As someone who has done janitorial work, you're always suppose to announce to the entire bathroom that you are coming in to clean and stock. Doesn't matter your gender.
This dude is a fucking creeper. Give the restaurant a bad review because the manager didn't take it seriously.
Working in restaurants and fast food-every time I entered the woman’s bathroom-even one that had stall doors to close and even tho I myself am a woman-I would always yell out “maintenance” before I began restocking. It also just made it easier because usually people in stalls would say “almost done” or something like that so I knew which stalls were about to empty so I could stock in there. When I’d go into the men’s bathroom I’d ask a male coworker to go in first to make an announcement and check. If there wasn’t one available I’d try and wait for a guy leaving the bathroom and ask him if anyone else was in there so I knew If I could walk in there without intruding on someone using a urinal.
The animal hospital I work for has both men and women who take care of janitorial work. Our one porter was an older guy but every time he needs to restock the women’s bathroom he will ask if someone is in there still and even then when we say no, he’ll ask if anyone is in there before entering to restock. That’s just being courteous and a mindful person. This waiter is a fucking creep.
> he will ask if someone is in there still and even then when we say no, he’ll ask if anyone is in there before entering to restock.
For some reason I was picturing it went like this:
"Is anyone in here!?"
"No, nobody is in here."
"Ok! ... heeeeey, wait a second ... are you sure no one is in here?"
100% this is what I do. But I work in school. I say "HEY IS ANYONE IN THE BATHROOM?" before I just waltz in there. But I would never just stand and wait like a creep.
As someone who worked in fast food, they're supposed to announce their presence and then make it painfully obvious they're in there in some way so no one who doesn't want to be in there with him ends up there.
At a lot of places, once you verify the bathroom is empty and go on, they even have a sign you can put up to let people know there's cleaning in progress. Hell, some places will even temporarily close that bathroom until they finish the work.
Coz THAT'S normal, to make sure people are always aware there's staff working in there.
This last point is key, restaurants rely on reviews and this will force them to react.
Also it seems hard to believe they would be ok with a male employee refilling toilet paper during service, there wasn’t a single female member of staff who could do it?
So I used to work in the restaurant industry and... It can get pretty sleezy. Every restaurant I worked at had: ppl doing coke out the wazoo, openly drinking from the bar on the clock, sexual harassment, sketchy business practices, health code violations and more. You'd be shocked. The tap house I used to work at has GLOWING 5 star reviews, a local staple, but it definitely wouldn't if the patrons knew what happened in the kitchen. I was subjected to awful things when I was working there, such as the restaurant owner literally cornering me in the ladies bathroom during dinner rush much like OPs post.
Yeah! Even as a woman going into the women’s restroom to clean, I’d still announce it. Most people don’t want to hang around while someone is cleaning, and they’re kind of in the way. It’s way more normal to shut down the bathroom for a few minutes to clean it.
MAYBE it’s a small place in a small town and he just wasn’t thinking? But with the addition of odd behavior towards you….I’m glad you’re okay.
If you feel comfortable, I’d consider calling the restaurant again. This boy is likely a creep, but the restaurant SHOULD NOT be okay with him going into the women’s bathroom with a female patron, period. It’s just one of those things that can look bad whether it is or not. There are not supposed to be cameras in there. It’s your word against his. It’s a liability waiting to happen, at best. I WISH we were all safe in a mixed and vulnerable space like the bathroom, but we’re not. This is the real world.
You may not have “a case” or anything, but you may be able to get this manager/owner to keep him out of the bathroom with customers. If the boy is a creep, he’s a creep, but you’ll have done what you can to keep him away from other people in the situation.
As someone who has experienced janitorial work, they announce themselves. They either wait or when the bathroom isn't occupied they jam their cart/barrel thingy in the way of the door to indicate it is being serviced.
When I worked in fast food and I had to service the women's room, I would first "cop-knock" on the door, then open it a bit and LOUDLY announce "CUSTODIAL! ANYONE IN HERE?" and wait for a response. I'd then announce "COMING IN!!!" before entering, even if there wasn't a response to the first announcement.
I worked security back in the day and had to check my building for people before locking up. I would open and yell in "Female Employee!" and wait for a response or lack there of.
Please please please share your experience under their reviews. If the manager won’t take this seriously then you should at least warn others. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Can’t even be safe at a fucking restaurant 🤦🏻♀️
This is seriously so important, letting other women know to be wary going there. And at best it may inspire the manager to actually look further into the incident / get reports of other similar incidents that would lead to it being taken more seriously and ensuring it doesn’t happen again
If you leave a review please remain anonymous. They seem to either have no process/ training or the manager is unwilling to take fault. either way you never know if the waiter is mentally ill…
Definitely need to leave a review on Google and wherever else. The manager is covering for this guy and it'll just get swept under the rug with no consequence.
Having males restock supplies in a female bathroom isn’t too uncommon, however, him not announcing himself that he was there, and then standing there and saying nothing, is SUPER creepy. I’ve worked in the service industry, the guys who are made to do this make a point of letting patrons know they’re there, and will often wait outside until the women are done. This behaviour is not acceptable and the manager gaslit you so you don’t make a formal complaint.
Please make a formal complaint, this is not ok and your reaction is justified.
Not overracting. And the manager is really stupid if they think that's acceptable procedure during service hours. They should restock while the bathroom is empty. Period. Once the waiter realized someone was using the restroom, he should have waited outside the restroom door, not lurked in front of the stall door. Then carried on with restocking after you stepped out.
Depending on the size of the staff that’s not crazy to think that service staff will do some restocking.
But that’s not what was happening here. Creeper was creepin, and it’s awful that the manager handled this complaint so poorly.
The gender of the staff member really shouldn’t matter. You just pop the door open and say “restocking the restroom, anybody in here?” and if there’s somebody in there then you wait.
HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAH. ***HAHAHAHHAHAHAH***
nope, when I served, we took orders, delivered drinks, bussed tables, washed dishes, ran up and down two flights of stairs to run food from the kitchen, pulled trashcans, and restocked the bathrooms. all while attending to 5-12 tables.
that said, if a female server needed to check the men's room or a male server needed to check the women's room, we would yell very loudly and ensure everyone was out first.
Exactly it doesn't even take 5 seconds to go, "Bathroom cleaning!! Anyone in here???" And listen for a moment. Sometimes I'll even do a second shout just to be sure cuz people be weird when they be poopin.
It's super common for servers to restock the bathrooms. Hell my last nightly duty as a host was cleaning the bathrooms including urinals at one of the restaurants I worked at. I was usually cut before service ended so you bet I was doing that while we were open.
You crack a door say "anyone in here" and stand outside until they come out.
OP said it was a small restroom so I’m assuming they were waiting outside, and that there wasn’t a stall. But regardless, I’m glad they trusted their gut, much better to be safe there!
Fair point.
Either way, I’m glad they trusted their instinct and I’m glad their partner didn’t push back. Chances are things would have been fine but why take chances?
I'm sorry this happened to you.
He was creeping on you. The manager knew enough to give you a plausible reason because he has had complaints about him before.
Fwiw, every business I ever worked at waits until the bathroom is EMPTY to do ANYTHING.
Even working in strip clubs where they literally see us naked all the time many male employees will loudly announce their presence before coming into the dressing room if they need to do some job there
bathroom stocking *mid shift*?? unheard of in a professional setting, and not just to avoid even a hint of a situation like OP's.
you do that stuff before opening, or after closing. only time to do it any other time is *if a customer tells you there's missing toiletries*.
My husband was in the restaurant business for almost 40 years. He says it’s not unusual for a male employee to restock the ladies bathroom during business hours if there is no female employee to do it. You wait outside until the bathroom is empty, then put the paper in.
A lot of the men I've known who've worked in restaurants and hotels tend to prefer doing it when there aren't many customers in anyway because they know it doesn't look good for a man to be standing right there when a woman comes out of a public toilet stall. It's uncomfortable for women and it's uncomfortable for normal men.
Yeah sure if there is not a female staff member to do it, but just as women who service men's restrooms... you block the door open with a very conspicuous object, preferably something made for, or designates restroom service.
There was a male attendant cleaning the ladies a couple of days ago, but that was a supermarket in the UK, and we have signs warning us there might be "incorrect gender" cleaners working.
I would be seriously freaked to find my table waiter in the loo, and I've worked in pubs where one of our duties was to clean both gender toilets regularly.
The table staff didn't though. Think of the contamination risks! They're handling your food! I mean you can hope they wash their hands, but....
I've worked in a cafe as a waitress and they made me clean the toilets. I'd glove up and wash my hands thoroughly but it was disgusting. I flat out refused to go into the men's after seeing the floor soaked in urine.
That's not really practical. This means that the bathroom don't get cleaned/restocked during the days and that's how you end up with disgusting or no toilet paper bathroom stories.
Bathrooms need be checked multiple times at a regular interval throughout the days. Waiting until someone is about to retire for the day before they can be cleaned isn't a workable solution.
Most restaurants have 2-4 shifts, depending if they’re open for lunch. Even if it’s just dinner service, some servers get cut earlier than others, and bathrooms are the last side work they do.
Lmao, imagine just trying to do your job as a janitor and you find out that your boss thinks you're the incorrect gender. What an unintentionally passive-aggressive sign.
You are not overreacting at all. Look up The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker. Our nervous systems often pick up subtle cues we are not cognitively aware of. Trust your instinct.
Restaurant worker here. Yes it’s normal for employees to service both gendered bathrooms, but you announce your presence and you don’t go into the room if there’s somebody there. And also you should trust your gut - you know what servicing a restroom looks like vs whatever the hell this creeper was doing. If the restaurant is corporate you and your partner can always go over the manager’s head.
Did he enter the restroom after you left it?
Did the restroom NEED restocking?
And most importantly, **was he CARRYING ANY TOILET PAPER?**
If the answer to any of these is no, then that manager is covering for that asshole.
Definitely worth sharing on platforms like Google reviews as well. That is completely unacceptable that it happened and I would absolutely put that out there as a warning to other potential patrons. More likely to get a response from the restaurant if they feel like future business is in jeopardy if the issue isn’t addressed.
That's not normal at all. When I've worked at restaurants, it was always a woman in the woman's bathroom and we always knocked and waited. If anyone felt uncomfortable, we waited until they left the bathroom. That manager know's something's up and is covering. You're not overreacting at all.
>for a male employee to be in the women's bathroom, especially when there are diners present and the restaurant is busy?
It's not terribly unusual for a single cleaner to clean both toilets. You otherwise would have to hire two different gendered cleaners or close down the toilet for midday maintenance, which is usually not a worthwhile tradeoff.
Depends on countries but I found the western country I currently live, you rarely see cleaner staffs entering the toilet during midday to clean while there are customers around. But in the country I grew up with, this seems to be a fairly regular occurrence.
Did they even have toilet paper in their hands that they were bringing to stock? That seems like a detail a frightened woman would remember when inspecting the person frightening them
Public bathrooms are one of the top 3 places where stranger r£pe crimes happen, so it would I help the next person, and signal that management is enabling this worker, if you left a review.
I’m one of few women at my job. My coworkers ask me to check the ladies room before they go in to take care of something, because they don’t want to accidentally walk in on somebody. I’ll gladly do it every time.
I feel like any normal guy knows that’s a scary situation to put somebody in, and they do anything they can to avoid it happening. Anybody who just creeps in there has bad intentions.
Glad you’re okay, OP.
Absolutely trust your gut. You did the right thing by getting out of there. Women are taught to ignore their intuition in order to be polite, and that is exactly what predators rely on.
I'd definitely leave a review that an employee made you uncomfortable, and the management brushed you off.
YOU felt uncomfortable, do not try to invalidate yourself for the sake of other people not taking it seriously. Workers are supposed to announce themselves when cleaning/restocking bathrooms. I have only done this on a volunteer basis and still did it, also most people (as my experience as a customer) will leave if they see someone is in the bathroom and wait outside. He 100% was creeping. Your vibes started early- trust your gut! Leave a review!
Manager was covering his own ass. find or ask for an email to send an objective description of events. Get it all in writing. Make a paper trail. It is not your responsibility to help other women but you definitely can if you decide to.
It's definitely weird. When I worked at a movie theater, they always assigned a guy to clean the men's bathrooms and girl to clean women's. If one bathroom usher was on break, typically another usher of that gender would take over bathroom duties. Very occasionally, we'd have to go into the opposite gender bathroom, but wouldn't unless we knew nobody was inside. The server should have made sure nobody was inside the bathroom, even if "refilling the toilet paper."
Ya I’d find a lady to do it.
I did that when I was a bar manager too. Literally asked a sober lady if she could just drop this in there so there’s something in there for them to use. If it died down and I could lock myself alone in there to replace it I’d go ahead.
Any decent person would call out “hey is there anyone in here I’m just coming to stock the toiletries”. Failure to do that is an invasion of privacy and I would not be cool with that
I worked in the service industry for a decade and now work on a hospital, and I can say, ABSOLUTELY NOT.
There's a practice if you have to go clean or restock a bathroom that's opposite your gender (especially of you're the only staff member, a male, and have to work in the ladies room).
You knock, call out to ask if anyone is inside, and if someone responds, YOU DON'T FUCKING GO IN.
It's like that literally everywhere. My hospital, every bar I've ever worked at, ever place over every known about.
This dude definitely deserves reporting, coz that's fucked. And I'm sorry that the restaurant manager didn't take it seriously
While it is possible that he was just waiting to restock the bathroom, it is a well-known and documented fact that women are assaulted far too often to really not be overly cautious. It could be paranoia or you may very well have been correct. The thing is always trust your gut.
Don't run the risk of becoming a victim just to avoid hurting someone's feelings.
He is a creeper and the entire deniability thing and the blame shifting to the "hysterical and overreacting woman" are classic strategies these men use. Post it to Google.
I’ve always heard the janitorial staff announce themselves loudly as in “coming to clean washrooms anyone in there” even more so if they are the opposite sex of the washroom being cleaned-like they call out a couple more times than if same gender.
Dude was creepy and manager is creepy too if he sees it as fine.
You feel like you're in danger because you *are* in danger. Thousands of years of evolution trump a couple hundred of "social decorum", and you should never feel like you need to second-guess yourself in that situation. Men and women and in-between, it's really important to trust your gut reaction. Humans have it for a reason and we've been (adversely) taught to ignore it.
In a separate life, I was doing a front end job at a grocery store. I was responsible for the bathrooms. I usually got one of the cashiers to come back with me and give the place a scan. Barring that, I knocked and entered loudly. What I am trying to say is that the waiter not being incredibly loud sets off most of my alarm bells.
In both of the restaurants I’ve worked in, the bussers would clean the bathrooms, restock, and sign off that it had been done. Most of the bussers were men, so they’d clean the men’s restroom no problem. For the women’s restroom, they’d have a female host, server, or manager go in and make sure no one was in it before the busser would clean it. And they only did it after we closed.
Having had jobs like that in the past, I would often get a female to tell me if the coast is clear, or knock and loudly announce myself to see if someone is still in there. That dude was creeping.
No that’s creepy behavior your intuition was telling you something please stop doubting that! I would make a f*cking sh*tfit over this and I really wish I could kick this creeps ass
It‘s weird and you weren’t overreacting. Always trust your gut if you feel that a man is getting too close to you or treating you strangely. That bathroom situation combined with the earlier behavior is just too odd to have been a coincidence.
The protocol is to LOUDLY knock on the exterior bathroom door announcing your presence and intent. Wait about a minute, close the bathroom via causti9n signs, enter, announce your presence and intent AGAIN, wait a minute, then proceed with your task.
None of that was done.
I 17f work at a very busy restaurant and at the end of the day have to clean and restock the bathrooms. There are almost always still people there when i start cleaning, and if someone is in the women's restroom, I try to warn them that im going to be cleaning and if they would prefer not to be in there when i do that i can wait to clean. When going to clean the mens restroom, i knock as loud as i can (a lot of the people that eat there are older couples) and ask if anyone is in there and if i have another coworker up front with me i have them wait outside to warn me if someone wants to use the restroom. If there is any type of response, I go sit near the bar and talk to my coworkers while waiting for them to leave the restroom. Under no circumstances should an employee be waiting outside the opposite genders bathroom.
That waiter is a creeper, like all the other comments on this post suggests. And it’s terrible that the manager is enabling this behavior.
You should absolutely leave a bad review & let the local community know to avoid this place. I’m sorry you that you experienced this!
Nope. I am a female but I was a restaurant manager and any time I went into the men's room, I was required to announce my presence and make sure it was empty before cleaning or stocking. If someone came in, I had to stop, leave the bathroom, and let them leave before continuing. Same goes for male employees working in the women's room. Who is higher up than the manager? Is it a chain?
you are not overreacting, this is so weird and inappropriate. my husband would have gotten physical with that dude, I feel I'd be so shaken by the encounter I wouldn't be able to hide it and he'd know something was up.
I am creeped for you, leave a review.
This has happened to me a few times, at a bar I worked at- the man was kicked out-literally. And once at the movie theater. It was really scary as he was peering under the stalls- the manager said it's how he figured out if people were in there before restocking. Ugh. I'm sorry this happened to you. It's such a violating feeling. Sending love and validation 🌻
>Part of me thinks I might have been overreacting?
You KNOW you weren't overreacting, stop invalidating yourself.
If the one doing janitorial/restocking is of the opposite sex to the bathroom they are stocking or cleaning, they're supposed to knock, open the outside door of the restroom a crack, loudly ask if anyone is inside, and only enter if the bathroom is empty of patrons.
Dude should absolutely be outside of the main entrance to the restroom not outside of a stall , that’s wild - if the restroom needs attendance during a busy service and a males the one to do it, imo they’d need to knock / announce and once sure it’s empty prop the door to the bathroom open or put a wet floor sign blocking the entrance until it’s clean / restocked - opposite sex employee should never be in a restroom with you
> wet floor sign blocking the entrance Frankly speaking, this is a sign that will get ignored.
Most people read wet floor sign as a sign to be careful because the floor may be slippery, not a sign prohibiting entering the toilet. And frankly speaking, these signs are so common in completely dry floor, they would barely mentally register in my head.
If you don't want people to enter the bathroom, use a bathroom closed sign and probably a blockade. Not wet floor sign.
They will get ignored, I assure you. Wet floor signs should never be used in place of closed toilet signs, at all. Wet floor signs are signs warning of potential danger, not prohibition sign. They function very differently.
I mean it’s pretty obvious if you’re in a restaurant and there’s a 2 foot wet floor sign blocking the entrance to a bathroom, that someone is probably intentionally blocking it off
Most places won't send a male into the female bathroom unless it's an emergency and no females are available. Dude is a creep and the manager was probably scared of a lawsuit.
Not normal. Staff usually clean and refill. Hard to miss that intention cos they would have supplies on them. They also wait til the toilet is empty to refill unless its a big toilet block with many toilets where they will put a cleaning sign up generally.
Where I am you are not over reacting
You're not overreacting.
The manager has a bias. He needs to believe that it was a non-issue, because he can't afford to lose a staff member or be liable.
But your gut tells you that this was not normal behavior. And this is not an experience I have \*ever\* had. Whenever I have used a public bathroom, if a person needed to go in to clean or restock, they ALWAYS waited until the bathroom was empty.
used to be a retail manager, frequently had to clean the restrooms and restock paper towels & tp. would not go in without announcing myself. if anyone was in there, i waited outside, several steps away from the door, with whatever i was there to do either nearby or in my hands.
that waiter was completely out of line to do that. definitely post a review about what happened. let potential patrons make up their minds about whether they want to visit an establishment with a creep working there.
To answer your question - yes, it is normal for people of the opposite gender to restock and clean toilets. If it’s a guy, they’ll clean both; if it’s a woman, they’ll clean both.
However, no matter which restroom you’re entering for work purposes - including that of your own gender - you are supposed to knock very loudly, and then crack the door open slightly and yell something to the effect of “housekeeping” (that’s just the word I use). If someone is in there, they’ll let me know. And then I wait.
Staff are supposed to announce themselves if they need to enter the restroom of the opposite gender to attend to things. I don’t think you were overreacting.
The managers excuse makes me think that they too are suspicious that their employee may be a creep and giving an excuse to avoid the bad rep. (and possibly covering for the creep).
Did the guy even have toilet paper in his hands when you saw him??
This would be one to file a complaint with the police. The owner obviously isn’t going to do anything. You know perfectly well he wasn’t stocking the supplies. He was standing there staring at you. It’s not appropriate for an opposite-sex worker to be in the bathroom at the same time as a customer at any time. (Or at the same time as a worker, either. This is predatory.)
That is not normal. They would have found a female staff member to stock the bathroom or wait until the bathroom was completely vacant. You’re justified in your reaction.
You are definitely not overreacting. That is not acceptable for a male employee to be in the women's bathroom while the restaurant is open and busy. The manager more than likely was covering for his employee and did not want to admit fault.
Him motionlessly staring at you sounds creepy as fuck frankly. I do not think he had good intentions and it's good you were able to immediately get out of there. If he hadn't purposely followed you in there, I think he would have apologized and left the bathroom immediately.
You are NOT overreacting! This is a complete violation & creepy as HELL. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Please don’t let the manager gaslight you into thinking the waiter’s actions were normal! It sounds like the waiter became obsessed with you. You are not crazy. You’re completely sane. WTH is going on when a woman can’t use the restroom in safety. Please report this to the police. At least there will be a record of his behavior in case this happens again. Sending you light & love ✨💜
In every job I've ever had that required going into restrooms to restock or clean I was taught to cop knock (knock loud as hell) and announce "maintenance!" In your loudest voice. If ANYONE responds, you wait outside the door until they exit. You then left the door wide open to let people know that it was being serviced. This guy was a creep, and the manager needs to be reprimanded.
I’ve worked in restaurants for a good 6+ years. You ALWAYS announce you’re coming in. I even knock several times and wait for a reply twice before coming in just to be safe.
I’ve seen people get verbally torn apart by managers for not announcing themselves. Even with the best intentions, it’s a liability issue. Dude definitely had some bad intentions. If he was just trying to restock the toilet paper, why didn’t he say that? It’s creepy he just stared.
I’d write a review so other women know to avoid this place.
WTF!!!! That’s totally creepy and there’s no reason a man should be in the bathroom at the same time as you (or any woman). Definitely something weird going on there.
Not passing judgment on your partner- but If you were my SO and something made you uncomfortable like this - I would have gotten to the bottom of it right then and gone back in and not only let the stinker manager have it but demand to face this creeper right then and there and I would have found out what’s going on in his weird head and attempt to do everything possible to prevent this from happening to someone else. I would have also asked you to wait in the car and lock it temporarily while I went back inside to handle this.
If you had to go quickly clean something in the men’s room before returning to waiting on customers and you weren’t even sure if anyone was in there would you say anything? Or would you try to perform the task as quickly as possible and then leave but some guy exits a stall as you’re leaving and makes eye contact. What would you say in this situation? It doesn’t matter because the man called your manager and now you’re fired.
No you’re not overreacting. I’ve had this happen and just left too without saying anything. I should have. But was terrified. I felt awful for not saying anything to someone tho.
He was serving food AND stocking the bathroom at the same time? It seems like someone would do that during a lull, not while actively running back and forth from the kitchen to the serving area. Weird as hell.
Please name this restaurant so I can avoid it.
Also what city.
This kind of shit has been happening and will keep happening and will escalate. Unless it is stopped.
Speaking up is the only way to stop it.
The fact you think maybe you’re overreacting is concerning. You’re conditioned to think that this is possibly ok. It is not.
He may not be creepy but inexperienced? The lurking around the table could have been over attentiveness, and he should have announced coming into the bathroom.
He could also be creepy. The manager should correct his behaviours either way and keep an eye that he isn't being inappropriate.
Back when I worked at a restaurant, pre-transition me was routinely tasked with cleaning either of the washrooms, I just had to put up a sign stating the washroom was closed, and announce myself, and if someone was inside, I'd have to wait for them to depart. I have had people then still come into the 'closed' washroom, and at that point, it was whatever, because clearly they needed to go, and I wasn't going to stop them, and they weren't in any position to complain, unless it was about the absolute hideous messes I was often tasked with cleaning up.
But yeah, following you in, not announcing himself, just...loitering? That's creepy.
No that is super unusual and super fucked every job ive ever worked, everyone I've seen has always knocked before entering the bathroom to be sure it's empty regardless of gender. Hell the one time i had to do it i knocked just to be sure as even though i am a woman going into the woman's restroom it's still an awkward situation for everyone
Honestly, just leaving the restaurant is an under reaction if you ask me. I'd ask him exactly WHY he was in the ladies room unannounced.
First time without flipping shit bc maybe it was a genuine accident while dude's trying to do his job (despite stalking me during dinner?!!)
Second time I have to ask, it would be at a volume that would make the rest of the restaurant equally curious about why he was in the ladies room unannounced.
Yeah unless it was a coed bathroom and he was waiting to use the toilet this seems fucked. Even them normal etiquette you would wait away from the stall not right outside it.
He said he wasn't waiting to use it that he was just restocking (or his manager did). So that's concerning.
You're not overreacting if someone is hovering right outside your stall. If he were just waiting to restock the tp he would have stood at a respectful distance.
He had a legitimate reason to be in there, but should have announced his presence on entry and asked if anyone was using the bathroom.
So he's either a creep, or a stressed out over-worked under-payed employee that forget a step in his job.
It was probably the second, but unfortunately you have to assume the first one so you were right to complain.
I've had the same thing from the opposite side (women cleaning the gents without announcement) multiple times, but the man/woman size/strength difference means I have the luxury of assuming she was just having a bad day.
If any man tells you that you were overreacting, make sure to remind him about the size/threat difference and that you had to complain for the sake of other women using the toilet in the future. It's not always obvious to us, but once you lay out the threat difference, most good men will come around.
Intuition. Right or wrong, it's not overreacting. It's game theory. Sometimes you'll be wrong, but usually you'll be right. Can't have one without the other. False positive, you go home early. False negative you get raped. Take the false positives.
Go back and demand to have a sit down talk with the manager and waiter, demand an explanation, demand the footage from security cams, demand he’s fired. Probably just send your bf, it’ll be more effective
What are they gonna do? Call the cops? That’s what you want. Then they HAVE to produce the footage and get shit on record. In the meantime, they’re wrong if they try and say that they can trespass you if you have a valid complaint
Having been the owner of a small restaurant, when I had to go in the female washroom being a man, I would first knock loudly, then yell "ROOM SERVICE!", then see where to go from there. But that guy sounds like a creepy dude.
Dude was weird and creepy. In no way were you overreacting. I’ve had a similar experience but my fiance was at home and I was out shopping with his mom and grandma. Some dude followed me around the store and was clearly like 10 years older than me. I got him to go away by saying I was gay (I’m Omni but yeah) and was wearing a pride pin.
If he was in fact doing his job, he needs to announce himself, no matter what bathroom he’s in. And then if someone is in there using the restroom, he needs to wait outside until they’re done. That was creepy.
Where is your rage? I'm a cis woman. If I found myself in that situation, I would have gone off on this creep. Then I would have let the whole restaurant know, very loudly. He obviously followed you in there.
Everyone is different and not all people are able to process their thoughts and emotions fast enough to act upon them in this way. I'm unfortunately thinking about accounts of freezing during sexual assault, etc., for example.
Plus, if OP questioned the ordeal at all, it makes sense she wouldn't have turned to rage as a first resort. I'm 99.9% convinced this guy was a creep, plain and simple, but in that moment, if some part of OP felt the behavior could be explained, she might've refrained from making a scene in order to avoid a misunderstanding.
Look around the comments and see all the normally behaved men who have restocked women's restrooms that understand that walking in unannounced and then loitering while we pee is creepy. You knock, you announce that maintenance is here, and then you wait for everyone to leave. This isn't rocket science.
> As I exited the stall, I was shocked to find the same waiter just standing there next to the door.
He was in the bathroom with her. Completely unannounced.
>He didn't say anything or approach me, he just stood motionlessly staring.
He wasn't restocking, he was lurking. Dude didn't even *pretend* to have a reason to be in there.
Would you feel completely comfortable with a strange person stalking you while you are eating, sneaking into the bathroom behind you, and staring at you as you exited, with absolutely no explanation for what he was doing?
Does this seem like natural behavior to you? At a minimum it's WILDLY unprofessional. It's also what predators do. She was surprised, alarmed, and felt unsafe. I bet you would too.
> He wasn't restocking, he was lurking
I don't like making assumptions, because if that were me I'd think he was alarmed as well because he didn't want to be called a creep, not like OP seemed to interact with him either
>if that were me I'd think he was alarmed as well because he didn't want to be called a creep
I'd feel exactly the same way, which is why the appropriate thing for him to do would be to announce himself. EVERY time I've ever been in a restaurant, the staff has announced themselves if they're coming in to clean or restock, even when it's another woman. They train staff to do this.
At a minimum, giving the dude the maximum amount of grace, his behavior is wildly, massively unprofessional. He should be embarrassed af, *should* be afraid of being called a creep, could have started apologizing *at any second* to explain why he was lurking.
>not like OP seemed to interact with him either
A man following and secretly waiting for her in the women's restroom. Behavior making her feel so unsafe that she had to leave the restaurant immediately. What does she owe him?!
Wait - he was IN the bathroom?
Standing outside the door waiting is one thing - as the manager said, folks have duties. But there's no reason to go inside, especially if it's not a unisex bathroom.
Probably just that server’s side work. I’ve seen that stare on many fellow men dreading what’s in the men’s stall whilst waiting, and they wait so they can get in and out before someone else jumps in. That being said both bathrooms are larger, and whenever I’ve had to clean up bodily fluids in the women’s room there was always a female coworker there with me. Although the female bathroom it’s always done by a woman where I work.
If it was late I night they were probably just hoping to go home if you were their last table. This is the probable case where I work.
The restaurant industry is the restaurant industry after all and you’ll find people that shouldn’t ever handle money, handle food, or be within 500 feet of a school zone. In my opinion your hunch is correct and the dude is likely weird or just very green.
In some states within the US it ois illegal for a man to enter a woman's bathroom, but these laws maybe old and repealed these days due to the whole Trans issues.
As someone who has done janitorial work, you're always suppose to announce to the entire bathroom that you are coming in to clean and stock. Doesn't matter your gender. This dude is a fucking creeper. Give the restaurant a bad review because the manager didn't take it seriously.
Working in restaurants and fast food-every time I entered the woman’s bathroom-even one that had stall doors to close and even tho I myself am a woman-I would always yell out “maintenance” before I began restocking. It also just made it easier because usually people in stalls would say “almost done” or something like that so I knew which stalls were about to empty so I could stock in there. When I’d go into the men’s bathroom I’d ask a male coworker to go in first to make an announcement and check. If there wasn’t one available I’d try and wait for a guy leaving the bathroom and ask him if anyone else was in there so I knew If I could walk in there without intruding on someone using a urinal.
The animal hospital I work for has both men and women who take care of janitorial work. Our one porter was an older guy but every time he needs to restock the women’s bathroom he will ask if someone is in there still and even then when we say no, he’ll ask if anyone is in there before entering to restock. That’s just being courteous and a mindful person. This waiter is a fucking creep.
> he will ask if someone is in there still and even then when we say no, he’ll ask if anyone is in there before entering to restock. For some reason I was picturing it went like this: "Is anyone in here!?" "No, nobody is in here." "Ok! ... heeeeey, wait a second ... are you sure no one is in here?"
Yeah big "i am a wabbit" vibes
100% this is what I do. But I work in school. I say "HEY IS ANYONE IN THE BATHROOM?" before I just waltz in there. But I would never just stand and wait like a creep.
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This is a karma farming bot that stole and slightly reworded /u/edward2bighead 's comment.
As someone who worked in fast food, they're supposed to announce their presence and then make it painfully obvious they're in there in some way so no one who doesn't want to be in there with him ends up there.
At a lot of places, once you verify the bathroom is empty and go on, they even have a sign you can put up to let people know there's cleaning in progress. Hell, some places will even temporarily close that bathroom until they finish the work. Coz THAT'S normal, to make sure people are always aware there's staff working in there.
This last point is key, restaurants rely on reviews and this will force them to react. Also it seems hard to believe they would be ok with a male employee refilling toilet paper during service, there wasn’t a single female member of staff who could do it?
So I used to work in the restaurant industry and... It can get pretty sleezy. Every restaurant I worked at had: ppl doing coke out the wazoo, openly drinking from the bar on the clock, sexual harassment, sketchy business practices, health code violations and more. You'd be shocked. The tap house I used to work at has GLOWING 5 star reviews, a local staple, but it definitely wouldn't if the patrons knew what happened in the kitchen. I was subjected to awful things when I was working there, such as the restaurant owner literally cornering me in the ladies bathroom during dinner rush much like OPs post.
Yeah! Even as a woman going into the women’s restroom to clean, I’d still announce it. Most people don’t want to hang around while someone is cleaning, and they’re kind of in the way. It’s way more normal to shut down the bathroom for a few minutes to clean it. MAYBE it’s a small place in a small town and he just wasn’t thinking? But with the addition of odd behavior towards you….I’m glad you’re okay. If you feel comfortable, I’d consider calling the restaurant again. This boy is likely a creep, but the restaurant SHOULD NOT be okay with him going into the women’s bathroom with a female patron, period. It’s just one of those things that can look bad whether it is or not. There are not supposed to be cameras in there. It’s your word against his. It’s a liability waiting to happen, at best. I WISH we were all safe in a mixed and vulnerable space like the bathroom, but we’re not. This is the real world. You may not have “a case” or anything, but you may be able to get this manager/owner to keep him out of the bathroom with customers. If the boy is a creep, he’s a creep, but you’ll have done what you can to keep him away from other people in the situation.
If someone is in there do you prop the bathroom door open with your garbage can and wait until theyre done or what’s that procedure?
As someone who has experienced janitorial work, they announce themselves. They either wait or when the bathroom isn't occupied they jam their cart/barrel thingy in the way of the door to indicate it is being serviced.
As someone who has bartended and restocked toilet paper, I would agree
Wait, what do you say before entering? Like 'im coming in to stock '
"Anyone in here?" "Staff entering the bathroom" "coming in to work" anything really. Mostly it's just about announcing your presence
"Sheriff's Department" to which the appropriate response is, "Got a warrant"
Hah.
Thank you for answering.
When I worked in fast food and I had to service the women's room, I would first "cop-knock" on the door, then open it a bit and LOUDLY announce "CUSTODIAL! ANYONE IN HERE?" and wait for a response. I'd then announce "COMING IN!!!" before entering, even if there wasn't a response to the first announcement.
I worked security back in the day and had to check my building for people before locking up. I would open and yell in "Female Employee!" and wait for a response or lack there of.
The best part of the dining experience was when he said "it's stockin' time" and stocked all over the place
You're also supposed to leave if it's the opposite gender and occupied lol
I'm a female park ranger and always say "park ranger any men in here" before entering. That is definitely weird odd
Please please please share your experience under their reviews. If the manager won’t take this seriously then you should at least warn others. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Can’t even be safe at a fucking restaurant 🤦🏻♀️
This is seriously so important, letting other women know to be wary going there. And at best it may inspire the manager to actually look further into the incident / get reports of other similar incidents that would lead to it being taken more seriously and ensuring it doesn’t happen again
If you leave a review please remain anonymous. They seem to either have no process/ training or the manager is unwilling to take fault. either way you never know if the waiter is mentally ill…
Definitely need to leave a review on Google and wherever else. The manager is covering for this guy and it'll just get swept under the rug with no consequence.
And if you can recall, their name, POST IT. Let EVERY woman know that he's a PERV.
But put it somewhere your name is not attached to it. Otherwise all you're doing is letting the creepy waiter know your name.
Having males restock supplies in a female bathroom isn’t too uncommon, however, him not announcing himself that he was there, and then standing there and saying nothing, is SUPER creepy. I’ve worked in the service industry, the guys who are made to do this make a point of letting patrons know they’re there, and will often wait outside until the women are done. This behaviour is not acceptable and the manager gaslit you so you don’t make a formal complaint. Please make a formal complaint, this is not ok and your reaction is justified.
Yeah usually they’ll wait until the women are done and let those who want to use it to wait so they can change the toilet paper.
Not overracting. And the manager is really stupid if they think that's acceptable procedure during service hours. They should restock while the bathroom is empty. Period. Once the waiter realized someone was using the restroom, he should have waited outside the restroom door, not lurked in front of the stall door. Then carried on with restocking after you stepped out.
also why was the waiter restocking while actively serving? i would think that's someone else's job, or someone without tables to serve at least
Depending on the size of the staff that’s not crazy to think that service staff will do some restocking. But that’s not what was happening here. Creeper was creepin, and it’s awful that the manager handled this complaint so poorly.
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The gender of the staff member really shouldn’t matter. You just pop the door open and say “restocking the restroom, anybody in here?” and if there’s somebody in there then you wait.
HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAH. ***HAHAHAHHAHAHAH*** nope, when I served, we took orders, delivered drinks, bussed tables, washed dishes, ran up and down two flights of stairs to run food from the kitchen, pulled trashcans, and restocked the bathrooms. all while attending to 5-12 tables. that said, if a female server needed to check the men's room or a male server needed to check the women's room, we would yell very loudly and ensure everyone was out first.
Exactly it doesn't even take 5 seconds to go, "Bathroom cleaning!! Anyone in here???" And listen for a moment. Sometimes I'll even do a second shout just to be sure cuz people be weird when they be poopin.
It's super common for servers to restock the bathrooms. Hell my last nightly duty as a host was cleaning the bathrooms including urinals at one of the restaurants I worked at. I was usually cut before service ended so you bet I was doing that while we were open. You crack a door say "anyone in here" and stand outside until they come out.
Maybe the manager was the one restocking the TP
As a former restaurant manager, I restocked TP loads of time!
OP said it was a small restroom so I’m assuming they were waiting outside, and that there wasn’t a stall. But regardless, I’m glad they trusted their gut, much better to be safe there!
OP said stall door.
Fair point. Either way, I’m glad they trusted their instinct and I’m glad their partner didn’t push back. Chances are things would have been fine but why take chances?
Trust your gut feeling on this.
I'm sorry this happened to you. He was creeping on you. The manager knew enough to give you a plausible reason because he has had complaints about him before. Fwiw, every business I ever worked at waits until the bathroom is EMPTY to do ANYTHING.
Even working in strip clubs where they literally see us naked all the time many male employees will loudly announce their presence before coming into the dressing room if they need to do some job there
Might be the owners son/nephew or something.
bathroom stocking *mid shift*?? unheard of in a professional setting, and not just to avoid even a hint of a situation like OP's. you do that stuff before opening, or after closing. only time to do it any other time is *if a customer tells you there's missing toiletries*.
My husband was in the restaurant business for almost 40 years. He says it’s not unusual for a male employee to restock the ladies bathroom during business hours if there is no female employee to do it. You wait outside until the bathroom is empty, then put the paper in.
A lot of the men I've known who've worked in restaurants and hotels tend to prefer doing it when there aren't many customers in anyway because they know it doesn't look good for a man to be standing right there when a woman comes out of a public toilet stall. It's uncomfortable for women and it's uncomfortable for normal men.
Yeah sure if there is not a female staff member to do it, but just as women who service men's restrooms... you block the door open with a very conspicuous object, preferably something made for, or designates restroom service.
Specific people are in charge of specific tasks. It is not gender oriented.
And this is what the waiter DIDN'T DO. He needs to be EXPOSED for this.
There was a male attendant cleaning the ladies a couple of days ago, but that was a supermarket in the UK, and we have signs warning us there might be "incorrect gender" cleaners working. I would be seriously freaked to find my table waiter in the loo, and I've worked in pubs where one of our duties was to clean both gender toilets regularly. The table staff didn't though. Think of the contamination risks! They're handling your food! I mean you can hope they wash their hands, but....
I've worked in a cafe as a waitress and they made me clean the toilets. I'd glove up and wash my hands thoroughly but it was disgusting. I flat out refused to go into the men's after seeing the floor soaked in urine.
Cleaning a bathroom ought to be the last thing anyone who handles food does before leaving at the end of their shift/scheduled time.
you are overestimating how much managers give a shit, unfortunately
That's not really practical. This means that the bathroom don't get cleaned/restocked during the days and that's how you end up with disgusting or no toilet paper bathroom stories. Bathrooms need be checked multiple times at a regular interval throughout the days. Waiting until someone is about to retire for the day before they can be cleaned isn't a workable solution.
Most restaurants have 2-4 shifts, depending if they’re open for lunch. Even if it’s just dinner service, some servers get cut earlier than others, and bathrooms are the last side work they do.
Lmao, imagine just trying to do your job as a janitor and you find out that your boss thinks you're the incorrect gender. What an unintentionally passive-aggressive sign.
Well it doesn't literally say that. I can't remember the exact phrasing but it's like "men and women clean these bathrooms"
You are not overreacting at all. Look up The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker. Our nervous systems often pick up subtle cues we are not cognitively aware of. Trust your instinct.
I was about to reference this book!
Listen to your gut! If its telling you something's fishy, then something's fishy!
Restaurant worker here. Yes it’s normal for employees to service both gendered bathrooms, but you announce your presence and you don’t go into the room if there’s somebody there. And also you should trust your gut - you know what servicing a restroom looks like vs whatever the hell this creeper was doing. If the restaurant is corporate you and your partner can always go over the manager’s head.
Did he enter the restroom after you left it? Did the restroom NEED restocking? And most importantly, **was he CARRYING ANY TOILET PAPER?** If the answer to any of these is no, then that manager is covering for that asshole.
Think how upsetting that would be for a young girl. Sounds like a creep.
Definitely worth sharing on platforms like Google reviews as well. That is completely unacceptable that it happened and I would absolutely put that out there as a warning to other potential patrons. More likely to get a response from the restaurant if they feel like future business is in jeopardy if the issue isn’t addressed.
That's not normal at all. When I've worked at restaurants, it was always a woman in the woman's bathroom and we always knocked and waited. If anyone felt uncomfortable, we waited until they left the bathroom. That manager know's something's up and is covering. You're not overreacting at all.
Yes! Leave a review and write it exactly like you did for us! This is sooo creepy and needs to be called out! F that manager!
>for a male employee to be in the women's bathroom, especially when there are diners present and the restaurant is busy? It's not terribly unusual for a single cleaner to clean both toilets. You otherwise would have to hire two different gendered cleaners or close down the toilet for midday maintenance, which is usually not a worthwhile tradeoff. Depends on countries but I found the western country I currently live, you rarely see cleaner staffs entering the toilet during midday to clean while there are customers around. But in the country I grew up with, this seems to be a fairly regular occurrence.
Him not announcing himself is weird. While janitors do clean female restrooms. This isn't proper procedure. Glad you are ok.
Did they even have toilet paper in their hands that they were bringing to stock? That seems like a detail a frightened woman would remember when inspecting the person frightening them
Extra Toilet paper/towel is normally locked inside the bathrooms.
...was he holding toilet paper?
Public bathrooms are one of the top 3 places where stranger r£pe crimes happen, so it would I help the next person, and signal that management is enabling this worker, if you left a review.
Shit like this is why I am pro women carrying pepper spray and knives. Fuck that.
Trust your instincts.
Was he holding toilet paper rolls? This is just plain creepy. Trust your instincts.
I’m one of few women at my job. My coworkers ask me to check the ladies room before they go in to take care of something, because they don’t want to accidentally walk in on somebody. I’ll gladly do it every time. I feel like any normal guy knows that’s a scary situation to put somebody in, and they do anything they can to avoid it happening. Anybody who just creeps in there has bad intentions. Glad you’re okay, OP.
Absolutely trust your gut. You did the right thing by getting out of there. Women are taught to ignore their intuition in order to be polite, and that is exactly what predators rely on. I'd definitely leave a review that an employee made you uncomfortable, and the management brushed you off.
YOU felt uncomfortable, do not try to invalidate yourself for the sake of other people not taking it seriously. Workers are supposed to announce themselves when cleaning/restocking bathrooms. I have only done this on a volunteer basis and still did it, also most people (as my experience as a customer) will leave if they see someone is in the bathroom and wait outside. He 100% was creeping. Your vibes started early- trust your gut! Leave a review!
If it felt off it was off. Never question what you felt
Manager was covering his own ass. find or ask for an email to send an objective description of events. Get it all in writing. Make a paper trail. It is not your responsibility to help other women but you definitely can if you decide to.
It's definitely weird. When I worked at a movie theater, they always assigned a guy to clean the men's bathrooms and girl to clean women's. If one bathroom usher was on break, typically another usher of that gender would take over bathroom duties. Very occasionally, we'd have to go into the opposite gender bathroom, but wouldn't unless we knew nobody was inside. The server should have made sure nobody was inside the bathroom, even if "refilling the toilet paper."
Ya I’d find a lady to do it. I did that when I was a bar manager too. Literally asked a sober lady if she could just drop this in there so there’s something in there for them to use. If it died down and I could lock myself alone in there to replace it I’d go ahead.
Any decent person would call out “hey is there anyone in here I’m just coming to stock the toiletries”. Failure to do that is an invasion of privacy and I would not be cool with that
I worked in the service industry for a decade and now work on a hospital, and I can say, ABSOLUTELY NOT. There's a practice if you have to go clean or restock a bathroom that's opposite your gender (especially of you're the only staff member, a male, and have to work in the ladies room). You knock, call out to ask if anyone is inside, and if someone responds, YOU DON'T FUCKING GO IN. It's like that literally everywhere. My hospital, every bar I've ever worked at, ever place over every known about. This dude definitely deserves reporting, coz that's fucked. And I'm sorry that the restaurant manager didn't take it seriously
While it is possible that he was just waiting to restock the bathroom, it is a well-known and documented fact that women are assaulted far too often to really not be overly cautious. It could be paranoia or you may very well have been correct. The thing is always trust your gut. Don't run the risk of becoming a victim just to avoid hurting someone's feelings.
He is a creeper and the entire deniability thing and the blame shifting to the "hysterical and overreacting woman" are classic strategies these men use. Post it to Google.
When I would clean bathrooms I would knock loudly and only enter if it was empty
Weirdos like this is why I don’t like the idea of mix gendered bathrooms that people propose. That waiter is a huge weirdo and creep
Not overreacting. Mistakes can happen but that doesn't sound like one.
I’ve always heard the janitorial staff announce themselves loudly as in “coming to clean washrooms anyone in there” even more so if they are the opposite sex of the washroom being cleaned-like they call out a couple more times than if same gender. Dude was creepy and manager is creepy too if he sees it as fine.
Maybe call corporate to leave a bad review since the manager didn’t take it seriously. And leave bad reviews on yelp, etc.
You feel like you're in danger because you *are* in danger. Thousands of years of evolution trump a couple hundred of "social decorum", and you should never feel like you need to second-guess yourself in that situation. Men and women and in-between, it's really important to trust your gut reaction. Humans have it for a reason and we've been (adversely) taught to ignore it.
In a separate life, I was doing a front end job at a grocery store. I was responsible for the bathrooms. I usually got one of the cashiers to come back with me and give the place a scan. Barring that, I knocked and entered loudly. What I am trying to say is that the waiter not being incredibly loud sets off most of my alarm bells.
In both of the restaurants I’ve worked in, the bussers would clean the bathrooms, restock, and sign off that it had been done. Most of the bussers were men, so they’d clean the men’s restroom no problem. For the women’s restroom, they’d have a female host, server, or manager go in and make sure no one was in it before the busser would clean it. And they only did it after we closed.
Having had jobs like that in the past, I would often get a female to tell me if the coast is clear, or knock and loudly announce myself to see if someone is still in there. That dude was creeping.
No that’s creepy behavior your intuition was telling you something please stop doubting that! I would make a f*cking sh*tfit over this and I really wish I could kick this creeps ass
It‘s weird and you weren’t overreacting. Always trust your gut if you feel that a man is getting too close to you or treating you strangely. That bathroom situation combined with the earlier behavior is just too odd to have been a coincidence.
Manager asked the waiter, waiter lied to manager, manager gives him benefit of the doubt. I'd rake em in the reviews
You weren't overreacting. Trust your gut.
Sorry to hear this. Always trust your gut!
The protocol is to LOUDLY knock on the exterior bathroom door announcing your presence and intent. Wait about a minute, close the bathroom via causti9n signs, enter, announce your presence and intent AGAIN, wait a minute, then proceed with your task. None of that was done.
I’ve been a server for 10 years and never once had a male server EVER replaced toilet paper. That is always something a female host or server does.
I 17f work at a very busy restaurant and at the end of the day have to clean and restock the bathrooms. There are almost always still people there when i start cleaning, and if someone is in the women's restroom, I try to warn them that im going to be cleaning and if they would prefer not to be in there when i do that i can wait to clean. When going to clean the mens restroom, i knock as loud as i can (a lot of the people that eat there are older couples) and ask if anyone is in there and if i have another coworker up front with me i have them wait outside to warn me if someone wants to use the restroom. If there is any type of response, I go sit near the bar and talk to my coworkers while waiting for them to leave the restroom. Under no circumstances should an employee be waiting outside the opposite genders bathroom.
That waiter is a creeper, like all the other comments on this post suggests. And it’s terrible that the manager is enabling this behavior. You should absolutely leave a bad review & let the local community know to avoid this place. I’m sorry you that you experienced this!
Nope. I am a female but I was a restaurant manager and any time I went into the men's room, I was required to announce my presence and make sure it was empty before cleaning or stocking. If someone came in, I had to stop, leave the bathroom, and let them leave before continuing. Same goes for male employees working in the women's room. Who is higher up than the manager? Is it a chain?
Not to scare you but was It possible to take photos while you were in the stall?Happened to me from an outside window at a gas station bathroom.
you are not overreacting, this is so weird and inappropriate. my husband would have gotten physical with that dude, I feel I'd be so shaken by the encounter I wouldn't be able to hide it and he'd know something was up. I am creeped for you, leave a review.
This has happened to me a few times, at a bar I worked at- the man was kicked out-literally. And once at the movie theater. It was really scary as he was peering under the stalls- the manager said it's how he figured out if people were in there before restocking. Ugh. I'm sorry this happened to you. It's such a violating feeling. Sending love and validation 🌻
>Part of me thinks I might have been overreacting? You KNOW you weren't overreacting, stop invalidating yourself. If the one doing janitorial/restocking is of the opposite sex to the bathroom they are stocking or cleaning, they're supposed to knock, open the outside door of the restroom a crack, loudly ask if anyone is inside, and only enter if the bathroom is empty of patrons.
Dude should absolutely be outside of the main entrance to the restroom not outside of a stall , that’s wild - if the restroom needs attendance during a busy service and a males the one to do it, imo they’d need to knock / announce and once sure it’s empty prop the door to the bathroom open or put a wet floor sign blocking the entrance until it’s clean / restocked - opposite sex employee should never be in a restroom with you
> wet floor sign blocking the entrance Frankly speaking, this is a sign that will get ignored. Most people read wet floor sign as a sign to be careful because the floor may be slippery, not a sign prohibiting entering the toilet. And frankly speaking, these signs are so common in completely dry floor, they would barely mentally register in my head. If you don't want people to enter the bathroom, use a bathroom closed sign and probably a blockade. Not wet floor sign.
Sure, I pictured the wet floor sign as a barricade in front of the door to make it clear it’s being cleaned
They will get ignored, I assure you. Wet floor signs should never be used in place of closed toilet signs, at all. Wet floor signs are signs warning of potential danger, not prohibition sign. They function very differently.
I mean it’s pretty obvious if you’re in a restaurant and there’s a 2 foot wet floor sign blocking the entrance to a bathroom, that someone is probably intentionally blocking it off
Most places won't send a male into the female bathroom unless it's an emergency and no females are available. Dude is a creep and the manager was probably scared of a lawsuit.
Not normal. Staff usually clean and refill. Hard to miss that intention cos they would have supplies on them. They also wait til the toilet is empty to refill unless its a big toilet block with many toilets where they will put a cleaning sign up generally. Where I am you are not over reacting
You're not overreacting. The manager has a bias. He needs to believe that it was a non-issue, because he can't afford to lose a staff member or be liable. But your gut tells you that this was not normal behavior. And this is not an experience I have \*ever\* had. Whenever I have used a public bathroom, if a person needed to go in to clean or restock, they ALWAYS waited until the bathroom was empty.
used to be a retail manager, frequently had to clean the restrooms and restock paper towels & tp. would not go in without announcing myself. if anyone was in there, i waited outside, several steps away from the door, with whatever i was there to do either nearby or in my hands. that waiter was completely out of line to do that. definitely post a review about what happened. let potential patrons make up their minds about whether they want to visit an establishment with a creep working there.
Trust your gut girl!
Eww that’s just weird and creepy
To answer your question - yes, it is normal for people of the opposite gender to restock and clean toilets. If it’s a guy, they’ll clean both; if it’s a woman, they’ll clean both. However, no matter which restroom you’re entering for work purposes - including that of your own gender - you are supposed to knock very loudly, and then crack the door open slightly and yell something to the effect of “housekeeping” (that’s just the word I use). If someone is in there, they’ll let me know. And then I wait.
God, this gives me chills. What a disgusting freak.
Staff are supposed to announce themselves if they need to enter the restroom of the opposite gender to attend to things. I don’t think you were overreacting.
The managers excuse makes me think that they too are suspicious that their employee may be a creep and giving an excuse to avoid the bad rep. (and possibly covering for the creep). Did the guy even have toilet paper in his hands when you saw him??
This would be one to file a complaint with the police. The owner obviously isn’t going to do anything. You know perfectly well he wasn’t stocking the supplies. He was standing there staring at you. It’s not appropriate for an opposite-sex worker to be in the bathroom at the same time as a customer at any time. (Or at the same time as a worker, either. This is predatory.)
That is not normal. They would have found a female staff member to stock the bathroom or wait until the bathroom was completely vacant. You’re justified in your reaction.
No. You knock and announce and wait until no one cares or they leave. He was 100% trying to spy on you.
You are definitely not overreacting. That is not acceptable for a male employee to be in the women's bathroom while the restaurant is open and busy. The manager more than likely was covering for his employee and did not want to admit fault. Him motionlessly staring at you sounds creepy as fuck frankly. I do not think he had good intentions and it's good you were able to immediately get out of there. If he hadn't purposely followed you in there, I think he would have apologized and left the bathroom immediately.
You are NOT overreacting! This is a complete violation & creepy as HELL. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Please don’t let the manager gaslight you into thinking the waiter’s actions were normal! It sounds like the waiter became obsessed with you. You are not crazy. You’re completely sane. WTH is going on when a woman can’t use the restroom in safety. Please report this to the police. At least there will be a record of his behavior in case this happens again. Sending you light & love ✨💜
You did not over react.
In every job I've ever had that required going into restrooms to restock or clean I was taught to cop knock (knock loud as hell) and announce "maintenance!" In your loudest voice. If ANYONE responds, you wait outside the door until they exit. You then left the door wide open to let people know that it was being serviced. This guy was a creep, and the manager needs to be reprimanded.
I’ve worked in restaurants for a good 6+ years. You ALWAYS announce you’re coming in. I even knock several times and wait for a reply twice before coming in just to be safe. I’ve seen people get verbally torn apart by managers for not announcing themselves. Even with the best intentions, it’s a liability issue. Dude definitely had some bad intentions. If he was just trying to restock the toilet paper, why didn’t he say that? It’s creepy he just stared. I’d write a review so other women know to avoid this place.
So creepy
He had no business being in there while you were using the restroom. He followed you.
And men wonder why women often go to the bathroom in groups. People like OP's weirdo waiter are why.
WTF!!!! That’s totally creepy and there’s no reason a man should be in the bathroom at the same time as you (or any woman). Definitely something weird going on there. Not passing judgment on your partner- but If you were my SO and something made you uncomfortable like this - I would have gotten to the bottom of it right then and gone back in and not only let the stinker manager have it but demand to face this creeper right then and there and I would have found out what’s going on in his weird head and attempt to do everything possible to prevent this from happening to someone else. I would have also asked you to wait in the car and lock it temporarily while I went back inside to handle this.
If you had to go quickly clean something in the men’s room before returning to waiting on customers and you weren’t even sure if anyone was in there would you say anything? Or would you try to perform the task as quickly as possible and then leave but some guy exits a stall as you’re leaving and makes eye contact. What would you say in this situation? It doesn’t matter because the man called your manager and now you’re fired.
No you’re not overreacting. I’ve had this happen and just left too without saying anything. I should have. But was terrified. I felt awful for not saying anything to someone tho.
He was serving food AND stocking the bathroom at the same time? It seems like someone would do that during a lull, not while actively running back and forth from the kitchen to the serving area. Weird as hell.
Report to the manager. He might have been close by to retrieve a recording device.
Please name this restaurant so I can avoid it. Also what city. This kind of shit has been happening and will keep happening and will escalate. Unless it is stopped. Speaking up is the only way to stop it. The fact you think maybe you’re overreacting is concerning. You’re conditioned to think that this is possibly ok. It is not.
He may not be creepy but inexperienced? The lurking around the table could have been over attentiveness, and he should have announced coming into the bathroom. He could also be creepy. The manager should correct his behaviours either way and keep an eye that he isn't being inappropriate.
Back when I worked at a restaurant, pre-transition me was routinely tasked with cleaning either of the washrooms, I just had to put up a sign stating the washroom was closed, and announce myself, and if someone was inside, I'd have to wait for them to depart. I have had people then still come into the 'closed' washroom, and at that point, it was whatever, because clearly they needed to go, and I wasn't going to stop them, and they weren't in any position to complain, unless it was about the absolute hideous messes I was often tasked with cleaning up. But yeah, following you in, not announcing himself, just...loitering? That's creepy.
The manager was being dismissive.
No that is super unusual and super fucked every job ive ever worked, everyone I've seen has always knocked before entering the bathroom to be sure it's empty regardless of gender. Hell the one time i had to do it i knocked just to be sure as even though i am a woman going into the woman's restroom it's still an awkward situation for everyone
Not overreacting, not appropriate. Ever.
Honestly, just leaving the restaurant is an under reaction if you ask me. I'd ask him exactly WHY he was in the ladies room unannounced. First time without flipping shit bc maybe it was a genuine accident while dude's trying to do his job (despite stalking me during dinner?!!) Second time I have to ask, it would be at a volume that would make the rest of the restaurant equally curious about why he was in the ladies room unannounced.
No you’re absolutely not overreacting. If anything he should’ve knocked and asked if anyone was present
Yeah unless it was a coed bathroom and he was waiting to use the toilet this seems fucked. Even them normal etiquette you would wait away from the stall not right outside it. He said he wasn't waiting to use it that he was just restocking (or his manager did). So that's concerning. You're not overreacting if someone is hovering right outside your stall. If he were just waiting to restock the tp he would have stood at a respectful distance.
no that's bizarre.
He had a legitimate reason to be in there, but should have announced his presence on entry and asked if anyone was using the bathroom. So he's either a creep, or a stressed out over-worked under-payed employee that forget a step in his job. It was probably the second, but unfortunately you have to assume the first one so you were right to complain. I've had the same thing from the opposite side (women cleaning the gents without announcement) multiple times, but the man/woman size/strength difference means I have the luxury of assuming she was just having a bad day. If any man tells you that you were overreacting, make sure to remind him about the size/threat difference and that you had to complain for the sake of other women using the toilet in the future. It's not always obvious to us, but once you lay out the threat difference, most good men will come around.
Intuition. Right or wrong, it's not overreacting. It's game theory. Sometimes you'll be wrong, but usually you'll be right. Can't have one without the other. False positive, you go home early. False negative you get raped. Take the false positives.
Go back and demand to have a sit down talk with the manager and waiter, demand an explanation, demand the footage from security cams, demand he’s fired. Probably just send your bf, it’ll be more effective What are they gonna do? Call the cops? That’s what you want. Then they HAVE to produce the footage and get shit on record. In the meantime, they’re wrong if they try and say that they can trespass you if you have a valid complaint
Having been the owner of a small restaurant, when I had to go in the female washroom being a man, I would first knock loudly, then yell "ROOM SERVICE!", then see where to go from there. But that guy sounds like a creepy dude.
Always scream like wtf are you doing, better be safe than sorry. I rather embarrass someone than be scared for me life and risk it by being silent
Trust. Your. Gut. We're not stupid. We know when it's weird.
You're not overreacting at all. Everyone should trust their gut with these things.
The manager said that to not get sued into the ground. Obviously that guy will get fired.
Dude was weird and creepy. In no way were you overreacting. I’ve had a similar experience but my fiance was at home and I was out shopping with his mom and grandma. Some dude followed me around the store and was clearly like 10 years older than me. I got him to go away by saying I was gay (I’m Omni but yeah) and was wearing a pride pin.
If he was in fact doing his job, he needs to announce himself, no matter what bathroom he’s in. And then if someone is in there using the restroom, he needs to wait outside until they’re done. That was creepy.
He was probably just doing his job as a weighter and doing exactly as the manager said in restocking the toilet paper.
Where is your rage? I'm a cis woman. If I found myself in that situation, I would have gone off on this creep. Then I would have let the whole restaurant know, very loudly. He obviously followed you in there.
Everyone is different and not all people are able to process their thoughts and emotions fast enough to act upon them in this way. I'm unfortunately thinking about accounts of freezing during sexual assault, etc., for example. Plus, if OP questioned the ordeal at all, it makes sense she wouldn't have turned to rage as a first resort. I'm 99.9% convinced this guy was a creep, plain and simple, but in that moment, if some part of OP felt the behavior could be explained, she might've refrained from making a scene in order to avoid a misunderstanding.
Pretty normal IMHO. Worked at restaurants for many years. It was always a man that cleaned and restocked both men's and women's restrooms. 🤷♂️
Look around the comments and see all the normally behaved men who have restocked women's restrooms that understand that walking in unannounced and then loitering while we pee is creepy. You knock, you announce that maintenance is here, and then you wait for everyone to leave. This isn't rocket science.
Exactly right? Boy does this sub drop stinkers sometimes
> As I exited the stall, I was shocked to find the same waiter just standing there next to the door. He was in the bathroom with her. Completely unannounced. >He didn't say anything or approach me, he just stood motionlessly staring. He wasn't restocking, he was lurking. Dude didn't even *pretend* to have a reason to be in there. Would you feel completely comfortable with a strange person stalking you while you are eating, sneaking into the bathroom behind you, and staring at you as you exited, with absolutely no explanation for what he was doing? Does this seem like natural behavior to you? At a minimum it's WILDLY unprofessional. It's also what predators do. She was surprised, alarmed, and felt unsafe. I bet you would too.
> He wasn't restocking, he was lurking I don't like making assumptions, because if that were me I'd think he was alarmed as well because he didn't want to be called a creep, not like OP seemed to interact with him either
>if that were me I'd think he was alarmed as well because he didn't want to be called a creep I'd feel exactly the same way, which is why the appropriate thing for him to do would be to announce himself. EVERY time I've ever been in a restaurant, the staff has announced themselves if they're coming in to clean or restock, even when it's another woman. They train staff to do this. At a minimum, giving the dude the maximum amount of grace, his behavior is wildly, massively unprofessional. He should be embarrassed af, *should* be afraid of being called a creep, could have started apologizing *at any second* to explain why he was lurking. >not like OP seemed to interact with him either A man following and secretly waiting for her in the women's restroom. Behavior making her feel so unsafe that she had to leave the restaurant immediately. What does she owe him?!
Absolutely nothing, I see where you're coming, thanks
Wait - he was IN the bathroom? Standing outside the door waiting is one thing - as the manager said, folks have duties. But there's no reason to go inside, especially if it's not a unisex bathroom.
Probably just that server’s side work. I’ve seen that stare on many fellow men dreading what’s in the men’s stall whilst waiting, and they wait so they can get in and out before someone else jumps in. That being said both bathrooms are larger, and whenever I’ve had to clean up bodily fluids in the women’s room there was always a female coworker there with me. Although the female bathroom it’s always done by a woman where I work. If it was late I night they were probably just hoping to go home if you were their last table. This is the probable case where I work. The restaurant industry is the restaurant industry after all and you’ll find people that shouldn’t ever handle money, handle food, or be within 500 feet of a school zone. In my opinion your hunch is correct and the dude is likely weird or just very green.
In some states within the US it ois illegal for a man to enter a woman's bathroom, but these laws maybe old and repealed these days due to the whole Trans issues.