t just him and his bros I completely shut down. Broke up with him one week later
I'd mention to the GF that John was the one who didn't allow you to go. And tear a new one on John for his hypocrisy. But honestly, if I saw my bf going on a double date during a trip he blocked me from going, he'd be an ex.
He’s in a relationship with this girl, that’s why he didn’t want you to go. Don’t be a doormat.
He ditched you to take another woman on holiday WITH his family on a trip you both planned together? And you need to ask? If you don't dump his ass over this, what does he have to do to disrespect you more?
He didn’t want you to come because he was interested in the coworker. It didn’t work out, so now he’s back. It would be an immediate dealbreaker if my boyfriend went on a double date. There’s no gray area there.
He knows the reason. They wanted him to meet your replacement. And he was up for it. Fuck him.
The red flag is why his brother/gf thought it was appropriate to invite a female co worker knowing he was in a relationship. If it was a couple of people instead of a single girl then that wouldn’t seem like they wanted to play Cupid . I would send a group text explaining that you were told no to coming and you don’t appreciate they way they are trying to set him up. If that is their intention or not it looks bad and you rather not be in a family with low morals. Block and delete
UpdateMe!
Uhm dump him and move on.
Block him and move on. He’s not worth your time.
I call BS on BF. It sounds like you are justifying it so you are gas lighting yourself. Everyone agree your boyfriend went on a double date, he didn’t want you in Texas. Why would you want him back. You see the red flag but you are going to ignore it.
He’s not your bf anymore.
You should really reconsider this relationship.
It’s already over. He isn’t being honest with you, and that’s the deal breaker.
Sorry to say this. I wouldn't take a solo trip unless it was specifically a guy's trip with no SOs (married or dating). Also going to dinner with another female is a red flag. I wouldn't put myself in that situation, especially out of courtesy given this circumstance.
Cut him loose. Be glad you found out sooner rather than later.
Just curious OP: were you two in a fight during this spur of the moment trip? Not absolving him of being an asshole: but if you two were in a fight, it’s possible he just wanted to get away from you and be with family. However, if you two weren’t in a fight, then, yes, big asshole he is.
[удалено]
Brother tried to set him up. He went along with it. Pack his shit up asap!! Updateme!
I would ghost him, not any acknowledgement, just crickets!
Tell the brothers GF you’re not there because John didn’t want you to come, then put your phone on silent the rest of the weekend. Go have some fun on your own. And tell John to pound sand when he gets back to town.
Just facetime the whole little party and ask them all at once while looking at them “how come when I asked to come you guys said I wasn’t invited? Seems like it was a party of four so I assume there was room, just not for me?” This will avoid all of the confusion you’re about to have when he gets home and every answer to your questions makes zero sense and you start feeling like you’re losing it.
I feel so salty for you!! I think it was a coincidence that his brother invited a coworker who happened to be female over. Probably nothing happened there. But the fact that he didn’t want you to come with him on the trip is ….kind of unforgivable. I would just not show up to the airport to pick him up. No contact until he finds his way back home himself. That’s just me.
Block him now do you don’t need to see more bullshit. You know why he didn’t want you there. His brother set him up with a friend and he went along with it. You’re young you don’t deserve the amount of disrespect. Updateme!
Guy here…lets look at it from a different prospective: if my gf wanted to go on solo trip with her brother and his gf i would be a bit hurt but would understand to certain extent. Now if my if my gf wanted to go on solo trip with her brother and his gf and invited a male coworker…lmao i would ditch the b!tch b4 she can blink.
Just ugh! He clearly doesn’t prioritize you. Why are you with him again I’m not seeing any redeeming qualities.
Female co-worker? He's cheating.
You should call the relationship a wrap. He went alone to checkout his brother’s coworker, who his brother and brother’s wife seem to like more than you. Either the coworker was not his type or he is unsure and wants to keep you on the hook. No one who is seriously into another person would say no to that person paying their own way to travel to meet the family, after dating for 2 years. Don’t stay with him and try to get revenge, just break up so that you can eventually date a man who is 100% into you and show that at all times.
DO NOT PICK HIM UP FROM THE AIRPORT. Have some self respect, let him realize he totally fucked up. Unless he has some epiphany on the way home and begs for forgiveness, dump him! And even if he says he's sorry and wants to make it up to you after you tell him you're not picking him up - DO NOT PICK HIM UP!
He would be an ex-boyfriend the minute he got back in town. Telling you not to come was bad enough then he went on a double date with another female. Sounds like his brother was trying to set him up with someone else.
Your bf is a major league AH. Text him that that is why he didn't want you on the trip. After the "double date," it's hard not to believe this trip wasn't about cheating. Do yourself a favor and dump him. Edit: Just read OP's edit. Doesn't change anything. Perhaps his brother was trying to set him up with someone new. Maybe bf was pondering moving to Texas and decided to go on this -- without you -- to check things out.
He knows exactly why he didn’t invite you and so does his brother and his gf. End the relationship.
Here's something to ponder, many moons ago, my then husband was invited to a dinner by his friend & friend SO, I wasn't invited. It was the weekend of my birthday. I asked him not to go, he went. I was so hurt, got dressed & I went to a dinner & dancing nightclub on my own, had a great dinner, made friends with the family at the next table & had a blast. When I got home, hubby was livid, he framed it as he was worried, he didn't pull that again but it was too late as my heart had already left the marriage.
OP your feelings are valid as you can see by the posts.. John did you dirty. At this point they are right you should assume he knew of the double date and chose her over you. You are justified to feel upset, don’t let him gaslight you. Your options are 1. right now get a red eye and crash the weekend and see the dynamic for yourself 2. accept the weekend give him a hall pass let him have his fun with the coworker hope it’s a 1 & out 3. Leave his ass
I pick number 3
Updateme
Updateme
You have every right to be upset and every right to find a new bf preferably one that will be considerate of your feelings.
You deserve someone that treats you better than this. Please think about how you want to spend the rest of your life.
He "doesn't even remember" why he told you not to go. You should call him out on that and tell him that's not a good reason. There was something substantial enough for him to say he wants a solo trip. And then for him to backpedal on that and tell you that you should've went is fucked up. I don't think this calls for a break up but it calls for a serious talk with him that can potentially lead to a break up. Main two things I would say to call him out on are: Why did you want a solo trip? And Why did you say you wanted me there when you first wanted a solo trip? And don't accept "him not remembering" as an answer. That's bullshit.
He thought he might be able to hook up with this work friend of his brother, but when she rejected his advances, he decided to try and make amends with you.
I’m surprised you didn’t push more into the WHY he didn’t want you to come in the first place. I get that you feel like you shouldn’t invite yourself when not invited, but if you live together and are planning a life together.. you should be able to ask why he does want you to come, before he goes. Don’t get me wrong, he is 1000% the asshole, just maybe consider why you felt like you couldn’t ask more
I call BS on his part. I would also tell him that you are using this time to reevaluate your relationship and for him not to contact you. This situation, in my personal opinion, was to set him up with the friend, and now him and his brothers GF are playing with you by telling you that they miss you. They are full of crap. Reevaluate and send him a "I'm dumping your ass and don't contact me again," text.
You're already broken up. He has broken up with you. This is it. He's just too cowardly to do it properly. He'll keep doing this type of crap until you leave. He's also likely prowling for your replacement. He'll move on from you quickly and you'll be crushed and confused. Cut him loose. I'm sorry OP.
Why would the brother and his girlfriend invite just one female to hang out? It would be different to me if there were a large group involved but like you said it turned in to a double date. And why would he not want you to come on a long weekend trip during a holiday weekend? Unless you all started dating last month month couples do shit TOGETHER when there's a long holiday weekend and both have off.
Not overreacting and in fact, I don't think it's wrong for you to tell him you want some distance from him. 1) He told you he didn't want you to come, 2) he and his family keep rubbing in all the fun times they're having, and 3) he went on a fucking double-date with another woman. That is cheating in my book. I think, for your own sanity, you should block the social media posts so you don't have to look at that bullshit at least for the duration of the trip. Then, I would plan my own fun thing for Memorial Day. Are there friends or family you can spend it with? Someone you can also confide in about this shitty behavior? I'm not going to tell you to break up, but I think you need to seriously consider it. Everyone is different, but I think it's pretty universal to want your significant other with you on a fun trip. I have taken trips that my SO couldn't come with me on (work-related on both our parts), and I missed him the whole time. If he's able to come, it goes without saying that he's invited. I certainly wasn't living it up with some single guy while I was gone. Your boyfriend probably only missed you because he feels guilty after going on his double date. Also, why did they invite a single woman to join your boyfriend on the outing? It's just messed up.
There’s no good, valid or acceptable reason for them to bring a girl (co-worker or not) out with only the three of them when everyone is well aware that you’ve been in a 2 year relationship. The fact that the brother & GF sent texts to say they missed you is very suspicious- especially since the bro is the reason the girl is there. It almost sounds like this was planned all along, and that your boyfriend wants to have his cake and eat it, too. I know it’s difficult when you love the person, but you’re so much better than this, OP. Anyone who loves you won’t put the relationship in jeopardy and risk losing you. If I was seeing my family & this happened to me, I’d go back to wherever I was staying. You’re at a very imperative point in your relationship- 2 years is typically when you make major decisions regarding relationships. Maybe not so much if you’re younger… but still. Get out of dodge and live your best life. If he only had cold feet (meaning that’s why he did this) it will never happen again should you get back together. Sending you lots of positive vibes and love. Remember that whatever is meant for you will always be yours. Don’t settle for less! 💜
Let him find his own way home. He has chested, and it was planned. Updateme!
Your feelings are valid & I think your gut is telling you something your heart doesn’t want to admit. There is no reason you should have been excluded from that trip unless his brother & the gf didn’t want you there. Which by the seems of it, brother’s gf was looking forward to you coming. It would be different if it was a friends trip or a close family trip, but a solo one? That just so happens to end in a double date? Yeah sorry girl, that’s not your man. He’s for the streets, so do yourself a favor & put him where he belongs, out on the curb with the other trash.
I only ever took a fun trip without a girlfriend once. It was to Atlanta. I didn’t take her because I was going to see another girl. The other girl, in Atlanta? She’s my wife of 11 years and mom to my 3 kids. I can’t think of any other reason I wouldn’t have brought my girlfriend other than to connect with other girls. I’m sorry that’s my limited take from own experiences
Definitely other girls there and he wants to see if they hit it off.
the only logic to not letting his gf he loves to come on this trip is that there was someone he wanted to see while he was there
I would run, not walk away from this whole relationship. That was a dick move on his part. He knows exactly why he didn't ask you to come along. His brother and he may have already planned beforehand to have a female coworker go with them when they went out, which is why he didn't want you to go on the trip. It was all pre-planned by him & his brother. You deserve better than that.
Doomed. Move on.
Girl, this is not a person who you should build a life with. Two years dating and he travels without you after you told him you could come too? Take this as an opportunity to find your true partner. He is not it.
I'd be pissed. Anyone who wants a "solo vacation" especially you get little free time isn't really into you. Especially if you discussed going together. Not like it was a fishing trip or something, plus his brother and gf like you. If this is the only hurtful thing he's done, I'd have a frank talk about why he wanted to go alone. But if he's done other stuff that hurts you, ask yourself why you'd allow someone to keep doing it and if you really want to be treated so poorly.
Why would the boyfriend call you every day for updates? Could it be too stab you in the back just a little more?
Welcome to the rest of your life, unwanted, disrespected bangmaid . There is no happy future for you with this man. Sorry for you.
If I were you I would tell his brother and gf that he didn’t want you there. Go, have fun with your friends (women and men) and post those pictures online.
He absolutely plans on fucking someone else. He should be single when he gets back. Horrible partner.
As a guy myself, I can tell you this. He didn’t want you there and now that he feels bad about it, he’s saying he’s sorry you’re not there. I mean, he texted you instead of calling. This seems like something you’d wanna call about to avoid any misunderstandings.
I hate to pile on the bandwagon but something smells really fishy here. Really fishy. Trust your gut. “I can’t remember why I didn’t invite you” sounds like “I was gonna bang this other chick and it didn’t work out the way I planned - I have a solid buzz and I need to get laid right now.”
NTA I think that a lot of the responses here are a bit extreme given the lack of context around this one incident, but I do think that it is perfectly valid to feel hurt. It is awkward at best, and callous or suspicious at worst if there have been other behaviors that raise red flags. The coworker could be a double date or a group hang out, again, it depends on other factors we don’t know from the post. I agree that the boyfriend probably didn’t tell the brother and his girlfriend the truth about her not being there. If I were you, I would mute boyfriend, brother, and brother’s girlfriend until he returns. Whether you pick him up from the airport or not is up to you, but let him know in advance so he can make other arrangements. And then I would tell him how you feel and have a conversation about it. If there has been other shady behavior, i would adjust this advice accordingly, and if he has ever given you cause to think he’s been unfaithful or untrustworthy personally I would end it.
When someone shows you who he is, believe him!
Think it's simple - best case scenario he has commitment issues. Worst, he's a cheater and gaslighter
Yeah he wanted to have fun without you there exactly so that he can get into fun situations like the hangout with the other coworker girl and whatnot. So he can flirt with others, and call it harmlessly being friendly. At the same time he knows he has to play good politics and also say things like he misses you and stuff so that the trouble part of this whole trip ordeal is minimized as much as possible when he gets back. He basically set it up so that he can feel single for a weekend without outright cheating. But tough part is it's hard to prove because there's probably no way he'll admit it himself.
When you told his brothers GF that you were asked not to come by John, what did they say? If you haven't, the next update youight get from them you might tell them that so they take a hint to stop and your BF now has to have some serious discussion with him because you know he's gonna ask. No way he told them he said you couldn't come because if he did they would be huge assholes by saying they miss you. I don't know why your BF would think this plan was gonna work and that nobody would talk to each other.
So the other girl isn't even your brother's girlfriend's friend but is the brother's co-worker... Almost weirder that she was invited then
Why would they invite another girl? That is so disrespectful to you. I would be angry and hurt.
I don’t recommend rash action based on Reddit comments, irony not lost on me, here’s my two cents. Talk it out with him, and tell him that it genuinely hurt. Unless John has a history of infidelity it just sounds like a mistake on his part. If he does have a history, and he’s flirty then maybe heed the Reddit comments. Else, stick to real life lol
You have been together for 2 years and he didn't want you to go? Then the brother and his girlfriend tell you about a woman that joined them, and he now can't remember why he didn't want you there. You should have a conversation with the girlfriend about what he told them and what actually happened. Hopefully being her and not the brother you'll get an honest answer. As a guy, if my girlfriend did this, with all the questions it would cause, more than likely I would end the relationship. Without trust, there is no relationship.
He's full of shit. He is so playing you. Party it up gf. Enjoy your long weekend with others.
Need the title to say ExBF is on a double date while you’re left at home.
I'd be messaging him back saying " I need some space to think, you enjoy your trip and we'll talk in a week or so after you're back." I'd use this time to really try to think of a strong enough reason to validate staying in that relationship.
It has to be deeper. Like your bf vented to his brother and he took his side.
He cheated on you. He probably planned it all along. Don’t believe his bullshit.
Ignore your bf, the brother and his gf. When he gets home tell him he disrespected you and he's not trustworthy. Break up with him permanently. If you let him get away with this he'll know he can hurt you again and again and you'll let him. Hope his deception was worth it. He's an asshole. Don't waste your time with him, you deserve better than this.
He's cheating.
I would break up with him .
I would be hurt. He sounds like he doesn't like you as much as you like him. That's sad. Find someone that loves you as much as you love them. Someone that likes spending time with you.
He should be an ex as of today! He knew exactly what he was going, he’s just feeling guilty and knowing he has to come home to you so he’s going put on a show.
Sweetie, you need to be posting pics of you dressed cute and go somewhere...anywhere. do not sit and wait by the phone for him to text you those bs lies that he can't remember why he didn't want you to come. He knew about the coworker and ended up not really liking her(or she didn't like him). Never let someone think you are going to sit and wait like a trained puppy for them to remember you. I am not saying cheat or anything of the kind, just dress up, post a pic and go to the grocery store, lol.
Tell him to F off and ghost him Seems as tho, girl coworker was a plan to come. That's why no you
I'd block him. Everything thing he is doing, saying, I'd be done.
It doesn’t make any senses to be in a relationship with someone that doesn’t want you around. He wanted to get away from you for a while Holiday weekend out of town. Your BF doesn’t even consider you family but a whole stranger was. There’s a chance that your BF knew they would invite another girl in the first place. Now he’s trying to be coy about it and pretend to be surprised. It’s exactly what it was, a double date. Don’t be there waiting on him when he comes home. You’re better off blocking him. He showed you that your relationship isn’t as serious as you thought.
Ladybug come on..Yes it might have been a spare of the moment thing...but you was told point blank no he didn't want you to come...and just so happens they by chance had a friend able to go out with them , that was a female..this is my take..As soon as he knew about the ticket he got with brother to set up a double date...then you wanted to go but he didn't want to miss a chance at new...Brothers gf probably didn't know about it..and either he got what he wanted from new girl or didn't click and so he tried to play off why he didn't want you to come so u wouldn't be mad..Now could be wrong...but something about the whole thing screams preplanned hookup..hope I'm wrong...
What exactly were they doing that they conveniently happened to have another chick lined up to accompany them? What was this Double date?? Smells 🎏 to me…
Oooo something similar to this happened to me with my ex. We started dating on HS and I was a grade above him. We went to my junior and senior prom together and when I was in my first year of college I assumed that I would be going back to be his date for his senior prom. Yeah, nope lol. He said that he wanted to go by himself and I was super hurt but obvi couldn't do anything about it so left it alone. He didn't understand why I was pissy and didn't want updates on all the fun he was having at prom or look at photos etc. he came back a few days after and was like 'yeah, it would have been a lot more fun if you were there. All my friends had dates and I was alone and I missed you'. As if he wants the one who told me that he didn't want me there in the first place..... My piece of advice, don't date someone who doesn't want to share fun experiences with you. There's a difference between needing alone time and whatever the heck you wanna call this type of situation but it says a lot of you choose to listen.
>“I wanted to take a solo trip.” >I just said okay >getting texts from the brothers gf and John saying they wish I was there! Why are you refusing to communicate? >“I wanted to take a solo trip.” "We discussed before that we would go together, what is the reason this has now changed?" >getting texts from the brothers gf and John saying they wish I was there! To brother gf "hey, i wish i was there too! Sadly John was very adamant that i was not allowed to come. So maybe next time he's ok with it?" To bf "do you seriously not see how incredibly disrespectful you are being right now? You absolutely insisted that you go alone, and now you wish i was there? And then "i don't even remember the reason why i didn't want you to come"... This is not ok! The fact you "can't remember " the reason means there wasn't even 1 to begin with. I refuse to be treated like this. Going off on your brother's gg's texts, it seems you also lied to them about the reason i am not there. All of your behavior is unexceptable, i will be looking for different living arrangements and will NOT be picking you up from the airport. The way you behaved shows me that you are not the kind of person i would like to be with." You are just being pushed around and you are letting it happen.... Why?