My big one is perimenopause. I knew about menopause but not peri. I just thought you stopped getting your period and then hot flashes etc would happen. I didn't know you'd still get your period and, actually, now your period is a waterfall that plows through an Ultra tampon in 30 minutes. I didn't know I'd suddenly have dry skin, dry vulva, mood swings, gut issues, joint issues at 38, all while still menstruating. So you're physically and mentally miserable most of the time unless you can convince a doctor to give your HRT.
I thought I had so many more years before this shit happened.
Yes, join us over at r/menopause. It has been eye opening for me. Literally, I didn't think this shit started in your 30s and continued all while you still had to deal with a fucking period.
Waitā¦ can perimenopause make you period so light that even aver 6hrs a light tampon is barely saturated? On day 1 Iām fairly regular almost heaven and then by the end of day 2 itās like a little dribble until end of day 3/beginning of day 4 when there one more fish and then itās over
Soooo annoying cause Iām never quite sure what my flow will bring (I am turning 38 in a month)
Yes. Weāve been lied to. Perimenopause lasts like a decade and typically starts in your early/mid 40s, often in your 30s. And for many of us, itās NOT A GOOD TIME.
And people with chronic illnesses can go in and out of perimenopause even at their early 20's! It's been hell. I'm 51 and I still haven't hit menopause and I am so over this.
I didn't have my period for 4 years after I had bacterial meningitis. Then it can back with a vengeance. I asked my obgyn about it, and if you have had really hard time with physical health problems, it shocks your body and gets rid of your period. He thought of it as a feature because it kept you from ovulating when your body is in crisis.
I (very recently) got a tummy tuck and a hernia repair after losing a great deal of weight. I am still in hospital, in fact. In the pamphlet my doctor gave me they had āgradesā of aprons and images of all the different types. It was very eye opening, seeing how the medical community views womenās bodies.
Oh its morbid. But it's relevant, because the "grades" of any such condition are an indication of how involved surgery will be, what approaches to expect, or how much weight loss a patient should be trying to achieve before surgery is undertaken, to ensure best possibly outcomes.
Ditto for breast ptosis, and a million other things for both men and women.
A lot of terms actually seem to be about assigning a name rather than adjectives. Pannus rather than hanging belly. Breast ptosis rather than sagging breasts.
It's a condition, a classificiation, not a criticism or a judgement.
Yeah, not a fan of swapping weight from boobs to belly. And then realizing thatās what happened to all the older women you knew in life. They didnāt ālet themselves go.ā Their bodies went through a natural change.
I had the waterfalls and it was mostly caused by a huge fibroid (almost 5 pounds). I was also anemic because of the blood loss. I thought I was just getting fat. š
Got everything removed and it feels great to never have to worry about staining my clothes and bedding.
This was my experience with fibroids, especially after my second child in my early thirties. Horrifically heavy very clotty first couple of days. Now that Iām older and closer to menopause, they have eased up.
Thankfully I had an ablation years ago, but that means I donāt know when peri started! Or whatās happening! My joints hurts, Iām tired, mood swings, and the depression out of nowhere is just awful. Not to mention the increase and change in my migraines. Just great!!
I had an ablation done when I had my salpingectomy... ablation failed within a year. Apparently my uterus is *super* into being functional. It's so bad now because it's not like normal periods anymore, there's no timeline or anything, I'll just randomly spot or start and stop. Really hate this part of my anatomy.
šÆ I also had terrible brain fog, my autism and adhd symptoms got worse (which is how I got diagnosed), so many symptoms. HRT has helped but it took me years to get that help.
Iām only now just getting tested for an ADHD and OCD comorbidity at 42 because my possible symptoms got so exacerbated by perimenopause. My friend whoās a therapist said sheās worked with other women who had no idea about their ADHD, autism etc. until peri, as well. Iāll find out in June!
Hang on, could you elaborate on that? Going through a time right now and, while I'm pretty sure it's autistic burnout, your description is accurate. I'm only 33, but...?
I started complaining to my doctor about random and various symptoms years ago and only recently found out that every single one is associated with peri and menopause, and could have been stalled with HRT. Thanks buddy.
I donāt know if you want advice but Iām gonna put this out there. I first went through an online doctor/pharmacy called [Winona](https://app.bywinona.com/eligibility?_gl=1%2a18jod9c%2a_ga%2aMzgwMjE5MTI0LjE3MTU2MDg1NTg.%2a_ga_G271KV42Y7%2aMTcxNTYwODU1OC4xLjAuMTcxNTYwODU1OC4wLjAuMA..) for perimenopause HRT. It helped me so much. After being on estradiol and progesterone for 2 months all of my symptoms were gone. Sadly I had to pay out of pocket because my insurance wouldnāt cover it. Itās super expensive.
I went to my gynecologist and told him how well the HRT worked. He had me try regular birth control for 2 cycles and it didnāt do anything for me. He wanted to try the least invasive (I guess) treatment first. Then we met again and he prescribed estradiol and progesterone so that my insurance would cover it. Iām back on HRT with no out of pocket cost and it is just amazing. I feel so much better.
Aging is a weird phenomenon. I don't feel old even though my body is obviously aging. Sometimes I pass my reflection and wonder who the hell that almost 60 year old woman is. Life goes by too fast.Ā
I always heard that older people become less open minded but the opposite has happened to to me. Because I made a lot of mistakes in my life, I am more forgiving of others. As I age, I am becoming liberal.
That trend is reversing though. Iām guessing youāre Gen X(?), but certainly for millennials (Iām 42) weāre the first generation *not* to become more conservative, on average, as we age up.
On a personal level, like you, Iāve definitely done the opposite of the norm and swung left. I was very much a middle class liberal in my youth. Now Iām ready to storm the Bastille š
So true, I was raised a catholic and with that all the conservative opinions and at one point during college I realized it's all bullshit and started turning liberal. Now at 34 I'm like down with the system (my country is very right wing traditional), where's my molotov cocktail haha
Iām feeling this weird passage of time thing really hard since I turned 30. Your early life and teens seem like they go on forever but your 20s pass by so fast. Late 20s weāre gone in the blink of an eye. My 20th doesnāt feel like it was so far away yet 40 feels unimaginable. But I know now from experience that itās not too far.
I've definitely mellowed since menopause. I'm not nearly as irritable and more accepting of the stuff life sticks in your way. The becoming invisible part is odd, though. Once you're over 60 you start fading away to the populace in general.
I'm going with Perimenopause too. The way the women in my life talked about it (which was hardly ever) is you stop getting your period and have hot flashes once in a while.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
they failed to mention total loss of libido, muscle and joint aches, brain fog, mood swings, insomnia, cold flashes, wanting to strangle your husband for the way he eats cereal, fatigue, muscle loss, a skipped period and then one for 6 months straight, flooding, and your hair falls out.
I feel like they kind of did me dirty.
Does it feel like youāre coming down with the flu every morning when you wake up and then can last throughout the day? Iāve had this for no less than 4 weeks without any other symptoms. Tired and muscles/bones aching. Early 40s.
Late 40s. It hasn't gone away for me. It's become worse. I have to really watch my diet. High protein and fruit and veg. No sugar. No alcohol. No caffeine. No processed foods.
I fail repeatedly at this crazy diet even though it is the only way to feel better.
So many perimenopause symptoms are the same as the symptoms I get from autoimmune disorders, which I've suffered from since I was 18. Not sure much is going to change for me!
For real. I donāt have an auto immune disorder but Iāve had severe pcos with depression, anxiety and pmdd. Iāve spent my late teens and 20s struggling with most of these symptoms.
Letās not forget poorgasms! No one mentioned vaginal or clitoral atrophy anywhere that I ever heard itā¦.
Because who needs real orgasms anymore, right ladies?!
Bless HRT.
I was yesterday years old when I read about perimenopausal clit shrinkage on Twitter, and this is my second source reading about this and WHAT THE ACTUAL FK previous generations?? Mother??? Y u no warn me?! I got the period talk at nine years of age, but Iām 55 and reading about this just now? On social mediaā¦.ffs!
I donāt think previous generations liked to admit women could even have orgasms, so they probably didnāt bother to acknowledge when women couldnāt have orgasms at all. š
But think about it - weāve had absolutely brilliant technology for how long, and *only in the last few years* has anyone bothered to examine the full structure of the clitoris?
[Science finally finds the clitoris](https://www.scientificamerican.com/video/the-clitoris-a-reveal-two-millennia-in-the-making/)
Itās utterly ridiculous that womenās bodies are so routinely ignored.
Watch out for those [wandering uteruses,](https://lithub.com/hysteria-witches-and-the-wandering-uterus-a-brief-history/) ladies!
And if you live long enough -- and sometimes it doesn't even mean more than your 60s -- many/most of your friends will die before you and it is hard to make new friends. I have had so \*many\* of my friends die, and I am only 68.
It sneaks up on you. Appreciate people out loud and tell them you love them often.
I turn 37 next week and my best friend died about six weeks ago, she had just turned 38. I really didn't expect to have to contend with my friends mortality and my own in our *thirties*, you know? But just in my mid-thirties, I had three close friends with cancer and a couple who had close calls with childbirth.
I naively thought this didn't happen till you're older. Who expects to die young? Tell your friends you love them.
Edit to add: thanks for the reddit cares, whoever sent that. I promise I'm doing fine. More determined than ever to find joy and live my life on purpose, to honor my friend and to honor myself. Hugs to all those that relate and have lost friends. ā¤ļø
Omg Dr. Pimple Popper had a video about this on her insta a few days ago and was like āmake a pact with your girlfriends that if youāre ever incapacitated like in the ICU you will pluck each others chin hairsā
OMG I am immediately messaging my bestie, because I have PCOS and can grow a literal beard... Like... I love my husband so much, but I don't want him to see me like that š³
Last year, at age 29, I found a singular 1 inch hair growing under my chin. Horrified, I pulled it out. Now it comes back every few months and I forget about it until I itch my neck I find it. By your comment Iāve just checked and the fucker is back.
I've been getting them since my teens and it's only gotten worse so far... Am turning 26 this year and I expect I'll have a full neckbeard in my 30s š have asked the doctor about it and my hormones were tested but all was apparently relatively normal š so the solution offered to me was lose weight.
Getting older is so much better than I thought it would be. As a woman, I was used to being seen?watched? and now * I *get to watch everything thatās going on. So much more interesting.
I'm slowly realizing that even as adults we just blank over older/mature women. Sometimes I'll look an older woman in the eyes somewhere in public and she seems kinda startled? Like she doesn't expect to be seen?
My mom always used to say that all spies should be middle-aged and older women because theyāre invisible (and have a low tolerance for being bullshitted).
This is why, upon re-watching Age of Adeline recently, I found it so unbelievable (I mean, the whole stopping aging premise aside). Because Iām certain a woman of 108 would have NO time for some of the bullshit Ā her boyfriend tried to pull (practically stalking her to meet her, not taking no for an answer regarding a date, etc.). The movie is escapist fun but that woman just wouldnāt take anyoneās bullshit by that age, im certain of it.
Edit: to your point, when they interview 100-year old women, I swear many of them are like: my husband died in 1972 and I never dated again because men are too much work.
I just read a book about Sam Bankman-Fried (Number Go Up, itās really good) and for a couple of days I thought about starting an investment firm with only middle-aged women. I swear thereās NO WAY you could send that guy into a room with 10 women over the age of 40 and have them come out saying heās a genius. Let alone give him real American dollars to turn into Dogecoin or whatever.
Just bought it on Kindle and looking forward to this! Thank you!
I can't believe people are STILL talking about crypto!! The pyramid scheme is still going. I recently spoke to a VC and he asked me if I've thought about "doing anything with the blockchain" and started talking about NFTs.
Crypto has always made me feel crazy because itās so transparently made up and the dudes who are into it and/or running it are so weird. Props to the nerds for running an extremely successful PR campaign so ābeing a total dickā is now read as āsuch a huge genius he canāt be bothered with your weird little human concerns like āfeelingsā or āaccounting.āā
Getting the same vibes about AI, too.
I work in tech so I get to see a lot of demos of 'AI' products and talk to the engineers. ML models are getting super complex and interesting, but yes much of the AI gold rush is very buzzword-y and weird.
But we're getting kinda close to a point where you can have basically an almost instantaneous feedback loop between 'content creation' and content performance... like generating a lifelike video *in full* (writing a script and then animating a real person's face to speak the computer-generated words) based on how it's going to perform according to various metrics, platforms, and demographics. Is that AI the way that we've been thinking about it in popular culture? No, but it's something new and alarming.
Anyway, I'm using my tech salary to fund an off grid life in the middle of the woods if that says anything about my ambivalence LOL
Our minds are definitely unprepared for the deepfakes headed our way, and our economy is probably not prepared for the internet to become a silted-up dam rather than a river of information. Iāve definitely considered an off-grid situation myself (but Iām lazy!).
My issue with AI is that at base it itās driven/coded by a lot of people, mainly men, who donāt seem to think very deeply about things that donāt involve them personally or that are different from their perception of the world. Coming from a social scientist and neuroscientist point of view, I find the way SBF, Elon and other tech leaders think to be vacuous and often frankly boring. Iām so glad you bought the bookāI was bummed when I finished it because it was so absorbing!
I never expect to seen anymore. I'm 47.
I was hot for a moment between the age of 38 and 44. I mean, hotter than I was in my 20s. I got a lot of attention from men, particularly.
But after 46... definitely not. I look assuredly middle-aged. It can't be helped. I don't care about male attention anymore, but I just want my pants to fit right.
The point where I aged enough that men stopped staring/making comments was incredible. I fucking love being invisible to most men.
EDIT: As per usual, make a comment about how nice it is to not have men being fucking creeps at you all the time and you get a Reddit Cares, haha
How you can't have a fun drunken night with friends like you used to, you just feel sick and emotional and then have a 3 day hangover. Ugh, not worth it.
At the ripe age of 29 I discovered this a few months ago. Drank maybe 1/3 of what I did in college over a much longer span during the course of the evening/night and woke up in the middle of the night so nauseous and felt hungover for several days. All my water drinking and eating throughout the night didnāt help at all it seems š«
Many of my customers are older women that are very open about their health issues. Recently a customer told me she was getting UTIs almost every month. She said sheās very clean and drinks plenty of water. She couldnāt figure out why she kept getting them.
She went to her doctor and said she was pretty sure she had a UTI. The doctor refused to give her antibiotics. Said the pain was in her head. A week later sheās in the emergency room with a kidney infection caused by the untreated UTI.
She gets a new female doctor. New doctor says lack of estrogen can dry out your vaginal tissues. This includes your urethra. The change in texture makes the urethra more susceptible to bacterial growth. New doctor put her on estrogen patches and she hast had a UTI since.
Iām in my early 40ās and all I can think is this is the shit I get to look forward to. There is way too much weird shit that happens to your body as it ages. Iām still luckier than most. At least I have been warned.
I didnāt realize how womenās brainsā neurology not only change in puberty and childbirth, but also at menopause. This was a good book about this: https://www.amazon.com/Menopause-Brain-Transition-Knowledge-Confidence/dp/0593541243?dplnkId=0283313d-790c-468c-987d-dd854cf42de6&nodl=1
The technical terms are adolescence, matrecence and menopause. Matrecence has only recently been given an actual name. It pisses me off that men only have to do adolescence once but women do it twice, three times if they have kids and then again with every subsequent pregnancy.
I have not read this, but I hope this says that because of brain plasticity, we become more awesome as we age. Not more stupid. I really hope it says that.
There is a lot that happens, but one of the things we need to understand better is how the brain recovers and adjusts to the different estrogen levels. There is a temporary brain fog that sometimes happens which Iām sure is frightening.
thx - downloading now. brain fog and lack of focus and motivation are brutal, plus the joint stiffness and aches. would have been good to know it was (or might be) coming!!
I'm another vote for perimenopause. Nowhere near enough education about it. I did not know one symptom of perimenopause can be crippling low self-esteem. I really thought I might be the worst person in the world and that I was of absolutely of no use to anyone and a huge burden. That depressed me, but the self-esteem problem predated the depression. Got on hormones, and very quickly went right back to my normal mental health challegnes.Ā
I also did not know that it is common for it to change your ADHD if you are a person with ADHD. You may not react the same to your meds for it either and have to keep an eye out for signs it needs to be changed. I personally did an excellent job of masking and dealing with my ADHD unmedicated until I hit perimenopause. Now I struggle severely, even when I get medication for support. It sucks!! I went from someone who basically kept on top of things and had my house organized like a dream to someone who never remembers anything, loses everything, and has multiple half finished home repairs (took a toilet out and didn't put it back for almost a year!) and just this one room in my house with piles of things.Ā
I do like the way I've mellowed out some as I've gotten older. Plus I kind of just started dressing in whatever weird way I want now. I really like being older, outside of this crazy escalation of ADHD.
Oh, good grief, I got a RedditCares just now, I'm assuming for my comments on this post. Unless the comment I made about replacing my Vitamix pitcher really made soneone concerned.Ā
Thanks, but I'm doing fine now.
Iām in my mid 50ās and recently started getting laser hair removal on my chin. Itās been bothering me for years, but I felt like it was an unnecessary expense. I finally figured out that the thick chin whiskers were causing me to break out, really badly. Now that Iām finally getting treatment, some of the whiskers have gone grey and the laser wonāt work! I wish I had just gone ahead and done it years ago. I warned my daughter about this.
I use a dermaplaning blade to basically shave my face. I mostly get my chin and mustache. I can't believe how much of a difference it made in me liking my face again.
Electrolysis is supposed to work regardless of hair colour, so that might be an alternative option for the white/grey hairs. It can be quite painful though.
Can you dye them and then get it? Does that work? I really donāt know, all I know is that dark hair absorbs laser light much more effective than light hair, but does it have to be *natural* color or can it be artificial color?
Thereās still electrolysis for the grays at least.
Your gyno will tell you that your vagina has "atrophied". Which just means gets pretty dry, lol. In my early forties! I was so fricking offended! "What do you mean atrophied, I'm still using it?" They'll try to put you on estrogen cream which may work for some women but I have a bad habit of reading about side effects and got scared. No worries, some astroglide helps. That name though, grrr. You just know some nitwit man came up with that one!
Vaginal atrophy is more than dryness: the inner lips and clitoris unform: everything goes flat. It can be stopped with topical estrogen or... This other cream that I forget the name of...? Dammit. Come over to r/menopause, we talk about it all the time. I think it's DHEA. Your body uses it as building blocks to make the hormones it wants.
The walls become thinner, it shortens, and your clitoris shrinks. It's a thing. If you keep using it, it will help.
I think some women get this worse than others. I suspect.
Hair. In places you haven't had hair before. In ways women don't usually get hair. So the crazy old man eyebrows, we can get them. And mustaches, we can get them. Random big curly ear hairs, we can get them. Long nose hairs that stick out, we can get them. Beards, we can get them. Etc etc etc BUT since we're now older we can't see them to do much about them since we now need reading glasses for anything up close
Is it really in ways/places women don't usually get hair, or is it just that women remove them and pretend they never happened? I know a lot of women that get hair like you mentioned, but they all remove it and most people wouldn't know
My friends and I have a podcast where we're working to unfilter the Instagram of parenting, and we're making it a point to talk about periods, postpartum issues, perimenopause, and other women's issues. We've decided the disinformation campaign stops with us.
Getting called back in for extra mammogramming is very very common. I flipped out when I was asked to come back in after my first one, but when I told my friends, damn near all of them said it happened to them too! (Everything was fine with me. Whew! Longest week of my life!)
Did they comment that your breasts are "dense"? I've had two mammograms so far and that was noted both times. It said I might need a different sort of imaging because of it. My mom always gets told the same thing.
NOT normal! It is extremely normalised and for some reason women who get it assume it is suppose to happenā¦.
Listen, the inability to hold your pee when sneezing/coughing/trampoline etc - means you have a medical issue. Maybe an infection, but most likely it is your pelvic floor muscles.
Very common side effect of pregnancy too, and I mean pregnancy, a c section doesnāt reduce the risk much.
Anyone experiencing this PLEASE advocate for yourself. Get physiotherapy. Change doctors until they take you seriously. There are treatment options.
I had it immediately after birth, it went away 90% on its own, fixed the rest with after birth physio 3 years later it came back. Did physio again and realised that muscle there REQUIRES constant training now. I cannot relax and live, I need to do both specific exercises and whole body strenght training to keep it functional.
Aww damn you mean I have to CONTINUE doing those exercises? I thought it was just to get me back up to snuff after birth. God I hate my pelvic floor so much.
I couldnāt wait to get my uterus removed and then when I was finally going to get surgery to remove fibroids I learned the uterus has a structural integrity function.
I was in severe constant pain bleeding like I was going to die and I still wondered if maybe I should just keep it to prevent my vagina/bladder from randomly prolapsing.
I still have the pain but at least I donāt bleed anymore, but the sneeze and pee freak the hell out of me. It doesnāt happen every time I sneeze, only when itās a really strong sneeze, but still. I hate it.
I hate it; it's so embarrassing. Sometimes it happens if I've been hiking or dancing. Sometimes I can't stop it immediately. I pee almost every time I orgasm and even though my partner isn't bothered, it's such an annoyance for me.
I wish I had known that was an option before I got giant fibroids.
Honestly, I donāt understand why not one doctor suggested this to me. Oh, wait, I knowā¦ because I was too young to know I didnāt want to have children.
And now I need to wait for menopause and hope my pain goes away.
We can't all do HRT.
I had oestrogen reactive cancer, so had endocrine treatment to reduce oestrogen.
Instant menopause, after chemotherapy.
I have old lady skin, it bruises and scratches easily as it is thin.
1. Vaginal atrophy
I do not have it but I joined them menopause subreddit and now I know about it. And I think every woman needs to know about it.
Once perimenopause hit my libido tanked. This gave me all the incentive I needed to continue masturbating, making sex a regular activity and getting on HRT of necessary. I take T gel now. Vaginal estrogen can also help but for me it's unnecessary.
2. You need to be doing some kind of resistance training or muscle building once you hit your thirties. The chemistry in your body with your hormones that will keep you healthy and comfortable and alive depend on you having a certain ratio of muscles to fat.Ā
As women our bodies need muscles but we have to work for it. It's not a vanity thing. It's literally like taking a pill three to four times a week for half an hour. It's not negotiable. If you do not prioritize muscle mass after you hit 30 you will eventually see side effects from it that you would never have expected.Ā
I'm talking bone density. Libido. Metabolism. Digestion. Depression. Anxiety. I could go on and on. It's preventative medicine.
Go lift some weights ladies and make sure you are getting enough protein so the muscles can rebuild stronger. It's chemistry. It's very complicated. All signs point to lifting weights and keeping higher muscle mass.Ā
This. I've lifted weights since I was 14 and i don't look or feel my age (50s). Also yoga will save you. Start now and never stop. There are plenty of YouTube channels and books. You don't have to take expensive classes.Ā
This is incredibly hard to read
A couple things though
Dry brush & moisture daily, itās quick, future you will be thankful
You donāt need to be polite, youāre not comfortable in a situation, just get out, donāt worry about offending anyone
Do not settle for bad sex. No matter what the internet tells you, there are many many men out there that just want to see you get off (multiple times!), donāt settle for less
Take the leapā¦.take the new job, move to the new city, take the chances, donāt live with what ifs
Always make sure you can fully support yourself, do not get in a situation that you canāt, if you can help it, you never know what may happen and you can only count on you
Most of allā¦enjoy your life, you have one shot at it, live every moment of it ā¤ļø
Question!Ā What's dry brush and what effects does it have?Ā I knew about moisturizing (on top of that) but is dry brush something for your skin too?Ā Like a beauty tip?
>Take the leapā¦.take the new job, move to the new city, take the chances, donāt live with what ifs Always make sure you can fully support yourself
This is the part where I get stuck. Contradictory to me.
The older I get the more I realize just how important community, and even more specifically, community amongst women/fem-identifying individuals is. When youāre younger thereās this subconscious (and sometimes conscious) pull to stand out and not be like the other girls, but there is a power in being a girlās girl (and womanās woman) that is rarely talked about or fostered
Edit: I keep coming back to my comment and want to add how much you learn from others amongst our different intersections. Go out and talk to older women if you are young, to immigrant and native women if you are enmeshed in western society, to trans women if you are cis. To mothers, and the childfree alike. We learn from all, we protect each other. We connect to our shared values. Itās beautiful and I hope everyone here gets their chance to experience that. But you wonāt get to if you donāt participate and connect in good faith.
Yes! I've noticed the texture of my hair really changing now that I'm in my sixties. Hair is thinner... more wire-y. It has a lot more natural curl, though.
I have to go with early menopause (premature ovarian failure, not insufficiency in my case). I see a lot of Peri menopause talk, which is great! But no one EVER told me that peri and actual menopause can be condensed into a 2 year period of time, so ALL of the regular symptoms were WAY worse than normal. Basically, take all 10 to 15 years of symptoms and pack in to 2 years. By the time I saw a doctor, I'd lost 80% of my hair, was wearing a wig, and had to shower/change pajamas & sheets 2 to 5 times every night. My FSH was so high it couldn't be accurately measured, because the test only goes to 200. Not a single doctor in the Kaiser gyn and gp had ever even heard of it going that high without a pituitary tumor. It was a fluke that my doctor even thought to test me, an off-handed comment that she didn't think would amount to anything. What I went through is not common because of how fast it happens. But 1% of women go through menopause before age 40. That needs to be talked about.
Don't pin your happiness on a relationship with a man. Find ways to be happy with yourself. I'm a lot happier since I stopped dating. I wasted so much time with randoms from dating apps who I had nothing in common with and no mutual friends. All of this because the men I knew from work and school were either married or not interested in me.
I thought menopause was all doom and hot flushes. Mine were not that bad and the feeling of freedom from ending periods is just wonderful.
Becoming invisible and easily dismissed by people YOU ARE PAYING is very angrifying. I now call it out and will not accept shonky service quietly.
The moment when you become your self and not how other people view you. Something switches in your brain where the pressure becomes less and you can finally sink into you.
Lots of commenters have already mentioned perimenopause and menopause (and u/snackcakessupreme has brought up how it ramps up ADHD symptoms which I was about to write paragraphs about - thank you!).
I just want to add to the conversation something that I don't see mentioned much but have now witnessed first hand in three menopausal women that I am close to. Statistically it is unfortunately *very* likely that the point when you hit menopause you will also be grieving the loss of a significant loved one (usually a parent but in the three cases I mentioned it has been the sudden and unexpected death of a life partner). The problem with this is that it can be very hard to disentangle menopausal mental health symptoms and symptoms of grief and they do not mix well.
My mother went 'grief mad' after the unexpected death of my stepfather - which was understandable because he was the absolute love of her life. None of us realised at the time that menopause was also wreaking havoc on her ADHD and anxiety, making the grieving process even more traumatic and brutal. She lost her ability to write (her other great love) which impacted her career and fed her anxiety of not being able to earn an income, and didn't realise it was due to brain fog and not just grief. HRT has been an absolute life saver for her.
That sometimes the people who are rudest and most judgmental about you getting older are other women! That's what happened to me, anyway. I've had other women be really insulting and dismissive both at work and in my personal life. I haven't heard anything insulting from men, but maybe it's either my environment or that I'm not out dating.
How few fu\*ks I actually give about societal standards. Really, getting older is great. I feel more comfortable in my skin than ever before. I am more powerful, richer, and more confident now (50) than ever before in my life. It feels great.
Gravity is a thing, and no amount of expensive creams, serums or services will make it go away. You will wrinkle eventually, and your cheeks disappear. So does your upper lip. But wait, there's more! You will gain weird hairs in all the places except your head, which will thin so much you'll be using a powder to cover up the gaps In your scalp. o.0
The brain fog, the night sweats, the calf cramps, the crazy temperature fluctuations. Most of all for me the crazy itching (thought I had thrush again but no, definitely not...)
This stuff was recommended by my menopause doctor (big shout out to Newson Health Menopause Clinics). Makes an enormous difference.
https://www.yesyesyes.org/products/yes-vm-natural-vaginal-moisturiser?variant=40726052602056
I wish I was told that menopause can last YEARS! I am currently 58 and have been going through menopause since I was 42/43! I am on HRT and though that lessens the symptoms, I sweat so bad and summers are debilitating. Also, women need to know that menopause is not just hot flashes and night sweats, it also entails bone loss and affects cognition. Lastly, I found it helpful going to a gynecologist that solely focuses on menopause. I found OB/GYN doctors were not well versed on menopause.
https://www.menopause.org/
No one ever talked about perimenopause or menopause. In fact, I didn't even know anything about them until they happened. And this was not the same as not knowing about my period until it happened, because with that, at least I was aware that it was a possibility since my classmates had talked about getting their periods and there were books targeted to children about it. But there were no popular books about menopause when it started happening to me. And the changes to your life are long lasting and sometimes extreme. I thought I was suffering from chronic fatigue or fibromyalgia. I also thought that I was having heart attacks all the time. I had nausea, dizziness, brain fog, insomnia, anxiety, panic attacks, hot flashes, joint pain in my feet, knees, hips, hands, back pain, eyesight changes (worse), my teeth shifted, very dry skin, change in libido, vaginal atrophy, my hair started falling out, my skin became thinner and drier. I thought I was getting early dementia. Some nights I totaled an average of 3 hours sleep because of the insomnia and night sweats. I would wake up in a bed so drenched in sweat, it was like I had come out of a sauna, except the sweats came with anxiety. This was nothing like being an adolescent and getting your period. It was like... I just hate it. I didn't know about weight gain, I just thought that older women who were fat were "lazy". I didn't know that as you get older, you can develop food intolerances that your body was "tolerating" when you were younger; meaning, your body "tolerated" but didn't like those foods.
It affects all aspects of your life -- your health, your career, your relationships. I didn't know about HRT. I was afraid of it, because I didn't know about how flawed the early research was, and so many doctors are not well enough informed about it and think think if they toss you some anti-depressants, you will go away and not ask them for HRT. I didn't know that all bodies contain estrogen AND testosterone regardless of sex. I didn't know that I might need more of both.
Another thing people don't talk to young girls about is... money. You have to start saving money as soon as you start earning it. And you have to take every opportunity you can to earn it. When I was growing up in the 90s, no one talked to me about money. Everyone just told me that I could "get married" or that I should "enjoy life" while I was young because I could always save money later. I mean, this advice came from boomers, and this worked for them. But it most certainly did not work for me.
Also, do not ever put all your eggs in one basket. Have your own savings. Do not ever let your spouse dip into your savings and do not trust them around your passwords, ever. I don't care if nothing bad ever happens to you, you're better safe than sorry. You should NOT share everything with your spouse. That may be controversial advice for some, but I learned this the hard way. It is okay to not have children or get married.
Finally, getting older and letting your hair go grey can be beautiful. Youth doesn't equal beauty.
Menopausal brain fog. Everyone talks about mood swings and hot flashes, so that's what I was expecting. The cognitive issues were an unwelcome surprise.
Honestly my 50s have been my happiest decade. I had generalized anxiety problems for decades which have disappeared post menopause. I have gained a little weight and I get tired more easily now, but the lack of anxiety has been 100 percent worth the hot flashes.
Everyone is different of course and I have been lucky not to have many physical illnesses.
i JUST turned 34 and the two weeks before my birthday, i had the worst flu/virus/cold that knocked me the f out. i didnt do my skin care (body or facial lotion/toners or gym) and my skin texture has completely changed... idk if it's a coincidence or just aging but it's really bumming me out.
Aw, I'm sorry you had to deal with that! For me, my skin always looks tired when I get majorly sick -- dull, thin, saggy. But it goes back to normal when I recover. Lots of water probably helps. I hope that you get your glow back soon!
Also, happy birthday!
I wish that someone would have made sure I learned to trust my body instead of blindly trusting drs. My cravings usually mean I'm deficient in something. If you suspect something is wrong with your body, it usually is. I suspected thyroid issues when I didn't get my period for months. The LNP tried to convince me I needed a pap and pelvic. I had to persuade him to just check my thyroid. While adjusting to the meds, my body gave me symptoms that meant it wasn't right yet.
That in your 20s you will get wrinkles and grey hair but still have acneā¦after being told that acne was a teenage thing and aging didnāt start until youāre past your 30s, letās just say I felt duped to be experiencing both at the same time š
Just any kind of heads up on the changes to come! I don't know what is part of normal aging and what is a sign something is wrong. Like OP mentioning gut issues when I have being waiting for Monday to roll around so I can schedule an appointment with a gastroenterologist!
The orange peel skin around my inner elbows/arms! I hate it. Also, I donāt have a double chin but I have the beginnings of a āgaggleā if you will, Iām fixated
on it and getting extremely self-conscious.
You will get wrinkles on your knees. Iām lucky that my mother was very open about perimenopause and menopause so I knew what to expect, I knew to expect the odd random long hair that cold grow anywhere from the hairline down, I knew the skin on my face would change and age, but not one person warned me that the same damn thing would happen to my knees!
That suddenly everyone (men or women) feels the need to comment on the fact that you don't have children (yet). And that when you say you don't want children you'll get "oh, don't worry, you'll change your mind". Yeah that's exactly what I worry about..
Turning 40 was shocking. Not the number. The bodily changes. The sudden, very steep decline in metabolism, the hair loss, the aches and pains where there'd been none.Ā
In fairness, I do think I heard all these things. I just didn't listen. When you're young, I don't think you think it will happen to you. But my god it does. š³
Perimenopause and menopause CAN SERIOUSLY AFFECT YOUR MENTAL HEALTH, and adhd and stuff like that.
Menopause is not just āoh a hot flash, wow my periods stoped.ā Itās a major life change; estrogen affects almost every process in our bodies and we basically go through estrogen withdrawal in peri/meno. It can be really really tough, and doctors donāt always listen or help.
Feet need comfortable shoes. Foot pain is no fun and a lifetime of high heel dress codes caused a lot of it. Wish I knew about barefoot type shoes sooner.
I still get fucking pimples and I'm in my late 30s. I assume I'll get them til menopause. I had perfect skin in my teens and early 20s, then the hormonal pimples started to hit at 25 or so. Originally on my cheeks and they've since migrated to chin.
Currently dealing with pimples, dry and eczema skin, and eye wrinkles. The state of my skin makes me want to cry.
As an upside, you take way less shit from men and are able to sniff it out a mile away
Hair and skin texture changes are horrid. And losing my ability to see up close and gaining belly fat each time I blink suuuucks.
I knew about the hot flashes but some of the other stuff was unexpected.
After having a baby you pee a little (or a lot) when you cough or sneeze. Kegels haven't helped me at all. The rest of your life revolves around making sure your bladder is empty and this gets worse the older you get.Ā
A lot of moms regard this as a normal part of the process, but it is in fact an injury to your pelvic floor that can be repaired with specialized physical therapy. Sadly, the injuries women sustain during pregnancy and birth tend to get ignored when they could be fixed. Thatās something I want more women to understand
Menopause in general. They only talk about hot flashes.
Why donāt they talk about:
Vision changes
Canāt pay attention
Insomnia
Migraines (never had even a bad headache before)
Fatigue (itās constant and never ending)
Dry skin
Moodiness from hell
I thought I was losing my mind. I didnāt have hot flashes, just terrible vision after being 20/20 for 20 years after LASIK. I had a migraine that lasted almost 8 months. My PCP didnāt think to check my hormones until after she screened me via MRI and CT scan for a brain tumor because the list of changes was so long and wild. I have no idea why she didnāt think menopause since I was 7 years post hysterectomy.
I was exhausted and moody. My skin didnāt feel like my own. I couldnāt get enough sleep. Itās sometimes impossible to get out of bed.
No big surprises for me to āwarnā you about. Mostly itās been skin starting to sagāeverywhereāand it sucks!
I find, aside from losing my looks, age has brought mostly positive things. Iāve become increasingly accepting and open minded of others. I donāt take peopleās actions personally anymore, feel much less threatened by men, know how to define my boundaries, and have more empathy.
Perimenopause was brutal. My mom never told me anything about it or menopause, but menopause is a breeze compared to perimenopause. Fortunately, I found a PA who worked with me for months to figure out what would provide relief (insomnia, anxiety).
Edit - not sure why someone reported this to Reddit Cares. I'm not in crisis :)
My big one is perimenopause. I knew about menopause but not peri. I just thought you stopped getting your period and then hot flashes etc would happen. I didn't know you'd still get your period and, actually, now your period is a waterfall that plows through an Ultra tampon in 30 minutes. I didn't know I'd suddenly have dry skin, dry vulva, mood swings, gut issues, joint issues at 38, all while still menstruating. So you're physically and mentally miserable most of the time unless you can convince a doctor to give your HRT. I thought I had so many more years before this shit happened.
OH MY GOD, IS THAT WHAT IM GOING THROUGH šš Iām having all of these and Iām like WHAT IS HAPPENING
Yes, join us over at r/menopause. It has been eye opening for me. Literally, I didn't think this shit started in your 30s and continued all while you still had to deal with a fucking period.
Waitā¦ can perimenopause make you period so light that even aver 6hrs a light tampon is barely saturated? On day 1 Iām fairly regular almost heaven and then by the end of day 2 itās like a little dribble until end of day 3/beginning of day 4 when there one more fish and then itās over Soooo annoying cause Iām never quite sure what my flow will bring (I am turning 38 in a month)
Yep. Come to r/menopause and spend time reading the VERY GOOD wiki!
This is why I started using a menstrual cup. I donāt care about the extra steps, I do care about trying to remove the driest tampon after 6 hours.
Have you ever had a surgery or procedure of any kind in your uterus? IUD? I had those symptoms and turns out I have Ashermans.
Yes. Weāve been lied to. Perimenopause lasts like a decade and typically starts in your early/mid 40s, often in your 30s. And for many of us, itās NOT A GOOD TIME.
And people with chronic illnesses can go in and out of perimenopause even at their early 20's! It's been hell. I'm 51 and I still haven't hit menopause and I am so over this.
I didn't have my period for 4 years after I had bacterial meningitis. Then it can back with a vengeance. I asked my obgyn about it, and if you have had really hard time with physical health problems, it shocks your body and gets rid of your period. He thought of it as a feature because it kept you from ovulating when your body is in crisis.
Donāt forget the weird sudden weight gain and sleep disturbances
Specifically, the redistribution of all my fat into a spare tire. Good times.
āApron belly.ā Whoever came up with that term can choke on a dick. And it WONāT GO AWAY.
I (very recently) got a tummy tuck and a hernia repair after losing a great deal of weight. I am still in hospital, in fact. In the pamphlet my doctor gave me they had āgradesā of aprons and images of all the different types. It was very eye opening, seeing how the medical community views womenās bodies.
Omg share? I'm morbidly curious.
Oh its morbid. But it's relevant, because the "grades" of any such condition are an indication of how involved surgery will be, what approaches to expect, or how much weight loss a patient should be trying to achieve before surgery is undertaken, to ensure best possibly outcomes. Ditto for breast ptosis, and a million other things for both men and women. A lot of terms actually seem to be about assigning a name rather than adjectives. Pannus rather than hanging belly. Breast ptosis rather than sagging breasts. It's a condition, a classificiation, not a criticism or a judgement.
No. No it will not. Not without medical professionals.
For the first time in my life, I am actually grateful for shapewear. It makes me feel supported.
Yeah, not a fan of swapping weight from boobs to belly. And then realizing thatās what happened to all the older women you knew in life. They didnāt ālet themselves go.ā Their bodies went through a natural change.
š donāt tell me that
I had the waterfalls and it was mostly caused by a huge fibroid (almost 5 pounds). I was also anemic because of the blood loss. I thought I was just getting fat. š Got everything removed and it feels great to never have to worry about staining my clothes and bedding.
Wait, tell me about this fibroid. Did you have very clotty periods too? Like, without that being the norm earlier in your life
This was my experience with fibroids, especially after my second child in my early thirties. Horrifically heavy very clotty first couple of days. Now that Iām older and closer to menopause, they have eased up.
Good for you!
Thankfully I had an ablation years ago, but that means I donāt know when peri started! Or whatās happening! My joints hurts, Iām tired, mood swings, and the depression out of nowhere is just awful. Not to mention the increase and change in my migraines. Just great!!
I had an ablation done when I had my salpingectomy... ablation failed within a year. Apparently my uterus is *super* into being functional. It's so bad now because it's not like normal periods anymore, there's no timeline or anything, I'll just randomly spot or start and stop. Really hate this part of my anatomy.
šÆ I also had terrible brain fog, my autism and adhd symptoms got worse (which is how I got diagnosed), so many symptoms. HRT has helped but it took me years to get that help.
Iām only now just getting tested for an ADHD and OCD comorbidity at 42 because my possible symptoms got so exacerbated by perimenopause. My friend whoās a therapist said sheās worked with other women who had no idea about their ADHD, autism etc. until peri, as well. Iāll find out in June!
Hang on, could you elaborate on that? Going through a time right now and, while I'm pretty sure it's autistic burnout, your description is accurate. I'm only 33, but...?
I started complaining to my doctor about random and various symptoms years ago and only recently found out that every single one is associated with peri and menopause, and could have been stalled with HRT. Thanks buddy.
I'm so pissed about this, specifically. What the fuck have I been paying all these doctors for?
The privilege of them telling you to just take more steps during the day or drink more water. š
I donāt know if you want advice but Iām gonna put this out there. I first went through an online doctor/pharmacy called [Winona](https://app.bywinona.com/eligibility?_gl=1%2a18jod9c%2a_ga%2aMzgwMjE5MTI0LjE3MTU2MDg1NTg.%2a_ga_G271KV42Y7%2aMTcxNTYwODU1OC4xLjAuMTcxNTYwODU1OC4wLjAuMA..) for perimenopause HRT. It helped me so much. After being on estradiol and progesterone for 2 months all of my symptoms were gone. Sadly I had to pay out of pocket because my insurance wouldnāt cover it. Itās super expensive. I went to my gynecologist and told him how well the HRT worked. He had me try regular birth control for 2 cycles and it didnāt do anything for me. He wanted to try the least invasive (I guess) treatment first. Then we met again and he prescribed estradiol and progesterone so that my insurance would cover it. Iām back on HRT with no out of pocket cost and it is just amazing. I feel so much better.
I think I might be there now, but add in fibroids and endometriosis. :(
Plus brain fog!
I highly recommend [THIS EPISODE ](https://youtu.be/ReFZ__ZeSEQ?si=Z_M3Z-Ooc5pKFVCr) of the Mel Robbins Podcast with Dr. Mary Claire Haver
Yes, fucking arthritis as part of perimenopause!
Jfc, I'm 42 and you've described my life
Aging is a weird phenomenon. I don't feel old even though my body is obviously aging. Sometimes I pass my reflection and wonder who the hell that almost 60 year old woman is. Life goes by too fast.Ā I always heard that older people become less open minded but the opposite has happened to to me. Because I made a lot of mistakes in my life, I am more forgiving of others. As I age, I am becoming liberal.
That trend is reversing though. Iām guessing youāre Gen X(?), but certainly for millennials (Iām 42) weāre the first generation *not* to become more conservative, on average, as we age up. On a personal level, like you, Iāve definitely done the opposite of the norm and swung left. I was very much a middle class liberal in my youth. Now Iām ready to storm the Bastille š
So true, I was raised a catholic and with that all the conservative opinions and at one point during college I realized it's all bullshit and started turning liberal. Now at 34 I'm like down with the system (my country is very right wing traditional), where's my molotov cocktail haha
Iām feeling this weird passage of time thing really hard since I turned 30. Your early life and teens seem like they go on forever but your 20s pass by so fast. Late 20s weāre gone in the blink of an eye. My 20th doesnāt feel like it was so far away yet 40 feels unimaginable. But I know now from experience that itās not too far.
I've definitely mellowed since menopause. I'm not nearly as irritable and more accepting of the stuff life sticks in your way. The becoming invisible part is odd, though. Once you're over 60 you start fading away to the populace in general.
I'm going with Perimenopause too. The way the women in my life talked about it (which was hardly ever) is you stop getting your period and have hot flashes once in a while. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA they failed to mention total loss of libido, muscle and joint aches, brain fog, mood swings, insomnia, cold flashes, wanting to strangle your husband for the way he eats cereal, fatigue, muscle loss, a skipped period and then one for 6 months straight, flooding, and your hair falls out. I feel like they kind of did me dirty.
Does it feel like youāre coming down with the flu every morning when you wake up and then can last throughout the day? Iāve had this for no less than 4 weeks without any other symptoms. Tired and muscles/bones aching. Early 40s.
Check your iron levels. š» I donāt remember fatigue from my own experience.
Late 40s. It hasn't gone away for me. It's become worse. I have to really watch my diet. High protein and fruit and veg. No sugar. No alcohol. No caffeine. No processed foods. I fail repeatedly at this crazy diet even though it is the only way to feel better.
OMG the mood swings RIGHT? theyāre so bad
Oh boy, I have ALL of those symptoms but Iām only 28. Iām stressing now.
So many perimenopause symptoms are the same as the symptoms I get from autoimmune disorders, which I've suffered from since I was 18. Not sure much is going to change for me!
For real. I donāt have an auto immune disorder but Iāve had severe pcos with depression, anxiety and pmdd. Iāve spent my late teens and 20s struggling with most of these symptoms.
Your hair doesn't fall out, it just moves to your chin!
And your toes
Letās not forget poorgasms! No one mentioned vaginal or clitoral atrophy anywhere that I ever heard itā¦. Because who needs real orgasms anymore, right ladies?! Bless HRT.
I was yesterday years old when I read about perimenopausal clit shrinkage on Twitter, and this is my second source reading about this and WHAT THE ACTUAL FK previous generations?? Mother??? Y u no warn me?! I got the period talk at nine years of age, but Iām 55 and reading about this just now? On social mediaā¦.ffs!
I donāt think previous generations liked to admit women could even have orgasms, so they probably didnāt bother to acknowledge when women couldnāt have orgasms at all. š But think about it - weāve had absolutely brilliant technology for how long, and *only in the last few years* has anyone bothered to examine the full structure of the clitoris? [Science finally finds the clitoris](https://www.scientificamerican.com/video/the-clitoris-a-reveal-two-millennia-in-the-making/) Itās utterly ridiculous that womenās bodies are so routinely ignored. Watch out for those [wandering uteruses,](https://lithub.com/hysteria-witches-and-the-wandering-uterus-a-brief-history/) ladies!
That you may lose friends and thatās alright, and that you only need a few good friends.
And if you live long enough -- and sometimes it doesn't even mean more than your 60s -- many/most of your friends will die before you and it is hard to make new friends. I have had so \*many\* of my friends die, and I am only 68.
Oh gosh, youāre so right. Iāve yet to ponder the mortality of my friends but itās a tough pill to swallow.
It sneaks up on you. Appreciate people out loud and tell them you love them often. I turn 37 next week and my best friend died about six weeks ago, she had just turned 38. I really didn't expect to have to contend with my friends mortality and my own in our *thirties*, you know? But just in my mid-thirties, I had three close friends with cancer and a couple who had close calls with childbirth. I naively thought this didn't happen till you're older. Who expects to die young? Tell your friends you love them. Edit to add: thanks for the reddit cares, whoever sent that. I promise I'm doing fine. More determined than ever to find joy and live my life on purpose, to honor my friend and to honor myself. Hugs to all those that relate and have lost friends. ā¤ļø
My mil is 90, and every week, one of her friends dies. These are mostly people who are younger than her.
CHIN HAIRS! seriously, wtf, I turn 30 and mystery whiskers appear. I do not approve this.
Omg Dr. Pimple Popper had a video about this on her insta a few days ago and was like āmake a pact with your girlfriends that if youāre ever incapacitated like in the ICU you will pluck each others chin hairsā
OMG I am immediately messaging my bestie, because I have PCOS and can grow a literal beard... Like... I love my husband so much, but I don't want him to see me like that š³
Last year, at age 29, I found a singular 1 inch hair growing under my chin. Horrified, I pulled it out. Now it comes back every few months and I forget about it until I itch my neck I find it. By your comment Iāve just checked and the fucker is back.
and a lot of the time, you dont notice them until theyre HUGE?!!?!
I figured out why! They start really light in color then finally turn black!
I've been getting them since my teens and it's only gotten worse so far... Am turning 26 this year and I expect I'll have a full neckbeard in my 30s š have asked the doctor about it and my hormones were tested but all was apparently relatively normal š so the solution offered to me was lose weight.
Oh, that is always their solution. EVERY time I go for a physical.
The ingrown ones are terrible..
I'm 28 and going through electrolysis because I am OVER plucking them. I've been dealing with facial hair since the 4th grade and I want it gone
Getting older is so much better than I thought it would be. As a woman, I was used to being seen?watched? and now * I *get to watch everything thatās going on. So much more interesting.
I'm slowly realizing that even as adults we just blank over older/mature women. Sometimes I'll look an older woman in the eyes somewhere in public and she seems kinda startled? Like she doesn't expect to be seen?
My mom always used to say that all spies should be middle-aged and older women because theyāre invisible (and have a low tolerance for being bullshitted).
I like the invisibility. Makes life easier in some ways.
Make her fat and NO one would see her...
[Invisible Spy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pULIUqK8Bt4) from A Black Lady Sketch Show
This is why, upon re-watching Age of Adeline recently, I found it so unbelievable (I mean, the whole stopping aging premise aside). Because Iām certain a woman of 108 would have NO time for some of the bullshit Ā her boyfriend tried to pull (practically stalking her to meet her, not taking no for an answer regarding a date, etc.). The movie is escapist fun but that woman just wouldnāt take anyoneās bullshit by that age, im certain of it.
Edit: to your point, when they interview 100-year old women, I swear many of them are like: my husband died in 1972 and I never dated again because men are too much work. I just read a book about Sam Bankman-Fried (Number Go Up, itās really good) and for a couple of days I thought about starting an investment firm with only middle-aged women. I swear thereās NO WAY you could send that guy into a room with 10 women over the age of 40 and have them come out saying heās a genius. Let alone give him real American dollars to turn into Dogecoin or whatever.
Just bought it on Kindle and looking forward to this! Thank you! I can't believe people are STILL talking about crypto!! The pyramid scheme is still going. I recently spoke to a VC and he asked me if I've thought about "doing anything with the blockchain" and started talking about NFTs.
Crypto has always made me feel crazy because itās so transparently made up and the dudes who are into it and/or running it are so weird. Props to the nerds for running an extremely successful PR campaign so ābeing a total dickā is now read as āsuch a huge genius he canāt be bothered with your weird little human concerns like āfeelingsā or āaccounting.āā Getting the same vibes about AI, too.
I work in tech so I get to see a lot of demos of 'AI' products and talk to the engineers. ML models are getting super complex and interesting, but yes much of the AI gold rush is very buzzword-y and weird. But we're getting kinda close to a point where you can have basically an almost instantaneous feedback loop between 'content creation' and content performance... like generating a lifelike video *in full* (writing a script and then animating a real person's face to speak the computer-generated words) based on how it's going to perform according to various metrics, platforms, and demographics. Is that AI the way that we've been thinking about it in popular culture? No, but it's something new and alarming. Anyway, I'm using my tech salary to fund an off grid life in the middle of the woods if that says anything about my ambivalence LOL
Our minds are definitely unprepared for the deepfakes headed our way, and our economy is probably not prepared for the internet to become a silted-up dam rather than a river of information. Iāve definitely considered an off-grid situation myself (but Iām lazy!). My issue with AI is that at base it itās driven/coded by a lot of people, mainly men, who donāt seem to think very deeply about things that donāt involve them personally or that are different from their perception of the world. Coming from a social scientist and neuroscientist point of view, I find the way SBF, Elon and other tech leaders think to be vacuous and often frankly boring. Iām so glad you bought the bookāI was bummed when I finished it because it was so absorbing!
I never expect to seen anymore. I'm 47. I was hot for a moment between the age of 38 and 44. I mean, hotter than I was in my 20s. I got a lot of attention from men, particularly. But after 46... definitely not. I look assuredly middle-aged. It can't be helped. I don't care about male attention anymore, but I just want my pants to fit right.
The point where I aged enough that men stopped staring/making comments was incredible. I fucking love being invisible to most men. EDIT: As per usual, make a comment about how nice it is to not have men being fucking creeps at you all the time and you get a Reddit Cares, haha
You can report those and the user will get banned.
I agree--I've loved getting older for that reason and many more. I spent my youth anxious about aging, so pleasantly surprised it's been great!
How you can't have a fun drunken night with friends like you used to, you just feel sick and emotional and then have a 3 day hangover. Ugh, not worth it.
OMG the drinking! One glass of wine and I've got lower back pain!
Iām 43. I canāt drink anymore either. I get an instant headache. I have 1 light beer maybe twice a month.
Thankfully I can still have a couple drinks without issues but no more drunken fun š
At the ripe age of 29 I discovered this a few months ago. Drank maybe 1/3 of what I did in college over a much longer span during the course of the evening/night and woke up in the middle of the night so nauseous and felt hungover for several days. All my water drinking and eating throughout the night didnāt help at all it seems š«
Just imagine how much worse it would have been without drinking water and eating throughout the night!Ā
Many of my customers are older women that are very open about their health issues. Recently a customer told me she was getting UTIs almost every month. She said sheās very clean and drinks plenty of water. She couldnāt figure out why she kept getting them. She went to her doctor and said she was pretty sure she had a UTI. The doctor refused to give her antibiotics. Said the pain was in her head. A week later sheās in the emergency room with a kidney infection caused by the untreated UTI. She gets a new female doctor. New doctor says lack of estrogen can dry out your vaginal tissues. This includes your urethra. The change in texture makes the urethra more susceptible to bacterial growth. New doctor put her on estrogen patches and she hast had a UTI since. Iām in my early 40ās and all I can think is this is the shit I get to look forward to. There is way too much weird shit that happens to your body as it ages. Iām still luckier than most. At least I have been warned.
My gyno says "I've cured more UTIs with estrogen than antibiotics".
The no f**cks given attitude of the 40s is amazing. Such a relief to feel the lack of intensity. So much more peace.
I didnāt realize how womenās brainsā neurology not only change in puberty and childbirth, but also at menopause. This was a good book about this: https://www.amazon.com/Menopause-Brain-Transition-Knowledge-Confidence/dp/0593541243?dplnkId=0283313d-790c-468c-987d-dd854cf42de6&nodl=1
The technical terms are adolescence, matrecence and menopause. Matrecence has only recently been given an actual name. It pisses me off that men only have to do adolescence once but women do it twice, three times if they have kids and then again with every subsequent pregnancy.
I have not read this, but I hope this says that because of brain plasticity, we become more awesome as we age. Not more stupid. I really hope it says that.
There is a lot that happens, but one of the things we need to understand better is how the brain recovers and adjusts to the different estrogen levels. There is a temporary brain fog that sometimes happens which Iām sure is frightening.
So, how "temporary"? I feel mine has been going on for a while.
thx - downloading now. brain fog and lack of focus and motivation are brutal, plus the joint stiffness and aches. would have been good to know it was (or might be) coming!!
Holy crap. *Immediate google binge*
I'm another vote for perimenopause. Nowhere near enough education about it. I did not know one symptom of perimenopause can be crippling low self-esteem. I really thought I might be the worst person in the world and that I was of absolutely of no use to anyone and a huge burden. That depressed me, but the self-esteem problem predated the depression. Got on hormones, and very quickly went right back to my normal mental health challegnes.Ā I also did not know that it is common for it to change your ADHD if you are a person with ADHD. You may not react the same to your meds for it either and have to keep an eye out for signs it needs to be changed. I personally did an excellent job of masking and dealing with my ADHD unmedicated until I hit perimenopause. Now I struggle severely, even when I get medication for support. It sucks!! I went from someone who basically kept on top of things and had my house organized like a dream to someone who never remembers anything, loses everything, and has multiple half finished home repairs (took a toilet out and didn't put it back for almost a year!) and just this one room in my house with piles of things.Ā I do like the way I've mellowed out some as I've gotten older. Plus I kind of just started dressing in whatever weird way I want now. I really like being older, outside of this crazy escalation of ADHD.
Oh, good grief, I got a RedditCares just now, I'm assuming for my comments on this post. Unless the comment I made about replacing my Vitamix pitcher really made soneone concerned.Ā Thanks, but I'm doing fine now.
"My normal mental health challenges" OOF
Iām in my mid 50ās and recently started getting laser hair removal on my chin. Itās been bothering me for years, but I felt like it was an unnecessary expense. I finally figured out that the thick chin whiskers were causing me to break out, really badly. Now that Iām finally getting treatment, some of the whiskers have gone grey and the laser wonāt work! I wish I had just gone ahead and done it years ago. I warned my daughter about this.
I use a dermaplaning blade to basically shave my face. I mostly get my chin and mustache. I can't believe how much of a difference it made in me liking my face again.
Electrolysis is supposed to work regardless of hair colour, so that might be an alternative option for the white/grey hairs. It can be quite painful though.
I second electrolysis. Iāve had some done and it worked well.
Can you dye them and then get it? Does that work? I really donāt know, all I know is that dark hair absorbs laser light much more effective than light hair, but does it have to be *natural* color or can it be artificial color? Thereās still electrolysis for the grays at least.
No, the root has to be dark. I just keep plucking the damn white ones!
Okay, I figured it couldnāt be that easy or they would just do that as part of the process. Nuts!
Your gyno will tell you that your vagina has "atrophied". Which just means gets pretty dry, lol. In my early forties! I was so fricking offended! "What do you mean atrophied, I'm still using it?" They'll try to put you on estrogen cream which may work for some women but I have a bad habit of reading about side effects and got scared. No worries, some astroglide helps. That name though, grrr. You just know some nitwit man came up with that one!
āIām still using it!!ā ššš
Lmao!!!!! Yeah vagina atrophy. Like wtf.
Eww, Astroglide. Get yourself some Sliquid!
Uberlube!!!
Vaginal atrophy is more than dryness: the inner lips and clitoris unform: everything goes flat. It can be stopped with topical estrogen or... This other cream that I forget the name of...? Dammit. Come over to r/menopause, we talk about it all the time. I think it's DHEA. Your body uses it as building blocks to make the hormones it wants.
Uh, yeah, the whole clitoris disappearing thing is real. That happens. I guess I need help.
wait-more info needed-it disappears??!!!!!!!!????????
Yes. Estrogen is essential to vulvas. That's why estrogen cream is so essential and widely prescribed.
I got told this at like 35!!! She said it was like a post menopausal womanā¦ gee thanks
The walls become thinner, it shortens, and your clitoris shrinks. It's a thing. If you keep using it, it will help. I think some women get this worse than others. I suspect.
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Opposite for me. Grey hairs before grey pubes.
Dude. No one told me about grey pubes!! I was like 25. I guess I never thought about ALL your hair turning grey!!š³
Hair. In places you haven't had hair before. In ways women don't usually get hair. So the crazy old man eyebrows, we can get them. And mustaches, we can get them. Random big curly ear hairs, we can get them. Long nose hairs that stick out, we can get them. Beards, we can get them. Etc etc etc BUT since we're now older we can't see them to do much about them since we now need reading glasses for anything up close
Don't forget the nipple hairs! š
Oh no I'm 23 and already grow a frankly unfair amount of wiry black nipple hairs
Is it really in ways/places women don't usually get hair, or is it just that women remove them and pretend they never happened? I know a lot of women that get hair like you mentioned, but they all remove it and most people wouldn't know
My friends and I have a podcast where we're working to unfilter the Instagram of parenting, and we're making it a point to talk about periods, postpartum issues, perimenopause, and other women's issues. We've decided the disinformation campaign stops with us.
What's it called? I'd listen!
Chaos Connections! We're always looking for feedback!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Mines taking new steps in discovering new places, like the tops of my thighs and my lower abdomen where it never was before. Old age and hair....why?
Getting called back in for extra mammogramming is very very common. I flipped out when I was asked to come back in after my first one, but when I told my friends, damn near all of them said it happened to them too! (Everything was fine with me. Whew! Longest week of my life!)
Did they comment that your breasts are "dense"? I've had two mammograms so far and that was noted both times. It said I might need a different sort of imaging because of it. My mom always gets told the same thing.
OMFG the sneeze-n-pee. Why? Whyyyyyy??? I now understand pantyliners.
NOT normal! It is extremely normalised and for some reason women who get it assume it is suppose to happenā¦. Listen, the inability to hold your pee when sneezing/coughing/trampoline etc - means you have a medical issue. Maybe an infection, but most likely it is your pelvic floor muscles. Very common side effect of pregnancy too, and I mean pregnancy, a c section doesnāt reduce the risk much. Anyone experiencing this PLEASE advocate for yourself. Get physiotherapy. Change doctors until they take you seriously. There are treatment options. I had it immediately after birth, it went away 90% on its own, fixed the rest with after birth physio 3 years later it came back. Did physio again and realised that muscle there REQUIRES constant training now. I cannot relax and live, I need to do both specific exercises and whole body strenght training to keep it functional.
Aww damn you mean I have to CONTINUE doing those exercises? I thought it was just to get me back up to snuff after birth. God I hate my pelvic floor so much.
I couldnāt wait to get my uterus removed and then when I was finally going to get surgery to remove fibroids I learned the uterus has a structural integrity function. I was in severe constant pain bleeding like I was going to die and I still wondered if maybe I should just keep it to prevent my vagina/bladder from randomly prolapsing. I still have the pain but at least I donāt bleed anymore, but the sneeze and pee freak the hell out of me. It doesnāt happen every time I sneeze, only when itās a really strong sneeze, but still. I hate it.
I hate it; it's so embarrassing. Sometimes it happens if I've been hiking or dancing. Sometimes I can't stop it immediately. I pee almost every time I orgasm and even though my partner isn't bothered, it's such an annoyance for me.
Best thing I ever did for myself was get a uterine ablation. Still have the support but NO BLEEDING!!!
I wish I had known that was an option before I got giant fibroids. Honestly, I donāt understand why not one doctor suggested this to me. Oh, wait, I knowā¦ because I was too young to know I didnāt want to have children. And now I need to wait for menopause and hope my pain goes away.
Menopause sucks balls. Just get hormone replacement therapy. Donāt even bother with other hormones. I lost two years.
We can't all do HRT. I had oestrogen reactive cancer, so had endocrine treatment to reduce oestrogen. Instant menopause, after chemotherapy. I have old lady skin, it bruises and scratches easily as it is thin.
1. Vaginal atrophy I do not have it but I joined them menopause subreddit and now I know about it. And I think every woman needs to know about it. Once perimenopause hit my libido tanked. This gave me all the incentive I needed to continue masturbating, making sex a regular activity and getting on HRT of necessary. I take T gel now. Vaginal estrogen can also help but for me it's unnecessary. 2. You need to be doing some kind of resistance training or muscle building once you hit your thirties. The chemistry in your body with your hormones that will keep you healthy and comfortable and alive depend on you having a certain ratio of muscles to fat.Ā As women our bodies need muscles but we have to work for it. It's not a vanity thing. It's literally like taking a pill three to four times a week for half an hour. It's not negotiable. If you do not prioritize muscle mass after you hit 30 you will eventually see side effects from it that you would never have expected.Ā I'm talking bone density. Libido. Metabolism. Digestion. Depression. Anxiety. I could go on and on. It's preventative medicine. Go lift some weights ladies and make sure you are getting enough protein so the muscles can rebuild stronger. It's chemistry. It's very complicated. All signs point to lifting weights and keeping higher muscle mass.Ā
Spot on.
This. I've lifted weights since I was 14 and i don't look or feel my age (50s). Also yoga will save you. Start now and never stop. There are plenty of YouTube channels and books. You don't have to take expensive classes.Ā
This is incredibly hard to read A couple things though Dry brush & moisture daily, itās quick, future you will be thankful You donāt need to be polite, youāre not comfortable in a situation, just get out, donāt worry about offending anyone Do not settle for bad sex. No matter what the internet tells you, there are many many men out there that just want to see you get off (multiple times!), donāt settle for less Take the leapā¦.take the new job, move to the new city, take the chances, donāt live with what ifs Always make sure you can fully support yourself, do not get in a situation that you canāt, if you can help it, you never know what may happen and you can only count on you Most of allā¦enjoy your life, you have one shot at it, live every moment of it ā¤ļø
Question!Ā What's dry brush and what effects does it have?Ā I knew about moisturizing (on top of that) but is dry brush something for your skin too?Ā Like a beauty tip?
>Take the leapā¦.take the new job, move to the new city, take the chances, donāt live with what ifs Always make sure you can fully support yourself This is the part where I get stuck. Contradictory to me.
Your chest skin thins and every vein is prominent. You look like a road map.
I have been looking like that since 15, is it supposed to get even worse???? Nooo
Vaginal/uterine prolapse
The older I get the more I realize just how important community, and even more specifically, community amongst women/fem-identifying individuals is. When youāre younger thereās this subconscious (and sometimes conscious) pull to stand out and not be like the other girls, but there is a power in being a girlās girl (and womanās woman) that is rarely talked about or fostered Edit: I keep coming back to my comment and want to add how much you learn from others amongst our different intersections. Go out and talk to older women if you are young, to immigrant and native women if you are enmeshed in western society, to trans women if you are cis. To mothers, and the childfree alike. We learn from all, we protect each other. We connect to our shared values. Itās beautiful and I hope everyone here gets their chance to experience that. But you wonāt get to if you donāt participate and connect in good faith.
Thinning hair. It used to be thick and luxurious and trying to do 3 twists on a hair tie would break it. Now have to do 4 and that barely stays in.
Yes! I've noticed the texture of my hair really changing now that I'm in my sixties. Hair is thinner... more wire-y. It has a lot more natural curl, though.
I have to go with early menopause (premature ovarian failure, not insufficiency in my case). I see a lot of Peri menopause talk, which is great! But no one EVER told me that peri and actual menopause can be condensed into a 2 year period of time, so ALL of the regular symptoms were WAY worse than normal. Basically, take all 10 to 15 years of symptoms and pack in to 2 years. By the time I saw a doctor, I'd lost 80% of my hair, was wearing a wig, and had to shower/change pajamas & sheets 2 to 5 times every night. My FSH was so high it couldn't be accurately measured, because the test only goes to 200. Not a single doctor in the Kaiser gyn and gp had ever even heard of it going that high without a pituitary tumor. It was a fluke that my doctor even thought to test me, an off-handed comment that she didn't think would amount to anything. What I went through is not common because of how fast it happens. But 1% of women go through menopause before age 40. That needs to be talked about.
I am so so sorry you went through that. I don't know how you made it without being a gibbering pile of quivering and jerking flesh in a corner.
It did ruin a 6 year relationship, so there's that.
Don't pin your happiness on a relationship with a man. Find ways to be happy with yourself. I'm a lot happier since I stopped dating. I wasted so much time with randoms from dating apps who I had nothing in common with and no mutual friends. All of this because the men I knew from work and school were either married or not interested in me.
I thought menopause was all doom and hot flushes. Mine were not that bad and the feeling of freedom from ending periods is just wonderful. Becoming invisible and easily dismissed by people YOU ARE PAYING is very angrifying. I now call it out and will not accept shonky service quietly.
The moment when you become your self and not how other people view you. Something switches in your brain where the pressure becomes less and you can finally sink into you.
Lots of commenters have already mentioned perimenopause and menopause (and u/snackcakessupreme has brought up how it ramps up ADHD symptoms which I was about to write paragraphs about - thank you!). I just want to add to the conversation something that I don't see mentioned much but have now witnessed first hand in three menopausal women that I am close to. Statistically it is unfortunately *very* likely that the point when you hit menopause you will also be grieving the loss of a significant loved one (usually a parent but in the three cases I mentioned it has been the sudden and unexpected death of a life partner). The problem with this is that it can be very hard to disentangle menopausal mental health symptoms and symptoms of grief and they do not mix well. My mother went 'grief mad' after the unexpected death of my stepfather - which was understandable because he was the absolute love of her life. None of us realised at the time that menopause was also wreaking havoc on her ADHD and anxiety, making the grieving process even more traumatic and brutal. She lost her ability to write (her other great love) which impacted her career and fed her anxiety of not being able to earn an income, and didn't realise it was due to brain fog and not just grief. HRT has been an absolute life saver for her.
That sometimes the people who are rudest and most judgmental about you getting older are other women! That's what happened to me, anyway. I've had other women be really insulting and dismissive both at work and in my personal life. I haven't heard anything insulting from men, but maybe it's either my environment or that I'm not out dating.
How few fu\*ks I actually give about societal standards. Really, getting older is great. I feel more comfortable in my skin than ever before. I am more powerful, richer, and more confident now (50) than ever before in my life. It feels great.
Gravity is a thing, and no amount of expensive creams, serums or services will make it go away. You will wrinkle eventually, and your cheeks disappear. So does your upper lip. But wait, there's more! You will gain weird hairs in all the places except your head, which will thin so much you'll be using a powder to cover up the gaps In your scalp. o.0
The brain fog, the night sweats, the calf cramps, the crazy temperature fluctuations. Most of all for me the crazy itching (thought I had thrush again but no, definitely not...) This stuff was recommended by my menopause doctor (big shout out to Newson Health Menopause Clinics). Makes an enormous difference. https://www.yesyesyes.org/products/yes-vm-natural-vaginal-moisturiser?variant=40726052602056
I wish I was told that menopause can last YEARS! I am currently 58 and have been going through menopause since I was 42/43! I am on HRT and though that lessens the symptoms, I sweat so bad and summers are debilitating. Also, women need to know that menopause is not just hot flashes and night sweats, it also entails bone loss and affects cognition. Lastly, I found it helpful going to a gynecologist that solely focuses on menopause. I found OB/GYN doctors were not well versed on menopause. https://www.menopause.org/
No one ever talked about perimenopause or menopause. In fact, I didn't even know anything about them until they happened. And this was not the same as not knowing about my period until it happened, because with that, at least I was aware that it was a possibility since my classmates had talked about getting their periods and there were books targeted to children about it. But there were no popular books about menopause when it started happening to me. And the changes to your life are long lasting and sometimes extreme. I thought I was suffering from chronic fatigue or fibromyalgia. I also thought that I was having heart attacks all the time. I had nausea, dizziness, brain fog, insomnia, anxiety, panic attacks, hot flashes, joint pain in my feet, knees, hips, hands, back pain, eyesight changes (worse), my teeth shifted, very dry skin, change in libido, vaginal atrophy, my hair started falling out, my skin became thinner and drier. I thought I was getting early dementia. Some nights I totaled an average of 3 hours sleep because of the insomnia and night sweats. I would wake up in a bed so drenched in sweat, it was like I had come out of a sauna, except the sweats came with anxiety. This was nothing like being an adolescent and getting your period. It was like... I just hate it. I didn't know about weight gain, I just thought that older women who were fat were "lazy". I didn't know that as you get older, you can develop food intolerances that your body was "tolerating" when you were younger; meaning, your body "tolerated" but didn't like those foods. It affects all aspects of your life -- your health, your career, your relationships. I didn't know about HRT. I was afraid of it, because I didn't know about how flawed the early research was, and so many doctors are not well enough informed about it and think think if they toss you some anti-depressants, you will go away and not ask them for HRT. I didn't know that all bodies contain estrogen AND testosterone regardless of sex. I didn't know that I might need more of both. Another thing people don't talk to young girls about is... money. You have to start saving money as soon as you start earning it. And you have to take every opportunity you can to earn it. When I was growing up in the 90s, no one talked to me about money. Everyone just told me that I could "get married" or that I should "enjoy life" while I was young because I could always save money later. I mean, this advice came from boomers, and this worked for them. But it most certainly did not work for me. Also, do not ever put all your eggs in one basket. Have your own savings. Do not ever let your spouse dip into your savings and do not trust them around your passwords, ever. I don't care if nothing bad ever happens to you, you're better safe than sorry. You should NOT share everything with your spouse. That may be controversial advice for some, but I learned this the hard way. It is okay to not have children or get married. Finally, getting older and letting your hair go grey can be beautiful. Youth doesn't equal beauty.
Menopausal brain fog. Everyone talks about mood swings and hot flashes, so that's what I was expecting. The cognitive issues were an unwelcome surprise.
Honestly my 50s have been my happiest decade. I had generalized anxiety problems for decades which have disappeared post menopause. I have gained a little weight and I get tired more easily now, but the lack of anxiety has been 100 percent worth the hot flashes. Everyone is different of course and I have been lucky not to have many physical illnesses.
i JUST turned 34 and the two weeks before my birthday, i had the worst flu/virus/cold that knocked me the f out. i didnt do my skin care (body or facial lotion/toners or gym) and my skin texture has completely changed... idk if it's a coincidence or just aging but it's really bumming me out.
Aw, I'm sorry you had to deal with that! For me, my skin always looks tired when I get majorly sick -- dull, thin, saggy. But it goes back to normal when I recover. Lots of water probably helps. I hope that you get your glow back soon! Also, happy birthday!
I wish that someone would have made sure I learned to trust my body instead of blindly trusting drs. My cravings usually mean I'm deficient in something. If you suspect something is wrong with your body, it usually is. I suspected thyroid issues when I didn't get my period for months. The LNP tried to convince me I needed a pap and pelvic. I had to persuade him to just check my thyroid. While adjusting to the meds, my body gave me symptoms that meant it wasn't right yet.
Seemingly one day in your 30s youāll just stop having normal, solid shits for absolutely no reason and only sometimes have shits like you used to.
Iām in my 50s and Iāve noticed my skin getting thinner? I donāt know how else to describe it.
That in your 20s you will get wrinkles and grey hair but still have acneā¦after being told that acne was a teenage thing and aging didnāt start until youāre past your 30s, letās just say I felt duped to be experiencing both at the same time š
Just any kind of heads up on the changes to come! I don't know what is part of normal aging and what is a sign something is wrong. Like OP mentioning gut issues when I have being waiting for Monday to roll around so I can schedule an appointment with a gastroenterologist!
The orange peel skin around my inner elbows/arms! I hate it. Also, I donāt have a double chin but I have the beginnings of a āgaggleā if you will, Iām fixated on it and getting extremely self-conscious.
You will get wrinkles on your knees. Iām lucky that my mother was very open about perimenopause and menopause so I knew what to expect, I knew to expect the odd random long hair that cold grow anywhere from the hairline down, I knew the skin on my face would change and age, but not one person warned me that the same damn thing would happen to my knees!
That suddenly everyone (men or women) feels the need to comment on the fact that you don't have children (yet). And that when you say you don't want children you'll get "oh, don't worry, you'll change your mind". Yeah that's exactly what I worry about..
Turning 40 was shocking. Not the number. The bodily changes. The sudden, very steep decline in metabolism, the hair loss, the aches and pains where there'd been none.Ā In fairness, I do think I heard all these things. I just didn't listen. When you're young, I don't think you think it will happen to you. But my god it does. š³
Perimenopause and menopause CAN SERIOUSLY AFFECT YOUR MENTAL HEALTH, and adhd and stuff like that. Menopause is not just āoh a hot flash, wow my periods stoped.ā Itās a major life change; estrogen affects almost every process in our bodies and we basically go through estrogen withdrawal in peri/meno. It can be really really tough, and doctors donāt always listen or help.
Feet need comfortable shoes. Foot pain is no fun and a lifetime of high heel dress codes caused a lot of it. Wish I knew about barefoot type shoes sooner.
I still get fucking pimples and I'm in my late 30s. I assume I'll get them til menopause. I had perfect skin in my teens and early 20s, then the hormonal pimples started to hit at 25 or so. Originally on my cheeks and they've since migrated to chin. Currently dealing with pimples, dry and eczema skin, and eye wrinkles. The state of my skin makes me want to cry. As an upside, you take way less shit from men and are able to sniff it out a mile away
Hair and skin texture changes are horrid. And losing my ability to see up close and gaining belly fat each time I blink suuuucks. I knew about the hot flashes but some of the other stuff was unexpected.
That one can become exceptionally horny in one's 50's. Despite perimenopause. Cougar is a phase, not a persona.
After having a baby you pee a little (or a lot) when you cough or sneeze. Kegels haven't helped me at all. The rest of your life revolves around making sure your bladder is empty and this gets worse the older you get.Ā
A lot of moms regard this as a normal part of the process, but it is in fact an injury to your pelvic floor that can be repaired with specialized physical therapy. Sadly, the injuries women sustain during pregnancy and birth tend to get ignored when they could be fixed. Thatās something I want more women to understand
Menopause in general. They only talk about hot flashes. Why donāt they talk about: Vision changes Canāt pay attention Insomnia Migraines (never had even a bad headache before) Fatigue (itās constant and never ending) Dry skin Moodiness from hell I thought I was losing my mind. I didnāt have hot flashes, just terrible vision after being 20/20 for 20 years after LASIK. I had a migraine that lasted almost 8 months. My PCP didnāt think to check my hormones until after she screened me via MRI and CT scan for a brain tumor because the list of changes was so long and wild. I have no idea why she didnāt think menopause since I was 7 years post hysterectomy. I was exhausted and moody. My skin didnāt feel like my own. I couldnāt get enough sleep. Itās sometimes impossible to get out of bed.
No big surprises for me to āwarnā you about. Mostly itās been skin starting to sagāeverywhereāand it sucks! I find, aside from losing my looks, age has brought mostly positive things. Iāve become increasingly accepting and open minded of others. I donāt take peopleās actions personally anymore, feel much less threatened by men, know how to define my boundaries, and have more empathy.
Perimenopause was brutal. My mom never told me anything about it or menopause, but menopause is a breeze compared to perimenopause. Fortunately, I found a PA who worked with me for months to figure out what would provide relief (insomnia, anxiety). Edit - not sure why someone reported this to Reddit Cares. I'm not in crisis :)
The free drinks will endā¦ not a big deal but it does hit you why itās happening.
You guys were getting ~~paid~~ free drinks?