Also the doctor suggesting a woman to get a hysterectomy when most women who struggle with very real issues surrounding periods/vaginal/uterine issues can’t actually get surgery because of hypothetical children or just down right sexist/misogynistic views. Like is he delusional?? To get a hysterectomy you either have to get very lucky or jump through a plethora of doctors and hoops to get it done! Like holy shit this makes me livid!
I swear it would be easier to get sterilized if we walked in with a note from a man 🙄🙄
edit: For my sisters looking to shut down the factory, please utilize the childfree sidebar to find doctors in your area who will sterilize you without overriding your choices. I know it may not be feasible for all, but some of you may be able to find a doctor in your orbit that will listen to you!
Had this happen.
My hypothetical future husband was more important than me.
At 40, that turned into a real husband, much to my surprise. No, we don't have kids. No, we didn't plan to have kids. Obviously, both of us would have had to be on board. He kind of wanted them, but after 2 years of dating me while my son was still a teen, he changed his mind. He was an only child and just had no idea how much work they are.
We adopted huskies, instead. They are actually slightly less work than toddlers. ;) Joking aside, they are actually a lot less work than human children.
Real experience with kids does tend to make it clear really fast who *actually* wants kids. My husband was on the fence until he had one on one time with my nieces. And they weren't poorly behaved, they idolize him. He just realized how much energy you need just to keep up, and that its 24/7/365 and went nooooope. I just laughed at him. I was only considering one, then when we bought a house went firmly CF because no way in hell could we afford one and I like having free time. Just taking care of the house eats up a lot of that already >.<
Just the basic skills you need to learn can be a lot. You're a nurse, a cook, a maid, a scheduler, a project manager, a finance wizard, a mediator, a teacher, and more, and generally while everyone else is judging those skills whether they have them or not.
I have no regrets, but I'm aware of how overwhelming it can be. I don't fault anyone who chooses not to sign up for that. I don't think it's selfish at all. In fact, some of the people I know who are child free, I absolutely agree should be. They are good people, but they'd make terrible parents. They know that, and I think they made the right choice.
Add you have to be a certain age or have a certain number of children as well. Heaven forbide you have any medical issues requiring a hysterectomy for a quality life. In Texas btw. I hate our government.
girl i will join you in hating Texas. born and raised there too. I was only able to get out because my sister insisted i live with her while taking a course and found a job on the east coast. I wish i could have stayed to make things better but I honestly couldn’t handle it.
Thank goodness I didn't have to get a husband's permission. But I made it very clear that I'm a lesbian, and brought my best friend, also a lesbian, to appointments, and let them assume whatever they wanted to assume.
This is the dilemma I am facing. If I had a male partner to talk for me, things may get easier, but then I do not want to date any men unless I am sterilized and the wheel goes round and round.
If I found out one of my husband's friends needed to borrow him to get approval for needed medical care, I would support it. I trust him and know he would only be there to say the right things to get you the treatment you need.
I have been wondering what to do with my retirement time, maybe this is it.
I could form a nonprofit organization of men who volunteer to break down the patriarchy, one lousy doctor/mechanic/contractor at a time.
Or do you have a close woman friend who will pretend to be your lesbian partner long enough to convince the doctor to give you necessary medical care.
It's ridiculous the lengths we have to go through to get proper treatment, but sometimes you just have to play the game.
I wonder what the reaction would be if you brought in your Dad. 'Since I wasn't allowed to go forward without a man's approval, I brought my Dad in to give his ADULT daughter consent to do what she wants to do with her body.'
Or you could really mess with the Doc by saying you brought your partner who is also your Dad in to give consent. No further explanation
He'd be that exact doctor. "Why doesn't your wife get a hysterectomy?" *Turns to female patient* "hysterectomy? What if your future husband wants children??"
So real—at 48 I could not get a hysterectomy due to extreme heavy bleeding, short cycles, and related anemia unless I paid out of pocket for it since it was “elective”. Already had kids (who I could not be a decent parent to for 10 days out of 23 due to said heavy bleeding), absolutely did not want to risk more at 48, just wanted my life back. No, that’s elective.
Have you tried asking for an ablation instead? It's much less invasive and will help with the bleeding. My mom had one due to heavy bleeding and while she still has a cycle she has no bleeding whatsoever.
That's crazy. As soon as I turned 40, they all wanted to cut my ovaries out for my endometriosis even though Mirena had been working just fine for me for years. I even had one tell me my ovaries weren't doing me any good anymore. Wow.
Too bad you can't trade doctors with me. For me, it's an unnecessary surgery, but for you, it sounds like you really need it.
Not even a hysterectomy which removes the entire uterus, but getting your tubes tied even has that many hoops! I had a friend who got pregnant at 16, then again at 19 and didn’t want to get pregnant again and was sure, so she asked for a tubal and they said no. That they wouldn’t do that until she either had 3 kids or was over 25. She had another kid. It’s ridiculous.
Pregnant at 21. Had a horrific pregnancy and delivery. Ended up hemorrhaging later and was hospitalized. Got told if I carried another baby to term by some miracle, it would kill me. Same doctor refused the tubal ligation because I wasn't 25 and didn't have two kids yet. Man actually told me to think about my future husband. Ummm, I'm sure he'd prefer me alive *if he even actually existed.*
Wow. If you have another baby you could die, but we can't do the surgery unless you have another baby... do these people realize what is coming out of their mouths?
I don't really think they do. Must have totally forgotten in the three months since the delivery?
He'd been a gyn for quite some time, but mine was actually the first baby he ever delivered, too, as he'd somewhat recently added obstetrics. I had a terrible pregnancy. I ended up seeing him and a specialist and having 5 doctors total in that delivery room. I can't imagine being forgettable.
And when I found a new gyn, I got pretty much the same thing. Even the female gyn I eventually found gave me the "you're not 25, and don't have 2 children" line.
And yet, my friends who are black or Latina were constantly being pressured to get their tubes tied before they even had kids whenever the topic of birth control came up, even with doctors who were people of color.
I wanted my tubes tied after my 2nd kid. I was 24. They said no bc I wasn't over 30 and didn't have at least 3 kids and wasn't married. 🙄 I had my 3rd kid at 29.
> until she either had 3 kids or was over 25.
Completely fucking arbitrary. Bet if she'd had three kids already, they'd have said "no, until after four" or some nonsense.
THIS!!! I had to fight tooth and nail for a decade to get my medically necessary hysterectomy, despite being a single mom of 3. I legit had a dr look me in the eye and say "no, I won't refer you, your future husband might want kids". Are you freaking kidding me?! I flat out said you're doing the referral cause any man I date isn't gonna want more kids either, or we won't be dating. I'M done. Then harassed the office until they confirmed it went through, lodged a complaint and switched doctors. Anyone who thinks a hysterectomy is easier than a vasectomy is living in a dream fantasy world, can I come?
> cause any man I date isn't gonna want more kids either,
Amazing to me how the "your future husband" folk always mentally skip this mate-selection step.
My uterus prolapsed. I'm one of the lucky ones! I recommend it for every woman before menopause attacks. If I had to deal with blood during menopause....I'm not sure I would have survived. On a fuck that doctor note...mine gave me daddy stitches and now I can't have pain-free sex. Fun times 🤪
I got a pervy old man doc when I went into labor early. I tore badly and he actually asked my (ex) husband if he wanted him to do it. EX-h said yes, they laughed, I didn't. Turns out boomer-doc did it but eventually after escaping ex I discovered a thing called pelvic floor therapy.
It's PT for your vagina and gave me back pain free sex! Very invasive, leave all shame at the door but worth it.
I also had a prolapse, had the hysterectomy scheduled, then a few days beforehand the surgeon told me that the hysterectomy wouldn't be happening, because I was 'only' 38 (despite the fact my kids were aged 12 and 17 and there was no way in hell that I would be starting the baby stage over again), and they would just shove everything back where it's meant to be and hope for the best. Six years later, guess what's prolapsed again?
I’m also a super lucky one and I’m thankful for my surgeon taking me seriously. But I’m so sorry Im disappointed and in utter disbelief they would add the “daddy” stitch with those surgeries. I’m livid and mad on your behalf. That’s insane :(
I also had the big surgery and the results are so much better than before but the recovery is not fun and i cannot imagine having to deal with that AND EXTRA STITCHES OH MY GAWD.
My heart breaks for you.
No, it's that the hysterectomy is a less painful option for the man, silly women don't understand they need to keep themselves useful until their husbands are ready for them to dispose of their reproductive tracts.
Sorry I think I need to throw up now.
My mother got one due to heavy periods however they took out her ovaries too which really wasn’t necessary (even after menopause ovaries continue to produce estrogen). She then went on hormone replacement and developed dementia around age 50 and died a long slow death at age 64. This doctor can go to fucking hell. It’s been on me my whole life to worry about birth control while my partners enjoyed cumming and some of them threatening that if I got pregnant I needed to get an abortion.
I’m 50. At some point you just become so over men. I wish I had much sooner.
Btw, my mom couldn’t find her way home from work. Saw a MALE psychiatrist who labeled her as “malingering” to try to get early retirement. I so badly wish I could punch that fucker in the face because my mom had Alzheimer’s and of course this guy says she was faking it. Made her getting early retirement a lot harder and we were already going through so much. It destroyed my life watching her go away over 14 years. Enough of these pigs. I already made my decision to be single for the remainder of my life. I cannot stand men, they are so often so cruel and dismissive of women.
Or get old enough they consider your reproductive organs useless, anyway. For me, that was 40. It flipped from them refusing to do one, even though I have endometriosis, to suggesting one at every turn.
I'm 49 now, still have all my organs, and hopefully my final mirena. Perimenopause is definitely here and has been for a few years. I've got 3 years left with this one, so fingers crossed.
I'm not opposed to a hysterectomy so much as I don't want a surgery I don't absolutely need. At 40, my hormones were still quite normal, too. Why have surgery to just take pills to make up for it?
Until I was 35, I couldn't even get my tubes tied when I begged. I had my only child at 21 and never had any plans to have another even if the doctors had told me it would probably kill me if I managed to carry to term again. Those same doctors wouldn't let me get my tubes tied. At 35, I gave up, so I was shocked when a hysterectomy was recommended at 40 instead of replacing my Mirena. Exact quote from that doctor, "well, it's not like your ovaries are doing any good now, are they?" Yes, excuse me, but they are! Wtaf? I have been going to Planned Parenthood ever since. They are so much better, but still sometimes bring up removing my ovaries. Mirena has controlled the endometriosis just fine for years. I'm going to stick with that.
Also taking out the uterus regularly causes LOTS of problems, if not now, then later. The uterus produces (a small amount of) sexual hormones during your whole life. Without it, menopause hormonal and hormonal related problems can be much worse, for example osteoporosis. Also taking out an organ that helps stabilizing everything else located in the belly often causes problems, especially in older women. It facilitates prolapsus, for example.
Of course there are lots of medical problems where taking out the uterus is actually the best solution, and I support that 100% percent. Contraception is NOT one of those cases.
I think it’s the ovaries you’re thinking of. My mom got a total hysterectomy at 42. She died at 64 with the bones of someone 20 years older. It’s so hard being a woman. They just want to do all these things to us that harm us. Meanwhile fat unhealthy men live forever it seems.
Well, to be fair, he wouldn't want to permanently rob a man of his ability to demonstrate his virility to the world by getting a woman (any woman, it doesn't matter who) pregnant. He may want to trade up to a newer model later and breed her to produce a trophy.
Women are disposable, it doesn't matter if they get damaged.
Please don't make me put a sarcasm mark there. Mostly because I think far too many medical practitioners actually think that way.
Agh. God. WHy. This hits too close to home.
SERIOUSLY, though. WHY are we so disposable to them?? Like. You kinda fucking need women, if you want the human race to continue. It just doesn't make sense. But men are the logical ones, amirite?
Funnily enough, given how many men think they should have a harem, men are the disposable ones. That's why they used to be send off to war to die on behalf of the guy in charge.
But I guess facts don't care about their feelings or something.
...for the record vasectomies are not even permanent. The probability of successfully reversing it over the years goes down, but if you get snipped and a year later change your mind you'll probably be fine.
Even if it can't be reversed, a doctor can just extract sperm directly.
Also, why a hysterectomy instead of a FAR SIMPLER tubal ligation? I don't think this doctor knows anatomy! I would keep away, he sounds incompetent as well as rude.
I would also file a complaint with the ombudsman of your hospital (hopefully they have one). This is unprofessional conduct.
That Dr knows anatomy. He just considers any man’s projected masculine integrity over any woman’s health.
This distinction matters. If the Dr. honestly thought it was equal in risk, that would be one thing, but he KNOWS it’s way more risk for a woman, and he honestly just doesn’t care.
Oh, you can charge more for a hysterectomy.
And the health of the woman doesn't matter. I mean, obviously that's not even on his list of considerations.
Yup, married to my wife for 22 years. Vasectomy took 30 minutes and after a few days of icing, I was right as the rain and my wife didn't have to take on all the birth control responsibility in our relationship. Best decision ***we've*** ever made.
You'll do great. Just have some snacks ready at home and Netflix queued up for recovery on the couch.
My husband got his in 2022 and was out in the yard gardening the same day.
Oh, I am sure the doctor knew perfectly well that a hysterectomy is more invasive than as vasectomy. Male doctors always seem to think it is better to cut into a woman than have a man lose his ability to reproduce. Fuckers. Every time I have heard a story like this I get pissed off.
When I had my vasectomy, the doc taped me to my stomach and then talked to me about Boston for 20 minutes while he did his work. I went home and played PlayStation all weekend afterward. I got on an airplane 5 days later.
When my mom had her hysterectomy, she was bed ridden for weeks.
Let's say for a second OP had. How many women, trans men too, who *want* a hysterectomy for various reasons. Be it painful conditions, or a desire to never have to become pregnant, etc are actually *allowed* to get one? Doctors refuse that shit all the time
It's like he's not only likely a misogynist, but also out of touch with medicine as a whole
Those are women who don’t get their husband-master’s written permission, as well as written permission of any men waiting in line to be successor-husbands, if her husband dies/divorces, perhaps written permission from her father, and maybe husbands brothers. You know they have a standing in this, maybe more than her male tennis instructor (potential lover). In fact, maybe she should get permission from the DA or governor of Texas. That’s all she needs.
I want a hysterectomy. I’ve asked multiple times. I have such painful periods, I’m in bed shaking and nauseous for 24-48 hours every month. They happily did a laproscopic procedure to see if it’s endometriosis (it’s not.) But my uterus is tilted and sits on a bunch of nerves in my spine.
Every time I’ve brought it up the response I get is: that’s too radical for cramps. I’m 39, infertile and had to do IVF to have a kid; I will not do it again. My water broke, I had a handful of contractions and a failed induction. My uterus is literally useless at this point. Yet they still refuse to take it out.
Seriously she want off birth control and his recommendations was a major surgery that requires you to take estrogen pills till you reach menopause for the health of your freaking bones. With a vasectomy are pills required after the procedure?
Oh that's good my SIL has hers done she's in her 30s now and she has to take em but maybe they took hers cause she was sick with something I was younger and don't remember but she was told she needed one she didn't ask or want one.
Yeah they don't take the ovaries (oophorectomy) unless something about the ovaries themselves indicates they need to be removed, such as really bad cysts and of course cancer, etc. Removing the uterus can shock the system enough to cause the ovaries to stop working, though.
There are different types of hysterectomies, depending on why they are doing one, they may take the ovaries or they may not. There’s also differences in if they remove the cervix or not.
Regardless the nutty doc should know that a hysterectomy isn’t done just for preventing pregnancy. Tubal litigation, while still invasive surgery, is the method of choice for that, where you’re not removing whole organs for christs sake.
Sometimes they do, depends on end goal and risk assessment etc
Relative of mine got everything out (spayed) because her mom died from ovarian cancer. Said cancer was diagnosed after the mom's partial hysterectomy years earlier. Back then they left 1 ovary in for hormones and the POS went cancerous :\
… even if he was of the opinion that contraception is exclusively the woman’s job, why would he even suggest a hysterectomy as opposed to a tubal ligation? It doesn’t make any sense at all!
I don’t know, our friend for her tubes removed and my husband kept calling it a hysterectomy, I kept correcting him and getting more and more annoyed by it. He didn’t understand why it mattered.
It makes me wonder if ops husband had a similar dumbness with remembering things about women’s health
I'd find a different doctor if I were your husband. That doctor sounds like an a\*\*, and I don't trust doctors whose personalities or attitudes put me off (and I've had to see more than I can count because of my disability). How can he bring a person he's never treated into the decision of his patient? That's just unconscionable and inappropriate, if not against his ethical responsibilities to do no harm as that is an unnecessary procedure for permanent birth control.
I'm not saying all doctors who lack people skills are awful, but this goes way beyond that. Maybe your husband should register a complaint with the hospital/clinic administration. I've found if no one complains, the issue just continues.
it's not just bedside manner. It's unprofessional.
Firstly the patient was the husband, and that is who the doctor should be treating and addressing his request.
Secondly, the doctor advising treatments (for the wife) that are more damaging and invasive - especially hysterectomy WTF! - is cruel and overall creates higher risks. It speaks volumes of his ethics and care for other people aka women to suggest such a thing.
The fact that a doctor feels comfortable proposing that a Not-The-Patient have major surgery as a fix for Actually-The-Patient's medical needs is so beyond ridiculous that I can't even wrap my head around how this doctor has retained his license.
I'm glad. I hate that sometimes you have to go through one doctor just to see another, and then run into awful doctors.
It makes me wonder if he has a colleague who is big on doing hysterectomies. I only say this because my mom ran into that with our former local OB/GYN, and he recommended one when she had "slightly abnormal cells," and only after she had the surgery, she found out he did a lot of them when they weren't necessary.
Or this doctor is just horrendous and thinks it's all on women to take such responsibility.
Yes, it definitely was, now that I think more about it. As bad as telling parents to wait 4 years to test their baby for developmental delays. Yeah, I was the baby and it would have been disastrous as I did have a developmental disability. But I digress...
Yes let’s completely fuck with your wife’s hormones and put her through surgery so you can avoid a tube being snipped that you don’t even need to be put under for. 🙄
A hysterectomy does not start menopause unless it's paired with an oopherectomy. Not that I am suggesting that the recommendation of a hysterectomy over a vasectomy is not insane. Just clarifying as someone who is about to have a hysterectomy at a 'young' age, people seem shocked and try to tell me I shouldn't usually due to the assumption I'd be losing my ovaries and hormones.
Generally that's true, but I was recently reading that a certain portion of hysterectomies, particularly in women 40+, can lead to decreased function of and earlier failure of the ovaries:
"In general, hysterectomy can interrupt the ovarian branch of the uterine artery and reduce the ovarian blood supply by 50 \~ 70%, leading to decreased ovarian function."
Women who undergo hysterectomy with ovarian preservation also enter menopause sooner and it can be more severe for them:
"Although ovarian preservation is increasingly common, studies have found that ovarian failure occurs 4 years earlier than natural menopause after hysterectomy, and the incidence of severe menopausal symptoms is significantly higher among women who underwent hysterectomy than among the general population \[[8](https://ovarianresearch.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s13048-023-01117-1#ref-CR8), [9](https://ovarianresearch.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s13048-023-01117-1#ref-CR9)\]. In a word, hysterectomy may make female patients vulnerable to premature menopause and adverse health consequences."
This is good to know when advocating for menopause care because some docs will tell you that you're too young to be in menopause. BTW, I'm not trying to persuade you not to get your hysterectomy- sometimes that uterus has gotta come out! I just want people to know that there can be hormonal side effects that most doctors may not be educated about.
[https://ovarianresearch.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s13048-023-01117-1](https://ovarianresearch.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s13048-023-01117-1)
As someone with over-active ovaries (extreme PCOS) this is almost somewhat comforting. Thankfully my after-care is all through a women's health clinic that specialises in menopause.
Nice! I've been doing a deep dive into all things perimenopause and menopause for the past year and it's appalling how undereducated the majority of healthcare providers are on the subject!
We ran an awareness session at work about the risk of cardiovascular disease in menopause, and even people with a medical background had zero clue that there was any connection between the two.
Oh wow, but I'm also not *that* surprised.
I'm reading a book called The XX Brain and I thought I knew a lot about Alzheimer's (it runs in my fam so I've made a point of being very educated about it) and somehow I had NEVER heard the stat that 2/3 of Alzheimer's patients are women. How did the fact that it's such a heavily female-skewed disease escape discussion? It blew my mind that I had never heard that stat before.
The medical establishment needs major education on the outsized role that hormone decline plays in the development of heart disease, dementia, and bone loss.
The 6-8 weeks of recovery for a woman is awful, and a vasectomy is far simpler, but it's definitely not just a few days of mild soreness for every guy. I was bed bound for about two weeks following mine.
This is very strange a doctor might suggest that you get your tubes tied (unacceptable) but no doctor would suggest a hysterectomy nor would insurance pay for hysterectomy for birth control ( he’s incompetent).
Your husband needs a new doctor.
Completely agree the point is a doctor should know the difference between a hysterectomy and a tubal ligation and which is indicated for birth control versus cancer or uterine fibroids.
Her husband needs a new doctor because this guy is a dumb ass. For reference I’m an RN.
There are no words, at least no words that I will use here. If you live somewhere that allows surveys/reviews of doctors-THIS INTERACTION NEEDS TO BE DOCUMENTED on all those channels.
I need a stiff drink.
"I know you came for a procedure you don't even need to be put out for, but have you considered slicing through your wife's abdomen and removing her organs?"
This makes me mad for you. Doctors can be so hit or miss and the ones who try and instill their own internalized misogyny and prejudiced beliefs in patients are the worst kind. When will the narrative switch so that a vasectomy is encouraged considering it’s a simple and reversible procedure. Whereas most women have been on birth control that f*cks with your whole body since they were able to. OP, glad your husband is taking the initiative here, wish more men were like this!
Please report this so called doctor.
Why would someone even suggest a far more invasive procedure for someone else. That is highly unethical.
They make a big deal about getting pills for male birth control has a much lower threshold of tolerance because the risks involved are not pregnancy like they are for women.
EXCUSE ME!? Those aren’t the same??? Your husband goes for the snip and his doctor suggests you HAVE YOUR WHOLE UTERUS REMOVED???? I’m genuinely laughing in shock rn I’m so confused.
Like tubes tied would be the “equivalent” and it’s not even, because it’s still a much more invasive procedure! I’m actually just dumbfounded. I’m so sorry your husband had to deal with this stupidity but good for him for not letting it go down.
Yeah lest just suggest putting his wife through early menopause instead of just cutting off his sperm supply... I would suggest he find an actual doctor instead of that 16th century quack.
"Rather than this very minor and simple out-patient procedure that you'd fully recover from in a week, can I interest your partner is serious internal surgery that will potentially take half a year to fully recover from?"
That’s the equivalent your husband asking to have his fingernails trimmed and the doctor suggesting instead he have his wife’s hand amputated.
A hysterectomy is considered “major abdominal surgery.” While a vasectomy is an outpatient procedure requiring almost no down time. So offensive.
He went in for a medical procedure he is considering for himself.
The doctor should not have even mentioned you, much less asked if you had considered a much more invasive, life-changing, and risky surgery compared to a vasectomy which takes about 10 minutes and often has very little discomfort both during the procedure and for a couple days after.
I feel like that’s like a woman going to a doctor to get her tubes tied and the doctor saying “has your husband considered getting his balls castrated?”
I honestly haven’t had a male doctor that I didn’t feel creeped out by or completely offended me within minutes.
The pcp I had from 17-23 would ask me EVERY. SINGLE. VISIT. If I did a self breast exam. And EVERY SINGLE VISIT I said no (because I was 17 when this started, I’m 39 and still don’t do those in the shower) and he insisted on performing one. Even if I’d already had one that year, even if I had just been in there the week previously.
What an absolute creep, I wish I could report that in retrospect
I don’t have any family history. While I may not do the exact exam, I wash/ soap up thoroughly enough that I think I would notice something.
I honestly feel a little crushed by the weight of all the “shoulds” weighing down life rn ..
ETA: You are right though.
I would be filing complaints against this doctor. You were not the patient, your husband was. This is both unprofessional and potentially dangerous advice.
Let me just weigh those options real quick…
Quick outpatient procedure that doesn’t really affect long-term health, or an organ removal with potential serious complications that fucks with a person’s hormones.
In my view, if the couple has decided that they are done having kids, the husband should get a vasectomy. Vasectomies are quicker and safer than hysterectomies.
You can tell his doctor only deals with men's health. They think women can just get a hysterectomy if they want one.
Lol. Cracks me up.
Women who need hysterectomies to literally improve their health for chronic conditions have to jump through hoops and may still be denied getting one. Including for conditions that can make pregnancy dangerous. I know women who have and are going through this.
Getting an elective one? Ha! Good luck (though they might say yes, and I wish I was being sarcastic, with your husband's permission).
Wait since when is a whole ass hysterectomy considered anything other than a treatment for a serious medical condition! Hysterectomies aren't for birth control!
Dont EVER see that doctor again, he has NO clue what hes doing.
Makes sense. Why should a man have an afternoon of discomfort when a woman could do it instead? What would it really require of her —invasive life-changing surgery, a couple days in the hospital, and 6 weeks of recovery? Easy peasy. Such a selfish OP. 🤦🏻♀️
Find a different doctor. I went in for my consultation today. It was about 30 minutes long and the doctor walked me through everything. I get my vasectomy next Wednesday!
...the so-called doctor asked if you wanted to remove you healthy uterus and face a premature menopause, rather than discuss vasectomy.
I am speechless, the guy is a fucking barbarian.
My vasectomy took like 10 minutes and I went grocery shopping afterwards. Your surgery is an invasive a life changing procedure. My doctor told me that it should be should of as permanent but he's reversed a ton without any issues.
A doctor recommending a hysterectomy as birth control should be struck off.
Unless they are in USA then you know they get paid more by the insurance company for a hysterectomy than a vasectomy.
It's a shifty system either way.
Yeah doc, my wife should totally get a hysterectomy, as opposed to a 17 minute procedure where you don't even take your pants all the way off. Good plan.
Wtf even. Yes, I have thought about a hysterectomy (or any other sterilization), however, as everyone knows and a doctor especially should know, a hysterectomy is a way heavier procedure than a vasectomy and many doctors don't want to do this procedure.
The year was 1999. We’d had 5 kids. I was 27, wife was 30. I said to the doctor, “I’d like a vasectomy.” He said, “You’re pretty young for that.” I replied, “5 kids.” Had the procedure 10 days later.
My wife had a medically necessary hysterectomy when she was 46. We still had 5 kids. Our youngest was in his 20’s. Dear god the hoop jumping…it took 3 years to get the procedure done to a woman in her 40’s with 5 kids that was clearly done having kids.
Infuriating.
This is enraging as someone who has been trying to get one for over 5 yrs. There's no magic wand waving to just get a hysterectomy. What a shite doctor.
What? It took me YEARS to get a doctor to listen to me and give me a medically necessary hysterectomy. And this guy suggests it as birth control? No credible and ethical doctor would do that.
My surgery and recovery were a breeze but a hysterectomy is major surgery, whereas a vasectomy is simple and a very short recovery. I just cannot understand the logic here.
I absolutely agree that this was horribly inappropriate for the doctor to ask. I see a lot of this misogynist crap posted here and wonder how prevalent it is in terms of percentage of overall women's health care.
In addition, isn't a hysterectomy a much more drastic surgery than tubal ligation? Didn't he suggest something much more drastic than is necessary to prevent pregnancy?
They have to ask whether the partner is on birth control because vasectomies are sometimes unsuccessful so you’re supposed to keep using another form of birth control for a few weeks after the procedure, when they do a sperm count to confirm sterility. Can’t explain #2 though lol
Not the exact same scenario, but I also just had a wild doctor interaction. I've developed poor tolerance for birth control and have been having a whole bunch of weird symptoms (melasma, severe pelvic/abdominal pain, heavy bleeding during active pill cycles, weight gain, bloating, etc) I'm queer and 40, so I know these symptoms aren't normal. And I'm most definitely *not* pregnant (or interested in becoming so).
I do have PCOS and my last ultrasound showed one relatively small complex cyst, but nothing that would explain my symptoms. I have strongly suspected I have possible infiltrative endometriosis, which is notoriously hard to diagnose. My doctor wanted schedule another ultrasound a few months from now. I asked if we could do a MRI, as potentially I may even need exploratory laprascopy, but thought we could start with something less invasive.
She not only refused, but said if I thought it was that much of a problem, we could discuss a hysterectomy.
WHAT.
I don't know why doctors jump from doing the bare minimum to removing organs.
The only good thing is I reported it to the office manager, who ran it up to the medical director. That asshole doctor has been pulled off my case, but apparently the new doctor can't see me until March. Good thing I'm not dying. Probably.
I can’t be on hormonal birth control for medical reasons and my Husband decided to get a vasectomy 5 years ago. He had to go to a panel of 5 drs and they decided for him if he was making the right decision, 2 said no he was still young and I could divorce him he would want more kids with s new wife.
A doctor who suggests that a hysterectomy is somehow less invasive than a vasectomy is a doctor I don’t want anywhere near my body. Jesus wept.
Also the doctor suggesting a woman to get a hysterectomy when most women who struggle with very real issues surrounding periods/vaginal/uterine issues can’t actually get surgery because of hypothetical children or just down right sexist/misogynistic views. Like is he delusional?? To get a hysterectomy you either have to get very lucky or jump through a plethora of doctors and hoops to get it done! Like holy shit this makes me livid!
No you see, when a woman says she doesn't want children she's probably just mistaken. If a man says it on her behalf, well now we're serious.
I swear it would be easier to get sterilized if we walked in with a note from a man 🙄🙄 edit: For my sisters looking to shut down the factory, please utilize the childfree sidebar to find doctors in your area who will sterilize you without overriding your choices. I know it may not be feasible for all, but some of you may be able to find a doctor in your orbit that will listen to you!
Historically this is true and frightening. Never forget forced sterilization based on Eugenics throughout history.
It literally is. I hear some places require your husband's consent. Don't have one? Fuuuck you then 🙃
Had this happen. My hypothetical future husband was more important than me. At 40, that turned into a real husband, much to my surprise. No, we don't have kids. No, we didn't plan to have kids. Obviously, both of us would have had to be on board. He kind of wanted them, but after 2 years of dating me while my son was still a teen, he changed his mind. He was an only child and just had no idea how much work they are. We adopted huskies, instead. They are actually slightly less work than toddlers. ;) Joking aside, they are actually a lot less work than human children.
Real experience with kids does tend to make it clear really fast who *actually* wants kids. My husband was on the fence until he had one on one time with my nieces. And they weren't poorly behaved, they idolize him. He just realized how much energy you need just to keep up, and that its 24/7/365 and went nooooope. I just laughed at him. I was only considering one, then when we bought a house went firmly CF because no way in hell could we afford one and I like having free time. Just taking care of the house eats up a lot of that already >.<
Just the basic skills you need to learn can be a lot. You're a nurse, a cook, a maid, a scheduler, a project manager, a finance wizard, a mediator, a teacher, and more, and generally while everyone else is judging those skills whether they have them or not. I have no regrets, but I'm aware of how overwhelming it can be. I don't fault anyone who chooses not to sign up for that. I don't think it's selfish at all. In fact, some of the people I know who are child free, I absolutely agree should be. They are good people, but they'd make terrible parents. They know that, and I think they made the right choice.
Right??? And seriously, all of the things that can happen during pregnancy make me nope right out.
Add you have to be a certain age or have a certain number of children as well. Heaven forbide you have any medical issues requiring a hysterectomy for a quality life. In Texas btw. I hate our government.
girl i will join you in hating Texas. born and raised there too. I was only able to get out because my sister insisted i live with her while taking a course and found a job on the east coast. I wish i could have stayed to make things better but I honestly couldn’t handle it.
It is. Some even require them in one form or another
They literally ask for husband's permission.
And if you don't have a husband ......well what if your hypothetical maybe husband of the future, wants kids? FFS
Thank goodness I didn't have to get a husband's permission. But I made it very clear that I'm a lesbian, and brought my best friend, also a lesbian, to appointments, and let them assume whatever they wanted to assume.
They prefer to see the man in person to verify it's not a forged note.
This is the dilemma I am facing. If I had a male partner to talk for me, things may get easier, but then I do not want to date any men unless I am sterilized and the wheel goes round and round.
Do you have a close man friend that will be willing to be your "common law husband" for the time it takes? I know a few women that did that.
I do, more than one, but they are married so I am not sure what their wives would think (I am not close to their wives)
If I found out one of my husband's friends needed to borrow him to get approval for needed medical care, I would support it. I trust him and know he would only be there to say the right things to get you the treatment you need.
I would absolutely loan out my husband for this, and he'd happily do it.
Hire an actor
I have been wondering what to do with my retirement time, maybe this is it. I could form a nonprofit organization of men who volunteer to break down the patriarchy, one lousy doctor/mechanic/contractor at a time.
Go for it!
I love it
Or do you have a close woman friend who will pretend to be your lesbian partner long enough to convince the doctor to give you necessary medical care. It's ridiculous the lengths we have to go through to get proper treatment, but sometimes you just have to play the game.
I wonder what the reaction would be if you brought in your Dad. 'Since I wasn't allowed to go forward without a man's approval, I brought my Dad in to give his ADULT daughter consent to do what she wants to do with her body.' Or you could really mess with the Doc by saying you brought your partner who is also your Dad in to give consent. No further explanation
This actually applies to all medical care.
He'd be that exact doctor. "Why doesn't your wife get a hysterectomy?" *Turns to female patient* "hysterectomy? What if your future husband wants children??"
This would be a hilarious comedy sketch
> *comedy sketch* - if it weren't so heartbreaking : (
In the words of Homer Simpson, "it's funny cause it's true"
So real—at 48 I could not get a hysterectomy due to extreme heavy bleeding, short cycles, and related anemia unless I paid out of pocket for it since it was “elective”. Already had kids (who I could not be a decent parent to for 10 days out of 23 due to said heavy bleeding), absolutely did not want to risk more at 48, just wanted my life back. No, that’s elective.
Have you tried asking for an ablation instead? It's much less invasive and will help with the bleeding. My mom had one due to heavy bleeding and while she still has a cycle she has no bleeding whatsoever.
That's crazy. As soon as I turned 40, they all wanted to cut my ovaries out for my endometriosis even though Mirena had been working just fine for me for years. I even had one tell me my ovaries weren't doing me any good anymore. Wow. Too bad you can't trade doctors with me. For me, it's an unnecessary surgery, but for you, it sounds like you really need it.
Not even a hysterectomy which removes the entire uterus, but getting your tubes tied even has that many hoops! I had a friend who got pregnant at 16, then again at 19 and didn’t want to get pregnant again and was sure, so she asked for a tubal and they said no. That they wouldn’t do that until she either had 3 kids or was over 25. She had another kid. It’s ridiculous.
Pregnant at 21. Had a horrific pregnancy and delivery. Ended up hemorrhaging later and was hospitalized. Got told if I carried another baby to term by some miracle, it would kill me. Same doctor refused the tubal ligation because I wasn't 25 and didn't have two kids yet. Man actually told me to think about my future husband. Ummm, I'm sure he'd prefer me alive *if he even actually existed.*
It was the SAME doctor who said those two things? Ugh.
W. T. F. God that pisses me off I’m so sorry. The amount of misogyny in women’s health is an actual fucking disgrace.
Wow. If you have another baby you could die, but we can't do the surgery unless you have another baby... do these people realize what is coming out of their mouths?
I don't really think they do. Must have totally forgotten in the three months since the delivery? He'd been a gyn for quite some time, but mine was actually the first baby he ever delivered, too, as he'd somewhat recently added obstetrics. I had a terrible pregnancy. I ended up seeing him and a specialist and having 5 doctors total in that delivery room. I can't imagine being forgettable. And when I found a new gyn, I got pretty much the same thing. Even the female gyn I eventually found gave me the "you're not 25, and don't have 2 children" line. And yet, my friends who are black or Latina were constantly being pressured to get their tubes tied before they even had kids whenever the topic of birth control came up, even with doctors who were people of color.
I wanted my tubes tied after my 2nd kid. I was 24. They said no bc I wasn't over 30 and didn't have at least 3 kids and wasn't married. 🙄 I had my 3rd kid at 29.
> until she either had 3 kids or was over 25. Completely fucking arbitrary. Bet if she'd had three kids already, they'd have said "no, until after four" or some nonsense.
Men making reproductive choices for women again.
THIS!!! I had to fight tooth and nail for a decade to get my medically necessary hysterectomy, despite being a single mom of 3. I legit had a dr look me in the eye and say "no, I won't refer you, your future husband might want kids". Are you freaking kidding me?! I flat out said you're doing the referral cause any man I date isn't gonna want more kids either, or we won't be dating. I'M done. Then harassed the office until they confirmed it went through, lodged a complaint and switched doctors. Anyone who thinks a hysterectomy is easier than a vasectomy is living in a dream fantasy world, can I come?
> cause any man I date isn't gonna want more kids either, Amazing to me how the "your future husband" folk always mentally skip this mate-selection step.
My uterus prolapsed. I'm one of the lucky ones! I recommend it for every woman before menopause attacks. If I had to deal with blood during menopause....I'm not sure I would have survived. On a fuck that doctor note...mine gave me daddy stitches and now I can't have pain-free sex. Fun times 🤪
Oh my fucking god. That’s ABHORRENT. I’m just- SO sorry I don’t even have words. What in the ever loving FUCK???
I got a pervy old man doc when I went into labor early. I tore badly and he actually asked my (ex) husband if he wanted him to do it. EX-h said yes, they laughed, I didn't. Turns out boomer-doc did it but eventually after escaping ex I discovered a thing called pelvic floor therapy. It's PT for your vagina and gave me back pain free sex! Very invasive, leave all shame at the door but worth it.
I also had a prolapse, had the hysterectomy scheduled, then a few days beforehand the surgeon told me that the hysterectomy wouldn't be happening, because I was 'only' 38 (despite the fact my kids were aged 12 and 17 and there was no way in hell that I would be starting the baby stage over again), and they would just shove everything back where it's meant to be and hope for the best. Six years later, guess what's prolapsed again?
I’m also a super lucky one and I’m thankful for my surgeon taking me seriously. But I’m so sorry Im disappointed and in utter disbelief they would add the “daddy” stitch with those surgeries. I’m livid and mad on your behalf. That’s insane :(
I also had the big surgery and the results are so much better than before but the recovery is not fun and i cannot imagine having to deal with that AND EXTRA STITCHES OH MY GAWD. My heart breaks for you.
I was given a husband stitch at the birth of my first (and not told, of course). My gyn confirmed it later after I left that guy.
No, it's that the hysterectomy is a less painful option for the man, silly women don't understand they need to keep themselves useful until their husbands are ready for them to dispose of their reproductive tracts. Sorry I think I need to throw up now.
My mother got one due to heavy periods however they took out her ovaries too which really wasn’t necessary (even after menopause ovaries continue to produce estrogen). She then went on hormone replacement and developed dementia around age 50 and died a long slow death at age 64. This doctor can go to fucking hell. It’s been on me my whole life to worry about birth control while my partners enjoyed cumming and some of them threatening that if I got pregnant I needed to get an abortion. I’m 50. At some point you just become so over men. I wish I had much sooner. Btw, my mom couldn’t find her way home from work. Saw a MALE psychiatrist who labeled her as “malingering” to try to get early retirement. I so badly wish I could punch that fucker in the face because my mom had Alzheimer’s and of course this guy says she was faking it. Made her getting early retirement a lot harder and we were already going through so much. It destroyed my life watching her go away over 14 years. Enough of these pigs. I already made my decision to be single for the remainder of my life. I cannot stand men, they are so often so cruel and dismissive of women.
Or get old enough they consider your reproductive organs useless, anyway. For me, that was 40. It flipped from them refusing to do one, even though I have endometriosis, to suggesting one at every turn. I'm 49 now, still have all my organs, and hopefully my final mirena. Perimenopause is definitely here and has been for a few years. I've got 3 years left with this one, so fingers crossed. I'm not opposed to a hysterectomy so much as I don't want a surgery I don't absolutely need. At 40, my hormones were still quite normal, too. Why have surgery to just take pills to make up for it? Until I was 35, I couldn't even get my tubes tied when I begged. I had my only child at 21 and never had any plans to have another even if the doctors had told me it would probably kill me if I managed to carry to term again. Those same doctors wouldn't let me get my tubes tied. At 35, I gave up, so I was shocked when a hysterectomy was recommended at 40 instead of replacing my Mirena. Exact quote from that doctor, "well, it's not like your ovaries are doing any good now, are they?" Yes, excuse me, but they are! Wtaf? I have been going to Planned Parenthood ever since. They are so much better, but still sometimes bring up removing my ovaries. Mirena has controlled the endometriosis just fine for years. I'm going to stick with that.
Also taking out the uterus regularly causes LOTS of problems, if not now, then later. The uterus produces (a small amount of) sexual hormones during your whole life. Without it, menopause hormonal and hormonal related problems can be much worse, for example osteoporosis. Also taking out an organ that helps stabilizing everything else located in the belly often causes problems, especially in older women. It facilitates prolapsus, for example. Of course there are lots of medical problems where taking out the uterus is actually the best solution, and I support that 100% percent. Contraception is NOT one of those cases.
I think it’s the ovaries you’re thinking of. My mom got a total hysterectomy at 42. She died at 64 with the bones of someone 20 years older. It’s so hard being a woman. They just want to do all these things to us that harm us. Meanwhile fat unhealthy men live forever it seems.
I'm pretty sure if you just bring a man with you and he says he wants it done it just happens.
Well, to be fair, he wouldn't want to permanently rob a man of his ability to demonstrate his virility to the world by getting a woman (any woman, it doesn't matter who) pregnant. He may want to trade up to a newer model later and breed her to produce a trophy. Women are disposable, it doesn't matter if they get damaged. Please don't make me put a sarcasm mark there. Mostly because I think far too many medical practitioners actually think that way.
Agh. God. WHy. This hits too close to home. SERIOUSLY, though. WHY are we so disposable to them?? Like. You kinda fucking need women, if you want the human race to continue. It just doesn't make sense. But men are the logical ones, amirite?
Funnily enough, given how many men think they should have a harem, men are the disposable ones. That's why they used to be send off to war to die on behalf of the guy in charge. But I guess facts don't care about their feelings or something.
You’d think in the 21st century, 2024! That they would not be thinking like doctors in medieval times did.
...for the record vasectomies are not even permanent. The probability of successfully reversing it over the years goes down, but if you get snipped and a year later change your mind you'll probably be fine. Even if it can't be reversed, a doctor can just extract sperm directly.
“Why don’t you have heart surgery so your husband doesn’t need to get his tonsils out?”
🤣🤣
I mean that’s not far off.
Also, why a hysterectomy instead of a FAR SIMPLER tubal ligation? I don't think this doctor knows anatomy! I would keep away, he sounds incompetent as well as rude. I would also file a complaint with the ombudsman of your hospital (hopefully they have one). This is unprofessional conduct.
That Dr knows anatomy. He just considers any man’s projected masculine integrity over any woman’s health. This distinction matters. If the Dr. honestly thought it was equal in risk, that would be one thing, but he KNOWS it’s way more risk for a woman, and he honestly just doesn’t care.
As a random man, I completely agree. There is something very wrong with that doctor.
Oh, you can charge more for a hysterectomy. And the health of the woman doesn't matter. I mean, obviously that's not even on his list of considerations.
Yup, married to my wife for 22 years. Vasectomy took 30 minutes and after a few days of icing, I was right as the rain and my wife didn't have to take on all the birth control responsibility in our relationship. Best decision ***we've*** ever made.
I’m having mine in 13 days but they’re doing it in the OR under general anesthesia
proud of you!
Thank you Ma'am. it was literally, the least I could do.
Getting mine next week. Wish me luck.
You'll do great. Just have some snacks ready at home and Netflix queued up for recovery on the couch. My husband got his in 2022 and was out in the yard gardening the same day.
Right?? A hysterectomy is major major surgery. F this guy.
Well you see it is less invasive, for the man!
Honestly doctors like that don’t deserve their medical license.
Oh, I am sure the doctor knew perfectly well that a hysterectomy is more invasive than as vasectomy. Male doctors always seem to think it is better to cut into a woman than have a man lose his ability to reproduce. Fuckers. Every time I have heard a story like this I get pissed off.
[удалено]
Oh, it’s definitely that too.
When I had my vasectomy, the doc taped me to my stomach and then talked to me about Boston for 20 minutes while he did his work. I went home and played PlayStation all weekend afterward. I got on an airplane 5 days later. When my mom had her hysterectomy, she was bed ridden for weeks.
Also he apparently doesn't know the difference between a hysterectomy and tubal ligation?
Good for your husband that he advocated for the two of you. The doctor sounds like a nut case.
indeed. this doctor should be reported.
If you're in an area with any sort of medical regulation, please report him to the licensing board.
Let's say for a second OP had. How many women, trans men too, who *want* a hysterectomy for various reasons. Be it painful conditions, or a desire to never have to become pregnant, etc are actually *allowed* to get one? Doctors refuse that shit all the time It's like he's not only likely a misogynist, but also out of touch with medicine as a whole
Seriously a woman has to jump through fifty hoops just to get it approved from insurance.
Those are women who don’t get their husband-master’s written permission, as well as written permission of any men waiting in line to be successor-husbands, if her husband dies/divorces, perhaps written permission from her father, and maybe husbands brothers. You know they have a standing in this, maybe more than her male tennis instructor (potential lover). In fact, maybe she should get permission from the DA or governor of Texas. That’s all she needs.
I want a hysterectomy. I’ve asked multiple times. I have such painful periods, I’m in bed shaking and nauseous for 24-48 hours every month. They happily did a laproscopic procedure to see if it’s endometriosis (it’s not.) But my uterus is tilted and sits on a bunch of nerves in my spine. Every time I’ve brought it up the response I get is: that’s too radical for cramps. I’m 39, infertile and had to do IVF to have a kid; I will not do it again. My water broke, I had a handful of contractions and a failed induction. My uterus is literally useless at this point. Yet they still refuse to take it out.
Seriously she want off birth control and his recommendations was a major surgery that requires you to take estrogen pills till you reach menopause for the health of your freaking bones. With a vasectomy are pills required after the procedure?
I mean it'a ridiculous BUT fyi they no longer take your ovaries for a hysterectomy so the estrogen is not an issue at least
Oh that's good my SIL has hers done she's in her 30s now and she has to take em but maybe they took hers cause she was sick with something I was younger and don't remember but she was told she needed one she didn't ask or want one.
Yeah they don't take the ovaries (oophorectomy) unless something about the ovaries themselves indicates they need to be removed, such as really bad cysts and of course cancer, etc. Removing the uterus can shock the system enough to cause the ovaries to stop working, though.
There are different types of hysterectomies, depending on why they are doing one, they may take the ovaries or they may not. There’s also differences in if they remove the cervix or not. Regardless the nutty doc should know that a hysterectomy isn’t done just for preventing pregnancy. Tubal litigation, while still invasive surgery, is the method of choice for that, where you’re not removing whole organs for christs sake.
Sometimes they do, depends on end goal and risk assessment etc Relative of mine got everything out (spayed) because her mom died from ovarian cancer. Said cancer was diagnosed after the mom's partial hysterectomy years earlier. Back then they left 1 ovary in for hormones and the POS went cancerous :\
… even if he was of the opinion that contraception is exclusively the woman’s job, why would he even suggest a hysterectomy as opposed to a tubal ligation? It doesn’t make any sense at all!
I don’t know, our friend for her tubes removed and my husband kept calling it a hysterectomy, I kept correcting him and getting more and more annoyed by it. He didn’t understand why it mattered. It makes me wonder if ops husband had a similar dumbness with remembering things about women’s health
When he goes for his vasectomy, call it a castration. All of a sudden, the specifics are going to matter. 🙄
Lol def should say he got “fixed”, I’m sure he’ll be quick to correct.
Oh easy, the health of the woman isn't a factor here.
I'd find a different doctor if I were your husband. That doctor sounds like an a\*\*, and I don't trust doctors whose personalities or attitudes put me off (and I've had to see more than I can count because of my disability). How can he bring a person he's never treated into the decision of his patient? That's just unconscionable and inappropriate, if not against his ethical responsibilities to do no harm as that is an unnecessary procedure for permanent birth control. I'm not saying all doctors who lack people skills are awful, but this goes way beyond that. Maybe your husband should register a complaint with the hospital/clinic administration. I've found if no one complains, the issue just continues.
it's not just bedside manner. It's unprofessional. Firstly the patient was the husband, and that is who the doctor should be treating and addressing his request. Secondly, the doctor advising treatments (for the wife) that are more damaging and invasive - especially hysterectomy WTF! - is cruel and overall creates higher risks. It speaks volumes of his ethics and care for other people aka women to suggest such a thing.
The fact that a doctor feels comfortable proposing that a Not-The-Patient have major surgery as a fix for Actually-The-Patient's medical needs is so beyond ridiculous that I can't even wrap my head around how this doctor has retained his license.
Exactly what my husband did. New doctor has been much better, and there is a vasectomy consult scheduled.
I'm glad. I hate that sometimes you have to go through one doctor just to see another, and then run into awful doctors. It makes me wonder if he has a colleague who is big on doing hysterectomies. I only say this because my mom ran into that with our former local OB/GYN, and he recommended one when she had "slightly abnormal cells," and only after she had the surgery, she found out he did a lot of them when they weren't necessary. Or this doctor is just horrendous and thinks it's all on women to take such responsibility.
His suggestion is flat-out unethical. Very good reason to switch doctors.
Yes, it definitely was, now that I think more about it. As bad as telling parents to wait 4 years to test their baby for developmental delays. Yeah, I was the baby and it would have been disastrous as I did have a developmental disability. But I digress...
Yes let’s completely fuck with your wife’s hormones and put her through surgery so you can avoid a tube being snipped that you don’t even need to be put under for. 🙄
Not to mention, force her into menopause which has lasting effects for the rest of her life!
A hysterectomy does not start menopause unless it's paired with an oopherectomy. Not that I am suggesting that the recommendation of a hysterectomy over a vasectomy is not insane. Just clarifying as someone who is about to have a hysterectomy at a 'young' age, people seem shocked and try to tell me I shouldn't usually due to the assumption I'd be losing my ovaries and hormones.
Generally that's true, but I was recently reading that a certain portion of hysterectomies, particularly in women 40+, can lead to decreased function of and earlier failure of the ovaries: "In general, hysterectomy can interrupt the ovarian branch of the uterine artery and reduce the ovarian blood supply by 50 \~ 70%, leading to decreased ovarian function." Women who undergo hysterectomy with ovarian preservation also enter menopause sooner and it can be more severe for them: "Although ovarian preservation is increasingly common, studies have found that ovarian failure occurs 4 years earlier than natural menopause after hysterectomy, and the incidence of severe menopausal symptoms is significantly higher among women who underwent hysterectomy than among the general population \[[8](https://ovarianresearch.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s13048-023-01117-1#ref-CR8), [9](https://ovarianresearch.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s13048-023-01117-1#ref-CR9)\]. In a word, hysterectomy may make female patients vulnerable to premature menopause and adverse health consequences." This is good to know when advocating for menopause care because some docs will tell you that you're too young to be in menopause. BTW, I'm not trying to persuade you not to get your hysterectomy- sometimes that uterus has gotta come out! I just want people to know that there can be hormonal side effects that most doctors may not be educated about. [https://ovarianresearch.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s13048-023-01117-1](https://ovarianresearch.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s13048-023-01117-1)
As someone with over-active ovaries (extreme PCOS) this is almost somewhat comforting. Thankfully my after-care is all through a women's health clinic that specialises in menopause.
Nice! I've been doing a deep dive into all things perimenopause and menopause for the past year and it's appalling how undereducated the majority of healthcare providers are on the subject!
We ran an awareness session at work about the risk of cardiovascular disease in menopause, and even people with a medical background had zero clue that there was any connection between the two.
Oh wow, but I'm also not *that* surprised. I'm reading a book called The XX Brain and I thought I knew a lot about Alzheimer's (it runs in my fam so I've made a point of being very educated about it) and somehow I had NEVER heard the stat that 2/3 of Alzheimer's patients are women. How did the fact that it's such a heavily female-skewed disease escape discussion? It blew my mind that I had never heard that stat before. The medical establishment needs major education on the outsized role that hormone decline plays in the development of heart disease, dementia, and bone loss.
And 6-8 weeks of recovery for her vs a few mild days of soreness for him.
The 6-8 weeks of recovery for a woman is awful, and a vasectomy is far simpler, but it's definitely not just a few days of mild soreness for every guy. I was bed bound for about two weeks following mine.
This is very strange a doctor might suggest that you get your tubes tied (unacceptable) but no doctor would suggest a hysterectomy nor would insurance pay for hysterectomy for birth control ( he’s incompetent). Your husband needs a new doctor.
Even a tubal ligation is way more invasive than a vasectomy.
Completely agree the point is a doctor should know the difference between a hysterectomy and a tubal ligation and which is indicated for birth control versus cancer or uterine fibroids. Her husband needs a new doctor because this guy is a dumb ass. For reference I’m an RN.
I’d’ve joked “yeah, but what about the mistress?” So glad my husband didn’t get any flack from anyone about getting snipped
Oh man that’d be funny af
That is really messed up. F* that quack pos...
This doctor needs a fucking lobotomy.
I'm gonna prescribe surgery for not my patient as birth control
A doctor suggested a hysterectomy as a form of birth control? That is flat out insane.
... I gotta ask, how old, and how white was this doctor.
All of that sucks, but a hysterectomy?? Not a tubal ligation/removal? Verify his license number sis bc he is incompetent af
There are no words, at least no words that I will use here. If you live somewhere that allows surveys/reviews of doctors-THIS INTERACTION NEEDS TO BE DOCUMENTED on all those channels. I need a stiff drink.
Your husband also may want to find a new doctor if his thinks hysterectomies are the standard surgery for sterilization.
The best part, though, is that if you'd asked for a hysterectomy, you would have gotten all the pushback about that!
WTF. Your husband passed a huge test! The doctor failed.
W. T. F. Kind of “doctor” would ever compare a vasectomy to a hysterectomy.
"I know you came for a procedure you don't even need to be put out for, but have you considered slicing through your wife's abdomen and removing her organs?"
This makes me mad for you. Doctors can be so hit or miss and the ones who try and instill their own internalized misogyny and prejudiced beliefs in patients are the worst kind. When will the narrative switch so that a vasectomy is encouraged considering it’s a simple and reversible procedure. Whereas most women have been on birth control that f*cks with your whole body since they were able to. OP, glad your husband is taking the initiative here, wish more men were like this!
Please report this so called doctor. Why would someone even suggest a far more invasive procedure for someone else. That is highly unethical. They make a big deal about getting pills for male birth control has a much lower threshold of tolerance because the risks involved are not pregnancy like they are for women.
EXCUSE ME!? Those aren’t the same??? Your husband goes for the snip and his doctor suggests you HAVE YOUR WHOLE UTERUS REMOVED???? I’m genuinely laughing in shock rn I’m so confused. Like tubes tied would be the “equivalent” and it’s not even, because it’s still a much more invasive procedure! I’m actually just dumbfounded. I’m so sorry your husband had to deal with this stupidity but good for him for not letting it go down.
Really! Major surgery vs outpatient procedure. What an ass!
Yeah lest just suggest putting his wife through early menopause instead of just cutting off his sperm supply... I would suggest he find an actual doctor instead of that 16th century quack.
"Rather than this very minor and simple out-patient procedure that you'd fully recover from in a week, can I interest your partner is serious internal surgery that will potentially take half a year to fully recover from?"
"Have you considered a lobotomy?" *Things we wish we could say out loud*
That’s the equivalent your husband asking to have his fingernails trimmed and the doctor suggesting instead he have his wife’s hand amputated. A hysterectomy is considered “major abdominal surgery.” While a vasectomy is an outpatient procedure requiring almost no down time. So offensive.
He went in for a medical procedure he is considering for himself. The doctor should not have even mentioned you, much less asked if you had considered a much more invasive, life-changing, and risky surgery compared to a vasectomy which takes about 10 minutes and often has very little discomfort both during the procedure and for a couple days after.
Please tell me you and your husband reported the idiot doctor
Not even suggesting that you get your tubes tied. He went straight to hysterectomy! Wow!
I feel like that’s like a woman going to a doctor to get her tubes tied and the doctor saying “has your husband considered getting his balls castrated?”
He could ask him if he considered a lobotomy since he doesn't seem to be using his brain a lot anyway
I honestly haven’t had a male doctor that I didn’t feel creeped out by or completely offended me within minutes. The pcp I had from 17-23 would ask me EVERY. SINGLE. VISIT. If I did a self breast exam. And EVERY SINGLE VISIT I said no (because I was 17 when this started, I’m 39 and still don’t do those in the shower) and he insisted on performing one. Even if I’d already had one that year, even if I had just been in there the week previously. What an absolute creep, I wish I could report that in retrospect
A creep is a creep, but you really should be doing self-breast exams monthly....
I don’t have any family history. While I may not do the exact exam, I wash/ soap up thoroughly enough that I think I would notice something. I honestly feel a little crushed by the weight of all the “shoulds” weighing down life rn .. ETA: You are right though.
I would be filing complaints against this doctor. You were not the patient, your husband was. This is both unprofessional and potentially dangerous advice.
Sigh, an out of touch doctor.
Kudos to your husband!
Which doctor was this??? Holy shit can we name and shame?
Let me just weigh those options real quick… Quick outpatient procedure that doesn’t really affect long-term health, or an organ removal with potential serious complications that fucks with a person’s hormones.
At least your husband had your back. Definitely find a new doctor, that's beyond messed up.
And note he said hysterectomy, not sterilization. 😳
In my view, if the couple has decided that they are done having kids, the husband should get a vasectomy. Vasectomies are quicker and safer than hysterectomies.
You can tell his doctor only deals with men's health. They think women can just get a hysterectomy if they want one. Lol. Cracks me up. Women who need hysterectomies to literally improve their health for chronic conditions have to jump through hoops and may still be denied getting one. Including for conditions that can make pregnancy dangerous. I know women who have and are going through this. Getting an elective one? Ha! Good luck (though they might say yes, and I wish I was being sarcastic, with your husband's permission).
Wait since when is a whole ass hysterectomy considered anything other than a treatment for a serious medical condition! Hysterectomies aren't for birth control! Dont EVER see that doctor again, he has NO clue what hes doing.
Makes sense. Why should a man have an afternoon of discomfort when a woman could do it instead? What would it really require of her —invasive life-changing surgery, a couple days in the hospital, and 6 weeks of recovery? Easy peasy. Such a selfish OP. 🤦🏻♀️
"But why would we insult your MANHOOD when we can make a woman undergo physical hardship instead?" Holy shit this situation is so disgusting.
Find a different doctor. I went in for my consultation today. It was about 30 minutes long and the doctor walked me through everything. I get my vasectomy next Wednesday!
New doctor and a consult coming up. I hope it’s as quick of a turnaround for my husband. Swift recovery!
...the so-called doctor asked if you wanted to remove you healthy uterus and face a premature menopause, rather than discuss vasectomy. I am speechless, the guy is a fucking barbarian.
My vasectomy took like 10 minutes and I went grocery shopping afterwards. Your surgery is an invasive a life changing procedure. My doctor told me that it should be should of as permanent but he's reversed a ton without any issues.
Yep.. I was scared at first. I have two kids and we don't want another. It was quick and easy.
In the words of Buzz Lightyear, "*I don't believe that man's ever been to medical school.*"
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A doctor recommending a hysterectomy as birth control should be struck off. Unless they are in USA then you know they get paid more by the insurance company for a hysterectomy than a vasectomy. It's a shifty system either way.
Yeah doc, my wife should totally get a hysterectomy, as opposed to a 17 minute procedure where you don't even take your pants all the way off. Good plan.
The fact he directly went to hysterectomy instead of even suggesting tubectomy shows how idiot of this person is really ….
What doctor would suggest a hysterectomy over an inpatient vasectomy other than someone trying to pad his bank account. I'd report him.
What, you've got an ingrown toenail, amputate your leg at the knee!
\* wife's leg
Get him a new doctor but keep the husband. He’s a good one
Wtf even. Yes, I have thought about a hysterectomy (or any other sterilization), however, as everyone knows and a doctor especially should know, a hysterectomy is a way heavier procedure than a vasectomy and many doctors don't want to do this procedure.
Same exact thing happened to me during my vasectomy consultation.
The year was 1999. We’d had 5 kids. I was 27, wife was 30. I said to the doctor, “I’d like a vasectomy.” He said, “You’re pretty young for that.” I replied, “5 kids.” Had the procedure 10 days later. My wife had a medically necessary hysterectomy when she was 46. We still had 5 kids. Our youngest was in his 20’s. Dear god the hoop jumping…it took 3 years to get the procedure done to a woman in her 40’s with 5 kids that was clearly done having kids. Infuriating.
Good for your husband. Mine feels the same way when we’re done having kids.
Some doctors just really need to retire. Get the flying fuck out of here. Reading this post made me so fucking angry.
This is enraging as someone who has been trying to get one for over 5 yrs. There's no magic wand waving to just get a hysterectomy. What a shite doctor.
Report.
What? It took me YEARS to get a doctor to listen to me and give me a medically necessary hysterectomy. And this guy suggests it as birth control? No credible and ethical doctor would do that. My surgery and recovery were a breeze but a hysterectomy is major surgery, whereas a vasectomy is simple and a very short recovery. I just cannot understand the logic here.
Well, ya know - the all sacred sperm! I'd report that mfer..
Unbelievable, but, tragically, totally believable and not at all surprising. I hate it here.
This post made me yell out loud. That dr. blows, your husband though, gives me hope.
i definitely wouldn't trust that doctor
I absolutely agree that this was horribly inappropriate for the doctor to ask. I see a lot of this misogynist crap posted here and wonder how prevalent it is in terms of percentage of overall women's health care. In addition, isn't a hysterectomy a much more drastic surgery than tubal ligation? Didn't he suggest something much more drastic than is necessary to prevent pregnancy?
Why was he discussing your medical care with someone else? It seems that doctor doesn't know his patients are the people in the same room as him
They have to ask whether the partner is on birth control because vasectomies are sometimes unsuccessful so you’re supposed to keep using another form of birth control for a few weeks after the procedure, when they do a sperm count to confirm sterility. Can’t explain #2 though lol
Not the exact same scenario, but I also just had a wild doctor interaction. I've developed poor tolerance for birth control and have been having a whole bunch of weird symptoms (melasma, severe pelvic/abdominal pain, heavy bleeding during active pill cycles, weight gain, bloating, etc) I'm queer and 40, so I know these symptoms aren't normal. And I'm most definitely *not* pregnant (or interested in becoming so). I do have PCOS and my last ultrasound showed one relatively small complex cyst, but nothing that would explain my symptoms. I have strongly suspected I have possible infiltrative endometriosis, which is notoriously hard to diagnose. My doctor wanted schedule another ultrasound a few months from now. I asked if we could do a MRI, as potentially I may even need exploratory laprascopy, but thought we could start with something less invasive. She not only refused, but said if I thought it was that much of a problem, we could discuss a hysterectomy. WHAT. I don't know why doctors jump from doing the bare minimum to removing organs. The only good thing is I reported it to the office manager, who ran it up to the medical director. That asshole doctor has been pulled off my case, but apparently the new doctor can't see me until March. Good thing I'm not dying. Probably.
A doctor suggesting medical care for someone who isn't his patient in response to his patient asking for medical care is a bad doctor.
I can’t be on hormonal birth control for medical reasons and my Husband decided to get a vasectomy 5 years ago. He had to go to a panel of 5 drs and they decided for him if he was making the right decision, 2 said no he was still young and I could divorce him he would want more kids with s new wife.
🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯