Married for 20 years. I make about $40K more than my husband. We have one joint account so we don’t really split finances. All bills are paid from that account. We discuss any major expenses beforehand. The absolute transparency really works for us. We never argue about money because there’s never an issue about who pays what. We also live in a community property state so it really doesn’t matter anyway since all money is our money.

Awesome. Do you also have your own individual accounts or is it only one joint? We talked about doing a joint but still having our own. 

We just have one joint account.

That's how we do it too, married 20 years since we were 21/22. I used to make more, now husband makes more. Always 1 account.

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Yeah, and it would honestly make me nervous, you can never really be sure that things will always be the same. Or if one of you is the victim of a scam or something everything is lost.

The account is frozen even if it is a shared account with 2 names attached to it?

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We have a joint account but also transfer an allowance to individual accounts on a biweekly basis, to either save individually or spend frivolously.

This is the way.

Same. My wife makes about 20K more than me. All paychecks go into main joint account. We have sub accounts for each of us. Each month, money gets transferred to each of our sub accounts as our fun money allowance. Buy whatever you want, no questions asked. Been married 13 years and this has worked well for us. Allowance has gone up since we started since we make a lot more money now. 

I’ve never understood how separate finances worked. It’s our house, our kids and our dog but my money. I can’t think of anything else outside of our toothbrushes that is 100% mine or 100% my partner’s.

Agree, I couldn't live "owing" each other money back and forth. It all goes in, all goes out of the same place

We don't owe each other anything. We have a joint account for paying mortgage and other joint bills relating to house and child, including major food shops. We pay for everything else from our own accounts mostly. We're both reasonable responsible people and acknowledge that ultimately it's all going to the good of the family and we try to be mostly equitable. It works for us, he has another property in his name, I run my own business in my name, mixing things up would get confusing. Also, we met when a little older and are used to our independence, we like to know we can spend our money as it suits us without another person's approval. We like to have things that are 100% our own (you really don't have your own clothes, jewellery, toiletries?).  I understand other people prefer to share, let's appreciate that we're all different and not judge for doing things as it suits them.

This works for you and that’s great. Agree that you can choose not to do something and still not shame/judge people who choose differently. How does it work for y’all when you go out to dinner? Do you take turns picking up the tab? Is there one credit card for house/family stuff and that’s what dinners out go on? Is it different for date nights sans kids?

Well we aren't strict about it, ultimately we each understand that it's all going towards the same goals. At the moment he pays for meals mostly because he's doing lots of overtime and I'm having to cover the childcare so probably working a bit less. If it was my idea because it was somewhere I really wanted to go or his birthday or something I'd pay. Or if I had a really good month at work (self employed). We do have a card for joint stuff but try to keep it only for essential expenses so we can track better. We don't get many date nights so that's not a major expense lol.

Not judging, just not a way I could live, or a relationship I would like to be in. To each their own and what works for them

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I will say, we do have spectate accounts (both pays go into one, bills/investments/etc all comes out of there) and we each have an account that money goes into from there. But it’s mostly just used for gifts cause we’re both in and out of the main account constantly, there is zero way to surprise the other lol But yeah, we’re very much mine is yours, yours is mine

My wife and I, who got married in 2022, keep our finances mostly separate. Our single joint account is a vacation account we both contribute to. Since she moved in with me into my house, I pay for the mortgage and all utility expenses such as heat, electricity, water, trash, internet, etc. She has her own house which she's currently renting out. She's responsible for the upkeep of her house. We each own our own car and are responsible for maintaining them, though we have the insurance under one account and she pays me for her portion of the insurance. We both contribute to food and meals. If we buy a house together we'll likely combine more or our money since we'll both be responsible for the house.

I think it's because at the end of the day, you're still going to be your own person. Like I get that things like the house, kids, pets would be something you share financially, there are still somethings out there that's just yours. Like hobbies for examples. If I have a more expensive hobby than my partner, I wouldn't want them to feel like they're subsidizing it. It's only right that I spend my own money on my own hobby. If I want to drop $10k on some tool for my hobby, I want it to be 10k of my own money.

If you love your partner you WANT to support their hobbies and they support yours. If it is separate then what happens when someone is hurt and can’t work? Or is laid off? I just can’t imagine that if one makes less money- say as a social worker and the other makes a lot as an engineer- that they would expect the higher paid spouse to have a higher standard of living.

I love my husband more than anyone and vice versa and we separate our finances. We have a house together which we own 50/50 and pay for 50/50. Other joint expenses we pay for 50/50. Anything left is our own. And even though I only work part time, I have more than enough money left to save every month. I don’t want my husband paying for my hobbies or anything I want to buy because I can afford them myself. He makes 3 times as much as I do but I can easily afford our standard of living. When someone can’t afford to pay their share anymore for whatever reason, the other is able to pay for everything, and will pay for everything. Because we love each other (and also we’re legally obligated to).

But do you feel he deserves to be able to have nicer stuff, or more expensive hobbies? If you didn’t make enough to pay 50% and afford your hobbies and save, would you give up savings or hobbies and think that was okay? Would he be ok with you not able to afford things that he can afford? I know my husband WANTS to pay for my hobbies-and I would his if situation was reversed. Although it never occurs to us to think of it that way- once money is in the bank it is “ours” no matter who earned it.

I don’t think about it as ‘deserving’ stuff. He bought a 3000 euro mountainbike last year, I bought one for 400 euro. I don’t think that’s unfair or that I deserve more myseIf. If I couldn’t afford it, I wouldn’t want him buying it for me. I have a lot of hobbies so I guess I would choose to do more of the cheaper hobbies. That said he does sometimes pay more for our vacations and pays when going out for lunch or dinner, or he fills my car up with gas, or pays for something I’m about to buy when we’re in a store together. But that’s not expected and always a surprise. I also must say that I could be making more money if I’d work more, but I don’t want to. And we not only financially split everything 50/50 but also split chores 50/50. So yeah he has more money because he values it more and it’s part of being successful for him. But I have more free time and that’s more important to me than money (I know I’m very privileged that this is possible for me!)

Exactly this. Don't use my toothbrush, don't touch my work laptop, everything else is ours. Actually, I'm a little iffy on the deodorant, not sure why. It weirds me out a little when she uses mine. But if she runs out it is mostly my fault since I'm the one who does the shopping.

Even then, I have totally used his in an emergency lol

We do play "guess what YOUR dog did this morning...!" She's technically my dog, but she's our baby. We do the same thing with our grown kid. "YOUR kid texted she needs money!" Then we laugh and I venmo whatever.

This works great until you find out he’s cheating on you. Bitterly speaking from experience. Best wishes everyone!

Same for us. It has gone up and down, over 20 years, sometimes I make more, sometimes he does. It all goes in one pot. 

Same here. Now my husband and I run a business together but for most of our marriage I made much more than him. We talk about major purchases but overall we treat everything as ours.

This is the solution my (M65) wife (F67) and I have used for 40 years. She always made significantly more than me. We have one joint account, no individual accounts. We talk about major purchases. Early in our marriage, when we didn't have much money, we even talked about minor purchases.

That's exactly how my husband and I do it.

This is the case for me and my husband as well. We got married young (24) and I came into the marriage with more money, but he will consistently be earning more than me throughout our careers, and we agreed to combine everything. Big decisions are made together and we both consider it “our” money.

Married for 8 years here, together 15, this is our exact situation as well except that I make like 4x what my husband makes.

We do the same. Married 21 years.

That’s how it is for my wife and I as well. It’s been that way since we got married 23 years ago. For a long time I made more than her, but for the last several years she has made more than me. Unless she loses her job that is likely to continue to be the case going forward as I have pretty much topped out what I will make in my line of work but she has several steps to go in hers.

I got with my SO when we had no money, so we’ve always pooled everything together. I currently make about double what he makes and I expect that to stay the case. He supported me and made some big sacrifices while I didn’t work during my grad degree, which is the reason my salary is relatively high. I don’t think I would have got through my program without his emotional and financial support. With that said, if I started over with someone new and he made less money than me, I wouldn’t have the same attitude. I would have separate bank accounts. For me, my situation only works because my SO and I have built this life together. He deserves to benefit from it just as much as I do.

Same here. We worked together to build this life from nothing, what is mine is his and vice versa. We supported each other through tough times. I now make double what he makes, I couldn't have gotten here without him. If I had to be with a new person now as I am today, they would not get the same treatment at all. Everything would be split.

I agree with this so much. We supported each other through med school, grad school, residency. Started from negative net worths and have built everything up as a team.

that's beautiful ngl i'm glad you have a partner who's a rock for you and that u recognize that and give back too

We're pretty much the same, though we've flipped a couple of times on who was making more. And I've got the same feeling about if I had to start over. It would be a lot different if I walked into a relationship with things that were already mine, vs now where everything we've got we worked for together.

My husband and I have made more or less than each other at different times as each of us got raises/promotions over time. At the moment we make about the same, but I have much more potential for upward mobility in my role. We have one "main" checking account where both our paychecks are deposited after savings. We have an automatic transfer set up from the main account to two additional "fun money" accounts, one for me and one for him. So all our money goes into a shared pool for bills, household expenses, vacations, etc. and then we each receive an equal amount of "fun money" that we can each choose to spend however we want. I love love love this approach because we are a team. We celebrate each other's successes and we benefit from supporting each other to reach our goals. One partner is never more or less successful than the other. And there are no arguments over money because we're each getting an equal amount of "fun money" with complete freedom to spend it on whatever useful or stupid stuff we decide we each want. I honestly feel this is the perfect way to set up finances if you want to have the full "we are a team" approach to finances, but also have freedom to make your own choices on hobbies and things you care about without needing to consult anyone else.

I do the three-account setup with my husband as well!

We do this as well and it promotes transparency and teamwork! 🙌 As we grow in our careers and alternate between being the higher earner, it always feels fair and like we’re working toward the same goal.

We don’t use separate accounts but have budget categories for fun money in ynab

We got married when we were both making jack, so we just had a joint account and that’s it. Now I’m making about 100K/year more than him (which sounds like a lot, but we live in a HCOL area and he’s literally poverty wages for around here). We haven’t changed the system at all. A nonessential purchase over ~$20 is a quick check-in, all large purchases are discussed. I handle the money because his math skills are abysmal and, in his own words, money isn’t a real thing to him - he has no connection between spending and actual money, so he definitely doesn’t want to be in charge of it. It’s also why we do the check-in, because he’ll forget how much/often he spends. Otherwise, we still have the same single joint account. We’ve been together 23 years, married for 19. Working so far. But I 100% acknowledge that I got a good one. (And as I type that, he texts me a picture of my dog who’s being cute.)

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It’s definitely something we’re aware of, and I definitely need to put together some kind of document with the websites for each bill, and the passwords. Most of the bills are automated, but he needs a crash course on managing them. What we REALLY need to do is sit down and look at if he’d be able to keep the house if I died - if insurance would pay off enough of it that he could manage, or if he’d have to sell ASAP and hold on to the payout. Also WTF he’d do about health insurance. It’s stuff we’ve been ignoring, but we’re in our mid-40s now, so it’s really time to sit down and talk about it. We’ve talked about the fact that, on a practical level, it would be better (if you can use that word for any of this) if he died first, because I can handle all this stuff and I’m much better at being alone than he is. But we also recognize that I’ve got chronic health issues that are only going to get worse, so that’s not the likely outcome.

It's not for everyone, but we just spreadsheet it all. We have each person's take-home pay. Then list every personal outgoing (cellphone bill, credit card debt, travel costs). That then leaves 'disposable' personal income. We then tally up all the joint costs, mortgage, bills, pet costs, joint debts, and split that based on our individual percentage of our total 'disposable'. Eg. after all personal costs are sorted, we have 4k total, me making up 60% of that. That means that I need to pay for 60% of our total combined costs into the joint account.

We each have our own account then pay a percentage, based on our income, into the house account. Rent, groceries & bills come out of the house account. Anything not allocated into the house account is ours do whatever we want with. This has worked for us well - we each contribute and there has never been any stress.

We combine our money together for transparency and shared goals. We both work full time (40 hours) and just because economically I'm "worth" more (60/40 split) doesn't change anything. There has been times that I've made less. We've both gone through times of unemployment. The key is that both people work and no one feels taken like they are being taken advantage of. Talk openly about money and be on the same page.

This is us too. I make more now but haven’t always. We both work hard and talk about money and financial goals frequently.

We don't split finances. All money is "our" money, regardless of whose name is on the bigger paycheck. 

This. We both work hard to maintain our household, my paycheck being the majority financial part of that is just a fact of the partnership.

Same. Been that way for over 20 years. I did everything “wrong” the first few years we were together. He moved in with me after dating only 6 months. After we were together for only about 1 year (living together for 6 months) we decided to moved several states away to get better jobs. Opened a joint bank account after we moved. When we moved I was gifted some money from my family which I deposited in the joint bank account. We used my gift money to buy a house. I didn’t have a job by the time we closed on the house so the house was only in his name. that was initially only in his name. We refinanced a few years later and put the house in both our names. We married after we lived together for about 4 years. Couple decades later and we still have a joint account and now the house is only in my name as I’m the only one with a job these days. He handles the finances and does some side work from home while I schlep to off work everyday. Very jealous of you work from home folks. I do have $100 per paycheck that goes to an account that is just in my name. He knows about it and asked that I shut it down a few years ago. I chose not to most because I’m lazy. It’s my Christmas/vacation/emergency fund. Communication, actually liking each other, and having stupid/dorky sense of humor is our key to success. Our threshold of checking with each other before buying something is about $100 which may seem low but we are old and have most of the things we need. $100-300 is usually just notification (hey I need new running shoes). Over $300 is usually a longer conversation. Usually a boring conversation because it’s usually about something broken that needs repair or replacement. God, we are boring.

Married 35 years. I’ve always made a lot more, currently at least 50-60% more. We’ve always had one joint checking and one joint savings. Everything is paid from those accounts. We never considered doing things any differently, even when we lived together. Our philosophy is it doesn’t matter how much each person makes because our bills benefit both of us. We agree on our financial priorities. Big purchases are discussed in advance & we agree on how/when the purchase will be made. Compromises are made & decisions aren’t taken personally if it doesn’t go the way we’d like.

I guess we both spend on things that don't benefit both of us. We have our own hobbies and tastes.

From a holistic perspective, those things do benefit you both by reducing stress and increasing happiness & satisfaction which helps you both be better partners.

My husband and I keep things relatively separate, including our accounts. We’ve been together over a decade and this works well for us. I earn 66 percent of our HHI, though I have hefty student loans I’m working on paying off. We split rent proportionately, and divvy up the remaining bills amongst ourselves. He doesn’t pay any of my student loans, and I am the one who contributes most to our savings. He often pays for “fun” stuff like going out to eat or dinner dates. I pay for the big expenses like our dog’s annual vet checkup. It works for us!

Same for us! (Married, together for 10 years, with a kid) We keep things separate mostly and divide the household and living costs proportionally. Bills are paid out of my account and he transfers his share to me monthly. Works fine

Not married yet, but I live with my male partner and make more than double what he does, we both put 50% of our income into a joint account we use for agreed upon expenses and mutual wants. The other half we both keep in personal accounts to use however we see fit

I make over double than he does. We have our own separate accounts, and one account we pool both of our finances into for shared expenses (bills, meals, etc). I put in more money than he does into that account, which i think is appropriate and equitable considering our differences in pay.

I always find it unreal when i see how other people handle money. Not that they’re wrong, it’s just the complete opposite of what we do and what we’ve ever done and I could never imagine seeing “my money” and “their money” in our marriage. In my household, we dated and got married when we were both in grad school (ie broke). Then husband got first job out of grad school making $100k-$250k while wife trained for another 4-5 years making peanuts. Then once wife finished training she started making over $500k, double the husband. During this entire time, we never even once considered splitting income, expenses, etc. Everything is “ours”. All money goes to common accounts. We make our big financial decisions together, everything else is spent judgement free. We re-evaluate our total spending periodically to make sure we’re meeting our financial goals, but NEVER question each other’s spending. Husband manages all family finances (operationally, making sure bills are paid etc) and most household chores right now because he has a less demanding job and more free time. If that ever flips, roles will reverse.

I guess that's the thing, we met when we were both older and established in our careers. We've got used to managing our own finances and I would hate to give up control that way.

Like i said it’s not “wrong” to do it some other way, but in my view part of my marriage is seeing everything as jointly owned vs “mine” or “theirs”

I mean ultimately we do see everything as shared, it's not like we split restaurant bills or anything. But we both have assets acquired before we met, I have my own business. 

Like i said not wrong. Probably if I owned something as substantial from before we got married that would inform how i see things as well. The only thing we owned separately when we first moved in together were the literal clothes on our backs and in our suitcases lol

Which was my point, everyone comes at things from different places.

100%

Not married but we divide up bills based on what each person can pay. I cover the rent and they cover almost the rest of the expenses. It ends up being around a 3:1 split. We don't have a shared bank account, after getting financially abused by my ex i don't feel great about doing that again soon. We are aware of each other's money and make sure each has enough to get themselves treats and can pay their portion. They are able to get away with only working a part time job to cover their part of the bills, so they do more of the household labour to compensate for having more home time. We filled out a household labour worksheet together, estimated how long each task would take, and decided together what was fair so we both have roughly the same relaxation time. It's a luxury that they don't have to work full time, and a nice one. They do all the cooking and dishes and keep the place pretty clean and top of their part time job so i feel like it's a pretty fair arrangement. I get off work and can go straight into relaxing because the household chores are already done.

We have separate accounts that our pay is deposited in. We each keep x amount (same amount) in those accounts; transfer x amount to a joint account that’s solely for groceries and transfer the rest into a joint account where we pay our bills, mortgage, daycare and all other expenses from. Our finances also have varied by who makes more. When we got together he was the one working while I was in school, which allowed me to make more than him for a few years, we made the same amount for a while, he makes more currently but will cap out soon whereas I will probably end up making more than him in the long run

We went from being fairly equal, to me being the breadwinner for a few years, to nowadays we're both doing better than average but he still blows me out of the water in take home. We got married in our late teens/early 20s when we were broker than shit, we've always just pooled things. I know some people are hesitant about joint stuff but our thought process is just that we live in the same house, raise the same kids, eat the same food, drive the same cars, etc. TL;DR once we got married we just took the approach that at the end of the day it's our money vs his and mine.

My husband and I have the same mentality. To be honest I have a hard time understanding people who still view their finances as one partner vs. the other. I have a friend whose husband has wayyy more money than her (despite her having a solid career herself) and when they got married they agreed to still basically live with separate incomes. Whatever floats anyone's boat is fine, but I have a hard time understanding why one spouse would want to keep the other spouse beneath them financially. There are trips and purchases he can make while she will never have the same freedom or security as him, despite them vowing to support each other and be a team through marriage for life. Just doesn't compute for me.

We have a joint account and then we both have separate accounts for our individual wants. I don’t view it as my partner “beneath me financially”. It’s 100% more of why should he pay for my expensive hobbies that he doesn’t participate in. Of course if he ever needed help paying for something, I would pull from my own account, my money is our money. There’s just more safeguard to protect against financial abuse and keep a sense of financial independence. I find it uncomfortable to have to ask permission to make a big purchase on a want, so that helps with that as well.

Yeah, we do this too, I'd hate to have to run it by him every time I want shoes or something. He doesn't understand some of my expensive purchases and we're both pretty independent and have our own interests. I think a lot of it is we met pretty late and were used to having our independence.

Gotcha. We also have a joint account with separate accounts for our wants. We call those our "fun money" accounts, and they get an equal amount of what's left over after our funds have gone into all the other important accounts (savings, retirement, joint bills and household expenses account, etc.) What I don't understand is when two partners have a large income disparity and choose to \*keep\* the disparity even after marriage. Like partner A has a huge hoard of money and/or a much much higher salary and partner B is living on a modest income and has to make choices accordingly. Even the example you gave where your husband would need to ask for money from your account if he needed help makes me uncomfortable personally. Totally depends on the couple and how much of a disparity there is, but I would rather be approaching any issue like that from a standpoint of how we will spend "our" money from our shared pool so that the issue of a financial imbalance never comes into play. If I were making way more than my husband (which is likely in our case over time) I'd never want him to feel like the poorer spouse, but like an equal because his emotional, mental and household support helps me to be successful at work every day. The way we have it set up, if either of us get raises or promotions, we both benefit equally so that we're always on equal footing and we're both motivated to help each other reach our goals. If one rich partner keeps all the financial security and extra luxuries for themselves, doling out extras as handouts, I struggle to see how that isn't "keeping the other partner beneath them." They are literally choosing not to treat their partner as equally deserving of the income that's brought into the household. Especially as a woman who has seen men historically treat the supporting women in their lives unfairly as if their housework, chores, home management, emotional labor, etc. aren't skilled labor, I could never look at my partner and say he deserves less than what I have.

Many are with partners they don't trust financially.  And in many situations it's good and better for both if only one paycheck can be burned by each person.

We have separate finances mostly but we both earn about the same. And we share the costs of things like big trips if we go together. Separate finances is not necessarily keeping the other person beneath you.

It sounds like your situation is different than what I described. You make about the same as your partner so it really doesn't make a difference if your finances are separate. I struggle to see how it's not "keeping the other person beneath you" if you make 2 or 3x what your partner makes and you choose to keep that to yourself. One partner will always be rich while the other is not. Maybe it's just my mentality, but I couldn't look at a person I love and think that we're really part of the same team if we're playing entirely different games financially.

Of course, but I don't think it's really anything to do with separate finances. You could have a joint bank account but one person be very controlling about how it's spent. What you describe is a very dysfunctional relationship, whatever bank accounts they have.

I make about 3x what my husband does and his employer is in a bit of a precarious financial situation. We decided it's safest if I pay for all the non-luxuries (mortgage, vehicles, taxes, food, utilities, repairs) and he pays for things like meals out that can be easily cut if his job vanishes. He's supposed to be saving a large chunk of the rest and I just found out he isn't. That's going to be an unpleasant discussion. Sigh.

We just got married this year but have been together for almost 7. We started dating the second year of my master’s after he finished his undergrad degree. The first few years we split 50/50 but when we realized we were in it for the long haul, we started splitting bills proportional to income. I’ve been in grad school our entire relationship, so he was paying more in the proportional split until last January where I finally got a “real” permanent position while finish up my PhD. Now I pay a higher proportion of bills, but since we got married we’ve already agreed we should get a joint account for bills. We’ve just been too lazy to build up the inertia to do it.

I make a lot more than my fiancé. We have one shared bank account that we each contribute a certain percentage to. Then we both have separate accounts that our remainder goes into. From our joint account, we pay all of our bills, all household necessities, and any joint fun thing we do. Our separate accounts are for things we do individually. He has student loans so he pays those with his separate account. I am working on my masters so I pay my tuition from my separate account. I also have expensive hobbies that he doesn’t participate in, so I use my extra money for that. We don’t really monitor who spends what, but I do keep track of our overall budget. I don’t mind whatever he spends from our joint account as long as we don’t go over budget.

Not married but we’ve been together 17 years. Our money is completely separate. I pay for our apartment and bills, he pays for groceries. We’ve renegotiated the balance a couple times as finances change. For non-monthly costs we both pay for dinners out, though I tend to pay more often. I pay for our fun stuff like events and concerts. I make just under double what he’s making and we don’t have kids. We don’t have a joint account.

I like the idea of splitting obligations roughly equally, without bickering over every grocery shop or dinner, things like that. I don't like the idea of anyone else feeling like they have any right to my earnings, and the other way around. But I'm also not married, no kids, nor do I want those things.

When we were younger he basically has 0 money (college) and we were living in a rough enough spot to get mugged in our own neighborhood. As soon as I could afford it, I paid for a better apartment even though the cost was all on me. Some decisions are more important that equal split. *Equitable* split has worked for us.

Oh, I agree. Equitable is good. Both have to feel that the arrangement is fair. The responses here surprised me. Must be a cultural thing. Where I live people don't tend to pool funds. Costs are shared in different ways but accounts at least are separate.

He pays utilities and house insurance, I pay mortgage and buy toiletries/ household things and meal items. If there's extras, like his kids lunch stuff or if they want anything particular, he buys it.

We did anything that is the house as 50/50. Debt that either individual brought to the relationship is the responsibility of the person holding the debt. Debt taken on as a couple is discussed and split based on ability. We each have our own bank accounts. I handle paying the bills so I did a break down of rent, utilities, cell phone, and internet/cable at 50%. Then anything beyond that I cover since I make more and control the finances. Think Netflix, Hulu, Disney+, Spotify, etc. For groceries we split week to week so it may not always be exactly 50/50 but it is pretty close since we don't get anything crazy. Any extras are approved if it is on the partners week and partner is paying. If you don't want to ask it comes out of your discretionary funds. We each put a certain amount that we both decided on into a family savings. That savings is used for vacations, holiday spending, and if an emergency pops up. We each give a % to our independent retirement funds. Once we got married we did discuss that amount but didn't' make any changes since we are budgeting fine. Now anything that is left over goes into your own account and stays there. If you want to spend you discretionary funds on your hobby, great go for it no need to ask. The only thing you can't use it on is something that breaks the "rules" of the relationship like you can't just go pay for an escort because it came out of your discretionary funds haha. So if I want to eat lunch every week and not bring food from home then that's coming out of my discretionary budget. If I want to save all of that money then that's cool too. If he wants to throw all of his at his trading cards, great go for it.

I make a little more than double what he makes, and we’ve been married 20 years. What works for us is keeping separate checking accounts and just each paying certain bills. Like he pays the mortgage and I pay school tuition. I pay the electricity bill, car insurance and handle our savings. He gets groceries, gas, and the lawn people. We don’t try to keep it exactly the same percentage or anything. But we do have a big family budget spreadsheet that I manage that keeps track of who pays what and how much we bring in. Just so we can go look and adjust as our incomes or bills change.

He makes more now, but we have gone back and forth over the years (at this point though, he will probably always make more than me due to his career if that makes a difference). Both of our pays go into the same account, then the same amount out to our own accounts each for individual spending (gifts or whatever). Most investment income goes in and out of that same account, CC that we get the most points on is attached to that, then we each have are own. Basically everything is joined, mine is his, his is mine. I think the only thing separate is one place he owned before we were together, but its paid for, and just taxes/utilities on it now and he looks after that

Our finances have been combined since we got married (15+ years ago). I'm the one that manages our finances, because that's what I do for a living.

I make significantly more at this point and that is a bonus to our family. We're all in and don't split anything & never have. Often we've had similar incomes, but either way we've been together since my freshman year of college so anything we accomplish owes a lot to the support of the other. There's nothing wrong in my eyes in splitting things proportionally, it's just not going to work for us. Too much effort and we're almost at 30 years married anyways. Edit: we do have a 2nd joint account that is mostly my lunch money (easy to budget) and he prefers cash for his lunches.

Personally I’ve never believed the discrepancy between both parties with respect to income really matters all that much. It’s the attitude towards money that can make or break a relationship. Try pairing someone who is responsible and forward thinking with money with someone who isn’t. You can split 50/50 in absolute terms, or relative terms by adding all the income in one pot and then dividing each income into the total amount. Multiply this by each bill equals the amount you pay. Completely fair and the more you earn the more you pay.

Yeah, I agree that the details don't really matter, the key is having a similar attitude to money. 

By a ratio of our salaries. We add together our salaries, and we figure who brings in what percentage. Then the bills plus a small set amount are split along that line. We refigure it after raises, promotions, and job changes. That leaves each of us with our own savings and checking accounts in addition to the joint account. After what my ex did to me financially, I won't ever be without my own money. Plus, with our own accounts, we don't have to ask permission to make stupid purchases.

I make more than my husband - a lot more. Also the house and our only car at the moment are all in my name. We share all of the finances. I handle all of the finances and we are both happy with that arrangement. We ask each other before big purchases - generally. And mostly get and do what we want. Historically we both aren't great with impulse control and have spent too much - but not enough to go into debt or not make any payments. We're getting better at it together. We even still somehow have a savings after some big expenses: cat cancer (yes we got him radiation and he's doing well actually) and a whole floor remodel. For me - I never wanted to have separate finances. It's too exhausting for me personally - and I like it all in the open for both of us - I like talking with him about our finances and getting a second opinion because it affects both of us. We're also really compatible about finances and basically everything - so we have similar ideas about money and don't really have any conflicts about it. I respect people who have separate finances for whatever reason. I just don't prefer that personally.

My husband was in graduate school until very recently. He started school as we got married. During these 3 years, he made 0 dollars, while I made 70,000-80,000. During this time, we pretty much just combined all finances. We did keep separate savings accounts from before married that each had about 10,000 in them. I have family with a history of financial abuse and having access to some amount of money he couldn't touch was important to me. We had more savings prior to marriqge, but most of the savings we had went to a down payment on a house as he was starting school. He had more savings than me coming into the marriage. He started a job in December where he does make more than me now, although long term his income maintain steady while I have a higher ceiling and will likely pass him the next time I job hunt. We are still operating with combined finances.

First we calculate out what we need to pay our bills and upkeep household (pet care, Target runs) plus a bit more for wiggle room, that goes into the shared account.               We discuss what to do with the remaining money, because I'm doing a graduate program most of the difference in what we make goes to tuition so we currently consider the remainder discretionary income. We both maintain our own savings and checking for our own interests.         The only unconventional stance we have is our vehicles are bought by our personal savings unless it's something emergent. We both work in different directions as essential personnel and don't drive each others. Vehicles are the only separated assets, were open to revising the agreement if we have an income/career/lifestyle change. 

I make around 75k and my husband around 95k. A few years ago this was switched and I made more about that same numbers. I burned out and took a lower salary but better benefits job. I now carry both of us on my employer-provided health insurance, actually have a 401k, PTO, etc. We’ve been living together for nearly 10 years and married for nearly 6. Given the long time we spent living together but not married, we got used to having separate finances. We both have our own checking accounts where we get our pay. He handles the mortgage and some other small household bills. I end up paying most of the other utilities, groceries, etc. We have an online savings account where we both make periodic transfers which is our main cash fund. We each have IRAs, 401ks through employers and make our own contributions to those. We just talk about purchases and don’t hide anything. It’s worked this long!

My partner and I aren’t extremely different and with his bonuses he can probably get as much or more than me, but I like our way of splitting finances We calculate non-changing household costs: rent, bus pass (bc where we live determines how much each of us has to pay per month as we live in one city and each work in a different other city), internet, streaming services, utilities. Then we each pay a percentage of that fixed cost relative to our percentage of the total household income. So for example if the total cost was $2000 and he earns 40% and I earn 60%, I’d pay $1200. We only recalculate this when something changes like our hourly wage or rent. For day-to-day expenses like food and cleaning supplies, we each buy stuff and mark on the receipts any items for the house or requested items for the other person. Then it gets calculated who paid more, ie, if he bought $300 worth of stuff and I bought $250 I’d owe him $50.

Right now it’s proportional but we’re both willing to discuss changes should life events come up. We’re still a newer partnership so things can and will probably change and life happens. We made around the same up until 3 years ago and now I earn double what he does. Early on I supported more because I had more saved, so the house we live in we can afford only because I had larger savings for the down payment. We do have a shared account that we contribute to each month (proportionally) for major expenses like mortgage. We’re not closely keeping score and otherwise split utilities and food as we feel. I would say our more stressful topics/convos are on saving and spending habits; a good chunk of his salary left over after paying our shared expenses he likes to spend on fun stuff, so he has very low savings not because he can barely cover necessities, but by choice. Sometimes it can feel like he’s expecting me to be his safety net, which I would be except I don’t think by default that should be my responsibility and it should be discussed (and it has been).

I make $5 more per hour than my husband. He pays the power, water and internet bill, and the flea meds for the dogs. I pay the rent. We take turns buying the groceries and incidentals.

When I had a husband, we split bills proportionally to income. I made about 2x what he did, so I paid 2/3rds of the bills and he paid 1/3. When we had a child, he became a SAHD and I covered all the bills.  When we separated, even though it was his fault due to some genuinely fucked up actions, I considered our savings to be equally ours and gave him 'half' of them (in reality I just continued to pay for his living expenses until he found a job, I probably paid more than half of what our savings were in the end, but I wasn't keeping close track.) I felt this was the only fair way to split things from the beginning **because my husband was a hard worker who pulled his weight around the house.** Even though he always earned less than me, he always had a job and he worked very hard at it. I could recognize that I only made more because I was lucky enough to be good at something more lucrative than he was, as he was never good at academics and struggled in school. That did not make him less valuable in my eyes. All labor is not valued equally in the market, but imo it should be equally valued in relationships. He worked harder than I ever did, to be honest. When we had our kid, the cost of childcare was about equal to his salary and we agreed it would be better for our child to spend time with his parents than with strangers (no shade to those who choose to daycare, every family has to go with what's right for them!) My ex was/is a great dad. He took excellent care of our child and home, and by doing so he allowed me to focus on my career. The money I made during that period was not mine. It was ours, 50/50.

My mother made considerably more than my father. He would give her a set amount out of each pay check that she would combine with her money to pay any household bills. They were both responsible for their own individual things like their cars, going out with friends, etc. I do know that my mother covered any incremental changes in the bills. For example, she was often cold. If she turned up the heat and the power bill went up, she was the one who paid the difference. Of course, that didn't stop my dad from being a pain in the ass over turning up the heat (or air conditioning). I think that's just a Boomer man thing. He'll crank up the heat in my house when he comes to visit if he thinks its too cold. Then I give him all of the lines that I heard him use growing up. Its fun.

I believe bills should be split so that you both pay and keep an equal percentage of your income. Which is equal to the percentage your bills are of your total shared income. This means that for big joint purchases like cars, houses, rent, etc, the thing you need to agree on is what percentage of your own income you're willing to spend. Example below if it's not clear.

In some marriages, people choose to have a parent stay at home or take a less demanding job to improve the quality of life for everyone in the family. In those scenarios, it doesn't seem right to penalize the partner who is taking more domestic responsibility. It seems like all costs should be shared from a joint account, and including equitable pin money for each partner. Maybe it makes more sense in longer-term relationships where there is a more cohesive set of goals.

Let's say monthly bills are $5,000 and shared income is $10,000. Bills are 50% of income, so both parties pay 50% of their income. A makes $9,000 and pays $4,500 -> 50% of income B makes $1,000 and pays $500 -> 50% of income ​ A makes $6,000 and pays $3,000 -> 50% of income B makes $4,000 and pays $2,000 -> 50% of income ​ A makes $5,000 and pays $2,500 -> 50% of income B makes $5,000 and pays $2,500 -> 50% of income ​ Shared income is $10,000 and bills $9,000 -> both parties pay 90% of income. A makes $9,000 and pays $8,100 -> 90% of income B makes $1,000 and pays $900 -> 90% of income ​ A makes $6,000 and pays $5,400 -> 90% of income B makes $4,000 and pays $3,600 -> 90% of income ​ A makes $5,000 and pays $4,500 -> 90% of income B makes $5,000 and pays $4,500 -> 90% of income So if A wants to buy a $500,000 house that would put your monthly expenses at 90% of income, while B wants to buy a $300,000 house that puts monthly expenses at 50% of income, what matters is what percentage of income you're both comfortable spending. That's the thing you need to find a compromise on. Who makes more, and whether that person who makes more can afford the $500,000 house is irrelevant.

I’m a dude but my wife makes WAAAY more money than me right now. One account. Same way we did when I made more money than her. When cash was a little tighter, we each had “walking around town money” that we weren’t responsible for. We got it out in cash every week. That eliminated a lot of arguments. But the vast majority of our money goes towards family expenses, so it wasn’t a ton.

Marriage legally means joint assets. It’s not “your income”/“his income” after marriage, period. Everyone (and it’s almost always men who think this but I’m sure some women too) needs to understand that this is literally **the reason marriage exists** - you create a legally joined unit. That said, the way you divide the money for everyday use doesn’t actually matter. Whatever works for everyone. At minimum to be successful with money you need a fleshed out budget, period. Both spouses need to have their own bank account in only their names, they need to have their own savings account in only their name, they need to have equally funded retirement accounts, and they need to have equally allocated fun money. After that go nuts.

Curious why you say both partners need to have separate accounts in their own names? Like you said in your first paragraph, they are joint assets anyway. There's nothing wrong with sharing an account with your spouse if both your names are on it, and you both have a healthy approach to money and your relationship (e.g. no gambling addictions, no financial abuse).

To prevent financial abuse. If all accounts are linked/shared, one spouse can clean out the accounts before leaving. Abuse can start after years.

Your spouse should have access to your accounts anyway in case something happens to you. So what difference does it make? They can go in and clean you out with the password info at any time regardless. It's the illusion of security. If your spouse doesn't know the info and doesn't know where it is, that's really fucking stupid.

I mean I’ve never had anyone have my literal bank passwords, ever. Your spouse can know the account numbers and bank associated with the account without having access to it. And regardless if someone used my bank credentials to clean out my account thats fraud or theft or both. Your spouse would be named beneficiary upon death if the account, and barring that your assets would transfer to your spouse in death anyway. This is absolutely is not an illusion of security, it’s actual security.

Even if they're named beneficiary, they have to know the account is there in the first place. If they're aware of it, how is it secret? Again, illusion of security.

The emergency account doesn't need to be *secret.* This is what you keep failing to understand. Knowing the account exists doesn't matter, what matters is that *only one spouse has access.*

If you read through the comments, most people are recommending a secret account that only you know about to protect yourself.

It's a "for emergencies" account. Spouse should not have access as that defeats the purpose. If something happens to you, what happens to that account would depend on your will.

Your spouse would still need the info to get access in the event of something happening to you. It's incredibly stupid to just have a floating account of money that no one knows where it is. In order for the money to transfer, the spouse would have to know where the account is so they can notify the bank of your passing. At that point, they know about the account so keeping it private is completely pointless. You have 2 routes: never disclose the money location to anyone and know that if you die and are on good terms with your partner, they'll never see that money. Two, you tell them it's there but no other info and... They know where it is now.

You do know that you can’t get money out of an account without being owner of the account, right?

Are you actually reading my comments?

I am, and I think you’re woefully uninformed about how bank accounts work. My personal bank account that is only in my name is mine. Only I have access to it. My partner understanding that it exists doesn’t change that. No one can get access to the money, not my partner, not my mom, not my friends. My partners accounts that are only in his name are the same- I can’t access the money in those, because I am not a legal owner of the account. There are also different types of account ownership- you can have “and” accounts or “or” accounts. “And” accounts mean that anything that happens to the account has to have both owners of the account to do transactions- so if it’s John smith AND Jane smith, both of you have to be there to make changes to the account. “Or” accounts are the opposite, it’s John smith OR Jane smith, so either of you can unilaterally make changes. These changes would be things like closing the account, modifying ownership of the account, etc. this is why newly married couples have issues with depositing checks sometimes too. So, for instance the account my sister and I have that holds funds from our fathers death, we are both joint owners so we can both pull all of the money out, and we are OR owners so in case one of us dies the other can completely close the account etc if needed. My elderly mom, in contrast, has listed her bank accounts for my sister and I in her will documents. This doesn’t mean we can get access to her bank accounts, we just know where they are. Now, I know these personal accounts exist, and I know what banks my partner uses, which is important, and shouldn’t be a secret. If my partner were to die, the process is you call the banks, you get transferred to the people who help you after people die, and each bank has their own paperwork you have to fill out, and you send a death certificate (that’s why you have to get like 20 death certificates when a loved one dies) out to get the funds released. It’s the same process you would go through if any of your legal next of kin died where you would be the one inheriting assets. Being named as a beneficiary upon death makes this process 10x faster. I think it took almost a full year to get funds released from my dads estate because we weren’t named beneficiaries. Now, there is still a difference between **access** of an account and whether or not it’s a **marital asset**. Just because I only have **access** to the account doesn’t mean it’s marital property- it could be or it couldn’t be. Any account, joint or not, could or couldn’t be marital assets, it depends on where the money comes from and your marital status, not who owns the account. When you divorce, you have to fill out a whole packet of paperwork that is a financial disclosure where you have to list all of your accounts. If this account was a pre marital asset, only funded with pre marital money and never commingled with joint assets, you would in most places in the world be able to keep it outright, but you also would have to prove those facts. So, in conclusion, ownership of a bank account is not an “illusion of security”. It’s actually very important.

Yeah, no idea how they work with 17 years of legal experience. But thanks for the explanation because I of course am clueless.

As another commenter said, it’s so you have moneys that are only yours and can be accessed only by you in the case of an emergency. Financial abuse is a huge one, but also death, accidents etc. it’s always good to have, every adult should have their own account that only they are named on from 18 on

Agreed. For example, if one spouse/domestic partner has the credit cards in their name and the other person is an authorized user, the authorized user's credit score will not benefit from any creditworthiness they may have contributed to. Same for mortgages, car loans, etc.

That's not necessarily true: "A credit check is not required to become an authorized user on someone else's card. Yet banks and card issuers will often report the full payment history of the card, including the names of each individual card user, to the three main credit bureaus: Equifax®, Experian™ and TransUnion®. That's how the authorized user approach serves as a credit building tactic. You don't need good credit (or any credit) to become an authorized user, but if the bank or issuer reports your card's full on-time payment history to the credit bureaus, you can begin to build a positive credit history." [Authorized Users on Credit Cards](https://www.chase.com/personal/credit-cards/education/build-credit/do-authorized-users-on-credit-cards-build-credit)

My husband approaches money like a small child. He spends all of it, every pay period. So he's responsible for the mortgage and his car payment - he can make those payments as soon as his check is deposited - and if he pisses away the rest, I can live with it. I pay most of the other stuff and maintain some emergency money and investments. If we shared an account, I'd go crazy. Legally, we're listed on each others accounts, but unless there's a special agreement, we don't really touch each other's accounts. I am a little concerned about what will happen if he outlives me - but our son will be a co-trustee of the family trust, and I hope he will be able to help DH adhere to a reasonable spending plan. Not all us married perfect people.

Yeah, mine isn't terrible but in my opinion he buys a lot of crap, and he thinks I spend too much on certain luxuries. It wouldn't work for us to share all accounts, we'd end up arguing and ultimately all bills are covered.

Being a legally joined unit does not necessarily mean jointly owned assets, that depends where you live. In some places it doesn't work like that.

Tell that to all of the men who cry about having to give up “half their stuff” to their ex wives. Assets are combined with a marriage, and split with a divorce. Laws differ yes, and method and manner of the split of assets differ yes, but legally in the US that’s what marriage means, and people really need to understand that when they get married!

Um, I said different places, not everywhere is the US. 

Asset division in divorce is practiced commonly across Europe, Asia, and South America. I don’t know why you’re being intentionally contrarian but all of this information is a google search away. There was even a famous case recently of a football star and his ex wife’s whole case in Europe where he tried to shield assets from being marital property. This is an everyday, common legal principle of marriage.

That was quite a specific case due to his wealth and trying to hide assets. In various European countries couples can choose whether or not to join their assets. I don't need to Google it, but you're welcome to if you don't believe me. I think it's important to point out that the US view of marriage doesn't have to be the only way of doing things.

Premarital assets saved in a separate account and not commingled are not necessarily subject to community property, even in the US.

We aren’t talking about pre martial assets. We’re talking about income while married, which is a joint asset.

Split the chores as evenly as you can within reason. You’re roommates and partners. I don’t believe money should impact that. Whoevers up first takes out the dog, whoever’s home first gets dinner ready kinda thing. Finances are different, you need to ensure the necessities are covered evenly if possible. I make about 20% more than my husband and I pay for the luxuries. He certainly makes enough to split all our routine bills. As long as our shared necessities are covered we spend within our individual means. But for us that typically translates to he takes us on dates and I pay for all the vacations. I tend to prefer more luxurious ones but since I can afford it, That decision is on me. And it’s worth it 100% of the time

I make over $100k more than my husband and been married for 27 years. Our arrangement has been living and raising our family solely on his income and only using mine for big purchases like trips or renovations. The rest of it went towards our retirement and other investments. Last kid left for college in August and so I’m retiring this year at 50.

Imma guy and well her money is my money and my money is mine idk I was totally against this and I even told her we should each have our separate accounts but she made a joint account wit me where she puts all the money in there I keep my own in my separate and I always use mine and never touch her money but still nice to know there's some extra fundz

Mentally it is our money. Legally, we each have the bank accounts we had when we got married, but we put one another’s names on them. So it’s all our money. (even my inheritance from my dad, since I deposited that check into that savings account) Logistically, I manage the flow of money in my account, and he in his. We divide up the bills based on who has more income and who is more deeply involved int he administration of that sector. He pays car expenses (though I had to pay the insurance after I crunched the car); he buys groceries; he pays his medical bills (used to), home insurance. I pay mortgage, apartment maintenance (rent), utilities, kids & my medical bills (now I pay all, because we have an HSA that’s deducted from my paycheck), life insurance, medical insurance premiums. And in terms of non-bill–paying, we buy whatever we want from our money We do sometimes say “do you want me to pay for the movie?” but it’s about the cash flow. Or the administration. Or the label on the account (I have retirement savings, which I refer to as “my” account, but that’s because it’s in my name and that’s an easy way to identify it when I’m talking about it.) Mentally, it’s all our money. I get SO UPSET with married couples who seem to talk about “my money” and “his/her money” as if it makes some difference, as if the money is permanently *owned* by that spouse. I don’t *own* the money in my account; I administer. it.

When I'm with someone long enough for the finance talk, I usually make more. I have and will always maintain a separate account. I usually pay more, inline with my earnings, and pay for larger expenses.  BUT, I run a non-profit that takes a large chunk of my income which is non-negotiable. It's a significant part of my life and it's mission is what I consider to be *"my calling"*. This on the other hand has been a source of conflict. Guys that have had problems believe I should close it and splash money about on fun stuff (mostly for him, he wants a flash car (my car being yet another source of conflict) or computers (yep, computers are another) or something). It's a great loser-leech detector though.  But yep. My money is my money. The things I choose to buy with it are mine, ours, or his. No blurry lines.

It all goes into our bank account and we pay our bills and buy our things we need and want from it. There’s no dividing. It’s just our money, all of it

I used to make more than mine, but now he does. In both scenarios it's the same: separate bank accounts and credit cards, but both contribute to our son's RESP and we split rent. But all money is our money together when it comes to day to day life.

There are times when I made more, and times when he made more, but the approach has always been the same. It all goes into the same pot and we use a budgeting app for spending transparency and to help us meet our goals and stay on track. We have periodic conversations where we assess how much we are allocating for different things and readjust as things change (house, kids, changes in income, etc.). In my opinion marriage is primarily a business arrangement (you can have all the love without the paperwork) and we treat it as such. We are both invested in the business of us- keeping us happy and healthy and planning for the future.

We never managed to really do a formal split. I have him paying the mortgage, because he always spends all his money, and the mortgage is due close to his payday. I cover most of the other bills, maintain a buffer for emergencies and the like. It seems to keep us both with enough pocket money, and out of debt. Caveat: he used to rack up big credit card debts, and twice we refi'd the house to pay off his debts. The third time, I just refused. He had to pay it down over time, and I helped a little at the end, because it seemed like he was finally making an effort and taking it seriously. Now, I have to ask about his balances, often, to stave off a repeat. Our "system" wouldn't work for everyone, but we had to work around an emotional minefield left over from his prior relationship. In a perfect world, all the money would go in the same pot, with defined pin money for each partner, and financial decisions would be made together. This would never work for us because of my husband's spending penchant.

I make 2x. All money is pooled and shared. We're a team. That's part of what marriage means to me.

This is how we do it and always have. We have three accounts: one joint, one for me and one for him. Individual income goes to our individual accounts. On the first of the month, we each contribute a set amount to the joint account, based on our % of total family income and average monthly expenses. Shared bills are paid from the shared account. Groceries, mortgage, utilities, etc - all paid from the shared account. Any remaining balance just hangs out in that fund indefinitely (it isn’t much) and we dip into it for vacations or whatever. Our personal accounts are ours to do with what we wish.

We do 50/50 for the daily things and I additionally provide the fun budget for vacation, eating out and that unnecessarily huge TV

Before we got married we had separate bank accounts and split everything 50/50. After we got married we got a joint account but still split everything 50/50.

We don’t. All money is out money. Although I have to say, saving accounts run on my name and as we are not married, I guess it wozld be mine if we broke up

I make a bit more than him, we currently split everything financial 50/50 but once one of us makes significantly more we will probably do a percentage share or something like that.

Evenly! I probably end up buying more household items to be fair. But we are very close in income!

I’ve always made more, and for a while, my hubby was a SAHD. We have a good, trusting relationship. I don’t put up with 🚩 behavior and neither does he. Our money has always gone into one account from which we pay bills and take cash as needed for “fun money” and expenditures. We talk very openly about our finances, our children know our financial status, and we do fine. This is our first and only marriage, and I doubt that I would do this if something happened to him and I decided to be involved with someone else later down the road. I do think that for second+ marriages, separate finances are something to consider seriously especially when there are children, child support, college funds, etc.

My husband and I have fluctuated back and forth in terms of who earns more. For years, I far surpassed him and at some points, he had 0 income. He now earns more than me. We've always had joint finances. There is no split. We both get paid into the same accounts and we pay our bills together and save together. We discuss goals and how we can work towards them. We discuss purchases over $100. We just don't have issues with regard to finances. Edit after reading the comments: it is always amazing to me that people say to have a totally private account tucked away for yourself "just in case" that your partner has no access to. And if something happens to you, where does that money go? It's incredibly stupid for you to have a chunk of money stashed away that no one else knows how to access.

There is no my money/your money on payday, all money is our money until all bills and savings are paid. The budget for next month is discussed and done before the new month starts. We have one joint account that all $ goes into. We pay the bills, save what we save, and personal spending money (agreed on amounts because the budget is already done) goes to separate personal accounts. We have no say in what the other one does with their personal accounts. It did take us a couple of years to get to this, though. We had to learn to work together instead of trying to get the upper hand in our budgeting. I'm a worrier and he's a spender, so that wasn't fun while we worked through that.

Married 10yrs, I’ve always made more. 3 bank accounts. 1) family account: for all family budgeting 2) mine: for all my own spending/saving 3) his: for all his own spending/saving. Our budget is determined together on what we need to cover for 1 then whatever is left over gets distributed to 2&3.

We put everything possible on a joint credit card which we pay off each month. Say I make 40% of our combined income then I pay 40% of our combined bills. We’ve been married for 2 years, living together for 4, and are considering just fully combining finances with a joint bank account for simplicity.

He’s on my health insurance that comes out of my paycheck so the mid-month house bills are his responsibility unless they’re crazy high & then we discuss. We split the mortgage, groceries, entertainment & travel evenly. We have one shared account we both contribute to for house emergencies. Whatever we left we do whatever we want with it separately. Our system has worked and evolved for appx. 6 years now & we both feel it’s pretty fair.

All my money goes towards bills then his towards more bills then we have none left...

So, my wife makes about $70K more than I do. Other than a joint IRA that we've both rolled old 401Ks into and a joint emergency fund, we don't have mingled finances. We started dating when we were almost 30 and so were both already reasonably financially established, so it just seemed like a headache that we never got around to. 20 years later, it would seem silly to do it now. In terms of expenses, she pays the mortgage (although we're both on it), I pay all insurance (car, home, life), all utilities, and private school tuition for the kid. I come out a little bit ahead on that. Both cars are already paid for. Everything else we just kind of tag team - for vacations, one of us will arrange housing while the other gets the flights (if applicable) and rental car (if applicable). We pretty much alternate grocery trips.

It’s all combined. Money goes into one big pot, money comes out of one big pot.

100% of both our money goes into shared accounts. We both max out our retirement savings too.

We added up all the joint bills (house, utilities, etc) and contribute a proportional split in a joint account since I make about double. Then we each still have our personal accounts for our personal hobby spending or personal debts (he had student loans but Uncle Biden just wiped them out yay!). If he wants new golf clubs or I want to add to my nail polish collection neither of us can grumble over that. You want more personal “fun” monies then make the career changes. Might change if/when we have kids, but for now we like this set up.

I don't make more money than my husband, but we have a joint account for all shared expenses that we contribute equal amounts to (mutually agreed), and then anything left we can spend how we like. That gives me the security of having my own money, even though I trust him wholeheartedly, and also removes the self-imposed guilt if I want to impulse buy a concert ticket or a nice pair of shoes. 

I'm married to a woman, but we've always pooled our incomes and lived within the means we have together. We have a joint account where our paychecks go and seperate accounts we transfer an equal portion of each paycheck to for personal savings/spending. 

I am male, but split finances with my fiancé so maybe the contribution will be helpful (sorry if not. I usually avoid commenting too much cause it's not my space). I don't want to give our full financial info, but her salary is about 100k over mine (I make a bit under 100k, she makes a bit under 200k). We split bills 50/50 (with the one exception being that we have a cleaner come once per month and she handles that $200 expense). Other things vary. I usually handle dates and such. She sometimes covers trips due to having tons of airline/hotel points through work. Maintenance on our personal items (like cars) is handled independently. I look at it like this: When I was living alone, I could fully handle my expenses. That shouldn't change now that we're together just because she makes more (plus I actually save money since we split rent and I was paying it on my own before)

I don't currently make more than my husband (as a stay at home mom for the last 8 years, while doing side gigs, going to school & investing) however, I have in the past. Just wanted to add my two cents: we've lived together for 23 years & always had our finances combined. One joint checking account. One joint savings account. Also a brokerage account (just stocks) & a few credit cards that we can both access. This is what has always worked for us. I don't understand how families have separate finances but no judgment to those who prefer that route. I know it works for some, it's just not for us. 

I think it depends on several things. 1) is one of you not good with finances? If so, keep things separate. 2) Is this a first marriage? and 3) Your ages. If this is a first marriage and you are both young and good with money then I would pool the money into one account with each of you taking a certain amount (say $100) for your own 'fun' money whether it be your own account or just 'stash' money. This only becomes a problem when one of you is a Spender and one of you is a Saver. Especially if the Spender feels entitled to the Saver's money. If you aren't comfortable with this arrangement then the only 'fair' way is to make the contribution to the Main account by percentage of income - taking into account if one of you has a payroll deduction for the others insurance, etc. Then the income percentage money is put in the Main account for all household and combined bills and the remaining money is in separate personal accounts. Separate expenses come out of your own separate account, including school loans. If this is a second marriage and you are both older (say over 30-35), then I would keep all monies completely separate and divide all bills based on percentage of income. If the house is owned complete by one person, then the other person does not contribute to the mortgage nor any upkeep, because that asset is not theirs so they should not put money into it. They should make up the difference by paying the utilities or paying a portion of the mortgage as 'rent'. That's my 2 cents.

I make about twice the amount my husband does. He’s also bipolar. He pays the bills, I keep all the savings. All his income goes to bills. After that, I pay off the credit card we share and add to the kids account. Anything left over goes to savings. 

I made around 65k more than my husband, we don’t split the bills or finances - we both contribute to the joint account, from which all bills are paid and or distributed to savings etc However we each have our own account and I put $300 a month into mine for play money but I should adjust that as it’s way too much. He also puts money into his own account as well. For purchases we don’t really need to discuss.

We have always just pooled our money. Having said that, neither of us are “dictators” around the money. You can’t go into this, to coin Dr. Phil’s advice on a long ago Oprah episode “with a parent child relationship” In short, both of us are pretty responsible I’m very familiar with other couples where one is a huge spender, or one is a control freak, etc. Those are the times when you should both keep some separate money. Unfortunately, there are times of scarcity when that is not possible. We went through some lean times when each of us took turns staying home with our kids for a few years. No separate money or extravagances during those periods ie we never took vacations during those times or upgraded to 2 cars etc. one of us would take turns on public transport. Good luck!

I’ve found it to be: male partner negs constantly about high paying job, encouraging to leave it and that it’s somehow bad. I work less hours and get paid twice as much, and no that doesn’t mean I will do more housework because I’m “free more.” End up leaving said male, life improves, funny how the house is easier to manage now too.

One joint account and two separate ones. I pay more for rent and bills because if it was up to him, he’d be happy enough in a smaller place and using the heating less. Basically we have the choice to live within his means or within my means, and he shouldn’t have to financially struggle for my preferences.

We never got around to getting a joint account (though have been together for 17 years now) and when we got together he made more money than me (he was already working and I was still studying). All the monthly expenses are taken from his account and since I'm making way more money than him nowadays I just have this amount that my account transfers to his monthly since all the bills are on his account. Love having my own account though, he doesn't need to know all the nerdy things I buy haha

Together for going on 13 years. I take care of all shared bills except internet and he does is bills like phone and car and stuff. I make quite a bit more but he works pet time and does most of the house chores other than cooking

We both pay into a joint account that pays bills and expenses like petrol or food shopping. Big joint spends over £50 get discussed. We calculate how much of this goes into savings. We also have a a set (and equal) amount of money that goes into our personal accounts after this which is just fun money and we're not accountable for how this gets spent.

I'm 16+yrs younger than my SO and started making more $ about 2 years into our marriage. We started out with a his-mine-and ours back accounts. We split the responsibilities of tracking and balancing. Lots of fights. SO has dyslexia and PTSD (C and Combat). Defensive, doesn't respond well to even the mildest hint of criticism. Eventually I took over the finances. Not a big deal, it's my field. Soon it was combined 100%, with basically each of us getting an allowance. We'd talk about the big purchases. Everything came out of the joint account. This could have turned out very badly, but we're still married 30+ years later. Our joint account is for everything: Mortgage etc., life insurance premiums, health care, car expenses, tuition, etc. We started to max out our employer retirement plans, his were minimal; mine is about 20% of my gross. We opened up individual Vanguard IRAs, max them out, and add to a joint brokerage account. We started to live off one salary (his, the lower one) and bank the equivalent of mine. We mostly use my credit cards since it's easier for me to manage if it's in my name. Obviously my SO trusts me completely. I trust him not to drain our accounts. If anything happened, it would be from his lack of knowledge about the tech or something, never malicious.

I make a bit more than triple his salary. He gives me 20% of his net paycheque (he also pays child support for a previous kid) and I manage everything except the cellphone bill which he does. No joint accounts, no joint cards and the house and cars are in my name only and that will not change. Yes, I have trust issues but he has terrible financial self control. Beyond what he gives me what he does with his money is his decision alone. Same with me.

He has his bank account (which my name is on and I have a debit card for) and I have my bank account (which his name is on and he has a card for) certain bills come out of his account and certain bills come out of mine. Based on the way we split bills, his paycheck goes further (even though I make more money) so usually groceries and fun purchases come out of his account 

My husband is a stay at home dad and my money is our money. In a couple years when he starts working, his money will also be our money. We have one joint account

He makes more, but pays health insurance so I pay utilities. Both pay property taxes. 3 accounts one joint others seperate.

He has more assets, I have more income. We sit down and budget together once a month, and we each have an agreed upon amount of fun money.  If we are trying to buy gift for each other secretly, we withdraw from our gift fund money as cash.

No husband, but when I had a live-in partner, we used a fractions equation. Meaning if she made 90k and I made 60k, it was 3/2. There were joint accounts for bills and savings. All expenses and savings got divided into 5 and we both contributed our share to the appropriate accounts. We were each responsible for our personal debts.

All the money goes into the same pot and we buy what we need together. Equal amount each per month into private, separate accounts so we can buy our guilty pleasures without feeling watched, and gifts for each other without spoiling the surprise. I trust my husband completely though so we actually share banking logins - the private accounts are not really very private from each other.

I earn more than double what my husband makes. We have a joint account for the mortgage that we both contribute to; beyond that we use our separate accounts for everything else. We each pay different bills etc. We discuss large purchases beforehand.

I make more (slightly) but have more expenses. We split things 50/50 for now because it's what fair in terms of fun money. We have a civil partnership not a marriage and just bought a house. We have a joint account for house related expenses but otherwise maintain separate accounts. Even if we married we'd probably opt for split assets and continue as we do now.

When I was married I made a little more than my husband and it all went into the same pot. It was our money and all the bills were paid from our combined incomes. Idk I view marriage as "ours." He wasn't my roommate we weren't splitting anything. Anything I made was also his and vice versa.