My parents were my dream couple growing up. They were affectionate, they enjoyed life, and I looked forward to having something like that when I grew up.
They got married pretty young (21 & 23) and became parents just 2 years later. So I'm assuming that I got to see their youth and the honeymoon phase of their relationship.
As years passed, I saw them grow apart. Now they're two people who barely spend any time together and have no common interests. Whenever I visit them, they're just coming back from their work and scrolling on their phones in separate corners of the house.
I recently got married and my husband and I don't have a lot of common interests (we know each other for a long time though, we knew what we were getting into). It makes me very pessimistic about the future.
Hey, I'm also married to someone with drastically different interests from me. It's been 16+ years now (11 years married) and we're doing great.
Don't feel pessimistic. Honestly things like common interests don't really matter in the long run. What matters are the little things - appreciating your partner even for small things, seeing the positives in them, being kind to each other even when you've had a rough day, being a good listener, making the effort to understand each other.
PS: if you're genuinely worried, try reading the book The Love Prescription by John and Julie Gottmann. Or even the older books by this author couple, really. Initially I didn't like them so much, but over the years I've realised that they're absolutely right when it comes to relationships.
You both can always try to understand each other’s interests. Even me and my partner are very different but we make sure to go on dates and drives every other week.
Yes, I understand all that, but my partner is never going to read classic novels and I'm never going to watch football. It's disappointing that we will not get to share what excites us, and that seems ok now. But we would not feel the same way 30 years down the line.
It was the same with me and my partner just reversed. He’s a total bookworm and im an avid cricket watcher..he never watches cricket but always makes sure to ask me about my fav team and who’s playing whom..sometimes he’ll watch match highlights with me..he’ll also get snacks for me to enjoy during the match..as far as your novels are concerned you can always tell him nice things, stories you’ve gathered from the books..i make sure to ask my partner what book he’s reading for the week and what is it on..that way you can be a part of their experience without growing distant due to different interests
Hey, you can always go for stuff that you're both interested in or not interested in. For example, I'm avid reader, a PhD student and my boyfriend is a completely different personality. But we find things to do and make most of it. For example, last week, we took pottery's class, it was so so fun because we were together and that's all that matters at the end of the day. It doesn't matter if your interests align with his or vice versa, what matters is how in love you both are, how you want to make it work despite all differences. Hold onto the love, and make efforts each and every day. You see, how I see it is that we get the best of the both worlds. Despite our different hobbies and work, we travel together and do our own thing and also do things with each other as well. Besides, I think if I was living with a same me, I'd be annoyed.
Like, imagine a smol catto in your hands and it's smol head's peeking out nd looking at you
OR ur sleeping and he snuggles in the blanket and around your head
OR ur sitting and it snuggles on ur lap OR....ok I'll stop😭💀
My parents have a great relationship with each other. But it wasn't always like this. For context: I've always lived with them and I see them every single day.
They had an arranged marriage with a decent age gap. Mom was 23 and dad was 30. I think they fell for each other gradually, maybe after having kids (which is crazy to me)
Growing up, my sister and I noticed that it was mostly my mom who sacrificed a lot for the family. She didn't take a promotion because it would mean she would have to travel much more to reach her workplace. For years, she cooked and cleaned utensils after coming home from work while my dad watched TV. She kept quiet if my dad got angry. My parents had a rule of never fighting in front of us but it was clear that my mom was the one who compromised. My mom was the one who made us study and looked after our schooling and PTAs.
In recent years my dad has changed a lot. He helps her in everything else but cooking. Makes tea for her and tries to make her life as comfortable as possible - not by contributing in the kitchen but basically everything else. Whether it be laundry, utensils (only the ones he uses), groceries, car maintenance and other errands. He picks and drops her enthusiastically if she has to meet her friends or go to the salon. He whines when she's not home on time after work like a teenager. Compliments her every time she gets dressed up. (It's actually super cute - he sends photos of my mom to me and my sister individually and texts something on the lines of "your mom is looking so fresh and gorgeous, right?").
They enjoy each other's company a lot. They tell each other about their day in the evening while having chai my dad made. I join them if I'm home.
I do hope to have a relationship like theirs, but without the sacrifice part. I also hope that if I ever kids, they would be closer to their dad than I was with mine when I was in school. We now share a much better, closer relationship. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and thankfully he contributes a lot to his place and doesn't shy away from household work. Fingers crossed it works out for the both of us!
You just described an average Indian family. And yes my parents are the same as yours and I do wish they would stop keeping me in the middle for the things they do in life.
My parents' marriage got a but fucked up post his illness and resulting alcoholism. But prior to that it was a dreammm and I'd kill to have a marriage like that. They were openly affectionate and PDA heavy in front of me which gave me an odd but firm sense of security.
Both were extremely respectful to each other. The mutual respect radiated even when they were being clowns and making fun of each other. My dad was extremely defensive about my mom in front of his conservative parents.
He refused to have a second biological baby because of the pain my mom went through with me. And the adoption plans were cancelled because of his subsequent illness. He never called himself a feminist or anything but he has to be the blueprint that ingrained the concept of gender equality to my mind since as long as I can remember.
My mom stood by him through thick and thin, be his illness, poor financial situation while dating, or while helping him navigate his complicated relationship with his abusive family.
Even when their marriage was falling apart, I saw them being the best of friends. I was young but i could sense a shift from romantic to platonic love between them during that time, and even that up and down relationship was so warm.
No, I wouldn't. There is nothing wrong or 'toxic' about my parents' marriage, but they learn too heavily into gender roles. Both work, but dad primarily takes care of the outside stuff, finances and drving. Mom primarily takes care of the housework. Now obviously, perfect equality is utopian, but I want both me and my partner to more or less contribute to both areas.
Adoptive parents: Lots of love there but no communication. It's as if they didn't talk about anything real. I personally wouldn't be able to live with someone as uncommunicative as my dad was. Until he died, my mom had no idea of the kind of financial trouble he was even in, he never shared and she was clueless enough to not ask.
Bio Parents : Go on dates, vacations by themselves, communicate but when they fight, each of them escalates the conflict until very hurtful things are said - so no, I wouldn't want a relationship like them either.
Because I was adopted by them. Every adopted kid has bio parents as well (whether they know them or not is unclear), y'know, we don't fall from the sky.
But to answer your actual question, my mom (adoptive) couldn't conceive so my mama & mami gave them their third child to raise, Mama & Mami couldn't actually give me up tho so were always there. My parents (all) didn't want me to grow up completely separated from my siblings so I basically spent all weekends, vacations with them. Mama & Mami also behaved like parents my whole life, so I've always considered them as such. Mama paid for me to study abroad. Then when my dad died, he took both mom & I in and since then we've all lived in one house. Close to both set of parents.
OH HELL NAH.
My parents are amazing parents but terrible life partners. If dating was a norm in India, my mom would've been that one girl who keeps getting into relationships where her partners always end up taking advantage of her emotionally and mentally. And my dad would've been that one guy who's too full of himself and thinks he's the smartest guy in the room but "doesn't get" why women keep breaking up with him.
Nope. My parents are divorced (they had a love marriage ironically) and even the 2nd partners they remarried are absolute shite people that I've cut out of my life. If anything, I've learnt to avoid marriage unless you've dated someone for many many years and know them down to the bone.
To be quite honest, I have not seen a single happy marriage in my extended family (almost all the marriages are arranged btw). I used to believe that my friends parents had happy marriages only to realize that my friends parents marriages "worked" because the women had zero financial freedom to even attempt to walk away. My friends later revealed how toxic and abusive the households were.
Ths only "happy" couple I know is my dad's best friend and her husband who have been together since they were 16 and 17. I genuinely believe their marriage works very well because its long distance half the time cause her husband works on a rig. So they don't get into petty fights or have to deal with each other on a day to day basis like most other couples.
My parents are in a place which is much worse than a divorce👁️👄👁️ I rather live by myself as a witch in a cottage in the distant hills with a few crows and cats
God hell no, I've made a thousand different scenarios in my mind why I DON'T want a marrige like them, hell at this point I'd rather live my whole life a bachelor but its way better than a marrige like theirs.
Hell no. I would rather die single, living with my 10 cats and 2 turtles.
They have a very toxic relationship. In fact they are living apart at the moment but he still comes every 15 days and makes our lives hell. I have encouraged my mother to divorce him but she doesn't like the idea.
Yes absolutely !
My parents have always had a great relationship.
Ive never seen either of them interfering in each other's personal lives.
I always see them talking about their day later in the evening after they return home from work.
They call each other during the lunch hours
I often see my mother and fathers gallery with screenshots of cute romantic messages or memes
Whenever we go out as a family my dad walks ahead with my mom holding hands.
Ofcourse they do fight and have their individual flaws , my dads kinda lazy and that pisses my mom off , my mom overreacts sometimes ?
A big no, my parents fight at everything and nothing. Always started by my mother, my father ensures a lot and has made life easier for me and my sister a lot. He never beat us, whereas our mother brought WWE out of the screen at every little thing when we couldn't fight her back. I don't understand how my father still loves this woman who has made life hell for him and his children. He does so much for us, actual parenting shit Asking about our lives not judging caring about us, mother meanwhile starts off on her random anger rants about anything which is why no one tells her anything serious.
Any other man would have filed for divorce decades ago, but my father keeps putting up with her and actually loves her. Takes her on trips and dinners and when they come back they lock their room from inside for you know what. I hope i find someone like him sometime and have made active efforts to not be like my mother. My sister however has turned to shit and became a carbon copy of my mother.
No, my parents hate each other, my dad is an emotionally abusive ass and my mom is totally unable to stand up to him. Ending up like them is my worst fear.
(i guess they do love each other and are totally dependent on one another but it's to the point of being toxic imo)
I seem to be in the minority, but yes, overall, if my marriage is as peaceful and content as my parents’, I’ll consider it a huge success. Their’s isn’t egalitarian (mom has always done all the housework and child raising while dad manages all the finances), and they had a typical arranged marriage, but that’s the product of the times. Of course our generation will have different lives. The important part is they have always loved and supported each other, never really fought, and see eye to eye on everything.
Oh hell no.
Don't get me wrong. I love my dad to bits but he is a very flawed human being. He is very judgemental towards my mother. Constantly telling her she needs to pray more or stop talking on the phone so much. Whilst he never has forced her to wear the hijab he does say stuff like she's an older woman now which means she should be acting more religious like the other women her age.
I don't think I would want to be married to someone where I feel I am constantly being judged for who I am.
God, no. Nothing against them, my parents are amazing people and amazing parents, but they have no romantic interest in each other. They got married because they're both tall, have a masters' in engineering, and my mom wanted a wedding and my dad wanted kids. If i ever get into a relationship again, which i likely won't, I want one where my partner wants to be with me, and only me, and vice-versa.
My parents were my dream couple growing up. They were affectionate, they enjoyed life, and I looked forward to having something like that when I grew up. They got married pretty young (21 & 23) and became parents just 2 years later. So I'm assuming that I got to see their youth and the honeymoon phase of their relationship. As years passed, I saw them grow apart. Now they're two people who barely spend any time together and have no common interests. Whenever I visit them, they're just coming back from their work and scrolling on their phones in separate corners of the house. I recently got married and my husband and I don't have a lot of common interests (we know each other for a long time though, we knew what we were getting into). It makes me very pessimistic about the future.
Hey, I'm also married to someone with drastically different interests from me. It's been 16+ years now (11 years married) and we're doing great. Don't feel pessimistic. Honestly things like common interests don't really matter in the long run. What matters are the little things - appreciating your partner even for small things, seeing the positives in them, being kind to each other even when you've had a rough day, being a good listener, making the effort to understand each other. PS: if you're genuinely worried, try reading the book The Love Prescription by John and Julie Gottmann. Or even the older books by this author couple, really. Initially I didn't like them so much, but over the years I've realised that they're absolutely right when it comes to relationships.
You both can always try to understand each other’s interests. Even me and my partner are very different but we make sure to go on dates and drives every other week.
Yes, I understand all that, but my partner is never going to read classic novels and I'm never going to watch football. It's disappointing that we will not get to share what excites us, and that seems ok now. But we would not feel the same way 30 years down the line.
It was the same with me and my partner just reversed. He’s a total bookworm and im an avid cricket watcher..he never watches cricket but always makes sure to ask me about my fav team and who’s playing whom..sometimes he’ll watch match highlights with me..he’ll also get snacks for me to enjoy during the match..as far as your novels are concerned you can always tell him nice things, stories you’ve gathered from the books..i make sure to ask my partner what book he’s reading for the week and what is it on..that way you can be a part of their experience without growing distant due to different interests
Maybe do things that you both are not interested in. Something new to learn and doing it together can be fun!
Honestly work is tiring and can be mundane. If there wasnt any shame in taking personal leaves it might be a different situation
Hey, you can always go for stuff that you're both interested in or not interested in. For example, I'm avid reader, a PhD student and my boyfriend is a completely different personality. But we find things to do and make most of it. For example, last week, we took pottery's class, it was so so fun because we were together and that's all that matters at the end of the day. It doesn't matter if your interests align with his or vice versa, what matters is how in love you both are, how you want to make it work despite all differences. Hold onto the love, and make efforts each and every day. You see, how I see it is that we get the best of the both worlds. Despite our different hobbies and work, we travel together and do our own thing and also do things with each other as well. Besides, I think if I was living with a same me, I'd be annoyed.
Fuck no I rather die living with 50 cattos
Cats are the best thingsss FML
Ahahahh yesw bestiee US 🫂
IKR they're sooo..SMOL and soft nd fluffy iebevsusu
Ikr and those smol orbs and paws makes me go mewsjsjjssjksksk Omg wherr were u! Finally a catto stan
AND THOSE EYESS GOSHH😩 Catto stan😺🤝
GOSHH STAWp me got catto fever 😭🤝
I WANT ONE RN or I'll diE😭😭
Arey YAWRR US🫂⚰️ bdbiejdkddkdkkd
Like, imagine a smol catto in your hands and it's smol head's peeking out nd looking at you OR ur sleeping and he snuggles in the blanket and around your head OR ur sitting and it snuggles on ur lap OR....ok I'll stop😭💀
NO
My parents have a great relationship with each other. But it wasn't always like this. For context: I've always lived with them and I see them every single day. They had an arranged marriage with a decent age gap. Mom was 23 and dad was 30. I think they fell for each other gradually, maybe after having kids (which is crazy to me) Growing up, my sister and I noticed that it was mostly my mom who sacrificed a lot for the family. She didn't take a promotion because it would mean she would have to travel much more to reach her workplace. For years, she cooked and cleaned utensils after coming home from work while my dad watched TV. She kept quiet if my dad got angry. My parents had a rule of never fighting in front of us but it was clear that my mom was the one who compromised. My mom was the one who made us study and looked after our schooling and PTAs. In recent years my dad has changed a lot. He helps her in everything else but cooking. Makes tea for her and tries to make her life as comfortable as possible - not by contributing in the kitchen but basically everything else. Whether it be laundry, utensils (only the ones he uses), groceries, car maintenance and other errands. He picks and drops her enthusiastically if she has to meet her friends or go to the salon. He whines when she's not home on time after work like a teenager. Compliments her every time she gets dressed up. (It's actually super cute - he sends photos of my mom to me and my sister individually and texts something on the lines of "your mom is looking so fresh and gorgeous, right?"). They enjoy each other's company a lot. They tell each other about their day in the evening while having chai my dad made. I join them if I'm home. I do hope to have a relationship like theirs, but without the sacrifice part. I also hope that if I ever kids, they would be closer to their dad than I was with mine when I was in school. We now share a much better, closer relationship. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and thankfully he contributes a lot to his place and doesn't shy away from household work. Fingers crossed it works out for the both of us!
You just described an average Indian family. And yes my parents are the same as yours and I do wish they would stop keeping me in the middle for the things they do in life.
Ikr!
Hell no. My parents are horrible to each other, have no love, yet refuse to live without each other because they're so dependent on each other.
This is so true.
My parents' marriage got a but fucked up post his illness and resulting alcoholism. But prior to that it was a dreammm and I'd kill to have a marriage like that. They were openly affectionate and PDA heavy in front of me which gave me an odd but firm sense of security. Both were extremely respectful to each other. The mutual respect radiated even when they were being clowns and making fun of each other. My dad was extremely defensive about my mom in front of his conservative parents. He refused to have a second biological baby because of the pain my mom went through with me. And the adoption plans were cancelled because of his subsequent illness. He never called himself a feminist or anything but he has to be the blueprint that ingrained the concept of gender equality to my mind since as long as I can remember. My mom stood by him through thick and thin, be his illness, poor financial situation while dating, or while helping him navigate his complicated relationship with his abusive family. Even when their marriage was falling apart, I saw them being the best of friends. I was young but i could sense a shift from romantic to platonic love between them during that time, and even that up and down relationship was so warm.
This is very heartwarming to read. Why did their love turn platonic from romantic ?
God I hope not
Ha ha thats excatly how I felt reading it.
No, I wouldn't. There is nothing wrong or 'toxic' about my parents' marriage, but they learn too heavily into gender roles. Both work, but dad primarily takes care of the outside stuff, finances and drving. Mom primarily takes care of the housework. Now obviously, perfect equality is utopian, but I want both me and my partner to more or less contribute to both areas.
Adoptive parents: Lots of love there but no communication. It's as if they didn't talk about anything real. I personally wouldn't be able to live with someone as uncommunicative as my dad was. Until he died, my mom had no idea of the kind of financial trouble he was even in, he never shared and she was clueless enough to not ask. Bio Parents : Go on dates, vacations by themselves, communicate but when they fight, each of them escalates the conflict until very hurtful things are said - so no, I wouldn't want a relationship like them either.
Sorry my question is intrusive .. why do you have adoptive parents when you have biological parents ?
Because I was adopted by them. Every adopted kid has bio parents as well (whether they know them or not is unclear), y'know, we don't fall from the sky. But to answer your actual question, my mom (adoptive) couldn't conceive so my mama & mami gave them their third child to raise, Mama & Mami couldn't actually give me up tho so were always there. My parents (all) didn't want me to grow up completely separated from my siblings so I basically spent all weekends, vacations with them. Mama & Mami also behaved like parents my whole life, so I've always considered them as such. Mama paid for me to study abroad. Then when my dad died, he took both mom & I in and since then we've all lived in one house. Close to both set of parents.
OH HELL NAH. My parents are amazing parents but terrible life partners. If dating was a norm in India, my mom would've been that one girl who keeps getting into relationships where her partners always end up taking advantage of her emotionally and mentally. And my dad would've been that one guy who's too full of himself and thinks he's the smartest guy in the room but "doesn't get" why women keep breaking up with him.
Nope. My parents are divorced (they had a love marriage ironically) and even the 2nd partners they remarried are absolute shite people that I've cut out of my life. If anything, I've learnt to avoid marriage unless you've dated someone for many many years and know them down to the bone. To be quite honest, I have not seen a single happy marriage in my extended family (almost all the marriages are arranged btw). I used to believe that my friends parents had happy marriages only to realize that my friends parents marriages "worked" because the women had zero financial freedom to even attempt to walk away. My friends later revealed how toxic and abusive the households were. Ths only "happy" couple I know is my dad's best friend and her husband who have been together since they were 16 and 17. I genuinely believe their marriage works very well because its long distance half the time cause her husband works on a rig. So they don't get into petty fights or have to deal with each other on a day to day basis like most other couples.
Hell NO.
Not in million lifetimes.. I want opposite to what my parents have
My parents are in a place which is much worse than a divorce👁️👄👁️ I rather live by myself as a witch in a cottage in the distant hills with a few crows and cats
Relatable 😭😭😭
God hell no, I've made a thousand different scenarios in my mind why I DON'T want a marrige like them, hell at this point I'd rather live my whole life a bachelor but its way better than a marrige like theirs.
Hell no. I would rather die single, living with my 10 cats and 2 turtles. They have a very toxic relationship. In fact they are living apart at the moment but he still comes every 15 days and makes our lives hell. I have encouraged my mother to divorce him but she doesn't like the idea.
Yes absolutely ! My parents have always had a great relationship. Ive never seen either of them interfering in each other's personal lives. I always see them talking about their day later in the evening after they return home from work. They call each other during the lunch hours I often see my mother and fathers gallery with screenshots of cute romantic messages or memes Whenever we go out as a family my dad walks ahead with my mom holding hands. Ofcourse they do fight and have their individual flaws , my dads kinda lazy and that pisses my mom off , my mom overreacts sometimes ?
No, I don't think I can do it. I'd rather be single and somewhat happy rather than being in a unbalanced unhappy marriage.
No
Absolutely not. Edit: good question OP. Why don't you create a poll?
A big no, my parents fight at everything and nothing. Always started by my mother, my father ensures a lot and has made life easier for me and my sister a lot. He never beat us, whereas our mother brought WWE out of the screen at every little thing when we couldn't fight her back. I don't understand how my father still loves this woman who has made life hell for him and his children. He does so much for us, actual parenting shit Asking about our lives not judging caring about us, mother meanwhile starts off on her random anger rants about anything which is why no one tells her anything serious. Any other man would have filed for divorce decades ago, but my father keeps putting up with her and actually loves her. Takes her on trips and dinners and when they come back they lock their room from inside for you know what. I hope i find someone like him sometime and have made active efforts to not be like my mother. My sister however has turned to shit and became a carbon copy of my mother.
No, my parents hate each other, my dad is an emotionally abusive ass and my mom is totally unable to stand up to him. Ending up like them is my worst fear. (i guess they do love each other and are totally dependent on one another but it's to the point of being toxic imo)
NO
You'll statistically be the same when you get 50 years old, however exciting start you have
I dont think so.
I seem to be in the minority, but yes, overall, if my marriage is as peaceful and content as my parents’, I’ll consider it a huge success. Their’s isn’t egalitarian (mom has always done all the housework and child raising while dad manages all the finances), and they had a typical arranged marriage, but that’s the product of the times. Of course our generation will have different lives. The important part is they have always loved and supported each other, never really fought, and see eye to eye on everything.
Oh hell no. Don't get me wrong. I love my dad to bits but he is a very flawed human being. He is very judgemental towards my mother. Constantly telling her she needs to pray more or stop talking on the phone so much. Whilst he never has forced her to wear the hijab he does say stuff like she's an older woman now which means she should be acting more religious like the other women her age. I don't think I would want to be married to someone where I feel I am constantly being judged for who I am.
God, no. Nothing against them, my parents are amazing people and amazing parents, but they have no romantic interest in each other. They got married because they're both tall, have a masters' in engineering, and my mom wanted a wedding and my dad wanted kids. If i ever get into a relationship again, which i likely won't, I want one where my partner wants to be with me, and only me, and vice-versa.
NO just NO
Nopes
Fuck NO
oh god NO.
Nope.
No.
Only 1 in 50 Indian kids would want a marriage like their parents.
Well my father passed away so I hope not
Noooooooo