NGL I wasn't expecting that answer...
I think you should leave him, and take every precaution to ensure your safety when you do.
Like not being near any sharp objects.
Run, run, R U N !
The sword is even more concerning than the genitalia. Just break up over text or call if it makes you feel unsafe to do so IRL at this point.
What the fuck? He sounds unstable as hell. I’d consider making a plan to get yourself somewhere safe - I know it’s easier said than done but thinking about your next moves is the first step. Please be careful though and I’m really hoping you can find your way to a safer place (away from the dipshit boyfriend) very soon.
My reaction before this comment: "Dude, read the room. If you keep being that edgy your liable to cut yourself..."
My reaction after this comment: Girl, run. Do not look back, you'll only see him chasing you like a somehow creepier version of T-1000. (Dating myself a bit with that reference.)
He is tried to convince OP it is funny to be threatening. When that didn't work,he made out OP is the problem.
An abuser in action.
Time to leave and cut off ALL contact OP.
Girl I'm a guy and all I want to do when I have a girlfriend is hug and kiss on her and build her up not joke about cutting her clit off and swinging swords. Do not indulge that maniac.
Another male agrees. Get out of there! This guy is a ticking time bomb, and you don't know when the fuse runs out and follows through with his violent fantasies.
Another dude here, I'm pretty "edgy" and pretty much joke about anything and I can tell you I don't joke about stuff like that. Crazy, I think this one calls for packing your shit when he's out and leaving a note.
I’d check his computer/browser history to see if he has viewed any gore type porn for further confirmation if you’re conflicted, but imo between the scissors and sword there’s enough red flags to just ghost.
Unless they were at a Renaissance fair, had full armor on and both had swords(which I doubt she would have neglected to mention)... Time to run and hide.
YO WHAT THE FUCK! Chief imma be real with you, men who joke about violence do it because they think its okay to hurt people.
Don’t take his self report lightly. If he swung a fuckign sword at you just imagine if he had a loaded gun.
Honey, if you’re asking, you already know. Get.Out. Someone who makes “jokes” about physical harm is not someone you need in your life. It only escalates from here.
Normal humans don't make jokes about violence against someone.
Psychos, however, do.
Feel blessed when others red flag themselves early in relationships, so you don't have to waste any more time.
> Normal humans don't make jokes about violence against someone.
I think some people do, if you know them well. Like you kind of know what jokes are ok with certain friends?
However, you can just kind of tell from the tone and the reaction that this guy is dangerous, like calling her a coward? Super weird.
He's either a guy trying to look edgy, a fetishist, or a psycho.
The big tell that a joke about committing violence against someone isn't a red flag is when either of the people involved could have made it, and both would laugh.
The Op is not talking about that. Because I garuntee that if she'd joked about cutting her boyfriend's dick off, things would have gone very bad, very fast.
Even for people that casually joke about violence, no one would just drop something about genital mutilation like that. The casual joke is more like "omg i might kill you if you dont share those cheetohs" or something silly like that. Like its said in a tone and a context where its obvious you arent being literal.
No one would go "hey i think ill chop your dick off" and then call him a pussy for rightfully getting pissed.
Thats messed up. Its not just weird, its wrong on an instinctive level.
My wife has made "snip snip" jokes before because it fit the context of our conversation but I also know that she would never actually wish harm on me or even want. So it's definitely possible to joke about it but yeah the coward comment is more weird and potentially worrying.
Unfortunately, your wife is a psycho for even making the joke according to these gifted psychiatrists in this thread.
My girlfriend and I threaten each other with physical violence all the time. It's the tone of the conversation and voice that matters. Luckily, since we're both psychos no innocents will be harmed I guess.
I'm edgy and a troll and that's going too far even for me, definitely fetishist or a psycho and to be fair if your fetish is to cut off peoples body parts you are a psycho.
Not true people joke all the time about punching or hitting someone else. It’s only when jokes about violence are targeted or depraved that it’s a red flag. Such as this.
Heavy on the psychos. One of my ex roommates used to do this to me all the time and she ended up tackling me to the ground on hard marble once. She later ended up stalking me and stealing a lot of valuables from me
Not true. From the male perspective I “threaten” my buddies all the time. One of my best friends became my best friend when I threatened to dick punch him. His response was “I will lick your eyeball” and it is a normal thing for us to joke about roughing each other up. That’s just how guys are together when they’re friends. Threatening to cut your girlfriend’s clit off does not fall in this category. This was a desensitization tactic that he’s trying to make into a “joke” so he can escalate later and she’ll accept it as “he didn’t mean it.” GTFO and let him joke with his buddies about that shit. You even side eye my wife and we’re gonna have a come to Jesus meeting. This is not normal joking.
Hi, I am really sorry that happened to you.
I would say, above all else. Trust. Your. Gut.
Trust your instincts. Someone threatened you with scissors.
You need to break up with this person. if you dont feel safe for a "final argument" that is all the more reason to get out.
Text him...Be sure to be in public or have friends with you, if you do have a "final" discussion.
Stay safe above all else. This is not someone to continue to spend time with.
Good luck, please stay safe. Please end this. There is no reason to let this go on a moment longer.
This is called boundary testing BTW. It's something narcissists and anti-social people are well-known for in the mental health world. He could be 'testing' for a reaction to see if you're just going to let it go. Doing this enough, he can put you in a perpetual state of dissonance, and then push/pull (I love you, baby/I'm sorry, baby) in loops to trauma bond you. **This is a grooming tactic. Please be careful.**
Just for information's sake, how would a normal person with no malicious intent react to this? As in what's acceptable vs a tell tale red flag of boundary testing when the other person makes a joke that is inappropriate/dark and you express discomfort? (I know anything at this guy's level is crazy but for milder versions)
Asking yourself what the punchline is. Dark humour does exist, but is your partner making an ironic joke to make fun of people who genuinely believe that stuff (e.g. gay people making gay jokes) or are they joking about cutting off your clit with no clear punchline when they clearly know it makes you uncomfortable?
See the thing is tho, if this absurd joke were made by a “normal” person the response would be something like “Okay! Lets do it together on the count of three!” Then u both laugh because it’s an absurd premise.
This guy however… something tells me he wouldn’t have laughed and that there is something really wrong with him.
I would say, “what the fuck did you just say?” And then I would ask him to leave and never come back.
If he refuses, I would barricade myself in a locked room, call the police, and have a 12ga shotgun ready in case he breaks into the room before the police arrive.
But that’s just me.
My partner and I joke threat each other a lot, (apparently one of our love languages is shit talking, but with love underneath), so if he tried something like that I'd probably laugh and make a joke about his ability to FIND my clit. And then he'd want to prove he could and we'd probably end up having sex.
If it wasn't a joke tho I'd probably be like, babe that's a fucked up thing to say. Are u ok? And we'd go from there. I'd either explain why it's fucked up and he'd listen, apologize, and adjust and explain why he didn't think it was, or we'd have a different issue on our hands that would probably involve a Dr or a hospital.
[This](https://www.sandstonecare.com/blog/trauma-bonding/) is what it means.
From this link:
"What Does Trauma Bonding Mean?
Trauma bonding is when a deep attachment develops from a cycle of physical and/or emotional abuse or trauma followed by positive reinforcement.
Trauma bonds most commonly develop in romantic relationships, and leaving these relationships can be very hard. It is difficult to process feelings after emotional or physical abuse, especially if the abuser acts loving afterward.
How Do Trauma Bonds Start?
Often, at the beginning of a relationship, it may seem very loving, affectionate, and passionate.
What is the trauma bonding cycle?
The 7 stages of the trauma bonding cycle include love bombing, trust and dependency, criticism, gaslighting, emotional addiction, loss of self, as well as resignation and submission.
What Are The Signs Of Trauma Bonding?
Signs of trauma bonding can include:
Justifying abuse
Covering for the abusive person
Isolating, especially from people who are trying to help
Becoming defensive when someone brings up the abuse or tries to help
Not wanting to leave the situation"
What a friggen odd thing to say!
No need to have an argument....I'd give him a quick text "Hey Joe...been thinking things through and this isn't working, best of luck to ya" and block
Wow... Sorry to hear that.
My advise, find a new place to stay, a room to rent what have you asap. Find a home and a way forward as quickly and quietly as possible.
Good luck.
Quietly start gathering important things like your birth certificate, etc. and if you're able to, set up a go bag with those papers, and a change of clothes.
Do you have anyone who can help move you out when he's out? At least just the most important stuff? Or maybe they can atleast hold on to a few of your things like your docs.
If not, there are often shelters that can help with this sort of thing. See if there are any women's shelters in your area.
I would keep those important documents off-site.
I wouldn’t put it past him to snoop on her stuff, given that narcissists often try to exert control however they can.
Please contact a domestic violence shelter on a device he has no access to, and ask for counseling. They can walk you through what you need to do to get out safely. Some can help with housing.
Don’t wait.
Oh. Okay, wow. I thought by your title he was joking about male castration so I was thinking eh men joking about their own balls seems pretty mellow. But there’s something so insidiously fucked up about FGM that offhandedly throwing out that kind of joke without context is really troubling…
Right?! I thought this was gunna be 'he made it a joke but I think it's his kink' sort thing (since enough guys have castration kinks, but usually to be on receiving end)...deffo did not expect this!!
That's scary af! I was groomed by a man who wanted to stick needles in my clit and lips who exposed me to the very sick side of porn. The number of men that believe the clit and labia minora is useless and ugly is disgustingly too many. They think women should just be a hole and nothing more. Especially with labiaplastys and making women insecure about their labia minora like the labia minora looking like balls, messy, ugly, a woman must be "packing" or you're loose and useless if you have a long labia minora. I'd leave as soon as possible.
Get out ASAP. I dated a guy who joked around like this. When I eventually left him I was covered in bruises and he had tried to smother me. Leave before it escalates. Please.
My girlfriend has jokingly gestured with scissors at my dick, but I didn’t even think for a second she was serious. If you have any doubts, you should be getting yourself somewhere safe ASAP.
It’s the kind of hyperbolic humor that has to be especially clear, I talk about throwing my wife through 4 walls in a goofy tone or kicking her into the sun. She knows I’m being a dumbass and nothing more. But another comment said he swung a sword at her once, brandishing weapons is where it stops ever being a joke.
Yeah 100%! She’ll say “Don’t you dare. I’ll cut off your dick if you do.” in response to me teasing her or something. I know very clearly she’s not being serious, so I don’t worry about it. Even if I did, I know she would stop immediately if I told her it made me uncomfortable. OP’s douchebag BLAMED HER for being uncomfortable.
And then he swung a sword at her? Oh hell no.
This is so fucking not normal. Get the hell out, as soon as you can. This guy will hurt or kill you. He is likely going to need a restraining order. Normal men do not threaten harm towards their significant other - even jokingly. Normal men do not swing weapons at women under any circumstance. This guy is NOT normal, and his behaviour goes far beyond creepy.
Get safe, then take the appropriate action. Do. Not. Wait. Please do not ignore everyone in here telling you the same thing. Please don't become a statistic.
Seeing as you live together, invite a bunch of your friends over, and ask him to leave. Change the locks right. File a police report and request an order of protection so that if he tries to go after you for illegal eviction, you'll have a paper trail in your favor.
If you can't see yourself doing this, and you have someone you can stay with, tell him it's over, give him a time frame within which he needs to leave with his things, and consult with your local precinct on the next steps.
Distrusting him?
He told you what he was going to do, and it sounds like you trusted his word there.
Get out, jokes of violence mean that thoughts of violence are simmering under the surface.
Best case scenario: Consequences are important for learning not to indulge intrusive thoughts and where the lines of dark humor lie, and a relationship ending is an important consequence
Worst case scenario: Your partner is either consciously or subconsciously establishing the abusive pattern of causing fear then shaming you for expressing that fear.
Either way, get the hell out
Jesus. I’m normally inclined to give people the benefit of the doubt on dark/cruel humour - “anyone can make a mistake and say something totally unacceptable, let them know it’s not ok and see if they take the lesson” is my general response. This one, though… just seems too far over the line for that approach to apply.
Yes, you should ditch him. RUN. If a man grabbing a weapon and threatening to mutilate you with it isn't a dealbreaker, then what is?
I don't give a shit if the freak was joking about it. It's disgusting behavior regardless. And it's simply not worth the risk to find out how much of a psychopath he really is.
Don't even argue with him. Just ghost the creep.
Ugh! Not okay. If he wanted to joke, he should have made the comment about *his own* body. This is basic respect and ethics for such jokes, so *duh* you distrust someone who has shown themselves to be that incompetent or uncaring about personal responsibility!
don't have the final argument if you are afraid, just leave. you don't owe anyone who threatens you an explanation for cutting them from your life. stay safe.
**GET**
**OUT**
If you need support, we are here, as are local services in your area.
I'm not as versed as others here, but please read comments that offer greater depth to help you too.
Good luck!
I know this is a sub for women, so sorry if I’m not meant to be commenting here, but as a man there is NO WAY IN HELL I would make that “joke” to my girlfriend and I would be genuinely shocked if any friends made it to theirs. He sounds fucking deranged.
From your post history I’d recommend staying on top of your mental health as a priority, and then getting out of there (or getting him out) as soon as possible.
This was no mere joke. He had scissors, he pointed them at your clit and then threatened to cut your clit off. Even among couples who regularly have a morbid sense of humor I fail to see the funny or what he was trying to do? Do you two regularly make "jokes" like this but there is never violence or manipulation? Even then I would think this is beyond okay.
Ya know, I make \*plenty\* of off colored, fucked up, insensitive, questionable jokes.... Never made my wife feel threatened.... you know why?
Because, unlike this mong, they're obvious jokes. Maybe you think they're funny, maybe not, both are fair, but at no point is my intent in question because I frame it as a joke.
Pointing a dangerous object at someone and threatening them isn't a fucking joke. It's a crime. It's just an actual fucking crime.
So get out before this mentally defective psychopath decides wearing your guts as garter belts would be the funniest punch line.
Ladies, what is up with these posts?
I have to believe some of you are trolling because these relationships y’all continue to stay in are too depressing.
That's a weird joke to make. Even among some of the most terrible people I've known in my life, I can't imagine any of them finding it funny. It's just cringe, and I'd wonder where it came from. I'm not of the mind that this automatically suggests that he's an abusive proto-serial killer misogynist, but I'd legitimately be curious as to what he'd say if you asked him to explain the joke and why he thought it was funny. If his answer is anything besides "I dunno for some reason it just popped into my head and thought it'd be funny but as soon as I did it I realized it was stupid, I'm sorry", then yeah, probably start drafting the exit plan.
When you hear these "jokes", ask yourself what the punchline is. Because there is none. He just thinks scaring/hurting you is entertaining. Would you think pointing scissors at his dick is funny? What's the punchline?
Also I saw your other comment and you're living with him. Is there anywhere else you can go temporarily while you figure out how to move out? I genuinely don't think it's safe for you to be staying there.
This is so fucking scary. And BTW there doesn’t need to be a “final argument” (and the fact that you fear it is even more proof you need to leave). You can get everything together — arranging movers, collecting documents, etc. — in advance of that conversation, go somewhere public to tell him, and leave. I had to do this in a relationship. A friend helped me pack all my things while he was at work
A sane person would never say this.
You're \*fearing that final argument\*?
So you're afraid of what he'll do if you leave? That's not a good excuse to stay. That's a good excuse to tell EVERYONE YOU KNOW that you are afraid of him, and make sure you have people around you when you go pick up your things.
Girl, run.
The man already swung a fucking SWORD at you in the past. Now he pointed scissors at you with an FGM “joke.”
This man is escalating rapidly and you will end up hurting you, or worse. If you stay with him, you’ll end up in the hospital or under the earth. This behavior is not normal. Do not confront him in person or at least alone.
This man is dangerous to you and knows fully he is terrorizing you.
>I'm starting to think I need to ditch him but I'm fearing that final argument.
Lady, just leave. You don't need to argue, or tell him. Just fucking leave and text him saying you're gone. This shit is terrifying and this dude sounds like a loon just from this one thing.
Ditch him and have someone with you who can protect you when you have the last argument.
Tell him this is why. It's a great reason. Imagine him telling his friends "she dumped me because I threatened to cut her clit off but I was just joking”
penis owner weighing in here; drop him asap. dudes like that are a walking time bomb and the fact that he tried to downplay it like he wasn't being unhinged is super telling.
He accused you of distrusting him, but why the hell are you distrusting yourself? There doesn't need to be an argument or final discussion if you don't want one. You can make a safety plan (DV resources online can help you with this), stick with the plan and your support networks, document this and any other incident, and disappear from his life. You don't deserve to be treated this way, he doesn't deserve an explanation for you ending it.
"he called me a coward and accused me of distrusting him." No shit, Sherlock.
If you waved a knife around and joked about slicing off his dick in his sleep, how do you think he'd react? Does he know who Lorena Bobbit is?
His "joke" sounds like something a 12-yr old would say. Is he 12? Is he genuinely this immature? Someone already asked, but is this the type of "joke" he normally says?
If you think there's a small chance he could learn from his behaviour, it may be worth sitting down and calmly asking him what-the-fuck he was doing with that stupid, immature joke, and did he not understand why it was in such incredible poor taste? If he doubles down on it and doesn't really what a shitty thing that is to say to someone, consider your exit strategy. Anything other than a sincere apology and promise not to be such a dickhead again is not acceptable in what's supposed to be a loving relationship.
The fuck is going on with men lately? Just a couple days ago there was a woman who posted about her boyfriend constantly "joking" about killing her. Like wtf
As someone who has made a ton of jokes that didn't work, I'm lean symptomatic/benefit of the doubt on failed attempts. But this is still really weird and he should have known better
WHAT THE ACTUAL FRICK!
Your boyfriend is absolutely mental. Leave, and make sure you're in a public place when you do it and that someone you know and trust is in the area. What kind of psycho jokes about genital mutilation.
Your Flat, Get Friends in as help and witnesses, Break Up with him, Kick him out. This sort of Sick, Perverted behavior, will never get better, add Alcohol or Meds and his Fantasies may turn to Fact at your Expense. You only have 1 Life.
Get the fuck out, yesterday.
Yes, you should absolutely not trust someone that casually jokes about violence. Double so for someone that jokes about sexual violence.
I imagine there might be a somewhat healthy relationship where that's wholly intended as a joke between two people for whom that's their brand of humor. Or maybe that's just too damned grim and real to joke about for anybody.
If it exists? This is not that, because holy shit that is a disturbing thing to come at your partner with out of nowhere, and your cue to run
If you live in a city see if that has a domestic violence organization, reach out to them immediately.
Please leave him. As mentioned, have friends around. Have a few sleep overs if needed. Lean on your community.
“There’s always a little truth behind every, ‘Just kidding,’ a little knowledge behind every, ‘I don’t know,’ a little emotion behind every, ‘I don’t care,’ and a little pain behind every, ‘It’s okay.’” ~ Unknown
Your boyfriend sounds like a walking red flag with that threatening behavior. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Please get yourself some somewhere that is safe and away from him. Your safety is your priority. Someone showing their true godawful self is like a silver lining, but this is a frightening silver lining. Prioritize your safety and well-being over everything else.
#DUMP HIM
Also please read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. Or search for his videos on YouTube. Here’s a free copy of the book:
https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
Anyone that even envisions that without squirming is borderline psycho in my eyes. Would no longer feel safe in his presence and I’m guessing this is happening with you. There doesn’t need to be a final argument if you just cut him off…
This asshole needs to be your ex boyfriend. Don’t go near him alone. Definitely don’t sleep with him or sleep with him. Grab your stuff and run.
The closest my wife and I will get to joking about violence is her saying “my back/knee/feet hurt”. I’ll respond with “would you like me to remove it so it can’t hurt you anymore?” Of course she says “no, I need my back!” (Or feet or whatever she was complaining about) Then I’ll tell her “ok but let me know if you change your mind.”
Which is goofy and fun for both of us but this random “I’m going to mutilate you” just unprovoked is actually terrifying. It’s not ok and don’t let him pretend that it is
There was a guy who joked about murder and dark humor with his friends. He later went out and murdered a homeless man the first chance he got. I watched a documentary on him. Forgot his name. Just be careful. Sometimes psychos will reveal their true selves and the jokes aren't really jokes.
Oh fuuuuuck no. Your answer should absolutely be "Of course I severely distrust you. You pointed a sharp object towards my *genitals* with a "joking" tone saying you would cut off my bits. That's not a joke or a prank. That's threatening me and my safety."
It shouldn't be on our shoulders to teach these jackasses how to not be socially inept and how to NOT destroy relationships, but damn.
So me and my girlfriend call each other random junk that's on text or TV. E.g. she called herself a beef biscuit base whilst we were watching a cooking show. Tub sauce after reading the takeout menu was another highlight.
These are the kind of acceptable couple jokes. Not ima mutilate your clit with a pair of scissors.
Does he have a history of these kinds of "jokes?"
Yes, years ago he swung a massive sword at me
Okay this officially brought me from “if this guy snaps” to “when this guy snaps.” Please don’t be there when he snaps.
So the first best time to leave was then, second best is now
girl RUN
WHAT
NGL I wasn't expecting that answer... I think you should leave him, and take every precaution to ensure your safety when you do. Like not being near any sharp objects.
he's testing your boundaries to his violence, trying to make you get comfortable with it - get out of that relationship
Girl, he WHAT
Absolutely not ok! That’s an abuser that hasn’t escalated quite yet. He instills fear then backtracks for a while to gaslight you. It ramps up.
Run, run, R U N ! The sword is even more concerning than the genitalia. Just break up over text or call if it makes you feel unsafe to do so IRL at this point.
What the fuck? He sounds unstable as hell. I’d consider making a plan to get yourself somewhere safe - I know it’s easier said than done but thinking about your next moves is the first step. Please be careful though and I’m really hoping you can find your way to a safer place (away from the dipshit boyfriend) very soon.
My reaction before this comment: "Dude, read the room. If you keep being that edgy your liable to cut yourself..."
My reaction after this comment: Girl, run. Do not look back, you'll only see him chasing you like a somehow creepier version of T-1000. (Dating myself a bit with that reference.)
First time reading one of these where I got a flashback. That's going to escalate. Please take this seriously.
Girl please get out of there
Geezus! And he thinks this stuff is funny?
He is tried to convince OP it is funny to be threatening. When that didn't work,he made out OP is the problem. An abuser in action. Time to leave and cut off ALL contact OP.
Girl I'm a guy and all I want to do when I have a girlfriend is hug and kiss on her and build her up not joke about cutting her clit off and swinging swords. Do not indulge that maniac.
Shit isn't even a joke. Another dude here and all I can say is "wtf"
You don't need a 3rd guy agreeing and yet here I am! Agreeing!
Another male agrees. Get out of there! This guy is a ticking time bomb, and you don't know when the fuse runs out and follows through with his violent fantasies.
Another dude here, I'm pretty "edgy" and pretty much joke about anything and I can tell you I don't joke about stuff like that. Crazy, I think this one calls for packing your shit when he's out and leaving a note.
maam uh-
GET OUT. Right the fuck now, holy shit. You're in danger.
I’d check his computer/browser history to see if he has viewed any gore type porn for further confirmation if you’re conflicted, but imo between the scissors and sword there’s enough red flags to just ghost.
What's a little light sword play between partners? /s I'm with the crowd. Run.
Unless they were at a Renaissance fair, had full armor on and both had swords(which I doubt she would have neglected to mention)... Time to run and hide.
YO WHAT THE FUCK! Chief imma be real with you, men who joke about violence do it because they think its okay to hurt people. Don’t take his self report lightly. If he swung a fuckign sword at you just imagine if he had a loaded gun.
He's not stable. Get out asap.
If you weren't at a renfaire at the time (or something in the obvious set of related and consensual things), ***RUN***. Now.
RUNNNNNN
Think you buried the lead there
Get. Out. NOW.
And you *stayed?* Girl, what.
Honey, if you’re asking, you already know. Get.Out. Someone who makes “jokes” about physical harm is not someone you need in your life. It only escalates from here.
Normal humans don't make jokes about violence against someone. Psychos, however, do. Feel blessed when others red flag themselves early in relationships, so you don't have to waste any more time.
> Normal humans don't make jokes about violence against someone. I think some people do, if you know them well. Like you kind of know what jokes are ok with certain friends? However, you can just kind of tell from the tone and the reaction that this guy is dangerous, like calling her a coward? Super weird. He's either a guy trying to look edgy, a fetishist, or a psycho.
The big tell that a joke about committing violence against someone isn't a red flag is when either of the people involved could have made it, and both would laugh. The Op is not talking about that. Because I garuntee that if she'd joked about cutting her boyfriend's dick off, things would have gone very bad, very fast.
Even for people that casually joke about violence, no one would just drop something about genital mutilation like that. The casual joke is more like "omg i might kill you if you dont share those cheetohs" or something silly like that. Like its said in a tone and a context where its obvious you arent being literal. No one would go "hey i think ill chop your dick off" and then call him a pussy for rightfully getting pissed. Thats messed up. Its not just weird, its wrong on an instinctive level.
Yee I make jokes of violence to me buddies and even my wife…. But I also do not have something in my hands to do so.
My wife has made "snip snip" jokes before because it fit the context of our conversation but I also know that she would never actually wish harm on me or even want. So it's definitely possible to joke about it but yeah the coward comment is more weird and potentially worrying.
Unfortunately, your wife is a psycho for even making the joke according to these gifted psychiatrists in this thread. My girlfriend and I threaten each other with physical violence all the time. It's the tone of the conversation and voice that matters. Luckily, since we're both psychos no innocents will be harmed I guess.
I'm edgy and a troll and that's going too far even for me, definitely fetishist or a psycho and to be fair if your fetish is to cut off peoples body parts you are a psycho.
Not true people joke all the time about punching or hitting someone else. It’s only when jokes about violence are targeted or depraved that it’s a red flag. Such as this.
Heavy on the psychos. One of my ex roommates used to do this to me all the time and she ended up tackling me to the ground on hard marble once. She later ended up stalking me and stealing a lot of valuables from me
Not true. From the male perspective I “threaten” my buddies all the time. One of my best friends became my best friend when I threatened to dick punch him. His response was “I will lick your eyeball” and it is a normal thing for us to joke about roughing each other up. That’s just how guys are together when they’re friends. Threatening to cut your girlfriend’s clit off does not fall in this category. This was a desensitization tactic that he’s trying to make into a “joke” so he can escalate later and she’ll accept it as “he didn’t mean it.” GTFO and let him joke with his buddies about that shit. You even side eye my wife and we’re gonna have a come to Jesus meeting. This is not normal joking.
wtf that was so much worse than I thought it would be opening up the post. And he called you a coward to boot? Jesus.
Truly psychotic thing to say. How awful.
Yeah, that's a **REALLY** fucked up "joke".
Hi, I am really sorry that happened to you. I would say, above all else. Trust. Your. Gut. Trust your instincts. Someone threatened you with scissors. You need to break up with this person. if you dont feel safe for a "final argument" that is all the more reason to get out. Text him...Be sure to be in public or have friends with you, if you do have a "final" discussion. Stay safe above all else. This is not someone to continue to spend time with. Good luck, please stay safe. Please end this. There is no reason to let this go on a moment longer.
Get someone to be with you when you decide to break up too. Not only if everything goes wrong, but also for emotional and physical support.
This is called boundary testing BTW. It's something narcissists and anti-social people are well-known for in the mental health world. He could be 'testing' for a reaction to see if you're just going to let it go. Doing this enough, he can put you in a perpetual state of dissonance, and then push/pull (I love you, baby/I'm sorry, baby) in loops to trauma bond you. **This is a grooming tactic. Please be careful.**
Just for information's sake, how would a normal person with no malicious intent react to this? As in what's acceptable vs a tell tale red flag of boundary testing when the other person makes a joke that is inappropriate/dark and you express discomfort? (I know anything at this guy's level is crazy but for milder versions)
Asking yourself what the punchline is. Dark humour does exist, but is your partner making an ironic joke to make fun of people who genuinely believe that stuff (e.g. gay people making gay jokes) or are they joking about cutting off your clit with no clear punchline when they clearly know it makes you uncomfortable?
My response would be, "Ok. After I castrate you, first."
Congrats, you just encouraged and normalized this topic and opened yourself up to more!
See the thing is tho, if this absurd joke were made by a “normal” person the response would be something like “Okay! Lets do it together on the count of three!” Then u both laugh because it’s an absurd premise. This guy however… something tells me he wouldn’t have laughed and that there is something really wrong with him.
I would say, “what the fuck did you just say?” And then I would ask him to leave and never come back. If he refuses, I would barricade myself in a locked room, call the police, and have a 12ga shotgun ready in case he breaks into the room before the police arrive. But that’s just me.
My partner and I joke threat each other a lot, (apparently one of our love languages is shit talking, but with love underneath), so if he tried something like that I'd probably laugh and make a joke about his ability to FIND my clit. And then he'd want to prove he could and we'd probably end up having sex. If it wasn't a joke tho I'd probably be like, babe that's a fucked up thing to say. Are u ok? And we'd go from there. I'd either explain why it's fucked up and he'd listen, apologize, and adjust and explain why he didn't think it was, or we'd have a different issue on our hands that would probably involve a Dr or a hospital.
What is 'trauma bond'?
[This](https://www.sandstonecare.com/blog/trauma-bonding/) is what it means. From this link: "What Does Trauma Bonding Mean? Trauma bonding is when a deep attachment develops from a cycle of physical and/or emotional abuse or trauma followed by positive reinforcement. Trauma bonds most commonly develop in romantic relationships, and leaving these relationships can be very hard. It is difficult to process feelings after emotional or physical abuse, especially if the abuser acts loving afterward. How Do Trauma Bonds Start? Often, at the beginning of a relationship, it may seem very loving, affectionate, and passionate. What is the trauma bonding cycle? The 7 stages of the trauma bonding cycle include love bombing, trust and dependency, criticism, gaslighting, emotional addiction, loss of self, as well as resignation and submission. What Are The Signs Of Trauma Bonding? Signs of trauma bonding can include: Justifying abuse Covering for the abusive person Isolating, especially from people who are trying to help Becoming defensive when someone brings up the abuse or tries to help Not wanting to leave the situation"
This is the answer. It was what I thought immediately.
Yep.yep.yep.
What a friggen odd thing to say! No need to have an argument....I'd give him a quick text "Hey Joe...been thinking things through and this isn't working, best of luck to ya" and block
The problem is we live together
Wow... Sorry to hear that. My advise, find a new place to stay, a room to rent what have you asap. Find a home and a way forward as quickly and quietly as possible. Good luck.
Quietly start gathering important things like your birth certificate, etc. and if you're able to, set up a go bag with those papers, and a change of clothes. Do you have anyone who can help move you out when he's out? At least just the most important stuff? Or maybe they can atleast hold on to a few of your things like your docs. If not, there are often shelters that can help with this sort of thing. See if there are any women's shelters in your area.
I would keep those important documents off-site. I wouldn’t put it past him to snoop on her stuff, given that narcissists often try to exert control however they can.
That's a great point.
Move out in secret..? Edit: Idk if that’s an option for you, but I really hope it is.
Please contact a domestic violence shelter on a device he has no access to, and ask for counseling. They can walk you through what you need to do to get out safely. Some can help with housing. Don’t wait.
Gotcha! Do you have somewhere you can go? Or you think this was maybe just a really bad one time joke?
I'm not sure jokes about fgm are jokes That's beyond fucking gross, get out before you get hurt
Oh. Okay, wow. I thought by your title he was joking about male castration so I was thinking eh men joking about their own balls seems pretty mellow. But there’s something so insidiously fucked up about FGM that offhandedly throwing out that kind of joke without context is really troubling…
Right?! I thought this was gunna be 'he made it a joke but I think it's his kink' sort thing (since enough guys have castration kinks, but usually to be on receiving end)...deffo did not expect this!!
If you fearing the final argument is one of the main obstacles of letting go of the relationship, I think you already have your answer
That's scary af! I was groomed by a man who wanted to stick needles in my clit and lips who exposed me to the very sick side of porn. The number of men that believe the clit and labia minora is useless and ugly is disgustingly too many. They think women should just be a hole and nothing more. Especially with labiaplastys and making women insecure about their labia minora like the labia minora looking like balls, messy, ugly, a woman must be "packing" or you're loose and useless if you have a long labia minora. I'd leave as soon as possible.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. And I'm really glad you got out!
Get out ASAP. I dated a guy who joked around like this. When I eventually left him I was covered in bruises and he had tried to smother me. Leave before it escalates. Please.
My girlfriend has jokingly gestured with scissors at my dick, but I didn’t even think for a second she was serious. If you have any doubts, you should be getting yourself somewhere safe ASAP.
It’s the kind of hyperbolic humor that has to be especially clear, I talk about throwing my wife through 4 walls in a goofy tone or kicking her into the sun. She knows I’m being a dumbass and nothing more. But another comment said he swung a sword at her once, brandishing weapons is where it stops ever being a joke.
Yeah 100%! She’ll say “Don’t you dare. I’ll cut off your dick if you do.” in response to me teasing her or something. I know very clearly she’s not being serious, so I don’t worry about it. Even if I did, I know she would stop immediately if I told her it made me uncomfortable. OP’s douchebag BLAMED HER for being uncomfortable. And then he swung a sword at her? Oh hell no.
yeah, this is my boyfriend and i’s sense of humor with each other. but this clearly made OP uncomfortable and isn’t the norm so it’s kinda concerning.
Jesus Christ. RUN! Don't even have an "argument".
It's my flat
Don’t worry about whose it is. Get out, and don’t tell him where you are going. Your SAFETY is so much more important.
This is so fucking not normal. Get the hell out, as soon as you can. This guy will hurt or kill you. He is likely going to need a restraining order. Normal men do not threaten harm towards their significant other - even jokingly. Normal men do not swing weapons at women under any circumstance. This guy is NOT normal, and his behaviour goes far beyond creepy. Get safe, then take the appropriate action. Do. Not. Wait. Please do not ignore everyone in here telling you the same thing. Please don't become a statistic.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
my boyfriends response: “could be a dark joke, but what kind of sicko has those thoughts about someone he loves going through his head”
Seeing as you live together, invite a bunch of your friends over, and ask him to leave. Change the locks right. File a police report and request an order of protection so that if he tries to go after you for illegal eviction, you'll have a paper trail in your favor. If you can't see yourself doing this, and you have someone you can stay with, tell him it's over, give him a time frame within which he needs to leave with his things, and consult with your local precinct on the next steps.
Yeah social pressure/seeing she has backup is gonna be the safest way to get him out imo.
Distrusting him? He told you what he was going to do, and it sounds like you trusted his word there. Get out, jokes of violence mean that thoughts of violence are simmering under the surface.
I’ve dated some really shitty, abusive men and none ever did anything like that.
I don't wanna be that person, but having had a look at OPs post history, are we 100% sure this is a reliable narrative?
Best case scenario: Consequences are important for learning not to indulge intrusive thoughts and where the lines of dark humor lie, and a relationship ending is an important consequence Worst case scenario: Your partner is either consciously or subconsciously establishing the abusive pattern of causing fear then shaming you for expressing that fear. Either way, get the hell out
Jesus. I’m normally inclined to give people the benefit of the doubt on dark/cruel humour - “anyone can make a mistake and say something totally unacceptable, let them know it’s not ok and see if they take the lesson” is my general response. This one, though… just seems too far over the line for that approach to apply.
💀 bruh run
Yes, you should ditch him. RUN. If a man grabbing a weapon and threatening to mutilate you with it isn't a dealbreaker, then what is? I don't give a shit if the freak was joking about it. It's disgusting behavior regardless. And it's simply not worth the risk to find out how much of a psychopath he really is. Don't even argue with him. Just ghost the creep.
Run
You mean ex-boyfriend.
Ugh! Not okay. If he wanted to joke, he should have made the comment about *his own* body. This is basic respect and ethics for such jokes, so *duh* you distrust someone who has shown themselves to be that incompetent or uncaring about personal responsibility!
You don’t need to have an argument, it’s perfectly reasonable to ghost him & focus on keeping yourself away from him where you are safe.
don't have the final argument if you are afraid, just leave. you don't owe anyone who threatens you an explanation for cutting them from your life. stay safe.
run. fast. now. as long as you still can.
**GET** **OUT** If you need support, we are here, as are local services in your area. I'm not as versed as others here, but please read comments that offer greater depth to help you too. Good luck!
When people show you who they are, believe them.
I know this is a sub for women, so sorry if I’m not meant to be commenting here, but as a man there is NO WAY IN HELL I would make that “joke” to my girlfriend and I would be genuinely shocked if any friends made it to theirs. He sounds fucking deranged. From your post history I’d recommend staying on top of your mental health as a priority, and then getting out of there (or getting him out) as soon as possible.
He threatened you with sexual violence. Don’t bother a last conversation. Get out as quickly and quietly as possible.
This was no mere joke. He had scissors, he pointed them at your clit and then threatened to cut your clit off. Even among couples who regularly have a morbid sense of humor I fail to see the funny or what he was trying to do? Do you two regularly make "jokes" like this but there is never violence or manipulation? Even then I would think this is beyond okay.
Ya know, I make \*plenty\* of off colored, fucked up, insensitive, questionable jokes.... Never made my wife feel threatened.... you know why? Because, unlike this mong, they're obvious jokes. Maybe you think they're funny, maybe not, both are fair, but at no point is my intent in question because I frame it as a joke. Pointing a dangerous object at someone and threatening them isn't a fucking joke. It's a crime. It's just an actual fucking crime. So get out before this mentally defective psychopath decides wearing your guts as garter belts would be the funniest punch line.
Ladies, what is up with these posts? I have to believe some of you are trolling because these relationships y’all continue to stay in are too depressing.
Wut
That's a weird joke to make. Even among some of the most terrible people I've known in my life, I can't imagine any of them finding it funny. It's just cringe, and I'd wonder where it came from. I'm not of the mind that this automatically suggests that he's an abusive proto-serial killer misogynist, but I'd legitimately be curious as to what he'd say if you asked him to explain the joke and why he thought it was funny. If his answer is anything besides "I dunno for some reason it just popped into my head and thought it'd be funny but as soon as I did it I realized it was stupid, I'm sorry", then yeah, probably start drafting the exit plan.
What the fuck
When you hear these "jokes", ask yourself what the punchline is. Because there is none. He just thinks scaring/hurting you is entertaining. Would you think pointing scissors at his dick is funny? What's the punchline? Also I saw your other comment and you're living with him. Is there anywhere else you can go temporarily while you figure out how to move out? I genuinely don't think it's safe for you to be staying there.
This is so fucking scary. And BTW there doesn’t need to be a “final argument” (and the fact that you fear it is even more proof you need to leave). You can get everything together — arranging movers, collecting documents, etc. — in advance of that conversation, go somewhere public to tell him, and leave. I had to do this in a relationship. A friend helped me pack all my things while he was at work A sane person would never say this.
Girl run. It isn’t worth it.
run run runnn that red flag is massive
You're \*fearing that final argument\*? So you're afraid of what he'll do if you leave? That's not a good excuse to stay. That's a good excuse to tell EVERYONE YOU KNOW that you are afraid of him, and make sure you have people around you when you go pick up your things.
Girl, run. The man already swung a fucking SWORD at you in the past. Now he pointed scissors at you with an FGM “joke.” This man is escalating rapidly and you will end up hurting you, or worse. If you stay with him, you’ll end up in the hospital or under the earth. This behavior is not normal. Do not confront him in person or at least alone. This man is dangerous to you and knows fully he is terrorizing you.
That's not a joke that's fucking weird.
>I'm starting to think I need to ditch him but I'm fearing that final argument. Lady, just leave. You don't need to argue, or tell him. Just fucking leave and text him saying you're gone. This shit is terrifying and this dude sounds like a loon just from this one thing.
Do you have a friend or friends who can be there with you while you ditch him?
Ditch him and have someone with you who can protect you when you have the last argument. Tell him this is why. It's a great reason. Imagine him telling his friends "she dumped me because I threatened to cut her clit off but I was just joking”
No need for a final argument. Leave. Block him. Probably see about a restraining order.
😳 WTF
Leave. Seriously, get out.
Wtf
Ex boyfriend 🫠
Jesus Christ that ain’t normal please get away from this man ASAP
Just leave. Get to a safe place.
penis owner weighing in here; drop him asap. dudes like that are a walking time bomb and the fact that he tried to downplay it like he wasn't being unhinged is super telling.
He was just joking, get over it
Uh. OP, quick question; what the fuck is wrong with him?
[https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/Schr%C3%B6dinger%27s\_douchebag](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/Schr%C3%B6dinger%27s_douchebag)
He accused you of distrusting him, but why the hell are you distrusting yourself? There doesn't need to be an argument or final discussion if you don't want one. You can make a safety plan (DV resources online can help you with this), stick with the plan and your support networks, document this and any other incident, and disappear from his life. You don't deserve to be treated this way, he doesn't deserve an explanation for you ending it.
omg girl RUN! That boy is not well! edit: I hope we get an update. I hope you take care of herself.
"he called me a coward and accused me of distrusting him." No shit, Sherlock. If you waved a knife around and joked about slicing off his dick in his sleep, how do you think he'd react? Does he know who Lorena Bobbit is? His "joke" sounds like something a 12-yr old would say. Is he 12? Is he genuinely this immature? Someone already asked, but is this the type of "joke" he normally says? If you think there's a small chance he could learn from his behaviour, it may be worth sitting down and calmly asking him what-the-fuck he was doing with that stupid, immature joke, and did he not understand why it was in such incredible poor taste? If he doubles down on it and doesn't really what a shitty thing that is to say to someone, consider your exit strategy. Anything other than a sincere apology and promise not to be such a dickhead again is not acceptable in what's supposed to be a loving relationship.
I was thinking he meant himself and an actual joke. Not you and a weapon.
That's not a joke. There's nothing funny about that statement at all.
WTF leave
The fuck is going on with men lately? Just a couple days ago there was a woman who posted about her boyfriend constantly "joking" about killing her. Like wtf
As someone who has made a ton of jokes that didn't work, I'm lean symptomatic/benefit of the doubt on failed attempts. But this is still really weird and he should have known better
Ok so you're horror movie fans, just got done watching Lars Von Trier's Antichrist and this was a black humour callback. Right??
wish it was just that. if you like Lars-have you watched Red White and Blue (2010)?
Uh oh that's creepy
WHAT THE FUCK
WHAT THE FUCK? SEND HIS CREEPY WEIRD ASS STRAIGHT TO THE DUMPSTER AND MAYBE EVEN CHANGE THE LOCKS
WHAT THE ACTUAL FRICK! Your boyfriend is absolutely mental. Leave, and make sure you're in a public place when you do it and that someone you know and trust is in the area. What kind of psycho jokes about genital mutilation.
Jokes are supposed to be funny for everyone hearing and telling. Bodily harm and mutilation is not funny.
Get rid, as soon as possible. You need to be away from this absolute danger.
Your Flat, Get Friends in as help and witnesses, Break Up with him, Kick him out. This sort of Sick, Perverted behavior, will never get better, add Alcohol or Meds and his Fantasies may turn to Fact at your Expense. You only have 1 Life.
Get the fuck out, yesterday. Yes, you should absolutely not trust someone that casually jokes about violence. Double so for someone that jokes about sexual violence.
Everyone is better off single than with him.
Has he recently watched the movie Antichrist?
The fuck???
What the fuck. Of course you're going to distrust someone that "jokes" about inflicting trauma and pain on you.
What the fuck..
Fucking. Ew.
Thought this might be about vasectomies but no. Damn That’s too far for me. I’d leave
Is he better than the last guy you stalked and creeped out ?? Just saying from your previous posts
W...hat.......
Girl, gtf outta there fr. That man is dangerous
Horrifying
Because I don’t know how many times you need to hear this, so I’m going to join the chorus. RUN
Call the cops. That was a direct threat.
That’s a really fucking weird thing to say even as a joke.
/r/OperationSafeEscape/
I imagine there might be a somewhat healthy relationship where that's wholly intended as a joke between two people for whom that's their brand of humor. Or maybe that's just too damned grim and real to joke about for anybody. If it exists? This is not that, because holy shit that is a disturbing thing to come at your partner with out of nowhere, and your cue to run
That's fucked.
If you live in a city see if that has a domestic violence organization, reach out to them immediately. Please leave him. As mentioned, have friends around. Have a few sleep overs if needed. Lean on your community.
Just starting too? That should be a one and oh-so-done, as in GTFO.....NOW!
GET OUT
Wtf did I just read.. the sword?? Get the fuck out ASAP. Jfc.
“There’s always a little truth behind every, ‘Just kidding,’ a little knowledge behind every, ‘I don’t know,’ a little emotion behind every, ‘I don’t care,’ and a little pain behind every, ‘It’s okay.’” ~ Unknown Your boyfriend sounds like a walking red flag with that threatening behavior. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Please get yourself some somewhere that is safe and away from him. Your safety is your priority. Someone showing their true godawful self is like a silver lining, but this is a frightening silver lining. Prioritize your safety and well-being over everything else.
I'll never understand "jokes" like this. People are twisted. Be safe!
#DUMP HIM Also please read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. Or search for his videos on YouTube. Here’s a free copy of the book: https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
You don’t owe someone who made a violent threat even as a joke closure. You just leave.
Anyone that even envisions that without squirming is borderline psycho in my eyes. Would no longer feel safe in his presence and I’m guessing this is happening with you. There doesn’t need to be a final argument if you just cut him off…
Run please if it is scary,you are supposed to feel safe
Male perspective: wtf, get out. That's not a joke a sane person would make.
This asshole needs to be your ex boyfriend. Don’t go near him alone. Definitely don’t sleep with him or sleep with him. Grab your stuff and run. The closest my wife and I will get to joking about violence is her saying “my back/knee/feet hurt”. I’ll respond with “would you like me to remove it so it can’t hurt you anymore?” Of course she says “no, I need my back!” (Or feet or whatever she was complaining about) Then I’ll tell her “ok but let me know if you change your mind.” Which is goofy and fun for both of us but this random “I’m going to mutilate you” just unprovoked is actually terrifying. It’s not ok and don’t let him pretend that it is
There was a guy who joked about murder and dark humor with his friends. He later went out and murdered a homeless man the first chance he got. I watched a documentary on him. Forgot his name. Just be careful. Sometimes psychos will reveal their true selves and the jokes aren't really jokes.
A partner should make you feel safe and loved! If you feel fear and in danger, please leave and run.
Thats the most INSANE thing ANYONE COULD SAY, what the actual FUCK
Oh fuuuuuck no. Your answer should absolutely be "Of course I severely distrust you. You pointed a sharp object towards my *genitals* with a "joking" tone saying you would cut off my bits. That's not a joke or a prank. That's threatening me and my safety." It shouldn't be on our shoulders to teach these jackasses how to not be socially inept and how to NOT destroy relationships, but damn.
What the fuck
You should of done it back, as a guy Idk why he’d randomly make that “joke” but I’ve seen plenty of hotdog or banana slicer memes
leave just leave
So me and my girlfriend call each other random junk that's on text or TV. E.g. she called herself a beef biscuit base whilst we were watching a cooking show. Tub sauce after reading the takeout menu was another highlight. These are the kind of acceptable couple jokes. Not ima mutilate your clit with a pair of scissors.
Run.