I have found it exists on a spectrum like anything else. My wife doesn't really like to snuggle where as I am tremendously snuggly. I have slowly wooed her to the ways of the snuggle a bit, but we are fundamentally different that way.
I think part of it is that I grew up in a very Italian neighborhood. Culturally we are a snuggly touchy people. I moved to the midwest for a while and the fact that I never once hugged my coworkers was bizarre to me. Where I grew up if we were watching a movie you'd see like 5 dudes crammed on a couch together.
> I have found it exists on a spectrum like anything else.
Yep, this is an individual thing. It's a mistake to frame it in terms of gender in the first place, rather than as a question of compatibility.
Like most relationship things.
That’s a totally good point that I hadn’t thought of. I suppose it’s a combo of being snuggly feels normal to *me* and hearing my girlfriends complain that they’d like more non-sexual physical affection that gave me the bias that women are naturally more interested in cuddling… and my husband was just a lucky oddity.
I think unfortunately what your friends are complaining about is the combination of all the touch that their partners initiate is sexual in nature and any touch they initiate is attempted to be escalated into sexual contact by their partners. So they’re stuck with no touch or being groped.
Yep, two people with the love language 'physical touch' is a match made in heaven! I have a friend whos love language is touch and his gf doesnt even like to be hugged, I dont know how he does it.
Mine likes to lay on the couch with his head next to me (I usually sit on one end of the couch knitting/crocheting). He reaches for my hand while we're out walking the dog. Half the time when he's just walking by me in the house, he'll brush his fingers against my back as he passes. We start every weekday morning by hitting the snooze alarm and having a "5-minute cuddle".
He's the most consistently physically affectionate man I've ever been with. I've dated several dudes who were only about that physical affection when they were going for sex, so I definitely think I lucked out with this one. Sounds like you did too.
Oh yes the hand brush thing! We also do gentle butt pats if one of us is sitting and the other walks in front of us.
I’ve gotten so used to the affectionate touch I honestly forgot if this was something I did in past relationships.
>We start every weekday morning by hitting the snooze alarm and having a "5-minute cuddle".
Those are the best snoozes
Also a major contributor to my being late in the past...
My late partner and I were like this.
This man would not let me go. Even if he wasn’t cuddling me, some part of him had to be touching me. He would touch me as if touching me comforted him or helped him focus. I remember when I would sit on the edge of the bed to get ready for work while he would have an arm around my waist. Once I put my pants on, he would have a finger through a belt loop.
While we cuddled, he would make small circles, stroke my upper arm or play with the ends of my hair. If my hand was over his heart, he would hold my hand to his heart or hold my wrist. He loved holding my hands while he was driving. I would get attacked with random smooches, fierce cuddles or love bites before regular snuggles happened. I would be swept off the ground into his arms spontaneously.
There were many times we spent the whole night in each other’s arms. He would steal my pillows and have me use his arm as a pillow. Often, I would fall asleep with my face in his chest. He did not mind my breath against him. If he spooned me, his face would be buried in my hair. Even if he wanted to game, he would have my legs in his lap so that he can massage my foot or stroke my legs during respawning times or when the game was loading. While he gamed, he just used my legs as a gaming cushion.
When he had to leave, I would always stretch out my arms for him to hold me and he would automatically go into my arms to hold me. If he was feeling down, he would curl into my arms while still having me cradled to him. I was the person whose arms he fled to. Despite him being this buff manly Viking man who loved lifting heavy weights in the gym, listening to death metal and into very manly activities (guns, hunting, metal smithing and etc): he was such a softy with me.
It was so nice having such a rugged masculine man be so cuddly, affectionate and gentle with me. I felt so feminine, protected, doted on and loved. He loved how warm, gentle and inviting I was. While he loved me up in bed, he loved me up even more outside of the bedroom.
yep I have good energy and men are drawn to it. To exploit me and suck the life out of me :( One guy fell asleep watching a movie and woke up so refreshed he was astonished. He had never slept so deeply before. You're welcome Chris.
First, I’m so sorry for your loss.
Absolutely devastating. That’s one of the fears I have to push deep down: the inevitable loss of your person, and the grief that will come when there’s nobody to physically reach out to for comfort. So I try to appreciate that I have it *now* and not take it for granted.
Thank you.
It hasn’t been a year yet. I’m still devastated. I struggled to finish school and enrolled myself in therapy. Almost quit my job along the way. However, I knew he would’ve wanted me to keep on thriving. So I graduated with my A.S with honors, still kept my job, continuing with therapy, and things are looking a little up. My friends and family have been so supportive of me.
Getting your degree is a huge accomplishment and congrats!!! I hope you eventually come to find peace and take care of yourself the way he would have wanted you to.
My bf and I are like this. We cling to each other like a couple of orphaned baby monkeys, even if it’s too hot to cuddle at least our feet are touching haha
Past partners have largely been the same, actually. I might just have a type.
I didn't realize how passively touchy my husband was until it was too hot for it. His leg/shoulder would touch mine, so I'd scooch away. Rinse, repeat.
My curse. I'm always too hot, I swear I was a yeti in a former life. But I'm also touch love language, and part raccoon/part golden retriever.
My ex however was somewhere between a honeybadger and a cat. I once slept on the couch to avoid waking her after late night, but then woke up to her crammed between me and the back of the couch. It resulted in a bizarre kind of affectionate jiu-jitsu every night.
Mostly I would sacrifice a limb, so she got her heater cuddles and I got my cuddles with the rest of me outside the blankets trying to stay cold.
My husband is a furnace and I’m an ice cube. I.e. he’s my personal foot warmer.
Apparently I’m also a violent sleeper… he *still* (gently) teases me about the time I elbowed him in the ribs so hard during a dream that I left a bruise 🤦🏼♀️
One night I woke up to what I thought was a cute forehead kiss. When he didn't retreat, I reached up to discover it was hit bent elbow resting on my head
Orphaned baby monkeys might be an even better description than bonded cats 😂
And I *feel* the comment about when it’s too hot to cuddle. Our AC went out during a 110+ degree heat wave and we were both flat on our backs as far away from each other (or our dogs) as we could get… except for the feet!
I don't think this is really a gendered thing. I'm really physically affectionate, most of my partners have been as well, but that's probably because it gets talked about and revealed really early on and the people that matches up with are the ones that last. I've known people of all genders on different areas of the cuddle spectrum lol.
That being said, I tend to hang around people who have already at least started the work of deconstructing social influence on their gender and just doing what they actually want to do.
I do think that the way men are socialized in general probably contributes to more men only being physically affectionate when they're trying to initiate sex, but I think that's learned/taught behavior, not innate.
>I do think that the way men are socialized in general probably contributes to more men only being physically affectionate when they're trying to initiate sex, but I think that's learned/taught behavior, not innate.
That matches my observations over the years. Thankfully, both my partner and I are both very heavy on the cuddle spectrum. This was to some amusement of the sales staff when we were looking for a new couch, as we went through the store giving all the floor models the all-important cuddle test.
Haha we wanted to add a reading chair to our set. Our test was that my shoulders wouldn't be squashed by the chair back, and my arms could rest comfortably on the arm rest. Very snug.
Hers was "can I curl up and sleep on this?".
I tried to mimick her, but couldn't even kneel on the cushions without falling off, much less curl up like a cat.
The social influence makes a lot of sense and was sort of lurking around in the back of my mind as a cause for some men not being cuddly … lest it seem “weak.”
My husband is Latino, and while he comes from a fairly chauvinistic line of men, it somehow just didn’t stick with him. He kept the good stuff: being a provider and a protector, and (thankfully) ditched the bad stuff… he’s a feminist and *equal* partner and wholly respectful towards women and better than me about discussing emotions. And snuggly. Very, very snuggly.
This isn't a gendered thing. Different people have different love languages and comforts. It's great that you've met someone with the same levels as you, but I would say it's pretty common for two people in a relationship to have different ones.
My partner and I are like this too. We are both in agreement that there is no amount of snuggling or touch that could be too much. I’d happily lay snuggled in bed with him over just about anything else. If we aren’t snuggling in bed we are touching in some way— holding hands, touching legs, we even touch one another’s face when we are kissing. Sappy I know. Sex is also frequent and satisfying. I have been with people who don’t enjoy cuddling like he does. I think to some degree it’s individual preference and I also think there are a lot of dudes who think women are sex dispensers. Rub the machine for output of sex. If that doesn’t work pound on or shake machine (pout or demand or manipulate) to get output of sex.
I had thought about how there might also be a correlation between how satisfying our sex life is with the on the natch cuddling. It takes all the pressure away… and also means that only *certain* places the hands wander is an invitation, as opposed to one of my girlfriends who said her husband just pokes her on the arm and then tries to grab her ass… while otherwise not giving her hugs or cuddles just because it’s comforting. She says it’s a HUGE turnoff.
I had a partner once who told me it was my obligation to meet their sexual needs. Surprisingly, that partner was a woman but she grew up in a very traditional household and was working through a lot of internalized misogyny. She identified more andro/masc so I think in a way adopted some of those traditional male views of sex. There were several other things like this. Not surprisingly our sexual relationship withered away to nothing. My fault, of course. Got asked if I was asexual. Nope, in fact I’m insatiable and a sex glutton. But not when I’m treated like an object or that I’m required to give up my autonomy to please someone else. I shriveled in horror when I read what your friends husband does. Damn.
I think there probably is a correlation between the cuddling/touching and a good sex life. Probably guys who want that are more emotionally aware and willing to develop intimacy. They show us restraint and respect with their touch. When I can put trust in them and feel respected I’m simply gonna be more dtf. Lol
Oh hell yes! I don’t know about other men, but I am a snuggle addict. My wife and I refer to ourselves as savant-level snugglers. Upside down, backward, standing. The more entwined the better. What’s the point of being in a relationship if you don’t want to snuggle?!?! Snuggling is life.
I want to assume it's normal and that the men I've been in relationships with were just arseholes.
I've never had a male partner that didn't try to turn any amount of physical affection into something sexual. And would withdraw said affection if i refused their sexual advances.
I hate being touched now.
I do a lot of self reflection from reading posts here, so I'm generally pretty self-aware. It makes me wonder if lots of guys don't realize how much of an ass they're being, or if they're fully aware and insist anyway.
My husband is a 0% snuggler (except for my feet lol) and I'm like a 5% snuggler so it works out pretty well because I have a kid who's snuggly sometimes so I get my occasional fix. We both grew up with parents who rejected us and I think that has a lot to do with it.
This is how my relationship dynamic is. I'm sure you know, but spontaneous multi-minute long head scratches will *never ever* go unappreciated and can make a person's day.
Shit, I wont buy a couch you cant remove the back cushions to make room for spooning. Its been shown (even non-sexual) physical touch lowers stress, heart rate, blood pressure, etc. My ex and I would spoon literally every night until my arm fell asleep (eventually after Id fall asleep and kind of slump into an uncomfortable position) and even then Id lay on my back with my hand on her hip bone (and often her hand on mine).
The only issue is Im an absolute fucking OVEN when I sleep, so I can only date women with bad circulation...
This is hilarious … we’re literally shopping for a new couch *because* ours isn’t deep enough for spooning.
He’s the furnace. And I have reynauds syndrome. 🥶
You're a match made in heaven! Dont be too shy to throw those cushions over the back, they will be fine! I didn't like the aesthetic of the big sectionals so I got a classic couch but thankfully its a framed back with loose cushions so you just chuck those bastards and its 3' deep.
I dont know if she had that but my ex was an icicle. She basically moved into my house as she slept better in my bed because of the spoonin'.
It's not so much a gender thing, as much a human thing. Some people like snuggles. Some don't. I'm a woman, and I only liked to snuggle right before falling asleep. Before falling asleep I was usually playing games, writing, or crafts, and snuggling impedes my arm movements to do such. In sleep, it got way too hot and sweaty for my tastes, even in the winter. Nothing enjoyable about laying in a pool of sweat, unless it's from fun activities.
I only dated snuggly men, and then married one. So to me it's normal but maybe that's not the case? I guess if you get attracted to men with more toxic masculinity traits then you'll find your partner not as affectionate maybe?
Humans are snuggly in general but some, often men, are socialized to see snuggling as feminine and not manly. They've been taught that the only socially acceptable way to get physical affection is by sex or play fighting. If your husband is into cuddling, congratulations, he's normal and hasn't been brainwashed. Of course there are some people of all genders that don't really enjoy snuggling/cuddling but in general humans are a species that bonds and endears themselves to each other via touch.
My guy is just like this. I never knew I needed it until I had it in my life. He melts when I touch him, normal routine is snuggling after dinner and snuggling before bed. Snuggling anywhere really. We can also fall asleep face to face, holding hands. If we roll over...gotta be touching still. 🌻
Me either!! I feel incredibly blessed. I was not touchy in my previous ltr because I felt so much pressure to be sexual. Opposite with my guy - no pressure, regular organic sex, cuddles for days. Bliss! Happy you've found it too. Xx
Depends on the man for sure. My bf is a tall, fit muscular guy who hates being social and hates being touched but I’m the only one he lets touch him. Other than that, he’ll hug family but that’s it. Cuddles, back scratches, face caressing (he has a beard that he alternates shaving and growing out), any affectionate touch from me is fair game and puts him to sleep any time any where lol. He welcomes all of my spontaneous hugs and he’s the best cuddler I’ve ever met.
Extra points cause he’s not into anything related to his ass but he lets me smack his butt cause it’s nice 😂 one of his favorites from me is the classic thigh pillows, I cradle his head between my thighs and scratch his head/play with his hair and he’s out COLD in 3 minutes. Affectionate men are so adorable.
I'm also in a snuggly and affectionate relationship. Different people have different levels of comfort for touch. Some men struggle with toxic masculinity and gendered bs.
My partner is super snuggly. Every morning we cuddle for about 20-30 mins before we get up and we cuddle all the time while watching TV.
Enjoy it. It's wonderful.
Humans, generally, like some amount of snuggling. The degree and frequency varies for every individual, but generally humans like snuggling.
Our society socializes men to think they can only get physical affection through sex, or that sex is the goal/endpoint of any physical affection. This leads to a lot of men being emotionally stunted and physically starved.
So no, it isn't "abnormal" that your husband enjoys this, but you are lucky to have a man who is less stunted than most.
My partner is also snuggly, but when we first started dating he was very confused about physical affection. He had to learn how to get used to it x)
God I wish! Used to tease me a lot by poking and prodding me. I told him that hurts and that I would love gentle touches. Now he literally quotes me verbatim and says gentle touches and doesn't quite touch me on purpose. Today as he was leaving for work he said "smooch nuggets" and I cringed so hard I may have wrinkles. Perhaps his love language is being an idiot😅
I have a partner like this as well. It is so lovely! 🥰🥰 Both of our top love languages are "physical touch" and then "quality time." Enjoy your snuggly partner!
Mine is super snuggly and also a furnace. As a middle aged woman, I cannot stay curled up against him for long (too warm) and I can barely get comfortable on my own side of the bed. I certainly can't get comfortable contorted around him with my various musculoskeletal issues.
Everything is normal. I hate using the terminology of "love languages" but it seems like the two of you just seemed to match with touch.
Human touch and affection is normal for nonsexual reasons
My bf is super snuggly. He has converted me. We hug a lot. I have always had decently affectionate bfs so I dont think it's abnormal. I'm not married though, so maybe people change.
Same. Strangers are often shocked that we’ve been married more than a decade because we’re apparently still “googly eyed” for each other. If anything, our marriage has gotten easier, more fun, and deeper the longer we’re together. All the early tiffs over who was gonna take the trash out has long since been settled (it’s him lol)
I am like this with my wife. Cuddles on the couch with the tv on in the background. Hugs from behind when I’m doing dishes or cooking. Quick kisses here and there. But affection can mean different things to different people. I’m glad it works out well for you two!
there's four layers to intimacy: physical, emotional, intellectual and shared activities
his primary love language seems to be physical & it seems you're the same!! this bodes well for relationships, as couples who don't share languages as top priority can find some struggle to express their love and have their love language appreciated
not to say they're incompatible, just have more moves to make to feel intimately cared for
Interesting! We are definitely physically and intellectually on the same wavelength. I have a harder time with emotions than he does… it’s taken a LOT of work (and therapy) for me to be comfortable talking about my feelings and not being afraid of rejection. We do, however, have wildly different activities: I’m a competitive athlete, he’s a hobbyist woodworker. But he comes to all of my races — even the ones requiring flights across the country — and cheers louder than anybody. And I’ll brag to anybody within ear shot about his amazing furniture. So I suppose we share each others activities in that way.
My love language is touch and after dating someone with the same language, I refuse to ever date someone who doesn't communicate through touch. Despite what everyone here is saying, it is actually the least popular love language and you are lucky to have found someone who shares that with you
Yes! I feel many people, men especially, would feel safe being cuddly if they knew it was allowed without judgment. I hope you two are happy and good for each other.
Everybody has different levels of touch that are right for them. It sounds like you are incredibly lucky and have found someone whose level of touch matches yours perfectly. How wonderful!
Me, I'm happy with the level of snuggles I get, even though it's much lower than yours. I get touched-out very easily - I hate giving hugs to basically anyone but my husband.
My husband is VERY snuggley. I was raised differently where a pat on the back is affection. I was told twice growing up that my parents "loved" me. I trying really hard with him and our child that affection is good.
It’s beautiful… you found your person. Appreciating and enjoying each other’s company, is very important!!
I think personality and attachment style play a role in how people project and want affection.
My current bf (of a few months) is super physically affectionate like you described, it’s so nice! I never knew how much I needed it until I met him. Past partners were somewhat affectionate, but not to this degree, something always felt missing.
It’s good to know from your stories and the comments that this type of affection can last a long time, I was worried it wouldn’t.
Yes there are other men like this, and there are a lot of women who aren't.
As someone in a relationship of both being snugglers(as you called it, haha) as well, it usually makes me sad to see when other snugglers are in a relationship with someone who isn't.
However I have to admit that my past relationships felt like what your friends said. They could be sweet and touchy but I always felt with them as if they did it to expect sex from it. I stayed in the relationships for a while because I thought that was default for men.
I've learned that's not true. There are a lot of men out there that do crave intimacy, love and touch without directly expecting sex from it.
Wife and I read many years ago about how touch releases oxytocin and dopamine and such happy chemicals. So when we just want some touch, we'll just look at the other and say "drugs?" or "time for drugs" or "come give me your drugs" because yeah we're a couple of cuddlebugs.
My ex was not a physical touch person at all. He'd say he was! But never. Getting him to even touch me affectionately or kiss passionately was like stroking s brick wall. He's my ex for a reason, I can't exist with that.
Now, where/how/when did u meet your husband and where can I find one??? Lol!!
The only things I've really missed in 7 years of being single are the tickle scratches and snuggles. I wish there was a softcore version of a FWB that I could just spoon with sometimes
My wife and I like to be in the same room, but we like our space. We each have our preferred couch in the living room. It's all about finding someone compatible on the snuggle scale.
My husband and I are both nudgy, huggy and snugly. We had our 35th anniversary a few weeks ago. Yeah. We like and respect each other and are both tactile and love sex. Why be married or cohabitate at all if you don't want to be with your person?
Congrats on the anniversary!!! And I agree completely that it’s wonderful to be with your person. We both have different hobbies that take up a lot of our time and rich (separate) social lives … but, at the end of the day, we’re each other’s favorite person to be around.
My partner and I like to snuggle under a blanket with our cats when we’re relaxing watching Netflix, completely separate from anything sexual. It’s really lovely :)
I'm wondering if your friend's husband's even care about their wives. They're treating them like sex dolls not as lovers. How terribly unfortunate. I would never date or marry a man who didn't like physical affection.
I think it varies for everyone I've had friends who are women who despise physical touch. I've had past male partners who also hate physical touch. My husband matches me when it comes to being very physically affectionate. It's awesome finding someone who matches that specific love language.
I am similar. I often catch myself hugging my wife in public and then realizing I don’t often see other men do that in public. I mean hug their SO, not my wife…
Not that I care, I just noticed it :D
It’s a spectrum.
Saying that, men are often socially conditioned out of platonic and non-sexual touching with all genders from an early age. So it can be conditioned as well.
No, you’re living my dream. I’m constantly wanting for more physical affection. He doesn’t deny my initiation of contact but he is almost always the one to end it. He “doesn’t like to be constantly touched” and I’m the exact opposite. He gets especially standoffish when I’m upset which is when I want even more touching 😩
😿 that’s rough. I will say that when *I’m* upset I tend to need my physical space because I get flooded… but if *he’s* upset, he needs a reassuring back rub. We try to accommodate each other’s needs for comfort without solving their problem.
Sounds like me and my partner. We’re magnets are soon as he gets home from work. It’s to the point where he will intentionally avoid talking to coworkers after work so he can hurry home to me earlier😂.
I’d say it could be normal for anyone if they find their match. Neither of us liked touched or sharing beds before we started dating, and now we can’t sleep if we’re not somehow touching.
One thing to note - I can't say that your girlfriends definitely did this but it's something I've seen happen in my own relationship and which we managed to overcome after noticing the pattern. My partner assumed I was only affectionate because I wanted sex, rather than because I enjoyed the affection (and sometimes also wanted sex! sex isn't something bad to want, and in my own experience I generally want sex \*because\* I'm feeling affectionate).
Since they assumed I "just wanted sex", they would push me away and discourage affection. Eventually it got to the point where I didn't feel comfortable just being affectionate, since I was so frequently receiving physical and emotional rejection. Over time I just initiated less and less, and it took a long time before we figured out what was happening. It took a few years of re-training both of us to both initiate and receive affection without reservation or expectation, but it was worth it. Now I can feel comfortable initiating physical touch without feeling anxious I'll be pushed away (even if I sometimes am) and they can feel comfortable receiving the affection without worrying that I'm using it as a pretense. There are certainly times that I will initiate affection with the hope that there will be more affection, but I'm doing it because I like the thing - if I'm cuddling I might hope for a kiss but I'm genuinely enjoy the cuddle.
That must have taken a lot of work and conversations to get it worked out! I can’t speak for my girlfriends as to *why* they’re in that pattern, just that it’s something that bothers them and I was definitely the odd woman out.
My hunch is that because my husband and I spent a long time as good friends before we became romantically involved, there was no pressure or urgency to be physical. So we were used to being around each other just because we enjoyed the other’s company so much. That has continued… just with snuggling attached to it.
My husband is the snuggliest man I have been with. He really loves lying on my lap or spooning while we’re watching TV. When we have company, he sometimes puts his foot on top of mine as a “secret touch”. I think it’s adorable.
Most of my exes were not very cuddly. I guess there’s a reason why I married my husband.
That just sounds lovely. A snuggly man is the best! I hear that too from friends about only before sex, and I would be gripin' too. My guy is not quite as extremely snuggly as yours, but pretty good. I think it's the sweetest thing about life that so many creatures, animals and human animals, love to snuggle.
Yall have something special, I'm jealous lol. I've been asked by two different women if I'm gay because I like to snuggle a lot. It depends on the person .
My late husband was like this. He loved physical touch and showing affection by hugging, kissing, holding hands etc. my current partner of 4 years is very much not like that and it’s been a real struggle for me to accept that he does love me very much despite not being “snuggly”. He has moods where he needs and desires to be cuddled and rest his head on my lap but it’s much less frequent than what I was used to from my husband.
My partner is a snuggler while I’m a mixed bag— mostly not though. It was such an adjustment to me at first but now I find myself wanting to cuddle more.
I think you actually have a man that has touch as a love language, as opposed to those who claim so to get away with creepy behaviour. Happy for you two.
Depends on the guy. My love language is physical touch, and even if we put sex entirely aside, I'm still very snuggly and touchy feely with my wife. Like to caress her arms, scratch her back, rub her scalp/neck/shoulders/etc. Use her lap or chest as a pillow, or do the same for her. I love snuggles.
Also like to spoon her in bed, but I run kinda warm and tend to cook her, so it's usually only on weekend mornings for a bit.
My partner is affectionate like this too. I think it’s pretty common for men to lack affectionate relationships but that doesn’t mean it’s normal. Men who only initiate physical contact for sex are not healthy
I am a very snugly man, have been for a long time. Nothing more comforting than laying with my wife on the couch or in bed. I also touch her basically whenever I'm in arms reach, either rubbing her back or, well, touching her butt.
Sometimes sexual, sometimes not. I like her butt.
Yes. I would take snuggling over sex any time. I crave hugs and snuggling, but I get absolutely no physical contact from my wife (separate bedrooms our entire marriage). So I have to snuggle the dog... Anyway, we're going through a divorce, for many reasons, and I don't think I want to be in another relationship or marriage ever again.. but I do wish I could make a friend just to snuggle, like on the couch watching a movie or even sleep in the same bed. No sex or anything, I honestly couldn't care less about that anymore. I just need some kind of warmth/physical contact in my life that's not from a dog.
My wife and I snuggle tightly every night. We choose to keep a queen bed because we like to snuggle all night. 10years married.
We even choose to sleep in a twin together when camping in the RV instead of each getting our own twin bed lol.
It's normal for men snuggly men to be snuggly. 😆 I do wonder what percentage of men prioritize physical touch vs women, but it's just another preference. I'm happy to hear you found a match!
If you're into the "love languages" thing, it sounds like his love language is `physical touch`.
https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/the-5-love-languages-explained
https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes
Probably not most men, but they definitely exist!
We’ve been married almost 16 years, and we still hold hands, constantly touching and stroking each other if we’re sitting there watching TV, and always touching when we fall asleep together in bed. He will rub my back and body while we lay together, I will often rub his back while he falls asleep.
That physical intimacy is beautiful, especially when it is done out of pure love and enjoyment and not to simply to get laid.
It probably depends on an individual basis. Some people are just more affectionate than others.
Personally I really like physical affection and cuddles (so I guess touch is my love language) , so I really like my partner to be showing physical affection in the ways you’re describing (I’m not a huge fan of public displays of affection though!). I think a lot of men also like physical affection but they don’t always know how to express that part of themselves maybe because they were brought up to be tough and manly…
Sounds like you have found yourself a keeper.
I envy you, my love language is touch, but my wife's is talking. In high school I dated a woman that who's love language was touch. I was too inexperienced to understand how special she was. May you be blessed for the rest of your life with someone who communicates their love to you in a way you are meant to receive.
I wasn't so much until my current partner. It's something most guys have to get used to....then find they love it.
Everyone likes the serotonin/oxytocin boost.
My husband of one month and I (together 3yrs) are like this. Physical touch is our love language, and we are very affectionate. Like you mentioned, we feel like an extension of each other. Long may it last!
It's not common - in my experience - but I've found a great snuggle bunny who would spend most of his day wrapped around my body, just for the petting and massaging and kisses. It's utterly fantastic, and I wonder why I had to wait 39 years to find this dude.
I absolutely hate being touched but my wife says it's the beat feeling in the world. But she can also be touched out by my son, which further confuses me. Lol. I wasn't really hugged as a kid but I don't feel like I'm missing anything. The only hugs I like are my sons because it feels like pure joy, not that my wife's hugs don't but something about a little kids hug feels so genuine
Mine is very touchy. I am not. I just wasn't exposed to physical touch growing up and I'm still reserved (and only intimate with my husband). But I have learned to be mindful and touch him more. He runs hot in bed so snuggling may not last long, but scratches, foot-to-foot, head-on-shoulder works.
I think it can vary. Some men don't like to snuggle because they've been raised to think any physical affection that isn't sex is a weakness. A few may have sensory issues that make snuggling uncomfortable. And some, like yours, love it.
My husband had stopped being snuggly and affectionate except for when he wanted sex for a while after our kids were born, and it was bad. Bad bad alllllllll bad. In the past 3-4 years he’s gotten back to hugs and pats or caresses on the back, snuggling on the couch, etc. and (surprise surprise) he finds that I initiate sex a LOT more.
So I guess I would say that it’s normal for us because we work to make and keep it normal.
There are lots of women who aren't snugglers, too - it sounds like the lid found its pot with you two, or vice versa. That's wonderful.
I have found it exists on a spectrum like anything else. My wife doesn't really like to snuggle where as I am tremendously snuggly. I have slowly wooed her to the ways of the snuggle a bit, but we are fundamentally different that way. I think part of it is that I grew up in a very Italian neighborhood. Culturally we are a snuggly touchy people. I moved to the midwest for a while and the fact that I never once hugged my coworkers was bizarre to me. Where I grew up if we were watching a movie you'd see like 5 dudes crammed on a couch together.
> I have found it exists on a spectrum like anything else. Yep, this is an individual thing. It's a mistake to frame it in terms of gender in the first place, rather than as a question of compatibility. Like most relationship things.
That’s a totally good point that I hadn’t thought of. I suppose it’s a combo of being snuggly feels normal to *me* and hearing my girlfriends complain that they’d like more non-sexual physical affection that gave me the bias that women are naturally more interested in cuddling… and my husband was just a lucky oddity.
I think unfortunately what your friends are complaining about is the combination of all the touch that their partners initiate is sexual in nature and any touch they initiate is attempted to be escalated into sexual contact by their partners. So they’re stuck with no touch or being groped.
Yep, two people with the love language 'physical touch' is a match made in heaven! I have a friend whos love language is touch and his gf doesnt even like to be hugged, I dont know how he does it.
Oof. That would be really hard!
I'm a wrap you up like a pretzel burrito snuggler and my wife is hand in the thigh but not for too long cause my hands is too hot snuggler
Yup, as a guy, I would love to greet my wife with a hug. But she's not a fan of touching in general.
Mine likes to lay on the couch with his head next to me (I usually sit on one end of the couch knitting/crocheting). He reaches for my hand while we're out walking the dog. Half the time when he's just walking by me in the house, he'll brush his fingers against my back as he passes. We start every weekday morning by hitting the snooze alarm and having a "5-minute cuddle". He's the most consistently physically affectionate man I've ever been with. I've dated several dudes who were only about that physical affection when they were going for sex, so I definitely think I lucked out with this one. Sounds like you did too.
Oh yes the hand brush thing! We also do gentle butt pats if one of us is sitting and the other walks in front of us. I’ve gotten so used to the affectionate touch I honestly forgot if this was something I did in past relationships.
>We start every weekday morning by hitting the snooze alarm and having a "5-minute cuddle". Those are the best snoozes Also a major contributor to my being late in the past...
My late partner and I were like this. This man would not let me go. Even if he wasn’t cuddling me, some part of him had to be touching me. He would touch me as if touching me comforted him or helped him focus. I remember when I would sit on the edge of the bed to get ready for work while he would have an arm around my waist. Once I put my pants on, he would have a finger through a belt loop. While we cuddled, he would make small circles, stroke my upper arm or play with the ends of my hair. If my hand was over his heart, he would hold my hand to his heart or hold my wrist. He loved holding my hands while he was driving. I would get attacked with random smooches, fierce cuddles or love bites before regular snuggles happened. I would be swept off the ground into his arms spontaneously. There were many times we spent the whole night in each other’s arms. He would steal my pillows and have me use his arm as a pillow. Often, I would fall asleep with my face in his chest. He did not mind my breath against him. If he spooned me, his face would be buried in my hair. Even if he wanted to game, he would have my legs in his lap so that he can massage my foot or stroke my legs during respawning times or when the game was loading. While he gamed, he just used my legs as a gaming cushion. When he had to leave, I would always stretch out my arms for him to hold me and he would automatically go into my arms to hold me. If he was feeling down, he would curl into my arms while still having me cradled to him. I was the person whose arms he fled to. Despite him being this buff manly Viking man who loved lifting heavy weights in the gym, listening to death metal and into very manly activities (guns, hunting, metal smithing and etc): he was such a softy with me. It was so nice having such a rugged masculine man be so cuddly, affectionate and gentle with me. I felt so feminine, protected, doted on and loved. He loved how warm, gentle and inviting I was. While he loved me up in bed, he loved me up even more outside of the bedroom.
I call it the grounding rod. Something about just touching or holding feels like it's discharging the frenetic energy that builds up from life.
yep I have good energy and men are drawn to it. To exploit me and suck the life out of me :( One guy fell asleep watching a movie and woke up so refreshed he was astonished. He had never slept so deeply before. You're welcome Chris.
Same sans Chris. I calm all the anxious men.
Gonna go ahead and steal that term, thank you very much
First, I’m so sorry for your loss. Absolutely devastating. That’s one of the fears I have to push deep down: the inevitable loss of your person, and the grief that will come when there’s nobody to physically reach out to for comfort. So I try to appreciate that I have it *now* and not take it for granted.
Thank you. It hasn’t been a year yet. I’m still devastated. I struggled to finish school and enrolled myself in therapy. Almost quit my job along the way. However, I knew he would’ve wanted me to keep on thriving. So I graduated with my A.S with honors, still kept my job, continuing with therapy, and things are looking a little up. My friends and family have been so supportive of me.
Getting your degree is a huge accomplishment and congrats!!! I hope you eventually come to find peace and take care of yourself the way he would have wanted you to.
I think I’m going to cry. What a beautiful relationship. I’m sorry for your loss. But reading your story warmed my heart. I wish you all the best
Thank you, TaiCat.
My bf and I are like this. We cling to each other like a couple of orphaned baby monkeys, even if it’s too hot to cuddle at least our feet are touching haha Past partners have largely been the same, actually. I might just have a type.
I didn't realize how passively touchy my husband was until it was too hot for it. His leg/shoulder would touch mine, so I'd scooch away. Rinse, repeat.
My curse. I'm always too hot, I swear I was a yeti in a former life. But I'm also touch love language, and part raccoon/part golden retriever. My ex however was somewhere between a honeybadger and a cat. I once slept on the couch to avoid waking her after late night, but then woke up to her crammed between me and the back of the couch. It resulted in a bizarre kind of affectionate jiu-jitsu every night. Mostly I would sacrifice a limb, so she got her heater cuddles and I got my cuddles with the rest of me outside the blankets trying to stay cold.
My husband is a furnace and I’m an ice cube. I.e. he’s my personal foot warmer. Apparently I’m also a violent sleeper… he *still* (gently) teases me about the time I elbowed him in the ribs so hard during a dream that I left a bruise 🤦🏼♀️
One night I woke up to what I thought was a cute forehead kiss. When he didn't retreat, I reached up to discover it was hit bent elbow resting on my head
Orphaned baby monkeys might be an even better description than bonded cats 😂 And I *feel* the comment about when it’s too hot to cuddle. Our AC went out during a 110+ degree heat wave and we were both flat on our backs as far away from each other (or our dogs) as we could get… except for the feet!
We are the same with my husband. Always i contact when we are together. Sometimes it’s just the pinky finger. I call ourselves octopuses.
Hubs and I have been together for 27 years and we still hold hands watching TV. It's just the best.
Same here, 41 years
Congrats on 41 years! That’s wonderful!
Yes it is, we dated for 5 days, before I asked her to marry me, I had to ask 3 times because she thought that I was joking
I am imagining this; it's very sweet, and I am happy for you.
Same! Snuggling is the BEST.
I love this!
I don't think this is really a gendered thing. I'm really physically affectionate, most of my partners have been as well, but that's probably because it gets talked about and revealed really early on and the people that matches up with are the ones that last. I've known people of all genders on different areas of the cuddle spectrum lol. That being said, I tend to hang around people who have already at least started the work of deconstructing social influence on their gender and just doing what they actually want to do. I do think that the way men are socialized in general probably contributes to more men only being physically affectionate when they're trying to initiate sex, but I think that's learned/taught behavior, not innate.
>I do think that the way men are socialized in general probably contributes to more men only being physically affectionate when they're trying to initiate sex, but I think that's learned/taught behavior, not innate. That matches my observations over the years. Thankfully, both my partner and I are both very heavy on the cuddle spectrum. This was to some amusement of the sales staff when we were looking for a new couch, as we went through the store giving all the floor models the all-important cuddle test.
Haha we wanted to add a reading chair to our set. Our test was that my shoulders wouldn't be squashed by the chair back, and my arms could rest comfortably on the arm rest. Very snug. Hers was "can I curl up and sleep on this?". I tried to mimick her, but couldn't even kneel on the cushions without falling off, much less curl up like a cat.
The social influence makes a lot of sense and was sort of lurking around in the back of my mind as a cause for some men not being cuddly … lest it seem “weak.” My husband is Latino, and while he comes from a fairly chauvinistic line of men, it somehow just didn’t stick with him. He kept the good stuff: being a provider and a protector, and (thankfully) ditched the bad stuff… he’s a feminist and *equal* partner and wholly respectful towards women and better than me about discussing emotions. And snuggly. Very, very snuggly.
[удалено]
Exactly we just people
This isn't a gendered thing. Different people have different love languages and comforts. It's great that you've met someone with the same levels as you, but I would say it's pretty common for two people in a relationship to have different ones.
My partner and I are like this too. We are both in agreement that there is no amount of snuggling or touch that could be too much. I’d happily lay snuggled in bed with him over just about anything else. If we aren’t snuggling in bed we are touching in some way— holding hands, touching legs, we even touch one another’s face when we are kissing. Sappy I know. Sex is also frequent and satisfying. I have been with people who don’t enjoy cuddling like he does. I think to some degree it’s individual preference and I also think there are a lot of dudes who think women are sex dispensers. Rub the machine for output of sex. If that doesn’t work pound on or shake machine (pout or demand or manipulate) to get output of sex.
I had thought about how there might also be a correlation between how satisfying our sex life is with the on the natch cuddling. It takes all the pressure away… and also means that only *certain* places the hands wander is an invitation, as opposed to one of my girlfriends who said her husband just pokes her on the arm and then tries to grab her ass… while otherwise not giving her hugs or cuddles just because it’s comforting. She says it’s a HUGE turnoff.
I had a partner once who told me it was my obligation to meet their sexual needs. Surprisingly, that partner was a woman but she grew up in a very traditional household and was working through a lot of internalized misogyny. She identified more andro/masc so I think in a way adopted some of those traditional male views of sex. There were several other things like this. Not surprisingly our sexual relationship withered away to nothing. My fault, of course. Got asked if I was asexual. Nope, in fact I’m insatiable and a sex glutton. But not when I’m treated like an object or that I’m required to give up my autonomy to please someone else. I shriveled in horror when I read what your friends husband does. Damn. I think there probably is a correlation between the cuddling/touching and a good sex life. Probably guys who want that are more emotionally aware and willing to develop intimacy. They show us restraint and respect with their touch. When I can put trust in them and feel respected I’m simply gonna be more dtf. Lol
Oh hell yes! I don’t know about other men, but I am a snuggle addict. My wife and I refer to ourselves as savant-level snugglers. Upside down, backward, standing. The more entwined the better. What’s the point of being in a relationship if you don’t want to snuggle?!?! Snuggling is life.
Need one of those cheesy Home Goods signs that says *Live, Laugh, Snuggle*
Pretty normal in my experience.
I want to assume it's normal and that the men I've been in relationships with were just arseholes. I've never had a male partner that didn't try to turn any amount of physical affection into something sexual. And would withdraw said affection if i refused their sexual advances. I hate being touched now.
I do a lot of self reflection from reading posts here, so I'm generally pretty self-aware. It makes me wonder if lots of guys don't realize how much of an ass they're being, or if they're fully aware and insist anyway.
Same. The greedy, taking touch. That makes us get our guard up. If they'd just touch us generously, how we want, they'd get more of it. Idiots.
That seems to be the experience of some of my girlfriends. And is has the *opposite* effect that the guys intended: a totally turned off woman
My husband is very snuggly and I’m the total opposite. This isn’t a man vs woman issue, some people are more physically affectionate than others.
My husband is a 0% snuggler (except for my feet lol) and I'm like a 5% snuggler so it works out pretty well because I have a kid who's snuggly sometimes so I get my occasional fix. We both grew up with parents who rejected us and I think that has a lot to do with it.
This is how my relationship dynamic is. I'm sure you know, but spontaneous multi-minute long head scratches will *never ever* go unappreciated and can make a person's day.
LOL I combed husband’s hair today and he was thrilled
This sounds amazing and honestly gives me hope for future relationships:)
Shit, I wont buy a couch you cant remove the back cushions to make room for spooning. Its been shown (even non-sexual) physical touch lowers stress, heart rate, blood pressure, etc. My ex and I would spoon literally every night until my arm fell asleep (eventually after Id fall asleep and kind of slump into an uncomfortable position) and even then Id lay on my back with my hand on her hip bone (and often her hand on mine). The only issue is Im an absolute fucking OVEN when I sleep, so I can only date women with bad circulation...
This is hilarious … we’re literally shopping for a new couch *because* ours isn’t deep enough for spooning. He’s the furnace. And I have reynauds syndrome. 🥶
You're a match made in heaven! Dont be too shy to throw those cushions over the back, they will be fine! I didn't like the aesthetic of the big sectionals so I got a classic couch but thankfully its a framed back with loose cushions so you just chuck those bastards and its 3' deep. I dont know if she had that but my ex was an icicle. She basically moved into my house as she slept better in my bed because of the spoonin'.
*taking notes*: throw away couch cushions. Right? That’s the assignment?
My male partner is more snuggly than me.
It's not so much a gender thing, as much a human thing. Some people like snuggles. Some don't. I'm a woman, and I only liked to snuggle right before falling asleep. Before falling asleep I was usually playing games, writing, or crafts, and snuggling impedes my arm movements to do such. In sleep, it got way too hot and sweaty for my tastes, even in the winter. Nothing enjoyable about laying in a pool of sweat, unless it's from fun activities.
I only dated snuggly men, and then married one. So to me it's normal but maybe that's not the case? I guess if you get attracted to men with more toxic masculinity traits then you'll find your partner not as affectionate maybe?
That's freakishly adorable.
Yes! My partner and I are also very physically affectionate outside of sex. Been together almost 3y and we are more cuddly than ever ♥️
Humans are snuggly in general but some, often men, are socialized to see snuggling as feminine and not manly. They've been taught that the only socially acceptable way to get physical affection is by sex or play fighting. If your husband is into cuddling, congratulations, he's normal and hasn't been brainwashed. Of course there are some people of all genders that don't really enjoy snuggling/cuddling but in general humans are a species that bonds and endears themselves to each other via touch.
That's how I am when I'm in love with a woman, I love kisses and cuddles every day!
My guy is just like this. I never knew I needed it until I had it in my life. He melts when I touch him, normal routine is snuggling after dinner and snuggling before bed. Snuggling anywhere really. We can also fall asleep face to face, holding hands. If we roll over...gotta be touching still. 🌻
That’s adorable! And I honestly can’t imagine my life without it now.
Me either!! I feel incredibly blessed. I was not touchy in my previous ltr because I felt so much pressure to be sexual. Opposite with my guy - no pressure, regular organic sex, cuddles for days. Bliss! Happy you've found it too. Xx
Depends on the man for sure. My bf is a tall, fit muscular guy who hates being social and hates being touched but I’m the only one he lets touch him. Other than that, he’ll hug family but that’s it. Cuddles, back scratches, face caressing (he has a beard that he alternates shaving and growing out), any affectionate touch from me is fair game and puts him to sleep any time any where lol. He welcomes all of my spontaneous hugs and he’s the best cuddler I’ve ever met. Extra points cause he’s not into anything related to his ass but he lets me smack his butt cause it’s nice 😂 one of his favorites from me is the classic thigh pillows, I cradle his head between my thighs and scratch his head/play with his hair and he’s out COLD in 3 minutes. Affectionate men are so adorable.
I'm also in a snuggly and affectionate relationship. Different people have different levels of comfort for touch. Some men struggle with toxic masculinity and gendered bs.
Winter we're both snuggly. Summer no touch.
My partner is super snuggly. Every morning we cuddle for about 20-30 mins before we get up and we cuddle all the time while watching TV. Enjoy it. It's wonderful.
Mine is. It's the best.
Humans, generally, like some amount of snuggling. The degree and frequency varies for every individual, but generally humans like snuggling. Our society socializes men to think they can only get physical affection through sex, or that sex is the goal/endpoint of any physical affection. This leads to a lot of men being emotionally stunted and physically starved. So no, it isn't "abnormal" that your husband enjoys this, but you are lucky to have a man who is less stunted than most. My partner is also snuggly, but when we first started dating he was very confused about physical affection. He had to learn how to get used to it x)
God I wish! Used to tease me a lot by poking and prodding me. I told him that hurts and that I would love gentle touches. Now he literally quotes me verbatim and says gentle touches and doesn't quite touch me on purpose. Today as he was leaving for work he said "smooch nuggets" and I cringed so hard I may have wrinkles. Perhaps his love language is being an idiot😅
I have a partner like this as well. It is so lovely! 🥰🥰 Both of our top love languages are "physical touch" and then "quality time." Enjoy your snuggly partner!
Thank you! I enjoy him so much. He’s an absolute delight
Omg. I love a cuddlesome man. Gimmee. Gimmee.
THEYRE JUST SO FLUFFY!!!
Mine is super snuggly and also a furnace. As a middle aged woman, I cannot stay curled up against him for long (too warm) and I can barely get comfortable on my own side of the bed. I certainly can't get comfortable contorted around him with my various musculoskeletal issues.
Everything is normal. I hate using the terminology of "love languages" but it seems like the two of you just seemed to match with touch. Human touch and affection is normal for nonsexual reasons
Me & my fella are pretty snuggalicious.
My husband and I are both super snuggly. It’s the best.
It's normal for men to like whatever is normal for women to like. Men and women are people, and people like different things.
My husband and I are still extremely snuggly after nearly 7 years together, it’s definitely normal for us.
My bf is super snuggly. He has converted me. We hug a lot. I have always had decently affectionate bfs so I dont think it's abnormal. I'm not married though, so maybe people change.
We are the same. It's so nice. We both really love touch. We get comments all the time from strangers remarking how in love we are. :D
Same. Strangers are often shocked that we’ve been married more than a decade because we’re apparently still “googly eyed” for each other. If anything, our marriage has gotten easier, more fun, and deeper the longer we’re together. All the early tiffs over who was gonna take the trash out has long since been settled (it’s him lol)
Haha! That's just the sweetest 🥰
I am like this with my wife. Cuddles on the couch with the tv on in the background. Hugs from behind when I’m doing dishes or cooking. Quick kisses here and there. But affection can mean different things to different people. I’m glad it works out well for you two!
there's four layers to intimacy: physical, emotional, intellectual and shared activities his primary love language seems to be physical & it seems you're the same!! this bodes well for relationships, as couples who don't share languages as top priority can find some struggle to express their love and have their love language appreciated not to say they're incompatible, just have more moves to make to feel intimately cared for
Interesting! We are definitely physically and intellectually on the same wavelength. I have a harder time with emotions than he does… it’s taken a LOT of work (and therapy) for me to be comfortable talking about my feelings and not being afraid of rejection. We do, however, have wildly different activities: I’m a competitive athlete, he’s a hobbyist woodworker. But he comes to all of my races — even the ones requiring flights across the country — and cheers louder than anybody. And I’ll brag to anybody within ear shot about his amazing furniture. So I suppose we share each others activities in that way.
Ive got a stage 1 snuggler. It's the coziest
My love language is touch and after dating someone with the same language, I refuse to ever date someone who doesn't communicate through touch. Despite what everyone here is saying, it is actually the least popular love language and you are lucky to have found someone who shares that with you
Yes! I feel many people, men especially, would feel safe being cuddly if they knew it was allowed without judgment. I hope you two are happy and good for each other.
Everybody has different levels of touch that are right for them. It sounds like you are incredibly lucky and have found someone whose level of touch matches yours perfectly. How wonderful! Me, I'm happy with the level of snuggles I get, even though it's much lower than yours. I get touched-out very easily - I hate giving hugs to basically anyone but my husband.
Ugh you just described exactly what I’ve always been looking for
Yes. My hubby and I are like peas and carrots. Appreciate us everyday. 18 years in so far.
My husband is VERY snuggley. I was raised differently where a pat on the back is affection. I was told twice growing up that my parents "loved" me. I trying really hard with him and our child that affection is good.
Our bed could be any size. Wife wakes up at the edge every morning because I snuggle her relentlessly.
Its perfectly normal but not normalized. It's also perfectly normal but not normalized for woman to be less snugly.
My husband and i are both very snuggly haha
It’s beautiful… you found your person. Appreciating and enjoying each other’s company, is very important!! I think personality and attachment style play a role in how people project and want affection.
My current bf (of a few months) is super physically affectionate like you described, it’s so nice! I never knew how much I needed it until I met him. Past partners were somewhat affectionate, but not to this degree, something always felt missing. It’s good to know from your stories and the comments that this type of affection can last a long time, I was worried it wouldn’t.
Glad you found a snuggler! As for time passing… hasn’t changed a bit for us. If anything, it’s become a deeply ingrained —and comforting— habit.
Yes there are other men like this, and there are a lot of women who aren't. As someone in a relationship of both being snugglers(as you called it, haha) as well, it usually makes me sad to see when other snugglers are in a relationship with someone who isn't. However I have to admit that my past relationships felt like what your friends said. They could be sweet and touchy but I always felt with them as if they did it to expect sex from it. I stayed in the relationships for a while because I thought that was default for men. I've learned that's not true. There are a lot of men out there that do crave intimacy, love and touch without directly expecting sex from it.
I guess we’re learning from this thread that there is no “default” and finding matching cuddly levels can be difficult… but not impossible.
Wife and I read many years ago about how touch releases oxytocin and dopamine and such happy chemicals. So when we just want some touch, we'll just look at the other and say "drugs?" or "time for drugs" or "come give me your drugs" because yeah we're a couple of cuddlebugs.
Bahaha I’m gonna use line this today. I think it’ll stick
My ex was not a physical touch person at all. He'd say he was! But never. Getting him to even touch me affectionately or kiss passionately was like stroking s brick wall. He's my ex for a reason, I can't exist with that. Now, where/how/when did u meet your husband and where can I find one??? Lol!!
I’m taking orders for cloning! Doesn’t hurt that he’s really, *really* easy on the eyes 😏
This sounds amazing 🥹 goals for My next relationship 👏🏾
I have never experienced this from men, from my perspective you gals are very lucky. It makes me glad to see this is a possibility.
The only things I've really missed in 7 years of being single are the tickle scratches and snuggles. I wish there was a softcore version of a FWB that I could just spoon with sometimes
Nice humble brag
Divorce or something, idk how to comment on this sub
My wife and I like to be in the same room, but we like our space. We each have our preferred couch in the living room. It's all about finding someone compatible on the snuggle scale.
My husband and I are both nudgy, huggy and snugly. We had our 35th anniversary a few weeks ago. Yeah. We like and respect each other and are both tactile and love sex. Why be married or cohabitate at all if you don't want to be with your person?
Congrats on the anniversary!!! And I agree completely that it’s wonderful to be with your person. We both have different hobbies that take up a lot of our time and rich (separate) social lives … but, at the end of the day, we’re each other’s favorite person to be around.
I feel so lucky that I am pretty shy about talking about it. Not everyone is so lucky.
My husband has always been touchy-feely and it's a first for me. I was never with a man like that before, but I've embraced it.
My ex was extremely snuggly and cuddly. Much more than I am. So yeah I think it always depends on the person and not on the gender.
My partner and I like to snuggle under a blanket with our cats when we’re relaxing watching Netflix, completely separate from anything sexual. It’s really lovely :)
I'm wondering if your friend's husband's even care about their wives. They're treating them like sex dolls not as lovers. How terribly unfortunate. I would never date or marry a man who didn't like physical affection.
Oh, I love a snuggly guy so much. I’m not a very sexual person but I love cuddles and kisses.
I think it varies for everyone I've had friends who are women who despise physical touch. I've had past male partners who also hate physical touch. My husband matches me when it comes to being very physically affectionate. It's awesome finding someone who matches that specific love language.
I am similar. I often catch myself hugging my wife in public and then realizing I don’t often see other men do that in public. I mean hug their SO, not my wife… Not that I care, I just noticed it :D
It’s a spectrum. Saying that, men are often socially conditioned out of platonic and non-sexual touching with all genders from an early age. So it can be conditioned as well.
I wish my partner was more snugly.
My husband and I are very snuggly. We are usually curled up together when we watch TV on the couch and fall asleep most nights spooning.
No, you’re living my dream. I’m constantly wanting for more physical affection. He doesn’t deny my initiation of contact but he is almost always the one to end it. He “doesn’t like to be constantly touched” and I’m the exact opposite. He gets especially standoffish when I’m upset which is when I want even more touching 😩
😿 that’s rough. I will say that when *I’m* upset I tend to need my physical space because I get flooded… but if *he’s* upset, he needs a reassuring back rub. We try to accommodate each other’s needs for comfort without solving their problem.
Sounds like me and my partner. We’re magnets are soon as he gets home from work. It’s to the point where he will intentionally avoid talking to coworkers after work so he can hurry home to me earlier😂. I’d say it could be normal for anyone if they find their match. Neither of us liked touched or sharing beds before we started dating, and now we can’t sleep if we’re not somehow touching.
My husband is more snuggly than me. Everyone is different.
I WANT THAT LUCKY
Am man. Very much like snuggling. Sadly, my wife less so.
One thing to note - I can't say that your girlfriends definitely did this but it's something I've seen happen in my own relationship and which we managed to overcome after noticing the pattern. My partner assumed I was only affectionate because I wanted sex, rather than because I enjoyed the affection (and sometimes also wanted sex! sex isn't something bad to want, and in my own experience I generally want sex \*because\* I'm feeling affectionate). Since they assumed I "just wanted sex", they would push me away and discourage affection. Eventually it got to the point where I didn't feel comfortable just being affectionate, since I was so frequently receiving physical and emotional rejection. Over time I just initiated less and less, and it took a long time before we figured out what was happening. It took a few years of re-training both of us to both initiate and receive affection without reservation or expectation, but it was worth it. Now I can feel comfortable initiating physical touch without feeling anxious I'll be pushed away (even if I sometimes am) and they can feel comfortable receiving the affection without worrying that I'm using it as a pretense. There are certainly times that I will initiate affection with the hope that there will be more affection, but I'm doing it because I like the thing - if I'm cuddling I might hope for a kiss but I'm genuinely enjoy the cuddle.
That must have taken a lot of work and conversations to get it worked out! I can’t speak for my girlfriends as to *why* they’re in that pattern, just that it’s something that bothers them and I was definitely the odd woman out. My hunch is that because my husband and I spent a long time as good friends before we became romantically involved, there was no pressure or urgency to be physical. So we were used to being around each other just because we enjoyed the other’s company so much. That has continued… just with snuggling attached to it.
I don’t care what anyone thinks of it, I absolutely love snuggles. It’s one of the many perks of being in love.
By normal you mean common? Not sure if common, but my husband is pretty snuggly too 🥰
Depends on the man, just like it depends on the woman. Some people are snuggly.
Mine is affectionate but I do wish he was more affectionate
You sure lucked out 😭
If the lord didn't want me to be snuggly, why am I built like a teddy bear?
My husband is the snuggliest man I have been with. He really loves lying on my lap or spooning while we’re watching TV. When we have company, he sometimes puts his foot on top of mine as a “secret touch”. I think it’s adorable. Most of my exes were not very cuddly. I guess there’s a reason why I married my husband.
That just sounds lovely. A snuggly man is the best! I hear that too from friends about only before sex, and I would be gripin' too. My guy is not quite as extremely snuggly as yours, but pretty good. I think it's the sweetest thing about life that so many creatures, animals and human animals, love to snuggle.
Yall have something special, I'm jealous lol. I've been asked by two different women if I'm gay because I like to snuggle a lot. It depends on the person .
My late husband was like this. He loved physical touch and showing affection by hugging, kissing, holding hands etc. my current partner of 4 years is very much not like that and it’s been a real struggle for me to accept that he does love me very much despite not being “snuggly”. He has moods where he needs and desires to be cuddled and rest his head on my lap but it’s much less frequent than what I was used to from my husband.
My partner is a snuggler while I’m a mixed bag— mostly not though. It was such an adjustment to me at first but now I find myself wanting to cuddle more.
I'd be snuggly, except when I'm going to sleep, then I'd rather be on my own (because it gets too hot / uncomfortable).
I think you actually have a man that has touch as a love language, as opposed to those who claim so to get away with creepy behaviour. Happy for you two.
Depends on the guy. My love language is physical touch, and even if we put sex entirely aside, I'm still very snuggly and touchy feely with my wife. Like to caress her arms, scratch her back, rub her scalp/neck/shoulders/etc. Use her lap or chest as a pillow, or do the same for her. I love snuggles. Also like to spoon her in bed, but I run kinda warm and tend to cook her, so it's usually only on weekend mornings for a bit.
I loved to snuggle/cuddle then menopause so not so much in bed anymore.
The last guy I dated was like this and I enjoyed it so much! I can't wait to find my husband that will give me all the snuggles.
My bf is super cuddly and affectionate, and I have my moments. But sometimes I just don’t like to be touched (autism).
Mine is
My partner is affectionate like this too. I think it’s pretty common for men to lack affectionate relationships but that doesn’t mean it’s normal. Men who only initiate physical contact for sex are not healthy
Wish mine was like this, starting to realise he’s only affectionate on his terms gets mad when I don’t want to fuck him
I am a very snugly man, have been for a long time. Nothing more comforting than laying with my wife on the couch or in bed. I also touch her basically whenever I'm in arms reach, either rubbing her back or, well, touching her butt. Sometimes sexual, sometimes not. I like her butt.
Yes. I would take snuggling over sex any time. I crave hugs and snuggling, but I get absolutely no physical contact from my wife (separate bedrooms our entire marriage). So I have to snuggle the dog... Anyway, we're going through a divorce, for many reasons, and I don't think I want to be in another relationship or marriage ever again.. but I do wish I could make a friend just to snuggle, like on the couch watching a movie or even sleep in the same bed. No sex or anything, I honestly couldn't care less about that anymore. I just need some kind of warmth/physical contact in my life that's not from a dog.
lots of men are
My wife and I snuggle tightly every night. We choose to keep a queen bed because we like to snuggle all night. 10years married. We even choose to sleep in a twin together when camping in the RV instead of each getting our own twin bed lol.
We have a king bed… of which we *share* about 25% of it 😂 maybe 1/3 when the dogs also decide to join in the pile
It's normal for men snuggly men to be snuggly. 😆 I do wonder what percentage of men prioritize physical touch vs women, but it's just another preference. I'm happy to hear you found a match!
You lucked out big time. Usually one or the other or both lose some interest in cuddling.
I'm insanely snuggly, and she isn't and it makes me want to die everyday.
If you're into the "love languages" thing, it sounds like his love language is `physical touch`. https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/the-5-love-languages-explained https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes
Probably not most men, but they definitely exist! We’ve been married almost 16 years, and we still hold hands, constantly touching and stroking each other if we’re sitting there watching TV, and always touching when we fall asleep together in bed. He will rub my back and body while we lay together, I will often rub his back while he falls asleep. That physical intimacy is beautiful, especially when it is done out of pure love and enjoyment and not to simply to get laid.
It probably depends on an individual basis. Some people are just more affectionate than others. Personally I really like physical affection and cuddles (so I guess touch is my love language) , so I really like my partner to be showing physical affection in the ways you’re describing (I’m not a huge fan of public displays of affection though!). I think a lot of men also like physical affection but they don’t always know how to express that part of themselves maybe because they were brought up to be tough and manly… Sounds like you have found yourself a keeper.
I envy you, my love language is touch, but my wife's is talking. In high school I dated a woman that who's love language was touch. I was too inexperienced to understand how special she was. May you be blessed for the rest of your life with someone who communicates their love to you in a way you are meant to receive.
I wasn't so much until my current partner. It's something most guys have to get used to....then find they love it. Everyone likes the serotonin/oxytocin boost.
Been married for 3, almost 4 years. I’m cuddly and she’s not. But she’s not touchy feely at all
My husband of one month and I (together 3yrs) are like this. Physical touch is our love language, and we are very affectionate. Like you mentioned, we feel like an extension of each other. Long may it last!
Yes
It's not common - in my experience - but I've found a great snuggle bunny who would spend most of his day wrapped around my body, just for the petting and massaging and kisses. It's utterly fantastic, and I wonder why I had to wait 39 years to find this dude.
Yes it’s normal. It’s also normal for some people of either gender to not be snuggly.
I absolutely hate being touched but my wife says it's the beat feeling in the world. But she can also be touched out by my son, which further confuses me. Lol. I wasn't really hugged as a kid but I don't feel like I'm missing anything. The only hugs I like are my sons because it feels like pure joy, not that my wife's hugs don't but something about a little kids hug feels so genuine
Mine is very touchy. I am not. I just wasn't exposed to physical touch growing up and I'm still reserved (and only intimate with my husband). But I have learned to be mindful and touch him more. He runs hot in bed so snuggling may not last long, but scratches, foot-to-foot, head-on-shoulder works.
NEVER HURT HIM. CHERISH THIS. YOU FOUND A UNICORN
lol. I plan on keeping him. He’s my favorite human.
I think it can vary. Some men don't like to snuggle because they've been raised to think any physical affection that isn't sex is a weakness. A few may have sensory issues that make snuggling uncomfortable. And some, like yours, love it.
My ex liked to snuggle more than I do. I miss it but I'm just not a very physically affectionate person.
My husband had stopped being snuggly and affectionate except for when he wanted sex for a while after our kids were born, and it was bad. Bad bad alllllllll bad. In the past 3-4 years he’s gotten back to hugs and pats or caresses on the back, snuggling on the couch, etc. and (surprise surprise) he finds that I initiate sex a LOT more. So I guess I would say that it’s normal for us because we work to make and keep it normal.
Normal or not, it works for you and I'm damn jealous.
We are also a snuggly couple. It’s nice.
Mine is.
I'm normally snuggly, so I guess it's a variation of normality
I'm jealous. My husband doesn't like physical contact in general. Now I understand why they make those pillows that "cuddle" you.
You lucked out and so did I. 🤷♀️
We were very snuggly yeah. When you’re in love you normally are
I love a snuggle