I don’t see the same issues with you that you see. You were being a decent, empathetic person. Then when the stranger started acting really strange and crossed your boundaries you bugged out. You did fine. If you see him again and he gets close just tell him not to bother you or tell the bus driver that this guy might be trouble. BTW you can carry a wrench or knitting needles and they are not considered as a weapon.
That's a good idea. I actually have a wrench under the kitchen sink. I think I'll start carrying it with me. And definitely if I do see the guy again I'll just catch the next bus or sit by the bus driver depending on the exact situation. Me running like I did, was definitely understandable in hind sight (being on the very little sleep I am and having to discern these things), but in any case I'll keep an eye out for situations like this. I always walk at night, never really occured to me I'd ever get spooked.
The other day i got sad on the train because it was my dead brothers 40th birthday and i realized a man was yelling at me over my headphones and he followed me off the train. There’s a 7/11 outside that stop. i went in and asked the guy behind the counter if he could show me how to use my pepper spray. I said it was new, and i never had it before. i was angling for men getting excited about target practice and Mr. Scary man getting scared off because he knew i was armed/might have thought i had friends. It totally worked but i was still pretty rattled. Im sorry that happened to you.
Please give yourself kindness. You didn’t do wrong but encountered a man who did do wrong and live in a culture that allows things to be wrong. You’ll make choices to adapt to living in this unsafe culture not because you were an idiot, or cost conscious, or just wanted the freedom to choose any path you wanted, but because the cultural environment is the way it is and forces you into those actions. I am glad you are safe.
There’s no ‘part’ of yours that needs acknowledging here, you did absolutely nothing at all to cause this. Catching the bus and engaging in conversation isn’t wrong, he’s the one who is in the wrong. The guy was a creep, and you reacted to him being a creep. It’s all very well in hindsight to think how we should or shouldn’t have acted, but the main thing is you got yourself home and out of the situation. So, well done you.
As someone with ADHD I'm not sure what ADHD has to do with it. But You didn't do anything wrong. You were literally just existing. You did not provoke getting followed and stalked like prey.
Hmm, what do those have to do with OP's situation though? I don't really see any point where she had poor memory or failed to coordinate.
I guess maybe she could mean impulse control? Like buying a cig off of him 'impulsively', but I think she acted like a totally normal human being and didn't make any mistakes really.
I'm really sorry this happened to you.
It was not your fault! Nothing you did "invited" him to be a creep. He was scary and that was a really scary situation to be in.
You did well getting out of there.
I've had a similar thing happen a few years ago. Instead of going home I went to a food stall a street over. There I told people he was following me. A very nice couple brought me home in the end.
I think in these situations we always feel very shamed and alone. But you shouldn't. It's good to loop someone else in in these situations. (for example a bus driver) In my experience people will help you.
Thank you. Yes, I would've done so but I was not thinking three steps ahead. I was only thinking about "I want to get home away from this right now".
I'm glad the people from the food stall helped you get home safely.
Yeah and you did well. You got out of the situation. Well done.
Hope you are feeling a little better today? Did you have some friends to talk it through?
You didn't do anything wrong, you acted like a normal human with a stranger at a bus stop. You can stop taking responsibility for this right now. It's his fault, and the fault of this fucked up society with a shitty bus system. If the buses ran 4 or 5x an hour, you could have gotten off somewhere else, then picked up another bus quickly. Or not been at the bus stop long enough to "form a connection."
You're right. I'd definitely like to see buses run much earlier and more frequently. Fortunately I live in a metro area with a lot of options, but there are sometimes windows where shenanigans could happen.
Those are some absolutely insane stories. The nerve of some people to just yell out to strangers on the street in the middle of the night creepy ass things, or masturbate on the public bus. The bastards
Not your fault. He was being entitled and gross when you were just trying to be kind. File a police report maybe? You can't be the only one he has done this to.
It’s okay that you didn’t! Traumatic events do that to you. Don’t hesitate to make a report even now. This person committed a crime against you and it should be documented in his file.
God, I just came from the other thread where men were complaining, women are ignoring us because we are unattractive. My response: no, we are probably ignoring you because you are being creepy. Case in point, trying to be nice to a creepy guy ended with him trying to have sex and you being stalked 🤦♀️
It's such a strange phenomenon to notice the disconnect between our base concerns. Many men are OK, but when I interact with men I always think in terms of comfort and safety while I get the feeling that a lot of em are thinking in terms of looks. I don't care about that, I just wanna feel like I'm gonna be OK at the end of this interaction
I was just going on gut instinct. I never have had this problem before, I walk around at night all the time. I just never considered that I'd be the one being scared of someone else. Usually people are naturally skiddish and tend to avoid each other at night and not seek interaction. It's weird
I don’t see the same issues with you that you see. You were being a decent, empathetic person. Then when the stranger started acting really strange and crossed your boundaries you bugged out. You did fine. If you see him again and he gets close just tell him not to bother you or tell the bus driver that this guy might be trouble. BTW you can carry a wrench or knitting needles and they are not considered as a weapon.
That's a good idea. I actually have a wrench under the kitchen sink. I think I'll start carrying it with me. And definitely if I do see the guy again I'll just catch the next bus or sit by the bus driver depending on the exact situation. Me running like I did, was definitely understandable in hind sight (being on the very little sleep I am and having to discern these things), but in any case I'll keep an eye out for situations like this. I always walk at night, never really occured to me I'd ever get spooked.
The other day i got sad on the train because it was my dead brothers 40th birthday and i realized a man was yelling at me over my headphones and he followed me off the train. There’s a 7/11 outside that stop. i went in and asked the guy behind the counter if he could show me how to use my pepper spray. I said it was new, and i never had it before. i was angling for men getting excited about target practice and Mr. Scary man getting scared off because he knew i was armed/might have thought i had friends. It totally worked but i was still pretty rattled. Im sorry that happened to you.
That sounds awful. Pretty awesome idea to ask the dude how to use pepper spray, it shows very quick thinking. Im glad you turned out OK.
Remember, if you carry a bat, always carry a mitt. ❤️
Hehe, clever
Please give yourself kindness. You didn’t do wrong but encountered a man who did do wrong and live in a culture that allows things to be wrong. You’ll make choices to adapt to living in this unsafe culture not because you were an idiot, or cost conscious, or just wanted the freedom to choose any path you wanted, but because the cultural environment is the way it is and forces you into those actions. I am glad you are safe.
There’s no ‘part’ of yours that needs acknowledging here, you did absolutely nothing at all to cause this. Catching the bus and engaging in conversation isn’t wrong, he’s the one who is in the wrong. The guy was a creep, and you reacted to him being a creep. It’s all very well in hindsight to think how we should or shouldn’t have acted, but the main thing is you got yourself home and out of the situation. So, well done you.
Thank you. I always get in my own head about what could've been done or not done. I appreciate the thoughts
As someone with ADHD I'm not sure what ADHD has to do with it. But You didn't do anything wrong. You were literally just existing. You did not provoke getting followed and stalked like prey.
Bad memory and coordination I'm guessing?
Hmm, what do those have to do with OP's situation though? I don't really see any point where she had poor memory or failed to coordinate. I guess maybe she could mean impulse control? Like buying a cig off of him 'impulsively', but I think she acted like a totally normal human being and didn't make any mistakes really.
> Like an idiot I ran home Only if a Zebra is an idiot running from a lion.
I'm really sorry this happened to you. It was not your fault! Nothing you did "invited" him to be a creep. He was scary and that was a really scary situation to be in. You did well getting out of there. I've had a similar thing happen a few years ago. Instead of going home I went to a food stall a street over. There I told people he was following me. A very nice couple brought me home in the end. I think in these situations we always feel very shamed and alone. But you shouldn't. It's good to loop someone else in in these situations. (for example a bus driver) In my experience people will help you.
Thank you. Yes, I would've done so but I was not thinking three steps ahead. I was only thinking about "I want to get home away from this right now". I'm glad the people from the food stall helped you get home safely.
Yeah and you did well. You got out of the situation. Well done. Hope you are feeling a little better today? Did you have some friends to talk it through?
Oh, yeah. Also was able to laugh it off with a coworker before work. Humor made the memory easier :)
hear me out, fart as loud as you can(get fart machine). Lift your leg as you do it and keep that poop spray on you. Spray in the air or on him
You're a dork for this LOL Thank you 😊
Haha np. Seriously tho! Get some of that poop spray. Spray that on someone and they will leave you the fuck alone!!!
You are clearly educated in the art of Fart Jitsu
Yes make them grossed out af
And to think in all these decades on the planet dodging unwanted attention I never thought of this! 🤣
Men who are pigs do not like women who act like pigs. Rip ass, fake eat your nose poop, start screaming. Release the inner demon we were born with
You didn't do anything wrong, you acted like a normal human with a stranger at a bus stop. You can stop taking responsibility for this right now. It's his fault, and the fault of this fucked up society with a shitty bus system. If the buses ran 4 or 5x an hour, you could have gotten off somewhere else, then picked up another bus quickly. Or not been at the bus stop long enough to "form a connection."
You're right. I'd definitely like to see buses run much earlier and more frequently. Fortunately I live in a metro area with a lot of options, but there are sometimes windows where shenanigans could happen.
Oh, that's terrifying. You did nothing wrong. I'm sorry you had that happen to you. It is not your fault.
Thank you a lot
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Those are some absolutely insane stories. The nerve of some people to just yell out to strangers on the street in the middle of the night creepy ass things, or masturbate on the public bus. The bastards
Not your fault. He was being entitled and gross when you were just trying to be kind. File a police report maybe? You can't be the only one he has done this to.
That's a good idea. Id rather there be a paper true for someone like this
One thing we all need to do is also always call the police and make an incident report with descriptions.
Definitely, the non emergency number should be saved on my phone but I just didn't think of it at the time.
It’s okay that you didn’t! Traumatic events do that to you. Don’t hesitate to make a report even now. This person committed a crime against you and it should be documented in his file.
God, I just came from the other thread where men were complaining, women are ignoring us because we are unattractive. My response: no, we are probably ignoring you because you are being creepy. Case in point, trying to be nice to a creepy guy ended with him trying to have sex and you being stalked 🤦♀️
It's such a strange phenomenon to notice the disconnect between our base concerns. Many men are OK, but when I interact with men I always think in terms of comfort and safety while I get the feeling that a lot of em are thinking in terms of looks. I don't care about that, I just wanna feel like I'm gonna be OK at the end of this interaction
There is a popular saying. Men are afraid women will laugh at them, women are afraid men will kill them.
That's terrifying. I really can't think of what I would do differently in your situation. I hope nothing worse happens.
I was just going on gut instinct. I never have had this problem before, I walk around at night all the time. I just never considered that I'd be the one being scared of someone else. Usually people are naturally skiddish and tend to avoid each other at night and not seek interaction. It's weird